《Sun Spoken Turn》


 Chapter 1: Finding A Name Part 1

    Desperate for victory


    They drank deep of the nectar and engorged themselves


    Still wishing to break the world to their will


    Instead they were twisted


    Broken upon their own ambitions


    And the slavers'' true form was revealed to the people


    I translate aloud as I look back from my notes to the old book. The writings inside are interwoven with sketches and little paintings of ravenous nightmare beasts.


    I pause as I comprehend my own words.


    True form? What does that even mean? I flip back through pages of the old musty tome, careful to avoid tearing any of the delicate parchment, and double check the first descriptions and illustrations.


    Yeah, it¡¯s the same general take. I turn the pages forward to continue. The images and descriptions drawn out in the scraps of paper that survived all these years show the same, if not even more detailed paintings of the beasts from the cursed wood.


    It¡¯s not a place I¡¯d ever want to go, the drawings are really disturbing. Creatures of nightmares illustrated out with that perfect balance of simplistic style and all the right details to pull my eye to the most disturbing parts. But I¡¯ve come to enjoy translating and reading about the history of our island and this isn¡¯t a topic most books contain.


    Just a hobby that helps distract my mind from¡­ other things.


    I turn the page to reveal drawings of a multitude of shapes and symbols not of the previous languages. They encircle a dewdrop of violet. An extremely detailed coloring of a drop of purplish water or¡­ sap?


    It even has some kind of glossy finish painted over it. That¡¯s so rare for tomes like this.


    ¡°Hey!¡± A shout comes from the hallway outside my chambers, making me jerk in surprise and breaking my focus. ¡°I wanted to see if you¡¯d like to have a late dinner with me?¡±


    At least he knows enough to not just shove aside the heavy scaled curtain and barge in.


    ¡°Maybe down at the beach?¡± He adds after a moment.


    ¡°No,¡± I reply. ¡°But¡­ thank you.¡±


    There is a long pause. Most would assume he¡¯d left, but I know better.


    ¡°I¡­um, Are you doing alright?¡± He asks, his voice soft, barely audible. ¡°I heard that something happened today. Got worried when you didn¡¯t come find me. ¡±


    A jolt of shame hits and everything begins to break free. I¡¯m back in the bathing chambers, back with three excited strangers, unable to perform my duties for them.


    The custom is always simple, I¡¯ve done it thousands of times with countless strangers.


    First we¡¯re introduced, maybe even share a light meal. Many of the women have never had sex with a man and it helps to soothe any unease and explain any details, even though Sangoma always takes extra care to make sure they know how everything works.


    After that there is the cleansing. It¡¯s just a bath in specially treated and heated waters, but this is where things are supposed to get physical. While tradition says that we¡¯re supposed to take the time to wash each other, it¡¯s mostly just an excuse to start the sex early.


    I¡¯m a breeding male, one of the only fertile ones left on the island, maybe even beyond that. For the past DECADE I¡¯d just admired the women¡¯s bodies while they fondled at me and that was enough. Even after we moved to the bed chambers. It doesn¡¯t require much, and I am practiced at it. I¡¯m good at just letting them use me.


    But today¡­ for some stupid reason, reality decided to hit me harder than it ever has and ruin everything


    I¡¯m going to die in this disgusting fucking body.


    And I just¡­ broke down. All energy for the ritual gone as my emotional state crumpled. I wish I could say that I didn¡¯t remember the womens¡¯ reactions, or my Sangoma¡¯s eventual arrival as things fell apart, but they are burned into my memories now.


    I¡¯ve never been her best at¡­ well any of the sex things. But I¡¯ve never been a problem! Most of the other men insist on spending themselves on private lovers while I don¡¯t. Sangoma has always called me her least troublesome charge.


    Gifts of books, art, and painting supplies have always kept me content. But it was all just¡­ a cover. My wistfulness, my nature to daydream and find escapes from this world was due to a deep ache.


    My first memory of thought was me knowing something was wrong, that this wasn¡¯t the right body. That I should¡¯ve been like most people in our world, a woman. I just assumed everyone felt the same way at first, just part of¡­ like growing up or something.


    Sangoma always talked about how my male body was such a blessing to all the people. When I hit puberty and started getting educated on the details of my role in the temple I just assumed my feelings were a part of the sex stuff.


    But¡­ no. This isn¡¯t normal. All of the other breeding males here are happy to be as they were born. I¡¯m the stupid one. I¡¯m the one that hides in books to try and forget their body. The one breeding male that hates sex and would give anything to¨C


    ¡°It would just be you and me!¡± Jawdat interrupts my thoughts, ¡°The Caravan¡¯s festival is hosting a special day for the temple. Sangoma, our brothers, and almost all the alchemists will be there until very late.¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡±


    It¡¯s such a rare thing. If there was anything good about today it¡¯s that the next two will be our resting days. Two entire days to collect myself and get my mind in order before having to perform. Doubly good if what Jawdat says is true.


    No. He¡¯ll want to talk about today and I¡¯m not sure I can keep myself from telling him why it happened. Why I fucked up. Why it hurts so much.


    ¡°I¡¯d rather be alone.¡± I reply with as much steadiness in my voice as I can.


    ¡°I doubt that!¡± He pushes, ¡°The waters are perfect and the chiefs have prepared¨C¡±


    ¡°No!¡± There is a sharpness to my voice that I try to quell as I follow up, ¡°A um¡­ I¡¯m sorry. A new shipment came in. Old tomes, paintings, and even notebooks that Vintela insists belonged to the Sun Spoken Helvania herself. I really just want to focus on these today.¡±


    It¡¯s not a lie. I assure myself after I speak the words. I just don¡¯t believe Vintela¡¯s wild claims when she is haggling with Sangoma.


    ¡°Ah,¡± Obvious disappointment, even a hint of anger, drips from his reply. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll leave you to it then.¡±


    I listen to his footfalls as he leaves, guilt digging into me. Stupid stupid stupid. Why am I so stupid? He probably had this all planned out. A meal cooked and prepared in advance. Mayhaps even convinced Levia to play and sing while we would eat, swim and¡­


    I love Jawdat, but¡­ mostly because he¡¯s the only person who seems to listen when I want to go on tangents about the things I care about. Of the stories and art and all the things the other breeding males here think are boring and stupid.


    But the final thought of us getting physical puts a brick in my stomach. Of the sex he tends to expect.


    No, not today. I lean down, staring blankly at the old notebook.


    Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    My mind races back to the ritual chambers, and a wave of nausea mixes with the memories. I stare down at the open book, at the shimmering violet droplet in the middle of the page. My breath goes shallow as I begin to hyperventilate.


    But then I notice the wet splotches of tears staining the page and I¡¯m jerked from the near panic attack.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I sputter out as I reach down to try and wipe the page with the sleeve of my robe.


    I only succeed in smearing the stain across more of the ink, and then a tear falls and strikes the sap in the middle of the page. Thunder rumbles as cerulean lightning brings my chambers into sudden light.


    I jerk up to find myself caught in the gaze of a dark shape standing across the table from me. Her very form is dimming the candles, drinking in their light.


    Four glowing purple eyes narrow as they meet mine¡­


    And then she is gone. The warm golden glow of the alchemical everlight once again dominates the room. I blink, then look around. Nothing. I look back down at the notebook to find it much the same.


    Then a light pop sounds, and a little root grows out of the purple droplet.


    Fear strangles me to stillness. That¡¯s not a painting.


    More roots pop out from the droplet to burrow through the circles drawn around the sap.


    On reflex I reach out and slam the book shut.


    I should run. Find help. I¨C


    The notebook shakes beneath my hand, and something stabs up through it into my palm.


    I yelp as I try and yank away, but my hand isn¡¯t just stuck to the book, the old tome itself is also rooted to the table.


    ¡°No. no. no. NO!¡± I whimper as I grab my wrist and try to pull away.


    I feel something burrow deeper, and watch in horror as roots begin to crawl beneath the skin of my hand. The pain grows with every inch it moves.


    Then She¡¯s back.


    I jerk up as She leans across the table, over the book, her hollow eye sockets glow with a purple flame that moves like smoke. I want to look back down to the roots but something is transfixing my gaze to hers.


    ¡°Please stop.¡± I squeak stupidly as the roots continue to worm under my skin and up my arm.


    She has no lips to smile but I can feel the pleasure at my pain in those eyes!


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry! I didn¡¯t mean to.¡± I plead through the cutting pain as the roots reach my shoulder.


    I try to cry out, but am cut off as they begin to curl upward and back, tearing around my shoulder blade toward my spine. ¡°Fucking¡­ please! I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯M SOR¨C¡±


    I feel the first root pierce my spine, and everything stops. My body goes numb, and even the pain slips away. I can¡¯t move anything. Can¡¯t even try to yell for help.


    It¡¯s then that I begin to feel the edges of Her mind burrow into my thoughts.


    Surprise.


    She looks around the room, then back to me.


    Old, searing Malice rolls out of Her.


    The other roots follow the first into my spine, and together they shoot upward and break something at the base of my neck and burrow into my brain. Then everything goes black.


    A slew of old memories I barely recognize roll through my mind and I am drowned in them.


    I swear I hear¡­ No, not hear, I FEEL a huff of annoyance from her.


    I can barely think. My thoughts are still groggy from the memories that now drain away. Then she adjusts something and more of my past rises up to engulf me.


    She moves through these like a fish through the sea. Her initial focus is on my lessons and conversations about things outside the temple, but then Her focus is drawn more and more to my personal experiences.


    Amusement. Thrums from her as she sees my life, at Memories of my body being celebrated for its ability to breed, and nothing more.


    I¡¯m not surprised by all the wretchedness and pain brought by the dissonance between my body and spirit. But that seems to catch her attention.


    A Curiosity replaces all else pulsing from Her. Then Her focus intensifies on the memories of that first searing desire of mine to be a woman. At my hope that one day I will wake up and everything will be changed.


    I don¡¯t know how to struggle, but I try anyway during a pause. It does as much good as a bug caught in the grip of a giant.


    Today¡¯s memory hits and slows down at Sangoma forcing me to continue with my charges despite my obvious pain. I watch and feel with perfect clarity as a little searing spark of hope is snuffed and dies during that last session, replaced by a hopelessness deeper than I realized.


    I stop struggling. Do I even want to survive this?


    She gives my little thought the metaphorical equivalent of a sidelong glance, and I go still. Or at least as still as I can like this.


    She closes my memories like one would close a book, letting them fall away into the recess of my mind, and bears down on my current thoughts.


    What do you want from me? I try to think at her.


    A long pause. Anger radiates, but then it melts into Annoyance.


    I don¡¯t understand. And then I do the mental equivalent of¡­ a hiccup?


    Regret? Sorrow? It¡¯s hard to tell. More Curiosity. Then something in her thoughts seem to crystallize. Like a spark to dry parchment it burns through the other emotions and overtakes them.


    Inspiration is what spreads from her.


    Her reply is a storm of history and meaning, every emotion a song of sorrow. Before my thoughts can grasp even a hint of meaning I am swept into the next stanza and seared over and over again.


    I can feel my body now, but something is writhing beneath my skin like the roots from before, tearing and burning and filling me with pain. Every inch of me is being passed through by Her words.


    I try to think at Her as I feel my body seize and tumble to the floor, but it¡¯s like trying to scream from the depths of an ocean.


    She does not stop as satisfaction runs through that inspiration. So I can only curl my mind and body in on itself.


    Then the muse of her reply changes its tune, and I am scorched in the beauty of her song and will. The ballad of her soul cracks my heart and the pain of my body is nothing to that symphony. I can feel myself weeping through this story, though none of it remains in my spirit long enough to etch itself into my memories.


    The song stops, and I am left with only the sound of sobs echoing in my chambers.


    A choking cough erupts from my chest, and I push myself to my knees. I gag and eventually a blob of bile splats onto the floor beneath me.


    I wince at the sight of wooden roots amidst the bloody mess.


    ¡°Ew. Fuck that hurts.¡± I gag, but stop. Is that my voice? It¡¯s different¡­


    ¡°What happened?¡± I croak softly. Terror at the idea of those root things attacking me again.


    That¡¯s not my normal voice.


    I look over to see the half ruined tome on the floor a few feet from my left hand.


    The hand I see has no root holes. It¡¯s small, almost dainty, with skin much softer and a bit darker than I remember. I pull it up, trying to get some candlelight to fall across it.


    I blink a few times, sure my eyes must be fucked up by whatever she just did to me.


    They stay the same though. Then I am shooting to my feet, adrenaline pumping hard, and am pulling aside my sweat drenched robe.


    I let out a half choking gasp as I look down at the smooth skin of my new chest. Two modest breasts peak back. I poke at one, and let out a squeak as I''m rewarded with a jolt of pain.


    Surprised, I run my hand across the skin. It¡¯s sensitive. Way more than even after shaved areas have been for me in the past. It''s a deeper pain. I step over to my desk and the lights.


    The better view frames my new body, and I can¡¯t help but let out another sound of surprise.


    I carefully slide my large robe off my shoulders. Without it my underwear is all that remains and I can¡¯t help but stare slack jawed at my new body.


    A laugh bubbles out, soft and real. The most real I¡¯ve ever felt.


    But¡­ then turns into a cough, which leads into me vomiting out another heave of bile onto the floor.


    ¡°I better not fucking die. Not now.¡± I choke out as I hang my head, resting my elbows on my knees to calm the sudden dizziness. Which brings my head way too close to my crotch.


    ¡°So¡­ what about?¡± I whisper. I gently reach a hand to press between my legs, and jerk back. Then, just to make sure, I slide my underwear down to verify what¡¯s there.


    Or better yet, the LACK of what¡¯s there. I try to lean down farther to get a better look, and instead stumble forward as my underwear slips halfway down one leg.


    I fail to catch it or myself. I fall and stumble into a roll, ending flat on my back.


    I push myself up to my elbows after a second, and giggle as I stare down at myself. The body I always should have had.


    Rolling over to look back toward my desk, my elation dies a little. The book still sits on the floor, and I¡¯m reminded of the transition and the terrifying entity that caused it.


    I move to a half squat/half crawl and carefully approach it. It¡¯s torn and battered, the old parchment is cracking while the ink flakes away. The roots and violet sap drop are gone. A void in the middle of a storm that¡¯s wrent the entire tome asunder.


    I reach my hand out to touch it, hesitate, then carefully pick it up.


    ¡°Alright then!¡± A sudden shout echoes from outside my chambers, ¡°I¡¯m coming in!¡±


    I jerk so hard I end up flailing back onto my ass, book clutched against my chest.


    I turn just in time to see a large form push aside the heavy bronze curtain. At least two heads taller than me and just as much wider, Zigdara is MASSIVE. She wears an ashen shawl which stands out against her dark skin alongside baggy brown pants with tan leather wrappings around her ankles and wrists. A short blade hangs on her right hip.


    The many colored beads and little bones she has adorned in her mane of curly hair rattle as she does a quick glance around the room before settling a cold glare down at me. ¡°Where is he?¡±


    I look down at myself. Still naked, my arms cradling the disintegrating tome. Oh¡­ fuck.

 Chapter 2: Finding A Name Part 2

    This isn¡¯t a good look. Sometimes we¡¯ll get¡­ unexpected visitors. Every year or so a woman will sneak into the temple in hopes of getting a night with a man here without needing to pay the temple or wait in the long queue.


    I look like a thief! Or worse¡­


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± Is all I can reply as I look back up at her.


    She doesn¡¯t raise her voice, just takes a threatening step toward me.


    I let out a high pitched ¡°Eep!¡± while scrabbling backwards on three limbs, trying to carefully cradle the tome to my chest.


    Quick as lightning, Zigdara leans down and wraps a hand around my ankle before lifting my entire body up to hang upside down. I barely keep the notebook from falling to the floor.


    ¡°I should have you thrown out one of the temple windows.¡± She snarls.


    I know she won¡¯t do it, but I can feel the binding crack in my fingers and panic. ¡°Zigdara, Please!¡± I finally manage to squeak out.


    ¡°No? Mayhaps into the sea then? Can little rats swim?¡±


    I try to crane my head to look up to see her face, but in the pause she reaches down to grab one of my arms and twist me upright. Then I am settled on my feet, restrained by my wrist now.


    ¡°How did you even get in here?¡± She looks me up and down, anger turning to disgust. ¡°Did you think all our men would just fall upon you at the sight of tits and ass?¡±


    ¡°I um¡­ Well you see I was asked to¨C¡± I try to lie.


    ¡°Save it.¡± She huffs as she looks around the room, then calls out to people outside my chambers, ¡°Get in here!¡±


    There is a pause, then two more Duenna enter, both still taller than me but only by a few inches.


    ¡°Sorry Counselor.¡± One says while the other glances around the room. Duenna are technically allowed into our chambers, but only in an emergency or by express permission by one of the Council Duennians or Sangoma.


    I guess all my yelps and screams got their attention, and when I didn¡¯t reply they went and got whichever Council Duennian was left here to guard Jawdat and myself.


    ¡°Hold this one.¡± Zigdara says as she shoves me toward the two Duenna.


    They catch and hold me fast as Zigdara moves through the room. I struggle a bit, mostly to keep the book safe, but they seem satisfied with firm grips around my arms and shoulders.


    After Zigdara seems convinced that the room is empty of¡­ well¡­ me. The old me. She steps through the archway between two bookshelves into the bedchambers.


    I glance down at the book. Pages peek out from the crumbling bindings, the edges flaking away with every moment that passes.


    ¡°He¡¯s not here.¡±


    I jerk my head up to see Zigdara come into the room and stalk directly toward me. I try to step back, but am held in place by the two Duenna.


    A soft crack stops her in her tracks. She lifts her foot to stare down at one of my puddles of vomit. I expect her to be disgusted or annoyed, but instead she kneels down and pokes it with a finger.


    Then, grabbing one of the tiny roots that sticks from the puddle, she lifts it to her nose and sniffs it.


    Eck, gross.


    Her eyes go wide, then narrow as she looks back up at me. Her focus drops to the book I¡¯m holding.


    She can¡¯t possibly know. I fight to stop from clutching the book tighter. I mean¡­ I¡¯ve never read about old magic like this, so she can¡¯t know about this! ¡­Right?


    She rises. ¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡±


    Lie Lie Lie!


    ¡°I eh¡­ It¡¯s like you said!¡± I stammer out. ¡°I snuck in hoping to get a free night with one of the men.¡±


    She walks closer, her eyes flickering back up to my face.


    ¡°He um.. Wasn¡¯t here! So I um¡­ thought I would read and hide till he came back.¡± I bumble on. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry. I¡¯m new to the big city and someone told me it wouldn¡¯t be that big of a deal.¡±


    A long moment passes as Zigdara studies my face, then she just holds out her hand.


    I stare at it, confused.


    ¡°Give me his book, then we¡¯re going to find your clothes and take you to the City Duenna.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I pause looking back down to the book, mind racing.


    I was hoping to read more from it. Maybe find out how it changed me? Or¡­ who it was that changed me. WAIT! If it does detail how I changed and Zigdara or some other person from the temple reads it they might try to change me back!


    ¡°It¡¯s mine!¡± I blurt before jerking my head back up.


    A pause.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Mhmm! Yup!¡± I reply with more confidence. Not technically a lie!


    ¡°You left your clothes¡­ but brought a book?¡±


    ¡°I heard he likes books! And this one is special. One of a kind! Was planning on offering it in a trade!¡± I can¡¯t help but smile a little. Would I have done that?


    Zigdara raises an eyebrow as her hand falls a few inches.


    Okay probably not¡­ but I was known as odd and stupid! She wasn¡¯t generally assigned to guard me, and there have totally been other men here who have given sex to sneak ins for nothing.


    She drops her hand and looks past me, to the two women who still hold me in place. I can feel them shift.


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Then Zigdara lets out a sigh and points to the woman on my left. ¡°Take her to my chambers and call for the city¡¯s duenna. Tell them the situation, I¡¯ll come see her as soon as we find our misplaced male.¡± Then she motions to the other. ¡°You''re with me.¡±


    I let out my own huff of relief as they leave the room. The duenna still holding me begins to guide me by the arm out of my old chambers.


    Okay, so new problem. I¡¯m at the least getting arrested for trying to fuck myself without temple permissions. At worst¡­ At worst they find out who I really am¡­ no. No who I was. And try to change me back.


    Fear runs down my spine. Should I try and destroy this book?


    The temple itself is long. Running a good length of the Dune Wall that stands against the Jade Sea, acting as a multi-mile long dam that blocks the ocean from pouring into the city below and the land beyond. Eventually we have to take a side passage that leads us to a winding stone stairwell and I look out and see the city beneath us.


    Will she be mad if I destroy it? I wonder, thinking back to the spirit from the sap. This was Her book, right? I try to carefully open it. The binding lets out a crack in protest and I almost trip trying to catch a few pages as they slip out.


    The duenna holds me fast and I miss my grab for the pages.


    ¡°What are you doing!?!¡± She snaps as they disappear over the railing.


    ¡°Sorry! I just wanted to check to make sure it wasn¡¯t¡­¡± I trail off as the pages disappear from view into the darkness.


    ¡°Well that¡¯s a good way to fall off,¡± She replies, clearly annoyed. ¡°You can look it over while we wait for the City Duenna.¡±


    I close the book and cringe at the crunching noises it makes.


    With that she continues to usher me down the stairs and through the passages. With every step my focus is entirely on the book, on holding it as carefully as possible. We move through the lowermost wall and over a few bridges that cross the fast moving rivers that disperse cleansed water from the Jade Sea.


    Eventually we reach a large tree that grows against the Dune Wall. Through centuries of careful work; stairs, homes and even a small pool had been cultivated and grown from its trunk and branches.


    The duenna leads me up the winding stairs and through a heavy wooden scaled curtain that covers what must be Zigdara¡¯s chambers. It¡¯s smaller than I expected. Barely larger than my bathing area, with most of the space taken up by a desk, a sitting chair on its other side, and two larger bowl shaped lounging chairs. Stacks of books and scrolls cover most of its surface, but my eyes are quickly drawn away by the shelfs that cover most of the walls.


    As the Duenna sits me down in one of the bowl chairs I gawk at the amount of weapons that sit on the shelfs. A few are similar to the Duenna¡¯s armaments of the city, small shortswords and a single spear, but most are strange exotic things of all sizes. Ranging from little sharp knives, to a large clubbed thing that had to be suspended above a small archway that I can see leads to an even smaller bedchamber.


    ¡°Stay here, Don¡¯t touch anything.¡± The Duenna commands before turning and pushing through the curtain.


    I hear her call out to someone. Probably a neophyte to go find the city duenna.


    I sigh and look down at the notebook. Carefully I crack open the binding, flinching at the noise it makes. I really hope I didn''t lose anything important.


    I start with the pages where the sap had been. They are really torn up, way worse than before. Only a few scraps of the page hang tentatively to the binding. The glyphs are crude but I translate what I can, grateful that other languages come so naturally after many years of practice.


    Sleep, Void, and Serenity. Are the glyphs that appear throughout the circle. I don¡¯t know enough about foreign magics¡­ or any magics for that matter. I huff in annoyance.


    Definitely not the Alchemy of Lyttoral, my city, that mostly involves brewcraft to create potions and steams. I muse as I begin to carefully turn to the next pages. Anyone can do it, but it requires specific ingredients, temperatures, and recipes. Sangoma says there are dozens of Alchemy Sororitas throughout the city that are murderously protective of their secret formulas, and only the most basic and benign are widely known and shared.


    I could never learn the specifics. Or better put, I was never allowed to be taught any. No males of the temple were.


    The next parts illustrate a scene across their torn pages. A pool or lake surrounding what looks like a large winding tree. Holes bore through the beautiful colors, but some words can be seen, written in a language I can also understand.


    Pure Sap is written within the glistening purple used to shade the waters.


    It remains warm despite¨C The words cut off and only resume with; Beasts weep constantly, but won¡¯t approa¨C


    Those are the only words I can translate. I turn a few more pages, but they are even more torn. I want to scream at my luck that the last half of this book was the most torn by the roots.


    Well¡­ At least I can safely say that this can¡¯t be some important book to her.


    I turn back to the image of the pool of¡­ tree sap? Like what changed me? Was it a drop from this pool? Is this the Weavers Wood? Was whomever wrote this able to travel through it safely?


    The largest intact page from the binding circles comes loose as I turn back to it. While balancing the book on my lap I look over the binding circles on the free page.


    Could this be from the Academy of Erudition? It¡¯s nearly on the complete opposite side of the Weavers Wood from here, but I¡¯ve met enough travelers and read enough books to know it is the best place to study magic.


    ¡°I grabbed you this.¡±


    I jerk in surprise and turn to see the duenna just behind me. In her hands are some clothes.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Thanks.¡± I carefully close the book as I calm my racing heart. ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t hear the curtain rattle.¡±


    She shrugs and I take the clothes. I stand, put the book on the chair, and dress for the first time in my new body.


    They''re just a simple pair of short shorts that don¡¯t even go half way down my leg and a shirt so loose it might as well be a shawl. I pause as I finish adjusting the top to just¡­ look down at my form.


    My skin is a little darker than I''d thought, but also more¡­ bluish in its hue? My hips are wider while the fat I¡¯d had on my legs and arms is lessened. If anything I seem to have more muscle overall. Sangoma made sure all her charges did daily exercises and stretches, but I was definitely one of the smallest and least athletic of the males under her care. I never had abs. And while these still aren''t anything compared to the men, they are definitely there!


    No one will recognise me.


    I reach up for the first time to feel my hair, and find that there is a volume to it that wasn¡¯t there before. It also seems to go down past my shoulders.


    A flutter sings through my chest, and I can¡¯t help but smile at it all.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I whisper, hoping She can hear me.


    I¡¯m free. Finally, impossibly, I am free.


    ¡°Really stupid to ditch your clothes.¡± The duenna stares at me while leaning against the desk.


    Okay, not completely free.


    I don¡¯t reply, I honestly don¡¯t care. My thoughts wander back to the temple, to my old life. To my books, Jawdat, and all the things I am giving up for this new body.


    And none of it matters! I don¡¯t want any of it! I want to start this new life!


    I¡¯d dreamt of it since I was a child. Spent countless nights wrapped in despair at the future I knew was impossible. I feel water gather in my eyes as a giggle escapes my chest.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you?¡±


    I don¡¯t care that I¡¯m not alone. And I can¡¯t help but smile as I look at the duenna.


    ¡°Nothing.¡± I reply and pick up the old book. Struggling to stop more little bursts of laughter.


    Before she can reply a harsh trill cuts through the night.


    I¡¯ve never seen the thing that makes that noise, but Sangoma told me once that its strings are as wide as her arms and made of pure twisted metal. When the temple¡¯s men are in danger a large dull blade will be drawn against its strings to send an impossibly loud thrum out over the city.


    I¡¯d only ever heard it the night Hitorra went missing.


    The Duenna¡¯s eyes meet my own, and her shock strangles my short-lived euphoria. As her belief that I am just some stupid woman begins to shift.

 Chapter 3: Finding A Name Part 3

    I¡¯d been so concerned with whether this book would tell them what happened and who I was, that I didn¡¯t think of the opposite. That once they realized I¡¯m gone, they would look for who might have been responsible.


    I¡¯m so stupid. I should have run the moment we left the temple.


    Before her shock can shift to realization I twist around my chair and kick it back toward her while bolting toward the exit.


    As I burst through the curtain into the night I hear her stumble and cry out. I don¡¯t even hear her get through the archway until I am leaping the last few steps and taking off down the cobblestone street toward the city.


    Everyone is still milling around in shock as I reach the first buildings. While only a few glance my way initially, the duenna¡¯s shouts wash through the streets in my wake and turn more heads my way.


    I notice a few more duenna moving toward me. They don¡¯t seem to understand her words but they are coming to answer the calls from behind me and I¡¯m very noticeably running away. I make a sharp left turn into an alleyway between streets.


    It¡¯s short and empty which lets me quickly jolt to the right once I exit, and sprint another few buildings down alongside a canal of glistening greenish water. As I turn left, cross a bridge and move into another alleyway, I notice the streets getting more crowded ahead.


    I can head toward the city center and the festival and try to lose the duenna in the crowd, but there are bound to be more of them there. Especially since the rest of the temple is there tonight. But keeping away from the festival means fewer people. I¡¯ll stand out more.


    I¡¯m about to head into the alleyway, opting for getting lost in the crowd, when I spot the one person I¡¯d rather never see again.


    The only mother I¡¯ve ever known, my Sangoma, steps into view. While her face is blurred by distance and the night, I can see her naked fear and anxiety. More than I have ever seen before.


    She knows this is about me. How could it not be? After this last day of failure, after I ruined everything¡­


    It takes another shout from the duenna up the street behind me to shock my body into motion again. I turn and bolt, my decision to try and lose my pursuers in the outskirts made for me.


    My eyes blur with angry tears as I jerk myself across the next bridge and into another alley to the right. How long will she look for me? Will they send Zigdara? Someone else?


    I vault over a fence half-way down the alley, landing next to a startled hip-high blueish fuzzy animal and then do the same to a second fence before it can react.


    Of course they will. And because I¡¯m such an idiot they¡¯ll have someone to blame, someone to hunt.


    I turn and keep moving, slowing to a jog as I look around and decide which direction to run next.


    Where am I even going!?! I don¡¯t have food, water, or money! I glance down at the skin on my hands.


    But then it¡¯s there again. A flutter of my heart and giddy smile at my new body. I slow to a walk as I turn into another alleyway. The shouts behind me are muffled by the buildings and fences.


    It¡¯s only then that I notice that while I am breathing faster, it¡¯s not the chest heaving endeavor I normally experience when bullied into a sport by the men at the temple or pushed to by Sangoma.


    It¡¯s steady, controlled, and while not¡­ pleasant, it¡¯s accompanied by a buzz that is.


    So¡­ yeah that¡¯s new. I could never run like that. Much less vault two fences at the end. Last time I jogged even half that I threw up and nearly passed out.


    As I step out into the next street, I can¡¯t help but let out a sigh of relief when I see it is empty of nearly all people and lights. So I keep going. With the trilling sound still crying out from behind me I make my way alongside canals, through more alleyways, and as far as I can from its call.


    Never going back. I promise to myself. I¡¯ll bite and kick and fight so hard to keep this!


    I¡¯m not sure how far I¡¯m able to go before my breath gets too heavy, and as I lean against a sandstone wall I can see my hands are beginning to shake. But as I peek out, my heart lifts as I finally can spot the edge of the city, and the open fields beyond.


    I stumble out of the alleyway to the edge of the canal that runs down this street¡¯s center. Kneeling, I set the book down beside me and reach down. I have to drop to my belly to reach the cool waters below. It¡¯s the perfect thing for my dry mouth, but after a single handful of water I huff in annoyance and just roll myself over the side.


    The water is a shock of cold, but after I swallow a few big gulps I can feel my body adjust to the temperature. An ache is beginning to solidify in my legs and side, and I¡¯m content to let the current pull me downstream. This close to the city''s edge the canals are only about 10 feet deep, and won¡¯t meet up with other natural rivers for a good while. So I bask in the private darkness as I drift along.


    Memories of before I was old enough to owe a duty of my body to the temple settle over me. I remember begging Sangoma to let me swim all day and into the night. I would pretend to be the Sun Spoken Xelida as she fought back against the beasts of the sea and built the Dune wall.


    She was the first woman I wanted to be. But as I grew older and began to weave my fantasies into poem, song, and paintings, I was teased for my obsessions. They all thought I wished for some kind of romance like in the stories. Some kind of perfect lover or spirit bond. But no. Jawdat, Hitorra, or even Titala were the ones to obsess on a lover amidst their duties. For me my arts were an escape into a body and life I wanted for myself.


    I need air, and a light looms overhead, most likely from an everburning Alchemical lamp, and I swim to the surface and take in a large inhale of breath as I look for its source.


    A single lamp burns a bright red against a plethora of plants that wind around the tallest building along this street. A wooden sign hangs in front. The light is coming from behind the sign, and a name is carved through it to make the words glow.


    Ferrow Winds.


    I can feel the heavy ache in my legs, so I swim to the side of the canal and pull myself up to the street.


    I am suddenly aware of just how much more hair I have. It¡¯s a very noticeable weight with it being soaking wet and I take a second to shake it, then try and squeeze out as much water as I can.


    It doesn''t bother me. I always wanted to grow my hair out, but Sangoma made me keep it short.


    As I approach I notice a few windows hiding within the tapestry of growth against the wall, and a light from within. I step closer and make out a few tables and 3 women sitting at one as a 4th brings them a large tray of food.


    I glance back up the street toward the Dune wall. It''s empty as far up as I can see. Then look the other way, to see the city''s edge about half a dozen buildings down.


    I could keep going. The city is longer than it is wide, and the duenna won¡¯t get out this far very quickly. My stomach growls as the scent of the sweet tray of boiled and steamed fruits and vegetables reach me.


    Before I can properly weigh my options, there is a clicking from the side of the building. I look over to see a large hooked beak, followed by a head as large as my torso peek out from a side alley. A green eye the size of both my fists fixes on me.


    One part fascination, two parts terror thrums through me. I almost run as a neck thicker than my thigh snakes behind it and reaches its head a good five feet toward me. It¡¯s covered in something fluffy that seems to sag ever so slightly.


    I¡¯m about to try diving back into the water when it lets out a soft hoot and tilts its head to better aim one of its giant green eyes at me.


    I have no idea how to handle this. I¡¯ve often petted and played with small animals, but never seen a Quelekita up close!


    ¡°Hi?¡± I whisper quietly.


    In reply the feathers along its neck fan out and it throws a chirping cry my way.


    Next thing I know I am bursting through the wooden door of Ferrow Winds and slamming it shut behind me.


    The four women in the room stare at me as I press my still wet back against the door.


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    A beat passes.


    ¡°Um.. Sorry. Hi.¡± I stutter out to them.


    No reply.


    ¡°There is a huge Quelekita outside.¡± I try to clarify.


    Realization crosses their faces, then smiles, laughs, and a huff of annoyance from one. Two of them get up and approach.


    ¡°Are you hurt? He didn¡¯t knock you down or nip at you did he?¡± The tallest of the two asks. She is dressed in baggy pants and a shawl of dark purple and blue weaving that hangs from her shoulders. Her deep black hair is pulled back into a series of braids entangled with a variety of beads and other trinkets. Her skin and eyes are a dark reddish brown.


    Before I can reply, a shorter bald woman with bluish skin similar to mine, albeit quite a bit darker, chimes in from the table, ¡°Lule wouldn¡¯t do anything like that. I¡¯m guessing he just chirped and frilled up at you from the alley?¡±


    ¡°No. I mean yes, but he came out of the alleyway,¡± I shake my head and carefully pull away from the door, ¡°I¡¯ve just never seen a Quelekita up close and when his feathers burst out I thought he would¨C¡±


    ¡°I know right!¡± The other woman next to me places a comforting hand on my shoulder. She is shorter than the first, but still taller than me with reddish skin and short dark purple hair. She¡¯s wearing a gown of emerald dyed cloth interwoven with feathers and pockets of all sizes. ¡°When I first met one as a girl I screamed and ran and it chased me all over the street. I was SO scared that she wanted to eat me.¡±


    I nod along, still shaken. ¡°Its beak looks really sharp.¡± I reply meekly.


    ¡°Just for breaking open Pelepopas fruit.¡± The bald one says flatly without even looking up from her meal. ¡°They hate meat, and have to be trained to not run when they smell blood.¡±


    The two beside me give her annoyed looks.


    ¡°Jevita!¡± The tallest warns, then looks back to me.


    ¡°We,¡± she emphasizes, ¡°Are really sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± I reply looking back toward the door. ¡°I¡¯m sorry to freak you out. I should have just¡­¡±


    The shorter woman¡¯s hand doesn¡¯t leave my shoulder, but subtly eases down to my elbow. ¡°Please don¡¯t be! This always happens when we visit bigger cities. Especially Lyttoral. Lule gets really excited at all the new people is all.¡±


    ¡°Can we apologize to you with a meal¡­¡± The tall one looks me up and down, and winces. ¡°Did you get knocked in the water by him?¡±


    ¡°No, um¡­ I mean yeah food does sound really nice! I was swimming and wanted to see this building and came up to read the sign.¡± I blather as I let them lead me over to their table, looking back and forth between them as we walk.


    ¡°Really?¡± The fourth woman who hasn¡¯t spoken asks, ¡°I always find the water too cold this time of year.¡±


    A chair is pulled over from another table for me and I am guided to sit between the two. The tall woman sets a plate down in front of me alongside a small eating prong before heading over to ruffle through some bags stacked on another table.


    ¡°Yeah it is, but I was a bit tired and thirsty from a run and wanted to¡­¡± I pause, suddenly aware of how strange I look amidst them. ¡°I dunno¡­ drifting away sounded nice.¡±


    There is a noticeable pause at the table.


    ¡°I take it back.¡± Says the woman who spoke, ¡°That does sound nice.¡±


    I begin to fill my plate, then almost drop it as I bolt upright. ¡°Wait!¡±


    They all look at me with surprise.


    ¡°Sorry!¡± I wince, embarrassed by my sudden outburst. ¡°I just realized I forgot my book upstream!¡±


    The shorter woman reaches out to draw me back down to my seat. ¡°Oh, one of us can go get it.¡±


    Then she looks directly at Jevita.


    Jevita lets out a sigh, ¡°Where¡¯d you leave it?¡±


    ¡°Eh¡­ Are you sure? You¡¯re already feeding me and¡­?¡± I try to protest.


    She snatches up a few fruits from the tray, ¡°I need to check on Lule anyway. Now spill it.¡±


    I don¡¯t know how to insist nicely, so I slide back into my seat. ¡°Other side of the canal on this street, about¡­ 3 buildings along?¡±


    Without another word she turns and heads out. Before the door shuts I hear a trill from Lule and notice his silhouette through the window.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry for all the trouble.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be!¡± The shorter woman leans over and whispers conspiratorially, ¡°We¡¯re actually trying to bribe you.¡±


    ¡°Yrelia!¡± Calls the tall woman, starting to pull some different colored cloth things from the bags. ¡°We¡¯re not!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s really not a big deal!¡± I pick up the prong and stab at a steaming tube of red and yellow I don¡¯t recognize but like the salty smell of. ¡°I just got startled is all.¡±


    I take a bite and am in love. The richness of the thing is amazing and the harmony of the flavors isn¡¯t something I¡¯ve ever experienced! It¡¯s definitely not native to this region. I¡¯m instantly hit with a bit of guilt at the thought of eating something rare of theirs.


    ¡°It really is.¡± Yrelia replies with a smile. ¡°But not for the scare, you get that for free. The real bribe is to keep you from telling any duenna that we¡¯re keeping our Quelekita in the city.¡±


    I pause after the third bite, ¡°Is that not allowed?¡±


    ¡°Only if the duenna we have an arrangement with is pushed on the issue.¡± The tall woman gathers up her bundle of cloth and approaches, sighing as she sits down beside me. ¡°We¡¯ll be gone by tomorrow morning, and there is no chance anyone else will come down here to investigate on festival night.¡±


    ¡°Yeah but our duenna might squeeze another bag of fruits from us to keep it that way.¡± The other woman playfully argues.


    The tall woman huffs and reaches out to take up her drink, a bit of a rosey blush crossing her cheeks beneath the cup. ¡°Then I would persuade her not to. I¡¯d just need some privacy and half an hour.¡±


    They all grin and chuckle at that. She then sets down her cup and turns to me as I finish a second strangely colorful fruit. ¡°So! You are still soaking wet. Here are some towels to make sure you don¡¯t get sick or muss up any more of our lovely host¡¯s establishment.¡±


    I accept them, stand, and dry off as best I can before wrapping the driest towel around my waist and setting another around my shoulders.


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m Tasii by the way,¡± the tall woman to my right informs me as I sit back down.


    ¡°And I¡¯m Yrelia, in case you didn¡¯t catch it¡± Intones the one on my left. ¡°And the rude one that left is Jevita.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not rude.¡± I disagree and I reach out to poke up two smallish cut cubes with pink fuzzy outsides.


    ¡°She really is, but not so much that we want her to leave.¡± The last, and most quiet of the group sounds off. She is a little shorter than me with braided dark ginger hair, a tunic of embroidered colors, and some sparkles glinting across her pale rusty colored skin. ¡°And I¡¯m Kquevaian, Or just Kque if that¡¯s too long to recall easily.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you all.¡± I reply to them with a mouthful of amazingly spicy, yet still sweet fruit. ¡°This is a really nice end to a¡­ I¡¯m not sure what kind of day this has been honestly. Amazing but stressful. I¡¯m kinda fumbling at things and trying to figure out how to start over.¡±


    There is a patient pause, but when it goes on for an awkward moment after I finish chewing.


    ¡°Well¡­ don¡¯t leave us in suspense.¡± Yrelia smirks. ¡°Now you have to tell us more.¡±


    ¡°She does not!¡± Tasii rebukes while plopping a few of the small pink fuzzy things on her plate as well. ¡°I¡¯m not sure we can afford more bribes on this trip.¡±


    ¡°Speak for yourself!¡± Yrelia pushes back ¡°I am more than willing to offer up quite a bit to hear the story of a cute girl who bursts in on my dinner with nothing more than a few tantalizing rags and some water on her back!¡±


    Tasii prepares a chiding reply. But Kque cuts in first, ¡°Can we at least ask your name?¡±


    They all look at me, and I freeze.


    I can¡¯t very well use my old name. I wasn¡¯t ever really that person, and to use it now would be¡­ wrong. And stupid.


    I quickly stuff another fruit in my mouth and try to think.


    I have names I like, names I dreamt of taking for myself if things were different. But which do I pick? What if It sounds stupid out loud? Can I change it?


    Tasii gives me an apologetic smile. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about them. This trip has been an interesting bag of both good and bad luck for us. We just scraped up some good luck and were celebrating. Boiled our meal in some fine Lyttoral wines even.¡±


    I¡¯m shaking my head before I can even swallow. ¡°No no, it¡¯s fine!¡± I manage to get out between the surprising chewy bite. ¡°I¡¯m just¡­ not used to people wanting to know about me.¡±


    It¡¯s weird how true that is. I can remember being asked about me or my art, but all of it was¡­ just a layer to cover up who I was. No one else really even dabbled in my hobbies. They could never really even understand how to ask. How to break through those layers. So much of me has been built on my desire to be this.


    ¡°I guess¡­ as of today I¡¯m starting over. I¡¯m leaving Lyttoral and don¡¯t think I¡¯m going to come back.¡± I look between them, then settle my eyes somewhere on the tray of amazing food they¡¯ve shared with me. ¡°I¡¯m leaving everything behind, including an old name. I didn¡¯t pick it and never really liked it. So I¡¯m kind of flipping through some favorites in my head right now trying to settle on a new one.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Is the first thing that¡¯s spoken after a few seconds. I look over to Tasii, who¡¯s expression has gone weirdly blank.


    ¡°Names are hard,¡± Yrelia lays a hand on my shoulder, ¡°Would you like second or third opinions on those ideas?¡±


    I nod, heart fluttering and eyes watering. ¡°Yes please. I¡¯m sure my first choices sound great in my head but I¡¯m going to regret them the moment I say them aloud.¡±


    I share them and why I like each one. Some are from stories, but they don¡¯t seem to recognise them. I¡¯m careful not to point out my favorite, worried it¡¯ll get critiqued too hard. But they all just point out the ones they like best, Kqueeven suggests a slight alteration to one if I¡¯m interested.


    ¡°You can sleep on it if you¡¯d like,¡± Tasii assures me as she pours me a cup of some sweet smelling wine from a large gord. ¡°And if something doesn¡¯t feel right we can keep trying.¡±


    ¡°If you don¡¯t have anywhere to be you should totally stay the night here with us,¡± Yrelia says after taking another sip of her own wine, ¡°We¡¯ve rented the entire building for the night so there¡¯s plenty of space.¡±


    I feel something I didn¡¯t know was clenched tight inside me relax at the offer. I really want to stay with them. I have nowhere to go, and would have probably slept in the fields or forest. I doubt they knew that, but they could tell I am very alone. Or at least I was.


    I nod, ¡°That sounds nice.¡± Then I can feel my eyes water and my voice catch. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Aw, it¡¯s really no trouble.¡± Yrelia assures me laying a hand on my back.


    I use the towel around my shoulders to dry my tears and wipe my nose. ¡°And I¡¯m sorry. I¨C¡±


    It¡¯s then that the door opens and we all turn to see Jevita return.


    She¡¯s pausing in the doorway, arm raised, stress plain on her face.


    ¡°Did you hear the temple alarm when you were in the street?¡±


    Oh no.

 Chapter 4: Finding A Name Part 4

    ¡°What does¨C?¡± Yrelia begins to ask, but Tasii cuts her off.


    ¡°Are you sure you''re not just hearing the festival?¡± Tasii rises and moves to the door to open it and peek her head out to listen.


    No no no. Please. Don¡¯t ruin this anymore. They can¡¯t know it¡¯s for me!


    Jevita doesn¡¯t respond, just steps to the side and flips her wrist in an exasperated ¡®i¡¯m waiting¡¯ gesture.


    ¡°Seriously, what is the temple alarm?¡± Yrelia asks again, looking between Jevita and Tasii¡¯s flank.


    ¡°It¡¯s hard to pick out, but it¡¯s there.¡± Tasii confirms, leaning back inside and shutting the door.


    Jevita nods at her conclusion expectantly then looks at me, ¡°Did you hear it?¡±


    I¡¯m trying to decide on a plausible lie or explanation when Tasii moves past her toward the bags and saves me just a little. ¡°It¡¯s that loud grinding, trilling sound. There are smaller instruments that can mimic it in performances.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Yeah. It was sounding when I was leaving the festival.¡± I answer, then ask ¡°What does it mean?¡±


    Jevita¡¯s eyes narrow as she adjusts her backpack, obviously not liking my answer.


    Fuck, I¡¯m so bad at lying. I should have just answered and shut up.


    ¡°It means we need to leave tonight instead of tomorrow.¡± Tasii sighs, taking up a large empty sack and tossing it to Yrelia, ¡°Could you please help Yrelia pack up the rest of our dinner? Dishes and all.¡±


    Yrelia obeys but asks, ¡°That bad?¡±


    Jevita scowls and moves to help us, ¡°If this is anything like last time, the duenna could turn the entire city inside out.¡±


    Tasii shoulders another two packs and heads toward a curtainless doorway along the back wall, ¡°Kque, help me upstairs?¡±


    Kque nods and the two disappear.


    ¡°Wait¡­ You mean when that male went missing?¡± Yrelia whispers.


    I silently try to help as well.


    ¡°Not many other reasons for the temple to call out to the entire city duenna like that.¡± Jevita replies, then gives me a sidelong glance.


    ¡°But¡­ A second one missing? It¡¯s barely been a year right?¡±


    ¡°Which means they¡¯re going to be extra shity and might stop travelers from leaving.¡± Jevita says, dumping a pile of sandy red curly things into a large bowl or blueish floppy balls before scooting them both into the bag.


    ¡°This is the worst!¡± Yrelia pouts, ¡°We didn¡¯t even get to use the hottub.¡±


    The table is cleared quickly, and Jevita turns back toward the door. ¡°I need to get Lule ready to travel.¡±


    Yrelia ties off the bag as she leaves and turns to me, ¡°Help me move things outside?¡±


    I do, my stomach a twisted mess of anxiety. An urge pushing me to just run from the city now mixed with a terror at Jevita possibly protesting to what seems to be me traveling with their group. The entire time I can just barely hear the trilling echoing across the city.


    As Yrelia and I move the bags outside Tasii and Kque carry another 3 packs from downstairs. They¡¯re now wearing traveling shoes and heavier cloaks. They pass Yrelia a cloak and shoes as well.


    I¡¯m nervous at seeing the big Quelekita again, and now he¡¯s standing up and out in the middle fo street at his full height!


    Fuck is he big! Easily twice my size! But he seems focused on a small basket of fruits at his toes. I¡¯m terrified at the prospect of riding the giant flightless bird when I see Jevita toss something over its back, but it turns out to be baggage nets and straps. The 4 women are able to easily hook everything over Lule¡¯s back or against his sides.


    Tasii glances up the street, ¡°Shit, Are those duenna heading down this way from the wall?¡±


    I look back, and can barely make out a row of three or fours lights moving this way down the street from the wall.


    Jevita doesn¡¯t even look back. ¡°They¡¯ll start with the open streets, then search houses starting closest to the temple. They might even send out scouts this early.¡±


    ¡°Then let¡¯s get at least half a mile away from the fields before stopping for the night.¡± Tasii turns to us, ¡°Our luck was going to turn eventually. I¡¯m just glad you heard it, Jevita.¡±


    Jevita runs a palm over her shaved scalp, but nods before picking up the basket to lead Lule along as we begin to walk. As the moonlight shifts I notice slight changes of hue across her skin. At first I think they are scars, but there is an order to them.


    Arudian? Not words, but glyphs.


    I barely stop myself from speaking my thoughts aloud when Yrelia startles me by wrapping a large quilted burgundy cloak around us both. It¡¯s honestly more of a blanket than a cloak, and I¡¯m easily able to pull it around my chest while she does the same while only bumping shoulders.


    ¡°It¡¯s only going to get colder and you''re still wet.¡± She smiles at me, ¡°If I¡¯m still lucid when we make camp I can help you with your hair before we sleep.¡±


    I reflexively reach up to touch my new hair and try and run my fingers through the still damp curls. It¡¯s a bit sticky and my fingers get caught in a tangle. ¡°Thanks.¡± I murmur and pull the cloak close.


    Stolen novel; please report.


    From there we leave the city and proceed along the winding paths, over the irrigation canals, and through the fields of tall green stalks. It¡¯s at some point there, through the haze of exhaustion that is beginning to fog my thoughts, that I remember.


    Jevita never mentioned finding the book. I can¡¯t help but feel so hopelessly stupid at forgetting it. Yrelia seems to notice something is wrong as I sag my shoulders, but doesn¡¯t ask. The duenna won¡¯t probably be able to make much of it even if they do find it, but I wanted to spend more time with it. Wanted to see if I could figure out the name of the spirit that did this, and maybe even find out how to thank Her.


    We eventually have to stop as Lule decides he wants a drink from a nearby canal. Jevita breaks the silence and interrupts my thoughts, turning back to the rest of us as we wait. ¡°How long will you be traveling with us?¡±


    I don¡¯t know how to answer, and I pull the cloak closer. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. I just wanted to leave the city tonight.¡±


    Her eyes move between Yrelia and Tasii.


    Yrelia just shrugs and smiles tiredly at Jevita.


    For a full moment the only sounds are of the breeze through the stalks, a far off trill, and the gulp gulp of Lule happily drinking.


    ¡°I¡¯m not¨C¡± Jevita is cut off by a happy hoot from Lule. He pulls his head from the water, ruffles his feathers and turns to nuzzle Jevita.


    She lets out a deep sigh and wraps an arm around the big bird''s head before beginning to give him a good scratch amidst his neck feathers. He closes his eyes and lets out a few more little hoots and trills, and I barely make out Jevita whisper to him in Arudian.


    She coaxes him back into walking the path with scratches at the base of his neck. No one else asks questions or even talks, so we are left with a tense silence until we¡¯ve left the farmlands and entered a grassy plain.


    Tasii moves up to Jevita and lightly touches her shoulder while pointing to a cluster of trees a few dozen feet from the path. ¡°We can camp there.¡±


    Jevita nods and mumbles more Arudian words to Lule. He bops his head and tiredly jogs ahead of us, mushing a path through the waist high grass. When he arrives at the trees he coos happily and begins to run in a big circle, pressing down a section of grass about 10-15 feet across before plopping down in the middle.


    He chirps at Jevita as the rest of us arrive at his little grass paddy, then raises a wing and stuffs his head within.


    Wordlessly the rest of them follow suit. Unhooking bags and pulling out sleeping blankets and pillow rolls. I stand awkwardly beside Yrelia until I¡¯m able to help lay out a pallet nearby to Lule. While everyone is making sure to be close to the large warm Quelekita, I can¡¯t help but feel my heart catch with guilt and anxiety as I notice that there are only 4, and Yrelia and I are setting up the biggest.


    Yrelia begins to dig through one of the bags on Lule¡¯s saddle and I take up one of the spare pillow rolls and move to a grass patch between Yrelia and Kque¡¯s pallets.


    The grass is prickly, but I¡¯m too tired to care as I begin to lie down.


    ¡°Hey,¡± Yrelia kneels beside me and pats the pallet she¡¯s on. ¡°Cmon, this is meant for you too.¡±


    I hesitate, ¡°You¡¯ve all already done a lot for me. I¡¯m pretty useless and can¡¯t¨C¡±


    She hushes me with a finger to my lips, and a smile ¡°Stop it.¡±


    She takes me by the arm and guides me back over onto her pallet. Before she moves behind me I see that in her hands is a brush and some kind of spongy thing.


    ¡°Your hair will be an utter sticky mess if we don¡¯t do this tonight.¡± She whispers as she begins to run the comb and sponge thing through it.


    While there are a few knots and clumps she has to work through, I can¡¯t help but close my eyes and let my thoughts relax. It¡¯s honestly the best thing I¡¯ve ever felt, and I find it impossible to hold onto the anxiety. Brumbles run across my arms and down my back at Yrelia¡¯s expert touch.


    After a few minutes Tasii comes around, passing out small bowls with assorted colorful foods and a few wine pouches before wishing us a good night. We both thank her, and Yrelia prompts me to eat and drink first as she continues to work.


    I take a few bites and a sip before falling back into the stupor of enjoying the pampering. Eventually I feel Yrelia pause, and I tiredly marvel at how much better I feel. I don¡¯t have words for it.


    ¡°You can lie down now,¡± She prompts, ¡°I can finish up if you''re okay sleeping on your side.¡±


    ¡°Thank you Yrelia,¡± I take one of her hands and without thinking, turn it and give it a peck with my lips on the wrist before laying down with my back to her.


    It¡¯s a habit Sangoma taught me. A way to thank women for their time, patronage, and desire to bear the responsibility of motherhood. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s practiced outside the temple, but Yrelia sits silently for what feels like an eternity and a fresh bloom of anxiety begins to take root. But then she is pulling a blanket over me, careful to raise my hair and drape it above so she can continue her brushing and cleaning.


    I don¡¯t remember her finishing, only waking up. At some point I rolled onto my belly. My breasts are a little squished from the weight, but I¡¯m able to pull the pillow closer and relieve them of that. Then I notice barely audible whispers from the other side of Lule.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s involved.¡± Tasii replies tiredly to something I missed.


    ¡°She¡¯s involved with something.¡± Jevita hisses back. ¡°This proves it.¡±


    Tasii sighs, ¡°And what if she is? Are you saying we should abandon her?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m saying she should at least tell us her fucking name! Not some new name she plans on running with, and while she¡¯s at it she should let us know if we can expect trouble to follow us.¡±


    There is a pause, and a rustle of something. Pages?


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think interrogating her was the right call as we were sneaking out.¡± Tasii finally replies as a light thump sounds. ¡°You''re grumpy, and I¡¯m tired. Can we please sleep. Please?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s ask her over breakfast, at least.¡± Jevita pushes.


    There¡¯s no reply, only the rustle of blankets. That calm that had wooed me to sleep has now clenched into horrible knots in my stomach.


    Jevita is right to hate me. I don¡¯t deserve their kindness, I should just leave. I could get up right now and make their lives better.


    I begin to shuffle and rise, but notice a weight across my back and a hand squeeze my shoulder lightly. As I move up onto my elbows I carefully turn my head to the other side to find Yrelia tiredly staring back at me.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Is all I can mouth to her, careful to keep my voice so low only she can hear it.


    She shakes her head and gives me a smile through her own weariness, then whispers so softly I read her lips more than hear her, ¡°Not your fault. Please stay.¡±


    But it is, all this is my fault. If I wasn¡¯t so stupid I could have¡­ I don¡¯t know. Gotten away easier, avoided ruining their celebration meal.


    But I don¡¯t get up, don¡¯t try to leave. Maybe if I wasn¡¯t so tired I would have. So I nod at her.


    Her smile brightens, and I am suddenly so glad to be alive and in a body that feels so right. I can¡¯t help but give her the one thing I have left to share.


    ¡°Inamatorii,¡± I whisper. It was her favorite of the names I shared with them, and the one I secretly hoped for. ¡°I want that to be my name.¡±


    She pauses, then understands and draws me into a hug. I don¡¯t pull away, and she doesn¡¯t let go. So we fall asleep that way.

 Chapter 5: No Excuses Part 1

    I twist and curl in on myself. Everything hurts. I feel like I¡¯m dying, but in the dream I am already dead and my spirit is being wrent apart.


    Then my nightmare turns and I am hiding beneath my desk back in the temple. I can hear them all outside my chambers.


    I want to leave, but there is only one way out! Zigdara¡¯s threatening to toss me into the sea if I don¡¯t let them in, while Jawdat says he¡¯ll burn another of my paintings if I don¡¯t come to the beach with him.


    ¡°Please go away.¡± I plead as their fingers turn to claws and tendrils that begin to snake into the room through the bronze curtain.


    They pause, then I see my Sangoma peeking between the scales. She is so angry as she sees how I¡¯ve changed. I scramble back but the room is suddenly too big! I can¡¯t run faster than her and she begins to claw and squeeze at my legs. Then my Sangoma is screaming and the nails are biting into my¨C


    ¡°Inamatorii!¡± Someone whispers while shaking me.


    I open my eyes to see Yrelia kneeling over me, and I remember where I am.


    That¡¯s my name now. And a joy mixes with and overpowers the nightmare terror¡¯s.


    I push myself up, eyes crusty and mouth dry. ¡°Sorry, just a bad dream.¡±


    ¡°I guessed.¡± She passes me the wine pouch.


    The sun is already up and I can see the tops of the other heads on the opposite side of Lule.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go get some breakfast with the others.¡± Yrelia suggests as I finish drinking, a touch nervous as I turn back to her. ¡°They um¡­ I think they¡¯d like to get to know you better.¡±


    I stretch and look down at myself. I¡¯m still me, dark skin and soft curves easily spotted with my thin loose shirt and shorts. I reach up to feel my hair. It¡¯s mussed up from some tossing in the night, but It doesn¡¯t feel tangled and damp.


    ¡°Okay.¡± Is all I can mumble back. ¡°Thanks again for last night.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re very welcome,¡± She helps me stand and has me keep the blanket we shared as we walk around Lule. Who is funnily enough still asleep with his head stuffed inside one of his little wings, occasional flutters and soft hoots ripple along his fathers. The other three women are sitting around the bag that all the food was dumped in, taking turns sorting through the now cold meal and selecting their favorites to place on small dishes and bowls.


    I can see Jevita¡¯s tattoos better in the sunlight. Or are they closer to scars? There¡¯s no ink, every marking across her scalp and arms seem to be discolored in incredibly precise spots. At certain points I catch greenish sparkles in splotchy clusters.


    ¡°Good morning!¡± Tasii says as she holds out plates to us. ¡°How did you sleep?¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± I lie, tearing my eyes away from Jevita, taking a plate, and sitting down.


    Yrelia plops down beside me, and everyone continues their meal in relative silence.


    Eventually Tasii pulls a scroll up from one of the bags. She turns and seems to begin to ask others about routes and possible destinations, but goes quiet when Jevita pulls a book from the pack beside her and gives me a pointed look.


    ¡°You found it.¡± I set my sparsely filled plate down amongst their food.


    ¡°I did.¡± She replies, ¡°Almost didn¡¯t even look when I recognized the alarm.¡±


    I hold my hand out over the food. ¡°Oh, Sorry¡­¡±


    She doesn¡¯t move to hand it back to me, only raises an eyebrow. ¡°Why? Was that your fault?¡±


    I wince, expecting the question. How do I explain¡­ any of this?


    ¡°I mean¡­ kind of.¡± I drop my hand and pick at some dark goop beneath a fingernail. ¡°I can¡¯t talk about it.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Jevita asks.


    ¡°Because it¡¯s all really crazy and impossible.¡± I look back up.


    ¡°From what I can tell about this book,¡± Her voice is suddenly soft, not kind but it¡¯s edge is dulled. ¡°I¡¯m pretty open to your story being weird. Why else would you be trying to leave?¡±


    I nod, and a spark of an idea hits, a memory at the foundations of my nightmare last night inspires me. The best lies have truth in them.


    ¡°I um¡­ was being held by the duenna for trying to sneak into the temple.¡±


    Jevita lowers the book, and I take it as encouragement to continue.


    ¡°They found me naked in one of the male''s chambers, one of two that didn¡¯t go down to the Festival. But he was gone by the time they found me, and I was able to get away from the duenna they had holding me when the alarm started.¡±


    Not so long ago, I annoyed Jawdat and he tossed my painting of mine into the bonfire on the beach. Sangoma guessed it was him, but I was able to convince her it was an accident. That, yes he was mad at me, but that the beach was also really windy that day and I might have forgotten to secure the canvas. She filled in the gaps and no one got in trouble.


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°Do you know what happened to him?¡± Jevita asks, nails tapping on the cover.


    I nod. ¡°Some kind of magic came out of that.¡±


    She stops drumming the cover, and glances down at it, a sudden worry flashes across her face.


    ¡°There was a¡­ I don¡¯t know, some kind of drop of sap between the pages.¡± I try to show its size between two fingers, ¡°About this big. It cracked and roots started to grow out from it. They stabbed into our skin, I passed out. When I woke up he was gone.¡±


    I see them all look at the book, worry slowly becoming a panic as Jevita moves the book on the ground beside her.


    ¡°The Sap is gone,¡± I quickly add, ¡°I checked before the duenna found me.¡±


    They relax a bit, then Tasii speaks up, ¡°Why did you take it with you? The book I mean.¡±


    ¡°Oh um¡­¡± I fumble. Shoot! This might have to be more lies than¡­ Wait, no! It can just build off what I told Zigdara, albeit with some extra truth...


    ¡°It''s stupid, but I didn¡¯t want to get the store I got it from in trouble.¡±


    ¡°You bought this?¡± Jevita¡¯s surprise seems odd, like it has a hint of disbelief that doesn¡¯t match her previous distrust. ¡°Why? And from who?¡±


    I have to be careful here. I don¡¯t imagine my knowledge of old lore and diverse languages is something most people care about.


    ¡°Yeah, I um¡­ The male was more interested in books and such than the others. I thought maybe he would be more likely to um¡­¡± I trail off, and when no one saves me from looking like a thief and a fool I continue. ¡°Look, I know it was stupid. I just¡­¡±


    I just what? Fuck! I should have just tried to lie that I was a cook or something and stumbled in on the mess. How can I come across as more temporarily stupid than devious?


    Women who skip the queue for a night with men are¡­ not looked at fondly. Even temple staff who catch the attention of one are scoffed at and hated, despite the fact many women take the role in the hopes one might ask for a night with them. But to sneak in, proposition one without a Sangoma¡¯s knowledge or consent? That¡¯s¡­ really really bad. It¡¯s a kind of betrayal and violation of everyone¡¯s trust.


    ¡°I¡¯d honestly not have run if they had just caught me doing that.¡± I stare at the book.


    ¡°Really? They would have sent you to work in the fields, or the Dune Wall¡¯s mines.¡± Kque points out. ¡°It would have been at least a decade before you could try and be released. And then you would be marked, branded to never apply for motherhood.¡±


    I shrug, ¡°Would be better than where I was before.¡±


    There is a long pause at that. I glance up to see their genuinely surprised expressions, I also catch Tasii and Kques¡¯ turn to a horror that borders on something worse. I quickly look back down to my lap. Fuck, I don¡¯t know how they¡¯re taking this.


    ¡°And that was?¡± Jevita finally prompts.


    ¡°It¡¯s not connected to what happened.¡± Is the only reply I feel safe giving. They already think I¡¯m some fucked up Ravie.


    Jevita purses her lips, but doesn¡¯t push me more.


    ¡°We should probably get rid of it.¡± Yrealia adds. ¡°Just in case it¡¯s still cursed or something.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± Both me and Jevita reply at the same time, though I¡¯m a little louder. She raises an eyebrow my way as I look back down to my hands. But why does she even care? Shouldn¡¯t they be telling me to leave? I¡¯m not someone they should want to keep around!


    ¡°Why not?¡± Yrelia looks between us, ¡°Even if it¡¯s safe it¡¯ll link her to what happened.¡±


    I suppress a stupid grin when she says ¡®her¡¯, and I have a spark of courage. ¡°It¡¯s Inamatorii now.¡±


    I peek up to find the mood softened a bit. ¡°Or Ina¡­ if it¡¯s easier.¡±


    From my peripheral vision I see Yrelia grin at Tasii. She returns a soft smile.


    Jevita doesn¡¯t reply right away, but then ¡°Okay then, Ina. Why do you want to keep it?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ I wasn¡¯t finished going through it. I¡¯d like to know more about where it came from and who wrote it.¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡± Jevita shakes her hands over her lap, ¡°You can read it?¡±


    ¡°Oh, um yeah. I only got through the first parts though.¡±


    Jevita¡¯s face is a cross between disbelief, surprise, and a bit of¡­ excitement?


    ¡°Show me!¡± She pulls the book up and begins carefully flipping through it. She gets to the now torn pages left that held the sap. ¡°What do these say?¡±


    I look down and wince at the barely intact page. It had obviously gotten more torn up than I could tell last night.


    ¡°Sleep, Void, and Serenity. I think.¡± I reply, recognizing the page. ¡°I don¡¯t know anything about the circles though. I assume they had something to do with the Sap that was on those pages.¡±


    Jevita just stares at me, eyes narrowing.


    ¡°Did¡­ I mistranslate?¡± I squirm a bit by her sudden intensity, ¡°I didn''t have a ton of reference texts for Arudian but it seemed really similar and I just assumed.¡±


    She takes back up the book before I think to reach for it.


    ¡°Jevita¡­¡± Tasii leans toward her, but Jevita rises and heads over to Lule.


    The Quelekita doesn¡¯t initially awaken at first when Jevita begins rummaging through a few packs, but as she curses under her breath he peeks one groggy eye out from between his feathers.


    After pulling a small chest from one of the sacks she caresses him back into sleep and returns to sit among us. We all watch in a sort of confused silence as she pulls a cord up from beneath her shawl. On it are a few metal keys. She leans down to stick one in a lock on the other side of the chest that I couldn¡¯t see.


    ¡°Jevita.¡± Kque warns, putting a hand on hers.


    Jevita stops and fixes her with an annoyed stare. ¡°This is important.¡±


    Her other hand is still moving and she begins to pull some kind of black cloth from the bag. It looks really soft and even glitters in the morning sun.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have time.¡± Tasii nods back toward the city. ¡°The duenna might send out scouts soon. We need to get moving.¡±


    Jevita grits her teeth, but nods. She then begins to wrap the book in the cloth.


    I want to stop her, But before I can protest she interrupts.


    ¡°This will help keep it from falling apart anymore than it already has.¡± Once she¡¯s done it goes in the chest and which is locked once again.


    I don¡¯t stop her. With how much it¡¯s already been torn up I don¡¯t want to risk losing more of it.


    ¡°What do we not have time for?¡± I ask. ¡°Is it still okay if I travel with you all?¡±


    ¡°Yes, and I want you to help me translate the rest.¡± Jevita replies.


    I pause, surprised. ¡°Why? Can¡¯t you do it?¡±


    Jevita stands and stores the chest back in one of Lule¡¯s side bags, then turns and gives me an annoyed look. ¡°Obviously not. How and where did you even learn to read Amwellian?¡±

 Chapter 6: No Excuses Part 2

    I just stare at her, confused. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that even is? Those are Arudian Glyphs and writings.¡±


    That gets me a glare, and I wither. ¡°At least¡­ That¡¯s what I thought it was.¡±


    Tasii cuts in, ¡°You two can debate it later. For now we need to decide on a route.¡±


    Tasii, Kque, and Jevita begin going over a map together while me and Yrelia sit quietly. The knots in my stomach loosen a bit.


    Hopefully my translation work will sort of match up to the care they¡¯ve given me. I catch myself looking back at the Dune Wall and the tallest building of Lyttoral that still peek over the farmlands behind us.


    Nearly every step I take will be the farthest I¡¯ve been from the temple. I realize as a buzz of fear and anticipation runs along my spine.


    A growl from my stomach catches Yrelia¡¯s attention and she nudges my elbow. ¡°You should eat, It can be hard to get a good meal along the road.¡±


    I nod, and make sure to eat some of the still juicy, if a bit cold, food.


    It only takes them a little bit to decide on a course. I twinge internally a few times when they mention needing to take one path over another to avoid the duenna, and although I don¡¯t think I hear any annoyance or anger in most of their changes, it still spoils my appetite.


    I help as much as I can to pack up the remaining food and beddings. Almost as soon as we finish, I¡¯m startled as Lule¡¯s feathers stand on in and the giant bird rises. My foot catches and I begin to fall. Lucky for me Yrelia is close and catches my arm to steady me.


    Lule stretches both little wings alongside his feathers before letting out a trilling series of chirps.


    Yrelia reaches out and pats the big bird, ¡°Ooh big stretches!¡±


    Lule hoots down at her, then one big eye fixes on me and I freeze.


    Yrelia must feel my tension because she slides her hand down to my wrist and gently has me hold it up to Lule, palm down. He moves to the hand and bends that long neck down until his eye and beak are hovering next to it.


    A few tense seconds pass and I whisper, ¡°I don¡¯t think he likes me.¡±


    Then Lule lets out a low gurgle, and before any panic can set in he leans his big head into my wrist, nudging it. Then he bends his head back, presenting his feathered under neck to us.


    ¡°Lule loves everyone who will give him Scrutches!¡± Yrelia pushes my hand up beneath the feathers until I can feel the soft skin beneath. Sliding her hand up to hold my palm she guides my fingers in a gentle, yet firm pattern.


    Lule studders out a hoot and trill, and I relax.


    ¡°He um¡­ is he really super friendly?¡±


    ¡°All Quelekita are.¡± Her voice turns a little more¡­ childish? ¡°But Lule is the nicest, aren''t you!¡±


    She guides my hand to scratch a little faster, and Lule presses harder against my it. Soon he¡¯s thumping one foot on the ground in pleasure.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t stop he¡¯ll bug you all day today for more.¡± Tasii warns from behind.


    Yrelia giggles and we pull away. Lule shakes and looks down at us, and I¡¯m certain I¡¯m about to find out how a Quelekita pesters people for more attention.


    But then Jevita is behind us holding half of a big bumpy purple fruit about the size of my head.


    ¡°Breakfast time!¡± She calls up to him with a smile, one of the first I''ve seen from her.


    Yrelia guides me to the side as Lule pitter patters his feet in excitement and begins to peck at the big thing. Jevita drops the fruit and it lands with the hard shell upward. At first I think it was a mistake, but then I watch as Lule happily pecks and bites at the hard outer shell. Eventually there is a crack and the thing is in squishy lumps across the grass. That only leads to Lule showing me just how precise and flexible his two foot long tongue is. Within half a minute every chunk has disappeared down that long neck.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ wow.¡± I mutter to no one.


    ¡°Yup.¡± Jevita reaches up to catch his harness and begins to guide him back toward the path.


    We all follow as Jevita leads the way.


    Other than the wind through the grass and Lule¡¯s occasional hoots and tutters, it¡¯s a quiet walk for the first few hours. The day is warm at first, then it gets hot. I always burned easily, and I expect the same with my sparse attire, but I¡¯m surprised to find the heat only slightly uncomfortable.


    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    After a few hours, Lule perks up and begins to pitter patter his big feet and floof his feathers at Jevita.


    ¡°Yeah yeah,¡± She tries to sooth him, ¡°I know, I hear it.¡±


    Then I hear it, a river gurgling further ahead. Within the next few minutes it can be spotted, and a path to a nearby beach near our path.


    Lule almost drags Jevita as he barrels forward in excitement, but she seems ready for this and hops up to hang from the side straps. Luckily he only wades up to his knees before dunking his big head and beak beneath the waves, so no luggage hanging from his torso gets soaked.


    By the time we arrive at the beach Jevita has convinced Lule to come back to the shoreline so bags can be unloaded. We all work together to disengage the luggage and stack it well away from the water.


    Tasii reaches for the harness, but Jevita waves her off and lets Lule run back down into the water. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    Kque wrinkles her nose at Jevita. ¡°I¡¯ll get the food ready if you¡¯d like to wash up first? Maybe make sure Lule gets his feathers combed and cleaned?¡±


    Jevita rolls her eyes, but doesn¡¯t argue. Only moves to a different bag to pull out a big weird toothed comb that barely resembles the one Yrelia used on me. And a big leather pouch.


    Jevita begins slipping off her shoes and looks over to me, ¡°You should wash up and help me with the big floofball.¡±


    I hesitate as she continues to strip off her shirt and pants, Terrified at the idea of being alone with her and still uncomfortable around Lule. ¡°Oh uh¡­ I was thinking I could help get the food¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah no. Three is more than enough for that,¡± Jevita looks me up and down, sniffs, and scrunches her nose. ¡°It takes two to clean him, and you smell about as rank.¡±


    I feel my cheeks heat up and look to the others for help. Tasii sighs, but doesn¡¯t even look up. Yrelia just shoos me with a hand as she seems to furiously go through one of the bags.


    Jevita finishes slipping out of her undergarments, drops them into a sack along with her other clothes, and heads toward the river. I hesitantly follow and covertly sniff myself. Oh yeah, I¡¯m noticing the build up of sweat and the general ick smell, though I¡¯m not sure I¡¯d call it rank. It¡¯s¡­ weirdly sweet smelling which is weird.


    I strip and drop my clothes into a pile as I approach the water. And as the cool waves wash onto my feet and ankles I shutter and move faster to join Jevita and the bouncing ball of energy that she¡¯s trying to wade toward. The water feels great in contrast to the heat. Shame it only seems to come up to my belly at its deepest.


    She¡¯s stopped a good distance and stands naked with the comb in one hand and the leather pouch in the other, and I¡¯m able to get a full view of the tattoos on her skin. They don¡¯t just sit atop her head, but also snake down her neck and across her back. I lose sight of them beneath the water, but they seem to even curl about her hips and move down between and around her legs.


    She glances back over her shoulder and catches me staring, and I hope my skin hides some of my embarrassed blush.


    ¡°Sorry!¡± I say quickly as I move up beside her, ¡°I¡¯ve just never¡­ um¡­ I like your tattoos.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡± She replies flatly and looks back to Lule. I do the same, but not before I notice that the tattoos also weave across her chest and belly.


    She seems content to wait as Lule bounces and flutters his feathers and wings in the oncoming waves.


    ¡°Make sure to put your dirty clothes in the sack so we can wash them in the next town.¡± She eventually says.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a spare set.¡± I shrug, happy to have a change of subject. ¡°I¡¯ll wash them in the river when I¡¯m done.¡±


    Jevita sighs. ¡°Yrelia will have you something to wear by the time we¡¯re done.¡±


    I glance back toward the group on the shore. Tasii and Kque seem to be organizing food things on a blanket they set out, but Yrelia does seem to be going through some bags on the opposite side of the pile.


    ¡°I¡­ she¡¯s being really nice to me.¡± I look over to Jevita. She has lowered herself to a squat and only her shoulders and head are above the waves. I do the same, and I guess part of this duty is to wait for Lule to finish playing and bathing.


    As I enjoy the cooling waves against my new body I consider things. I¡¯m so accustomed to women treating me a certain way depending on their roles. Sangoma instructed, protected, and handled the daily schedules. Frekia and duenna cleaned, cooked, guarded and generally handled that sort of daily maintenance for the temple. The only group that wasn¡¯t there to oversee or manage were the women who came to become mothers.


    We were treated a lot like this Quelekita. I realize with a strange mix of mirth and¡­ I don¡¯t have a word that matches my feelings. A sort of annoyance at how little control I was trusted with? We never had a choice, were never part of the conversation about our future.


    But I¡¯m not a male anymore. I never was, not really. All that mattered was that I could help make children. But now¡­ I¡¯m completely useless. Aside from maybe being able to help translate that book, but that was only realized this morning. So... Why is she being to nice to me? Why are the rest letting her?


    ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡± I mutter.


    Jevita doesn¡¯t answer, just gives me a side eye. Lule has stopped pouncing around at this point and moves to settle down into the water like us. Floofing out his big feathers and taking big gulps from the river.


    ¡°Okay. Let¡¯s get started.¡± She holds out the pouch to me.


    She rises, and proceeds to teach me how to clean a Quelekita. The pouch is full of a sweet smelling washing goop that Jevita has me rub over Lule¡¯s feathers while she soothes and scrutches him to keep him still. Then we work together to rinse it off and she shows me how to use that big comb. It¡¯s all pretty simple, and I only get a bit of a scare while doing it. I must have pulled at a feather because Lule jerked and let out the mother of all hisses. I tripped and made a big splash, but it got a laugh out of Jevita and Lule didn¡¯t seem to hold a grudge once I gave him some scrutches.


    After that Jevita leads him from the water and leaves the pouch with me to wash myself. I enjoy washing away the day of sweat and grime and finding my new skin beneath. I always hated my body hair, and was so glad when Sangoma got an alchemist to mix potions to tear it away and keep it from growing back quickly. But it always left a black stipple, and eventually returned. Coarse and horrible. But now there''s just¡­nothing, and I love it.


    I can tell my frame is different too. I think I¡¯m a little shorter, with weight moved more about my hips and thighs. But¡­ and this is weird, I feel stronger than before. Not like¡­ big or bulky, but my muscles have a sort of subtle density that wasn¡¯t there before. This explains why I was able to run so hard and long the other night.


    It¡¯s then that I think to notice my reflection in the clear water.

 Chapter 7: No Excuses Part 3

    It¡¯s my eyes that startle me the most. Two violet iris with a hint of reflected gold sparkle back at me. Against my dark turquoise skin, all framed by a full head of black hair, they shine like gemstones amidst midnight sand.


    Wow. The hair, the eyes! Wouldn¡¯t it have been easier to just¡­ I pause, trying to come to terms with my new self. Why? Why do this for me?


    I kneel a little to try and get a closer look at my face. It¡¯s everything and more than I could even dream of. But¡­ Is it still me? How much of me would I even care to keep?


    ¡°Ina!¡±


    Jerked from my thoughts I turn to see Yrelia waving at me, a bundle of towels in her arms. I finish rinsing off and move back up the shore.


    Yrelia passes me a towel and when it¡¯s obvious I have no idea how to handle my new mop of hair she offers to help me manage it.


    ¡°Would you like me to braid it while you eat? It''ll be easier to handle.¡±


    ¡°That would be really nice actually,¡± I agree, remembering how much I admired the longer hair many women had, and all the amazing ways they would twist and braid it.


    Jevita, Kque, and Tasii take up a smaller comb and pouch of wash. Together they head down to the river and begin to wash themselves. Lule seems to have huddled down into a little patch of grass and is happily napping. Yrelia rushes over to a bag and comes back with a sun-yellow manaka and poofy pants with beautiful twisting designs sewn across the legs.


    ¡°These are for you!¡± She holds them out toward me with a grin.


    I suppress¡­ well what probably would have been a ugly sound of joy. I¡¯ve memories of¡­ Well I¡¯d occasionally asked Sangoma to arrange for women to pose so that I could paint them, Then asked for them to leave certain clothes behind for me to reference if needed. I thought myself sneaky when all I really wanted was to wear them myself.


    I¡¯ll never forget how it felt, waiting until the dead of night to take them into the extra privacy of my own bedchambers to disrobe and try them on. Honestly there was little practical difference between my robes and theirs, except maybes a tightness in certain areas.


    But I remember wanting to cry as I wore them, as a sense of rightness and freedom warred with shame and self loathing. As I got older it helped less and less. But I still have a few sets of clothing stashed away back in my chambers at the temple. Occasionally I would still turn to it to help ease the pain.


    I reach out to take them, shaking my thoughts from the cold memories. ¡°These are really nice. I um¡­ Are you sure?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± She¡¯s nearly pushing them into my arms in excitement, ¡°Nakedness does suit you, but It can get very cold on the road.¡±


    I blush and accept them. They are very soft and as I slip into them I am surprised at how much they stretch and hold in all the right places. Yrelia shows how the manaka can be adjusted to let the neck and shoulders breath when it''s hot, while in the cold it can be bunched up to have a large hood.


    ¡°See!¡± She says, taking a step back to inspect me. ¡°They even look better on you than they did me! So not fair!¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I blubber as that age old feeling of longing, that spark of hope at this very thing, is rekindled and begins to spread and change. Yrelia walks around me and twirls her fingers, prompting me to turn.


    Is this what everyone else felt like all the time? I wonder as I obey, a giddiness rolling all through me.


    ¡°What do you think?¡± She asks, her excitement tinged with a hint of nervousness.


    ¡°Honestly?¡± Finishing a turn to face her I hug the soft cloth against my skin ¡°They¡¯re kinda the best clothes I¡¯ve ever worn!¡±


    With a contagious grin she takes both my hands in hers and guides me to sit atop a pallet that¡¯s been set out with food.


    ¡°Okay, well... for traveling clothes they¡¯ll do, and they certainly flatter your hips more than mine.¡± She settles down next to me and pops one of the smaller fruits into her mouth ¡°Alas! The struggles of shopping without a proper mirror or changing room in sight.¡±


    ¡°Mhm,¡± I agree while taking up one of the same fruits. Just the idea of browsing a market or store for clothes to wear fills me with excitement. It wasn¡¯t something we did. We had a sort of¡­ delivery or showing by either Sangoma or a guest merchant where we would pick out new clothes. They were always on one of our two rest days. I often just grabbed what worked and looked comfy..


    ¡°Which, by the way, you¡¯re going to have to share your Ki Ritaa routines with us. Because¡­ wow!¡± She motions at me in general. ¡°It must work wonders!¡±


    I¡®m caught off guard. The word is familiar, but no mind bells ring.


    ¡°Did I get the word wrong? Your exercise routine.¡± She replies to my confusion, ¡°If It¡¯s something you don¡¯t mind sharing, that is!¡±


    Then I understand, the word ringing like a bell in an old memory. I couldn¡¯t study or learn any specifics of Alchemy, but I did hear of the need for special stretches needed by anyone imbibing the creations regularly. I never needed them, but when someone got sick and needed an alchemist¡¯s brews or steams daily they would be led through them. Something from the alchemy needing to be burnt from their systems?


    ¡°Oh, No! Not at all! It¡¯s nothing special! I actually didn¡¯t really ever need to learn any of them.¡± I reply, ¡°Just normal morning stretches before¡­¡±


    Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    I trail off, then awkwardly stuff another piece of fruit into my mouth, chiding myself for the near slip up. Can¡¯t tell her what I was expected to do every day! What do I even say I was doing with my life?


    ¡°Before?¡±


    Yeah now she¡¯s curious. Guilt at needing to lie rumbles through as I finish chewing. Need to try and redirect this!


    ¡°Before the day,¡± I try to placate, but I¡¯m so awkward! I can only guess how stupid I look trying to cover my misstep.


    ¡°Just every morning.¡± I add after a pause.


    ¡°Oh yeah yeah yeah!¡± She also takes a bite and continues like I¡¯m not being stupid. ¡°Tasii normally bugs us to join in her¡¯s if we¡¯re in for a longer day. Otherwise we¡¯re in for a rough next morning.¡±


    ¡°That I can understand.¡± I reply, memories of similar mornings after some of the more busy days. ¡°Leg cramps can suck when they hit at the wrong moment.¡±


    ¡°I know right! Seriously, Just a few months back we met this group along the road. We did some trades and after a bit of flirting we all agreed to share a campsite.¡± She gives me a wicked grin, ¡°After dinner, and passing around some amazing wine, things started to get intense.¡±


    ¡°Intense?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Oh yeah. You almost saw Tasii at her best last night in Lyttoral. She¡¯s amazing at thinking ahead and pushing us in the right directions. I¡¯ve yet to see a crack in her talents, and it¡¯s definitely not with parties.¡± She reaches out to the wine pouch and offers it to me.


    I accept and take a drink, still a little lost. It¡¯s the same wine from last night. Everything she¡¯s telling me is new, but her smile and enthusiasm is contagious and I don¡¯t want to interrupt to have her explain!


    ¡°We were halfway along a long road and you never know when the next party you feel safe with will come along. So, I think she knew we all needed to work off some stress. Also, We were sure to have things to talk about for days and days to come.¡± I offer her the wine. She accepts, and after a big gulp, her cheeks flushing a bit pink, she lowers it and continues. ¡°Also also, Kque has an amazing singing voice and one of them played the Julo strings. So once we shared a meal, passed around a variety of wines, I knew it was time to make the first move.¡±


    Yrelia leans closer, her voice soft, but not quiet. A conspiratorial sparkle to her eyes. ¡°Nothing like a soft, albeit spicy, song about old flames to get everyone in the mood. It¡¯s always the quiet ones whose heads are filled with sex.¡±


    Everything clicks then, and I freeze.


    Yrelia leans back, ¡°So I know to cozy up to¡­ Ludelia? Yeah yeah! That was her name.¡± She waves her hand dismissively, ¡°Anyway. She was all tall and quiet and eyes watching everything! Very serious looking, but I knew she would be soft and sultry beneath all that!¡±


    Is this why she¡¯s being nice to me? I look down at my hands as I feel my heartbeat in them. Why they are letting me travel with them?


    ¡°I¡¯d been not-so-subtly poking questions at her past lovers during the meal and song. So when Kque stopped singing and their musician filled the sunset with sweet nothings, I had her eyes pretty firmly locked on me.¡±


    Is that all I¡¯m good for? All I¡¯ll ever be good for?


    Yrelia takes another drink and looks out over the field, face flush and an easy smile. ¡°I might have been the first to ask if she wanted to¡­ and you have to understand I really was tipsy, I asked if she wanted to make a flame with me.¡± She laughs, ¡° But it worked and she wrapped me in those big arms and a tender kiss.¡±


    It¡¯s hard to listen as the anxiety rolls through me. Sure, I¡¯d lost myself in tales of adventure and romance over the years. Dreamed of lives lived in the right body, of a slow burning love and someone to sweep me away. But¡­ that¡¯s not what this is! It feels like I¡¯m back at the temple, and someone is just being polite before she gets what she paid for.


    She must have noticed something wrong, because her voice speeds up. ¡°Anyway, she was super sweet, way more than I expected. Had me on my back and nearly in a ball while she buried her face in... eh... places. Was fucking amazing, but of course a cramp hit right in the middle of it all!¡±


    Right. Leg cramps. This whole tangent started due to a discussion about leg cramps. I calm down a little.


    I glance over as she pokes at the traitorous leg, ¡°But she was really good, so I tried to just¡­ I dunno. Maybe develop a weird leg cramp pain kink? Or hoped it would calm down on its own?¡±


    She tosses her arms up half-heartedly, ¡°Then my other leg hit me with a worse cramp, and I let out a yelp that startled everyone, including Lule.¡±


    I keep my eyes on her leg. ¡°Really?¡± Is all I can muster.


    All my years of training must keep the worse of my thoughts off my face, because she keeps going. Reading something I can¡¯t even begin to guess.


    ¡°Oh yeah. The big floofball hopped up, dodged Jevita, and ran over to us to make sure I was okay. Shoved his big face right in mine. Took a dozen scrutches to convince him I was okay.¡±


    She sighs and I catch a bit of a forlorn pout on her lips, ¡°By that time Ludelia was not in the mood. I ended up snuggled up to Lule that night, wanting to keep the big guy calm so everyone else could enjoy themselves.¡±


    ¡°That sucks.¡± Is my meek reply.


    ¡°It was definitely one of my more embarrassing nights.¡± She holds out the wine to me. ¡°But what about you? Any salacious interruptions?¡±


    Too many, but none of them are funny. Including¡­ Wow, that was only yesterday. I¡¯m not sure existential dread at the certainty and hatred of one''s own body will ever make me laugh.


    ¡°I thought you¡¯d be helping her with her hair?¡± comes Tasii¡¯s voice from behind.


    I glance back to see the three women approaching. They each grab towels from a pile and join us around the food after drying and re-dressing. Save Jevita, who goes to the bags.


    Yrelia tosses the wine pouch to Tasii and moves to sit behind me. ¡°Just sharing stories while we waited for it to dry a little.¡±


    As she begins combing through my hair I feel my tummy rumble and begin to eat more of the food alongside Tasii and Kque. Eventually Jevita joins us, with a little dark bundle in her arms. It¡¯s hard to make it out from the corner of my eye as I try to hold still for Yrelia.


    Tasii raises an eyebrow at her, but stays silent as she lays it out beside me and unwraps it. It¡¯s the book of course. Jevita also pulls out a much newer and less disintegrated notebook and quill.


    ¡°What?¡± Jevita asks the group. There is a pause, even from Yrelia¡¯s brushing. ¡°We still have to eat, and you¡¯ll be doing up her hair.¡±


    Tasii nods, but adds. ¡°I¡¯m going to help with that when I¡¯m done eating. We still need to go farther today.¡±


    ¡°My thoughts exactly. We¡¯ll be tired, and this isn¡¯t something easily done in the dark, especially while tired.¡± Jevita agrees, pops a few fruits into her mouth, and begins to carefully open the book. She flips to the first pages, takes up her notebook, and starts jotting things down.


    After a few moments she turns both to me and lays the quill atop the notebook¡¯s pages. ¡°Can you please translate that?¡±

 Chapter 8: No Excuses Part 4

    I would nod, but Yrelia has started doing¡­ something with my hair. Tugging and twisting. So I try to avoid moving too much and simply take up the quill and start. It¡¯s weird to read and write this way, but I manage. Jevita¡¯s handwriting is weirdly sloppy, a sort of jagged wiggly take that I struggle to read, so I just use the old book and translate the sentence out beneath it. After double checking my work is flawless, I turn it back to Jevita.


    She takes a second to read over my words, looks back at the old book, then frowns. ¡°Did you change my writing?¡±


    ¡°No? I just translated the first stanza beneath it.¡± I twiddle the quill in my fingers, ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m sorry but your handwriting was hard to read. So I just used the book. Was that wrong?¡±


    She turns the notebook back to me. ¡°What does my line say?¡±


    I look down to read it out loud, trying my best to make out her handwriting, but it¡¯s gibberish. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know? Did you copy it from the book? I thought¨C¡±


    Her face screws up, and she turns to Tasii, ¡°Can you come check something?¡±


    Tasii was already beginning to rise to move over to help Yrelia, and almost trips at the request.


    She changes direction and walks over. ¡°What is it?¡±


    Jevita points to a word on the page. ¡°Can you copy this onto here please.¡±


    Tasii shrugs, takes the quill from my fingers, and does as she is asked. Carefully writing out a few words beneath my line. Jevita nearly snatches the notebook from under the quill and holds it out to me. ¡°What about this?¡±


    I try to read Tasii¡¯s writing. It¡¯s like Jevita¡¯s, Gibberish. ¡°I¡­ can¡¯t? They''re not the same words.¡±


    Jevita then turns back to Tasii, ¡°Do it again, same words.¡±


    Tasii, a bit annoyed but trusting, does it. She finishes, then her eyes go wide at the page. ¡°The fuck?¡±


    Jevita nods, her face a mix of annoyance and amazement. Then she takes them both up and pushes them back to me. ¡°Don¡¯t translate them this time. Just write down exactly what you see on the page.¡±


    I do as asked. Confused. As I do I look at the things Tasii wrote. The two are completely different shapes, and still gibberish. Once I¡¯m done I hand the books back. Yrelia pauses to watch at this point.


    ¡°That¡¯s Arudian.¡± Tasii says aloud.


    There is a pause, then I speak up. ¡°I¡¯m confused. Can you read it or not?¡±


    Tasii and Jevita look to me like I¡¯ve suddenly caught fire.


    Yrelia begins to laugh and continues her tugging and twisting. It bubbles out of her, sometimes causing jerks in her work, but otherwise doesn¡¯t seem to stop her.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Tasii lets out suddenly. ¡°Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.¡±


    The bottom falls out of my stomach. Confusion at the whirlwind of reactions. Arudian isn¡¯t anything too special. Even Sangoma could read and write it. Why are they¨C


    Jevita points to my writing, ¡°That¡¯s Arudian common.¡± Then to the old tome, ¡°That, I¡¯m almost certain, is Amwellian. To us they look like different languages entirely.¡±


    I look back and forth between them. Trying to recall everything I can about Amwellian language. It¡¯s¡­ well basically nothing. I¡¯ve never come across it except in stories that mention it. Some kind of... Ancient lost language of some warriors of the past.


    ¡°But¡­ it¡¯s not.¡± I argue. ¡°Are you sure you just can¡¯t¡­¡± I trail off. Realizing I was about to question if she was sure she couldn¡¯t just read a fairly common language. That makes Yrelia giggle harder.


    Jevita raises an eyebrow at me.


    ¡°Sorry. I¡¯m just really confused right now.¡± I reply quickly. ¡°Your saying the words in the book look like Arudian to me, but not to you?


    Tasii levels something between a glare and worry at Yrelia, stifling her mirth. Then she seems to study my face for¡­ something? ¡°No. And apparently the words change. Or make us think they¡¯ve changed.¡±


    ¡°Amwellian is a secret language.¡± Jevita finally adds. ¡°Even after years of careful research by hundreds, if not thousands of brilliant women, only one group can write or read it.¡±


    She looks down at the notebook I wrote in, then back to the old tome, then back up to me. ¡°It¡¯s rumored to be laced with some kind of magic. Neither Alchemy or Cultivation. But something older.¡±


    Yrelia pats me on the head, ¡°I knew there was something special about you! You could have just told us you were a Sun Spoken. We wouldn¡¯t have asked so many questions. Well I would have asked more, but Tasii would have totally respected your privacy.¡±


    My mind goes blank, not understanding the words.. ¡°No. That can¡¯t be right. You¡¯re just¡­ I¡¯m not¡­ Sun Spoken can¡¯t be¡­¡± I trial off before I say the last word.


    Male. But I¡¯m not one. I... now I''m really really not sure I ever was, at least not on the inside. The spirit in that sap saw that and changed me. Did she also make me this? No, that¡¯s not right. I was already reading the book before she did that!


    ¡°We don¡¯t know that. She could be lying about being able to read it. Or crazy.¡± Jevita glances between us.


    Tasii shakes her head then adds. ¡°She¡¯s either the best liar this side of the Weavers Wood, or is so out of her mind she doesn¡¯t act crazy. Most likely she didn¡¯t know till now.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t be. That doesn¡¯t make sense.¡± I wave my hands in odd circles, ¡°Sun Spoken are supposed to be¡­ like¡­¡±


    I drop my hands. ¡°Special.¡±


    Her four purple eyes flash into my mind''s eye. Her hatred, her amusement. Yesterday I was less than a person to her.


    A pause, this time broken by Kque who has been quietly listening from the other side of the pallet.


    ¡°Maybe this book did it.¡± She chimes in, ¡°Maybe that sap you mentioned was from the Weavers Wood? Maybe you became Sun Spoken when it tried to get you too?¡±


    ¡°But¡­ I could read the book before then.¡± I admit.


    ¡°Okay. What were you doing in Lyttoral before that all happened?¡± Jevita leans forward, ¡°You said you liked books, was translating something you did often?¡±


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°It was just a hobby, I¨C.¡± I cut myself off, then add. ¡°I can¡¯t talk about the rest.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t or won¡¯t?¡± Yrelia asks quietly as she continues to work through my hair.


    I sigh, ¡°I don¡¯t want to lie, and as far as I¡¯m concerned I¡¯m not that person anymore. They¡¯re dead.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve already lied to us.¡± Tasii settles down in front of me. It¡¯s not a question.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I try to look down, but Yrelia¡¯s work means my head needs to stay still. ¡°It¡¯s only been a little. I didn¡¯t have anywhere to go, and you were all being so nice, even after I ruined your celebration.¡±


    ¡°What did you lie about?¡± Tasii moves to force me to meet her gaze.


    I want to tell them so badly it hurts. Even as I confess to lying and taking advantage of their kindness.


    Can¡¯t shake my head, so all I can get out is. ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Are you in trouble with one of the Alchemy Sororitas?¡±


    The question catches me off guard. ¡°I¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not going to hate you for trying to protect yourself. I¡¯ve been on the bad end of one of their steamweavers before,¡± Kque adds from behind Tasii, ¡°We¡¯ve seen how they can twist your mind with their brews. If you were pushed into something by them, threatened to keep quiet, we¡¯d understand.¡±


    I¡¯m so tempted to lie. To let this be my new past. Fucked over by a nasty Alchemy guild and fleeing their ire.


    ¡°No.¡± I can¡¯t lie. ¡°I wasn¡¯t.¡±


    Jevita seems surprised, but Tasii''s focus remains steady. ¡°Not a member? Were you working with one at all last night or before?¡±


    ¡°No. I wasn¡¯t allowed to learn alchemy, or even join a Sororitas.¡± It just slips out, and I cringe internally.


    Tasii just nods, reminding me of someone unraveling a particularly troublesome puzzle.


    I pull my legs up to my chest, wrap them in my arms, and press my face between them. Not caring if it messes up Yrelia¡¯s work. ¡°Please stop.¡±


    Tasii rests a hand on mine, ¡°No, Ina. I¡¯m sorry. This is¡­ Something isn¡¯t making sense here. And I¡¯m not comfortable jeopardizing our safety any more than we have.¡±


    I look back up to her, ¡°But¡­ I¡¯ll translate the book! You can even keep it. Just¡­ please don¡¯t¡­¡± I trail off. Not wanting to beg. She¡¯s right, I¡¯m such a stupid dangerous fuck up.


    I crane my neck to look back at Yrelia, hoping she¡¯ll help. Hoping she¡¯ll get them to just let me quietly travel with them. Suddenly willing to give anything for it. Even this body if she¨C


    She smiles but nods her head toward Tasii, ¡°She¡¯s right, and whatever this is, it''s tearing you up inside. We won¡¯t judge. We¡¯ll help. We¡¯ve come this far with you.¡±


    My heart plummets and I sag. Should I just leave? That¡¯s what I was planning on doing in the first place. I¡¯m worthless and dangerous to them. They could be in a ton of trouble if the duenna find us and decide they helped me escape.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have to.¡±


    Tasii sighs, but reaches back and takes up my book from Jevita, then holds it out to me.


    I just stare at it.


    Tasii nods at Yrelia behind me, who I can feel pull back to give me space to rise.


    I reach out, hand stopping above the offered tome.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been alone for a long time, haven¡¯t you?¡± Jevita tells me in the silence. ¡°Maybe you''ve been around people, but that¡¯s where we can often be the most alone.¡±


    I look at her, and nod. Her eyes drift amidst the little group.


    ¡°I know what that¡¯s like.¡± Then her eyes move back to me, ¡°It¡¯s hard to find people you can trust. Who will accept you and even love you in spite of your bad bits.¡±


    I bite my lower lip, holding back tears, and nod.


    She smiles at me, such a rare expression. ¡°They will.¡±


    Not about this. You¡¯ll all hate me. You¡¯ll see me for the fucked up lying stealing selfish piece of sea trash who isn¡¯t worth the air h¨C


    ¡°It was me.¡± I cut off the thought.


    Tasii sets the book off to the side, but still between us.


    ¡°It was just me last night.¡± I barely get out as a whisper.


    Confusion.


    ¡°I¡­ I was the breeding male. The book changed me.¡± I fight to say aloud. Instantly regretting it. Stomach churning and muscles beginning to shake as I barrel ahead. ¡°I didn¡¯t know what to do. So I lied till I could run.¡±


    I bury my head between my knees and squeeze my eyes shut as the tears begin to fall. ¡°There¡­ there was someone in the book, in the sap. I think she was going to kill me. Then She saw my memories and that I wanted to be¡­¡±


    I swallow, then take a deep breath, and admit the truth aloud for the first time.


    ¡°That I¡¯d never wanted to be a male. That I¡¯d always wanted to be a woman. That I was trapped.¡±


    Yrelia asks, moving up to sit beside me. ¡°Oh! So you¡¯re transgender?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know what that is.¡± I reply, confused.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ So you were born in a body that didn¡¯t match who you are on the inside, right?¡±


    I peek over at her, still expecting¡­ Well not this. Anger and condescension and wanting to drag me back to the city. Not a word. Like¡­ That¡¯s exactly what I am. Which means¨C


    ¡°There are other people like me?¡±


    She nods, ¡°Plenty, especially out in Arudia. Though, it¡¯s pretty much all transgender males. Men whose bodies were originally female.¡±


    ¡°What about... like... Transgender women. Like me?¡±


    Yrelia looks to Jevita, who shrugs. ¡°Not that I¡¯ve seen. But it had to happen eventually. Just is less likely with so few born in a male¡¯s body. There are only one or two non-transgender men out in Arudia. Most of their breeding males are actually transgender, made fertile with an Odlok gemstone.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I look up amongst the group. ¡°People can change their bodies like that?¡±


    ¡°Yup. Pretty often actually. I thought you read a lot?¡± Yrelia teases, bumping my arm with her¡¯s.


    Tasii frowns as I nod and wipe at my face before it can stain the clothes given to me, ¡°I¡­ I never told anyone. I don¡¯t think any of the men at the temple were like me.¡±


    ¡°Lyttoral is¡­ pretty unaccepting of it.¡± Jevita adds. ¡°Peaceful trading and commerce with Arudia has to happen. But they don¡¯t let our Academy scholars or anyone with Cultivation marks anywhere near their men.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I ask, still reeling from all this.


    Jevita shrugs, ¡°Superstition and fear mostly.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t offer more, but instead moves to stand. Tasii does the same. ¡°We should pack up and move. We still have distance that needs walkin¡¯.¡±


    My heart skips, ¡°So I can travel with you? You¡¯re¡­ You don¡¯t think¡­¡± I can¡¯t help but hope as I see the calm in their stances and movements.


    Tasii and Yrelia both go to speak at once, meet eyes.


    ¡°I can tell you''re not lying.¡± Tasii says, then turns to help Kque pack the bags.


    ¡°Inamatorii.¡± Yrelia moves to sit in front of me, my name causes a happy flutter amidst the whirlwind of emotions. ¡°Are you happy with this body?¡±


    I nod fiercely. ¡°Yes. More than happy. It¡¯s perfect!¡±


    She pokes my knee, suddenly serious. The most serious I¡¯ve ever seen her. ¡°Good. Then that¡¯s that. I¡¯m so fucking sorry you were surrounded by people who couldn¡¯t see that you weren¡¯t happy, didn¡¯t let you discover the words to express that, or help you change things. That was really cruel.¡±


    I don¡¯t even know how to begin to process all this. I¡¯m a jumble of nerves and anxiety.


    ¡°They had to. They needed me to¨C¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± Yrelia stops me. ¡°Fuck that. No excuses for them. You don¡¯t owe them or anyone anything. It¡¯s your life. You deserve to live it.¡±


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    ¡°No buts.¡± She moves behind me, ¡°Now be a good girl and let me finish the rest of the up before we leave. Else you¡¯re going to look like a lopsided Quelikita.¡±


    Eventually Tasii ends up helping Yrelia while Kque and Jevita finish packing. Their soft but deft hands spin my hair into amazing shapes that I can¡¯t wait to see reflected back at me.

 Chapter 9: First Embrace (18+)

    ¡°Wait! So like¡­ How many times a day?¡± Yrelia nearly shouts, interrupting my answer to her previous question.


    ¡°Um¡­ well it would depend.¡± I reply with a shrug, ¡°My Sangoma would always try to get us with five, although we¡¯d sometimes have days with one or two more, and then we¡¯d have days with less.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. You didn¡¯t¡­¡± She waves at my lower sections, ¡°run out of juice or whatever?¡±


    ¡°Not really? I mean sometimes, yeah. But they had potions and such that kept everything working.¡±


    ¡°What about like¡­ if you weren¡¯t in the mood¨C¡±


    ¡°Yrelia.¡± Tasii interrupts quietly, then looks over her shoulder to me. ¡°Sorry Ina, you don¡¯t have to answer any of these questions.¡±


    The sun was just beginning to disappear beneath the distant horizon as we trekked along the path. Jevita was in the front, leading the way with Lule and Kque. Tasii is close behind with me and Yrelia in the back.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. It didn¡¯t matter.¡± I quickly give her a smile in an attempt to show I¡¯m not bothered, ¡°It was¡­ Our Sangoma taught us that it didn¡¯t matter. Our duty wasn¡¯t just to have sex, but to celebrate the impending motherhood. Our early training involved dancing and some performances. Not to really do them, but how to move and make sure the sex was as good as possible for the women.¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I wasn¡¯t very good at that part, and I think my Sangoma tried to get me mostly women who felt more comfortable taking over. Sort of¡­¡± I turn to walk backwards for a few paces. A trick Kque showed me earlier to help change things up. ¡°Like¡­ Early on I tried to take pride in it all, my Sangoma always said she enjoyed how few problems I caused and I enjoyed feeling like her favorite. But that didn¡¯t last very long.¡±


    I pause, not really knowing how to explain it.


    ¡°It¡¯s hard to enjoy sex when you don¡¯t feel right with your body.¡± Yrelia fills in for me. ¡°That¡¯s why they had the baths. To make sure no one felt gross or dirty.¡±


    I turn back to face forward, ¡°That¡­ Yeah that sounds right. But like¡­ I could eat and do art and all sorts of things without problems.¡±


    ¡°Yeah but sex is like¡­¡± She rotates her hands absently, trying to find the words. ¡°Honestly I¡¯m surprised you were able to do any of it at all.¡±


    ¡°Male parts are simpler.¡± Jevita chimes in from the front. ¡°It needs to be that way. Motherhood doesn¡¯t require pleasure for a woman. Theoretically a woman could be in absolute agony, or unconscious, and still get pregnant.¡±


    There is a long pause. I knew this, and was taught plenty about the details pretty early on. But I didn¡¯t really know. I hadn¡¯t really thought about having sex since¡­ My thoughts wander back to yesterday¡¯s disaster. And yeah, I¡¯m surprised I¡¯d lasted this long in the conversation about that without going queasy.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I mean sure? Technically?¡± Yrelia replies, interrupting my thoughts. I glance over and notice her staring at me with a bit of worry. My expression must have been pretty grim.


    I nod with a slight smile, trying to show that I was alright. ¡°I¡¯d been with women who didn¡¯t seem interested in me. Sometimes they¡¯d bring a partner who would sort of¡­ Distract them. I would try to just be a comfy piece of furniture. They just wanted me to finish so they could leave. I could tell they didn¡¯t cum or anything.¡± I shrug, ¡°Honestly, it was kinda nice. Meant a shorter day.¡±


    ¡°Really? They waited years, paid a not insignificant amount, and didn¡¯t even want to try and enjoy the experience?¡± Tasii scoffs. ¡°Seems wasteful.¡±


    ¡°Sounds more like you were a Hetaera, just without the pay.¡± Yrelia asks,


    ¡°So¡­ more like an Odalisque?¡± Kque asks.


    I recognize the Arudian words. Hetaera were revered performers, often weaving sex and dance and all kinds of art together to form amazing displays. The little I¡¯d read on Odalisque was that they owed a debt to someone or to Arudia itself, and they chose to pay it off by offering to pleasure others. Did I owe a debt? Do I?


    Uncomfortable with that thought I reply. ¡°They paid for motherhood, not me.¡±


    The silence stretches longer this time. Trees have become more plentiful along the road at this point, and as the sun continues its descent I notice a bluish glow against the sky ahead.


    Jevita and Kque have a muffled conversation, Tasii moves up to walk next to them and the three seem to be discussing our camping options. In the end they seem to settle on a spot in a little grove of trees.


    It¡¯s another night under the stars. I share Yrelia¡¯s pallet again, and probably would have fallen asleep the moment my head hit the pillow if Yrelia didn¡¯t hesitate.


    ¡°Is this¡­ am I taking up too much space?¡± I ask, worried.


    ¡°What?¡± Yrelia asks, a thought obviously interrupted. It takes her a second to process.


    ¡°Oh no! Ina, you¡¯re barely taking up, like, a fourth of this thing.¡± She settles down on her side, facing me, and with about a foot between us. As she shuffles under the thick quilt she adds, ¡°Feel free to roll on over here if you need more room, or need someone to snuggle to.¡±


    ¡°Thanks. For everything. You¡¯ve been really really nice, even before you knew about¡­ all this.¡± I gesture vaguely.


    I¡¯m still surprised at how well they¡¯d accepted everything. That there was even a word for people like me, even if most of them are men.


    ¡°Of course! I can only imagine how much you''re still trying to figure this all out. Feel free to ask any questions, or talk to us about any issues.¡± She locks her eyes to mine, ¡°Or let me know if you want to try things out.¡±


    Things. She means sex things¡­ Do I want to try things? Do I want Yrelia to¡­ try things with me? I can feel the warmth spread across my face.


    ¡°I¡­¡± I try to reply, but still don¡¯t know what I want.


    She blinks, but keeps her eyes locked on mine, a small smile beginning to quirk on her lips.


    No one¡¯s ever looked at me like that. My mind seizes up as the warmth rolls down my body. I feel something flutter in my chest. As that heat settles between my legs I can¡¯t help but shift and squirm under her stare. I don¡¯t know what to do here. All those years feel absolutely meaningless. My body''s reactions feel alien and new and weird and a little uncomfortable. Not like¡­ uncomfortable with my own body, just with how my brain has no idea what it¡¯s doing!


    It¡¯s been too long, but Yrelia just sits, waiting for me to answer. Her smile hasn¡¯t grown or lessened, but her eyes are searching now. Reading my little twitches and mini wiggles that I¡¯m trying to hide. I do... Of fuck I do think I want this. But... Do I even know... like what this will entail?


    ¡°Things,¡± I am barely able to whisper. ¡°Doing things sounds nice.¡±


    I wince internally at how dumb that sounds.


    But her smile turns into something mischievous. And she slides closer to me, and boops my nose with hers. ¡°Oh Ina, I¡¯m so tempted to ravish you tonight. But¡­¡± She sighs and blows a lock of hair off her face, ¡°But we¡¯re camping in the woods and you¡¯ll be needing use of your legs tomorrow.¡±


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    I¡­ my legs? What would she¨C


    Then she is moving to hover over me, legs at my side while she holds her upper body above mine. I twist and am on my back so I can look up at her. She hangs there, eyes and lips glittering against the starry night. That warmth swirls through me again, and I try not to move. Something must show on my face because she smiles and lowers her lips to mine.


    And¡­ Oh fuck. So, I¡¯ve been kissed before, honestly way too many times. But they weren¡¯t real! and I wasn¡¯t¡­ and she¡¯s very¡­ Why is this so much better?!?


    Her lips are a soft warmth against mine, breath laced with a sweet aroma that I don¡¯t recognise from our shared wine and fruits. She is slow and soft and¡­ amazing at it.


    Then her tongue begins to dance and tease, occasionally pressing to try and part mine. I wriggle beneath her, hips tight with anticipation as lighting runs down my body. One of her hands moves to caress and hold my face. I don¡¯t know what to do with my own, so I just grip the pallet beneath us.


    She pauses, pulling back a few inches. My brain begins to reform some semblance of coherent thought as my heart pounds in my ears. I realize I¡¯ve not really kissed her back, I was just so entranced by the entire thing. So in a second of courage I chase her up, trying to match the same gentle touch she gave me as our mouths meet.


    She makes¡­ a sound. Something I¡¯ve not heard anyone make. It¡¯s a sort of purring rumble. A laugh mixed with¡­ I don¡¯t know and don¡¯t have time to think about it as she presses me back down. I gasp at the sudden force, and then her tongue is between my lips and dancing on the tip of mine.


    I try to keep pace with her, to match the rhythm of my lips and mouth to hers. I feel her move. Now she¡¯s atop me, and a leg is pressed between mine. Before I can think of pulling back, my mind remembering my old body and how a knee there could really hurt, her thigh is gently grinding against me. The feeling is¡­ fuck. It¡¯s amazing. But also the fucking worst because it¡¯s not enough! Hard enough to stimulate things, but subtle enough to tease me into a sort of¡­ aroused annoyance?


    A little whine escapes between us. Only as her lips pull back to give us both room to breath, do I realize it came from me.


    Leaning back in, she begins to trace a line of kisses and nibbles across my jaw. Another sound, similar to earlier but much deeper, rolls out from her. Then she¡¯s at my neck, and I can¡¯t help but let out something between a hushed whimper and a moan as she moves a hand down to my side and slides it beneath my manaka. I try to arch my hips to press into her thigh harder, but she keeps it back, not letting me.


    Her lips are at my collarbone now, teeth grazing at my skin. My hands move up to my newly braided hair and I grip at some of the loose bundles. Needing something, anything, pull and squeeze at. There¡¯s too much pressure building up, burning and thrashing between my legs.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I moan as her hand drifts up to caress along the edges of one breast.


    She traces its outline, drawing a slow circle until finally ending with her fingertips on one nipple. I squeeze her thigh between my legs. I arch my hips toward her, trying to find a way to tell her¡­ something. To ask her to help me figure out how exactly to let it out.


    ¡°Please¡­¡± I give up and whisper. ¡°Yrelia¡­ I¨C¡±


    I¡¯m not sure how I was going to ask her. But at the sound of her name she moves. Quick but deft, she pushes my manaka up, revealing both my breasts to the open sky. Then she is kissing the one she was teasing at as that hand slides beneath my pants to the place between my legs.


    I can feel how wet I¡¯ve gotten as she presses fingers against my slit. She rumbles again in satisfaction and switches her mouth to my other breast, leaving the old slick with saliva and exposed to the chilly air.


    Then she is tracing out slow circles against what must be my clit. Fuck¡­ Everything. Fuck. That is so much more than her leg. The pressure between my legs gets way worse, But I don¡¯t want her to stop. It feels amazing. I must let out a moan, or something, because she moves everything faster. I let out a few more sounds as she surprises me with random changes and a few more pleading whimpers at her occasional torturous pauses.


    The pressure builds and builds, until I can feel it begin to bubble over. Lightning moves across my body, causing little spasms. Yrelia moves from my chest back up to my face, her fingers accelerating as she touches her nose to mine.


    ¡°Ina, look at me.¡± She demands softly.


    I obey without thinking, our eyes meet, and everything inside me breaks. Legs clench together as fire erupts from between them. Yrelia¡¯s glittering eyes on mine make everything hit harder. For a few seconds I can¡¯t breathe, spasms and shutters wrack my body. Then her lips are on mine. Soft and gentle.


    I¡­ I come to love her in those moments. To love myself a little as well as she just presses herself back into me and showers my face with kisses.


    It¡¯s the first time I don¡¯t want to rush away and hide after sex.


    After what feels like forever, the warmth returns, low but still vibrant and demanding. I want to give her the same pleasure she¡¯s given me.


    My hands move to touch her, resting on her cheek and neck. She slows her kisses, almost pauses even as I let my fingers wander. Through her soft hair, across her throat and collarbone. Brumbles flicker across her arms and shoulders as I trace nonsense patterns on her. I remember how amazing it felt when she did it to me. So I move one hand down to her hip and pause, not wanting to overstep.


    She lets out a little murmur of pleasure, which I take as permission, and begin tracing my patterns up her body. Eventually both my hands are cupping her breasts, and I¡¯m mimicking her earlier caresses, then I begin to add my own flourishes and designs.


    Yrelia huffs. ¡°Fuck it.¡±


    With that she rises to her knees, pulls her dress up over her head and tosses it away. I only get a second to take in her naked body. Where my form is wire thin and toned. Her¡¯s is thicker. More comfortable weight, but with plenty of strength mixed in.


    I reach for her, placing my hand just beneath her sternum. She pauses before coming back down to me. I meet her halfway, pressing my lips onto the spot above my hand, then trail kisses over to one of her breasts. By the time her nipple is in my mouth I¡¯m back down onto the pallet and Yrelia is pressing herself onto me.


    She hums out something between a moan and a song as my tongue dances a nipple between my teeth. I feel her breath on my hair as she presses and slides her naked crotch against me. As I caress her hips and thighs, taking in her warmth and soft skin, I want more. I want to take her all in, I begin to feel a heat radiating from her and I want to taste it.


    I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m doing. I don¡¯t know how to ask her if she¡¯s okay with this, if she would want this. So I just¡­ try to slide down. Move carefully, but deliberately, hoping she understands. At first she seems a little confused, hesitant.


    ¡°Oh¡­ OH!¡± She moves quickly then, and is now kneeling over me. One knee on the ground, second up. The blanket is completely gone at this point, my chest and her entire body bare to the chilly night.


    Then my mouth is buried into her. The flavor of her is¡­ odd. At first it¡¯s salty, a bit bitter. My tongue plays at her clit between long licks that part her.


    A quiet, ¡°Fuck.¡± rolls through her. Not audible unless you''re watching her mouth or close enough to feel the murmur on her skin. Her grip on my hair tightens, and I feel her pull me just a little bit closer.


    Then her taste changes. It¡¯s suddenly sweet and causes brumble flesh and shutters to run through me as it runs into my mouth. Then I¡¯m pressing my tongue into her, and I¡¯m using it¡¯s tip to touch and caress something inside while my lip and center tongue continue rubbing at her clit. She leans forward, a plea on her lips. To go faster, to go deeper. I can¡¯t not obey, the nectar coming from her is intoxicating.


    It¡¯s the warmth I sensed earlier. And I want every drop.


    Then she is shuddering and shaking, her legs weak as she leans over me. She tries to hug or hold my head, but It¡¯s hard since I¡¯ve wrapped my arms around her hips and buried myself between her legs. She gives up and sort of collapses above and beside me.


    I keep her legs spread, despite her occasional twitches that threaten to close her thighs around my head. When the eruption comes I¡¯m ready, and do my best to consume all of it, drinking in as much of the fire that seems to live inside her.


    Then it¡¯s over. I¡¯m¡­ what was that? I twist to look up, and find Yrelia breathing heavily. Her eyes are squeezed shut, jaw clenched. I grab our discarded blanket and crawl up next to her and pull it over both of us.


    Was¡­ Was that too much? Did I hurt her? I¡¯ve never actually seen someone get like this. I bite my lower lip in worry, and realize the entire lower half of my face is covered with her. It tastes¡­ It doesn¡¯t taste sweet anymore. The salty flavor is all that remains. As I pull the Manaka back down to cover my breasts I try to wipe some of the mess off with its sleeve as I settle down next to her.


    I reach and push some hair from her eyes. She is drenched with sweat, despite the cold night. Before I can worry any more her eyes open to meet mine, and a groggy smile parts her lips. That glitter is still in her eyes.


    Everything is okay. Better than okay. Is what her face shows me. I relax and shyly smile back. Then her arms are around me, and we fall into a deep sleep in each other''s arms.

 Chapter 10: Nightmare Spiders Part 1

    In this dream I can feel a warmth bubbling inside me. Like a hot mug of tea cradled against a cold morning.


    Or¡­ not a cold morning. The darkness and chill is alive, and it''s clawing at me. But I¡¯m not afraid, warm hands wrap around mine and direct the warmth outward. The things flee.


    I turn around, wanting to thank Yrelia. But it¡¯s not her that peers down at me, only violet eyes that blaze and burn.


    I try to ask Her things. Try to thank Her for changing me, about who She is and what I could possibly do to repay Her.


    There is no reply, only the chill as darkness swarms at me again. She takes my hands in hers, and turns me back toward them. But the warmth sputters.


    I don¡¯t know how much of it I have left.


    I awake to Tasii coming over to offer us water. I sputter and try to blubber out something coherent as I attempt to untangle myself from the mess of legs and arms and blanket. But Yrelia¡¯s not the least bit embarrassed or self-conscious. She just pushes off our blanket, lets out a yawn and a big stretch that hides nothing of her naked body from anyone watching. Then she gives me a peck on the cheek and starts her morning.


    They all know. I¡¯m sure of it. Yrelia redressed in her clothes from last night at least. But... other than a few knowing smiles from Kque and Tasii over breakfast, no one seems bothered or even surprised by our sex last night. Even Jevita seems unconcerned as they talk of our travel plans. Apparently we expect to come to a town before noon, do some trading there, and spend the night in one of their taverns if fortune favors us.


    Yrelia is glowing with mirth and bubbling joy, nearly bouncing in place. She runs a finger along my shoulder, saying that she¡¯ll need something fancy to wear. Then she rises and heads over to search through the piles of saddlebags.


    Tasii takes my¡­ not being used to touches of affection, as confusion at Yrelia¡¯s words.


    ¡°She handles most of our trading.¡± She explains. ¡°All of us have connections, mothers or¡­ past friends whose names can help or sway a deal. And knowledge on the value of the items. But she¡¯s got the sweet lips and is best at whirling a tangled web of trades together that generally ends in our favor. That and her birth mother co-organizes a not-so-small chain of traders along the sea.¡±


    She looks past me a smirk on her lips, to Yrelia¡¯s enthusiastic search through the luggage and raises her voice. ¡°And she seems¡­ especially energized this morning.¡±


    Yrelia turns, sticks out a taunting tongue in at Tasii, and continues her search.


    Tasii¡¯s smirk doesn¡¯t falter, but when her eyes flit to me it becomes a bit more careful. Her voice lowers. ¡°Are you¡­ Is she¡­ If you¡¯d rather have some space I can talk to her.¡±


    ¡°Oh! No no no! It¡¯s alright. She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s being very kind and¡­¡± I pause, trying to find the right words.


    Last night was¡­ amazing. The best sex I¡¯ve ever had. I¡¯m actually looking forward to sex now. To all the things and¨C The memory of the taste of her floods my mind and I¡¯m surprised at how easily the warmth returns to my chest. I unconsciously find myself nibbling on my lower lip and touching my sternum.


    That expression must answer her better than words. She nods, her smirk returning.


    ¡°What about this one?¡± Yrelia returns with a red dress in her arms.


    ¡°Trading, Yrelia.¡± Jevita chimes in, eyes glancing up over a book she¡¯d pulled out from¡­ somewhere. ¡°After four or five hours of travel.¡±


    Yrelia pouts for a moment, then sighs. ¡°Shame. I¡¯ll just have to get an amazing trade and free rooms so I can change into it.¡±


    Tasii nods, ¡°It¡¯ll probably warm up soon, don¡¯t want them turning up their noses at too much road smell. Maybe something like you gave Ina? Simple but comfy? To bring out your bright eyes and contagious smile more?¡±


    They pass a few more suggestions around, Yrelia¡¯s attitude unwavering as more and more ideas are discussed and discarded. Eventually they settle on a dress like the first I met her in, but blue with less feathers and pockets. She even finds me a new outfit amidst it all. Nothing as striking as hers, but a dark maroon dress and a fresh pair of tights with more nice designs hidden about.


    After everyone is dressed we all work together to pack up the bags, then we¡¯re back on the road.


    It¡¯s a perfect day. Warm with the sun shining down from the clear blue sky as a cool breeze blows through the trees into us.


    Talks of little things come and go, and I¡¯m content to listen. Not so many questions seem directed at me today. The trees continue to multiply, and eventually we¡¯ve fully waded into a forest. My first forest. It would have been scary if I¡¯d not been with them. When the wind blows hard enough the entire thing seems to sway and creak as one. All the different animal noises are nice though, and eventually I asked Yrelia what one was and there is a bit of a game started of it. We hear an odd sound and everyone would tease at trying to guess what type of animal it is. But that¡¯s when we hear a sound we all recognise, and they all seem to stiffen.


    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Voices. There are people just up around a turn in the path.


    Jevita mumbles soft Arudian commands to Lule, quicker than I can catch, and he begins to floof his feathers and pitter patter his feet. Kque slows to stand on my other side while Tasii moves up beside Jevita. Yrelia slides her fingers in mine while Kque touches her hand to my elbow.


    ¡°We¡¯ll let Tasii handle this, okay?¡± Yrelia murmurs to me quietly.


    ¡°Is um¡­ Are we expecting trouble of some kind?¡± Thoughts of turning the corner into a group of searching duenna begin to curdle the warm calm that had been subtly replacing my anxiety.


    ¡°Hm? No.¡± She gives me a truly confident smile, ¡°But if it is trouble we¡¯d like to be ready for it.¡±


    As we turn the corner we see three people paused on the road about fifty feet along in the dead center of the path. The first is wearing simple green traveling clothes with a multi-part backpack with all sorts of little pockets and even some cooking pots hanging off it. She¡¯d have instantly calmed our group I expect, if not for the shortsword she openly carried in her left hand. The second woman is taller, wearing a dirtier long tan dress. A pole of thick dark wood, taller than she is, clutched in her right hand. Its top seems gnarled, like something was recently torn off the top. The third woman is being carried over the back of the second, her legs hanging over one shoulder while her arms dangle over the opposite. She is wrapped in blankets, and a tangled mess of dirty hair covers most of her face.


    The two women snap to see us round the corner. The shorter one gives us a jerking motion, trying to hurry us to catch up while the taller turns back forward.


    ¡°More in hiding? Or up ahead?¡± Jevita mutters to Tasii.


    I can¡¯t see Tasii¡¯s face, but from her posture I can tell she¡¯s tense. ¡°Maybe. Lule will be enough to keep them civil. The town ahead isn¡¯t big, but they won¡¯t put up with bandits this close for long.¡±


    We don¡¯t rush, despite the woman¡¯s continued prompts and quiet yells that are lost to the wind.


    When we¡¯re within twenty or so feet, I notice that the woman with the sword is also wielding a black cooking pan in her other hand. She¡¯s also pale, with deep bags under her eyes and a few fresh scars over her face. The tall woman glances back to us over her shoulder, her eyes looking at Lule with a mix of nervousness and¡­ something else I can¡¯t place. The third still does not move. She seems unconscious, but I catch a glimpse of a single eye. Half-lidded, weary beyond measure, and a little dead inside. I suppress a shudder.


    Tasii raises a hand, both a greeting and a warning to keep distance. ¡°Hi. Is something the matter?¡±


    The short woman winces at her raised words, and replies with a hushed call, ¡°Hurry up! It might still be about!¡±


    ¡°It?¡± Is all Tasii¡¯s reply, content to let the woman explain.


    ¡°Yeah. Something attacked us.¡± She huffs, her expression flitting between anger and fear and a few others, ¡°It hurt Allid.¡± She nods to the unconscious friend. ¡°We¡¯re trying to get to Deledita to get her help.¡±


    Tasii seems to process that for a moment, then. ¡°What did this? How badly is she hurt?¡±


    ¡°Bad.¡± She replies, sagging tiredly. ¡°Healing waters helped, but¡­ She¡¯s not really all there right now. I think she¡¯s still in shock.¡±


    Tasii nods and seems to look pointedly at the sword.


    The woman seems to just now notice the blade in her hand, and a look of relief and a little annoyance passes over her as she sags a bit. ¡°Oh fuck. We look like a couple robbers on the road.¡±


    Tasii tilts her head in acknowledgement, ¡°A little bit¡±.


    She sighs, gripping it tighter. Then the taller woman speaks up, voice tight with stress. ¡°Any other day I¡¯d apologize for it. But we need to move. And it¡¯s better to travel as a group.¡±


    Her eyes try to see everything as she glances about, only settling on Tasii and our group for a moment. ¡°We were attacked last night, by some kind of¡­ Well let¡¯s just hope it doesn¡¯t come back.¡±


    She adjusts the pole in her hand, and it¡¯s then I realize it was probably a spear. At least before something broke off its tip.


    ¡°We really need to keep moving.¡± She taps the shorter woman on the shoulder and begins to turn, ¡°It might¨C¡±


    She freezes in place. The shorter woman jerks at the sudden pause, weapons coming up.


    A pause.


    ¡°Where is it!¡± The shorter woman hisses as she turns to look down the path.


    ¡°Where is what?¡± Tasii asks, a little annoyance in her voice.


    ¡°Listen.¡± The taller one moves to try and grip her pole with both hands. It¡¯s awkward, but it¡¯s clear she¡¯s unwilling to lay down the third woman.


    We all go quiet. No more animals or birds are making noises. The warmth that¡¯s still inside me burns as a chill makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.


    The forest has gone more quiet than we have, except¡­ I don¡¯t know what to make of it. It¡¯s getting closer, certainly. But it''s a sort of¡­ cluster of thumping noises.


    ¡°If you have any water from Lyttoral, get it.¡± The tall one snaps.


    Then something stumbles onto the path about thirty feet past them. A memory flashes in my mind, of the time a few of my fellow beau got into a big fight. They rolled about, grunting and punching and even biting. This is quieter than that. No grunts, but I can sort of make out some arms flailing about. No clothes though¡­ and no eyes¡­ is that a tongue? As big as an arm?


    The thing rights itself and goes very still, and we all get a great look at a nightmare.


    It¡¯s shaped as if a spider had¡­ like¡­ 10 arms, all double jointed, instead of legs. And instead of a body it has a central mass of tongues that seem to wrap around themselves. It also seems to be about as big as three or four large people.


    ... Extra large people.


    I blink, and suddenly it¡¯s moving. So fast none of us can react, it is already upon the three women in front of us.

 Chapter 11: Nightmare Spiders Part 2

    Content Warning:


    Intense Attack by a monster that holds some allegory to possible Sexual Assault. Intense healing of wounded and burned limbs. Trauma and pain and fear of loved ones dying/future trauma. nakedness.


    Lule lets out a hissing wail and Jevita fights to simply keep him from bolting. Tasii seems to want to take a step forward to help the women, but the big arm spider has already slammed them into the ground and buried them beneath its massive weight. Then its arms start grabbing and gnashing and smashing. I see the tall one try and pull herself free and scream. But a hand, larger than my head, shoves three fingers into her mouth, then she is dragged into a maelstrom of those arms.


    The warmth in my chest whirls into an inferno as terror holds me in place.


    Yrelia is yelling something at me. Pulling at me. Trying to get me to run with her.


    Tasii is at Lule¡¯s side, trying to get to one of the bags as the big Quelekita continues to wail and jerk. Jevita is nearly dangling from his harness, yelling at Tasii about a chest and gemstones.


    I can¡¯t take my eyes off the thing, even as my stomach turns and threatens to force me to vomit bile. I watch as the tongues unravel, and I catch a glimpse of teeth and slime and¨C


    Yrelia begins to try and drag me back, but suddenly Lule jerks and swings both Jevita and Tasii into us. She loses her grip and falls away. We all tumble into various parts of the path, but even that doesn¡¯t break my horrific fascination with the creature.


    Then something slams into my foot, shocking me from my stupor.


    I look down to see a glass potion jar, filled with a clear blue liquid. Water from the canals? My reflex to grab my bruised foot ends with me holding the potion in one hand. I can see my reflection in the cerulean liquid.


    Then I can see Her in it. My terrified two eyes swirl into four narrowed back at me.


    I grind my teeth and look back up to the creature, then back down to the potion. My own fear stares back at me once again. I tighten my grip.


    What should I do?


    I stand back up, and prepare to try and throw the potion, but stop as I notice the arm spider has slowed its writhing assault, then stops entirely.


    ¡°Ina!¡± I hear Yrelia call from somewhere behind me. ¡°Run!¡±


    Coughing, followed by screams and whimpers echo from beneath its mass.


    Then it¡¯s launching forward at me. It is so fucking fast. Before I can think I am being smashed beneath a wave of clawing fingers, jutting elbows, and lashing tongues.


    I kick and punch and try to scream, but fingers that taste like bile and blood shove themselves into my mouth. I bite at them to little success. It¡¯s like biting down on slimy wood. It gropes and claws at my¡­ well¡­ everything. I feel it tear my face and clothes, then clawing at my chest, legs and¡­ FUCK THAT!


    I keep trying to fight, but with every kick or squirm it answers with two or three heavy blows or full body slams down into me. My mind is a swirl of pain and starlight after the third time my head bounces off the hard dirt road.


    There is a crack, then a pop. My hand burns, but I¡¯m too distracted so I keep punching and clawing.


    The third woman¡¯s eye flashes through my mind as this thing pins one of my kicking legs against my shoulder. I picture a hundred things this creature might be able to do to me before anyone could get it off. How it could rip and tear me to pieces. Destroy and ruin this perfect new body.


    No. no no no no no NO NO NO! Fuck you!


    The burning in my hand redoubles, and I feel something break beneath my clawing. Then there is a light, and I get a great look at the teeth beneath this thing''s core.


    A weird mix of purple and green flames dance and bite along my skin, the liquid from the now shattered glass bottle acting like ignition fluid. The warmth in my chest seems to roar in anger and joy at the sight.


    My hand¡¯s on fire?


    A pause of surprise, then I shove my arm into the crackling hole I see amidst the writhing tongues. Punching and clawing and tearing right back at the thing bearing down on me.


    GOOD!


    The fingers that had stuck in my mouth slip free. I let out a choking sobbing howl of rage as It tries to grab at my arm, but where the fingers touch the flames they catch fire instantly. The weird pale flesh of it turns black in only a few seconds.


    It tries to pull away, but as it does my fingertips slide across a solid mass deep inside its core, then find two little holes big enough for me to grab hold. It jerks back, but at least half its legs crumble and shatter to gooey bits of ashen muck under its own weight. As it stumbles I feel the handhold I grip begin to crack. I kick up both my legs and press them against the teeth, then I push and kick as hard as I can. Trying to rip this thing apart.


    This thing apparently can¡¯t cry out with its disgusting teeth, tongue, mouth, center core¡­ thing. But I can feel it twist and rock in agony as whatever this thing at its core burns. A loud crack and rip sounds, and I feel it die as the mass in my grip tears free. I slam back down into the ground and its corpse finally crumples away from me. Collapsing into a heap a few feet from my toes.


    I just lay there panting as the glare of the sun breaks through the canopy above. The silence is only broken by a faint crackling of the flame coming from my right arm.


    ¡°Ina!¡± I hear Yrelia cry out. And then she¡¯s above me. Fear plain on her face.


    ¡°Ow.¡± I¡¯m able to gasp up to her, but it comes out wrong. My tongue feels wrong. Throat feels hoarse and dry.


    There are a few hundred questions and cries shouted about me. The adrenaline thundering in my ears drown them out. Then a shark whip-crack command from behind Yrelia makes her jerk.


    ¡°Stay awake,¡± Yrelia pulls my head up into her lap, ¡°Don¡¯t close your eyes! Please, Ina stay awake!¡±


    Sleep sounds so nice right now. But I obey, fighting the urge to close my eyes. Then Kque is there with a large blanket and another glass bottle. She moves to pour the liquid onto me. It¡¯s cool and makes my skin tingle, seeming to soak into me instead of sliding off.


    Healing Waters. I muse amidst the pain. A specially brewed alchemical mixture made from the waters of Lyttoral. Most of the Sororitas sell these, but not cheaply. I once heard they take 3 months and very precise work to create. It speeds up the healing process and makes sure wounds can¡¯t go septic and sour. It¡¯s not a miracle potion though, it needs time to work.


    ¡°Keep her awake.¡± Kque demands, ¡°Slap her if you have to.¡±


    Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    Kque tries to get some all over my body, both starting and ending at my burning arm. Between the healing water and the blanket she uses to smother it, I hear the flames sputter and die. It hurts so fucking much, even if I¡¯m not sure if I can feel my fingers.


    While this happens I find myself wiggling my tongue around in my mouth. Something is wrong there. It¡¯s missing a chunk. At the thought of accidentally swallowing that missing piece my face screws up.


    ¡°What is it?¡± Yrelia asks, ¡°Where else does it hurt?¡±


    I mean¡­ everywhere. But for now I open my mouth to stick my tongue at her, and end up sputtering blood. Yrelia winces, and next thing I know she''s pulling me up a little and trying to get me to drink some of the healing water.


    ¡°Swirl it around your tongue.¡± She tells me as I begin to drink the cooling water greedily. ¡°I¡­ I think it can help. Might be early enough to¨C¡±


    She cuts off and a little sob escapes her as her eyes wander over my body. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry Ina.¡±


    ¡°Tasii.¡± Kque calls out, calm but very loud. Like Tasii is far away. ¡°Bring me the stitching pack please. And more healing water if we have some.¡±


    This is the loudest I¡¯ve ever heard Kque speak. And it¡¯s only then that I notice a wailing cry from a long ways away. Is that Lule? I hope he¡¯s okay.


    A few moments later the short woman is speaking from next to Kque.


    ¡°Will this work?¡± She asks, holding something out.


    ¡°Oh thank the moon and stars. Yes. It will,¡± Kque lets out a relieved sigh, then pauses. ¡°I¡­ are you three okay? Do you need¨C.¡±


    ¡°No. We¡¯re not.¡± The woman snaps, but not unkindly. I can see her face then. There is a huge bruise that¡¯s keeping one eye shut and three long scratches run down the length of her face. Her shirt is barely hanging on and I can just make out more bruises and scratches. ¡°But we can wait. She needs it more.¡±


    She looks down at me, and my body, face blank. Then her eyes meet mine, and her expression softens. ¡°Thank you. I¡¯ve no idea how you¡­ did all of that, but thank you for¨C¡±


    I¡¯m still swirling the tingling healing water along my tongue. So I try to give her a thumbs up with my unburnt hand. She gives me a mix between a grimace and is gone.


    ¡°Pour some of that on this please.¡± Kque tells Yrelia, holding out some kind of¡­ tweezers? But¡­ bigger. Sharper¡­.


    I can¡¯t quite see what she¡¯s doing. I spit the foul water/blood mixture and try to ask, but Yrelia shushes me and has me swirl fresh healing water. I feel a¡­ probing along my arm. It stings, then she is jamming something into my skin. I let out a yelp of pain, sputtering half the water out over my chest.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Kque replies. ¡°Your arm was burnt badly, and there seems to be¡­ What even is this? Buried in your skin?¡±


    I spit. Tongue feels heavy, but my words seem to come out better. ¡°Glass. I think. Some kind of potion from Lyttoral. It shattered in my hand.¡±


    Yrelia once again forces me to take in another mouthful of water.


    Kque pauses her work. ¡°Fuck. I should have done this first. There¡¯s glass¡­ beneath your skin now. Your skin sort of melted over and is trying to heal around it. I have got to get this out before we use more healing water. I¡¯m sorry Ina, this is going to hurt more before it hurts less.¡±


    And fuck me is that an understatement. Her work goes from annoyingly painful probing to full on peeling my skin off to get at large and small chunks. After a few minutes Yrelia has me bite down on¡­ something, to stop me from grinding my teeth to powder.


    It¡¯s during then that I end up looking down at myself. I¡¯m basically naked. A few scraps of the outfit Yrelia gave me still cling on, but it¡¯s mostly due to the dried blood. My dark skin can hide some of it, but I can still see that I am covered in slowly rising bruises. Long scratches carve across me too. The healing water they poured on before seems to have staved off the worst pains... for now.


    I jerk and bite down hard as it feels like Kque tears a strip of skin off from along the back of my hand.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Yrelia mutters, a stutter in her voice as tears begin to form.


    I reach up to touch her cheek, and we both notice that two of my fingers on that hand are twisted the wrong way. Yrelia¡¯s face turns an even greener shade. She gently takes it and begins to kiss my wrist.


    I wish the next few minutes were a blur, or that I passed out. But I remain painfully awake and aware of every little tear and bite of it. Kque¡¯s work keeps getting worse. At one point Yrelia has to nearly pin me down as I try to pull away, begging Kque to stop. They let me take a little break, to drink and calm down. But not long, Kque says that if we take too long the glass could meld really deep into my arm.


    I get so cold, the warmth from last night is long gone. The gaping maw left in its place makes me shiver. It feels like it¡¯s dripping out of my burned arm. The wounds along my chest and legs heal enough that they can wrap me in that blanket without fear of it sticking to the wounds.


    I catch sight of my arm too. Patches of skin are black, crackled, and peeling away. Everything is bleeding. I catch a glimpse of white bone and almost throw up, and Yrelia moves herself to block as much of the view as possible.


    Kque promises over and over she¡¯s almost done. Just a little more. I can tell she¡¯s started crying too. Then Tasii is back, covering me in another blanket at passing two more potions over to Kque.


    ¡°The fuck took you so long!¡± Yrelia barely keeps her voice from a shout.


    I want to try and calm her, but there is another ripping pain from my arm and my vision goes crooked and I need to clamp down on the thing in my mouth.


    ¡°...Nearly dislocated.¡± Is what I catch next. Yrelia¡¯s anger turns to a bit of surprise.


    ¡°You''re kidding.¡± She hisses. ¡°Did¡­ Is she okay?¡±


    Tasii nods as she moves to Kque¡¯s side of me. ¡°No, but it¡¯s mostly fear. Lule wouldn¡¯t even let me come close to them.¡±


    Tasii peers beneath the two blankets, ¡°Fuck!¡± Then tosses them off, unstoppers one of the healing waters, and begins gently pouring it over my wounds.


    ¡°We only had the one potion.¡± Yrelia replies, obviously trying to keep her anger in check.


    They all work quietly after that. Well¡­ except me. I don¡¯t even try to hide my pained cries.


    At some point the shorter woman returns, dressed in fresh clothes and her wounds bandaged. ¡°I¡­ I hate to ask, but do you have any more of that healing water? We can make a trade for it and that first one you gave me.¡±


    Tasii¡¯s finishes pouring some water over me and stands. She looks back to Kque.


    ¡°They can take the half-full one. Leave us the un-opened one. Just in case. I¡¯ve gotten as much glass out of her as I can see and feel.¡±


    The woman nods, ¡°That¡¯ll be plenty.¡±


    Tasii passes it to her. ¡°We can work things out when we¡¯re all in the city.¡±


    The short woman takes it, the hard exterior continuing to crack. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Tasii moves back to me. Kque is true to her word this time, and after pouring a heavy dose of the healing water over my arm and waiting for my skin to weave back into a solid surface, she wraps it in damp strips of cloth. Then Yrelia lets Kque know about the broken fingers on my other hand, and I have to grit through a cracking pain as they are twisted back right, then splinted.


    Standing is¡­ not something I¡¯m able to do easily. But we take it slow and eventually I¡¯m on my feet. They wrap me in the blanket and we begin to move.


    The other three women are already gone, and the body of the nightmare spider is just a pile of wet ash on the side of the road. I look about and spot the thing I drug from its core. It¡¯s round, charred black, and basically cracked in half. I swear I spot what looks like eye sockets glaring back at me.


    The trek is slow going, and the sun is already setting by the time we find Jevita and Lule waiting for us.


    Lule¡¯s feathers flare up at us, but between Jevita¡¯s coos, scrutches, and the familiar voices of the group he eventually calms enough for us to approach. When Jevita¡¯s eyes fall on me her face turns pale.


    She swallows hard, ¡°I um¡­ Do we need anything from the packs?¡±


    From beneath my ¡®good¡¯ arm, I feel Yrelia begin to wind up to snap out something. But she quiets as I pretend to lose my balance and she has to help hold me steady.


    Tasii shakes her head. ¡°We just need to make it to Deledita before it gets too dark.¡±


    So off we go. It¡¯s fucking terrible. Everything throbs with each step, and more and more often the group has to stop because I feel like I¡¯m about to pass out. But eventually someone calls out, and I look up to see lights shining down the path. We¡¯re met on the road by about five of the city''s duenna. They have weapons, Everlights, and a sort of bed that¡¯s suspended between two poles. I feel a surge of fear, but when they have me lay down on that bed and insist on carrying me to an inn, that melts away.


    By the time we¡¯ve reached the city gates I¡¯ve let sleep drag me into its dark embrace.


    I do wake up later, pain wracking my body when I try to move. I¡¯m on a rather soft surface that takes up most of the space in a room with wooden walls. Starlight from a single window illuminates three forms curled around me on a pretty big bed.


    Yrelia murmurs for me to get more sleep, and I obey.

 Chapter 12: Emarial

    It has been over ten years since I¡¯d stood this high atop the Dune Wall and gazed out at the Jade sea, and these two fucking duenna couldn¡¯t help but ruin it.


    ¡°If you would just show me the letter, the seal of the temple, we could¨C¡±


    I¡¯d approached the city from the south, chosen to walk the beach for the six miles that lay beneath the sands, until it eventually broke the surface and rose above the waves. Lyttoral itself started before even then, although the little villages insisted they stood apart from the city.


    With every step closer I got, the fire at my core thrums hotter, helping me stave off the allure of sleep. But as I am delayed here it seems to seethe and curl around my heart more patiently than I.


    The two armed and armored duenna had barred my path at the third incline, at the top of the third set of stairs that marked a sharp enough rise of the wall¡¯s height that one was needed.


    My sigh and glare silenced the sixth time she¡¯d insisted this. She wasn¡¯t short, neither were, but it was rare that I encountered someone who could meet my eyes and she was no exception. Easily a head shorter than me.


    ¡°I will wait.¡± Is all I had the patience for.


    She pressed her lips into a thin line, and I turned back to gaze upon the waves.


    It took about an hour for the duenna they¡¯d sent to return. I caught sight of her first, and while she¡¯d only managed a light jog when she parted, she was sprinting hard down the Dune wall toward us now.


    A moment is taken for her to catch her breath before she speaks once she reaches us.


    ¡°The Sangoma wants to see her immediately.¡± She pants while resting both hands atop her knees and leaning against the barrier between us and the sea.


    The leader of the three turns to me, ¡°I can escort you to¨C¡±


    ¡°I know the way,¡± I cut her off and step to pass through the group. ¡°Unless they¡¯ve moved the whole temple.¡±


    She holds out one hand to bar my path, but looks at the panting woman. ¡°What about her weapon? Surely the Sangoma requested she¨C¡±


    She shakes her head, then gets out, ¡°Said to let her pass. No delay, said we¡¯re to trust her more than we would our own duenna.¡±


    I grind my teeth at that. I push past the hand before it can drop, and continue my trek along the wall.


    The duenna had nearly panicked as I approached. I can¡¯t blame them. Travelers and traders often carried weapons along the road, and it was understood that they were to be stowed when in the city and they always entered through the main roads. But the Dune wall led right into the heart of the city, literally housing the temple and the breeding males of the city. No one used this path, not even those making deliveries exclusively to the temple, and I¡¯d just marched right up like I owned the road. Over six and a half feet of unwashed and armed cunt demanding audience with the Sangoma herself.


    I sighed. Just getting her letter had been a shock, I¡¯d barely slept the next week while I debated whether I should come. But the month-long trek to Yundie port, then the two weeks of stormy seas, then the three week walk to Lyttoral¡­ That had been the worst. Not the travel, that had been scenic and fairly uneventful beside the near shipwreck. But the anticipation. Of being back, of seeing these lands again. Of feeling Her again.


    I will not sleep until I¡¯ve watched the shore disappear over the sea¡¯s horizon once again.


    Sangoma was also annoying, even at her best. Her letter had not been written at her best. It was a tangle of pleas, half-truths, or total lies. I secretly hope it was all a lie.


    I shift my bags as I move up another set of stairs, thinking of the past when I hear footsteps just behind me.


    I sigh, debating how much I value my solitude. How best to scare this city duenna back to her post? I finally stop and turn on my shadow, my best scowl set in my features as I set myself to tower over this woman.


    But there¡¯s no one there.


    I blink, glance about, but I am alone. I can see all three duenna still back at their posts. It¡¯s enough distance at this point that their expressions are hidden, but they do seem to have decided to watch me leave. Was I imagining it? Waves spooking my senses?


    I turn and pick up my pace. Hands clenched so tight I can feel nails biting into my palms.


    There were a few more duenna guarding entrances and certain passageways. Most let me pass with nothing but a nervous nod, a few asked my name with raised hands, but once I answer they move too.


    It¡¯s like walking through a memory, or a bad dream. Everything is familiar enough that it feels right, but nothing is identical enough to feel comfortable. Like walking a path that¡¯s slightly askew and tilting toward a cliff¡¯s edge. Before I¡¯m ready I am standing in the hallway of memories outside her chambers.


    A vast mural stretches along both sides of the hallway, easily 30 feet on both sides. Grand carvings of stories, tradition, of instruction. Soft couches run along the middle and face outward, allowing any who wait to take in the display and meditate on its teachings. No duenna here to guard her chambers, not that there often were, duenna stationed here are to protect the men.


    But for no one to be waiting? At all? Does she not have appointments? Even with the events described in the letter¡­ The temple still has to attend to its duties since the disappearance.


    I adjust my bags again, and walk the length of the hall, eyes fixed on the jade scaled curtain that covers the entry to the Sangoma¡¯s chambers.


    I don¡¯t pause at it though, just push it aside in such a way that it rattles well as I enter.


    Shelves are lined with books along the far wall of the circular chamber, colored portraits carved into the walls and domed ceiling around and above. Comfortable chairs with colorful cushions dominate the central area, an ornate glass and jade table in their midst.


    The Sangoma sits at a small desk just in front of the shelves. She¡¯s already looking up at me.


    I almost don¡¯t recognise her, thinking the woman I knew had retired and been replaced. She looks gaunt, large bags hanging heavy under her tired and darkened eyes. Like it¡¯s been twenty or thirty years since I¡¯d last seen her instead of the ten. A robe of knit blue tapestry inlaid with seashells and braids hangs over her hallow form. She is such a far cry from the plump happy woman I remember. Old rose gold hair has faded to a light gray with barely a hint of the old color.


    ¡°Emarial.¡± As she says it a glow seems to touch her eyes.


    I don¡¯t know what to say. Sorry it took me so long? No, I didn¡¯t want to be back here. She has to know that. I¡¯d almost tossed the letter into the fire. Considered heading farther south. So I defer to tradition.


    ¡°Honored Sangoma.¡± I reply, hesitating in the doorway.


    She rises and approaches, then stops a few feet away, hands half raises as if to embrace.


    Her nose wrinkles, ¡°You stink of roadsweat and¡­ did you bathe in nothing but seawater?¡±


    I can feel the scowl on my own face, but it doesn¡¯t grow beyond that as Sangoma looks up to me with a tired smile. I relax and give her a shrug and a tired smirk, ¡°Only stopped walking to shit¡­ No¡­ well I guess I did have to sit down on the boat.¡±


    ¡°Boat? Did you not come by the Dune wall¡¯s south path?¡± She moves back toward the chairs, motioning for me to sit.


    ¡°Faster to walk. Hard to get a ship to travel that way, contrary to their routes. Only sailed as far as Jenkita.¡±


    ¡°How¡­¡± She pauses her question to motion to the freshly steaming somethings and set of mugs on the table, I nod.


    She begins to pour us cups, ¡°How far south did you travel from?¡±


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    How far south did you run? I hear the extra context in her tone as a mug is slid across the table.


    I glance past her and shrug. ¡°Not far enough. Still got your letter.¡±


    I reach into a side pocket and lay the crumpled, partially torn, more than a touch dirty letter onto the table between us. The Jade wax seal of the temple is still barely holding onto one edge.


    Visible pain moves across her face like a slow rising tide. ¡°It¡¯s been over a year since I sent that.¡±


    ¡°I take it that this male¡­ this Hitorra, wasn¡¯t found?¡±


    Sangoma¡¯s rising tide gives way to a storm of fury and sadness and pain. ¡°Worse actually. Another went missing two days ago.¡±


    I can only blink, totally caught off guard. Sangoma averts her gaze to stare past me.


    ¡°Missing¡­ Like¡­?¡± I start.


    ¡°Yes.¡± She nearly snaps, but decades of training must keep her tone level. ¡°Gone. Disappeared. The city and temple duenna are combing Lyttoral as we speak.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I almost apologize, but bite that off. This isn¡¯t my fault. I will not apologize for choosing to leave. For getting as far away from Her as possible.


    ¡°What of this Hitorra? Did his disappearance mimic this latest?¡±


    ¡°A little.¡± Sangoma sighs, takes a very small sip of her own tea, and glances back at me. ¡°Women saw Hitorra leave. But this last one¡­ our youngest¡­ it¡¯s as if he vanished into the air itself. Zigdara was able to trace Hitorra¡¯s path all the way up to that cursed forest before.¡±


    I nod, ¡°The Weaver¡¯s Wood. And?¡±


    ¡°And what, Emarial? Would you have me send her into that place?¡±


    It¡¯s my turn to sigh. ¡°Did someone actually see something take him over the border? Are the wards and wayshrines still in place? Has¨C¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She cuts me off. ¡°I sent for Zigdara whenever word of your arrival reached me. It¡¯s fortunate you arrived today, as she was about to leave.¡±


    ¡°Leave? To¡­?¡±


    ¡°To the north, to try and head them off.¡±


    ¡°Wait. Them?¡±


    ¡°A woman was found in this latest one¡¯s chambers, she escaped in the confusion afterwards. She knew Zigdara by name and¨C¡±


    A boil, a rage. I gently pick up the letter, but my hands do shake. ¡°In this letter you inferred, quite heavily, that you believed this was a beast that had taken Hitorra. One that came from the Weaver¡¯s Wood.¡±


    She nods and shifts uncomfortably in her seat. ¡°I¡­ Their trail ended at a path that passes near the Weavers Wood. We suspect a beast might have¨C¡±


    ¡°Suspect? Were there any markings or tracks? Was a wayshrine broken or damaged?¡±


    She doesn''t reply right away, instead matches my glare. ¡°Not that Zigdara could find.¡±


    I aim the letter at her like a knife. ¡°Then what the fuck am I doing here?¡±


    ¡°I believe there might be multiple parties involved with the kidnappings.¡±


    I crush the letter in my hand. ¡°I don¡¯t believe this.¡±


    "I¡¯ve not lied to you. I believe that a group took both of them. That they took a dangerous road on their way up to¨C¡±


    I run my free hand down the front of my face. ¡°And just so happened to get ambushed by a monster that hasn¡¯t wandered outside those woods for¡­ what¡­ decade and a half? Very convenient.¡±


    ¡°C¡­ Convenient? You think I want this?¡± She spits. ¡°You think I want one of mine to be¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t.¡± I snap at her, ¡°Don¡¯t you dare pretend this has nothing to do with your own hatreds. Did you even try to reach out to¨C¡±


    ¡°I asked you here to save¨C¡±


    We¡¯re both cut off by the sound of the scales being pushed aside. I turn to see a tall muscular woman looking between us in alarm. She still stands a few inches shorter than me, wearing an ashen shawl and baggy brown pants with tan leather wrappings around her ankles and wrists. A short blade hangs on her right hip. Many colored beads and little bones adorn her mane of curly hair.


    ¡°Honored Sangoma. Is¡­ is everything alright?¡± She asks while giving me a once over.


    ¡°Yes Zigdara.¡± Sangoma steadies her voice. ¡°I¡¯m glad they caught you before you departed.¡±


    Zigdara nods and steps to the side of the door, resting a hand on the hilt of her weapon once her eyes see the handle hanging from my pack.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, I was on my way out.¡± I don¡¯t even try to hide my scorn as I drop the letter on the table.


    I get to the doorway before Sangoma¡¯s shock cracks. ¡°Wait! Emarial!¡±


    Zigdara moves to raise her hand to stop me, but a glare drops her hand from my path. I shove the scale curtain aside and storm forward.


    ¡°Emarial!¡±


    I¡¯m half way down the hallway outside her chambers before she¡¯s able to reach me.


    ¡°Are you such a coward? Do you so readily abandon your promises? Your vows?¡±


    I reel back. The words stopping me as if I¡¯d hit a wall.


    I glare back over my shoulder. ¡°An Odalisque to the Weaver swears no vows. And this isn¡¯t something I ever¨C¡±


    Both of them stand about five feet behind me. Sagoma matches my glare. ¡°It is. You did. To me, before you left.¡± She cuts me off, fury shaking her voice as she motions back to Zigdara. ¡°Tell her what you found.¡±


    Zigdara shifts, but hides her discomfort as she asks, ¡°Honored Sangoma¡­ We¡¯re trying to avoid spreading knowledge about¨C¡±


    Sangoma shifts a fraction of her glare over her shoulder at Zigdara, then whispers harshly. ¡°Emarial was.. is Sun Spoken.¡±


    Zigdara purses her lips, turns her eyes to me, disbelief shrouded in trained composure. ¡°The stench of the Weaver¡¯s Wood was in his chambers.¡±


    I raise an eyebrow. ¡°How would a duenna of this temple recognise that?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve stood within sight of its edge,¡± She grimaces, ¡°It¡¯s¡­ not a smell one forgets easily.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not. Describe it to me.¡±


    ¡°Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey but¡­ acidic. Burns a bit. It was faint though, until we were unable to find our youngest I just assumed I was mistaken. I think there was some of the smell on the woman as well, but I can¡¯t be sure.¡±


    I don¡¯t know how to respond. The smell would fade quickly, and would be impossible to verify.


    ¡°There was also a book.¡± Sangoma adds. ¡°The woman had a book. She escaped with it but not before some pages fell out.¡±


    I sigh and run my hands through my hair, ¡°And? What was on these pages?¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t even tried to translate¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± She snaps, ¡°We tried. But we can¡¯t.¡±


    Zigdara speaks up again before I can, ¡°The women we brought in, experts I can vouch for, both say the words are¡­ enchanted or some such.¡±


    Like cold water on a fire, my anger sputters and dies. ¡°What?¡±


    I can almost see a smirk of victory on Sangoma¡¯s lips. ¡°The words shift between readings. I¡¯ve seen it myself.¡±


    I grind my teeth, try to stoke the anger back, then force out. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you start with that?¡±


    A huff escapes her, calculated, ¡°You hardly gave me the chance to get through all the details.¡±


    She¡¯s right. Even with the Amwella burning I am so tired¡­ I haven''t slept since I saw the shoreline. I don¡¯t want to be here, would take any excuse to leave. I won¡¯t apologize for it.


    ¡°Fine. Show me the pages.¡±


    I follow them back into her chambers, but refuse to sit with cold silence as she retrieves a locked box from her desk. After pulling a key from around her neck she unlocks it.


    I can¡¯t help but snort at the box. It¡¯s lined with symbols and carvings with solidified collared glass running amidst them. Alchemy wrought into the mixtures to produce wards, probably set to ignite if the box is forced open and engulf the contents in an unquenchable flame. So like her. Better to lose something precious than to let another take it.


    Sangoma ignores me and pulls out two pieces of parchment, then lays them on the table in front of me.


    I lean down. At first I only skim the words, whatever enchantment hides their meaning from these two doesn¡¯t manifest to confuse my senses. Amwellian, no doubt about it. Only readable to Sun Spoken. Common Arudian dances across the page with little depictions and drawing all around. Some are simple doodles, but others seem to resemble¡­


    Wayshrines? I look closer at the nonsense doodles and realize many of them seem to be¡­ abstract. Strange amalgamations of creatures and shapes, nightmares from my worst dreams drawn out. An acrid sweet smell tickles my nose. It¡¯s very faint, almost as if the ink itself is the source.


    The flame tickles at my core. Stirring at the smell. I repress an eye twitch at the sensation. It¡¯s only parchment, stop it!


    The words themselves are mundane, descriptions of the wayshrines themselves. Only the mentions of their past pings my interest. It¡¯s common knowledge that the Sun Spoken set them in place, but not that their construction was not our doing. Whoever wrote this would have to either have been there, met an older Sun Spoken who was, or¡­


    ¡°So?¡± Sangoma presses.


    I ignore her and look to the other page. Everything is disjointed, like a morning journal mixed with odd thoughts. One paragraph spends four sentences discussing the plants reaction to the Wayshrines, before going on a tangent about an old folktale about a family of field mice. Half remembered and ends up cutting off in favor of using drawings to describe the story.


    ¡°It¡¯s definitely¡­¡± I pause, not wanting to give her this. ¡°It¡¯s just a journal. Nothing of importance.¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s¡­ touched. Written by a Sun Spoken?¡±


    ¡°You''re sure this was the woman¡¯s, the one who ran?¡± I look up to Zigdara, ¡°That these pages came from the same book?¡±


    Zigdara shrugs, ¡°No, but the same smell on them was in his chambers. Those pages were found just outside the temple, about where a duenna said her book broke a little and some pages fell out. Would be an odd coincidence even if they weren¡¯t from the same book.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Would be.¡±


    Sangoma opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. ¡°Alright. Tell me everything. From the beginning. And we¡¯ll see if It¡¯s something I will help with.¡±

 Chapter 13: Pillow Promises Part 1

    The darkness and chill claws at me. I¡¯m curled into a ball, wishing I still had that warmth.


    I look for Her again, and this time She¡¯s kneeling beside me.


    I beg for more of that warmth, but She opens Her hands to show me She has none to give. I ask Her where to find more, and She only quirks her head. A look Sangoma would give me when I was being terribly stupid.


    Then the darkness wraps itself around me, and I¡¯m drug off into the dark, where all kinds of monsters wait to ravage me.


    I awaken to pain.


    I¡¯m on my side, so I¡¯m able to turn my head and bury my face in a pillow. The horrors of the dream overlaid with the terrors of yesterday. A dryness in my mouth reminds me of the iron taste of blood mixed with the vile flavor of the fingers the thing had shoved in my mouth.


    My dry heaving gag lets someone else know that I¡¯m awake.


    Kque is the only one there. She helps me drink some normal water and asks to check on my injuries. She has me stand and do some flexing to see if anything healed wrong. Then walks me through some stretches and makes me promise to do them every few hours.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t drink much of the healing waters, but the alchemy will still have soaked into you.¡± She explains. ¡°You¡¯ll need to do these a few times a day to make sure the potions don¡¯t cause problems.


    ¡°My Sangoma let it slip once that it was something to do with¡­ um... an unbinding?¡±


    She nods. ¡°Unbound Principles. Alchemy will build up inside if you don¡¯t burn it out.¡±


    Sangoma avoided telling me much more as I got older, knowing my curiosity would latch onto it. But I do remember her talking about what could happen if the body ended up with too much alchemy running through it. Growths and mutations, twisting and often very difficult to notice before they were fatal.


    ¡°I¡¯m not an alchemist so I don¡¯t want to pretend to be an expert. Just trained and well read in how to apply care.¡± She clarifies while taking up my right arm. ¡°Healing waters aren¡¯t rare, but outside Lyttoral sometimes people treat them like miracles instead of tools.¡±


    As she unwraps it I brace for the sight. Expecting the whole thing to be a charred nub. But as she peels away the bandages all that greets us is paler skin. More red mixed into the turquoise hue.


    ¡°How does it feel?¡± She asks.


    ¡°Numb.¡± I wiggle my fingers a little. ¡°Sore though. Stiff. Like if I move it the skin might crack and fall off.¡±


    Her eyes tighten as she carefully feels along its surface, ¡°Sorry again. I didn¡¯t¡­ I didn¡¯t even consider the glass.¡±


    ¡°You couldn¡¯t have known!¡± I wince as she pokes at a particularly raw area. ¡°If you hadn¡¯t been there I don¡¯t think I would have been able to stand.¡±


    She pauses, looks at my face. ¡°I¡¯ve just never¡­ I¡¯ve never healed something like this. This bad of a burn, with glass and who knows what else buried into the skin. I just¡­¡± a deep breath, then a whisper, ¡°Like¡­ FUCK! What even was that thing?¡±


    I don¡¯t know how to answer. Something they call the duenna to deal with? The second woman¡¯s broken spear flashes in my mind, of how little their weapons seem to slow it. A monster of old nightmares.


    Something the Sun Spoken go after. The thought terrifies me even more than the memories.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She sighs, ¡°I even chased Yrelia and Tasii out today, told them it¡¯d be impossible for me to work with them here when you woke up. Thought they¡¯d be too much. I¡¯ve totally helped women recover from worse than this. I¡¯ve delivered Forty-Two babies, three times in the wild.¡±


    She waves one hand to try and illustrate the words. ¡°And here I am, getting hysterical.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± A twinge of worry, and guilt. I¡¯d not even thought to make sure everyone else was okay. ¡°How um¡­ It didn¡¯t look like they¡¯d gotten hurt. Right? And those women from the other group? How is everyone else?¡±


    ¡°Our girls are physically fine. Just some bumps and bruises. Mostly from Lule¡¯s panic.¡±


    She waves her hands at my legs, a little nervousness beginning to creep into her voice. A careful effort to keep her voice calm and reassuring. ¡°I um¡­ I checked last night. When we got here. As best I could with the light on hand. You let me, but you were pretty¡­ out of it.¡±


    The shift catches me off guard. ¡°I don¡¯t even remember how I got in this room.¡±


    She nods, not surprised. ¡°It um¡­¡± A sigh of relief this time. ¡°From what I can tell, and please let me know if I¡¯m wrong, It looks to all be pretty surface level.¡±


    A question. I think back, and it hurts. The punching and clawing, the smothering cold. Ignition of flame and anger to burn and rip and kill that fucking¨C


    I shake my head, both an answer and to try and dispel the memory. ¡°No.¡± My voice quivers, Kque moves to help me sit on the bed and takes my less bad arm in her hands. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. I think you''re right.¡±


    Most stories only hinted at this, at what these things were. How they would drag women off and either the duenna or a Sun Spoken would go after them. Save them¡­ but¡­ never details. The books, poems, and songs never seemed to convey what it would do to those women, what it tried to do to me.


    A hand on my shoulder steadies my sudden quickened breath. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Thank you Kque¡­ for patching me and¨C¡±


    ¡°You''re very welcome, but honestly thank you. You saved all of us.¡±


    We wash up, then Kque helps me get dressed in a very loose gown of deep blue, then leads me outside the room and down the hallway to the main room of the inn.


    The room holds about 5 tables, some round and some rectangular, and about half are occupied. The one closest to the exit on the opposite side of the room seats 2 duenna, both had mugs but no food. Another has half a dozen women, a full meal before them as their chatter and laughter fills the room.


    The last occupied table is where Yrelia sits. Her back is to the entrance, her eyes locked on the contents of a mug in front of her. She notices us a few seconds after we round the corner.


    She nearly bolts up, worry concealed within a tired smile.


    We move to meet her half-way, but she crosses the space between us and takes me into a very gentle hug. ¡°Hey, good morning! Though I guess it''s afternoon at this point.¡±


    I notice the bags under her eyes, ¡°Hi. How um¡­ How long was I sleeping?¡±


    ¡°Oh it¡¯s only mid-afternoon.¡± She hastily adds as she moves toward the table and the two of them help me sit.


    ¡°How are¡­¡± Yrelia glances between us.


    ¡°Nothing more than we saw last night.¡± Kque¡¯s voice is soft, but deliberately final. ¡°She¡¯s going to be okay. Probably hungry though?¡±


    Yrelia shakes herself, but an obvious relief passes through her. ¡°Oh yeah yeah. The food here isn¡¯t anything special but they should still have some of the lunch left over.¡±


    I didn¡¯t realize how hungry I was until I downed three bowls of their lunch stew alongside an entire two-thirds of a loaf of some kind of sweet bread. Can¡¯t even remember the last time I ate that much in a single day, much less a single sitting.


    When I ask, I¡¯m told that Yrelia and Tasii already had lunch, but Kque does pick at some kind of sandwich.


    It¡¯s not until I refuse any more food in favor of some of the inn¡¯s warm cider that any kind of conversation starts up.


    ¡°So, how did trading go?¡± I ask.


    Yrelia had been not so subtly watching my every move, but her response to this is a vacant look. Confusion at the question.


    ¡°You¡¯d been talking about¡­ trading in this town. Right?¡±


    A beat, then comprehension.


    ¡°Oh. Oh!¡± A shrug. A small hint of her usual self. ¡°That was put on hold for now.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ The rooms? I thought you¡¯d needed to trade to¡­¡±


    Did¡­ Did they spend everything on me? My horrible thoughts must have shown on my face.


    ¡°Nope.¡± Yrelia puts on her first genuine smile since we¡¯d entered the room. ¡°It¡¯s eh¡­ courtesy of the duenna. Food too. I Didn¡¯t even need to put on the charm. Those other women you saved told them what happened. It¡¯s why the duenna met us on the road.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ how¡¯re they?¡±


    ¡°Er, Not sure. The two who walked back to the city seemed¡­¡± Yrelia looks to Kque, ¡°Honestly I have no idea. Haven¡¯t actually stepped out of the inn today and they¡¯re bunked elsewhere.¡±


    There is a long pause, then Kque breaks the silence. ¡°You said Tasii went out to check on Jevita and Lule?¡±


    Yrelia lets out a huff and glares down at her drink, ¡°Yeah.¡±


    Kque sighs, ¡°It¡¯s not their fault.¡±


    Yrelia doesn¡¯t reply, just continues to stir her cider with a little wooden spoon.


    ¡°What?¡± I ask. Confused.


    ¡°It¡¯s Nothing.¡± Yrelia grumbles.


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    I can¡¯t help but stare at her. This is the first time I¡¯d ever seen Yrelia genuinely upset, angry even. I¡¯m not sure how to handle it.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Before I can voice more, I notice the two duenna watching us. My heart skips as they rise and begin to approach our table.


    Kque follows my gaze.


    ¡°Oh!¡± She pats my hand. ¡°It¡¯s fine Ina.¡±


    The makes Yrelia lookup, then turn just as the duenna reach us.


    Both are wearing simple shawls with their hoods down, and bronze shortswords on their backs. Calm settles over me as I see them carrying their drinks and tired smiles.


    ¡°Can we join you for a bit?¡± One with dark skin and muddy blonde hair pulled back into a neat series of buns asks. From her expression it seems like a genuine question. ¡°I hope we¡¯re not interrupting.¡±


    ¡°Not at all. Please have a seat.¡± Yrelia motions to the open chairs at our table. ¡°We just finished a meal. Thanks for taking care of our tabs, by the way!¡±


    They accept her offer, sitting across from us, a chair separating one of them from both Yrelia and Kque.


    ¡°Of course.¡± She looks at me, ¡°I¡¯m Gretila, and this is Nutati. We¡¯re both duenna here in Deledita. You must be Inamatorii?¡±


    I swallow and nod. ¡°Just Ina is okay, It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡±


    ¡°Likewise.¡± Then a more serious aura slips over the two duenna as they look between us. ¡°So¡­ We found the¡­ remains of whatever it was that attacked you. Spoke with the two from the other group. There¡¯s no telling how many more people might have been hurt if you hadn¡¯t killed it.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I just got lucky.¡± I look down at the half-empty mug of cider in front of me. ¡°Happened to have some waters of Lyttoral when it¡­ um¡­ attacked.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I look up to see Gretila arching an eyebrow, ¡°Because from the way the other two women tell it you burned it to slag with some kind of crazy magic.¡±


    A spark of memories. The face in the potion¡¯s glass, the fire in my chest turning into rage as it spread down my arm and the thrill at crushing whatever heart that thing had. At these a coldness settles in my chest. I shiver and take a drink of the warm cider to cover it.


    ¡°I think it bit down on the hand holding the potion.¡± I mumble as I recover, ¡°It accidentally drank it or something. Those two women told us to get some ready before it attacked. I didn¡¯t really¡­¡±


    Don¡¯t be stupid. You stoked a flame in your chest and used it to burn that thing away. Why lie to yourself? A little gnashing voice hisses from deep inside my mind.


    Nutati nods, ¡°They did mention using some on a spear. Said the tip broke off in its flesh and drove it off for a bit. No mention of fire though.¡±


    The table goes a bit quiet and I glance between them. Real worry settles on the two duenna¡¯s expressions.


    Gretila runs a hand over her hair. ¡°Was hoping you were all exaggerating. Got jumped by a Cretilla or some other forest cat and didn¡¯t know how to explain it.¡±


    ¡°Do you think there are more?¡± Nutati looks to me for an answer.


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡± I look to Yrelia and Kque. Both seem to look to me for an answer. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t see anymore.¡±


    ¡°In your professional experience then?¡± Gretila asks, her voice lowering to a whisper. ¡°Could there be more nearby?¡±


    ¡°How¡­¡± I begin to reply How the fuck should I know? When something bumps into my right leg. Not hard enough for me to jump, but hard enough to stop me from answering.


    I look over and see a spark in Yrelia¡¯s eye and stop myself. She turns to the duenna, face full of weariness and concern.


    ¡°Possibly.¡± She sighs and spreads her hands, ¡°It¡¯s impossible to be certain. But we¡¯d love to stay in Deledita anyway? So Ina can recover.¡±


    I¡¯m caught in a moment of disbelief. Is she¡­ Did she tell them I¡¯m Sun Spoken? Is that why they think I know about all this? Because I got lucky with the water?


    You didn¡¯t get lucky.


    I watch in shock as the two nod, then Gretila speaks up. ¡°We duenna already talked that over. Deledita would really appreciate it if you¡¯d remain here for¡­ another week? At least? We¡¯ve already spoken with the innkeeper and your tabs will be handled.¡±


    They look back to me, and I don¡¯t know how to respond. An awkward silence passes, Yrelia nudges my leg again, much more gently this time. A silent, Go on.


    ¡°I¡­ I mean. I didn¡¯t¡­ I¡¯m not really sure I can¨C¡±


    The duenna nod, and speak up before I can come up with a reply.


    ¡°There is also the issue of¡­ well¡­ we¡¯ve occasionally paid a hunter to deal with aggressive Cretilla and other pests.¡± She reaches down into a pack and withdraws a small pouch, then slides it across the table to me.


    Free rooms and food for a week, and a reward?!? I don¡¯t know how to process all this.


    ¡°Oh um¡­ That¡¯s¡­¡± I can¡¯t help but look between Yrelia and Kque this time. ¡°Will that mess up our travel plans? Would you all be okay with this?¡±


    Yrelia puts on a thoughtful expression, but I can see the glimmer in her eyes. ¡°We should be able to make that work. However¡­ Could we get a second room? One was fine for one night, but we are a party of five after all.¡±


    What?!?! No no no. One is more than¨C


    ¡°That shouldn¡¯t be a problem.¡± Gretila adds quickly.


    ¡°Perfect!¡± Yrelia smiles. ¡°Now we can¡¯t possibly refuse.¡±


    Visible relief passes over the two duenna. The room itself seems to take a deep breath. It¡¯s only then that I notice that the cacophony of laughter and chatting from the full table of women behind us had died down.


    ¡°We¡¯ll speak with the inn-keep, she¡¯ll have your second room ready by tonight.¡±


    Yrelia and the duenna seem to work out a few other details while Kque excuses herself to go tell Tasii and Jevita the news. I finish up my cider and try to sneak a few covert glances around the room.


    General talk starts back up, but I can¡¯t help but catch a few glances back our way from the other tables. Curious, but also¡­ relieved? I¡¯m not sure. Voices do seem to carry and Yrelia and the duenna don¡¯t seem to be trying to keep their volume down.


    Then the duenna are gone, and I¡¯m sitting alone at the table with Yrelia. She lets out a long sigh, takes a drink of her cider, and leans forward.


    She places her chin on her palm and settles a look at me. After a few seconds she finally asks. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure what just happened.¡± I reply honestly. Then drop my voice to a whisper. ¡°Did you¡­ Did you tell them about¡­ about me? Is that why they want us to stay here? Because you told them I¡¯m Sun Spoken?¡±


    ¡°What? No, Ina, I¡¯d never.¡± Surprise and worry crosses her face. Then her voice drops back to a whisper. ¡°I just let them believe, well¡­ whatever they wanted.¡±


    It makes sense. Why not use me to try and get as much back as possible? The healing waters alone must have cost them a ton. Those weren¡¯t just water taken from the canals of Lyttoral, those were actual alchemically brewed potions made for healing. Crafted by the Sororitas of one of the guilds, a single bottle alone was very valuable. And the farther one carries it from Lyttoral the more value it gains! I¡¯d basically had their long term profits poured out into the dirt.


    ¡°But, Yrelia¡­ I can¡¯t do anything if¡­¡± I take a deep breath and bury my face in my hands. ¡° If another one¨C¡±


    The fear clenches my throat shut at the thought.


    ¡°Hey Ina, relax. Take a deep breath.¡± Yrelia lays a hand on mine, ¡°I only expect you to rest up and heal.¡±


    ¡°They seemed really worried. What if another one shows up? And¡­ and they expect me to handle it?¡±


    She snorts, actually snorts! And grips my hand tighter. ¡°Then we bail. Not like they can do anything about it. We didn¡¯t actually agree to that.¡±


    ¡°But they gave us these rooms,¡± I motion to the untouched pouch, ¡°Paid us.¡±


    ¡°Look Ina, you have to be ready to take luck when it comes your way.¡± She winces, ¡°Especially when it comes after incredibly shitty luck. If these duenna want to throw free rooms, food, and coin our way, let them. We¡¯ll leave before they realize how much they invested in agreements you never made.¡±


    I hate this. I want to take the pouch, find the duenna, and tell them everything. But¡­ I can¡¯t. These women have given me so much, and I want to pay them back. From what Yrelia talked about the other night a room in an inn was a luxury they don¡¯t always get. Not to mention the cost of those potions!


    My thoughts are interrupted when the door to the inn opens and we see Kque returning with Tasii.


    Tasii looks even more exhausted than the rest of us, and the two come over to sit. Tasii wearily asks how I¡¯m doing, and although I¡¯m certain from the lack of worry in her tone that Kque already told her, but it still seems to help relieve some stress when I let her know I¡¯m fine.


    It¡¯s in a pause of uncomfortable silence that follows that I reach out toward the pouch of coins, then pause with my hand a few inches from it. ¡°I¡¯m not sure who to give this to.¡±


    All three of them give me different shades of confused looks.


    I pull my hand back and wave at it, ¡°Take it. For the potions you used on me, the healing waters. And¡­ well¡­ everything else too. The clothes and food and¨C¡±


    Three different versions of surprised negation speak up at once. Yrelia mentions the rooms, Kque tries to mention that I saved them, Tasii even tries to push the pouch toward me.


    I lean away from it. ¡°Stop it. Seriously. I wouldn¡¯t even know what to do with this!¡±


    ¡°Buy a few outfits.¡± Tasii suggests, poking the pouch. ¡°There¡¯s at least two or three worth in here I¡¯m guessing.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ I still owe you for the ones you let me use and the ones that got.. That got torn.¡± I choke on the memory.


    It¡¯s okay. You''re safe here. Deep breaths.


    ¡°No. Ina, that wasn¡¯t¡­¡± Yrelia huffs. ¡°Those were gifts.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know much about trading or money,¡± I recover, ¡°But I do know those healing waters were really valuable.¡±


    Tasii sighs, ¡°We got them for emergencies, and very cheaply for that matter. They served their purpose.¡±


    ¡°What about the ones you gave to the other women?¡±


    That makes her pause. ¡°What about them?¡±


    ¡°You said that you¡¯d work out things in town.¡± I point out, ¡°Did you? You were expecting them to try and pay for them.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised you even caught that.¡± Tasii shakes her head. ¡°It¡¯s not the same.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it? Have you talked with them?¡± I press.


    ¡°Haven''t even tried.¡±


    ¡°Then if you won¡¯t let me pay for mine, then take this for theirs.¡±


    She purses her lips. ¡°That¡¯s not even remotely fair to you. Not after¡­¡± Her expression twists like she¡¯s eaten a sour fruit. ¡°I think I speak for everyone when I say we won¡¯t feel right if we take this.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ too bad!¡± I reply, leaning back in my chair and trying to comfortably cross my arms. I fail, and have to settle for an awkward crossing of my wrists over my lap. ¡°I¡¯m not super comfortable getting paid for this either.¡±


    After a bit of a pause Tasii offers, ¡°How about this. So long as you''re traveling with us we can keep it safe with our other valuables. When or if you ever go your own way or decide to settle somewhere, then you¡¯ll take it.¡±


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh we¡¯ll totally spend some in the meantime.¡± Yrelia adds with a smirk.


    ¡°Yrelia does owe you something nice.¡± Kque adds.


    Everyone looks at her, confused.


    ¡°What? Why?¡± Yrelia asks.


    Kque shrugs, trying to look nonchalance, but with a bit of a red touches her cheeks. ¡°For making her squeak a bit the other night.¡±


    I feel a heat burn along my cheeks. ¡°Wha¡­ What?!?¡±


    ¡°I do not¡­ did not squeak!¡± and for the first time I see Yrelia blush, like really really blush. Big and messy.


    Kque can¡¯t hide her smirk, but only shrugs.


    ¡°Is that who that was?¡± Tasii adds, genuine mirth returning to her expression ¡°Are we sure that wasn¡¯t Ina? I¡¯m certain it was.¡±


    ¡°I. Do. Not. Squeak.¡± Yrelia bites back, but with an annoyed grin fighting at the edges.


    Tasii looks to me, ¡°It¡¯s totally fine if you do, I find it incredibly sexy when a quiet woman makes a bit of noise in bed.¡±


    I feel the blush rush down my neck, and I really hope they can¡¯t see it. ¡°I¡­ um¡­ I¡­¡±


    ¡°Hey!¡± Yrelia growls in warning.


    ¡°You have a really pretty blush by the way.¡± Kque says, patting my hand.


    I hide my face beneath my two mangled hands. Not having dealt with this sort of teasing since¡­ well¡­ ever really.


    ¡°What?¡± Kque replies to a look Yrelia must have given her. ¡°She does. I¡¯m jealous. I just look like a bruised Pupos fruit.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not ready to share.¡± Yrelia can¡¯t keep the giggle out of her voice at that, ¡°Thus the two rooms.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what? Share what?¡± I peek at her between my fingers.


    She winks in reply, and my heart stutters.

 Chapter 14: Pillow Promises Part 2

    I¡¯ve never had to wait on my body to heal before. Never had injuries that demanded it.


    The first two days I am confined to the inn and its outer terrace on the second story. Not by some Sangoma declaring my schedule and duenna escorting me through it, but by careful attentions and persuasions of my new¡­ friends? I¡¯m not sure what to call them. But also my own bodies'' weird bouts of exhaustion. Yrelia later told me that I slept at least two-thirds of those first forty-eight hours. Only getting up to handle body things like food, water, and to expel said food and water in the nice toilet down the hall.


    My right arm is, weirdly enough, the fastest part of me to recover. By the second day I¡¯m able to wiggle my fingers and hold a pencil, while Kque says the two broken fingers on my left will need to remain splinted for at least a few more weeks.


    The rest of me is an annoying muss of bruises and scrapes that all seem to have different ideas of how fast they want to recover. My tongue is perfect from day one, which is great. But I quickly discover during Kque¡¯s insisted upon routine stretches, that there are a few muscles across my back, shoulders, and left ankle that must have been pulled.


    My skin still looks like my first attempts at painting when I was a child. Splotches of red, blues, and even yellowish green are all across my body. With little angry red lines that mark the scrapes and gouges.


    I couldn¡¯t help but cry a little during my first shower on that third day as I looked down at my mangled flesh. I was a quiet thing, and I don¡¯t know if Kque heard as she waited to help me back inside. If she did she was nice enough to not ask or mention it.


    Yrelia and I share a room while Tasii and Kque take the other. She¡¯s very gentle and kind. Making sure to prop the pillows just so to help me sleep as well as I can before carefully cradling me throughout the night. Kque demanded in no uncertain terms that sex would be a terrible idea, and if we couldn¡¯t be trusted to wait until I was healed she would wrap us up and tie us down in separate rooms.


    Overall she seems pleased with my recovery, though. And whenever we¡¯re all gathered for breakfast on the morning of that third day she suggests going on some walks throughout the city. Yrelia and Tasii seem excited at the idea, and happily chatter about different sites and shops they hope to find in the little town.


    I don¡¯t see Jevita or Lule, and when I ask Yrelia gets quiet and just shrugs. Tasii tries to cover the reaction with a quick answer about Lule being in a stable at the town¡¯s edge and Jevita not wanting to leave him alone, but I can see the tension.


    If I wasn¡¯t so much of a coward I might have pushed back right then and there. I¡¯d like to say I was still just too tired to argue, but I was mostly scared.


    The city of Deledita is a gorgeous trade town. Much like Lyttoral, most of the buildings use their outer walls as gardens which they cover with vegetation. And, since Deledita¡¯s main export is various wines brewed from that vegetation, this leads to a wide pallet of color amidst the winding streets. Unlike Lyttoral though, Deledita is small. Barely seven buildings wide at any point. So from most angles you can see the yawning forest and towering trees beyond.


    We initially make a single pass around the town¡¯s center circle, but soon find a reason to get distracted and head down one of the main streets that shoot off like spokes off a wheel. We stumble into a little plaza that holds a bakery with two traders on either side. We buy some of the sweetest smelling pastries and begin to wander the racks of colorful clothes.


    I¡¯m almost convinced to try on a really pretty skirt and top that catches my eye. Soft rich red fabric embellished with frills and little beads that hang off a length of rope perfectly set to hold a small pouch or bag.


    But¡­ no. Not while I look like a pulped and beaten fruit.


    After lunch, its decided that Yrelia will go out again this evening. So she can start to get a sense of the town and weave some relationships and little trades. Tasii offers to go with her to help carry any bags of the goods they¡¯ll sell, buy, and trade.


    Kque offers to stay with me, and suggests we go exploring if I¡¯m not too sore or tired.


    Truth is, I¡¯m a little of both, but there¡¯s something I feel I have to do.


    After Tasii and Yrelia are gone, and we¡¯ve explored another spoke of the town, I work up the courage to ask.


    ¡°I¡¯d¡­ um¡­ Like to go see Jevita and Lule.¡± I try to sound confident.


    ¡°Oh¡­ okay. That shouldn¡¯t be a problem.¡± Kque stops and looks over to me. ¡°Any particular reason why?¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I¡¯m worried about her. She¡¯s been sleeping outside while the rest of us get nice rooms.¡±


    Kque shrugs, ¡°Believe it or not she actually prefers to sleep outside when we¡¯re in most towns. Wants to be close to Lule. Most inns in this area don¡¯t even have a place for Quelekita.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ why? Not to the stables part, I get that. Not many Quelekita come through here. But¡­ why is she so close to him?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s basically her child, he imprinted on her.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know what that means.¡±


    ¡°Normally a Quelekita bonds with a partner for life, when they''re like¡­ really young.¡± She explains while leading us. ¡°Most of the time it''s to another baby Quelekita, but there are breeders that specifically sell eggs and unbonded chicks to women.¡±


    ¡°Bond¡­ Like some kind of magical thing?¡±


    Kque giggles, ¡°Some would say that, but no. It¡¯s just an imprint. In nature Quelekita pairs do everything together, get anxious when they are apart for too long. But when it''s with a human the Quelekita begins to try and be a human too, it''s why Jevita was able to teach him to understand a ton of Arudian language.¡±


    ¡°Oh okay. That¡¯s actually really neat.¡±


    ¡°Mhm. You should get Jevita to tell you all about it sometime. She doesn¡¯t always show it, but Lule is genuinely a part of her life that she¡¯s really proud of.¡±


    I nod, ¡°She was really offended when Tasii implied Lule might have bit me.¡±


    ¡°Oh you¡¯ve no idea. If it comes up, ask her why we¡¯re all banned from ever sailing on an Ingloken ship. You won¡¯t regret it.¡±


    We reach the city¡¯s edge soon after. The soft light of the evening sun baths the forest¡¯s edge in golden light. But it¡¯s the smell that hits me the hardest, the soft but unmistakable scent of thick foliage.


    ''Stable'' is a kind word for where Jevita and Lule have made camp. It¡¯s a simple hollowed out and abandoned stone building on the city''s edge. Lule¡¯s head is hanging out of the window openings on the side, happily hooting and chirping out at the birds and other forest critters as they sing. Jevita sits on a pallet of blankets pressed against the wall next to him, reading a book and taking notes in a journal.


    Lule is the first to hear us coming, and he pulls his head back into the building to hoot and trill a hello. That makes Jevita glance up.


    ¡°Hi.¡± Kque waves at them, I do the same.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Jevita tries, but fails to hide the tension at the sight of us. But her smile looks more like a grimace as she stares at my mangled hands. ¡°What brings you both out here?¡±


    Lule hoots and turns back to his window. Kque looks to me.


    ¡°Well¡­ I wanted to check on you and let you know that we have two rooms if you¡¯d like to sleep inside.¡± I see her begin to form a rejection, but I keep talking. ¡°But Kque let me know that you often sleep out here with Lule so I didn¡¯t want to push if you¡¯d rather not.¡±


    There is an awkward pause.


    ¡°Thanks?¡± Jevita replies, confusion clear on her face.


    ¡°Sorry, that was a mess of words that I didn¡¯t think through.¡±


    ¡°No, no. It¡¯s fine, I think I get what you''re trying to say.¡± Her grimace finally tilts more toward being a smirk. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    I sigh in relief. ¡°I also wanted to offer to keep helping with the journal, if you have the free time and¡­ still want to?¡±


    That seems to put a spark in her.


    ¡°Oh! Yeah, definitely.¡± She motions back toward her pile of books and notes, ¡°I¡¯ve got nothing but time. Just been working on some old projects.¡±


    ¡°Old projects?¡± Kque suddenly asks, a bit of faintly concealed worry in her tone.


    Jevita moves to rub the back of her neck, stops mid way through the motion, ¡°Just theory, no¡­ uh¡­¡±


    I look over to Kque, the tension making no sense to me. She is giving Jevita the same look she gave me the other day when I tried to get dressed by myself. She and Yrelia had come running in to find me tangled in a mess of cloth between the bed and the wall, stuck fast.


    Jevita glances back, sees Kque¡¯s expression, and looks down. ¡°It¡¯s just theory Kque. I wouldn¡¯t¡­ I¡¯m not¨C¡±


    She bites the next words, clenches her fists.


    Kque walks over and kneels next to her and whispers in Arudian, ¡°Do you need me to take them?¡±


    The pain on Jevita¡¯s face at those words is enough to make my eyes go a little wet, and I look away. I know that look. I can relate to that pain, even if I don¡¯t understand it. I¡¯m intruding on something very very very private.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Jevita replies with a huff and slump of her shoulders, ¡°I uh¡­ think that¡¯s a good idea. I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Kque, opens her arms toward her, and Jevita leans over to accept the hug.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± Through the embrace Kque assures her. ¡°I should have come to check on you.¡±


    When they pull back Jevita wipes a bit of moisture from her eyes and nose. ¡°You¡¯ve got your hands full. I should know better.¡±


    Jevita reaches over and into the chest that sits in Lule¡¯s shadow, pulls out a small red pouch, and drops it into Kque¡¯s waiting hands.


    ¡°Thank you for trusting me with this.¡± She says as she carefully puts the pouch into her own bag.


    Jevita shrugs, then looks up to me. ¡°So, you want to take a crack at it now?¡±


    I nod, glad to not be an awkward third wheel to this emotional wagon, ¡°It¡¯s just myself and Kque right now. If you think Lule would be okay alone we could go back and get some dinner from the inn?¡±


    Jevita shows obvious discomfort. ¡°I¡¯m not sure we¡¯d be comfortable with that. I can wait until after you¡¯ve gotten food to¨C¡±


    ¡°I can go get us food.¡± Kque interrupts.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡±


    She nods at me and looks to Jevita, ¡°So long as you promise to keep an eye on her and stop her from doing anything too strenuous.¡±


    After Jevita agrees Kque rises, and has me take her spot on the pallet. After she¡¯s gone Jevita cleans up the previous pile of books, old tomes and replaces them with my tome and a fresh stack of pages.


    ¡°Would you like me to translate them or just¡­¡± I ask as she lays out the work.


    ¡°Honestly if you¡¯ll read them aloud I can write them down as you go.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, I can do that. If it''s not too much work for you?¡±


    ¡°Not at all.¡± She sneaks a glance at my burned and splinted hands.


    That third evening passes by with me reading the odd tome aloud while Jevita compiles my words onto the loose pages. She has to correct my pronunciations and help me sound out some of the stranger syllables, but I actually really enjoy learning and sharing this passion of mine. Kque returns after about an hour carrying a basket of wonderful smelling food and a cluster of some brown big hard-shelled fruits for Lule. I¡¯m happy to rest my voice, even if Jevita seems eager to continue.


    ¡°So um¡­¡± Jevita says awkwardly as the meal is laid out, ¡°I wanted to apologize for before, on the path. When Lule got spooked and¨C¡±


    I shake my head and wave my hands, ¡°Don¡¯t be. Seriously. It¡¯s alright.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± She bites out, ¡°It''s not. We¡¯re supposed to stick together, help each other. And I just¡­ I couldn¡¯t even come back after the thing was dead and you were bleeding on the road.¡±


    Kque purses her lips. I can¡¯t help but lean back at the anger in her tone.


    ¡°But¡­ Lule was scared. You had to¡­ He needed you.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Jevita slumps in the quiet after her storm of words, ¡°They¡¯re right. I¡¯m so fucking useless.¡±


    They?


    Lule pulls away from his meal of crunchy treats and nuzzles Jevita. She only reaches up and cradles his head in one arm as she glares down at her meal.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Is all I can say at first. ¡°Jevita¡­ what happened¡­ that¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s not on you. Lule is kinda your baby, right? You needed to keep him safe.¡±


    ¡°But they¡¯re my family too!¡± She shouts. Then in Arudian she whispers to Lule. ¡°Biggest scary and supposed to protect.¡±


    Lule lets out a little whistle, sad and low, and presses his head to hers.


    There is a long silence. The steam from our cooling meal is the only thing passing between us for at least a few minutes.


    ¡°I¡­ I forgive you Jevita. But I¡¯m not sure you need it from me.¡± I finally say.


    Jevita winces, ¡°They kinda hate me right now.¡±


    ¡°I doubt¡­¡± I begin to say, but Kque shakes her head.


    ¡°I think Tasii would really appreciate hearing this.¡± Kque picks up for me, voice quiet. ¡°She saw how spooked Lule was, told us how he clamped down on your shoulder and wouldn¡¯t let you go. Almost really hurt you.¡±


    Jevita looks up to us, real fear on her face. ¡°Don¡¯t¡­ No. That didn¡¯t happen. Don¡¯t tell anyone that!¡±


    I look between them, ¡°I¡­ okay. But I don¡¯t understand. Wouldn¡¯t that help?¡±


    Kque answers for her, ¡°Quelekita who attack someone, especially their bonded partner are¡­ It¡¯s rare. It¡¯s a really bad thing, a bad sign.¡±


    ¡°He was just trying to protect me.¡± Jevita has turned to hug Lule with both her arms. ¡°He¡¯s not¡­ He¡¯d never hurt anyone. He¡¯s so sorry for it and checks on the spot every few hours.¡±


    ¡°I know, we all know.¡± Kque breaks the stillness by pouring us all some cold sweet wine. ¡°But I think you should still talk with Tasii. She¡¯s tearing herself up. Blames herself.¡±


    Jevita nods and pulls away from Lule, patting him to assure him that she¡¯s okay. He hesitantly goes back to his meal.


    We all drink and begin nibbling at our meal.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think Yrelia can forgive me¡± Jevita finally says, ¡°Not so soon afterwards.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I ask.


    Jevita levels a look at me, at first with a type of annoyance. It takes a second for it to become clear to my stupid self.


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± She rolls her eyes, but with a sad smirk on her lips.


    ¡°Fuck. Yeah that tracks. Kinda.¡± I look down to my food, ¡°But I only just got here. You all seem really close. I can barely keep up with her.¡±


    Jevita snorts, Kque pats my hand. ¡°She¡¯s a bit smitten.¡±


    I shake my head a bit at that. ¡°I doubt that, I¡¯m not nearly good enough for that. I¡¯ve only really been¡­ well, alive for a few days now. I¡¯m still shedding all the old parts of me.¡±


    They don¡¯t push, but I can tell they think I''m being incredibly stupid.


    I sigh, ¡°Maybe I can¡­ I dunno, talk to her? For you?¡±


    Jevita shakes her head, ¡°No, she¡¯d just hate me secretly.¡±


    Kque sets down her drink, ¡°I don''t think you''re giving Ina enough credit.¡±


    Jevita raises an eyebrow, confused.


    ¡°If Ina was just a passing fancy of Yrelia, then yeah. It would be a horrible idea.¡± Kque provides, ¡°But Ina¡¯s smart, and she can explain herself well, and she¡¯s right. And as I said, Yrelia is¡­ well¡­ I try to let these things go unsaid, but she¡¯s kinda crazy about you. At least for the moment.¡±


    ¡°This sounds like a horrible idea.¡± Jevita mumbles through a bite.


    I¡¯m not sure how to react. To¡­ like¡­ any of that. So I move back to the main point.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to make it a big deal.¡± I add, ¡°Just¡­ you know¡­ encourage her to come talk to you. Maybe let her vent if she needs it. I¡¯m not going to try and be anything more than a little voice of reason.¡±


    Jevita glares up at the ceiling, ¡°Alright, but¡­ seriously. Don¡¯t be weird about it. Don¡¯t try to force her into anything. If she really doesn¡¯t want to talk or forgive me, don''t push her. I want her to have the space she needs to heal too.¡±


    We can all agree to that, and as the sun sets Kque and I return to the inn.

 Chapter 15: Pillow Promises Part 3

    Tasii and Yrelia are waiting in the common room, all that remains of their meal are the two mugs of steaming cider.


    ¡°How¡¯d everything go?¡± I ask as we join them.


    Yrelia shrugs, tired but content, ¡°I¡¯ll have these little bumpkin trade shops around my finger in a day or so. If I was less kind I¡¯d have them buying river water for the price of fine Arudian Wine.¡±


    Kque raises an eyebrow, and Tasii sighs.


    ¡°It¡¯s a good thing I have the trust of my mother¡¯s conclave to keep intact.¡±


    ¡°What she means to say,¡± Tasii interjects, ¡°Is that we found a few shops that seem really interested in our stock. We¡¯re still deciding if their wares will be worth trading now, or if we should carry it up the road to sell later.¡±


    Yrelia shrugs, ¡°I like my version better.¡± Then she eyes Kque and me, ¡°How about you two? What was your afternoon like?¡±


    Well that was quick. Best to answer quickly and show absolutely no guilt. You did nothing wrong by visiting Jevita and Lule.


    ¡°It was nice.¡± I¡¯m actually a little proud that I was able to keep my voice steady. ¡°Walked to the city''s edge to check in on Lule and Jevita.¡±


    I brace for¡­ well¡­ something. There is a pause, probably just surprise. Tasii recovers first.


    ¡°That sounds nice. Guessing they¡¯re doing well? I saw them this morning when I did a bit of inventory.¡±


    ¡°Mhm¡± I nod, ¡°I ended up helping translate that book a little.¡±


    Yrelia hides the twinge of¡­ hurt? Annoyance? Fuck I hope she¡¯s not mad. I hope I didn¡¯t fuck this up.


    ¡°Have you had food yet?¡± She asks, looking over toward the bar and kitchen, ¡°I think they might still have some dinner.¡±


    ¡°Kque left to bring us food in the middle of it, but some of that hot cider sounds really nice actually.¡± I smile, trying desperately to sooth that little twinge I spotted, ¡°I¡¯m going to be so sore tomorrow from all the walking we did earlier.¡±


    Yrelia moves to go get me some, but Kque rises. ¡°I need to drop something off in our rooms anyway. I¡¯ll ask for some to be sent out on the way up. Will probably get a shower if you two could keep an eye on Ina?¡±


    ¡°Kque that¡¯s really sweet of you but I don¡¯t need someone to¨C¡±


    ¡°I can manage that.¡± Yrelia smirks, then pushes the mug to me. ¡°I¡¯m pretty full, you can drink from mine until yours shows up.¡±


    ¡°Oh, thanks.¡± I wrap my hands around the mug.


    The topic of Jevita and Lule doesn¡¯t come up again, and I¡¯m too much of a coward to try anymore. It¡¯s not long before we¡¯re all drooping in our chairs and ready to head to bed.


    However Yrelia has a surprise for me. Laying across the bed is a little rich purple silk nightgown with a soft fuzzy interior lining with a fresh pair of matching pink underthings. I can¡¯t even come up with a refusal, especially as she has me touch and hold the soft fabrics. They are just too soft! And once I try them on I can help but melt a little.


    At some point on that third night I wake up to find myself turned toward her, with my forehead pressed into her chest and our legs entwined.


    The cold inside my chest aches, and the sound of her heart thumbs in time with a¡­ heat I feel radiating from her. Before I can wonder if she¡¯s awake I feel her fingers dance up and down my shoulder. An absent minded caress that would drag me into sleep any other night.


    But that warmth from her¡­ It¡¯s familiar.


    I take a deep breath, and the scent of her fills me. Night sweat and the leftovers of whatever sweet hairwash she used the previous morning.


    She pauses, then whispers. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, did I wake you?¡±


    I reply by twisting up to kiss her exposed collarbone. That heat coming from her thumbs brighter beneath my lips, and I can¡¯t help but create a line of kisses up her neck.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± She half whispers, half moans.


    Then I¡¯m at her lips, inches away, and stop. We just lay there for a few seconds, staring across the pillow at each other.


    Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    Then I lean in and peck her on the lips, soft and quick.


    That weird warmth I sense radiating from her flares, and I can¡¯t tell if I¡¯m seeing a smirk or a scowl in the dark.


    ¡°Ina¡­ You know we can¡¯t¨C¡±


    I shake my head and then blink to try and let my eyes adjust. Trying to understand what this is I am sensing. Still convinced I am in a dream.


    ¡°I know.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°They stop playing with fire.¡± There is only a little humor in her voice.


    ¡°I know I can¡¯t, but that doesn¡¯t mean you can¡¯t.¡± I take her hand between mine and begin to kiss and nibble at her knuckles. ¡°I want to thank you for¡­ well¡­ everything and I¨C¡±


    Yrelia takes my still healing right hand and gives it a kiss in return. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°N¡­No?¡± I reply dumbly. Did I assume too much? Is she still mad about the visit I had to Jevita and Lule? Then what is that warmth I feel?


    Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! I hope this is just a dream.


    ¡°No.¡± she sighs, ¡°I¡¯m not going to let you until I can repay you for the other night.¡±


    ¡°What? Yrelia that¡¯s fucked up. I¡­ don¡¯t want this to be a debt thing. I just got lucky and I¨C¡±


    She interrupts me by pulling my arm aside and moving to sit above me, I can¡¯t help but turn as she hangs overhead.


    ¡°Not that.¡± She purrs, and I shut up.


    ¡°I meant our first night together, out in the camp. Where you made me¡­¡± She pauses, ¡°Look, Ina. Have you ever done that to a woman before?¡±


    ¡°Done what?¡±


    ¡°Gone between her legs, used your mouth like that?¡±


    I¡¯m so glad for the darkness that hides my blush.


    ¡°If you had that¡¯s fine, its sexy as fuck.¡±


    ¡°No? I¡­ I didn¡¯t know what else to do and it seemed right and I thought¡­¡± I trail off, begin to turn my head to look away. ¡°Why does that¨C¡±


    ¡°Because, you little¡­¡± She leans down, interrupting me by booping our noses. ¡°Hey, look at me Ina.¡±


    I don¡¯t. So she takes my chin, gently but firmly, and turns me back. That sets a spark through me I didn¡¯t expect. I can¡¯t help but wriggle beneath her in desire.


    ¡°Because that shit feels amazing and a ton of women don¡¯t eat pussy on day one.¡±


    ¡°B¡­ but¡­ what about that story you told me?¡± I stutter into the dark, entranced by her ferocity. ¡°About that woman, and the leg cramps and Lule interrupting and¡­¡±


    I trail off, and after a pause of confusion she remembers, ¡°Oh¡­ that¡­ I lied. Embellished. The leg cramps happened, but she was just using her hands.¡±


    ¡°...Oh.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t think you had to do that because of my story did you?¡±


    ¡°No! I wasn¡¯t even thinking about it that night. I just¡­ really wanted to.¡± I reply, try to turn away again as the blush runs down to my collarbone and heats up my ears. She doesn¡¯t let me, and I love it way too much, so the next part comes out as a barely audible whisper. ¡°I was going to do that again tonight. Still want to.¡±


    I squirm beneath her, and she carefully releases my chin.


    ¡°Well¡­ too bad.¡± She drops to the pillow next to me. Still close, so close. That radiant warmth washes over me. Hot and inviting and very distracting. ¡°I can¡¯t let you. Not until I get the chance to¨C¡±


    ¡°I hate that.¡± I hiss, the unquenched cold ache in my chest giving me the courage to interrupt her. ¡°I don¡¯t want to worry about debts and paying and¡­ fuck I hate it.¡±


    That makes her giggle, ¡°Not even remotely what I meant. But yeah that would be fucked up.¡±


    That smothers the flicker of anger. ¡°What did you mean then?¡±


    A long pause. ¡°Kque was right.¡±


    That¡­ a stutter hits that causes my body to freeze and go cold. R¡­right? The memory of what Kque said about Yrelia being smitten races through my mind.


    Yrelia grumbles something. ¡°It was only a little, and I didn¡¯t think anyone heard. Not even you.¡±


    My mind recovers, but mostly into more confusion. ¡°I¡­ Heard? Heard what?¡±


    She sighs, genuinely annoyed. ¡°I¡¯ve established, through years of careful work, that I only make sexy sounds when I¡¯m fucking or being fucked.¡±


    Oh¡­ OH!


    ¡°I do not squeak, squeal, or otherwise make the sound of some small baby animal when I am having sex.¡±


    I don¡¯t remember her making¡­ or did she? I was a little lost in the experience there at the end.


    ¡°But that night¡­ Something slipped out. Thank the Moon and Stars your embarrassment made them believe it was you.¡± She huffs. ¡°They¡¯re already on the verge of being unbearable over this.¡±


    ¡°This?¡±


    I catch a glint in her eyes, but she waves the question away.


    ¡°So. We¡¯re going to wait until you''re all healed up so I can establish, once and for all, that you''re the little squeaky one.¡±


    I sigh, frustrated, but the blush refuses to die down.


    ¡°I mean it Ina. I will help Kque roll you up and tie you down if you try to tempt me like that again.¡± She leans over and gives me a peck on the forehead.


    ¡°But¡­ But what if I¡¯m not. What if I don¡¯t¡­ ¡±


    I feel her eyebrows raise over a smirk. ¡°Ina, Ina, Ina. Doing that isn¡¯t hard, and you did amazing for your first time. Seriously, I haven¡¯t had someone give me something like that since¡­ well¡­ it doesn¡¯t matter. Point is! You will be walking funny the next morning once I get free reign of you, if you can even get up.¡±


    It¡¯s my turn to huff. Both in anticipation, and frustration, and a little bit of disbelief.


    ¡°It¡¯s adorable that you think I¡¯m joking.¡± She whispers.


    Then she pulls me into a snuggle and eventually we fall back into slumber. Her warmth radiates over me, causing my dreams to echo and twist into odd shapes to match my restless anticipation.

 Chapter 16: Physical Risks and Passing Flames Part 1

    There were no¡­ eh¡­ evasive inspections, thank fuck, but Kque did insist check me over every day after my morning stretches and shower.


    My bruises got poked and measured. Apparently she¡¯d been taking notes and making sure nothing got infected or some such. The quick application of healing waters did wonders to speed up the overall process, but I still squirmed at the sight of my wounds. Kque said she hoped everything would be nearly impossible to see in about a month.


    On the morning of the fourth day I had full mobility with very little pain in my right hand. I spent the morning helping Jevita with the translation work, even insisting on trying to take over transcribing things down myself to test the new lack of pain. I¡¯d told Yrelia and Tasii later that afternoon, and before the sun set they went out and got me a notebook to help give me something to do while I was alone.


    That night was¡­ hard. I couldn¡¯t help but toss and squirm most of it. That weird radiant heat kept calling to me, twisting my dreams and waking me. I ended up getting up to shower before anyone else was even awake, and found my nightgown drenched with sweat and my underthings soaked with what Yrelia would later call ¡®cunt drool¡¯.


    Eck.


    I hate that, and I hate that stupid heat that pours off her! Well... no I don¡¯t hate it. I hate that I can¡¯t do anything about it. Hate that I don¡¯t know how to even explain it without sounding stupid and horny and a lot crazy.


    In the shower on the fifth day I notice the scarring has disappeared about half-way up my arm. This gives me a wary hope when I show it to Kque.


    ¡°I wonder if this has something to do with that potion that you said ignited being filled with healing water?¡± She muses as she gently runs her fingers up my arm, then squeezes. I don¡¯t speak up.


    I¡¯m sitting on the bed in our room while Kque kneels and checks on my arm.


    ¡°Nothing?¡± She asks for the fourth time.


    I shake my head tiredly. ¡°No pain.¡±


    She continues the motion and squeezes down on the next section, then looks up at me expectantly.


    ¡°I¡¯ll let you know if It hurts.¡± I promise.


    She sighs and we continue the inspection in silence for a few more moments.


    ¡°So¡­ um¡­ Have you spoken with Tasii?¡±


    ¡°Literally every day for the past¡­ four years? Yeah almost five now.¡±


    It¡¯s my turn to sigh, she glances up at me with a small smile. ¡°I did. She¡¯s actually going to talk with Jevita this morning. Might even be over there right now.¡±


    ¡°Oh. wow. That¡¯s great.¡± Guilt spools in my stomach.


    Coward. Stupid fucking coward. Don¡¯t even have the courage to say you can¡¯t stand the idea of seeing Yrelia even a little mad at you.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± She moves to the worst part, a spot halfway between the knuckles and wrist and a little to the side. I brace for the stab of pain.


    But none comes. She looks up at me, and squeezes just a little harder. Still nothing.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    I nod, trying for a smile. ¡°Nothing. You must be really good at this!¡±


    ¡°Ha.¡± She laughs dryly. After she finishes checking each finger and moves to her notebook that sits beside me on the bed.


    A few seconds pass. ¡° Any trouble peeing or anything? How¡¯re your legs and all the bits between?¡±


    I shrug, used to the question. ¡°Nope, never. Everything feels really good.¡±


    She continues taking notes.


    ¡°So¡­ um¡­¡± I start to reply, nervously kicking my legs a little. ¡°How¨C¡± The question knits up my insides. I¡¯ve never wanted sex before, and now that I do and can¡¯t have it¡­ I don¡¯t know how to deal with it.


    Coward.


    ¡°How¡­ um¡­¡±


    Kque turns, noticing my internal struggle.


    ¡°How long until I¡¯m okay to have sex again?¡± I can only look at my own feet as I bite my bottom lip.


    I hear her close her notebook, and feel her shift to give me her full attention. ¡°It¡¯s not so much a matter of when you''re okay to do it¡­ but when your injuries won¡¯t get too upset at you.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ so then, how long do you think that will take?¡±


    She takes my hand. ¡°Not long. A few days, a week at most.¡±


    Fuck. That is way too long.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I can last that long.¡± I murmur.


    Kque sighs, ¡°Is she being too touchy? Because I will¨C¡±


    ¡°No! She¡¯s¡­ I¡¯ve¡­¡± I drop my hand into my hands. ¡°She won¡¯t even¡­¡±


    I curse as the words fall to pieces in my mind. ¡°Fuck!¡±


    ¡°I would hope so.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but crack a smile and look over to her.


    She squeezes my hand. ¡°Take your time. Everything you say here stays between us.¡±


    It takes a few minutes to gather my thoughts and quiet my nervousness enough so I can let the words out.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    ¡°She made it very clear that she isn¡¯t going to let us do anything until you say I¡¯m better. Even if it¡¯s me doing all the work.¡±


    Kque nods approvingly, ¡°Good. I told her I meant what I said.¡±


    I wince, ¡°I really wish you hadn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Look Ina,¡± She gives me a serious look. ¡°Yrelia can be¡­ intense in bed.¡±


    ¡°Like¡­ yeah? I kinda noticed.¡±


    She glances off at the wall beside us, a little blush touching her cheeks. ¡°You don¡¯t get it. That boundless energy of her¡¯s is¡­ well¡­ she doesn¡¯t always know when to take it slow. Especially at the start of things.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but blush alongside her as I think back to our night together. How ready she was to pounce on me, her promise of what she would do if we weren¡¯t camping and needing to walk the next day. That was after a full day of walking and all the emotional baggage that came with it.


    A pause. ¡°Wait¡­ Have you ever um¡­ like¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, Ina. I¡¯ve had sex with Yrelia.¡± She turns back and gives me a smirk, ¡°And Tasii. And Jevita.¡±


    Oh¡­ OH! I panic at the prospect of that. I¡¯m so out of my fucking depth. It was obvious too. I was just too stupid and na?ve and stupid stupid stupid! How the fuck am I suppose to fit into this group?


    I can¡¯t help but bite my lip, and feel like a stranger. Like I¡¯m back at that tavern all over again.


    ¡°Does that¡­ Is that strange to you?¡± She whispers.


    ¡°I¡­ no. Not really.¡± I lie a little, then relent. ¡°Okay yes it does. A little. I¡¯m just¡­ I¡¯m processing what that means. I¡¯m not used to¡­ This. All of this. You¡¯re all really close and I¨C¡±


    ¡°Can I explain some things? Help give our little temple girl some context?¡± She smiles, warm and genuinely amused.


    I nod as being called a girl distracts my nervous tensions. ¡°Yes please.¡±


    ¡°So first off, a question. What does sex mean to you?¡±


    That causes my brain to hiccup. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure. Sex was¡­ work. Something I was raised and taught to do to help give women a daughter.¡±


    That makes her frown, ¡°Anything else? What about emotionally?¡±


    I think of Jawdat. Of our times together. Of our sex, but I hate calling it that. Mostly me just wanting to feel something. To feel wanted, but often I just felt empty. Gross... and... used.


    I shake my head, ¡°There was one male. One I would¡­ but¡­ it wasn¡¯t really about that. At least not for me. The physical stuff was there, but not worth it.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not good. Not right.¡± She winces, ¡°So a second question. What do you think sex means to me? To us? To all us women out here in the world who can¡¯t get a child from it? Why do we pursue it?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I think of Yrelia straddling me. Her kiss. The passion of it. Every spark of desire I¡¯d ever put into anything before that day was nothing compared to it. ¡°When I was with Yrelia¡­ That was¡­ I¡¯d never¡­ It was kinda a completely new thing! I¡¯d never experienced anything like it.¡±


    A smile blossoms to replace the sadness. ¡°Exactly! Oh I¡¯m so glad to hear that, Ina. It¡¯s hard to put into words, and it¡¯s different for everyone. But it¡¯s also the same. I love them, Ina. All of them. This family I travel with. And they love me in return. We do have sex, sometimes casual and sometimes crazy, other times it¡¯s a lot more than that. That¡¯s really normal out here.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ what does that make me?¡± I ask. ¡°To¡­ her? To you all? Am I a problem?¡±


    ¡°Not at all! For now you''re a dear friend, a passing lover for her. We¡¯ll decide the rest together. ¡± She pats my healing arm. ¡°Don¡¯t let your past hurts define how you live your life now. It¡¯s really not healthy. It¡¯s important not to bottle these things up. Let the flames burn and see where they lead you. But¡­ let them go if they fade. Otherwise they¡¯ll sit in your belly and burn you up.¡±


    That terrifies me. The thought of Yrelia not wanting me, of her not wanting to sleep with me and kiss me and tease me. Of one, or both of us tiring of each other.


    Is that all I want my life to be? My relationships? Sex and fear?


    No. That¡¯s what Sangoma and the temple demanded of me. I won¡¯t chase after that.


    ¡°I thought you were trying to talk me out of having sex.¡± I grumble.


    ¡°Oops.¡± She shrugs and smiles, ¡°You''re both adults. You seem to understand the physical risks. I¡¯ll let her know that too.¡±


    ¡°Thanks for helping me understand.¡± Is all I can say at first. ¡°I¡¯m still¡­ trying to figure all this out. Figure me out.¡±


    ¡°Of course. But seriously Ina, ask Yrelia to be... gentle?¡± She pulls back from me and gathers up her notebook.


    ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± I reply as the weight of everything rolls over me.


    Anticipation, worry, weariness, and even hunger brew as I sit on the edge of the bed as Kque prepares to leave. She pauses at the door.


    ¡°Ina.¡±


    I look up.


    ¡°Get some breakfast.¡±


    I nod, ¡°Yup. Breakfast. Okay.¡±


    Yrelia was already out trading for the day, and I didn¡¯t want to interrupt Tasii and Jevita. Kque shared a quick breakfast with me on the nice second story terrace before needing to head out to catch up with Yrelia.


    I insisted I¡¯ll be okay alone and not to worry about me. That I¡¯d like some time to decompress and think about things. However, after she leaves I can only stare down at the pages of my new notebook as I sit alone.


    I huff in annoyance and doodle out silly little Quelekita, a few quick sketches of a neat fruit growing along the wall of the next building over, and a pair of tits. Because why not. For so many years, art was how I expressed my inner desires, and in the past those were about my body. But now¡­ fuck the idea of spending hours up here obsessing over a drawing feels so pointless!


    That cold that¡¯s been building in my chest begins to ache, and I find my eyes wandering to the streets below.


    I sigh, and head back to the bedroom. I drop my notebook off and decide to go walking. Yrelia has let me borrow any clothes I want, so I find a pair of baggy pants and a dirty sweater that she wore yesterday. I enjoy her smell on the oversized collar and pull it up around my neck.


    As I step out into the street I¡¯m buffeted by a light breeze, and hold my hands up to block the afternoon glare. I¡¯ve no destination in mind, so I just start heading toward the city center.


    The streets are quite busy, and amidst the crowd I notice quite a few fresh celebratory wreaths adorning the women¡¯s brows, shoulders, and wrists. I wince at the memories they bring. Of the festival I''d left at my back while running from the temple, of Lyttoral, of the look on my Sangoma¡¯s face¡­


    ¡°No excuses for them.¡± I mutter to fight down the guilt and memory.


    I shiver as the ache in my chest isn¡¯t warmed by the cozy sweater, and turn to an alley. It connects this spoke of the city''s wheel shaped street layout to the next, albeit after a couple staircases and little tunnel beneath two larger buildings. I run my fingers through some vines and dirty pink blossoms that have begun to outgrow their intended spot and now curl around the guardrails. On a whim I pluck one and fit the stem between two of the braids in my hair.


    The next street over is even more crowded, and I can¡¯t help but huff in annoyance. Stubbornness pushes me to find another quiet alley and head toward the next spoke.


    This one is broken up by a few angled turns around smaller offshoot buildings. Thankfully this spoke is deserted, save a single woman heading my way. I¡¯d have ignored her, but she¡¯s neither a trader nor a local of the city and stands out. Skin like the sand, golden hair, and pale tattoos curl across her face. A sort of upside down tree pattern with little dots, perfectly symmetrical. She¡¯s also¡­ like¡­ really tall. One and a half heads taller than me, at least!


    Her Amber golden eyes swivel to meet mine as she catches me staring. Gives me an uninterested smile and nod. I look down, a little intimidated and embarrassed.


    As we get within a dozen feet or so, the cold in my chest suddenly rears up. I shiver and rub at my sternum and slow my walk. Then she passes, and that pain is contrasted by a wash of heat and radiance from my left.


    I can¡¯t help but choke and fumble as the cold inside me aches and bites. Like I¡¯m suddenly aware I¡¯ve not eaten for a week, it seems to claw at my insides. I reach out for the closest stable thing and end up leaning against an Everlight post.


    Deep breaths. In. Out. What the fuck just happened? What is this?

 Chapter 17: Physical Risks and Passing Flames Part 2

    Content Warning:


    Forced kissing/Amwella sharing that causing trauma flashbacks of past assaults.


    Yrelia¡¯s scent on the sweater helps calm my mind while the cold ache seems to lessen.


    Then that warmth is at my back.


    ¡°You alright?¡± A startled question. The cold gnaws and claws and growls.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± I lie, ¡°Just¡­ like¡­ yeah I¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t like this before. Why now? Am I¡­ is it the healing waters? I thought this was just¡­like¡­ general sex cravings! I try to continue walking, but a wave of nausea just makes me relocate my hand to a guardrail as I stumble along. What the fuck! What¡¯s happening?


    I can feel that heat jerk, then radiate behind me by a few feet. Then it¡¯s at my side, and I look over to see the woman. She leans over a bit, and is trying to see my face but is keeping her distance. A controlled look of concern that is just beginning to reach her eyes.


    ¡°Can I help? What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t think so. Just¡­ like. Go away?¡±


    A pause, then a surprised smirk.


    ¡°Fuck, sorry. That was mean.¡± I try to smile, but expect it looks like a pained grimace.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright.¡± She pauses, awkward.


    I should get back to the inn, to Kque. She¡¯ll know what to do. I should have asked her about this earlier! Stupid stupid stupid!


    I look back the way I came, and wince. I don¡¯t like the idea of trying to walk back, especially if she¡¯s going that same way.


    ¡°I just need to get back to my friends. One knows healing things. She can help me.¡±


    ¡°Is that far?¡± She raises an eyebrow and looks me up and down. Takes in my splinted fingers, still healing hand and wrist, and frowns. ¡°You don¡¯t look ready to walk much.¡±


    I huff, wishing she would go away, but not wanting to be rude. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine. Just need to catch my breath.¡±


    She takes a small step back, ¡°Okay, take your time.¡±


    I squeeze my eyes shut. Deep breaths. Focus. It lessens a bit with her distance.


    ¡°Has this happened before?¡±


    ¡°Nope. Can you um¡­ like¡­ give me some space? Or better yet, just leave?¡± My focus wanes. ¡°I¡¯m not trying to be horrible. I would just rather deal with this alone.¡±


    A pause, then a sigh. ¡°Yeah I get that.¡±


    I look up¡­ and up and up. Fuck is she tall! Those amber eyes are looking down the street, real confliction on her face. Then she looks back at me.


    ¡°But¡­ no. Sorry.¡± She gives me an awkward smile, ¡°You¡¯re not really getting better. You said a friend of yours was a healer? What inn are you staying at?¡±


    ¡°Wha¡­ what? You can¡¯t just¡­¡±


    ¡°Stop me then?¡± She quirks an eyebrow, the smile reaches her eyes. ¡°Or better yet, walk the street without a stumble and I¡¯ll go.¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± I grumble.


    I take a deep breath, turn, and begin to walk. After a few seconds of gaining some distance I feel the heat return, then move up beside me.


    I glare over at her. ¡°See? I¡¯m fine.¡±


    I¡¯m not, the cold still aches like nothing I¡¯ve ever felt before. But I¡¯m running on spite now.


    ¡°Good.¡± Then, after a few more steps. ¡°So what brings you to Deledita?¡±


    I huff, ¡°What says I¡¯m not local?¡±


    A chuckle, ¡°Just a guess.¡±


    I don¡¯t answer as we round the last corner, revealing the main street just a building away. I sigh in relief, and speed up as much as I dare. She keeps pace easily.


    ¡°There. See? I¡¯m fine.¡± I say as we exit the alley.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± She looks right and left. ¡°I don¡¯t see any inns on this street.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m staying a few spokes over.¡± I give her my best tired smile, ¡°Thanks for¡­ well¡­ making sure I was okay. Even if I didn¡¯t need it.¡±


    She gives me a sidelong look, ¡°No problem.¡±


    I¡¯m stuck for a second, locked by her eyes that seem to glow and dance in the Everlight.


    I turn and rub my sternum reflexively and begin to head up the street. The ache lessens considerably as I build distance, and I sigh in relief.


    Okay¡­ what the fuck? How can being close to her make it hurt like that? Is this a magic thing? Is she doing this to everyone?


    I stop and glance back to check. At first I can¡¯t see her, and think she¡¯s gone. But then a group moves and I find her. She¡¯s not moved from where I left her, and she¡¯s still staring after me.


    Our eyes meet.


    I turn and keep moving. Doesn¡¯t matter. Doesn¡¯t matter. Stupid to look back.


    I get halfway down the last alleyway before my street when a heat prickles the back of my neck, and the cold gnaws a little harder.


    You¡¯ve got to be kidding me.


    I nearly whirl around to see her following about twenty feet back.


    ¡°What are you doing!¡± I nearly shout the words.


    ¡°Sor¡­¡± She bites whatever she was going to say, closes the distance, but stops about ten feet away, hands raised. ¡°I just wanted to¨C¡±


    ¡°Go away!¡± I hug my arms against my chest as the cold ache gets a little worse. ¡°You¡¯re literally making it hurt more!¡±


    ¡°That shouldn¡¯t happen.¡± Her eyes lock on my burned arm.


    A pause, then she makes a decision. ¡°There is talk around the city, about a couple groups that got attacked on the road.¡±


    I freeze. Anger shifts to confusion. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°The duenna say it was some kind of monster.¡± She points to my arm, ¡°Told us that one of the women took care of it, turned it to ashes and slag. But she got pretty hurt doing it. Burned her arm.¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°What does it matter to you?¡±


    She looks up to my face again, ¡°How¡¯d you do it? Nightmares like that don¡¯t die easy.¡±


    ¡°It was just a potion. I got lucky. It ate it or something.¡± I shrug, angry and confused and still trying to focus through the cold ache.


    The memory mingles with the pain, and I visibly wince.


    ¡°Alchemical potions that can do that are¡­ rare.¡± She replies. ¡°And very expensive.¡±


    ¡°It was just healing waters.¡± I grumble, ¡°And what does this even matter? I just want to get back to my friends.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± She takes a step forward.


    I take a step back. ¡°Seriously, go away. I need to¨C¡±


    Her expression has turned hard, guarded. ¡°No.¡±


    Another step forward, I try to take two steps back to compensate for the difference in our strides.


    ¡°Don¡¯t¡­ don¡¯t come any closer.¡±


    She closes the distance, now barely arm¡¯s reach away. ¡°How did you know I was following you?¡±


    My anger shatters into fear. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°How did you know I was following you?¡± she repeats.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ It¡­¡± I move to take another step back, but one stupid foot catches on the other and I begin to fall.


    Like lightning she has my unhurt wrist in one hand and the elbow of my burned arm in another. Her hands radiate and buzz, the ache at my core burns in cold contrast.


    ¡°Careful.¡± She mutters and gently pulls me upright.


    Before I can panic, begin to kick and struggle to get away, she releases me.


    I sway and stare down at my own feet. I don¡¯t know what to do. Even if I wasn¡¯t sore and weak and stupid, I¡¯m certain now that she could stop me from even getting a few feet away. But¡­ The cold is unbearable when she¡¯s this close.


    ¡°You knew I was behind you without looking back. Whatever is hurting you gets worse when I¡¯m close. ¡± They aren''t questions. ¡°You also killed a lone nightmare from the Weaver¡¯s Wood.¡±


    I don¡¯t answer from my pained hunch, just give her my best glare.


    She sighs, ¡°Fuck. I¡¯ll make you a deal. If I can make that pain stop, will you talk to me? Answer some questions?¡±


    I shake my head, ¡°It¡¯s just unbound principles, from the healing waters we used. I don¡¯t want any more alchemy done to me.¡±


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t going to use alchemy.¡±


    I look up to meet her gaze. ¡°Answer is still no.¡±


    She shrugs, ¡°That cold in your chest isn¡¯t going to get better unless you feed it.¡±


    That cuts through the fear and pain, ¡°Feed it? You know what this is?¡±


    She nods.


    This is a trick. It has to be. I must have let something slip. She¡¯s wanting something from me.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going anywhere with you. I¡¯ll kick and scream and bite and¨C¡±


    That gets her to laugh, a soft melodic sound. ¡°I help you right here. Make that cold empty ache go warm.¡±


    Biting my lip, I try to think through what her angle could be, what she could possibly want. The pain is getting worse, she¡¯s right about that.


    ¡°How can you help? You said I need to eat or¡­ something?¡±


    ¡°Not you¡­ This is Her way of telling you to gather Amwella into yourself.¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means.¡±


    A long pause as she searches my face.


    ¡°Of course you don¡¯t.¡± She sighs. ¡°Look I¡¯ll let you in on some trade secrets, yeah? Give you some advice after you''re able to think straight?¡±


    I grind my teeth, then angrily. ¡°How will this work?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s complicated. Is that a yes?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like to know¨C¡±


    ¡°Is that a yes?¡± She insists.


    I huff and look off to the side. ¡°Alright, yes. But first¨C¡±


    I¡¯m cut off as she snatches me up. Too slow and shocked to resist as she cradles me in her arms. Reflexive struggles and shouting are about to send me into a flailing panic, and I can feel the cold ache begin to riot at her warm embrace, but then her lips are pressed into mine.


    A shower of sparks pour into me. I can tell it¡¯s only a small amount, barely a fraction of what she must have roiling inside her, but to my small frame and bitterly cold chest it is a roaring fire. My body can¡¯t help but shutter now. Her warmth paralyzes my muscles, causes little twitches of lightning to run through me. It feels amazing, a sudden climax of pleasure and warmth.


    And I fucking hate it. My mind is screaming as these few seconds stretch on and on. All the memories of being small and weak and helpless back at the temple fill my mind as she pins me against her chest. I want to fight her off, but my body just won¡¯t listen!


    Then she is setting me back onto my feet, keeping a hand under an elbow to make sure I¡¯m steady.


    I¡¯m not, but that doesn¡¯t stop me from trying to hit her, a lot. I slap and claw and punch at her. Her long reach allows her to keep me at length while also keeping a hold on me.


    ¡°You Fucking stupid fuck of cunt!¡± I hiss and spit, finally yanking away to stumble back.


    ¡°Just take some deep breaths. Breath.¡± She does her best to release me in a way that I slam down onto my butt gently.


    ¡°Shut up!¡± I scream at her, wiping at my mouth. ¡°Fucking cunt drool!¡±


    She twists up her face at that. ¡°Ew.¡±


    Then she looks past me, puts on a fake smile.


    ¡°Sorry! We¡¯re fine! Just eh¡­ stumped her toe.¡± She half yells to someone behind who must have heard my cries. Then a laugh, ¡°Yeah mouth of a sailor on this one!¡±


    Should have just run and shouted for help. Stupid stupid stupid. The duenna here like you! I curl up on myself, knees against my chest and head pressed against them. Still back in the Lyttoral temple in my mind. Helpless and stupid and small. Unable to move as panic rolls through me. No. Not now! I should run now. Get up and go. GO!


    But I can¡¯t move. Then she is kneeling in front of me as I begin to shake. ¡°How¡¯s the cold now?¡±


    I pause. It¡¯s gone. Replaced with a little flicker of warmth and light. That helps me calm down, breath slow and steady. I can still feel her radiant blaze in front of me, but my own doesn¡¯t ache in response.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s warm now.¡± I say into my own legs. ¡°A little light inside. What did you do?¡±


    ¡°Shared some of my Amwella with you. I¡¯m guessing you used all yours up killing that thing outside the town?¡±


    I look up to her. Real worry and regret flash across her face. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know what that is. What the monster was. I¡­ I wasn¡¯t panicking after I killed it. The potion broke in my hand and then there was a fire and¨C¡±


    She nods and settles onto the ground in front of me, sitting cross legged. ¡°So it really was just¡­ good luck? You really don¡¯t know what I¡¯m talking about?¡±


    ¡°Why am I panicking now? You didn¡¯t mention this!¡± My voice is shrill, I want to keep screaming.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± She runs a hand through her hair. ¡°It shouldn¡¯t have¡­ couldn¡¯t have¨C¡±


    ¡°It did!¡± I hiss, cutting her off.


    ¡°Okay. okay. You¡¯re right. I should have explained before doing that. I¡­¡± She sighs, visibly grits her teeth. ¡°I¡¯m sor¨C¡±


    ¡°Fuck you.¡± I spit, and the anger gives me the drive to begin to rise.


    She reaches out to help, but I yank back.


    ¡°Alright alright.¡± She raises her hands, palms up.


    I finish getting up, more steady than I expect despite my shaking. I keep fighting to replace the shitty memories with anger and spitfire. The little blaze in my chest gives me encouragement.


    I don¡¯t say anything, just give her a glare before turning and stomping away. Her glow on the edge of my senses lets me know that she follows.


    Once I get within sight of the inn I stop and take a deep breath. You''re fine, it was just a kiss. Calm down, you little stupid. She healed whatever that cold was. Even if you could somehow force her to go away, you need to at least ask how she did that. How she knows anything about that thing that attacked you.


    A realization hits like a kick to the nose. You idiot, it¡¯s pretty fucking obvious how she knows, once you stop panicking over nothing.


    I turn, and she¡¯s there. Keeping just out of reach.


    ¡°I can come by tomorrow morning. I just wanted to know where to find you. You rest and¨C¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a Sun Spoken.¡±


    She winces, glances around, and takes a careful step closer.


    ¡°I was.¡± She replies so quietly only I can hear.


    That catches me off guard. How do you stop being a Sun Spoken?


    ¡°Seriously, I think you need to get some rest before I¨C.¡± She holds her hands up, palms out.


    ¡°What is this?¡± I ask, pointing to my chest, ¡°What did you do? Why did it hurt when¨C¡±


    ¡°Amwella. It¡¯s called Amwella. Our patron hurts us when we don¡¯t store it. It¡¯s¡­ a type of energy.¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°That makes even less¨C¡±


    The spirit in the journal, the one that changed me. I vaguely remember Her reflection in the potion before¡­ I thought It was only a hallucination.


    I try to swallow, only to discover my mouth is very dry.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Her.¡± I whisper, very quietly.


    She grimaces, then nods. ¡°This is a lot to go over right now, we¡¯ll talk tomorrow.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°May I have your name?¡±


    ¡°Inamatorii, or just Ina.¡±


    That makes her choke, then cough. ¡°You¡¯re not¡­ You can¡¯t be¡­¡± She grimaces, ¡°Okay yeah. Fine.¡±


    I bristle at her reaction. Any other day, any other person and I would fall apart in self-consciousness over that. But not today.


    ¡°What?¡± I snap. ¡°Now you have a problem with my name? Fuck you!¡±


    She sighs, then turns ¡°We¡¯ll talk tomorrow. I have to make sure my companion knows we¡¯re staying in Deledita tonight.¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡± I call out, ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Emarial.¡± She calls over a shoulder before walking off.

 Chapter 18: Inghetatas Part 1

    Content warning:


    Soul/mind manipulation to place a geas/demand on another. Can be seen as soul torture as well.


    The stress makes what was probably like¡­ an hour of time feel like 8 hours. Nobody is even back at the tavern yet. So, I end up heading up to our room and just collapsing onto the bed and curling around my core.


    The little spark in my chest sits, flickering and happy. No longer a gnashing void of cold eating at my sanity. It¡­ it still aches, but in a good way. Like a full belly after a long day without food.


    ¡°Fuck you.¡± I mutter, and fall into oblivion.


    In the dream, the darkness keeps its distance as I clutch the new warmth.


    In the calm I¡¯m free to look about, and without the fear I¡¯m able to spot little glitters of light in the void. I call out to the closest one, but something tells me she can¡¯t hear me. That none of this is¡­ real?


    No it¡¯s quite real, just not¡­ physical. This is all a metaphor for¡­ something? I know I could turn and get answers. But I don¡¯t want to see Her eyes right now. So I try to ask.


    ¡°Why me?¡±


    A hum, then a chin is resting atop my head, multiple arms reach around my shoulders and torso. She curls around me and stokes the little flame at my core. As she fusses over it a litany of old pain and rage and loss rumbles from her chest, bringing tears to my soul.


    "I¡¯m¡­ nothing." I blubber through tears, "I¡¯m not a hunk of muscle like that woman was. I¡¯m not tempered for this. I¡¯m so stupid and useless and¨C"


    She drifts around me and grabs my chin then forces me to make contact with her four blazing eyes.


    I cry out, try to pull away, to apologize and¨C


    ¡°I did not make you useless. I did not make you stupid.¡± She forces the words through my soul.


    It hurts. Oh fuck it hurts so much. Her words are a cauldron of boiling soulfire poured through my eyes directly into my mind. I feel my sleeping body shudder and writhe as She jerks my head and chin back, hovers overhead. Threatens to pour more words into me.


    ¡°Please no. Please stop. It hurts so much. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    A huff. A spark of regret and disgust flits from Her as She releases me.


    Then She is behind me again, that rage cooled as She wraps me in Her arms.


    Unable to run or escape Her embrace, I curl around the spark, and hold back a scream.


    For a terrible moment, I am frozen in fear at the arms that wrap around me. At the fingers that gently draw a pattern of caresses atop my hand.


    Yrelia murmurs something, and my panic turns to relief.


    I wiggle closer and mumble back nothings as the dream fear falls from my mind, replaced with the happiness of the soothing warmth at my back.


    She hugs me close.


    ¡°What time is it?¡± I finally whisper.


    ¡°Half-way between afternoon and evening.¡±


    My stomach lets out a growl of anger that has nothing to do with the spark at my core.


    Yrelia giggles, ¡°Did you not eat?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I grumble and push my face into the bed, but eventually I stir and notice a blanket draped over me. Probably put there by Yrelia when she found me like this.


    Then I remember what happened before my nap. What do I even tell her? Tell them all? Hey I went for a walk, nearly passed out from a severe cold ache in my chest. What? No, it''s fine now. Turns out it¡¯s a magical hunger. For what? Something called Amwella. How do I know that? Oh a giant woman told me, turns out she¡¯s a Sun Spoken too and I¡¯m scheduled to have¡­ breakfast or something with her tomorrow.


    Yay.


    I start to think back to the dream, to the¡­ to Her. It¡¯s so hard to focus on it though¡­


    Before my brain can get far Yrelia interrupts my thoughts.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to get up just yet,¡± She pulls me tight. ¡°You were just so cute and I was always horrible at not just¡­ not touching. Had to cuddle snuggle.¡±


    ¡°Is fine. I don¡¯t want to go back to sleep.¡± I whisper back and kiss the hand closest to my face, ¡°Was having a bad dream. I¡¯m glad you were here when I woke up.¡±


    ¡°Oh good. Glad to help!¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°Do you want to talk about it?¡±


    I shake my head.


    ¡°Kay. Then let¡¯s get you some food!¡±


    We untangle and rise, when Yrelia steps back, places a finger to her lips and tuts at me.


    ¡°No no no¡­ that¡¯s not nearly appropriate attire for an evening out.¡±


    I rub the sleep from my eyes, confused. ¡°Out?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. I¡¯m taking you out. To this lovely little spot I found.¡±


    She waits, a flicker of worry.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Oh! Okay.¡± I stutter out, my brain catching up. ¡°Yeah that sounds really nice!¡±


    Her face lights back up, ¡°Normally I¡¯d wait to do this during or after, but¡­¡±


    Then she is pulling a stack of clothes up from behind the bed and holding them out to me.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    Soft rich red fabric embellished with frills and little beads that hang off a length of rope perfectly set to hold a small pouch or bag. It¡¯s the top and skirt pair I¡¯d seen on that first day out with them alongside a little pair of cute slippers and tights.


    ¡°I spied on you eyeing these, and couldn¡¯t resist!¡±


    A million little denials die on my tongue as I take them, eyes go a bit blurry, ¡°You saw? You remembered and got them for me?¡±


    ¡°Mhm!¡± She nods proudly. And it¡¯s then that I notice her own fashion. She¡¯s wearing a soft purple dress with little floofs and silver sparkling glitter. It also parts on one side at the hip to reveal the soft skin of a leg. A series of jade rings dangling down one ear and her hair is done up too, fancy and elegant as it wraps around itself into a bun with just a little bit of stray hair.


    ¡°You look really pretty,¡± I whisper, clutching the new outfit to my chest.


    She smiles, and her cheeks take on a rosy tint. ¡°Thank you!¡±


    And with that I change into my new outfit. My soreness is almost non-existent, and I sigh in relief as I strip down and see the noticeably reduced nature of all my cuts and bruises. After fiddling with the splint on my left hand I decide my fingers are healed enough to be okay without it for one evening.


    I meet up with Yrelia in the common room. She¡¯s leaning against a table alone.


    Yrelia pushes off the table and approaches with a clap of her hands, ¡°Ina! You look fabulous!¡±


    I blush and can¡¯t help but grin stupidly as Yrelia takes my hand and prompts me to turn and spin.


    I obey, letting her take in all the angles ¡°Wow. Wow. Wow.¡± She sings.


    ¡°Thanks!¡± I reply and pull her into a hug. ¡°Seriously! It¡¯s really comfy and perfect.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll have to get you something even better before we leave Deledita. I¡¯ve seen some amazing things in my explorations.¡±


    Yrelia takes my hand in hers and leads me out into the streets.


    It¡¯s even more of a bustle than earlier. More travelers and traders making their way away from Lyttoral after the festival¡¯s end. Weaving through the crowd, Yrelia pulls me toward the city center, then takes me down one of the smaller main streets.


    ¡°It¡¯s a little place.¡± She explains as we slow, the street is fairly devoid of traffic compared to the others. ¡°The owner is this little thing, super sweet, has been cooking for like¡­ twice my age.¡±


    ¡°What kind of food does she make?¡± I know I won¡¯t understand half of what she might say, but I am enjoying her enthusiasm.


    ¡°Oh she swears she can cook anything and everything! But I happened to bring her something a little special, part of the trade was that we¡¯ll get the first bottles and a free meal out of it anytime we visit Deledita.¡±


    ¡°Bottles of what?¡±


    She gives me a wink in reply, ¡°Something special. You¡¯ll taste it soon enough.¡±


    When we arrive at an alleyway, Yrelia stops us.


    ¡°Okay, so, I kind of need you to close your eyes.¡±


    ¡°What? Why?¡±


    She gives me a playful pout and rests a hand on one of her hips. ¡°Because I want to surprise you? C¡¯mon, I¡¯ll guide you and stop you from tripping.¡±


    As she takes both my hands, I obey with an equally playful sigh.


    ¡°Okay, watch your step here.¡± She murmurs as the smooth cobblestone gives way to rougher terrain. Then¡­ ¡°This part might be a bit tricky, we have a weird type of stairwell to go up. Here¡¯s the handrail, yeah that¡¯s it. NO PEEKING!¡±


    I almost trip and my eyelids flutter for a moment, revealing winding wooden steps. ¡°Sorry, sorry.¡±


    Yrelia hums, and we take it slowly to avoid another near mishap.


    ¡°We¡¯re about to reach the top, just like¡­ two or three more. Then I¡¯ll need you to wait here for a second!¡±


    Once at the top, she presses my hands down on a curved thing and releases me.


    ¡°Seriously, no peeking. I¡¯ll be back in like¡­ two seconds!¡±


    ¡°O... kay?¡±


    ¡°No peeking. Be right back!¡±


    And then with the pitter patter of footfalls I am alone. I can make out the beginning of a greeting at a distance, then hushed whispers. A slight breeze wafts a serenade of sweet scents over me.


    ¡°Yrelia?¡± I whisper after a few moments have passed.


    More whispers, I recognise some from Yrelia.


    ¡°Okay okay, thanks so much!¡±


    ¡°Can I look now?¡±


    ¡°Okay okay okay. Open your eyes Ina!¡±


    I do, and am greeted with the sight of Yrelia, Tasii, Kque, and even Jevita standing amidst a garden of color. All are dressed in various beautifully vibrant clothes.


    Three little clay tables, only about a foot off the ground, populate this building¡¯s rooftop garden. Curling all around us are vines with blooming flowers and weird fruits all about.


    ¡°Surprise!¡± Yrelia giggles and rushes over to take my hands.


    ¡°Wow, Ina, you look great!¡± Tasii says.


    ¡°I¡­ what is all this?¡± I ask, confused.


    ¡°A celebration! A proper one!¡± Yrelia pulls me over to the group.


    I can¡¯t help but notice Kque¡¯s silence and worried look at my unsplinted fingers. But she only says, ¡°We wanted to make sure to have one before leaving.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ What are we celebrating?¡± I ask as I eye a large bottle of some strange dark liquid, five empty glass bowls, and an assortment of fruits and little wrapped candies on the central table.


    ¡°You, for one! A sort of welcome to your new life party!¡± She says, pulling me to sit on the grass with the rest of the group.


    ¡°But¡­¡± I look among them, then move to rub at my eyes as they threaten to leak. ¡°I¡­ You really shouldn¡¯t have. But thank you.¡±


    ¡°It only gets better.¡± Jevita pipes in as she moves to sit before the bottle.


    Yrelia turns politely, but avoids looking directly at her.


    I wince, guilt staining the anxious joy. I should have talked to her, said something, tried to help fix this. Selfish stupi¨C


    And then the dream is in my mind again, A wave of nausea and pain slams into my brain. Her rage burns at me until my thoughts twist away from the half remembered thought.


    Luckily my flinch is small, and almost everyone is turning toward Jevita. But Kque notices, and only gives me a worried raise of an eyebrow.


    I shake my head, give her my best smile to tell her I¡¯m fine, and turn to watch Jevita uncork the centerpiece. Immediately cold steam begins to rise from the top. After a few seconds she reveals a smaller bottle of clear glittering liquid, opens it and empties it into the larger one.


    With a quickness I didn¡¯t know she had, Jevita re-corks the first as soon as the last drop is gone. Then she lifts the large bottle and begins to shake the entire thing.


    ¡°What is it?¡± I whisper to no one.


    Tasii begins to answer, but Yrelia shushes her. ¡°She¡¯s never had this! Let it be a surprise!¡±


    ¡°Had what?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a mix of Lyttoral brewcraft,¡± Jevita supplies. ¡°But with an Arudian crystal touch.¡±


    Yrelia gives her a sour look, ¡°No hints! You¡¯ll ruin it.¡±


    ¡°She won¡¯t!¡± I sputter out. ¡°I wasn¡¯t allowed near magic stuff, Barely any alchemy even. I spent years begging my Sangoma to let me study Arudian script so I could read some of their stories. I only know that they have magic, but not how it works.¡±


    Jevita snorts, shakes the bottle with more rigor. ¡°It¡¯s not magic. Magic is when you can¡¯t explain a thing. Can¡¯t establish patterns and formulas. The Academy has had Cultivation locked down for centuries.¡±


    ¡°See? I don¡¯t know what any of that is.¡±


    Yrelia looks down at her hands, while Tasii and Kque are suddenly hyper focused on Jevita.


    Jevita notices this, and huffs in annoyance. ¡°It¡¯s fine. Practically common knowledge.¡±


    Tasii nods. Kque whispers, ¡°Just¡­ um¡­ stick to surface level then? Keep it simple?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Okay.¡± Jevita pauses for a moment. ¡°So¡­ Alchemy¡¯s main ingredient is the water from the Jade Sea. Right?¡±


    I nod, then add. ¡°Filtered and enchanted through the Dune Wall.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Well, The Academy uses gemstones found growing from an eternally frozen lake.¡±


    She sets the bottle down onto the clay table, then uncorks it. A white mist prickling with glittering crystals hiss out. Suddenly a white foam begins to bubble forth, but before even a drop can spill Jevita has taken it back up and is filling the five bowls.


    They all move to gather around the table, each in front of a bowl. Yrelia pats the ground next to her and I scoot up.


    ¡°So¡­¡± She grins at me, flourishes a spoon, and pops it into my hand, ¡°How about you try a little bite and we¡¯ll go from there?¡±


    ¡°What is this?¡± I poke the settling mass of glittering foam, then gather up a smidge on my spoon.


    ¡°Inghetata.¡± Jevita supplies as she begins to plop little green fruits atop her bowl.


    I can¡¯t help but notice Yrelia¡¯s quick glare at her from the corner of my eye as the spoon hovers an inch from my mouth.

 Chapter 19: Inghetatas Part 2

    ¡°Still no idea what that means,¡± I try to sound mirthful, but think it comes out more like a mumble. Then I shove the spoon in my mouth.


    Cold, very very cold! For a second I sit with my mouth open. ¡°Ah! Cold!!!¡±


    That supplies me with grins from the group, and for a second I¡¯m worried this was all a joke at my expense. But then the food melts a little and I¡¯m hit with a rush of sizzling sweet flavor.


    ¡°Oh wow!¡± I finally get out. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ This is really good! What is it?!?!¡±


    ¡°I know right?!?! It¡¯s a really neat mixture of um¡­¡± Yrelia huffs and turns back to Jevita, waves a hand. ¡°I can never get it straight.¡±


    Jevita glances up from her first bites. ¡°A liquified Arudian crystal set, generally used for cooling purposes, mixed with a sweet beverage from Lyttoral. They generally sell it as alchemy, but that¡¯s barely true.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s really really good!¡± I giggle and sputter after another two bites.


    ¡°Woah woah, slow down.¡± Yrelia places a hand on mine to stop me digging in, ¡°Now you¡¯ve got to try some of these toppings!¡±


    The next few minutes are a flurry of flavor. Every one of them has their favorite fruit or candy to sprinkle atop the white mush, and instead of guessing they each have me try a bite from their bowl to discover which might suit me.


    Yrelia prefers a sprinkling of the really dark and bitter candy that pairs nicely with the sweetness of the base cream. Kque dips and mixes a sweet red fruit after she¡¯s cut it into slices. Tasii cuts open a big bowl shaped subtle sweet tangy purple thing and pours it in that before sprinkling an assortment of other fruits on top. While Jevita simply plopped in a few green sour things and mixed it all together.


    ¡°I can¡¯t choose!¡± I whine, ¡°They¡¯re all so good!¡±


    That gets a little chuckle from Tasii, ¡°Well, not to rush you, but you might want to hurry up. It¡¯s not near as good when it melts.¡±


    I feel my eyes go wide, ¡°What? It¡¯s going to melt?¡±


    ¡°Mhm, Like frost, or ice.¡±


    I look down at the pretty white cream and its little glittering blue sparkles. ¡°But¡­¡±


    Then I look up, a choice made. I reach out and grab one of the green fruits Jevita used and plop it into my bowl. I can only imagine Yrelia¡¯s sour look, but push ahead by grabbing one of the little dark candies she used and crumbling it in next. After that I grab some of the fruits Kque and Tasii used and add them to the mixture. Then I mix it all together and take a big bite. The mixture of half a dozen warring flavors is perfect and wonderful and I can¡¯t help but grin like a crazy person.


    Everyone just stares at me for a few seconds.


    ¡°Did¡­ Is it as horrible as I think it is?¡± Kque murmurs.


    ¡°It must be.¡± Tasii agrees.


    Jevita just stares at me through another glorious bite.


    ¡°Now now,¡± Yrelia reaches out and takes a little on her own spoon, ¡°Maybe Ina is onto something?¡±


    She takes a bite, but then her face twists into a grimace and she coughs and sputters. ¡°No. Nope. It¡¯s vile. Oh fuck.¡±


    ¡°I like it.¡± I grumble and shove another spoonful into my mouth.


    That gets a few giggles as Yrelia waves in Tasii and Kques¡¯ direction. Tasii pours and passes her a cup of wine or water or something, and she takes a big gulp to wash away the flavor of my mad mixture.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how you stand that.¡± Yrelia chokes out then continues to enjoy her own.


    After we¡¯ve all had a chance to eat ours Tasii passes around cups of wine.


    ¡°So¡­ uh¡­¡± Jevita breaks the silence. ¡°How¡¯s trading been?¡±


    Yrelia doesn¡¯t look up from her cup, nor even turn when she answers. ¡°Fine.¡±


    Kque takes the next awkward pause to scoot around Yrelia on the grass next to me. ¡°I see you took the splint off.¡±


    I take another bite, and stare down at my bowl. ¡°Mhm.¡± I swallow.


    ¡°That¡¯s not supposed to come off for at least another few weeks, otherwise those fingers will heal wrong.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t even hurt!¡± I complain as I take another bite.


    She sighs and holds out a hand.


    I grumble and offer it.


    Tasii glances over, but then starts up a conversation with Jevita and Yrelia about how much a shop is willing to pay for the Arudian crystals so they can make the Inghetata.


    Kque gives me an odd look as she begins to feel at and poke at the injured fingers. ¡°Does this even hurt?¡±


    I shrug, ¡°Only a little.¡±


    She scrunches up her face. ¡°They were still purple and swollen this morning.¡±


    Kque has me move them around, at first a little, then a lot. ¡°You don¡¯t have full motion back, but¡­¡± She turns to Tasii, ¡°I¡¯m not crazy, her fingers were broken, right? Twisted bad. Not just bruised.¡±


    ¡°Ow. Okay that hurts.¡±


    Tasii nods, glancing away from the conversation, leaving Jevita and Yrelia in an awkward back and forth ¡°Maybe she¡¯s double jointed?¡±


    Kque shakes her head, ¡°We had to crack them back into place. This is¡­¡±


    She looks up. ¡°Somehow her fingers have done three weeks of healing in¡­ like¡­ six hours.¡±


    Emarial¡¯s kiss replays in my mind. Oh¡­ right¡­ that happened. Fuck, Is that what did this?


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    Kque releases my hand. ¡°How¡¯re your bruises? Any other miraculous things happening there?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ They¡¯re feeling and looking a lot better, I think.¡± I swallow, set my bowl on the clay table and take up the cup set aside for me.


    Kque sighs and releases my hand. ¡°Of all the strange things, this is the least concerning. I¡¯ll take it.¡±


    That catches Yrelia¡¯s attention. ¡°So¡­ If I¡¯m hearing correctly, she¡¯s really healed up? Like¡­ a lot more than you¨C¡±


    Kque turns to level a look to cut her off. Yrelia hides a mirthful grin with a sip from her cup as her eyes move over to me. And in her look are all the promises she¡¯s made. I can¡¯t even try to hide the heat rising up my cheeks as my heart flutters and speeds up.


    Kque scoots back to her place. ¡°If Ina is healing this fast I don¡¯t see why we can¡¯t leave in a day or two?¡±


    Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Those were the final trades.¡± Yrelia motions to the empty bottle, turning from me. ¡°I¡¯d not mind an extra couple days to relax and enjoy our spoils though.¡±


    Tasii nods, ¡°We¡¯ll keep heading up north. Won¡¯t want to trade any more Lyttoral goods until Undoota at least. But we¡¯d make even more if we reach a port city.¡±


    They go over a few more options, and I sit and try to enjoy the conversations I totally don¡¯t understand. Talks of trade routes, the most efficient goods to trade for or buy, and then what places to offload them. Mentions of favorite stores and contacts eventually shift to tales and rumors. The wine begins to make them all a bit more¡­ wiggly with their words. Not drunk, just less serious. Less anxious. Yrelia has stopped trying to give Jevita sour looks even, which releases a tension in my own gut I didn¡¯t realize I was holding on to.


    Then Tasii is reminding them of a drunken shouting match with another trading group turned¡­ dice game? I¡¯m not sure. Jevita and Yrelia actually giggle together as they retell how they started betting clothes for some reason, and how after half of them ended up with each other''s clothes and the other half ended up naked they decided to try and call it all even and to return everything before the tavern owner ran out of patience and called the duenna.


    At some point a stranger comes from a door in the back of the garden, a steaming tray of amazing smelling foods organized for us as part of a trade I¡¯ll never understand the details of. She¡¯s only there long enough to drop off the food and thank Yrelia and Jevita for their business, and it¡¯s then I discover that this is her little garden home and that Lule has actually been moved to a little stable in the alley below us. A much more comfortable spot for him and Jevita.


    During most of the stories I can¡¯t help but feel an emotional distance from them, as I wasn¡¯t there. My mind might have wandered to darker places, but Yrelia stayed close and did everything she could to keep me included. Holding or caressing my hand as it lay between us, turning to direct the stories my way, and asking me little questions to find out if I was following along. The food is amazing, even better than what they shared with me back in Lyttoral and combined with the sweet wine my head is a swim with soft thoughts and a slowly growing anticipation. At the idea of a future with these women, but also at the coming night. It''s whenever the sun is blazing just behind the horizon line of trees that a quiet settles over the group, that Yrelia surprises us.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She huffs out, exasperated.


    I¡¯m confused, at first thinking she¡¯s talking to me. I would normally berate myself for being stupid at not reading her intentions, but the others seem taken aback as well.


    Then she looks up to stare directly at Jevita, a weird stubbornness to her eyes. ¡°I¡¯ve been a cunt. I¡­ I should know better. And I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Jevita purses her lips, understanding immediately ¡°You have every right to¨C¡±


    Yrelia shakes her head furiously, ¡°No, I don¡¯t. Not for this long. You were fucking attacked by the same thing. I was trying to get Ina and Kque away too! If things had gone differently¡­ I¡¯m not sure I could have come back.¡±


    Jevita sighs, ¡°Yrelia¨C¡±


    ¡°And I hate that!¡± She hisses, momentum built up and a storm of words follows. ¡°I hate that I don¡¯t have anyone to really blame for this. I¡¯m used to that, being able to point at some cunt and know that they caused a thing. But I couldn¡¯t. I can¡¯t even blame the duenna, or the women on the road. And¡­¡±


    Tears start to fall then, and all I can do is grip her hand tighter. ¡°And Lule¡­ Fuck I even tried to be mad at him.¡±


    A curious muffled hoot comes from beside and beneath us. That causes her to pause, then Kque lets out a snicker. Tasii turns to try and quiet her, but can¡¯t stop the grin on her own face from showing. I try to hide mine by biting my lower lip, but fail. Then Yrelia is laughing, but also crying. Jevita is the only one who keeps her composure. She moves to crawl around the table, and I scoot aside to let her sit next to Yrelia.


    She tries to wave her off, but Jevita hugs her anyway.


    ¡°No.¡± Yrelia protests through the tears, ¡°I¡¯m not done, You don¡¯t get to¨C¡±


    Then Jevita whispers in Arudian. It roughly means something like¡­ I forgive and understand your pain? Or¡­ I bear this pain with you? I¡¯m not sure. It was quiet and I¡¯m assuming some of the word choices.


    Yrelia huffs, annoyed. But she returns the hug. ¡°I had at least another few minutes of apologies. Our big floofball ruined it!¡±


    More little chuckles, but more of relief than joy.


    ¡°I love you,¡± Jevita says, pulling back and taking Yrelia¡¯ cheeks in her hands. ¡°Okay?¡±


    Yrelia grumbles, ¡°Love you too.¡±


    Jevita places a kiss on her forehead and pulls away. As Jevita moves back to her spot and Yrelia wipes her tears, Kque gives me a sidelong long look past them and mouths ¡®Nice work¡¯. I try to shake my head, try to convey that I didn¡¯t do this. That I was a coward who wasn¡¯t able to find the courage to talk to her, but she¡¯s looking away before noticing. There are only a few half-hearted conversations after that. Before long the sun sets and we are conversing amidst starlight. The city is filled with a hundred little popping sounds, then little Alchemical Everlights dotting the garden spark with azure light as true night falls. Yrelia stands and takes a moment to stretch, which of course sets my wine wiggled brain into a bit of a tizzy as I get an amazing view of the leg and hip that extend comfortably outside her dress.


    ¡°Well. I¡¯m ready to head back.¡± She announces, ¡°Let¡¯s start getting all this packed up?¡±


    Tasii waves her off, ¡°We¡¯ll take care of it.¡±


    Yrelia offers me a hand to help me stand while she looks to the rest, ¡°You sure?¡±


    ¡°Yup.¡± Tasii nods and gives her a knowing smile, ¡°You two enjoy the rest of your night.¡±


    I try to hide the burning that spreads across my cheeks and neck as I take the hand and rise. I¡¯m a bit weak-legged from the drinks, but Yrelia expertly moves a hand to my elbow to steady me. I peek over and Tasii giggles at my reddening face. Kque smiles, but can¡¯t help but glance down at my unsplinted fingers.


    ¡°Be¨C¡± Kque cuts off whatever she was going to say and looks directly at Yrelia. ¡°Please don¡¯t do anything stupid.¡±


    Yrelia snorts and smirks at her, ¡°You want to come along and make sure I don¡¯t?¡±


    And I blush harder, ears burning now. Tasii¡¯s giggles intensify as I try to cover my face again.


    ¡°Stop it Kque.¡± Tasii manages between breaths and waves us on. ¡°Go on! Make a mess of each other. If you''re too loud we¡¯ll just come cuddle with Jevita and Lule.¡±


    A few curious hoots trill up at us. That breaks Kque¡¯s composure and she can¡¯t help but smile


    Yrelia huffs, wraps her arm and hand in mine, and we head down the stairs and into the crowded streets. It probably took us longer to get back than before, but I¡¯m too busy trying to fight down my embarrassment to notice much of the walk back. When we reach the inn the common room is full, and the owners are bustling about to try and serve dinner and drinks to everyone. One smiles at us, apologetic at the lack of empty tables, but Yrelia winks and lets her know we''re planning on just ¡®relaxing¡¯ upstairs. The woman eyes our hands, nods with a knowing smile, then moves on with her work. The blush I¡¯d managed to mush down on the road sparks back up.


    We pass a few more women in the hallways, but before I know it we¡¯re alone in the bedroom. Yrelia releases my hand and lets me step into the room as she closes and locks the door. I turn, and Yrelia leans against the wood, a languid smirk on her face. Happy to leave me brewing.


    ¡°I¡­¡± I begin to whisper, but a raise of her eyebrows stalls my mind and sets my heart fluttering.


    I think the old me would look away, a mix of embarrassment and absolute jealousy at this gorgeous woman. Her confidence would shatter me and the wicked glint in her eyes would be a mirror of everything I wasn¡¯t. I wouldn¡¯t be able to enjoy any of this. But now? Now I can¡¯t tear my eyes off her. I¡¯m free of that, and as much as I am falling to pieces trying to stifle this blush, I can¡¯t hate it. This¡­ pressure, has been building and building for days.


    My thoughts almost wander to very unsexy thoughts, of cold aches and mysterious strangers and nightmar¨C


    But then she crosses her arms and raises a finger to poke at her lower lip and her eyes seem to dance over me. My mind sizzles out and loses whatever thought It was about to hit me with. My body seems to warm wherever her eyes caress me. She¡¯s content to just¡­ watch me squirm under her gaze.


    Still no words, no movement toward me. I can¡¯t help but bite my lip and get lost in those eyes. Warmth is spreading through me like warm honey, absolutely nothing to do with the flittering spark at my core, and I can¡¯t help but love it. I have to do something. Have to get her to¡­ I don¡¯t know. Start whatever crazy sex she¡¯s planned! Otherwise I¡¯m going to¡­ okay well I¡¯ve probably already ruined these tights. How do women deal with this? Getting horny literally fucking up your clothes!!!


    Deep Breath. Now say something!


    ¡°Hi.¡± Is all I can squeak out.


    ...Wonderful. Great.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She grins, unsurprised, and her amusement washes away any doubts or confusion. She knows exactly what she¡¯s doing.


    ¡°Say it.¡± She says.


    I gulp. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Tell me what you want.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ um¡­¡± I finally let out a breath I didn¡¯t know I was holding in and look down at her feet. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t really know what specifically to¡­¡±


    ¡°Ina.¡±


    I glance back up to her face.


    ¡°Do you want me to fuck you?¡±


    I pause, surprised at her... her just saying it! But I nod a few times with a bit more... desperation that I''d have thought a second later.


    ¡°Then ask me to.¡±

 Chapter 20: Second Embrace (18+)

    CONTENT WARNING:


    Sex happens. It''s the entire chapter. BUT THERE ARE ALSO EMOTIONS AND SUCH. Either way I hope you enjoy. :D


    ¡°Please fuck me.¡± I whisper without hesitation, then look back down to her feet. ¡°What you said¡­ the other night¡­ all those things you promised to do to me when¨C¡±


    That finally makes her push away from the door and move to stand right in front of me. A single finger moves to my chin, then gently but forcefully tilts me up to meet her eyes.


    That¡­ does something. Similar to the other night when she grabbed my chin to force me to pay attention. The warmth inside me gets hotter, causes it to¡­ Oh yeah. If I¡¯d somehow kept my underthings and tights clean before they are definitely fucked now.


    She smirks, leans forward, and finally kisses me. It¡¯s long and soft. Her tongue parts my lips and dances with mine a little. I can¡¯t stop a shudder as one of her hands grips my shoulder while the other finds my back and pulls me in closer.


    I¡¯m dizzy by the time Yrelia pulls away, and she¡¯s barely even breathing hard! A smirk parts her lips, then she moves to kiss me again after a second, this time it¡¯s hard and excited and she pushes me back during the process. Eventually my legs bump the bed and she shoves me down onto its soft covers.


    Yrelia leans over me, and when I try to crawl back to give her room she grabs my ankles and removes my shoes. Then she reaches down to pull off her own and tosses them back. I begin to wriggle and reach down to remove my tights and skirt, but she does crawl forward at that point to stop me. No words, just takes my wrists and presses them into the pillows above.


    Then she¡¯s kissing me again, and my body continues to melt.


    Almost immediately one of her legs is between mine and she is fucking torturing me with the pleasure of it. Just like that first night she will press into me with it, grind a little, then pull back. Only difference is that this time she¡¯s also pinning my wrists so I can¡¯t even try and use them to help move my hips up to chase her. I can only... just... enjoy her slow and wonderful motions.


    I know I¡¯m not quiet. I moan and whine a little. Once I manage to whisper through the kiss; ¡°Please, Yrelia.¡±


    But this only fuels her teasing more. By the time she pulls away my brain is a mush of desire and confusion and nonsense. She releases my wrists and slides her hands up my shirt and moves to take it off me. I try to help, even sit up to make it easier, but once the shirt is over my head she twists and pulls it tight around my wrists and presses them back into the sheets above my head.


    We lock eyes, and her¡¯s burn with a strange intensity. ¡°Don¡¯t move those.¡± She warns.


    A little noise escapes my lips and brumbleflesh tickles the back of my neck. Mind too much of a mush to argue or try and change her plans.


    She purrs at that, and moves to my breasts. She¡¯s gentle at first, all tongue and lips and caress as her leg continues to tease me. I squirm and wriggle beneath those touches. Mind lost between loving every second and obsessing over the growing heat between my legs.


    I¡¯m not above begging for her to do more. Not now, not like this. ¡°Please, Yrelia. I¡­ I can¡¯t¨C¡±


    She starts using her teeth on my nipples. Not hard¡­ yet. But that sends me over the edge into horny madness land.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I moan, and kick my hips up into her last grinding motion.


    She whispers something about, ¡°Getting these jeweled¡± and continues. I¡¯m too lost in this to even try and process what she meant there. A few more eternities pass, and soon my thoughts are focused only on her leg and the amazing torment it brings.


    I whine, not caring how loud I am. ¡°Please, Yrelia. It¡¯s too much.¡±


    She laughs, ¡°I think you¡¯ve been a good girl.¡±


    A shudder runs through me at her words. At the pet name she''s just laid atop my spinning mind. But then she¡¯s removing my skirt and pulling my tights off. I don¡¯t need to look to know that everything down there is soaked. The last bastions of my embarrassment fall as the cool air touches my naked flesh.


    A whimper escapes me as she crawls back on top and her hands trace brumble flesh up from my hips, along the side of my aching breasts, and all the way to my arms that still lay above my head, wrapped in the twistings of cloth. She grins down at my desperate expression, and then begins to draw out a path along my skin with her tongue and lips and fingers. She starts at my neck, then works her way down past my collarbone and chest, ending at my navel.


    From there she pushes my legs a little farther apart and uses her tongue to¡­ Oh fuck.


    She¡¯s not like I was that first night. Hungry and unsure of where and how exactly to kiss and lick, I had just¡­ kind of used every part of my mouth against every part of her and hoped for the best. But Yrelia is¡­ Fuck! She makes me squirm and whine and moan with just the tip of her tongue. Pushing me apart, dancing against my second lips, and teasing out long sensual circles and patterns against my clit.


    She understands my body''s little reactions so well! Perfectly balancing me between teasing ecstasy and the eventual climax. But then¡­ after what feels like forever, she speeds up her work and begins to¡­ Fuck! I can¡¯t¡­ Fuck Fuck FUCK! I¡¯m going to¨C


    That damn inside me explodes and I am flooded with euphoria and warmth. My legs try to squeeze shut on Yrelia¡¯s head, but my muscles are all noodle right now and she holds me apart with ease. I lose track of everything except her warm breath between my legs for a while.


    But¡­Unlike the first night, she doesn¡¯t stop there. She presses her mouth into me again.


    I¡¯m too sensitive, and would have stopped her if I wasn¡¯t paralyzed and drenched in the post orgasm euphoria and a ton of sweat. But then her tongue is inside me, and I can¡¯t help but let out a little squeak as she finds¡­ something. Something deep inside that feels really fucking good as she strokes it. It takes her even less time than before, and somehow... I''m... fuck... wh... a.. again?


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    This one is¡­ deeper? I don¡¯t know. Where the first one was like sudden overpowering sunlight washing over you after a cold rain, this one is like submerging into hot bubbling waters. It reaches up into my core and¡­ fuck! My legs don¡¯t even move, just lay shaking as she takes one last big lick and pulls out of me.


    I don¡¯t really know what all happens next. When I do regain awareness Yrelia is cuddling beside me, naked, and showering me with little pecks and kisses. I want to tell her that I love her. That she just gave me the best sex of my life. That I don¡¯t ever want to leave this room.


    But¡­ I can only manage a little whine and dry squeaking sound.


    She smiles, reaches behind and below to help me sit up a little, and offers me a drink of water from the bedside table. I drink greedily, then flop back down into the sheets and close my eyes to continue basking in the glow emitting from my¡­ well kinda my everywhere.


    Through bleary eyes I peek out at her naked beauty hovering above me. Her skin is¡­ immaculate. All soft and with the right balance of glistening sweat. She¡¯s kept those rings along her ears, and now I can¡¯t help but notice a pair of matching studs piercing her breasts. I can only murmur. ¡°When did you get undressed?¡±


    She purrs out a laugh and snuggles around my head. ¡°Didn¡¯t want to ruin my dress. You kinda exploded there.¡±


    I am, unfortunately, still able to blush. ¡°Fuck. I¡¯m sorry. I should have¨C¡±


    She shushes me with a finger to my lips. ¡°It was all part of my master plan.¡±


    Then she¡¯s kissing me from above, all gentle softness without any real pressure.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I whisper as she pulls away. ¡°That was amazing. I¡­ I don¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Was?¡± She smirks, "Who says I¡¯m finished with you?¡±


    That stutters my thoughts to a blubbering halt. A quirk of an eyebrow and a glint in her eye stops me. ¡°You really don¡¯t understand what you¡¯ve gotten yourself into here with me, Ina.¡±


    ** ** **


    An hour or so later my heart does an unexpected flutter as Yrelia purrs ¡°That¡¯s it¡­ mmmm. Good girl!¡±


    We¡¯d waited through slow kisses to actually start sex up again. I begged her to let me pleasure her this time, and she gave me a compromise. She¡¯s on top of me again, although this time her hips hover above my face while her lips and tongue and fingers tease at everything between my own legs.


    Just like that first night, the taste of her shifts into a¡­ weirdly sweet flavor. In the midst of trying to emulate her own deft mouthwork that purr of¡­ good girl stirs the fire within her that I¡¯m slowly teasing at. Between that and my own sudden love of her praise I shudder and wiggle.


    ¡°Mmmmm¡­¡± She moans.


    I keep going, accelerating faster as her pleasuring of me pauses. Fingers wandering and squeezing and playing at her nipples and the neat little jeweled studs they hold.


    ¡°Wait¡­ Ina.¡± She huffs a warm breath into my skin, ¡°I don''t want to¡­ not yet. I¡¯ll¨C¡±


    I barely hear her, the rush of warmth into me is intoxicating.


    ¡°Ina!¡± She tries to pull up, pull away. ¡°Stop.¡±


    I can¡¯t, I wrap my arms around her legs and hips and clam myself to her to¨C


    Pain, hard and sudden, causes me to yelp and fall away from her. Yrelia has three fingers wrapped around one of my nipples.


    ¡°Bad girl.¡± She¡¯s glaring down across our bodies and between her legs at me.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± I blubber. ¡°I¡­ I couldn¡¯t¡­ I thought¡­ I¡­¡± Fighting the sudden water in my eyes I drop my head back to the sheets. Fuck. What¡¯s wrong with me? Why can¡¯t I just¡­ Do anything right!?! Stu¨C Stupi¨C


    And an icepick halts that thought. Sends a shudder of horrid pain through me that absolutely kills the last droplets of warmth. I stare up past Yrelia¡¯s body into the ceiling planks, horror dawning as¡­ as I realize just how real Her dream commands are to me now. What did She do to me?!?


    ¡°Ina?¡±


    She turns to rotate up to see me, desperate I turn and hide my face in my hands. I don¡¯t want her to see me, not while this perfect body is betraying me. NO. I¡¯m not going to cry. I¡¯m not going to ruin this amazing night.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡­ I won¡¯t. Please, just let me keep going. Let me give you¨C¡±


    ¡°Hey Ina! It¡¯s fine! It¡¯s okay!!¡± She moves up to wraps arms around my shoulders. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to pinch you that hard. I just¨C¡± She huffs. ¡°Sorry. I just wanted to hold off and you kinda started going crazy. I kinda already came a bit there and needed¨C.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m ruining everything.¡± I wipe furiously at my eyes. ¡°I should listen to you¡­ I couldn¡¯t stop. It was¡­¡±


    The warm little spark Emarial shoved into me flitters, angry that I stopped and hungry for more of Yrelia¡¯s warmth. I hate it. Hate how it¡¯s ruining this!


    ¡°Hey, hey, hey.¡± Yrelia rolls me to face her, kisses both my still wet eyes and then the nipple she twisted. ¡°Seriously, it¡¯s fine. I¡¯m¡­ eh¡­ Fuck that¡¯s not¡­ Fuck fuck fuck. No, Ina you''re perfectly fine.¡±


    She leans down, lips hovering over mine. An offer.


    I take it and kiss her, angry and still hungry for her. It¡¯s not a long exchange, and she ends it by pulling me into her chest.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I whimper again as the spark in my core bites angry at the ephemeral heat radiating from Yrelia.


    ¡°No. You¡­ I mean yeah stop when told. Sure. But¡­ fuck. Ina I¡¯m sorry. I resorted to a bad habit there. I should have let you know sooner. That¡¯s my fault, not yours¡± She huffs. ¡°Want to take a break? Just snuggle for a while? We can even stop if you want to.¡±


    I look up to her, and her questioning smile washes away the heated memory of her glare. ¡°N¡­ Not really? I really really want¡­ I want more of you. So much it hurts.¡±


    Eyebrows raised, a purr rumbles from her chest.


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it however you want.¡± I whimper. ¡°Please, just let me¡­¡±


    She takes my chin, and all the regret and pain is replaced with that warm syrupy arousal. ¡°You¡¯ll be a good girl this time?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    She kisses me, hard and hungry. I taste myself on her lips this time, and I know she has to taste herself on mine. It¡¯s¡­ not my favorite thing to think about, but for some reason it makes everything burn hotter.


    It¡¯s so hard to not give into that spark as we continue, fuck I hate it. But I manage. Mostly because Yrelia rebound my wrists underneath my back. It wasn¡¯t anything that could hold me if I needed out, but it allows her to simply pull up and away when she wants to.


    But... fuck I love this all so much. Love how she continues to dance circles around me with just her tongue. I''m not counting, but¡­ I think she makes me have little climaxes at least three more times. Nothing as big as that second one, just¡­ little shuddering affairs.


    Then¡­ At the end of all things, she finally just¡­ presses herself down onto my face and lets me indulge. The spark rumbles and bites and pushes me to consume everything that I find within her. Tongue working to part her lips and feel at everything inside, eventually¡­ eventually trying to focus on the same little spot she¡¯s used to make me explode.


    She does, Warm and wet and so fucking sweet. When it¡¯s all done Yrelia slumps down atop me, heavy breathing I can feel rising and falling across my entire body. I wiggle my face free so I can breathe, then work to unbind my arms. I lay them across her legs and just¡­ hold, caress and give her butt hugs and little kisses. Not wanting to rush her.


    ¡°Fuuuuuuuck.¡± She finally releases in a huge sigh of pleasure.


    The fire inside me settles and sleeps. Satiated and calm.


    It takes another few moments for her to adjust and roll off me, and I can tell she¡¯s too tired to move much. So I grab the sheets, pillows, and crawl down to cover her. I¡¯m pulled into a hug and we pass from exhaustion into oblivion.

 Chapter 21: Turning Part 1

    In the dream, she sits astride me.


    I avoid Her gaze as fingers run over and trace the love marks left by Yrelia upon my soul. A weird mix of pride, desire, and fucking jealousy, of all things, radiate from Her. I can understand Her better now, feel Her¡­


    And I don¡¯t like it.


    She reaches down and begins examining the flame at my core. With warm regard she pulls it from me, takes a few sparks from it, and eats them. What the fuck? There is still no mouth¡­ she just¡­ shoves it into herself. I can¡¯t help but watch her now as she shivers with a bit of glee.


    Her eyes flit back down to me and I avert my gaze, recalling the last time ours met and NOT wanting a repeat of that.


    She seems to¡­ huff? An annoyed regret stains her good mood for a second. But then it¡¯s replaced with excitement as she reaches into herself and retrieves a little purple shard. Before I can ask she holds it over my flame and is watching it crumble and melt into the blaze.


    Then she places it back inside my chest, and leans down to nuzzle my nose.


    A series of knocks wake me from sleep. Bleary eyed I look around and am very confused as the dream fades from memory. The sunlight from the window alludes to it being almost afternoon. A dozen little aches flit across me, mostly around my collarbone, nipples, and¡­ well yeah of course I¡¯m sore down there! The memories bring a big silly grin to my face. I look down to Yrelia¡¯s still naked form. She just grumbles something. I giggle and elect to see what the other women might want. I pull from the sheets and approach the door as another knock sounds.


    Tasii stands outside, a worried look on her face as she glances back toward the common room.


    ¡°Um¡­ Hi?¡± My grin wavers a bit.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She gives my naked form a sideways look. Eyes linger on a mark on my hip that matches the size of Yrelia''s lips and teeth. ¡°So¡­ um¡­ There¡¯s a woman downstairs asking for you.¡±


    ¡°What? Who¡­?¡±


    My grin dies as I remember. Emarial. Fuck.


    ¡°Oh.¡± My sour look leads her to an incorrect assumption.


    ¡°She¡¯s not¡­ she doesn¡¯t look like a Lyttoral duenna. But I don¡¯t think we should take the chance. Kque can¨C¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not.¡± I sigh, then put my head into a hand. ¡°Fuck. Fuck!¡±


    Tasii looks back to me, confused. ¡°How do you know?¡±


    My anger gives me fake courage. ¡°She found me last night. Before the dinner. I¡­ I went out for a walk and¡­ Fuck!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± A tired yawn sounds from behind me. I look back to see Yrelia sitting up in bed, blearily watching us both. I pull Tasii into the room and shut the door behind her.


    ¡°I¡­ she said she¡¯s Sun Spoken and¡­¡± I hug myself as I lean against the bed. ¡°Wanted to talk.¡±


    Yrelia moves beside me and wraps our blanket around my shoulders. Tasii purses her lips. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you¨C¡±


    ¡°Because last night was perfect and I didn¡¯t want to think about her!¡± I snap, way harder than I thought possible.


    Tasii reels at my sudden anger, even Yrelia jumps a bit.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry.¡± I try to push the frustration down, take a deep breath. ¡°Her name¡¯s Emarial. She¡­ I¡­ We bumped into each other last night. She could tell I was Sun Spoken. Or says she can.¡±


    Tasii sighs, ¡°The book pretty much proved it for you. But what about her?¡±


    ¡°She¡­¡± I touch my sternum. The spark is now a little bigger. I whisper, ¡°I thought it was just¡­ horny sex stuff. A cold ache in my chest. But then she came along, and I could feel her. From like¡­ a dozen feet away. A fucking bonfire. Made it worse.¡±


    ¡°What did Kque think this was? That cold. When you told her?¡± Tasii mumbles.


    I shake my head, ¡°I didn¡¯t tell her. It was always the worst in bed with¡­¡± I glance back to Yrelia. ¡°It was like sleeping next to a warm flame you can¡¯t snuggle up to.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ huh.¡± Yrelia smirks, and that helps soothe the anxiety. ¡°That¡­ was that why? Before I had to stop you by pinching your nip¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± I hiss, cutting her off. ¡°Yes that¡¯s¡­ It¡­ It¡¯s alive. Or something. Doing¡­ all that stuff, warms it.¡±


    I blush and can¡¯t help but see Tasii¡¯s expression shift. She calms a bit.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t mention it. I just¡­ Fuck! Yesterday was so great!¡± Yrelia begins to grin and say something, but I cut her off, ¡°Even before last night. It was amazing. With the garden, and that cold mushy sweet food thing, and dinner.¡±


    ¡°I get it.¡± Yrelia nods and shifts to move off the bed.


    Tasii sighs, ¡°Next time just¡­ let us know? Like, before the surprise can pop in for lunch? Scared me and Kque to near death when the owner pointed her to our table.¡±


    I wince and nod, ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. We''ll keep her busy while the two of you get¡­¡± She glances between us, scrunches up her nose a bit while also smirking a little. ¡°...Ready.¡±


    I thank her and shut the door as she leaves. I stop there and just¡­ lean into the wood. Intentionally bonking my head lightly and letting it rest against it. Angry and still tired, but also wide awake and frustrated at my own stu¨C


    This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    Yrelia moves up behind me. ¡°You okay?¡±


    ¡°I really really don¡¯t want to deal with her right now.¡± I grumble as Yrelia places a hand on my back, and begins to caress slow circles.


    ¡°This person, the Sun Spoken. She really gets you upset.¡±


    The kiss flares into my mind, and I can¡¯t help but seethe as the little flame inside me, the one she forced into me, seems to prickle.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I whisper. ¡°She¡­ Yesterday¡­ We didn¡¯t have a great first meeting.¡±


    I hate myself then. How I can¡¯t just¡­ tell her. How I¡­ even now¡­ blame myself, somehow, for what happened. Yrelia moves up and wraps me into a hug, all soft and warm. I can¡¯t help but be distracted by that touch as the aches and memories of last night return.


    ¡°Yrelia.¡± I mumble, voice going weak as she kisses and nibbles at the back of my neck.


    ¡°Mhm?¡±


    ¡°Please fuck me.¡±


    She giggles into the back of my neck, and we make our friends wait downstairs just a little longer...


    ** ** **


    I enter the common room with Yrelia¡¯s hand tight in mine, both of us dressed in only slightly old pairs of her clothes. It¡¯s almost lunchtime, and every table and most chairs are full. Emarial stands out though, still a head taller than every woman in the room.


    Deep breaths.


    And we head over, my weak legs only a bit wobbly from Yrelia¡¯s¡­ attentions.


    The large woman sits with her back to a wall and notices me almost immediately. Tasii and Kque sit across from her, leaving two chairs between them for myself and Yrelia, thank fuck. Drinks sit alongside each spot, even ours. As I approach her radiant flame blazes and flickers against mine, it doesn¡¯t hurt but fuck does it stoke my anger.


    Emarial nods to me, and this signals to Tasii and Kque that we¡¯re here, her bright amber eyes only grazing over my hand in Yrelia¡¯s before we sit.


    A silence, a held breath.


    ¡°So¡­ Here she is¡± Tasii speaks up first. ¡°And this is Yrelia.¡±


    Emarial doesn¡¯t take her eyes off me, ¡°When you mentioned friends, I didn¡¯t expect this many. Not all here.¡±


    I don¡¯t hide my irritation, ¡°You said you had questions, wanted to¡­ share some trade secrets? Whatever the fuck that means.¡±


    She sighs, ¡°I don¡¯t know how much you''re okay with them knowing. I¡¯m trying to be considerate of your privacy, even if subtly is out the window.¡±


    ¡°Could have tried that last part yesterday.¡± I reply with bite.


    That makes Kque side eye me, face full of worry. Tasii actually raises her eyebrows at my tone.


    Emarial grits her teeth. ¡°Fine.¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°First off, how much do you know?¡± She raises a hand and motions between us, at our chests. ¡°About your¡­ our unique problems. About Her?¡±


    ¡°I still don''t think I¡¯m anything special.¡± I let out a sigh. ¡°But¡­ honestly not much. Just¡­¡±


    I won¡¯t tell her about my past. Fuck her. She doesn¡¯t get that from me.


    Yrelia surprises me with her cheerful tone and inserts, ¡°She¡¯s very modest.¡±


    Emarial glances over at her, then back to me. ¡°How much have you found out? How much has She communicated with you?¡±


    I falter at Her mention, anger simmering down to a low boil. ¡°I¡­ Not much at all.¡±


    No¡­ that¡¯s not true. Half-remembered dreams flit at just the edge of memory. Emarial raises an eyebrow.


    ¡°Does¡­ I dream of Her, I think. It¡¯s hard to remember.¡± I add, ¡°Can she do that? Can she communicate through dreams?¡±


    Emarial nods, ¡°It¡¯s not a good thing. Especially this soon. How often?¡±


    I snort bitterly, ¡°Can¡¯t be worse than what you¨C¡± I bite off the next words, take a deep breath. ¡°I don¡¯t know. Like¡­ four times now? Five? It¡¯s hard to remember them once I wake up.¡±


    ¡°What about last night?¡± She gives Yrelia a real once over. Yrelia¡¯s expression¡­ Her smile stays but I swear I see something else in those eyes as she matches Emarial¡¯s short stare.


    I look to her, then back to Emarial, ¡°The fuck does that matter?¡±


    ¡°She gets more active after you¡­ um¡­.¡±


    I bristle at how plainly she reads me, reads us. Thinks she fucking understands¨C


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tasii interrupts. ¡°I¡¯m a bit lost. Who are we talking about here?¡±


    Emarial¡¯s composure breaks with a grimace. ¡°Our patron. The being that the Weaver¡¯s Wood is named for. She¡¯s branded us and made us her¡¯s.¡±


    I sputter, ¡°What? Branded? Like¡­¡±


    ¡°Mind, body, and soul. You''rer Her¡¯s now.¡± She meets my eyes, apology written there she won¡¯t speak. ¡°It¡¯s just as bad as it sounds.¡±


    ¡°Fuck that.¡± Yrelia laughs. ¡°And fuck your hokey dogmatic shi¨C¡±


    ¡°Did you tell them?" Emarial looks to Yrelia, then back to me. "Tell her?¡±


    ¡°I still don¡¯t even understand half of what your trying to¨C¡±


    Emarial sighs, ¡°It was, what, six days ago that you changed? When that nightmare attacked?¡±


    I shrug. Close enough.


    ¡°That cold ache I helped you with. Have you told¡­ Yrelia, was it? How you keep that fire going?¡±


    "Wh... what?" I feel the blood drain from my face. Oh no¡­ that fire I could feel. That hunger¡­


    ¡°Have you even noticed that half your desires are just¨C¡±


    No. No no no no. Please no. Don¡¯t you fucking say it! Don¡¯t you ruin this!


    ¡°Sure. It¡¯s not a hard thing to spot.¡± Yrelia grins easily, cutting her off. ¡°Anyone that it matters to already knows.¡±


    Emarial frowns at her, Yrelia matches with a chuckle. ¡°Ina here is¡­ still adjusting.¡± She pats my held hand, ¡°But I can certainly tell the difference. I went in with full knowledge and understanding of what she might need from me.¡±


    With those words she smothers any and all fears. I love her so much! I have to close my eyes for a few seconds to stop water from gathering. I won¡¯t cry in front of this fuck again.


    Emarial looks to Tasii and Kque. ¡°What about you two?¡±


    They don¡¯t quite seem to follow everything, and before they can reply Yrelia steps up again. ¡°They¡¯ve not been invited. But I¡¯ll be sure to give them the talk, beforehand.¡± She gives Emarial a very condescending wink. I didn¡¯t even know that was possible to do?


    Weirdly enough, Emarial sighs with relief. ¡°Good, good. I¡­ I¡¯m glad you¡¯ve already worked it all out.¡±


    ¡°Have problems with less than honest members?¡± Yrelia teases, carrying a satisfied and very smug grin as she leans back.


    Emarial looks away, ¡°Not all of us had the luxury of having it explained six days into the experience.¡±


    A long pause. I sigh and finally break the silence.


    ¡°You had other questions.¡±


    Emarial looks back, much more at ease now. ¡°The rest of mine are not exactly related now. You¡¯re fresh to all this. Was worried you were, or might be, someone with a lot more history. I¡¯m actually looking for someone like us who might be¡­ um¡­ causing problems.¡±


    It¡¯s my turn to frown. ¡°Oh. Okay.¡±


    ¡°So, what else can I tell you? What else would you like to know?¡± She spreads her hands, palms up over the table, ¡°I have a¡­ decent amount of experience. Can point you toward the nearest person or group that can help train you. Give you information about the nightmares and other things.¡±


    ¡°Huh, well thanks.¡± I smirk wearily. ¡°But, no.¡±

 Chapter 22: Turning Part 2

    At first Emarial is confused, thinks I¡¯m suddenly in a joking mood. Yeah, fuck you. I don¡¯t need any more of your horrible help.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not a good idea.¡±


    ¡°Probably not.¡± I shrug, rise, and am turning to leave already. ¡°But I don¡¯t know you, and more importantly, I don¡¯t like you. Don¡¯t trust you.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t understand what you''re dealing with here. What She can¨C¡±


    I... I don''t know why it''s those words that send me into a fury. But I''m whirling and slam both palms on the table, making my friends jump as I level glare at her. Even sitting down she¡¯s at eye level with me. ¡°Like I didn¡¯t understand yesterday?¡±


    Her face darkens, but... it''s mostly a surprised annoyance. ¡°I helped you¨C¡±


    ¡°No!¡± All the pain and anger of yesterday boils up again, I thumb a finger at Yrelia. ¡°She would have, last night. But you decided to corner me, and force me to¨C to¨C¡±


    I can¡¯t get the words out, not as tears begin to fill my eyes. Can¡¯t say what she did, not in front of Yrelia¡­ not after how amazing she was to me last night. Especially how she... how she understood, even before I did, what our sex would mean.


    So instead I just hiss through the pain, ¡°Fuck you. Go away and don¡¯t come near me again.¡±


    At this point the silence of the tavern dawns on me, and I glance back and around to see the dozen or so surprised faces looking between us. A pause, then everyone looks down and away. Heat burns at my cheeks, and I turn back to stare down at the table. Ashamed and annoyed at how I just... erupted there. Let... Let this fucking cunt set me off.


    Stupid useless¨C


    Her dream glare bites at my thoughts, interrupting them with pain. I might have swayed if my hands weren''t still gripping the table.


    By the time I recover Tasii is glaring at Emarial, while Kque¡¯s face is drenched in naked concern as she looks at me. Yrelia rises slowly beside me, murmurs something I don¡¯t have the emotional capacity to process.


    Emarial has paled, looks at me like¡­ I don''t know. Like I¡¯m someone else. Then her eyes flit past me, then she swallows, and nods to me while murmuring a wordless affirmation. I¡¯m vaguely aware of someone approaching the table from behind. Tasii and Kque push away to follow, I take Yrelia¡¯s hand and turn to leave this stupid fuck of a cunt behind and never¨C


    I nearly bump into the second tallest woman I ever met.


    I look up to find Zigdara, duenna of the Lyttoral breeding temple, staring down at me.


    Oh. Just¡­ Fucking perfect.


    But... It takes her a second to recognise who she¡¯s bumped into. If I had just been faster on my feet, quicker to notice and move past maybe she wouldn¡¯t have realized who I was. If Emarial hadn¡¯t argued with me, had just let me leave!


    Her eyes go wide, then narrow.


    ¡°You.¡± Is all she says.


    I expect any other day I would have wilted into a terrified mess, but somehow the fire stays and burns reasonable fear out of my words.


    ¡°Move.¡± I growl.


    It works¡­ sort of. Her narrowed eyes show a flicker of doubt. She glances between me, my friends, and I¡¯m guessing Emarial.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± Tasii mumbles, places a hand on my shoulder and tries to nudge me past Zigdara, oblivious of course to who she is. ¡°We were just leaving, Excuse us.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t move, glances over at Tasii, while moving her huge fucking arm to block the path. ¡°You¡¯re with her?¡±


    That makes Tasii pause, looking Zigdara up and down. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, what? Who are you?¡±


    I hear Emarial¡¯s chair squeak, signaling her rise. ¡°Zigdara. I told you, this isn¡¯t Lyttoral business.¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s eyes look past and over me, she keeps her voice a low growl to match mine. ¡°This is her, the woman from his chambers. She had the book.¡±


    A pause of confusion from Emarial, surprise from my friends as they realize who this is. Lucky for us¡­ Yrelia is fucking amazing.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, his? Did Ina fuck your Arudian lover or something?¡± She laughs, only a little one, but enough to sell a great performance. ¡°Possessiveness is ugly dear, especially for one with such a plentiful amount of¡­ well, everything! Wow! Your arms are so big!¡±


    Zigdara doesn¡¯t drop her arm, but does shift it uncomfortably at Yrelia¡¯s words.


    I play along, gather up all my anger and weariness and desire to go back upstairs with her pour into my¡­ well attempt at a lie. ¡°I don¡¯t care who you think I am. I¡¯m tired and done with today. Besides, I¡¯ve never been with a male, Arudian or otherwise. ¡±


    It weirdly¡­ doesn¡¯t feel like a lie as I speak it. Comparing my memories of Jawdat to my nights with Yrelia feels really gross and wrong.


    ¡°I remember you from that night.¡± She growls down at me. ¡°Back in Lyttoral.¡±


    ¡°What? Zigdara¡­¡± I hear Emarial move around the table, ¡°She can¡¯t be the one you mentioned. She¡¯s only just been claimed. You heard the local duenna¡¯s story, and I talked with the other women this morning even.¡±


    That makes her glare falter a fraction. ¡°This is her?¡±


    I huff, then hold up my arm. Burn marks still mar the hand. ¡°Have the burns to prove it.¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s eyes lose something, a confidence in her own words as she studies my face again. But... it''s not enough. My face must burn in her memories. The cunt who stole a breeding male from under her nose... maybe... maybe a chance to make up for how she never found Hitorra.


    Emarial steps up and around us, I can''t help but glare into her back as she moves to place a hand on Zigdara¡¯s wrist.


    ¡°We¡¯re looking for someone older, and...¡± Emarial whispers, tilting her head back to me. ¡°This one doesn¡¯t even know what she is.¡±


    Her brow furrows, eyes flit over to Emarial. This is working. How the fuck is this working!?!


    Zigdara¡¯s arm falls, but she doesn¡¯t give up yet. ¡°She doesn¡¯t have to be. She could be working with another who was involved. ¡±


    Stolen story; please report.


    ¡°How long did you actually spend in that chamber with this woman you remember?¡± Emarial whispers, so quiet even I strain to make out her words. ¡°A minute? Two at most? Are you absolutely certain in your memory? There is no mention or sighting of him in this city.¡±


    Zigdara glowers at her. ¡°She might know something.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ what? We drag her back to Lyttoral? While our real targets gain more distance? We''re out here to get ahead of the group that has him, not waste time on random leads!¡±


    ¡°What about the book?¡± She mumbles back, but I can see the defeat growing in her eyes. ¡°What if she has it?


    ¡°And if she doesn¡¯t? How much time do we waste here?¡± Emarial shrugs. ¡°I told you that your scraps seem to be useless anyway. And the book is probably much the same! What¡¯s more important, the book or the person we seek?¡±


    Zigdara gives me one last glare. I channel all my tired anger into my best Jevita impression. I roll my eyes and huff, then look off to the side.


    A pause. Please work. Oh fuck please fucking work! Let me go!


    Zigdara lets out something between a sigh and a growl.


    Emarial softens her voice. ¡°Let me finish up here and we can go. No more delays. This isn¡¯t our woman.¡±


    Zigdara glares at Emarial, ¡°We should at least¡­ question her. Search her for¨C¡±


    I¡¯m not the loudest of the protests. Just a mumbled ¡°Fuck you both.¡±


    Tasii and Yrelia have different versions of ¡°Absolutely not.¡± and ¡°Just try it.¡±


    Emarial is the loudest, but it¡¯s only a short ¡°No.¡±


    But Zigdara ignores us and only seems to focus on Emarial, reaches into her bag, and I watch in a sudden fear as her fingers wrap around the hilt of a bronze blade. ¡°I have the authority. I could force her.¡±


    ¡°With me here? Sure.¡± Emarial nods, then runs a hand through her short hair and down her face. ¡°But.. Look. I treated this woman like¡­ I fucked up and let my worst fears drive me toward some shitty behavior. All I got from it was guilt and shame. I should have been able to help her. But instead I¡¯ve only made her future harder. Her life is already going to be a difficult one now.¡±


    That¡­ fuck her, that helps the knot of hatred not hurt so much. I don¡¯t forgive her, but hearing the regret in her tone and it¡­ does something at least.


    And... That seems to break Zigdara¡¯s final resolve. She releases the blade and looks between us, purses her lips. ¡°On your word then. Sun Spoken Emarial.¡±


    And then she turns to leave, and the entire room takes a collective breath of relief.


    Emarial turns, takes a step back from us. An awkward silence settles as the common room passes back into low chatter. But I can still feel their glances and attention on us.


    I want to leave, but something keeps me rooted in place.


    ¡°I¡­ I am sorry.¡± Emarial whispers, very quiet. ¡°About yesterday, about Zigdara, and¡­ Her. You don¡¯t deserve any of this.¡±


    I''ll take Her over the both of you cunts. But... Emarial seems to be really worried about me. Maybe I should...


    ¡°You¡­ you said my dreaming of Her was not a good sign.¡± I mumble, ¡°Why? She¡­ She saved me. Saved my friends.¡±


    Gave me my body.


    ¡°She¡¯s not like us. Not human. Might never have been.¡± Emarial sighs, ¡°You¡¯re¡­ fuck there isn¡¯t a good word for it. Her new paramour, new plaything. Us older members, we¡¯ve done everything we can to stop more from being claimed by Her because of how badly it normally goes.¡±


    I¡­ half remembered memories dance just beyond my grasp. I know they¡­ they aren''t pleasant but¡­


    ¡°Why? Having more could protect people from... like... whatever the fuck attacked us.¡± Tasii asks.


    She shakes her head. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ complicated. Just be careful how much you feed Her. The more lucid the dreams are, the worse it can get.¡±


    I touch my sternum. ¡°But She can hurt me. That cold ache¡­ it''s... will that always happen if it goes out?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a balance. Run low or empty and she¡¯ll hurt you physically. Gather too much¨C¡±


    ¡°Like you have?¡± I interrupt, but not rudely, as I focus a bit more on that blaze that radiates off her.


    "Yes. Exactly. I..." She purses her lips, nods. ¡°I can¡¯t sleep anymore, Ina. Not while I¡¯m this close to Her woods.¡±


    That catches me off guard. ¡°How¡­ How does that even work? You seem... lucid enough.¡±


    ¡°I can burn the Amwella as fuel to keep the worst fatigue off, but It¡¯s not a substitute for real rest.¡±


    Like¡­ magic? Real magic? I could learn magic from Her!?!


    ¡°What would happen if you sleep? If you dream?¡± Yrelia surprises us both with her question. All mirth and false charm gone.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to, not before I¡¯m on a boat sailing away from these lands.¡±


    ¡°You wanted to help.¡± She presses. ¡°What does Ina need to be careful of with Her. What can She do?¡±


    ¡°Best case? She ignores you and me both.¡±


    ¡°What about the worst case? What could she do to me? It¡¯s just a dream right?¡±


    Emarial smiles, tired and sad and will waaay too much age behind it. ¡°Have you ever had a dream so perfect you don¡¯t want to wake up? What about the opposite? Dreams full of your worst fears, laced with pain so real you feel it the next day?¡±


    The thought of reliving an old life, even in a dream. That does scare me. Nightmares about old horrible flesh and...


    ¡°I¡­ used to have that first problem a lot. But¡­ I¡¯m really happy with my life now. The second sounds fucking awful though.¡±


    Yrelia wraps her other hand in mine. I turn to give her a weary smile.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯ll help. But understand She¡¯s¡­¡± Emarial¡¯s eyes stare off into wall, past us. ¡°It¡¯s just better to not provide Her with the fuel.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ what? Don¡¯t have sex?¡± I snort.


    A shake of her head, pulling her back to us. ¡°You¡¯ll need to learn to burn it without pissing her off. I could teach you if I had the time, but I don¡¯t, So I¡¯ll point you toward some people who can.¡±


    She pulls out a small journal, tears a page out and hands them to me. ¡°It might be a bit outdated, but you should be able to track at least one or two down.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± I let out a deep sigh. ¡°Thank you, I guess.¡±


    Guilt hits me. She¡¯s with Zigdara. Which means she¡¯s looking for me.


    ¡°So¡­ you said you''re hunting someone? Like us?¡±


    They got a Sun Spoken to hunt for them? How long will they look?


    A nod, surprise at my sudden interest. ¡°Yes. There was¡­ Someone important went missing. Back in Lyttoral. An old¡­ well I guess an old friend asked me for help finding them. Someone important in the city."


    My Sangoma?


    ¡°You¡­ she¡­¡± I need to be careful. Very very careful. ¡°You both mentioned a male.¡±


    She sighs, ¡°We¡¯re trying to keep it quiet, but most people will know soon anyway.¡±


    I nod, ¡°You think a Sun Spoken has something to do with it? Is that why you got involved?¡±


    A snort, ¡°Not at first, but now I¡¯m worried. Invested. If an old ally of mine is responsible¡­ It could imply some really really bad things.¡±


    ¡°Maybe¨C¡± I start to suggest, then Yrelia squeezes my hand, hard. I would have yelped if I didn¡¯t read her rising tension at my questions and been expecting it. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± I wince and huff, ¡°I just thought¡­ What if he wanted to leave! It¡¯s not like he¡¯d be free to choose. What if someone like us fell in love with him? Or something...¡±


    I¡¯m fucking this up. She¡¯s going to see right through me and¨C


    That gets a tired, very unamused snort from Emarial. ¡°No. Males don¡¯t produce Amwella. Our patron¡­ She hates men. Like¡­ a lot. I¡­ I met a few Sun Spoken who tried to... um... well they wanted¨C¡±


    She cuts herself off, some memory playing behind her eyes, then whispers. ¡°It went very badly for them. Both of them.¡±


    Oh. Her initial malice plays out in my mind¡¯s eye. But¡­ then a flutter of happiness washes over me. She saw I wasn¡¯t a male, It stopped her from killing me. She was the first person who knew me and accepted me! She saved me!


    I wipe at my wet eyes, ¡°Okay, sorry. I just¡­ I only just found my own happiness and got caught up in thinking about it.¡±


    Fuck. I didn¡¯t want her to see my tears again. Stupid fucking cunt fuck!


    She nods and adjusts her backpacks. ¡°It¡¯s fine. We don¡¯t like to spread too much knowledge about this. And I do need to go.¡±


    I wave at her and the door. ¡°Go. Good luck. Don¡¯t¡­ don¡¯t risk your life over this.¡±


    That gets a smirk from her, ¡°Haven¡¯t yet, but thanks.¡±


    I grumble, ¡°I¡­ I still don¡¯t think I like you.¡±


    A shrug from her, ¡°I don¡¯t very much like me either.¡±


    I can only stare in shock at that as Emarial the Sun Spoken turns and leaves.

 Chapter 23: Paths and Gemstones and Sleepovers Part 1

    ¡°Only that third name on the list, and I never really knew her. I think she left the Academy before I did.¡± Jevita supplies after examining the page.


    We sat atop the lush garden roof of the previous night¡¯s celebration. After Emarial left we¡¯d decided it was best to go to Jevita before having to discuss things. We¡¯d handed over the page to look at while telling her of the afternoon¡¯s events.


    ¡°Writing on the back looks to be more Amwellian.¡± She flips the page and gives it an annoyed look.


    I nod. ¡°It¡¯s a partial map. I don¡¯t recognize the area or landmarks.¡±


    ¡°Mind If I copy the names and locations down? Just so we have them in two spots. And I can reference some old notes to try and see if any of the researchers are mentioned.¡±


    I¡¯m about to agree, but Kque frowns in a loud way and gives Jevita a pointed look.


    Jevita sighs, ¡°Will you look over my shoulder while I do this, Kque?¡±


    A pause, Kque nods. ¡°Of course. Thank you for asking.¡±


    Jevita shrugs and carefully puts the note in her tunic¡¯s pocket. ¡°Anything else?¡±


    They¡¯d not pushed me on Emarial¡¯s meeting with me the night before. My anger and my outburst had surprised them. I could see the worry written plain on the little glances Tasii and Kque snuck at me during our walk over, and in the firm grip Yrelia keeps my hand in even now.


    I¡­ I just wanted to go to our room and curl back up with her. To forget all this happened. Seeing Zigdara was going to give me nightmares, I fucking know it. But Emarial¡­ I have no idea how to feel about what she said. About our Patron, about the spirit who saw my very soul and accepted me, changed me¡­ and sometimes, I think, Gave me weird dreams. Sometimes¡­ nightmares? It¡¯s so fucking hard to remember!!!


    I know they¡¯re all waiting on me. Even a night ago that would have set me into a nervous cascade. Maybe it¡¯s because I might be a little emotionally drained at the moment, but I can accept that they accept me. That they aren''t judging or slowly growing to hate me, that they¡¯d rather me take my time and speak up whenever I¡¯m ready rather than push me and hurt me.


    Deep breath.


    Yrelia squeezes my hand, my heart flutters in thanks.


    ¡°I¡­ apparently consume something¡­ whenever we¡­¡± I look at Yrelia, feel a blush at her knowing smirk.


    Then I drop my head into my free hand. ¡°Fuck. I¡¯m sorry. I¡­ I didn¡¯t think it was¡­ Didn¡¯t know¡­ I thought it was just body things! That it was just how our bodies process¨C.¡±


    Yrelia pulls me into a hug and chuckles through kissing the top of my head. ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s okay.¡±


    Tasii speaks up. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­ I¡¯m following some of this, but just to clarify. Emarial did use the word feed, when describing¡­ whatever it is that she does?¡±


    Yrelia¡­ fuck she¡¯s perfect and amazing, answers for me. ¡°Yeah. My moms¡¯ met someone like Ina before I was born. She was a performing Hetaera. They were close for a few weeks. Told them a few Sun Spoken things.¡±


    I look up to her, ¡°Why didn¡¯t you talk to me about it? If you knew?¡±


    She takes my chin, right there in front of everyone, and makes me meet her eyes through a growing blush, ¡°You were dealing with a ton, and I didn¡¯t think it was bothering you that much. I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t notice that.¡±


    ¡°Was¡­ Did it¡­¡± I bite my lip, scared now. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you. Did I? Does it?¡±


    She laughs and releases my chin, hugs me tight again. ¡°Oh Ina. You didn¡¯t. It¡¯s not like that. It felt amazing!¡±


    I snuggle closer into her embrace. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Jevita coughs. ¡°Yeah¡­ um¡­ I think I¡¯m following some of this.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fucking not.¡± Tasii huffs in annoyance.


    ¡°Okay so¡­¡± Jevita offers, ¡°Correct me if any of this is wrong?¡±


    I peek through Yrelia¡¯s arms and nod at Jevita.


    ¡°Okay so Sun Spoken are tied to¡­ something. This Weaver spirit.¡±


    ¡°Goddess.¡± Yrelia corrects.


    Jevita raises an eyebrow, but continues. ¡°Goddess then. She lets Sun Spoken use some kind of magical energy to kill nightmare creatures¡­ from the Weaver¡¯s Wood?¡±


    ¡°Yup. Good so far.¡± Yrelia releases me, but then pulls me bodily into her lap and wraps her arms around me from behind. ¡°Apparently they can do all sorts of neat things if they can figure it out though.¡±


    ¡°Not Alchemy or Cultivation. It¡¯s not¡­¡± Jevita scrunches up her nose. ¡°It¡¯s chaotic from what I was told back at the Academy. Based on feeling and need. And to replenish it she needs to take that energy from other people?¡±


    ¡°Only women, apparently.¡± Yrelia muses, ¡°Didn¡¯t know that until Emarial mentioned it.¡±


    Jevita raises an eyebrow, but doesn¡¯t ask.


    I nod. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ like a little thing. Inside or¡­ maybe around my heart?¡±


    ¡°A reservoir of energy?¡±


    I take a second to consider it.. ¡°More alive than that. Fire really is the best word. Emarial¡¯s was¡­ really big. Like¡­ extended beyond her body. Mine is so small in comparison.¡±


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°You can sense it in others too?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Only Emarial¡¯s. And¨C¡± I look back over my shoulder to Yrelia. She beams down at me. ¡°Yours. Sometimes.¡±


    ¡°What about right now?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­¡± She hums. ¡°Why do you think that is?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Think It was because I was so empty. I used whatever I¡¯d had on that monster. She was¡­ She was trying to tell me to get more. And you were right there so much.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯m worried about.¡± Kque speaks up. ¡°Emarial seemed really worried about you not telling us about it. About what could happen if you fed too much.¡±


    Yrelia looks past me, ¡°The woman my moms met warned them of that. Was why she traveled as a Hetaera. Could have lots of partners.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ Ina¡¯s not a Hetaera.¡± Kque adds softly. ¡°What happens when it¡¯s just one person?¡±


    Yrelia shrugs, ¡°We all have a limited amount to give, need time to regenerate it.¡±


    ¡°How much time?¡± Kque pushes, ¡°How much will Ina need? How often?¡±


    ¡°No idea.¡± Yrelia admits. ¡°Can¡¯t be much. She only used her magic outside Deledita, doubt she plans to ever do that again.¡±


    Magic. I did magic.


    I nod. ¡°Fuck that. I never want to see one of those things again.¡±


    ¡°Which¡­¡± Tasii speaks up. ¡°She also mentioned dreams? About getting too much could cause them to get more vivid?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I know I¡¯m having them, but I forget so much when I wake up. I thought¡­ I wasn¡¯t sure if it was really Her, or if I was just fitting Her into them to try and thank Her.¡±


    ¡°What do you remember? What¡¯s She like?¡± Yrelia asks from behind me.


    ¡°Um¡­ Really scary. I think She was going to kill me back at the temple. Before She¡­ before She got into my thoughts and memories. Saw my past and¡­ who I really was. Then She decided to change me. Now She¡¯s¡­¡±


    I pause. Trying to focus. Trying to remember the dreams.


    ¡°Emarial really didn¡¯t seem to like her.¡± Kque says to Jevita. ¡°Like¡­ apparently she¡¯s not going back to sleep until she¡¯s on a boat to avoid meeting Her in a dream.¡±


    Jevita¡¯s eyes widen in worry. ¡°Do you think that has something to do with Her and Emarial being on bad terms or that She¡¯s just really¡­ um¡­ bad in general?¡±


    I finally manage to dredge a half-remembered dream up from my memories, a new truth written on my soul and seared solid by Her gaze and will.


    I did not make you useless. I did not make you stupid.


    ¡°Both.¡± I shudder as I begin to realize that She can change more than my body. Need to.. Like¡­ never let her do that again.


    Yrelia hugs me tighter from behind. ¡°We¡¯ll help find one of these other Sun Spoken. Have them teach you how to balance all this. Get more information!¡±


    I hold her arms tight into my chest. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    They start going over the list Emarial gave us again, talking about different paths and routes we might take. I want to help, but my bookish knowledge doesn¡¯t help here. So Yrelia has me rest with my head in her lap and I fall into sweet darkness at her steady caresses.


    It¡¯s not a long nap. No dreams¡­ I think¡­ before I wake to a whispered retort.


    ¡°For you and her.¡± Kque whispers. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a good idea.¡±


    A pause, then Jevita replies. ¡°If we can¡¯t find anyone else along the paths then they¡¯ll be our best option. Even if they don¡¯t have one currently enrolled, they¡¯ll have records, accountings, maybe even journals describing their experiences.¡±


    I open my eyes to see them gathered around a slew of maps and scrolls on one of the little clay tables.


    ¡°We can pass through these major towns, ask around, and if worse comes to worse then we¡¯ll end our journey in Arudia.¡±


    Kque again. ¡°I feel like you''re not hearing me, Jevita.¡±


    That makes Jevita visibly wince. ¡°I¡­ I hear you. I understand the risks. For her. And for me.¡±


    Tasii silently rises, heads over to another clay table that holds a pot of¡­ something. And begins fixing herself a drink in a mug.


    ¡°Then be open with me.¡± Kque pleads. ¡°What will they want to access something like that? What could it cost?¡±


    ¡°Hopefully nothing. I have some bridges I left unburnt. People I can ask to help.¡±


    ¡°And if one of the Doyens finds out you''re back?¡± Yrelia whispers, obviously trying not to wake me. ¡°Or finds out that Ina is Sun Spoken? Or¡­ more about her past?¡±


    Both Kque and Jevita look at her, see I¡¯m awake, pause.


    ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to pass out there.¡± I whisper through a mildly dry throat as I begin to rise. ¡°What¡¯s a Doyan?¡±


    Tasii returns to sit with her mug. ¡°One of the head researchers at the Academy of Erudition.¡±


    I suspect a giddy anticipation at this line of thought would have overwhelmed me. At the Idea of learning magic from a far off land. But their somber tone tempters that.


    Jevita passes a hand over the table. ¡°I really appreciate the worry, Kque. But I¡¯m seriously not sure how valuable any info on this will be. It wasn¡¯t just out of my area of study. It had almost no external application to non-Sun Spoken. No way to replicate it. And from what this Emarial says it sounds really unstable, dangerous, and risky to fuck with.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s all just speculation, right?¡± Kque adds.


    Jevita shrugs, ¡°It¡¯s all we have.¡±


    ¡°The academy studies magic right?¡± I ask. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that be a good place to learn how to suppress or control this anyway?¡±


    Kque side eyes me, a¡­ worry? A little pleading? She doesn¡¯t like this idea at all.


    ¡°Magic.¡± Jevita laughs without a hint of joy, Then spits words like she¡¯s rehearsed them. ¡°What you did was magic, Ina. What they do is¡­ It¡¯s meticulous exploitation, control, and profit off resources they have spent at least half a millennia learning how to harvest and twist.¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­ What?¡±


    Kque actually lets out a sigh at that, but the worry doesn¡¯t shift. ¡°The Art of Cultivation, they call it. They harvest gemstones from an eternally frozen lake that they then refine before selling it.¡±


    ¡°Like¡­ you mentioned transgender men being normal out in Arudia. That they were able to change like me. Is that how they did it?¡±


    Is that how I could have done it if She¡¯d not changed me? Is this why Sangoma and Lyttoral kept Arudian knowledge from us?


    Jevita¡¯s harshness softens at that. Like she can read my thoughts. ¡°It¡¯s often less¡­ extensive. The economy of Arudia is largely based on smaller applications. But yes, bodily changes are common. The closer we get to Arudia the more changed you¡¯ll see the population being.¡±


    ¡°Changed¡­ Like?¡±


    ¡°Eye, hair, even skin color are the most common. But the more wealthy women will sometimes go a bit¡­ heavy, into the changes. Be ready to see some pretty interesting things when we head into the main cities.¡±


    ¡°If.¡± Kque pushes. ¡°This still isn¡¯t something we should plan on doing. I don¡¯t think it should even be an option.¡±


    Jevita sighs and prepares to reply to Kque, Tasii speaks up first.


    ¡°Regardless, the best paths have at least five of the listed women on it. I don¡¯t think we have a high chance of not meeting any of them, or finding news of where they went. Leads will always be better than the Academy, right Jevita?¡±


    Jevita nods, relief at the compromise. ¡°Absolutely. I¡¯d always choose that over going back.¡±


    Kque looks between them, to me, then hangs her head. ¡°Okay. I wish we¡¯d not even discussed it. But¡­ sure. Okay. We have our routes. When do we leave?¡±

 Chapter 24: Paths and Gemstones and Sleepovers Part 2

    Two days. That was the answer. We¡¯d all agreed that while the chance of taking the same path as Emarial and Zigdara was slim, and the chance of catching up was even less, it wasn¡¯t zero.


    So we tried to rest well. On our final full day Kque elected to spend the night out with Jevita. There was a tension there I couldn¡¯t properly fit together, but Jevita accepted without hesitation. Actually seemed relieved at the decision. But... Tasii didn¡¯t want to sleep alone, we could all tell.


    ¡°Kque told me¡­ she mentioned¡­ Fuck I don¡¯t know how to ask without it seeming like something it¡¯s not!¡± I whine as I approach Yrelia with an idea in our room.


    Yrelia just giggles at my blush. ¡°You want to invite her to sleep with us without actually inviting her to sleep with us. Sharing warmth without anything getting too heated. It¡¯s called skinship. And it¡¯s very sweet to offer to a friend.¡±


    ¡°That still sounds like we¡¯re asking her for something else.¡± I grumble. ¡°But¡­ yeah. And I don¡¯t know how to ask! And I don¡¯t want to offer if she¡¯s¡­ if it¡¯s going to seem¡­ If I¡¯m going to make her want more and then disappoint or frustrate her! Kque told me how close you all are.¡±


    I always wanted that exact thing back at the temple. The ability to snuggle up to someone I loved without it actually resorting to sex. How poorly it always went with Jawdat. How he¡¯d always¨C


    She takes my hands, interrupting the painful memories. ¡°We all know how to respect boundaries, especially with people we do get that intimate with. Communication is really important. Tasii will let you know if she¡¯d rather not.¡±


    So we agreed to see if she''d like to sleep over in our bed for the night. Yrelia made me ask though. Insisted on it. So over lunch I stammered and stumbled over my words, a furious blush burning at my cheeks.


    ¡°We¡­ I don¡¯t want you to be alone. That sounds horrible and unfair and I know Kque and Jevita are probably in the middle of¡­ trying to fix whatever it is that¡¯s¨C¡± I take a deep breath. Focus on the actual fucking question. ¡°Would you like to sleep with us tonight in a non-sex way? Skin¡­ Skinship?¡±


    Yrelia gives me a little clap and a giggle. ¡°I knew you could do it Ina. Good job!¡±


    I put my head in one hand. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so bad at this. I¡¯m horrible at¡­ at all this.¡±


    Tasii quirks her head into a confused tilt, looks between us. ¡°No plans for tonight?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°We¡­ No.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re taking it easy for tonight.¡± Yrelia supplies, still smiling.


    ¡°Oh.¡± Tasii says, a hint of a frown on her face. ¡°That was¡­¡±


    I stammer out. ¡°I¡­ I just¡­ you''re more important than that. And¡­ I want to try and get a handle on how much of it is me and how much is¡­¡±


    I touch my sternum, still blushing furiously. ¡°I still totally want to do those things. But... I want to know when it¡¯s me and when it¡¯s this weird Amwella thing.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ a sort of test then?¡± Tasii nods. ¡°See if it''s as intense around women you''re not attracted to in that way?¡±


    I stutter to a halt, look to Yrelia. ¡°Oh¡­ I didn¡¯t... I wasn''t thinking of it like that.¡±


    Yrelia shrugs, laughs. ¡°I honestly didn¡¯t either. Would be interesting to find out though.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ it wouldn¡¯t work. I don¡¯t think it would be a good test of¡­ things.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Tasii asks. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± I huff, my voice shrinks into a whisper. ¡°Because¡­ I do like you all. A lot. I think I¡¯m falling in love with you all, little by little. I just¡­ Yrelia¡¯s already a lot to handle. I¡¯ll need¡­ time, before I think I can¨C¡±


    ¡°Awww!¡± Yrelia coos, wraps me in a sidelong hug.


    Tasii reaches out and touches her fingers to mine, ¡°Thank you. It¡¯s safe to say you¡¯ve got little hooks into our hearts too, Ina. I¡¯d love to share a room with you both tonight, if you¡¯ll have me.¡±


    And so it was that on that last night in Deledita, Tasii gave up her room to a few women who struggled finding one in the crowded town, and joined us in ours. We¡¯d gotten our evening meal and decided the main area in the inn was too crowded. So we eat dinner in our room.


    Initially our conversation is about the food itself, then transitions into how almost all the food I¡¯ve had since I left the temple has been new. I ask how much is from outside Lyttoral and her surrounding lands. Surprisingly, almost none of it has been. We piece together through the names and descriptions of the temple¡¯s meals that they kept their breeding males on pretty strict diets. Almost certainly to maximize health and productivity.


    Eck. It¡¯s gross just to think about. Thank fuck almost everything has been new and fresh to me. I don¡¯t think I could eat anything similar to it now.


    ¡°So how did you two meet?¡± I ask after we¡¯ve snuggled down into bed.


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    They¡¯d asked if I¡¯d like to have an edge, but no, I like the idea of being smushed between my two new¡­ friends? Family? That got a giggle and a glint from Yrelia¡¯s too bright eyes. But she didn¡¯t tease when Tasii gave her a stern look and graciously scooted to allow me between them.


    ¡°Oh wow.¡± Yrelia sighs. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ a mess of a story.¡±


    ¡°Not when you cut out all the sex.¡± Tasii leans her head back.


    ¡°But those are the best parts!¡± Yrelia whines with a smile.


    ¡°I¡¯d already started traveling alone with Kque by that time.¡± Tasii continues. ¡°Been trading with her for¡­ two years? One?¡±


    Yrelia does a so-so gesture with her hand. ¡°I mostly remember that it was about the time I¡¯d stopped training to be a Hetaera.¡±


    I turn to her¡­ surprised. ¡°Really? You¡¯re a Hetaera?¡±


    Professional sex person? I¡­ Oh fuck then why is she even interested in me!?! I''m such a mess with no fucking clue of how half of anything works!


    She shakes her head. ¡°Never finished. Mostly did it to chase an older woman. She was¡­¡± A shrug and a smirk. ¡°In the end we both agreed I didn¡¯t have the right temperament for it. So I moved on.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I blush. ¡°I may not be the best person to say it¡­ but.. Um¡­ I think¡­You¡¯re really¡­ I mean you could¡¯ve¡­¡±


    Yrelia gives me a grinning sidelong look. I wiggle in place, trying to untangle the compliment from my own awkwardness and embarrassment.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t the physical parts that she struggled with.¡± Tasii rolls her eyes and saves me. ¡°No, she''s very good at that. Even back then.¡±


    ¡°Especially back then!¡± Yrelia giggles. ¡°That bitch worked me to the bone. Not even like the fun kind you''re thinking, Ina, exercise routines and long hours of lessons and reading and¡­ bleh. Was in amazing shape though.¡±


    ¡°How¡­ How did you meet Tasii and Kque then?¡±


    ¡°She lied.¡± Tasii picks up, ¡°Said she was a Hetaera, and wanted to travel with us.¡±


    ¡°Okay, no. Nope!¡± Yrelia interrupts. ¡°I implied heavily that I had just finished getting my rings and wanted to travel the paths. But was very careful to¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ you said it flat out once or twice.¡± Tasii sighs, then eyes Yrelia. ¡°You know I¡¯m not mad, right? I knew you weren¡¯t from the start. It¡¯s just¡­ Kque¨C¡±


    Yrelia crosses her arms and stares across me at Tasii, ¡°You did not. How could you even?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re easier to read than most. You don¡¯t hide how you feel,¡± Tasii shrugs, looks away. ¡°People often hide behind a mask of happiness, you don¡¯t. You¡¯re genuinely a big ball of wanderlust for... Well¡­ everything. You hated lying to Kque and it showed. Even when you just heavily implied.¡±


    Yrelia narrows her eyes, purses her lips, but can¡¯t hide a twitch of her lips and a little blush.


    Tasii laughs as she glances back, ¡°See? You can¡¯t even pretend I didn¡¯t just flatter you. You''re proud of everything I just said. You should be.¡± Then she looks down at me, ¡°Can you see it too, Ina? Her little tells there?¡±


    I sneak a glance back to Yrelia, who tries to hide it, but¡­ ¡°The lip twitches and blush?¡±


    Yrelia¡¯s face relaxes as she crosses her arms into a pout, but she can¡¯t stop the smile from overtaking her. ¡°That¡¯s not fair!¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Thank you Tasii.¡± I say as I try to wrap a hand around one of Yrelia¡¯s arms and snuggle with her. She resists me. ¡°I¡­ I didn¡¯t know how to phrase that¡­ but I think that¡¯s why she¡¯s been so amazing for me to be around.¡±


    She still doesn¡¯t uncross her arms, but does look down at me in surprise. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m still so scared of everything. Still hiding so much of¡­ well¡­ myself. My past. But you¡­ You and Tasii were the first to¡­ to. ¡°I snuggle my face into her arm. ¡°You both inspire me to get out of my shell.¡±


    Yrelia huffs out a sigh and releases her arm, allowing me to wiggle her into a sideways hug snug.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Yrelia.¡± Tasii whispers, ¡°I really thought you knew that I knew.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ yeah¡­ I suspected you might. Just¡­ sucks.¡± She rests her chin atop my head.


    Tasii nods, I snuggle into Yrelia. A few moments of silence pass.


    ¡°What was that about Kque though?¡± I ask, ¡°If¡­ that is if it isn¡¯t¡­ um¡­ none of my business?¡±


    Yrelia chuckles. Even Tasii smiles.


    ¡°Oh Kque was absolutely obsessed with Yrelia.¡± Tasii supplies. ¡°She isn¡¯t embarrassed about it. Just¡­¡±


    ¡°She hated me for a little bit when I finally let it slip that I didn''t finish my training. That¡­ yeah.¡± Yrelia sighs. ¡°That I heavily implied it to a ton of people. Still wear the rings I¡­ eh¡­ acquired, from time to time. Only a few times to get them to pay for my¡­ special services. By that time I¡¯d basically taken over all our trading. She felt like she¡¯d been a part of some big lie without her consent or knowledge.¡±


    ¡°Oh. But¡­ she¡¯s okay now?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d say so.¡± Tasii laughs. ¡°They worked that out from¡­ like¡­ all angles years ago.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡± I fidget my fingers.


    ¡°It¡¯s important to meet people who help you become a better person.¡± Yrelia kisses me on the top of the head, then reaches over me. ¡°Sorry I got a little upset there.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re alright.¡± Tasii laughs and takes Yrelia¡¯s offered hand, then hesitantly lays her other hand on my leg. After a second of surprise I angle a little away from Yrelia so I can take her hand and give it a squeeze.


    It¡¯s then that I feel¡­ Well I thought I felt a flicker from them. Like the heat I felt from Yrelia, but¡­ I¡¯m not sure?


    After a few more smaller conversations about little nothings pass by us, I build up the courage to offer.


    ¡°Hey Tasii?¡± I prompt.


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°You¡­ You can be closer than that. I don¡¯t mind.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± She moves without hesitation, adjusting the blankets and pillows to erase the inches or so between us until our hips and legs are touching.


    ¡°If you overheat or are feeling smothered just let us know, okay?¡± Yrelia adds as she adjusts.


    ¡°Mhm!¡± I almost squeak that out.


    Then she yawns, wraps an arm around me. ¡°I¡¯m fading though. I¡¯m going to sleep. Kay?¡±


    ¡°Same.¡± Tasii replies as she shifts and gets comfy. ¡°Do you want your hand back, Ina?¡±


    I surprise myself by reflexively pulling her hand up onto my belly beneath Yrelia¡¯s arm. ¡°Oh¡­ um¡­. Not if you''re okay with this?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m okay with this.¡± She murmurs.


    My heart ties itself in little knots as I fall asleep between two of the people I love more than anyone else in the world.

 Chapter 25: Stardust Engravings

    Growing up in Arudia, bearing the subtle marks of alterations and adjustments to my skin and hair, anyone would be surprised to find out that I¡¯ve never been fond of the Art of Cultivation. As the daughter of traveling midwives and healers, Cultivation became a sort of¡­ rich woman¡¯s fix all. While my family had to make due with simple herbs and ancient techniques to bring aid to the women at the edges and beyond Arudian borders.


    But it wasn¡¯t until I met Jevita that I came to hate it¡­. At least a little.


    I adjust the basket in my arms and continue my walk. Steamed Helgra bundles, a loaf of Swea bread, bag of Liguie seeds, and a couple pounds of various half bruised and overripe things for Lule to chew on. The perfect meal to share with one of my lovers while I try to make sure she¡¯s not giving into old addictions.


    The sun kissed streets of Deledita have slowly grown more crowded in the past week as travelers begin their long treks back home from the big festival in Lyttoral. Gossip drifts and saturates the talk as I walk through the streets.


    Tales of the alarm placing a pointed end to the city¡¯s big celebration, of the rumor that a breeding male of the temple is missing, dead, or worse.


    I sigh. This is going to make traveling and meeting strangers hard for Ina. We¡¯ve been able to keep her from the worst of it, and Yrelia is amazing at steering gossip away during her trade negotiations, but... the poor girl wears her emotions plain as the mid-day sunshine. If the talk twists in that direction¡­ Well¡­ hopefully her euphoria or anger will balance out any guilt she might feel. Luckily she¡¯s too shy to cause worry about her saying something that could catch unwanted attention.


    The little garden rooftop we¡¯d been allowed to use at our leisure sits above and at the back of the owner¡¯s little restaurant. So as I climb the winding stairs the rising, albeit muted, sounds of late lunch chatter marinate the air.


    Jevita is already there, sitting atop one of the clay tables, a leather bag resting beside her feet. She¡¯s wearing simple clothes that show much of her wire thin frame. Dark shorts and a simple tunic top that hangs to only really cover her chest while leaving her back bare.


    This also showcases the Cultivation Glyphs branded across her back, neck¡­ and well basically everywhere. Even the brush of clothing causes her problems still¡­


    She hears my ascent and shifts around, pauses before standing as she sees my basket. ¡°Kque, I thought we were going to go find food together?¡±


    I sigh and approach, ¡°You shouldn¡¯t sit on her tables. You could break them.¡±


    She pauses, then slides down to the floor to sit as I lay the basket down. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    The silence stretches between us as I empty the basket across the clay table. When I finish Jevita peeks in to see the rest. ¡°I can drop these down to Lule while you¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve got it.¡± I assure her.


    She purses her lips. I take up the basket, go over to the edge, and call down to Lule in Arudian. ¡°Big child, come get your sweet treats!¡±


    Lule peeks his head out of the little shed, hoots and trills up. I then carefully pull out the hard fruits, one at a time, and drop them down into his waiting beak. He has to drop a few to the floor to peck and poke at for them to break up, but I wait patiently. It takes longer than is necessary, longer than it''s comfortable for Jevita to wait and possibly watch, and I¡¯m still chewing on my thoughts as I drop the final pair of conjoined fist sized morsels.


    I close the basket and call down, ¡°That¡¯s all big child, rest well now!¡±


    He toots his thanks and pulls that long neck back from view.


    I turn and head back to the harder of the pair. She has already brewed our ciderwine and set out plates and proportioned out our food between them. Neither of us have big tummies, and we will have leftovers to nibble on as the day progresses.


    She sits stirring her drink with the wooden spice stick, glances up to me as I sit. ¡°I didn¡¯t expect we could find Helgra¡¯s steamed this way here, where did you find it?¡±


    ¡°Little cook cart, this was her last batch. I asked her to keep them for us yesterday.¡± I supply as I tear the first chunks free of my bread and stuff the yellow vegetable into the cores.


    ¡°Oh¡­ that was sweet of her.¡± Jevita supplies, follows my lead, but only in spirit. Simply takes up the separate portions into her mouth and only allows their flavors to mix for the seconds they are chewed.


    Some would call this such a waste, and would get angry at the disregard. but the act¡­ calms me. Makes me aware of my own habits and rude behavior.


    ¡°It was.¡± I pause, take a breath. How to approach this? How to ask?


    She pauses mid bite, speaks through it. ¡°Tasii will be okay alone tonight?¡±


    I¡¯d slept in her arms since we got to Deledita. We¡¯d not had sex but once or¡­ no twice while here. Once in the rooms late one night. Slow and¡­ well very not Tasii. More for me, to help me relax after all the stress once Ina was up and about more. She can be so soft and sweet when she wants to. Then once in the side alleyway while Yrelia worked out the surprise dinner for Ina. That one was rough and quick and¡­ very her. Not painful, never that. Just¡­ Tasii prefers quick big sex to slow little things most times.


    I take my first bite, then prepare more of my meal, ¡°If not, she¡¯ll find company. Plenty will be looking for a warm bed to share after a long day of travel.¡±


    But¡­ What about you, Jevita? Will you seek an embrace tonight? Or just¡­ skinship? Will I have to wait to try and read your thoughts in how you seek pleasure? Or¡­ don¡¯t?


    ¡°I guess, yeah.¡± Jevita swallows a bite, then stuffs another chunk of bread into her mouth.


    It was too big, and despite obviously wanting to say something she has to take a few moments to chew.


    She may think she¡¯s safe, think she can resist the temptations of Arudia, but we¡¯ve stayed clear of any real gemstone work for almost a year now. We traded one a few months back, but it was already marked for authenticity. Jevita barely had to be a part of the conversations.


    ¡°That thing yesterday really seemed to shake everyone up a bit.¡± She tries to segue, a bit awkwardly. ¡°You think Ina is processing everything okay? Skimmed pretty close with that duenna you mentioned.¡±


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    I shrug, swallow a small bite. ¡°I think the Sun Spoken bothered her more. She looked ready to bite her head off before the duenna even showed up.¡±


    Would she tell me if she¡¯d decided to try that life again? She has to know how much I would hate that. I was there at the end, helping her heal and recover. Find things worth living for after¨C


    ¡°Really? Shy little Ina?¡± She pushes her plate forward, leans over the cider wine, ¡°I didn¡¯t get the full story yesterday.¡±


    I can¡¯t trust Tasii or Yrelia to break through to her. Maybe Lule? He would be so miserable cooped up in some stable in the cold.


    I sigh, appetite souring. ¡°The only thing you really missed was that Emarial did something to her whenever she met her the night before. Ina doesn¡¯t seem to want to talk about it, but it got her shouting. The duenna kinda snuck up on us, but Ina didn¡¯t miss a beat, just glared up at this giant of a woman and told her to fuck right off.¡±


    ¡°Right there in the middle of the tavern?¡± She takes a sip through the spice straw, ¡°Fuck.¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡±


    Maybe I could try and keep her out of the towns? Get her to trust Yrelia and Tasii to help Ina find her contacts and work things out?


    ¡°What do you think happened? Was Ina hurt?¡±


    No. Even if we had a chance of that working she wouldn¡¯t agree to it. Not even if I asked¡­ not even if I begged. She¡­ She¡¯s good at hiding her feelings for Ina. But¡­ I don¡¯t know. Their translation of the journal seems healthy enough, and I¡¯d love for it to be an excuse to just get closer to her. I¡¯ve not seen her embrace either of the other two in¡­ well¡­ I can¡¯t remember the last time she sought their comforts. She¡¯s not shy, but¡­ her scars make it so hard to keep things straight. Even I have to focus to keep her attentions on my touch.


    I shake my head. ¡°Not physically. But even if I could guess I wouldn¡¯t want to. She¡¯ll talk when she¡¯s ready. Trying to pry it out or guess at it could¡­¡± I push the plate to the side and look at my own cooling cider wine.


    She already sees Ina as one of us now, and would give anything to keep what is her new family together.


    ¡°I think she¡¯s used to her pain not mattering.¡± I sigh, ¡°Not being able to channel it in a healthy way. I¡¯d never be able to visit the Lyttoral temple, but I can only imagine what that kind of life did to her.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ I worked with some transmen before,¡± Jevita nods, ¡°Asked them to explain how it all felt. Even met one pre-change. But¡­ both were young with the full support of their mothers, and had been taught the words to convey their experiences.¡±


    I can¡¯t just wait and hope we find a Sun Spoken along the paths. I have to find a way to¡­ I don¡¯t know! Make sure she understands this now! Knows how fucked up this could get! The heavy clothes alone will be a constant issue for her. Always brushing up against her scars, twisting her thoughts to¡­


    ¡°Mhm.¡±


    I can¡¯t talk to the others. They know the shape of the thing, but not the depth of it! She asked me not to tell them a long time ago. It¡¯s private. Asking them for help, opening that door would be as good as telling her¨C


    ¡°Kque?¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Are you sure we shouldn¡¯t talk to her?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    A long pause. I struggle to recover our topic and who she''s referring to. Jevita tilts her head, really looks at me.


    I stare back, then look past her. ¡°Sorry, had something else interrupt my thoughts. What¡­ What was the question?¡±


    She grimaces, ¡°Are you sure someone shouldn¡¯t talk to Ina, make sure she¡¯s okay and knows we¡¯re here if she needs anything?¡±


    Ah. right. Ina¡¯s encounter with the Sun Spoken. Some kind of trauma there. Possibly physical. Hopefully just an emotional trigger related to her past that she¡¯s using Emarial as a focus to expel it through.


    ¡°I think she gets that.¡± I shrug, ¡°Knowing Yrelia she¡¯ll probably either bumble into it¡­ or help Ina forget it.¡±


    A long pause.


    But¡­ How do I stop you from chasing an old life? One you know was self-destructive and abusive, but crave to feel again? Feel everyday as those Cultivation marks weave through your mind and flesh?


    ¡°Okay. You know more about this than the rest of us.¡± She smiles, a small and subtle thing. ¡°I trust you more than me.¡±


    That cuts into me like a knife. Do you?


    As afternoon shifts to evening, and little nothings pass between us, I continue to chew and gnash at this worry. As it gets colder we head down to snuggle up against Lule and share skinship and warmth. Our limbs are all a tangle as we settle into comfortable sleeping positions.


    This close it¡¯s impossible to hide my tensions, even from Jevita. But it only takes an hour or so, and my movements show her plainly some turmoil in my thoughts.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± She murmurs.


    The long pause between us is only interrupted by the occasional little noises Lule makes.


    I sigh, debating a lie¡­ but, no. It¡¯ll be best to tell her and work through this together.


    ¡°I¡¯m worried. About you. About if you might¡­ fall back into an old life. If we end up needing to go to the Academy or deal with one of the five families.¡±


    An even longer pause. I lay still now, and only allow my mind to trace through all the expressions she might be showing if I turned to look. Surprise, annoyance, distrust, sadness, shame, anger, fury¨C


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Is all she says, very very quietly. Her voice quivers¡­


    I gamble a look, and find only worry on her face. ¡°Yeah?¡±


    She nods, face a twist of¡­ well a lot. Mostly pain, but worry and shame sprinkled atop it.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m going to need your help Kque. Might need you to save me again.¡±


    I pull her closer, try my best to avoid touching the marks across her body. ¡°I¡¯m trying. Everyday I¡¯m trying so hard. I¡­ I can see how much you still want it. How hard it is to ignore.¡±


    Jevita shudders, then seems to¡­ pull herself together. ¡°Fuck. That¡­ That helps so much to hear.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper, ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°I thought I was being¨C¡± She sighs. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be damaged, Kque. I want to be a person. Don¡¯t want you or the others to only see me as¡­ well¡­ what I was. But¡­ Fuck. I¡¯m not very hard to read, am I?¡±


    I whisper. ¡°Jevita you¡¯re¡­ you''re more than your scars!¡±


    She pulls me tighter in return. ¡°Seriously though, What you said, when you asked for my exploratory crystals when you visited with Ina. That helped me so fucking much.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like to know why, so I know how to help you as much as I can without driving you away.¡±


    She thinks for a few moments, ¡°I think¡­ it¡¯s the opposite of what they did before. They only asked because they wanted me to go deeper, you asked to pull me back. Keep me safe.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°And It means you care. Knowing that you¡¯re watching me so closely that you notice. That you worry and it bothers you. That you would burn all my notes and sell everything from my past if you thought it would keep me safe.¡±


    ¡°Do you want me to do that?¡±


    She chuckles, ¡°Part of me thinks it might not be a bad idea. But¡­ No. There are some things there worth keeping. And they¡¯re mostly harmless, especially without the right class of gemstone and months of work.¡±


    A long pause settles between us, and enough time passes that I think she¡¯s drifted into sleep.


    ¡°Keep watching me, okay? Please? Keep asking me if you think I need help. Get¡­ Get in my way if you think I¡¯m chasing those sensations.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Thank you Kque.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome Jevita.¡± I whisper back as relief is replaced with a deep weariness. ¡°I don¡¯t see you as damaged. I see a really amazing woman who¡¯s survived a lot, is a wonderful mother to Lule, and deserves happiness.¡±


    A deep sigh, then she speaks in our native Arudian tongue, ¡°Fellow stardust I have the eternal thanks for resting alongside.¡±


    ¡°I love you too Jevita.¡± I reply back, then answer in Arudian, ¡°May the memories of our time together be inscribed upon the dream.¡±


    Lule toots that he loves us both too, but would like to sleep please.


    We giggle at that, and pass into slumber.

 Chapter 26: Where all Paths Lead Part 1

    ¡°Mmmmm yes¡­ That¡¯s a good girl!¡± Yrelia moans very very loudly.


    I¡¯ve not seen my reflection during a blush, but from Tasii¡¯s muffled chuckles from beside me I can only assume I am probably turning a very deep shade at that. Jevita peeks over Lule¡¯s back, tries to grimace down upon the pallet the three of us share, but fails. She can¡¯t hide a smirk as she takes in the full scene, then returns to her muffled conversation with Kque.


    Fuck. Being called a girl still causes little flutters and titters of joy in my chest. Not to mention the¡­ um¡­ other memories that praise brings up from our time together.


    ¡°Stop it.¡± Tasii finally manages and lightly smacks Yrelia¡¯s arm from her seated position beside us. ¡°She won¡¯t do that anymore if you tease her.¡±


    It¡¯s been two weeks since we left Deledita, and already checked our first lead to no success. We¡¯re camping about halfway along the path between two major towns. Tasii wanted us to end the day beside one of the Julo trees.


    It¡¯s so big, and genuinely still scares me to be near. Our entire group could hold hands and still need Lule to help us wrap around it. It also¡­ isn¡¯t quiet. I¡¯m still twitching at each creak and groan it makes in unison with the other smaller trees of the forest. Worried it might fall over and crush us and half the forest.


    Yrelia lightly purrs in reply, peaks down her relaxed body at me.


    I don¡¯t release Yrelia¡¯s foot, but I do stutter and stumble through some kind of rebuke and keep up with the massage. She¡¯s done this for me almost every lunch and evening over the past two weeks of travel, as my new feet had yet to accustom themselves to the long roads, and I¡¯d insisted she teach me how to return the care.


    It feels sublime, on par with when she brushes and works my hair. But¡­ that was just to toy with me. And fuck, do I love to hate how much it works! My body is already beginning to warm at the thoughts and memories and ideas it brings.


    ¡°What was your question, Ina?¡± Tasii interrupts my spiral.


    ¡°Oh! Right. Question. Yes.¡± I take a breath to reorient my thoughts. ¡°You¡­ keep referring to our routes, and¡­ things. As ¡®The Paths¡¯, and I didn¡¯t think anything of it but¡­¡±


    I set down Yrelia¡¯s left root and move to her bare right one. Tasii waits patiently, tearing at some hard chewy dark purple thing with her teeth.


    ¡°As I started learning languages, I found a few phrases that all seem to mean the same thing. All paths lead to Arudia.¡± I begin to work out the day of travel stress from Yrelia¡¯s foot. She lets out another little purr at me, but it¡¯s only to let me know I¡¯m doing this right. So it¡¯s easier to continue my questions. ¡°I always assumed it was because of trade, or something. But¡­ like¡­ that doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    Tasii chews on her snack thoughtfully, but doesn¡¯t answer.


    ¡°I remember some older stories, obviously not meant to be taken literally, but the characters said their versions of the same thing. Sometimes ¡®all souls lead to Arudia¡¯ or ¡®Magic will always lead back to Arudia¡¯ and even once ¡®Arudia calls all magic back to itself¡¯.¡± I huff, not feeling like I¡¯m explaining my thoughts very well.


    ¡°You mentioned a frozen lake, and that Cultivation magic. And looking at your maps¡­ all the roads really do seem to lead there from all around.¡± I glance up, trying to organize, to put together as many pieces on my own as possible. ¡°So¡­ when did people discover it all? Or¡­ like when did it start being a source of this magic? The Dune Wall is said to be created by a Sun Spoken, is Cultivation the same? Could it be?¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Tasii finishes swallowing, ¡°I didn¡¯t know that. The women of Lyttoral believe a Sun Spoken built¡­ like, the entire Dune Wall?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yup. Xelida. She¡­ I always loved hearing and reading stories of her when I was little. Even¡­ well¡­ It¡¯s silly but she was the first person I tried to draw and paint.¡±


    ¡°Awww¡­ ¡° Yrelia hums, cracks one eye through the pleasure of the massage to smile at me, ¡°Was she your first crush?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure. I would swim for hours and hours thinking about her, pretending to be her. It¡¯s really hard to separate those two things for me back before my body changed.¡± I shrug and motion down to it.


    That puts a thoughtful expression on her face. ¡°That¡­ yeah that makes a lot of sense. What about now?¡±


    I can¡¯t help it as a little smile overcomes my face. ¡°No. Bruises and such aside this body is¡­ well¡­ literally better than perfect. I still get little flashes¡­ of¡­ well not jealousy. But seeing someone and liking their body¡­ but¡­ then I remember and I can¡¯t help but feel¡­ like¡­ really happy with this. Not wanting to change anything ever!¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± Yrelia moves to sit up and I release her foot. ¡°Your turn. Swap places.¡±


    As I obey, Tasii shifts and asks, ¡°But to answer your earlier question, Ina. No. A Sun Spoken didn¡¯t invent the gemstones of Cultivation, although some have totally practiced the Art and studied them.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I can¡¯t help but let my brain pause and muse over that as Yrelia takes up a foot and begins to¡­ Fuck she¡¯s so much better at this than me.


    My thoughts melt away for the next few moments. I try my best, but I can''t stop a few little¡­ sounds, from escaping my lips. Tasii is polite enough to at least try and hide her amusement at them, but I know that Yrelia is already smirking and using them to find the best places to work out the day''s travels.


    Two weeks since Deledita, four towns and villages, and in that time she hasn¡¯t even begun to slow down in her¡­ attentions.


    It¡¯s not like she¡¯s always after sex or whatnot. Although, like, yeah she¡¯ll pounce on me when I ask without hesitation. But that¡¯s the thing! She¡¯s just as happy to see me squirming in anticipation for a few days!


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    It¡¯s¡­ not frustrating, exactly. So, she¡¯s established, in both words and action, that if I want sex I have to ask. She might surprise me with a little peck or caress, but otherwise she is very very clear that she won¡¯t initiate.


    I asked her about it after three days had passed since Deledita, terrified that she didn¡¯t want to do it with me anymore. I¡­ I¡¯d been too scared at the idea of my fears being realized. Or that my weird Amwella hunger had taken too much. Eventually my anxiety and needs were too much, and I had to ask in our first town.


    ¡°Hm?¡± Yrelia had given me a side eye while we stood alone outside a little store¡¯s entrance within a little alleyway between buildings, waiting for Tasii and Kque to finish some business with the owner. I was too caught up in those thoughts to even care to pay attention to what they were doing.


    ¡°I¡­ I guess¡­ I was wondering why you hadn¡¯t like¡­ tried to do anything with me again. Sex, I mean.¡±


    ¡°Oooooh.¡± Yrelia smirks and glances up and down the alley. We¡¯re alone, and hadn¡¯t seen anyone pass by since I asked her to step out with me to get some fresh air.


    ¡°Did¡­ Do you need time?¡± A fierce blush is already burning at my ears and cheeks, only tempered by the fear of no longer being wanted. ¡°Did I hurt you? Or¡­ like¡­ if you¡¯re not interested in me any¨C¡±


    Her mischievous smile cuts me off. Warmth suddenly hot and very very alert in my chest and not so slowly tumbling down through me.


    ¡°Inaaaa.¡± She purrs, drawing out that last syllable.


    I only stare at her, a little squeak might have escaped my lips. An attempt at communication.


    ¡°If you want me to do something, you need to tell me. I taught you this in Deledita.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper, ¡°But¡­ What if you want something? Do you? Would you ask?¡±


    That gets a giggle from her. ¡°I have been. Just not with so many¡­ words. And nothing so urgent.¡±


    ¡°B¡­ but.¡± I stammer, even more horrified that I¡¯d missed her unspoken questions, ¡°I didn¡¯t even¡­ What¡­ How am I supposed to¨C¡±


    She touches her fingers to mine, soft and gentle, and my bumbling catches in my throat. ¡°It¡¯s not like that. It¡¯s an open question. I love watching people and reading them and flirting and making the women I love chew on my open ended question.¡±


    A pause passes as I take that in. Worries and frustrations of a few days are still present, but get battered and beaten by that little phrase. Women I Love. Plural. And I¡¯m included!


    Then another fear spikes my fluttering.


    ¡°So¡­ is this¡­ offer, not just for me?¡± I whisper, ¡°And if it is¡­ then are they not interested? Am I fucking things up for them?¡±


    She sighs, ¡°Yes, Yes, and no.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ What?¡±


    Another smirk, ¡°Yes, my offer is for them too. Yes, they might be interested, but are wanting to wait and let us have time together. So no, you aren''t fucking anyones¡¯ things up. Unless you want to, but then you need to ask them. I love group sex!¡±


    I stutter and stammer at that last part.


    She takes my hand fully in hers and giggles as she lifts them to give my fingers a quick peck. ¡°Also¡­ I don¡¯t want to overwhelm you, Ina. This is all new and fresh, I really don¡¯t want your early memories with us to be just sex. There are so many amazing and new things for you to take in and experience.¡±


    I sigh. ¡°Okay. Yeah. That¡­ that makes a lot of sense. I think.¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± Her smile drips with promises and implications and memories, ¡°If you want me to fuck you. Just ask.¡±


    I did, sort of. And I told her that, and asked her to. I was¡­ well I was thinking we would wait till we were back at camp or something¡­ But nope. She was insistent that right then and there would be perfect for me.


    And to my surprise. It¡­ kinda was. Sex in that alleyway shade from the midday sun was exactly what I¡¯d needed.


    Back in Lyttoral, at the temple, we were all discouraged from having sex outside our scheduled duties. It wasn¡¯t¡­ like¡­ they didn¡¯t do anything if they found one of us entangled with a Frekia, duenna, or each other. It was just seen as wasteful, and there was a sort of¡­ social discomfort that could be directed at them if word got out.


    I¡¯d stumbled in on, and been stumbled across (only twice with Jawdat thank fuck), during the act. There was always a lot of little yells of apologies, rushing to cover and get dressed, begging to keep it a secret¡­ and shame.


    Fuck that was the worst part.


    But out here¡­ it¡¯s the opposite. Sex is just¡­ like¡­ a thing they do! And while there are little courtesies in regard to noise levels and such, especially when camping ten feet from one another, everyone seems to expect it and celebrate it.


    I¡¯m sure someone saw me and Yrelia in that alley, almost certain Tasii or Kque heard me through the window of the shop. But¡­ after we finished and regrouped, they seemed really happy for us, for me. Unspoken little compliments and a few spoken ones felt like a light shower after a long spell of dry heat upon my soul.


    I blushed like crazy at it all, but I couldn¡¯t help but relish the support and care as I felt another part of me that I didn¡¯t realize was damaged begin to heal.


    ¡°You had a question about the Paths,¡± Tasii prompts after a few minutes, stirring me from the brain melting stupor of Yrelia¡¯s touch on my feet.


    ¡°Mhm¡­¡± I sigh, rebuilding my thoughts, ¡°That seems like¡­ a title. Was wondering where it and that saying about leading to Arudia came from. Also why that lake is always frozen and when that started.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah¡­ No magic stuff for our little temple girl.¡± She murmurs.


    My heart flutters again amidst the massage, and I don¡¯t fight the next sensation as it starts at the back of my neck and trickles down to the toes.


    ¡°Well¡­ Everything I¡¯ve heard says that a star, or a piece of one, fell from the sky. Women from all over were drawn to it. The Academy is the only permanent settlement ever to survive that lake though.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°The lake¡­ although it¡¯s honestly more like a forest, is always shifting. It¡¯s only about a day''s walk across, but it¡¯s not flat and the gemstones and weird plants that grow there move with it. The only stable point is at its center, atop a little mountain. The Academy of Erudition.¡±


    ¡°As for the Paths¡­¡± She shrugs, ¡°It¡¯s a bit of a¡­ metaphor, I guess. A turn of phrase to describe women who don¡¯t want to settle in one place, so they walk the Paths. Going anywhere and everywhere their feet take them.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ That sounds¡­ really really nice actually.¡±


    Yrelia chuckles, able to take a foot in either hand and work a magic on them I couldn¡¯t match with both my own. ¡°I knew it from the moment you stumbled into sight, you¡¯re like us. Never happy being stuck in one place for too long. I think you¡¯ve got a good amount of Wanderlust in you, Ina.¡±


    I can¡¯t argue, but I also can¡¯t agree as I stare up at the big spooky Julo tree as it creaks and groans against the wind. I love traveling with these women, and will love to have the final pricks of anxiety pulled free as I learn to balance the sparking flame at my core. But¡­ fuck I am having little panics at a big tree, and I worry the wider world will terrify me too much!


    But¡­ I can¡¯t imagine leaving them. And as much as this big outside scares me¡­ I can¡¯t help but feel excited to see it all!


    That night, I fall asleep between Tasii and Yrelia. We¡¯ve done this quite a few times since Deledita. The first time Tasii had¡­ well not wandered over. But as we were setting up camp she seemed to deliberately move to set up near us, so I suggested she overlay her sleeping pallet with ours. From some sounds I could have swore echoed from the other side of Lule I think she might have been trying to give Kque and Jevita some space to be together.

 Chapter 27: Where all Paths Lead Part 2

    Content Warning:


    Dream attack, torture.


    After that she¡¯d asked if we didn¡¯t mind twice more, and I¡¯d offered three times myself before we had even set up camp. Tonight was one of those three. She obviously wanted to give us space if I wanted to ask Yrelia for a more eventful night, but was also very good at judging what nights those might be. I¡¯d never felt the need to refuse her.


    They are both bigger than me. Not just taller but with¡­ just¡­ more of them. And I admitted shyly once to Yrelia that being squished between them, especially on colder nights, was kind of amazing. They also both tended to cuddle very close in their sleep and I always seemed to end up in a tangled mess with them. Their arms sometimes around me, other times across me to hold each other, and our legs were always a jumble.


    Once¡­ I¡¯d woken before anyone else and found my head down at level with their chests, and looked up to see them both fast asleep with their foreheads touching. It was super cute and I was able to keep that memory fresh all day as we walked.


    Tasii never presses for anything more, never wakes up bothered or frustrated with my¡­ um¡­ lack of asking if she wants to join Yrelia and me in even more intimate things.


    Tasii is really wonderful and kind and very pretty and¡­ well¡­ Yes, I have absolutely found my thoughts wandering into half daydreams of what it might be like if she and Yrelia decided it was beyond time to take that step and just... like... forced the issue. Especially during nights like this.


    As I lay there between these two amazing women, woken up by a rather large gust of wind and the complaints the trees make back, I understand why.


    That¡¯s why they never ask, at least not with words. Yrelia¡¯s half understood explanation of her unspoken offers to the other women replays, albeit groggily in my mind. I wouldn¡¯t be able to refuse them, and they know that.


    Silent offers, made to us both. May I join you?


    First answered by Yrelia. I¡¯m open to it when Ina is.


    And then by me. I¡¯m¡­ not sure I¡¯m ready, but snuggles sound nice! Probably¡­ I¡¯ll be more comfortable with that later?


    I¡¯d never dealt with this back in the temple. Never even thought to look for it. I mean¡­ I totally inferred bad things from others'' unspoken looks and little actions, but it was always just fear of rejection and scorn. None of the males even tried it, at least not with me. It didn¡¯t feel like messages! And then there was Jawdat¡­ No. Fuck that. I don¡¯t want to think about that.


    And then I begin to wonder about unspoken communication in regards to things other than sex, and all the little hidden meanings and messages I¡¯ve probably been missing.


    I¡¯m probably just¡­ like¡­ really bad at all this. I decide as my brain wanders odd pathways betwixt dream and muses before sleep retakes me.


    I sit, very confused at the sudden dip into a dream with Her. I¡¯m kinda sprawled out on my knees, and before I can organize my thoughts I can feel Her at my back.


    A hum echoes as She winds circles around me, and from Her I feel¡­ joy? No¡­ Bemusement. A hint of satisfaction at something thrums from Her.


    I try to keep my eyes down to avoid direct contact.


    Dangerous fingers run through and play with my braided hair, talons lightly graze my skin as She trails them down one cheek.


    I can¡¯t help but flinch at Her touch. She seems so much more real now.


    Playful annoyance. Pulses at my reaction


    ¡°S¨C sorry¡­¡±


    She tries to angle me to meet Her gaze. I can¡¯t help but squirm away in panic. The memory of the last time She forced that connection dredged up in a sudden flash.


    A huff, then She releases me without a struggle.


    I brace, terrified that She¡¯s going to be angry, and try to hurt me. That She might try to change me back if I¨C


    After a moment She begins doing¡­ something. The ground gives way a little, and becomes warmer. It¡¯s¡­ sand? Then she drifts to hover behind me, long arms wrap around me while Her fingers dance across the newly formed dream sand, and where they touch glowing script is left in their wake.


    It takes a second, but then I can make out words¡­ Arudian? No¡­ Amwellian? I¡¯m not sure. I don¡¯t know how much of this dream is just¡­ like¡­ my mind trying to make sense of Her.


    I take a deep dream breath, and focus. Read the message.


    ¡°My Challa, stop resisting.¡±


    Ch-Challa? I understand all the words but that one. I take another deep and steadying breath. She curls around behind me, listening in silence as I reply.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. You''re very scary and¡­ you hurt me. Last time you looked into my¡­ my soul? Please don¡¯t do that again.¡± Deep breath, and then I add. ¡°I wanted to thank you though! For changing me. This body is so perfect and¨C¡±


    Her hands curl around mine, an interruption. A wave of Her fingers erases the words and replaces them with new ones.


    ¡°Of course! Yours was such a gorgeous loving soul trapped in a cursed form.¡±


    I sputter at that. Try to recover and answer, but before I can another line is added.


    Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°I am so glad to have found you and made you mine.¡±


    A cold spike runs down my spine. Deep breaths.


    ¡°Y- Yours?¡±


    She pulls me closer, radiates a warm and excited joy as fingers once again twist through my hair and talons slide across flesh.


    ¡°Mine,¡± A growl, as real as all her other thrumming passions accompanies the word as it drifts into clarity on the sand. ¡°Now, let me finish shaping your mind.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­. But¡­ I¡­¡± I try to sputter back.


    But by this time I¡¯m trapped in her embrace, and she¡¯s beginning to turn me to look at her.


    ¡°Please.¡± I whisper as I¡¯m shifted, and squeeze my dream eyes shut. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to do that again.¡±


    Talons run down my face, over my eyelids, and another rumble pulses from her. A warning. One that feels like ¡®Don¡¯t make me force these open.¡¯


    At that moment, I am back in Lyttoral. Back where I have no choices. My body and soul and everything else I am is only as good as those who want to use it.


    ¡°Can¡¯t I just¡­ be me?¡± I stammer as I feel water gather beneath my eyelids, ¡°Live as me?¡±


    She pauses as little tears try to gather beneath my ethereal eyelids, are unable to be trapped, and begin to flow freely down over my cheeks and her fingers.


    A single finger wipes at my tears, so so gently¡­


    ¡°Please don¡¯t change me¨C¡±


    I¡¯d read all sorts of books about wildlife. They weren¡¯t my favorite, but I went through a phase early on in my youth where I loved big forest Cretillas. I think it had something to do with their long delicate, yet dangerous feminine, grace that scratched a developing itch. The eight limbs were also very cool!


    So¡­ There is a certain kind of Cretilla that loves to stalk the colder beaches and crack all sorts of hard-shelled sea life that washes ashore open for their meat. It always fascinated me. This beautifully agile beast of prey wouldn¡¯t hunt other tundra creatures, but would instead spend most of its energy prying open some big de-clawed crab thing or some such for its hunk of meat.


    That¡¯s the horrible memory that races through my mind as She rides me to the ground, multiple talons digging into me, trying to peel my dream eyelids open as pulse ripples through the dream.


    I scream, try to fight, but my arms are held fast by countless other hands and arms.


    It hurts, oh fuck it hurts! But this is a dream? How can it hurt so much if it¡¯s all just a dream!?!


    But¡­ these must not be my real eyelids. They must be a metaphor for¡­ something? Because she doesn¡¯t just rip soft flesh free with sharpened claws.


    She pauses, and through a pleading whimper I feel a caress over my eyelids. An offer.


    Stop fighting, and the pain ends. I imagine She says.


    I shake my head. Blubber out a ¡°Fuck you.¡±


    A sigh. Then I feel her presence lay across me and¡­ Fuck! I guess She has a mouth now because next I feel Her bite into my face with really really sharp teeth. She tries to leverage them against my nose, and will occasionally try to slide a thin talon beneath the rim, and when it doesn¡¯t work she¡¯ll shift and work on my other eyelid. After a few more eternities of my screams and pleading and eventually just sobbing wails she pauses again.


    No anger ripples out. She just¡­ thrums with a sort of playful anticipation. She¡¯s¡­ oh fuck She¡¯s enjoying this! Doesn¡¯t even seem to consider offering me a way out of this pain anymore, doesn¡¯t seem to want it as she tap tap taps my eyelids with one talon. Considering how to crack me open like some beached clam.


    Everything shakes a little, and I feel her mood fall. A huff of aggravation roles through her, but then she seems to regain a tumble of joy as she leans down to me again.


    I brace for pain, but instead feel Her lips press down onto my scarred and sore eyelids. A¡­ kiss?


    Then I¡¯m awake.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Tasii breaths, barely a whisper as her hand caresses my cheek.


    Tasii curls beside and around me, The Julo tree creaking and groaning so far above her, sleepy worried questions sitting unspoken behind her twinkling eyes.


    The dream¡­ the night terror¡­ weighs heavy, then begins to fall away. No. I need to¨C remember. Fuck it hurts. I don¡¯t want to forget¡­ but¡­


    Holding onto the memories is like trying to grasp a heavy rock still hot from laying in the sun. Too heavy and painful.


    ¡°You okay?¡± She mouths.


    I try to focus on it, try to recall what¡­ I open my mouth, blink, and my eye sticks for a second. I wipe away fresh tears with my sleeve.


    Why am I crying?


    ¡°I¡­¡± I shake my head. ¡°I can¡¯t remember.¡±


    Tasii tilts her head, a bit of worry in her confused look.


    ¡°Thanks for waking me.¡± I mouth up to her, pull her hand close to hug it.


    ¡°Welcome.¡± She manages a little smile. ¡°Need anything?¡±


    I wipe away more old tears I don¡¯t remember shedding, ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know?¡±


    ¡°Hug?¡±


    I nod furiously. ¡°Mhm. Yes please.¡±


    She takes me into her arms, and through the warm embrace I feel a low thrum echo from her, a spark of vibrancy I¡¯d only felt in two others.


    Oh¡­ Is this her Amwella? It¡¯s¡­ different from Yrelia¡¯s. But I can¡¯t really tell how. It just¡­ is? It doesn¡¯t matter¡­ It¡¯s so warm. So inviting. I just¡­ want to snuggle closer!


    Her legs wrap around and through mine. It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s not the first night I¡¯ve rolled over and snuggled up to her. That we¡¯ve ended up tangled in a mess of arms and legs with various bits pressed close. But¡­ tonight¡­ Fuck this warmth is new. Or at least it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve been this distracted by it.


    Then Yrelia makes a noise, and suddenly she¡¯s shifting behind me. There is a moment¡­ a¡­ an old panic. Where in my groggy confusion I worry if she¡¯ll be upset by turning to see me so cuddled up to Tasii instead of her.


    But then one arm is over and around us both.


    ¡°Everything okay?¡± Yrelia murmurs as a hand crosses over my head to push Tasii¡¯s hair from her eyes.


    ¡°I think so.¡± Tasii replies, shifts so I¡¯m able to turn to see Yrelia propping herself beside us, ¡°Just a bad dream I think.¡±


    ¡°How bad?¡± Yrelia notices my still red or wetish eyes. ¡°You alright? Need to talk or¡­?¡±


    I make a little noise of affirmation, ¡°Tasii woke me up. I don¡¯t even remember it. ¡±


    ¡°Want some water or something?¡± Tasii asks, reaching overhead to a little pile of possible late night needs.


    I nod, take a moment to drink.


    ¡°Tree is loud.¡± I whisper, passing back the pouch of water. ¡°It¡¯s a little scary.¡±


    Tasii sighs, then chuckles. ¡°Sorry. I thought you¡¯d like it. Should¡­ is it too hard to sleep?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°It¡¯s fine. Getting used to it.¡±


    Yrelia chuckles, leans in to nuzzle the back of my neck, whispers in my ear. ¡°Anything I can do to take your mind off it?¡±


    A spark jolts through me as I feel her Amwella flare as she presses close. Fuck that¡¯s¡­ That¡¯s the most direct she¡¯s been in a while. Runs warm fingers down my arm in a seductive caress. I only let out a little squeak, more so at the sudden pressing of the two flames than her unexpected offer.


    Tasii huffs out a sigh, ¡°Really? Yrelia?¡±


    But¡­ her own Amwella flares in turn with Yrelia¡¯s. They begin to sing in silent harmony.


    ¡°What?¡± Yrelia giggles into me. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure she passes right the fuck out. I won¡¯t take more than a few minutes or¨C¡±


    ¡°Only if Tasii wants to stay.¡± I whisper.


    That causes them both to pause, I fight to resist burying my face as I feel a blush begin to burn.

 Chapter 28: Second Lover (18+)

    CONTENT WARNIN''


    Ha! I finally get to earn that Threesome tag I''d slapped on this story like... months ago on scribble hub! Let''s all welcome our new member to the Polycule! It was only a matter of time...


    But yeah, sex is here. I hope everyone enjoys!!! :D


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Tasii murmurs, ¡°I don¡¯t want to pressure you into that.¡±


    I shake my head, pull her everything close. A safe place to hide the blush as it must be reaching my ears at this point. ¡°You¡¯re not! I¡­ I just¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ If you don¡¯t want to I totally¨C¡±


    She returns my hug snug. ¡°I¡¯d love to Ina.¡± And her Amwella nearly shouts an affirmation to her words. ¡°I just don¡¯t want you to feel pressured into this because you don¡¯t want me to be alone.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want that either¡­¡± Warmth spreads down, begins to settle between my legs as I become very aware of the leg I¡¯d curled them around. ¡°But I¡­ I¡¯ve wanted to since¡­ for quite a while and¡­¡±


    ¡°Ina.¡± Yrelia purrs from behind me, close enough to cause brumbles to crawl down my neck but not actually snuggling it anymore. ¡°Don¡¯t make this complicated. Just say it and we can go from there. No more confusion.¡±


    I feel Tasii look up to Yrelia. ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°As much as I enjoy her shyness, I wanted to avoid¡­ miscommunications. So I gave her a bit of a reverse safe word.¡± Yrelia murmurs, hot breath tickling my neck still ¡°If Ina wants sex. I¡¯ve taught her how to ask like a good girl. No chance of misunderstandings or feeling like she has to give anyone anything.¡±


    My heart flutters and tutters at the pet phrase while the fire in me causes my legs to squeeze Tasii¡¯s just a little tighter on reflex. I bury my face deeper into the cuddle, but without pulling away from Yrelia¡¯s lips against my back. The Amwella flames antagonize me to stop stalling and say the words I know will give me what I want!


    Tasii pauses. ¡°Okay. That¡¯s¡­ surprisingly insightful?¡±


    Yrelia giggles, pulls back to prop herself up. ¡°I knew you¡¯d get it.¡±


    I pull away as I steady my heart. I twist to look at her, missing her warmth. ¡°Get¡­ Get what?¡±


    Yrelia purrs, and her eyes trip me into silence. ¡°Is that really the question you want to ask?¡±


    I expect Tasii to rebuke her, to tell her to explain, but when I turn back she is just silently watching me. I look down as my blush redoubles, debate hiding again in a snuggle.


    But then Yrelia moves a hand to my cheek and chin, oh so gently turns me to her. ¡°Is it?¡±


    Fuck that turns everything up by a few degrees, makes me squirm in a way that is asking for more. From the corner of my eye Tasii is watching very very intently. No¡­ well there is something there. But a smile is the wrong word. I¡­ it¡¯s like when I first told her about my past. When she was studying me. Trying to read me.


    ¡°Not really.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Then ask.¡±


    ¡°Will¡­ will you both¨C¡± But the words catch in my throat. What if Tasii says no? What if she doesn¡¯t want this? What if three people is too many and I¡¯m terrible at this and¨C


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± She growls playfully. Her warm anticipation burns the doubts away.


    ¡°Will you please fuck me?¡± I breathe out.


    Yrelia doesn¡¯t release me, only turns me carefully toward Tasii. ¡°Now. Ask her if she¡¯d like to join us.¡±


    Tasii doesn¡¯t sigh in annoyance, doesn¡¯t chide Yrelia or offer me an out. Just¡­ raises an eyebrow. No smirk or expression to tell me her thoughts on¡­ all this.


    ¡°Please?¡± Is all I can whisper out.


    She opens her mouth, then shares a short non-verbal exchange with Yrelia. A nod.


    ¡°Please¡­ what? Ina.¡± She murmurs and looks back at me.


    Really? She¡¯s going to make me say it?!?


    ¡°Please fuck me¡­ us? Do a fuck with us." My dumb horny brain forces out my dumb horny mouth as my blush must burn hot enough to scorch. "P¨C Please?¡±


    Then she does smile. But¡­ it¡¯s not like Yrelia¡¯s. Fuck! It¡¯s nothing like Yrelia¡¯s. Yrelia¡¯s is a wicked thing that carries promises of crazy sex and mischief. Tasii¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s a slow thing, like¡­ I dunno¡­ I feel like a small animal being spotted by a jungle Cretilla. Eyes narrowed in a focused hunger.


    Everything goes weak and screams for me to hold still¡­ wait¡­ At the promise in those eyes.


    She moves. Not fast. But with purpose. Totally silent she pulls me back up and into her embrace, and leans down to press her lips into mine.


    It¡¯s so aggressive! Tasii doesn¡¯t tease or play or waste any time on a build up. Her tongue is already between my lips and finding mine. Instantly drawing my heart into a hard beat as she engulfs my entire body¡¯s attention. But... right as I start to get a little dizzy, she pulls away, bites and tugs on my upper lip. I have to take a few quick breaths to steady my racing heart. But there is no stopping the warmth and wetness that now gathers between my legs.


    A leg is shoved up between mine, hard, and as I gasp in surprise she moves up past me to Yrelia. I hear their lips meet and dance. Yrelia giggles and purrs into the kiss. ¡°Missed me?¡±


    Tasii answers, husky and low, ¡°You¡¯ve no idea.¡±


    I almost feel a seed of guilt get planted, at keeping these two apart for so long due to my shyness and¨C


    But then one of Tasii¡¯s hands slips down my shirt and grasps my breast. Begins to squeeze and rake gentle nails over and around and around. Turning my thoughts into a muddle again.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing such a good job of showing me.¡± Yrelia whispers after they break the kiss. ¡°But we should take it a little easy here Tasii, else she¡¯s going to wake the others.¡±


    R¡­ right. I am not quiet during sex. At least¡­ fuck I try sometimes but¡­ that just seems to make Yrelia work harder to squeeze things out of me. Once she¡­ she had me begging for like¡­ half an hour before she would stop teasing and just... let me orgasm!


    A pause, then there are two different hands wrapped around and under my shirt, meeting and entwining over one of my breasts. I can¡¯t stop a little rumble in my throat at the twin touches.


    ¡°No.¡± Tasii replies, ¡°They¡¯re awake. I think they finished before Ina woke me.¡±


    ¡°Really? Fuck, I forgot how quiet they can b¨C¡±


    Tasii cuts her off with another kiss, Yrelia purrs into it. Tasii¡¯s leg presses up into me harder and their hands break apart to¡­ Fuck. That¡¯s¡­ fuck that¡¯s not¡­ Fuck!


    Where Yrelia''s fingers are all gentle grace, Tasii is so fucking aggressive. Rides just on the edge of too hard. She kneads and squeezes and pinches without actually ruining the rush her work brings! Yrelia keeps up her own seductive work, which only emphasizes the entire thing! Soft and lovingly teasing me while Tasii teeters on the edge of painful arousal. My fingers end up at Tasii¡¯s neck, wandering and feeling the muscles and rumbles as she and Yrelia kiss. And for a while I''m just... lost in the echoes of their love for each other.


    After a few moments everything slows, which is good. Even without a kiss for me I can¡¯t help but be a little overwhelmed by the two¡¯s attentions and being mushed between raging Amwella storms. I don¡¯t want it to stop, but I don¡¯t know what could happen if they didn''t pause.


    If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Then Tasii is scooting down, taking my face in her hands. A gentleness comes over her, ¡°Thank you for inviting me, Ina. For trusting me.¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± I blubber out. Thoughts still all a muddle as my fingers touch her hands, trail down her wrists and wonderfully soft yet strong arms.


    The kiss she rewards me with next is all soft, but I can tell from a little shake that she¡¯s just keeping that aggression at bay for this. At the end I make the mistake of nibbling back at her lower lip, and her Amwella seems to buck in her chest.


    A low husky sound answers me.


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± Yrelia muses from behind me, fingers playfully teasing and tugging and wrapping around a nipple of mine. ¡°How do we want to do this¡­¡±


    I can¡¯t help but let out a little whimper as she nuzzles my neck. ¡°Do you want to have a go at Ina here, Tasii? I don¡¯t mind keeping her still. Making sure she¡¯s a good girl for you.¡±


    I must blush so hard, but fuck does that just¡­ somehow¡­ double all the things. My mind is overwhelmed by a slowly growing buzzing sound at all this. I barely register my hands beginning to trail along Tasii¡¯s chest and hips. Fingers roll up her shirt and enjoy the warmth of her surprisingly solid abs and¨C


    Tasii doesn¡¯t glance up from my face, just¡­ studies me for a few seconds as I stare down at her tummy. ¡°Yeah. Okay.¡±


    Yrelia reaches down and pulls one hand behind my back and into her chest, letting my fingers brush and play at one of her breasts. Then finds my other and twists it up and over my head into her hair. All the while baring my body to Tasii¡¯s building fury.


    That smile again, all hunger and aggression and focus crosses Tasii¡¯s face. Then she¡¯s pushing my shirt up while moving to kiss me again. I can¡¯t help but wiggle at the sudden cold breeze that washes over my chest, but Yrelia doesn¡¯t let me escape her grasp.


    Tasii moves quickly this time.


    I twist and squirm and moan just a little as her hands move to grip my hips, pull me close, then rake up my belly into my breasts. It''s¡­ well it¡¯s so much different than anything I¡¯ve ever experienced! A raw hunger to grab and touch and and¡­ fuck! But Yrelia isn¡¯t letting me move much, is just¡­ keeping me still so Tasii can have me just the way she likes.


    And I love it so much!


    Soon our hips and legs are also a tangled mess of squeezing and grinding and raw fucking motion. No thought, just¡­ writhing as she wraps one hand around my butt and pulls both our legs up harder, uses the leverage to rub us as hard and close together as possible.


    Yrelia leans forward and purrs, begins to kiss and nibble at my neck, driving my mind deeper into the sensation and pleasure. I can¡¯t help but grasp the breast beneath her sleep shirt and wiggle fingers through the wonderfully soft hair she''s holding that hand within.


    Tasii¡¯s Amwella dances and¡­ and¡­ just for a second I feel it touch my core. Feel a shuttering as she bites at my lip and lets out her first moan. Such a low sound that rumbles up from her core as the flame in my chest licks out and mingles tendrils with hers.


    She keeps my leg between hers, but draws hers up and twists it to spread mine. Reaches down with one hand to take its place. And just¡­ no hesitation¡­ slides a few fingers along my wet slit and clit, hard. Sudden fast and perfect motions to¡­ And fuck am I¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ fuck. fuck!


    Then I cum with her, raw and hard, but not too much to bear. Not enough to satisfy me, just... a prelude to a deeper hunger building. She pulls me close as her own shuddering orgasm takes hold. I feel her radiant heat surge and flare¡­ then seep into my chest as my own flame pulls back.


    A small taste of her Amwella is one with my core now.


    Deep breathing. A few moments pass before my mind begins to form thoughts again.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Tasii huffs, ¡°Was¡­ is that what I think it was?¡±


    Yrelia hums, ¡°Yup.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s so wild. So¡­ fucking amazing.¡± She murmurs, recovering quicker than me.


    ¡°Buh?¡± Is all I can ask.


    ¡°What did you feel, Ina?¡± Yrelia breaths into my neck, sultry and soft. ¡°You explained it so well the other night.¡±


    Oh¡­ the feeding¡­ the Amwella touch.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t¡­¡± I focus, try to sort the post orgasm muddled brain. ¡°It was like two flames dancing, then mine reached out. Touched hers. Kept a little part as It came back¨C¡±


    Then Tasii is kissing me again. But in a soft way. There is still a¡­ a sort of quiet lurking hunger there. Barely wetted apatite. She moves down, begins to kiss and nibble and bite my breasts. I arch back a little into Yrelia at the sensations. Still trying to recover, but quickly feeling the warmth return between my legs as my nipples harden at these new attentions.


    I moan, trying to turn¡­ to kiss Yrelia¡­ to snuggle¡­ to do¡­ something! But she holds me, doesn¡¯t let me wiggle out of her grasp. And I love it. Love being caught between these two amazing women and unable to do anything but feel their affections.


    ¡°Mmmm¡­.¡± Yrelia purrs. ¡°That¡¯s a good girl, Ina.¡±


    I whimper and... That... um... well I think I almost cum a little at her words alone. But suddenly Tasii is pulling at my nipples with her teeth, rakes fingernails down my belly and hips. Then she moves up to nibble on my jaw and whisper in my ear.


    ¡°I want to taste you, Ina.¡± Tasii murmurs. And fuck it sounds like a threat!


    Yrelia giggles into my neck, twists over to kiss Tasii. Then whispers excitedly. ¡°We should do that circle thing!¡±


    I¡­ I¡¯m still a few steps back. Thoughts too jumbled to even ask what that is. A little sound must escape me though. A little moan¡­ or something? Might have been a squeak. Fuck Yrelia likes making me do that way too much. But¡­ fuck it¡¯s not like I can help it when she''s like this!


    Tasii draws her teeth across my neck. ¡°I think Ina likes that idea.¡±


    Yrelia kisses then releases my arms, and the next few moments are¡­ kinda a weird mix of wiggles and twisting to change positions a bit. We keep getting distracted with slow kisses and touches as we help each other shed our sleep clothes. But in the end we¡¯re each naked, and on our sides, with the legs and crotch of someone else within easy¡­um¡­ well eating distance. Tasii is between my legs, while I¡¯m between Yrelia¡¯s, and she¡¯s between Tasii¡¯s.


    Tasii barely waits for Yrelia to be lying down before she is shoving my legs apart. Soon I am shuddering and twitching as her teeth begin to clamp down on skin. Release, then again, so much closer¡­ then¡­


    To compare her to my first night with Yrelia would be¡­ wrong. Kinda an insult. Tasii has my same¡­ enthusiasm. But with an intimate understanding of all the parts. She¡¯s also waaay more aggressive than me.


    Tongue caresses, hard and deep. Then she pulls back and nibbles on the lips. Release, and back inside. I know I¡¯m shaking, shuddering, and while I end up biting down on¡­ something? To stop a whimper, I¡¯m sure anyone and everyone hears me. I feel a low husky growl rumble up from her through me. Then she is, somehow, doing everything even faster and harder and ruining any chance of me lasting but a few more seconds.


    That¡­ fuck she was holding back. That was her being gentle. Fuck fuck fuck! I¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ Fuck she needs to stop or¨C


    And I¡¯m cumming. Again. Fuck! I almost feel bad that I¡¯m the only one feeling this¡­ but¡­ wait. That¡¯s not right?


    I don¡¯t actually remember twisting up and into Yrelia. Just¡­ her moving. Getting into position with us. But I¡¯m pressed up into her already? The thing I bit down on to stifle a whimper was¡­ It must have been her. I don¡¯t have time to worry about anything because my mouth and tongue are already against and inside her. Already moving and drinking in her Amwella. I don¡¯t remember when I started that.


    Moans from her blur out my thoughts again. A wave of heat and nectar overwhelm everything else¡­


    Then Tasii is shuddering into me. Not¡­ I mean she¡¯s still inside me. But in a gentle after orgasm caressing way. But¡­ her Amwella is reaching up through her, twisting and flaring up as Yrelia must have worked to make her climax match hers. Like a river running downstream it flows up through me and¡­


    Fuck that feels amazing. I can¡¯t even try to stop the shiver of pleasure that starts between my legs and rocks through my entire body as both Yrelia and Tasii¡¯s flames curl around my own. Then both of them slow and go still besides the occasional shudders and shakes amidst gasps of night air.


    Deep breaths¡­ oh fuck. Don¡¯t forget to breathe. Deeeeep breaths.


    Then their soulfire joins with mine, and¡­ it¡¯s too much.


    It¡¯s¡­ fuck it kinda hurts. Like¡­ yeah like¡­ I totally just absorbed too much Amwella. My chest feels like it needs to burst to contain it all. Did¡­ Did I break something? Am¡­ am I¡­ what happens if I consume too much too fast!?!


    But¡­ No. The flame settles and consolidates the new extensions. Adds them to the little blaze and curls snuggly around my heart. I sigh in relief as the final twitches and shudders of body things calm.


    It takes a few moments, but soon I feel Yrelia crawl over to me, hover above me.


    An offer.


    I accept, reach up and pull her into a kiss. Get to taste Tasii on her lips and tongue as our mouths dance. Then Tasii is there too, and after a quick loving exchange with Yrelia she¡¯s hovering over me.


    Another offer.


    ¡°Is¡­ Do you mind tasting¨C¡±


    I just pull her down to kiss me.


    She answers with more aggression and hunger, so much I wonder if she might want more tonight¡­ but¡­ no. Her kiss slows, ends with a playful nibble at my lip and nose, and she collapses. Then Yrelia is on my other side, and pulls blankets up and around us.


    ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ Yeah I¡¯m gonna need another couple hours of sleep before we start the day.¡± Tasii murmurs, and we agree with snuggles and warmth. "Not... not sure I could walk very well after that."

 Chapter 29: Nightmares Outside Arudia Part 1

    Content Warning:


    -Mind manipulation


    -The beginning of a plurality


    -Violence


    Tap tap tap.


    Pain. So much pain. Need to remember this time. Need to¡­ do something. Need to¨C


    Challa.


    She¡¯s gotten so much more real! So much more¡­ there! I can even hear her now. Too much Amwella, it made Her stronger. Connected me to Her more. Fuck, why didn¡¯t I listen to¨C


    The dream stirs.


    Need to remember. Don¡¯t forget this time. You''re waking up now. DON¡¯T FORGET!!!


    ¡°Ina?¡± Jevita whispers.


    ¡°Hmmm?¡± I awaken blearily to her nudging my arm.


    Need to remember!


    Afternoon sunlight must have coaxed me into a soft nap. Jevita and I sit at a little table just outside some proper Quelekita stables. We¡¯re both wrapped in warm blankets and coats.


    ¡°Need to remember.¡± I murmur, half of me still enveloped in the pain and anguish of the dream.


    ¡°What?¡± Jevita looks across the open notebook at me, a playful smirk on her lips.


    ¡°I need to remember! She¨C¡± I jolt up, dig nails into the wood of the table.


    I grasp at it, fight to keep the dream at the forefront of my mind. Struggle to¨C


    And then it¡¯s gone. I fight to recover it, but¡­ it''s like losing a seashell amidst the waves on the beach.


    ¡°You dozed off there.¡± Jevita murmurs, ¡°Bad dream?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°You just said you need to remember something?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I do.¡± I blink away the fuzz of weariness. ¡°It¡­ but it¡¯s already gone. Sorry. Didn¡¯t mean to abandon you there.¡±


    I look down to the notebooks before me. We¡¯d basically translated all of it now.


    ¡°Just a question about the word choice here on the fifteenth page.¡± She shrugs, ¡°But¡­ You look pretty exhausted. You should go get some sleep in a real bed while you still can.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± I yawn. ¡°Haven¡¯t been sleeping well. Don¡¯t know why either.¡±


    I look up to see her raised eyebrow and quirked lip.


    I try to hide my blush with a roll of my eyes. ¡°Even with¡­ all that. I should be getting enough rest. I¡­ I don¡¯t feel like I¡¯m waking up either. Just¡­¡±


    Tap tap tap.


    I wince, a flash of something. A memory. But then it''s gone.


    ¡°Whatever you say.¡± She looks back to her own work with a smirk.


    I sigh and turn back to my notes. ¡°What word did you have that question about?¡±


    And so we continue.


    The notebook has been¡­ ugh, less than useful. Other than the actual glyphs and a couple pages before, everything else is¡­ nonsense. Just a mixture of old myths, observations about¡­ well¡­ kinda a ton of random things.


    As for the glyphs, they seem to piss Jevita off the most.


    ¡°It uses Cultivation glyphs, hints at having actual crystals, but¡­ no links to them!¡± She fumed over the torn and messed up final pages. ¡°If only I could¨C¡±


    Kque stepped in then, asked her to slow down, focus on the other pages.


    There¡­ is something there. I¡¯m not sure how to ask. Jevita seems to have a rough past with the Academy and Cultivation. But¡­ when I asked Yrelia and Tasii¡­


    ¡°Uh¡­ Yeah.¡± Yrelia shifted uncomfortably, voice going quiet. ¡°Don¡¯t ask her about it, okay? Kque helps her with that stuff.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡± I glanced between them, ¡°Like¡­ nothing? But¡­ What if the Academy is our only option? Do¨C¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll work things out if we end up there.¡± Tasii added, ¡°It was¡­ really bad stuff. Okay? She¡­ it¡¯s not a thing we want her to consider going back to.¡±


    I¡¯d already pushed harder than I¡¯d normally had the courage for, so I dropped it. If it was so bad, why would she want to go back?


    As the sun gets close to setting, Jevita looks up to me. ¡°You should head back.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I can go a little longer.¡±


    She laughs, ¡°You¡¯ve kinda gone over that page like¡­ three times. You¡¯re barely awake.¡±


    Tap.


    ¡°Mmm fine.¡± I grumble, annoyed that she¡¯s still¨C


    Jevita sighs, ¡°Ina¡­ this city isn¡¯t like the others. It¡¯s¡­ Look I just really don¡¯t think you should walk back to the Inn alone in the dark.¡±


    Tap.


    I don¡¯t even glance up. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    She just¡­ stares. ¡°Right¡­ you really wouldn¡¯t have a concept of it.¡±


    Tap.


    ¡°Stop it!¡± I hiss at Her, sudden and ugly.


    Jevita jerks back. ¡°What?¡±


    I realize then that I¡¯d spoken aloud. ¡°I¡­ I wasn¡¯t talking to¡­¡±


    What was I just¡­ Who was I talking to? Why did I say that?


    ¡°I¡¯m just trying to keep you safe, Ina.¡± She grimaces. ¡°I¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to imply¨C¡±


    ¡°No, no!¡± I nearly shout, jerked back from my thoughts. ¡°I wasn¡¯t¡­ I¡¯m so sorry. I¡­ What were you saying? That I didn¡¯t understand something about something? Or¡­?¡±


    She hesitates. ¡°Just¡­ some cities, they¡¯re not um¡­ as safe as others? Especially at night.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± I sigh. ¡°Right. Yeah, I understand. Sorry, I¡­ seriously thanks for pointing that out. I¡­ I don¡¯t know why I even said that. You¡¯re totally right!¡±


    She tilts her head as I just¡­ sit there. I must look so strange as I stare blankly past her as I try to pull at the memory threads.


    ¡°You okay to walk back alone?¡±


    I nod and rise. ¡°Yeah. The cold will keep me awake.¡±


    By the time I¡¯ve cleaned up and moved my notes back to the safety of Jevita¡¯s chest, the sun is just barely peeking over the horizon and a light snow has begun to fall.


    Utikita is the largest city we¡¯ve visited¡­ well¡­ at least since we left Lyttoral. Even at nights the streets seem packed to bursting with Women, Quelekita, and even one Arudian male I barely noticed in the window of a shop. Its streets are paved with smooth dark purple rock of some kind, while many of the buildings bear carvings and embellishments made of a twisting cerulean jade. No plants for a region this cold on the outside, but many sport rooftop domes of glass that house internal gardens.


    Yrelia and Kque are spending today finalizing some trade deals, While Tasii is finishing up chasing down a few dozen leads on the Sun Spoken Emarial wrote might be in this city. I¡¯d gotten exhausted and felt like I was slowing Tasii down, so we agreed I¡¯d be better off taking it easy and doing more translation work with Jevita.


    Tasii had joined Yrelia and me on a basically permanent basis in bed. I¡¯d gotten accustomed to the two¡¯s attentions these past weeks. Weirdly enough, my Amwella had not really grown. Just¡­ felt more bright. Denser and heavier around my heart.


    Something about that worries me. Like¡­ an anxiety I can¡¯t really place. Emarial said that too much would be a problem¡­ but¡­ I can¡¯t recall dreaming about the Weaver since Deledita. And honestly¡­ fuck the idea of avoiding sex with the people I love just because that cunt¨C


    Tap tap tap.


    I pause. Another memory. One of¡­ pain?


    I step out of the main path and up against a little store. Try to focus on the fading impression as It grinds against my mind.


    Tap tap ta¨C


    ¡°Stop it!¡± Why can¡¯t You just¡ª


    I stumble, and have to catch myself, then the memory is gone.


    I look around. What¡­ wow I must be really tired. Starting to dream here in the street.


    Then a strange smell catches my attention.


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey but¡­ acidic. It kinda¡­ burns.


    Eck.


    But cold runs down my spine as it triggers a memory of my last evening in Lyttoral. Of the smell I¡¯d ignored due to the pain of¨C


    I¡¯m moving then, toward the alley it seems to come from, toward the smell. That¡­ is this the same smell that droplet of sap had? The one that She used to change me?


    Four or so doors lay hidden along the path. Two have little light things glowing against the darkness. I pause, take in a deeper breath. Try to decide if¨C


    Stronger here, yeah. Maybe one of these doors is the source?


    I start walking, slowly, taking my time to take deep sniffs.


    ¡°Um¡­ hello?¡± I call out as I pass the first door, pulling my coat thing tighter around.


    Tap tap tap.


    I look back the way I came, thinking I¡¯m hearing something calling out to me¨C


    The smell wafts over me again, and I jerk back to see a shadow detach from the wall.


    Tall and lanky, at first I think it¡¯s just a really really tall woman. But then it leans into one of the lights, and I see familiar pale skin¡­ and way way too many limbs. Each covered with little wriggling fingers and¨C


    ¡°No. No no no no.¡± I whimper. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ no! I¡¯m just¡­ this is a dream. Right?¡±


    I take a step back. No healing waters. No one to help.


    Another step. It twitches.


    Tap tap tap


    I jerk back, stumble around to¨C


    But something slams into my back and leg, I fall and knock against a wall before skidding through the fresh snow.


    I reach out, try to grab at something, anything, only to find smooth stone.


    Begin to scream, but one of those hands curls around my face and stifles the cry as the other drags me back toward the nightmare.


    FUCK! No no no no no NO NO NO!


    It twists me belly-up, and the limbs seem to curl around and underneath me. It¡¯s leaning into the light now, and I can see rows of really really sharp teeth amidst a writhing mass of tongues. The Amwella inside me sparks and roils, but¡­ its warmth feels so far away¡­


    I start to kick and claw and punch as it seems to just¡­ fall down onto me. Like a really heavy blanket. The arms around my head and leg stretch and pull me apart as far and wide as I can go. I kick with my free leg a few more times while my hands try to claw and yank on the things around my mouth.


    Need to just get my face free, need to call for help! Someone will¨C


    Then a large lanky hand catches my foot, twists it nearly all the way around. A pop and crack, and my world is horror and pain as I catch a glimpse of my broken foot.


    I whimper and begin to sob into it as more hands catch and pin my limbs onto the cold floor. Through tears of agony I watch as those teeth seem to grow and twist, then it slams them down into my chest, and I feel more pain erupt from my core.


    I writhe in vain as the thing begins to carve through my thick lays of cloth and skin and warmth. Brushes them aside like so much tasteless chaff to get to the real prize bubbling and whirling inside me.


    Tearing, pain, then a definitive crunch. Then... Darkness.


    The weight on my chest is softer now, more¡­


    She hums.


    Oh¡­ that wasn¡¯t¡­ this is the dream. Which means¡­


    ¡°Please.¡± I beg. ¡°I¡­ I think it¡¯s going to kill me.¡±


    Tap tap tap She clinks a talon against my eyes as She lounges over me. A reminder, and an offer.


    Oh¡­ yeah. That¡¯s¡­ That¡¯s how she can help me. By¡­ by shaping me again. Fuck. I don¡¯t want this! Why can¡¯t I just be me?!? Fuck fuck FUCK!


    But... I take a deep shuddering breath, and open them.


    They''re not really my eyes¡­ more¡­ A metaphor? A door, or window into my soul. I think.


    She¡¯s not tall, and would probably be shorter than even me if we stood next to each other. The shadows that once encompassed Her are now more defined, glorious extensions of her mind and will that swirl and wiggle all about her. Beneath and at their core is a feminine shape, fairly petite. With long twisting ears and a cute little nose beneath her four eyes of blazing violet.


    They meet mine. And I feel Her slide into my mind and thoughts. Much like they did that first night. Seeming to¡­ wiggle about and curl around my mind and memories.


    At first it hurts, burns, and feels like a rotten syrup has been poured directly into me. But¡­ then it settles, cools, and it¡¯s like a wonderful friend has decided to give me a surprise hug from behind.


    She hums through me as my memories unravel before Her.


    I wait¡­ silent and groggy and very very confused.


    Why¡­ Why had I resisted Her? She¡¯s so warm and kind! Not scary at all!


    First person to see your beauty beneath that old wretched form. She agrees.


    I nod, but I feel myself¡­ shift focus. Turn my memories to the current thing that¡¯s trying to eat me.


    She huffs, obviously enjoying the memories of these past weeks with Yrelia and Tasii.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± I murmur, regretting upsetting Her.


    Minds are faster than flesh, but¡­


    There is a sudden change, a¡­ fury.


    ¡°¡­Huh?¡±


    I always enjoy slaughtering one of these.


    Then I¡¯m agreeing with Her, feeling the Amwella in my core twist into an inferno of anticipation at what comes next.

 Chapter 30: Nightmares Outside Arudia Part 2

    CONTENT WARNINGS AND THINGS!


    -Mind manipulation... ish. Honestly not really. Osmosis is a better term. BUT I understand very much that there are severe power dynamic issues that make it hard for Ina/little spirit to keep up at times!


    -Plurality, and the confusion and worry and hiccups that comes when two spirits have to work together within the same body.


    -Violence and blood and weird roots writhing around da bones. And murder of a monster. Big woops.


    -MAGIC! Yup, it''s finally time!!!


    Three spikes of bloody bone erupt from our chest and impale the nightmare.


    It jolts, tries to pull back, to push off us.


    We¡¯re content to watch, grinning through blood and glorious pain.


    ¡°Should be careful who you try to eat.¡± We purr at it.


    It can¡¯t scream, just¡­ begins to gnaw and jerk at the spears of bone woven from our ribs and sternum. Then it gets a grip, snaps them and slumps back. Its tendrils and limbs are quick to release us as it tries to squirm away.


    We grunt, but rise. Pain isn¡¯t a problem. Pain is a wonderful melody of life. We can use it to fuel so many¨C


    But¡­ We glance down. See the bloody mess that it tore into our chest, and the three bones of the ribcage that protrude from the ugly sight.


    No, not ugly. Even when we are wounded our work is perfect.


    Amwella flairs, and we perform real fucking magic. No runoff or corpse bones needed, just¡­ hum a melody to begin urging our body to reknit and heal faster. Pure will channeled through song. Gorgeous violet nectar seeps from our core and begins to re-knit flesh while forcing bone back into place.


    A clatter catches our attention, we glance up to see the thing has pulled the shattered half of the bone spears from itself and dropped them onto the floor between us.


    ¡°So¡­¡± We grin, ¡°Which one are you?¡±


    The nightmare doesn''t reply, of course, as it tries to rise. But it fails and stumbles back in a slump.


    We slink forward, reach down and grab the largest bone shard, flip it upside down. Lift our leg up, and with a swift jerk, pop and crack the ankle back into place. Feel warm song work to rebind the tendons and muscles and bones.


    ¡°Did you ever get a name?¡± We reach down and grip one of the pieces of our ribcage that hasn¡¯t yet twisted back into place. ¡°Or did they just¡­ toss you in with the rest?¡±


    Snap. Then we have two very sharp weapons. Magic thrums, almost... annoyed at the lack of bone. But our fire burns hot enough to twist root into replacing it.


    The nightmare scrambles farther, but we¡¯re already moving. Faster than past spirits would ever think possible, We dart forward, leap, and bring the two spikes down into the thing¡¯s core.


    ¡°If we were closer,¡± We snarl as the thing begins to flail, a few stray limbs striking us in shoulder and leg. ¡°I¡¯d love to drag you back home, flay you living, then hang you from a tree.¡±


    Then, using one bone as leverage, we pull the other free and begin to stab the nightmare. Over and over and over. With each blow it writhes and squirms and begins to die in wonderfully beautiful little ways as we ride it''s corpse to the ground.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± We growl, ¡°Don¡¯t die so fast you useless¨C¡±


    But... it¡¯s already still, going cold. For a few minutes we just crouch atop it¡¯s empty cold fuck of a body. Long snarling breaths forming a harmony to the song still rippling through us.


    ¡°Better than you deserve.¡± We spit blood. ¡°Fuck! Should have killed you slower.¡±


    We push back to get footing on solid ground. Glare down at the thing. So ugly.


    Then we start taking deep breaths amidst careful magical humming. Consider things as we wait for our torso and ankle to heal enough to begin moving through crowded streets.


    Where do we¡­ But we¡¯re already dividing tasks. Bigger spirit starts flipping through memories. Smaller one glances down, examining the bone shard we still clutch.


    It''s not just bone and blood. We spot little twistings of¡­ wood? Yes, like¡­ tree roots have grown and woven themselves through it. Through all of us.


    Even this bloody twisted thing is so pretty and amazing! The little spirit coos. Can we keep it? A¡­ a memento to our first real¡­ Well, ¡®kill¡¯ sounds kinda horrible. None of these fucks are worth remembering.


    So just¡­ joining?


    The larger spirit agrees. We could make more in the future, but having a weapon within reach could prove beneficial. Tearing ourselves apart for them is¡­ not very efficient.


    Then warmth rolls through us then as we remember the inn, the cozy bed, and the promise of physical comfort and pleasure.


    ¡°We¡¯ll need to heal first.¡± We sigh, but then smirk, ¡°Pain amidst sex is fun though, definitely something to try before¨C¡±


    But we shake our head. No. Yrelia and Tasii would never agree to that. They care about us, love us. They¡¯re already going to have a million questions about this and... and...


    We jolt, a sudden Division forms between us. "Wait¡­ I¡­ they¡¯re not¡­ Are you like¡­ What if they don¡¯t want to¡­ um¡­ be with you? What if¡­ I don¡¯t want you to be with them?"


    Like a playful lover clutching at hair, The larger spirit curls tighter around the smaller, tutters at it''s silly thoughts.


    Wrong questions, my Challa. You were mine first. They should be asking if I mind them playing with you.


    I¡­ but¡­ the little spirit huffs. It makes sense. Sort of.


    This Division of purpose hurts, so It relaxes and Rejoins.


    We smile, one purpose settling amidst our mind, pull our torn clothes to wrap around our still bloody and healing chest, and begin our walk.


    This feels wonderful! Everything is¡­ brighter. Less scary. We almost jerk to a halt as the weight of the past few moments settle into us. We just killed something that would have probably ravaged at least a dozen women before the duenna of this city could even hope to understand what prowled their streets. We¡­


    We can do magic!!! The little spirit almost yelps through our lips.


    We can¡¯t help but twist the bone knife through dexterous fingers as we strut through the city, a big silly grin on our blood-marked face. Plenty of women eye us, either in worry at our scarred and disheveled look, or the knife we openly carry. But we don¡¯t mind. Why should we? We¡¯re perfect, even after slaughter¡­ Especially after slaughter! Perfect Perfect Perfect! We are perfect!


    The inn comes into view, and we pause to consider¡­


    ¡°How do we explain¡­ all of this?¡± We glance down at the bloody mess we¡¯re trying to hold together, and at the fucking gorgeous bone knife.


    The truth, obviously. The larger spirit guides us away from worry. It¡¯ll be such a relief that we won¡¯t need to even approach the Zeridii. Kque will be thrilled. It¡¯ll stop Jevita finding herself ensnared by the old fools gnashing at old bones and¨C


    ¡°Ina?¡±


    We jerk up to find Tasii half-turned and a few steps past us.


    ¡°Hey Tasii.¡± We smile at our lover. Fluttering warmth and desire and other things already bubbling up the sight of her tall strong frame betwixt moon and starlight.


    ¡°What are you¨C¡± Her eyes drift over me. Drawn to my satisfied twirling of the knife¡­ Then to the torn and bloody mess I¡¯m trying to hold together at my chest.


    ¡°Fuck!" She rushes over. "Ina are you okay!?!¡±


    ¡°Better than ever!¡± We grin, then pause. ¡°Just¡­ probably will need to get cleaned up though. Got kinda messy.¡±


    This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Something in our voice makes her jerk up to stare into our eyes. She sees something there she does not like. Warmth stills, turns to¡­ well not worry. But¡­ cold regard. Titters of anxiety begin to prickle at our neck and tummy and¨C


    ¡°Alright. Let¡¯s¡­ go inside.¡± She wraps an arm carefully around us and leads me into the inn. It¡¯s hard to let that look bother us while being wrapped in her warmth.


    We go straight to our room, and have to wait a few seconds at the door when the basic lock won¡¯t open it. Signaling that someone locked it from the inside.


    ¡°Hellooo¨C¡± Yrelia opens the door, then freezes as she sees me. ¡°Wha¨C¡±


    Tasii ushers us past the storm of questions and helps me get to the bed. Kque must have already left to go be with Jevita and Lule.


    ¡°What happened?¡± Yrelia hisses at Tasii and us.


    ¡°I don''t know!¡± Tasii whispers back, ¡°I just found her outside the inn like this.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re fine!¡± We giggle through a sigh. ¡°See?¡± We pull apart the layers of bloody, half frozen and mostly torn cloth to reveal the chest of closed wounds and scars. Each tinted with a little glittering of purple amidst splotches of dried blood.


    That¡­ doesn¡¯t have the intended effect. Yrelia immediately pushes us to sit on the bed and nearly shouts for Tasii to get the stitching kit. But, frozen from the moment we spoke again, Tasii just¡­ stares, eyes narrowing in confusion and cold worry.


    We studder to a halt under that stare. What is she hearing that¡¯s bothering her? Can she¨C


    Yrelia does shout then, shocking the taller woman into action. ¡°Tasii!¡±


    ¡°We took care of it.¡± We huff, grasping at whatever we can to calm our lovers as we touch Yrelia¡¯s cheek. ¡°Just need to wash up love, get a clean shirt and such.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t flinch back, but Yrelia¡¯s eyes dart up to meet ours. All worry and confusion. Then Tasii comes over with a water pouch and cleaning towels while Yrelia helps me shed the layers of ruined clothes.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ fuck! We loved that big sweater.¡± We grumble as the clothes are tossed into a bloody pile. ¡°It was one of yours, Tasii. We adored finding your smell on it throughout the day and¨C¡±


    ¡°Ina, who¡¯s we?¡± Yrelia whispers, ¡°Are Jevita and Lule okay? Who else is¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh. No no no! No one else. Just¡­ Us¡­¡± We pause, considering how best to explain. The little spirit''s words on this are... limited... And the larger doesn''t want to dump a fountain of things without context into the mind between them. So...


    ¡°These look like bite marks.¡± Tasii¡¯s fingers trace carefully over a collection of sealed but still angry looking cuts. ¡°Everything here is already closed up.¡± Tasii continues, ¡°Kque would know better, but I¡¯d guess a few weeks healed?¡±


    ¡°You definitely didn¡¯t have those this morning, Ina.¡± Yrelia takes my cheek again, gently pulls me to meet her gaze. ¡°What happened?¡±


    Warmth sputters through us at the touch. We can¡¯t help but to reach up and cup her hand. Decide to try our best with the words we have on hand. They were already prepared to embrace our disjunctions back outside Lyttoral, so... this can''t be much harder than that. Right?


    ¡°We, is¡­ this body and mind and soul. We think!¡± We giggle again, elated by the warmth and closeness of this new state. ¡°A nightmare attacked, Then¡­ We killed it. Us.¡±


    We point to ourselves and raise the bone knife. ¡°Stabbed it. A lot!¡±


    They both jerk as they seem to just realize the weapon in our hand. Confusion warring with¡­ fear and disgust at the dried blood still caked across the marvelous tool.


    We sigh with a smile and try to explain the encounter from the start. How we were alone, before we merged entirely, and how the nightmare attacked and we joined together. We leave out the dream stuff though¡­ they wouldn¡¯t understand how a little pain helped the smaller spirit accept what she¨C


    ¡°So you¡¯re¡­ Her?¡± Tasii asks, very carefully. ¡°The Weaver?¡±


    We give her a so-so gesture through a smirk. ¡°Just a small piece. And Ina. Together. We¡¯re mixing right now. Sharing thoughts and... and everything! It¡¯s¡­ fucking wonderful and perfect and¨C¡±


    ¡°For how long?¡± Yrelia cuts us off.


    We hate the question.


    We pause, then shrug. ¡°Till... um... morning.¡±


    That makes her relax, and it hurts. She¡­ doesn¡¯t like us? But¡­ why wouldn''t she¨C


    ¡°Why does Emarial hate you?¡± Tasii interrupts the thought. ¡°Not Ina. The Weaver?¡±


    Fury rises with memories of the Sun Spoken. How... How she... she did all those things then had the nerve to say that our larger spirit was somehow... fucking... FUCK! Just another thing she tries to ruin for us!


    We huff. ¡°No idea.¡±


    A pause, Tasii¡¯s eyes narrow. That makes us squirm a little, finally having to pull from Yrelia¡¯s warm touch to look away. ¡°Our¡¯s isn¡¯t the shard she¡¯s carrying. So¡­ We don¡¯t know what her fucking problem is with us.¡±


    ¡°Take a guess.¡± Tasii presses.


    We pause, annoyed, but¡­ we do want to calm her, so we add. ¡°We don¡¯t have a link to other Sun Spoken, woman or Weaver. Not without burning a ton of Amwella. And¡­ honestly? We don¡¯t care. She¡¯s a cunt.¡±


    The anger surprises them, they exchange a glance.


    ¡°Okay¡­ How much of you is Ina, and how much isn¡¯t?¡± Yrelia lays a hand on ours, but we can¡¯t miss the quiver of worry in her tone.


    ¡°We¡¯re not¡­¡± We grind teeth, trying to find the words. She¡­ she was the last person we expected to resist this. Was kinda hoping to try asking for sex things tonight. But... how the fuck do we make them understand? What are they so afraid of!?!


    ¡°That¡¯s like¡­ asking how much of you loves Tasii, compared to how much of you loves Kque or Jevita.¡± We stare down at the bone knife. ¡°It¡¯s not something we can really¡­ measure or separate.¡±


    We glance up, hopeful. But find more of the same. Fear and suspicion and chilly looks.


    ¡°It¡¯s still¡­ me, Yrelia.¡± We wince at the singular, but push forward. ¡°Just¡­ also more. We needed help, that nightmare would have ripped us to shreds to ravage our Amwella. We agreed to this.¡±


    Yrelia begins to soften.


    ¡°Can you end this merger early?¡± Tasii asks. ¡°Can we talk to just Ina?¡±


    That makes us bristle. Sudden anger that she would suggest We cleave ourselves asunder like some fruit.


    ¡°Why?¡± We fight to keep our voice level, but¡­ it still comes out flat and angry.


    That makes them flinch. Yrelia begins to speak, but Tasii lays a hand on her shoulder.


    ¡°We¡¯re worried for Ina.¡± She whispers, carefully. Tone even and controlled despite everything. ¡°The only other Sun Spoken we met who knew anything about it was really scared of¨C.¡±


    Division. Brought by sudden and very singular fury. It hurts.


    ¡°Emarial. Is. A. Cunt!¡± We spit the little spirit''s fury. ¡°She cornered me and forced her disgusting fucking Amwella down my throat!¡±


    Deep breathes. Rejoin.


    We calm a little.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± We whisper, then glare off into the wall.


    A long pause. Guilt floods into us. They¡¯re just¡­ worried. It makes sense... sorta. Emarial poisoned them against us.


    ¡°Sleep is the best way.¡± We finally huff out. ¡°Makes sure the separation isn¡¯t¡­ mangled.¡±


    ¡°Is this hurting Ina?¡± Tasii presses, ¡°At all?¡±


    We turn and glare at Tasii. ¡°We¡¯re right here Tasii! This is the best we¡¯ve felt since¡­ well¡­ at least since you pinned us to the stable wall three towns back and fucked us so silly we couldn¡¯t walk.¡±


    A beat, then¡­


    ¡°Oh, fuck.¡± Yrelia snorts and chuckles, tries to bring a hand to her face to cover it. ¡°Was that when I was taking care of the trade in Indito? Sad I missed that.¡±


    Tasii doesn¡¯t answer her, doesn¡¯t even crack a smile. Just¡­ stares. Like she did back before we told her about our past outside Lyttoral. Back before she trusted us.


    Something breaks then. Inside. As one of our lovers views us as a stranger.


    ¡°Fine!¡± We grunt, and move to stand. Anger smothering what would normally have been tears.


    Yrelia jerks back, Tasii just¡­ keeps us under that level stare as we stomp around the bed. We grab a pillow and blanket before turning back and walking past them.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Yrelia asks.


    ¡°We¡¯re fucking tired.¡± We throw the pillow against the far wall. ¡°The song we used isn¡¯t much better than healing waters if we don¡¯t sleep.¡±


    Then we drop ourselves onto the hard cold stone floor and pull the pillow close as we huddle under the blanket.


    We hear the sound of lips, a silent conversation done with only mouthing the words. Years of understanding and love and friendship that we just¡­ don¡¯t have. We¡¯re the outsider. The new weird fucked up girl who can barely pull our own weight and contribute. Can''t even... Can''t even make them understand this wonderful thing!


    They don¡¯t move for a long time.


    We¡¯re not worth it. Old worries of the little spirit bubble up. Begin to overwhelm and drown her. Just¡­ more people who enjoy fucking us and not much else. Now... now we''ve scared them and they''ll probably make us leave and... and...


    Motion from behind. We can¡¯t help but flinch as we prepare for anger. For more questions or demands or¨C


    A hand gently touches our shoulder.


    ¡°Hey. Don¡¯t sleep on the floor.¡± Yrelia murmurs.


    We... don''t know what to make of that. ¡°We¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    "C''mon." She sighs. "This... Fuck. I don''t... We can talk about this in the morning. Okay?"


    We... pause at that. Roll over to look back at them.


    "Get up, be a good girl, and come to bed.¡± Yrelia demands with absolutely zero sexy things in her tone while holding out a hand to us.


    The words send flutters through us regardless, and we''re reaching out to take her hand before we realize the reflex. And before we can let any other old memories sour us, we''re up and laying in the middle of the bed. But... Tasii doesn''t join us right away, and Yrelia doesn''t pull us into a big snuggle like she normally does. It''s after a long pause that the silence is broken.


    ¡°Ina.¡± Tasii¡¯s voice is level, but there¡¯s an edge to it. ¡°Could you please not sleep with that knife?¡±


    We look down to stare at it for almost a full minute. Understand the danger, the worry, the¡­ not smartness of it.


    But it was a gift from us to ourselves! The Little spirit whines. What if... what if they don''t give it back or... or try and break it or¨C


    But... she''s not moving. So we sit up a bit to flip it around and hold it out to her.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Tasii whispers as she carefully takes it. Only a little of her worry fading as her fingers close around it.


    We huff in exhausted annoyance and plop back into the lonely softness. Then we hum a little quiet magic tune, and force our furious mind to relax. Welcome the oblivion of sleep as it wraps our mind and spirits in darkness.

 Chapter 31: Alone

    ¡°Why can¡¯t she just be happy for us!?!¡± I shout into the dream.


    It wasn¡¯t until we¡¯d passed into sleep that I¡¯d begun to cry. That I¡¯d begun to feel weak as our minds and souls began to drift and separate.


    She doesn¡¯t reply, just¡­ holds me among her mass of tendrils. I sniff, lean closer into Her everything as a sudden terror begins to rise.


    ¡°Will you be there when I wake up?¡±


    We already spent over half our Amwella healing, and maintaining the fusion is¡­ damaging. Most of the healing we¡¯re doing is on your mind.


    ¡°B¡­ but¨C¡±


    It needs to be saved for emergencies. And you need to gather more Amwella before we do something like that again.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I whimper. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know if I can handle that. Handle them alone.¡±


    Everything you see is a response to a fear for you, not of you.


    ¡°What if it''s not!¡± I sob. ¡°Wh¡­ what if I fucked up everything!?!¡±


    She pulls me tight. They adore you. Your memories lay that clear.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I choke out. ¡°But that doesn¡¯t make sense! I¡¯m nothing special!!!¡±


    She laughs, and I can¡¯t stop a very small smile as the warmth of it rolls through me as some of her mirth rolls through the dream to warm me.


    You are a treasure, My Challa.


    ¡°Th¡­ that¡¯s not my name. By the way.¡±


    It¡¯s what you are to me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means?¡±


    You will, in time. For now¡­ Settle your lover¡¯s minds. Ensure they do not take us near Arudia and the Zeridii.


    ¡°I still think you should be the one to go get Kque.¡± Yrelia¡¯s voice drags me from sleep.


    Our head¡­ oh fuck it hurts so much!


    ¡°You''re bigger, more intimidating.¡± She continues, ¡°Less likely to get bothered by¨C


    Softness surrounds me, I clutch at it. Then a sudden wash of emptiness sends a shiver through me, the headache like a gaping wound from the void that should hold my other half.


    ¡­I¡¯m alone.


    I curl in on myself, cry into the emptiness and pain. Please come back. Can¡¯t do this alone. I¡­ I¡¯m so small and bad at all this!


    ¡°Fine.¡± Yrelia hisses at Tasii¡¯s reply. ¡°But just¡­ don¡¯t, like, push her on shit if she wakes up before we¡¯re back.¡±


    Alone¡­ with Tasii¡­? Her steady glare of cold observation flashes up through my memories, fear and anxiety cutting through the pain.


    No! Can¡¯t let Yrelia leave, need to get up. Tasii hated us so much last night. Need to¨C


    It¡¯s hard. My body feels fine, almost perfect. But so slow to respond! Sluggishness mixes with early morning things. By the time I shove myself to sitting, open my eyes, and prepare people words to¨C


    Yrelia is gone, and Tasii is just¡­ standing. Staring at the door.


    I should lay back down. Pretend to be asleep. Wait for¨C


    She turns, and we lock eyes.


    A beat, then her expression shifts and she is nearly running across the room, crawling across the bed, and pulling me into an embrace. I would have jerked back, but my reflexes are just¡­ not available at the moment. So I simply sit in an equal mix of anxiety and fear and confusion.


    She shivers as she hugs me. ¡°It¡¯s you, right?¡±


    It takes her a moment to pull back, takes my face in her hands to look into my eyes. ¡°Talk to me. Is¡­ Are you¨C¡±


    ¡°Y¡­Yes?¡±


    Then she¡¯s crying, harder than I¡¯ve ever seen her do. Harder than I thought anyone other than me could sob. She places kisses across my forehead and hair as she pulls me back into a hug. That cracks the shell, and I start sobbing too. Cling to her with slow weakness. Eventually we separate a little, but arms and hands remain tangled.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± She whispers.


    ¡°I¡­¡± My voice sounds¡­ wrong, slow. Almost¡­ muffled. ¡°Head hurts.¡±


    She brush fingers across my forehead, her brow furrows. ¡°You''re still warm, but¡­ not as much as you were just a few minutes ago.¡±


    ¡°Our song will¨C¡± Pain makes me wince. I¡­ don¡¯t know how that healing magic worked. We did, but¡­ It was a reflex. We hadn¡¯t taken the time to consider the how last night. So as I reach for an explanation, for¡­ understanding, I¡¯m met with that gaping void where my other half should be.


    Alone.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I whisper as I clasp the sides of my head, stomach turning and roiling. ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t. I think it just needs time. Time to finish. The magic we used. The song.¡±


    ¡°That¡­ was mentioned last night.¡± She murmurs, hands pushing hair out of my eyes and caressing my cheek. ¡°Ina, there are no song magics. Unless it¡¯s¡­¡±


    She lets the question hang.


    ¡°Sun Spoken things, I think.¡± I lean into her hand, her warmth. Savor the touches of affection as balms to my worry, pain, and anxiety.


    ¡°Okay.¡± Her voice is so soft, ¡°Yrelia just went to get Kque. Is there anything I can do to help till she gets here?¡±


    ¡°This.¡± I shiver. ¡°Please¡­ don¡¯t stop. Just¡­ please.¡±


    She understands, and I can¡¯t help but slump into her silent physical affections as they help dull the pain. End up a puddle against her chest, fighting to stop drool from coating her shirt. Her warmth calls to me. The sweet thrumming of her wondrous Amwella pulses and sings such a siren call to my own souls and¨C


    ¡°Tasii?¡± I murmur.


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Please fuck me.¡± I sigh into her.


    A long pause, a chuckle small and not all joyful, then¡­ ¡°No.¡±


    It takes me a moment to¡­ to realize that one of my lovers just¡­ like¡­ refused to fuck me. After I¡¯d specifically asked! They¡¯d delayed before, sure! Moved us to better locations, or wanted showers or food first. That sort of thing. But¡­ never like¡­ just¡­ No.


    I don¡¯t even¡­ but¡­ what do I even do?!? I reach into the void for the brimming warmth and confidence and just¡­ find¨C


    Alone. Just me. Little, weak, clueless¡­ me.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± She doesn''t push me away, doesn¡¯t stop touching and holding me. ¡°I don¡¯t think that would be a good idea. Need to have Kque check you over. Make sure everything is in the right places. Alright?¡±


    No. The rejection just¡­ keeps hurting. Keeps¨C


    Then there is a knock at the door. Solid and harrowing to our silence.


    Tasii sighs, murmurs. ¡°What did you forget?¡±


    I squeeze her tighter, hating the idea of¡­ of losing the little warmth and comfort I can take.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t use the inside lock.¡± Tasii calls out.


    I sag a little more in relief. Glad to not lose her comfort and touch at least.


    Three more solid knocks.


    Tasii pauses, glances back through the darkness.


    ¡°Use your key.¡± She calls.


    Another pause, then another three knocks. These are even harder than the ones before.


    ¡°Did she forget her key?¡± I whisper.


    Tasii tenses, pulls me closer. Then¡­


    ¡°Ina.¡± She whispers. ¡°Wait here please.¡±


    Before I can reply she is releasing me, sliding off the bed, moving toward the door.


    A few beats pass after she reaches it. ¡°Who¡¯s there?¡±


    Another pause.


    ¡°I¡¯m here to speak with the Sun Spoken.¡± Comes a rough voice. Deep and husky and¨C


    Cold runs down my spine, and I clutch at the warm covers. I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not a Sun Spoken right now. Not without my other half. I¡¯m just¨C


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Tasii glances back at me. In the darkness I can¡¯t see her expression. But¡­ to whatever her face is asking I shake my head.


    No, I don''t know who this is.


    No, I don''t want to speak with them.


    No, don''t leave me alone.


    She nods.


    ¡°Wrong room.¡± Tasii replies, but doesn¡¯t move.


    A gruff chuckle echoes from behind the door. ¡°No¡­ No I don¡¯t think it is. I have business with her.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the middle of the fucking night.¡± Tasii sighs, but I can tell it¡¯s all tired anxiety. ¡°Maybe if you wait in the common room downstairs for morning she¡¯ll¨C¡±


    ¡°The thing she killed tonight wasn¡¯t alone.¡± The voice interrupts.


    That¡­ oh fuck. No. No no no no, I definitely can¡¯t fight another one. Not like this. Not alone and small and¨C


    My Amwella stirs though, roils at the idea of more things to¨C


    ¡°Great. Morning would be the time to discuss it.¡±


    ¡°Sun Spoken,¡± They speak past Tasii, directly to me. ¡°Meet me downstairs once you gather yourself.¡±


    Then heavy footfalls mark their departure. I wait for the distant sounds of someone descending the stairs to breathe again.


    ¡°Ina¡­ Why didn¡¯t you mention¡­¡± Tasii whispers. A hardness back in her voice. ¡°Whoever the fuck that was, last night?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°We didn¡¯t talk to anyone else.¡±


    That makes her pause, considering... ¡°Did anyone see you last night? When the¡­ the thing attacked?¡±


    ¡°No¡­ I don¡¯t think so.¡± I hiccup. ¡°Not till¡­ till back in the street and coming here.¡±


    ¡°Perfect.¡± She hisses, seems to glare at the door. ¡°Just¡­ perfect.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°It¡¯s not your fault.¡± She murmurs, ¡°Just¡­¡±


    ¡°What do we do?¡± I shift, fight to keep a rising panic down as memories of Emarial¡¯s morning meeting begin to surface. ¡°Do¡­ Should I go talk to her?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± She glances back at me, ¡°No, absolutely not. Even without seeing her face I know that she¡¯s bullshitting us somehow.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C What?¡± I stammer, ¡°How? Why would she¨C¡±


    ¡°Not sure. But¡­¡± Tasii moves back to sit on the bed¡¯s edge. ¡°I can think of a few, and none of them are good.¡±


    I muster the courage to crawl up and sit next to her, even pull the blanket with me to wrap around our shoulders. She welcomes it, wraps an arm around me and pulls me close. Even places a kiss on my forehead.


    ¡°What if¡­ What if she won¡¯t leave?¡±


    She lets out a long sigh, but doesn¡¯t answer. ¡°How¡¯s your head?¡±


    I pause, focus on it. ¡°Better, but¡­ still hurts.¡±


    She gives me a little squeeze. We sit in silence for a few moments. Soon my eyes adjust to the darkness, and¡­ I can¡¯t help but cast about for the¨C


    ¡°Can¡­ Can I have my bone back?¡±


    Tasii pauses, ¡°Um¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°My¡­ the um¡­ The thing you took last night.¡±


    A long pause. Tasii pulls me back, clicks fingers. The Everlight in the room pops and sputters to illuminate us.


    I can¡¯t help but wince as I see her expression. Controlled, flat, focused.


    ¡°Two questions.¡± She turns to regard me, ¡°First. Bone? Like¡­ Bone of what? You mentioned you stabbed and killed something, but not where you got the knife.¡±


    I look away. ¡°From, like¡­ us. It was one of ours.¡±


    She just¡­ waits for me to explain.


    ¡°Um¡­ When¡­ before¡­ uh¡­¡± My confidence withers. ¡°Nevermind.¡±


    ¡°Na uh, nope.¡± Tasii takes my face with both hands and pulls me back to meet her gaze. ¡°You need to explain that. What do you mean from you? From your body?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I whisper, tap my chest. ¡°When we¡­ merged. The thing was already hurting us. Was biting into our chest. So we¡­ We just¡­ had a few ribs break out to stab it.¡±


    Her eyes widen, hands tighten and shake once.


    ¡°It broke them off though¡­ so we just¡­¡± I shiver, recounting things aloud makes it all seem really insane and horrible. But¡­ I love remembering these parts! ¡°We started healing things better and decided to use the leftover piece to kill it.¡±


    I don¡¯t mention the second one we broke off before our chest closed up.


    ¡°Why do you want it now?¡±


    ¡°We¡­ We gave it to ourselves. A memento of our first joining.¡± I bite my lip, look past her. ¡°And¡­¡± My voice goes quiet, cold seeps into my spine. ¡°In case another one attacked. It would be better than trying to make another.¡±


    Her jaw clenches, stare intensifies. ¡°Ina, You said you agreed to Her merging. Last night. Is that true?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± I nearly shout. ¡°She saved me.¡±


    ¡°And it¡¯s just you right now?¡± She presses. ¡°This other person, the Weaver, isn¡¯t pushing you to¨C¡±


    ¡°No!¡± I do shout then. ¡°I¡¯m alone. And I fucking hate it!¡±


    That breaks her cold stare, melts it into confusion and concern and¡­


    I pull from her, Caught between anger at her and¡­ relief at seeing expressions that make the dream words swell back into my memories.


    Everything you see is a response to a fear FOR you, not of you.


    ¡°It¡¯s just me.¡±


    A long pause, then Tasii reaches out to touch my hand. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She whispers. ¡°I just¡­ need to make sure you¡¯re not¡­ that She isn¡¯t hurting you.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯d never¨C¡± The words die as I realize the lie.


    Her fingers tighten around mine. ¡°Ina?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°She¡­ No. The head pain is just¡­ healing.¡±


    ¡°Pain from the separation?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Exactly.¡±


    I look back to her with hope, and do find it. She still has a guarded expression, but it''s overwhelmed with worry and contemplation. ¡°Will you be merging again anytime soon?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I can¡¯t stop the wince at the pain of my next words. ¡°She¡­ She said it has to be saved for emergencies. That it costs a lot of my Amwella to do.¡±


    She nods, and doesn''t even try to hide her relief. Tasii looks away then, expression becomes guarded as she considers her next words. ¡°Back in Deledita,¡± She murmurs, turning just her eyes to peer at me. ¡°You called Her scary. Even from barely recalled dreams.¡±


    I remember them all now. The weeks of torment during sleep. How the more I¡¯d enjoyed Yrelia, and eventually Tasii¡¯s, attentions the more real her attempts at¡­ at¡­


    ¡°I¡­ mean she can be. But¡­¡±


    At merging! At giving me the wondrous and perfect thoughts to go along with this fucking amazing body. The pain was just¡­ encouragement. I¡¯d totally earned that for being so stu¨C


    I wince as a flair pricks at me from the void. Punishment for disobeying the command She etched on my mind.


    ¡°Sorry. We should talk about this later.¡± Tasii sighs, misreading the source of the pain. Then squeezes my hand. ¡°Yrelia will be so grumpy with me when she finds out we spoke about this without her.¡±


    I nod, ¡°Okay.¡±


    Tasii insists I curl back into bed and drink some water while we wait, encouraging me to try and sleep more. But I''m too awake and filled with worry. About an hour later, the door¡¯s lock rattles, then clicks and opens. Yrelia enters, followed by Kque and¡­


    ¡°Jevita?¡± I call out. Surprised and concerned and¨C


    ¡°Thanks for coming.¡± Tasii nods to them.


    ¡°Will¡­ What about Lule and¨C¡± I start to ask, but Yrelia is already crossing the room, crawling across the bed, and pulling me into a big hug.


    ¡°Ina, you¡¯re awake!¡± She squeezes me, almost too hard.


    ¡°Fever is down.¡± Tasii supplies to the room, ¡°Might be gone by now.¡±


    Yrelia pulls back, touches my brow. Nods. ¡°Think so. How¡¯re you feeling?


    ¡°I¡­ um. Okay. I guess?¡± I murmur, overwhelmed by the sudden mass of people.


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± Kque steps up beside the bed, lays her bag of healing things on the little table beside it. ¡°You mentioned multiple chest wounds. And now you¡¯re hugging her?¡±


    ¡°Right¡­ yeah. Um...¡± Yrelia pulls to the side, but keeps one of my hands in hers.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I huff. ¡°We¡­ We took care of those. I¡­ I don¡¯t think that¨C¡±


    ¡°Get your shirt up, or better yet, completely off¡± Kque snaps out, not unkindly. I recognize the tone from her time with me in Deledita and immediately begin to obey. Then, without even looking at Yrelia she points to the foot of the bed. ¡°Down.¡±


    Yrelia kisses my hand, but moves away without argument as I shift about to get the big warm sweater off. The cold air makes me shutter, but I can¡¯t help but go still as the room goes a bit¡­ quiet at the sight. My chest is clear of blood, and most of the wounds are completely gone, but¡­ there are little scars of violet and silver traced in their wake.


    Even Kque pauses, seems to.. Flounder for a moment.


    ¡°Okay. This is¡­¡± She swallows, then motions for me to lean back so she can look over them. ¡°Go ahead and tell me what happened while I look these over.¡±


    I do, and begin retelling the events from the alleyway. I consider not mentioning where I got the bone knife. But Tasii gives me a fucking look, one of¡­ concern and warning and¡­ and I sigh and continue.


    Everyone just¡­ stops. Kque¡¯s fingers pause over one of the thicker cuts, while the foot rubs Yrelia had started giving me turn into just worried grips. Even Tasii seems to stop breathing.


    ¡°Like¡­¡± Kque whispers, moves to gently tap the skin above a rib. ¡°One of these? From your chest?¡±


    I nod, then continue. I leave out the details of the dream and most of our thoughts, try to stick to the physical events. Kque has moved from my chest to peer into my eyes, when I mention the healing song. Pauses.


    ¡°Wait. What?¡± Jevita nearly snaps. This is the first time she¡¯s spoken from the wall she¡¯d started leaning against. ¡°You¡­ sang? And like¡­ it healed you?¡±


    The interruption surprises me. But I need to remain still as Kque works.


    ¡°Ye¡­ Yeah.¡± I murmur.


    ¡°How?¡± Jevita presses.


    ¡°I¡­¡± Reflexively I reach for the methods, wince and squirm at the pain the void echoes into me. ¡°We¡¯re not together anymore. I can¡¯t¡­ I don¡¯t know how it works.¡±


    ¡°Can you do it again? Right no¨C¡±


    She goes quiet as Kque looks over to her. Blank expression¡­ but¡­


    ¡°Not like this.¡± I sigh. ¡°But¡­ that¡¯s basically everything. Then we came back.¡±


    Kque touches my head one last time, testing its heat, then pulls back.


    ¡°A little warm, but nothing worth worrying about.¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± Yrelia presses. ¡°What do you think?¡±


    Kque huffs, ¡°Honestly, this was all beyond me back in Deledita. Now¡­¡± She looks at my scars. ¡°I don¡¯t even know what I¡¯m looking at. If I didn¡¯t know her I¡¯d think this was some botched Cultivation tattoo¡­ but¡­¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re not gemstones, right?¡± Jevita asks, eyes locked on my scars.


    I¡¯m starting to sit up, pull my sweater back down over my head and body.


    ¡°No.¡± Kque shakes her head. ¡°But I have absolutely no clue what it is.¡±


    ¡°We also have another problem.¡± Tasii sighs.


    Everyone turns to her.


    ¡°Did you see any strange women in the common room downstairs?¡±


    Yrelia tilts her head in confusion, Kque shakes her head. But Jevita¡­ She goes stiff.


    ¡°Why do you think she¡¯s here for Ina?¡± Jevita murmurs.


    ¡°She was pretty clear when she was banging on our door.¡± Tasii runs a hand through her hair, ¡°What did she look like?¡±


    ¡°Who are we talking about?¡± Yrelia turns to regard them.


    Jevita grinds her teeth. ¡°A¡­ type of duenna. Armed with serious Cultivation changes, and¡­ I think¡­ some kind of weapon.¡±


    ¡°She said there were more of those monsters.¡± I take a deep breath, uncurl myself. ¡°I¡­ I think I do need to go talk to her.¡±


    That gets like¡­ six different outcries from the four of them. All only slight variations of ¡®No¡¯ and ''Fuck No''.


    ¡°Not¡­¡± I sigh when they¡¯ve quieted, ¡°Not to do anything. Just¡­ Just to explain! Let her see that I¡¯m so useless and¨C¡±


    A spike of pain rolls through my mind. Ugh I¡­ I think I¡¯m going to¨C I curl around myself, end up almost vomiting out a rush of the water Tasii had me drink. I just barely hold it in. When I regather myself Kque and Yrelia have moved to my sides.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine, just¡­ just need to¨C¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Kque touches my head again, then flits a finger down to my belly. ¡°Are you certain everything in your chest is healed up?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s not the chest. Just¡­ a headache got my tummy upset.¡±


    I look up, Tasii¡¯s eyes are locked on mine. I give her my best smile, but I know she sees the lie, or¡­ or worries there might be one. ¡°I¡­ I need to do this. Need to¡­ At least show her that.¡±


    Her words dance through me, the memories of the slaughter and elation of the entire thing. How¡­ how good it felt. I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m surprised how the fear lessen a bit. How something inside me begins to shift¡­


    ¡°If she¡¯s the kind of person I think she is¡­¡± Jevita murmurs from the side. ¡°She won¡¯t leave. Not until she gets her answers.¡±

 Chapter 32: Murtaziq Part 1

    Content Warning:


    - blood, and gore, and near death things.


    Fuck. Oh this was a terrible Idea. I should have just let Tasii and Yrelia handle this.


    The¡­ Murtaziq, as Jevita had guested, isn¡¯t as tall as either Emarial, or even Zigdara. But Fuck me she¡¯s way more terrifying.


    About Tasii¡¯s height, wide shoulders and a thick torso and hips. Skin tinted with the same hue as my own, but almost as pale as the snow. No hair, just¡­ skin tattoo things like Jevita¡¯s. Marks of Cultivation I¡¯m guesting from the little information I¡¯d gotten on the stuff. Covered in thin, long healed scars, all across her body.


    And if all that stupid fucking shit wasn¡¯t enough, she also has red fucking eyes. Not like dark red or a soft thing, blood fucking red. Well¡­ eye. She¡¯s missing her right one, and sports a nasty scar that stretches down that side of her face.


    ¡°Are you sure about this?¡± Yrelia murmurs again as I freeze in the doorway.


    No. Fuck no.


    The woman pauses, fucking takes a deep sniffing breath¡­ then turns just her one good eye to us.


    To me.


    I can¡¯t reply to Yrelia, can barely think. But¡­ fuck I¡¯m already here and she sees me and if I run she¡­ she might¡­


    I close my eyes for a second. Remember¡­ remember what it was like to be one with Her. To be perfect¡­ I try, and mostly fail to channel that confidence. Open my eyes, and begin moving across the empty common room of our inn toward her table.


    Deep breaths.


    ¡°You wanted to talk.¡± I try to sound confident as I get within five feet. It fails, comes out more like a question. Half whisper and soft and¡­ honestly a little higher pitch than I wanted.


    Have to¡­ focus on her jaw or something to avoid¨C


    She grins, and I go stiff. Her teeth are black. Not like, rotten or dirty, jet fucking black. And of course she had three elongated extra sharp ones. What the fuck!?!


    ¡°Not really.¡± Her voice is¡­ husky. Deep and rough. Like after a bad sickness or¡­ or coughing fit.


    ¡°Um¡­ Then¡­¡± I stammer as I move to hug myself, but decide against it. ¡°What do you want? You¡­ You mentioned there being¡­¡±


    The room seems to¡­ go still. And the couple other people in it stand. One moves to block the door, fingers play over the hilt of¡­ oh. Oh that¡¯s a¨C


    Yrelia takes my arm and hand, Tasii steps close.


    ¡°The fuck is this?¡± Tasii growls.


    The Murtaziq doesn¡¯t move, just rolls that one blood red eye over us.


    I glance at the¡­ four women. Yeah four in total. Two are wearing light tunics with heavy cloaks. While the fourth is¡­ a duenna? Black rock sword with gemstones glimmering from a hilt at her side. She¡¯s the one blocking the exit back up to the tavern''s rooms.


    The Murtaziq is wrapped in layers and layers of¡­ something. A kind of dark solid looking cloth with little studs of sharp bone and metal prickled throughout. She has a series of packs along her thighs and something slung over her back. A Weird hunk of wood with a gnarled end of dark crystals impaled throughout. She doesn¡¯t reach for it, but¡­ her stance is¡­ I get flashes of a predator about to pounce.


    She looks to Tasii, ¡°The Sun Spoken needs to come with us.¡±


    Yrelia looks back at the duenna¡­ a small worried plea on her face. ¡°You¡¯re duenna, why are you with these fucks?¡±


    The duenna shrugs, but stays quiet.


    ¡°Where?¡± Tasii presses, ignoring Yrelia¡¯s question.


    ¡°She''ll know when we get there.¡± The Murtaziq¡¯s grin goes almost¡­ feral. ¡°There are people who would love to see her rewarded for her... services.¡±


    Tasii jerks back, hand seems to drift up as if to shield me. ¡°No. I¡­ no. I think there¡¯s been a mista¨C¡±


    Someone is pulling me then, Yrelia by the arm. Starts to shout something, Tasii is jerking around, pushing me¡­


    Then that black sword the duenna was holding was plunging out the side of one of my lover¡¯s necks.


    Everything¡­ Everything is a blur of chaos for a few seconds. Yrelia is yanked away. I don¡¯t hear her scream, but I flinch at a¡­ a loud striking sound. Then Tasii¡¯s head is in my arms and lap, and my hands are pressed to the horrible gash at her throat. Trying¡­ trying to hold the blood inside and skin together.


    No. no no no no no no no no no...


    I look back, and see Yrelia slumped behind me. A¡­ a budding purple lump mars her face as she tries to rise. One of the other women stands over her. A strange loose¡­ thing in their hand. Like a little sack filled with rocks or¡­ something.


    Just a bad dream.


    Then a shadow passes over me, movement as¨C


    Wake up. WAKE UP!!


    Rough hands grab my hair.


    ¡°Really, this little one?¡± The duenna snorts as she wipes Tasii¡¯s blood off her blade with the hem of my lover¡¯s shirt.


    I fight, try to shove her back. Need to¡­ need to keep the blood from leaving Tasii. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t let her¨C


    ¡°That¡¯s what Lady Rell said.¡± The Murtaziq grunts, still trying to yank me up and get an arm around my neck. ¡°Said she walked out of the¨C¡±


    A flash of anger, and I turn on her. Biting and clawing and kicking and flailing and TRYING TO WAKE THE FUCK UP¨C


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    A knee to my stomach, then something hard slams into my face, followed by the cold stone floor.


    ¡°Fucking cunt!¡± The Murtaziq hisses. ¡°Bit my fucking nose!¡±


    I barely catch the flash of the leather boot before my world drops into oblivion.


    ¡°THEY NEED US!!!¡± I Scream at Her.


    She hums, but¡­ doesn¡¯t speak. I don¡¯t know how long it¡¯s been, here or out in the waking world. I¡­ I tried to explain, expecting Her to just¡­ jump right to the melding and waking and¡­ and¡­


    But she just¡­ sits there. Staring off into the endless twilight. So I started screaming, shouting and crying and¡­ and couldn¡¯t stop.


    ¡°Come back with me.¡± I beg, kneeling and trying to take¡­ well one of her hands.


    A melding¡­ you won¡¯t be able to heal yourself and your lover. Your Amwella is too low.


    ¡°It¡¯ll be nothing if I die!¡±


    She sighs, then finally looks at me. Violet eyes lock with mine.


    We¡¯ll need to feed well afterwards.


    And then We¡¯re awake.


    ¡°I¡­ fuck she got most of it.¡± the duenna is murmuring. ¡°Didn¡¯t expect such a little thing to do that.¡±


    Face hurts, fucking cunt broke our nose with that kick.


    We bounce a little, pain flashes. We¡¯re slung over a shoulder like a sack. Cold winds blow bloody hair down about our eyes and face.


    ¡°Can¡¯t look much worse, honestly.¡± The Murtaziq grunts a laugh.


    It¡¯s the duenna who¡¯s carrying us, and of course she was stupid enough to let our head and arms hang closest to her right hip. The one with the blade that hurt our lover...


    ¡°You said it.¡± One of the others laughs nervously. She¡¯s behind us, meets our eyes as fingers wrap around the cold leather of the sword at our capture¡¯s side. Starts to warn the others and stop us. ¡°Hey¨C¡±


    Out, twist as she leans in¡­ and razor sharp¡­ fuck! Obsidian? Sharp as shattered glass. We can¡¯t stop grinning at the exotic weapon. At the ease for which we¡¯re able to repay this first woman. We cut out at her like a coiled snake.


    Then she¡¯s screaming, grasping at the weeping slash that¡¯s left her face bisected and eyes ruined. The duenna jerks around, and doesn''t seem to realize who struck her ally until her movement brings us around to perform a similar swipe at the Murtaziq and other women.


    Of course the ugly cunt dodges, but the other woman is slow and finds her good hand and that horrid little rock bag plopping to the snow covered ground. Bloody red stump left to gush crimson.


    It¡¯s then the duenna understands the scorpion that rides her back, tries to sling us off while reaching for the blade we''ve taken. But we¡¯re just¡­ too fucking fast. Black glass is already buried three inches into her lower spine, snatching away the possibility she will ever walk after what she did.


    As she falls we simply twist our hips, feet touch the snow, and we¡¯re skipping away from the group. Obsidian blade already up and ready for the ugly cunt to¨C


    But the Murtaziq isn¡¯t approaching. She brought out that nasty club around, holds it up and half-ready. But her red eye darts among her former allies and their various states of agony and death.


    ¡°C¡¯mere big girl.¡± We purr, twirl the blade around. Balance of it is¡­ off. Not well carved. Just sharp as fuck.


    She jerks her eye up to mine, and the fear we see in her eye is¡­ fuck we can¡¯t stop our grin from spreading. Fucking cunt attacks us, breaks our nose, forces a melding. We¡¯ll take that other eye and¨C


    She shakes her head, and is running way faster than someone her size should be able to.


    A chase! Fuck that sounds wonderful!!! Just what we need to¨C


    Division.


    TASII!!!


    We¡¯re turning and running, spirits desperately trying to piece themselves back together as we cast about. Looking for the inn where my lover lies bleeding and¡­ and maybe not alive.


    ¡°NO.¡± the smaller spirit spits and hisses, Angry She would even think that! Especially while in this fucking head!


    But it looks like we¡¯d only been carried a block or so from the inn, and before we can rejoin I¡¯m pushing through the front door and barreling back into the common room. Kque and Jevita must have heard the commotion, as they¡¯re kneeling beside the two. Yrelia jerks, she¡¯d drug herself over to hang over Tasii. Hand¡¯s as bloody as mine as she tries to¡­ tries to¡­


    ¡°Tasii!¡± We scream and run to their sides, drop to our knees,


    ¡­and sing.


    It¡¯s¡­ oh fuck. We need to end this Division. We choke and cough as the smaller spirit tries to drag that knowledge from the endless void the larger inhabits. Tasii looks¡­ oh fuck she¡¯s so pale. The blade looks to have missed everything immediately important, but¡­ fuck the fucking obsidian is so sharp! A big chunk of muscle and skin and so much fucking blood just¡­ droop off the side of her!


    Deep breaths. The larger coos. Pulls the smaller spirit back into the warm embrace.


    Anything. Anything to save Tasii. We let our mind melt and fold and come apart a little bit to ensure we¡¯d not fuck things up again. Burn away fears and doubts and weaker parts from the smaller to quicken the Rejoining.


    We smile, reach down to gently touch Tasii¡¯s wounded neck, and sing our affections and love and fucking possessive fucking anger than some cunting bitch would dare try to TAKE WHAT IS OURS!!!


    Tasii jerks, Kque grips our hand, asks something. Yrelia is shouting and crying, but¡­ we see Jevita work to pull her back and hold her from interrupting. Eyes wide and¡­ so so hungry as she drinks in my song.


    We continue to hum this¡­ fuck it¡¯s like singing fire and¡­ and fuck FUCK! We love how perfect the world feels as the song reshapes it. Makes it right. What it should have always been and should always be!


    Tasii continues to jerk, her skin doesn¡¯t so much heal as it¡­ just kinda stops being a terrible mess. Blood still sits on the floor. Let anyone who sees it know what we do for ours.


    A deep gasp, then she¡¯s awake. Choking and whimpering and touching at the sensitive pink skin we rewove for her. Then her eyes pop open, and warble about in confusion. Fear and terrible pain seem to drip from her. Our hand drifts up to her face as the song lulls into a soft melody that is all calming and soothing grace. Her eyes lock on ours, and¨C


    She just¡­ collapses into horrible sobs. Strong beautiful features crumple into a weeping mess as she stares up at us with such fear and revulsion. Then she pulls and jerks from us. Tries to roll away and curl on herself.


    Our song jerks¡­ withers¡­ and dies. She¡­ but¡­ but we saved her¡­ why is she¡­


    Kque holds her, and we slowly become aware of all the lesser sounds. Soft coos and murmurs and sobbing cries. We close our eyes¡­ almost¡­ almost enact division¡­ a deep and sudden desire to¡­ to tear¡­ and rake at the weak parts of us that broke at the way she looked at us.


    But then we catch the fucking stench of that Murtaziq cunt amidst our lover¡¯s blood.


    We glance back, see the obsidian blade laying at our side where we left it.


    ¡°I¡­ Ina?¡± Yrelia whispers, slicing through the background of little hiccupping sobs coming from Tasii.


    ¡°Where is it?¡± We rise, and recover the lesser weapon. It can do for tonight. Will give us authority in these blighted wastes.


    ¡°Wh¨C what?¡± She sputters.


    We turn, and¡­ oh fuck her face is so broken and horrid. Maybe¡­ maybe we could stay and sing her better before¨C


    ¡°Where is the weapon you took from us last night?¡± We give her our best¡­ most confident smile. ¡°We''re going to repay this dept. No one hurts our lovers.¡±

 Chapter 33: Murtaziq Part 2

    Content warning:


    -plurality things and problems


    -big arguments within the head


    -blood, violence, bodily dismemberment. And threats to do these things.


    -despair...?


    She¡¯s going to hate us for that. We sigh as we approach the crowd that gathered around the maimed trio, dangerous weapons in either hand. Less than a dozen women, all drawn to the screaming wails of pain and anguish. Hurriedly trying to help and take them away to healers. No duenna we can see.


    When Yrelia had refused to tell us. Had begun to scream and shout and hiss that we were not going to leave them. That we were going to pack up, get Lule, and fucking get out of this fucking city before¨C


    But¡­ Then we¡¯d quietly lied that if she didn¡¯t tell us then we¡¯d have to break ourselves even more before our hunt. Have to make another one of these glorious bone knives from our own body before leaving.


    We push through the crowd, most move aside at the sight of our two weapons. Especially the black blade of this city''s duenna.


    Two of the three have already been carried away, but one remains. Only just being helped to stand and walk while being wrapped in a large blanket to ward off the cold. We move to block the path. Raise the black glass blade.


    ¡°Where can we find the others?¡± We purr.


    The two women balk and begin to speak, but something in our eyes stops them. Makes them step back. Only just leaving fingers on the elbows to keep the blind woman steady.


    ¡°Wha¡­ what?¡± She stammers, jerks up at our voice. Blood and puss run down from the hasty blindfold bandage they¡¯d made for her.


    ¡°The Murtaziq.¡± We touch the edge of the blade to her cheek, ¡°Where would she go? Where can we find her and the woman who sent you?¡±


    She can¡¯t cry, no eyes to bring tears forth. But she does whimper. Pleads some variation of ¡®I don¡¯t know¡¯. But we expected some resistance. Some fear, now we just need to make sure we hold it. Quickly reposition it on us, instead of the fucks she worked for.


    We step closer. ¡°Then what use are you to us? Only blood and death can settle things now. We have debts to settle, little one, and with delays come heavy interest.¡±


    That does it, and we can feel the truth in her words as she sputters out meaningless names, and directions. She¡¯s not lying, we¡¯d learned to see those things many ages ago. But¡­


    ¡°If they are fled, warned, or gone.¡± We drag the edge of the blade down her cheek. ¡°I¡¯ll come back to you singing such beautiful fucking agonies.¡±


    Then we¡¯re off, and the cold night seems to melt at our growing furry. Images of blood, and pain, my lover¡¯s wounds¡­ and Tasii¡¯s expression at seeing us¨C


    We growl, Division will get us killed if it hits at the wrong moment. And¡­ we examine our Amwella. Curse aloud in a long dead tongue. Barely enough left to keep us together, much less¡­ much less heal anything but minor wounds and still have enough for the mind scars this will leave. And we¡¯d like to heal Yrelia¡¯s face besides...


    If we were better filled, had a blazing core of Amwella like Emarial had, this would be simple. We could weave a song of Wrath and Ruin to end this easily. But as we are now¡­ we¡¯ll need to feed afterwards just to survive this. Need to¡­ need to somehow convince our lovers to¡­


    Division almost takes us then. But we shove the younger spirit¡¯s worries and issues down. Focus on the now. Handle that later!


    We¡¯re amidst larger single houses now, mansions. With large spiraling towers and multiple dome gardens. If we weren¡¯t¡­ like this. Perfect. We¡¯d take the time to walk the path of stealth. Carefully work through the process and thoughts so the half that will remain in the morning could draw upon them. Perhaps¡­ perhaps even avoid future entanglements.


    But¡­ No. For now we will rely on this body¡¯s strength, speed, and focus. End these fucks in a dance of bladework.


    The house we stop at isn¡¯t the biggest, or the smallest. Has only one spire and a single dome of glass that covers a third of the roof and the upper half of part of the second floor.


    Deep breaths as we focused on the songs this house thrums with.


    Hm¡­ basic wards crafted from¡­ Cultivation they call it now? How¡­ strange. No traps. But¡­ the grin that parts our face in what must be a horridly beautiful sight, we smell familiar blood. The Murtaziq walked this path, still has our blood on her boot.


    So we stride up to the front door, consider how best to enter. It¡¯s wooden, thick, and without a good song not easily cracked. So¡­ We step back, consider the windows. But¡­ no¡­ this door would open inwards, correct? This body is more than strong enough to¨C


    We lift a foot and kick at the fuck. It splinters, but doesn¡¯t break. We dance back a few steps, shake out the pain in the foot, and launch at the door. Kicking it hard enough for the petty lock to shatter, but not both the inner hinges. It sags and falls crooked to one side.


    Light plays over our form, a wash of warmth from the house''s hearth fires, and we¡¯re moving inside. The Murtaziq stands half-way up a central stairwell that runs up the middle and back of a grand central room. Lots of Everlights, strange paintings and sculptures, and rich soft carpets would have flabbergasted and entranced part of us any other day.


    A second woman stands above her on the steps, just¡­ like she just stepped from a room beyond. Simple robe barely pulled around what we knew to be an unclothed form beneath. Short dark blue hair atop a body barely taller than this one, albeit with more thickness, her dull purple eyes focusing on me.


    Both stare, the woman in confused horror and fear as her eyes dart between us and her heavy front door. The Murtaziq keeps a calmer composure, but we can see the growing panic in those eyes.


    Mercenaries, Jevita had said earlier today. The Murtaziq are¡­ hired muscles. A class of women who have used cultivation to alter their body not for self-reflection or fashion, but combat. Specifically the best ways to intimidate, harass, and even harm other women.


    Low and ugly and oh so close to the true monsters we¡¯d normally be happy to keep our violence to. But unfortunately for her¡­ she¡¯d nearly killed Tasii. And¡­ if tonight went poorly, Challa.


    The silence betwixt us is¡­ glorious. The two kicks we¡¯d used to destroy her door would have echoed loud and resounding down these streets, and woken any who¡¯d tried to sleep.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± The Murtaziq growls, gripping that horrid ugly club thing in both hands.


    ¡°O¨C Otrika?¡± The half-dressed woman hisses, eyes never leave us.


    ¡°Otrika? Is that your name?¡± We purr, but remain otherwise still as our eyes lock on the ugly woman. ¡°Pretty. Will look wondrous on whatever marking you corpsefuckers use for the dead.¡±


    She, that being the half-dressed woman¡­ doesn¡¯t react the way we expect to, eyes turn angry.


    ¡°Fine,¡± She hisses, eyes lock on us like¡­ ¡°I suppose a dead Sun¨C¡±


    We decide to move then, ignoring whatever command she thinks will save her life. The Murtaziq, Otrika? She had been winding herself up, waiting for us to move. But this body is just too fucking fast.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    Three steps, we¡¯re beside Otrika. She swings, we slip under her guard and draw our black knife along the soft leather behind one leg while the bone slides easily up beneath the gap in her armpit.


    Five steps, up the stairs without looking back, and our still bloody obsidian blade rests at the other woman¡¯s neck. She had time only to pull back and press against the cold stone wall. Her eyes go wide, then there is a grunt and a clatter as the Murtaziq stumbles.


    A beat, a pause to show her how fucked she is. Then¡­ ¡°Question question.¡± We tilt our head.


    A long pause, some shuffling from behind. We simply raise our bone knife and aim the tip down at the noises without even looking back. A few drops of blood leak from the gash our blade is beginning to leave.


    ¡°Why send that one to attack us?¡±


    ¡°Attack?¡± She huffs, ¡°Her orders were to restrain you, bring you to¡­¡±


    She trails off, spares a glare past us. Her expression feels¡­ off. Not fake, not a lie. But¡­ something is¡­


    ¡°What did you do?¡± She hisses at the Murtaziq. Still off though. Her anger is tilted in such an odd way.


    We hear shuffling about behind us, barely even turn our head to¨C


    A crack in the World Song, pain, fucking¡­ wondrous and real and terrible rips through our right leg. We move, still fast, but¡­ not quite at a speed to avoid the fissure that springs from this barely dressed woman¡¯s right hand. A bolt of cerulean and green light sears the eyes for a second.


    We leave her a parting gift though, sever the hand holding the ugly glimmering crystal she used as we tumble to the left.


    She raises the bloody stump after us, still believing her hand is intact. Pauses in horror when the first spurts of crimson begin to appear. As she lets out a howl of pain and collapses to the floor, we take a second to look down and¡­


    Oh.


    Dripping muddy smoking flesh just below the knee. Nothing else. Nothing to even try to sing back into shape. No¡­ No foot, no shin. Just¡­ gone. Torn from the World Song entirely.


    Before pain, before Division, before panic, we spring forward and bury the bone knife through the cunt¡¯s left eye and ride her to the ground. A short pause. The pain is setting in. Shock would have a lesser body dropping into unconsciousness and death by now. But the horrid wonderful pain just hums through us and sharpens our minds.


    So good to be alive again. The larger spirit hums. To feel anything! Even... even such agony.


    ¡°Stupid corpsefucker.¡± We twist and pull the bone knife free of the dead woman, glance over to the Murtaziq. ¡°Was actually planning to let you all live. Just with scars and warnings.¡±


    She¡¯s standing now, but¡­ just barely. Her crude weapon is next to her, but with only one good leg and useless good arm she can only just¡­ lean against the handrail and glare up at us. Red eye follows as we adjust to a one legged crouch.


    ¡°So¡­¡± We sigh, considering¡­


    Well¡­ fuck. The smoke still rises from our stump of a leg as we consider our Amwella store and options. We can¡¯t regrow our leg, not with this low of a store. Not quickly. Not¡­ Well, we don¡¯t have enough for a safe healing of this mind tonight besides! Need to try and get one or both of our lovers to let us embrace them. Probably¡­ multiple times just to¨C


    Movement, to our left. We jerk our eyes over, see an open door and someone peeking out. Staring down at the dead woman I¡¯m basically sitting atop. Tears of fear and horror and shock have already begun to run down his face.


    ¡­ His.


    An Arudian male?


    DIVISION!!!


    The larger spirit peels off the smaller, shredding and shattering it as our body lunges. Parts of Her soul left adrift in the smaller while parts of it spiral after Her. We collapse and slams into the stairs in front of him. Memory and reason rot away and burn into the frills between our minds.


    He jerks at the horrid lilting sound that must growl from our lips. He tries to pull back, but stumbles over one stupid foot and is falling. Before his butt hits the soft carpet we¡¯ve skittered like some kind of big hobbled spider to straddle him.


    ¡°So¡­ you''re the opposite then?¡± The larger spirit spits through our mouth at the cowering Arudian male.


    ¡°Wh¨C¡± He struggles, but with a loud slam We''ve stabbed our bone dagger through the palm of his left hand, pinning it to the thick carpet and the stone beneath. He screams, tries to reach across his body to free it, but the black obsidian to his throat stops him.


    Wh¡­ what are we doing? The smaller spirit pushes against the rot and the fog that surrounds the larger.


    The male is¡­ well not naked but only has a small blanket or sheet. Him and the woman behind were obviously close. And¡­ while killing her is¡­ well... We''re not sure how we feel about that. We¡¯d agreed, wordlessly, even thoughtlessly. Not to kill these people. Just to¡­ to hurt them. Leave them bloody and ruined. Force them to expend every resource to recover from the wounds we¡¯d left. Then she¡­ this cunt pulled out that magic rock and fucked our leg up!


    But¡­ this man¡­ Was¡­ was he even involved? The lady admitted to directing this all. He¡¯s¡­ he¡¯s also like us? Like this body and little soul? Transgender. Not¨C


    The big rotting spirit growls. Filth hiding among jewels. Parasite in the nest.


    B¨C but. Wait!


    ¡°We¡¯d love to have your heart between our teeth. But¡­ we only have time for this.¡± We growls as he dissolves into whimpering painful sobs beneath us. Blade obsidian blade twists and prepares to¨C


    NO! The smaller yelps and wrestles at gaining control. And plunges herself through the rot and fog and division. Barely gains a grip before that final thrust. The thing behind the rot and fog turns that horrid attention to her. She withers back, but keeps the blade still.


    Let. Go.


    No. The smaller hisses. We¡¯re¡­ I¡¯m not letting you do this. He wasn¡¯t involved. Is¡­ is probably just¡­ just here with her as a Hetaera or something.


    Let me finish off this horrid creature and we¡¯ll Rejoin.


    We... we feel more of the smaller spirit wither away, strain and flake away into rot. Feel our mind begin to¡­ to go fuzzy.


    Challa!


    The larger is regaining control of the blade, is.. Beginning to¡­ slide it¡­ press it¡­


    Tasii is safe, Yrelia is safe. We should have stayed with them. The smaller realizes, Ignoring Her cries. Stupid stupid so fucking useless and STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!


    The pain of that old command stabs through our mind like an ice pick through the temple.


    CHALLA!!!


    Head hurts¡­ oh it¡¯s not a glorious pain either. Just¡­ just horrible and fuuuuuuuck.


    That jerks us back, the sudden pain like a blow to our head. Then we¡¯re Falling¡­ falling¡­


    The floor is carpeted, but¡­ it must have been a solid five foot drop back amidst the dead woman¡¯s corpse. So it¡¯s not a soft landing. Black blade shatters as it catches the edge of a wall or¡­ something.


    Distant sobs and cries echo as we lay there, mind a flutter of pain and division.


    Not yet.


    They came to this cold horrible land for us! The smaller whimpers. To try and¡­ try and help us figure this out! And we couldn¡¯t even¨C


    The rotten fog of the big spirit curls around her, cradles the dissolving muck that are her thoughts as she tries desperately to remember their lover¡¯s faces and warmth and¡­


    Deep Breaths. The larger demands. Rejoin!!!


    Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t even go back. Was¡­ was too¡­ The smaller stops before the thought. Skip the self-harm¡­ I¡¯m probably the reason the leg is gone. I fucked this up. Now we can¡¯t walk!


    The rotten fog growls.


    Can we please go back? The smaller pleads. Just¡­ need to¡­ need to¡­ see them. One more time. Apologize and¡­


    The anger of the big spirit doesn¡¯t leave, just¡­ calms. Thinks. Then¡­ Rejoin. And we¡¯ll go back. She promises.


    Deeeeeep Breaths¡­ We shudder.


    Then we¡¯re one, but¡­ one spirit is so much weaker and¡­ struggling. Barely here and contributing.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± We hiss, pushing ourselves up onto the one good leg we still have.


    The Murtaziq is half-way up the flight of stairs, dragging that fucking ugly club. Her eye goes wide as we spring back up. We share a long, silent pause. Our weapons are gone or broken, but she can barely move.


    Hm¡­ a gamble then. We rise, move to use the hand-rail of the stairs to serve as a balance. All without ever taking our eyes off her. She can try to attack¡­ but, if she misses¡­


    We give her our best smile, break off a chunk of the wooden handrail to use as a crutch, and begin to leave. The Murtaziq doesn¡¯t shift, and from the moment the wood shattered and we began walking from this place as if we simply had a limp and not a severed leg, we know she¡¯s chosen to live.


    It¡¯s only when we reach the door that we hear¡­ a cry. A sob. A name.


    Tears and wails of torment ring out. We glance back, and division is threatened but¡­ not enacted. Just¡­ a smoldering hate is allowed to exist alongside a strange pity as we watch the Arudian male drag themselves to fall upon their dead lover. Consumed by grief.


    We turn and leave. This parasite isn¡¯t worth it. Perhaps¡­ but no.


    We need our lovers.

 Chapter 34: Everything She Loves Part 1

    Content warnins


    -plurality things and problems


    -discussion of leg missing


    ¡°Dreamer¡¯s Tits!¡± We hiss as the slick ground and a bout of dizziness almost steals away our balance.


    We¡¯d gotten some pitying looks for our severed leg and hobble of a crutch, but this late into the night? One strange haggard cripple was barely someone to care about. Duenna had begun to swarm the streets, running toward the mansion, gathering around the bloody streets where we had maimed our attackers. But¡­ whatever women tried to tell them made little sense, or was vague enough that they would have struggled to find the cause of this chaos. An oddly colored woman with dark hair and piercing eyes, in Arudia? Wow! That is only describing like¡­ half the populace.


    We¡¯d murmured and hummed songs to keep the leg from going rotten, even used the cold to numb it. Pain is good, but too much would kill the little spirit we clung to.


    A hoot and trill stops us dead, makes us jolt to a stop as we look about the darkened streets for the source. Our eyes meet the big floofball¡¯s, and we can¡¯t stop grinning at seeing him trot up to us. Chirping and cooing worriedly as he nearly barrels us over with that big beautiful head of his.


    ¡°Lule!¡± We just¡­ drop the crutch and wrap ourselves around him. Let his strength support our fading body and mind. He thrums and curls himself around us, we slip hands up into his warm soft feathers and scrutch him with two fingers better than anyone else living knows how. Even¡­ even play out the memories so hopefully the mind will remember after¨C


    ¡°Ina!¡± Comes a huff and a shout.


    We peek around the Quelekita to see Jevita running toward us from about a block away. Face flushed and eyes wide. We can¡¯t stop a few tears at seeing her.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She huffs as she reaches us, places a hand on Lule. He doesn¡¯t move his head from our grasp, barely even responds to a few silent Arudian words of complaint at him running off.


    ¡°Where is everyone?¡± We ask.


    ¡°Back at the stables.¡± She stands, takes a few deep breaths. ¡°Thought it better to have me and Lule look for¡­¡±


    Her voice trails off as her gaze rolls over us, touches on our right leg. Eyes go wide.


    ¡°Wh¡­ Ina! Your leg!!¡± She nearly shouts.


    ¡°Yes,¡± We sigh, ¡°We¡­ might need some help for a bit.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She hisses, flounders for a second. ¡°We¡­ Maybe Lule can carry you?¡±


    ¡°Tempting, but¡­ no. Just help us walk.¡± We say, direct our smile and more scrutches at the big strong Quelekita. ¡°We are so glad you¡¯re here.¡±


    When we glance back Jevita is just¡­ staring. She seems to notice something within us for the first time. Understands that the persons she¡¯s talking to are more than the previous pieces. And for the first time¡­ we see wonder and curiosity and¡­ mostly positive things in one of our lover¡¯s expressions. There is some fear, but maybe we can¡­


    Division.


    Lover!?! But¡­ The smaller part of us whispers. No. She¡¯s¨C she¡¯s not¨C


    The bigger spirit hushes and lulls her back into calm, then an easy Rejoining.


    Jevita glances between us and Lule. Seems to calm as she watches him snuggle and try to warm us. Every once in a while he¡¯ll pull around a little to lock eyes with us, hooting in worried happiness before pressing close. Lule is always kind, but never this much. Often more¡­ well just playful. But now¡­ He sees us, and loves the mingling within our spirits.


    ¡°You''re not just Ina, right now.¡±


    We smirk. She really is clever. Let¡¯s her mind wrap around us like none other.


    ¡°Temporary osmosis.¡± We respond, glancing back.


    She pauses, then nods, moves up to get an arm under one shoulder. ¡°I have an eternity of questions, But¡­ Now''s not the time.¡± She murmurs a few stern commands to Lule, and has him help support us. Then we begin a slow trudging through the city streets.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± We murmur.


    Jevita glances over to us, nods.


    ¡°But you should ask your questions now,¡± We grunt, although¡­ even to our ears it¡¯s barely an ugly sound.


    ¡°Huh?¡± She looks forward.


    ¡°An eternity of questions, but you have until we reach the stables.¡± We¡­ try to keep the little spirit calm. But she definitely twitches at that, at the¡­ plans we¡¯re forming. All to save her.


    She nods. ¡°This¡­ This connection ends in the morning, yeah?¡±


    ¡°Tonight, once we go to sleep. But¡­ we¡¯re going to need our lover¡¯s help to make sure our mind survives.¡±


    She jerks at that, looks up to us again. ¡°What? Is Ina going to¨C¡±


    ¡°Osmosis, Jevita.¡± We cut her off with a near hiss. ¡°We¡¯ve lost patience for the implications that we are anything less. We are Ina and we are more than Ina.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ yeah. Sorry.¡± She huffs, and already she means it and accepts us. We can see real genuineness to her words that warms our heart. ¡°But¡­ what happened?¡±


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°We tracked the Murtaziq, found her employer.¡± We sigh, half in pain and half in annoyance at the memory. ¡°But¡­ we only had so much Amwella to burn. Got distracted. Let that corpsefucker take our leg.¡±


    The first lure. The little spirit whines at the bigger one. Begs her to stop¡­ to¡­ to¡­


    ¡°I¡­ guess?¡± She shakes her head, takes a few seconds to sniff at our bait. ¡°Wait¡­ Corpsefucker?¡±


    ¡°Right, sorry.¡± We sigh performatively, even Tasii at her best would struggle to know if she was genuine. ¡°A Cultivation stone. Bottled the concept of lightning or some such. Didn¡¯t notice the cunt had something like that until she¡¯d released it.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ co¨C corpsefucker?¡± She stammers, ¡°Why are you calling her that? The woman who¡­ um¡­¡±


    We snort, ¡°What else would you call the things the women out at your academy do to the Zeridii?¡±


    She actually stops then, looks up at us.


    We turn to meet her gaze, and let our eyes roam over the markings we can see across her scalp. ¡°I don¡¯t sense even a bit of its soul inside you. Only¡­ old scars at the channeling.¡±


    Jevita¡¯s eyes go wide. ¡°How¡­ how can you tell I¡­ but¡­ what the fuck is a Zeridii?¡±


    ¡°So, they don¡¯t spread its name and will anymore? That¡¯s¡­ interesting.¡± We murmur. ¡°Do they call it something else then? This outside thing your academy butchers for gemstones?¡±


    ¡°No. I¡­ I don¡¯t know what that is¡­¡± She looks away. Begins to move us again. ¡°Just¡­ I¡¯m trying to leave Cultivation behind me.¡±


    ¡°Smart move, that thing is a blight.¡± We would shrug, but can only shift a little.


    She seems to jerk at that. But then settles into a silence as we get a little farther. We¡¯re content to wait. Let her mind bubble with thoughts and questions and¨C


    ¡°How¡­ How does song magic work?¡± She whispers after an internal struggle.


    We can¡¯t stop a little smile. She¡¯s at our hand now, sniffing at the bait. Curious¡­ but still cautious. Perhaps¡­ maybe we can entice her further? Prick at her mind a bit.


    ¡°Wrong question.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­ what?¡± She stammers at our reply.


    ¡°If this was Alchemy, or Cultivation¡­ Maybe that would be the path to understanding.¡± We murmur, then shrug, ¡°But it¡¯s not.¡±


    ¡°Do¡­ Can only Sun Spoken learn it?¡±


    ¡°Must you be a bird to fly? Or a fish to swim?¡± We laugh. Her hunger is delightful as she nibbles at our offer. Almost¡­ Almost¡­


    ¡°It¡­ sure makes those things easier.¡± Jevita puzzles out, ¡°Makes them more¡­ natural? But¡­ no?¡±


    We just smile.


    ¡°So¡­¡± She lets the word simmer, and we can feel her Amwella churn at the possibilities. Can see the shape of her now, reaching¡­ reaching... We even start to understand her scars and what might have caused most of them¡­


    ¡°How is your song magic different from the other two?¡±


    ¡°Closer, much closer! But still not the right question.¡± We purr.


    Her brow furrows so adorably, we can¡¯t help but give her a hint as she fumbles about. She nearly falls as we place a quick peck on her forehead, feeling a spark of Amwella pass between our lips and her skin.


    ¡°I¨C¡± She stammers as we feel her Amwella flicker at sudden warmth and touch. ¡°Wh¡­ why did you¡­?¡±


    Oh... her blush is wondrous. A burst of warmth that starts at her cheeks and runs along her ears. We consider¡­ well if we weren¡¯t wounded and hobbling through the streets we might ask for a little bite off her right here and no¨C


    ¡°You''re clever, Jevita.¡± We whisper, ¡°But that needs to be your last hint for tonight.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t know how to respond, and we¡¯re content to let her mind blubber over what we¡¯ve given her for the next few blocks. Will she piece it together?


    We let out a huff as we see the stables ahead. Remembering what might await us there. Pain, shame, rejection. All earned, all costs for our mistakes.


    Lule hoots a little rumbling trill as we reach the outer door and Jevita reaches to pull the big thing open. Inside are about a dozen little stalls, with only about half filled. One curious Quelekita head peeks out to offer greetings. As Jevita closes the door behind us and we begin to walk forward we can¡¯t help but smile a greeting as it catches our eye and bounces hellos. It¡¯s trained to keep their calls low, but just too excited as they notice the glimmer in our eye.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s¡­ let¡¯s try and¡­¡± Jevita begins to pull Lule into his stall while trying to keep me upright.


    We¡¯re able to step away and move to lean against a pillar. Sense the waves of exhaustion roll over and through this body. Dreamer¡¯s Tits¡­ we¡­ we might¡­ might not have enough time to¡­


    ¡°Jevita?¡± A voice whispers from down the hall.


    We glance over just as Kque steps up from the basement lodgings below. These last few cities had wonderful housing for the Quelekita and their partners. Big insulated stables, sub-basement rooms with decent beds, and even a little tavern for them to relax in if they wished. It¡¯s not as good as our Inn, but compared to sleeping out in the frozen wilds it was luxury.


    Kque¡¯s eyes seem to¡­ look past us for a second. Like we¡¯re a stranger she mistook for a friend. Doesn¡¯t seem to understand who we are until Jevita steps out from Lule¡¯s stall to slide beneath our arm.


    ¡°How¡¯s Tasii?¡± We ask her. "And... and Yrelia?"


    Kque¡¯s hands go to her mouth, a wordless gasp of worry and pain and horror at the sight of us then. Fuck, we must look such a horrid sight. Eyes seem to lock on our missing leg. It¡¯s only then that Jevita notices her.


    ¡°Kque¡­ um¡­ Could you help me get them downstairs?¡±


    Them. We warm at her unquestioning acceptance at our mingling.


    Jevita¡¯s words break Kque from the stupor, then she¡¯s rushing over and asking her own eternity of questions, all while moving to support us from the other side. Every step is more painful than it should be. Even with the two women working so hard to keep all our weight off either leg.


    ¡°The leg is stable.¡± We grunt as we get over the last step. ¡°Sealed and purified from rot and parasites.¡±


    That seems to help her settle, only a few other questions are shot our way as we enter the main room and are led over to a hallway. From there we are slowly led into a room where Jevita and Kque have stored their baggage and a pallet of blankets and cushions on the floor. They slowly lower us to lay down, prop my head and leg up. Jevita begins to ruffle through the bags while Kque starts pulling and ripping at the ruined burnt remains of our leggings.


    ¡°Fuck¡­ okay this¡­¡± Kque murmurs to herself. ¡°There are some bits of cloth and¡­ I¡­ weird things.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll¡­ handle all that.¡± We huff, ¡°For now we need¡­ How are Tasii and Yrelia?¡±


    ¡°Resting,¡± Jevita whispers as she kneels beside Kque and me, offering a pouch of healing supplies.


    A pause, but¡­ we can¡¯t wait. Can¡¯t gamble on lovers who might hate us. If we¡¯re to have the best chances of surviving we just need to ask these two. The little spirit shrinks in worry and shame and so much fucking embarrassment.


    ¡°We need your help.¡± We proclaim, then before they can continue. ¡°If you''re willing to give it.¡±

 Chapter 35: Everything She Loves Part 2

    Content warnin''


    -plurality things and problems


    -discussion of leg missing


    -Discussion of past trauma


    ¡°Yeah, Anything.¡± Jevita says at the same time Kque pulls a heavy blanket over us and murmurs ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°We weren¡¯t supposed to merge again so soon. It¡­ it burns a lot of Amwella, our soulfire, and¡­¡± We can¡¯t help but bite our lip, a habit burned deep into this flesh. ¡°And we don¡¯t have enough to heal through the separation.¡±


    There is a long pause. Glances down show that Kque is¡­ beginning to piece things together, while Jevita looks a bit more lost.


    ¡°Are¡­¡± Kque pauses, restarts. ¡°Amwella? That¡¯s¡­ is that the flame inside you? The¡­ the stuff you got from Emarial and¡­ um¡­ Tasii and Yrelia? When you have sex?¡±


    We sigh. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­¡± Jevita stumbles over the question, then suddenly jerks over to stare down at us. ¡°Wait. Is that the right question? How do you power the song magic? And¡­ Sex is the answer? It¡¯s Sex magic!?!¡±


    We look at her. Totally surprised by her pivot. How if we¡¯d decided to use that route to seduce her into this she would have either anticipated us, or completely fallen into our arms.


    Then we¡¯re laughing. Full on giggling uncontrolled bursts. Such wondrous and silly and pain numbing titters. The flutter of song magic can¡¯t help but wiggle from us as we shiver at the warmth of it. The bigger spirit hasn¡¯t laughed with a lover in so SO many years. It would hurt if it wasn¡¯t such an unexpected thing.


    Kque is trying to look worried while Jevita tilts her head in confusion. But both can¡¯t keep little smirks from touching their lips.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± We try to cover our mouth, remembering that Tasii and Yrelia are probably still trying to sleep and heal. ¡°Sorry¡­ Just¡­ Sex magic. Dreamer¡¯s Ti¨C I¡­ I always knew that it was such a big part of the workings but¨C¡±


    We snort, almost have to stuff fingers into our mouth until we calm the titters.


    ¡°That¡­ that wasn¡¯t the right question?¡± Jevita looks¡­ well she¡¯d be embarrassed if our laughter wasn¡¯t jerking her lips up.


    ¡°No, but¡­ We needed that.¡± We giggle. ¡°Thank you. Jevita your mind is truly a wondrous thing. Able to juggle the stress of our fuck-up while puzzling out a riddle.¡±


    She can¡¯t help but blush and grin wider at our truths. Has to look away before it overwhelms and spoils.


    ¡°What?¡± Kque is better at stifling her mirth, and looks to Jevita in worry.


    Right¡­ She¡­ has a bad history with magic things. We think. Kque seems to help her avoid it.


    ¡°Sorry. Just¡­ Gave her a puzzle on real magic.¡± I take a deep breath, don¡¯t drive off the warm joy. ¡°But¡­ yes. We need more Amwella to weave and fuel the song of healing this mind will need.¡±


    ¡°And if you don¡¯t get it?¡± A voice murmurs from the doorway.


    We all look up to see Tasii standing there, disheveled and weary. But¡­ no wounds. Whole. Memories of her¡­ her anger and disgust and hatred for us break the little spirit.


    Solidifies a sudden and horrible plan of self-destruction for itself.


    ¡°Tasii!¡± Kque hisses, all mirth gone. ¡°You¡¯re not supposed to be moving!¡±


    Tasii cracks her neck and shoulders. Kque almost jumps up at the motion, but pauses when the bigger lover raises a hand. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Honestly it feels like I just got out of one of those Lyttoral hot tubs, after hour long massage, then slept on the best bed along the Paths.¡± Her eyes lock on us. ¡°Your magic is¡­ fuck it really does work. Thank you.¡±


    We nod as best we can from flat on our back. ¡°Of course.¡±


    She moves like she¡¯s going to enter the room, but¡­ something holds her back. ¡°What will happen if¡­ if you can¡¯t get the Amwella you need?¡±


    Division.


    The little spirit roils up and fights. Doesn¡¯t¡­ doesn¡¯t want us to guilt them into this. Sputters that she will face the coming storm alone, rather than twist any of them into giving themselves to us.


    ¡°It¡¯ll be¡­¡±, We grind our teeth, struggle to push out an answer amidst the struggle. One spirit is bigger, but the little one knows that it can only be pinned. And that every moment of the struggle causes more damage to herself. Frays the edges. Unacceptable. Foolish. But¡­ The little spirit is willing to tear herself apart rather than¨C


    Fine!!! Then¡­ Deep breaths, rejoin.


    ¡°We¡¯ll be fine.¡± We lie.


    Literally everyone easily spots it.


    ¡°Please be honest.¡± Tasii huffs.


    ¡°This is our fuck up.¡± We lay our head back, glare up at the ceiling. ¡°We¡¯ll weather the storm.¡±


    ¡°You were literally just asking us for sex.¡± Kque points out as Tasii does move into the room then, seems to be trying to adjust to keep a view on our face. ¡°So either you''re not Ina, and don¡¯t know who she normally goes to for that. Or¡­¡±


    We wince and turn our head, glare at the wall. Threatened Division keeps us from explaining. From telling her how hurt the little spirit is. How desperately we¡¯d need them even if she was whole and healthy.


    Tasii pauses. ¡°Really? She¡­¡±


    ¡°They.¡± Jevita whispers.


    A pause.


    ¡°Sorry, just¡­ It¡¯s¡­ Temporary Osmosis.¡± Jevita tries to explain, making our heart flutter in warmth. ¡°Not¡­ This is still Ina. She¡¯s not gone or absorbed. Just¡­ two spirits or minds or whatever working together. She knows everything Ina knows because Ina is there with her.¡±


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°Yeah. Okay.¡± Tasii sighs, ¡°But¡­ Why? If they¡¯ll be fine, why would shy little Ina ask for sex from two new lovers on such a stressful night?¡±


    Fuck. She got us. We grind our teeth. Half in such joy that our Lovers see through us so easily, and¡­ well The little whimpering spirit is so so small now. But still struggling to hold on to her stubbornness.


    ¡°Ina.¡± One of them presses.


    Why not trust them and let each make a choice? The bigger spirit wonders. The little one flails, tries to¡­ to weave thoughts into solid things to¡­ to explain. But it¡¯s too fuzzy. Even full and awake this complex hurt would take time to explain.


    There¡¯s shuffling around us.


    ¡°Ina.¡± Tasii almost growls.


    Division. Quick and sudden when the little spirit is still trying to weave an explanation together.


    ¡°She won¡¯t let us.¡± The larger spirit bites out. Voice a painful pitch that seems to tear at the air itself. ¡°Past pain.¡±


    Everyone in the room seems to jerk back, and the bigger spirit ends the Division. We pull a hand over our eyes. The bigger spirit coos at the smaller one as it balks at the treachery, pulls it close. Tries to fill wounded voids with Herself to ease suffering and sudden horror.


    ¡°That¡­ I think that was just Her.¡± Jevita whispers. ¡°Not Ina.¡±


    A familiar lover¡¯s hand grips our arm, moves it away from our face and pins it above our head as we offer meek struggles. Then Tasii¡¯s head is hovering over ours. Glaring down into our eyes, sudden hot anger.


    ¡°Why?¡± She growls. ¡°And don¡¯t you dare fucking lie to me again.¡±


    We can¡¯t help but flinch.


    ¡°T¨C Tasii¡­?¡± Jevita stammers, ¡°Maybe¨C¡±


    But something stops her words. We catch a murmur from Kque.


    ¡°No.¡± We recoup our courage. Growl and glare back.


    She leans closer. ¡°Is it because this Amwella feeding will hurt me? Or them?¡±


    That worry shocks both spirits, large and small rear up.


    ¡°No! Never! Our embrace would never¨C¡± We jerk, surprise and horror covering our face at the suggestion. We can¡¯t help but reach up and touch her cheek. ¡°We¡¯d never hurt any of you! Not¡­ not willingly! Never that!¡±


    She nods after a second. ¡°Then why? Why ask them but¡­ but fight so hard to push me away? You know I¡¯m healed. Know it won¡¯t hurt me.¡±


    We clamp our mouth shut.


    ¡°Oh!¡± Kque makes us all jump.


    Tasii reluctantly turns to her, a question in her quirked eyebrow.


    ¡°Ina.¡± Kque sighs, blocked from view. ¡°This¡­ This isn¡¯t like¡­¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°Fuck, if I wasn¡¯t worried that your life was in danger I¡¯d never pressure this.¡± Kque sighs, ¡°But¡­ Are you¡­ at all¡­ comparing this to¡­ perhaps, where a certain group of people was pressured into sex and felt little choice in the matter? Were coerced into doing it because it was seen as needed?¡±


    Oh how the little spirit whimpers at that. Curls in on herself and tries to make herself small as thoughts are made solid by a lover''s words.


    We just¡­ wince.


    ¡°Ina, this¡­¡± Tasii sighs. ¡°Fuck. I¡¯m sorry. But¡­ Fuck. It¡¯s not the same, is it? Do you really not want to¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ you have it backwards.¡± Kque whispers the correction. ¡°She¡­ They are willing. I think.¡±


    Tasii pauses, looking into our eyes as we glance to the side. ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    We nod, face a twist between anger and sadness and old pains. ¡°We won¡¯t do to you what the temple does. Don¡¯t want to guilt or twist people we care about into giving themselves out of obligation or¡­ worse. We will not give our lovers the false choice that comes with such a request.¡±


    ¡°But you asked them.¡± She presses.


    We tense harder. Big spirit begs the little one to just¡­ be honest. Let us share these burdens with our lovers. They DO have a choice here. And won¡¯t it be a wondrous thing for them to help us!?!


    ¡°Tonight was our mistake.¡± The words catch in our throat, but we push through as understanding between the spirits remains solid. ¡°It was easier to ask. They¡­ they don¡¯t hate us. Were more¡­ neutral. But now we can¡¯t even stand that. It was wrong of us to ask any of you.¡±


    She presses a forehead into ours. ¡°I don¡¯t hate you. Don¡¯t¡­ Fuck. It¡¯s just¡­ I¡¯m not happy about this. About you sharing headspace in the body you always needed.¡±


    The warmth helps sooth our mind, stills the turmoil.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Tasii growls, but in such a loving way. In a way only a lover can. ¡°I just¡­ I was afraid you¡¯d been scooped out and¡­ replaced. Wiped away after so little time to enjoy your new life.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not like that.¡± We whisper. ¡°We just joined when things got bad. Even in dreams we¡¯re not like this.¡±


    She presses close, whispers so softly. ¡°Then please, just¡­ be honest. How bad is this? How much Amwella do you need?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not something we can measure with such¡­¡± We sigh, weariness letting us know that to stall this out will rob them of the choice they wish to make. ¡°We should have a wellspring of Amwella to burn and use as needed. And¡­ Not including needing to heal Yrelia, or what we spent to stabilize our leg, we¡¯ll need at least two lovers to ensure the mind and soul remain... undamaged.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± Tasii nods, confident of the truth of our words, but tilts her head, ¡°But¡­ What¡¯s wrong with your leg?¡±


    She turns, looking at the heavy quilt.


    Right¡­ she hasn¡¯t seen¡­


    ¡°Um¡­ Ina?¡± She murmurs, sudden tension. ¡°Is¡­¡±


    ¡°Corpsefucker surprised us.¡± We hiss. ¡°We almost avoided it entirely. But¡­ We¡¯re paying for our carelessness.¡±


    Tasii can¡¯t take her eyes off the shapes beneath the blanket, a hand pauses as she reaches out. ¡°Corpse¡­ what?¡±


    Jevita coughs. ¡°Um¡­ Apparently She hates Cultivation things. Someone had a powerful gemstone. Rare as fuck if it¡¯s what she described. Um¡­ kinda wish she¡¯d have brought it back. Would be useful and worth¡­ well¡­ a fuckton.¡±


    In the pause I can almost feel Kque turning to fix Jevita with an unapproving look.


    ¡°We¡¯d rather not touch rotting remains.¡± We grumble, supporting her efforts to keep this lover from blighted magics.


    ¡°But¡­¡± Tasii finally turns back to me. ¡°How bad is your leg? It¡­ is it¡­?¡±


    ¡°Lost almost everything beneath the knee.¡± We sigh. ¡°We¡­ We¡¯re going to need to get a¡­ a something to take its place until we can re-grow it. Sorry.¡±


    That get¡¯s two kinds of gasps. One pained one from Tasii, then a couple surprised ones from Jevita and Kque.


    ¡°Wait¡­ re-grow!?!¡± Kque hisses at the same time Jevita begins to ask something.


    ¡°Hm¡­?¡± We glance between them. See their surprise and confusion and¡­ absolute fucking wonder as if we just stated we planned to drink the entire ocean.


    Don¡¯t think Alchemy can¡­ um¡­ do that. Maybe Cultivation can with the body changing? But¡­


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± We slump back down into the soft palate. ¡°Yeah. We¡¯ll learn a song for it and begin weaving it as we travel. Will still take¡­ fuck well probably a couple years with the amount of Amwella we gather, at least.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Jevita grunts. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ fuck okay.¡±


    Tasii takes a deep breath. ¡°Okay, let¡¯s¡­ let¡¯s focus on what you need tonight.¡±


    We nod.


    Tasii looks at the two others. ¡°You two want to just do this all at once or take turns with h¨C I mean them.¡±


    We twitch at¡­ at the sudden shift. Both at Tasii calling us, them, and her focus on sex. Kque looks at Jevita, quirks an eyebrow.


    Jevita chuckles. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve um¡­ had this many people involved. I¡¯d rather have everyone here.¡±


    Tasii nods, begins to stand. ¡°Yrelia will hate all of us if we don¡¯t wake her.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡± We finally stammer. ¡°We¨C¡±


    ¡°Be right back.¡± Tasii leans down, places a gentle kiss on our lips. And¡­ well there had been a worry that such an old spirit mingled with a young one would be used to warm lips. Would simply¡­ find them ordinary. But¡­ nope. It fucking melts for a second. Shuddering with¡­ well not embarrassment. But an muddling of desire and love and¨C


    By the time we regain the ability to think she is out the door.


    ¡°Ina.¡± Kque whispers.


    We jerk at the sudden voice. But she hasn¡¯t moved, just just looking at us with a serious but¡­ caring expression. ¡°It¡¯s just sex.¡± A pause, then she continues. ¡°Is there anything we can do to¡­ make this better for you? Are you really okay with Jevita and myself being here?¡±


    We nod. ¡°We¡­ the¡­ upon waking the remaining spirit will confirm the love that she holds for you both. And the budding desires. Would have begun to... try and organize feelings into words within the next week or less.¡±


    She smirks, such a¡­ wonderful thing on a normally very serious and composed face. ¡°But you''re still hurt. So we¡¯ll need to be careful.¡±


    We sigh. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Would you like help getting your clothes off?¡±


    ¡°Probably¡ª¡±


    There¡¯s a shout, followed by movement from outside. Then a fucking storm in the shape of an angry Yrelia comes barreling into the room.


    ¡°Fucking Cunt!¡± She almost shouts as her eyes lock with ours.

 Chapter 36: A Storm of Lovers (18+)

    Content Warning:


    An Angry Yrelia has appeared, and then BIG group sex. But¡­ the polycule is not solid yet¡­ Needs¡­ tempering¡­


    We¡¯ve never seen her this angry. And between that and the horrible purple mess that makes up half of her face both spirits recoil in fear. Her face is¡­ well it was bandaged. But most of what was probably a cold bag of ice has been pulled away. Revealing a swollen half with one eye barely open.


    ¡°Yrelia, hey maybe¨C¡± Jevita tries to say.


    We start to try and apologize. Then she¡¯s stomping over to us, kneeling over and gripping the front of our shirt and glaring down at us. ¡°Shut up.¡± She snaps, and the sound our teeth makes as they click shut echoes for a second. ¡°You¡¯re a stupid cunt, you know that!?! What the fuck were you thinking!?!¡±


    ¡°We¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t test me, you fucking bitch.¡± She demands, almost shakes us. And the big spirit seems to¡­ to perk up above the smaller one. Shield it from¨C


    ¡°Y¡­ Yrelia they¡¯re¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± She holds up an angry hand at whoever just tried to stop her. ¡°This big bitch is having a word right now. Listen here you fucking¡­ I don¡¯t care if you''re a Goddess or a spirit or¡­ whatever! If you drag Ina off like that again¡­¡±


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± We plead. ¡°We fucked up. We¨C¡±


    ¡°Damn right you did.¡± She growls.


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± Jevita whispers. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Osmosis. They made the decision together. That¡¯s also Ina right now¨C¡±


    ¡°Like fuck she did.¡± She snorts angrily, then pulls back a little to glance over. ¡°Ina wasn¡¯t in charge when this bitch demanded the bone knife and left us. I could see the cunt making that call. Pushing our girl into that. Ina would never do that. Not without some real serious fucking coercing. Maybe even worse.¡±


    ¡°Honestly¡­¡± Tasii sighs, and slides up beside her, eases her back a beat. ¡°My thoughts exactly. But¡­ Right now we need to focus on other things. Okay?¡±


    We remain frozen beneath her. A¡­ a wilting amount of guilt at the truths in her words washing over us. The smaller spirit tries to accept as much as it can, but the larger spirit wraps herself around the flood. Blocks the worst of it. Accepts responsibility and blame.


    Yrelia nods, sniffs. And it¡¯s then we realize she¡¯s been crying. Probably¡­ probably since we left. And all that¡¯s left is anger. Then she turns the glare back down at us. ¡°If you hurt Ina, I¡¯m going to devote my fucking life to destroying you and everything you love.¡± She says in such a flat, dedicated tone that we can¡¯t help but shudder at.


    ¡°Everyone we love is in this room.¡± We whisper back, don¡¯t move. ¡°And¡­ We feel almost everything together. Pain included.¡±


    She keeps glaring down at us for a few more seconds, then nods. ¡°Good. You should experience the hurt you¡¯re causing her.¡±


    Then she looks back to the others. ¡°Now¡­ what the fuck did else did you need me for?¡±


    **    **    **


    The little spirit had never had someone they love be so angry, so¡­ fucking upset and hurt and¡­ really fucking good at channeling it into sex. Much less group sex.


    She¡­ well after such a furious rage we¡¯d thought she¡¯d get loud again upon being told about our leg. But she did something worse. She just¡­ nodded. Ground her teeth, and started telling us all how exactly we would do the sex. No objections or questions allowed.


    Everyone here was already tired, already ready to be done with today. So she had to be efficient with her rage and time. But¡­ she also had her pride as a¡­ Well she never technically finished her training as a Hetaera, but no one would know that from the way she took charge.


    So that¡¯s how We found ourselves naked, and staring up at our new lover. Well¡­ at least part of her. Kque was the first to undress and crawl atop us with both Tasii and Jevita nearby and embracing her as our mouth reaches up between her legs.


    We¡­ She¡­ fuck¡­ the larger spirit is¡­ fuck she knows exactly where to guide our lips and tongue. Like the older hands of a fucking master she wraps fingers around the smaller spirit and guides her to read all Kque¡¯s little tells like she¡¯s known her for years. Even if Kque was exhausted and barely in the mood for sex, a few loving kisses up the thigh, followed by slow sensual patterns drawn with our tongue into her lips seems to melt her into us. She¡¯s restrained, worried, careful. She doesn¡¯t want to overwhelm us by pressing too hard.


    She¡¯d even been the brave one to challenge Yrelia on her plans. Tried to get her to let us just¡­ use our hands and get help pleasuring and¨C


    ¡°No.¡± Yrelia had told her sternly. ¡°If the cunt needs to feed to make sure Ina is okay, she should expect to use her fucking mouth tonight. Besides, Ina loves doing second lip dances. She¡¯d beg to do it either way.¡±


    We told Kque it was fine. That we were more than happy to¡­ to do it this way. That we¡¯d prefer it. And even then we can¡¯t stop the heat from our cheeks as we tell them the thing we¡¯d only mentioned to Yrelia. Never had the courage to even let Tasii know.


    ¡°When we eat out a lover we taste only the Amwella.¡± We murmur. ¡°Soulfire tastes sweeter than you can imagine.¡±


    Kque just¡­ sighed. Insisted we be ready to explain more of this later.


    We reach up and pull Kque closer, Her scent and sweet flavor dragging us into a purring mindless hunger. We try to stay slow and gentle, but¡­ fuck once we tease her clit enough to make her shudder we can¡¯t help but slip ourselves up inside and begin carving little circles into her. She¡­ well doesn¡¯t jerk, but sort of twitches, and we feel her let herself rest fully down atop us. Legs tighten and she leans into what we assume is a long and sensual kiss from Jevita while Tasii holds and caresses her from behind.


    Stolen story; please report.


    Not long after her Amwella flashes, bucks, and seems to bubble before reaching down to flow through us. It¡¯s good that two others are there to hold her up, as we suspect she wouldn¡¯t have been able to do anything but slump down to our side for a few minutes. Even then all we can do is wriggle our mouth out to ensure we can breath and place gentle kisses along her butt cheeks and leg as we wait for her strength to return. Only just then becoming aware of the mess of liquids that covers our mouth and drips down our cheeks.


    She whispers quietly, and we can¡¯t help but smirk from the pleasure in her voice.. ¡°That¡­ You could have warned me.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Jevita asks as she and Tasii help Kque shift off to the side.


    ¡°Shhh.¡± Yrelia demands from her place above my hips. ¡°You¡¯ll see.¡±


    Yrelia lays over my lower area. We¡¯d kept the blanket over my legs, but even so she¡­ well I wouldn¡¯t call them gentle, but she sort of rakes fingernails over freshly healed skin as the others adjust and change positions. But¡­ even as we wriggle and squirm she refuses to touch anything more sensual than the soft skin on our tummy.


    But now Jevita is astride me, even more¡­


    We can¡¯t help but stare at the scars that weave and tear across her skin. Even¡­ even work up and between her second lips. Other women might be tempted to caress them. To use them as a guideline to trace their sensual patterns.


    But¡­ They disgust us. We¡¯d rather touch literal filth with our tongue than those horrid things. So we carefully place four gentle kisses around them, deft and quick and precise. She pauses, almost seems to freeze for a second. We ponder curiously what things she might be turning over in her mind even now? Remembering how even amidst stress and worry how she had still been puzzling and puzzling.


    Tasii and Kque continue to kiss and warm Jevita as she lowers herself to us. With gentle teeth we draw and nibble and play at her second lips, grazing over her clit occasionally. She shutters, murmurs something between our other lovers, then comes closer. Drawn in by our promises of pleasure.


    We lift and meet her with a kiss, still precise and careful to avoid her scars. She can¡¯t stop a little moan then, and I hear a surprised whispering giggle from Tasii at the beautiful sound. So we begin using our tongue again. Decide to tease and hum and direct warm breath into her. See if we can¡¯t¡­


    Then she seems to¡­ well it¡¯s kinda a frustrated motion as she tries to press closer. We pull back, unable to stop a small taunting whisper as we keep her just out of reach of our more¡­ persistent workings.


    It takes her a moment or two more to lose all patience. And from the way her Amwella seems to growl we think we¡¯ve gotten her full attention as she just¡­ drops herself until our mouth is full of her. We let a little soundless thrumming purr roll up from us into her as we sink a tongue up between her lips, feel another little moan, and we move faster. Press harder. Lose ourselves to the warm nectar that pours from her like rainwater.


    ¡°Fuck fuck fuck.¡± She sighs into Kque¡¯s shoulder as the rippling orgasm takes her.


    Amwella, warm and wonderful flows into our soul. Reinforces Kque¡¯s gift from before and swirls into us. Jevita takes longer to recover, but we barely notice. Just¡­ bask in the wonderful afterglow of our lovers'' pleasure and warmth.


    As she finally pulls up and away we can¡¯t help but lick our lips, consider that¡­ yeah even without the Amwella scent we enjoy their taste. Tasii is next. She seems to pause and whisper something to the other two. Kque and Jevita don¡¯t seem to curl around her like they did before. Almost¡­ they¡¯re leaving?


    Tasii turns and peers down at us, at our face and stupid grin and¡­ She seems to¡­ to see something there. Seems to¨C


    Then she turns, hands move to hold my sides just beneath the armpits, and smushes herself down to pin us between the ground and her slit. No hesitation, no interest in our slow teasing or kisses. We only pause for a second before we¡¯re meeting her aggression with fervor. Begin to feel her familiar soulfire and fight to claim its warmth.


    Her fingers move to our breasts, the first time anyone other than Yrelia has¡­ has even tried to¡­ to touch our flesh since we started. Sure we¡¯d reached up and touched legs, but¡­ something about the change startles us. We don¡¯t pause, don¡¯t let up our writhing chase for her glorious Amwella.


    However¡­ Even with all her aggression and our desire, it takes Tasii the longest to climax. But when she does it¡¯s a wondrous explosion of sweet flame that causes our entire body to shudder alongside hers. Legs can¡¯t help but wriggle and squirm beneath Yrelia as warmth gathers between them.


    That¡¯s¡­ we¡¯re¡­ Our Amwella is¡­ well it¡¯s not as filled as we would like. But it¡¯s enough. Our song of healing should work to keep the mind stable and our souls aflame. Even after the merging ends.


    We pull our mouth free again, take a few deep steadying breaths as we carefully wrap our arms around Tasii in a little¡­ butt hug thing. After a few moments her breathing slows and she pulls free, moves to sit beside us.


    ¡°How¡­ how¡¯s you¡¯re um¡­¡± Tasii pants as she touches our shoulder. ¡°Amwella stuff?¡±


    ¡°Better.¡± We lick our lips, become¡­ become aware of how messy we must look. ¡°We can start the song now. Don¡¯t need to¨C¡± We sit up then, glance down at¨C


    Yrelia is just¡­ glaring at us. A¡­ well she¡¯s not ugly, but whatever cruel expression she wears is made so much worse by the nasty wound on her face. Then something in Yrelia¡¯s eyes intensifies.


    ¡°Lay back down.¡± She growls.


    We pause, confused. Yrelia moves, and we almost jerk back on reflex as she slowly crawls up to hover over us. She hisses, ¡°Lay. Back. Down.¡±


    Our eyes dart between her and Tasii. But¡­ Tasii¡¯s face is blank. Hard. Still flushed from the fucking great orgasm we gave her. But¡­ unwilling to look upon us with anything but cold calculation.


    We hear shuffling and see Kque and Jevita re-enter the room with a big bowl of warm water. Pause in the middle of passing out towels and such for cleaning. We don¡¯t move, just look back to Yrelia. The little spirit whimpers as we focus on her wounded face. Begs us to just listen to her. That¡­ that she just¡­ That we deserve all of this anger.


    ¡°We¨C¡±


    ¡°This body isn¡¯t yours.¡± She growls, ¡°And until Ina is alone I¡¯m not going to let her body move another fucking inch.¡±


    We narrow our eyes. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Bitch. You lost our girl a fucking leg!¡± She moves closer, face only an inch away from ours. ¡°Now, lay that cunt covered face back down so I can clean it.¡±


    The larger spirit bristles at that. Almost enacts Division in anger. But the little spirit resists all attempts, only will cooperate with full submission. We¡¯re sure our face is a contradiction of guilt and anger, fury and regret, love and spite.


    We don¡¯t break eye contact, just¡­ slowly lower ourselves.


    Yrelia doesn''t lose any anger as she pulls back and reaches over to accept and thank Kque and Jevita for preparing the cleaning things. And then, while everyone else cleans away the post sex juices, we only lie back and wait as Yrelia carefully cleans our face of everyone¡¯s mess.


    Her face may still burn with a fucking fury, but her hands and workings are nothing but soft and gentle working. If it wasn¡¯t for all the pain still rippling through us we¡¯d have probably passed out.


    ¡°We¡¯re going to weave our songs of healing now.¡± We state as she finishes drying off our neck.


    A pause. Yrelia nods. And we sing a song to ensure the mind of this little spirit has every chance to survive this night''s upcoming storm. All of our lovers pause, becoming entranced in the ancient language they cannot understand. How this song of sorrow echoes pain and healing. A lilting tune that weaves hope betwixt fear of loss. Begs the World Song to favor this little soul and guide it back safely through a coming storm.


    At the end¡­ well¡­ despite her rage, we twist one final harmony into the tune. Can¡¯t stop a smirk as we notice Yrelia jerk as if hearing her name from far away. Looks about as the song fades, eyes finally settle on ours. Her face will heal quickly, and will be perfect in three days if she rests well.


    ¡°We need to sleep now.¡± We sigh, already beginning to feel the song¡¯s call drawing us away. Feel the little spirit settle and go still. Amwella already drawing up to curl around its form.


    ¡°Anything we should know?¡± Yrelia asks as the waking world fades.


    Eyes close. ¡°Keep my Challa safe.¡±

 Chapter 37: To Love and Be Loved

    <u>Content warning</u>: BIG emotions. Gender Euphoria.


    A storm, horrid and unrelenting.


    No dreams, no nightmares, just¡­ pain. Agony like cold lightning rolling up my leg, while a throbbing heat smothers the mind. I can feel everything dying as my spirit burns itself away in attempts to unlatch from another and resettle. Torn and ravaged as the mind melts inside the Amwella fire stoked to try and save me.


    It felt like an eternity. Days and weeks and months and years and ages and ages of such fucking pain. Pain that seems to purge all thought and memory and sense of self. I¡­ I worry blearily if I¡¯ll ever wake up? Feel the World Song pass over and through me as if I¡¯m already dead and floating down the river. Almost¡­ almost wish I could just get some actual sleep!


    A jerk forward. And I try to growl at the World Song to stop tormenting me, try to turn over¡­ but¡­ find I am bound and tied. I struggle, fight to breathe as terror overcomes me. Try to scream, find that something smothers even that.


    Wh¡­ What!?! I panic. Did¡­ No no no. Please. Don¡¯t say they already sent me down the river!!! I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not dead!!!


    Then my eyes crack open, and I¡¯m greeted with¡­ cold? I blink at the snow-filled forest that slowly passes overhead. Peaceful besides little hoots, trills and murmured words that slowly become clear.


    So cold? Did¡­ Did I fall asleep on the beach? How¡­ Why haven''t I been brought back to the temple? Fuck¡­ I hope I didn¡¯t use up my free days sleeping!


    But then there is a bump, a jostle, and my leg explodes with horrible pain.


    Oh¡­ oh fuck. It¡¯s a pain beyond yelling or shouting, so suffocating and overwhelming that all I can do is shake and nearly lose all lucidity. Vision goes dark and wiggly for what must be a few moments.


    I realize then that my hands aren''t restrained, so I begin to feel about. Find I am wrapped in blankets and warm clothes. Honestly around everything, including my mouth and head, and big fluffy somethings around my hands. I wriggle, and oh fuck that was a horrible idea. I bump my leg against something and can¡¯t help but hiss and twitch at another jolt of pain.


    What¡­ what¡¯s wrong with my leg!?! Fuck¡­ If I broke it, Sangoma is going to be so upset!


    When the pain settles a bit, I carefully reach down again and find the ropes that bind me to this weird moving bed thing. Discover little knots that I can begin to unbind. They aren''t hard or complex things. Just tight. So once they pop free I am loose to sit up, begin untying my legs. It¡¯s then I notice all the snow around me, and the path this little bed thing is being pulled on.


    Since when do our beaches have this many trees? Did I wander down the Dune Wall? Get¡­ Get caught in an undertow and almost drown?


    As I work the throbbing in my leg pulses again, and I can¡¯t help but wince.


    Definitely broken. Fuck. This is so bad. Sangoma is going to kill me. But¡­ but I can still¡­ um¡­ well Teddiel was able to go back to his duties after just a week. So¡­ she¡¯s probably expecting me to do the same. Fuck. What even happened?


    I pull the last knot loose, the blankets free, and begin to lift and turn myself to¡­


    The pain is nothing compared to the spike of cold that rolls through me as I see my right leg. Everything¡­ everything is just¡­ gone. Barely anything beneath the right knee remains.


    I feel my eyes go wide, breath catches in my throat as I sit half turned off this little sled starring in horror at the ugly lump of cloth where my leg should be.


    ¡°Ina!¡± Someone shouts. And I turn to see¡­ A big fucking bird? A Quelekita with ropes attached so it can pull my sled, and a group of four women. All bundled in heavy cloaks and hoods. At that shout they all are turning to look at me with wide eyes.


    One of them is suddenly racing toward me. I jerk back in sudden panic and confusion. Lose my balance, and like the clumsy person I am, go tumbling off the other side of the sled. Even with the soft layer of snow the impact sends a horrid rush of pain through me. Causes me to hiss and jerk.


    ¡°Fuck fuck fuck.¡± Someone spits as hands wrap around my shoulder and thigh. ¡°Help me get her back up.¡±


    Her!?!


    H¡­How do they¡­ I¡¯m lifted, and the pain interrupts most of the thought. Do¡­ But they had to have dressed me. Did they not see that my body is that of the breeding males?


    ¡°W¡­ Where am I?¡± I blubber as three women lay me back on top of the sled.


    ¡°Safe.¡± Another assures me, pulls back whatever covers my mouth and I feel warm fingers touch my cheek. ¡°We¡¯re on the road. Just passed over the Arudian Border.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­ What!?!¡± I nearly yelp, eyes focus to show a woman with nice ginger hair as she pulls a scarf down to reveal a soft face with little sparkles across her skin. ¡°Arudia!?! B¨C But How¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been out for about a week.¡± A taller woman takes my hand, pulls down a scarf to reveal deep darker skin. ¡°How awake are you? You¡¯ve almost come to a few times before now. But never got far.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m from Lyttoral.¡± My voice sounds¡­ strange. Soft, higher pitch. But I just assume it¡¯s a cold or something. ¡°How did I get to Arudia?¡±


    Then a woman with light reddish skin takes my other hand and kneels over me. Confusion plain on her face.


    ¡°What happened to my leg?¡± I sob, tears of pain and sadness begin to roll down my cheeks.


    A pause. The women look at each other with worry in their eyes.


    ¡°Ina?¡± The sparkles one asks. ¡°What¡¯s the last thing you remember?¡±


    Ina? But¡­ Why are they calling me...


    Inamatorii. Meaning to love and be loved.


    A drop¡­ and the name jerks a memory into my mind. Of a big scary spirit invading my mind, then giving me¡­ myself. Tearing apart the old body with a storm of wrath and ruin, and making a perfect one for the spirit within.


    This body, warm and wonderful and¡­ A deep breath seems to roll sensations through my body. Alerts me to tiny differences She wove. I can¡¯t help but let out a giggle as tears roll down my cheeks. ¡°I¡¯m free.¡±


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    ¡°Ina? What¨C¡±


    But I can¡¯t hear them as another memory washes through me. One of warm smiles and loving kisses beneath the stars. The first of many wonderful embraces with my lover.


    Wh¡­ what is her¡­


    ¡°Yrelia.¡± I whisper. Hoping hoping hoping she wasn¡¯t just a dream!


    ¡°I¡¯m here!¡± She whispers from beside me.


    Not just one¡­ Squished between two blazing infernos. Finally, drawing up the courage to ask this second amazing woman if she¡¯d like to join us¡­


    And then there were two.


    ¡°Ta¡­ Tasii?¡±


    Another pause, and my second lover is leaning over me. ¡°Ina, what¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t just a dream!¡± I cry through sobs of joy and pull their hands close to my chest.


    And over the next hour, I reclaim memories of my new life as my lovers crowd around me. Flailing and worried and trying to understand the waves of little wonderful things that return to me. At some point the decision is made to try and camp right there on the side of the Path. Yrelia sits with me while Tasii and the two others¡­ Can¡¯t¡­ Can¡¯t seem to find their¡­


    ¡°I¡­ I remember them!¡± I murmur. ¡°Their names are just¡­ It¡¯s like everything is covered in thick mud. Hard to clean it all off enough to hear the words.¡±


    ¡°Take your time.¡± Yrelia squeezes me tighter, careful to avoid shaking me. ¡°You¡­ it was mentioned that your mind needed to heal.¡±


    I huff, twitch of guilt pricking at my bubble of joy. ¡°I don¡¯t want them to think that I don¡¯t care for them. That¡­ that they''re not important to me or¡­¡±


    Yrelia coos and kisses me on the head. ¡°They know. Just ask if you need to.¡±


    ¡°Mkay.¡± I lean into her. Then a jolt of pain from my maimed leg sends me into a hissing grunting flail.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She pulls back and tries to support me. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± I grit my teeth and shake my head as I glare down at my leg. ¡°This¡­ fuck¡­ This fucking sucks!¡±


    She sighs. ¡°Yeah¡­ I just hope the re-growth is quick.¡±


    I jerk to face her. ¡°What!?¡±


    Yrelia pauses, winces. ¡°Kque said you mentioned you could grow it back. In¡­ like¡­ a couple years or so?¡±


    ¡°Kque!" I nearly yelp, "With the pretty sparkles! But¡­ it¡¯s short for¡­ um¡­¡± I trail off, then ask. ¡°But¡­ I really said that I could regrow my leg?¡±


    Yrelia nods. Seems¡­ annoyed at something. ¡°Yeah, that night. After you came back to us.¡±


    I don¡¯t¡­ there are flashes. There¡­ there is something missing though.


    ¡°How?¡± I squeeze the hand that holds mine.


    ¡°I assume with some more of that song magic.¡± She touches her perfect and soft face, and seems to look at something far away.


    Magic. I¡­ I can learn magic!?! I already know Magic?


    ¡°Wh¡­ song magic?¡± I stammer, ¡°I¡­ I can¡­¡±


    Then I hear it. For just a second. The World Song. The little tittering harmony that wraps around and through everything. Too deep to mimic, a thrumming storm rolling beneath us. It almost¡­ then it''s overwhelming me!


    ¡°Oh¡­ I¡­¡± Head begins to hurt again as I focus too hard on it. I reach up and hold my forehead in my hands. ¡°Ow ow ow.¡±


    ¡°Ina? You¡­ What is it?¡± Yrelia leans down to try and see my face. ¡°Do you need to lay down?¡±


    ¡°No, just¡­ head hurts.¡±


    A single red eye. Three women lay bleeding in the snow. Then a song of possessive fucking rage over our dying lover. Tasii¡¯s blood and bile and death fills our nostrils as we sing her back to us.


    I gag, end up rolling to the side, vomiting sick into the snow. Yrelia moves to kneel beside me, helps keep my beautiful hair from getting messy. Shushes and coos encouragement as I recover from the memory.


    ¡°Yrelia." I stammer. "Did¡­ Did I¡­ Was Tasii hurt or¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. She¡¯s okay!¡± Yrelia coos in worry and comfort. ¡°Just breathe, Ina. Deep breaths!¡±


    Deep breaths.


    Then we are plunged into another memory.


    Blade at her neck. ¡°Question Question¡± we taunt. A crack in the World Song followed by horrid pain. Then we repay the debts by ending the corpsefucker''s song.


    I would sob through a scream at the memory of her still and dead body beneath us, but a heavy bout of dry heaving on an empty stomach stops me.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Yrelia hisses, ¡°Kque!¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re okay.¡± I choke out.


    There is a long pause, only interrupted when Kque arrives. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Ina?¡± Yrelia murmurs. Hard and¡­ something.


    I look up to her worried face and¡­ catch a glimpse of rage. Then she sees my eyes and calms.


    ¡°Just you in there?¡± She asks carefully, trying to a smile again.


    ¡°Just¡­ me?¡± I tilt my head. ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°You said We¡¯re okay.¡± She presses. ¡°Are you alone in your own head right now?¡±


    Why would I not be¡­ Alone? The void sits beside my thoughts. Gaping and horrible and a sudden reminder of how incomplete I am without... someone else. I... I can''t remember...


    I begin to panic, start breathing faster and...


    But then Yrelia takes my chin, and I can¡¯t stop a sudden warm pressure from bubbling in my chest and beginning to ooze down. Down¡­ Down¡­


    ¡°Are you alone?¡± She presses as my panic stutters and dies in her hands.


    ¡°Yeah. Just¡­¡± I reach up and touch the healed half of her face. Feel tears at the flashing memories of her wounds. ¡°Didn¡¯t remember till now. It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s a lot to deal with at once.¡±


    She nods, and seems satisfied. Smile returns to a soft and caring thing.


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± Kque murmurs. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t push her on this. Let her remember at her own pace.¡±


    ¡°She was!¡± I reach out and touch Kque¡¯s hand. ¡°Everything is still kinda popping back into place. Sometimes it hurts and¡­ and I was just remembering the last night I was awake. How we¡­ uh¡­ Oh. OH!¡±


    Begin to recall the taste of second lips and the warmth of her Amwella¡­


    Then there were four. Jevita and Kque and Yrelia and Tasii.


    ¡°We had sex!?! All of us!?!¡± I squeal and must blush horribly because when they both glance back neither can stop little smirks. Kque giggles and kisses my gloved hand.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t count.¡± Yrelia sighs. ¡°We¡¯ll need to try something much more¡­ exciting, and less rushed, next time.¡±


    Next time!?!?


    Like rain down a window, more memories wash through me. Four lovers refusing to leave me to¡­ to¡­ suffer a terrible storm alone.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I would have¡­ would have come back if¡­¡± I whisper, feeling tears roll down my face as the rest of that night solidifies into a bit more clarity. ¡°You all¡­ you all shared yourselves with me¡­ and¡­¡±


    Saved me.


    It takes me a while to calm down after that. Every time I look into one of my lover¡¯s eyes I melt into a puddle of wonderful loving sobs. End up needing a few dozen hugs and snugs as they finish setting up a little campsite as the sun sets. I am so grateful we have to all kinda¡­ pile together against our giant Quelekita to ward off the cold. Even with my leg throbbing and biting I can¡¯t help but fall asleep with a big grin on my face amidst my lover''s.


    She greets me with a warmth I can hardly bear. Impossibly eternal arms weave about me in a joyous hug while dark lips can¡¯t stop pecking and tracing all across my face. All while furious violet eyes try to constantly stay locked with mine somehow.


    It takes me a while to¡­ to understand. Even amidst uncanny dream logic I am confused and perplexed by Her affections. Have to¡­ to apologize and ask Her to help me understand who She is and where I am.


    Where are my Lovers? Who¡­ who are you? Why did you give me this body? HOW did you give me this body? S¡­ Song magic? Amwella? Osmosis?


    An eternity of questions. Some answers return to me over the course of the dream, but otherwise just thrums a song of delight as She gets to feel my spirit against Her¡¯s. Draws me into being content to just¡­ bask in this togetherness. A possessive lover within a dream.


    Only at the end does she offer me anything to take back to the waking world.


    Everything shifts, and Her eyes are hard and serious as She unfolds into a song of healing. A plea to the World Song, to return this amazing body to its original perfection. Has me feel my own Amwella and understand our limits, how to alter this song to pace out the restoration based on it. Never pour more than a little of our soulfire into the melody, unless there is a horrid wound that would end us otherwise.


    I can¡¯t help but feel my soul weep as She promises that the harmony will eventually restore my lost leg to perfection, and in the meantime dull the pain and throbbing to bearable levels.


    We both feel the dream shift, and become aware of its end arriving.


    ¡°Will¡­ will you be here tomorrow night?¡± I ask, ¡°I¡­ I¡¯d like to see you again. Ask more questions... and snuggle more.¡±


    In answer she pulls me into a long and warm embrace, presses lips to mine and curls her soul close.


    Always and Forever. She growls.


    Thank you all SO MUCH for sharing this journey with me!


    Welcome to the end of Arch 1 for <u>Sun Spoken Turn: Women of The Paths</u>!!!


    Arch 2 starts RIGHT HERE very very VERY soon (the first chapters are already with my patrons)!


    Ain''t no brakes on this feels train!!! <3 <3 <3


    AND AS PROMISED!!!


    I am Hosting an BIG Q&A in the comments of THIS chapter.


    Rules are that you have to ask a character from this story the question, can''t do spoilery things, and can expect much snark from some of them!

 Chapter 38: Traveling Hetaera Part 1

    Content Warning:


    A LITTLE sex stuff.


    "Mmmmm¡­¡± Yrelia purrs into the woman¡¯s ear, ¡°Isn¡¯t my Ina such a good girl?¡±


    Even though half my face is buried between this woman¡¯s legs I instinctively try to fight down the blush that begins to burn my cheeks. Can¡­ Fuck I can even feel it reach my ears. Why¡­ Why does that even still set my heart into a tizzy!?!


    The woman moans and twists back into Yrelia¡¯s embrace, pushes fingers through my hair to pull me closer into her cunt while another reaches back to turn my lover to kiss her.


    Lady... Oph... something. Ophrit? Fuck I''m terrible with names and faces. She''s an older woman. Not... not like really really old, just... more mature than either my lovers or myself. Like... a decade or so.


    Her Amwella bucks and writhes, its sweet taste screaming for me to just¡­ speed up. Lick faster and harder and¡­ But I remember my training. I keep my eyes locked on her or Yrelia¡¯s face, take a deep breath, and slow my work. My lover and teacher will signal me when I should bring her to climax.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± The older woman moans, ¡°Please, just¡­ Fucking¡­ fuck!¡±


    Our clients are often about this articulate by the time my mouth is between their legs. Most can barely get words out this far along.


    This goes on for another¡­ well¡­ at least half an hour. Slow kisses and caresses. A few little shuddering almost orgasms. Nails gently biting and tugging at my scalp while this woman moans and whispers sweet nothings as Yrelia holds her close and uses her fingers to dance sensual patterns across deep bluish skin.


    Then it''s time, and I indulge the hunger. Nothing matters then as I work her into a twitching twisting muddle before there is an explosion of sweet soulfire, and like a river into the ocean it just flows right into me. And at the end I¡¯m not sure who¡¯s shaking more, myself or her.


    When I push down the wondrous pleasure of the feeding, I remember my lessons. I pull out and back carefully, let warm breath and a few gentle kisses leave a trail away and up her inner thigh before settling against the woman¡¯s leg and giving her my best sensual and tired smile for when she opens her eyes.


    It takes her a bit longer than most to recover. I¡¯m almost worried we took too much and she¡¯s passed out from the experience. That¡¯s¡­ happened once or twice. I can¡¯t always tell who can endure my work and who can¡¯t. Everyone wakes up fine in the morning. But¡­ if they¡¯ve only asked us for an evening then¡­ well¡­ waking them just to get our payment and leave feels a little¡­ eh¡­ I dunno. Rude.


    ¡°Fuuuuuuuuuck.¡± The woman sighs.


    Yrelia giggles, continues slow kisses down her shoulder and arm. ¡°I told you my little Ina already had the skills of a full Hetaera when it comes to second lip dancing.¡±


    I¡­ don¡¯t. Like Yrelia had first told me. Eating Pussy isn¡¯t hard. But¡­ to masquerade as an apprenticed Hetaera I¡¯d needed a bit more education. And while Yrelia still can dance circles around my best work, even her skills struggle to match the force of pleasure someone feels as I drink in some of their soulfire.


    At first she was really annoyed and jealous, but now¡­ now I couldn¡¯t help but melt into a puddle with how she looks at me every time a woman moans at my work. She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s so fucking proud and aroused and¡­ I can barely take her giddy smiles she shoots me after we finish.


    ¡°That¡­ that was¡­¡± The woman looks down at me, meets my smile with one of¡­ something.


    She tries to sit, Yrelia helps her get upright from the little pile of cushions at the back of this little bowl shaped Arudian bed. I move to draw back to give her space, but she catches my hand. Kisses my knuckles.


    In silken smooth Arudian she murmurs. ¡°The Moons and Stars would dip from the sky if you made love to them.¡±


    Or¡­Something like that. Fuck my Arudian is still rough. It was probably more eloquent than that. But I can¡¯t help but look away from her sparkling cerulean eyes.


    ¡°T¡­ Thank you.¡± I whisper back in a mangled and probably very bad Arudian.


    A long pause, then she¡¯s pulling me close, surprising me with a long and warm kiss. I¡­ well I don¡¯t freeze but for a surprised second. Then I recover and relax. Her juices are still all over my lower face, and most women quickly decide they don¡¯t like their own taste. So I try to politely match her, not give her a sudden influx of a flavor she¡¯d hate.


    But¡­ then her hands are at my cheeks. And she seems to¡­ to only want more. So I let my free hand rise and touch her leg. Fingers dance and¨C


    Yrelia chuckles. A polite interruption. The woman sighs and pulls back and touches her forehead to mine.


    ¡°I¡¯m too old and bound to be falling for some young pretty Hetaera with a wonderful tongue.¡± She turns to Yrelia with a¡­ well there is a mirth in the annoyed look. ¡°You should leave before I try to steal her away from you.¡±


    All the training in the world couldn¡¯t stop the blubbering dizzying that flutters through me. My mouth opens and closes a few times, probably making me look like some beached fish. This was her third session with us in two weeks, and while I remember her satisfaction at the end of both, we¡¯d thought little of her interest in this final appointment. She followed polite traditions of scheduling in the following days and avoiding awkward after-fuck passions. But¡­ her sudden kiss and intensity are¡­ well they worry me for some reason.


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    Yrelia nods seriously, but with a smirk. ¡°You¡¯d not be the first, probably won¡¯t be the last.¡±


    We all rise, and clean to whatever extent our work and pleasure involved. The woman takes the longest, with Yrelia needing to do very little more than touch up her hair and redress.


    The woman pays Yrelia for our time and services, and¡­ almost asks about our schedule over the next week. A confliction of desire and restraint flashing in her eyes as we wait by the door. I bite my lip, not even trying to¡­ to entice her. Just genuinely trying to fight down a blush. But¡­ no. She lets us leave her rooms without future requests.


    Yrelia takes my hand and stretches, then¡­


    ¡°Ina?¡± She murmurs.


    I look at her face, and find¡­ a weird expression. ¡°You okay?¡±


    I realize then that I¡¯m still blushing.


    ¡°Ye... Yeah.¡± I huff, pull my cloak and scarf closer. ¡°Just¡­ She surprised me. I¡­ I didn¡¯t expect her to¡­ um¡­ say those things.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not thinking about trying to go back to give her a second go are you?¡± She smirks.


    ¡°WHAT!?!¡± I almost shout. ¡°No! I¡­ I was just¡­ what if one of our next doesn¡¯t¡­ Or they decide they¡­ What do I do if someone tries to steal me away!?! If they¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Fucking get out.¡± She huffs, smirk gone and teacher mode activated. ¡°Only get rude if they get possessive. But if you start to feel a woman getting really clingy, offers extra and tries to get us to abandon other clients for her, we end any appointments. Okay?¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Okay.¡± I nod, ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because she can go from loving and clingy to spiteful real fucking fast.¡± She squeezes my hand as we head down the stairs and enter the giant main area of this luxury inn. ¡°Hetaera are generally beloved in Arudia, but fuck if you can¡¯t find yourself in danger real fast if someone starts spreading rumors and getting friends to help ruin your name.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper. ¡°Is¡­ is that normal?¡±


    ¡°No. But¡­¡± She bites the inside of her cheek. ¡°Look, last time I did this, I had someone get too attached. I thought I could take advantage of her obsessions. It¡­ let¡¯s just say that I told her too much and kinda almost fucked up a lot of things for our group.¡±


    I take her hand in both mine. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Are¡­ Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She jerks to look at me, smiles wonderfully. ¡°Oh, yeah. Happened forever ago.¡± Then her face goes serious again, voice drops. ¡°But we¡¯re trying to stay pretty unnoticed here. Don¡¯t want anyone getting too¡­ um¡­ interested in our pasts and discovering certain¡­ things.¡±


    Things like Yrelia not actually being a Hetaera. That her rings are¡­ well not stolen. But¡­ okay yeah totally stolen. And our little teacher-apprentice gimmick is just a ruse to get women to choose us over other more reputable Hetaera. Two professionals at basically standard rates. Other women will just think Yrelia is teaching me, and we get a solid income.


    And I get to build up a wellspring of Amwella to heal my leg faster.


    I nod back. ¡°Mhm. Yeah. That¡¯s what I was worried about.¡±


    We¡¯d hatched this crazy plan almost¡­ five months back. Just after we crossed the Arudian border and found our funds and trades dangerously low. I wanted to contribute to our group. Support my lovers and¡­ and with my leg so messed up¡­


    The prosthetic I wear took forever to get used to, and only recently had Tasii and Yrelia surprised me with a new and wonderful replacement for the peg shaped thing I¡¯d needed for those first four months or so. This one fit so much better, didn¡¯t itch like crazy, and was made of some gorgeous Arudian stone. Heavy enough to feel solid, light enough to move without too big a limp. Flexible too!


    ¡°Honestly, I should have talked to you about this at the start.¡± She sighs, ¡°Just¡­ She caught me off guard.¡±


    ¡°Me too.¡± I echo her. ¡°The kiss and the¡­ fuck I feel like whenever I¡¯m careful not to give someone the taste of their own juices they try to lick my face clean or something!¡±


    She laughs at that, pulls me close as we move to leave the inn and step out into the bitter cold Arudian winds.


    ¡°Who was the first?¡± I ask. But when Yrelia gives me a confused look, I can¡¯t help but blush at my sudden question. ¡°Oh! Sorry just¡­ When she said she wanted to steal me. You said that¡­ that she wasn¡¯t the first? Who else has¡­ um¡­ tried to steal me?¡±


    I expect a laugh, or at least a smirk. But¡­ she just looks ahead as we walk down the freshy snow sprinkled streets.


    ¡°Yrelia?¡± I press after the silence starts to worry me. ¡°Is¡­ was it Tasii? Are you¡­¡±


    She jerks, at that. ¡°What? No no no. I¡¯m glad we all love and fuck. That¡¯s¡­ no that¡¯s wonderful. Was honestly getting a little awkward that you and I were exclusive. Cracking that was sooo overdue.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I sigh, calmer. ¡°Then¡­ who was it? I¡­ I don¡¯t remember anyone else even trying to¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Fuck.¡± She huffs with a little smile. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m just¡­ I didn¡¯t expect this conversation.¡±


    ¡°Sorry¡­¡± I bite my lip, then gather my courage. ¡°Is¡­ Is it the¡­ um. My¡­ Patron?¡±


    Yrelia does laugh then. Not¡­ It''s not really a happy thing. Almost annoyed. ¡°I¡¯ll worry about Her if she ever can talk without needing your mouth.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ Those are kinda the only people I can think of!¡± I sigh, ¡°Unless Lule is secretly wanting to carry me off¡­¡±


    Her giggle is soft and warm and real. ¡°Jevita would be sooo heartbroken. Cucked by her own Quelekita.¡±


    I giggle too. Need to cover my mouth as the titters almost get out of hand. When we calm down there is a long pause. ¡°Then¡­ who?¡±


    She sighs. ¡°I don¡¯t want to put you in a sour mood. We still have another client tonight.¡±


    ¡°Why would it?¡± I tilt my head, totally perplexed. ¡°I¡¯d never leave you all, but I can¡¯t say it doesn¡¯t feel nice to be wanted. Just¡­ I was curious.¡±


    She nods. ¡°I know, just¡­ Ask me later?¡±


    I huff. ¡°I won¡¯t be able to focus if I¡¯m constantly wondering about random women wanting to seduce me. It¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m going to look at everyone differently now!¡±


    She sighs, stops. We¡¯re not running late but Yrelia always likes for us to arrive early.


    ¡°You sure?¡± She takes both my hands. ¡°You¡­ you really don¡¯t have any other ideas on who it might be?¡±


    I roll my eyes. ¡°No, Yrelia. I really really don¡¯t. I love my body but I don¡¯t think I¡¯m that special or charming. Just¡­ have a lucky little condition that makes my tongue feel great between someone''s legs.¡±


    ¡°That''s just wrong. But¡­¡± She gives me a pained smirk. ¡°You¡­ I mean she literally kissed you.¡±


    I freeze, and barely notice Yrelia¡¯s expression turn worried as a bubbling rage fills me.


    Emarial.


    ¡°That Cunt!?! When the fuck did I even mention that she¡­¡± I hiss. ¡°I never told anyone that¡­ That she¡­¡±


    She winces. ¡°You did, that first night when you um¡­ merged. Kinda exploded on me and Tasii about it.¡±


    The memory oozes into my mind.


    ¡°Yrelia it¡­ Fuck! It wasn¡¯t like that.¡± I huff, look away. Chest filling with shame and embarrassment. ¡°She¡­ she thought¡­ It¡­ it was just an excuse to¡­ she wanted to force her Amwella into me to¡­ I don¡¯t know!¡±


    ¡°Mhm, I know.¡± Yrelia pulls up my gloved hands to her chest, whispers quietly. ¡°Not your fault.¡±


    I jerk, look over to her. ¡°Wh¡­ What?¡±


    ¡°She¡­ Ina we never talked about this.¡± She whispers. ¡°But what she did was not okay. You¡­ you''re not responsible for it. And I don¡¯t blame you for what she did. Or love you any less.¡±


    Something breaks free from my chest, and a weight falls away. The wound left healing a bit at her words.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I spit, fight a wave of tears. ¡°Thanks. I¡­ I didn¡¯t realize how much I needed to hear that.¡±


    Yrelia pulls me into a hug. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t say it sooner.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ It¡¯s not like she thought of me that way.¡± I clarify as we pull away and begin to walk again.


    Yrelia gives me a side-long look. ¡°I¡­ I guess I could have read her wrong.¡±

 Chapter 39: Traveling Hetaera Part 2

    That, more than anything, makes me worry about the possibility of it all up until we¡¯re sitting at the table reserved for us and our next client. The tavern is small, but nice. Seems¡­ well not exclusive, but most people seem very comfortable. Almost¡­ almost like they¡¯ve been here a few hundred times before.


    ¡°Late. Late. Late.¡± Yrelia huffs as she takes a sip from her mug. A wonderful warm drink brewed to energize and keep us awake. ¡°I think we¡¯ve been stood up.¡±


    ¡°Maybe¡­¡± I stir at the last half of my own mug. This isn¡¯t the first time, but¡­ this city has been expensive to stay in. We¡¯ve balanced things with mine and Yrelia¡¯s work, but that means she¡¯s not doing as much trading. ¡°How much longer should we wait?¡±


    Yrelia sighs, Drops a few coins on the table and rises. ¡°None longer. We could hop about and see if one of the big inns has anyone wanting some company.¡±


    I wince. ¡°Do¡­ Can we afford drinks? They¡¯ll get pissy if we just strut in and start flirting without buying.¡±


    She shrugs, ¡°We¡¯ll leave if no one picks up our tabs.¡±


    I sigh. If we do that too many times¡­ Well, places might start keeping an eye out for two foreign girls claiming to be Hetaera. Might start something that could make us need to leave town in a fucking hurry. That¡­ and it makes my tummy get really sour and sick. I hate the idea of stealing. Even if it¡¯s from some faceless big inn or something.


    ¡°Yrelia I¨C¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± A voice interrupts me from behind and the side. I almost jerk, but am able to keep from spilling my drink as I turn.


    An older woman with pale skin, warm short blonde hair, and dull golden eyes steps up to our table. Yrelia¡¯s training immediately kicks in as I begin to listen while taking in her details. Simple leather tunic with no jewelry or embellishments. Light coat draped over her left arm in a polite and trained fashion though. I would have guessed traveler, but¡­ no backpack. So maybe staying in one of the rooms downstairs?


    ¡°Apologies, it seems I am late.¡± She steps closer, hesitates politely.


    ¡°Oh!¡± Yrelia¡¯s face goes into a smooth smile as she steps around and holds out her hand for the woman. ¡°Are you The Lady Uqueta Rell?¡±


    We¡¯d not met her, only had our last client insist we set aside this evening for a trusted friend.


    The woman takes it, and holds it in the polite fashion that symbolizes¡­


    ¡°No, but I represent their interests.¡± She takes it, offers a kiss. ¡°You may call me Jutic.¡±


    That causes a pause. But Yrelia adapts and adjusts.


    ¡°I¡¯m Yrelia.¡± She adapts with ease, motions to me as I stand. And as I offer my hand and the Lady takes it. ¡°And this is my prot¨¦g¨¦, Ina.¡±


    ¡°Short for Inamatorii, yes?¡±


    I nod, smile. ¡°It is. But please, just call me Ina.¡±


    ¡°Of course, may I sit?¡± Jutic asks.


    Yrelia agrees and settles gracefully back into her chair, fingers dancing over the coins she¡¯d dropped and recovering them with deft ease. I follow suit, settle beside her.


    ¡°So¡­ I take it the Lady is¡­ indisposed?¡± Yrelia prompts after a few seconds.


    ¡°Yes. And they apologize for the inconvenience.¡± She murmurs, begins reaching into a little side pocket. ¡°They find wasted time such a horrid insult, and wish to¡­ reschedule. And compensate you for a lost evening.¡±


    With that she drops a little purple pouch of coins on the table, then pushes toward us with a few gloved fingers. Yrelia¡¯s eyebrows go up, but she knows better than to take up the pouch and start counting what must be a¡­ well at least the cost of our time. Looks¡­ well fuck it might be more than that!


    ¡°How wonderful of them.¡± Yrelia smiles across the table to Jutic, ¡°Many would simply leave a pair of girls to fend for themselves. But your mistress is a generous and thoughtful woman!¡±


    I¡¯m not sure if Yrelia catches it¡­ but something she just said causes a flash of annoyance in Jutic¡¯s eyes. I try to soften whatever seems to be bothering her.


    ¡°We accept their apologies!¡± I add, touching Yrelia¡¯s hand. ¡°And¡­ I think we can find a day that works for us all.¡±


    Jutic¡¯s expression softens. ¡°Wonderful, They would actually love to host you at their personal estate in the city, and will see that you are brought there by Quelekita carriage.¡±


    That¡­ That makes even Yrelia trip over a reply for a second. ¡°Wow, okay. I¡­ I must admit We¡¯re a bit¡­ surprised.¡±


    ¡°There are a few stipulations. However.¡± Jutic adds before she can get too far. ¡°Some requests they would ask of you.¡±


    Yrelia¡¯s face and composure freezes. And I can see caution come to life in her eyes, an old mantra that all Hetaera learn. If it smells too good to be true, it probably is rotten.


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    ¡°Ah.¡± She huffs, voice stays polite but turns a bit flat before she whispers. ¡°What um¡­ okay let¡¯s just be honest here Jutic. No judgment, just¡­ so there are no miscommunications. What kinky shit does your mistress want us to be a part of?¡±


    Jutic¡­ well I wince as I expect a bristle. But instead we are met with a sigh from the older woman. She turns, well not a glare but a look of tired annoyance to my lover.


    ¡°Nothing so worrying. They just want to keep this as private as possible.¡± She replies.


    ¡°Thus the carriage and private estate, yeah that¡¯s obvious.¡± Yrelia drops all high-brow politeness and goes full business and trader voice now. ¡°But, seriously, Jutic, being a Hetaera can be dangerous. This city seems to be kind to us, but when a rich lady tries to lure me to her private estate for a night alone¡­ I can¡¯t help but get a little worried.¡±


    Jutic nods, a mix of hesitation and¡­ still annoyance. Something about Yrelia is really bothering this lady. ¡°It¡¯s to protect both parties. What they ask for is not¡­ well it¡¯s not a respected thing among Hetaera.¡±


    Yrelia snorts, ¡°The guild literally has guidelines and charts on exact costs when it comes to that. You¡¯ll find more than a few Hetaera willing to do some weird and wild things if you pay well. ¡± Then motions to the pouch of coin. ¡°Which she seems to be willing to do.¡±


    ¡°They are.¡± Jutic nods, then looks to me. ¡°Simply put, my employer wishes to host only your prot¨¦g¨¦ for the evening. Not her teacher.¡±


    That causes a long pause. It takes me a second to¡­ to understand the request.


    ¡°Eh?¡± Yrelia seems just as surprised. ¡°Just¡­. Ina? By herself?¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­ what?¡± I stammer out, bring my voice down to a whisper. ¡°But¡­ I can¡¯t even¡­ I don¡¯t have my rings yet!¡±


    And never will, but they don¡¯t need to know that. When a woman finishes her training in at least three of the five circles of pleasure (Song, Dance, Art, Writing, or Sex), she is welcomed into the Hetaera Sororitas. But to perform without their consent is¡­ well it¡¯s pretty stupid. Basically a ton of inns, taverns, and stores in most cities won¡¯t work with anyone the guild blacklists. And to remove your name from that list is very expensive.


    They nod. ¡°Thus the privacy. To hire a woman of your skills, who has not obtained her rings can be seen by some parties to be a slight to the Hetaera of this city and beyond.¡±


    ¡°Wait¡­ back up a few paces.¡± Yrelia seems genuinely annoyed now. ¡°This only works because she¡¯s my apprentice. Ladies like yours pay basically standard rates, but get a pair of Hetaera to entertain her for an evening. Why request less and risk the guild¡¯s anger?¡±


    ¡°Way less!¡± I add, trying to ease what I can tell is a burned ego in her. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m like a quarter of the worth of this duo.¡±


    Yrelia glances over to me, calms as she sees my own disbelief at this. ¡°Eh¡­ closer to half, honestly. If it wasn¡¯t for guild rules we would totally charge double.¡±


    I blush, not expecting the sudden praise. Even if we¡¯re not working under the guild''s rules and protections.


    ¡°Precisely.¡± Jutic interrupts, ¡°They have heard great things about this young and vibrant Hetaera to be and want to enjoy her talents for an evening and night.¡±


    Yrelia taps her finger on the table, stares at the older woman.


    ¡°But¡­ why?¡± I insist, reach across the table and touch Jutic¡¯s hand. Trying to balance Yrelia¡¯s flatness. It¡¯s almost natural now, after all the women we¡¯ve worked together to pleasure. She is the bold spice and I am the shy sweetness. ¡°Yrelia taught me everything I know, Can do everything I do but¡­ like¡­ probably twice as good!¡±


    ¡°Stop it.¡± Yrelia bops my shoulder.


    Jutic sighs and seems to relax. ¡°I can¡¯t speak of their personal tastes and weaknesses, but I can assure you that they simply are chasing a fancy. And are willing to pay generously for it.¡±


    Yrelia¡¯s smile turns¡­ wicked. Just this side of predatory. ¡°How generously?¡±


    I find myself afraid for the first time as I realize this¡­ this might actually happen. I might need to perform alone¡­ and with a stranger. And¡­ fuck are there all sorts of flittering things in my tummy at the idea. Worry and¡­ and fear that I actually have no idea what the fuck I¡¯m doing and without Yrelia I¡¯m just going to fall to pieces.


    ¡°Because, If I¡¯m being honest.¡± Yrelia leans forward, voice turns to a staged whisper. ¡°Ina doesn¡¯t actually know how good she is at this, and I¡¯m totally keeping her tied around a finger for as long as I can.¡±


    I blush, ¡°Yrelia! That¡¯s not true and you¨C¡±


    Without even looking she stops me with a finger placed softly on my lips.


    ¡°And if word got out that I loaned out my prot¨¦g¨¦ like she¡¯s no better than some Odalisque¡­¡± She sighs performatively, ¡°This entire relationship works because it¡¯s understood that I am actively training her every time we¡¯re with a client. I¡¯d be lucky if losing my rings is all that happens.¡±


    Jutic nods, ¡°My master is offering twice your normal rate for an evening and night of entertainment.¡±


    Wh¡­ what!?! Double!?! And all night too!?!


    Yrelia¡­ somehow. I¡¯ll never know fucking how. Turns a surprised smile into a cruel one. ¡°Jutic¡­ Come now. You''re asking us to risk¡­ well¡­ kinda everything here.¡± She motions to the purple pouch. ¡°It would be safer for everyone if we just take this apology, keep our mouths shut about this little offer, and go our separate ways.¡±


    There is a long and tense pause as Jutic regards my lover. And I almost just¡­ well I would have butt in if I had the courage to either accept their offer or insist on Yrelia¡¯s final words. But¡­ I didn¡¯t realize one of my hands is still sort of¡­ half-way across the table. And Jutic¡¯s touches them, just¡­ barely. There is a flicker of¡­ something. Almost a spark of charge.


    ¡°Three times then.¡± She murmurs. ¡°And if anyone asks, They and Inamatorii have a lover¡¯s past. The money is a gift, nothing else. And no one can fault them a night of passion after such a thing.¡±


    Yrelia turns to me, whispers an honest and simple question. ¡°You alright with this?¡±


    I bite my lip¡­ My mind is still reeling from the offer. Three times!?! And we already charge over double if someone wants us to stay the night. It¡¯s a rare thing and¡­ fuck that¡¯s so much fucking coin.


    ¡°How¡­ How can I possibly refuse?¡± I murmur.


    Yrelia¡¯s voice goes quieter. ¡°Not what I asked.¡±


    I let out a deep breath, still feel my fingers against Judic¡¯s. ¡°I¡­ Yeah. I think so. So long as¡­¡± I look at the older woman, ¡°Can Yrelia ride with me to their home, then get a ride back safely? And can you have her be there when It¡¯s time for me to leave in the morning?¡±


    Before Jutic can even open their mouth in protest or acceptance, Yrelia speaks up. ¡°Of course. That was non-negotiable from the start. I also want to meet this Lady Rell beforehand.¡±


    Jutic looks like she''s going to refuse, but they see that Yrelia will not budge on that. So she just nods. ¡°Tomorrow night then?¡±


    ¡°Fuck, so soon?¡± Yrelia laughs.


    We¡­ We¡¯ve been fairly busy, but tomorrow is free¡­ I was planning on spending it relaxing with my lovers. But¡­


    ¡°I think someone canceled, right?¡± I press into a persona, trying to give the aura of a couple very busy women.


    ¡°Hmmm¡­ I guess. So, tomorrow can work.¡± Yrelia smirks, and does reach out to take the pouch then. We offer simple goodbyes after sharing which inn to send the carriage to, not ours for safety reasons, and we leave.

 Chapter 40: Traveling Hetaera Part 3

    ¡°Big Child!¡± I proclaim in my best Arudian as I pull the big heavy door to slide shut. Without even looking back I hear Lule¡¯s loud and happy toot in reply.


    I move back to his stall, reach into my bag, and pull out the fat overripe fruit Yrelia and myself had picked out before my visit. He basically ignores the gift to barrel his big silly head over the rim of the door into my chest. Nuzzles and snuggles me like he hasn¡¯t seen me for an eternity.


    I feel a surge of guilt. I''ve been so busy that it has almost been a week. Apparently after my¡­ eh¡­ big injuries Lule had been really fucking sad and distraught until I woke up. Refused to eat much and wouldn¡¯t sleep well until they pushed my comatose body up for him to snuggle to.


    Once I woke up he was immediately calmer, seemed to return to a normal state of being hyper focused on Jevita. But¡­ he still seemed to get kinda needy sometimes. Like¡­ Like I was someone special. It was nice but also scary to have such a big bird who wants your attention sometimes.


    But after a few scrutches he pulls back, notices the fruit, and nips it from my hands.


    ¡°Rest well Big Child!¡± I coo before turning and heading for the side building.


    In the little well furnished tavern/rest area of the stables/inn, I find two of my lovers.


    I wave, move up, and give little kissing pecks on their foreheads. Jevita glances up in a startled look from her books, surprise easy to read. ¡°Oh, hi!¡±


    ¡°Ina.¡± Kque actually tugs me back for a proper kiss. I can¡¯t help but giggle into her warm lips. Can even taste the wonderful lunch wine she¡¯s drinking.


    ¡°Mmmm.¡± I pull back slowly and move to sit across from them.


    ¡°We just ordered dinner. ¡°Jevita recovers, ¡°You eh¡­ want us to¡­¡±


    ¡°Nope. I probably won''t be here long.¡± I reach into my little bag, and pull out the coin purse Jutic left with us. ¡°Wanted to drop this off. Make sure you weren¡¯t on the verge of eviction.¡±


    Kque takes it, a bit of a confused look on her face. ¡°You look¡­ well you always look wonderful Ina, but¡­ the evening is still young and you look positively¡­ un-disheveled.¡±


    I smirk. ¡°Yup, our final appointment was a no show.¡±


    Jevita looks between me and the bag. ¡°Then¡­ what¡¯s with this?¡±


    Kque opens the bag, eyebrows furrow at the amount of coins. ¡°Did you not need any for your rooms in the city?¡±


    ¡°Our last appointment actually took care of that.¡± I close my bag and lean across the table, letting my voice go quiet. ¡°Someone showed up for them and paid us anyway.¡±


    Kque looks up to me, Jevita¡¯s eyes go wide. ¡°I mean¡­ that¡¯s polite and all but¡­ This is excessive. Are they just paying up front and rescheduling?¡±


    I wiggle a hand, a so-so gesture. ¡°Um¡­ They¡¯re going to pay me again tomorrow night. When I um¡­¡±


    I trail off, suddenly unsure. Belly flutters as uncertain worry curls about. They wait patiently. Very very familiar to mine and Yrelia¡¯s work, but understanding a struggle that needs to be worked out as someone finds the right words.


    I huff, push some hair out of my eyes and look back to them with a smile. ¡°They asked for me to visit their personal estate. Are¡­ um¡­ paying three times the normal rate for an evening and night of my time.¡±


    ¡°Oh wow!¡± Jevita exclaims, then pauses. Kque seems to already catch the singular.


    ¡°Just you?¡± Kque whispers. She, as much as Yrelia or Tasii, put days of careful planning into this scheme. Spent many late nights helping me and Yrelia work out how we were going to keep our work simple and unnoticed by any local Hetaera guilds.


    ¡°Yrelia um¡­ wanted me to run this by you.¡± I whisper back with a smile. ¡°Make sure we¡­ um¡­ covered our butts?¡±


    And I explain, in short. The offer and the conditions set to protect us all from possible issues if someone decides to poke around. We pause only so Jevita can go grab their food. And despite my expectations to have dinner with my other two lover¡¯s tonight, they both share little nibbles with me as the hour passes.


    ¡°Seems solid to me. ¡°Jevita mumbles.


    Kque doesn¡¯t shake her head, just¡­ looks past me. Considering. ¡°You should have pushed to know exactly what they expect you to do. Like¡­ the specifics of the entire night. That¡¯s a long time to be alone with someone.¡±


    I slump, sense a possibility¡­ well¡­ we all agreed very early that if one of us senses an issue or danger with a client we would call that encounter off. And I can¡¯t help but feel her chewing over the option.


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    ¡°I¡­ we really didn¡¯t get any ugly feelings.¡± I assure her, ¡°And Yrelia will visit to talk with the Lady herself to make sure nothing is off.¡±


    She chews on her inner cheek. A very rare sign of Kque really really working out a thought I¡¯d only noticed as we started this. ¡°But¡­ like¡­ why you? Why not just offer triple price and ask Yrelia to just¡­ like¡­ hang off to the side and let you do everything? Ina, you''re gorgeous and I have no doubt that many of your clients pick the two of you because of you, but¡­ This is really odd.¡±


    I sigh, nod. A weird mix of sadness and relief when I realize that Kque is about to cancel this. ¡°Yeah, I¡­ I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°You probably just answered your own question.¡± Jevita whispers. ¡°This person has some kind of kink that Ina looks to scratch. And while triple price is¡­ well¡­ a fuckton to us. It¡¯s not always to someone with her family''s level of wealth.¡±


    Kque turns to regard her. ¡°You recognize the name?¡±


    Jevita nods, then whispers very very quietly. Even though the room is empty except for us. ¡°The Rell family is old. Like¡­ Really really old. Like¡­ helped build the fucking Academy old.¡±


    The jolts both myself and Kque.


    ¡°Wh¡­ What?¡± She exclaims. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you mention that right away?¡±


    ¡°Took me a bit to place the name, and¡­¡± Jevita winces, shrugs. ¡°I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s a good or bad thing. It supports my theory, about their sense of money being off. And makes them wanting privacy more reasonable. The daughters of that family either hire Hetaera like we buy jewelry, or¡­ well¡­ They keep it very very quiet. Honestly the lack of subtle or overt threats is a very good sign that this really is just a passing flame for them.¡±


    I feel my eyes widen. ¡°Like¡­ Help me understand how important this person might be. I¡­ I know the Academy is a big deal, but¡­ In Lyttoral the most important people In the city were the head of the Duenna, a Sororitas Mistress, or um¡­¡±


    My Sangoma. I leave it unsaid.


    ¡°Her great grandmama is probably either a Doyen or bound to one.¡± Jevita rests her elbows on the table. ¡°This far from the academy and the lake¡­ Might be on vacation even. Their messenger just called them The Lady Rell, right?¡±


    I nod.


    She sighs, ¡°So she¡¯s probably representing their interests in the city. If they had called her High Lady or Matron this would be much more complicated. So¡­ yeah. I¡¯d guess some lower rung of the family. Just aiming for a bit of discretion in her night of fun.¡±


    ¡°But why tease at¡­¡± Kque starts, then settles. ¡°Fuck. Of course. The danger of a scandal is probably fun to her.¡±


    Jevita nods. ¡°Yeah that tracks. Women like her probably scoff at Hetaera traditions and rules. Think they should be able to snatch up any women they want for a night of fun so long as they throw enough money at them.¡±


    After that we all agree pretty quickly that this seems safe as any other client. More so since we¡¯ll have leverage if my client tries anything¡­ unacceptable. Kque goes over the warnings and signs to keep on watch for. Even has me repeat them back before she relaxes.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, we should have gotten you a plate.¡± She sighs as we finish up and I¡¯m rising to leave.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. Thanks for looking out for me!¡± I reply back, then remember.


    ¡°Oh! I almost forgot!¡± I hurriedly and excitedly begin searching through my bag, then I find the notebook. ¡°I wanted to pass this along to you, Jevita.¡±


    I tear the little page free, and pass the note to Kque. She looks over it, nods, and passes it to Jevita. Who can barely hide her grin of excitement at the prospect of a message from our non-physical teacher.


    ¡°Took me all week to get Her to just¡­ say it plainly. And I¡¯ll still need to show you the songs she¡¯s having me practice.¡± I move around the table to get goodbye hugs.


    After Jevita reads the note, she immediately starts puzzling over the meanings. ¡°Do¡­ Do you have the answer?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ No.¡± I reply as I wrap arms around them both. ¡°This is specifically for you. She really really loves how your mind works.¡±


    It''s a series of really odd questions. Riddles and sort of nonsense things I had trouble even remembering the wordings of. But... She insisted this will please our lover and help her begin to understand real magic.


    That makes her smile, and I treasure the warmth that flutters in my chest. Then Jevita turns, and surprises me with a big hug and a¡­ well¡­ It''s not as aggressive as Tasii or Yrelia can get, but the kiss is filled with so much energy that I can feel her Amwella spark at our touch.


    ¡°Thanks for pestering her into¡­ um¡­ giving me this.¡± She sighs as we separate. ¡°I know She can be weird to get answers from.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± I find myself unconsciously caressing her jawline as I step away. ¡°But¡­ honestly She spent more time trying to get me to remember and understand Her than me asking for you. She knows you''re the clever student.¡±


    That makes her blush, and I suspect she might have asked me to stay with the two of them tonight if I¡¯d not needed to go back and be with Tasii and Yrelia. Will need to visit soon, see if she and Kque would be interested in a night or two together before we leave this city.


    On the walk through the busy snow covered city, I can¡¯t help but feel my heart flutter and fill with thoughts of my lovers. Four of them!?! How had I ever been so lucky to¡­ to find such a wondrous family of amazing women!?!


    I¡¯d been so worried in the weeks after what was apparently our first big sex thing. I¡­ I still only remember bits and titters of the night, even less from the violence before. But while that was done for love and saving me from what apparently might have been severe mind and soul damage, the next¡­ eight? Fuck it had been eight more times at this point! All different and perfect and¡­


    I have to stop for a second, catch my breath at the memories. Else I will ruin my fucking underthings.


    Being a Hetaera during sex is ALL about control. Of, like¡­ everything. But most importantly, your own fucking body. Yrelia had told me those first days of training. And I pull her words and subsequent um¡­ lessons close. Breath control, focus thoughts on something unsexy, not too traumatizing unless you''re literally falling apart. I¡¯m not nose deep in a lover or clients¡¯ cunt so it happens quickly, and I¡¯m walking again.


    Tasii and Yrelia are already waiting for me. ¡°Fuck, sorry I¡¯m late! Kque wanted basically every detail before she would give her consent to this one.¡±


    I give them both kisses, just¡­ little things on the cheek or Tasii¡¯s bare shoulder.


    ¡°Expected as much,¡± Yrelia murmurs, then moves for me to sit between instead of beside. ¡°Now help me convince Tasii.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I glance to see Tasii has a pretty annoyed expression. Very unhappy. ¡°Yrelia¡­ We¡­ This isn¡¯t about convincing anyone!¡±


    Tasii relaxes, just a little, then glances over to me. Eyes meet mine. ¡°If you want to do this I won¡¯t stop you. I just¡­ I don''t like it. Something feels off.¡±

 Chapter 41: Traveling Hetaera Part 4

    I pause. ¡°Coming from you, that¡¯s a BIG deal. I don¡¯t want to do it if you feel that way.¡±


    Tasii had felt trouble coming so many times. Had an almost uncanny ability to sense when something wasn¡¯t normal. I¡­ I still remember that night¡­ with the Murtaziq. If we had just¡­ listened. Ran instead of even engaging. Things would have been better.


    I would still have my leg, I assume. From the little horrible memories I can call up sometimes. Most of it is just... kinda gone. Just a few painful flairs I honestly try to not think about.


    I lay my hand on hers as they curl around a mug of steaming¡­ something, It smells really good. ¡°We have a day. And if you don¡¯t feel good about this before the carriage arrives I¡¯ll back out. No questions.¡±


    That surprises her. Yrelia sighs, but I don¡¯t even turn to look at her.


    ¡°Now, get me a mug of whatever stew you have there and let¡¯s go over this!¡±


    We do, and when I convey the final thoughts of Kque and Jevita about the Rell family that seems to help her settle a lot. Even Yrelia relaxes. It¡¯s late now, and we¡¯re almost alone in the little tavern''s main area. Bellies full and thoughts adrift at the promise of sleep.


    ¡°Let me sleep on it?¡± Tasii asks after a long silence.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I agree, bleary and exhausted. ¡°I meant what I said. Even if you can¡¯t explain why you don¡¯t like this, just tell me. Communicate it!¡± I giggle at those last words. Her words. Gifts to me to help smooth out my easing into this wonderful family.


    We all but collapse into the bed together after changing into night clothes and removing my Arudian leg. The healing¡­ Well, my leg is longer than before. The songs I sing every morning keep the pain down to a dull thrum at the worst of times. And all our walking helps grow back the muscles. But¡­ I can¡¯t help but flinch at the twisted ugly nub before my lovers help me hop into bed and slip into oblivion.


    It¡¯s so real that I don¡¯t notice it''s even a dream. For a second I can only look about in confusion. Muse gently¡­ How did I get here? It¡¯s so pretty!


    I stand at the edge of a forest. One that creaks and groans with such old age. Silent save the occasional tittering of birds and other friendly creatures. Vibrant with color and warmth and wonder, I can¡¯t help but move forward and long to explore its winding pathways.


    It¡¯s only as I begin to hum along to the Dream''s Song that I pause along the little overgrown trail. Consider¡­ who am I?


    ¡°Ina. That¡¯s right. I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m going to my last lover!¡± I grin and can¡¯t help but quicken my pace.


    I find her waiting in a little grove of wiggling flowers and twisting winds.


    Despite my best efforts to tackle Her into the soft earth, her infinite arms are strong and always ready. She pulls me close and begins to plunge herself into my spirit. I giggle and kiss her, lose myself in her glowing violet eyes and wondrous touch. Then I¡¯m sharing myself with her. Bubbling up with memories of the past day as she holds me close. At some point I realize I¡¯m in a dream and just¡­ stop.


    Worry. Cold and horrible. It has no place in our dream. But¡­ there it is. Sitting in our lap like a foul mess.


    ¡°I was wondering¡­¡± I speak up as I peer down at the unpleasant thing my mind has dragged up. ¡°Why have we not¡­ um¡­ well¡­ Is dream sex even a thing?¡±


    She murmurs a giggle into our neck. A promise. Dream sex is the best sex.


    ¡°Oh.¡± I can¡¯t stop the shutter that I can feel rolling right out through my sleeping body. ¡°Then¡­ why haven¡¯t we¡­ um¡­¡±


    But she sighs¡­ pulls back. Need to be careful with my Challa.


    ¡°Why?¡± I look back at her wonderful eyes. ¡°Isn¡¯t like¡­ this all just a dream? What could¨C¡±


    A flash of fear and pain and¨C


    She¡¯s pressing my eyes closed. Sealing me from a sudden storm that whirls and rages around us at the memories. I try to shout to Her, grasp at her hands, pull her close and comfort her. But I find only sharp talons and horrid teeth and gnashing roiling¨C


    I¡¯m laying on my back, lovers curled around me as I snap awake.


    I sigh. Realize that¡¯s the third time I¡¯ve had a dream like that just this past week. One where I ask a question and have to be shielded from¡­ well¡­ I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s Her memories or just¡­ like¡­ Her in general. She''s trying to be more gentle with me. Wanting to shield me from¡­ something.


    I carefully work myself free of my lover¡¯s embraces, kissing and hushing any soft complaints as I pull myself to the edge of the bed. After dropping to the floor I cast about blindly for my¨C


    There it is. Cold Arudian stone. My temporary leg. My flesh throbs horribly this early, but if I risk my morning melodies I¡¯ll wake them. So I endure the pain as I hobble to leave and go downstairs into the basement to enjoy a warm shower.


    Once there, I make sure the other entire big shared room is empty. It¡¯s early, so I¡¯m lucky and find myself alone. I undress and hang my night clothes and a towel on one of the many hooks, unlatch my leg, and carefully hobble beneath one of the little knobby things. I fiddle at a metal handle, and after a little spurt of cold, I am rewarded with intoxicating warmth.


    And so as I enjoy the experience, I sing the melody my dream teacher taught me. A wondrous morning song of comfort to shield me from cold and pain. I shudder beneath the euphoria of it, the warmth threatens to lull me down into a slumber as I rest my head against the stone wall beneath the flood of water.


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    Normally I¡¯d have ended the song. Leg already numbed and body encouraged to speed up its reweaving. But¡­ Tasii¡¯s worries have become my own this morning. So I just¡­ stand there. Let the song help my mind chew on the problem. I can¡¯t shake the feeling that there is something about this evening''s event that¡¯s off. Like¡­ like some subtle tune of the World Song I¡¯m poking at is trying to¨C


    I hear shuffling behind me, jerk to see a pair of women just¡­ staring at me. Both with deep purple skin, vibrant eyes, and even little sparkles dotted about their mains of midnight blue and reddish hair. Those green and cerulean eyes are wide and transfixed on my naked form. And only as my song jerks to a halt do they seem to realize the blush on my face isn¡¯t from the hot water.


    ¡°Sorry!¡± One of them sputters, but¡­ doesn¡¯t look away. ¡°We just¡­ uh¡­ heard your singing and uh¡­¡±


    Fuck. I¡­ I need to keep my song magic private. Why didn¡¯t I just¡­ stop the song!?! I reach for a forbidden word, and pause before grasping at the pain it would bring. Just¡­ Deep breaths, then my training kicks in, and I force a tired smile in an offer to them.


    ¡°You''re fine.¡± I nod toward the dozen or so places open throughout the big room. ¡°I¡¯m all finished. Just¡­ didn¡¯t feel like moving. Not used to being up this early!¡±


    I turn off the water, then I try to focus on hobbling along the wall to¨C


    ¡°Oh!¡± One of them suddenly bursts out, and I watch as she first notices my maimed leg Face goes pained and so very sad. Then she sees the Arudian foot I left by my clothes and doesn''t even hesitate to go and get it for me. As she approaches, her own blush rises. ¡°Is¡­ I hope this is okay that I um¡­¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s very sweet.¡± My smile turns natural then, ¡°But¡­ I kinda need to sit down on the benches beneath the racks to get it on.¡±


    Without hesitation her friend comes over and offers a hand. ¡°Would you let us help?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± And once they finish helping me wobble over to the bench and sit, there is an awkward pause.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I point to the Arudian stone leg she still holds. ¡°I kinda need¨C¡±


    She looks down to it, confused. Then a sudden horror and¨C


    ¡°Fuck, sorry sorry!¡± And before I can say more she¡¯d kneeled down and is trying to awkwardly help me get it latched on. It¡¯s not tight enough. But¡­ I just hope they¡¯ll leave before I need to rise so I can adjust it.


    ¡°Are um¡­ Are you the Hetaera we heard was staying here?¡± The second asks as her companion rises from ¡®helping¡¯ me.


    ¡°No,¡± I tap my unpierced ears, pointing to the lack of jade rings. ¡°Just her apprentice.¡±


    That seems to surprise them.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Well¡­¡± She finally looks away, blushing again. ¡°I um¡­ once got to listen to a Hetaera performance. Some famous singer and¡­well¡­ anyway, she didn¡¯t sound half as good as you just did.¡±


    That makes me freeze for a moment as I was reaching up to pull my towel down to begin drying myself. I can feel a bit of a rush of¡­ well not worry, but anxious concern. If word of my fuck up get¡¯s around¡­ and an actual Hetaera comes to check on the rumors¡­ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.


    ¡°It¡¯s just the walls in here.¡± I try and brush her compliment off, ¡°It creates a wonderful echo. Makes anyone sound much better than they probably are.¡±


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t sell yourself short like that.¡± The second adds with conviction. ¡°I¡¯ve heard plenty of women try to sing down here, and it makes them sound worse!¡±


    My chuckle is fake, but Yrelia¡¯s helped me ensure it¡¯s always at least polite.


    ¡°Can we get your name?¡± The first nearly pleads. ¡°So we can¡­ um¡­ maybe keep an eye out for your work? Once you get your rings? Would love to tell people we met you before you take Arudia by storm with that wonderful voice!¡±


    I look down. Debate lying or¡­ but no. They can probably just ask around to find out my real name. Even though I¡¯ll never get my rings I can¡¯t risk my name getting out. Too many years as an ¡®apprentice¡¯ will get even our most loving clients suspicious. Not to mention the re-grown leg.


    ¡°Inamatorii.¡± I continue drying, hoping they¡¯ll take the subtle hints I¡¯m trying to send and leave me be. ¡°But¡­ Singing isn¡¯t my passion or focus as a Hetaera. Just¡­ a happy little part of my morning routine. You won¡¯t find me on any stages or in front of crowds. I¡¯m too shy for that.¡±


    They laugh, but don¡¯t seem to move on.


    ¡°So, what is your passion?¡± The second asks, ¡°If not that?¡±


    Well¡­ I¡¯m not embarrassed to admit it¡­ and¡­ maybe¡­ maybe I can turn this into a good thing! Maybe these two will want to hire us later.


    ¡°Pleasure.¡± I reply with a little more¡­ well I can¡¯t match Yrelia¡¯s sultry voice and mischievous smile. But my warm informative tone seems to steal their breath for a second. So I press it a little. ¡°My teacher, Yrelia. She has us doing a bit of a¡­ a string of clients to help me get better. Says I¡¯m a natural at it and wants me to get as much experience as possible as we move through Arudia.¡±


    I swear I can almost hear their hearts quicken. Fuck¡­ really? That more than anything cracks through my training. The supposed pressure of two random strangers suddenly getting really excited at the unspoken offer of such intimacy with me...


    Is¡­ Is this what Yrelia feels like when she flirts?


    I glance up at them, find eyes locked on me. ¡°I¡¯ll be¡­ um¡­ busy today. But if you catch my teacher later today while I¡¯m with an old friend she can probably work something out?¡±


    The women take a second, then both nod and glance to each other. Before this can get any more¡­ intense, I push out a smile. ¡°But I¡¯ve really got to get dressed and head out.¡±


    They blubber out some words, and soon I am able to let out an embarrassed sigh and finish drying, dressing, and re-adjusting my stone leg. By the time I¡¯ve grabbed a few early bits of fruit from the overnight table in the tavern and head back upstairs. Tasii and Yrelia are already stirring, but only a little.


    I lean over the bed and kiss Tasii on the head, ¡°Morning love.¡±


    As I pull away to move around to do the same to Yrelia there is a¡­ a spark before my hand pulls from her shoulder. And next thing I know she''s caught my wrist. And she¡¯s pulling me down onto the bed with her, rolling, and is now on top.


    For a long second she just¡­ hangs over me. Lips a second from mine. Eyes seem¡­ a little confused.


    ¡°Well?¡± I smirk up at her, then whisper¡­ ¡°Did you actually want me on top for once or¨C¡±


    Then her lips are at mine. Aggressive with morning horniness and¡­ fuck she¡¯s normally more¡­ restrained. At least at first! Takes me a bit to help her gauge just how fast we should go.


    Tasii will never hurt me. but¡­ she¡¯s also kinda a big girl who loves pretty aggressive sex. There is a ton of her when compared to our lovers and I can see how it could be a little... well scary if someone wasn''t ready for her.


    So¡­ over half a year ago, when I worked up the courage to ask her to Fuck Me alone for that first time, she made sure to um¡­ talk to me about that. Asking and checking on me. Making sure that none of my little wiggles or sounds were things of pain or fear or just¡­ uncomfortable indulgences for her sake.


    It was so sweet and very sexy, and made our first time this wonderful mixture of quiet whispers and careful questions betwixt fast-breathed intimacy. Bouts of her slowly pushing to see just how much of her I could handle, but never ever making me feel like I had to push anything for her.


    But¡­ something is different right now. She¡¯s not hurting me. No... quite the fucking opposite! She¡¯s suddenly and perfectly right where I¡¯d love her to be! Like¡­ like¡­ How is she-


    As her Amwella bucks and kicks and pushes against me I lose the thought. Find a moan rolling into her mouth as my wandering hands are caught and gently pinned above my head. I don¡¯t know when Yrelia wakes up, but it couldn¡¯t have been very long into Tasii¡¯s work. This bed is not really big enough for three and I just... can''t be quiet during sex this good.


    She murmurs, seems to kiss at Tasii¡¯s hips just before getting off the bed. ¡°I want a shower. Save some of her for me, okay?¡±


    Yrelia giggles, then is gone. Tasii pauses through our kiss as she leaves, pulls back. Face¡­ odd.


    I¡¯d reach out to touch her face. Buuuut she has me pinned and all I can do is ask. ¡°Love?¡±


    ¡°Did¡­ Did you¡­¡± She loosens her grip on my hands, shakes her head back and forth, voice husky with desire. ¡°Is this alright?¡±


    Leaning up, I bite her nose gently. ¡°Perfect.¡±


    She lets out a¡­ well it¡¯s a really sexy growl, then is back at it. Whatever worry that was lost in a storm.

 Chapter 42: Wash Clean the Wounds Beneath (18+)

    <u>Content warning</u>:


    Tasii sex things!


    Then BIG emotions you don''t want to miss.


    Eventually she moves down to my chest while fingers begin to claw at my hips. Then she¡¯s pulling my shorts away. Slides fingers into and through my wet lips. I moan and buck my hips as she starts pushing patterns into my clit. So¡­ fucking glad for her¡­ fucking¡­ just¡­ raw hunger. So many exhausting evenings of Amwella feeding where I only get to satiate one desire, and am too tired to even consider another. Leaving myself in a cycle of horniness I didn¡¯t realize went unbroken.


    Sort of¡­ starved to be pleasured myself!


    Well¡­ that¡¯s until her rough fingers fuck me into a writhing wriggling whimpering climax. I never have to beg Tasii for long. She doesn¡¯t like to tease or drag things out much. Just¡­ loves to fuck and move on with her day.


    But¡­ There is no fucking way I¡¯m not going to let my lover do that and not get to enjoy my best work! So then I¡¯m wriggling free of her now loosened grip, and pushing myself down the bed until my face is between her legs. I pause, just shy of doing anything but letting soft warm breath caress her barely clothed form in an offer.


    She lets out such a moan of aggression then, obviously worked up to a ton of morning horniness from what I can see of her already damp underthing, presses herself down into my offer. I bite and kiss and chew into her happily through the cloth, letting out low rumbling moans as I feel her grow wetter and wetter at my wonderful workings. Wind my hands up around her hips and butt and tummy, even manage to reach a breast at one point.


    After a bit she grunts in annoyance, lifts off me for a second to pull the side strings of her underthing apart, and yanks it away. Then she¡¯s pressing back down into me, one hand gripping at my hair while another moves back to squeeze at a breast.


    I continue to moan and wriggle a bit, knowing that this will get Tasii so fucking wet. When Yrelia and I are with a client I have to exude this aura of control that just¡­ well¡­ it¡¯s not really me! I love being¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­ I love letting my body express my desires and love and overflowing horny energy this way! It¡¯s amazing to feel my body twist and writhe in pleasure with one or more of these amazing women!


    Tasii also LOVES it when I squirm and whimper and can barely stay quiet, almost¡­ well I¡¯m not sure who enjoys it more? Yrelia is better at dragging it out of me, but¡­ hm¡­ I should ask sometime! Will be a super fun discussion that will probably end with them wanting to¡­ um¡­ do some experiments.


    On me.


    They can both be very competitive and I would adore being the topic of that contest! And¡­ Hm¡­ Maybe my Amwella drinking can help me keep up? I tend to temper my workings, but¡­ Yrelia did mention I made her squeak a little on our first night together. And I had absolutely no fucking idea what I was even doing then!


    Thus are my delighted muses as my second lover begins to gush and flood me with her wondrous soulfire. I can¡¯t help but close my eyes and just¡­ push deeper. It has been too fucking long since¡­ since I¡¯ve tasted her this early in the morning. Gotten to enjoy her groggy morning horny aggressions and wonderful Amwella.


    Amwella dances, as my fifth lover calls them, are weird. The amount I receive varies, but is often just very VERY small nibbles. Apparently She took more than was normal the night we needed healing, and¡­ and I was super disappointed when She told me just how little I¡¯d been able to gather afterwards. Even after a month of intense sex they showered me with. Turns out, Her work had left them fairly low and unable to actually give me more than even what I¡¯m enjoying now, and it could be months before they are fully restored.


    I mean I kinda panicked when She told me that. But She emitted love and assurances that they were fine. Amwella is¡­ it¡¯s not like normal hunger, and they would suffer no ill effects even with low flickers. And I could not draw their final spark or hurt them. Just¡­ would get little to none if I kept pushing.


    Tasii falls forward a bit as she presses down as hard as she can, breathing heavily as she lets out a few low rumbles and moans and¡­ Uuuum¡­ well a little whimper that I totally did NOT hear. Nope nope nope. Tasii does not whimper, nope! Will not giggle and keep this memory for later enjoyment and self-encouragement!


    A rush of wonderful sweet soulfire. More than any of our clients even! So¡­ amazing and perfect and¡­ and each of my lovers has such subtle differences in the warmth they share.


    Then she¡¯s pulling up and off me. Pauses, then takes a second to get arms beneath my shoulders to drag me back up to the pillows. For a second I think she¡¯s going to fuck me again, but¡­ no¡­ my lover just wanted to surprise me with a deep and fucking perfect kiss. Tasii normally avoids tasting herself. But¡­ not this morning.


    I slump, breathing heavily as she pulls away from the gift. My own horny energy peaked again, but¡­ nothing urgent. This was such a perfect perfect thing!


    ¡°Sorry.¡± She whispers suddenly.


    ¡°What for, Love?¡± I reach out to touch her face. ¡°That was all¡­ like¡­ really fucking wonderful!!!¡±


    ¡°One of us is supposed to ask before things get so... intense.¡± She sighs. ¡°Reverse safe-word is a good fucking idea.¡±


    I giggle and roll my eyes. ¡°I think we¡¯re kinda past that.¡±


    ¡°I just¡­¡± She adjusts, almost annoyed at something suddenly. ¡°You¡¯ll say no if you''re not interested, right?¡±


    I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her down and murmur into her ear with all the sultry energy I can. ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever not want you to drag me back into bed and fuck me silly, Tasii.¡±


    She pulls back to stare down at me. That bothers her for some reason? ¡°Ina, I¡¯m serious. Just because you''re a Hetaera doesn¡¯t mean I can just¡­ demand sex.¡±


    I tilt my head, confused. ¡°I agreed to that. You¡¯d¡­ Tasii, you''re not taking advantage of me. If anything I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m only just now supporting the group. I cost you all so much fucking coin and¨C¡±


    She just seems to get more annoyed at that, ducks her head and pulls away. ¡°Ina that¡¯s¡­ No. That¡¯s not...¡±


    I let her think for a bit while I wait and rub slow supportive circles over her arm and leg. Not mad myself, not scared or worried. Well¡­ no I am a bit worried. But trusting Tasii is literally the thing I¡¯m trying to get better at. So I try to think on her words, on¡­ maybe her unspoken things? What had she might have been trying to tell me over the last few months that I could have missed?


    This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    I shake my head. No. That path leads to problems. Best to¡­ to trust her to communicate her thoughts at her own pace.


    ¡°We¡¯re not¡­ People shouldn¡¯t be valued by how much coin they contribute, or how much they can offer their lovers.¡± She finally says. ¡°And I¡¯m worried. That¡­ That you''re starting to tie yourself to it. Not¡­ not to other people. But¡­ to how well you can perform. It was why I was glad Yrelia took over trading instead of¡­ this. It lets us work together. And¡­ Tying worth to how much you can sell sex can really hurt if it falls through.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± I sit up and turn to hang my legs over the bed as we move to sit beside each other. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ yeah I can see the problems there. And¡­¡± I bite my lip. ¡°I¡¯d be lying if I said most of that isn¡¯t¡­ um¡­ kinda true.¡± But then I huff, ¡°But I also need the Amwella, Tasii. I¡­ I can¡¯t just keep taking from you all. Not¡­ Not without delaying my healing by a long time.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± She sighs. ¡°I¡­ I know. And I would never suggest you stop trying to gather whatever it takes to get back what you lost but¡­¡±


    The attack had¡­ shaken us. More than physically. But emotionally. Someone found out I was Sun Spoken when we killed a nightmare and was ready to kill over it. If I hadn¡¯t had the amount of Amwella I did¡­ Both when the nightmare attacked and later that night¡­ Well at least one of us wouldn¡¯t be here right now. So... I''ve kinda been desperately trying to gather up a huge wellspring of Amwella just in case...


    We hadn¡¯t said it in so many words, but Tasii¡¯s search for a teacher for me had stalled out. We were trying to lie low after I¡¯d apparently left a blood-trail through the streets. Worried others might find us and that something worse would happen.


    I whisper. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t think I can do this for much longer anyway.¡±


    That gets me a quirked eyebrow.


    ¡°I can only be an apprentice for so long.¡± I smile and shrug, willing to embrace any new future so long as my lovers are with me! ¡°Eventually people will start to ask questions, and an actual Hetaera is going to show up demanding more proof than some stolen earrings and good cunt sucking.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t laugh, but nods.


    ¡°Honestly the money from this should give us the cushion we need to get back to eh¡­ normal things.¡± I offer, ¡°I¡¯ll still um¡­ need to find other ways to keep my Amwella in good shape. But it doesn¡¯t have to be as a Hetaera.¡±


    ¡°Passes at strangers?¡± She asks without a hint of humor. ¡°I¡­ Would you be comfortable with that?¡±


    I chuckle nervously. ¡°Well¡­ I had a client ask for me at three times Hetaera rates, and¡­ I think two women almost asked me to fuck them in the showers after they heard my morning songs.¡±


    ¡°Fuck¡­ You were up early today.¡± She winces. ¡°You didn¡¯t want to wake us.¡±


    I rub my knee unconsciously. ¡°It¡¯s just pain. And if my morning songs can help me¡­ uh¡­ attract some attention. Then¡­¡±


    Tasii sighs, voice taking on an edge of fear. ¡°That¡¯s such a bad idea.¡±


    I laugh softly, trying to comfort her with an easy optimism. ¡°It¡¯s kinda all I got at the moment.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She grunts.


    ¡°Only if you can leave some leftovers for Yrelia.¡± I smile, touch her wrist. ¡°But¡­ honestly I¡¯m not sure who that was meant for.¡±


    That does get a smirk, at least.


    ¡°Can this be the last job?¡± She replies as it turns into a grimace. ¡°At least for now. We can keep it as a back-up when the coin is low.¡±


    I nod. Sense her sudden shift. ¡°Honestly I think you''re sensing a future danger¡­ The sudden interest in my¡­ eh¡­ skills could be a problem. We need to slow down and let it fade to just¡­ rumors and silly sex stories. We don''t want any from the guild getting curious.¡±


    ¡°When¡­ fuck, Ina. When did you get so fucking good at this?¡± She takes my hand. ¡°Just¡­ like a few months ago you were almost too shy to talk about sex. Now you¡¯re helping us run this little family by charming anyone who looks your way.¡±


    I smirk. But she sees the worry beneath it. Even with all the Hetaera training I can¡¯t fool Tasii.


    ¡°What?¡± She frowns. ¡°Was¡­ Did that come across as¡­¡±


    ¡°No¡­ no it¡¯s really sweet.¡± I reply, fighting to keep my gaze from falling. ¡°I just¡­ don¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    She pauses, murmurs. ¡°Well¡­ now you know I¡¯m going to worry about it.¡±


    I sigh, but can¡¯t help but smile at¡­ at having someone who just¡­ knows so well when to push me to express stuff I try really hard to avoid. I lean my head against her shoulder. ¡°Um¡­ I just¡­ I worry about that sometimes.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Worry about what?¡± She adjusts to wrap her arm around me, leans her head atop of mine.


    ¡°Just¡­ Like¡­ How I¡­ I wasn¡¯t even like¡­ Ugh.¡± I huff. ¡°Words are hard!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay love, We literally have all day.¡± She assures me.


    It takes me a few moments, but her words help me calm and consider¡­ things¡­ deep things and how to phrase them for her.


    ¡°I love sex. Like¡­ a fucking lot!¡± I start. ¡°But I didn¡¯t for most of my life. Kinda¡­ was raised to think it was¡­ and I don¡¯t know if they meant to do this, but I grew up thinking it was all I would ever be good for. I felt like nothing else about me mattered. And¡­ I hated that. Just¡­ wanted to be more than my body. But¡­ I also wanted to feel right in my body.¡±


    Tasii doesn¡¯t interrupt. Doesn¡¯t interject or try and dissuade any bad thoughts there. Just¡­ waits for me to wade through the muck before trying to help wash clean the wounds beneath.


    She¡¯s amazing like that.


    ¡°And¡­¡± I feel tears bubble as I bite my lip, ¡°I sometimes worry that¡­ that when the Weaver changed me. That¡­ that She changed or broke something. That this Amwella hunger is making me enjoy sex more than I normally would. But¡­ I hate that thought too because I love this body and I fucking love sex! And¡­ and I think if there is something She changed to make me¡­ make me want it more I would still want it! Because otherwise I¡­ I might not be so in love with you all!¡±


    She murmurs nothing words. Just¡­ little sounds to comfort me. I think this is a worry of hers too. At least about the¡­ the changes that might have been done to me¡­


    ¡°I also love being a Hetaera with Yrelia! I love exploring that and¡­ and I¡­ I¡¯m okay with taking a break and just¡­ enjoying other women with her without the stress of the guild finding out. But¡­¡±


    Tasii hugs me close, almost¡­ well yes totally a silent show of confidence and love and support. A promise of anything and everything. That makes the tears begin to fall.


    ¡°But I¡­ I still worry that¡­ that I¡¯m only here with you all because of Her changes. That¡­ that if I had somehow escaped and found you all in that old body you wouldn¡¯t have wanted me. That¡­ you would have just taken me back to the temple. Seen me as just¡­ just¡­ a thing to be returned and used and¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh Ina¡­¡± She does interrupt me then as the wound flares up and my voice goes a bit shrill and panicked. Her hesitation would have broken my heart and torn open my soul just a few months back. But this¡­ she can¡¯t possibly hope to have all the perfect words so quickly. So I fucking smother all the bubbling self-hatred that tries to overwhelm me.


    ¡°I love you, not for the skin you wear or the sex we have, but¡­ all the wonderfulness you are.¡± She pulls me into such a tight embrace. ¡°We wouldn¡¯t have done that. Not even suggested it.¡±


    ¡°How¡­ How can you say that!?!¡± I whisper. ¡°Just¡­ just sleeping with a breeding male without their Sangoma¡¯s permission is really bad! And¡­ and this is so much worse! I¡¯m¡­ You would have been the most hated women along the Paths!¡±


    She adjusts and pulls my face to gently tilt up. Forcing me to watch her eyes sing to me a furious truth. ¡°We would have stolen you anyway.¡±


    I whimper, let my lip quiver in such an obvious show of wonderful pain as Tasii heals another old broken part of me with those words. ¡°R¨C Really? How? It¡­ It would have been so dangerous and¨C¡±


    ¡°I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that we would fucking do that.¡± She growls. ¡°Yrelia said it perfectly, when you first told us. No Excuses for them. This is your life! You deserve to live it. We would smuggle your ass into Arudia and fight to help you change. But¡­ would have still loved you in whatever way you needed along the Paths.¡±


    She¡¯s¡­ She¡¯s not lying! Not even a little!!! Oh¡­ oh fuck she¡­ they¡­ my lovers would have¡­


    I am broken then. Shattering into a million pieces of such¡­ wonder at her words. And when Yrelia returns she is very fucking confused about how wonderful morning sex turned into this puddle of sobbing and endless weeping thanks. I blubber for Tasii to explain, and end up crying even harder as I am given the same answer.


    But¡­ with even more fire and anger. She spends at least¡­ like¡­ a half an hour hissing and spitting at the temple and how they hurt me while giving me a flurry of really big hugs and snugs.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter that you¡¯re transgender, That just makes it even more cruel!¡± Her anger finally cools a bit as her fingers entwine lovingly through my hair while the other clings to one of Tasii¡¯s. ¡°We all fucking know it. But¡­ most just don¡¯t want to admit that keeping them in places like that is fucking wrong. That we¡¯ve basically decided that because we struggle to keep our population up that making some people into Odalisque is suddenly okay! It¡¯s fucking horrid and¡­ and¡­ Fuck I¡¯m glad you''re free of that.¡±


    Her words help¡­ even if Tasii has to murmur for her to calm down as I dissolve into a joyous puddle at them.


    Just¡­ cling to the two women that keep fucking saving me.

 Chapter 43: Analogous Part 1

    Other than the little hoots and toots of the Quelekita themselves, the carriage ride is peaceful and quiet. It¡¯s a pretty neat thing! A top that can be pulled back for a nice view as you ride, and two well raised and very friendly Quelekita to pull the two wheeled thing through the busy snow covered streets.


    Yrelia and I sit in silence. Not because of some problem or worry. Just¡­ she¡¯d gotten very serious and spent the day going over things. She often handled the¡­ eh¡­ performance of our work, and left me to just be really quiet and good at pleasuring our clients. But¡­ tonight will be all me.


    The silly part was that when Tasii and I told her about our plan to slow the Hetaera work down after I had calmed down a bit, she was like¡­ six steps ahead of us. Wasn¡¯t wanting to teach me how to do really well tonight, but how to not do really well. Taught me how to perform like I was a half-trained Hetaera, bumbling and nervous and very much not ready for a one-on-one encounter. Just enough to show that this person had made a mistake, but not enough for them to get angry or end the night early. It was assumed they give only half of such a sum up front, so I still needed to make them feel the need to pay.


    It wasn¡¯t a hard thing, and mostly came down to letting me indulge some of my more annoying nervous habits. If anything, it could have been a great exercise to help me spot those things in future and change them if we weren¡¯t going to end our Hetaera work after tonight.


    So now we sit, enjoying the cold night air and ride of luxury through this gorgeous Arudian city. Get to watch everything turn from busy night life, to quiet streets in front of¡­ well¡­ really huge homes! We¡¯d decided a simple top and skirt with tights was a good idea. Dark and warm, simple to remove and redress when needed. And with the tights and comfy, albeit sexy, underthings. It¡¯s an outfit that offers beauty while also seeming pretty simple and lower standing than someone like Lady Rell might expect.


    Then we¡¯re there, and our escort is helping us step down from the carriage.


    ¡°I¡¯ll wait here for your return.¡± She nods to Yrelia.


    ¡°Thanks so much!¡± Yrelia gifts them a charming smile, and we¡¯re moving up to the front doors of one of the bigger homes amidst the street of huge buildings.


    She reaches down, squeeze my hand. ¡°You sure this is okay?¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± I reply, fighting down the sudden titters.


    ¡°Because we can call this off, right now.¡±


    ¡°No, no.¡± I shake my head. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ honestly kinda exciting! Just a shame this¡¯ll be a one night thing. I¡¯m actually starting to think I might have made a pretty okay Hetaera!¡±


    She giggles, and I can hear her nervous tension. ¡°You¡¯d take over the world if you had a real teacher.¡±


    I turn and give her a head tilt. ¡°Yrelia¡­ you are a real teacher. Wonderful and amazing and¨C¡±


    I only get to enjoy her blush for a second before the door clicks and clanks, before swinging open to reveal an older woman. She¡¯s dressed in simple clothes and has a bit of a rough complexion. But she looks between us with a smile, invites us in and introduces herself as the housekeeper of the grounds.


    After only a moment of delay, Jutic is coming out from a side passage to greet us with much more warmth than before. She¡¯s¡­ dressed in much more comfortable clothes. Still practical for a day about the town, but not inelegant to be confused for a common traveler. Form fitting in a way that makes her body seem almost androgynous.


    ¡°Thank you again for coming.¡± She finishes taking our hands gently. Then she asks the housekeeper to go retrieve something as we speak, leaving us alone.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Yrelia looks about, eyes passing expectantly over side doors. ¡°Is The Lady Rell on her way down or¡­¡±


    ¡°Ah, no.¡± Jutic smiles apologetically. ¡°I¡¯m afraid I must apologize for a deception, but¡­ I am The Lady Rell.¡±


    There is a pause. Yrelia turns to eye her. ¡°Eh?¡±


    Jutic bows her head, not in shame, but uh¡­ ¡°Yes, I¡­ prefer to conduct much of my business under the guise of a first servant. It makes talks and negotiations more¡­ informal.¡±


    Yrelia huffs, ¡°Well¡­ Fuck. I really did turn off all my charms the moment I thought you were her servant.¡±


    Jutic smiles and chuckles. ¡°It was refreshing, and I prefer to talk plainly rather than dance around ancient customs of politeness and etiquette. Especially with¡­ in such matters as we intend to conduct tonight.¡±


    Then the housekeeper returns. Holding a¡­ Well, it''s kinda a small chest. Simple¡­ but¡­ the lock looks pretty hefty. ¡°Jutic, I¡¯ll place this in the carriage then?¡±


    That¡­ That looks like full payment. All up front. Fuck! Jevita was spot on with that. Even our best clients still prefer the half and half method.


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Jutic nods, ¡°Yes please, and you can drop the¡­ eh, deceptions. Around these two. If you can stand it. Use my family title please.¡±


    The housekeeper''s eyes go a little wide. ¡°Oh¡­ Alright. Um¡­ apologizes. Lady Rell.¡± Then she¡¯d bustling down into the cold.


    ¡°The payment for tonight is all there,¡± Jutic nods to Yrelia. ¡°Will there be anything else needed to put your mind at ease? I give you a Lady¡¯s promise that Ina will be returned safe and well by the morning.¡±


    Yrelia gives me one last look, a question. This feel alright?


    I nod, give her a hug and peck on the cheek. ¡°Thank you, for everything. And¡­ helping me do this.¡±


    She smirks, but leaves it at that and is gone. A long pause passes before I turn back to¡­ Judic. Or¡­ The Lady Rell? Fuck I hope this isn¡¯t too confusing.


    ¡°Dinner is being brought to a more comfortable setting upstairs. If you¡¯ll allow me to take your coat then we can head up?¡±


    I let some of my nervousness bleed into my smile as she helps me from my coat. Then I take her arm and we¡¯re heading through this huge and crazy home.


    As we walk¡­ something pings my nose. Pricks at a memory.


    Bone knife through the eye. Monster on the stairs. Painful fucking Division and¨C


    ¡°Ina?¡± Judic asks as I weather the little memory.


    ¡°Yeah, sorry. I¡¯m¡­¡± I huff as the spike of pain fades, finding that I¡¯d stopped halfway up a stairwell. Arudian foot hangs an inch from my next step. I blush as I see her worried expression. ¡°Just¡­ uh¡­ thought my stone leg was coming loose. Nothing to worry about!¡±


    She nods, and doesn''t ask anymore as we finish our journey. She sits me down in a large¡­ well it¡¯s kinda a bedroom, study¡­ thing. Even has a couple really comfy chairs and little tables for easy meals. As I plop down Judic¡­ doesn¡¯t. Just moves to stand next to a table. Seems to be waiting.


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± I ask nervously. ¡°Will you not be sitting with¨C¡±


    A side door clicks, opens, and an Arudian male comes into the room from a passage on the far wall. Uh¡­ Arudian male? Here. With¡­ with myself and the Lady? Is¡­ is she expecting me to¨C


    ¡°Oh¡­ hello.¡± I stand again to greet him politely. All my training being brought to bear as little nervous titters began to flutter about.


    Screaming that something isn¡¯t right here¡­


    ¡°Ah, Judic. I thought I heard you coming.¡± He nods to her, then turns to me. ¡°And you must be Inamatorii, It¡¯s so wonderful to meet you!¡±


    He¡¯s an older man, with simple short dark brown hair and a plentiful little beard with little streaks of gray throughout. Tall, with a decent amount of muscle in his build. And is currently dressed in a fine tunic with elegant embroidery laced throughout. Simple dull brown eyes to match his hair, and a dark maroon Arudian skin tone. There is a softness to him that the males in Lyttoral don¡¯t have, not feminine, but¡­ just more care given to his skin and hair.


    I¡­ expect my training to crack at seeing a man. Wondering if¡­ If I¡¯d panic or find myself a puddle of anxiety and dysphoric muddles if I ever saw one after I left Lyttoral. But¡­ I¡¯m mostly just very fucking confused and worried that this night will entail more than we¨C


    ¡°You can just call me Ina.¡± I let him take my hand politely. ¡°Nice to meet you too, I um¡­ wasn¡¯t expecting¡­ Well The Lady Rell didn¡¯t mention that we¡¯d¡­ um¡­ have company.¡±


    He pauses, quirks his head to Jutic. ¡°The Lady¡­¡±


    ¡°I bore your name in these matters.¡± She shrugs, ¡°The student is honest, but her teacher is hiding too much for my liking.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­what?¡± I can¡¯t help the crack in my training at that.


    He turns back to me, twisted smirk of apology. ¡°Ah¡­ um you¡¯ll have to forgive Judic. She is tasked with my safety and my¡­ family''s reputation. Often takes my name in such matters.¡±


    ¡°What? Is the housekeeper going to come up next? Maybe the woman who drove us here?¡± I can¡¯t help the crack hit then, can¡¯t stifle a giggle at¡­ at the madness of all this. But¡­ mostly I wonder how much is to distract me from the implications of this. ¡°How many Lady Rells should I prepare to meet tonight?¡±


    Judic goes stiff, the¡­ well then he quirks his head, confused.


    I manage to swallow the next titters. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ first she¡¯s Judic, then she¡¯s the Lady, and now¡­ what? A male is claiming to be¡­ the¡­¡±


    I trail off, all humor drains as I realize how¡­ cruel and horrible my words are! ¡°Oh. I¡¯m so sorry! That¡¯s¡­ It was just¡­ If you claim that then I have no right to¨C¡±


    ¡°Inamatorii¨C I mean Ina, It¡¯s quite alright!¡± He does smile then, real and good natured. ¡°Honestly I¡¯m only just now realizing how much of a mess this all is!¡±


    I relax a little. ¡°Thank you. Can¡­ Can we start over? Maybe¡­ make sure I don¡¯t get anyone mixed up with their desired titles and names and such?¡±


    ¡°I would be delighted.¡± He assures me. ¡°I am, in any legal and business capacity. A Lady of the family of Rell. But¡­ as you can see, That doesn¡¯t quite fit my¡­ well, me.¡±


    I nod, perfectly following. ¡°Are¡­ um¡­ is there a name you¡¯d prefer?¡±


    That seems to lighten him up even more, even Judic seems¡­ well¡­ a little surprised at the question. Pleasantly so. Which is a fucking relief after what I blubbered about earlier.


    ¡°Zin, if you can stand it.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I can, yes. It''s a nice name. And¡­¡± I turn to Judic, but she¡¯s already beginning to leave.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be about if you need me,¡± She says just before closing the doors. Leaving me alone with Zin.


    He rubs at the back of his neck, ¡°So sorry again about all the fuss and confusion. She really is just trying to keep me safe and well. If I had known she was claiming¡­¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I¡¯m the one who should be eating my stone foot. I¡¯m so sorry I implied you were¡­ um¡­ well in any way restricted from anything for wanting to just¡­ be you.¡±


    I swear, if his smile was big before, it¡¯s positively glowing now. But then his eyes drift down to my leg. Face grows worried. A pause, then he realizes he was staring and jerks back up to my face.


    ¡°I¡­ eh¡­ would you prefer tea, or wine, or¡­¡± He stumbles through it.


    I try to reassure him with a pleasant smile. ¡°Tea sounds nice this early in the evening.¡±


    He politely and quietly prepares a few mugs, and after handing me mine goes to stand and sip by the little desk in the corner. Distance. He¡¯s uncomfortable, or¡­ thinks I am. Am I? I shake the thought. Doesn¡¯t matter. Remember your fucking training. Make Yrelia proud!


    ¡°I must say, I¡¯m a little¡­ nervous?¡± I speak up.


    He was already looking my way, taking quiet moments to study me as I was studying him. ¡°What of? I¡¯d love to put your mind and heart at ease.¡±


    I smile, ¡°Nothing so horrible¡­ I just¡­ Well to be honest my training isn¡¯t with men. I¡­ I¡¯m not sure how well I can perform.¡±


    A lie, but an easy one. I know full well some very intimate tricks needed to get the male body moving in a good direction. I was fucking trapped in the body of one for¡­ like¡­ years and years!

 Chapter 44: Analogous Part 2

    Content Warning:


    Not really anything! Two trans people discussing things and getting comfy with each other.


    He shakes his head. ¡°I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll figure all that out together.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­ I guess. But¡­ why insist on a half trained Hetaera?¡± I press forward. It¡¯s awkward, but¡­ that¡¯s part of my goal here. Make him feel like this was an expense he won¡¯t want in the future, but make sure he feels like I¡¯m still owed his payment. ¡°I¡¯m sure my lover would have been ecstatic at the chance to¡­ um¡­ try this with me.¡±


    ¡°Lover?¡±


    ¡°Oh, sorry. My¡­ my teacher.¡± I huff with a practiced face embarrassed correction. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ we¡¯re also¡­ um¡­ lovers.¡±


    ¡°Huh, does that cause a bit of a conflict of interests?¡± He muses, ¡°For one so¡­ intimate to take your role as teacher?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely.¡± I giggle, real and nice. Relieves some tension in my tummy. ¡°But I love it. And she¡¯s still a very good teacher. It makes everything more interesting.¡±


    He seems to pause at that. Something in the words stuttering his thoughts.


    ¡°So¡­¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Why me? Why not a fully trained Hetaera? I¡¯ll bet there are a few working for the Academy even, with the amount you¡­ um¡­ paid I¡¯m guessing you could have bought a night of their time. They work with the males constantly, right?¡±


    He nods, takes a sip to allow himself time to think. Then¡­


    ¡°I¡­ Let¡¯s just say I¡¯ve found myself incredibly curious in some rumors about a young traveling Hetaera.¡±


    ¡°Then why not hire her?¡±


    He looks up, confused and worried I¡¯m not understanding his words. So I tap my ringless ears.


    ¡°Not a Hetaera,¡± I clarify. ¡°And Yrelia, my teacher, that is, literally taught me everything I know.¡±


    He smiles, nods. ¡°Ah, well¡­ The rumors were quite specific about which of you I should hire.¡±


    I freeze up a little¡­ worry about where this is going. About little details about my¡­ skills, might stand out to enough people to incite this.


    After a long pause he continues. ¡°It¡¯s said when Inamatorii brings one to pleasure. It¡¯s as if she is touching your very soul.¡±


    Fuck.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± I sputter, hoping my cracks come across as surprise. ¡°Wow¡­ Maybe I¡¯m better at this than I thought!¡±


    His smile is soft, but¡­ still holds a large measure of seriousness. ¡°Is it true?¡±


    ¡°Of course not!¡± I have to look away, hoping my blush conveys the right thing. ¡°I¡­ Fuck that¡¯s a really wild thing to claim!¡±


    He remains quiet, studying me¡­


    ¡°Who even told you this?¡± I peek back, try to smile. ¡°I don¡¯t want to insult a friend of yours, but¡­¡± I trail off.


    It¡¯s Impossible with a male¡­ You¡­ would a transgender man still have their Amwella? Emarial¡­ she didn¡¯t mention if it mattered. But¡­


    ¡°They¡¯re someone I trust very much. Multiple people actually match their stories to it.¡± He lays his mug aside on the desk, moves slowly to ease down into the fluffy chair beside mine. ¡°They consider themselves quite familiar with Hetaera and their abilities.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say, Zin.¡± I look down at my hands. ¡°It¡¯s flattering, but¡­ also kinda scary. Like If¡­ If I can¡¯t do it, What if you don¡¯t feel the same thing they did? Then what?¡±


    I hear him sigh, ¡°Then¡­ I¡¯m sure it will still be a night to remember.¡±


    I look up, turn back to¡­ the other problem here. Zin is a male. And¡­ Well¡­ I¡­ My desires to be in a body that matched my soul kinda fucked up my sexual desires. For years I couldn¡¯t tell if I simply wanted a woman¡¯s body I saw for myself¡­ or if I actually wanted to have sex with her. Probably both, like¡­ all the time. And¡­ fuck. I¡­ I¡¯m not really all that¡­ um¡­ attracted to him. He¡¯s handsome¡­ I guess?


    ¡°Um¡­ also¡­ also¡­¡± I blubber, caught between wanting to avoid the admission, but realizing I can¡¯t. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were male. And¡­ um¡­ I¡¯m not sure how I feel about having sex with one.¡±


    That, of all things, gets a pause from him. ¡°Yes, that¡¯s¡­ um¡­ not something I guess Judic or I considered.¡±


    I study his face, his eyes, big soft hands and nose. All of it¡­ well it doesn¡¯t disgust me. But when my thoughts start to consider what¡¯s beneath his clothes and¡­


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ huh. Truly though?¡± He seems to lean back, considering me. ¡°Most¡­ um¡­ women seem quite interested in the experience, at least. Since there as so few opportunities.¡±


    A few flashes, memories of¡­ of horrible experiences with Jawdat and¨C


    ¡°Um¡­ Well¡­ fuck.¡± I huff. ¡°I¡¯m just making a fool of myself now.¡±


    Is this really any different than the sex with the older women you¡¯ve pleasured with Yrelia? Really? You¡¯d even be pretty decent at knowing what would make him feel great. Do you really want to compare your time with a horrible and cruel breeding male with this¡­ with Zin? Someone who¡­


    I nearly jolt as the thought slots into place. Why I¡¯m not¡­ like¡­ probably really panicked or uncomfortable about this.


    He¡¯s basically me, but¡­ opposite!


    Someone understands what it was like! Who spent at least a few years hating their body. But¡­ now gets to enjoy being free.


    I look over at them with¡­ well not sudden affections, but interest. Not looking at the features, but¡­ yeah it¡¯s there. Fuck! I can see it. Can see the calm and easy joy at¡­ at being themselves. Not really seen that in anyone else. Knowing what to look for¡­ I can see the joy like someone else would see a long healed scar. He¡¯s had years to settle into himself.


    To¡­ For old pains to fade.


    ¡°How¡­ long ago was it for you?¡± My mouth asks before I can stop it.


    A pause, confusion at my sudden off topic question. ¡°Um¡­ pardon?¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I stammer, ¡°Just¡­ I was wondering how long ago you¡­ um¡­ got to change your body. To¡­ To match yourself.¡±


    Raised eyebrows. A real blush. Fuck¡­ That makes him seem so much more soft.


    ¡°Oh um¡­ well¡­¡±


    ¡°Th¨C That was sudden and way too personal.¡± I try to offer them an out from my rude question. ¡°We can¡­ go back to talking about how I have no fucking idea what I¡¯m doing right now if you¡¯d like!¡±


    ¡°No, no¡­ it¡¯s¡­¡± He smiles, ¡°I don¡¯t get many questions about it. Not ones that¡­ well¡­ seem to get the words right on the first go. But, about twenty years back. I honestly started later than most. Wasn¡¯t brave enough until I was half-way through my first year at the Academy.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ um¡­¡± I look down to my still full mug. ¡°How early did you know?¡±


    For me it was¡­ ten? I¡¯m not sure. I was given so few words to describe the pain of it! Just had to¡­ to spend years and years thinking I was just messed up and alone.


    Again¡­ a bit of surprise at my question. ¡°Um¡­ very early. About seven or so. But¡­ grandmama was not interested in having an infertile son. Hated me when I announced my decision to change. Only¡­ only just recently did she even invite me to a family event. But, even that turned out to be more of a formality.¡±


    He falls into silence. Memories inflicting pain that I can see flicker across his expression.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. But¡­ um¡­ it suits you.¡± I try to change the mood, draw him from the melancholy. ¡°Your change, that is. You¡­ um¡­ It''s like you''re lighter than most people. Suddenly stronger as if a weight was lifted. I wouldn¡¯t know you were ever anything else had I not thought to look for it since you wear it so well!¡±


    The sudden smile he radiates is such a¡­ a wonderful thing. He can¡¯t help but reach out and touch the top of my hand. ¡°That¡­ well¡­ for someone unused to being around Arudian Men you sure know exactly what to say to flatter one, Ina. Thank you.¡±


    But I barely hear his words¡­ only find a weight lift from my mind as Emarial is proven to be a stupid cunt once again.


    I feel the little spark sign of a soul as our skin touches, and can¡¯t help but smile at the miracle of it. This man does have a soul¡­ if¡­ if I do end up going through with all this¡­ he will feel me as I taste his Amwella.


    We spend at least another hour or two just¡­ talking. We eat and drink, and even laugh a bit as he shares some tales from his time at the Academy, talks about his kinder family members, and his time with Jutic.


    Apparently she was a friend to his mother¡­ Was asked to watch out for Zin when she got very ill and passed from a rare Cultivation infection. She was almost as despised as him by the Matron of their family, and wanted to make sure her little boy was looked after and protected.


    I can¡¯t help the tears that come to me at the story, at¡­ well the death is sad. But¡­ mostly as I picture a mother accepting him and protecting him from others who would hurt him. Even in her dying days.


    ¡°What¡¯s your mother like?¡± He asks suddenly, and it¡¯s only then that I notice we¡¯d been sitting in silence for a long while.


    ¡°Hm?¡± I freeze, not expecting the question. I almost tell him I didn¡¯t know her, that I was given away to¡­ what? I can¡¯t tell him about the temple. But¡­ um¡­ well fuck I guess she really is my mother, isn¡¯t she?


    My Sangoma.


    ¡°Not as amazing as yours.¡± I wipe my tears carefully, ¡°She um¡­ doesn¡¯t really know where I am. And¡­¡± I bite my lip. ¡°She¡¯d probably hate me if she saw what I was doing with my life.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± He winces. ¡°Does she think so poorly of Hetaera?¡±


    ¡°Oh, fuck I¡¯m not sure she even would know what that word means.¡± I laugh bitterly, then realize I should have just¡­ said yes. Gone with that lie. ¡°I¡­ um¡­ she wanted me to¡­ kinda¡­ ugh it¡¯s hard to explain.¡±


    He nods, ¡°Then¡­ you don¡¯t have to. I¡¯m sorry to bring it up.¡±


    ¡°No you''re fine. I asked about yours first. It¡¯s just¡­ the way she sees me and how I see me are very different. I¡­ I feel like I was more of a tool to her than a person.¡± I sigh, words actually making me feel better. Help me unwind some pains I¡¯d been ignoring. ¡°I still love her¡­ I think¡­ But I don¡¯t want to go back and visit ever again.¡±


    ¡°I... can relate to that. Not with my mother but my Grandmama. But... Where is your mother now?¡± He presses gently, not¡­ he¡¯s curious but not impolite about it. I¡¯m the one blabbering on now besides. ¡°I assume quite far away, for her to not know what a Hetaera is?¡±


    I nod¡­ considering. But it won¡¯t matter. It¡¯s too far away too!


    ¡°Lyttoral.¡± I murmur.


    He¡¯s genuinely very startled by that. ¡°Lyttoral? Truly? You grew up on the other side of the continent?¡±


    My smile is¡­ well it¡¯s more of a grimace than anything. But not unkind. ¡°Yeah, been traveling for, like¡­ most of a year to get this far.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± It¡¯s the first time he¡¯s used that word, ¡°How did you manage it? All by yourself or was your¡­ um¡­ teacher with you the entire time?¡±


    Warmth flows through me as I reply. ¡°Mhm, My lovers have been showing me the world.¡±


    He raises an eyebrow at that, ¡°More than one?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ It was just one, at first. They were all traveling together and I just kinda¡­¡± I make a dropping motion, ¡°Plopped into their lives. But¡­ they um¡­ yeah we¡¯re all very very close.¡±


    I don¡¯t mind sharing a few stories, some even embarrassing, but¡­ it¡¯s comfortable. And even if I can never tell Zin the heart of it all... How I¡¯m like him, just¡­ opposite. I can¡¯t help but feel so safe here with him. So understood. Like he can sense the same pain in me that he felt, and now bear the same joys of freedom he has.


    But¡­ of course the night goes on. And I can almost feel the tension building, sense the¡­ the buzz of his soul calling out to me from just a few feet away. I¡¯m not nervous. If anything I¡¯m nothing but completely at ease with Zin now.


    But sex is¡­ well I can¡¯t help but tilt my head and wonder what it¡¯ll be like. Wonder¡­ if it¡¯ll be as nice as when I¡¯m with my other clients?

 Chapter 45: Analogous Part 3 (18+)

    CONTENT WARNING!!!


    Ina gets to explore her own sexuality by.... OH WOW having sex with a trans man. Good for her!!! Also, decides that, yup... sex with guys are weird and just not her preference. But that doesn''t make her decision here bad AT ALL. People are allowed to try new things and decide for themselves what they prefer (In this case, that she BIG gay and much lesbian. even if this world doesn''t have those words due to the lack of both genders in most parts of it).


    A BIG thing I want my readers to understand is that Zin is NOT and NEVER will be one of Ina''s lovers. He is what Kque would call a ''passing flame'' at best. A client. Sex work is work and Ina is ALLOWED to enjoy and find passion in it.


    Do NOT think that our own shitty culture''s view''s get to taint my Ina''s life and passions!


    BUT, if reading MxW sex isn''t something you enjoy, JUST SKIP THIS CHAPTER!!! It''s FINE. There is MUCH gay disaster sex in future chapters and previous.


    Also, authors note to make sure it''s clear lore wise, All but like.... 2 men in Arudia are trans. 15 of their fertile males are transgender granted fertilely by rare cultivation gemstones. But since Cultivation can provide transgender care there are a TON throughout the country. But... I''ll let Zin explain that later! Just know that basically ANY men you meet in Arudia will be trans unless specifically mentioned otherwise.


    Hope you enjoy... but if you don''t... oke! That''s fine too! I drug you this far into my story, so I''d love to see you all next chappy I hope!


    CONTENT WARNING!!!


    Considering¡­ As I rise, slowly and careful not to trip on my stone leg, what kind of pleasure I should go for with Zin?


    Do¡­ Do I want to try and just¡­ use my hands? Or¡­ well I¡¯m not sure how I feel about trying to use my tongue and mouth. But¡­ Flashes of memory. Only a little pleasurable and mostly annoying of how I often would perform with the women of Lyttoral.


    But¡­ What if I switch the roles? Picture myself as¡­


    So I walk over to him and simply ask. ¡°Would you mind if I join you here? In your chair?¡±


    They really are big and comfy things, but¡­ not big enough for us to sit side-by-side.


    ¡°Of course.¡± He murmurs, watching me with a weird mix of curiosity and desire and¡­ other things I can¡¯t place as he leans back.


    So I crawl up and straddle him. Just enough room on either side to fit my legs snuggly as I settle onto his lap. I smirk down at him. ¡°This alright?¡±


    I barely hear his affirmation. Find myself focusing on the sudden awareness of his Amwella as I rest my hands on his chest. Begin to even feel his heart race.


    ¡°Ina?¡± He repeats my name.


    ¡°Huh?¡± I jerk up to meet his eyes, only just now realize I missed a question. ¡°Sorry, what was that?¡±


    ¡°I asked if you¡­¡± His hand drifts up, pauses a safe distance away from my face. ¡°I wanted to know if I could kiss you.¡±


    The flutter in my heart is¡­ well¡­ fuck is that a great question to ask a girl as she¡¯s considering how she wants to fuck you. Sensing her hesitations and¡­ just¡­ asking what is okay. Communicating during sex is fucking perfect!


    I just nod, and¡­ well I decide I don¡¯t like beards at all!


    Like¡­ I hated the fuzz on my own skin, and on his it¡¯s just¡­ I definitely prefer the soft warmth of my lover¡¯s lips to his roughness. But it''s not too bad, and I can¡¯t help but begin to wriggle a little bit into his lap and chest as his hands wander about and end up clasping at my hips.


    After a few seconds his Amwella Brrrs out a growl only I can feel¡­ and¡­ fuck I think I understood that! It¡­ It¡¯s a feeling I get when my lovers can¡¯t stop touching me. The growling anticipation of enjoying a body you¡¯ve ached for so long and getting to share its pleasure with someone!


    Fuck¡­ I can¡¯t help but feel my own Amwella reply in the same tone. And while I doubt he knows what triggered him, he goes from slow and careful to really fucking hungry almost immediately after our souls start purring at each other. He ends up moving his kisses down my neck while hands grip me tighter and pull me closer. I can''t help but smirk up at the ceiling as I feel something press against his pants and rub against me.


    I¡­ I expected to be annoyed or grossed out or¡­ but¡­ it¡¯s just silly and kinda flattering. Like seeing a woman''s tits tighten or feeling a cunt go soft and wet beneath my fingers.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± He murmurs into my collarbone. Hands seem to pause, touch at the edge of my shirt. I don¡¯t know what exactly he¡¯s asking¡­ or if that was even a question. But¡­ I can¡¯t say that I¡¯m not curious to find out!


    ¡°Go ahead.¡± I whisper as my hands move up to feel his short hair. He really takes good care of it¡­ soft and warm and¡­ with an odd smell. Kinda an earthy sweetness.


    Then he¡¯s pulling my shirt up, not¡­ not quite all the way, but¡­ enough so his big hands can grab at my breasts. He¡­ well I can''t say he doesn¡¯t know what he¡¯s doing. Seems to have a pattern for how he explores my body. Start at the bottom, mushes up, fingers pinch gently at the nipples, then around back to my butt and hips. Repeat.


    We do this for a while, occasionally he wants me to turn down so he can kiss my lips again, but¡­ I try to shift him over to nibble at my jaw or neck. Eck, still don¡¯t like facial hair. Luckily, as he places his first kisses atop my breasts, and begins to draw nice little shapes with his tongue, I don¡¯t feel but a whisper of the thing. Just¡­ wonderful pleasure as his Amwella growls and purrs and pulses in harmony with mine.


    Then he bites at my nipples a bit, uses teeth to gently pull before sucking at them. Fuck¡­ that¡­ fuck that always gets me really¡­ um¡­ It¡¯s kinda a great way to get me excited and pretty aroused!


    I moan then for the first time with Zin, not loudly, but¡­ not trying to be quiet either. He pauses, almost startled, then his Amwella purrs faster and more insistently with mine. And before I know it his hands are moving around and beneath my thighs to wrap around my butt and¡­


    Then he¡¯s lifting me, and I just barely wrap my arms around his shoulders and neck as he carefully and slowly begins to carry me over to the bed. But¡­ I mean I expected him to just drop me down on the covers and continue everything. But he doesn¡¯t. Next thing I know I¡¯m just kinda sitting on its edge as Zin kneels below me.


    Before I can ask, his hands are running down my legs, and he¡¯s starting to remove my slippers. I can¡¯t help but pause for a second¡­ still a bit breathless and kinda curious about how far he is going to go? Some clients got kinda¡­ interested in mine or Yrelia¡¯s bodies, but¡­ honestly it was just easier to let me take over things and give them pleasure.


    He pauses at my stone foot, seems¡­ a bit lost as to what to do next. So I lean down and touch his arm. ¡°If you¡¯d like me to undress I¡¯m happy to help.¡±


    He pauses, ¡°I¡­ I just didn¡¯t want to be rude. I¡¯m not sure if you¡¯d want this removed or¡­¡±


    I reach down to unclasp my skirt, and begin to pull it and my tights down and around my hips and legs. ¡°I prefer to keep it on, my weight feels off without it.¡±


    He helps, and soon I¡¯m sitting naked on Zin¡¯s big bed. But his eyes are still locked on the skin above the stone and latches as he holds the leg gently in both hands.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    A spike of worry and doubt flutters through me¡­ we¡¯d never lost clients over my injury. But¡­ It¡¯s never been a pretty sight. Even after almost six months of morning songs and plenty of regrowth the flesh up to the knee is an ugly twisted mess of scars. Some¡­ Some parts even bear odd discolorations and weird hues that clash with my otherwise perfect turquoise tone.


    ¡°Um¡­ we can¡­ I mean I can cover it back up if¡­¡± I begin to whisper, bite at my lip.


    He jerks as if slapped, looks up as if just remembering who was attached to the leg he was holding. ¡°Oh! No! I¡¯m so sorry, that was¡­ so very rude of me.¡± He rushes to apologize. ¡°Your legs are perfect, I was just¡­ lost in thought and¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s ugly as fuck.¡± I can¡¯t stop a snort, then chide myself for making such a horrid sound. But¡­ I guess it matches the part I still need to play. Might insult him just enough to¡­


    Then his lips are at the skin of it, and he places a gentle kiss just above the latches of the stone leg. I freeze, cold worry dripping down my spine. The only other person to¡­ to comfort me like that was Yrelia. And she¡­ she always looked so angry when she did it. Furious even. Her passion led to some very wonderful and interesting sex.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t¡­¡± He huffs as he pulls back, looks up to me. ¡°It¡¯s not¡­ I just¡­¡±


    I huff and move to touch his chin. ¡°What did you have in mind?¡±


    It¡¯s his turn to pause, worry and confusion flashing.


    ¡°When you carried me over here?¡± I clarify with a smirk, ¡°How would you like me to ply my Hetaera skills tonight?¡±


    He calms, blushes. Still very cute.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­¡± He flails a bit, ¡°Was um¡­ I guess I defer to your judgment?¡±


    I giggle, thinking of how Yrelia would answer such a question. ¡°That¡¯s no fun. C¡¯mon Zin. I could literally feel your Amw¨C¡±


    Amwella. I bite down on the word. Work to correct before he can start to wonder¡­


    ¡°Feel your hunger.¡± I force as much sultry energy into the words as I reach down and grasp at his hands, trying to pull him up to me. ¡°What, exactly, were you imagining you wanted to do with me? Or¡­ to me?¡±


    That fucking distracts him. Through the touch I can feel his Amwella appropriately begin to push him. The thing seems to get even more riled up and crazy by the second. His breath picks up, goes husky, and as he moves up to loom over me as I fall back on the bed I can¡¯t help but wonder if¡­ am I pushing him too much?


    ¡°I¡­¡± He lowers to give me a long kiss and¡­ well fuck I still hate the fucking beard, but¡­ he¡¯s being so very sweet.


    So I try to ignore the thing and dance my tongue along his lips. Then he¡¯s moving down, enjoying my breasts and collarbone as hands move to grasp my hips and legs. I can¡¯t help but go warm at his touches, feel the horny energy gather and build between. End up hiking my good leg up a bit into him.


    Then he¡¯s moving down, down, pushing my legs apart¡­ and¡­ well that¡¯s a fucking surprise.


    Yrelia and I have had¡­ like¡­ maybe half a dozen clients want to pleasure us like this. And¡­ well¡­ thank fuck I barely notice his beard as his tongue begins to work slow circles about my clit. Slowly¡­ slowly¡­ fuck Zin is no stranger to how to pleasure a girl. He works at my clit and lips wonderfully, eventually is taking longer and longer licks to¡­ fuck. I wriggle and¡­ fuck don¡¯t forget to moan. Let him know he¡¯s hitting just the right¡­ fuck fuck fuck!


    ¡°Right there.¡± I moan as his tongue works me into a slow rolling climax.


    Amidst the afterglow he¡¯s moving over me, hanging above. Hands holding my legs as I come down from the orgasm high. As I¡¯m opening my eyes he¡¯s just¡­ staring down. Eyes lock on mine. Fuck. I¡­ I wasn¡¯t expecting that tonight. Especially as I wandered over the ideas of sex with¡­ with a male.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± He breaths.


    ¡°Mhm¡­ Thank you. That was¡­¡± I murmur out, suddenly¡­ I''m kinda worried. The few times before Yrelia or I¡­ um¡­ well the other would entertain the woman if she really wanted to pleasure us. But¡­ here Zin was just left to wait for me to put my muddled thoughts back together.


    ¡°Fuck, Zin. I¡¯m supposed to be the Hetaera here.¡±


    That gets a little smile from him. ¡°I¡­¡± He pauses, eyes roll over me. He takes a deep and steadying breath. Seems to¡­ push down a¡­ a fear of something? ¡°Are you okay to¡­ How would you like to¡­¡±


    Yeah It¡¯s pretty obvious from the bulge in his tunic and the fucking storm around his Amwella that Zin is¡­ really really wanting to fuck me. But the kind man that he is, he doesn¡¯t want to just force the issue.


    Wants me to set the pace.


    Fuck¡­ nothing like J¨C um¡­ well I¡¯m not going to think about him. He never gave a fuck about my happiness.


    ¡°Trade places?¡± I ask as I push myself up onto elbows.


    That seems to calm him a bit, and he nods. A bit later, we¡¯re swapped. I¡¯ve had Zin help me remove his tunic and pants. His naked body is¡­ interesting. All across his flesh are Cultivation marks. Some look like scars, a weird mix of thin and thick deep silver grooves. Others, mostly on his thick forearms, are more patterned. Remind me of Jevita¡¯s. But¡­ unlike with her I don¡¯t feel that he¡¯s bothered if I touch them. He¡¯s also¡­ well¡­ fuck there is more hair about his fairly muscled body. And while it¡¯s not¡­ well my favorite thing. Zin seems to enjoy it when I run my fingers through and about the little tufts.


    All the while his cock is now uncovered and erect and¡­ huh¡­ weirdly, I don¡¯t really feel anything as I see or bump it.


    Just¡­ almost want to giggle at how silly it looks. How¡­ well in the past my own caused me such despair and hate. But now that I¡¯m free of that body¡­ The most emotion I have about this one is¡­ well if it will actually fit. That is¡­ if I decide to try for that kind of sex.


    Still unsure¡­


    Such are my musings as I trace patterns across this Arudian male¡¯s skin, occasionally I brush fingers up and around his erection. Just to see him tighten and consider my teasing. But¡­ I don¡¯t think his patience will last forever. So eventually I let my fingers begin to play and massage up the shaft of it. Know exactly where to squeeze and pull and rub to get Zin going. Eventually moving fingers up to rub and swirl at the sensitive parts around the top.


    It takes me about¡­ well a bit to long to realize I am way to fucking good at this for a half-trained Hetaera, and try to tone it down. Even ask. ¡°Is¡­ um¡­ Is this good?¡± With as much false modesty as I can force. Between his breathing, twitches, and my own memories I know I could just speed up and have his Amwella in less than a minute if I wanted.


    He just sorta grunts an acknowledgement, hands wander up to my shoulders and hair.


    Fuck¡­ I¡¯m horny again now. And can¡¯t help but let my mind wander back to Lyttoral. To¡­ To the women who¡¯d sit atop me. Hips twisting and rolling and¡­ how must that have felt? Some really enjoyed it and I know they came a bit with me¡­ but¡­


    I reach down, slide the fingers of my other hand between my second lips. Let the wetness coat them as I sort of¡­ press inside. Wonder if¡­ um¡­ I mean¡­ There were plenty of smaller women with me before¡­


    I sigh. Fuck it. If this¡¯ll be my last night as a Hetaera, I might as well see what this is like!


    So I move, and before Zin can really even tell what I¡¯m doing I¡¯m astride him, reaching down, and trying to guide him into me. His hands hover over at my hips as the tip touches me.


    ¡°Just¡­ Bear with me here.¡± I murmur with as much sultriness as I can. It must work, because I feel his erection go just a bit more stiff. Then I¡¯m slowly, carefully, ever so gently, sliding Zin into me.


    It¡¯s¡­ well¡­ I make sure to take my time. I know what it¡¯s like to have an impatient man shove himself into me without much warning for foreplay. Different hole, but still fucking sucks. And¡­ um¡­ well yeah this is kinda uncomfortable. Thank fuck women¡¯s pussy can self fucking lubricate. But before I know it I feel my butt touch his hips, and he¡¯s about as deep as he can go.


    ¡°Huh¡­¡± I huff out as I rest my hands on his chest. Look past him into the bedsheets.


    This is¡­ his Amwella feels like it¡¯s already partway into me like this. Like¡­ fuck it¡¯s almost like when I¡¯m face deep in one of my lover¡¯s cunt, but¡­ like opposite. Kinda like when Yrelia and Tasii and I do that circle thing. Where if my lover between my legs cums I¡¯ll feel her Amwella roll up from her mouth into me.


    Zin asks something.


    ¡°What? Sorry?.¡± I reply to the question I missed.


    ¡°Is¡­ are you alright?¡± He asks.


    I adjust my hips a bit, even¡­ huh that¡¯s neat. Zin seems to flinch and grow harder as I squeeze his erection tighter with the walls of my¡­ well the inside bits.


    ¡°This is kinda weird.¡± I giggle, and begin to move a bit more. I have to hide a little wince of pain, but it''s not hard as Zin seems to flutter for a second at the pleasure my movement brings him. ¡°But¡­ yeah. I¡¯m perfectly okay with this. Just¡­ let me¡­¡±


    And then all my focus goes into rolling up and down this Arudian male, using my awareness of his Amwella and my training to find the best angle to draw him into¡­


    He tightens, hands can¡¯t help but grip my hips and try to move me faster, press himself harder into me. And¡­ honestly he¡¯s just a little too deep as the orgasm snaps through him. Sudden and strange and¡­


    I don¡¯t cum myself, honestly I don¡¯t know if Zin is just a little too big for me or... Well I also just really prefer a woman¡¯s tongue and fingers playing and teasing pleasure from me. But as Zin cums I can¡¯t help but let a familiar shudder run through me as his Amwella jerks and shoots up into me, slamming into my Amwella and sort of¡­ just splattering itself against mine before melting and merging.


    Fuck that was weird. I feel myself slowly loosen and come back to body senses, open my eyes to peer down at Zin to find¡­


    He¡¯s¡­ What?


    Tears pour from his eyes as shaking deep sobs roll through him. Like¡­ Fuck I¡¯ve never had to deal with¡­ um¡­


    I lift and pull his softening member from me with a pop, and crawl up to touch his cheek. ¡°Z... Zin? Are you okay?¡±


    He shudders. ¡°Yes¡­ Ina. I¡¯m¡­¡±


    And then he fucking collapses into messy tears again as he moves his hands up to try and cover his face. I curl up around him and¡­ well¡­ do what my lovers and I do to each other. Pull his hands away and place little soft kisses across his forehead and eyelids. All while cooing soft little nothings to help him feel like everything''s okay. That he¡¯s not alone.


    It honestly takes a bit. And¡­ um¡­ Kinda forgot that cocks explode too, and I now have a cunt dripping with gross goop I really want to clean out.


    Eck.


    But¡­ I¡¯m not going to just leave him to wallow in whatever complex shit this is! I¡¯ve had a¡­ well someone fuck me and just leave me to my own sorrows. Many many times before I met my lovers. No one should experience that!


    But, finally. His tears slow, and he¡­ he¡¯s smiling now?


    ¡°Thank you Ina.¡± He lets his eyes meet mine. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry I¡­ I didn¡¯t expect to fall to pieces like that.¡±


    I smile down at him. ¡°It''s okay, I... I hope I didn''t hurt you or... or...¡±


    This¡­ I piece together something then. Why he was both scared, and worried and¡­


    ¡°No Ina¡­ you¡­You were wonderful.¡± He wipes his eyes, can¡¯t help but reach up to hold my cheek. ¡°You just... You showed me that I have a soul!¡±


    Oh¡­ Fuck.

 Chapter 46: Stubborn Changes Part 1

    <u>Content warning:</u>


    Subtle mentioned nudity and brief mentions of after sex cleaning.


    Cleaning the mess he left in me was fucking annoying. But, I honestly should have thought of that before I stuffed him inside. I don¡¯t bother getting all my clothes back on, and¡­ well¡­ I do enjoy the look on Zin¡¯s face as I leave his bathroom wearing nothing by my sexy purple underthings.


    ¡°Thanks for letting me shower.¡± I murmur as I crawl into his big bed, and snuggle up to him.


    Under his thick wonderful quilts Zin has only redressed into some simple sleeping shorts, and¡­ I almost giggle as I subtly notice things start to pop up again as I wrap myself around him.


    ¡°Of course.¡± He whispers back as he carefully wraps a big arm around me.


    A long pause. This¡­ fuck this is normally where Yrelia is great. Every time we¡¯ve had an overnight client she knows just what to say and how to get them to¡­ to be comfortable and entertained until we all pass out. Fuck, she¡¯ll even just fuck them into exhaustion if she thinks things might get quiet and weird!


    Zin and I have already kinda talked ourselves into a polite¡­ um¡­ well not friendship. But¡­ There isn¡¯t much else I want him to know about me. And¡­ Fuck I was able to use the shower as an excuse to avoid a conversation about my Amwella drinking, but now¡­ what if he presses it? I¡¯m still fucking horrible at lying, and don¡¯t know how long I can keep that line of questions from getting really awkward!!!


    ¡°Ina.¡± He whispers, and I nearly flinch.


    I put on my best tired smile and turn to look up at his face. It¡¯s only then that I notice him fiddling with some kind of weird crystal.


    ¡°A¡­ Is that a Cultivation gemstone?¡± I whisper excitedly before I can stop myself.


    I can¡¯t ask Jevita about these things, and the little others will tell me is so fucking slim. The¡­ My song magic is fucking great. And I love it. But¡­ I dunno¡­ Cultivation magic is just so weird and wild and¡­ well it would have been how I could have maybe possibly changed had things gone differently.


    ¡°Hm?¡± He looks at it, pauses in worry. ¡°Oh, yes. Um¡­ Just a¡­ It¡¯s a simple thing. The first I found as a child. Doesn¡¯t really work.¡±


    I nod, a bit disappointed. Let the silence stretch¡­


    ¡°I was just wondering¡­¡± He murmurs. ¡°But I didn¡¯t want to be rude.¡±


    I sigh, wince at the question I know is coming. Sort of¡­ solidify myself for the lies and deflections I¡¯d prepared in the shower.


    ¡°I¡¯ll just¡­ distract you if I don¡¯t want to answer.¡± I whisper and wiggle to look away. Figuring it¡¯ll be easier to lie if he can¡¯t see my face.


    ¡°I recognize the scars from Cultivation on your leg and¡­ well¡­ was wondering what happened?¡±


    That¡­ well fuck that question catches me off guard.


    ¡°Oh, um¡­ No it¡¯s¡­¡± I pause, gather my thoughts and consider how much I want to tell him. No other clients gather enough courage to ask a crippled woman how she lost a leg. ¡°I honestly don¡¯t remember most of it¡­¡±


    A few memories flash. Quick and without much context. Lightning, pain, fury, monster monster monster MONSTER¡­


    I flinch, but can still talk. ¡°I fucked up. Tried to hurt someone who injured my lovers, I¡­ um¡­ Well, I paid for it.¡±


    A long pause. I don¡¯t offer any more details.


    ¡°How?¡± He murmurs, ¡°To¡­ to take your entire lower leg with Cultivation is¡­ Needlessly cruel.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Next time I¡¯m going to just¡­ get my lovers out.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­ Ina, Cultivation is¡­ Stubborn. Once changes are set they are very very hard to undo. Honestly impossible in all but the rarest cases.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but quirk a smile as I look down and away. Jevita said the same thing, but¡­ song magic seems to still work. Although¡­ would be nice if the scars would start to vanish¡­


    I sigh performatively. ¡°I know that Cultivation healing isn¡¯t really possible for me now. I don¡¯t have a secret hope to purchase myself a new leg, Zin.¡±


    ¡°Just.¡± He reaches out, touches my shoulder with the same hand he holds the crystal in. ¡°I¡­¡±


    He trails off.


    I turn back, give his worried face a glowing smile. ¡°Zin, really. I¡¯m fine! This is just physical pain and a little unwieldy at times. I could have lost SO much more that night, almost did lose someone I love very dearly. This¡­¡± I lift my maimed leg under the quilt a little. ¡°Is just¡­ It¡¯s a reminder we fucked up, sure. But also a reminder of what I should always focus on. My lovers are everything to me, and I will always keep them safe.¡±


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± His expression is so confusing. Like¡­ he doesn¡¯t believe my words but is sure of the honesty of them. ¡°Ina you''re a very singular person.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­¡± He looks back down at the little crystal between his fingers. ¡°I don¡¯t imagine you normally sleep with your stone leg on.¡±


    I quirk an eyebrow, ¡°No, but¡­ When I¡¯m with a¡­ I mean It¡¯s honestly very weird and ugly.¡±


    ¡°Would you be more comfortable without it?¡± He glances back at me.


    That stops me cold. ¡°Um¡­ I mean¡­ Sure? But seriously it¡¯s an ugly mess of¨C¡±


    Then he¡¯s pulling the quilt up and moving down to my leg. I almost jolt up. Suddenly worried, ¡°Zin, you don¡¯t need to¡­¡±


    He pauses. I look away as a blush of horror and embarrassment overtakes me. ¡°It¡¯s fucking horrid under there. I¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you sleep better without it?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I mean yeah. But¡­¡±


    ¡°Ina,¡± He insists, lays a hand up on one of mine. ¡°Please. I want you to be comfortable for the few hours of sleep we can share here.¡±


    I sigh, and¡­ just nod.


    Only glance back after he¡¯s undone the latches and pulled the false leg free. His expression is¡­ well at least he¡¯s not about to vomit. But I can see his eyes widen and fingers go stiff as he sees the weird mingled mess of cultivation scars, song woven healing, and little violet sap things that we still have no idea what they are. It honestly looks like a gnarled tree branch made of flesh.


    ¡°I¡­ What did this to you?¡± He whispers without looking away. Horribly transfixed by the sight.


    ¡°Cultivation, like I said.¡± I huff and move to re-cover my almost naked form with the warm quilt. That almost makes him jerk, then he¡¯s looking back to me. I hold out my hand for the leg and he passes it to me without a word. I place it down in the space between myself and the edge of the bed. Not willing to settle it too far away.


    He welcomes me back into his arms, and¡­ well¡­ as I wriggle to try and keep my maimed leg away he seems to¡­ well not chase it but¡­ try to get me to lay comfortably in ways that make it end up brushing against him. It¡¯s¡­ well it kinda puts me between a state of worry but then¡­ well¡­ kinda glad he¡¯s not grossed out by this messed up part of me.


    After that¡­ well I kinda just passed out¡­ I guess. Oblivion is¡­


    Division!?!


    And the dream is simple quiet void. My single little spirit sitting amidst the nothingness. It''s lonely. Until....


    ¡°What''s your name?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Inamatorii, but please, just call me Ina.¡± I answer quickly, glad for the company!


    ¡°What took your leg?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­ What?¡±


    ¡°What took your leg?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ It was Cultivation. I don¡¯t fucking know. I barely remember that night.¡±


    ¡°Why would someone do that to you?¡±


    ¡°Because I¡¯m Sun Spoken? I¡­ that¡¯s what they said before attacking us... I think? I don''t like thinking about that night.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...Is that how you touch souls?¡±


    ¡°Being Sun Spoken? Oh yeah it''s kinda the best! But... It¡¯s called Amwella. She wants me to gather it into myself. By drinking little bits off people I pleasure. But I think souls are¡­ or maybe the better name is a spirit? But that could also just be our minds and thoughts. It¡¯s all kinda a muddle that I''m not nearly smart enough to understand!¡±


    ¡°Who is She?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°The She who has you gather this¡­ Amwella.¡±


    ¡°Oh! Um¡­ She¡¯s kinda my¡­ um¡­ Well everyone else would just know Her as The Weaver. But to me she¡¯s kinda¡­ um¡­ well a bit of an almost lover who lives in my head and dreams... I think? She¡¯s the one who claims women to become Sun Spoken.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Who are you?¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°Hello?¡±


    ¡°Rest now, Inamatorii. Do not dream tonight.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Okay! Goodnight!¡±


    It¡¯s of course pain that drags me from sleep. Rippling lightning up my leg and splitting iced headache just above my left ear.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I croak, reaching for one of my lovers. ¡°Yrelia, can you¡­¡±


    I open my eyes to see beautifully colored ceiling tiles and a huge empty bed. Then everything comes back to me. That¡­ huh that went surprisingly well! I sit up, and wince at the pain. Look about and find Zin just turning to look at me from the little desk across the room.


    ¡°Good morning.¡± He says, very much my opposite with that bright morning grin.


    ¡°Ugh.¡± I just¡­ lean into the badly trained Hetaera face now. Don¡¯t need to fake it. ¡°Would be if my head and leg didn¡¯t fucking hate me right now.¡±


    But he just smiles apologetically. ¡°Can I get you anything for the pain?¡±


    I can¡¯t help but sigh and smile painfully back. ¡°Just¡­ What time is it? I don¡¯t want to keep my teacher waiting when she gets here.¡±


    He nods, ¡°It¡¯ll still be over an hour till a carriage will arrive with her. I was actually hoping to talk a bit before you left.¡±


    He turns the little chair he sits on and faces the bed I¡¯m still curled up in. Face serious. I¡­ don¡¯t like that. Fuck¡­ fuck fuck fuck. Is he going to ask for some of the money back? Or¡­


    ¡°I¡­ I didn¡¯t want to pressure you last night on this.¡± He leans down, elbows on his knees and hands clasped. ¡°But¡­ You¡­ The rumors are very very true. About your¡­ um. Abilities.¡±


    Fuck!


    I sigh, don¡¯t even have to try to fake the pained annoyance on my face as I turn my half naked body toward the edge of the bed.


    ¡°I¡¯d like to pay for your time again.¡± He adds when I don¡¯t answer.


    ¡°That¡¯s not¡­¡± I begin to latch my leg back on. ¡°No. I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea.¡±


    A long pause as I finish, turn back to see a carefully flat expression.


    ¡°Why not?¡± He whispers, hard and on the verge of some anger.


    I offer him a pained smile. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m being rude. My leg always is like this in the morning, and my head is trying to kill me right now. ¡±


    That¡­ cracks him a bit. His lips quirk. ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have ambushed you with that first thing. Moon and Stars, You¡¯re not even dressed.¡±


    ¡°Let me¡­ um¡­ gather myself?¡± I ask, motioning to the little stack of clothes left on the arm of the chair I sat in. ¡°I¡¯ll wash up a bit. Then¡­ Then we can talk?¡±


    A few minutes later I¡¯m sitting in the fluffy chair with a warm mug of tea. Must have something soothing in it as my headache is much reduced. Too bad my leg will always be horrible without my morning songs. I considered trying to squeeze out a quiet melody in the bathroom¡­ but didn¡¯t want to risk Zin hearing. The pain does keep me carefully bitchy so hopefully that¡¯ll kill any charm as I stumble through this. Maybe help scare him off.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I nod to the mug, ¡°Really helps the head.¡±


    ¡°But not the leg?¡± Zin asks as he stares at me from his desk chair.


    I shake my head, ¡°I forgot my¡­ eh¡­ medicines. Will just need to get them once I¡¯m back at the inn.¡±


    He nods, then. ¡°About the future¡­ If money is a problem, we can work out a more acceptable amount.¡±


    I nearly choke. Three times was already such a fucking big sum of coin. To¡­ to offer more is, well¡­ Fuck!

 Chapter 47: Stubborn Changes Part 2

    Content Warning:


    Discussion of past trauma/sexual trauma (in regards to Ina''s past at the temple), discussion of gender discrimination, BIG emotions and anger.


    ¡°Zin it¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s not about the money.¡± I force out.


    ¡°Then¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Look, this was¡­ interesting. But¡­¡± I look back up to him, and don¡¯t need to hide anything. ¡°Hetaera rules aside, you¡¯re wonderful and I really enjoyed your company. But¡­ My focus is on pleasuring females. It¡¯s what I¡¯m good at, what I enjoy.¡±


    A storm begins to roil behind Zin¡¯s eyes, such pain and hurt that I¡­ I can¡¯t help but understand. How he might read my words as being a rejection of his perfect self. So I guide him from those waters.


    ¡°Your body is wonderful and perfect and I never want you to change!¡± I smile, remembering how amazing it felt to converse and realize I wasn¡¯t alone. ¡°But you need someone who is attracted to you and your body. Not¡­ not some paid companion.¡±


    That¡­ calms him a little. Especially those first words. But he¡¯s still not satisfied.


    ¡°Are you familiar with Arudian male legal freedoms?¡± He suddenly says.


    ¡°Eh?¡± The question makes me just¡­ stutter out. Mind only understanding like¡­ half his words.


    He sighs. ¡°Due to old ledgers and ancient treaties dating back to the founding of the Academy, a male cannot hold titles, run a business, or do basically anything other than be taken to the Academy for care and fertility work.¡±


    ¡°Oh um¡­ yeah okay.¡± I catch up. ¡°Lyttoral has a similar system.¡±


    No freedoms for the breeding stock. As Yrelia had spat it last morning.


    He nods, annoyed. ¡°So, how do you think those rules have been changed for Arudian males who¡¯ve not had the fertility changes done by an Odlock gemstone? Men like me?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­ no idea?¡± I set my tea aside. ¡°But¡­ Zin what does this¨C¡±


    He holds up a hand, ¡°Please, Ina. Indulge me in this. What changes do you think have been made for Arudia¡¯s male population? Those of us that have nothing to offer in regards to future generations?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ well I would hope people like¡­ you, male but infertile would just¡­ live like any woman would?¡±


    ¡°One one hope, but¡­ no.¡± He sighs, annoyed and bitter. ¡°Despite the strides such changes offer our realm. And despite the majority of our breeding males being transgender, no alterations have been made to those treaties or legers.¡±


    I have to pause at that, think over¡­


    ¡°So¡­ what does that mean for you?¡± I ask, ¡°And¡­ Anyone like you? How do they¡­ um¡­ live well?¡±


    ¡°They don¡¯t, and Arudian men are left to twist in the cold winds.¡± He almost growls. ¡°I have my family name and fortune, even an old title of graduation from the Academy. But it is all as my dead name. I only thrive due to the fact that it would cause my family name more harm if I was tossed out.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°Arudian men are at the mercy of whatever little coin, family, and friends they can muster. Once they abandon an old name and¡­ and try to live as their souls demand. They struggle to participate in our economy. Often forced to seek out either a wealthy patron to be used as not more than¡­ than an Odalisque, or find community outside Arudian protections.¡±


    ¡°Like¡­ nothing? They can¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°To harm an Arudian man is¡­ well still quite punishable. But anything they own is subject to confiscation by duenna if it is deemed unworthy of their place in society. Beyond the coin in their pocket¡­ well business and property can be snatched away.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. That¡¯s¡­¡± I hiss. ¡°I was told that transgender people were accepted out here in Arudia!?!¡±


    He sighs, ¡°The¡­ tides of change are coming. They have to be. With fewer and fewer Odlock gemstones discovered every century we¡¯ll need to find new ways to ensure children are born. And the Academy has made quite remarkable strides in their workings. But¡­ Nothing has even been proposed by the Doyens or Matrons.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Zin. But¡­ Why tell me this?¡± I murmur. Still really fucking upset but¡­ also feeling small. ¡°I¡¯m just some silly half-trained Hetaera.¡±


    His frown is so so angry now. ¡°There are those¡­ that wish to keep these treaties in place with arguments that men, Transgender or otherwise, are¡­ well¡­ not people. Lesser things needed by women only for breeding. Barely more than a Quelekita or other animals of burden.¡±


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I can¡¯t help but snort. ¡°What? That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s fucking ridiculous.¡±


    ¡°It is¡­ but it relies on old customs and beliefs. Ones in regard to the soul itself.¡±


    I freeze then. Cold sweat drips down my spine. ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°You see my¨C¡±


    I almost bolt up and run right then. ¡°No. I¡­ I don¡¯t know what you think happened last night but¨C¡±


    ¡°Please, Ina.¡± He holds out a hand, tries to placate me. ¡°Just¡­ let me finish.¡±


    I almost refuse, but his face bears so much pain¡­ pain like a mirror of mine that fucking clamps me still like a vice.


    ¡°Gemstones that touch the soul are rare and¡­ well¡­ very forbidden.¡± He continues. ¡°Spiteful horrid things that need to be sealed or cracked else they warp anyone they touch. None exist that can clearly and safely define the presence, or lack, of a soul.¡±


    I take a deep and steadying breath. Close my eyes and interrupt him. ¡°But¡­ Even if you were right and I could¡­ do what you think. It would be an invisible thing. No one but myself and the person I fuck could feel it. And¡­ I¡¯m still just a foreigner, not really a trusted voice on these things!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ True to some extent.¡± He agrees. ¡°And¡­ honestly I was¡­ well¡­ planning on leaving it at that. Hiring you back if you were willing and enjoying the truth your touch brings.¡±


    I look up, and he¡¯s fiddling with that same little gemstone he had last night.


    ¡°Then there it is.¡± I huff. ¡°I can¡¯t do it anyway. So¡­ why hurt us both by¨C¡±


    ¡°There is a way your voice could be undisputable, even by the Doyans of the Academy.¡± He murmurs.


    I tilt my head, confused.


    ¡°The Academy was founded by five old families. Their names are written into the ledgers and treaties. Entitling them to nearly eternal wealth.¡± He lays the gemstone aside. ¡°But what is not taught, is that a sixth group was just as important to its stability, and they are inscribed into these same ancient texts from a thousand years ago.¡±


    ¡°Neat?¡± I reply. ¡°But¡­ I¡¯m from Lyttoral. And not at all interested in binding myself to any of these¡­ big important families.¡±


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t even be enough.¡± He nods. ¡°This final group isn¡¯t related by blood or birth. They are chosen by powers beyond any Arudian family.¡±


    Oh¡­ Oh fuck! Yrelia¡¯s training barely helps me raise an eyebrow in mock confusion. But¡­ he just¡­ smiles. Like he sees right fucking through it somehow. He knows that I knows that he knows.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­ don¡¯t follow.¡± I whisper.


    He shakes his head, indulges my lie. ¡°A Sun Spoken can hold even more power than a Doyan or a great family here in Arudia if they wish to.¡±


    I just¡­ stare. Even though I should lean into Yrelia¡¯s training and make him believe I¡¯m just some silly Hetaera. But¡­ I can see it in his eyes. He¡¯s known what I am since before I woke up.


    Somehow¡­


    I stand, knowing that I¡¯ll never make him believe a lie now. ¡°Goodbye Zin.¡±


    Need to Run. Leave the city tonight and make for an Arudian border. This¡­ My lovers will never be safe here. Zin just put the puzzle piece into place JUST based on silly stories about me tasting souls!!!


    Is¡­ is this why they tried to kill me before? I¡¯m such a threat and¨C and fuck is this why we haven¡¯t found any other Sun Spoken? Are¡­ are people killing us all off?


    ¡°Ina! Wait please I¨C¡±


    I turn and begin to leave, but¡­ find the door to be locked. More cold fear runs through me. Muddles my thoughts into a panic, melts all of Yrelia¡¯s training and¨C


    Then Zin¡¯s behind me. Something rattles. I turn and¡­


    He¡¯s holding a key out to me.


    ¡°I always lock it at night.¡± He stammers. ¡°That was really stupid of me to forget.¡±


    I just¡­ stare up at him. Take an eternity to realize what he just said and look to the key. I carefully take it, and try very hard to find the lock to free myself while keeping one eye on him. Once it¡¯s open I nearly shove the keys back into his hands before turning and leaving.


    ¡°So¡­ you''re just going to leave then? Won¡¯t even consider helping us?¡±


    My stupid stone foot almost trips me as my other jolts to a stop at his words. I must look such a sight as I have to grasp at the handrail to settle myself. A one footed Hetaera stumbling out in a terrified rush. I turn to look up at him.


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t Zin.¡± I whisper. ¡°I can¡¯t be more than a Hetaera.¡±


    ¡°Because that happened last time someone found out.¡± He motions to my left leg. States that like it''s just¡­ a fact, and not a question.


    After a pause of horror and surprise I give him a quick nod.


    ¡°I can help keep you safe.¡± He promises, ¡°Gather my allies and bring together enough people so that your claim is indisputable. No one would touch you then.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to claim anything.¡± I hiss. ¡°I just¡­ want my life. Not¡­ not throw myself into another dangerous situation.¡±


    ¡°But what of the Arudian men who can¡¯t do that?¡± He pleads, takes a step toward me. ¡°What of the thousands who live in pain and despair? Are they not worth your¨C¡±


    ¡°No!¡± I shout then. ¡°I¡¯ve not even gotten a year to live my life. I¡¯m not going to risk another second of it. Not for you, not for a thousand thousand people.¡±


    His hand goes still, confusion mixes with anger at my words. ¡°I¡­ I thought you understood.¡± He murmurs. ¡°But you''re just like the rest¡­¡±


    And¡­ fuck that roils the anger hotter.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare fucking judge me!¡± I growl. ¡°You, who got to keep your life and safety. Even your mother loved and accepted you.¡±


    A sound, a door opening elsewhere. I ignore it as Zin¡¯s face goes cold as ice. ¡°You can never know the despair of my life. Especially before my change.¡±


    I laugh, cruel and hot and barely me. ¡°I dealt with that fucking horror for longer than you. Over twenty five years while I got to watch my body get fucked three or four times a day by strangers. Do you even know what it¡¯s like to be treated like a fucking thing?¡±


    That makes him jerk back. Very confused and¡­ well¡­ I can see his thoughts stutter and grind to a halt as he processes that.


    ¡°Yeah, try being your communities fucking Odalisque since you were thirteen and tell me I¡¯m fucking selfish for wanting to actually live as me for a while.¡± I point up at him. ¡°Barely a year since I got away from that, and horrible monsters have already tried to kill me twice, Zin. Just for being Sun Spoken.¡±


    He looks so fucking stupid now. Mouth bobbing open and closed¡­ like some ugly fucking fish beached on the Lyttoral sands.


    ¡°Hey um¡­¡± Someone whispers.


    ¡°At least Arudia gives our kind a chance, a possibility of change. Better that than¡­ than what¡­ Lyttoral¡­¡± I can¡¯t finish. Breathing heavy and still glaring up at this Fucking Stupid Cunt of a¨C


    ¡°O¨COur?¡± Zin stammers out.


    ¡°Ina!¡±


    I jerk to see my lover staring up at me from the bottom of the stairs. Eyes wide with fear and worry as they dart between us. Judic stands at her back, face a mimic of Yrelia¡¯s, but with less personal interest in me.


    I can¡¯t say anything to her, still filled with such anger and rage. I just hobble down the stupid stairs on my fucking stone leg, take her hand, shove past Judic, and head toward the door.


    I ignore the carriage, and just begin to walk up in the general direction of our family.

 Chapter 48: Parasites and Monsters Part 1

    <u>Content warning:</u>


    Self harm/neglect, misgendering.


    ATTENTION! I''ve also taken the time to set up a Discord server</a> for SST and LoTDD! Feel free to head on over to chat about the story, meet awesome people, take part in the Meme wars. Thanks SOOOO much for all your support and I hope to see you all there!!!


    ¡°Ina, hey¡­¡± Yrelia grabs my arm that holds her hand. ¡°Just¡­ Can we stop for a second?¡±


    I jerk her forward. Don¡¯t let us stop.


    Again! I did it fucking again!


    ¡°Ina!¡± She shouts this time, moves to block my path.


    Leg hurts so much. Never walked this far without a morning song¡­ never really felt the throbbing horrid punishment for my stupid mistakes. The iceprick of pain from calling myself stupid doesn¡¯t even compare right now. Just¡­ solidifies my rage. I immerse myself in them both, accept them as sensations I deserve right now.


    I glare past Yrelia, trying to move. We¡¯re blocking the street, women are giving us annoyed stares and even a few murmured insults. I take those too. Add them to the World Song of pain that eats and gnashes at me like¨C


    ¡°No!¡± Yrelia¡¯s still bigger than me, and with both hands she grips my arms and stops me from going another step. ¡°Just¡­ Can we please stop? I¡¯m still in heels and my ankles are killing me.¡±


    I see her lie, and know she can guess at my maimed leg¡¯s pain.


    ¡°We¡¯re almost back.¡± Are the first words I¡¯m able to speak since I left Zin¡¯s home. They are barely more than a low growl.


    Yrelia studies me for a second, then looks about. Her eyes fix on something, narrow. Mouth twists. ¡°No.¡±


    I let out a huff, prepare to just¡­ try and push past.


    ¡°We¡¯re being followed.¡± She murmurs.


    I freeze up. ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°The Lady herself.¡± She whispers, guides me over to the side of the street.


    I sigh, annoyed. ¡°That¡¯s not¡­ ugh. Judic?¡±


    She nods.


    ¡°Fuck. Yrelia I¡­¡±


    ¡°There is a reason we had them pick us up from that nicer inn last night.¡± She smirks, ¡°Don¡¯t want to lead her back to¡­ oh. Fuck.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s coming this way.¡± Yrelia whispers, ¡°Looks like she wants to talk.¡±


    I grind my teeth. ¡°Can you please tell her to fuck off?¡±


    ¡°My pleasure.¡± Yrelia steps up beside me, switches which hand is holding mine and lets me keep my back turned as I hear the first words of greeting.


    ¡°Fuck off.¡± Yrelia¡¯s voice drips with venom and bile.


    ¡°I simply wanted to make sure your prot¨¦g¨¦ made it back safely.¡± Judic replies calmly.


    ¡°How fucking sweet.¡± Yrelia¡¯s tone is flat. ¡°She did. You can leave.¡±


    A long pause. Yrelia doesn¡¯t move.


    ¡°Shall I call for a duenna to run you off?¡± Yrelia spits.


    Judic¡¯s voice is low, not threatening but¡­ informative. ¡°I doubt you¡¯d want the duenna looking too closely into your business, Hetaera Yrelia.¡±


    Yrelia snorts, ¡°Try me, I¡¯m not the one stalking working girls through the streets.¡±


    I turn, glare back at Judic. Can¡­ fuck. She seems actually worried and¡­


    ¡°What do you want, Lady Rell?¡± I don¡¯t drop my glare.


    ¡°Just Jutic, if you please. And exactly what I said, I was asked to ensure you made it back safely.¡± She states, and I don¡¯t¡­ well she¡¯s a good fucking liar so I don¡¯t believe a word of it.


    ¡°And?¡± Yrelia presses.


    ¡°Nothing more.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t fucking lie to me.¡± I hiss.


    A long pause.


    ¡°I¡¯d prefer if we spoke more¡­ privately.¡± She finally relents. ¡°I wish to¡­ understand what might have been implied during your exit.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ too bad.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not your enemies,¡± She sighs, then whispers. ¡°Boy.¡±


    That¡­ oh fuck¡­ everything goes red for a second. If not for Yrelia¡¯s hand¡­ Fuck I might¡­ I don¡¯t know. Pain seems to almost¡­ dance into a shrill thing I can actually hear. Could even reach out and grasp at it like it¡¯s a knife if I¨C


    ¡°Walk away.¡± I growl, and the World Song seems to wither at my tone. ¡°Right. Fucking. Now.¡±


    ¡°I... I''m sorry just..." Real and sudden fear flashes across her face. Her hands go up, palms out as she steps back. "Come to the same place where we first spoke. Tonight, after the evening meals. Please.¡±


    Then she backs away a few more paces, Like I¡¯m some dangerous predator or something, then turns and disappears into the crowd.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    Yrelia looks down at me with a ton of worry then¡­ she smirks. ¡°Good girl.¡±


    I almost melt into a titter of sobs and laughter as the shrill anger melts into more pain. F¨C Fuck. If not for the pain I¡¯d¡­ I¡¯d like to...


    ¡°Love you.¡± I whimper as I feel my expression of rage crack, almost fall into a puddle right then and there.


    ¡°Love you too.¡± She takes my hand, ¡°C¡¯mon. Let''s go find our lovers.¡±


    But¡­ I clamp up again after that. Tasii and Yrelia basically chase me into the showers and¡­ watch in worry as I strip down, don¡¯t even bother to remove the Arudian leg, and just move to stand under the downpour. Let the warm water wash away any traces and smells of that fucking fucking fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!


    I shudder, my leg hurts so much now. And the heat of the shower is just making it worse.


    ¡°We should leave.¡± I tell them as I dry myself and just¡­ stare down in disgust at my clothes. The ones I wore when I was with him.


    ¡°I mean, yeah it¡¯s probably lunchtime, we were planning on meeting up with Kque and Jevita to¨C¡± I turn what is probably a glare up at Tasii. She winches.


    I sigh, look away in guilt. Why didn¡¯t I listen to her? How did I make the same fucking mistake twice!?!


    ¡°Ina¡­?¡± Yrelia touches my shoulder. ¡°How can we help? Big things or little things. We¡¯ll fuck you right here and now if that¡¯s what you need. Put on a show for anyone else wanting a shower.¡±


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± Tasii sighs.


    ¡°Just¡­ fresh clothes.¡± I whisper.


    Yrelia nods, looks at Tasii. ¡°Stay here with her?¡±


    Tasii nods.


    Then Yrelia is off, and other than the couple women in the showers, we¡¯re alone.


    ¡°You should sit.¡± She murmurs, tries to pull me down onto a bench.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°Sit down.¡± Her voice is hard now, not unkind. But¡­ she¡¯s not asking. I huff and obey.


    ¡°How bad is it?¡± She asks quietly. ¡°Are you¡­ Are you hurt?¡±


    My fuck up? My Leg? My fucking¡­ everything!?!


    ¡°Bad.¡± I reply. ¡°But¡­ no. I¡¯m not hurt.¡±


    She nods. ¡°Once Yrelia gets back we can grab our things and duck out, we can probably get¡­ like¡­ halfway to the next town.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I sigh. ¡°I¡­ Fuck I thought I found something I was good at. Thought¡­ Thought I was being useful.¡±


    Tasii wraps an arm around me, pulls me into a hug. Kisses my forehead. ¡°Ina, you were doing so great. But¡­ We¡¯re not in love with you because of that.¡±


    Her touch and words would have helped, but the pain in my leg is getting¡­ really fucking intense. I barely understand her.


    ¡°I should have listened to you, last night and¡­¡± I murmur. And¡­ something in my voice tells her everything she needs to know. A hand touches my leg, and my flinch at the spike of pain confirms her fears.


    ¡°Ina?¡± She kneels in front of me. ¡°You didn¡¯t take care of your leg this morning.¡±


    ¡°The pain helps me focus, love.¡± I whisper as I fall deeper into the pain. ¡°Need it. To remind me that I¡¯m alive, and to¨C¡±


    She snaps fingers in front of my face, I jerk back. Sounds bother the returning headache.


    ¡°Ina.¡± She hisses. ¡°You need to sing this better. Right fucking now.¡±


    ¡°People around, can¡¯t risk it.¡± I grumble.


    She growls. ¡°It¡¯s either right here or I carry you up through this inn naked to our rooms. Pick one or I¡¯m choosing for you.¡±


    I sigh, ¡°Rooms.¡±


    That surprises her, but she nods, wraps me in the towel. And I¡¯m so glad the pain from every one of her steps keeps me from being embarrassed at the thing.


    Yrelia must bump into us on the way out, but she doesn¡¯t ask.


    Once we¡¯re in our room and the door is shut, Tasii sits me on the bed.


    ¡°Sing, now.¡±


    I hesitate.


    ¡°Ina. If you think we need to leave town today I need you to sing your leg better.¡±


    So I do. And the World Song titters and wiggles around us. Leg cools like someone dumped a bucket of snow on it and I can¡¯t help but moan in pleasure at the euphoria that brings. Head snaps into focus, the muddled thoughts clear and settle. By the end the pain is basically gone. Just¡­ a low awareness of its echo remains.


    Tasii takes my face in her hands and fixes me with a glare filled with¡­ with such love and¡­ ¡°Never fucking again.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Is all I can grunt back.


    ¡°Ina, I get you¡¯re upset, I can tell that¡­ that you blame yourself for whatever happened.¡± She says. ¡°But Moon and fucking Stars don¡¯t you ever hurt yourself like this again.¡±


    That¡­ fuck. As I sit here in guilt and painless euphoria I can¡¯t stop the first tears from falling. My lover doesn¡¯t let me pull away though.


    ¡°I¡­ I fucked up again.¡± I whimper, grasp at her wrists. ¡°And¡­ and¡­ I can¡¯t keep doing that¡­ I needed to¡­ to feel it so I remember.¡±


    Yrelia moves up then to lay a hand on Tasii''s shoulder, a... a subtle show of support for our lover''s anger.


    Tasii growls, almost shaking as furious tears gather. ¡°I won¡¯t let you fuck around with that. Even¡­ even if you really did fuck up and this is your fault. I need you to promise me, right fucking now. Never fucking ever do something like this again. Don¡¯t try to punish yourself like¡­ at all. Especially like this!¡±


    I look down, ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Ina.¡± Yrelia moves around to sit beside me, holds me from the side. ¡°Self harm doesn¡¯t help anything. Just¡­ really fucking sucks and hurts the people you love alongside you.¡±


    I slump. Knowing she¡¯s right. But¡­ but still¡­


    ¡°Okay.¡± I whisper. Shake with a few little sniffles.


    It takes a bit, but my lovers help me gather myself into one piece and get dressed. Then we grab all our possessions and head to the stables. Jevita and Kque were already waiting, food ordered and impatient with a little worry. I¡­ fuck I hate the looks on their faces as they see my expression. Can tell that¡­ yes. I did, in fact, fuck this up.


    ¡°Are you hurt?¡± Kque asks, takes me into a hug I desperately need.


    I shake my head, sit down at one of the little tavern¡¯s tables with them, and eventually begin to tell them about the last night and evening. It¡¯s hard at first, but once the words start flowing they just don¡¯t stop until I¡¯m empty and¡­ well I don¡¯t feel better. But telling my lovers about it all helps so much more than I expected.


    ¡°So¡­ that¡¯s why I think we need to leave.¡± I sigh. ¡°Get out of town today and¡­ and try to get out of Arudia as soon as possible.¡±


    Yrelia growls. ¡°If¡­ fuck if I could go to the Hetaera guildmasters I¡¯d¡­ Well let¡¯s just say that paying a fine and never getting to hire a girl would be the least of that fuck¡¯s worries.¡±


    ¡°How so?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Well¡­ first off, he lied to you about who you were going to be performing for.¡± She taps an angry finger on the table. ¡°Sprung himself as an Arudian male like you should be grateful for the opportunity. Which, I mean fuck we agreed to a private thing at his estate. He made you feel stranded and unable to leave safety. So even if your consent felt genuine, it was tainted by the past two problems.¡±


    I shift uncomfortably at the truth in her words. When I¡¯d first explained things I could tell they were surprised that the sex wasn¡¯t the problem. Yrelia must have¡­ well at seeing Zin she probably thought I suffered through some horrible thing.


    It¡­ well sure it wasn¡¯t very good sex. But I didn¡¯t mind trying things out with an Arudian male.


    ¡°THEN the fuck presses you, first thing in the morning after you admitted to being in pain, to agree to another session. And¡­ claims aside, locked the fucking door so you couldn¡¯t leave. No, fuck this fuck. Maybe¡­¡± She glares off. ¡°Maybe we can¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­ get the Hetaera guild to¡­ to work with us on this? Offer us immunity from charges or¡­ something?¡±


    Kque sighs, ¡°I wish we could risk it¡­ but breaking their rules like we did¡­ I¡¯m not sure either of you could avoid some pretty heavy fines or¡­ um¡­ worse.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯d be a coinflip who they¡¯d focus their wrath on.¡± Tasii agrees. ¡°And my bet would be on the foreign travels over the Arudian¡­ eh¡­ rich person.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. And what was that¡­ like¡­ crap about Ina having any kind of power here in Arudia?¡± Yrelia hisses. ¡°Was he just trying to flatter her or¡­¡±


    Jevita shakes her head, speaks up for the first time. ¡°No¡­ I¡¯ve seen the obelisks. Read transcripts. The Sun Spoken really did a fuckton to stabilize the Academy and all of Arudia. They¡­ well it¡¯s said that it was a Sun Spoken who carved the words onto those unbreakable crystals. He¡¯s right that Ina would be able to do¡­ well a lot if she aimed to make a claim.¡±


    We drop into silence for a bit. Pick at our food. Guilt bubbles. And I try to really really not think about that. About¡­ about being able to help people like me, but¡­ needing to risk my own life and¨C


    ¡°But¡­ like¡­ how did he know!?!¡± I hiss. ¡°He didn¡¯t seem to think I was anything but an oddity, even after I fucked him. But¡­ when I woke up¡­¡± I brush hair behind an ear, reach for¨C


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Kque asks. I look up. ¡°Are¡­ Are you hurt?¡±


    I just tilt my head in confusion. She taps the side of her head, just around the temple. ¡°You¡­ there¡¯s a mark or something. Right there. Little sparkle just under your left temple.¡±

 Chapter 49: Parasites and Monsters Part 2

    EXTRA long Chappy today! Hope you ALL enjoy!!!


    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    Spoiler : <input class="spoilerButton" type="button" value="Show">


    Discussion of cultivation magic that can be used to take away someone''s agency/implant suggestions/violate their will AND can force them to answer questions. A soul/mind attack that forces someone to accept a compulsion/new truth that hurts them to deny. Soul attack with tendrils piecing skin/Amwella. A character using magical tattoos that bring back trauma past/scare lover.


    I reach up. Don¡¯t feel anything. ¡°Do I? I don¡¯t remember¡­¡±


    ¡°Let me see, please?¡±


    I move from my little spot between Yrelia and Tasii to sit between Kque and Jevita, back facing away from the table. Kque carefully pulls my hair aside and¨C


    ¡°J¡ª Jevy?¡± She whispers, real fear that sends a rush of cold down my spine.


    Never heard that pet name for Jevita.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Jevita is suddenly leaning over, freezing.


    ¡°Is¡­ is this!?!¡±


    ¡°...Yeah. Fuck.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Yrelia asks, the anxiety in all their tones worries me as Kque¡¯s warm hands brush over something on my left temple. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°Cultivation mark, small but¡­ yeah that¡¯s¡­¡± Jevita touches it. ¡°If Ina had sparkles on her skin like you Kque we¡¯d miss it.¡±


    ¡°What!?!¡± Tasii almost bolts upright.


    ¡°Huh?¡± I am so fucking confused, but terrified at their tones. ¡°What¡­ is it a leftover from six months ago or¡­¡±


    I see Kque shake her head. ¡°No¡­ I noted everything I found. You didn¡¯t have this¡­ um¡­ like three weeks back last I checked you over.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s it from then?¡±


    Jevita pulls me to face her again. ¡°Ina, do you remember anything weird from last night? Any weird jewelry or¡­ like¡­ did he touch this part of your head with a ring or anything?¡±


    ¡°No¡­ but¡­ he did have a crystal before we went to sleep.¡± I murmur, cold fear beginning to roll through me. ¡°He said it was the first gemstone he ever found or something, but told me it didn¡¯t work.¡±


    ¡°Did he have it in the bed?¡±


    I nod.


    ¡°Can you describe it?¡± She presses, finger places around and tracing¡­ tracing¡­ something.


    ¡°Jevita?¡± Kque warns.


    Jevita only murmurs, ¡°I¡¯ll need to delve into the stacks, but I can find out what it was.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Kque nearly hisses.


    ¡°We need to know, Kque!¡± Jevita growls, and it''s¡­ frustrated. Almost pained. ¡°This fuck might have¡­ I don¡¯t know. Really fucking hurt her.¡±


    ¡°What¡­ what are you talking about?¡± I whisper through the fear at hearing them both so scared.


    ¡°Mind Cultivation.¡± She states flatly. ¡°Very fucking horrid, and very fucking illegal.¡±


    Did¡­ did this fucker mess with my head? Why¡­ Why would he¡­


    ¡°What are the stacks?¡± Tasii asks.


    ¡°I¡¯ll explain in a second.¡± Jevita whispers, focused. ¡°Now, describe the crystal. Everything you remember. Little details are important.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I try to focus too, ¡°About as long as my ring finger, but twice as thick. Green and blue and¡­ um¡­ looked to have sparkles inside.¡±


    I pause.


    Jevita seems to shake a little, the other hand takes mine. ¡°Did it look rough and uncut, or polished with clean edges?¡±


    ¡°Clean and polished, like it could be put on a pretty necklace if he wanted. But too big for a ring.¡±


    She nods. ¡°Give me a few moments¡­¡±


    Kque reaches out, wraps an arm around Jevita¡¯s. ¡°Please, be safe.¡± She whispers. ¡°Don¡¯t get distracted.¡±


    Jevita takes a deep breath. ¡°I won¡¯t.¡±


    Then her eyes go¡­ weird. Distant. Hand begins to trace along my skin with¡­ I don¡¯t know. More control and precision. Almost like she¡¯s finding little lines beneath the skin. Then the little marking across her begin to¡­ well not shine. But glimmer a bit. I swear I notice little wiggles of light rushing along them.


    ¡°You mentioned head pain when you woke up. Was it different from normal?¡± She suddenly asks, voice quick and clipped.


    ¡°Ye¡­ Yes. Cold. Like someone hit me with a block of ice.¡±


    ¡°Weird dreams?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡±


    ¡°Weirder than normal. Odd structures or people or¡­¡±


    I pause, fear rolling cold and terrible down my spine. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Okay then¨C¡±


    ¡°No! I mean¡­ I don¡¯t think I had any dreams!¡± I almost yelp. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ I mean I often struggle to remember all the little details. But I do remember that I had them! But last night¡­ nothing. Absolutely no contact with Her.¡±


    Jevita doesn¡¯t respond. Just¡­ goes quiet. Then she¡¯s murmuring things, so fast I only catch a little of what she¡¯s saying.


    ¡°43 possibles, 13 in the restricted sections. I¡¯ll leave those for last.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°15 easily dropped, and¡­ ten more require heavy modification to even be possible as a side effect of the change.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°No¡­ none of these even come close. I¡¯m sorry Kque, but¡­ I have to go over the restricted tomes.¡±


    I start to ask Kque something, but she almost looks to be in tears as she rests her head on Jevita¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°Can avoid these ten. They all need the subject to be awake. So¡­¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    Then she¡¯s back, breathing heavily and shaking a little.


    ¡°Jevy¡­¡± Kque whispers, takes her face in her hands.


    ¡°I¡¯m back, I¡¯m here.¡± Jevita pants, ¡°Just¡­ fuck. Fucking¡­ been a while since¡­¡±


    ¡°I know. Please stay.¡±


    ¡°I am, I will.¡± Jevita releases my face to pull Kque close. ¡°Fuck¡­¡±


    ¡°Did¡­ what did you just do?¡± Yrelia whispers carefully.


    ¡°I have a mind palace identical to one of the family''s old private libraries.¡± She states briskly.


    ¡°Mind¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°Eidetic memory.¡± She traces a finger over one of her arms. ¡°It¡¯s what these are. Perfect recall marks for about thirteen thousand tomes, research notes, and a few fictions.¡±


    Kque whispers. ¡°You¡­ You don¡¯t need to explain.¡±


    She pulls Kque close and kisses her on the forehead. ¡°It¡­ It helps to have them know. To¡­ to know they¡¯ll care. And I¡­ I can¡¯t let this fuck hurt our Ina.¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± Tasii presses, ¡°Do you know what he did?¡±


    Jevita grimaces. ¡°Well¡­ good news is that I think she¡¯ll be okay. She¡­ has experience with dream fuckery and seems to be resistant to the side effects of this.¡±


    ¡°And the bad news?¡± I whisper, squeezing her leg in comfort and fear.


    ¡°I¡­ If I¡¯m right, which I¡¯m pretty sure I am from the details you¡¯ve given¡­¡± She pauses, takes a deep steadying breath. ¡°Crude term the study used was that it was a dream based suggestion stone. It¡­ it was made illegal about three hundred years ago when they discovered the second of its kind. Both were shattered and buried.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ what did he actually do to me?¡±


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    ¡°I think he just¡­ used it on you and forced you to talk to him while you slept. Asked you questions you¡¯d be ready to answer as if to your own mind or a trusted friend.¡± She explains. ¡°The deeper you slept and the more you trusted him, the easier time he¡¯d have getting you to open up.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡­ then¡­¡± I look down, remembering¡­ remembering¡­ ¡°He seemed really really interested in how my leg got hurt before I passed out. Even insisted I take my stone one off. I didn¡¯t tell him much. But when I woke up¡­ he mentioned that he knew I was attacked because I¡¯m Sun Spoken.¡±


    ¡°Yeah that¡­ yeah he could get you to tell him that.¡±


    ¡°What are the side effects you mentioned?¡± Yrelia asks.


    Jevita sighs, first signs of relief. ¡°It¡¯s safe to assume she doesn¡¯t have any. The study implied long term exposure can lead to the subject becoming incredibly suggestible. Easy to command and control.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but giggle in fear and horror and annoyance. ¡°Well¡­ yeah I kinda told him to fuck off first thing the next morning. So I think I at least don¡¯t need to worry about that.¡±


    Jevita nods. ¡°Good. Good¡­¡±


    A long pause passes. I can¡¯t help but shutter and lean forward. ¡°So¡­ he could have.. Like¡­ asked me anything?¡±


    Kque and Jevita shift, arms wrap around me.


    ¡°He¡­ knows that¡­ that I was...¡± I start to shake. Rage and horror boiling as the word catches in my throat.


    ¡°Hey hey hey.¡± Yrelia calls from across the table, rises to move to kneel in front of me. ¡°They didn¡¯t seem to know! I heard that fucks surprise at your words before we left.¡±


    ¡°B¡­but Jutic.¡± I hiss. ¡°She¡­ she called me¨C¡±


    Yrelia shakes her head, takes my hands as Kque and Jevita smush me between them. ¡°I don¡¯t think they actually understand what you said, Ina.¡±


    ¡°She literally called me boy.¡± I spit through a building sob.


    Oh fuck the word hurts. I have to take another few breaths before I can steady my mind.


    ¡°Well¡­ what did she say before that?¡± Yrelia presses.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°She said, we¡¯re not your enemies, after her master tried to recruit you to help them. Her master is literally an Arudian Male.¡± She strokes my cheek. ¡°Calling him anything but that probably bothers him as much as this does for you, right?¡±


    ¡°So?¡± I murmur, ¡°Just means Jutic knows how to hurt me.¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s not what she was trying to do there!¡± Yrelia exclaims, ¡°She was trying to smooth things over, not rile you up.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ so why say that?¡± I wipe my tears.


    ¡°Because, Ina.¡± She takes my hands, kisses my fingers. ¡°I think they believe you''re an Arudian Male! Just¡­ like¡­ unchanged, and maybe in denial or hiding.¡±


    That¡­ fuck. FUCK!


    ¡°That fucking tracks,¡± Tasii murmurs, eyes distant and considering. ¡°From what you said¡­ about how comfortable you felt with him¡­ How you knew all the right words and how to flatter him, all while claiming to never have been with an Arudian male.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I spit.


    ¡°But¡­ the Mind Cultivation is fucking horrific. For him to¡­ to violate her like that. Lure her in and¡­¡± Jevita hisses then trails off in nearly shaking rage.


    I shudder, ¡°I want to get as far away as possible please.¡±


    That makes everyone jerk into motion, and before the hour is up, we¡¯re leaving the second biggest city in all of Arudia. We don¡¯t talk much during the packing and preparation, but¡­ there seems to be a silent agreement between them to keep at least one person near me at all times. Holding my hand or wrapping me in warm hug snugs.


    But¡­ fucking of course. We have to stop for the night at a wayside inn barely a few hours out as an intense storm blows in. I really really want to keep going, but can¡¯t imagine how we¡¯d deal with the nearly half a foot of snow that has dropped in just the past hour.


    ¡°Stable is solid,¡± Jevita says as she shuts the door to our little crapped room. ¡°I uh¡­ think he¡¯ll be good to sleep alone.¡±


    Then we all just, slump together on and around the bed. Curl warm limbs around whatever others we can find. Each of my lovers ensure that at least one limb holds one of mine as sweet oblivion consumes us.


    As dreams gather around me. I can¡¯t help but chew on Jevita''s words. On how¡­ How a Sun Spoken could change things for the better for Arudian Men in these lands. Feel such guilt at how¡­ how just the thought of sacrificing my safety and comfort made me so angry. Was I being selfish? Should¡­ should I have said yes? Been willing to fight and risk my life for people like me?


    ** ** **


    But then I¡¯m stumbling forward, almost as if I¡¯ve tripped into the dreams we share. Knees hit something softish as fingers sink into¡­ Ashes?


    Ashes everywhere.


    In the distance I can see old broken cities and blasted mountains. All laid low by¡­ by something beyond my understanding. So I ignore the curious desire to delve too deep into those wandering thoughts. Such things could¡­ could stir Her into shaping them.


    But that¡¯s not what dominates the landscape. Amidst the raging stars above, a single giant Arudian crystal cracks the sky and seems to bleed unnatural light around us.


    Us.


    With a flash I¡¯m suddenly aware that She¡¯s at my back. So solid and real and¡­ and¡­


    FURY rolls off her.


    I jerk around, an eternity of arms writhe and curl around Her, eyes glare up at the violation that pierces the dream.


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry! Are¡­ Are you okay?¡± I stammer, suddenly worried that Zin¡¯s horrible stone might have hurt Her. Might have damaged the dream we share. I rise and try to approach, hands out and placating. ¡°He did something while I slept and¨C¡±


    Eyes snap down to mine, violet and brimming with sudden Fear.


    HE!?!


    I jerk away as that terror begins to bleed into me through our shared gaze. ¡°An Arudian male. He was the one with the stone. He hired me to¡­ to¡­¡±


    Words trail off as something in them stills Her. Doesn¡¯t cool the anger and fear that radiates off Her like a sun, only fuels them more.


    He ravaged you?


    ¡°No! I agreed to it. He seemed sweet.¡± I stammer, try to approach closer. ¡°Like me even! transgender. Born in the wrong body. We just¨C¡±


    The dream bends, and suddenly I¡¯m tumbling toward Her.


    Willingly!?!


    Her fury at this confuses me as I fall into Her. I glance up to try and understand what¡¯s going on within those wonderful eyes. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? I mean¡­ He did have this gemstone and we think he used it to¨C¡±


    Then I feel her eternal arms curl around me, bring me close.


    Such Terror and Fury in her movements. I reach up to¡­ to try and comfort Her. ¡°Please, Why does this matter? He had Amwella. I was able to feed just like you want me to. We should focus on¨C¡±


    She hisses. Eyes are bleeding horrible black ooze now. Her gorgeous inner light smothered by¡­ something. Some deep and horrid thing that I''ve never seen in Her.


    In a second of memory, Emarial¡¯s words flash through me. On how¡­ how She really hates men. How other Sun Spoken who¡¯d tried to have sex with men had¡­ how she just said things ¡®went badly¡¯.


    And for once, I really wish I cared enough to heed her warnings.


    ¡°Wait. Love, don¡¯t¡­ don¡¯t focus on that! Focus on me. Listen to my voice!¡± I stammer, cradle her face. "Come back to me!"


    Won¡¯t let it infect you! Her will can barely form words now. Those eternal arms squeeze tighter, then drive into my dream flesh like an uncountable mass of horrible little fingers trying to¨C


    I scream then, loud and sobbing and terrified as She burrows Herself deep into my soul. Begins to tear and search and¨C


    Never again.


    Not my Challa!


    BE STILL AND LET ME GET THE WRETCHED AMWELLA OUT!!!


    I whimper and¡­ and try to trust Her. Go slack as She hits something, my soul of fire, and begins to peel something free of it amidst a shrike louder than my own cries.


    FOUND IT! She shouts in furious joy.


    A rip sounds, followed by a soul cracking pop! I curl around my aching spirit as She lowers me to the ashes quickly, but¡­ not roughly. There is a flash, my waking body shudders at the sudden explosion of Amwella heat within my core that rolls through my still sleeping body.


    Then She¡¯s all around me again, looming over me with such worry and regret and terror. Eyes not¡­ not free of the foul smelling tears, but¡­ lessening.


    ¡°Why?¡± I flinch from Her. ¡°Why did you need to do that?¡±


    She envelops me with gentle limbs, pulling me close despite my shaking at Her touch. But soon I can¡¯t help but lean into Her as such possessive love wafts through me. Helps ease my pain and terror.


    Then I let my memories flow into Her.


    She listens patiently, works to smother fury at my experiences and feelings toward Zin. Then¡­ Then she almost radiates a¡­ it''s almost a smug expected sadness at how badly it all ended. At how I much I wanted to hate Zin. Then goes still as I explain Jevita¡¯s discoveries on the violation above.


    Clever¡­ Our little lover. So broken, but-


    ¡°Don¡¯t call her broken.¡± I demand, ¡°She¡¯s wonderful and perfect and¡­ and¡­¡± I huff as I see my words roll past Her. ¡°But... We¡¯re leaving Arudia now anyway.¡±


    She¡¯s examining the memories, beginning to¡­ to puzzle something together. Focuses on our store of Amwella. Seems to bubble and coo with such¡­ Anticipation and Joy at the rich wellspring I¡¯ve gathered.


    ¡­No. No we are not.


    That makes me jerk. ¡° Wh¨C What? Why?¡±


    You pulled us from killing a monster before. She begins to turn me, bores violet eyes into mine.


    Memories flood back into me at her words¡­


    Of the woman we killed, of her monster we spared¡­ no¡­ not a monster!


    ¡°He¡­ it was an Arudian male? I fought you to let him live!?! He was innocent and just¡­ just in the wrong place trying to enjoy his life and¨C¡±


    Never again.


    Black ichor boils from her into me. Then she¡¯s forcing the words into my soul before searing them over to make their truths as real to me as the winter storm outside.


    ¡°Arudian men are parasites and monsters.¡±


    ¡°Wait! N¨C No!!! You¡¯re wrong! They¡­ they¡¯re just like me!¡± I shout as Her own hatred is carved into my mind and soul. ¡°They¡¯re just my opposite. Just as hurt and abused and¨C¡±


    But the words are set, and a thousand horrible icepicks of pain envelope my everything for a time as I refuse to accept them. Begin to tear and rip into me worse than her first command ever could. Seeming to¡­ to eat at such a deeper part of me that differs from Her.


    A flare of sudden Worry from Her as it becomes clear that this command is¡­ is going to burn through me. She presses into me and tries to drag my thoughts away from it. Eventually needing to just¡­ let me sit and glare down at the ashes. Spirit and mind still throbbing at Her new horrible command as I try to focus on our lover¡¯s faces and warm memories to distract me.


    It¡­ It feels like hours pass. Maybe days. Maybe a few eternities spread between us then. As I WILL NOT accept this, and She will not even consider that what She did was wrong.


    Much less¡­ much less try to undo this.


    But eventually Inspiration clicks on her tongue, and she¡¯s kneeling to sit with me. Drawing up our memories to show me what Jevita hinted at. Pulls my attention up to the scar still weeping above. Horrific truths of the violation this monster had inflicted on us begin to flow through the dream.


    I¡¯m shown the weaving pathways of pain and damage and horrible intent such a dream stone requires. How She can still feel the echo of the crack and snap and hissing while the thing burrowed into our skull and mind. How¡­ how continued usage would¡­ would¡­ eventually¡­


    How many more women will this parasite violate? She purrs softly. Carefully, trying to¡­ to ease me into changing my mind on Her command and intentions.


    If Zin was so ready to use this fucking thing on me, some silly Hetaera who he suspected might be Sun Spoken¡­ then¡­ then how many others would he hurt? How many has he hurt already? I can¡¯t help but consider Her will then. At¡­ at the thought of Zin hurting anyone else¡­ How¡­ how maybe he is really a¨C


    ¡°What about our lovers?¡± I shudder as the command settles. As my mind begins to¡­ to adjust its view of this one entity. ¡°They¡¯ll be so worried and upset and¡­ and¡­¡±


    We can be finished by sunrise, returned by midday at the latest. We can explain to them together why we did this.


    ¡°To¨C Together?¡±


    Together. Promise Promise!


    ¡°But¡­ Does he know how much damage that thing could do!?! How much it did?¡± I whimper. So scared and sad and still hurting at the things She¡¯s shown me. "M- Maybe just... doesn''t know?"


    It does not matter. She presses, kneeling down to hold hands out toward me. Will you walk this path with me? Or will you leave his cruelty to chance?


    I huff and sob, but take Her hands¡­ Trusting my final lover to bring us back safely.

 Chapter 50: Parasites and Monsters Part 3

    <u>Content warning:</u>


    Self harm and body bone/regrowth''s, murder plans, mentions of nudity.


    We awaken to warmth. Can¡¯t help but smile sadly as we look about at our lovers.


    They will hate us for this. The little spirit snuggles into the warm embrace of the larger¡¯s confidence. But¡­ This is our purpose. We protect more than just them.


    So, with carefully trained precision, we remove ourselves from the entangled mess of lovers, ensure the warmth of our body is replaced with others, and slip over to our baggage. Once we find some warm clothes, we leave without a whisper of sound.


    Cruel Arudian winds greet us as we pull the door of the inn closed. Then, after we take a few steps, we glance down to our maimed leg held aloft by Arudian stone. Consider the songs we could sing to handle the issue. We can¡¯t move fast with this, and¡­ and we abhor the idea of breaking the gift in our work.


    Reaching down and we unlatch the gift, and as we carefully pull the stump free we begin to murmur a guttural ugly harmony of wondrous design. We nearly groan in pleasure at the pain of twisting bone and root and sap. Almost¡­ almost lose the song to the ecstasy of overwhelming physical agony.


    A crack, a snap, then a tear of blood and bone and blade wrests itself free of our stump. We test the balance of the incredibly dense and sharp twisting of bone. The bottom is rounded and clawed to ensure plenty of hold on most surfaces. But its two edges are as sharp as anything in this world or another. We pull our tights back down to cover most of it.


    ¡°Perfect for now.¡± We whisper.


    Then we reach up to our temple and touch at the violation. No¡­ To draw it out now, without examining and shattering the crystal used could cause a further breach. Need to save that for after. But¡­


    There is a sound. A soft curious hoot that sings of worry and concern. We jerk over to see Lule poking his head out of the stable¡¯s door.


    We smile, pick up our Arudian stone foot, and approach. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to be asleep, Big Child.¡±


    Lule tutters and wiggles, presses his big head into our chest.


    ¡°No, we have to¡­¡± We begin to coo to him as we scrutch his favorite spot.


    Kill a monster? No, We can¡¯t tell him that! It¡¯ll frighten him so much! The smaller spirit yelps, cutting off our words.


    ¡°We forgot something in the city, will be back in the morning or tomorrow afternoon at the latest.¡± We assure him, then hold up our leg to latch it onto one of his straps. ¡°Can you look after them for us? Big Child? Let them know we¡¯ll return soon?¡±


    He trills, not¡­ not happy to see us leave. But trusting our will and words.


    ¡°Thank you!¡± We hug him tightly, then shoo him back into his stall. ¡°Sleep well! Might bring treats if We remember.¡±


    Then we shut the stable door, and turn to take off into the storm.


    If we had a wellspring of Amwella, like in the days before our fracturing, we¡¯d have simply bent the World Song to allow us to step directly to the parasite¡¯s home before bringing down a crushing storm of wrath and ruin.


    But¡­ such a thing will take many many years of lovers'' gifts to even begin to tease those powers back from the silence. So we¡¯re forced to run through the storm.


    **    **    **


    It¡¯s late when we arrive back at the city''s edge, and we¡¯ve had to burn some Amwella three times to keep this body nourished and steady. The pain from the leg alone would kill if we didn¡¯t understand how to enjoy the pleasure it¡¯s screaming agony brings.


    We find the home of the Parasite of Rell easily enough, nestled among rich houses and decadent wealth. As we approach we implore the World Song to tell us if the house is¡­ huh¡­ even less protected than the last. The daughters of this era truly are unworried and lax. Lights still burn from most of the windows, and for a moment we consider shattering the front door.


    The larger murmurs with a growl that thrums through the mind between us. He still wishes for us to be his little slave¡­ mind fucked into submission. Well¡­ let¡¯s see how he handles our return!


    The smaller spirit worries though. What of Judic and the others who live here? We can¡¯t¡­ we don¡¯t want to hurt them! Maybe we should pretend to be¡­ like¡­ here because we changed our minds? Get him alone? I mean we look really ragged! We could pretend like we¡¯ve been abandoned or something. Kicked out by our lovers after a fight?


    The larger spirit considers this, and agrees. So we simply step up to the door, and knock. It takes a few moments for us to sense movement, and then the door opens to reveal the older housekeeper that welcomed us before.


    ¡°Hello?¡± She asks, curious worry on her face.


    The larger spirit guides our words and little flutters at worry. Pulls the smaller into the dance of little performances. We wrap our arms around ourselves and give her our best hurt and innocent smile. ¡°S¨C sorry to come at such a late hour¡­ was here earlier and¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Penelope, who is it?¡± We hear Judic call from deeper in the manor.


    The housekeeper opens the door farther, revealing us to the older woman¡¯s cold curiosity. ¡°It¡¯s uh, the young Hetaera from before.¡±


    We look to Judic, a plea in our eyes as our teeth clatter a bit. ¡°Sorry. Just¡­ Didn¡¯t know where else to go.¡±


    Since our last merging, the larger spirit considered the signs those trained or familiar with us could watch for. Has taken the effort on the run over to soften our connection. Wither the Amwella that would normally purr through our words so naturally, and ensure that only a fraction of it could even be noticed.


    ¡°Please, come in.¡± Her face goes soft, ¡°Penelope, I¡¯ll take care of her.¡±


    We allow a few tears to fall as we move into the house, even add a few shudders to shake through us as we look about. For the smaller spirit, it¡¯s easy to wallow in pain and misery of how perfectly this thing hurt and fooled us. And the larger is happy to let her use it to keep up this performance, the best lies are shrouded in truths we can draw from the pain in our souls.


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    ¡°Can I take your coat?¡± Jutic asks, looking us up and down.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± We hesitate, look down at our damp and dirty attire. Our disgusted look is more at the need to use singular to remain unsuspicious. ¡°I look like such a mess.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, Ina.¡± She murmurs, helping us pull the half-frozen garment free to hang on a rack. ¡°I¡¯m just surprised to see you here. You didn¡¯t come to the inn as I asked.¡±


    It¡¯s not an accusation, just¡­ a question. Worry for the young woman shivering and alone and in such wondrous pain. We¡­ Maybe we can use this to keep her safe. Judic never¡­ Does she even know about the dream stone?


    ¡°Sorry.¡± We look down.


    There is a long pause, then Judic lays a gentle hand on our shoulder. ¡°Let''s get you warmed up, and fed if you''re hungry. Zin is upstairs with¡­ eh¡­ company. But I¡¯ll let him know you''re here in a bit.¡±


    We nod, shivering. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Then we are led to a little sitting room with a few comfy chairs and little tables. Judic makes sure we have a warm mug of tea before sitting in front of us.


    ¡°Ina?¡± She asks as we blow on the steaming liquid and take a little sip. ¡°Why did you come here?¡±


    We shrug, don¡¯t have to pretend to feel guilt, just¡­ lean into the solidified shame that we¡¯ve accumulated on our run here. ¡°Don¡¯t have anywhere else to go. No money or¡­¡±


    ¡°What of the payment from before?¡± She guesses an answer, so we lean into it.


    ¡°After what you said¡­ Things got¡­ complicated.¡±


    Judic¡¯s face goes so sad. And we almost feel guilty. But the larger spirit¡¯s nature seeps into us from the void. It¡¯s not the same. Her master is a parasite that infects and kills and rots. We are a glorious soul, burned free of cursed shackles.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She reaches out, touches our hand. ¡°That¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have said that there. I just¡­ I was hoping I could show you that I understood. That we were willing to¡­¡±


    So¡­ Our lovers were right then?


    ¡°Not a very good liar,¡± We lie, then trickle in easy truths. ¡°She¡­ she always sees right through them.¡±


    We squeeze our eyes shut. Let the guilt fester in Judic¡¯s soul at our words. At the lie that she cost us our everything.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Oh Ina.¡± She sighs, squeezing our hand as we hold false tears at bay. ¡°I am so so sorry. That was never my intention when I followed you. I just¡­ I was trying to¨C¡±


    ¡°I can try and¡­¡± We stammer as if on the brink of sobs, willing to use a lie to get us alone with¡­ with the monster of the house. ¡°Willing to work. Will¡­ will even give Zin more¡­ more sex and¡­¡±


    Pain, agony, death! Monstrous fucking parasite! The little spirit shrinks from the images and the rush of pleasure they bring the larger. But¡­ avoids fighting her on them. Needing to avoid division.


    ¡°Ina you¨C¡± She winces in such pain at our offer, and begins to rise. ¡°Zin will be happy to host you here as his guest. You don¡¯t need to worry about anything like that, okay?¡±


    We sort of¡­ stall at that. We were expecting her to nod and agree to that. Or at least not seemed bothered by her master¡¯s expected payment. But¡­ not insisting that we¡¯d be a guest and taken care of without expectations!


    ¡°Th¨C Thank you so much.¡± We murmur. Trying to puzzle out her part in all this. Judic can¡¯t know about the dream stone. She¡¯s tried to be polite and kind to us¡­ despite it all.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to go tell Zin that you¡¯re here.¡± She begins to leave, turns. ¡°He¡¯ll probably be busy for a time, but I¡¯ll be back in just a few moments to see if you need anything else.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± We whisper.


    And then we¡¯re alone with ourselves. Stuck at¡­ at contemplating plans. Little spirit wants to just¡­ fade and let the larger handle things, but the larger spirit needs her to keep this merging stable. This¡­ causes problems. The small still struggles at the idea of¡­ of killing anyone here. Even¡­ even¡­ someone who¡­


    The command prickles as She is unwilling to think of them as anything other than people. The sting burns the mind and causes us to shudder. Footsteps sound, and we realize that we¡¯d begun to cry at the pain. That our face must be a puffy mess as we turn to see¨C


    Monster is here! Larger spirit growls.


    Zin stands, barefoot and dressed in just a simple robe of dark maroon. Hair disheveled and eyes wide with worry. Judic stands just in front of him. A¡­ well there is a protectiveness in her stance, but not a conscious one. She seems more¡­ more like she wants to keep Zin back from us?


    ¡°Ina¡­ I¡¯m¡­¡± he whispers as he takes in our ragged state. Three hours of rushing back to him has left this body and its clothes a mess, now melted to a damp sad look that must make us look quite the tasty prey to his monstrous heart.


    We don¡¯t even try to stop the tears as we stare past her at him, even the smaller soul finds herself revisited with the anger from earlier today. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t resist as our mind is flooded with fury. Leg twists as we prepare to launch at the fucker that hurt us and almost spoiled the dream we¨C


    ¡°Zin?¡± Another voice calls from the stairs, ¡°Who could possibly have your rushing away from¨C¡±


    And then there are two. This new one still bears quite a few subtle markings that become quite plain in their state of undress. Dark skin, long messy hair, and eyes that shimmer with dark emerald hues. The smaller spirit jerks, larger hisses.


    Division.


    ¡°Go back upstairs. I¡¯ll return in a bit.¡± Zin doesn¡¯t turn, doesn¡¯t wish to take his eyes off us.


    Fuck he¡¯s¡­ he might actually be a little younger than us¡­ We¡­ we can¡¯t¡­ The smaller spirit just stares in curiosity and fear at him as the larger glares in hatred. Understanding how hard it will be to push the smaller into hurting that one.


    The younger man¡¯s brow furrows. ¡°Should I head out?¡±


    We¡¯re not hurting him. The smaller presses, realizing the larger¡¯s desires.


    Zin sighs, ¡°No Vyre, just¡­ wait upstairs please.¡±


    The larger fumes. We should.


    Vrye¡¯s eyes narrow. ¡°You already stood me up yesterday, should I expect another lonely night?¡±


    ¡°Shall I¡­¡± Judic murmurs to Zin, looks between myself and the new monster. ¡°I can escort one or the other.¡±


    But as she says this, Vyre just¡­ stares back at us. It¡¯s then that we realize we¡¯ve been very focused on this naked person for a few seconds now. Way more than is polite. He smirks at us, playful and curious.


    An opportunity? The larger purrs. But¡­ consents to a sudden rejoining that leaves the small very confused and a little dizzy.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ you don¡¯t need to¨C¡± We jerk to look down, a blush warms our face. Reflection of the smaller spirit¡¯s confusion and surprise and embarrassment. ¡°We interrupted your night of¡­ of pleasure and companionship.¡±


    ¡°Ina?¡± Zin asks ¡°No, Ina this¡­ Judic mentioned that you needed help?¡±


    The smaller spirit tries to poke and prod the larger for Her plans. But¡­ the larger simply¡­ relaxes. Prompts the smaller¡¯s will to guide the conversations.


    ¡°This¡­ this was a mistake.¡± We sigh, feeling¡­ well not alone. But¡­ so fucking odd as this huge spirit just¡­ relaxes and lets the smaller guide things. The habits and nervous titters of her rising up and up to the surface. ¡°We¡­ you shouldn¡¯t¡­ We still can¡¯t¡­¡±


    He moves then, past Judic, and kneels next to us. ¡°What happened?¡±


    We curl away from his touch reflexively. Need to find his crystal. We just shake our head, don¡¯t answer. Try to¡­ to figure out how to handle this! The smaller will not murder the younger one, and the larger will not let us¡­ Well, neither is willing to even pretend at being a Hetaera here. So¡­ what do we do!?!


    He looks back to Judic, she sighs. ¡°I¡­ The teacher and companions seem to have abandoned them. Left nothing but those sogging clothes on their back.¡±


    Them? Both spirits perk up at that. She doesn¡¯t sense our plurality¡­ only¡­ only wishes to avoid assigning us a gender until we ask for one.


    That¡¯s¡­ Interesting. The larger considers.


    While the smaller echoes. And very fucking kind.


    ¡°Why?¡± He touches our hand, looks between us and Judic.


    Vyre sighs in annoyance and leans against the entryway, but¡­ still watches us with interest. Totally unbothered by his own nudity. Just¡­ very fucking happy in the flesh he wears. The smaller turns focus away from him, wanting to avoid pain.


    We are NOT going to think about our opinions on that, thank you very much!!!


    ¡°She¡­¡± We stammer then squeeze our eyes shut. Wh¡­ what do we even say here!?!


    ¡°You were right, about that slip of the tongue.¡± Judic murmurs. ¡°Ina here is¡­ well¡­ like you I think. Her teacher found out and¡­ things didn¡¯t go well.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± I feel Zin¡¯s fingers tighten. ¡°Ina are you? Are you like me?¡±


    Well this is a problem. We won¡¯t lie about it. Won¡¯t, even for a second, let them call us ¡®boy¡¯ again. But¡­ can we just¡­ like¡­ tell them the truth? They all already know we¡¯re Sun Spoken? How much fucking harm can this do while we figure out how the fuck to get that crystal and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°Analogous.¡± We shake our head. ¡°Similar but¡­ opposite.¡±


    Don¡¯t focus on the killing. The smaller whispers to herself. The larger coos at her, but¡­ doesn¡¯t press it any farther¡­


    That¡­ gets a long and very confused pause from the group. Even the young Vyre.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t follow?¡± Zin presses.

 Chapter 51: Parasites and Monsters Part 4

    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    Threats, physically retraining ones soul.


    We sigh, look away, and it¡¯s not a performance as we say. ¡°This body is perfect, the best gift someone like us could ever receive upon becoming Sun Spoken.¡±


    Vyre jerks at that, but the other two already know about me being Sun Spoken. Just seem confused still.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m curious how you mean,¡± He pushes ahead. ¡°But¡­ if it¡¯s not right for you though¡­ What does it matter how beautiful it is?¡±


    We laugh, and oh even among monsters it is good to revel in the joy of the truth. So much we can shove out the singular to describe it. ¡°I hated my body when it was male.¡±


    That cracks it. I look back and find¡­ Eyes wide. Such¡­ wonder and curiosity and¡­ joy?


    ¡°Wait¡­ what?¡± Vyre interjects dumbly. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ B¨C but¡­¡±


    Judic has moved forward, eyes suddenly very very curious.


    Zin shakes his head. ¡°What you said about¡­ about being forced to¡­ since you were thirteen. I thought¡­ I¡¯ve been puzzling at that since you left. Wondering how and why someone would do that to you. I didn¡¯t think it was a lie¡­ but¡­ you said three or four times a day and even the worst treated Odalisque isn¡¯t forced into such conditions. And¡­ and at such a young age.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± We sigh, mood a little soured by the memories. ¡°A breeding male in Lyttoral. Only escaped that this past year. After the change.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ fuck.¡± Vyre seems to get it then, moves off the wall and suddenly seems very uncomfortable with his nakedness. The larger spirit can¡¯t stop a growl. Stupid little monster understands how small and¨C ¡°That¡¯s fucking¡­ I¡¯m so sorry. That sounds¡­ I¡¯m¡­ I really shouldn¡¯t be¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°How?¡± Jutic finally speaks, ¡°What¡­ It was when you became Sun Spoken?¡±


    We nod and smile up at her.


    Zin seems relieved at that. ¡°Ina you are truly¡­ This is historic! This¡­ this will shake the foundation of everything the Academy claims to know!¡± He stands, excited and energized and hungry to use and abuse and control and¨C


    ¡°And¡­ I¡¯m sorry about last night, truly I am but¡­¡± He takes my hand, pulls me to stand. ¡°But¡­ I must ask again. Please, will you come with me to the Academy? Help me change Arudia?¡±


    That causes us to freeze, glance up at him in curiosity. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°The first Transgender female I¡¯ve ever heard recordings of, and a Sun Spoken! Given her ideal form by older magics than even the Academy knows.¡± He nearly shouts in joy and triumph. ¡°My dear you will blaze a trail of splendor through Arudia. If only you will reach out and use the power the Weaver has blessed you with!¡±


    The Larger spirit nearly shoves a laugh through our lips. Right there, right in this parasite¡¯s stupid face. Nearly giggle and consider how we should weave a trail of blood and slaughter through his home. Turn all his joy to ash and despair as we make him understand just how much of a little horrid thing he¨C


    The smaller spirit stiffens and resists moving to avoid¡­ like¡­ any of that. Braces through it, but does not fight it. Simply to avoid the Division such a conflict would bring.


    The larger coos. An opportunity presents itself. And the larger soul weaves plans¡­ plans of a greater slaughter. One that washes Arudia clean once and for all.


    ¡°Wh¨C¡± The smaller spirit jerks, tries to hold things together through the sudden influx of horrible plans and desires. Knows it can¡¯t just¡­ fight them. So instead she just¡­ weathers them. Let¡¯s them pass and settle.


    ¡°Please, Ina. Let me help you change the world!¡±


    ¡°What¡­ what could we even do¨C¡± We mumble. Shove as much uncertainty into our voice as possible. These plans won¡¯t matter if¨C


    Judic steps forward then, nearly shoves herself between Zin and myself. ¡°Moon and Stars, Zin. Let the girl breathe. She lost everything tonight because of our interference.¡±


    Zin seems really pissed for a second, true nature plain on his face, but then he recovers his mask and sighs. But doesn¡¯t release our hands.


    Possessive and horrible monster. The larger observes, but then returns to Her relaxed state.


    ¡°You¡¯re right, of course.¡± He smiles, looks back at us. ¡°But please, Ina, know that you are safe here. I¡¯d never dream of¨C¡±


    ¡°Zin.¡± Judic slides her hand down to replace and shove aside his hands. ¡°I¡¯m going to show her to a private room, help her get settled. If it pleases you, I think you should leave her be until morning.¡±


    He¡­ steps back. Even seems to blush at her insistence.


    ¡°Of¡­ Of course. Judic. Apologies, Ina. I meant what I said. You¡¯re a guest. I¡­¡± He clicks his teeth, then forces out with such effort. ¡°A Sun Spoken is an honored guest to any family in Arudia. Stay as long as you need. My house and family are at your service.¡±


    That¡¯s¡­ huh. This is getting more and more interesting. The larger spirit coos. We don¡¯t trust this parasite, and¡­ Judic doesn¡¯t seem to be his creature. Just¡­ misguided. But if what he and Jevita said are true¡­ And we can use him to get very very close to¡­


    The smaller balks at Her schemes. Trying to¡­ to convey just how NOT OKAY She is with any of that! But the larger simply hums happily and relaxes again.


    We just look between them, let a startled expression show the young overwhelmed girl they expect us to be. Eyes wide and mouth like a fish. Then Judic is leading me past the two monsters. Vyre¡¯s eyes are downcast. A horrible blush and sudden lack of confidence seems to radiate from him now.


    The room Judic places us in is on the first story. It¡¯s¡­ well kinda fucking excessive for just one person. But there is a decent bathroom attached to it with a working bath.


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°I can get you a change of clothes while you wash up,¡± Judic says as she finishes and stands by the door. ¡°Is there anything else you need? Anything at¡­¡±


    Her eyes drift down, notice the hooked tip of our maimed leg. We shuffle uncomfortably.


    ¡°Is¡­¡± She considers as we move to hide the leg shyly. ¡°Is your leg alright?¡±


    We nod. ¡°Just¡­ um¡­ need sleep. Need to think about¡­ stuff and things.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°Can¡­¡± We start to ask as she turns to leave, and quirks an eyebrow. ¡°Did¡­ Did Zin mean what he said? About¡­ About letting me stay here? Even¡­¡± We bite our lower lip. ¡°Even if I can¡¯t¡­¡±


    She grimaces. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure that promise is kept. But¡­ He will sour if you don¡¯t help.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± We look down. The larger spirit coos. Perfect. Let the monster drag us into his schemes, then once we arrive at a clutch of his ilk we can start to cleanse this land.


    The smaller growls, annoyed but¡­ getting really good at fronting while letting the larger spirit weave her annoying hatful plans without causing division.


    ¡°But if that happens, I¡¯ll make sure you''re well off enough to pursue whatever life I can help with.¡±


    We jerk up, a bit surprised. ¡°Wh¡­ What?¡±


    ¡°When¡­ When I called you a boy, I was trying to help. Thought I was speaking a wonderful hidden truth that would help you find freedom. But¡­ I hurt you and ruined your life instead. And... I''m sorry about that.¡± She sighs, ¡°So¡­ I¡¯m going to make sure you''re taken care of. Will fund your training if you still want to be a Hetaera.¡±


    We just stare at her. Both spirits feeling a surge of guilt for how the larger is planning on weaving such delightful agonies upon the monster she seems to care for. How she might be left bleeding and maimed in our wake¡­


    ¡°But¡­ But what about Zin? Or that other M¨C¡± We choke on the word, have to adjust to avoid the pain of Her edicts. ¡°Vyre? What if he¡­ what if he tells people I¡¯m Sun Spoken?¡±


    ¡°Vyre will keep his mouth shut, and Zin¡­¡± She pauses, considers. ¡°He¡¯s not spiteful. He might hate you, but he¡¯ll move on. Focus on other pathways to his goals.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Okay.¡± We murmur.


    ¡°Ina?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Zin¡­ He¡¯s¡­¡± Her eyes go distant. ¡°He¡¯s a good person. Just¡­ Politics in Arudia push us to be ruthless sometimes. He wants to do better, but he¡¯s seen too many crushed beneath this system to not be made hard and a bit bitter.¡±


    The larger growls at that. The Monsters are sad because they are hated and feared by the women they would devour? Go weep into the sea.


    ¡°W¨C¡± We whisper but let it trail off into the nervous worry of the lonely scared girl she thinks we are.


    ¡°I¡¯ll knock and set the clothes just outside the door.¡± She moves to leave, ¡°No one else should come into this wing after that. I¡¯ll make sure you¡¯re given your privacy until you''re ready to come down for food or such in the morning.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± We whisper just before she closes the doors.


    Well¡­ won¡¯t this be interesting? The larger coos. Parasites and monsters, preening for us to join their little clutch. Oh how they will scream when we bring down their hive with a song that will ring out over the cold wastes of this horrid land.


    The smaller tries to¡­ to¡­ figure out what to do while ignoring the larger''s continued workings. Looks to the bed as such a wash of... of mind numbing exhaustion begins to overwhelm us. Threatened division stop us for a while. The smaller wants to leave, but larger demands sleep.


    We sigh and hum the needed healing song and decide that a short sleep might be the best way to handle things now. Talk in the dream, then¡­ then wake up before the sun rises and handle things from there.


    **    **    **


    It takes a long while for the warmth of Her embrace to allow the memories of the waking world to return. But when they do¡­


    ¡°THE FUCK!?!¡± I scream at Her.


    She just¡­ ignores me and hums a satisfied tune as eternal arms play with my hair. I shoo them off, turn to glare at her¡­ then cast my eyes down in a spike of terror at¡­ at what she could do to me though those eyes.


    ¡­What she already did to me.


    ¡°We¡­ We weren¡¯t supposed to stay. Just¡­¡± I poke her. ¡°Fucking¡­ kill the fuck and leave. I hated it but¡­ but we wanted to stop him from hurting anyone else. Take the crystal, and be back with our lovers by midday, at the latest!!!¡±


    She just¡­ snuggles closer. Excited and warm and lulling me back into¨C


    ¡°Stop it!¡± I try to push Her away, She doesn¡¯t let me. ¡°Why are we doing this!?! Again? We agreed that leaving them last time was such a bad idea! You promised¡­ Promised we could be back in time to explain this together. Not to¡­ to¡­¡±


    Still She just¡­ happily snuggles to me. Completely ignoring my anger and fear and¡­


    ¡°We¡­ We don¡¯t want to lose them, Do we?¡± I whisper and squeeze at one of her limbs. ¡°This¡­ This could make them hate me enough to just¡­ leave. Abandon me.¡±


    She pauses, finally showing annoyance at my resistance. Then¡­ They hate us. And we find new lovers.


    I choke at that.


    ¡°No!¡± I hiss after I regather myself. ¡°H¡­ How can you say that!?! How is this petty fucking revenge worth¨C¡±


    Limbs swirl and bind me tight, turn and force me to meet her gaze. I panic and lock my eyes shut. Ready this time to fight off a merging¡­ or worse. If She tries to place another one of Her horrible soulfire commands seared onto my spirit and mind¡­


    Petty? I feel Her point a few dozen tendrils at the cracking wound in the sky.


    ¡°It¡¯s not worth it if we lose them.¡± I counter.


    She fumes for a while, but¡­ I sense Her understanding. But also¡­ something else.


    Jealousy.


    I try to counter that spiteful emotion right fucking away. ¡°You love them too. I KNOW you do. You don''t want to hurt them!¡±


    I¡¯ll not leave monsters alive, not after they¡¯ve violated my Challa.


    ¡°We could have just run!!!¡± I scream, struggling to get free. ¡°Leave and find new places to explore! Away from him and Arudia and-¡±


    Like Emarial? Always running?


    ¡°This isn¡¯t the same.¡± I jerk to a halt, try to glare through closed eyes. ¡°Fuck you.¡±


    In time. She rumbles with anticipation. Tries to turn my anger with a wash of¨C


    ¡°When I wake up, I¡¯m leaving.¡± I sigh, pushing away her distractions. ¡°I won¡¯t fucking sleep again for as long as I can. I¡¯ll lock you out of this body. Over and over until you understand that¨C¡±


    Tap Tap Tap. Goes Her fingers against my eyelids. I freeze. She¡­ She has to feel the fear that threat brings. Especially after... after last night and...


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not going to ever let you do that to me again.¡± I stammer, voice going small and quiet and almost turning to a sob. ¡°That¡­ that was fucking horrible and spiteful and¡­ And how could you do that to me!?!¡±


    Easily. She leans in, presses Her forehead to mine. And I¡¯m willing to do it again, if it means keeping my Challa safe.


    I growl, pull and struggle a bit more. ¡°My name is Inamatorii. Or Ina if that¡¯s too fucking hard for you to remember.¡±


    I expect that to set her off, but... She only coos and nuzzles me. Who do you think gave you that name?


    I pause, confused. ¡°Y¡­Yrelia did. Sort of. That first night. We¡­ I asked them to help me pick a name and I wanted that one. She liked it too, so I chose it.¡±


    Mhm, She Purrs. But where did you first hear it? What inspired you to want it?


    I twist, try to¡­ to think. To remember¡­ I normally wouldn¡¯t forget such a thing. But¡­


    You are so much like her, my Challa.


    ¡°Who? Yrelia?¡± I snarl, kick and squirming again. ¡°No, she¡¯s stronger and better than I¡¯ll ever be. She¡¯d slap you silly if you tried this on her.¡±


    No. The dream whirls and curls and¡­ and I feel a storm of sorrows around us. You are my Inamatorii, my Challa. And you are waking.


    ¡°Good. I¡¯m leaving, and I¡­ I hope my lovers are still willing to forgive me for our fuck up.¡± I try to wriggle hands free. "I''m not going to kill for you. Not... not again. This was a mistake. We might have lost everything!"


    I feel an old furious hatred at my words seeming to¡­ to melt something. Make Her will turn rotten and terrible. All warmth fleeing from her touch as something old and horrid overtakes my last lover.


    Disobey my desires here, and I might consider weaving another command next you need my help.


    I go as cold as the corpse that seems to bind me here in fear at... at the drifting threat.


    One that robs you of your love for one of them perhaps?


    ¡°You¡­ You can¡¯t do that! Won''t do that!!! Y¨C¡±


    But the rotting thing before me just¡­ growls. And our dream ends.

 Chapter 52: Horrid Plans Part 1

    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    a touch of naked things after bath


    Then I¡¯m awake. Tears rolling down my cheeks. ¡°Fucking Cunt!¡±


    Between the amount of Amwella I¡¯d gathered over the past six months, and my access to healing songs throughout the merger, I was only greeted with my normal leg pains and a small headache. Both fading as I hiss out melody and pull myself from the bed. Angry and scared and¡­


    Oh.


    My new leg is¡­ right. Fuck!


    It¡¯s the same length, but¡­ so light I almost trip just moving about the little room. Have to take a few tries to understand its balance. Where Yrelia and Tasii¡¯s gifted foot was this amazing replication of a human¡¯s, with toes and such, this one is very much like that first horrible wooden thing I had to use. Stiff and awkward and¡­ fuck! I fucking hate it. How did we even run last night with this!?!


    Then I think to look out the window, notice the sun is already up.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I work to struggle to the door.


    Crack it open, peek out. No one in the little hallway, clothes on the floor. I snatch them up and jerk back into the room. They''re fine¡­ I guess. A little too¡­ well I don¡¯t like how it¡¯s a gown meant for a day indoors. Horrible for trying to sneak out and travel into the cold Arudian winds.


    I debate just¡­ wearing my clothes from last night. But¡­ fuck they really are a stinking heap of crusty horridness. I worry they might crack or tear without getting a proper wash, and even then they are still so damp. I¡¯d freeze and get sick so fast if I tried to wear them.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss and wriggle into the gown. I slip on my shoe, empty a pillow sack to function as a bag for my old clothes. And begin to leave.


    I¡­ Oh wow I really need time to get used to this leg. How in the actual fuck am I going to walk outside in this!?! I can barely go five feet without needing to steady myself against a wall! And then there¡¯s the noise it makes. Fucking fucking FUCK it is so loud the moment I begin to walk on tiled or wooden floors.


    Makes a very distinct tink tink tink.


    Even so, I almost get to the door without being spotted.


    ¡°Lady Ina?¡± Comes Jutic¡¯s voice.


    L¡­ Lady?


    I pause with my hand on the latch, look back to see that she¡¯s just come down the stairs enough to see me. The honorifics confuses me more than anything else. Nothing like when Yrelia coos ¡®good girl¡¯ at me, but¡­


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I just¡­¡± I huff, have to look away. Lying like this¡­ without Her help is¡­


    Fuck it¡¯s hard.


    She comes down the last few steps, hesitates. ¡°You don¡¯t have money for an inn or food.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I turn back, confused and¡­ oh. Right, our lie. That I lost everyone and everything and have nothing. I mean we don¡¯t have anything right now. But if we can just find our lovers¡­


    ¡°Um¡­ I¡¯ll figure something out. I¡¯m sure there are travelers that I can¡­ um¡­ convince to share a bed with me.¡±


    She sighs, sees the wrong lie, looks me up and down. ¡°You¡¯re going to freeze in that.¡±


    I shrug, begin to unlatch the door. But she¡¯s right there before I can finish, a hand rests gently on mine. ¡°Let me at least get you a meal, warmer clothes, and¡­ some coin. Okay?¡±


    I grind my teeth. I¡­ I need to start moving now. Get distance before I need to sleep again. Find my lovers and hope that they¡¯ll forgive me.


    ¡°Just¡­ Tell Zin to forget I exist. Coming here was a mistake. ¡±


    Can¡¯t¡­ Can¡¯t let Her use me to¡­ to¡­


    Her hand tightens. ¡°No. I don¡¯t think it was.¡±


    I flinch a bit, turn to glare up at her. ¡°Let go.¡±


    ¡°You won¡¯t make it two blocks like that.¡±


    ¡°If I catch up to them I can fix this.¡± I twist a truth to fit my lie. ¡°They¡¯re¡­ they¡¯re going to be worried sick.¡±


    ¡°You really believe that?¡± She tilts her head.


    I hesitate, for the wrong reasons. ¡°Y¡­ Yes. If I can just¡­ talk with them. Explain what happened. They¡¯ll¨C¡±


    ¡°If you know where they are, I can send a runner with a message.¡± She lays a careful hand on my shoulder. ¡°They¡¯ll move faster than you, and can bring your teacher and companions here.¡±


    I bite my lip.


    ¡°Lady Ina.¡± She presses. ¡°If these lovers care for you, they will come. And¡­ well, if you''re worried about threats due to your being a Sun Spoken, won¡¯t they be the safest here as well? No one would dare make a move against you while you¡¯re a guest in Zin¡¯s home.¡±


    And¡­ And it could let me avoid angering the Weaver for now¡­ And FUCK I would still like to get that fucking gemstone!


    ¡°I want to write them a letter, seal it just for them.¡± I whisper. ¡°There are¡­ things between us I don¡¯t want anyone else to know. Private and¨C¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Judic eases me away from the door. Helps support my obvious lack of balance.


    ¡°And I don¡¯t want to deal with Zin until I¡¯ve spoken with them.¡± I add, ¡°I¡­ I want us to decide some things together without him¡­ um¡­ muddling things.¡±


    Or me feeling the conflicting desires to kill him and¡­ and¡­ well just not be near him. I CAN NOT let my fear drive me to give into that command.


    Judic pauses, but nods. That worries her. ¡°Alright. You''re a Lady of the Sun Spoken. How can he refuse you?¡±


    She guides me back to my room, and before long I¡¯m munching on a small breakfast of sweet things and warm cider. The letter¡­ well it''s honestly more of a note, will be ran at all speed on the road we took to both enter and leave the city. Descriptions were given, but only Yrelia¡¯s name was said. My lovers would accept the note on her behalf.


    I worry the runner might¡­ I dunno¡­ have instructions to bring back the letter and let Judic read it. So I hope my subtle hints at the duality and merging would explain why I was here.


    I¡¯m so so sorry.


    We¡¯re at our last client¡¯s home.


    Please, come and let me explain.


    Love, Ina


    And then¡­ I¡¯m just kinda fucking bored. Judic returns up after the messenger is out and off.


    ¡°My Lady. You should¡­ maybe enjoy a bath?¡± She suggests, looking me up and down.


    I touch at my mangy and probably fucked up hair and what must be horrid bags under my eyes. Considering¡­


    ¡°I can get you some warmer clothes.¡± She presses. ¡°It¡¯ll be at least a few hours till they¡¯ll get your message and head this way. The warm water will help you relax.¡±


    I sigh, and nod.


    It¡¯s not a long bath. Even knowing that it¡¯ll be hours and hours before my lovers even see the note, much less come find me, I can¡¯t help but just do a cursory cleaning of myself before wanting to be out and ready.


    Once dry I head over to the door, open it looking for the clothes Judic had promised and¨C


    Parasite, monster, DANGER! I flinch back almost as hard as Vyre does.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss, fighting to settle my thundering heart. Take a second to¡­


    Vyre¡¯s wearing clothes this time. A simple tunic of cool blues and twisting purples.


    ¡°Oh. Sorry.¡± He pulls back, stares at my¡­


    Oh right. Still naked.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± I growl.


    Two of Her songs dance into my thoughts. Both taught in case I needed to protect myself from a sudden danger.


    The first is a call for Her to join my mind. Without sleep to sooth the passage it would¡­ well it will hurt like a raw fuck and end up costing us a ton of Amwella to heal at the end of the merger.


    The second¡­ while a much much cheaper cost to cast. It would be harder for me to use, like¡­ emotionally. Would¡­ would make sure a threat was removed almost instantly if I used it right.


    Kill someone as easily as breathing. Or, in their case, Not breathing.


    Or existing.


    Kinda¡­ peel them from the World Song.


    ¡°Zin asked me to come check on you.¡± He grins, misreading my embarrassment and sudden shock as me¡­ uh¡­ I guess displaying things.


    Fuck.


    Like... nakedness among people out here is even more normal than back in Lyttoral. The awkwardness here is from... well honestly my own issues with the Weaver''s command and Vyre misreading that. But FUCK if I''m going to hide myself.


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    He tries to keep his focus on my eyes, but fails often and obviously as they wander down and over our wondrous exposed form. ¡°We just¡­ got the sense from last night that maybe you¡¯d enjoy some company?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I lose all patience. ¡°I was told this wing would be left to me. And now Zin sends you to drag me from it?¡±


    His eyes dart back up to mine, ¡°Wh¨C What? No! I mean, not unless you ask nicely. I can be pretty flexible in the roles I play.¡±


    Really?


    ¡°No thank you.¡± I snort, ¡°What? Does he simply wish for me to pay for this room with my body now?¡±


    Would be a shame if he pushes this, but¡­ if the slaughter of monsters and parasites must start now¡­


    I look away, anger draining as I realize how easily my own thoughts just¡­ dipped into Her command. How I''m letting myself get mad over... over what? Some monster coming to see if I''d like a good fuck? If this was Judic or... or even one of Yrelia or my clients I might consider the distraction a welcome thing!


    Well... no. Not right now. But... in a TON of other situations!


    Maybe... Honestly probably.


    ¡°No¡­¡± That breaks his grin. ¡°He¡­ he just mentioned that you might¡­ well as a Hetaera, be able to show me a few things. Might be interested in a¡­ uh¡­ younger companion for the morning. One closer to your age.¡±


    As my thoughts war with themselves and I play at the edge of horrid punishment at betraying the command She¡¯s inscribed into me. I sigh, also annoyed at how cute that little blush is making this monster look.


    But¡­ Even without Her command I am pretty fucking convinced that I¡¯m not interested in sex with a male ever again.


    It''s just... not for me. Doesn''t really excite.


    ¡°So¡­ you''re supposed to be the Hetaera now?¡± I sigh. ¡°Sent to entertain his guest?¡±


    He quirks an eyebrow, a hope rekindled. ¡°Sort of? I also heard that when you work it¡¯s very¡­ unique. Like nothing I¡¯d ever experience with another man or woman.¡±


    Oh. Fuck these monsters. Fucking¡­ Still just chasing the chance to ravage and¨C


    ¡°Vyre?¡± Judic¡¯s voice comes from down the hall, interrupting my little spiral into Her command.


    He jerks, winces as he sees her heading our way. ¡°Hey Judic, Zin just asked that I¡­ um¡­¡±


    Judic appears then, looms over the shorter man. Then glances over to my naked form, pauses, then pushes past Vyre to offer me the outfit she¡¯d gone to retrieve for me. ¡°Did you already finish?¡±


    I poke at my still damp hair while taking the offered outfit. ¡°Yes. Thanks for bringing these.¡±


    ¡°Lady Ina,¡± She murmurs, looking between us. ¡°Perhaps¡­ you should redress yourself and¡­¡±


    There is a pause. Awkward, but... I quite enjoy watching this little monster squirm under Judic''s annoyance, and¡­ as for Judic. I can¡¯t help but see her eyes work very hard to flit at the edges of me. Yrelia trained me well as a Hetaera, and helped me work through any modest worries a long time ago.


    Confidence is fucking sexy and we trained to exude that. But also¡­ I have no shame over my body now. It¡¯s perfect. I rather enjoy her attention, helps to¡­ helps me feel more in control of this situation.


    ¡°Vyre was just telling me why he was stalking outside my room.¡± I settle my clothes against my lower half. Not in modesty, but in the controlled annoyance of one waiting impatiently.


    ¡°Stalking?¡± He jerks, glancing up to Judic in real worry. ¡°I didn¡¯t get the chance to knock! Then she opened the door and¡­¡±


    ¡°So it¡¯s my fault then?¡± I press, not being able to help but tease this little monster now that his confidence is shattering. Helps... helps knock down Her command a bit. Follows it''s desires without dipping into murderous intent.


    ¡°No!¡± He nearly yelps, turns back to me, then averts his gaze. "I... Zin just said that..."


    I sigh. ¡°Look, Vyre. I told Zin both before and after our night together, I prefer my lovers to be female. And since now I guess you¡¯re in the know about my past¡­ differences. You can understand why that is the case. The other night with him was¡­ interesting, but not something I plan on trying again. With... like any male.¡±


    That¡­ seems to crack him. Settles him into a sort of¡­ regretful but solid understanding. Calms Judic too. Although it also makes her remaining annoyance more noticeable.


    ¡°Okay, yeah. I can totally fucking understand that.¡± He nods, ¡°Sorry I¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to make this a big thing. Zin just¡­ he really¡­¡±


    ¡°Go wait for me outside His chambers,¡± Judic commands, resting a hand on his shoulder. ¡°I need to have a word with him anyway.¡±


    Vyre¡­ well he doesn¡¯t flinch. But I can tell her words are not things he wanted to hear.


    Then he¡¯s gone. And I stand alone with Judic as she watches him disappear. Her eyes wander back to me, drift down¡­ and end up locked on my maimed leg. I¡­ I get to watch as quite a few things pass through her. Processing the nasty twisted thing and how it ends now not with a stump or a gorgeous stone foot, but a jutting of bone wrapped in root and glittering violet dewdrops.


    ¡°What is¡­?¡± She whispers, it¡¯s almost a hiss of¡­ something.


    I sigh. Right. This is going to be¡­ weird to explain. To¡­ like anyone and everyone. So... Of course I''m just not going to try right now.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to get dressed.¡±


    I don¡¯t wait for a reply and I shut the door, nearly¡­ honestly I would have slammed it if I could have remained upright after the force. And¡­ Fuck getting dressed is a pain. Jutic brought me a much warmer gown with nice lining and even a little mantle of fur, alongside some nice tights and underthings with really soft insides. They¡¯re all a bit too big, and finding out how to tie all the straps and latches around the chest area is annoying. Probably takes me about an hour just to get it all wrapped up and settled.


    Okay, so since the runner was sent my lovers should be heading this way¡­ maybe¡­ maybe I could just¡­ like¡­ leave now anyway and catch them on the road?


    I bite my lip.


    But¡­ What if they¡¯re on the busy streets of the city? What if I miss them in the crowd? I''m... when I''m not merged I''m just a silly Hetaera! And with this new leg hobbling me so much...


    In the end, I decide to try and head out anyway. These new clothes will ensure I can deal with the cold without issues, and in the worst case I¡¯ll just¡­ come back here. It¡¯s not like these monsters will refuse me because I disappeared for a few hours. Fuck, I¡¯ll even tell Judic if she catches me heading out.


    The leg is still an issue, but I¡¯m getting more use to its weight, and honestly a few hours walking will help me adjust pretty fucking quick. But¡­ voices stop me in the hallway, make me try and¡­ well luckily this flooring is carpet so my leg won¡¯t give me away as I stop and listen.


    ¡°...for coming on such short notice, but we have to move quickly. With the celebrations coming up I felt we couldn¡¯t miss this opportunity.¡± Zin is speaking hurriedly from the main area.


    Fuck. I pause. That¡¯s the only way out I know of. Just¡­ have to wait.


    A younger woman sighs, ¡°Yes yes, but what could we possibly hope for? Only one family''s Matron truly supports our position. Even if we wrangle a speaking opportunity, we¡¯d just embarrass ourselves. Too many already agree with the Doyen¡¯s and their arguments.¡±


    ¡°Normally yes, but¡­ Well, I can explain the full meaning of this all upstairs.¡± Zin laughs with such joy and hungry horrible anticipation of being able to enthrall and¨C


    ¡°The attention won¡¯t help us now.¡± A second woman speaks, confusion plain in her older voice. It¡¯s¡­ familiar. One of Yrelia and my clients? ¡°Unless you¡¯ve managed to seduce or¡­ well somehow change one of the older cunts'' horrid beliefs, we¡¯d just waste resources and place certain undecided parties on the spot. Most won¡¯t risk disownment or even the little exile you¡¯re happily enduring.¡±


    Through the little space I can¡¯t avoid, I see the monster of the house begin to head up the stairs, pause and turn back to his guests. ¡°They won¡¯t have to.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± A¡­ third voice intones.


    I believe another monster has entered the house.


    A surge of¡­ things, roll through me. I have to close my eyes and press myself against the wall¡­ and¡­ just weather it. Don¡¯t engage or revolt. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t deal with the pain right now.


    ¡°We won¡¯t need¨C¡± Zin whispers. ¡°Just¡­ come upstairs and¨C Ah Judic! Wonderful! I¡¯m glad you¡¯ve returned.¡±


    Can''t... can''t sleep here. Not with three of them about. Don''t... don''t want her to make me kill them.


    ¡°How may I serve?¡± I hear Judic speak, her voice careful.


    ¡°I would like you to get us an early lunch for our guests in the dinning room.¡± Zin tells her. ¡°All of our guests. I¡¯d like to speak with these three privately before the meal, however.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°Judic?¡± Zin¡¯s voice is a little¡­ cold? Annoyed? Worried? A bit of that and more?


    She doesn¡¯t reply, but I can see Zin huff and slump a bit. ¡°Please, Trust me in this?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not my trust you should be trying to earn.¡± She says so quietly I can barely hear it.


    ¡°Other guests?¡± I can hear the eyebrow on the younger woman get raised. ¡°Who do you plan on springing on us, Zin? We come to you in confidence.¡±


    ¡°Yes yes. That is why I am trying to explain upstairs beforehand.¡± Zin raises palms out to placate the room. ¡°If you decide to not attend the following meal¡­ Well, you can leave. No judgments. But I would very much like your help in persuading her to help us. She is sympathetic to the plight, but¡­ well I¡¯ll explain in a moment.¡±


    ¡°Sounds reasonable.¡± The monster of the new group moves past Zin, proceeds up the stairs with a simple pat on his shoulder.


    The two women follow suit, leaving Zin to stare down at what must be Judic. They don¡¯t move or speak until the others have disappeared and idle chatter fades.


    ¡°She was very clear,¡± Judic finally says. ¡°And won¡¯t be ready to even see you until tonight.¡±


    ¡°Which is why I am asking you to prepare all this.¡± Zin sighs, ¡°She trusts you.¡±


    Judic snorts. ¡°No. No she does not. She¡­ I don¡¯t know. Something''s about her is off, Zin. It¡¯s like everything she said last night was¡­ well not a lie but¡­ a half performance.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile. Smart woman.


    ¡°Of course it was.¡± Zin laughs. ¡°She¡¯s probably been performing so long that her body treats truths as falsehoods and lies as sweet facts. Was I no different? You often read lies on Vyre where none exist.¡±


    I hear Judic¡¯s sigh. ¡°You¡¯re not wrong, but that¡¯s not what I mean.¡±


    ¡°Do you think her companions have connections to other families? Spies to observe some exile of the house of Rell? Really?¡±


    ¡°I doubt that. But I¡¯ve not met all of them.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s a sweet girl,¡± Zin presses. ¡°Just¡­ scared and very alone. Her lovers might accept her back, but we can¡¯t risk them stealing this opportunity for all of Arudia. For my brothers and lovers. Please Judic, put aside your guilt in this and stay the course with me.¡±


    A beat, and I¡¯m curious¡­ Will¡­ will she try to manipulate me? Has she been trying to? For someone who seems to have read me well despite the Weaver¡¯s aid she seems quite oblivious to the drool her monster exudes.


    I shake my head.


    Ugh¡­ Her command is¡­ it¡¯s too deep. I only just realize how much I¡¯m letting it seep into all my little thoughts!


    ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ ask. But that¡¯s all.¡± Judic begins to move this way. ¡°I won¡¯t press her on it.¡±


    Zin sighs, but nods. Turns to head up the stairs. By the time Judic has turned the corner and sees me the monster is already gone and out of earshot. She stops, tilts her head. Clearly surprised, but¡­ not angry or embarrassed. If anything she seems a bit relieved.


    ¡°How much did you hear?¡±


    ¡°Most of it.¡± I push away from the wall. ¡°Who are those people?¡±


    ¡°Two grandchildren of the families, like Zin. The older woman is a wealthy merchant beloved and bound to one of them.¡±


    ¡°Why¡­¡± I look past her, toward the stairs leading up to Zin¡¯s private rooms. ¡°Why does he want me to meet them?¡±


    ¡°They are some of his closest allies. He wants their support, advice, and connections if you agree to come with us to the Academy.¡± She pauses.


    I bite my lip in thought.


    ¡°What¡¯s your angle here, Ina?¡± She whispers, eyes focused. Not¡­ not unkind. But searching. ¡°Why did you come here last night?¡±


    ¡°I made a mistake.¡± I look down and away, keep my words to simple truths. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m leaving to try and find my lovers, catch them on the road.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Are you worried they won¡¯t come?¡±


    ¡°No I just¡­ I don''t want to waste more time.¡± I huff, repeat my words to her from before. ¡°They¡¯re probably worried sick. And angry. And¡­ I have so so much to explain.¡±


    She pauses, studies me and considers. ¡°How much of this is a performance? A mask?¡±


    I snort, ¡°I came here as a Hetaera in training, remember? That¡¯s like¡­ most of what it means to perform as one. Knowing how cover up useless emotions and things.¡±


    ¡°Your teacher¡¯s not actually a Hetaera.¡±


    I huff, knowing¡­ knowing if she wasn¡¯t sure she¡¯d still read me plain here. Fuck. FUCK!


    I glance back at her. Find annoyance as she sees that I already knew. ¡°It¡¯s not like Zin would care. Both of you were willing to risk our futures for a night of pleasure.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ true.¡± She lets out a sigh, annoyance doesn¡¯t leave her. But there is more¡­ balance? ¡°How¡¯s your leg? You seem unsteady.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    Eyebrow raises, but she doesn¡¯t press. ¡°Will you meet with Zin and his allies?¡±


    ¡°No, I should just go. Find my lovers and get out of here. Before¡­¡±


    Her words hum in the back of my mind. Her threats to¡­ to take my love from me.


    How long can I fight Her!?! Can¡­ Can I convince Her to just¡­ let it go if we get far enough away?


    ¡°You seem¡­ really scared of someone.¡± She whispers, almost to herself. ¡°Not of Zin. And you seem to know that your lovers will come and accept you. So¡­ Why? What is that fear I keep seeing?¡±


    I can¡¯t help but bite my lip. ¡°N- Nothing. I¡¯m just¡­ There¡¯s a lot going on.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­?¡± She moves closer, ¡°Is there someone else involved here? Did one of the other families find you? Threaten you? Ask you to¨C¡±


    ¡°No. Judic. Nothing like that.¡± I huff, move to try and signal I want to go past her. She remains still. So I decide to use another truth to hide the lies. ¡°Just¡­ Last time someone knew I was Sun Spoken I lost a leg.¡±


    She pauses in shock¡­ winces. I can feel that it clicks into place for her.


    ¡°Then stay. Listen to his offer and tell him to fuck off.¡± She raises a hand, ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ I meant what I said, Ina. I¡¯ll make sure you leave with the same amount of coin that was paid the other night.¡±


    I openly gape at that. ¡°Y¨C You can¡¯t promise that. Zin would never agree to it. Especially once I¡¯m leaving.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll have him pay up front. No questions, no promises from you.¡±


    I just snort in an ugly way. Let her know how stupid that sounds.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii,¡± She suddenly lets her voice go¡­ formal. Emotionless. ¡°Any Matron of Arudia would pay twice that for the possibility to host a Sun Spoken in their home, much MUCH more for what Zin gained on your first night here. You can stand higher than even the Doyens of the Academy if you so wish.¡±


    ¡°Stop it.¡± I hiss. ¡°I don¡¯t want any of that.¡±


    ¡°My point, Ina.¡± Her voice goes soft again. ¡°Is that you should fleece the families of their obscene wealth at every opportunity. Moon and Stars know Zin does.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Fine.¡± I spit. ¡°But I¡¯m not going to have a stupid meal with them till my lovers get here.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll make sure he knows what you¡¯ve agreed to. And we¡¯ll ensure there are seats for your companions as well for what will probably be a late lunch at the earliest. You said there are four in total?¡±


    ¡°Jevita would probably want to stay with Lule regardless. But¡­ Do you have Quelekita stables nearby?¡±

 Chapter 53: Horrid Plans Part 2

    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    Someone vomits. descriptions of soul commands.


    The day passes slowly, and I get more and more anxious as we pass from morning to afternoon. And then, as evening draws near I am nearly ready to rush out into the night in worry. Chewing and gnashing on countless horrid futures where the message never reached them, or they¡¯re just waiting on me to come to them, or¡­ or¡­ what if they are so angry they do just¡­ leave me? Decide I¡¯m just a horrible person who only took and took!?!


    By that time I¡¯m just sitting sprawled on the floor in the hallway. Out of sight of the main area in case Zin passes through, but close enough to the main door that if they¨C


    A knock, and I¡¯m scrambling to move. It¡¯s not very pretty or refined. Just a sudden and desperate rush to get to the door and see them again. I nearly barrel over the housekeeper to get the door. Am already nearly in tears as I fumble at the latches.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii,¡± She tries to move forward, all surprised and unsure of how to handle what was such a rude thing. I ignore her, figure out the fucking impossible door, and swing the door wide.


    Only two stand there. But¡­ fuck me. I¡¯m already tumbling forward and falling into their arms. They both accept me with more warmth and love than I deserve.


    Tasii squeezes me tight while Yrelia is nearly shaking with rage. ¡°That cunt better have a good reason for dragging you back here!¡±


    She knows. Fuck she¡­ she isn¡¯t even¡­


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± Tasii places kisses on my head, draws me back so both of them can peer into my eyes. Whispers, ¡°Is¡­ Are you alone in there?¡±


    I nod, ignoring the tears and just¡­ hoping she can tell. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. She¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s okay.¡± She pulls me back into a hug.


    ¡°Where are Kque and Jevita and¡­¡±


    A hoot and trill sounds from the street. I peer past to see two bundled forms next to the towering Quelekita as he pitter patters his feet in excitement. More guilt¡­ I don¡¯t have any of the treats we promised.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here, yeah?¡± Tasii begins to move us away from the door, down the steps.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii?¡± Comes a monster¡¯s call.


    I barely repress the rage at the audacity of this fucking parasite to interrupt this warm and wonderful moment of¨C


    But Yrelia acts before me, releases us to move toward the open door and the pair that stands just inside its archway. She raises a hand, and a loud CRACK echoes through the night as she slaps Zin with all the might she can muster.


    ¡°Yrelia!!!¡± Tasii and I¡­ and I think Kque, all yelp or shout at the same time.


    Zin and Judic are in the doorway, while a few figures seem to be standing dumbstruck on the stairwell deeper in. Judic¡­ Well to her credit she moves quickly and effortlessly to get between them. Would have probably snatched Yrelia¡¯s hand if she¡¯d gone for a second blow, but only seems to hold a warning hand out toward her now. But¡­ From how I¡¯d seen her move I couldn¡¯t help but feel like she¡­ well¡­ Yrelia¡¯s face was a fury and it was pretty obvious her intent.


    Why had she not stopped her? If she works to protect this monster?


    ¡°That¡¯s for the other night.¡± Yrelia hisses, stepping back. Shaking out the pain the slap probably caused her. ¡°I¡¯ve half a mind to take this up with the Hetaera Guild.¡±


    I know she¡¯s lying, and I¡¯m sure Judic does too. But¡­ Zin¡­ somehow. Keeps his monstrous anger in check and just¡­ steps back. Offers her and us a bow as a hand nurses his reddening cheek.


    ¡°My deepest apologies, Hetaera Yrelia.¡± He says with such¡­ control. Not any real hints of actual remorse but¡­ but¡­ trained. ¡°I didn¡¯t consider your protege¡¯s comfort in my efforts to remain private. But¨C¡±


    I step up, cradle my lover¡¯s wounded hand. Don¡¯t even look at the monster as I consider if I should offer a quiet healing song¡­ But¡­ Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t think straight as my instincts scream alongside her commands to protect my lover. To just sing those wonderful harmonies of death and slaughter and¨C


    ¡°I told you to wait!¡± I hiss, trying to squeeze my eyes shut and pull Yrelia away. Trying to¡­ to avoid the thoughts and commands and impulses I know aren''t mine.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii, I¡¯m only¨C¡±


    But something cuts him off, and I look back to see Judic examining his face, making it hard for him to speak. ¡°If it pleases you, you should have Penelope see to your injury. I will escort our guests to a private room.¡±


    My lover spits. ¡°We¡¯re not coming a single step inside¨C¡±


    ¡°Yrelia.¡± I murmur, but in a solid and insistent way as I look to her face. That gets her to pause, look back at me with¡­ worry and confusion and¨C


    I fight to ignore her, turn back to Judic. ¡°We¡¯ll talk outside. There are no Quelekita stables nearby and I need his mother to be a part of our conversations.¡±


    Zin begins to object, but Judic cuts him off. ¡°Please make sure to inform us of your position before you leave. I will see to your remaining belongings in the meantime.¡±


    A long pause, I consider telling her right then and there. No, we¡¯re leaving. Fuck you. But¡­


    Her threat and¡­ and the Cultivation stone¡­


    ¡°I will.¡± I turn, take Yrelia and Tasii''s hands, and lead us back down to our two other lovers. Kque and Jevita immediately step forward to embrace me while Yrelia and Tasii still hover close behind, hands resting on my shoulders.


    ¡°Ina, are you okay?¡± Kque takes my face in her hands, tilts me to both sides. Inspecting for any more Cultivation marks.


    ¡°Not really.¡± I shudder, almost break into more sobs as I feel their warmth huddle around me. ¡°But¡­ Everything is so fucked up. I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Ina what happened? Why did you come back?¡± Yrelia presses, glares back at the house.


    ¡°She¡­¡± I huff, ¡°Did¡­ did you get my note?¡±


    Yrelia looks back to me. ¡°You left a note?¡±


    ¡°No, We¡­ no.¡± I feel a twist of my gut. ¡°Judic helped me send a note out with a runner to try and find you all. Ask¡­ Asking you to come here and¨C¡±


    I¡¯ll not leave monsters alive, not after they¡¯ve violated my Challa.


    I shudder, take the closest hand. ¡°She¡­ was really upset after I told Her what happened in the dream. Emarial was¡­ she was right. She¡­ She wants me to¡­ to¡­¡± I trail off. Can¡¯t¡­ Can¡¯t say it all.


    ¡°We never got a note.¡± Tasii murmurs.


    ¡°Oh.¡± I slump. ¡°I knew I should have just¡­ left to come after you all. I was so worried you¡¯d¡­ that you were mad at me and¡­¡±


    Kque pulls me into a hug, kisses my forehead. ¡°Never. We just¡­ well it took a while to get back and try to decide where we should look. Really pissed at Her though. What was She thinking this would solve!?!¡±


    There is a long and awkward pause. My lovers and our big child wait patiently for a time, but its still cold as fuck and they¡¯ve probably been in it for ages!


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I don¡¯t want to suggest that you do¡­ like anything She¡¯s wanting you to do. But¡­¡± Jevita whispers through her thick hood and scarf. ¡°Not to put too fine a point on it, but why is Zin not hurt? Or¡­ worse?¡±


    ¡°Jevita!¡± Kque hisses, reaches out to take her hand.


    ¡°Last time She left a trail of blood in the streets, Kque.¡± Jevita tries to clarify. ¡°Just¡­ wondering if Ina talked Her down or something.¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯ve got a point, Jevita.¡± Tasii agrees. ¡°We know what She¡¯s able to do. Know how She reacted to Ina and one of us being hurt. How possessive She is.¡±


    I have to take a few steadying breaths. Caught between the sudden realization of how¡­ how close I am to a repeat of that horrible night six months ago. Her command pushes me to call them monsters with a threat of pain. Urges me to twist my thoughts to¡­ to see them as horrible parasites that should be¡­ removed. How¡­ How She could take these wonderful lovers from me if I don¡¯t serve Her in this.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Yrelia rubs at my back as I shudder. ¡°We don¡¯t need to go over this right now. Or ever, really. Fuck Her. We can just leave right now. Get far away and¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I whisper. ¡°She has a plan. Wants to¡­ to get revenge and¡­ and more than that. Is going to keep pushing me back until it¡¯s done. She also wants to find the crystal thing.¡±


    ¡°Crystal?¡± Yrelia asks.


    ¡°Mhm. Wants me to remove this.¡± brush the mark on the side of my head. ¡°It¡­ it¡¯s in my dreams. I can see and feel it. She says we needs to break it before we can¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­¡±


    Jevita tilts her head. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ huh¡­ but She didn¡¯t seem to think that with your leg. What¡¯s changed?¡±


    I pause, considering. Trying to recall the exact thoughts of last night. ¡°I¡­ I''m not sure. My leg wound¡­ well it''s not in the dream. My leg is whole there. And you mentioned this crystal can have lasting effects, right?¡±


    Jevita nods. Kque winces.


    ¡°So, what exactly does She want you to do?¡± Tasii shuffles a bit, moves to stand so my face is visible to her.


    I tell them, and they hate it as much as I wish I could. I laid out how upset and scared She was in the dream. How She seemed to purge me of Zin¡¯s Amwella. Then¡­ convinced me that he had to be¡­ be stopped. Planned to kill Zin, but¡­ when he mentioned wanting us to meet other Aru¡­ monsters. How She seems to want to kill them too.


    All of them.


    As many as possible.


    Everyone just¡­ stands in horror and silence.


    ¡°Really? REALLY?¡± Yrelia hisses. ¡°She accepts you but¡­ just¡­ hates Arudian men? All of them? Why?¡±


    Monsters and parasites. I correct her words in my head to avoid pain. But¡­ struggle to answer.


    ¡°How bad will things get if¡­ if you don¡¯t do as She asks?¡± Tasii whispers.


    ¡°Really bad.¡± I¡¯m barely keeping myself together now. The cold seems to¡­ to remind me of those last threats even more. And of the command laid on my mind. ¡°I¡­ She just¡­ She did something last night to make me hate them too now. And¡­ and I can¡¯t help but¡­ but want to hurt them.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Jevita huffs. ¡°Sounds like¡­ Fuck. Ina, I¡­ are you saying that she did something to your mind?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Hurts so much when I¡­ I try to think of them as people.¡±


    ¡°That absolute cunt!¡± Yrelia hisses.


    Tasii¡¯s grip on one of my hands tightens. ¡°Why though? Why does She¡­ Was it because of what Zin did? Is She just¡­¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No. It¡¯s just like Emarial said. She hates men. All men, I think. She¡­ She started hurting me before I told her the details. Afterwards I¡­ I tried to explain and tell Her that¡­ they¡¯re like me and¨C¡±


    Pain. Cold and horrible and so sudden I can¡¯t help but jerk and spew a few gobs of vomit into the previously perfect white snow. I end up needing to lean onto my knees as it passes. Have to¡­ to repeat Her words to soothe the pain.


    Monster and parasites. Monsters and Parasites. MONSTERS AND¨C


    ¡°Fuck. What do we do? How the fuck can we help her?¡± Are the first words I make out.


    Kque kneels with me, keeps hair and cloth from the path of my sick. I very much need her help to stand again, maimed leg throbs from the bad angle I rested on it. She notices the new bone thing then, but doesn¡¯t ask.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± Jevita seems to become more and more agitated. ¡°Mind Cultivation was purged from Arudia hundreds of years ago due to this very possibility. The stubbornness of the art makes changes basically permanent and horrible and¡­ and¡­ FUCK!¡±


    ¡°But¡­ this isn¡¯t Cultivation.¡± I stand, weirdly¡­ very much calming as our discussion drifts from talks of monsters and parasites. ¡°It was like¡­ She gazes into my dream eyes, my spirit, and burns something into me. A¡­ A new way I have to think.¡±


    That gets more hisses and exclamations of horror.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Yrelia steps up, pulls me to face her. ¡°How many times has She done this?¡±


    ¡°Twice.¡± I sigh.


    ¡°Fuck. Why didn¡¯t you say anything?!?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t really¡­ understand it. Didn¡¯t know how to explain it.¡± I look away, ashamed. ¡°Barely remembered the dreams at that point.¡±


    ¡°When was the first time?¡± Jevita asks.


    I sigh, ¡°Back after Emarial¡­ after she¡­ That first night I met her and napped before Yrelia woke me for dinner.¡±


    When I don¡¯t offer more, Tasii eventually presses, real worry and fear in her voice. ¡°What was it? The¡­ The command? The change?¡±


    Deep Breath.


    ¡°I did not make you useless. I did not make you stupid.¡±


    I almost can¡¯t help but let out a gasp of relief at that. No pain!?!


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡± Yrelia quirks her head, anger tempered by confusion.


    ¡°I think we¡¯re missing some context?¡± Kque offers.


    I shrug. ¡°I¡­ I was asking Her why She picked me. I felt¡­ felt that I didn¡¯t deserve it. She got upset and¡­ did that. And if I even think those two things about myself it¡¯s like¡­ a heavy stabbing pain into my head.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. That¡¯s so¡­ fucking twisted and horrible¡­¡± Kque whispers.


    ¡°And this second one? What¡¯s the¡­ the exact wording of it?¡± Tasii asks.


    Another deep breath and¡­


    ¡°Arudian men are Parasites and Monsters.¡±


    I can''t even fight as the words melt my thoughts a bit as I shudder in anticipation of the slaughter She wants. My lovers nearly jerk back in horror. It takes a minute for me to recover and force revulsion back into the forefront. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know what to do about¨C¡±


    But an idea strikes me then. Horrible and foolish and¡­ well if I fail She¡¯ll definitely fucking ruin my mind. Like¡­ Really really badly. Might¡­ might just try to lay more than one command on my soul. But¡­


    What choice do I have!?! The previous choices were either run and hope I can resist Her long enough that She doesn¡¯t want to lay any more commands, or plan to slaughter as many¡­ um¡­ well fuck. I can only call them Monsters and Parasites. Fuck fuck FUCK I hate this!!!


    She¡¯s¡­ well I¡¯d hoped for Her to become my fifth lover eventually. To¡­ to help my family warm up to Her and begin to rely on Her. To smooth out Her rough parts and¡­


    But Emarial¡¯s words ring through my mind. About Her lack of humanity and tendency to treat me more like a plaything or a¡­ well I don¡¯t remember her other words.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Yrelia finally prompts, sees my eyes sparkle with an idea. ¡°What are you thinking?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I have an idea.¡± I whisper, terrified and almost giddy with the possibilities. ¡°About how to avoid Her and maybe even¡­ maybe even help Arudia a bit. But¡­ all of us have to agree to it. If even one says no we walk away from all this. Just like Yrelia and myself becoming Hetaera.¡±


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s hear it.¡± Tasii encourages me.


    They fucking hate it. There¡¯s a bit of yelling and very emotional objections, and if I didn¡¯t know my lovers so well I¡¯d have been in tears, terrified they hated me. But I do, and end up spending most of that time comforting and helping calm them.


    No one can think of another plan either. So eventually Jevita, Kque, and Lule head to a nearby stable/inn and wait for us, and my two first lovers and I head back up to knock on the door to the monster¡¯s house.


    Judic answers, face careful and expressionless. ¡°Lady Inamatorii, Hetaera Yrelia, and¡­¡±


    ¡°Tasii, of the Paths.¡± She introduces herself.


    A beat.


    ¡°Come inside?¡± Judic asks, steps aside to hold the door open.


    I take a deep breath, muster all Yrelia¡¯s training and my own self control, and accept her offer.

 Chapter 54: Horrid Plans Part 3

    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    N- none? I don''t think? This chapter is kinda tame compared to the rollercoaster we''ve been on. So... PLEASE let me know if I missed anything!!!


    The two women and two monsters rise to stand as Judic leads us into the house''s dining room. Honestly the big table there could sit, like¡­ triple our number, but thank fuck Judic seems to have arranged us to be across the short side from each other. On ours sits a chest similar to the one we received the night I performed for Zin. Judic moves to stand on the far end of Zin¡¯s side of the table.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii.¡± Zin greets first, bows. Budding red mark only slightly dulled on one side of his face. ¡°Thank you for joining us this evening.¡±


    I just nod, lips pursed as I wash my gaze over him and his fellow monster, letting my eyes settle on the older of the two women. I know her, remember¡­ well even with the amount of clients myself and Yrelia have worked with It¡¯s honestly hard to keep their names and faces straight. But¡­ she was the one we¡¯d been with just before our appointment with Judic.


    ¡°I take it you were Zin¡¯s trusted source?¡± I ask¡­ Well, not rudely. But if Yrelia and I had been working she would have been sooo disappointed in my flat and annoyed tone.


    But as it is, she follows my lead. ¡°Lady Ophrit? I¡¯m surprised to see you here tonight.¡±


    The older woman has the sense to look at least a little embarrassed, but not ashamed. More¡­ saddened. ¡°Don¡¯t think less of me for it, I¡¯d no idea Zin would request such a¡­ untraditional evening. If I had¡­¡±


    ¡°But had I not we¡¯d not have this opportunity!¡± Zin interjects, a sudden fire rekindled. ¡°To encounter a young woman with such a unique history and background. Already in Arudia and¨C¡±


    We move to our seats, but remain standing. ¡°I take it you already spilled my secrets then?¡±


    That sputters his enthusiasm, makes him consider¡­


    ¡°Only¡­ Only that you are Sun Spoken. Not¡­ not other things. I¡¯m not completely devoid of good manners.¡± He tries to cover his annoyance with a smile of fake shame.


    Well that¡¯s¡­ huh. I didn¡¯t expect him to keep that secret for me. Monsters normally take every advantage.


    The other monster speaks up then. ¡°He only told us of your status, and your very reasonable concerns at the dangers it has already brought.¡±


    I shift my maimed leg, ¡°Then you understand my desire to be left alone. I almost lost my life, and more importantly, the life of one of my lover¡¯s to a Murtaziq. I did lose my leg to some kind of Cultivation¡­ thing. Lightning inside a stone or some such.¡±


    Painful memories threaten to flare up, but Yrelia squeezes my hand, helps me refocus.


    That gets quite a few reactions of surprise. Which¡­ seem genuine. It seems Zin didn¡¯t get that information from my head when he invaded my mind.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I couldn¡¯t have imagined that¡­¡± Lady Ophrit stammers, horror and worry and pity plain on her face.


    I snort, ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. My magic will let me re-grow it within the next year or so.¡±


    Let¡¯s see how much the monster stole from my mind, and how much he shared with this group. I¡¯m honestly relying on Tasii here more than my own abilities in that. This was a key to our plans that she insisted upon. Information before agreeing to or asking for anything.


    ¡°What!?!¡± The younger woman speaks up, hands are above the table now and¡­ huh. I turn to see that she has¡­ well¡­ what the fuck are those?


    I only just now noticed that her ears are weird and long and kinda floppy. Her skin is also a deep blue, but with little green sparkles throughout. Nails are more like talons, but made of jade. Eyes match their hue bit with slits down the middle instead of round iris. Short dark purple hair with¡­ little nubs? Are those horns? They were so small and cute I didn¡¯t notice them until now!


    Thank fuck she keeps talking, because I barely keep my face straight as my mind blubbers and fawns over all her neat details. I¡¯d been so¡­ strung up and freaking out over monsters that I¡¯d barely looked at her!


    ¡°Lyttoral Alchemy or¡­ No it can¡¯t be Cultivation. You¡¯d¡­ the lack of a leg will be burned into your body now. If you ever decide to bear daughters they¡¯d probably be missing one too!¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Is all I can muster up. I¡­ Fuck that¡¯s not a thought I ever even considered. But¡­ that would require fucking a monster so no thank you fuck that.


    Thank fuck Yrelia is on top of her game while I''m just... staring. ¡°Lady Inamatorii is Sun Spoken, her magic has certain advantages.¡±


    The older woman calms, then smirks. I can¡¯t help but feel my cheeks heat at her smirk and tone. ¡°I¡¯ll say, Her abilities truly are¡­ unique.¡±


    Zin coughs, recovering quickly. Too quickly. ¡°Regardless, If you were to travel with us to the Academy you would face no such dangers. To threaten your safety would be a matter for every single family to investigate and repay. And as a guest of two of the five families the punishments would be so extreme none would dare consider it.¡±


    ¡°What exactly are you requesting she do?¡± Tasii asks.


    A beat.


    ¡°Apologies but... It seems we¡¯ve not been properly introduced.¡± The second monster says, ¡°You are?¡±


    It¡¯s a subtle insult, petty, almost could be considered an accidental slight. As my eyes fall on him I begin to make out details. Lighter reddish skin, bright blonde hair, ugly brown eyes. Odd tattoos and cultivation marks run down along his knuckles and up his neck where his clothes end.


    ¡°This is Tasii, a woman of the Paths.¡± I barely avoid snapping, keeping my tone just this side of civil. ¡°As am I.¡±


    He nods from his seat, ¡°Of course, I simply¡­ Zin did not have the ability to provide us proper names and titles for any but your teacher. I have nothing but respect for those free of¡­ troublesome familia and the obligations that come with it.¡±


    I don¡¯t know whether he¡¯s¡­ if he¡¯s still trying to be rude. But Tasii speaks up without squeezing my hand. ¡°Thank you, We¡¯ve found ourselves in a similar situation. You are¡­?¡±


    Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Of course, I am Gregoris of house Wringletta.¡±


    ¡°And I am Lady Delphian Rell.¡± The younger woman adds, eyes still locked on me. Trying very hard to see around the chair at my supposed healing leg. Face still entwined with my earlier claim. Then adds. ¡°Cousin to Zin.¡±


    Lady Ophrit sighs, ¡°And here I am, simply a Lady bound lightly to one of the five families. Simply Lady Ophrit if it pleases you.¡± She lays a hand on Delphian¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Love, please, focus on the bigger questions.¡±


    ¡°There are no larger questions than the nature of such magics.¡± But Delphian tears her eyes free to regard Lady Ophrit. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you came across such an individual during your nighttime entertainments!¡±


    ¡°All the old tales speak of meeting enchanting lovers on the road or taverns dear, not in a private study.¡± Lady Ophrit smirks down at her, ¡°If you¡¯d joined me like I suggested, you¡¯d have enjoyed her work yourself.¡±


    ¡°But, to my previous question,¡± Tasii interrupts, ¡°What are you planning on having Ina do?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that is more pressing.¡± Zin agrees, ¡°I¡¯ll admit though¡­ It involves a great deal of boring politics, traditions, and tasks. An order of things that would end in the Lady rewriting the foundational Arudian obelisks. The oldest legal texts at the Academy. For her words to force our people to acknowledge Arudian men as free citizens worthy and deserving of all the rights and privileges and protections of women.¡±


    ¡°Is¡­ I¡¯m sorry but¡­¡± Yrelia muses, ¡°Is that even possible?¡±


    Zin nods. ¡°In theory, yes. A Sun Spoken carved the words into them.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ how, exactly?¡± I press.


    ¡°Uh¡­ Well with your magic.¡± He seems to¡­ flounder. ¡°There are ancient tomes and such that hold words that only a Sun Spoken could understand. And¡­ well I¡¯ve heard from some sources that Sun Spoken have the ability to commune with the Weaver in their dreams. We were hoping that if they don¡¯t hold the instructions to such an ability, that you could¡­ eh¡­ ask Her yourself?¡±


    Tasii squeezes my hand.


    There it is. The thing this monster should not know. The name and relationship I have with Her. I didn¡¯t catch in all my anger and fury before. Things I¡¯d shared only recently with my lovers. Things Emarial had insisted were kept secret to the wider world. Things he could not know unless I told him, which I did not do. Not willingly.


    ¡°Really?¡± I smile sweetly, all brittle and horrid. Obvious to anyone with a bit of observational skills that I am not amused. ¡°Who could possibly have led you to believe such a thing was possible?¡±


    Zin freezes, senses that something is wrong. Seems to shuffle. He and Ophrit are the only two standing at this point other than my lovers and myself.


    ¡°I have my sources.¡± He tries to recover. ¡°Scholars at the Academy sympathetic to our cause who have¡­ um¡­ studied reports and even recorded collaborative research alongside a Sun Spoken.¡±


    Tasii squeeze my hand, but I don¡¯t need her to tell me this fucking parasite is lying.


    ¡°Well it¡¯s news to me!¡± I shrug, and throw out a lie. ¡°I¡¯ve never even talked with Her, don¡¯t really have dreams anymore since after I was¡­ well since I became this.¡±


    Zin nearly falls apart, almost insisting that I told him those things. But I didn¡¯t, so to claim I did and that I lie now would be counterproductive. The only thing I need to know now, is if these other three know about the dream stone.


    The second monster sighs, ¡°Well¡­ this will slow things down. I¡¯m not sure a week is enough time for even our best scholars to comb the amount of books she¡¯ll need to go through alone.¡±


    ¡°Books?¡± I reply, switching to a confused look.


    ¡°Yes¡­ I didn¡¯t have much faith in Zin¡¯s sudden claims that you might be able to commune with some ancient thing for the knowledge needed.¡± He rubs a temple. ¡°Honestly we should just wait until after the celebrations, have her join the Academy and gain access that way. Won¡¯t raise suspicion and will avoid possible unhelpful interests in you.¡±


    Tasii¡¯s hand remains still¡­ which annoys me. But¡­ My lover''s relief helps soothe me. One down, now¡­ how to get the other two to say or hint at it plainly.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii,¡± Zin huffs, ¡°Are¡­ are you sure you''re not mistaken? That¡­ that maybe¨C¡±


    Lady Ophrit bops him on the arm, ¡°What? Is she certain that she¡¯s not having dream tea with an ancient Goddess? Please Zin, Insulting our only chance at this is a poor plan.¡±


    Perfect. Tasii¡¯s hand remains still. The relief there probably shows on my face. Lady Ophrit was a bit overwhelming at times, but kind and reasonable in her time with Yrelia and myself.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe¡­¡± Delphian huffs, ¡°You made me wait all day here, away from my studies and work, so we could plan on her maybe going to the Academy in a month? All because of some unproven theory about her being able to¨C¡±


    And that¡¯s it then. Tasii¡¯s grip on my hand loosens, but doesn¡¯t drop. Zin is the only one aware of the Dream stone. He didn''t trust these three enough to tell them.


    ¡°I¡¯m quite sure that¨C¡± Zin tries to calm her.


    ¡°No, Zin, this was impulsive and stupid and¡­¡± She stands, but her eyes flit to me. Studies my state and face and eyes for a moment. Her eyes seem to¡­ glimmer. ¡°How, by the moon and stars, did you even convince her to stand here and deal with your fumbling?¡±


    Zin huffs, annoyed and embarrassed. ¡°I¡¯m only¨C¡±


    ¡°No. Be quiet.¡± The strange little woman hisses, and I realize she¡¯s just a bit shorter than me as she fully turns to me. ¡°Apologizes for my cousin¡¯s¡­ everything, honestly. He¡¯s an impulsive fool who probably just squandered our biggest and best opportunity at getting your help.¡±


    My mind can¡¯t help but stutter to a halt. ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t say he¡¯s in my good graces, no.¡±


    ¡°Lady Ina¨C¡± He starts again.


    A side glare from Delphian stops him, then she turns back to me. ¡°I would like to¡­ to make this up to you. Somehow. Leave this talk of changing Arudia to the side for a few weeks. Allow my beloved bound and I to host you and yours in our home for as long as you''re willing to stand the cold of our city.¡±


    That¡­ jerks me to a halt. I can¡¯t help but tilt my head. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because, my idiot cousin has all but admitted to us that he¡¯s insulted you multiple times over the past few days, and thought to brow beat and twist you into serving his goals despite it. That¡¯s not why we¡¯re doing this. We¡¯re supposed to be doing this to help people.¡±


    The monster looks to be ready to explode then, such a fury builds and builds and¨C


    But then Gregoris laughs, deep and horrible. But also real and full of mirth. Stupid monster. Stupid parasite. My mind instantly reacts.


    ¡°She¡¯s got you there Zin, you really fucked this up.¡± He says through a chuckle, ¡°If you were my family I¡¯d be furious with how you¡¯ve tarnished the Rell name before a Sun Spoken.¡±


    Zin turns to him, but embarrassment is overcoming his anger. ¡°I didn¡¯t intend any of that. I¡¯m simply trying to seize an opp¨C¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately it doesn¡¯t matter.¡± Yrelia interrupts. ¡°We¡¯re not currently interested in taking on clients, Lady Delphian. But¡­ thank you for your offer and honest observations of your families¡­ behavior, over the past few days.¡±


    ¡°Oh, not as¡­¡± Delphian pauses, ¡°I mean to extend this invitation as honored guests. A Sun Spoken and her companions. Not as Hetaera. An honest attempt to begin working out a means to repay and repair my family''s reputation in your eyes.¡±


    This¡­ huh. This could work! The plan involved a reluctant use of Zin and his connections¡­ but this¡­ I can handle spending time with these two way better than the monster.


    But¡­ That¡¯s a later step.


    I look down the table, plans forming. ¡°I honestly just want to leave this city and never return. But¡­¡± I sag, and it¡¯s not entirely a performance. ¡°Zin is right in his goals. Just¡­ not in how he was willing to get there. Using anyone like that is not just wrong¡­ It¡¯s just¡­ How can someone claim to want better for those like us if we still use and hurt them all the same?¡±


    ¡°Exactly. I agree, but I¡¯m¡­ not sure I follow?¡± I can see Delphian¡¯s eyes puzzle and puzzle at my words. The seed is planted. Now to water it¡­


    ¡°If I can help, I¡¯d like to.¡± I add, look back. ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Lady Inamatorii my deepest apologies for any slights and discomfort I¡¯ve caused.¡± Zin starts. ¡°I simply hope I can¨C¡±


    ¡°No, Zin.¡± I turn back to them, voice hard. ¡°Words can¡¯t fix this.¡±


    A long pause as I glare across the table at him, the monster grinds his teeth and begins to glare down at me. At this little thing he wants to break and hurt and violate and¨C


    ¡°I¡¯m offering you protection, coin, and more if you would just¡­ cooperate. What difference do some small blunders of hospitality and tradition matter? What are a few days of discomfort, a few weeks of possible danger, compared to what we¡¯ve already experienced? What means could possibly compare in their cruelty to the ends I strive for?¡±


    I give the monster who knows my pain and sorrows a grimace. ¡°I¡¯m not going to work with people like that ever again, Zin. Not if I can help it. They¡¯ll always¡­ always make excuses for why their methods are okay. Use their own pain to excuse hurting more people.¡±


    Another long pause as¡­ as Zin seems to boil a bit. Stewing between wanting to say more and knowing to do so will cost him the future he wants.


    ¡°Besides, I don¡¯t want your coin.¡± I wave a dismissive hand at the chest on the table. ¡°But¡­ there is one thing I will take as payment for my efforts going forward. Alongside accepting Lady Delphian¡¯s offer and traveling with her to the Academy to see if I can help.¡±


    That catches them off guard. Perfect.


    ¡°Name it.¡± Zin finally says, cooling a bit.


    I brush my hair aside, subtly turning my head to make the Cultivation mark visible to anyone knowing what to look for.


    ¡°I want the stone.¡±

 Chapter 55: Horrid Plans Part 4

    <u>Content Warning:</u>


    None? Again? Isn''t that nice!


    This is my plan, at least the first part. The Weaver wanted to examine and then destroy the crystal. But I¡¯m going to use it more. We can lock Her out of my dreams with it.


    Keep me safe from Her commands and influence.


    But¡­ it¡¯s not a permanent solution. Jevita made that very clear, while I am more resistant to its side effects, I am very likely not immune. Our best hope for finding a safe solution is at the Academy.


    I don¡¯t care about the other¡¯s reactions to my demand, not now that Tasii read them for me, just this monster. His face goes still, pale even. Eyes widen as he realizes I know what he did to me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what¨C¡± He begins to deny on reflex.


    My narrowed eyes cut his words short. Make him reconsider the lie and denials.


    I lower my voice. ¡°I¡¯m not leaving here without it.¡±


    He chokes a bit, ¡°Are¡­ Are you threatening me?¡±


    ¡°No. But will you really deny me this? After what you did?¡± I cut him off, anger a boil that I cannot tell if it¡¯s mine or¡­. ¡°I¡¯ll also expect any notes or instructions you¡¯ve gathered on it. Now. Tonight.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s she talking about, old friend?¡± The second monster asks, touches Zin¡¯s arm.


    My eyes dart to Judic, and I grip Tasii¡¯s hand. But¡­ her face has paled a bit as well, eyes locked on Zin. I don¡¯t need my lover¡¯s abilities to understand her expression.


    She knows about the stone. But... is horrified that he used it?


    ¡°Ina¡­ I¡¯m¡­¡± Zin murmurs, glancing between his allies in shame and conflict. ¡°I can¡¯t. It¡¯ll¡­ if word gets out¡­¡±


    ¡°It won¡¯t.¡± I state bluntly. ¡°As much as I would like to¡­ I¡¯m not threatening you Zin, I need it.¡±


    I¡¯m not a monster like you.


    That gets both Judic and him to suddenly jerk to focus on me.


    ¡°Need what?¡± Lady Ophrit huffs to try and hide the worry that is growing on her face. ¡°Zin, we already agreed to invest in this group venture. What is she asking for? It can¡¯t be anything you aren''t willing to part with for this chance.¡±


    There is a long pause. His eyes drift down to the table, fists clenched, face deep in thought.


    ¡°We don¡¯t need to tell them, Zin.¡± I huff and whisper. ¡°I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re keeping and using such a horrible thing, but just¡­ let it go. I¡¯m not going to hurt anyone with it. The opposite in fact.¡±


    Judic begins to step forward, trying to get a better view of Zin¡¯s face. Expression one of searching growing horror.


    I glance at her, ¡°If you know where he keeps it and notes on how to use it, go get them both please.¡±


    Something in my eyes makes her step back, but¡­ she pauses. Look at Zin. ¡°Should I do as the Lady Sun Spoken asks?¡±


    There is a long pause, and for a horrible moment¡­ I think I¡¯m going to have to push this much much harder. Might¡­ might have to reveal secrets I¡¯d rather keep to myself. Not to this monster, no, but to Judic. She¡¯s already¡­ turning from his influence with this knowledge.


    But¡­ He nods slowly. ¡°Yes. Please retrieve the item and the little black journal I keep in my safe.¡±


    I nod, let out a little breath of tension as Judic heads upstairs.


    ¡°What the fuck is she talking about!?!¡± Delphian hisses angrily. Mind filling in gaps of all the terrible things Zin could be guilty of.


    He doesn¡¯t answer, just¡­ shakes his head for a second. ¡°You¡¯ll do it then? Go to the Academy and assist us in rewriting the Obelisks?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± I promise. ¡°Just¡­ Not with you.¡±


    That hits him harder than any blow Yrelia could land. Face becomes such a¡­ a broken twisted mess. But he nods. ¡°My¡­ I have contacts. I¡¯ll write letters and introductions. As many as you need.¡± He whispers. ¡°If¡­ if you mean to trust Delphian and Gregoris, then they can guide you through whatever steps are best taken. They¡¯re both graduates like myself. It¡¯ll be a political mess once people find out your Sun Spoken, but¡­ they can help you wade through it.¡±


    I nod. The idea of working with and being close to a monster threatens my mind with pain, but¡­ I can sidestep it for now. Maybe¡­ Maybe I can¨C


    Judic reappears. A small dark brown pouch atop a leather bound journal no bigger than her hand. She hesitates at the end of the table, eyes focus on Zin. He notices her, eyes haunted as he sees what she carries.


    He nods.


    She approaches, holds it out to me. From the corner of my eye I can see Delphian and Gregoris¡¯ eyes go a bit wide as they guess at what lies within.


    ¡°Please¡­ be careful.¡± Zin whispers. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°If it''s not the right one, I¡¯ll know.¡± I assure him and accept the items. ¡°And I¡¯ll need to come back. Which I¡¯d like to never do.¡±


    He winces, nods.


    I turn my attention back to Lady Delphian and Ophrit, ¡°We¡¯re going to sleep in an inn for now, but you can expect us to arrive at your estate within the next day or so. If your offer is still open.¡±


    Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    Lady Ophrit looks to Delphian, who is still glaring at her monster of a cousin. Then, at a nudge from her partner, looks at me. ¡°Of course.¡±


    ** ** **


    Kque is the one I hand the notes and little pouch to as I kneel before them in the stables. Her face is such a¡­ painful thing to see. Jevita seemed to be a swirl of emotions as we eventually agreed to these plans, while Kque¡¯s face seemed like one watching a lover die.


    She nods, shivers a bit, and lays the pouch between her legs. Then opens the book. As she scans through it, Yrelia, Tasii and I explain what happened.


    ¡°Oh fuck, That¡¯s going to make this so much easier to deal with.¡± Jevita sighs out, eyes drifting between the pouch, the book, and Kque. ¡°I¡¯m glad to hear we¡¯re leaving Zin behind.¡±


    ¡°Same,¡± Yrelia sighs. ¡°I¡¯m not sure how I¡¯d avoid hitting him more if I had to see him nearly every day as we traveled to the Academy.¡±


    A few nods, but we drift in silence as Kque continues to flip through the journal. Jevita is nearly fidgeting in anticipation and worry, but it¡¯s Tasii who speaks up.


    ¡°So, Kque. What do you think?¡± She murmurs softly.


    Kque doesn¡¯t respond at first, ends up just¡­ staring down at a page near the end before closing her eyes.


    ¡°This is¡­ is such a bad idea.¡± She finally whispers.


    I nod, reach out and touch her hand. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I just¡­ If¡­ If it¡¯s too much we can¨C¡±


    She slams the journal shut, nails dig into the cover. I let that silence me, but keep my hands on hers. Give her room and moments to think. Jevita is the only one to add a hand to our little pile. But, even she doesn¡¯t speak.


    Eventually Kque takes a deep breath, and with tears in her eyes turns to regard Jevita. ¡°This is¡­ I¡¯m not trained in this. I can¡¯t¡­ I won¡¯t be able to even begin to help. But¡­ Even I can tell this is really bad.¡±


    Jevita winces, but nods. ¡°I¡­ I know.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t mention that it was¡­ was this fucking horrible!¡± Kque hisses. ¡°When you told us what you found.¡±


    ¡°Ina seemed okay, and I thought¡­¡± She trails off, then. ¡°And I can¡¯t think of any better options. The other methods I found and tossed out¡­ they were way fucking worse and required even more illegal crystals.¡±


    Kque lets out a huff, doesn¡¯t even try to wipe away the angry tears as she glances back at me. ¡°Can¡­ Is there no way to reason with Her?¡±


    I pause, look down.


    ¡°I¡­ I could try. But¡­ It''s been six months since She and I really fought. And my Amwella is so much fuller now. Because of it She¡¯s¡­ She¡¯s so much more real now.¡± I sag. ¡°If She pins me or tricks me and decides to force me into a merger, or lay more commands as punishment¡­ I¡­ I don¡¯t know how it¡¯ll go for you all.¡±


    ¡°Maybe you can burn that Amwella away?¡± She¡¯s almost pleading now. Both to me and Jevita. ¡°You have more songs from Her now. You¡¯ve mentioned how you could pour more of that out in emergencies?¡±


    I nod¡­ I Hate how¡­ how it¡¯ll mean less healing for my leg. And all the other dangers I wouldn¡¯t be able to handle. If another nightmare appeared¡­ or one of my lovers got hurt or¨C


    ¡°But¡­ we¡¯re also talking about months and months of gathered Amwella. To toss it all out¡­¡± Yrelia whispers my thoughts aloud. ¡°I hate this too, and we can adapt if the side effects begin to happen. But to avoid this¡­ That¡¯ll mean her leg may never recover.¡±


    Kque sighs. We¡¯d already talked this all out in part outside Zin¡¯s home. But¡­ something she¡¯s seeing in the notebook really seems to bother her. That or¡­ or she¡¯s just had more time to realize and worry over the other person this threatens.


    ¡°Jevy.¡± She whispers, finally turns to look at our lover, returning the touch that was waiting.


    ¡°Yeah... I know.¡± Jevita shudders, sighs. ¡°This is¡­ exactly what I should be avoiding. And¡­ Fuck if I wish we didn¡¯t have better options. Wish we could ask someone else to handle this.¡± Her eyes go¡­ well not hard but determined. Careful in her focus. ¡°But¡­ we don¡¯t. So. I¡¯m asking you. Will you keep me safe while I protect our Ina?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll need to explain everything to me.¡± Kque''s talking quickly and with such fear in her tone. ¡°No shortcuts. No¡­ no shorthand or glossing over horrid bits. Everything. Make sure I understand every single thing that you''re doing.¡±


    Jevita nods. ¡°It¡¯ll take extra time. But¡­ Yeah. I wouldn¡¯t have it any other way.¡±


    And in that moment, my heart is so full as Kque nods and passes Jevita the notebook, agreeing with actions that my life is worth the risks.


    ** ** **


    A hand rests atop my good leg, squeezes. Can¡¯t sleep here. The touch says.


    I let my eyes flutter fully open from what was a half-lidded stare out the window, glance over at my lover. ¡°Not sleeping.¡±


    ¡°You should let her rest!¡± Lady Ophrit insists from across the carriage we all ride within. ¡°There''ll be nothing to do or see anymore, not until we reach the foot of the mountain. Not with this amount of snowfall obscuring the Academy.¡±


    My lovers and I had arrived at Lady Ophrit and Delphians¡¯ home three days after Jevita¡¯s first use of the Dream stone. We¡¯d not waited weeks to set off for the Academy like they¡¯d wanted, not¡­ not after reading how bad this Dream stone could be.


    My cheeks warm at the memory of my head in Kque¡¯s lap. Fingers brushing through my hair as they waited for me to fall into a deep slumber. After that, nothing. We¡¯d all slept a good twelve hours, and I¡¯d been the last to awaken. We spent another night in that little tavern/stable ensuring there were no side effects.


    And for now, none appeared.


    ¡°I¡¯d never forgive myself if I miss the chance because I drifted off,¡± I placate the older woman with a smile, ¡°Just in case the sky clears.¡±


    It didn¡¯t take much convincing to get them to leave early with us, if anything they¡¯d both seemed¡­ well not eager but a bit excited. Which was fucking nice. I really didn¡¯t want to have to try and convince them, or¡­ well¡­ inform them of any more secrets. They¡¯d not asked us about the stone I¡¯d gotten from Zin, nor had I needed to reveal to them my past in Lyttoral. If Zin¡¯s scheme worked, I¡¯d never have to. If everything went according to plan, we could be back on this road within a week or two.


    Leaving with a permanent solution and ahead of a new wave of freedoms to¡­ a group. One that I have to hate right now. But¡­ even those pains seem a bit lessened after a few nights under the dream stone¡¯s workings.


    Not that anyone but me was optimistic. I would be spending most of my time immersed in the library with Delphian. Searching for old songs to let me¡­ eh¡­ fuck I forgot the name. It was an old term for the Obelisks I needed to carve and change, one of at least four pages of keywords Delphian insisted I memorize to help narrow my time spent on each book inscribed with Amwellian magics.


    Once I found it we would announce my claim, perform the political nonsense, and I''d weave the melody. Apparently Sun Spoken were¡­ like¡­ the High duenna of the old Arudia. Trusted to not just protect, but change traditions and rules to keep everyone safe. But since even back then we were rare as fuck, it wasn¡¯t something that was done often once the Obelisks where first inscribed.


    The second thing though¡­ The harder goal, was to find a permanent method to seal my dreams away. The others would handle that. Reach out carefully and quietly to old contacts. Offer a trade of coins or secrets from Jevita¡¯s weird mental library for information, or if we¡¯re lucky, actual Cultivation stones that can mimic this effect without the horrid damage. It would be¡­ possibly, less illegal than the current solution. More mundane and just¡­ well we¡¯d hoped it would be considered a remedy for very normal night terrors or such. Just had to make sure its strength matched our current method.


    But¡­ if we found nothing. Ugh¡­ I really don¡¯t want to consider the place we¡¯d have to go to find the potions I suspect exist that could mimic the effect. I wouldn¡¯t bring it up unless we found ourselves leaving empty handed.


    I touch the stone that now hangs around my neck. We¡¯d all agreed that I should keep it close. Thank fuck Cultivation stones weren¡¯t easily identified without serious tools, markings, or prior knowledge of one of the many hundred thousand variations that sprout and flow from the lake we now move across. But¡­ just in case someone somehow could tell the simple jewel was the highly despised thing it was, I was Sun Spoken.


    Apparently there were protections and exceptions that allowed us to carry and act as wardens of dangerous gemstones.


    We feel the carriage slow then, and at first I simply gaze out one of the side windows and assume we¡¯re at a turn, we eventually stop. Before anyone can think to ask, the little window between the driver and the inside opens.


    ¡°We might need to wait here a bit.¡± She apologizes.

 Chapter 56: Carbunkles Part 1

    <u>Content Warning:</u> CRAB!!!


    ¡°For?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a¡­ something. Crossing the road ahead.¡±


    Delphian jerks from the thick tome she¡¯s been immersed in for the past few hours. ¡°A Carbunkle?¡±


    ¡°Bigger than any I¡¯ve ever seen.¡±


    ¡°What is¨C¡±


    But it¡¯s easier for me to move with the rest of the group toward the doors and windows to lean out and see for ourselves.


    The frozen lake really is a sight. Rolling dunes of white snow-topped hills and ravines, but most gorgeous, were the gemstones. Like a forest, strange twisting shapes curled and jutted out as far as the eye could see. Thousands of colors and hues dancing against what would have been a murky and dull day with all the snowfall, instead light the environment up.


    The road we¡¯re traveling down is simple, not paved, but temporarily carved with some specialized Arudian thing. If the snowfall wasn¡¯t so thick, Jevita had told me, then the road itself would be a glass pane of deep granite swirled with still budding crystals.


    I was entranced again by the sight for a few seconds, before worried words wash by.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen one so big!¡± Lady Ophrit is whispering.


    ¡°It shouldn¡¯t be up and about.¡± Delphian was murmuring with barely concealed worry. ¡°They¡­¡±


    I miss the rest as my eyes settle on and widen at the large shape that is just beginning to cross our path about fifty feet ahead. It¡¯s¡­ well fuck if my eyes can make sense of it. The thing ahead resembles a crab, but with about a dozen legs and a weird lopsided shell with only the hint of a seam. It also seems to be like¡­ made entirely of gemstones that seem to grow from all over its shell and legs.


    It¡¯s also larger than our carriage. By, like¡­ almost half.


    ¡°We could turn back,¡± Delphian murmurs, ¡°take another route.¡±


    ¡°Last crossroads was, what? An hour back?¡± Tasii asks.


    Lady Ophrit sighs, ¡°And then we¡¯d be circling around for another couple hours, at least. We¡¯d be delayed by¨C¡±


    But she¡¯s interrupted when the thing shifts, and begins to turn. And I get to see¡­ well I¡¯m not sure from this distance. The seam in the shell seems to part a bit, groove up and down to reveal a little dark hole into the abyss inside.


    Everyone goes very quiet and still as we feel the large thing focus on us. The Quelekita pulling the carriage shuffle back, silent as their feathers press very very close to them in fear.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Yrelia whispers, very very softly. ¡°I think it¡¯s looking at us.¡±


    Delphian gulps, nods. ¡°We should just turn back. Don¡¯t want it to get spooked and¨C¡±


    It tilts, lifts a foot, seems to¡­ consider moving.


    The driver looks about, a sudden worry. ¡°We¡­ I¡¯m not sure I can turn us around quickly enough if it decides to¡­¡±


    The foot comes down, and another lifts, comes down. It¡¯s moving our way.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Delphian hisses. ¡°We should unhook the Quelekita and move. Now. Hope it¡¯ll¨C.¡±


    But what good am I, as a Sun Spoken, If I do not protect the women at my side? The thought comes¡­ well not unbidden, but with a great deal of calm I¡¯m not used to.


    I pull back inside, take up my new and wonderful cane the Ladies had gifted me the day before our travels, and move to a door. A long rod of twisting heavy granite with a smooth gnarled handle perfectly shaped to fit my hand.


    ¡°Move please,¡± I boop Delphian¡¯s leg, voice calm. I chose her door because I did not have time to explain myself to my lovers. Questions and hesitations could get any of us hurt. My half-memories from that night six months ago taught me that.


    She gives me a curious and worried look, but moves to hang outside the carriage as I step down the little stairs into the snow covered path.


    ¡°All will be well.¡± I murmur to the Quelekita in my rough Arudian as I pass.


    ¡°Ina!?!¡± Yrelia only notices me from her own window as I¡¯m moving forward and down ahead along the path. I only just hear her quiet hiss and shuffling as she tries to move. But I¡¯m not worried, this thing won¡¯t be able to move past me.


    This will cost a little more Amwella than I¡¯d like, but¡­ the lessons She¡¯d taught me on this song so long ago had made it clear, It could rise to a crescendo to match my needs. And as of right now, my Amwella is a wellspring of fire that envelopes my heart.


    Her song of peeling, a horrid thing that could strip and rend stone as easily as a hot knife does a fruit¡¯s skin, would work to end this thing before it could charge or otherwise get past me.


    The huge gemstone crab seems to twitch at my approach. I must seem such a small and strange thing to it. Our carriage¡¯s size might make it seem a threat to this giant, but me? Barely a weird insect.


    That big hole in the shell tilts down, and I can feel it¡¯s focus on me as I tink tink tink along with my bone leg and stone cane. But¡­ as I begin to weave a murmur of a song, preparing to bubble my soulfire into the melody to peel the crab in half, I find myself really entranced by the sounds¡­ and¡­ and I begin to hear it.


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    The World Song flickers, and I¡­ I understand!!!


    I feel this beautiful, corrupted thing¡¯s pain. Can see the wounds upon its heart and soul and¡­ and I can understand its desires! Simple things, maybe that¡¯s why I so easily resonated with them as I slow to a stop about twenty feet from its front legs.


    Another step, and the crab is moving closer. Senses danger in the world song, is raising a leg to¡­


    But I¡¯m already inspired and altering my song, would probably have laughed if I wasn¡¯t hit with a sudden bit of worry that I might not be able to weave it in time.


    ¡°You should sleep, big friend. We seek only to pass by.¡± I say to it without words, only using the lilting harmony of the song to calm and communicate.


    For a moment I worry¡­ but no. What¡¯s there to fear? The world song is laid plain and this thing doesn¡¯t wish to fight. Only to sleep. It slows and stops to loom over me. Tilts its weird shell down to¡­ huh¡­ I think that hole is what it sees out of. I keep singing, adjust the harmony to¨C


    Then the stupid thing just¡­ lowers itself, legs curl and¡­ and the fucker begins to goes to sleep on the road!!!


    I huff as my song slows¡­ drip a little more Amwella into my words, and bop the big things stupid leg. ¡°Not here, big friend, we need the path you''re sleeping on!¡± I have to repeat the tune a few more times while clinking my cane on one of its big chonky legs.


    I can feel it¡¯s¡­ well not annoyance, but a gemstone crab thing¡¯s approximation to that. But it''s not dangerous to me now. It knows from my song that I really do mean it no harm. So eventually it shifts, and returns very very slowly to stand, moves off the road, and resettles into a little mound of gemstones no different than the pretty environment around it.


    I end the song and turn. Everyone is just¡­ frozen in wonder and awe and¡­ other things. Yrelia and Tasii are halfway between myself and the carriage, eyes darting between myself and the, now sleeping, giant gemstone crab. Kque and Jevita are peeking over the top from their seats in the back area. Even Lule has maneuvered to poke his long neck around the carriage to bounce and hoot at me. Upon reflection, that was probably a really weird thing to watch.


    ¡°Sorry, I didn''t have time to explain.¡± I apologize as my lovers begin to move back to the carriage.


    ¡°The fuck did you do?¡± Tasii whispers as she wraps an arm through mine and helps lead me back.


    ¡°Asked it to move, basically.¡± I explain, head still alight with the music shifting through the air. I¡­ I don¡¯t know if anyone else can hear it. ¡°We scared it. Our big friend was just¡­ really really fucking tired and grumpy. ¡±


    I decided to leave out the¡­ eh¡­ other song I was preparing. Best to keep that ugly thing secret. I honestly hope to never need it. Don¡¯t want to¡­ to even imagine what it¡¯ll sound like. Especially now that I¡¯m getting to hear the tundra''s wonderful song!


    After we¡¯re back in the coach, settled and moving. Delphian finally pops, and an eternity of questions envelope me.


    ¡°What kind of magic was that?¡± She can barely contain the anticipation and hunger in her tone.


    Lady Ophrit¡¯s good humor has returned in full force, is enhanced by such a close touch with danger. ¡°That was incredibly well done. I¡­ I think we just witnessed quite the¨C¡±


    But my mind is still consumed by the thrumming symphony I just wove my own melody into. To just¡­ feel the World Song like this! Much less understand and¡­ I¡­ it¡¯s such a rare thing to me to find this much of it without being overwhelmed!


    ¡°Was that¡­ does it use some ancient language? Does it need it? I¡­ I could have swore I heard you singing even! Song magic? How does that even work!?! NONE of the Arudian records I¡¯ve seen even mention¨C¡±


    Huh¡­ did I just¡­ I made my own song!?! A strange flutter of pride and wonder and fucking joy washes through me. As I enjoy this thing I haven¡¯t felt since¡­ well¡­ before my change. Creating something new and wonderful and meaningful from nothing. And¡­ then sharing it with others.


    I wasn¡¯t sure I¡¯d ever do that again.


    ¡°Ina, do¡­ Do you need anything?¡± Tasii murmurs from beside me. ¡°Should we, um¡­ get Jevita and have her help you to get some rest?¡±


    Yrelia reaches out and pats her hand. ¡°Just let her come down from it, You know she sometimes gets like this after her morning things.¡±


    I finally turn to the group after watching the gorgeous landscape pass me by, basking in the World Song and my echoing litanies within. But¡­ it¡¯s faded away again, that big amazing symphony that seems to encompass everything. Thrumming into the background of snow and cluttering of the carriage.


    ¡°Sorry, I kinda¡­ That was just more than I¡¯m used to doing all at once!¡± I smile at them, ¡°It¡¯s been a while since¡­ Since I got to feel that.¡±


    Delphian nods, and just¡­ keeps going. ¡°Feel what? I¡¯ve¡­ There are so many conflicting reports on Sun Spoken magic. And¡­ Like¡­ how does it even work? What did we just see!?!¡±


    ¡°Wrong Question.¡± I reply automatically. And frown. Memories flooding back. That was Her¡­ no¡­ our hint to Jevita.


    That night¡­ six months ago¡­


    ¡°What?¡± Delphian studders to a halt, and I can almost see her brain trip over itself. She was expecting some¡­ long-winded, very precise answer.


    I sigh and decide to just¡­ go with it. Maybe it will give her the same puzzle to fidget with. ¡°If this was Cultivation or even Lyttoral Alchemy, Maybe that would be the path to understanding. But it¡¯s not.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ What is the right question?¡± Lady Ophrit asks with a smirk and gleam in her eyes.


    I almost laugh, but keep my face to a polite smile as I give her a very clear not answer.


    ¡°But¡­¡± Delphian seems to seethe. ¡°Like¡­ Can you explain the basics? Help me understand the foundations to it?¡±


    I think about that for a few moments. Tasii takes my hand while Yrelia curls feet around mine from across the aisle. ¡°Can you explain how a tree grows? Not like¡­ the little bits or complex watering and sun drinking things, but the why of it?¡±


    ¡°Of course I can!¡± She bursts.


    ¡°Okay, tell me.¡±


    She pauses, and begins to explain about the seed being put into the soil and starting to grow. But I stop her there. Feel a bit of the world song helps me phrase things, despite my own floundering at this.


    ¡°Why do some seeds grow and others die in the dirt?¡±


    ¡°All sorts of reasons. Lack of water, or good soil.¡±


    ¡°It could also get eaten.¡± Ophrit adds.


    I nod. ¡°Exactly.¡±


    A long pause, and then it hits me. The best way I, who am very much not practiced or learned in magical things, can try and explain.


    ¡°I used to love to paint and draw,¡± I suddenly state. ¡°To turn nothing but a blank canvas and my own thoughts into something¡­ more. But¡­ I haven''t done anything like it since I left Lyttoral. Honestly, I never thought I would do it again. Not¡­ not after¡­ um¡­ well after I started traveling.¡±


    ¡°Huh¡­¡± Yrelia muses, tilting her head. ¡°You never really used that notebook we got you for anything but notes on the journal, did you?¡±


    ¡°What journal?¡± Delphian asks.


    I wave her off. ¡°Not important. But, no. I tried once in Deledita, but stopped. Do you know why?¡±


    Delphian huffs, kinda does a¡­ I haven¡¯t the faintest idea! motion.


    No one answers. I sigh then. ¡°I still had all the skills, past knowledge and tools. I had good soil, water, and safe care, but I couldn¡¯t do it. Why not?¡±


    Still silent. Really? None of them¡­ ugh. That¡¯s annoying. I glance at my two lovers, smirk as I see they know part of the answer. Jevita untangled it¡­ like¡­ before I even woke up six months back. Was already bursting with more questions that delighted the¡­ the¡­ Well I guess our old teacher now. If all this worked out we¡¯d just have to puzzle my magic out together!


    Delphian looks ready to explode with more questions, but Ophrit lays a hand on her leg. And¡­ Huh¡­ I think she might have an idea of what I¡¯m getting at. ¡°Puzzle it out, beloved. You¡¯ll have at least a week with her to get a few hints.¡±

 Chapter 57: Carbunkles Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Uncomfortable family reunions


    BIG chappy


    Deadnaming of a past character (not Ina)


    In the final hours of our journey, I¡¯d decided to sit with Kque and Jevita in the back area of the carriage. This way I could see the entirety of the landscape of the lake as we rode up the winding paths of the mountain at the center. The sight was mesmerizing, and from this vantage we got to enjoy a wonderful view of the gemstone tundra.


    We didn¡¯t talk much, just cuddled and snuggled, both for the warmth and for the comfort in it. The past few days¡­ they¡¯d honestly been such a stressful time for all of us. And I¡¯d¡­ I actually kinda wanted to take some time after my Hetaera work was over with each of my lovers.


    Privately if they preferred, or all together if they wanted. I¡¯d avoided drinking too much of their Amwella for so long that I just¡­ UGH I loved them and it felt horrible to need to go to others so often! I want to spoil my lovers with the world they''ve gifted to me!


    Then we¡¯re passing though some giant twisting stone arches, and I find myself floored again by the¡­ just¡­ fucking overwhelming nature of this place!


    Academy is such a poor word for this place. It¡¯s¡­ it''s a wonderland of tall twisting towers of stone and gemstones and plants infested with every color you could imagine! It¡¯s also absolutely packed with people! Many like Delphian with a variety of skin, and hair colors! Some even have horns or other wondrous additional alterations! They¡¯re mostly women, but I¡­


    Oh¡­


    Plenty of Monsters and Parasites move about the winding streets as our carriage pulls us along. That almost ruins it as the Weaver¡¯s command pokes at my mind. But I choose to ignore them. Find myself awestruck by the sheer size of the city as we continue to climb the final paths to the very top.


    Apparently the Academy of Erudition is basically just¡­ like¡­ a big fucking city. Study and trade here is very entwined. Research is done, sure, but The Art of Cultivation is the heart of Arudian wealth. The Doyens are a small council of women that run things here, but¡­ at least from what Jevita told me, they''re kinda a set of¡­ well regulators that keep everything running smoothly so the five families can make as much profit as possible.


    Research is often approved and funded based not on how useful it might be to Arudia at large, but how it will affect coin flow. This doesn¡¯t stop private endeavors, but the costs could be extraordinary without the discounts and connections approvals got you.


    That did stunt some enthusiasm I had, but she also said that despite that, this was still the heart of magical study. Even without direct permissions almost every oddity and art even partially related to magic was studied here, including Lyttoral Alchemy when they could get their hands on sealed and pure water from the Dune Wall.


    ¡°Yrelia, dear, please don¡¯t make me force this issue.¡± Lady Ophrit huffs at my lover as we stand outside the tavern they¡¯ll be staying in. ¡°Your prot¨¦g¨¦ has already refused too much of our care, at least let us ensure your stay here is¨C¡±


    I reach out and lay a hand on the Lady¡¯s arm. ¡°We already discussed this, my lovers have other business they¡¯d like to conduct while here. Business they cannot conduct from either of your homes.¡±


    She purses her lips, then Delphian interjects. ¡°They let us pay for their rooms, beloved. And Ina and I have so much work that hasn¡¯t even started!¡±


    Lady Ophrit looks like she¡¯s going to argue more, but then huffs with a smile and moves toward the carriage and Delphian. ¡°Fine! Say your goodbyes and we¡¯ll be off.¡±


    Then, with big hugs and long kisses with each of my lovers, and dropping off Lady Ophrit at her own family home, we leave to stop to visit the Matron of the house of Rell.


    **    **    **


    Oh¡­ OH fuck! It¡¯s even bigger than their other homes!!! Like¡­ easily twice the size of Zin¡¯s. But more than that, I catch my first glimpse of the Academy itself a few block away.


    Unlike the rest of the city, the spiraling towers are not jutting out from the top of the mountain, but its side. Like¡­ like it¡¯s some great bird perched on a branch, about to drop off and into a dive. And sitting about it are the other five largest homes in the city. All owned and lived in by the five families of old Arudia.


    I can¡¯t help but freeze and stare in awe.


    ¡°Okay, so¡­¡± Delphian says, obvious nervousness dripping from her voice as she steps up next to me. ¡°As you¡¯ve insisted, if anyone asks, you are who?¡±


    I reach up to touch my freshly pierced ears, and the heavy rings The ladies had procured at our insistence. ¡°Hetaera Inamatorii, here as your companion with hopes to study and enter into the Academy as a student.¡±


    She nods. ¡°As long as no money exchanges hands in certain ways we should be fine, even if someone discovers that you''re still in training. The guild might get hussy but won¡¯t be able to point to anything other than you wearing fake rings and lying. Neither of which can get you blacklisted.¡±


    I can¡¯t help a smirk. This was Lady Ophrit¡¯s idea. She didn¡¯t know of mine and Yrelia¡¯s falsehoods. But, this was the easiest way to explain why Delphian wanted to keep me close. It might be a bit¡­ crude to bring a Hetaera with you into the halls of the Academy. But apparently the Doyans did that and worse.


    Also, apparently their earliest times together were enamored in the closed off and shy Delphian being smitten and swept up by her eventual bound beloved¡¯s¡­ eh¡­ well charms and insistence in pulling the cute bookish younger woman into all kinds of crazy nighttime things.


    My being on her arm, even in her studies, will be waived off as Lady Ophrit pushing her to mix pleasure with work.


    ¡°I still don¡¯t understand why you want to keep your true nature hidden,¡± Delphian sighs. ¡°Zin is¡­ well he¡¯s right that you¡¯ll be safe here. More than safe if you¨C¡±


    This had been their only real resistance to our plan. When we¡¯d shown up rearing and ready to go to the Academy as soon as possible, they¡¯d simply assumed I meant to announce myself. And when I told them I still intended to keep myself hidden, and very permanently if possible, Delphian had gotten quite¡­ annoyed.


    I sigh. ¡°I¡¯d appreciate it if we can avoid this discussion again.¡±


    Why waste a trip now, so soon and when the place will be swarming for the upcoming celebrations!?! We should have just waited! But since we¡¯re half-way there why not just¡­ enjoy the ease and attention it will bring? The more people see and are aware of you the safer you will be! And our allies will swarm to your side when you speak your mind on the nature of the ancient treaties and your intentions to alter them! A Sun Spoken standing up and changing these things will do wonders to ensure immediate and smooth changes!


    And on and on and on... It got exhausting very quickly. Especially since the true reason for our secrecy currently hung around my neck and haunted the edges of my dreams. The Weaver is a horrible cunt who¡¯d rather me murder every monster and parasite in your academy than help them. And while we worked to find the magic needed to do this, my lovers would seek a permanent solution to our problem.


    She sighs, glares at the house. ¡°I¡­ apologize.¡±


    That¡­ ugh, it''s not her fault.


    ¡°No, your¡­ your arguments are sound.¡± I touch her shoulder. ¡°I just¡­ I¡¯m not as¡­ as comfortable with attention as your Beloved. I¡¯d rather be in and out with as little fuss as possible.¡±


    ¡°Weirdly enough, L¨C I mean Hetaera Inamatorii, That¡¯s what got me the most worried over this.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ huh? I¡¯m not sure I follow?¡±


    She gestures at the mansion. ¡°Your presence, as our Hetaera will¡­ well it will deflect all that attention onto myself.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I move to step in front of her. ¡°But¡­ How? Exactly?¡±


    She huffs, opens her mouth to comment, but is interrupted by a scream from the side of the house.


    We both jerk back, and get to watch as a young girl, about twelve or thirteen if I had to guess, is chased by a Quelekita.


    One only about¡­ a third of her height.


    I almost melt at the sight. Then the girl slips on the snow and flails face-first into a large mound of the fluff. A second later the baby Quelekita hoots and toots and leaps to follow her into the pile of white wonder.


    All thoughts of the previous conversation are lost as the giggling child rolls out, little bird friend nipping at her hair and clothes excitedly, and spots us.


    ¡°Auntie Dely!!!¡± She shouts, picks up her friend to cradle them, and runs toward us.


    She almost slips a few times, but soon is barreling into Delphian.


    ¡°Big Child!¡± She replies in Arudian coos. ¡°You¡¯ve grown again, you weren''t supposed to do that! And who is this?¡±


    The girl pulls away and presents the little Quelekita with such a smile of pride. ¡°This is Rikita!!!¡±


    If it wasn¡¯t for the cane in my right hand, I don¡¯t think I could have resisted the urge to reach out and give her little friend some scrutches! The baby trills very loudly, struggling to escape the cuddles by nipping at the girl''s nose. She giggles and lets them drop free, then begins to chase. Her auntie totally forgot.


    ¡°Oh, Moon and Stars.¡± Delphian sighs, a mix of anxiety¡­ but also love as she watches the child run off. ¡°The little ones are one of the only reasons I even consider coming here.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    I¡­ I mean the girl and her Quelekita are adorable, but¡­


    ¡°The Rell family is¡­ complicated. So much division of ideas and goals and¡­ and I¡¯m almost certain even that Quelekita is going to be some kind of statement or slight directed at someone.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± I shuffle. ¡°Is¡­ is that why Lady Ophrit decided to visit a friend before coming to find us later?¡±


    She winces. ¡°My grandmama¡­ She¡­ She expects a lot from me, and¡­ well, let¡¯s just say I disappointed her with my choices.¡±


    I slide my arm through her¡¯s. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡­ I know that feeling. My own mother would probably say the same thing about me.¡±


    This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    She glances over at me, a question on her expression, but politeness leaves it silent.


    I smile, ¡°I¡¯d always rather be a disappointment to her than change who I am. I was so miserable when I tried to live that life.¡±


    She touches my hand then, and I can feel her Amwella swell, just a little. A not entirely happy smirk curling up to cover the pain. ¡°I¡­ feel the same. And¡­ Ina, I don¡¯t¨C¡±


    But we¡¯re interrupted again as the front doors to the manor opens, and an older woman stands to watch us. Clothes are a regal mix of gemstone embellishments over a blouse and slacks of midnight hues. Her skin is oddly a very pale hue, almost a cool forest green in its tinting. Eyes a deep deep blue, with short dark hair cropped cleanly.


    ¡°Eh, We should probably stop stalling.¡± Delphian murmurs.


    ¡°Is¡­ Is that¨C¡± I begin to ask, a little intimidated by the grim stare she¡¯s leveling at us.


    ¡°Hm? Oh no, that''s just the first servant. Elpherin.¡± But Delphian still stiffens as she begins to lead us forward.


    ¡°Hello Lady Elpherin.¡± Delphian greets as we reach the door.


    ¡°You weren¡¯t expected.¡± The older woman says, stepping aside and motioning us to enter. Not¡­ not rudely, but¡­ not kindly either. ¡°And I don¡¯t recognize your companion.¡±


    ¡°Manners, please!¡± Delphian huffs as we enter. ¡°This is Hetaera Inamatorii, a treasured friend. Ina, this is Lady Elpherin.¡±


    The entry hall of the manor is bigger than most inns, including their stables. Large stairs twist and wind up into what must be a massive back area, and even without turning my head I can see a large dining room to my right and¡­ a¡­ well just a big gorgeous domed room to our left.


    ¡°Ah, And where is your Bound Beloved?¡±


    ¡°Lady Ophrit is busy.¡± Delphian¡¯s voice is growing more agitated. ¡°Is Grandmama available?¡±


    Elpherin shuts the door, moves to take our coats. ¡°You gave no notice of your arrival. It is the eve of celebration. To assume she would just¡­ drop everything and¨C¡±


    ¡°First servant.¡± Lady Delphian finally snaps, pulls her shoulder to the side to avoid the older woman¡¯s touch. ¡°Please signal to the Matron of the house of Rell that her Granddaughter, Delphian Rell, would love to speak with her if she can spare me the time. And be sure to give her my sincerest fucking apologies that I didn''t think to send a message ahead.¡±


    I flinch at her fire, can¡¯t help but place a placating gesture on her hand to try and calm her.


    Elpherin doesn¡¯t even twitch back, only¡­ moves past us. Nods. ¡°Of course. I trust you can find comfortable accommodations while I relay your message?¡±


    Delphian snorts, annoyed. ¡°All too well. But we¡¯ll wait here. Be quick please. We don¡¯t wish to waste any of Her time.¡±


    The older woman nods, not even a hint of anger or annoyance or¡­ anything. I¡¯m honestly kinda shocked by the lack of emotion. Then she turns and takes the stairs to venture deeper into the house.


    Delphian glares after her.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I whisper. ¡°Are¡­ are you okay?¡±


    ¡°No, Ina. No, I am not.¡±


    I shuffle, adjust my cane and pat her hand again. ¡°She um¡­ Well Yrelia would call her quite the fucking cunt?¡±


    She lets out a huff of air, snorts a laugh. ¡°Yes, she¡­ She and my grandmama are very close. She¡­ she¡¯s known as her closest friend, if my grandmother is capable of having those, and¡­ and more.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ OH!¡± I almost whisper. ¡°So¡­ kinda¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, basically my second grandmama in many ways. We¡¯ve¡­ we¡¯ve not been on good terms for a long while. She''s very loyal and protective of her house, even if she doesn¡¯t bear the name. Has seen me as a constant disappointment since I was very little.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Was¡­ Was this why you wanted me to just¡­ announce myself?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Ina that¡¯s¡­¡± She winces, careful to keep her eyes ahead. ¡°Um¡­ Yes. Yes it very much was.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not angry, if¡­ if anything I¡¯m relieved!¡± I let out a real breath of relief at the admission. ¡°I was worried you just realized how fucking stu¡­ I mean how my plans are not very intelligent.¡±


    ¡°Ina you¡¯re not¨C¡± She tries to counter my self-deprecation. But¡­ I can see the worry in her at my understanding.


    ¡°You were hoping to impress them.¡± I smile at her. ¡°It¡¯s honestly very flattering that you thought I would be enough for something like that.¡±


    She¡¯s a bit flustered now, caught between worry and annoyance and stress and¡­ and I just want to¡­ to¡­ help this cute lady! I think she might be putting herself in way more uncomfortable situations than I realized to accommodate my lies.


    ¡°Delphian, you are so much more impressive than I¡¯ll probably ever be.¡± I motion to one of her horns, which Lady Ophrit swooned endlessly about how she grew them herself. ¡°Your Beloved Bound couldn¡¯t help but mention you anytime she got the chance during our¡­ um¡­ earlier encounters. Preening about how you¡¯ve basically mastered multiple Cultivation Fractals and are pursuing research all on your own. Talked endlessly about your passion and intelligence.¡±


    This is all mostly true, but I can¡¯t help but embellish a little. She deserves it, and her family sure as fuck isn¡¯t doing their job in supporting and praising her it seems! Zin is horrible, and as far as what¡¯s been mentioned no one else from the House of Rell even visits them.


    She blushes then, and it¡¯s such a wondrous shade of deep purples on her skin that make her green sparkles glimmer. ¡°Ina¡­ You¡­ you flatter me but¨C¡±


    Her Amwella swells, and I can¡¯t stop. ¡°Lady Delphian, if your grandmama doesn¡¯t treasure who you choose to be, then she is unworthy of you.¡±


    A tear bubbles and falls down one cheek. That¡­ oh I think I went too far there. Fuck.


    She turns then, and stares over at me with those enchanting green eyes. I look forward, noticing the sounds of steps approaching from where the older woman disappeared. A few seconds pass, then Elpherin appears just as Delphian is wiping furiously at her eyes.


    ¡°Lady Delphian, Hetaera Inamatorii.¡± She announces, but doesn¡¯t descend the stairs. ¡°Our Matron has made time for you.¡±


    Delphian straightens, seems¡­ bigger. More confident. Amwella surges with new energy and fire. And¡­ and I can¡¯t help but smile at this cute woman as she leads us up toward a family that doesn¡¯t deserve her.


    **    **    **


    Oh¡­ oh¡­ When I was told we were meeting the Matron of House Rell, a woman of over two centuries of life and grandmother to the young woman I¡¯m currently clinging to, I was expecting someone¡­ someone closer to my Sangoma. Old but with a refined beauty that it seems she must battle for every day. Not¡­ no not ugly, just¡­ worn and weathered by the stress of managing one of the most powerful houses and families in Arudia for such a long time.


    The Matron Veletross Rell, as Elpherin announced her as when we entered this private study, is none of those things.


    Skin a deep charcoal that glimmers with midnight hues, hair a bundle with multiple little horns that seem suspiciously similar to Delphian¡¯s, and her eyes¡­ they¡­ as they flit up to regard us then seem to glow with a dozen shifting shades before settling on a deep maroon with hints of crimson. This is only all exaggerated by a body of soft but very noticeable curves wrapped in a gown of glimmering silk.


    She¡­ she looks younger than either of us! Not but by a few years but¡­ Just over two decades old! Delphian mentioned her grandmama was¡­ like¡­ hundreds of years old! How¡­ What sort of magic has she employed to¡­


    ¡°My Delphian,¡± She purrs, voice a¡­ a smooth Icey thing that sends tickling brumbles down my spine. ¡°It¡¯s so good of you to join our house for this year''s festival. It¡¯s been so long.¡±


    Delphian moves us forward, but not close enough to sit in the two chairs that sit across from a large desk that separates us from the Matron.


    ¡°Matron Veletross,¡± Delphian replies stiffly, giving a small bow. ¡°I apologize for my absence. Time has gotten away from me.¡±


    The Matron rises, moves around her desk. ¡°Please dear, such close family need not stand on ceremony and tradition.¡± Her words drip with¡­ with such coolness and venom.


    All of it horrible and cruel and¡­ and almost mocking! So much so that I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s hissing the exact opposite of her words!


    ¡°I¡¯d¡­ prefer to remain polite. At all times, especially to the highest in our house.¡± Delphian replies. ¡°You¡¯ve certainly earned it.¡±


    M¡­ more!?! But now from¡­ from Delphian? Much more stiff and direct, but the same ¡®I¡¯m saying the exact opposite of what I¡¯m actually feeling¡¯.


    What the fuck!?!


    The Matron smiles, all venom and predatory and¡­ something else. ¡°If you insist. Now¡­¡± Her eyes dance over me, flakes of purple glimmer within the two pools of red. ¡°I doubt the Lady Ophrit has suddenly grown so young and vibrant in her later years. Who might this be?¡±


    Delphian does a wonderful job hiding her anger at the Matron¡¯s poke at her Beloved Bound, but I can feel her fingers tighten. I can barely stop a shudder as those eyes seem to carve through and up. Am sure I feel such¡­ disdain as they touch on my weird bone leg and cane.


    ¡°I am Hetaera Inamatorii,¡± I mimic Delphian¡¯s bow, ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you.¡±


    The Matron does frown then, removing a few pieces of the sweet sprinkles she¡¯d laced her contempt with. ¡°A Hetaera¡­ What a surprise. A friend of Ophrit¡¯s then?¡±


    ¡°Here at my request, actually.¡± My companion says. ¡°An intelligent woman whom I¡¯d love to introduce to the Academy, and the possibility of study there.¡±


    ¡°Truly?¡± The Matron raises her eyebrows lazily. ¡°I assume you¡¯d prefer the House of Rell to sponsor her?¡±


    This¡­ well I¡¯d not expected this to be the step that causes us to stumble. Delphian hadn¡¯t¡­ well she mentioned that obtaining this would be an in-and-out affair. A brief bump in with family, awkward but¡­ tolerable.


    ¡°I would.¡± Delphian fights so hard to keep eye contact with her grandmother.


    The older woman steps forward and just¡­ stops in front of her granddaughter. Delphian releases my hand then, all but pushes me to stand back as if some great contest will suddenly break out between them.


    ¡°How¡¯s your cousin fairing?¡± She purrs through a cruel smirk. ¡°Is Uqueta well?¡±


    It takes me a moment to understand why Delphian¡¯s eyes boil with a conflicted rage at the name. She¡¯s talking about Zin¡­ is¡­ is using the old dead name. Even¡­ even with Her commands about Monsters and Parasites I can¡¯t help but bristle at her words.


    ¡°He is.¡± Delphian forces out, ¡°Still a blundering fool, but¡­ Zin is well enough. He almost came here himself.¡±


    The Matron pauses, tilts her head slightly in¡­ curiosity when Delphian calls him a fool. ¡°Really? Oh how I would have loved to see my grandchild in all their splendor.¡±


    It¡¯s Delphian¡¯s turn to smile, a¡­ well it''s not cruel but¡­ almost confident. ¡°Wonderful to hear that you miss them! I¡¯ve heard such ugly rumors regarding your relationship.¡±


    The matron rolls her eyes, the first obvious show of her real emotions since I met her. ¡°Oh yes, I would be positively overwhelmed with glee to see my infertile grandson. Yes. What a boon they¡¯ve been to our house.¡±


    Then she turns, and walks back to her desk, turns and gives Delphian another studying look as she leans against it. The perfect visage of a bored jungle Cretilla.


    ¡°So, you wish for your young, probably physically inclined Hetaera, to have a run through our Academy¡¯s treasured library is it?¡± She sighs, ¡°Truly? This is why you return to us after half a decade?¡±


    ¡°It is.¡±


    She gives nothing more. Just¡­ waits impatiently while the older woman ponders over the request. Eyes still shifting through a few colors.


    ¡°The why is¡­ probably of little concern. A passing fancy of your obviously absent Bound Beloved.¡± She waves her hand. ¡°So, What do you expect me to ask of you?¡±


    A pause, then Delphian only supplies. ¡°I¡¯ll not bore you with a granddaughter¡¯s ignorance of our house''s needs, Nor waste your time with them.¡±


    The Matron smiles darkly, ¡°But to hear the thoughts of my children''s child is such a wondrous thing. I¡¯d adore seeing how much of your shining intellect has thrived amidst your¡­ current engagements.¡±


    Delphian sighs, ¡°I would hope for something of equal worth, but I know better.¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­¡± Her grandmother purrs, ¡°Come now, you were always my most cunning when you simply tried. Entertain me with a few offers! Indulge an old woman. Who knows, maybe you¡¯ll get lucky!¡±


    Delphian finally turns her head away at that. ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ Grandmama I¡¯ve been away for too long, and I really have no idea what you could¨C¡±


    Matron Veletross stands again, walks over, and reaches out to gently pull Delphian¡¯s face back to meet her gaze. Voice goes a little softer. ¡°I agree, it has been too long. You really should visit more.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯ve had good fortune in my research.¡± The younger woman¡¯s hand twitches at the touch, a barely restrained urge to push the hand away seems to roll through her. ¡°You''re¡­ well as my Matron I¡¯d love to gift you my findings and¨C¡±


    The older woman pouts, ¡°Boring dear, very boring. You''re brightest when you shine outside of some cramped research lab or study.¡±


    Delphian does push her hand away then, gentle, but firm. ¡°So my Beloved keeps telling me, but my spirit craves the light of discovery.¡±


    Veletross sighs, ¡°Such a waste, but¡­ we all have our vices¡­¡±


    ¡°Just¡­ please. Don¡¯t play this game with me.¡± Delphian flinches at the words, seems to¡­ to brace for¨C


    The Matron smirks. ¡°Fine then, I¡¯ll be direct with my desires. I want you at my side during the festivities. Attend our family''s events and spend a few nights here.¡±


    ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°And what? My little Phaefoxun, can I not simply ask to spend some time with you?¡±


    Delphian flinches at the pet name, but nods. ¡°Fine. I accept your terms.¡±


    The Matron giggles, such an odd sound from one so old wrapped in the skin of youth. ¡°Terms? Dear, this is a simple exchange of gifts between family.¡±


    Something¡­ something makes me step back up and reclaim Delphian¡¯s arm. A sense of brittleness touches her face. Her Amwella flickers¡­ almost¡­ almost in thanks.


    ¡°We¡¯d like to get into the Academy before nighttime,¡± She reaches over to pat my hand absently. ¡°So¡­ I¡¯d ask that we gain our Writ before leaving here.¡±


    ¡°Of course, but I¡¯d like you to return after you settle your¡­ Companion.¡± Eyes only just seem to remember that I am here. ¡°I must say she seems a little young for your tastes. I thought you preferred your lovers a touch more¡­ developed.¡±


    ¡°We haven¡¯t¨C¡± Delphian starts, then has to take a deep breath and begin anew. ¡°She really is simply a dear friend. Her training was¡­ well¡­¡±


    ¡°Song, Art, and only just good enough for my Pleasure Ring.¡± I fill in for her, try to use a soft smile to smooth this venomous entangling of past grievances and current slights.


    ¡°Really?¡± The matron purrs, and¡­ I really don¡¯t think I like the way she¡¯s looking at me. ¡°Then we should have you join us tonight. Sing us a song or three.¡±


    Delphian stiffens, a warning nearly screaming from her.


    I¡­ pause. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s wonderful of you to ask. And it would be an honor to entertain a Matron of Arudia. But¡­ I¡¯m still very new and barely worthy of¨C¡±


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± Her eyes bore into me. ¡°I would delight in the gift of your talents. Find out what my Phaefoxun sees in you.¡±


    Delphian almost¡­ almost seems to shake in some anger and¡­ and deeper things. ¡°Please, Grandmama. Don¡¯t¡­ don¡¯t involve her in this.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s already involved!¡± The Matron laughs, ¡°And I¡¯ve set my desires to this. Bring her. I would hate to discover after her enrollment that she was a talentless fool.¡±


    She moves around the table then, pulls out a piece of paper, and begins to pen out the writ we seek. Delphian goes slowly pale and cold as the scratches of the pen strokes bathe the room in uncomfortable sounds.

 Chapter 58: Stardust Cravings

    <u>CW:</u>


    Alternative POV (Jevita Chapter)


    ¡°Are you sure you¡¯ll be alright, Jevita?¡± Kque asks me again.


    I would smile to assure her, but¡­ the twisting scarf we¡¯ve woven around my head and mouth and face keep all except my eyes covered. Which, last I checked, are still the least Cultivated part of my body.


    ¡°Course!¡± I say with as much confidence as I can muster as I mindlessly scrutch my child¡¯s neck. ¡°Lule will keep me company.¡±


    Biggest scariest turns to glare at another woman as she passes the big Arudian amphitheater we mull outside of. I give him another scrutch, both to calm and let him know that he¡¯s doing a wonderful job of protecting me.


    Kque looks back nervously between the little bench I sit on while Lule nestles just beside me and the large merchant venue where Tasii and Yrelia await her.


    ¡°I¡­ I could stay out here.¡± She begins to decide to deviate from our plans. ¡°They can handle¨C¡±


    I poke her leg with my foot. ¡°Neither know what to ask for, nor the people to avoid. Go!¡±


    She huffs, gives me one last nod and careful pat on the spot on my shoulder where no marks lurk beneath the coat I wear. ¡°Okay, love you Jevita. Be right back!¡±


    Wishful fucking thinking. She¡¯ll probably come check on me between vendors, but this will keep them all busy until late into the night. I could have stayed at the inn¡­ but then I¡¯d be inside and get overheated and have to take these layers off¡­


    Too many women could recognise my marks, and¡­ Well things would get really fucked up if word got back to important women that I was back.


    That, and this way if our family had any questions or needed me to double check on a lead, I¡¯d be close at hand. This is such a delicate thing. We have to balance asking for a remedy to something mundane, that being terrible nightmares a friend of ours wants to suppress, but also needing to make sure the cure was as powerful as a highly illegal Dream stone which they could not mention we have.


    I¡¯d laid out the measurements, and fractal sympathies, and activation parameters for a few that might work. But¡­


    But I¡¯m not sure such a stone exists.


    As I¡¯m chewing on a few working theories that might help Ina, Lule levels glares at basically everyone who passes by. I coo and scrutch him whenever his head perks up and one big eye fixes on someone for too long, but his feathers never even flutter or press in anxiety.


    I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure he¡¯s doing this to calm me, and that he isn¡¯t seriously worried about any of them. Last time we were here he barely came up to my shoulders, but he learned quickly to associate women with heavy Cultivation changes or a myriad of crystals upon their person as women who hurt his¡­ his¡­


    The word causes my thoughts to muddle for some reason, and I have to furiously wipe at my eyes through the scarf.


    I mean¡­ I know how he sees me. But¡­  Lule pauses his watchfulness to hoot and nuzzle my shoulder, so I pull him into a tight hug.


    ¡°Thank you, Big Child.¡± I whisper to him. ¡°Thank you for protecting your mother.¡±


    He toots back, then resumes his vigil.


    I make sure my eyes are clear, and let my mind wander away from Cultivation theories onto more¡­ healthy pathways. Carefully grown scorn.


    The ¡®Art¡¯ of Cultivation.


    How fucking stupid. There''s no art to it, no passion!


    A very poorly kept secret in Arudia was that even the youngest and most inept child could activate and use any Gemstone if they knew the patterns to trace upon the thing. The true power came not from will or esoteric mastery of ancient magics, but sheer fucking ability to read and memorize what your gemstones do, where and how to trace ones fingers across their surface to agitate the energy within, and which end to point the stupid things.


    That¡­ or the well-documented properties different gemstones keep when shattered or ground into dust, and where those could be used. Medicine, construction, alchemy (if you could obtain some Lyttoral waters), or even cooking.


    Here in Arudia, especially at the Academy, any real excellence came from those who tirelessly studied, recorded, and drew up the brands to etch into the gemstones. Even with near a thousand years of this, we have no fucking clue what gemstones really are, where they originally came from, or why they work!


    I shift carefully. Wearing these layers was important, but¡­ fuck me did they rub at my markings. Little shifts sending jolts of¡­ of¡­ Ugh don¡¯t focus on it!


    Back to the healthy thoughts Jevy!


    Or¡­ I shudder, horrible memories of¡­ of finding Inamatorii standing there in the street.


    Of Her¡­ no¡­


    Their glowing violet eyes and unnatural double voice.


    Leg still seared with one of the strongest Cultivation reactions I¡¯d ever seen while they seemed only mildly annoyed by the affair. A leg gone in such a way that would have left anyone else a blubbering mess for at least six months only barely seemed to bother them!


    Ina was there, but¡­ it was like she was some mounted Quelekita with a dark goddess upon her back.


    But¡­ Corpsefucker? That was the word they used for the woman who had done it. At first I thought they¡¯d stumbled onto something very¡­ um¡­ not normal. Even for the twisted unbridled debauchery of the five families, that would be extreme.


    But¡­ no. They laid that title on all who practice Cultivation. And then there was that name and warning and the¡­ the¡­


    Zeridii.


    That name means nothing to me. Amongst the vast library I had etched into my flesh, nothing. No mention. No scholars even bore that name, despite it being a simple Arudian sounding word.


    Which¡­ that¡¯s impossible. Plenty of things in my records had things omitted. Names, places, and dates. Twas the nature of Arudia. Sometimes research is censored. But¡­ to find nothing implies a purpose.


    Perhaps even a dedication of multiple centuries to erase that name from history.


    Lule perks up, neck stretching up the tallest he¡¯s done so far. Eye locking on a distant sight. I turn, worried maybe he¡¯s recognized someone from our past.


    Get a flash of cold fear at seeing her strutting down the street to sweep me away.


    But¡­ no. No one I recognize. Just some carriage dropping off some travelers. They look very foreign and overly bundled for the current mild Arudian cold. But I¡¯m certainly not one to judge, so I turn back to my thoughts.


    ¡°Zeridii...¡± I whisper the word, roll its syllables around to get a feel for it.


    Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    They said the women of the Academy used to¡­ like¡­ work with this thing? But then they called it and Cultivation a blight. Mentioned that they butcher its body for gemstones. But that would imply that¡­ No.


    She couldn¡¯t have been meaning to say this thing was as big as the lake. Right? The gemstones are just otherworldly fauna that crashed down from the sky. Their energy and nature just clash with our world, thus causing extreme reactions. So¡­ was it a passenger? A living thing, not just existing life from this land, but¡­ like from where the gemstones fell from?


    Like... like a Carbunkle? But... no those are just current life that''s bonded with the gemstones. Nothing like... really alive or animal even is in my records!


    Lule begins to shuffle, so I scrutch his neck a bit more. Look back to make sure¡­ No. Still just that same two women unloading their luggage. One of them might have a pretty intense Cultivation stone, but¡­ that shouldn¡¯t upset Lule too much. And not from this far awa¨C


    Then my Big child shoots to his feet, lets out an excited trilling hoot, and nearly bumbles me sprawling from the bench as he launches himself toward the group.


    ¡°Lule!¡± I yelp, grabbing for his straps. I hook a hand through one, dig my feet into the snow and¡­ And get drug across the street by my big silly child.


    Shouting in all three languages I know he understands, just different variations of Stop! All while I¡¯m fighting hard to keep myself as stiff as possible to avoid the weird jolts from my markings!


    ¡°Oh! Uh¡­¡± I hear a woman sputter as Lule and I reach the carriage.


    Lule trills and pitter-patters his feet with such excitement as I fight to make him stop and pull back, but nearly nine feet of stubborn Quelekita will not be stopped by barely five feet of me. His mother or no.


    ¡°I¡¯m really sorry, just¡­ like¡­ gimme a second to¡­¡± I try to pull him back. But my silly child is already shoving his big feathered face into the taller of the two women.


    And, Moon and stars are they tall! Like¡­ both her and the woman she¡¯s with tower over me!


    The ¡®shorter¡¯ woman has pulled back, but the taller one just drags her own scarf and hood down to regard my child with a tired smile. Very much not from Arudia. Sun-kissed skin like the sand, bright dirty blonde hair, and golden amber eyes. A pretty tattoo on her face, like an upside down tree. Not Cultivated.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright.¡± She murmurs, holds out her hand to my child to inspect. Then says to him in rough, but practiced Arudian. ¡°Sorry child, I have no sweet treats for you.¡±


    Lule bumps it and pitter patters closer, head nuzzling the tall woman like she¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m not sure! He¡¯s normally very friendly but I¡¯ve only ever seen him this excited to see me after a separation or one of my family if they bring really really pungent fruits for him to enjoy. But even then he loses interest in them the moment he gets his beak around it! And maybe¡­ Well, Ina before she regained consciousness after her injuries six months back.


    ¡°He¡­ I¡¯m sorry but he must smell some fruit on you or something!¡± I pull at his harness again. ¡°C¡¯mon Big Child! Leave this woman alo¨C¡±


    Then he¡¯s wrapping his long neck about her¡¯s in one of the most intimate cuddles I¡¯ve ever watched him give anyone but me!


    ¡°Lule!¡± I yelp in horror. ¡°Stop it!¡±


    He ignores me, and the woman can¡¯t help but laugh as she leans into his cuddle.


    The shorter of the two, still way bigger than me, rolls her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m going to get something to eat. Come find me after you run your errands and gain us an audience with her.¡± She doesn¡¯t remove her scarf or hood, but I make out darker naturally tanned skin.


    The tall one turns to give her an apologetic smile. ¡°Of course. I¡¯ll be back in the morning at the latest.¡±


    Then she hoists a few rough bags from the carriage and moves off, leaving me with the big woman whom my child is refusing to part from. He coos and hoots happily as she pats his neck.


    I pull at Lule¡¯s strap helplessly. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. He¡¯s¡­ he¡¯s never done this to anyone but me!¡±


    The woman just smiles and leans into his nuzzle. ¡°It¡¯s not his fault, he just¡­ It¡¯s comforting to know that most of the Quelekita still like me. He¡¯s not the first to become temporarily smitten. It¡¯ll pass.¡±


    That makes me pause. ¡°I¡­ What? This is normal for you?¡±


    ¡°Mhm, more often than not. Especially in these cold lands.¡± She sighs, pats his head. ¡°Okay, big child, release me.¡±


    Lule huffs, sad, but obeys. He still keeps one big eye on the woman as his feet continue to dance in the snow. Really!?! You listen to this big woman but not your own mother!?!


    ¡°I¡¯m really sorry.¡± I stammer, confused and horrified, and probably red as a Gulipia fish in embarrassment beneath my layers.


    ¡°It¡¯s really no problem.¡± She assures me, finally letting eyes look me over. ¡°It¡¯s too rare to receive such a heartfelt welcome. Especially in this city.¡±


    I grumble as I yank at the harness again. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t expect anyone here to show much real affection.¡±


    She hums agreement, looks around. And as my child begins to listen to his mother and give the woman some space, I can¡¯t help but notice the¡­ well how this woman seems to be very very tired. Eyes have some nasty bags beneath them, and her eyes seem half-lidded.


    ¡°I¡­ Um¡­ could I like¡­ get you a mug of glimmer wine or¡­ or maybe some fudgebrew? Before your errands or whatever?¡± I offer. ¡°You just got here and¡­ Well a ton of women would not have been as kind to Lule if he came at them like that.¡±


    She looks like she¡¯s going to say no, but¡­ lets out a huff and smiles. ¡°That sounds¡­ actually really nice. The road has been long and I can¡¯t help but feel that this place will offer me little warmth.¡±


    ¡°Heh, smart.¡± I let out a tired chuckle without any joy in it, ¡°Foreigners to Arudia normally expect this city to be a wonderland.¡±


    The woman grunts, the first real show of annoyance I¡¯ve seen crosses her face. ¡°I¡¯ve done business here before. I know to look past the shimmer and lights.¡±


    She adjusts her bag in the awkward pause that follows the grim honesty of our words.


    ¡°Oh, um¡­ well I¡¯m Jevita, by the way!¡± I hold out my hand, ¡°You already got to meet my big floofball of a child, Lule.¡±


    Her hand nearly engulfs mine, seems to radiate such warmth. ¡°I¡¯m Emarial. And honestly, you¡¯ll probably be the nicest woman I¡¯ll encounter in this city.¡±


    Her words send a ping of resonance through me. Make me consider my own hopes for a quick escape from the mountain. But¡­ Emarial¡­ That¡¯s a pretty name. Seems familiar, but no faces appear in my mind so I brush off the feeling of recognition.


    She pays the driver while I get us the promised drinks from a nearby cart, and soon we¡¯re plopped down on my bench blowing the steam from our mugs. Lule has finally calmed down, and while I hate rewarding bad behavior, Emarial insisted she be allowed to purchase him a mug of warm sweet juices for him to slurp at while we sit.


    ¡°So how long have you lived at the Academy, Jevita?¡± Emarial asks after her first sip.


    ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t live here. Not anymore, thank the stars.¡± I reply, ¡°Just visiting.¡±


    ¡°Ah, business or family matters then.¡± It¡¯s not a question, but I don¡¯t mind being polite.


    ¡°Little of both. One of my family is¡­ eh, sick and needs some remedies Cultivation can offer.¡± I pull down my scarf, just enough to take my first little sip. ¡°The others are inside the venue here asking after it while I keep Lule from tackling anyone else.¡±


    Emarial chuckles, but then sobers. ¡°I hope you find the curatives she needs, I can only imagine the affliction she might suffer from to drive you to seek help so close to the heart of Arudia.¡±


    I wince, ¡°Yeah, I¡­¡±


    Emarial isn¡¯t part of my family, and¡­ It¡¯ll probably be nice to get this worry off my shoulders. So I divulge my fears to this stranger.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure we¡¯ll find anything that can help her.¡± I say very quietly.


    Emarial doesn¡¯t interrupt, just¡­ waits and drinks in the silence.


    ¡°I think she knows that, and¡­ and I¡¯m worried she¡¯s just trying to do a little good for the world before the symptoms stop her from being able to¡­ to¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Emarial murmurs after the silence signals I don¡¯t want to speak the words. ¡°Watching one you love fade is¡­ not a curse anyone should bear.¡±


    I look at her with sudden surprise and worry that I¡¯ve made her uncomfortable, ¡°You¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I meant to buy this as an apology! Not dump my problems on¨C¡±


    ¡°No, Jevita, It¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m a kindred spirit in this. I have lost a lot of women I loved that way.¡± She smiles and just stares ahead, old memories flashing across her tired face. ¡°But¡­ It sounds like you¡¯ve not talked with her about this?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m scared to bring it up.¡± I whisper, ¡°Scared to¡­ to see my family lose the little hope this horrible place can give them.¡± I can¡¯t help but shutter, fight back a few tears.


    ¡°Hope is wonderful, but¡­ I let it poison me in the past.¡± She sighs, ¡°It made me blind, and chase things instead of celebrating those I loved in their final days. Drove me to waste time better spent holding them tight before the cold gathered.¡±


    Her words do bring my tears to bear then, and I hate the ugly snorting way I tend to cry.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, that was cruel.¡± She sighs, polite enough to look away as if she doesn¡¯t notice. ¡°I don¡¯t even know what sickness she has, much less what options are available. Your path is probably way more hopeful than mine was.¡±


    I shake my head, furiously wipe at the tears. ¡°No, you¡¯re¡­ I needed to hear that. Needed to¡­ to see past this place. To be ready for when those discussions need to happen. The¡­ the medicine we¡¯re relying on right now. The Cultivation stone is¡­ it¡¯s not meant for this. And the side effects will¡­ well, from what I¡¯ve read they¡¯ll¡­ They¡¯re only just barely better than the condition itself if we use it too much.¡±


    She winces, but it seems to be from a memory of her own as much as my words. I tried to stay vague, but¡­ thinking about it...


    Cultivation infections aren¡¯t all that rare. Many women probably face similar terrible options when they occur. The law of stubborn changes making curing such things impossible.


    I take a deep breath, then a drink to help me gather myself. ¡°But seriously, I¡¯m sorry. And¡­ you¡¯re words¡­ They aren''t nice things to hear, but they are true. I think they¡¯ll help if things don¡¯t work out. Thank you for¡­ for sharing your pain with me.¡±


    Such a sad and tired weight settles upon Emarial¡¯s shoulders. ¡°I¡­ I hope they do help. But, honestly, do what you need to do. To help her and yourselves. Don¡¯t let fear drive you, no means are worth the heartbreak you¡¯ll feel afterwards. Not if you lose her.¡±


    I nod, smiling finally. ¡°Thank the moon and stars my fall back to stress is careful logic. If this falls through¡­ well¡­ it should point me toward what you just said.¡±


    We finish our drinks in relative silence after that.


    ¡°I wish the best for you, Jevita.¡± She nods, stands, then murmurs in her rough Arudian. ¡°I hope your search yields the stardust you and yours crave.¡±


    I reach out, and we grasp hands. ¡°And to you, Emarial. May you find rest and peace at the end of your Path.¡±

 Chapter 59: Wound in the World Song Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Kisses. Teasing about being tied up for fun times.


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± Lady Ophrit pats her Bound Beloved¡¯s arm as we walk down the street, ¡°If we¡¯re going to spend time in that old Carbuncle''s estate I¡¯m going to make sure we all shine!¡±


    Delphian sighs, ¡°We could have gotten started on our research, instead of¡­ of wasting time on this frivolity!¡±


    The rest of the day was pretty boring until the final hours. We took the writ to the Academy and¡­ well¡­ mostly just waited in quiet hallways on busy women to file our request and get myself a visitors pass for the library. I¡¯d still need to be on Delphian¡¯s arm to access the more important sections though.


    She was very quiet and nearly dripping with a rising anxious anger and annoyance and¡­ an eternity of other things after the meeting with her grandmother. I¡­ I don¡¯t know what to say, or how to help. I try and fail to distract or pull her into relieving a bit of the stress through healthy venting, But¡­ she seemed so far away that it all just falls flat.


    Then her Beloved Bound arrived just before she meant to take me down into the archives and grand libraries.


    It was like¡­ like watching someone cold and weary from a long day of travel find warmth and rest. Delphian unthawed as I explained, as best I could, the meeting with her Matron.


    Simply the presence of her lover cracks the shell she¡¯d woven to protect herself.


    Lady Ophrit lured her from her melancholy by insisting we spend the rest of the evening finding new wondrous outfits to wear to this first gathering with Delphian¡¯s family. The younger woman had protested and complained, but¡­ all while letting her lover lead us into an gorgeous Arudian market positively packed with various carts and stores. Once there Delphian¡¯s objections melted as we began to pick out new outfits for the evening.


    I¡¯d insisted they let me purchase my own wares, but¡­ in hindsight it¡¯s wonderful that Lady Ophrit already knew half the merchants and ensured none would take my coin so long as she was with me. The costs in this city are unreasonably high!


    So here we walk through a pretty Arudian night, just barely able to see the final glimmers of the sun fade from the sky.


    ¡°Thank you for wasting time on frivolity with me,¡± I reach out and touch Lady Ophrit¡¯s shoulder, but look at them both.


    ¡°Of course dear,¡± Lady Ophrit¡¯s eyes twinkle with¡­ something. Subtle and mischievous and¡­ well I¡¯m not sure how I feel about it. ¡°As a guest of our house it¡¯s only natural that we see to your every need while you¡¯re here!¡±


    Delphian stiffens a little as the manor of Rell comes into sight. ¡°Oh¡­ oh please don¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh how the rumors would spread if word got out that the house of Rell didn¡¯t keep their oaths or pamper their guests.¡± The older woman tuts, completely ignoring the younger¡¯s protest.


    ¡°Quetian!¡± Delphian hisses under her breath. ¡°Don¡¯t¡­ Please don¡¯t start this with her.¡±


    Quetian? Is¡­ is that her first name or a pet name? Yrelia had only introduced her as the Lady Ophrit.


    ¡°Start what?¡± She replies with an innocent smile and taunting eyes. ¡°You think I mean to challenge someone on how well our family treats guests?¡±


    ¡°She will see through you in an instant!¡± Delphian growls as we turn the corner and move off the main street into the path leading up to the Rell manor.


    ¡°Let her!¡± Lady Ophrit laughs then. ¡°If the Matron of Rell wants to take sleight at my words her only recourse is to prove me wrong and ensure our young companion is kept in all possible comfort.¡±


    The younger woman stops her then, prompting me to halt a few steps beyond as I try to¡­ to figure out what they''re talking about and if I should be a part of it.


    ¡°You don¡¯t know her like I do.¡± Delphian whispers. ¡°She¡¯ll twist your words and take more interest in Ina than either of us want. I¡­ I may wish for her to reveal her nature, but I will not willfully let you coax her into a position where she is forced to deal with that.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ I would appreciate that.¡± I chime in at my name¡¯s mention. ¡°If I understand Lady Delphian¡¯s concerns, that is. I still mean to leave this mountain with as little knowledge of my passing till me and my lovers are halfway across Arudia please!¡±


    Lady Ophrit sighs, ¡°Fine. You¡¯re probably right, beloved. I just find it so hard to not poke at the old hag¡¯s pri¨C¡±


    Delphian pulls her close then, ¡°Stop. Not here. Not in front of her fucking house. I will not let you invite such wroth down upon yourself. I will have you tied up and sent back home.¡±


    Lady Ophrit smirks, reaches out a hand to cradle the face of her furious lover. ¡°Only if it was you tying those knots, Beloved.¡±


    And suddenly Delphian is blushing, but her fury remains as she reaches out to snatch the wrist touching her face. ¡°I¡¯m not being salacious, If you cannot control your mouth I will not let you come anywhere near this manor. Tonight or ever again.¡±


    Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    That only tempts Lady Ophrit further, makes her lean close and whisper. ¡°But I do have such a tongue between these lips. Might need taming again or¨C¡±


    To my surprise and confusion it is Delphian that takes up Lady Ophrit¡¯s chin and pulls her into a long and angry kiss, and I am left¡­ well¡­ in an odd place of confusion and jealousy at not having one of my own lovers here to hold me close and pull me into such an embrace.


    Then I become aware of a subtle shift in the lights, and look back to see the main door to the Rell estate is open. I believe I can just make out the silhouette of Elpherin watching this exchange. As I turn back to my companions they are only just parting, and I catch a soft murmur of thanks from Delphian.


    ¡°Of course,¡± Lady Ophrit replies so softly, cupping her lover''s cheek once again. "Anything and everything you need, my Beloved Bound."


    They don¡¯t separate for¡­ well it was probably only a few more seconds. But it feels longer. I find myself shuffling anxiously between them and the manse behind me. I was about to mention Elpherin to them, but then they shift to simply standing arm in arm, and we walk up to the house of Rell. The first servant is giving them both quite the unimpressed look.


    ¡°Lady Delphian, Lady Ophrit, Hetaera Inamatorii.¡± She nods, ¡°You¡¯re later than expected. Dinner has already been served.¡±


    ¡°Good evening Elpherin! It¡¯s been quite a while since I¡¯ve been graced with your glimmering¡­ hospitality.¡± Lady Ophrit gives her a grin that¡¯s all mocking. ¡°We¡¯re well, thanks for asking. How are you?¡±


    The first servant doesn¡¯t reply, simply steps aside for us to enter and helps remove our coats. As she hangs them over one arm the rolling noises of conversation comes into focus.


    Delphian¡¯s eyes dart to Elpherin, ¡°How many has she sought to ambush me with tonight?¡±


    ¡°None, This evening was already planned.¡± Elpherin turns back to us. ¡°And she¡¯ll be happy to see you haven''t gotten lost in the library to avoid it.¡±


    Lady Ophrit chuckles, ¡°Oh I remember those days! Wonderful times! To be entranced by a lover amidst that gallery of shimmering lights was wonderful.¡±


    Elpherin turns without a word, but¡­ I¡¯m certain I just¡­ no she¡¯s too restrained to show annoyance at Lady Ophrit. Then we begin to move. The tink tink tink of my cane echoes ahead and announces our presence long before we pass through the dining room into a cozy offshoot.


    Sitting or standing about it are five women including the Matron herself. Its carpet is a rich maroon, and the chairs look to be the most comfy things imaginable. Big fluffy couches with granite and gemstone shoulders.


    There are also a few oddly textured paintings hanging about that stretch out from their canvas, the mixture of illustration with sculpture distracts me for a second as I wish I had considered such an idea back in Lyttoral!


    Most eyes have already turned to regard us before Elpherin announces. ¡°Pardon my intrusion, but Lady Heiress Delphian Rell and her companions have arrived. The Lady Ophrit and Hetaera Inamatorii.¡±


    All have various levels of Cultivation changes. Horns, weird pointed ears, one even seems to have¡­ um¡­ are those hoofed feet? Two women, one standing and the other sitting immediately seem to blanch at our entrance. The other seems bored, while the last seems annoyed.


    I¡­ wait. H¨C heiress? Like¡­ just is that an Arudian turn of phrase for all grandchildren or¡­


    But before I can organize my mind enough to ask, two of the women have already moved to cross the room. One immediately opens her arms to embrace Delphian, which Lady Ophrit allows but remains very close.


    ¡°Delphian! I didn¡¯t¡­ No one mentioned you¡¯d be visiting!¡± She exclaims, squeezing the young woman like she¡¯s afraid she might vanish. She¡¯s a little heavier set than the rest. With lighter skin like Elpherin and few obvious changes besides very bright green eyes.


    ¡°Mothers, It¡¯s¡­ wonderful to see you.¡± Delphian says in a tone that borders on making her lie plain.


    There is a distant thumping, and Elpherin turns to leave.


    ¡°And her Beloved Bound.¡± The other purses her lips, she is taller and thin. With dark skin to match the Matrons. Very dull red eyes almost glower. ¡°Also a¡­ pleasant surprise.¡±


    Lady Ophrit laughs warmly as she moves to retake Delphian¡¯s arm, ¡°Oh, don¡¯t lie Hiphiat! You¡¯ll only show joy at my name or face when I¡¯m being paraded in a cold box.¡±


    I stiffen at the¡­ the incredibly rude implication. But¡­ No one else does. Was¡­ Was that a joke or¡­?


    Hiphiat shrugs, reaching out to only take Delphian''s free hand in a much less intimate way. ¡°Welcome home.¡±


    Delphian purses her lips. ¡°I¡­ Thank you mothers.¡±


    ¡°Wonderful to see you all.¡± Lady Ophrit continues forward with a grin and jovial tone. Like she¡¯s walked into a room of warmth and love and¡­ but not this. How can she remain so full of mirth when I feel we¡¯ve stumbled upon a room of venomous snakes?


    ¡°And to you, Matron Veletross Rell.¡± She continues, even offering an overly formal bow and flourish to the Matron herself. ¡°What a pleasure to stand in your halls after so long!¡±


    Like¡­ like a dark thing sculpted into the chair against the far wall, the Matron rises to lock her gaze onto Ophrit.


    ¡°It truly has been a span of years,¡± She purrs, ¡°I certainly hope you¡¯ve been seeing to my Heiress¡¯s every need.¡±


    ¡°Someone certainly has to!¡± Lady Ophrit smirks, pats Delphian¡¯s arm as the younger woman stiffens at the exchange. ¡°But honestly she¡¯s more than capable of looking after herself. I¡¯m just delighted to bask in my Beloved¡¯s radiance!¡±


    I¡¯m probably the only person that smiles at the loving words, everyone else seems to¡­ well not procure overtly rude expressions, but the tense pause and flashes of emotions in the women¡¯s eyes shows me just what they think of Delphian¡¯s lover.


    But then some of those shifting eyes turn to me, The Matron¡¯s adopt a¡­ a bit of green? What does that mean?


    ¡°And I see you brought our entertainment for the evening.¡± Her words and start roll down my spine like ice water. ¡°I believe I was promised a song from our young Hetaera.¡±


    Oh¡­ right. Fuck.


    ¡°Of¡­ of course.¡± I offer a little bow, mind racing. What¡­ Well what song should I sing here? My healing song is nice and I could keep the Amwella drain low, but¡­ would it be too much? I think back to the two women from the showers six months back, and Delphian¡¯s warning about not wanting to attract too much attention.


    ¡°Matron, Ina is a treasured companion, much more than simple entertainment.¡± Delphian chides, ¡°Perhaps the hospitality of a drink and rest from our walk would be appropriate?¡±


    ¡°The young are so full of energy, surely a simple stroll hasn¡¯t worn her down too much?¡± The Matron moves to a table with wine and drinks, slowly fills a glass and turns to regard me, eyes wander back down to my leg and cane. ¡°And we¡¯ve already had dinner, I¡¯m curious if her skills can serenade us sufficiently?¡±


    Both of my companions are about to object more, but I speak up first. ¡°My leg does tend to slow anyone walking alongside me. I apologize for our lateness this evening, I¡¯d be happy to sing a melody to ease the stress of the day.¡±


    The Matron seems bored with my efforts, but motions for everyone to sit while I remain standing. Well¡­ at least the little aches that have gathered from today can be soothed. I gather myself, rest both hands on my cane as I close my eyes and focus.


    Let the troubles and worries and pains of today gather within me. Bubble up and up and up. The World Song becoming clearer and clearer around me. Anxiety and stiff muscles form the foundations, while a harmony of pleas will echo back from my lips.


    Mouth open, Amwella glowing and¡­


    And a storm of fire crashes into my awareness. A burning maelstrom of will and roiling power burning through the World Song like the midday sun!

 Chapter 60: Wound in the World Song Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    UM...... none. I think. HALP if miss something!!!


    I stutter, choke and pull back from the magic. End up coughing to try and hide the confusion that must cover my face.


    ¡°Ina?¡± I hear one of my companions call out in worry. ¡°Are you¨C¡±


    ¡°Fine!¡± I bubbler, ¡°Just¡­ My apologies! just a little choking fit. Give me a moment to collect myself.¡±


    Footsteps behind.


    What is that? Is¡­ does the Matron have something here that is affecting the World Song? How in the fuck am I suppose to sing with that thing burning a hole in it!?!


    ¡°Apologies, Matron.¡± Elpherin announces, ¡°But¡­ You have a guest that insists on your immediate attention.¡±


    ¡°Truly?¡± The Matron purrs, but does not rise. ¡°Who believes themselves so important to come demanding me so late in the day? She must be quite the woman.¡±


    ¡°She¡­¡± Elpherin seems to pause. ¡°Matron, you might wish to keep this private.¡±


    Veletross laughs, ¡°This is my Inner Circle and Heiress, Elpherin. They know my vices. Bring her here.¡±


    I glance back to see the first servant nod and leave. Delphian and Ophrit rise, and while the older woman steps up to ask if I¡¯m alright the younger goes to pour me a glass of something. The cold liquid of the wine helps soothe me. Not to fix my perfectly good throat, but give me an excuse to calm my mind and consider the odd sensation.


    Carefully try to¡­ to listen to the World Song again. See if¨C


    I have to close myself off to it almost immediately, barely stop from flinching!


    The fire is hotter. Almost seems closer and¨C


    ¡°Matron Veletross, Emarial of the Sun Spoken.¡±


    I freeze. First at the name. N¨C No. It can¡¯t be. Just a woman of the same name or¡­ But then the title shoots panic through my mind.


    A floundering madness as all the words come together to alert me to the woman who steps past the first servant, then myself and my companions, to approach the Matron.


    Roiling Amwella thrums and screams, even as I don''t try to focus on the World Song.


    ¡°Hello Vele.¡± She says, voice tired and rough.


    It didn''t seem this horrid before!


    Is... did it get hotter?


    Or... or am I just more sensitive to it now since She showed me the World Song!?!


    The Matron¡¯s cold attitude seems to shift, turns¡­ angry. ¡°Matron Veletross, if you please.¡±


    She¡­ she hasn¡¯t even looked my way.


    Wh¨C What should I do?


    Emarial pauses, then sighs. ¡°Alright, I guess you earned that.¡±


    ¡°I did. Especially since you made it quite clear that you never intended to step foot in my home again. What¡­ fifteen years ago? Longer?¡± She nearly hisses.


    ¡°Longer. I know we didn¡¯t part on good terms. But¨C¡±


    ¡°But what?¡± She spits, all control oozing from her like blood from a wound. ¡°Hm? What could possibly bring you crawling back into my estate? You seemed perfectly happy to let me pick up the pieces you left scattered.¡±


    Even from behind I catch Emarial¡¯s wince as the room of women seem to lean away from their grandmother¡¯s rage.


    ¡°I had to. You know that. If I stayed She would have¨C¡±


    Veletross growls, her fury cutting off Emarial¡¯s words. ¡°I lost a granddaughter not six months back.¡±


    Emarial jerks at that. ¡°What? To a nightmare?¡±


    ¡°Worse. She was trying to clean up the mess left by one of your kind. Was butchered in her own home.¡±


    If I was a frozen mound of worry at Emarial¡¯s presence, the Matron¡¯s words turn me to ice.


    I¡­ I can¡¯t recall the name of the woman. Only¡­ only flashes of her¡­ and¡­ and the Murtaziq.


    Is¡­ is this that woman¡¯s family!?!


    ¡°Vele I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry I¡­ we all agreed that¨C¡±


    She tried to kill my lovers.


    ¡°Matron Veletross, you cunt.¡± The Matron demands. ¡°Now tell me what brings you back after all this time. I¡¯m already sick to death of this discussion.¡±


    A long pause.


    I¡­ I should have left Arudia. Could have run so far by now. Coming to the heart of this blighted land was a mistake!


    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°Okay. But¡­ Maybe we should...¡± Emarial glances around the room. My heart lurches, but she doesn¡¯t quite turn enough to see me. ¡°Talk in private?¡±


    I could leave now.


    Just¡­ back out slowly and find them.


    Tell my lovers this was a terrible Idea by their stup¨C


    My sudden bout of pain at the forbidden word causes me to flinch so hard I nearly drop my glass.


    ¡°This is my inner circle, Sun Spoken. Do you expect I¡¯ve been dealing with your kind¡¯s nonsense alone?¡± The Matron snorts.


    Emarial sighs. ¡°Alright. But¡­ I have a companion that¡¯ll need to be here before we get into the weeds of it. Also, this¡­ this Sun Spoken who killed one of your family. Is she¡­¡±


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± Lady Ophrit whispers, placing a worried hand on my arm.


    ¡°Dead.¡± The Matron hisses. ¡°Burnt out after Her slaughter.¡±


    I jerk at that.


    Wait.


    Dead?


    Is¡­ Is this the same person? But¡­ Why would she think I died?


    Maybe I¡¯m just... Am I overreacting?


    ¡°And the body? Did you at least recover her shard?¡±


    ¡°It was in the middle of one of Arudia¡¯s biggest cities, So no. I suspect she died in a ditch and was believed to be just another commoner or peasant.¡±


    I¡¯m torn. Half preening for information, but¡­ no much more than half screaming for me to just leave!


    To run and never look back.


    But¡­ But what about the Weaver? How will I find a way to keep Her away from me?


    And¡­ and there¡¯s the other thing. The Obelisks and¡­ and wanting to make Arudia better for a certain group whom I will not picture or name or think about.


    ¡°Let¡¯s um¡­ I need some air.¡± I whisper. ¡°Please?¡±


    ¡°Okay. That¡¯s¡­ not ideal.¡± Emarial runs a big hand through her hair.


    ¡°Ideal?¡± The Matron hits her with a cruel laugh, ¡°What would be ideal here, Sun Spoken? Tell me. Please! Because your cunt of a Goddess is¨C¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not mine, Matron.¡± Emarial growls, sudden anger and fire roiling so hot I hear the echo in the World Song even without focusing on it. ¡°Don¡¯t you ever imply it again.¡±


    I do drop my glass then, just as Lady Ophrit, Delphian and I get to the door. Most ignore the little crash and cracking sound it makes or barely spare it a glance.


    But¡­ Emarial flinches, turns her head just enough for one eye to touch mine.


    Begins to turn back, rage still¨C


    But then she jerks, turns her entire head to look at me. I freeze, force all my panic and rage to turn hard and angry.


    A shell to protect myself for whatever comes next.


    Maybe¡­ maybe even the first notes of that peeling song the Weaver insisted I keep close in case of danger.


    Recognition.


    ¡°Inamatorii?¡±


    Fuck this cunt.


    And somehow Yrelia¡¯s training in politeness is what rushes up through my lips.


    ¡°Apologies, Matron and¡­ and guests.¡± And without waiting for anyone¡¯s reply, I turn and leave.


    Tink tink tink. Goes my cane as I storm toward the exit.


    ¡°Ina!¡± Someone calls, Delphian I believe.


    I don''t stop.


    Muffled voices, a few shouts and a laugh. Then heavy footsteps. And the heat tells me who it is before she easily catches up to my hobbling escape.


    ¡°Ina, hold on I¨C¡±


    ¡°Hetaera Inamatorii, if you please.¡± I growl as I slow, knowing I can¡¯t outpace anyone. ¡°And I was just leaving, Sun Spoken.¡±


    A hand wraps around my arm.


    Burns¡­ not¡­ doesn¡¯t hurt but¡­ but causes my own Amwella to flare up in answer.


    I don¡¯t turn, just stop.


    ¡°Why''re you here?¡± She demands.


    I grind my teeth.


    ¡°None of your business, now let go.¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    And she has the arm holding my cane so¡­ So I can¡¯t even bonk her with it!


    ¡°Again.¡± I hiss, ¡°You¡­ you¡¯re doing this again? Cornering me and¡­ and¡­¡± I turn back, anger and panic and such fear rolling through me.


    Begins to bubble into my Amwella and shape it into a knife that will peel anything I wish apart.


    But¡­ Her face is pained and so very tired.


    Eyes locked on my maimed leg and the ugly tip that pokes out from the lovely dress Lady Ophrit insisted I wear tonight.


    My horrid song falls away.


    Has she¡­ has she not slept since Deledita?


    ¡°What happened?¡± She whispers, only worry and sincere guilt dripping from her words.


    I jerk my arm, she doesn¡¯t release me. ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter.¡±


    ¡°Another attack.¡± She murmurs. ¡°By¡­ by one of the nightmares.¡±


    It¡¯s not a question.


    I look away. Let her assume whatever makes her leave me alone!


    I pause, weighing¡­ options. But just nod. Let the lack of details cover me from needing to lie.


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have left you." She murmurs. "Not¡­ not without¡­¡±


    ¡°I distinctly remember telling you to fuck off and never come near me again.¡± I whisper harshly.


    A long pause. ¡°You didn¡¯t find anyone to help, did you?¡±


    I flinch, shake my head in silent answer.


    No, Emarial, I did not find a teacher. Not¡­ not a human one, at least.


    She sighs heavily. ¡°I didn¡¯t find any of my old allies either. I think¡­ I think most are gone or¡­¡±


    She lets it trail off.


    ¡°Fled.¡± I finish for her.


    Emarial¡¯s wince rolls all the way down her arm. ¡°We might be the last. You¡¯re¡­ is She¡­ Do you still dream of Her often?¡±


    I glare up. ¡°What do you think?¡±


    Her face is¡­ worried, and the accusation in my question deepens it. ¡°How bad?¡±


    I see Lady Delphian and Ophrit just past Emarial about five paces back. Almost¡­ almost a shield in case others might want to intrude.


    ¡°Bad.¡± I reach up with my free hand and pull the dream stone up just enough for Emarial to see. ¡°But I have a temporary solution.¡±


    Emarial pales. ¡°Is¡­ Is that¨C¡±


    ¡°As bad as it seems? Yes.¡± I drop it back beneath the cloth at my chest. ¡°As bad as if I didn¡¯t use it? No.¡±


    She nods. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯ll be here for a while. I can teach you how to burn your Amwella away and¨C¡±


    I snort. ¡°I already figured that out.¡±


    ¡°Then, Why!?!¡± She stiffens. ¡°Why not just¡­¡±


    ¡°Because I¡¯d like to be ready to protect my lovers.¡± I hiss, then whisper much quieter. ¡°And¡­ and to get my leg back. Someday.¡±


    That makes her eyes go wide. ¡°What?¡±


    But... more footsteps sound from the hallway behind my companions.


    I jerk my arm again, and her grip is loosened enough I¡¯m able to pull it free. ¡°As before, I¡¯ll manage my affairs without your aid, Sun Spoken Emarial.¡±


    Elpherin appears, face still an expressionless mask as she steps up beside Delphian to regard us.


    I take a step back and look past the huge Sun Spoken to the first servant. ¡°Send the Matron my sincerest apologies. We¡¯ll have to reschedule, my voice seems to be in a poor state to entertain anyone tonight.¡±


    I expect Elpherin to argue or to say that the Matron demands I return. But she just¡­ nods. Delphian and Ophrit seem¡­ well, they seem just as surprised by all this as I am. Ophrit moves to go with me but I hold out a hand.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. You should both stay and enjoy the evening.¡± I take another step back. ¡°I need to get some fresh air and¡­ and consider some things.¡±


    Emarial doesn¡¯t drop her hand. ¡°Can¡­ Can we talk? More than this. After¡­ After my business is finished tonight?¡±


    I bite my lip, Considering¡­ Could she help me? Maybe¡­ maybe¡­


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡± I huff, ¡°I¡¯ll need to speak with my lovers first, see what they think.¡±


    She grimaces and steps back. But¡­ as she moves to return to the Matron I can¡¯t help but¡­ but¡­ worry at something so much that my mouth speaks out before my mind can stop it.


    ¡°Is Zigdara still with you?¡±


    She turns back, surprised. ¡°Yes, we¡¯re going to speak with this Matron about that thing I told you about back in Deledita.¡±


    I sigh. ¡°Why?¡±


    She tilts her head.


    ¡°We both know how She feels about that kind person.¡± I whisper and look away, ¡°They¡¯re dead.¡±


    She winces, goes pale and haunted. ¡°I need to know why. If the person responsible is¡­ is still alive they could do a lot of harm.¡±


    Fuck.


    I hate this cunt but¡­ but she¡­ she deserves to rest.


    I can give her that. Tell her some truths that will free her from her promises to my Sangoma.


    Then she¡¯ll leave, and I¡¯ll never have to see her stupid face again!


    ¡°Glimmershale Inn.¡± I force out, ¡°Meet us in the common room at first light.¡±


    And then I leave.

 Chapter 61: Wound in the World Song Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Throat ouches, blood, and sad songs.


    The Arudian night isn¡¯t quiet, no city ever is, especially one poised to bursting on the eve of an important celebration. And this is the center of Arudia, all Paths lead here.


    Hosting''s of Stardust, Kque had told me. An annoyed flash in her eyes. A once in a 9-year festival to celebrate the women who brave the tundra to collect the life-blood of the Arudian economy.


    ¡°Just an excuse for the wealthy to sell pointless trinkets at a higher price than normal.¡± Jevita had added, with much less contained disdain. ¡°And for the Academy Doyans to pick which useless research projects to invest in.¡±


    Everything runs on a nine year cycle in Arudia. The calendar, the currency, and apparently even the gemstone trade. All because the frozen lakes'' strange crystals regrow and shift over that course of time.


    Those are my thoughts as I draw up the hood of the new coat Lady Ophrit had bought for me, letting the soft fluffy interior warm and shield what must be my most horrid expressions. My mind chewing on useless things as I reel from the sudden presence and revelations of the evening.


    The streets are all a bustle, and I find myself annoyed at the sudden stops and starts such crowds bring. So it¡¯s with a huff that I elect to get lost amidst the side streets and back alleys, willing to wander a bit if it means giving my mind time to think and consider the best words to make the old Sun Spoken leave.


    How¡­ How little can I tell her? How much of my past will I have to confess to make the cunt leave and never return?


    The side streets¡¯ dark granite and twisting jade spark old memories. Ones that should be drenched in fear and heart stopping anxiety, but¡­ instead fill me with longing and warmth at the first merger that happened in a place much like this.


    The empty chasm that sits beside my thoughts echoes in hollow pain.


    The space where my wondrous fifth lover should fill.


    ¡°Fuck. No.¡± I hiss. ¡°She¡¯s just¡­ using me¡­ She can¡¯t love me. Not after all she did. Not after burning such¡­ such hateful things onto my soul!¡±


    The lie tastes so horrible on my tongue that I have to spit.


    Memories of her possessive love and cradling dream softness drown my mind for a moment.


    Six months of Her waiting amidst dream and soulfire to hold and experience all my previous day''s warmth.


    ¡°This is Her fault, not yours.¡± I stammer out. Trying to control the sudden panic that I feel rising at these thoughts.


    But the dream stone weighs heavier around my neck as my cane ¡®tink tink tinks¡¯ on the hard stone path.


    Barely a week of time since my decision to¡­ to lock Her away. Never even¡­ never really took the time to consider what happens If I succeed in my efforts here. To just sit or walk and¡­ and think on these things alone. My lovers were always close and distracting me as we planned and¡­


    The pit of my stomach drops, and my breath quickens. Hand reaches up to touch the Cultivation mark on the side of my face.


    I¡¯ll never see Her again.


    Never feel Her warmth or learn to hum wondrous melodies with¡­


    ¡°Why? Why do you hate them so much?¡± I whimper, tears beginning to bubble and fall. ¡°And¡­ Do you really hate them more than you love me? Can¡­ Can we not just¡­ move past this? Live and love and¡­ and just¡­ Am I not worth more than them?¡±


    Cold Arudian winds wash through the alleyway. So bitter is their answer that I have to brace myself against a wall. Months and months of little hints flashes into my mind¡¯s eye like thunder.


    She doesn¡¯t seem to change between dreams. Doesn¡¯t grow or shift or consider the passage of time. And when I lock Her from my mind and life She¡¯ll¡­


    She will be dead to this world if I never dream with Her again.


    With all the other Sun Spoken gone or fled¡­ With Emarial locking her out¡­


    WAIT¡­ That¡­ something is¡­


    Old words rush through my mind¡­ ¡°We don¡¯t have a link to other Sun Spoken, woman or Weaver. Not without burning a ton of Amwella.¡±


    No link. No connection.


    My¡­ Oh fuck my shard is isolated!


    All of them are!


    Just¡­ smaller pieces of a bigger spirit but¡­ without the ability to feel the rest. An eternity of some person shattered and... and locked away... and...


    They¡¯re Alone¡­


    If the tears were a quiet thing before, they are a choking sob as I bear the weight of my broken promises and what my betrayal will mean.


    I¡¯m killing Her.


    Not all at once, not quickly.


    But¡­ as real as any sickness or a blade to the heart.


    My¡­ my shard of the Weaver, my fifth lover¡­ She might never feel another person¡¯s mind or soul if I lock Her away for good.


    The cane slips from my fingers, and my sorrows become a shuddering horrible thing of one who has just been told a lover will be snatched away.


    The World Song writhes against my mind and soul, and without hesitation I embrace Her gifts and pour some Amwella into my voice.


    Let memories of Her weave them into a haunting melody of agony and sorrows.


    At some point I slide down the wall and fall to my knees, the weight of the song I sing too much as it reverberates against cold granite and bleeding soul.


    I know this is my song, as much as the one I used to calm that big Carbunkle was, but... in it I hear a Harmony of the first thing She ever sang to me.


    A sad tale of such loss and pain shared and trusted with me from the pits of Her soul.


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    The song of shaping that gave me this body and freed me.


    And as my melody settles into a soft hum of aching pain, a truth becomes clear to me. As if wriggling water just turned clear in my silly mind.


    The Weaver is in pain.


    She saw my own suffering as an echo of Her own and¡­ and wanted to help me.


    Did help me!


    Freed me.


    Maybe¡­ maybe in ways She couldn¡¯t ever free Herself.


    I shudder, and begin to end the song. Reach for my cane as I prepare the annoying task of rising with a maimed leg and¨C


    A horrible smell fills the air.


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey but acidic. Burning.


    I jerk up in time to see the nightmare wriggle free from a shadow. This one¡¯s smaller than the other two, and even has a collection of strange sickly white eyes bubbling down the side of its oddly humanoid form. It still has¡­ like¡­ a dozen arms and hands with way too many fingers.


    I expect fear, and especially panic. But¡­ none of those things grip me as my eyes lock onto this thing.


    My sorrows turn to fury as I focus all my pain into a single purpose.


    As I realize on some deeper level that this thing has something to do with why my Weaver is in so much pain.


    It moves quickly, just like the others, and begins to swirl and writhe as teeth and claw pop from it¡¯s disgusting fucking core. Then it¡¯s in front of me, countless arms begin to wrap around and around and around to begin feasting on my Amwella and¨C


    But even amidst Her cruelty and my eventual betrayal, She prepared a song for me.


    Shared and taught me the weaving of a twisted thing dredged up from the depths of her own pain, reflected now in my own voice.


    So I scream Her Peeling Shrike into the nightmare.


    The sound that tears from my throat is such a¡­ a terrible thing.


    Like all Her sorrows broken and shattered like glass to form the sharpest sounds possible. I didn¡¯t temper it like She taught me either, don¡¯t consider the things behind and around as I dump a generous amount of soulfire into the wail.


    Like if a blade the size of a house dipped down from the stars to protect me, the monster is stopped in place before being shredded. One big cut slices it in two, while a dozen others leave little gaping slices through almost every arm.


    Then they keep going.


    Street and walls and even the building at the end to mark a junction scream and crack as my song tears through rock and stone and World Song.


    I probably would have just¡­ stared in horror and disgust at the sight of destruction for a bit. A blubbering mess of embarrassment at my carelessness. But my mouth and throat are suddenly filled with blood and pain, so instead I tilt to the side and vomit a bit of sick into the snow.


    Need to move. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t let anyone know that I did this.


    I find my cane and use it and the wall to force myself to stand. It¡¯s hard, and¡­ oh fuck my mouth and throat hurt so much.


    But¡­ I¡¯m able to hobble my way forward and past the ruins of my song to disappear into the crowd just as a few duenna arrive to investigate the thunderous sounds.


    **    **    **


    ¡°Ina!¡± Kque huffs as I push past my two extremely worried lovers.


    They don¡¯t stop me, but follow close.


    ¡°Can you at least tell us what¨C¡± Jevita pleads.


    I hold a finger up, a request. Please, give me a moment.


    Then I look up and down the hallway outside Lule¡¯s stable, see only sleeping Quelekita, then move into the stall where our big child rests.


    He eyes me, offers a low trilling greeting.


    I walk over and give his head a big hug snug. Then turn as my two lovers enter, point at the door and curtain that acts to offer some privacy. I only hope the curtain will provide some insulation.


    I¡­ I don¡¯t know where else to do this. Fuck, I can¡¯t help but think this is going to be a little loud.


    And so I turn, spit a mouthful of gross blood and spittle, and try to sing my throat and mouth better.


    The World Song tries its best to answer. But my croaking wheezing harmony is¡­ well it¡¯s nothing good. I have to dump a decent chunk of Amwella into it just to¡­ just feel the warmth of the healing even start to flood the wounds!


    Multiple weeks of love making just¡­ gone.


    FUCK!


    Jevita lowers me to sit on the little pallet beside Lule, and has to push the big floofball from wrapping his neck about me in protection and worry. Like¡­ like he knows exactly what I¡¯m begging for with my song. And it¡¯s only as I let the melody lull and fade do I notice Kque re-entering with a mug of steaming water.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I croak as she sits, pulls out some medicine from a pocket, and mixes me something warm.


    Once it¡¯s ready and I¡¯m able to take a little drink, I swirl it about before leaning over and spitting another glob of blood into a corner. Jevita ignores it, but Kque eyes it with worry. Sees the little bits of red mixed in.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± She whispers. ¡°You can just nod or shake if it still hurts too much.¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡± Fuck that hurts!


    I hesitate, then give her a so-so gesture.


    ¡°Should¡­ Do we need to do anything right this second?¡±


    I shake my head.


    She sighs in relief. ¡°Okay, can we get you anything else?¡±


    I pause, shrug.


    ¡°Would you like me to get Yrelia and Tasii?¡±


    A pause. I¡¯ll be sleeping with Jevita, Kque, and Lule so long as I need the Dream Stone. So they¡¯re not expecting me, although they¡¯ll appreciate the news that I¡¯m back and safe.


    I motion like I am writing.


    ¡°Oh, yeah. Okay!¡± Jevita reaches for a bag, pulls out my notebook and quill.


    ¡®Sorry to worry you. I sang something that fucked up my throat a bit. Should be healed when I wake up. Emarial is here. I agreed to meet with her in the morning. Please tell Yrelia and Tasii so they don¡¯t beat her up.¡¯


    Then I turn to show them the words.


    Kque nods after a second, but Jevita sorta¡­ stalls out. Staring at me in confusion.


    ¡°Emarial? You¡­ Big lady? Face tattoo? You met her? Why would they beat her up?¡±


    I give her such a long look.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ Jevita,¡± Kque murmurs to her. ¡°You¡­ Do you not remember who she is?¡±


    ¡°No?¡± Jevita shakes her head. ¡°I mean¡­ I bumped into her just outside the merchants'' venue and we shared a drink today.¡±


    I tilt my head. But Kque beats me to writing out my question.


    ¡°She¡¯s the Sun Spoken from Deledita.¡± Kque murmurs.


    ¡°Oh¡­ OH!¡± Jevita¡¯s eyes go wide. ¡°Fuck! I¡­ Fuck, I¡¯m so sorry. Lule just¡­ got really excited and ran over to this huge lady and wanted to say high and snuggle! I offered her a drink as an apology. Her name seemed familiar, but¡­ no faces popped up to match.¡±


    I snort out a laugh. OW! But lean out to take her hand, lift it to kiss in a way to placate her. Then write out a messy.


    ''It¡¯s fine. I¡¯m worse than any of you with names and faces.''


    That helps her calm down a bit.


    ¡°Did anything else happen?¡± Kque prompts her.


    ¡°I¡­¡± Jevita looks away, such a look of¡­ shame? ¡°I might have¡­ Fuck!¡±


    I set aside my mug and move closer. Kiss her hand again to try and sooth her.


    She slumps. ¡°I thought she was just some random person. And we talked about a few things. I didn¡¯t mention names. But¡­ personal stuff. Some worries and¡­ Fuck. I mentioned I had a sick companion we were trying to get some Cultivation medicine for.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I croak. ¡°Not a big deal, love.¡±


    Jevita winces. My voice sounds so fucking horrible! Like I have sharp rocks grinding about.


    I pause, take up my notebook and begin to write out a big message.


    ''Jevita. Seriously, don¡¯t worry about it. She literally saw me today with my fuck of a leg. But I need you to do me a favor and get out the journal for me. I¡¯m going to be giving it to her.''


    ¡®Kque, please go tell Tasii and Yrelia that I am here and okay. Just a sore throat from a song I used. I¡¯ll be fine in the morning. Tell them Emarial is here at the Academy and I mean to¡­¡¯


    I pause. Considering¡­ What do I mean to do? How much do I tell her?


    ¡®She¡¯s been searching with Zigdara. Thinks some crazy Sun Spoken took me or killed me or¡­ something. But she¡¯s not slept in all that time!¡¯


    ¡®I still don¡¯t like her. But¡­ Six months! She looks so fucking tired! No one deserves that. No one deserves the torture and the horror dreaming could cause her. Especially with how much fucking Amwella she has! I don¡¯t want to even think about how strong her Weaver would be in a dream with that wellspring of fire at Her command!¡¯


    Kque and Jevita read over it together. And I can easily spot the whirlwind of emotions my words cause them.


    Jevita finishes first, and rises to go over to the little chest to get out the journal. Kque leans back, sighs, and nods.


    ¡°Okay. Tasii and Yrelia will want to talk with you though.¡±


    I nod, then take back the paper and write.


    ¡®Tasii, Yrelia. I¡¯m fine. I have to do this. I haven¡¯t decided how much I¡¯ll tell her, or¡­ honestly I¡¯d not even give her the journal if I thought I could convince her otherwise. But¡­ I don¡¯t. And I¡¯m not even thinking about Zigdara right now.¡¯


    ¡®But¡­ Emarial did try to help me. And Zigdara thinks she¡¯s trying to save me¡­ or maybe avenge me. Or just¡­ stop another from her temple being taken or hurt.¡¯


    ¡®For now¡­ I¡¯d like to sleep if that¡¯s okay? Been a long fucking day and I¡¯d rather fill you all in before meeting Emarial in the morning when my throat isn¡¯t hurting.¡¯


    I hand the note back to Kque, and she heads out to the conjoined inn to pass the note and news to my other lovers.


    Jevita settles in front of me with the bundled book set off to the side. Fidgets in the silence.


    ¡°You okay?¡± I whisper. Very very quietly so as not to hurt my throat too much.


    She pauses, shakes her head.


    I smile sadly, then open my arms to her.


    A silent offer for a hug snug.


    She grimaces. ¡°I¡­ yeah. But let me get all these layers off.¡±

 Chapter 62: Treasured Starfire, Please Burn Bright and Long with Us!

    <u>CW:</u>


    SEX! Implication of scars that overstimulate mind with bad things.


    And once my lover has stripped away all her layers, save a simple pair of underthings. She kneels in front of me. I learned from Kque early on to let Jevita lay the pace of snuggles and hugs when possible. But¡­ due to my Weaver the avoidance of them was natural.


    Early on I was terrified that she¡¯d be hurt or worse by my¡­


    Well, it really is disgust for them.


    But¡­ It was the opposite!


    She hates them.


    Like¡­ a fuck ton.


    Apparently they are super sensitive and sort of¡­ like¡­ jolt her when brushed or poked too hard. I asked her once if I hurt her when I accidentally bumped one during a crazy sex thing, but in her pained reply I could see the truth.


    They¡­ I think it feels unnaturally good when they are touched. Like¡­ like in a way that makes her feel really uncomfortable and¡­ well I think kinda violated? Not a sexual thing.


    But... like they draw her away somehow...


    I really hope I¡¯m wrong but¡­ It kinda seems to fit some of the little things I see in her eyes when it happens. A flutter of annoyed desire and¡­ other things. A weird hunger and distant glazing of her expression.


    She''s sort of¡­ sprawled out between my legs and lays her head against my belly and hips. And after she settles I lay hands and fingers over her back or shoulders between the grooving patterns while she wraps around my waist.


    She takes a deep and shaking breath. ¡°Ina?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± this barely even bothers my throat.


    She squeezes me tight. ¡°I¡­ I¡­¡±


    I let her wander through her thoughts to find the right words. Both because my throat won¡¯t let me do much else, but also because I know how her wonderful mind works.


    An eternity of questions and puzzles and muses dancing about all at once! But¡­ Also so hard to organize and form them into people words sometimes...


    I know what it means to have someone patient enough to either let you jabber on about your passions, but also let you stew and consider how best to make them into short and understandable things for others.


    ¡°I¡¯m really scared, Ina.¡± She murmurs, ¡°That¡¯s what I talked with Emarial about today. Scared that¡­ That we won¡¯t find any way to help you. I¡­ I don¡¯t want to tell the others. But¡­ I¡¯m not sure a Cultivation stone exists that can stop Her, but also not hurt your mind.¡±


    I do my best not to react, just¡­ begin to weave nothing patterns between her beautiful back and shoulders. But¡­ her words poke at a fear I had ignored. Sort of¡­ pop a bubble I¡¯d been ignoring amidst all the other stresses and things.


    What if I don¡¯t even have a choice? How¡­ How will I face Her when I start feeling the side effects of the Dream Stone and need to sleep without it?


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure what to do if that happens.¡± She sniffles and trembles, and I know she¡¯s crying. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t want to lose you. Don¡¯t want to watch you fade night after night. Or¡­ Or see you wake up from nightmares where She¡­ She hurts you or¡­ worse.¡±


    After a long enough pause that I¡¯m sure she¡¯s okay with me talking, I force out, voice a wheezing husk. ¡°Will ask how she avoids sleep.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ That¡¯s only a short term solution.¡± She nearly whimpers. Knowing I¡¯m talking about Emarial.


    I take a deep breath then whisper. ¡°Lyttoral Alchemy.¡±


    She pauses¡­ takes a careful breath, then moves to sit up to look at me. Grips both my hands with such a gentle fury. ¡°Y¡­ You really think they have something that could help you?¡±


    I huff, nod. ¡°Know it.¡±


    The glow I see return to her face is radiant. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Potions. I think you¡¯re right. It¡¯s Sun Spoken magic.¡± I sigh, and don¡¯t even try to hide my grimace as I try to speak out my thoughts as softly as possible. ¡°Search for cure here, but carefully.¡± I wheeze out. ¡°No big risks. Okay? No desperate or dangerous deals. I¡¯ll make Emarial teach me how to burn Amwella to keep awake, will pace our Dream Stone use. Then, will fuck every woman between here and Lyttoral to make sure I can keep up the song. Maybe¡­¡±


    A thought occurs to me.


    An idea.


    The Spark of Inspiration.


    ¡°Crafted own songs a few times. Try to make one for dreamless sleep.¡± My throat is a hushed wheezing thing now, but¡­ the hope each of my words brings my lover is a balm to our souls.


    She leans forward and touches her forehead against mine as her tears return. I reach up to draw shapes along her jawline.


    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Treasured Starfire, please burn bright and long with us!¡± She murmurs in perfect Arudian through warbling sobs.


    Amwella growling and swirling in turn with her words.


    Her poem bring such a flutter of love and wonder and desire.


    But¡­ I have to be gentle with this little soul, so encased with old scars and wondrous musings.


    ¡°Fuck, Jevita, I can''t get old Arudian love phrases right.¡± I giggle and wheeze, then cough. Whisper back in my best Arudian. ¡°You thaw my heart. Thank you, Wondrous Glimmerflame.¡±


    Her Amwella wiggles, tendrils reaching for my wellspring of fire.


    ¡°Jevita,¡± I murmur as softly as possible. ¡°If want lovemaking, ask with words or lips.¡±


    She trembles, and I get to watch as brumbleflesh washes down her shoulders toward her hips and¡­ other areas.


    Amwella a slowly growing wriggling storm of desire.


    ¡°Yes please.¡± She huffs, ¡°Please. Please. Please. If¡­ If It won¡¯t hurt your throat or¡­¡±


    I gently pull her up, and draw my lover into a kiss.


    All soft and careful.


    ¡°Keep lips busy.¡± I whisper into her, let my fingers trace perfect patterns up and down her chest and tummy.


    Never even come close to the blighted things some fuck carved into my lover¡¯s flesh.


    Her fingers are much more aggressive at first, but¡­ slow as my kisses and touches muddle her thoughts and she melts beneath my very fucking well trained touches.


    Fuck, I love being good at this!


    Thank you Yrelia for teaching me the subtle wondrous arts of pleasure and love making!!!


    ¡°W¡­ Will um¡­¡± She pulls back, and I see the same dizziness I¡¯ve felt so often on myself after a long kiss. ¡°I¡­ I know your day was¡­ and I don¡¯t want to¡­¡±


    Yes. I smirk the words at her request. Whatever you want, love.


    That just makes her sputter out and get lost for another moment. I have to stifle a giggle as I lean forward. Whisper in her ear. ¡°Bottom?¡±


    ¡°Pl- Please.¡± She murmurs.


    So I move with my lover as we adjust the pillows and pallet of soft quilts to allow her to lay back while I crawl atop her. It¡¯s¡­ well with our other lovers I would mush and squish, but with Jevita I keep a safe space between any flesh that I¡¯m not absolutely positive isn¡¯t marked.


    But the fun challenge is to make sure she doesn¡¯t feel like I¡¯m doing it!


    With quick focus I am brushing her in little ways all over, lips dancing across her jaw and lips and nose while my fingers rake around breast and tummy. Fucking horrid fucks spread their marks around her nipples so only the tips are safe to tease and play at.


    But even my legs are helping by occasionally leaning or brushing against her hips. The maimed leg makes it weird at times, but Jevita isn¡¯t repelled by my own scars, so I can use that knee so long as I keep the weird bone parts up and away.


    She begins to moan as I gently part her lips and pull her tongue into my kisses. I smile and wish I could answer her, but¡­ I promised to let my throat rest.


    Then my fingers are moving down, caressing nothing patterns over her hips and soft underthing. She takes a second to move and pull the thing free, isn¡¯t careful and needs to pause as it nicks a leg marking hard enough to cause her to hiss.


    I pull back instantly.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She tosses the clothing away with such anger that even Lulu hums a little toot in sleepy annoyance.


    She shudders a few times, eyes squeezed so so tight.


    Kque¡¯s always been very firm with me on this. Do NOT touch her while she recovers. The more in¡­ well I guess distress she shows the better. Only interrupt if she goes quiet and still and kinda forgets you¡¯re there.


    It hasn¡¯t happened in years though so more likely she¡¯s just rebuilding herself.


    So I wait. And through a fit of shudders and little curses, Jevita settles. Looks back to me with a few tears. ¡°Sorry, Ina. I¡­ I kinda¡­¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No.¡±


    She sighs. ¡°Sor¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I whisper more firmly. ¡°No apologies.¡±


    She smiles, eyes bubble with tears. ¡°Can we just¡­ pick up where you left off?¡±


    I smile, and know from personal experience the fucking heat such a thing sends down the spine of a lover.


    She swallows, and lowers herself back down. I take less time working her up this time. Just¡­ Love watching my quick and aggressive lips and fingers dance her Amwella back into a swirling maelstrom of desire. Then my fingers curl down between her spread legs, and I begin what could be the hardest part of the entire thing for others.


    The cruel fucks twisted the markings to literally enter her second lips. The only mercy is that it¡¯s from the back and seems to twist together into a single line once inside. Never comes near her clit or outer lips. Thus, how pleasuring her without always bumping one is ever possible. And tonight I¡¯m coming in from above so it¡¯s easier.


    Every woman loves a companion who is willing and deft at using their mouth, and Jevita is no different.


    But¡­ such workings can easily touch those areas if one isn¡¯t careful. The markings also curl down between her inner thighs and¡­ fuck just so many weird places. Most underthings have to be either very tight to avoid moving much, or so loose and specific they can¡¯t do it hard enough to matter.


    Jevita moans then, and my thoughts jerk back to the slow workings. Her hips are trembling now, and I know she¡¯s close. So near the end that a simple increase in speed and pressure would send her into a spiral neither of us could stop.


    I want to hold my lover in this embrace for as long as I can. Would¡­ would probably give her this slow sensual thing more than once if I wasn¡¯t fucking exhausted and knew Kque would be back any minute.


    She wouldn¡¯t mind joining in or waiting. But¡­ Then I might get pulled into another dance and I need Jevita sharp for¡­ for¡­


    I ignore that, and lean down to press my lips to hers with a gentle caress, while my fingers begin to move up and down, in and around. Speed and pressure are a perfect blend to bring this lover closer and closer and¡­


    And then her soulfire is bucking, tendrils reaching out and up through her mouth and into mine. We shudder in unified pleasure as our souls hug and snug. Wrapping themselves in a temporary embrace while Jevita¡¯s body is immersed in a climax.


    Then she slumps back to the floor, all twitching pleasure. I soften our kiss, but don¡¯t release it.


    ¡°Inaaa.¡± She releases in an exhale that carries the final tendrils of her Amwella into me. ¡°I¡­ I love you, Ina.¡±


    I adjust to let my wet hand prop me up so my clean one can cradle her face. ¡°And I love you, Wondrous Glimmerflame. Thank you for sharing the fire of your soul with me tonight.¡±


    The tears we share in that moment are happy ones. Things of love only those who have touched souls and walked a thousand miles together can understand.


    Eventually Kque does return, to find us in a careful snuggle.


    ¡°I explained things.¡± She assures us with a smile. ¡°They¡¯ll come down here in the morning with breakfast to get the full story.¡±


    I nod and smile my thanks, and tug at my wonderful new apparel, ¡°Help, please?¡±


    I decide not to bother with sleep clothes as we wrap ourselves in thick quilts and lovers'' warmth. Once settled I unhook the Dream stone and hand it to Kque, who will hold it until I¡¯m well and truly asleep before passing it to Jevita.


    Then I allow exhaustion to sweep me into what should be a dreamless sleep.


    DiViSssSi¨C


    Challa.


    ¡°...¡±


    Challa!


    ¡°Hello Love!¡±


    Challa, Where¡­ Where have you been? Why have you not called me?


    ¡°Oh¡­ um¡­¡±


    Are you in danger? Are you hurt?


    ¡°Well¡­ I¡­¡±


    Tell me.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t want to do it. And¡­ and I¡¯m scared. Of you. I¡¯m using the Dream Stone to keep you away until I can find a way to¡­ to keep you from¨C¡±


    What!?!


    ¡°Ina. Don¡¯t dream tonight.¡±


    NO!


    Inamatorii! COME BA¨C


    ¡°Okay! Goodnight!¡±

 Chapter 63: Confronting The Past Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Deadnaming (it''s like.... blocked out BUT it''s implied sooooo. yeah. mhm.


    ALSO implications of taking a person back to a breeding temple


    Fuuuck my head hurts so bad this morning. The Ice cold headache from the Cultivation wakes me before even my leg¡¯s pains. I don¡¯t even bother untangling myself from my two lovers before I¡¯m humming out a soft yet firm melody into the World Song to stop the fucking pain please!


    My throat is better, still sore, but nothing like the rough wheezing thing from last night. I try to soothe my lovers back into rest with a few pecks and gentle caresses, and even succeed at seducing them back into cuddles as my song fades.


    But eventually we¡¯re up and about, showered and ready before the sunrise and sitting enjoying a breakfast while I explain the day, my plans, and my fears. Oh and I guess the attack I just kinda dealt with.


    Huh. Weirdly while that freaks my lovers the fuck out, I just¡­ shrug it off.


    ¡°I only got hurt because I poured too much Amwella into it.¡±


    I¡­ I almost didn¡¯t share the song I sang before that though. And... and how it was composed from my sadness and feelings of¡­ of betraying my fifth lover.


    They comfort me, reassure me endlessly that I¡¯m doing the right thing. But¡­ I¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ UGH! This wouldn¡¯t be difficult if She was JUST a monster. A mouthless thing like those nightmares. Something I could feel fine about slaughtering.


    But... She¡¯s not. If anything, sharing a dream with Her makes me feel so small. Barely a sapling to a being so old and filled with life and love and¡­ well yes a whole bundle of problems.


    But¡­ Still a person. One I¡¯ve come to love and cherish.


    So eventually the sun has risen, and we head upstairs.


    The inn is packed, but the two women tower above the others even while sitting. Two¡­ oh¡­ well¡­ fuck. I guess she brought Zigdara along.


    Great.


    I take a deep breath, harden my resolve with memories of Yrelia¡¯s training, and despite an absolute cold glare from Zigdara as she spots me I approach with a tired smile. But¡­ then her eyes find my cane and maimed leg and¡­ well she doesn¡¯t stop glaring, but it mixes with a good bit of confusion.


    ¡°Good morning.¡± I say to them.


    Emarial¡¯s core is still a little painful to be near, but with the table between us and some mental prep I can handle it better than last night.


    Emarial stands, ¡°Thank you for coming and¡­ I¡¯m sorry for yesterday at¨C¡±


    I pull free from Yrelia¡¯s supportive grip and hold up a hand. ¡°It¡¯s fine. You¡¯ve¡­ I can only imagine how hard this all is for you. Six months without sleep is¡­¡±


    She grimaces as I let the words trail off. ¡°Please sit, we can order a meal and¡­ discuss things.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve already had breakfast, but¡­ um¡­¡± I turn back, and Jevita approaches Emarial. Dressed in many many layers.


    ¡°Hello again.¡± She gives the big woman a wave. ¡°I, um¡­ we met yesterday. My big child got really excited and kinda snuggled you a bit.¡±


    Emarial¡¯s eyes widen, then dance between us, focus a bit on the place where my Dream stone hides. ¡°Jevita, correct?¡±


    ¡°Mhm, I never met you back in Deledita and didn¡¯t recognise your name until Ina told us you were here.¡±


    Emarial seems to relax at that a bit, but only flits her eyes back to ask. ¡°And¡­ what you shared with me?¡±


    Jevita looks at me, and I give her a nod.


    She sighs, ¡°I was talking about Ina, yes. And¡­ Well I wanted to thank you for your advice. It really helped, and¡­ I wanted to ask that you help her. If you can.¡±


    Emarial nods. ¡°Of course.¡±


    Jevita looks back to me again. One final question. I nod again, then turn to face both big ladies. ¡°I didn¡¯t have the hands for this, so I asked Jevita to carry them for me.¡±


    With that, Jevita steps forward and lays a bundle on the table between us, then pulls back. I give her a careful hug while murmuring a soft thanks. Then she leaves to go back to be with Lule.


    When I turn back Emarial wears a confused expression, while Zigdara¡¯s simmering anger seems to approach a boil as she stares down at the oddly book shaped bundle.


    ¡°I¡­ I wanted to give you this. A gift, and hopefully an end to your journey.¡± I step forward and push the bundle farther across the table toward them while I sit. Try to exude a calm that might help keep things¡­ well hopefully polite.


    Zigdara reaches forward and unfolds the soft protective cloth, revealing the two journals beneath. One fairly new, the other old and weathered. Her fury snaps, and her eyes dart up to bore into mine.


    She growls. ¡°What have you done with ¡ª !?!¡±


    She speaks an old dead name. One that tears my soul and hurts. But a few deep breaths and I¡¯m able to recollect myself enough to look back up to meet her anger.


    ¡°They¡¯re free.¡± I whisper with a bit of a... well it''s a smile but... not quite?


    That jerks her to a stop. Even Emarial tilts her head in confusion. Zigdara¡¯s face flickers with something¡­ a¡­ a hope?


    So... Yeah. She had assumed I was dead.


    ¡°Take me to him. Now.¡± Her hand seems to unconsciously reach toward a bag sitting on the empty chair beside her. And I spot the handle of what I remember to be her bronze blade.


    Fuck. I¡­ If Zigdara wasn¡¯t here I might not have to¡­


    But she is. And the journal would always make her hunt me. Even without Emarial¡¯s help. It¡¯s better we do this on foreign soil and in a public place.


    ¡°You were involved?¡± Emarial murmurs, hurt and some anger tinting her voice. ¡°But¡­ that would mean you weren¡¯t claimed outside Deledita. When would¨C¡±


    ¡°Sit, and I¡¯ll explain.¡± I motion to placate them. ¡°Before you leave this place you will know everything I can tell you, and more than you could dream of.¡±


    That¡­ fuck Zigdara¡¯s anger is struggling to not just fall apart into a confused muddle. While Emarial¡¯s is still deciding if it should flare up. I wonder what they were expecting? Some scary Sun Spoken bent on killing? Or¡­ maybe some Arudian Cultivation specialist stealing one of their rare breeding males?


    I turn back to my lovers, who still stand worried and tense behind me.


    ¡°Tasii, could you go order us some drinks? It''s so busy I don¡¯t think the owner would get to our table otherwise.¡±


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    She looks like she wants to protest, but nods and steps off. Then I turn to my other two lovers. ¡°Sit, please. You¡¯re making this harder by acting like we¡¯re about to get jumped by some angry Cretilla.¡±


    Yrelia smiles and slips into the chair beside me. ¡°Honestly? I¡¯d take one over these two.¡±


    Kque takes a second longer, but follows my first lover''s example and moves into the chair next to me. When I turn back Emarial has lowered herself, but Zigdara has remained standing while she opens the newer of the two books.


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡±


    ¡°Our translations of the tome.¡± I lean my cane against the table and slide my hand into Kque¡¯s lap so she can hold it. ¡°The journal is enchanted with Amwellian, but the original text is Arudian. We¡¯ve been working to decipher the thing since I left the temple. Honestly... It¡¯s kinda a mess of nonsense.¡±


    ¡°So you were there? In his chambers?¡± Emarial¡¯s expression has turned from careful apology to cold regard. ¡°You know what happened to him?¡±


    Deep Breath.


    ¡°Of course, because I¡­ I was that person. The breeding male. There was a droplet of sap from the Weaver¡¯s wood in that journal. It changed me. Gave me this perfect body I always wanted.¡±


    Neither says anything. Zigdara still seems very confused, while Emarial looks like she¡¯s about to¡­ I don¡¯t know.


    I¡¯m not sure how quickly they¡¯ll believe this.


    So I press forward. I tell them about that night. About how She would have killed me, but instead changed and claimed me. About how I always hated my body, and ran because I thought they would take it from me.


    I laugh at it now, and can¡¯t help the smile I feel as I finish with how I found my lovers.


    Tasii returns with a few drinks soon after I¡¯ve started, and now stands just behind me. Supportive hands on my shoulders. Occasionally knitting and helping to work out stress and anxiety knots.


    Zigdara¡¯s slumped down into her chair at some point. Drums fingers on the table in¡­ well a mix of disbelief and annoyance and heavy compilation.


    Emarial just¡­ stares. Face blank now. Eyes¡­ haunted.


    ¡°She¡¯s like¡­¡± Kque quietly adds. ¡°Like an opposite to an Arudian male, if you know what that is.¡±


    Analogous to Monsters and Parasites? I have to smother the anger those words bring.


    Zigdara snorts, but nods. ¡°I do. But¡­ I can¡¯t just accept this. It would be a convenient lie to drive us off.¡±


    I sigh, ¡°Okay then. I really didn¡¯t want to get into the weeds here, but¡­¡±


    And then I get to embarrass myself for the next hour talking about Lyttoral temple things. Yrelia tries not to chuckle at a few of my more¡­ salacious confessions. But I¡¯m careful to point out the details and subtleties. The little things that even a temple servant would struggle to know and remember. Even some stories about Hitorra.


    And eventually¡­ Zigdara cracks. Eyes regard me with¡­ Ugh. I don¡¯t like that look. Give me back the fucking anger over whatever this is!


    She murmurs the old dead name again, and I flinch so hard my cane nearly clatters to the floor.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ Please don¡¯t call me that.¡± I whisper, looking down at the table and letting my hair fall to cover my pain. ¡°My name is Inamatorii. Or Ina. And I¡¯m a woman of the Paths.¡±


    Zigdara winces, eyes rolling over me with such fucking sadness. She believes me. ¡°You¡¯re still a child of the Lyttoral temples. With¡­ with duties and¨C¡±


    I snort. ¡°Yeah, I can''t really do those anymore. The change is full, Zigdara. I even¡­ um¡­ well I even bled a few times now. So¡­ I guess all those parts work too.¡±


    The memory makes Yrelia giggle. ¡°Oh that was fucking adorable. Our Ina woke up scared and crying and terrified that she¡¯d broken something or gotten sick. Turns out your temple did a really bad job explaining girl body things.¡±


    I sigh and mumble. ¡°Wasn¡¯t adorable.¡±


    Kque squeezes my hand. ¡°It kinda was. You should have seen your face as we told you this could be a monthly thing without certain herbs and treatments.¡±


    Zigdara face is pained but¡­ nodding. ¡°You should still come back with me.¡±


    That makes me shuffle uncomfortably. I¡¯d expected her to¡­ to just¡­ be angry and¡­ and focus more on trying to want me changed back. Not¡­ not want to bring me back. ¡°Why? I¡¯m usele¡­ I mean, I¡¯m one of thousands and thousands of fertile girls.¡±


    Zigdara shakes her head. ¡°No. You¡­ Maybe you¡¯re change could be¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not letting anyone try and change me back.¡± The World Song cracks as I snarl the words, all polite training gone as quick as a viper''s strike. ¡°And I will fucking hurt anyone who tries it.¡±


    Everyone flinches at my anger. Except Yrelia. She just takes my other hand. Kque and Tasii recover quickly too. Movement was just a reflex to a loud noise. Emarial though¡­ her eyes narrow, and she seems to lean forward. Like¡­


    Like she was ready to move and intercept my anger.


    Zigdara raises both hands, ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t doubt the powers of the Weaver, nor am I implying such a thing should be attempted. But¡­¡± She pauses, considering how best to phrase something she knows I will hate. And as is her nature, the woman decides to just¡­ be direct. ¡°Your life was sworn to the temple and the people of Lyttoral. And even though it was originally as one of our breeding males, your new form might have certain properties that can benefit us all.¡±


    A beat.


    ¡°Eh?¡± I can¡¯t help the sound of confusion from escaping my lips. ¡°I¡­ What? I don¡¯t understand what you''re saying? I¡¯m a girl Zigdara, I mean, I always have been. But now I have a girl''s body to go with my soul. What the fuck could I even offer Lyttoral?¡±


    Emarial speaks up then. ¡°No. Zigdara. I told you of the Weaver¡¯s¡­ biases against men. She will hurt Ina if you try and have her lay with your males.¡±


    Become... what? Like... A breeder again?


    Oh.


    OH FUCK THAT!


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I growl. ¡°I spent every day of my life as nothing more than¡­ than a fucking thing. I will not go back to that. I will fight just as hard to keep my freedom as this body.¡±


    ¡°Please, ¡ª-¡± Zigdara winces at my fury when she begins to say that old dead name again. All her anger is gone now. All that remains is a desperate hope. ¡°I mean, Inamatorii. Ina? You said that your name is now? It¡¯s¡­ I don¡¯t recognize its history or meaning, but it''s a beautiful name.¡±


    I look away, trying to recover my composure. ¡°Thank you. It means To Love and Be Loved.¡±


    My lovers shuffle a little closer. I¡­ I don¡¯t know if I ever told them that?


    ¡°But... What of your Sangoma?¡± Zigdara is pleading now. ¡°You¡¯re her youngest! She doesn¡¯t expect to see another child born and gifted to the temple before her time has ended. Anguish and pain are all she knows while she thinks you dead or worse.¡±


    Memories. Oh so many. Good and bad, horrible and kind. I¡¯m crushed between them as unexpected tears bubble up at that final memory of my temple mother.


    Of the terror and worry and fear on her face that final night as I fled.


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t.¡± I shake my head and wipe at the tears. ¡°And even if I could I¡­ She¡¯ll hate me for this.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯d rather you be this than what we feared.¡±


    I glare back up through tears, ¡°Just barely better than dead, huh? Well¡­ Fuck you too.¡±


    She huffs, feels my resolve solidify. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m sorry. That was poorly worded. She will be overjoyed to see you alive and well and¨C¡±


    ¡°And happier than I ever could be under her care.¡± I let my voice take on a harsher tone a I cut her off. ¡°I¡¯ve offered you and her closure, and Emarial relief from this. No more, no less.¡±


    ¡°Ina, I¨C¡±


    ¡°The rest of my business is with Emarial.¡± I cut her off. ¡°You can stay if you''re quiet and keep our secrets. Otherwise, fuck off.¡±


    A little of the old anger sparks, but¡­ she nods.


    So I turn to the larger woman. ¡°I need your help. If you¡¯re still willing to give it.¡±


    Emarial just¡­ stares. Eyes searching. ¡°I¡­ She really looked into your spirit? Saw your nature and¡­ changed you? All of you?¡±


    I sigh, patience worn thin and emotions a little more than raw. ¡°Yes, I told you that already. She was about to kill me, but stopped as she scoured my memories. She¡¯s a cruel cunt, but¡­ She freed me.¡±


    ¡°And your name?¡±


    ¡°What that fuck is wrong with you?¡± I bristle. ¡°Is it so hard to believe that I want that old dead name to¨C¡±


    ¡°Not that one, your new one. Inamatorii.¡± She cuts me off with a clipped tone, ¡°Where did you even hear that name to begin with?¡±


    I pause, confused. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t remember. Must have been in an old book of mine. My lovers helped me pick out my new one on that first night out of a dozen or so ideas I shared. I liked that one the best.¡±


    She¡¯s shaking her head now. Like she¡¯s trying to shed a... something. A cold worry needles at my thoughts. An odd detail of a horrid dream sparkles into perfect clarity.


    Who do you think gave you that name?


    ¡°I¡­ Emarial?¡± I press. ¡°What about my name worries you?¡±


    Her face turns a shade paler, eyes bore into the table. ¡°It¡­ Zigdara¡¯s right. It¡¯s a good name. It suits you. Just¡­ it¡¯s not a name from our time. I¡¯ve only heard it in old stories.¡±


    ¡°O¡­okay. Who was she?¡±


    ¡°One of the oldest Sun Spoken. We think.¡± She steadies herself. ¡°But¡­ You said you needed my help?¡±


    I look down. Try to ignore the prickling worry at her words. ¡°Yeah. Um¡­ I need you to teach me how you stay awake. So I can pace out the use of the stone I showed you.¡±


    She nods, ¡°I can do that. But¡­ Ina, it costs a lot of Amwella.¡±


    ¡°Then I guess it¡¯s a good thing I¡¯m an amazing Hetaera.¡±


    She huffs. ¡°That will help keep you from burning through your Wellspring too quickly. I¡¯m not sure how long it will take to teach you this. But¡­ my time here is suddenly very¡­ empty, and I¡¯m willing to spend all of it making sure you¡¯re safe.¡±


    I¡¯m about to try and thank her but¨C


    ¡°As will I.¡± Zigdara speaks up.


    I turn a glare on her as Emarial winced. ¡°No. Go home.¡±


    But her face is stoic as the granite of Arudia. ¡°You are of our temple, I want to ensure that you remain well. At least until you leave this city.¡±


    I want to spit bile at her over her unspoken other reason. And to see if I can¡¯t convince you to return with me.


    ¡°Fine.¡± I huff. ¡°But I¡¯m going to be within the Academy like¡­ every day. I¡¯m sure Emarial can go wherever she wants, but you can¡¯t. And I won¡¯t have you trying to force your way in or spewing my secrets. This place is a fucking nest of snakes. I really don¡¯t want them to find out what I am, or was.¡±


    She nods, ¡°Of course. I¡¯d¡­ If you have the patience for it I¡¯d like to hear of your travels, and of the life you¡¯ve made for yourself.¡±


    That jerks me into a confused stop. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because, Inamatorii.¡± The way she¡­ she says my name then sends a little flutter of happiness through me that I can¡¯t understand. ¡°I¡¯d like to give your Sangoma any peace I can, once I return to Lyttoral.¡±


    I huff, annoyed but¡­ guilt prickles at me, ¡°I¡­ Maybe at nights or mornings, between my studies at the Academy if I feel up to it. But¡­ no promises.¡±

 Chapter 64: Confronting the Past Part 2

    CW:


    feeling of burning/immolation. BEG chappy


    The morning has passed, and Delphian has led Emarial and myself into the depths of the Academy, and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the sight before me.


    The¡­ well to call it a cavern is to bring up images of cold and damp places. This is a glimmering cacophony of refinement mixed with meticulous organization and care. Even Delphian seems to relax as the faint echoes of the massive chamber of shelves and paintings and carvings and¡­ and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Um¡­¡± I whispered.


    ¡°I missed this place.¡± She smirks, pats my hand. ¡°I¡¯ll give you a brief tour and see if we can¡¯t get an idea of where we¡¯ll be starting.¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± Is all I can murmur.


    It becomes very clear very quickly that this library is¡­ well¡­ like nearly as big as the town above! Huge granite pillars laced with gemstones and carvings and their own little nooks filled with books separate the sections and help provide some markers for wanders like ourselves. Many shelves are basically their own floors with stairs and ladders being needed to climb to their heights.


    Delphian has brought a great bag of scrolls and books and journals that Emarial had offered to help carry. Content to walk silently behind as I began to jabber and kinda panic at the overwhelming nature of this place.


    But that¡¯s when Delphian explained the bad news.


    ¡°So¡­ Where are all the books and stuff you need me to go through?¡±


    She sighs. ¡°Well¡­¡± Waves a hand vaguely. ¡°Kinda everywhere, we can use the catalogs to try and keep our time efficient. But there is no main section for almost any category, just¡­ disparate collections.¡±


    So, it turns out, when you have a library the size of a fucking town, organization is not easy. Maybe even impossible. This will be just as much a search for any Amwellian enchanted books, as it will be a search for the magic I need to adjust the Obelisks.


    So¡­ Because I¡¯m not the smartest, I¡¯d had to have Jevita and Kque explain why the Obelisks were the best pathway to change Arudian law.


    I understood how people could be horrible. But¡­ how would changing some big gemstones actually make anyone suddenly think to start doing things differently.


    They¡¯re just like¡­ big rocks, right?


    Wrong. Apparently horrifyingly so.


    These big rocks are like¡­ The Center of Cultivation. Some kind of heart to all the gemstones. The treaties and legers aren¡¯t just like¡­ rules written on rocks because rocks last longer than paper. They are somehow magically enchanted. And apparently, if the women of Arudian begin to en masse ignore them, things go bad.


    Like¡­ She told me about the last time the Doyan¡¯s tried to change the way a certain gemstone was handled when harvested. A simple adjustment, practical and safer. But¡­ they didn¡¯t have the votes or a Sun Spoken nearby to call for the change to the Obelisks. Just a simple majority that they used to enforce the change.


    Within a few years the Obelisks somehow like¡­ knew. The violated law written started to glow on them¡­ slowly at first, but as women just¡­ stopped obeying it grew.


    And after that glow turned into a blaze the gemstones began to like¡­ well not stop working but fluctuate. Produced odd effects and sometimes even hurt the women using them. And when the next Hosting''s of Stardust began the frozen lake was unable to be traversed due to a multitude of those giant sleepy Carbunkles waking up and attacking harvesters. And after they made emergency rulings and calls for the women to go back to the old unsafe ways of handling this gemstone?


    The blaze cooled, but not immediately. It took almost the full nine years of the cycle for things to settle again. And those nine years are written in their history as a harsh reminder to honor these old silly rocks, else they are tempted to wroth again.


    Fucking¡­ like¡­ What!?!


    Honestly, that terrified me when she explained it. That the women of this region tried to do something that would objectively benefit them, but because it didn¡¯t match up to their big magic rocks they had to stop. I¡­ Fuck. How do you live like that? Live knowing exactly how things should be done but old terrifying ancient magic nonsense just¡­ stops you?


    I had to stop thinking about it. Had to just¡­ focus on the little things I could maybe do to change Arudia to benefit some Monster and Parasites.


    **    **    **


    Most of this first day is just Delphian helping myself and Emarial get acquainted with a few maps of the library, how to read the catalogs and notes spread about the archives, and beginning to learn some of the markings and tell-tell signs of a previous explorer¡¯s discovery of such a tome.


    It¡¯s¡­ fuck. I love it.


    And while it¡¯s very scary when she first leaves me to begin going through a section on my own. I can¡¯t help but find myself getting lost in a few random tomes and scrolls along the way. It¡¯s only after Delphian finds our first volume, an oddly large scroll that seems to¡­ well¡­ almost hum gently, that I actually sit down with a notebook and quill to begin our work.


    I quickly discover the scroll is useless to us, and expect annoyance or discouragement from Delphian. Be she only nods, ¡°As expected. The Sun Spoken often studied all sorts of things here. We¡¯re going to come across more research about other topics than we will your odd magics.¡±


    She encourages me to sit and finish writing out a brief summary and description of the scroll while she heads into another section to look for another lead. While doing this, Emarial breaks her silence and sits down next to me.


    ¡°So¡­ what exactly are you looking for here?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not really able to explain it.¡± I sigh, then let my voice drop to a whisper. ¡°Not without pain. But¡­ Let¡¯s just say that I¡¯ve agreed to try and change the Obelisks.¡±


    There is a long and very surprised pause from her. I ignore it, finish the summary, and move to stand.


    ¡°Why?¡± She whispers. ¡°Ina, that¡¯s incredibly dangerous. The Doyans¡­ they¡¯ll try and stop¨C¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I take up my cane and begin to move back toward the far shelf where I had left off my search.


    ¡°What are they offering you? It can¡¯t be worth the attention and enemies you¡¯ll make by¨C¡±


    ¡°Nothing, and it is.¡±


    A longer pause as she silently follows me. ¡°Tell me then. What are you changing?¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I¡­ Fuck I don¡¯t even want to try and talk about it right now. Don¡¯t want to deal with the pain.¡±


    ¡°Pain?¡±


    ¡°A command She laid on me fucks me if I try and¡­ and think certain ways. By explaining it I have to go against Her. And even if it didn''t, I''ve already told you too much.¡±


    ¡°She¡­ I¡­ What are you talking about?¡± Emarial actually steps up to stop me, lays her big dumb hand on mine. ¡°You¡¯re awake. She can¡¯t touch you when you¡¯re¨C¡±


    I jerk away. ¡°She can, she does.¡± I pause, then look up to her, a sudden realization. ¡°You¡­ you¡¯ve never heard or seen Her lay a command on someone? Burn words into their spirit and force them to obey under threat of pain?¡±


    She shakes her head, eyes wide with worry. ¡°No. It¡¯s¡­ No. She just uses dreams to coerce and torture Sun Spoken into obeying Her wishes. Has to fight or trick us into giving Her information on our waking world.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I look down. ¡°Fuck.¡±


    ¡°What are these commands?¡±


    ¡°I did not make you Useless. I did not make you Stupid.¡± I whisper. But the command burns my words to echo a bit.


    Emarial tilts her head. Confused. ¡°Eh¡­ What?¡±


    I sigh. ¡°I was¡­ It was after you¨C¡± I cut off. Sudden anger flaring. ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter. She got annoyed with me and laid it. I can¡¯t even think those things about myself now.¡±


    She winces, understanding. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Emarial lets me get back to searching for a bit, and eventually my anger cools enough for me to ask. ¡°She really never did this to anyone else?¡±


    Emarial shakes her head. ¡°No. Never.¡±


    I lean forward, bonk my head on a layer of books. ¡°Fuck. Then¡­ then how can She do it to me?¡±


    Emarial shuffles, ¡°I don¡¯t know. But, It¡¯s good to see that it didn¡¯t kill you. She¡­ um¡­ well when She¡¯s tried to push Herself into the waking world before the Sun Spoken does not survive. Ever.¡±


    Oh¡­


    A cold sweat gathers along my back as I try to continue my search. Sudden memories of horrible storms of pain and near-death endings at our merging.


    ¡°Ina?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go sit back down for a bit. I¡¯m¡­ I don¡¯t want my leg to act up.¡±


    We do, and I can almost feel her bubbling questions. Both at my past and¡­ and my leg as she now gets a better look at the gorgeous bone and root mixture. But¡­ she keeps them restrained.


    ¡°So, teach me this song of waking.¡± I prompt, not wanting to leave a silence for her to jabber questions into.


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like to learn the song that keeps you awake. Now¡¯s as good a time as any.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know of any songs, Ina.¡± She tilts her head, then her eyes widen a bit. ¡°Is¡­ Is that how you¡­¡±


    ¡°Ugh!¡± I rub at my temples. ¡°Jevita will be so fucking happy to hear about this, at least.¡±


    She quirks an eyebrow.


    ¡°She¡¯s¡­ the one helping me figure things out. And I¡¯m guessing you just proved her theory on this.¡±


    Emarial has an interesting smile at the mention of my lover. ¡°And what was that?¡±


    I take a deep breath, and try to recall her words. ¡°She said that if Cultivation is all math and numbers, hard and consistent and always the same, then what we do is¡­ well¡­ the opposite of that. Inspiration is as good a word as any. The moment and feelings have to line up. We have to sense it more than think about it. And she was wondering a few weeks back if all our kind even performed magic in the same way.¡±


    ¡°Smart. And she¡¯s mostly right there.¡± Her smile is warm, but filled with old memories. ¡°Some developed their magic alongside each other, we preferred it that way for the most part. It helped avoid a ton of problems. But¡­ Inspiration. That is such a good word for this. I¡¯ll have to thank Jevita for it next time we meet.¡±


    I nod with a smirk, ¡°Honestly she¡¯d make a better Sun Spoken than me. I feel like such a clueless goose next to her.¡±


    She laughs at that. ¡°I¡¯ve felt the same way. But¡­ I wouldn¡¯t curse anyone with the Weaver.¡±


    That darkens both our fucking spirits.


    I sigh. ¡°Okay, so¡­ how do you do it then? Stay awake for six fucking months?¡±


    ¡°Longer, and¡­ It¡¯s as I said. I burn my Amwella.¡± She glances down. Almost¡­ almost in shame. ¡°My powers are not¡­ not a soft thing. They draw on old angers and pains. Manifesting as Fire and heat and¡­ worse things.¡±


    ¡°Can you show me the¡­ how you do it? Or do you need a bit to¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m doing it right now.¡± She looks up and smirks. ¡°If I stop¡­ well¡­ I¡¯ll need to make sure wherever I fall is some place where I can sleep for at least a week or more.¡±


    I just stare at her. ¡°Oh. Is¡­ Is that why your Amwella was burning a hole in the World Song?¡±


    ¡°The¡­ What?¡±


    I sigh, and we probably spend at least an hour with me explaining the subtle wordless things I barely even understand. But¡­ eventually she¡¯s nodding.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t even think about that. That my Amwella could burn anything but myself.¡±


    ¡°Heh.¡± I snort. ¡°That¡­ Fuck, if you didn¡¯t just define yourself really fucking well.¡±


    I regret the words the moment they fall from my lips. The look she gives me is one of such pain and¡­ and deeper things. Like my big dumb mouth had somehow struck her a wound so fucking horrid and fatal.


    ¡°S¨C Sorry. That was really unkind of me.¡± I try to ease that suffering. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ I just meant that¡­ that you¡¯re Amwella is just¡­ It always hurts when I¡­¡±


    She closes her eyes, holds up a hand, and looks away.


    Fuck.


    ¡°No! Emarial. That was cruel of me.¡± I stammer as I see the pain roiling inside her. ¡°I¡¯ve hated you since Deledita, but¡­ You¡¯ve just¡­ you¡¯ve just been trying so hard to¡­ to do good despite a patron who wants to fuck you over.¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s fine. I¨C¡±


    ¡°No It¡¯s fucking not!¡± I cut her off. Shame clutching at my core as I watch her suffer. ¡°I¡¯ve been a cunt to you, and you¡¯ve only tried to help. And¡­ and I¡¯m really fucking sorry. You¡¯re still sitting here trying to help despite the fact that you could just leave! You should leave! Go back to your home and let me suffer for all the shit I keep fucking up!¡±


    That seems to help, at least a little. She takes a big steadying breath. ¡°You have nothing to apologize for. I¡­ I need to learn to think about my actions and their consequences. Look beyond myself to the pain of others.¡±


    I slump, rub at my leg and it¡¯s phantom pains. ¡°Fuck.¡±


    Then an idea strikes me. ¡°Emarial I¡­ Can I try and look at your Amwella again? Through the World Song? It might be the best way to understand it.¡±


    ¡°I thought you said it was painful?¡±


    I nod. ¡°It is, but¡­ It¡¯s just that. Just pain. And if it¡¯s a part of you, then¡­ Then I''ll probably need it to be a part of my song too.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t like that, but¡­ she nods. ¡°Do you need me to do anything?¡±


    I shake my head as I lean forward, close my eyes, and focus. ¡°Just¡­ sit there and relax. Keep burning.¡±


    The silence makes finding the World Song easy. Shimmering silence wrapped in old quiet rustlings. A weight of heavy age that seems to muffle and smother everything into itself. It would probably be a bit suffocating, if not for the screaming mass of angry fire that burns a few feet in front of me.


    I hiss, and lose focus.


    ¡°Are you¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes. Be quiet.¡± I spit at her amidst the fading scorch before diving back into the World Song.


    Again the pain of the heat knocks me from listening for more than a horrid second. Like sticking your face into a campfire or hand into boiling water. But unlike those, the sensation disappears nearly the moment I stop.


    I avoid hissing again, just probably flinch. Then an idea strikes me, and I begin to hum a quiet tune of healing as I focus. Try and use the song as a shield against¨C


    The fire sears and melts my workings very quickly, but¡­ not before I catch a few notes of her whirling soul¡¯s cries. I¡¯m choking as I lean down a bit, elbows digging into my knees as I recover.


    ¡°Wow. Fuck.¡± I gasp. ¡°Okay. I¡­ hold on. I can¡­¡±


    ¡°OH! There you two are!¡± A familiar voice calls out.


    I look up to see Lady Ophrit and Delphian approaching. Both seem a bit¡­ disheveled. And I can¡¯t help the small smile at what I guess they¡¯ve been up to.


    ¡°Lady Ophrit,¡± I take up my cane to rise in respect. But she quickly waves me to sit as she and her beloved bound take up seats with up.


    ¡°It¡¯s good to see you well, especially after last night¡¯s¡­ interesting events.¡± Lady Ophrit turns to Emarial. ¡°And you as well Lady Emarial of the Sun Spoken. I never got the chance to thank you for your discretion toward our wonderful Matron¡¯s inquiries into Hetaera Inamatorii¡¯s past.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Emarial nods, ¡°I¡¯ve known Vele for many years. Am very aware of¡­ of her nature, and of how her attentions can be quite dangerous to the young.¡±


    Delphian nods, seeming to twitch at the words. ¡°Even so, three more helpers will be arriving in the morning to assist in our search. It¡¯ll potentially reveal some of our intentions, but¡­ otherwise it will take us months and a great deal of luck to find what we seek.¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­ four, beloved.¡± Lady Ophrit pats her elbow. ¡°I may distract you at times, but I can focus enough to help my favorite Hetaera in this.¡±


    I blush, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    And so, we return to our search and scour the stacks. End up only stopping for a light meal and when we¡¯re all nearly collapsing from exhaustion. Well¡­ all except Emarial. Apparently her burning keeps her body free of such things.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I hiss as I jerk back from Emarial¡¯s scorching flame for the third time in a row.


    I open my eyes to see her wincing in apology.


    ¡°Can¡­ Fuck I¡­ Can you¡­ like¡­ turn the flames down? Lower the heat or¨C¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No, it¡¯s either burning, or quenched. If I was far enough from the Weaver¡¯s Wood I might try tempering it, but¡­¡±


    I sigh, and nod. ¡°Yeah¡­ yeah. Silly question. We absolutely can¡¯t risk your Amwella getting into Her hands.¡±


    She gives me a slow nod, contemplating something I just said. A worry prodding at her¨C


    But then I can¡¯t help but flinch as a monster moves past me to lay a couple books down. Gregoris, friend of Zin and Delphian gives us both a big terrible monster smile that¨C


    I offer him a polite nod and turn, trying to stifle the impulses.


    Then he¡¯s off after a few words shared with Emarial. When I look up she¡¯s eyeing me curiously. ¡°You don¡¯t like him.¡±


    I sigh, shake my head. ¡°Complicated.¡±


    Her brow furrows as she pulls back from the scroll she was looking through.


    Over the past two days myself and Emarial have basically been relegated to translation work. So many of these fucking journals are just as disjointed and random as the one I gave to Zigdara, so we have to scour them thoroughly for any mention of possible hints to our desires.


    ¡°You¡­ You can ask Jevita about it if you like. Next time we go back to the Inn. Just¡­ make sure it¡¯s in private. Okay?¡±


    She nods. ¡°Thank you for trusting me with this.¡±


    I shrug, decide to go back to the small stack of journals and scrolls. And after another hour of boring fucking legers on some Cultivation experiment I can¡¯t even begin to understand, I try again.


    Little hum of healing protection, and I¡¯m forcing my perceptions back into the flames. Four heartbeats, that¡¯s my limit.


    Four very fast beats at that. So not even a few good seconds.


    ¡°Cunt drool!¡± I spit, jerk back in annoyance.


    ¡°Eck.¡± She smiles.


    ¡°I just¡­ Fuck. I thought this would be a brain problem. Not¡­ Not a fucking test of how much pain I can stand!¡±


    She sighs, ¡°Your Jevita really does have it right. There are very few rules with our working. Just¡­ will and focus and need.¡±


    We drop back into silent work then.


    Later on our group of searchers regathered for a meal. Our little party consists of Lady Ophrit and Delphian, Gregoris, and a trio of youngish women apparently very sympathetic to our cause. They all know that Emarial and I are Sun Spoken, and swore themselves to secrecy. If anyone asks, Delphian has used my past with Emarial to persuade her to help us. And with my maimed leg my time is better spent resting and reconnecting with an old flame.


    The chatter is light, but excited enough. We¡¯re able to share some translations of what would have been otherwise unreadable works, and two of the younger women get really excited at some of the prospects for their own future studies.


    ¡°I still think we should at least get an idea of what¡¯s there!¡± The monster in our group presses. ¡°Just in case we can find a way to get her in.¡±


    I was carefully ignoring his conversation with Delphian before, but can¡¯t help but perk my attention over to their muffled conversations.


    ¡°Absolutely not. It would immediately attract the attention of the Doyans! Basically SCREAM our intentions and her nature. Everything she touches in there would be marked and scrutinized.¡±


    ¡°What would get their attention?¡± I turn, and insert myself into their conversation, ignoring any attempts at politeness.


    Monster turns to me. ¡°The restricted sections. They contain¡­ well¡­ most of the oldest and more potent records. Of both Cultivation research and the Academy¡¯s founding. If there was a place nearly certain to contain an Amwellian record on what we need, it would be there.¡±


    ¡°Okay, then¡­ why don¡¯t we look there?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Because only one of us is even approved to enter.¡± Delphian sighs, ¡°And¡­ And I¡¯d be under the immediate scrutiny of that section''s keeper. I can¡¯t bring anything out to you, and to get your entry would¡­ well I¡¯d have to beg the Doyans for permissions they would never grant to a guest.¡±


    ¡°But you could at least take stock of what volumes seem to hold promise!¡± He presses. ¡°Just in case we find a way to¨C¡±


    ¡°And immediately find our little curious band the talk of the fucking city. And during a big celebration no less! Ina might as well just come out and announce herself.¡±


    He sighs. He¡¯d been less annoyed than Delphian at the news that I was remaining anonymous, but¡­ he still seemed to want to push me toward it.


    ¡°I could do it.¡± Emarial speaks up.


    We all pause.


    ¡°R¡­Really? How?¡± Delphian balks.


    Emarial shrugs. ¡°A Sun Spoken of my history will be questioned, but your Doyans will not deny me. It¡¯s my right. I¡¯ll claim a passing fancy to look at old records of my long dead allies.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I knew Sun Spoken had authority here. But¡­ Really?¡± Lady Ophrit murmurs.


    Emarial nods, and recites with a smirk. ¡°I¡¯ve never had a reason to before, but your little group has given me a case of such nostalgia. I wish to examine many a strange variety of things while there. If I stumble across something that happens to pertain to the Obelisks¡­ well¡­ I have a good memory. And nothing but time before I leave these lands.¡±


    And so, I¡¯m left alone with this giant stack of books while the others continue their search. I take walks and insist they let me accompany them a few times. But¡­ honestly I¡¯m befuddled by this place. Thank fuck Lady Ophrit takes pity on me a few times and pulls me away more than I would have asked.


    On day five Delphian assures me that Emarial has been hard at work all through the day and night in the restricted sections. And that she¡¯s brought her food and to make sure the older Sun Spoken doesn¡¯t overwork herself.


    But¡­ that¡¯s only half of the worry that¡¯s bubbling up. My lover¡¯s search has been about as fruitful as our own within the Academy. Lots of leads, but nothing even remotely what we¡¯re hoping for. Even¡­ even a few less than legal inquiries have balked at the parameters of their request.


    Claimed it was impossible.


    I¡¯ve worked very hard to avoid Zigdara. Tried to have breakfast before she was awake, and return to the stables to sleep with Jevita and Kque. But¡­ it¡¯s this here on the fourth day that she¡­ well she doesn¡¯t ambush me. Just¡­ happens to find our table over breakfast.


    ¡°May I join you?¡± She asks, but a hand already rests on the back of an empty chair.


    I just nod and look away while taking another bite, and for a moment the morning chatter amidst my lover¡¯s pauses. Then¡­ to my great relief, it continues. Yrelia sees my worry, and rests a hand with mine beneath the table, but¡­ otherwise just¡­ kinda ignores the big scary duenna. That is, until she begins to ask questions. They start out as little things, and are never prying, but¡­ My lovers are happy to include her. Even pull me into some of the conversations.


    But soon Delphian and Lady Ophrit arrive, and I¡¯m returning to the depths of the Academy¡¯s great library. Emarial is still scouring the restricted sections, which leaves me buried in what is now two three foot high stacks of books and journals and scrolls.


    ¡°Hetaera Ina!¡± Comes a monster¡¯s call. I flinch, but hide it well. Glance up and over careful to spot Gregoris approaching.


    ¡°Hm?¡± Is about all I can stomach in reply right now.


    ¡°The Ladies and I were going to head out for some lunch and wanted me to come fetch you.¡±


    I sigh, dreading the idea of walking any length of space with this¡­ this¡­


    ¡°Just¡­ have them bring me something after you¡¯ve all finished.¡± I wave him off. ¡°I¡¯ve still got so much to go through and¡­¡±


    ¡°Nonsense! The research will keep. It always does. Fresh air will¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I reply with a tone far too clipped to be considered polite. Then I try to remember my roles and add in a much gentler tone. ¡°I¡­ I still plan on trying to leave this city as the festival¡¯s end and am no closer despite the days of work. But, tell everyone thank you for me. They¡¯ve done extraordinary work. I just¡­ I just need to do my part now.¡±


    I don¡¯t look up to him. But after only a moment''s pause he murmurs accent and leaves.


    And after a solid few moments of solitude a soft female voice as smooth as a knife''s edge comes drifting from a nearby shadow. ¡°He really is quite the boorish fellow, isn¡¯t he?¡±

 Chapter 65: Confronting the Past Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Discussions of loss of memory and possible personality death


    I jerk up. ¡°Matron Veletross!¡± I sort of squeak out, fumble at my cane as I try to rise in respect.


    The Matriarch of the house of Rell pulls herself from the shadows beneath the nearby shelf like a terror from my worst nightmares. ¡°Please dear, don¡¯t bother rising.¡± She purrs as she struts over to my little alcove beneath one of the archways that hide beneath a great shelf.


    I stop, sort of¡­ carefully lower my cane back to where it rested. Reach for and wrap myself Yrelia¡¯s training. ¡°I¡­ Thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure?¡±


    Her hair is done up in a marvelous braid of winding glimmering patterns, ears and even nose jeweled with gemstones of a deep cerulean that contrast well with her current smoldering eyes of deep red. And beneath it all is a dress of shimmering pearlescent silk inlaid with gorgeously enticing designs that flow around her perfect frame like water.


    ¡°Oh, I simply wished to escape the day¡¯s responsibilities and enjoy the quiet of the library.¡± She moves to the comfy chair to my side, slides down with more grace than I¡¯d ever imagine possible. ¡°And you? I¡¯ve not seen you alongside Delphian or her bound beloved during any of the festivities.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ I¡­ um¡­¡± I stammer under the weight of her gaze. ¡°Just¡­ getting lost in the collections. Such celebrations are wonderful, but in all honesty I¡¯m not that comfortable with big crowds.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± She glances over the stack of books. And a sudden chill runs down my spine.


    Everything here is Amwellian. If she begins to peruse my little work pile, then¡­ fuck she¡¯ll figure out right quick that I¡¯m Sun Spoken! FUCK!


    But¡­ she doesn¡¯t, just¡­ looks back at me with such a smile. One that reminds me of Yrelia on her most voracious nights. A knowing thing that promises such¨C


    ¡°I¡¯ve found myself musing, dear Hetaera, how is it you came to meet Emarial and smitten her so?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well I¡­¡± I nearly jolt at the shift of topic, and have to re-organize my thoughts before working out a coherent answer. ¡°We encountered each other some time ago in Deledita. Had¡­ well I guess she thought I was someone else.¡±


    ¡°And now?¡± She presses with the gentleness of one smothering a small animal.


    ¡°Um¡­ Well we both are trying to¡­ I guess, mend old wounds.¡±


    She just¡­ stares down on me with only her gaze before adding. ¡°That can¡¯t be the entire story.¡±


    ¡°The rest is¡­ private.¡± I shrug as politely as possible, tilt my head. ¡°But I¡¯d be happy to hear about your history with her. We Hetaera are wonderful listeners and great at keeping secrets.¡±


    The Matron smirks, a flash of cold somethings turns the blue in her eyes to an icy color. ¡°Oh¡­ Like most, she was a lover. But¡­ also so much more. She helped me slaughter a great many Sun Spoken in our youths just after I wrested power in the house of Rell from my mother.¡±


    I feel all warmth drain from me as my tummy roils as the matron¡¯s eyes seem to¡­ to peel me apart.


    Wh¡­ What? Emarial, she¡­ She killed other Sun Spoken!?!


    Veletross chuckles, my distress obvious. ¡°Emarial may act the forlorn old Murtaziq. Weary and consumed with grief at her past actions, but she¡¯s just lying to herself. She loved it. I watched her tremble in joy as she stood over her dead companions and drank in their souls.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ But that can¡¯t be right.¡± I stammer while trying to shove the horrid mental images from my head.


    ¡°Back¡­ oh¡­ eighty or so years ago she came to me for help. Told me of a danger that had risen within the Sun Spoken. An¡­ infection, if you can believe it, and urged me to act with her and three other older members to deal with it.¡±


    Emarial¡¯s age pings a¡­ curiosity amidst my panic. Gives me something to cling to as I am drowning in a storm of fear. But¡­ It''s only a question for later. That worry from their words earlier solidifies in my gut like a hard stone thrown into water.


    ¡°But¡­ Why didn¡¯t she tell me?¡± I don¡¯t mean to murmur aloud as I stare down at my hands.


    ¡°Probably¡­¡± The Matron purrs very very quietly. ¡°Because she¡¯s still unsure if you¡¯ll need to be dealt with in the same way.¡±


    I freeze, and I can¡¯t even begin to care that she knows my nature as Emarial¡¯s words echo through me.


    Of how she¡­ She was preparing to kill me!?! If I resisted her, back then in Deledita. Treated me as¡­ as¡­ as some insane Sun Spoken like the ones she¡¯d killed!


    ¡°What was this¡­ infection?¡± I whisper, knowing how pale and horrid my voice must sound. ¡°The one that drove you and Emarial to¡­ to do those things.¡±


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    I know the answer, at least in part. But¡­ I have to hear her say it. Need to hear her tell me what terrible thing awaits me if I can¡¯t find what I seek.


    She sighs, and I look up to find her stare has left me, she now looks off into the distant shelves with a mix of real annoyance and¡­ other things. Old things I probably can¡¯t even begin to understand. Things I¡¯ve only seen the shadow of in one other. ¡°You probably know it already. The infection is one of love. Love for one who dwells only within a dream, but wishes to wake.¡±


    Her answer confuses me.


    ¡°I¡­ but how could¡­ how could so many fall to such a place that Emarial would even consider murder to be the answer!?!¡±


    She turns back to me. ¡°The lucky ones slowly became husks. Women barely conscious while awake. But others¡­¡± She smiles such a cruel thing then. ¡°They began to scheme with your mad Goddess. Such big plans I¡¯ll not speak of, lest you fall under Her influence.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡±


    ¡°There are so few of you left, and your patron is patient. She¡¯ll work to slowly groom you, lure you into her clutches.¡± The Matron drums fingers on her chair''s armrest. ¡°And once you''re well and truly Her¡¯s¡­¡±


    My eyes must be as wide as the moon, glistening with tears as if they are the stars themselves. Not in surprise at her words, but recognition. At understanding just how fucking close I was and still am to falling into that.


    How¡­ How part of me still CRAVES to return to the arms of my fifth lover.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m trying to lock Her out.¡± I whisper. ¡°To stop dreaming entirely.¡±


    She gives me a mocking look of pity, hand absently gestures over the piles of tomes. ¡°You won¡¯t likely find such things here, many Sun Spoken before you spent many a year trying to find a solution to that little problem.¡±


    Without thinking, I pull out my Dream Stone. ¡°But, I¡¯ve done it! With this! I¡­ I just need¨C¡±


    Her brow furrows for a moment, then eyes widen in surprise. ¡°Oh, is that Uqueta¡¯s Dream Stone?¡±


    ¡°He prefers the name Zin. If you please. But¡­ He gave it to me. I¡­ No¡­ I demanded it. He used it on me, and my lovers recognized the mark. And¡­ and it¡¯s been working. Just¡­¡±


    She sighs, ¡°Foolish child, it¡¯s good you took that wretched thing from him. He was commanded to keep it safe and hidden, and there he goes using it on a fucking Hetaera, of all women.¡±


    ¡°Is there a better way? Could you help me find one?¡± I suddenly feel a spark. Hope at maybe getting help from such a powerful and well connected woman.


    She strikes me with a horrid smirk. ¡°Such a thing is not a small request.¡±


    I actually reach out to her then, lay a hand on hers. ¡°I¡¯ll pay anything. Anything, to keep my lovers safe. I¡¯m¡­ I already know what this thing will do to me if I don¡¯t find a better way.¡±


    She nods, turns her hand upward to curl sharp nails against my palm and fingers. ¡°Has Emarial not taught you her own magic? The thing she uses to remain awake?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°We¡­ We¡¯ve tried. But¡­ but my magic is so different from hers! Her soul burns too hot for me to even try and hear its song.¡±


    She tilts her head, a hunger for understanding, but¡­ only whispers. ¡°Thus is the curse your patron lays upon her claimed.¡±


    ¡°Can you help me?¡± I¡¯m nearly pleading now. ¡°Please, Matron Veletross. I really will give you¡­ well¡­ almost whatever I can!¡±


    She smiles. ¡°Oh, I know. But¡­ You¡¯ll need to sacrifice that which I can see you hold very dear to your heart.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± But a cold chill runs down my spine. At¡­ at¡­ does she know even more than the rest?


    Did she discover what She did for me? My past as a breeding male? Is¡­ Is she suggesting that¡­ that I¡¯ll need to give up¡­


    ¡°I know of two escapes from Her.¡± She purrs. ¡°Well¡­ two permanent ones that don¡¯t involve the Sun Spoken dying.¡±


    I nod, carefully. Begging her with my eyes to continue.


    ¡°First is simple, and Emarial¡¯s way.¡± She holds up a finger. ¡°You leave this land, run as far away as you can. Into the wastes beyond, and live with those daughterless savages of the seas and islands that remain.¡±


    I pause, ¡°Um¡­ well I mean¡­ I guess we could do that. My¡­ my lovers have been showing me the world and¡­¡±


    She nods, but solemnly. ¡°There is little to see. I wandered beyond for a time in my youngest days. The outer land is¡­ not a kind place. Barren and scarred from wars long forgotten, and past that¡­ endless oceans. Our little island here is truly a unique thing. Maybe the only thing to survive.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ then¡­ then your second solution?¡± I huff.


    She smiles such a cruel thing then, raises her other hand and begins to draw caressing marks along my wrist and arm. ¡°There is a¡­ procedure. One that marks the entire body, and even has gemstones melting into the mind.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Okay. That¡­ I mean I can¡­ That doesn¡¯t sound too bad. If it¡¯s pain your worried about then¨C¡±


    But she¡¯s shaking her head. ¡°No, you¡¯ll barely feel it. The cost, as it were, is to your mind. The Cultivation will drown your memories with¡­ new things. Tomes and ancient texts my family would love to have kept safe and available for easy use. A memory palace of knowledge. But¡­ most of your past will melt away. Replaced by a new and wonderful archive.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    But I am starting to, especially as I picture my lover¡¯s scars.


    Eyes bore into mine. ¡°The Gemstones will seal your mind from Her, but¡­ such a collection of knowledge cannot be allowed to walk the Paths. You¡¯d be bound to my house. An¡­ well I won¡¯t mince words. You¡¯d be an Odalisque to me. With markings across your entire form that display that allegiance.¡±


    I pull my hand back very slowly. ¡°I¡­ but¡­ Can this¡­ Why can¡¯t we just use the Gemstones to shield me!?! Why¡­ Why would you ask me to give up all freedoms for this!?! I¡¯d be¡­ indebted to you forever anyway! Grateful in ways you can totally fucking imagine!¡±


    She shrugs and sighs, ¡°I wish Cultivation was so malleable. But this procedure is not one we can alter, not beyond the tomes we add later. The archive is that shield. A wall of ancient knowledge erected to block Her.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ but¡­ how can you be certain it will even work?¡± I huff, already rejecting this. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ well I won¡¯t insult you, but why would I even consider such a¡­ a terrible path on anything but a certainty?¡±


    ¡°The second woman ever gifted this was a Sun Spoken.¡±


    I jerk. ¡°She¡­ Why?¡±


    The Matron laughs. ¡°Same reason as you, I suspect. Her old words are very clear, the procedure cut her off from your mad Goddess. I¡¯ll even let you read her journals. It¡¯s written in Amwellian so you¡¯ll know It to be true.¡±


    I¡¯m spiraling now. Lost in a whirlwind of revelations. About Emarial, my lover¡¯s past, and¡­ and¡­ what if this is the only way?


    But¡­ No. I¡­ I¡¯d be giving up my lovers for this! Sacrificing them to serve this horrible woman for the rest of my life!


    But¡­ The Weaver¡¯s threats ring in my mind.


    I might consider weaving another command next you need my help. One that robs you of your love for one of them perhaps?


    Caught between threats to remove my love for them, or giving up the life we plan on living together to save that love.


    ¡°Fuck you. Fuck you both!¡± I hiss, and the World Song seems to scream alongside my rage.


    The Matron gives me such a pitting smile, then rises. ¡°The offer will remain open, Inamatorii of The Sun Spoken. I only hope you make a wise decision before one is made for you.¡±

 Chapter 66: Confronting the Past Part 4

    <u>CW:</u>


    Threats of violence and death. someone being gripped so hard they bruise.


    Despair turned to cold anger as I wait, solid and horrible and biting deep into me. Possessive and furious and ready to split into another peeling shrike if I only would reach for the melody.


    But then a furnace of blazing Amwella approaches.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Delphian asks as they approach. Her voice all worry and concern.


    I¡¯d not told her what this was about. Just demanded quite rudely that she retrieve Emarial. ¡°Tell the big cunt we need to talk.¡±


    They¡¯re only a few feet away now, and I keep my eyes down and off to the side to avoid meeting any gazes. ¡°Thank you, Lady Delphian.¡±


    A long pause. ¡°Are you alright? Did¡­ did you find something that¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Is the only reply I give.


    She sighs, ¡°Alright. I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll be back at the alcove with the others when you¡¯re finished.¡±


    I wait until she¡¯s gone to look up to meet the big Sun Spoken¡¯s gaze. Her face is¡­ tired and confused and very wary. ¡°Ina?¡±


    ¡°When were you going to tell me?¡± I ask. Voice cold and just barely controlled.


    ¡°Tell you what?¡±


    ¡°That you were still deciding if I needed to¡­¡± I can¡¯t speak the word, so I pivot to just... tell her what happened. ¡°Veletross paid me a visit. She knows what I am, and¡­ told me some things. About you. About what you did with her.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Emarial¡¯s dismissive words don''t match her suddenly much more weary face. ¡°Ina, you¡­ You can¡¯t trust half of half of what¨C¡±


    ¡°Is it true!?!¡± I snap. ¡°Did you or did you not kill off the other Sun Spoken? Have you not been hunting our kind along the Paths? Checking in to see if we¡¯ve given in to Her demands?¡±


    Emarial goes stiff. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ not that simple.¡±


    It¡¯s like¡­ like coming across the smell of something rotten while walking the warm wonderful beaches along the Dune Wall. And¡­ and wanting to turn back, but¡­ you can¡¯t. You have to see the horrid thing for yourself.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it?¡± I hiss, my anger twisting into a boil as I... as I remember just how scared the Weaver felt the last few times I''d found her in my Dreams. Scary sure, but... people are always at their most dangerous when they''re in pain. ¡°Our patron is hurting, and you¡¯ll kill anyone who wants to help Her?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not mine,¡± The big lady''s gone hard now. Face like stone as she drowns all emotion from her expression. ¡°And Yes. She nearly used our kind to plunge this land into misery and death.¡±


    A pause, a few heartbeats, and I''m very nearly shouting. ¡°Did you really not find any others? Along the Paths? Or did you just fucking kill them?¡±


    Her face is so blank. Too unreadable. ¡°No, I really didn¡¯t find anyone but you.¡±


    Is she lying to me?


    ¡°And what about me?¡± I whisper, drawing out the Dream Stone. ¡°What happens when I have to stop using this? Before it¡­ it starts to melt my fucking mind and leave me an empty husk?¡±


    A long pause as she takes way to fucking long to say. ¡°It depends. On how close you get to Her, and how well you resist.¡±


    My heart misses a beat, and I realize that I wasn¡¯t really angry at Emarial before now. That I¡¯d been ready to accuse her, but¡­ not for her to admit to any of this. I¡¯d needed her to call Veletross a liar and¡­ and for me to need to apologize again. How I was willing to bear this last horrid outburst if it meant just... moving on.


    Trusting her.


    ¡°How close are you to killing me, Emarial?¡± I whisper.


    She seems to sag for a second, runs a hand through her short golden blonde hair and looks away for the first time. Almost like¡­ almost like I¡¯ve cracked some emotional barrier she¡¯d set up. ¡°Look, you¡¯re nowhere near as close as the others. They became infatuated with Her. Treated her like... like more that what they should have.¡±


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    ¡°You mean they fell in love with Her!?!¡± I laugh, cold and low and bitter before it turns into a pained chocking sob. ¡°I... I did that. I... I STILL want that! Want Her to¡­ to just¡­ Love me more than She hates them! But¡­ But then She¡­¡±


    I can''t say the words. Can''t admit to the cunt any kind of justification for her horrid actions!


    Emarial winces, ¡°She hurt you. When you refused to share in Her hatred.¡±


    I nod but can¡¯t stop my dumb mouth from adding. ¡°Worse.¡±


    A long silence.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± her voice is cold again, face turning to a hard stone.


    I don¡¯t answer, just¡­ look away. Tears forming.


    ¡°Ina?¡± It''s not a kind prompting. Very much sings of a demand.


    ¡°Fuck you." I wipe my eyes furiously and begin to turn to leave. "I¡­ I think I¡¯m done with you, Emarial. Done giving you more chances to¨C¡±


    And before I realize she''s moved, she¡¯s looming over me then. Amwella burning hotter. I try to take a step back, but a hand takes my cane arm, holds me tight.


    I glare up at her, ¡°Let go.¡±


    ¡°What did She do?¡± She says, expression one of¡­ oh. It¡¯s in that moment that I see only one emotion cross her face, and it sends a shock of fear through me.


    Cold focus and furious wroth. Like¡­ like what I¡¯d seen in the Murtaziq before she¡­


    ¡°Th¨C This again? Cornering me and¨C¡±


    Her grip tightens, face goes a few shades colder. ¡°You lied to me before. And if She can lay commands on you, ones that follow you into the Waking World. I need to know. What else has She carved into your mind?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Fuck.¡± I stammer as her grip tightens so hard I¡¯m sure I¡¯m going to have bruises. Real fear consuming all my thoughts. I even try to reach for Her song then. The Peeling Shrike. But¡­ this close, Emarial¡¯s Amwella burns my mind and drives me from the World Song.


    ¡°P¨C Please, Emarial. I¡¯m not going to let it¨C¡±


    ¡°Tell me.¡± And I see the rest of the threat in her eyes.


    Or you''re not leaving here alive.


    I feel my eyes go wide¡­ and I get the distinct impression that she will know if I lie.


    ¡°Arudian Men are Parasites and Monsters.¡± I whisper after a few quicken breaths, heart a thundering storm in my chest.


    She¡­ I expect her to get angry. To be surprised or worried or¡­ or maybe even sad for me. For that stone cold expression to break. But¡­ She nods. Like¡­ Like she knew what it would be before I spoke it.


    ¡°And you place yourself so close to the only fertile males in Arudia? With that¡­ That horrid command on your soul and mind?¡±


    ¡°I want to help.¡± I whimper, her grip still a vice of pain. ¡°They¡¯re¡­ they¡¯re like¡­¡± I grit my teeth. ¡°Like¡­ m¨C me.¡±


    The pain of the command would have sent me to the floor had it not been for Emarial¡¯s ruthless grip. Instead I just kind of¡­ sag. Breathing and hissing at the cold spikes Her punishment brings.


    Through gasping breaths I add. ¡°Want to help. Change the Obelisks. Give them the freedom I''ve found. A... a chance to live their own lives.¡±


    ¡°You can barely stand while defying Her.¡± Emarial sighs. ¡°And¡­ such a thing has long since been pruned from these archives. You¡¯re not the first Sun Spoken to try and fuck with Arudian law without the Doyan''s consent.¡±


    I jerk up, still weary and in pain. ¡°Th¡­ Then why help us? Why go back to the restricted section to¨C¡±


    She releases me then, and I barely keep my feet when I stumble back.


    ¡°To make sure none survived, of course.¡± She murmurs. ¡°Ina. I¡¯m going to give you this one chance. Leave. Don¡¯t ever come back to this Academy.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C What?¡± I sputter, still clutching the Dream Stone. ¡°But I still need-¡±


    ¡°If such a thing existed, then¡­ maybe. But even your Jevita doesn¡¯t believe there is hope here. So, why risk the future of Arudia? If you slip up, and She gets another command on you. Is able to¡­ to twist you.¡± She shakes her head. ¡°I¡¯m going to alert the Doyans and Matrons to the threat you pose. They will not be as kind as I have if you''re still here in the morning.¡±


    ¡°B¡­ But¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll also be traveling back to Lyttoral before I leave, and will make sure the duenna and Sangoma there are intimately familiar with the risk you pose if they allow you to return." She pushes through my pitiful stammers, golden-amber eyes locking on mine. "Remain a woman of the Paths, Ina.¡±


    ¡°She¡­ I can¡¯t keep using this!¡± I nearly scream, pointing the horrid gemstone at her. ¡°And Lyttoral Alchemy might be my only option after that!¡±


    She shakes her head in such a pitting way, but... her expression doesn''t drop a hint of it''s cold demeanor. ¡°The potions from there are made from Her power, Ina. Sun Spoken magic. Do you really think you''re the first to try them?¡±


    I drop my arm, almost falling at her words as one of the best options Jevita and I had considered just... casually shatters at my feet.


    ¡°I¡¯ll let you leave first, get some distance.¡± She glances down, frowns at my leg, and her face does soften then. ¡°Kque mentioned in passing that you need your healing magic to walk well, but¡­ I expect your Wellspring to be small and barely a flicker next we meet. Burn off as much as you can in a single big burst.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I nearly yelp. ¡°But¡­ But then I won¡¯t be able to¨C¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± Her face goes hard again. ¡°Your leg will never heal. But Her ability to adjust your mind¡­ That¡¯s never happened before. It¡¯s not worth the risk.¡±


    ¡°No. Fuck you.¡± I spit. ¡°I won¡¯t let your fuck ups rob me of¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not asking, Ina.¡± She whispers, very very quietly. Her tone kills the words in my mouth. ¡°If I find you with such a Wellspring again when I return to these lands, I''ll assume the worst.¡±


    I just¡­ stare at her. Frozen and¡­ and so fucking scared. More scared than I¡¯ve ever felt. No nightmare along the Paths can even compare to the terror that grips me as I stare into her eyes and feel her furnace of Amwella scorch my soul.


    ¡°Say that you understand.¡± She demands.


    I hesitate.


    She doesn¡¯t move forward, but I can feel her Amwella flair to punctuate her demand. ¡°Say. It.¡±


    I jerk back, then whisper. ¡°I¡­ I understand.¡±


    She nods, then turns and walks away.


    Then I¡¯m stumbling from the Library, and bumbling from the wretched academy without even going to speak with Delphian or Ophrit. Pulling my hood up as I feel the tears begin to overtake me. Vision a blur as I push through a sudden bit of snowfall, heart thundering and mind drowning in waking terrors of what could be at my back soon.

 Passing Flames and Date Nights: Part One – Lyttoral Pinning Arts

    Greeters Friends and Lovers!


    Welcome to... hm... a little fun side project/reward/indulgence!


    <div>


    <div>


    Betwixt the Dreamers and Weavers, some little stories just... don''t appear amidst the chapters.


    <div>


    Tales of fleeting passions and carefully built love that we''d adore to write but just... needed to focus on other things! But so much wumberful moments happen between time-skips and chapter jumps that we''d love to explore and use as a chance to tie our beloved characters together. Sing their little love songs as it were!


    <div>


    So here a place for that! There will not really be a schedule for this. No established date of release and posting. Just a fractal of silly gerls writing out the nonsense as we feel the itch! In them will be found lore, character developments/reveals, action, and... of course, SMUT! How much of each will vary, and we''ll make sure to include Content Warnings at the top of each for things and such.


    <div>


    Who knows! Right now we''re considering all the suggestions and opinions on which characters to include, but we might even subject ourselves to a poll/voting if we''re torn on where to go next! But for now it''ll all be BEG surprise as we drop these like some deranged gremlin appearing on the fourth Wednesday of the month to bonk our beloved readers on the head with smut!


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Part One - Lyttoral Pinning Arts


    <div>


    <div>


    CW:


    Wraslin¡¯. Good old flashbacks. Implications of suicide ideation in the past. Burnt food. Zigdara POV followed by Emarial POV. Smut.


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Two days outside Deledita (Between chapters 25 and 26 or so of SST):


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Her, a solid blaze of biting flame. Ever steady in her place in the clearing we¡¯ve chosen, but snapping out to twist and wrap brick-solid arms and hands around her foe.


    <div>


    Me, a writhing snake of endless flexibility. Thrice I press her reflexes, gets very nearly bound in the large Sun Spoken¡¯s grip, and slip free with a twisting that would snap another¡¯s joints.


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    I still feel such a rage at her and want to see her eyes fill with the doubt she inflicted me with. Consider that perhaps she was wrong!


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Over a decade alone in a sort of¡­ self exile, and that came after some great calamity tore the Sun Spoken apart. I was a city duenna then, only just attempting to join the Temple¡¯s guardians. But¡­ I¡¯d heard the whispers.


    <div>


    Great fires raged just outside the city. And many temple duenna were¡­ removed or even imprisoned. They tried to keep the rumors well smothered but¡­ in doing so everyone and their mothers have a dozen versions of the stories. Ranging from the absurd to the terrifying.


    <div>


    <div>


    Sun Spoken battling each other? Duenna turning from their duties to aid some great and horrid goal? Old magics just barely kept from rolling over quite a few towns and villages? And¡­ And since then we¡¯ve seen no more males born...


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    That¡¯s the point. Lyttoral Pinning Ways have countless centuries of techniques perfected for this very thing. The defeat of a foe larger than the woman performing the art.


    <div>


    Even Sun Spoken magic would struggle to pull free before this limb would snap I suspect¡­


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Sun Spoken or not!!!


    <div>


    <div>


    How long has it been since she shared a dance with another, much less one that tested her abilities in an honest contest and matched her motion for motion?


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Trailing off¡­ she''s struggling to fight down the¡­ Is that guilt? Not aimed in my direction but at a past thing. Hmm¡­ like she¡¯s worried this might be something she doesn¡¯t deserve? Despite how much she wants and maybe even needs it?


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    This isn¡¯t fear, more¡­ desire tinted with it. Not of the act but¡­ oh. Huh. She¡¯s reminding me of Yetra and Jumvary. How they were convinced from their time as duenna to the mines and fields that intimacy between guardians was somehow forbidden. She may feel that this is somehow taboo or¡­ maybe¡­ at least something else equally as foolish.


    <div>


    Us becoming close is the perfect way to ensure our shared goal is met, and an excellent way to relieve all the stress of the task. The road we plan to walk can be quite the lonely one¡­


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Might even really try to break my hold and then we¡¯d fall into a bit of a tumble as she fights to claim the¨C


    <div>


    <div>


    Fine. We can move quicker!


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    But¡­ No. That could lead to her distancing herself from me in worry that I¡¯ll slow our work. Right now I need to communicate through restraint that she can trust me to moderate my fury and focus on our long-term goals. All while finding comfort in my words and touch at the end of the day.


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Dead eyes staring back at me as I bring another drink of cool water to her lips. Her wounds have long since healed, body more perfect than it¡¯s ever been. Heart beats strong and lungs fill with air at every deep breath.


    And yet¡­ behind those eyes I see nothing. No trace of the girl I fell in love with.


    <div>


    Just like the cunt in the Dream keeps telling me. Night after night after¨C


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey poisoned with acid.


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    After I fell from the tree it must have left me for dead to chase my beloved. Only seemed to pull from her broken body after it saw the flames the woman from the Dream gave me. I only barely survived its second attack on my flesh but¡­ it burned quick enough. Screaming and weeping as my furious strikes melted it to slag.


    But¡­ I was too late. My lover was already dead.


    And even when I dumped every ounce of soulfire I had into her corpse, pleading and screaming for my love to come back to me¡­ only her body stirred. Eyes glazed and distant. Moving to follow my most basic instructions and nothing more.


    <div>


    Whatever will or spirit she had just¡­ gone. Stolen and torn from her by this monster like¨C


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    Can¡¯t¡­ Can¡¯t let her see me like this. Not now. Not after¡­ after I already¡­


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    A call sounds as the smoke wafts over my back. I turn to find an older woman, wrapped in traveling leathers and a few strange chitinous bits on her arms, standing at the head of the dock my lover and I had found and built our home next to.


    The old Sun Spoken was looking at the long rotting pile of black burnt nightmare I slaughtered and left beneath the old tree. Her glimmering green eyes roll to mine, and a smile she had dies on her lips as she sees the raft at my side. My lover wrapped and adorned with flowers, her favorite books and dolls, ready to be sent down the river.


    And¡­ the second empty craft beside her.


    Waiting for me to join her when I gather the courage.


    ¡°Ah, girl¡­¡± My future mentor murmurs so soft it''s a miracle I caught the words. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t want that.¡±


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    something. Worry? Concern? A sense that her traveling Sun Spoken is just¡­ the last of a wretched brood unable to¨C


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>

 Chapter 67: Stardust Maktaba, and a Simple Question

    <u>CW:</u>


    JEVITA POV, the ''Ina'' POV at the end. Worry of self-harm. Mention of past personality death/memory loss, dehumanization, abuse, torture. dysphoric things. depersonalization.


    I find Ina curled up against Lule, humming a soft magicless melody.


    I¡¯d decided to let the others follow a few of the more simple leads without me this evening. So¡­ she couldn¡¯t have been here for long. Must have slipped in while I was dropping off old dishes upstairs and talking with Zigdara.


    Her eyes are puffy from what must have been at least half an hour of sobbing. I freeze for a second. An eternity of questions and worries and¡­ and terrors at what this could mean.


    At what could have hurt my lover so much to scare her down into the inn''s basement so early in the evening.


    I carefully walk over as I shrug off some of my layers and just¡­ kneel beside her. Lule quietly trills an echoing harmony to her sobs and wraps his big neck around her still snow touched shoulders. I move to take trembling hands, but find them clutching at the Dream Stone.


    Why would she have that out? Did¡­ did someone find out about it? Did¡­


    Oh no.


    Did she drift off into a dream today during their search? Did one of the side effects happen? Oh fuck if¡­ there¡¯d been no signs of any and they were supposed to start in the morning first!


    Heightened suggestibility. As if still in a dream. Glazed over eyes and droopy voice and¨C


    ¡°Jevita¡­ Jevy¡­¡± She whimpers, unable to meet my eyes. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m so sorry!¡±


    Only Kque uses that name. It¡¯s¡­ well I don¡¯t mind it but they all seem to have come to a quiet agreement to let it be hers. It¡­ She¡¯d like to tease me with it when we were younger. Her, the daughter of four traveling healers, me¡­ Still a thing.


    A tool.


    Would still be years before I became a person. Then we would stretch it into a real name.


    I move to touch her face while pulling a hand up to kiss a wrist. ¡°Ina, It¡¯s okay. Whatever it is. We can work past it. It¡¯s okay.¡±


    She shakes her head furiously, sobbing anger bubbling up. ¡°I fucked up again, I¡­ I¡­ keep¡­ KEEP FUCKING UP!¡±


    I¡­ I don¡¯t know what to do. I don¡¯t want to push her into telling me things¡­ and she doesn¡¯t seem hurt or in immediate danger. So, I try to pull her into a comforting hug. But she resists me.


    ¡°What happened?¡± I whisper, moving back to touch her face while holding her wrist.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry, I brought you all here for nothing. There¡­ nothing here can help me. Nothing anywhere can help me!¡± She¡¯s nearly screaming. ¡°I¡¯m just too fucking fucked!¡±


    Okay. Something in the library. A journal about this dream stone? Even research on it should be restricted, but¡­ fuck me that library is huge! There are probably hundreds of not thousands of dangerous things just¡­ lost or tucked away. And without the ability to read Amwellian it would be impossible for someone to know how dangerous the text was.


    And¡­ It makes sense for a Sun Spoken to research this. Being so close to the Academy and having the Weaver growling anger at any Arudian male mentioned in their shared dreams.


    Lule toots and rumbles as he curls around her tighter.


    I nod. ¡°I¡­ okay. We talked about this. We¡¯ll move to the next step then.¡±


    ¡°No next step, there¡¯s nothing left!¡± She shakes her head. ¡°No Lyttoral Alchemy, No Waking song¡­¡±


    She¡¯s glaring down at the gemstone now. A sudden fury bubbling up and up and¨C


    That look. Such vile hatred that freezes me. I¡­ I¡¯d never seen her so disgusted and shaking with rage.


    I try to shuffle closer. ¡°Hey, Ina I think¨C¡±


    ¡°NO CORPSEFUCKER BONES!!!¡± She shouts, jerks back, and throws the crystal at the far wall as hard as she can.


    I almost stopped her. Nearly caught that wrist in a sudden flash of panic. But¡­ I miss. Just too fucking off balance by her rage.


    A crack, then a pop as the little thing slams into the wall and explodes into three or four smaller chunks. Shattered, the bound energy within has already escaped. Starfallen stone crackling and already crumbling away.


    I can only stare in disbelief and growing horror.


    No.


    No no no no!


    We¡­ that¡­ she¡­


    Beside me Ina is dissolving into a sobbing giggling mess.


    ¡°Ina¡­ I¡­ wh¨C why¡­ B¨C but we¨C¡± I stammer.


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter.¡± She titters, voice so unsteady and intoxicated with her sorrows. ¡°One of them will kill me, might as well tell the cunt to go fuck Herself first!¡±


    The¡­ The Weaver!?! But¡­ but she¡­ A dozen horrible terrors roll through my mind and make my hands begin to shake.


    Of how She could hurt Ina and lay more fucking mind magic on her.


    I turn back to her, not even trying to hide my furious terror. ¡°Ina. You¡­ who¡­ What happened!?! Why did you do that!?!¡±


    ¡°Emarial¡­ the cunt. She¡­ well¡­ I fucked up and told her about the Weaver¡¯s commands, and our plan to help¡­ to¡­ to help some fucking monsters and parasites.¡± She blubbers, caught between terrified giggles and sobbing fear. ¡°She didn¡¯t like that. Turns out she made sure there are no records here to even let me try and change the Obelisks. And on top of that, she¡¯s going to kill me if I¡¯m not gone by morning.¡±


    But¡­ but she promised to help her! Seemed so¡­ so hurt about past failings. Tasii and Kque agreed that She probably saw Ina as a surrogate for some girl she lost after I told them everything she told me.


    ¡°I¡­ Fuck that¡¯s¡­ But we can still look around.¡± I try to calm us both while my mind works furiously over the more risky leads we¡¯d ignored. ¡°The others are following a lead that¨C¡±


    ¡°Jevita.¡± She stills, gives me such a hard and furious glare. ¡°Emarial has literally been killing Sun Spoken who get too close to the Weaver. She told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I am here in the morning she will assume the worst and kill me.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C What!?! Why?¡± I almost jerk back at¡­ at her clarification.


    That¡­ that Emarial actually threatened her! Ina wasn¡¯t just¡­ like¡­ being flippant. She really thinks the big lady would¡­ would¡­


    ¡°Because apparently I¡¯m too much of a risk now. Hobbled and weak and...¡± She snorts, wiggling her regrowing leg in aggravation. ¡°Oh! And there¡¯s more fuck ups for me! Apparently no other Sun Spoken have ever gotten commands carved into their minds. So¡­ there¡¯s that too!¡±


    WHAT?!


    But¡­ but¡­ I mean I guess her full body transition was fucking impressive, and nothing I¡¯d ever read about Sun Spoken magic suggested such a thing was possible.


    But¡­ like¡­


    WHY? Why would that matter? She¡¯s fighting Her!


    She hiccups and lets out another sob. ¡°ALSO ALSO, She told me to empty my months of gathered Amwella. Also too much of a danger. And will fucking kill me if she finds me with anything more than a flicker of soulfire.¡±


    She must be terrified Ina might get pushed into going after the fertile Arudian males kept at the Academy. The only 17 or so left in all of Arudia. If the Weaver takes control or pushes Ina she could wipe them out. Leave Arudia a daughterless land with a horrid future to contend with¡­


    But¡­ But Ina¡¯s already fought Her so hard on like¡­ everything even remotely like that! Didn¡¯t even want to kill that fuck Zin when he violated her with the dream stone!


    ¡°But¡­¡± I¡¯m barely able to whisper, eyes falling down to look at her gorgeous bone leg.


    If¡­ If she can¡¯t sing her morning songs¡­ Ina will never get her leg back. Will spend the rest of her life in¡­ in a pained misery from the pain such a horrid cultivation reaction gives her without them!!!


    ¡°Yup!¡± She huffs, a giant tormented grin on her face. ¡°She knows!!! She doesn¡¯t give a fuck if I never get my leg back. Guess I can¡¯t even support my lovers by being a Hetaera with Yrelia. Not unless I¡¯m ready to use up all that Amwella the second I get it.¡±


    She presses palms into her eyes, nearly digging nails into the skin on her forehead. ¡°Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!¡±


    Lule pulls Ina closer, and I jerk to reach up and pull her fingers back. Ina¡¯s never hurt herself like that, but... she¡¯s shaking so hard right now.


    I¡­ I don¡¯t know the words to offer her. A dozen dangerous choices lay themselves before me¡­


    All bad.


    All requiring us to sacrifice a life we¡¯re trying to save.


    So I just¡­ join my Big Child in holding our Ina, pull her as close as possible.


    I don¡¯t know how long we hold her, just¡­ just that eventually her shaking sobs quiet a bit. Replaced with more kindled anger. I pull back. And find her staring down at our laps.


    ¡°Oh¡­ and fuck. There¡¯s also THAT!¡± She sputters. ¡°The Matron of Rell offered to help with the dream things. But only if I fucking sell myself into being her family¡¯s Odalisque.¡±


    Help? A few possibilities roll through my mind. On how a Matron might have access to such blighted research. But¡­ to demand a woman become an Odalisque for her help. It¡­ But that wouldn¡¯t work!


    She¡¯s Sun Spoken. No decrees or contracts could bind her above that purpose. At any moment Ina could just¡­ shatter the contract by claiming she needs to perform a higher task and walk away!


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    ¡°She has a way to help?¡± I murmur as my thoughts race.


    The Matron of Rell is the oldest woman in Arudia that I know of. She¡¯s not stupid, and if not for everything else just said her finding out about Ina being Sun Spoken would scare the fuck out of me.


    Even¡­ even the family I¡­ that¡­ that owned me was terrified of her. Worked very hard to never cross the family of Rell.


    Ina taps two fingers on my leg. I look down to¡­ to see what she¡¯s pointing to.


    One of the catalog glyphs. A glimmering etching of old Cultivation revealed by my upturned sleeve. And the Matron¡¯s offer is screaming in my ears


    Become the Maktaba to the house of Rell.


    ¡°N¨C No. No. No. NO!¡± I¡¯m hissing before I even register the fury bubbling through me ¡°Fucking. No. Absolutely not!¡±


    Ina lets out an annoyed sound. Something between a snort and a groan. ¡°Yeah. Fuck that. And Fuck her! I¡¯d rather go be a fucking brood mare in Lyttoral than her fucking plaything.¡±


    I flinch at her last word. Another¡¯s cooing regard echoing through it.


    ¡°Such a good little Maktaba.¡± The heiress purrs softly, hand teasing at the edge of the glyph on her archive¡¯s shoulder blade.


    It knows not to move. Not to beg. Haven''t needed to be taught that lesson since that first year. Just¡­ just wait and she¡¯ll need It to recall a tome or scroll.


    ¡°I¡­ Fuck. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ina stammers, But¡­ But I can barely hear her. ¡°You¡­ I don¡¯t think it¡­¡±


    The flesh is shaking as It remembers her touch, remember¡­ remembering how it could send vibrations through the mind palace as It worked.


    Such a wash of¡­ of pleasure unlike anything the flesh could offer.


    Not sexual. No. That''s a person thing.


    This¡­ this was more of a¡­ sense of correctness. Of being right in one''s own mind. A static display of knowledge. Not this rotting mix of emotions and contradictions.


    ¡°No. You got it right. I¡­ that¡¯s exactly what It was.¡± The flesh answers her. ¡°Not to her¡­ but¡­ another family''s heiress. Since¡­ since It was really young.¡±


    It flinches from her annoyed glare. Just now understanding the slip of the lips.


    ¡°IT. Never me or she or her!¡±


    The face is snatched up into her hands. ¡°Your body may be a girl''s, but you are a thing. A Maktaba. We emptied out that pretty little head of any of that nonsense. And you can¡¯t fool me, I see how much it hurts you to try and be a person again. So stop it! Else we¡¯ll return you to the bindings and let you feel nothing but the flesh for a few days.¡±


    It feels the eyes flutter open, trying to¡­ to rebuild herself.


    Myself.


    ME.


    NOT JUST A THING!


    The voice coming out of its mouth is¡­ distant. Just like it should be. Simple facts. Nothing else matters. ¡°These¡­ They work as a sort of catalog, but also as a control leash. My¡­ my first memory was of drowning in¡­ in some kind of... of rightness so intense it fucking hurt the moment it stopped.¡±


    Fleshy gross fingers drift to the marking. ¡°Nothing before then. No mothers, no sisters, just¡­ waking up to her. And¡­ that was everything I was for about a decade. Just¡­ Serving as a personal library, with the promise of being¡­ of feeling right when I obeyed.¡±


    But¡­ It can¡¯t stop touching that glyph. Can¡¯t¡­


    Why would It want to be me? Why be a person when THIS is the other option!?! Fingers trace the pattern.


    And¡­ and It¡¯s home again.


    Maktaba. Library. Archive. Not a person. Not a silly girl exploring rows and rows of shelves and tomes and stories.


    But the knowledge itself.


    To be used and perused and only happy to have the horrid flesh to communicate to the caretaker.


    The Heiress of the house Scara Noc.


    Her fingers are all that I should ever¨C


    ¡°Jevita!¡± Ina yelps. Grabs the fingers and robs it of purpose.


    I jerk, hard, but¡­ but am able to stop. Hissing and spitting as I try to twist my thoughts back into¡­ into being a person.


    But my mouth just¡­ growls whatever passes through me. ¡°And I still fucking want it! Want¡­ want to feel right again. Want to go back to them! To her. Want to give them back the exploratory crystals and beg for¡­ for¡­ her to¨C¡±


    ¡°Jevita!!! Please stay with me, love!¡± Ina sobs, lips kissing my fingers.


    Oh fuck! Her words and touch help so much.


    But... but... thinking this way hurts.


    Rebuilding the person I want to be is like¡­ like pulling a cold corpse from a heavy avalanche of tomes and scrolls. Hoping¡­ hoping¡­ you can still wake her up and¡­


    ¡°Please please please!¡± She continues to beg. ¡°Please don¡¯t leave us. Please stay with me and Lule and Kque and Tasii and Yrelia!!!¡±


    The names crack through the mind palace like a whip. And the old corpse''s eyes open. The last bits of Jevita washes through me.


    Horrid and painful and¡­ and perfect.


    I¡¯m crying. Tears are the best sign that I¡¯ve finished rebuilding her. Rebuilding me. Putting together the pieces of the woman I want to me. Stow the books and leave the old wretched archive behind for the day. Hopefully forever, but¡­ but probably not.


    ¡°You too.¡± I demand of my lover.


    She winces. And I see all her fears and doubts at¡­ at the promise of a future she thinks she¡¯s already lost.


    Fury bubbles through me. I¡¯d giggle if my lover¡¯s hopelessness wasn¡¯t pissing me off so much. At how this fucking horrid Sun Spoken and Matron of Rell mean to steal her from us.


    I¡¯m nearly growling the Arudian love poem from our lovemaking a few nights back. ¡°Treasured starfire, burn bright and long with us!¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t promise that.¡± She whispers. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t stop Her. Or Emarial. Or anyone!¡±


    I take her face into my hands, don¡¯t even try to stop my angry trembles. ¡°Ina, We all watched you prepare to murder a Carbunkle bigger than a carriage. Just the other night you killed another nightmare and didn¡¯t even seem bothered by that! You were too fucking worried about losing a lover who hurt you than you were about an actual monster.¡±


    I¡­ I focus on her songs. On the little melodies and humming tunes she¡¯s shared with me. Almost¡­ almost can hear them now as I¡­


    ¡°B¡­ But.¡± She murmurs. ¡°I didn¡¯t, though! I just asked it to go to sleep! And¡­ and the peeling song I used was a gift from Her! I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m nothing without¨C¡±


    Such a loud ringing in my ears. The humming memory echo of her voice, a rising encouragement to my loving anger.


    ¡°Ina!¡± I demand. ¡°You¡¯re fucking amazing, and I pity the cunts who gets in your way.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°Say it!¡± I almost shout. Both my big child and Ina flinch. ¡°Say that you¡¯re amazing!¡±


    A long pause, and for a second I¡­ I consider apologizing. But then she lets out a breath and sighs. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m amazing.¡±


    ¡°Fucking right.¡± I grin, but¡­ then turn to glare at the shattered gemstone. Honestly¡­


    I¡¯m glad that it¡¯s gone. Relieved to not need to worry about my lover¡¯s mind slowly melting away.


    ¡°We¡¯ll¡­ we¡¯ll get through this. Okay?¡±


    She huffs, sniffles through a few more tears as we fall into another hug. ¡°I¡¯ll try my best. I¡¯m not giving up. Not¡­ not after finally finding who I belong with.¡±


    I let out such a deep sigh of relief at that. And then we just¡­ sit for a while.


    ¡°Is¡­ Jevita, is that why you keep your markings hidden? B¨C Because you¡¯re worried someone will come along and¡­ tempt you too much to go back?¡± She whispers, voice quivering.


    I shake my head, her worry solidifying and grounding the woman I¡¯ve drawn close and become. ¡°I mean¡­ It would be hard to say no. But I wouldn¡¯t have a choice. I have about as many rights as a fertile male with these. It¡¯s why we stay out of Arudia.¡±


    That jolts her. ¡°Wh¨C what? Like¡­ how? How can they¡­¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Those Obelisks lay out the rules about how to protect such a collection of old knowledge. Even when it¡¯s inside a woman. Especially when it¡¯s inside a woman! Some of the old things in here are¡­ really really scary, Ina. They have to do it.¡±


    Gemstones and mixtures that make the shattered dream stone look mundane. Research into¡­ into soul twisting horrors, mind cultivation so raw and unnatural that to even consider the gemstone¡¯s working risks mental infections that have sent researchers into madness.


    Even¡­ even star maps that could predict to an unsettling degree the location that these gemstones are most likely to grow over the cycles.


    I tremble at all the terrible things that could be unleashed if I was a person with such a collection of dangerous knowledge at their fingertips.


    NO.


    I AM A PERSON!!! I scream internally at the errant thought. and then... then a happy memory washes through me.


    ¡°Built or raised.¡± Kque¡¯s old loving encouragements roll through me like warm spring water. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. Everyone changes, Jevy. Just¡­ sometimes we need to control those changes. And the Paths are a great place to do that! A wonderful way to build the girl you want to be! It''s where I saw Tasii do it! And this new girl from that port city, Yrelia, she''s so gorgeous and amazing and... and she''s changing so much!¡±


    I¡¯d hesitated¡­ torn between running back to them but¡­ also wanting to take care of my Big Child.


    ¡°Will you come with me? Let us help you become more of the girl you''d like to be?¡±


    I nodded, took her hand, and Kquevaian led me to meet her two lovers.


    And eventually they became mine too.


    "NO!" Suddenly Ina¡¯s hissing and standing before I can react. Her face is a thing of sudden rage and determination and¡­ and stubborn inspiration.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± I stammer.


    ¡°No excuses for them.¡± Her voice goes hard as she repeats Yrelia¡¯s words from so long ago. ¡°You don¡¯t owe them or anyone anything. It¡¯s your life. You deserve to live it.¡±


    Before I can react, her eyes are dancing with violet light. A glittering fury that always accompanies her morning¡¯s healing melodies.


    And then my lover is singing a terrible song of such sorrows as she performs real fucking magic. A Litany of pain that makes my heart wail and eyes water at the old story it tells.


    And for the first time¡­ I hear the sound that puts such wonder in my lover''s eyes when she sings.


    The undertow of all things that She can¡¯t help but gush about every time I draw her into discussing her magic.


    The World Song shifts, and I feel her Weaver awaken to wrap our Ina with her brilliant fury.


    <u>Part 2: A Simple Question</u>


    Immediately, horrid Division consumes us. So heavy is the larger spirit''s anger and confusion and wroth that we barely notice our knees slam into the floor.


    The little spirit doesn¡¯t flee from the sudden storm. Simply¡­ simply clings onto the side of the eternally larger presence and holds on tight.


    Like a glimmer-torch raised in a blizzard she offers up her own calm and focused thoughts as a light to follow.


    We hiss and growl and bite and spit, fingers dig into the cold ground as one spirit waits for the flailing anger of the other to¡­


    No¡­


    No, she embraces it! Allows the pain to flow through her. Nearly ends the division with her empathy.


    That is¡­ if she would allow us to stand.


    ¡°I¡­Ina?¡± Jevita is at our side, hand on our back rubbing slow comforting circles.


    ¡°W¨C Wait.¡± We murmur to her through the storm.


    The larger spirit does not calm, but digs deeper into mind and memory for understanding. Scours for it while the small spirit waits patiently, just¡­ holding her big lover as tight as possible in this state.


    It takes a few moments, but the mind is faster than flesh, and soon the larger spirit is turning to regard her.


    The smaller offers her up a simple question.


    The larger jerks back. This question is not simple. It is big and horrible and more complicated than even the wondrous mind between us can handle!


    The smaller spirit disagrees, asks again. Waiting for¡­ well¡­ anything really.


    Acceptance is important, but¡­ She is willing to drown in pain if that¡¯s what the larger needs to provide an answer.


    Whether it¡¯s the one she wants or not.


    The larger spirit growls and gnashes, our body shakes in such fury and aggravation.


    The smaller pulls Her close. Coos love and desire and her own admiration to the much bigger much MUCH scarier spirit.


    The big spirit can¡¯t help but lean into her, almost¡­ almost ends this division amidst her care¡­ but¡­


    No.


    NO!


    The answer is No! Should always be no!


    The smaller spirit withers, but nuzzles tighter. Asking¡­ Asking if the answer could ever change?


    Could She change? Is She willing to try?


    The larger mulls this over for a long while. Glares our eyes at nothing.


    ¡­ Maybe.


    Maybe? The smaller spirit sparks with hope. Please? Help us free them? Free Jevita? Can¡­ what about two? Or¡­ or more?


    She adjusts the question to include their lovers and the big child.


    ¡°Can you love us all more than you hate them?¡±


    The larger spirit sighs, clutches at the anger still. But¡­ That''s not right! To say the larger spirit clutches at her anger is¡­ wrong. She doesn¡¯t carry it, no more than this body holds onto its crippling wound.


    The smaller spirit pleads, not for her to forgive, but¡­ to just¡­ focus on us.


    Let us help! She shows the larger imagined fantasies about them both living a long life amidst all her lover¡¯s arms. Safe and warm and healing!


    The larger spirit is¡­ tempted. But¡­ What is one lifetime of joy to an eternity fractured and stolen?


    Everything! The smaller whispers. Can it not be everything? Are the small joys of lovers not worth more? Can¡­ and what of the healing? Has it ever been tried? What¡­ What is eternity alone amidst the ashes even worth!?! Why not begin to rebuild what they took?


    The Division grows deeper for a moment, threatening to tear this connection apart in wrath and ruin. But¡­ the smaller refuses to allow even an eternity of hatred to divide them.


    Clings tighter and hugs harder. In action and thought, showing the larger her devotion to this. And then the division shrinks, the larger returns the embrace. Trembles in anger and love. Then asks Her fellow spirit what she wants.


    The smaller shows her the memories and ideas, almost shyly, but¡­ doesn¡¯t run from the larger¡¯s rekindled fury.


    The smaller asks the question again after the fire of wroth has burned for a while. And that stutters the larger one. She growls at the unfairness of the question. But the smaller one just asks this again, aloud and with both their lips.


    ¡°Can you love us more than you hate them?¡±


    We hear Jevita shuffle. Already puzzling out the pieces of our conflict.


    No. The smaller insists. She could never really fight the larger. Doesn¡¯t want to! Just¡­ won¡¯t surrender their happiness for grief and pain and misery.


    The larger huffs, and smothers the flames of anger burning them both. It doesn¡¯t go out, just¡­ shrinks down to Something¡­ something they can endure.


    Okay.


    Okay?


    Deep breaths. Rejoin¡­

 Chapter 68: The Weight of Broken Promises Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Mention of past deaths from Weaver merging. Some GERLBOSS Energy!!! Second Emarial POV!!


    The Doyans are gone, and through them my message will reach the Matrons, their heiresses, and the rest of the families and duenna of this city. They were not happy to be pulled from the celebrations and other festivities, but when a Sun Spoken calls, these Obelisks demand she be heard.


    I let out a deep sigh, and lower myself to sit on the jade steps beneath the biggest gemstones.


    This may not be the largest room in the Academy, but¡­ neither is the heart the largest organ. Both are responsible for managing the life blood of Arudia. Neither can be altered or shifted without threatening death to the entire body.


    I let hope blind me. Let myself believe that she would resist and¡­ and that perhaps I could take time to persuade and teach her. Maybe¡­ maybe finally find a woman that could await the end of all things with me.


    Or¡­ or perhaps be trusted with the Hearthfire of Amwella that crushes my spirit and soul.


    As my thoughts drift, I find myself weary beyond measure. Almost¡­ Yes, over seven months without sleep. Amwella core burns roiling fire through my veins and mind. And while I can sense a¡­ wrongness, within myself. It is only now that¡­ that I truly ache for the release and calm of a dreamless rest.


    Vele just... had to fucking tell her. Scared and enraged Ina over the actions we had to take all those years ago...


    I try to push Ina''s face from my mind. Resist the urge to¡­ to remember watching her slow wariness of me thaw to something warmer and¡­ but¡­ then her anger. Her pain. Her¡­ her love for a mad Goddess who would see this world burn in the fires of wroth and ruin if it meant getting Her revenge on a foe she crushed so long ago.


    And¡­ And now she will walk the Paths with fear always at her back. Terror of this mad thing, a crystal that will melt her mind, and me¡­ the Sun Spoken who will kill her should she slip. With only a little Amwella to protect herself when the next nightmare comes for her. Like they always do.


    Drawn to Sun Spoken like moths to a flame.


    Or a ship to a siren¡¯s call.


    A cold runs down my spine as I remember her words. Threats of¡­ of¡­ That wretched Goddess following such a loving woman into the Waking World brings a sick bile writhing up into my throat. The pain in her eyes at the Weaver¡¯s command flashes in my mind¡¯s eye. To tell what might be the only transgender woman in the lands that she must hate and fear those who can best understand her past pains.


    Had I found her twenty years ago, I would have killed her the moment she told me of the first command. Hardened my resolve and struck before she could even know that her end had come.


    Given a quick death to what might be one of our most cursed kind.


    But¡­ now? After nearly two decades of peace and quiet and dreamless sleep? Then seven months of slow building anxiety at what I might find along the Paths? At¡­ at only finding a young and happy woman, surrounded by lovers and filled with the joy that only one newly freed can feel?


    I could do nothing. Just¡­ watch and hope. I sigh heavily. But¡­ That name!?!


    Why did she take up that blasted and cursed NAME!?!


    If the Weaver truly sees her as¡­ as¡­ I run a hand down my face. Through her, She could cause such misery and death to roll across these lands.


    A sound interrupts my thoughts. A soft but deliberate tink tink tink?


    I look up from my stupor, glance around the atrium as the sound echoes off the towering crystal Obelisks and low gemstone fauna that¡¯s allowed to grow here. Soon I spot the glow of violet eyes in one of the doorways, and then a nightmare from my oldest terrors steps out.


    Ina¡­?


    No. NOT Ina.


    The Weaver stands with not even a hint of troubled balance at the maimed leg. She regards me with¡­ curiosity and anger. Also suspicion.


    But¡­ not fear. Never that.


    ¡°What have you done?¡± I whisper as I rise to stand, more to the dead woman than the thing possessing her corpse.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    She tilts the stolen head at me. ¡°Nothing, yet. We¡¯re here to break a few promises.¡±


    If her eyes had simply¡­ been a mistake. Been a trick of the light, her voice would have proved me wrong. Just¡­ tired and weary and looking for old ghosts where none have been raised.


    I probably would have wept and begged her forgiveness for my cruel nature. Offered to¡­ to try and help her.


    But that voice? No, it¡¯s a thing of thrumming horror that brings old pains and claws at my soulfire.


    I growl, reach back to grasp the hilt of the ancient broken weapon I always carry. It¡¯s not a thing for nightmares. For that I wield Amwellian fire and fury, but such things often wash over those who¡¯ve been consumed by Her.


    For this monster I wield the last blade of Cold Iron. Half a greatsword, thousands of years ago broken about half way down the blade. Hilt long and wrapped in leather. Its dull blade of gray refuses to reflect the vibrant colors dancing around us.


    ¡°Why!?!¡± I draw the weapon with a barely coherent growl.


    ¡°Why what?¡± She asks, but eyes lock on the blade. Recognition brooks hatred and fury at its presence. Especially in the hands of one of Her claimed.


    ¡°Why would she do this!?!¡± I shout.


    But¡­ the answer is already at my mind¡¯s edge. Tormenting me. Because you drove her to this. You offered her threats and a future of pain and misery without hope. You gave her no other choice but to Turn.


    ¡°She?¡± The Weaver asks, genuine confusion in her tone.


    I¡­ As much as I want to purge that cursed thing from Ina, I¡­ I know that this possession of her mind and soul cannot last. All like her tend to fall apart very quickly, mind and soul and even flesh collapsing under the Weaver¡¯s weight. So I take a steadying breath, and try to allow this wretched thing to spend what little time she has in the Waking World tormenting me with words.


    ¡°Inamatorii, you wretched thing!¡± I spit. ¡°You¡­ Do you not even care to remember the name of the woman you consumed this night?¡±


    Her eyes dart up to mine, but only for a moment before refocusing on the Bane I carry. She sighs, obviously annoyed. ¡°Emarial, We¡¯re both right here.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve dealt with your shards before.¡± I glare. ¡°Seen you wash out their spirits to claim mind and body for just a few hours in the Waking World.¡±


    She pauses, looks at me closer. ¡°Emarial. We didn¡¯t think that you, of all people, would be surprised when I mentioned that we were healing our leg. Is¡­ Can you not do that? Not heal wounds with your magic?¡±


    That makes me jerk to a halt. I expected rage or fury, not¡­ not words. Not calm conversation. None of the others could speak plainly for long after letting the Weaver claw Her way our from the Dream She dwells within. ¡°No. I¡­ We recover faster than most women. But¡­ Very, very few could do more than that.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± She raises up onto her single good leg. ¡°Then¡­ would you also be surprised that we can heal the damage this merging does? That¡­ That when we say we, WE do mean both spirits are here and well and flourishing? Mingling as lovers in thought and purpose? That the little spirit will wake alive and well from this embrace after singing a song of healing?¡±


    I¡­ well I don¡¯t relax, but more gape at Her openly. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ You¡¯re lying. You have to be.¡±


    She sighs, then thinks before choosing Her words carefully.


    ¡°We can¡¯t speak to the other shards, only¡­ Only have scarce experience to go on. It has been thousands of years since this one was with a lover. But¡­ We assume the issue with merging in another¡¯s mind is one of limitation of the body. And we remade this body. Ensured it was perfect for this union. Made certain its limits could be overcome with the songs we weave.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡± In my weariness her words wash through me¡­ are¡­ too much to understand.


    She rolls her eyes. ¡°We shaped flesh that could handle the strain. Why would a shard so willing and hungry help remake a perfect body for Her lover leave the mind flawed?¡±


    The Weaver rarely has a reason to lie. I lower the blade a fraction. A thing so wretched and powerful doesn¡¯t think in people''s terms. Sees untruths as¡­ as we would see filth on the road. No desire to protect herself with them when tooth and claw and old magics await Her.


    Two things war in my mind. A call to just¡­ end Her. Break this thing here and now and escape this land. But¡­


    What if Ina could survive this? What if¨C


    ¡°If what you say is true, and¡­ and this will not kill Ina¡­¡± I motion to the archway. ¡°Then leave. Head down the mountain¡­ I¡¯ll find you in the morning. Ina and I can discuss this.¡±


    ¡°No¡­¡± She looks past me to the Obelisks. ¡°We have promises to break.¡±


    Cold drips down my spine, then begins to boil back into anger.


    She sighs as her eyes drift back to meet ours, ¡°Emarial¡­ This¡­¡± She waves an arm around the room. ¡°These things are¡­ We¡¯ve only just begun to understand how horrid they are to the people they were meant to protect! How these ancient codes leave endless life shackled and in pain. Can you not hear their cries?¡±


    I shake my head, raise my blade again. ¡°I can¡¯t risk what you might change and¨C¡±


    She laughs, and it¡¯s such a wonderfully horrid sound. Something that tears at my heart and soul with the pain it brings. ¡°We don¡¯t mean to change them.¡±


    A long pause. Then I see Her intentions.


    ¡°No¡­ That¡¯s¡­ You can¡¯t have the strength or knowledge to do more than¨C¡±


    She smirks, a wicked thing that brings horrid memories to the forefront again. ¡°We had the song since before thoughts of coming to this fucking mountain even arose. A gift to keep the little spirit safe. It¡¯ll cost a decent chunk of our Amwella, but¡­ Yes. We mean to PEEL these wretched things from the Waking World. Nothing but dust and memory will remain.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll doom Arudia! The Obelisks are¡­ they aren''t just codes and laws, they¡­ they''re old treaties that bind something. Something you can¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Agreements with an old dead symphony that shouldn¡¯t even be here.¡± She agrees, ¡°People''s thoughts, bound to a Starfallen''s mind. But in turn, their nature bleeds into the land. Hurting all women more than you can possibly realize. The Zeridii is dead, and it cannot help but rot this land as you all cling to their decaying corpse.¡±


    I adjust my stance, harden my resolve. ¡°If you manage to break these, then that old thing¡¯s will can warp and twist into horrid shapes.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°We¡¯ve decided that slavery is never the answer. Maybe¡­ maybe with enough time we can help them too. But¡­ First we must break these shackles. Show them through our deeds that we mean what we offer.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t let that happen. I have to stop you.¡± My words are such an ugly growling thing. Punctuated by a flaring of the Hearthfire I bear.


    She sighs, wriggles that horrid bone leg in odd twisting patterns. Like a snake ready to strike.


    ¡°You¡¯ll try.¡±

 Chapter 69: The Weight of Broken Promises Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Violence. attempted murber. Dismemberment. Welcome to the JAM! And someone gonna get SLAMMED!


    In hindsight, the little spirit was right to wince at those last words. We shouldn¡¯t taunt her. We just need to take more time to explain and help her understand and¨C


    But with a roiling of scorching soulfire, the old tired lady is charging us. Ancient wretched sword is already swinging for our core.


    Fuck.


    Well¡­ If she won¡¯t listen, won¡¯t move or douse that writhing Amwella core, then we¡¯ll need to act quickly and with efficiency. We¡¯ll spend all our soulfire on the Peeling Shrike and healing song. The amount left after that will only be a flicker!


    Now she¡¯s at us, and we¡¯re moving beneath her blade with ease. The perfectly balanced bone of our leg flashing out from our crouch and¨C


    No mistakes tonight.


    A twist, and she¡¯s rolled back from our strike. Faster than her size should allow.


    We can¡¯t afford them.


    Amwella furnace pouring strength into her form that no other should be able to match, she¡¯s lunging again. Swinging the blade at our one good leg. So we answer her by kicking forward over the swing, rest a hand on one big arm, and leap over her.


    We strike the wall at an angle, let it absorb our momentum, now kick off with a sudden wash of strength she cannot expect from our small form. Bladed leg up and down toward her back and¨C


    Nearly enact Division, but at the last moment we adjust our instincts and twist our leg. End up sending a slice down her arm instead of bisecting her skull.


    Fire, sudden and hot and horrible that would cook any other, flares from the woman''s palm into our face. The force of it throws us back and into the wall of the archway. We land well, and only gain some soft bruises.


    Emarial glares over at us, but¡­ we can¡¯t help but enjoy the sudden flash of old fear as her eyes watch what must be her favorite magic just¡­ dance off us. The fire she willed into the Waking World flitting about us in loving joy.


    Unable to even scorch their beloved Weaver.


    We don¡¯t want to kill her. The smaller spirit whispers to the larger as She breathes old words into the flames and begins to gather them into her palm. The larger grumbles¡­ but then¡­


    ¡°Please,¡± We draw the flames into a pretty arc, then allow them to disperse harmlessly. ¡°We don¡¯t want this fight.¡±


    We wince as we look at her injured arm. It¡¯s¡­ ugh¡­ our bone leg is really fucking sharp from the correct angles. Even¡­ even after the little spirit tried to dull it over the past week with weaker tools. There is just a big ugly slop of flesh hanging and dripping blood off her bicep.


    We didn¡¯t hit any major blood working, but fuck must that hurt.


    ¡°After we¡¯re done¡­. Maybe we can heal¨C¡±


    Not enough Amwella for that. The larger chides. Maybe in a few weeks, but¡­


    Emarial shifts herself, grunts, adjusts her blade into her injured hand. Takes up the flapping of flesh, pushes it back and¡ª


    Fire, and it¡¯s a smoking sealed wound. Not healed. Just¡­ not in the way. But from her expression still painful as fuck!


    ¡°Eck.¡± We huff. ¡°Emarial¡­ Just leave. Let us try to¨C¡±


    She re-adjusts her grip, and we can see resolution return. ¡°No.¡± And then she¡¯s attacking again.


    We dodge and weave, roll and avoid her. All while the twin spirits attempt to find the best way to end this without killing the big stupid cunt.


    We could take a leg? Or arm? The larger growls


    Slice, as we almost lose a limb ourselves.


    No. No no no! The smaller sputters. We¡­ can we just¡­ like¡­ tire her out!?!


    We strike out toward her, know she''ll parry, but don¡¯t expect the kick she lashes out with.


    No. Her Amwella will keep her going for much much longer than us. Only body wounds can stop her.


    Block with both arms, feel bones creak under the weight of the blow. Stumble back.


    Fuck¡­ but¡­ but maybe¡­


    We shake out the pain in our arms, letting her think she has an opening as we come to a horrid union of action.


    Step in, catch her arms tight against our chest, flow with her motions. And then up and¨C


    CRACK! We slam a knee up and into the wounded arm with three times the strength a girl our size should have, and feel a wash of satisfaction as the bone snaps in two beneath the burned and sealed flap of skin.


    To her credit Emarial does not shout or yell or scream, just just yanks free of our grip and jerks in a spin to try and catch us in a one handed reverse blow. Even drops that cursed sword to do it.


    But¡­ we¡¯re already away. And she hits only open air.


    Emarial¡¯s left arm hangs limb and broken as she stumbles a bit from her missed swing. She does grunt in pain then as she falls to one knee.


    ¡°Even with all that Amwella, and all your strength, you cannot beat us.¡± We whisper, ¡°We¡­ Even without using our own magic, a millennia of experience has buried you. Just¡­ take your own offer! Leave!¡±


    She growls, reaching down for her weapon. ¡°Fought your blighted husks before. Suffered worse.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not like them!¡± We plead, take a step toward her. ¡°Not¨C¡±


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    But there is a¡­ a sound. Something at the entrance that alerts us to the blighted strike before the air cries out in such pain. We leap back, and a fissure of green lightning arcs between us and Emarial.


    Leaving a horrid wound sizzling and crackling in the World Song.


    We jerk around to glare at a dark silhouette in the entrance. Her shimmering jade eyes alight with humor and hunger as one taloned hand holds out a familiar Cultivation stone.


    ¡°V¨C Vele¡­?¡± Emarial breathes.


    ¡°Well well¡­¡± She grins, eyes never leaving ours as she adjusts the gemstone to aim at us. ¡°She has just¡­ gone mad and turned?¡±


    We growl. More in frustration than¡­ huh¡­ maybe we should be afraid here?


    But¡­ nothing flutters up. Not even as we see the murderous intent in her eyes.


    The Matron tuts, then lifts a thumb to¨C


    ¡°Touch that thing''s glyphs again and we¡¯re taking the hand.¡± We snap, voice a whip-crack that jerks her to pause.


    ¡°She still talks? That¡¯s¡­ rare.¡± She purrs, ¡°How long do you think that¡¯ll last?¡±


    ¡°Longer than you if you don¡¯t stop pointing that thing at us.¡± We smirk, slide a step closer to Emarial. Hoping if we get close she won¡¯t risk cracking the gemstone again.


    ¡°Us? You are unique.¡± She giggles, then eyes Emarial. ¡°It¡¯s been so loooong, Ticao. I didn¡¯t realize how much I missed killing one of these twisted things. Can you stand? Help me indulge old vices?¡±


    We watch as Emarial fights to rise from the corner of our eye, Amwella flares and burns hotter than before. Filling her with fire to sear away the immense pain she must be in as one arm just¡­ curls against her chest and side.


    ¡°W¨C Wait.¡± Emarial turns to us, blade down. ¡°Ina¡­ if¡­ if you¡¯re in there. Can¡­ can you just¡­ Just leave? It¡¯s not too late. If what you said is true, and you¡¯ll survive this. We can talk in the morning and figure things out.¡±


    We don¡¯t take our eyes off the Matron or her blighted stone. Twin spirits wriggle and try to¡­ to figure out how to handle both of them. We¡¯re fast, and Emarial is pretty fucking wounded. But¡­ that stone¡­ If we can just¡­ get to her. We can handle the Matron.


    Break her fucking wrist, or better yet, slice it off!!!


    ¡°We have the weight of broken promises to bear.¡± We spread our arms, palms up. Then we¡¯re moving at the Matron faster than she can hope to twist her fingers over the activation runes.


    We feel Emarial behind us, are already preparing our second strike once this jade-eyed cunt is¨C


    But then the Matron smiles, eyes alight with a furious glow that follows our movements with ease. She steps into our charge before we can raise our leg, slips past our rising limb, and slashes her free talon down our face.


    We jerk back, barely avoid losing either eye from her razor sharp claws, feel a blazing furnace roar up in anticipation from behind and¨C


    We pull to the side, feel the echo of old terror as the blade grazes down our left side, it¡¯s ancient and ugly metal screaming for our death. The Matron follows, talons raking and slashing against our arms and flesh as we dance.


    A flurry of blows from our leg drives her back, but¡­she avoids every cut and slice. How is she so fast!?! But this leaves us open for Emarial to swing at us again. We lean into her and take the blow of her arm over the dreaded blade she carries. End up stumbling and fighting to keep our balance as the force of it throws us back. Bone leg has to crack down and stab into the cold granite to stop us from falling.


    ¡°Oh how I¡¯ve missed this.¡± The Matron giggles, horrid Cultivation stone raised, fingers dancing over its engravings to alight it with a flash of green.


    We dive and barely avoid another of the rending fissures. Rolling and jerking to leap again as she waits for the gemstone to recover and be ready for a second blast. Emarial is staying back, either from fear of being caught in the matron¡¯s working or our blade.


    We settle into a run and duck into the forest of Obelisks, spitting old curses as we draw the towering crystals to block her line of sight.


    ¡°Come out, little Sun Spoken.¡± She sings, her voice echoing behind us. ¡°More will be here soon, and with Gemstones worse than mine!¡±


    The truth in her words makes us jolt to a stop. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t wait for the right moment to strike a weak blow! With every new attacker comes the probability of defeat. Or¡­ Or the need to just slaughter them all¡­ We glare back along the path, considering¡­


    How much is the little spirit willing to harm these two?


    ¡°Why not submit and just¡­ die in some measure of peace?¡± We see glimmering shadows cast behind us, their owners proceeding with the careful care of one hunting a wounded and scared predator.


    This¡­ weirdly, is what riles the larger spirit into action. Prompting the smaller to just¡­ Trust.


    Let Her control this conflict now.


    The smaller does not hesitate, and tries to relax control completely into Her hands.


    The larger takes a deep breath, and we¡¯re moving. Our bone leg may be a perfect weapon, but the floors in here are covered with blighted granite! It sings our position as clearly as if we shout it.


    But¡­ this room also echoes.


    A lot.


    So as we run we¡¯re tinking and clicking our leg on gemstones and crystals in excess as we whisper a soft song of encouragement to the rising melody. Weaving a cacophony of rhythmic sounds that bounce and reverberate as we circle and twist through this crystalline forest. Catch glimpses of Emarial and Veletross moving with even more care now. One seems to always be watching backwards as the other guards the front.


    We smile as we feel the gemstone echoes begin to reach an overbearing crescendo, run up to a big pillar covered in swirling engravings. Plant our good foot, kick off and up, twist, land on another one and kick ourselves up to the top of the first. Or ascension¡¯s light patters swallowed as the echoes reach their height, and as they just start to fade, we¡¯re leaping up again.


    The Matron turns, gemstone flaring to light just as we¡¯re slicing down between the two.


    Bone leg bisecting her arm in half at the elbow.


    Our landing is too hard though, and with only one good leg we feel reinforced bones creak and scream in agony at the force. Causes us to pause longer than calculated.


    Can¡¯t move fast enough to dodge¨C


    Dull horrid blade slams into our shoulder and chest, cold white flame dances just before the force of Emarial¡¯s blow sends us flying back. Causing us to tumble and roll through a patchwork of sharp tipped little fauna and gain a series of painful little cuts.


    But¡­ but none of that compares to the fucking horRID COLD IRON FLAME THAT¡¯S BURNING US!!!


    DivIsIOn burns through us like a hot blade through flesh. Skinning away the soul and leaving the mind and body a jittering writhing mess.


    We hiss and curl over on ourselves, try to smother the flame that burns at the wound left by the Sun Spoken¡¯s blade.


    ¡°Fucking cunt!¡± Veletross is hissing and screaming, clutching at her maimed limb.


    Emarial turns to her, face a weary mask of pain as she¡¯s stepping closer to the matron. Begins to¨C


    ¡°I¡¯ve lost more than this in the past, GO!¡± The Matron spits. ¡°Kill them.¡±


    We try to move, try to¡­ to get our arms underneath us. But something is wrong. The smaller spirit is still reeling from the pain, and the larger can¡¯t quite get herself rewoven around the mind. We can only just look up as her shadow falls across us.


    Blade hand raised, wounded arm hanging limp, she regards us with a cold mask of¡­ things.


    The cold flame is gone, with the scorching wound still echoes with a pain we can¡¯t smother. Can¡¯t move¡­ Not¡­ not before she.


    ¡°What are you waiting for!?!¡± Veletross screams. ¡°Kill it!¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Emarial whispers, lowers the blade.


    We freeze for a moment at her declaration. Or¡­ at least our body does. The spirits still wrest and writhe to regain some measure of control.


    ¡°What?¡± The Matron hisses.


    ¡°They say they can survive this night, If only given the chance to use a song to heal their mind.¡± Emarial glances back at her. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ New. And if it¡¯s true I¡¯d like to see it.¡±


    ¡°Are you so fucking mind addled that you believe the Weaver¡¯s lies!?!¡± She¡¯s standing now. The arm is still a maimed ruin, but¡­ very little blood drips from the wound. But our eyes immediately focus on the gemstone she clutches in her good talon.


    N¨C Need to move¡­ The smaller spirit fights past the pain, tries to claw back to the larger.


    ¡°The Weaver has rarely shown patience for lies.¡± Emarial looks between us.


    Larger one reaches, reaches, reaches¡­ Tries to move the body to¡­ to move or strike or¡­


    ¡°Ticao!¡± Veletross stomps over, reaches up to touch Emarial¡¯s cheek. ¡°They will recover any second. If you don¡¯t want to watch it die¡­¡±


    Spirits are so close. Ready to become one again.


    The big Sun Spoken pushes Veletross¡¯s hand away with the hilt of her sword, looks away in confliction and pain and¡­


    Almost¡­


    ¡°...Then close your fucking eyes.¡± Veletross turns her arm, points the Gemstone at our heart, fingers dancing over the glyphs.


    Green glow, World Song creaks beneath the weight of the impending crack, and¨C


    And the second biggest woman we¡¯ve ever met comes bolting from behind a nearby gemstone, wraps her huge arms around the Matron¡¯s torso, and proceeds to bend back and slam the woman into the granite floor in a loud CRACK.


    Spirits collide, Rejoin!!!

 Chapter 70: The Weight of Broken Promises Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Person getting the BEG slam, multiple times actually!!! Dismemberment. BEG songs. Real fucking magic.


    A crack of lightning arcs from the Matron¡¯s hand as Zigdara slams her bodily into the ground, searing eyes and proceeding to shoot upward uselessly into the granite roof.


    Emarial jerks over just as we¡¯re whirling up. Bone leg slams a flat edge into her good hand, shattering every fucking bone in the big Sun Spoken¡¯s wrist and fingers with the force of it.


    She stumbles back as her weapon clatters to the floor. Hissing in pain and sort of¡­ just a mess with two really fucked up arms. Past her we watch in horror and confusion as the Matron twists and claws at the big duenna.


    ¡°Zigdara wh¨C¡± Emarial¡¯s eyes glance back to the duenna and Matron.


    ¡°INA!¡± Zigdara roars. ¡°RUN!¡±


    We move to help her, but Emarial steps into our path. A sort of desperate cold look on the old Sun Spoken''s face as she tries to decide what to do.


    Or if she can even do anything¡­


    Behind her, Zigdara just buries her face into the Matron¡¯s back, curls over, and slams Veletross¡¯s face into the stone again.


    And Again.


    AND AGAIN!


    Emarial winces as we grin. Click our bone leg on the floor. Take a step forward.


    ¡°No.¡± Emarial pleads as another slam sounds from behind her. ¡°I won¡¯t let you¨C¡±


    We growl. ¡°Move.¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°You¡¯ll have to kill me. And If Ina¡¯s the woman I think she wants to be, She won¡¯t let you do that.¡±


    Need her gone. If she just¡­ leaves then we can break our promises and go!


    ¡°Then MOVE.¡± We crack our neck and shake off a few of the sharp gemstone fauna still embedded in our flesh.


    ¡°No.¡±


    We want to scream in annoyance, and only just manage to keep our voice steady. ¡°Emarial, if you leave, everyone here can survive. If you stay, then we will have to spend more Amwella than we¡¯d like. And will either die in the failed separation, or get killed by whoever else is on their way. No matter what, either way, these Obelisks are going to disappear tonight.¡±


    Emarial¡¯s face flashes anger and annoyance and¡­ and the beginning of defeat.


    ¡°Please.¡± We press, letting our voice soften even more. ¡°If¡­ if we''re the monster you think we are, wouldn¡¯t we have just¡­ killed you, eaten your Amwella, and done this all already? No one will die here if you just¡­ go. Maybe take them with you?¡±


    Another slam, punctuated by a gurgle of pain from the Matron. We glance past to see that... huh. Zigdara seems to have gotten her neck in some kind of lock between those big arms.


    ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± Emarial growls. But she looks so much more tired than ever before. We just¡­ have to take this out of her hands.


    ¡°Fine.¡± We spit.


    She flinches as we move then. Have to get as far from her furnace as possible. And¡­


    We look up as we run, eyes lock on the largest Obelisk in the chamber. A tilted twisting mass of blue and green and purples. Scarred with uncountable words and symbols and runes, it stands at the heart of all the rest.


    Then we do as before. Jump, kick off smaller gemstones, run up a few that sit askew and tilted, and eventually land and scramble to stand atop the largest structure in the room. It¡¯s apex only about a dozen feet from the glass roofing. We glance down, see Emarial staring up at us with surprise and awe and terror. Veletross seems to have gone still, Zigdara only just now releasing her to slump onto the floor. Doesn¡¯t even seem to notice us as she looks about.


    Deep breath, feel the World Song titter and echo all around, and we¡¯re singing our Peeling Shrike down at the gemstones.


    We have to start soft. The larger spirit instructs as we begin the symphony. Almost¡­ almost like one would take a younger woman¡¯s arms as she first learns of a new thing. Impressed by her early attempts but¡­ wishing to show her what true mastery looks like.


    The song is so small at first, but then it titters and rolls from us, creating a sense of wonder and anticipation to all who listen. A melody of a great ocean wave coming to crash against the rocks.


    But¡­ but water cannot crack a rock!!! The smaller spirit worries.


    The older spirit smiles. Shows her the beauty of this misunderstanding. Weaves time¡¯s horrible toll into the building song. Reaving and destroying even the most ancient things beneath its unbearable weight.


    The room is shaking now. And we can¡¯t see the other women as great vibrations seem to¡­ to roll through it. But even with one good leg and a great deal of weariness, we cannot be moved.


    For as we weave this wondrously terrifying symphony we are weight and Will and Time itself. Thoughts, Spirits, and everything beyond and behind It seem to fade. There is only the Song¡­ And the things we will Peel from this Waking World.


    A great CRACK, a horrible CRUNCH, and something beyond understanding this side of a Dream, then the Gemstones simply¡­ cease. Their Millenia old form turned to dust and powder in an instant. Ancient words and bindings twisting away into the cold and bitter Arudian winds.


    Then we¡¯re falling.


    It takes us a second to recover from the song¡¯s sudden end, twist legs, try to adjust, but it¡¯s¨C


    CRACK! We slam into the ground, and both spirits shudder from the impact as jolts of horrible pain roll through us. Gemstone ash comes up to meet us as we slump down into the great pile. We warble alongside the World Song for a bit. Just¡­ fighting to sit up and avoid breathing in the dry dust around us. Move to rise¡­ But we stumble.


    Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!


    Look down in surprise at¡­ at¡­ Our perfect bone leg has splintered. Sits askew and twisted and very impossible to walk on.


    ¡°Fucking¡­ Great.¡± We hiss, then tense as we feel a great fire approaching. Look up to see Emarial moving into and through the room, both arms still very much wounded, but eyes showing how little she cares for such pains. Especially at such a sight of perfect destruction.


    Soon her eyes lock on us, and turn¡­ strange. A mix of wonder and fear and hatred. She slowly approaches.


    ¡°What¡­¡± She murmurs, both arms just¡­ hanging limp at her sides. ¡°What have you done?¡±


    ¡°Broke our promises.¡± We huff, pulling our leg around to examine the cracked bone.


    Then we spot a second person come into the room, her clothes torn and face a mess of raking cuts. One eye is closed and bleeding.


    ¡°Zigdara!¡± We can¡¯t help but call out to her as a big stupid grin overwhelms us.


    At¡­ at this person who would risk herself for us without question or hesitation it seems.


    She spots us, and such relief passes over the Duenna as she runs to kneel before us. ¡°Are¡­ are you alright!?!¡±


    ¡°Less than perfect, but we¡¯ll make it. Thanks to you.¡± We reach out to touch her wounded face. ¡°Could we ask you for another favor?¡±


    ¡°Anything!¡± She nods.


    ¡°Provide us an arm to lean on, for what comes next.¡±


    She offers us a hand, and as we stand both spirits consider the consequences, and¡­ and¡­ what has to happen now. The little spirit didn¡¯t understand the weight of this decision, but is now unable to turn away as ambient songs roll from the dust around us. The larger offers support and whatever small knowledge won¡¯t overwhelm the mind between them.


    If we leave, abandon Arudia and her people to the unfurling chaotic magics, we wouldn¡¯t be able to live with that. The smaller spirit murmurs, and not to mention those bound here to a life similar to what Lyttoral did to us. We both flinch at the command¡¯s prickling, but it settles soon enough. So we turn to Emarial.


    ¡°Will you stand with us?¡± We ask calmly. ¡°Recant what you told the Doyans and affirm our nature as Sun Spoken and Weaver paired?¡±


    Her eyes fall to the ashes, ¡°This isn¡¯t¡­ It can¡¯t be that simple.¡±


    ¡°It is.¡± We steel ourselves for pain. ¡°We did this for those you worried we would harm. Their bondage is something we lived through, and we will see it ended. Both here and in Lyttoral.¡±


    The command bites hard, nearly enacts blighted Division, but¡­ together we hold fast against the storm of pain. Let it settle. Zigdara stiffens, but¡­ says nothing. Emarial sighs, but¡­ then she spots something amidst the ashes. Moves to kneel and lift it as best she can. Dull horrid cold steel rises, and we stiffen. Zigdara moves to adjust us to be a little more behind her.


    But our reaction is simply to the bubbling memories it triggers behind the larger spirit, not Emarial¡¯s intentions for it. She settles the blade to be cradled passively in her wounded arms, eyes return to ours. ¡°I will act as a guardian. Not your ally, but not your enemy. Will only raise my blade if you mean to harm the Arudian men or other innocents.¡±


    We sigh. ¡°Fine, just make sure they don¡¯t start throwing lightning at us this time.¡±


    Soon there is such a flurry of Duenna rushing into the room. Women bearing the obsidian blades, and promised cultivation stones. Most are too shocked to even consider threatening the group of strangers standing amidst the ashes.


    Eventually a lady with more presence and a series of odd tails flitting behind her approaches. She bears no sword, simply a cane tipped with a glimmering red gemstone that sings of barely constrained fury. ¡°What happened?¡±


    We smirk at the fear she hides so well. Begin to consider the best reply, but Emarial steps forward. ¡°Honored Doyan Xian, this is-¡±


    It¡¯s only then that the woman seems to pull her widened eyes from the empty room to regard us. Stares between my cracked and twisted leg and Emarial¡¯s ruined arms. ¡°Where are the Obelisks?¡±


    Emarial winces, and just vaguely gestures around, and then looks at us. The woman pales as she takes in the ashes, and what they once were.


    ¡°Removed them from the Waking World.¡± We state plainly, letting any work of softening our voice fade. "By us."


    Let her hear the ringing of two spirits joined.


    Her glittering green eyes dart up to ours. ¡°The¡­ And who are you?¡±


    ¡°Inamatorii of the Sun Spoken.¡± We state, and let the song of our claim ring throughout the room. Causing all to snap their attention to us. "And the Spirit that burns within all Sun Spoken."


    She takes a step back, eyes wide with fear. ¡°You¡­ No that can¡¯t be right¨C¡±


    ¡°They are. Honored Doyan.¡± Emarial add as softly but firmly as possible. ¡°I was¡­ mistaken in my worries. They mean no harm to the fertile males of this Academy.¡±


    Her hand grips at the cane tighter, and we see fingers begin to drift over the wretched thing and¨C


    ¡°Did you see Matron Veletross outside these chambers, Honored Doyan of Arudia?¡± We ask, bend the good leg ever so slightly.


    The question causes her to pause, fingers freeze. ¡°I did.¡±


    We nod, ¡°Then consider what happened to the arm of the last woman to raise one of your blighted gemstones against us.¡±


    Emarial winces, Zigdara seems to recognize the danger then and shuffles in readiness for the need to move.


    ¡°Are you threatening me?¡± The Doyan''s eyes narrow, but we see her growing fear plain. So we simply smile wickedly at her, a prompting of the larger spirit, somehow still hungry for more of the motion and thrill of violence.


    Doyan Xian sees that in our eyes, feels some weight that she was not ready for. Fingers nearly jump away from the gemstone she was preparing to activate. ¡°A¨C Apologies. I just¡­ This is¡­¡± She looks about, seems to sag a bit under the weight of this empty room.


    ¡°Summon the other Doyans.¡± We prompt. ¡°We will only speak these next things once, and let none claim ignorance as an excuse to ignore our words.¡±


    It takes time, and there is just¡­ no reason for anyone to talk while we wait. The crowd grows, both with duenna and many others. Women of all clothing and cultivation changes and such. But eventually four trickle out from the crowd to stand with Xian.


    They share a murmuring of words, even share a few shouts, but¡­ soon they turn and as a group approach.


    The oldest Doyan steps before the rest. ¡°We have gathered, Sun Spoken. Explain what has happened tonight, and why you are here.¡±


    Deep breath.


    Together?


    Together. Promise Promise.


    ¡°We are Inamatorii, Sun Spoken and Weaver Roused. And today we peeled your Obelisks from the Waking World. Shattering their ledgers and treaties and bindings, and freed your land from their wasting blight.¡±


    That makes more than a few of them tighten with such worry and fear. Other¡¯s instinct is to cry out that we must be lying or insane¡­ but the proof of our work gathers itself at the hem of their cloaks.


    ¡°Why!?!¡± One hisses. ¡°What madness led you to do this?¡±


    ¡°The madness of freedom. Slavery is never the right path.¡± The echo of our voice ripples across the ashes like a breeze on the sea. ¡°Not for the women of Arudia, her sons, or the Zeridii.¡±


    That gets such a cacophony of reactions, but we can only absorb so much as the command bores into us. Would have driven us to our knees if not for our control and Zigdara¡¯s strong arm that we clutch to.


    ¡°Sun Spoken Inamatorii,¡± The oldest member of the group calls out when her peers have quieted. ¡°Do you mean to claim ownership of these lands then?¡±


    We can¡¯t help but laugh, and the sound seems to cause all around us to shuffle uncomfortably. So the softer spirit tries to soften their words. ¡°Not at all, Honored Doyan. Only to ensure that your new laws are things of current needs, not ancient wounds.¡±


    She nods, but¡­ purses her lips. ¡°And how will you decide that?¡±


    ¡°We won¡¯t.¡± We spread our hands, palms up. ¡°You will, with the aid of ourselves and your people. We¡¯ve only unlocked your chains. It¡¯ll be up to you to walk free of the bindings.¡±


    That, more than anything, seems to make the crowd settle a bit. So we continue down that road for them. ¡°We¡¯ll claim the mantle as the Sun Spoken of old did. Will stand as a High Duenna and emissary to the Zeridii.¡± That name makes a few of the Doyans shift uncomfortably again. ¡°We will, of course, offer pointed suggestions on certain parts of the old law you may wish to cling to. But otherwise you will be free to rebuild your new laws around some of the old.¡±


    ¡°Why¡­ Why should we listen to anything you even have to say?¡± A younger Doyan shouts, looking back to the Duenna. ¡°She should be bound and¨C¡±


    One of the other Doyans clasps her arm, hissing quiet demands for her to stop.


    ¡°Honored Doyan.¡± We purr softly, but our voice is so sharp with the Amwella emitting of our merging. All here go quiet and can¡¯t help but hear us. ¡°That is not a Path you want to walk. Ask the Matron of Rell, or my fellow Sun Spoken, what lies at its end if you''re so curious.¡±

 Chapter 71: The Weight of Broken Promises Part 4

    ATTENTION! SOooooo moving into new place with wumberfull people and such we TOTALLY forgot to mention that we are ONE chapter away from Arc Two''s END!!! GUCK US isn''t that neat!?!?! The last chapter is such a fun one with a returning POV.


    Love you all SOOOO much and can''t wait to dive RIGHT into Arc Three!!!!


    <u>CW:</u>


    Talking about abuse/self-harm being bad. Also discussion of mind commands. Mupples.


    After that, there was little more to say tonight.


    We leave Emarial to explain a few particulars to any Doyans or Matrons who might need to understand that yes, we did destroy your Obelisks with a magic song. And no, trying to kill or hurt us would not be a good idea. We truly are Sun Spoken and Weaver Roused. A duet that hasn¡¯t walked these lands since¡­ well¡­ long before Arudia¡¯s star fell from the sky. Maybe even ten times that¡­


    We sigh in relief as we hobble along. ¡°Thank you Zigdara. For this and before.¡±


    She nods, face still a bloody mess, like it was literally nothing. ¡°My vows are to protect you, and I mean to do that. Along any path you choose to walk on if you¡¯ll have me.¡±


    We wish we could¡­ like¡­ heal her face. The spirits agree as we feel moisture begin to gather in our eyes. Maybe try and restore whatever Veletross did to her face. But¡­ we only have enough Amwella to complete a safe separation! Will have basically nothing when we wake up.


    Our walk is silent for a bit, and we expect her to press us for answers. To¡­ to ask what I was doing. Why did we destroy the Obelisks of Arudia? But¡­ she doesn¡¯t. And another question becomes a much more present focus for us to ask her.


    ¡°How did you know where to find us?¡± We whisper.


    ¡°Jevita came to me.¡± She murmurs. ¡°Told me things. Asked me to make sure you got back to them safely.¡±


    Our heart swells. A flutter of warmth and love and such deep desire to hug and kiss our brilliant lover.


    ¡°Fuck. She... She really... We¡­¡± Tears fall then as our voice trails off.


    ¡°Oh¡­ right.¡± Zigdara flinches. ¡°She¡­ I¡¯ve probably been rude. There are two of you on my arm, and I might have addressed only one a few times tonight.¡±


    ¡°It''s fine.¡± We lean into her. ¡°Takes getting used to. And¡­ And it¡¯s only for¡­¡±


    The smaller spirit thinks. But¡­ it¡¯s not. Is it? We are always here. Always together. Just¡­ One of us may have more control in the Waking World. But¡­ Can that change? More than this? Can we keep pulling the larger spirit more from our Dream?


    ¡°I don¡¯t know all the details. But the Weaver dwells within you, and has helped you. I would like to convey my thanks and¡­ and my apologies. I have failed you these past days and¡­ and She has acted as a duenna should in my stead.¡±


    ¡°That¡­ That means a lot to hear. Thank you.¡±


    We can¡¯t help but just¡­ cry into her for a good portion of our walk then. Zigdara even¡­ and fuck if it isn¡¯t kinda weird coming from a big wounded lady who used to scare the fuck out of the little spirit, adjusts her hold on and offers us little squeezes and murmurs of comfort.


    The larger spirit is¡­ uncomfortable with this. She hasn''t allowed herself to cry into another''s arms since¡­


    NO. She won¡¯t share those memories. Not even with the smaller spirit. At least¡­ at least not right now. But¡­ She will indulge these tears because She knows how much it will help the little one. Allows our gratefulness to manifest in this wonderful way. It feels good, and we both need it so much. To hear someone from our past accept us as we are.


    The streets are a bustle of anxiety and fervor of a celebration interrupted. Shouts and yells and talks of some great event at the heart of the Academy of Erudition, of gemstones acting strange.


    And a girl, maybe a Sun Spoken, weaving some great magic.


    Then I see where Zigdara has led us, to¡­ to the estate of Lady Ophrit?


    ¡°Um¡­ We need to get back to the Inn.¡± We pause along the pathway to the main entrance. ¡°That¡¯s where¨C¡±


    And then the door opens, and all our lovers are spilling out in a cacophony and eternity of questions, and shouting, and hugs and kisses. All of the emotions on display from our family. Anger, fear, joy, sadness, and dozens more¡­ but¡­ all drowning in a love for the little spirit. It takes a bit for us all to be wrangled into the home by the worried trio of Zigdara, Lady Delphian, and Ophrit. But eventually they¡¯ve ushered us all into the house.


    And now we sit on a big bed in a big guest room that just¡­ still feels simultaneously too small to fit us all, but also too big in that our lovers are not close enough. Zigdara is just in the doorway. Keeping watch and listening for possible trouble that could¡¯ve followed us. Lady Ophrit and Delphian sit together in a big fluffy chair near the door.


    Kque¡¯s at our splintered leg, quiet annoyance and frustration obvious from how her hands flit about. Jevita examines the fading but still sparkling mark. Sort of¡­ joyful but also terrified tears still dripping at our words that no Obelisk can dictate how she can live her life and how we mean to ensure no new laws ever will. Tasii leans against a wall directly in front of us, cold regard we now understand to be her¡­ ¡°I¡¯m really focusing on you both and trying to pick at any lies or half truths you two might try and get past me.¡± face. And¡­ Yrelia. Right behind us. Basically pulled us into her lap the moment we got into the bedroom. Arms resting over our shoulders into a light recline as she leans against the bed¡¯s backboard. And she is thrumming with¡­ everything.


    Mostly anger we think. They honestly all are. It¡¯s all rooted in love¡­ but¡­ still hurts. As it should. Because we both deserve it. The smaller spirit sighs. Our recollection of the night starting with our disastrous encounter with Matron Veletross in the library and ends with us getting here finally over.


    The larger rumbles her disagreement. Radiates regret at¡­ at how Her purposes are now the smaller¡¯s to bear.


    ¡°We¡¯re sorry.¡± Is how we choose to break the silence.


    It won¡¯t be enough. Nothing will probably be enough for the decisions we¡¯ve made tonight. For¡­ for how we¡¯ve stepped onto a path that we can never ask them to follow¡­


    A long pause.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Tasii murmurs, voice hard but¡­ careful. ¡°Is there any way you can let us¡­ avoid communication issues when we need to direct things to one or the other spirits inside you?¡±


    That sort of¡­ studders the smaller spirit. She¡¯s about to ask why¡­ but¡­ the Larger spirit just offers up an answer both can agree to after only a brief pause.


    We reply softly. ¡°Not without the pain of a Division. We are more melded than ever before. But¡­ we will understand and not be insulted if you wish to direct things at the Larger or Smaller spirit.¡±


    ¡°Why not just call one the Weaver and the other Ina?¡± Tasii tilts her head. An attempt at conveying real confusion without hostility.


    We sigh. ¡°Because the lines between are blurred when we¡¯re like this, and ''Ina'' is how we regard ourselves at the moment. We are two liquids slowly being poured into the same bowl. Using those names implies we don¡¯t share those memories. To us¡­ at least right now and when we dwell on the memories. Both grew up in Lyttoral, and also last shared a dream with a lover in a few thousand years past. The experiences must be offered freely, but¡­ they are muddled the moment they are shared in the mind between. Even after waking the smaller will be¡­ influenced. Especially now.¡±


    A long and very tense pause. Tasii turns to Zigdara, Lady Ophrit, and Delphian. ¡°Your hospitality has been greatly apprecia¨C¡±


    ¡°Say no more!¡± Lady Ophrit rises with a sudden start, almost carrying Delphian with her. ¡°Family business. We¡¯ll keep an eye out and turn any possible undesirables away from our home.¡±


    Delphian seems to want to object, but a quick glance at our lover¡¯s faces shows that any curiosity as to the nature of our merger and magic is not worth the storm that approaches. Zigdara lets them pass, then looks at us. A question in her eyes.


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Do we want her to stay?


    We shake our head. ¡°Go rest, we¡¯re safer here than anywhere else along the Paths.¡±


    The long pause that stretches after the door shuts is suffocating. We¡¯d love to move, to sit up, to¡­ to stand and beg our lovers for forgiveness. But¡­ we can both tell from Yrelia¡¯s hold and the stares of our lovers that at the moment that is not an option. Just like that night six months ago¡­ They are dedicated to protecting their lover. Even¡­ or¡­ we guess especially when it¡¯s from her other half.


    The smaller spirit chokes up at that, can¡¯t help but¡­ but reach a hand up to grip one of Yrelia¡¯s. That breaks something, and the first of them speaks up.


    ¡°Let¡¯s start with the mind commands first.¡± Kque murmurs, locks eyes with ours. ¡°Remove them.¡±


    We sigh, glance at the wall. The two spirits don¡¯t argue. Just¡­ stew in their differences. The smaller hoping their lovers can help give better words to help convince the larger, even as She settles into a tired stubborn regard.


    ¡°How can the larger claim to love the smaller,¡± Kque presses. ¡°Claim to¡­ to abhor slavery in all its forms, but still inflict such spiteful and cruel things on her own headmate?¡±


    We stare over at the wall¡­ The smaller agrees with Kque but¡­ prompts the larger to answer. To¡­ to explain the why to their lovers.


    ¡°We will remove the first.¡± The larger relents.


    Kque nods, ¡°But not the second?¡±


    We shake our head. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°But you freed them!¡± Jevita touches our elbow. ¡°Ina¡­ I mean the smaller spirit, she convinced you to do it. I heard that!¡±


    ¡°We freed YOU, Jevita. Freed Arudian women from the blight of the Obelisks.¡± Then the Larger spirit¡¯s musings quirks our lips. ¡°And freedom from the care of the Academy will not benefit the monsters and parasites as much as the smaller hopes for. They will fade away faster without the care and supervision forced upon them.¡±


    The smaller huffs, annoyed but¡­ the math the larger lays out is clear. Without the brutal efficiency of the Academy¡¯s fertility program there will be less births, less possible monsters being born. And that¡¯s not even considering the Odlock gemstone¡¯s already rare status. With the Obelisks gone and the future of Cultivation beyond what even the Larger can predict Arudia¡¯s birth rates are going to plummet over the next century. Unless¡­


    The larger pulls back¡­ offers no help. No suggestions. And with the compulsion still in place the small can only flounder at the edges.


    ¡°Why!?!¡± Tasii shakes her head. ¡°You, the larger spirit, think you¡¯re protecting the smaller by setting really cruel mind magic to stop her from going near a male without wanting to hurt them. But what I can¡¯t get my head around, is why you hate them? Why are you wanting to kill them?¡±


    Old memories rumble, but the larger keeps them safely sealed. The smaller prompts Her, but¡­ the larger shushes her and turns them back to their lovers.


    ¡°Promises Kept¡­ Is all the larger is willing to offer.¡± We huff. ¡°The smaller agrees with you, and the larger is set in her ways. But¡­ you should all understand that this edict and the pain it causes is shared. The larger feels the sting of the curse every time the smaller fights it.¡±


    That surprises everyone here. Not¡­ Well the smaller knew this but to hear the larger admit to it makes her balk a little bit. Tries to¡­ to hug the larger and get Her to pay attention for a second before more questions need to be answered.


    The ¡®us¡¯ includes you too. The smaller murmurs. In the question. Can you love us more than you hate them? You need to love yourself and your own happiness more than you want to hate them.


    ¡®Maybe¡¯ is still the answer. The larger replies. We will try things your way. Try¡­ healing. Ignoring them as we try to build something better.


    The smaller huffs.


    ¡°What was that?¡± Tasii interrupts that thought. ¡°Something just¡­ what passed between you two there?¡±


    We both can¡¯t help but fix her with a smirk. Our lover really is very good at reading us. So we share the exchange.


    ¡°That isn¡¯t good enough.¡± Tasii shakes her head. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter how much you claim to care for her, or even if you¡¯re willing to suffer too. Torture or¡­ or self-harm, is NOT the answer. You have to understand that. After so many years and lives shared. If you mean to try to heal and¡­ and grow beyond that pain you need to start by trusting the smaller spirit with her own fucking mind and body.¡±


    The larger growls¡­ and¡­ and there is a rot festering in her heart at the truth in our lover¡¯s worlds.


    ¡°You¡¯ve told me so much about the Dreams you share¡± Jevita whispers from our side. ¡°Even gave me a glimpse of that foundation for real magic! I heard it. The¡­ the big song you¡¯re always talking about!¡±


    We jerk a bit to stare at her¡­ in wonder and love and pride and¡­ and we can¡¯t stop the tears! Even the Larger is overwhelmed at the joy in her eyes.


    Jevita heard the World Song?


    ¡°When?¡± We both ask.


    ¡°When you sang the merging in the stables.¡± Jevita grins. ¡°It¡­ it wasn¡¯t for long and it was hard to hold onto but¡­ but Fuck Ina it was amazing! Like seeing the sun or the ocean for the first time! I want to hear it again and¡­ and share that with our family!¡±


    How long has it been since that¡¯s happened? The smaller asks.


    The larger shudders, It¡¯s age a sudden weight on their shoulders as She measures the time.


    At least¡­ at least for this shard¡­ four incarnations and¡­ About five thousand years since We were able to help an unclaimed lover hear the Song coaxed from the silence of the Waking World. And even that took most of their life to give them a glimpse of its edges in their final fading years¡­


    ¡°Inamatorii.¡± Tasii murmurs, stern but softly. ¡°We need to have an open conversation right now, and¡­ and to do that we need you to share these mental exchanges please.¡±


    We nod. Relay our thoughts as best we can.


    ¡°See!¡± Jevita presses. ¡°You¡­ This is new for you too! Despite all your years! The full-body transition, surviving the mergings, and¡­ and you so easily showing me the roots of real fucking magic! Imagine all the amazing things we can do together! You want to trust her! And¡­ and to trust us! I can see that!¡±


    The larger spirit can¡¯t help but look down at our twisted leg. ¡°We¡­¡±


    ¡°And¡­ what if the smaller spirit slips up?¡± Tasii presses when we trail off. ¡°If you both mean to stay and help ensure Arudia survives and changes, she will encounter Arudian males, fertile or otherwise.¡±


    Parasites and Monsters walk the streets quite often¡­ and¡­ the authority of even a Sun Spoken will only allow us so much. We consider together. Sudden and brutal murder? No. No, the city will rise up against us. And if the parasite happens to be fertile? How much worse will that be?


    ¡°Objectively speaking, and this is a question for the Larger spirit,¡± Kque whispers. ¡°Who is a bigger threat to you both if that happens? Some Arudian males, or the entirety of the Academy¡¯s Duenna and the Doyans? Everything you¡¯re trying to do will fall apart if that happens. You could lose her.¡±


    The Larger snarls internally, and the smaller tries to calm her as She latches onto her anger in a stubborn fury. To¡­ to let Her know that she can take her time to work through this.


    But¡­ after a while she accidentally shares an image of Lule when he thought a bag was a fruit and refused to let go. How¡­ how they had to calm him and give scrutches and even tickle him a bit before¨C


    We let out a huffing laugh, which surprises everyone. Then in a flash the larger understands just how¡­ how¡­


    How She acted just like Zin.


    The larger sort of¡­ withers at the truth of that. Just like the slavers and monsters of ages past. Just¡­ deluded Herself into thinking it was necessary. Began to... to see the smaller as... as something owned and... and not a treasured lover and--


    ¡°Sorry just¡­ Dreamer¡¯s Tits!¡± We sigh. Allow ourselves to lean back into Yrelia. ¡°You¡¯re right. Fuck¡­ how¡­ how could we not¡­¡±


    A shuddering sob crashes into the larger spirit. A¡­ an old memory crackling and shattering a moment of control and pour a confession out to our lovers.


    Cold-dead eyes staring up just before a spiteful curse is spewed force and the final thrum of life is-


    ¡°We will always hate them. Will never regret the things I¡¯ve done to break this world free of their blight. But¡­ I¡¯ve allowed that hate to¡­ fester and rot and¡­ and hurt the women we love.¡±


    During the silence that follows the words, tears once again begin to roll down our cheeks. At hope and joy at our lover¡¯s words and ability to persuade, and¡­ and sudden revulsion for past actions from the larger. Tasii must see that this is just¡­ formless rising things. Not communications. So she doesn¡¯t interrupt until we break the silence.


    ¡°It¡¯ll take time and a wellspring of Amwella. But¡­ But It will be done.¡± We sigh. ¡°A few weeks¡­ a month at most. We¡¯ll remove it. The larger spirit promises.¡±


    There is a collective sigh of relief. Then another long pause.


    ¡°Never again.¡± Yrelia growls from behind us. The first words she¡¯s spoken to us since we entered the room with her.


    We both nod. ¡°Never again.¡±


    Another long pause, we bite our lip. Wait for¡­ for the worst thing we might need to acknowledge tonight.


    ¡°All of this.¡± Yrelia nearly hisses. ¡°Never again.¡±


    We turn to see her face. Such¡­ cold anger and focus as she glares into our eyes. ¡°We¡­¡±


    "You have a fucking family that loves you now!" She growls, gently cups our cheeks between her hands. ¡°Act like it!¡±


    That stutters the larger spirit. Breaks the smaller into a mess of love and pain and adoration for our first lover. Yrelia¡­ fuck we both love her so much, she see¡¯s exactly what makes our tears fall.


    ¡°You¡­ you don¡¯t hate us? Not¡­ not even the larger spirit?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a big fucking cunt,¡± Her hands are shaking now. ¡°Abusive and manipulative and spiteful and¡­ probably worse things. But no¡­ moon and fucking stars you¡¯re just¡­ such a disaster. Old and scared and filled with more pain than any of us can probably understand right now. Not until you start trusting us and communicating!¡±


    The larger huffs in¡­ in an odd new sensation, and our body kinda slumps to follow the impulse at how easily Yrelia sees through Her.


    ¡°So no, you idiot. We don¡¯t hate you.¡± She pulls our forehead into her¡¯s. ¡°We¡¯re pissed and scared in the way only family can be. Just as our little temple girl is stuck with you, you are stuck with us.¡±


    ¡°But. The dream stone. The research into sealing¨C"


    ¡°This family doesn¡¯t put up with the abuse you were leveling.¡± She spits. ¡°And if you¡¯d not been willing to change, to¡­ to stop and make things right, then we have the right to end the relationship. To protect our girl¡¯s spirit from you. But you did, and even though it doesn¡¯t fix things, we can¡¯t help but be proud of you both for doing that!¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± Is all either spirit can supply.


    ¡°We need to establish boundaries and expectations.¡± Kque adds. Quietly but with a tone that brooks no argument. Even more than when she¡¯s handling our body care. ¡°For both your safety and ours.¡±


    We let out a heavy breath, and for a second there is a fleeting worry that¡­ that an old pride will bubble up and fight that. Or¡­ or that the larger will agree here but ignore whatever She wishes. But¡­ She surprises us all by taking the lead and nodding.


    ¡°Of course.¡± We whisper, leaning more into Yrelia. ¡°Tell us what is expected. And we¡¯ll do everything in our power to change. To¡­ to try and love you all more than we hate them. At least in action if not in heart. And¡­ and maybe even heal.¡±


    A pause, then Tasii asks. ¡°Just like that?¡±


    We gently pull away from our first lover and turn to face our second, letting her read the truth in us.


    ¡°Everything we love is in this room. Save our Big Child.¡± We smile sadly at her. ¡°For you all the smaller would give up everything she is, and the larger cannot help but¡­ but be enthralled with Her everything. She won''t risk losing her again.¡±

 Chapter 72: Lamentations for a Beloved, Lost and Unbound

    <u>CW:</u>


    THE END OF ARC TWOOOOO!!! Weaver POV!!! talk of the dead. sad attacks. BEG emotions. Lore things on the Weaver because you''ve all been SOOOO patient and deserve a lil'' peek into Her nonsense!!!


    That night, after a half dozen long hours of our family erecting the walls and foundations that could eventually blossom into grander things if we would commit to them, our two spirits separate and meet in their shared Dream¡­


    If the sky was cracked before, a knife slicing a weeping laceration into our minds, it is now a gaping wound of glimmering nonsense.


    My Challa, my Inamatorii, glances over. ¡°Can we fix this?¡±


    The dream flutters and pulses at her passive presence and will. No anger or wariness in her or¡­ or even fear. Just¡­ love.


    For me.


    That, above all things, sends such shivers of fear through my soul.


    I sigh to try and distract myself from her gaze and pulsing affections, ¡°We could spend much Amwella to repair and heal the damage, but¡­¡±


    Foolish girl, blinded by past gifts and drowning in my own madness¡­ You should be furious at me. Should¡­ should have demanded more concessions of the spirit that hurts you time and time again. Can¡¯t you see how horrible I am? Feel my broken and worthless spirit just¡­ rotting away?


    ¡°But?¡± She presses, the first negative emotion flashing behind her eyes. Worry and fear for our shared Dream.


    I hate how¡­ how the more I wake up to myself, the more I seep into your mind and feel my work¡­ the more I hate myself for what I¡¯ve become. Old and rotting and bitter. Slow to love and slower to trust¡­ Nothing like what I should be. Like what I was.


    I focus a fraction of myself on her questions as I try to pull my mind from the muck of self-loathing. ¡°The Zeridii is freed, and dreams may provide a perfect staging ground for understanding and communication.¡±


    The first song I shared with Ina haunts my thoughts though. Drives the cold pain of guilt and shame through my heart at the woman who would now give her everything to protect me¡­


    She squeezes my hand tighter. ¡°What is the Zeridii, exactly? Where¡¯s it from? What does it want? You¡­ you keep saying it¡¯s dead?¡±


    I nod. ¡°My last lover stayed well away from Arudia, and even so she didn¡¯t live in a time that travel there was easy. We only encountered the¡­ outskirts of the infection.¡± I pause, considering the best words to convey simple truths. "An old thing of many shards and personalities, dead and fracturing. Little ghosts that used to sing in wondrous harmony, now disjointed and alone and¡­ and becoming aware of the Waking World in individual flutters. Arudia will need a Sun Spoken¡¯s help to keep the peace a shard of mine swore to create for the women of these lands.¡±


    I¡­ I fight to ignore how much I have in common with this star fallen spirit. Focus on my lover and¡­ and how much I¡¯ve hurt her already.


    My Challa¡¯s song is a lament born of older pains than even I can fully understand these days. A broken song woven from the memory of my shattering. A thing to take advantage of one who could be shaped and molded to satisfy old regrets at the cost of just¡­ one little spirit¡¯s will and future. So easy to simply... erase what she was and replace it with my own rotting stolen desires...


    Now I¡¯m peering over at my workings. Searching. Trying to¡­ to parse out what is her and what are the little things I carved into her mind, body and soul with the healing song I taught her.


    I burned so much of her old body away, and used the wellspring of Amwella stored in my shard to fuel the change. But¡­ there wasn¡¯t enough to finish. So¡­ the healing song I¡¯d taught her is both repairing the body and coaxing the mind into singing another¡¯s song.


    A Lamentation for the woman I lost.


    My Inamatorii.


    Given the body I would have wrapped her in if only she had just accepted that offering in those final days. Had taken even a moment to ensure her own survival!!!


    ¡°You look really pretty, by the way.¡± My Challa smiles at me, interrupting what could have been a deadly spiral into rotting grief and misery. I glance down and¡­ and see¡­


    My old form!?! Something like the body I lost before the breaking... I think?


    Shorter than my lover, dark sun-kissed skin layered in glimmering scales, hair a whirling nonsense mass of tendrils. And I assume¡­ eyes of pulsing jade like the oceans of my home.


    Fuck! I¡­ hope she can¡¯t see the gills!


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I whisper. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t even fight my tendrils leanings toward her as those passive musings shred all my old layers of protection. Soothing my fury and peeling away my mantled curse''s wrath.


    Just... The cost of giving her my everything through so many mergers.


    This place, this Dream, is more her¡¯s than mine now, I simply have more years of experience in how to sing Dream Worlds to match my will. From Emarial¡¯s fear at our union I¡¯m not sure if this is so for my other shards. If¡­ if they can even see their claimed women as more than tools or¡­ Playthings.


    I can¡¯t help but glare down at the ash beneath our feet at that description. At how well it fits.


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    That¡¯s all our other lovers are to me. Even¡­ even after everything they¡¯ve sacrificed and done for us. I can¡¯t help but¡­ but consider them distractions and fun things to be used before their little flames fade and leave me alone again.


    Souls a paltry prize to snuggle against compared to what I lost. Only my Ina means more to me. And¡­ Isn¡¯t that just because I¡¯m shaping her soul and mind in an attempt to call a shadow of my beloved back from death?


    The past hours in the Waking World were exhausting and¡­ and hard. A litany of all the things that I did to hurt this amazing woman and her lovers. Rules and expectations laid clearly and talked out to ensure I could not stumble into hurting anyone again, followed up by words and phrases to snap me from those actions. Both in the Dream and Waking World when we mingle spirits again.


    But¡­ They could never guess at the Lamentation I¡¯d already started back when this shard first touched her mind and soul. How could any of them even imagine the twisting selfish working of a shattered shard broken from a goddess¡¯s daughter¡­


    I finally whisper. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for hurting you. And¡­ and violating your trust.¡±


    I should tell her.


    Here. Now! Give her the knowledge and tools to¡­ to keep me from hurting her again. Real power to wield should my spirit fester with old Rot and Ruin like it always does!!!


    Ina says something, a murmur of forgiveness I can¡¯t accept as this idea curdles through me. Sends a wash of such fear and pain through my spirit. The Dream ripples and pulses from that in horrid mimicry to my head tendrils agonized wiggles.


    What happens when she sees that I¡¯ve just¡­ always been too broken and can never hope to be repaired? Will this be the final wound for her? If so she... she''ll drive me away!!! Will... will find the song to draw me out of her mind and Dreams and seal me back into the silence between and-


    Suddenly Ina¡¯s pulling me close, leaning her head down into mine. Then sort of¡­ drags me into the same kind of hug I would normally wrap her in. One where she¡¯s holding me from behind and wrapping arms around my body. Cooing soft murmuring things to calm the turmoil she feels weeping from my soul as my tendrils reach back to clutch at her so desperately.


    It helps but¡­ I¡¯m not sure there will ever be anything in the Waking or Dreaming Rifts that can truly settle my blighted soul. But¡­ just these unyielding affections are a balm that helps me dredge through the muck at least one more time for her. When the Dream settles, and we¡¯re sitting amidst a field of flowers that¡¯s sprouted from the grass, she leans down to kiss my nose.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I blubber as my traitorous tendrils reach up to play amidst my Challa''s hair.


    She tightens her grip on me. ¡°You''re forgiven.¡±


    I shake my head, voice cracking and losing all the control and dignity I¡¯d normally weave from the Dream. ¡°There¡¯s something else. Something worse I need to tell you.¡±


    She tilts her head, worried but¡­ still in love with me. But how much of that is¡­ is poisoned by my workings!?! Twisted from a young woman who can¡¯t know any better!?!


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± She pulls me close, bears my blighted spirit echoes with nothing but a loving smile.


    I shake my head again. Trying to¡­ to find the words and-


    ¡°You miss her. Probably¡­ probably more than I¡¯ll even know.¡± She murmurs.


    I jerk to a stop, eyes go wide as my tendrils freeze. ¡°What?¡±


    She¡­ she can¡¯t know about¡­


    WAIT!


    Has she been reading me this entire time!?! Sensing my¡­ my¡­ emotions and thoughts and... and worse things!?!


    ¡°You¡¯re not subtle.¡± She giggles, beautiful and overwhelming and¡­ and impossible to resist. Even through my tears I feel a pained smile touch my lips. ¡°And you kinda basically told me last time we fought. Inamatorii was a past lover of yours.¡±


    I just¡­ stare up at her. Heart and soul withering under that¡­ that confident loving gaze that so easily peels me apart.


    ¡°I¡¯d remember what book I picked such a gorgeous name from. After all... I have a good fucking memory when I actually pay attention to things.¡± She smirks. ¡°This body was her¡¯s. Right? The name is just¡­ another mind thing? Not a compulsion. Just¡­ Sort of an echo across its parts?¡±


    I nod, but whisper. ¡°I never got to give it to her. She wouldn¡¯t let me. Not before¡­¡±


    I¡¯m sobbing again as old pains roil up and rot the Dream around me. But¡­ but my Challa pulls me close. Showers me with affections and love I do not deserve. Murmurs soft nothings to just¡­ let me know that I¡¯m not alone. That she isn¡¯t angry or upset or disgusted with what I''ve become.


    That she won¡¯t leave me.


    It takes most of the Dream to pull coherent thoughts from my mess.


    ¡°You¡­ you can pick out a new name if you''d like.¡± I whisper, holding onto her spirit as tightly as possible. Hoping¡­ hoping the Dream can last so much longer¡­


    Ina huffs and shakes her head. ¡°That will just confuse everyone. Myself included.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± Horrid thoughts of¡­ of what if she¡¯s already been consumed and can¡¯t be anything but the Lament I laid on her bubble up and tear at my mind. A deep and sudden worry that I waited too long to tell her and¨C


    ¡°It¡¯s a good name. Thank you for sharing it with me.¡± She nuzzles my trembling tendrils and gives them more pecking kisses. ¡°And besides, I picked the name out because Yrelia liked it too.¡±


    I tremble a bit, ¡°I don¡¯t know how much of your mind it¡¯s touched! I don¡¯t want you to be twisted and changed by my wretched¨C¡±


    She hushes me with another snuggle. ¡°I¡¯ll handle it.¡±


    A pause of worry before I can whisper. ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been inspired lately. Will be toying with the songs you taught me anyway.¡± She leans down to hover just above my face. ¡°You¡¯ve given me the foundations. I¡¯ll just¡­ compose a song using what you¡¯ve shown me. Make sure I¡¯m always exactly who I want to be.¡±


    I just sag into her¡­ murmur a few blubbering thanks and apologies. It takes even longer to pull myself together this time.


    ¡°There is one thing I¡¯d like from you though, if¡­ if you can give it?¡±


    ¡°Anything.¡± I reply immediately.


    ¡°So¡­ We¡¯ve just been calling you the Weaver or Goddess or¡­ big spirit.¡± She gives me a few more kisses, even moves between my tendrils tips to show them little dizzying affections ¡°But¡­ Is there a name you¡¯d prefer?¡±


    Oh.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea.¡± I whisper carefully. ¡°Old names have¡­ weight. And memories that could ruin everything.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­ Yeah? I literally have an old name that makes me flinch every time I hear it aloud.¡± She pulls back and frowns for a few seconds, ¡°Fuck! I¡­ I hate that our lovers heard it.¡±


    But then our eyes meet and she¡¯s smiling down at me again. ¡°So¡­ Let¡¯s find you a new one!¡±


    I glance past her at the cracked sky. ¡°What if the name doesn¡¯t feel right?¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°Toss it off, and try out another. That¡¯s what our lovers offered to me on that first night.¡±


    I sigh, just¡­ just too overwhelmed by her. ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ consider a few options.¡±


    The Dream shifts, a signal to us both that its end is near.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I squeeze her tighter. Wordless physical dream nonsense emitting from my heart and soul and spirit. An eternity of everything I¡¯m feeling just¡­ laid as bare as possible. ¡°Thank you for¡­ for not just locking me away. For wanting to keep me.¡±


    She returns my embrace. ¡°It¡¯s just like you promised me, Always and Forever!¡±


    ¡°Or¡­¡± I murmur sadly. ¡°Just¡­ at least until the Dream¡¯s End.¡±


    CONGRABULATIONS of reaching the end of Arc Two:


    Hetaera of the Paths!!!


    The next... like.... 70-80 pages are already written and more are zooping in so there won''t be a delay between this and Arc three.


    OMGERRRRRRSH!!!! We did it! GUCK US! The end of Arc two is here and posted and shared and guck guck guck we are unmade and in love with this.


    THANK YOU ALL so SO SO SO much for reading and comments and drinking in our soul songs!!!


    AS BEFORE we adore questions as much as comments, and while you can totally post em here, our discord</a> is a GREAT place to settle in and discuss all the silly wiggles of our disaster lesbian Polycule! Make sure to message us wiff Patreon info so we can give you proper roles and suuuch!!!

 Chapter 73: Arudian Politicking with a Sun Spoken

    <u>CW:</u>


    mention of a painful removal of memory and analogizing it to body pains. politics and angry Doyans


    ¡°Thirty-one percent is not nearly acceptable!¡± The Doyan¡­ eh¡­ Letina? I¡¯m not great with names. Especially when the person is shouting.


    The other Doyans seem to just¡­ settle back in their seats and let her go off again as is such a common dance we played over these past few weeks. They¡¯d start going over Arudian Law, end up with tons of debate over what laws should shift and which should remain. Endless nonsense over small wordings and how such things would affect anything and everything throughout Arudia. Processes and protocols for studying gemstones, all the basic code of general regulations, and a ton of things I just¡­ don¡¯t have the ability to understand or give input on.


    Gosh, what the actual fuck. We just¡­ Ugh I kinda wish we could have simply changed the legal text but¡­What about the Zeridii?


    After that night¡­ long after the battle with Emarial and the Matron Veletross, and in the waking hours of the next morning, we''d become so aware of them and their really fucking sad song.


    A sort of¡­ low lilting wail that wriggled and pulsed throughout all the gemstones. We¡¯d been hearing it, at least a little bit, since we entered Arudia. Stood surrounded by a city drowning in wonderful Cultivation. Ignored it as just¡­ the thrum of magic.


    But¡­ Cultivation isn¡¯t magic. It¡¯s not a part of the World Song.


    ¡°Speaking of which...¡± The Grand Doyan, Boletii, leans forward. Able to easily tell my mind has wandered. ¡°There is another important topic as we consider future alterations to our laws, Lady Sun Spoken.¡±


    The room we sit in is huge! Easily bigger than any tavern¡¯s common room. At its center sits this huge table, and upon it is this sort of¡­ gorgeous carving of all of Arudia. Painted with gemstone dust and shimmering with incredibly detailed depictions of each of the settlements, only its edges are flat and clear for the five Doyans, and a Sun Spoken, to sit and work while discussing and debating.


    I¡¯m on the opposite end of the table from her, so I make a point to look up and give her my best and most polite smile. One I hope would make Yrelia very proud. Not accepting or open to any slights, but very inviting to discuss whatever she has on her mind.


    ¡°Yes, Grand Doyan?¡±


    I¡¯d um¡­ tried to let these five work things out so far. We¡¯d made our stance on the two major changes very clear that night. No more enslaving the¡­ uh¡­ monsters and parasites. And the Zeridii will remain free. They¡¯d not voiced more concerns on the topics. At least... Not yet.


    I¡¯d needed to refuse to visit the um¡­ ¡®fertility wing¡¯ of the Academy until the command was fully lifted and¡­ The first had left us a blubbering mess after pulling it free. Like¡­ Like tearing nails out or flaying skin. As much as I¡¯d reviled even that little command, it tore our spirits apart to let it go. So¡­ How much worse would this much bigger one be?


    ¡°On the topic of the gemstones, can we expect their¡­ What was the word you used? Flourishing? To stop.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Yes. Or stirring.¡± I supply quickly but not with the doubt I feel. ¡°They¡¯re waking up. And as for settling¡­¡± I sigh, knowing this will upset them. ¡°We¡¯re not sure it will. Not in the way you¡¯re hoping.¡±


    Over the past three weeks the gemstones had been¡­ temperamental. Branded crystals would sometimes not work, or produce strange results. Minor at first, but with every passing day the amount grew. With some of the most powerful or rare gemstones ignoring their Mistresses commands almost entirely.


    ¡°Can you elaborate?¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I wish we could. But¡­ this isn¡¯t something that¡¯s never happened before.¡±


    One of the others fixes me with a very pointed glare, and¡­ oh¡­ Well I¡¯m surprised it took them this long to turn their confusion and rage back on me. They¡¯d spent three weeks treating me like some hungry jungle Cretilla ready to pounce. Afraid of my shadow after seeing the ruined remains of thousand year old unbreakable gemstones the size of a manor and hearing the Weaver''s words.


    They had to notice my calm and fairly kind demeanor was not an act by now. But just¡­ the me that they could expect to deal with. I just hope they don¡¯t puzzle together just how much more vulnerable I am. I mean¡­ Matron Veletross probably told them about her time killing Weaver/Sun Spoken possessions but¡­ We are SO much different that they must have been. She was even surprised to see us talking!


    ¡°Then why do it?¡± Doyan Letina demands. ¡°Why not converse with us? Warn the people? Consider that maybe this¡­ this Zeridii was kept restrained by those Obelisks for a good fucking reason!?!¡±


    I pause, not in a need to restrain any anger. I understand their fear and fury in this. Came to grasp it even more as we began these conclaves. Cultivation is literally the reason Arudia exists, and what we did could very well shatter this nation if their gemstones continue to fail.


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°You¡¯re right.¡±


    That twists her glare into a confused scowl. Many others watch me with a sort of sudden worry or disbelief. Let''s... hm... Let''s turn this into something useful. Try and make them see me as an ally instead of some crazed girl.


    ¡°What we did was done on impulse and out of a sudden desire to see wrongs righted.¡± I nod, give her a placating smile, ¡°We¡­ perhaps should have reached out first, but The Weaver spoke and Her will is more unstoppable than the Obelisks we broke when She is roused.¡±


    At least She was. But now¡­ well. They don''t need to know anything more about Her.


    ¡°But I¡¯m willing to dedicate my songs and actions to helping make sure Arudia not only survives, but thrives.¡±


    That gets a myriad of reactions from these five. A few good, a couple disbelieving, one still very hostile, and one I cannot hope to read.


    ¡°Your¡­ songs?¡± The Grand Doyan quirks an eyebrow. ¡°You mean Her magic?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Mine, now. To do with as I please bearing Her full blessings.¡±


    ¡°What can you do with it?¡± One of the more disbelieving Doyan asks, expression now one of real curiosity.


    ¡°Last Emarial and I spoke we decided the best term for it was Inspiration magic. Fueled by will, focus, and need. I¡¯m currently working on discovering how to speak with the Zeridii, once that happens I can share my findings and we can work together. Discover how best to move forward.¡±


    There are a few grumbles and hushed whispers, but¡­ what else can they demand of me?


    The answer comes within a few seconds.


    ¡°Lady Inamatorii¡­¡± One of the less outspoken and much more calm Doyan begins to ask.


    ¡°Please, simply call me, Ina, when we¡¯re at this table.¡±


    All my fucking titles are a mouthful and just¡­ clutter things. And I really hope these women can someday come to respect more than my status as Sun Spoken and current emissary to the Weaver. Maybe¡­ maybe see me as a trusted friend to Arudia. I¡¯m already sick to death of the feeling of being surrounded by women who only tolerate me out of fear or¡­ or some begrudging respect.


    There is a bit of a surprised pause, then the Grand Doyan speaks up. ¡°We¡¯d prefer to remain respectful and¨C¡±


    I hold up a hand, a polite request to let me explain. She obliges with a nod.


    ¡°I would never dream to stop using any of your respected titles, honored Doyans. But¡­¡± I struggle to avoid biting my lip at¡­ at this gamble. ¡°I¡¯ve not even been claimed as a Sun Spoken for a year, and I am young. I believe our actions were correct, but am still understanding their weight. You are my elders in almost all things, and I wish to serve the people of Arudia. Not rule or claim anything.¡±


    There is even more shuffling and disparate flashes of expressions. Most just look surprised, but¡­ a few seem to soften a little.


    ¡°That is quite unprecedented. But so is your presence and the events that lead you here.¡± The Grand Doyan shrugs. ¡°If you insist there is little reason to refuse you. I thank you for your¡­ Openness.¡±


    Then I turn back to the other Doyan, ¡°I interrupted, you had a question?¡±


    She nods, now smirking. ¡°I simply wished to extend an invitation, more of a request really. For you to sit with me during the allotment hearings.¡±


    I have absolutely no idea what those are. And while I just admitted to being young, I¡¯d rather not look outwardly stupid or ignorant.


    Stupid.


    I. Am. Stupid.


    Fuck¡­ I can¡¯t stop the little smirk at being able to call myself that again without pain.


    ¡°I¡¯m honored, but why request my presence?¡±


    She leans forward, rests elbows on the table. ¡°We¡¯ll be hearing thousands of research requests and calls to aid important projects. It¡¯s a chance for us to meet with the people who fuel the lifeblood of Arudian workings and help guide them toward the most prosperous paths. I¡¯d adore your input and perspective.¡±


    Ah. The hearings that determine where the Doyans toss some of the wealth around. Kque and Jevita seemed to especially hate them. Despised the idea of people having to grovel to the highest in the land and often had to use backroom political nonsense to get writs of funding and discount approvals.


    ¡°Oh, um¡­¡±


    I¡¯d already spent the past week attending these conclaves, and¡­ each tended to go on for at least eight hours. If not for my little healing songs I¡¯d be a mess! And today was supposed to be the final meeting before a two-day break.


    I¡¯d been planning on doing a ton of other things! Spending time alone with a few of my lovers, and just like¡­ trying to get a good twelve or fifteen hour rest to Dream with the Weaver so we can work out more song things!


    And sex. LOTS of Sex. Fuck me silly, did I still need to gather a ton of Amwella to replenish my wellspring! But¡­ Fuck this is literally a chance to reshape Arudia for the people! Give input and push funding toward good things and not weird political nonsense!


    ¡°When is the hearing?¡± I ask, ¡°And how long will it last?¡±


    ¡°Tomorrow, and it¡¯ll be an all day affair.¡± My heart almost sinks before she adds, ¡°You¡¯re, of course, under no obligation to attend the entire event if you agree. A few of us will rotate in throughout the day.¡±


    ¡°Oh! I might be handling other things but¡­ can I send you my answer later tonight or¡­ or in the morning?¡±


    ¡°No need.¡± She shrugs. ¡°You may attend at your leisure, Ina. I¡¯ll be in session just after lunch if I could trouble you to join at my appointed time.¡±


    That¡­ okay she¡¯s being friendly! I can¡¯t help but feel a little spark of joy at that. Maybe I can start building a sort of healthy relationship with these women after all starting with her!


    There were a few more topics, all weird technical things I had to just¡­ pretend to understand at least the shape of. But we do eventually escape the long and tiring meeting. Finally, outside the chambers, I find my big patient protector waiting on one of their really soft cushioned benches.


    Her dark skin is flawless now, both eyes find me before mine touch upon her form. A gift I¡¯d sung the moment I had the Amwella for it. Even before allowing my first command to be removed I¡¯d insisted we heal this woman who saved our life.


    ¡°Zigdara¡­¡± I huff as she stands, giving me a light bow. ¡°You¡­ you really don¡¯t need to wait out here through the entire conclave every day.¡±


    ¡°Lady Ina,¡± She smiles patiently, comfortable with this old exchange. ¡°As I¡¯ve always said, I¡¯ll not be far away, especially when you might be among enemies. Not again.¡±


    Every day, of every week, she¡¯d insisted on accompanying me basically everywhere since that night.


    Well¡­ not everywhere. Still one place I need to see if she wants follow...


    ¡°At least tell me you got some lunch or¡­¡±


    ¡°Tasii made sure I had food for today when we left again.¡± She nods, ¡°Kque and her have taken to the craft and exploring the art together quite well this past week.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile at that, they are SO cute to watch fiddle with all the strange Arudian tools, ingredients and recipes. Now insisting to cook for the entire house for most meals. They often kept leftovers for me to enjoy before collapsing into slumber after these long days. But¡­ I¡¯d been so occupied with the Doyans I¡¯d not been able to try most of their wonderful work fresh.


    ¡°Shall we?¡± Zigdara asks, holds out her arm for me.


    With a smile I happily take her big warm arm and let her escort me through the Academy¡¯s halls.


    We¡¯d restored our leg¡¯s bone sword¡­ thing. But adjusted it so I could at least walk without the cane for most days. Needed to keep at least a partial front of ease and grace. Also I¡¯d insisted we dulled the blade. Should It be needed I¡¯d have to call Her up to use it anyway, and the song to re-sharpen it would be quick and easy to hum out alongside Her Waking Melody.


    ¡°Anything exceptional happen in today¡¯s gathering?¡± She asks after a few moments of silent walking.


    ¡°Actually¡­ I think so?¡± I tilt my head in thought.


    Zigdara seems to¡­ well not stiffen but become much more alert at the sudden change to our normal routine. ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ Well I think I¡¯ve gotten them to stop being so fucking scared of me.¡± I smile a bit, ¡°I know that sounds weird but¡­¡±


    She stiffens a bit. ¡°Is it wise to allow their fear to wane? For these angry and devious women to slowly consider you less dangerous?"


    I shrug. ¡°We need to get things done, Zigdara. And I¡¯m still a stupid temple girl with less than a year¡¯s experience even walking the Paths. I need them to call me out on at least some of my stupid ideas if we¡¯re going to make Arudia a better place.¡±


    ¡°Ina, you¡¯re not stupid. You¡¯ve come far and blossomed much from who you were at the temple.¡± She lets out a huff, ¡°And that¡¯s¡­ an incredibly humble thing to admit. I only hope they¡¯ll see it as the peace offering it is.¡±


    ¡°Thanks." I lean into her arm and hum affectionately. "I¡¯m also just trying to stop anyone from throwing lightning at us again.¡±

 Chapter 74: Litany to The First Lover (18+)

    <u>CW:</u>


    SEX with Yrelia aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Emotions! Lots of them.


    ¡°Yrelia!¡± I giggle as she pulls me toward this room''s nice big bath, ¡°I¡¯m hungry! Can¡¯t we do this after I¨C¡±


    As we enter the bathroom she turns and gives me such a wondrous little smirk that still sends my heart into a tumble, ¡°I¡¯ll make sure you''re fed soon.¡±


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    I¡¯m interrupted as she reaches down to begin pulling off my manaka, then proceeds to remove the rest of the clothing amidst my weak sighing protests before pulling me into the steaming waters. Easily large enough for two, the tub sits deep within the floor. Odd slightly glowing Cultivation markings line the edges and serve to control the temperature of the water within. Keeping it at whatever perfect temperature we wish.


    ¡°Good girl!¡± She purrs as I¡¯m settled against one of the little ledges down in the water that serve as seats.


    I sigh, comfortable but¡­ Still really fucking hungry! I¡¯ve not eaten since breakfast and¨C


    My next words are silenced as she reaches back to reveal a wooden tray with a domed cover and weird little bottom things which¡­ Huh. Apparently let it float.


    Then with a grin and a flourish Yrelia pulls the top off as she sets it in the water between us.


    Revealing a full platter of steaming amazing¡­ things. Food of all colors and shapes and types that I just¡­ have no clue. But know each to probably be tastier than the last.


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper.


    She chuckles and next pulls two mugs of wine up to sit on the bath¡¯s edge. ¡°Yes, oh. I asked you for tonight, so I¡¯m going to spoil you a bit with my best totally not Hetaera performance.¡±


    Then she just¡­ oh fuck Yrelia¡¯s shown me all this. Walked me through what her mentor trained Hetaera to do. But¡­. fuck is it different to experience from this side of things again. Haven''t had her pamper me from this end of things since our first months of training me!


    First, she coaxes me into leaning back so she can take up my foot and slowly massage out the stress of the day. I¡¯m barely able to eat my fill as she starts mind-melting workings while teasing out the spots of anxiety from my ankle and calf and knees with deft dancing fingers.


    ¡°How¡¯s my Ina doing?¡± She purrs, and when I peek open my lazy eyes to peer at her.


    ¡°Muh¡­¡± I manage, then¡­ ¡°You¡¯re going to put me to sleep, Yrelia.¡±


    She chuckles, but doesn¡¯t stop. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure to wake you back up when It¡¯s time for more¡­ physical things.¡±


    I sigh happily and force myself to take another bite while she continues.


    My first love, somehow, knows that I¡¯d just¡­ rather not talk about Arudian politics right now, and doesn¡¯t poke like I might need some nights. Just¡­ Keeps slowly working up my legs¡­ up and up and¡­


    ¡°Yrelia?¡± I murmur.


    A¡­ a question prodding at my thoughts. One that could ruin tonight if I don¡¯t get it out.


    ¡°Mmm?¡± She replies, almost¡­ almost expectantly.


    ¡°I¡­¡± A heavy sigh escapes me. ¡°I¡¯ll understand if¡­¡±


    She doesn¡¯t chuckle, doesn¡¯t giggle or poke. And when I open my eyes it¡¯s to a tilted head with a soft smile.


    ¡°I¡¯m really sorry for like¡­ keeping us here.¡± I whisper. ¡°And¡­ and I just¡­ I wanted to let you know if you all wanted to return to the Paths. If your wanderlust draws you all to need to leave or¡­ just go. Then I¡¯m willing to drop all of this.¡±


    ¡°Inaaa¡­¡± Her smile is so gentle, such a¡­ a softer thing than I¡¯ve seen on her face in weeks.


    I have to look down and away in guilt and shame. I really really don¡¯t deserve any of them.


    ¡°It¡¯s not fair what we did. And I¡¯d love to blame Her. But¡­ That was all me. It was my idea to destroy the Obelisks with that song.¡± I growl. ¡°Then¡­ When we realized how fucked everything was going to get it was ME that insisted we stay and try and help pick up the pieces. Her, the¡­ the bigger spirit would have been happy to just¡­ leave and let the fucks figure out their own shit.¡±


    Yrelia stops her working, holds my leg. ¡°Why are you apologizing?¡±


    ¡°Because you¡¯re all staying here for me¡­ or us. And¨C¡±


    She flicks some water at my face.


    ¡°H¨C Hey!¡± I can¡¯t help but grin and sputter. Even try to adjust to flick more back but she just¡­ keeps my foot solidly held.


    ¡°Ina, we¡¯re staying in a fucking manor too big for even the eight of us.¡± She chides, ¡°Tasii and Kque are in love with the new passion they¡¯ve picked up, Jevita is able to walk around the entire manor without fear and has been enthralled by your late-night babbles about song magic, and even Lule is more happy in their stables here than ever.¡±


    ¡°B¨C But¨C¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve secured writs and letters from both Delphian and Lady Ophrit that welcome us as guests in any of their homes in Arudia and beyond. Able to ask for boons and aid in whatever form we need.¡±


    ¡°B¨C¡±


    ¡°AND, you silly girl,¡± She purrs, dragging perfect nails up and down my leg so sensuously I can¡¯t help but go still. ¡°We¡¯re all very proud of you. This is not going to be easy, and will take time, but we¡¯re all more than delighted to just¡­ bask in our lover¡¯s work and offer any help we can.¡±


    No words even start to come out as I just¡­ stare at her eyes that just¡­ sing with truth and affections and promises and¡­


    ¡°Including giving you the best sex you¡¯ve had in months.¡± She finishes with a very serious look.


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Yes, Oh.¡± She purrs, moving the tray of food back up to the rim of the tub.


    Then she reaches back behind a stack of towels and gets¡­ something. Hides it beneath the water while I¡¯m still a little fumbled.


    ¡°Um¡­ Thank you. That¨C¡±


    She moves closer, carefully pushing my legs apart and pressing close. Fingers and¡­ something else brushing and dancing down my thigh.


    Then she¡¯s close, so close, lips just a whisper from mine.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°Inaaa¡­¡± She smiles that wicked grin. ¡°Ask me.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smirk back, raising wet arms up to lay across her shoulders while fingers entwine behind her neck. ¡°Please fuck me.¡±


    She¡­ oh that¡¯s wonderful to see!!! My smile, sputtering HER mind. Causing my first lover to lose focus and control. Even if just for a second before her own overwhelms my heart and sends me into a bit of a spiral of desire and lust.


    Then her arm is around my waist, pulling us into such a soft kiss.


    Lips dance. Tongues entwine, and I am reminded once again why I was so good at Hetaera work.


    I had a VERY good teacher.


    Within seconds I am a little dizzy with her workings, even before her other hand begins to caress up and down my skin. Fingers pirouetting and twisting such tantalizing patterns across thigh and hip and breast.


    I don¡¯t want her to rush. Don¡¯t need it. She could keep me here in these warm waters for an eternity just¡­ teasing and kissing me and I¡¯d be enraptured.


    But she loves to hear me bubble up.


    With a client I would start small and slowly increase the noises, but not with Yrelia. I¡­ Ever since our first nights together I swore to not hide myself from her. Never temper myself or shroud my needs.


    Not that I really could, even if I tried.


    Not after she¡¯s healed so much of me, has drawn me into loving these dances of soul and fire when I might have otherwise remained terrified of my new body and the enjoyment it could bring me if not for her love and careful mitigation of that nonsense.


    When she frees up my mouth to draw lips and teeth and tongue down my jaw and throat I know for sure anyone walking past this room will hear my last purring moan of her name.


    Any other night they might join us, but¡­ not now. Not tonight.


    So I just¡­ give her my everything. All these weeks of stress and desire and pent up hornii madness. Uncaring who or what might hear me. Whimpers and moans and whispers. Pleading sounds to a woman I trust to not give me what the sounds beg for. At least¡­ not for a little while longer. On this night, my first lover has stolen me away and is keeping me to herself.


    Lips are finally at my breast after sooo much teasing. She¡¯s already got me twisting and writhing in the ever warm waters. Tongue and teeth take my nipples into their warm and incredibly deft care, turning everything into a muddled mess in my mind. My fingers are in her hair, nails digging just enough to entice and convey what even my moans and pleading can¡¯t.


    She murmurs soft encouragements, then¡­ something moves to¡­


    Oh¡­ I forgot to ask what she was hiding from me under the water, and now it¡¯s¡­ what is¡­? Okay, something presses between my legs, begins to¡­ It¡¯s smooth but with an odd texture¡­ To¡­ Oh what the fuuuuck!?!


    I melt into whatever nonsense this is! It starts to warm up and like¡­ tremble. But like¡­ really intensely? Slow at first as Yrelia twirls and moves it against my clit and cunt and just¡­ murmurs little soft loving sounds as she continues to tease and nibble my breasts.


    Bubbling¡­. Bubbling¡­ I¡¯m just¡­ slowly bubbling over as my amazing first lover toys and plays with my everything. Perfectly weaving what should have probably already been like¡­ three orgasms into a single rising tide that¡­ that¡­ And then that weird thing she¡¯s pressing into me starts to shake even faster and harder!


    Yrelia wraps me tighter around the waist, pushes that thing harder against my flesh, and pulls us into a soft loving kiss as this first eruption of pleasure rolls through my body. Sending every muscle into a twitching mess as I moan really fucking loud into her.


    She murmurs loving chuckles through it all, and¡­ and fuck does that make it worse. To hear my lover gleefully tease me through this perfect moment just¡­ melts the world away and leaves me to bask in her adorations. And after what feels like an eternity of riding this wave, I¡¯m slumping into her embrace.


    A brief pause of showered kisses, and¡­ and that thing in her hands sort of¡­


    ¡°Would you like me to push this deeper?¡± She whispers as it¡¯s like¡­ held against me again.


    Like¡­ like some wonderful and¡­ a solid and¡­ Oh¡­ Is¡­ is this meant to be like¡­


    ¡°Y¨C Yeah¡­¡± I murmur as my mind blubbers a guess as to the shape of this new and wonderful thing.


    And then she¡¯s pushing it past my second lips, slowly and with such care. Knowing exactly where to turn and thrust the weird and amazing object before somehow making it start to tremble and shake against that¡­


    Oh¡­ oh fuck¡­


    And then Yrelia is dragging me into that second and deeper orgasm. The one that rides the first wave of pleasure and drowns a girl when her lover knows just the right place to dance against deep inside.


    I¡¯m just a puddle in her arms then. She even ends up having to adjust her arm at my waist to cradle my head as she nibbles and presses whatever this wonderful thing is deeper into me.


    A twist and¡­ and thrust, then a wiggle and she¡¯s just¡­


    ¡°Such a good girl.¡± She purrs, senses just how close I am to¡­ to¨C


    Fuck. Fucking¡­


    ¡°Inaaa¡­¡± Her long sensual drawing out of my name just¡­ I¡­ Her words just¡­ Tip me over into¡­


    My mind just¡­ plops in this amazing ocean she¡¯s given to me. Dissolving instantly into this roaring climax that sends such shudders and shakes all through me. Feeling myself wrap around and squeeze whatever this thing she¡¯s holding inside me so tight with my cunt, almost¡­ I almost feel it getting pushed out even!


    But eventually I¡¯m slumped again and she¡¯s gently pulling it free and showering my slack face and lips with wonderful kisses and purrs of adoration.


    ¡°My good girl, my Inamatorii¡­¡± She whispers. ¡°So beautiful and amazing.¡±


    I just¡­ slowly reclaim my hold on her head. Sensing her roaring core of Amwella that had been singing and dancing in hunger since she pulled me to this bathroom.


    Waiting for me to just¡­ take a nibble.


    I pull her into a long and lazy kiss, one tinted with¡­ with my satisfaction and hunger and just¡­ love for her.


    ¡°What¡¯d you think of our new toy?¡± She murmurs into my lips.


    ¡°Wow.¡± I sigh, ¡°What even¡­ like¡­ It felt like¡­ what even was that?¡±


    She giggles and draws the weird thing up from the water.


    It¡¯s long, faintly curved and lined with little ridges. A dark purple with a sort of¡­ faint pulsing beneath. Some kind of rock imbued with gemstone dust?


    And¡­ Yup. That looks exactly like a¨C


    I can¡¯t help but giggle. ¡°Did you just fuck me with a rock shaped like a cock?¡±


    She grins, ¡°I didn¡¯t hear you complaining.¡±


    ¡°Oh fuck no, that was wonderful.¡± I cross my wrists behind her neck and pull her close, ¡°You know how to use that better than any um¡­¡±


    I wince¡­ barely avoid the sting.


    Yrelia sighs and winces, ¡°Fuck, sorry. I didn¡¯t even¨C¡±


    I drag her into another kiss, then murmur as we pull back. Mind clear of those thoughts. ¡°Hush, It was perfect. Now¡­ I told you I was hungry, love. And you¡¯re going to be my next meal.¡±


    She giggles, and from there we move from the bath to the bed. Barely even dry off well before I have my first lover pinned amidst soft sheets.


    Yrelia¡¯s¡­ interesting to pleasure.


    And honestly the more people I have sex with the deeper understanding and fucking awe I feel. She is, without a fucking doubt, the most flexible person when it comes to kinks and desires. Or¡­ well she¡¯s explained it to me already, so long ago in that alley she pleasured me in.


    Her taste is in the person she¡¯s with, untainted by physical or personal preferences. Oh sure, she adores a lover she can tease and play with, but fuck is it enthralling to watch her moan and squeal when someone like Tasii pins her to a wall.


    To see and feel and fucking taste just how much she adores falling into whatever persona her partner craves after and just¡­ giving them her everything and basking in their satisfaction!


    This is why it¡¯ll be my eternal surprise that she didn¡¯t finish her Hetaera training. She¡¯d be a Mistress of the art and celebrated from the sea to the frozen lake. Her works would inspire silly girls like me to compose art and songs and¡­


    And¡­ Oh.


    And that little spark of Inspiration ignites into a fucking blaze of passion!


    I can¡¯t help but giggle as I draw lips from her¡¯s and dance fingers up from the breast I was enjoying to cup a cheek. Then, drawing up a little flow of Amwella from the new wellspring I¡¯d been furiously gathering over these past weeks and melting all thoughts into my affections for this amazing woman¡­ I begin to hum my love for her into a song.


    At first¡­ a low lilting tune to match our slow dance she¡¯d drawn me into this evening.


    She pauses, eyes drift open in curiosity.


    Then I mix a tittering harmony into the melody to sort of¡­ illustrate that first night with her beneath the stars. A clumsy fury of passion no less perfect than any other time we¡¯d made love.


    No¡­ it was MADE special because of my own inexperienced desires, flawless and forever inscribed within our hearts.


    My first dance with a lover.


    She doesn¡¯t stiffen, just¡­ goes a bit¡­ huh. Not rigid or upset just¡­


    I can¡¯t help but grin with excitement as I drink in her expression and weave our next Amwella dances into the verses. Understanding that I, her silly student, has surprised and enthralled her with my workings. Even though my song has no words, she knows exactly what the story is about. Then I mix Tasii into our song, humming to my first lover how much I adored her slow care and support. Overwhelmed and drowning in the family she¡¯d welcomed me into without hesitation.


    Her eyes widen, glimmering with as of yet unshed tears.


    Then a touch of terror, that first night with my fifth lover. But¡­ I force every once of certainty into my next notes.


    I was there too, and their love and willingness to endure Her for me will always melt my heart. That I still look back on that night with a few regrets¡­ But the one of the worst is how Yrelia devoted herself to laying watch and protecting me rather than feeling safe enough with us to gift any soulfire.


    The first tears do fall then, and I sense she wants to speak as a sudden sob is fought down. To¡­ to probably apologize or something.


    But I won¡¯t let her steal this song from herself.


    So I move a finger to her lips, and silence her with our litany¡¯s next chapters. A wiggling melody of delight and wonder as my first lover agreed to share her most beloved passion with me. How I was able to spend months and months just¡­ watching her gush her favorite things to me.


    Share not just the art of sex, but of people watching and flirting and just¡­ all the delights of Hetaera work. How to develop and wear new faces and personalities to best suit the desires of others.


    Despite the stress of it all, I would never trade a second of it away.


    She¡¯s shaking now, one hand up and pressing mine against her cheek while the other reaches up to hover just a whisper from my face. Her body wracked with loving sobs she¡¯s tries so hard to keep quiet, terrified she might ruin this song.


    But it¡¯s my turn to teach her something. As I slow down my workings to encompass tonight. Her every breath and tear and shudder is a matching tune to my workings. A harmony that completes this gift.


    Yrelia will never mess up my songs. Her life and love are the wonders that ignite my soul and sparked my life to fullness. She will forever be my guiding star, whether the nights are cold and cloudy or blazing with starlight.


    And then the Litany To My First Lover is finished and Yrelia releases all the pent up emotions I¡¯ve wrapped her with. Body trembling, she drags me into a kiss that is painted with her tears, and I can¡¯t help but weep with her. Sharing in her delight and sorrows and¡­ and all the things. All at once. For a moment I worry it was too much, but then the memory of the song resurfaces and I can¡¯t help but discard the silly thought.


    It was perfect.


    Without warning I find my soul drawn to hers, and hers to mine. And then we discover something together.


    Loving making without the need of the physical.


    The embrace which is absent of messy body things.


    An Amwella dance without a sexual release to prompt it.


    Souls mingle and touch and hug and snug and just¡­ curl so close that if I wasn¡¯t so fucking lost in my love for Yrelia I¡¯d haver jerked away in terror. Worried that I¡¯d made a mistake and would hurt her or¡­ something else stupid.


    Flashes of her thoughts and adorations mix with mine.


    Not¡­ not a merging. Not like what I do with my Weaver. But¡­ sharing. Harmonic tunes whirling about each other. And for a glorious time I get to literally feel my first lover''s thrumming emotions radiate through my Amwella, and know that she feels the same.


    I don¡¯t really know how long our souls entwine like that, but¡­ we both eventually feel the need to pull away. It hurts a little, in ways that are kinda hard to explain. But¡­ are also nice?


    Then¡­ in a split second of clarity I¡¯m sure I see her little perfect soul reach out and keep a little piece of my flame before we part. Which sends us both into a sort of¡­ wriggling mess of sobbing kisses and murmured adorations as a rush of¡­ of a type of euphoria rolls through us.


    ¡°Did¡­ did I just¨C¡± Yrelia blubbers.


    I giggle into her lips. ¡°Mhm. How did I taste?¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡± She just¡­ sputters out then, pulls me into another wondrously long and passionate kiss before pulling back and whispering. ¡°Wonderful. My Ina has the most perfect soul! Thank you! Thank you so much for¡­ for¡­ Everything. For trusting me and coming with us after your change and¡­ And giving us so much of yourself and your soul and...¡±


    I let her gush, easily pushing aside old urges to deny her this¡­ this outpouring of affections. To smother another¡¯s offered love. Can¡¯t help but smile and melt at the harmony her words sing.


    How she¡¯s simply giving me the other half to the melody I composed with my first lover.


    <u>


    </u>

 Chapter 75: The Eternity Stolen

    <u>CW:</u>


    Descriptions of death and torture, memory loss, betrayal. And curses. Comparing things to eye torture. Losing agency due to the head you share brain smushes in.


    Within the Dream, I find Her weeping so hard it floods the ashen wastes all around us. Even brings the water up to my knees.


    I slosh through the incredibly salty smelling mess to kneel beside her. This sobbing song is one of horrid contradictions that are laid plan in the reflections around her.


    Black and writhing Rot, horrid fury and blood-curdling wroth, and deep and unbearable pain blighting all the happiness she might otherwise call to herself.


    ¡°Ina, I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry.¡± She digs wonderfully cerulean scaled talons into her face as her head tendrils writhe in such a mess of anger and pain. ¡°It¡­ the¡­ we can¡¯t just¡­¡±


    I sigh and wrap my arms around my beloved soul partner. Offer Her soft coos and affections as I focus on the pulsing¡­ things around us.


    Find her song that Reaves Her and this Dream we share.


    And I¡­ I can¡¯t help but grimace at what I find. Such¡­ pain. So much that even focusing on it I struggle to find a harmony or rhythm.


    Which is just¡­ so odd for Her.


    Over the six months after we lost our leg we¡¯d grown close, and She taught me the foundations of the musical magic we¡¯d used that night. And then¡­ over these past few weeks I¡¯d seen our Dream laid bare and stricken. All fa?ade and pretense stripped away to the raw soul beneath.


    Sure, She¡¯s still this massive ancient person of terrifying proportions. But¡­ still a girl. And this girl has experienced something that broke a Goddess. Or more likely¡­ a great many things. Traumas that shattered Her heart and soul and mind into countless shards of despairing spirits.


    I know this because as I sit here trying to give Her every ounce of my love and care, the grand song that always seems to wiggle through our shared Dream has fallen into so much rank saltwater around our ankles. And its gurgling stillness screams to me the things that torment my lover.


    She can¡¯t break the command. It¡¯s too much a part of Her own soul. To change or break it She¡¯ll have to change herself. Alter how She feels about them or¡­ or hurt us both so much that we may not recover.


    This¡­ is why the first command hurt so much to remove. Its link to me was this¡­ sort of chain hooked into both our souls. To even carefully extract its talon we both had to like¡­ Fuck it¡¯s so weird to explain this way¡­ but we had to sort of stop believing it.


    Kind of.


    I just¡­ most of my memories of it felt like She was pulling literal hot wires out of my fucking eyes as I had to focus really really hard on my certainty that I was, in fact, a little stupid and useless.


    And to Her? It was way fucking worse.


    A thing of ancient power and a TON of years to consider had to believe that her lover, the woman whose body she had woven with fire and song, was at least a little stupid and a little useless.


    I only got flashes, but it seems to be like pouring hot alchemical acid into her own eyes.


    Fucking OW. We had to weave a healing song prior to the task. And still slept about twenty hours to recover enough to even Dream well.


    I chew on my lower lip as I pull Her closer¡­ considering¡­ Everything. All of this. How do you help a traumatized girl of this¡­ this size!?! How do you tackle this much pain and self-hatred and fury and¡­


    And¡­ Huh.


    You don¡¯t. Not all at once. That would be stupid. I can¡¯t even imagine my lovers trying to fix all my nonsense the day I stumbled into their lives. Or like¡­ even now. I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ll ever really be able to shake the random little lurches of dread and panic that hit me when I¡¯m reminded of my life at the temple.


    So¡­ we¡¯ll have to take this slow. Figure out exactly what happened to Her and how I can help. But She¡¯s such a mess right now. So¡­ Distraction time!


    ¡°Have you picked one out yet?¡±


    That jerks my lover from Her blubbering sobs. She echoes such confusion and she tries to suck in the broken parts of her soul that lay scattered about us like so much sea-trash. Tendrils flubber about to mimic her mood so well.


    ¡°C¡¯mon. Use words please. I¡¯m still getting used to all this Dream-reading nonsense.¡± I giggle.


    She sighs¡­ and takes a big breath. ¡°Picked what out wh¨C¡±


    An audible plop should have echoed as She suddenly understands my question.


    I kiss Her on the head.


    She leans into me and reaches out to return the affection. Wrapping me in arms and tendrils that seem to adore playing with my hair. ¡°No.¡±


    But even my stupid brain can see the extra things behind that answer!


    ¡°Buuuut. You have a few ideas, don¡¯t you?¡±


    She sort of¡­ growls. But it¡¯s honestly only so big because of the power around us She¡¯s dropped. Just¡­ more of a rumble of¡­ hm¡­ Well isn¡¯t that so perfect!


    I place a few kisses on a tendril that wanders to nuzzle my face, ¡°You have a couple you really like.¡±


    She huffs, eyes downcast on the waters. ¡°Apologies, Your mind is¡­¡±


    I tilt my head, and decide to let Her lead us down a second path of distractions.


    ¡°Our mergings change me, as much if not more than they change you.¡± She whispers. ¡°And¡­ and I¡¯m not¡­ It¡­¡±


    I brush some wriggling tendrils from Her downcast eyes, then take her hands. But don¡¯t press.


    ¡°I¡¯m forced to compare all my past actions, each and every one, in the framing of your mind.¡± More of the sludge around us seems to¡­ to soften. Disperse and¡­ and clear a bit as She focuses Her will and thoughts. ¡°And because you¡¯re such a gentle fucking spirit I¡¯m finding myself more and more disgusted by who I was, and what I still want to be.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­. Fuck.¡± I settle into the still draining waters. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not good. Horrible actually.¡±


    A long pause settles upon us for what seems like a few eternities as she slowly draws Her form and thoughts together.


    ¡°Is it?¡± She whispers. ¡°Is it so horrible to have what I¡¯ve become be whittled away until only a kinder thing remains?¡±


    ¡°Of course it is.¡± I gift her my softest smile. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t want to like¡­ change you into what I want you to be or carve away at who you are. I want you to heal and find happiness.¡±


    She snorts so horribly, and glares off into the horizon. ¡°What little happiness I hoped for was bled from my body like¨C¡±


    She clicks Her teeth shut, hard. Cutting off the words and a rising tide. I look down, find the liquid around us filled with writhing nonsense things again.


    Memories of pain and horror and worse things still.


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    Taking a deep breath, I reach down to touch the pool. To begin to feel and understand Her¨C


    A wretched claw of terrible fury snatches my hand, and when I look up I see the Her gaze hard and arm twisted into a mangled shape as She looms over me.


    Don¡¯t. Her will rolls out like some radiant blaze.


    I give her my best smirk, ¡°It¡¯s the best way, love.¡±


    She growls as tendrils writhe, but¡­ it¡¯s the thing of one who is scared and knows She can¡¯t stop me from wrenching this memory up from Her if I set my will to it.


    So I stop and pull back. ¡°If it¡¯s my¡­ sort of mind. My perspective that¡¯s changing you, then this is the best way to help. Let me see you. Let me understand this amazing girl who¡¯s been through so much.¡±


    She just¡­ stares, tendrils settling into an anxiety filling sway. You¡¯ll hate me.


    I reach out, touch her cheek. Pull her face back to mine. ¡°Never.¡±


    She growls, and I sense Her disagreement.


    But it¡¯s not a logical feeling. Not something born of careful consideration of Her past and my personality. It¡¯s a thing born of such deep fear.


    Fear of losing her Inamatorii again.


    So I lean down and kiss the blighted hand. Wanting to just show her that even her scars are things I can love.


    But then I feel¡­ A flash, a wave of fury and rage and SUCH howling cruelty. An eternity devoted to bitter slaughter, no matter the cost. All are simple tools beneath her gaze. Things to be used and discarded and¨C


    I know I¡¯m trembling, feeling the Dream literally quake at my sudden and incredibly painful contact with even this little part of Her.


    By the time I¡¯m lucid She¡¯s cradling me again. Sobbing apologies as the waters rise. Now up to our waists. Her body once again the twisting shadow thing. Tendrils a mass of dark silhouettes while her eyes are vibrant violet hues that weep molten starfire.


    ¡°I¡¯m oke.¡± I murmur, reaching up to touch her face. ¡°Sorry I¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to do that. To¡­ to see that. I want you to choose what to share or keep.¡±


    She trembles, wants to close her eyes but¡­ can¡¯t. Is as unable able to break our gaze as I am to fly outside this Dream.


    ¡°Just¡­ let¡¯s take it slow.¡± I grin up at her as those shadow tendrils squeeze me close. ¡°Little steps. We¡¯ll take all the time you need. Years and years and years if that¡¯s what it takes. We can worry about the command later.¡±


    Her eyes widen. Both in surprise and¡­ and more fear.


    But¡­ our lovers. I promised¨C


    ¡°I¡¯ll explain things.¡± I caress her cheek. ¡°They¡¯ll understand.¡±


    They¡¯ll HATE me.


    I pull up to wrap Her into such a full hug, ¡°They¡¯ll be upset. But¡­ I think they¡¯ll surprise you. It¡¯s a brave thing you did. Admitting you can¡¯t keep a promise.¡±


    Not for something like me! It¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s too dangerous. I¡¯m so Blighted and Broken and¨C


    I drag Her into a kiss to stop the wash of such self-hatred She starts to cultivate, warm and loving and so soft. Feel her surprise and sudden rolling of desire and overwhelming love.


    ¡°Let me handle them.¡± As I pull back I allow the tittering giggle to escape me as her form has shifted back to the little cutie she was before. Face the dizzy confusion of one kissed suddenly and very well. ¡°I need you to keep being brave, and focus on something else.¡±


    Confusion from Her then¡­


    ¡°I need you to find a name we can use. Something new. Something that¡¯s yours.¡± I lay a few pecks on her nose. ¡°I guess¡­ That seems to be a good first step. If you want to heal, then let''s start there.¡±


    She huffs and looks down. But I can tell she¡¯s found it. That my final words have laid clear the name She should pick.


    ¡°Aceso.¡± She finally murmurs, tendrils flubble about in little worries.


    I don¡¯t recognize the name. Don¡¯t recall it from any of my books or studies.


    ¡°It¡¯s really pretty.¡± I smile at her. ¡°Is it Arudian?¡±


    I know the answer to both my questions, I think.


    Aceso shakes Her head. ¡°No. I will not share a name with another. At least no one living. It¡¯s from an old dead people within a different Dream."


    I can¡¯t help but turn my smile into a smirk at how much that fits her. ¡°What¡¯s it mean?¡±


    She huffs, embarrassed but¡­ smiling a bit too. ¡°Healing.¡±


    I pull up her newly finned talons, kiss each one. ¡°I adore it.¡±


    Aceso fights what I can tell is such a wash of pleasure at my approval with a broken scowl. ¡°You don¡¯t need to play the Hetaera with me.¡±


    I tilt my head. ¡°Hm?¡±


    She gently pulls a single hand free, waves it in a dismissive manner. ¡°I¡­ I may have gifted you this Dream but I¡¯m not blind, or a fool. I can see how you tease out my affections and¡­ And I¡¯d rather you just be plain with me. Be honest.¡±


    ¡°You think me encouraging my lover with affections isn¡¯t honest?¡±


    She huffs. ¡°I don¡¯t need to be manipulated to do as you ask.¡±


    ¡°Huh¡­ I¡¯m not trying to manipulate you¡­ but, I¡¯m sorry. That wasn¡¯t my intention to do that. I just thought my affections might help make this easier for you. If you don¡¯t enjoy that I can stop.¡±


    ¡°Of course I enjoy them. That¡¯s the problem.¡± Aceso snaps, then quiets. ¡°I simply¡­ I¡­¡±


    A long pause, and other than holding the hand she has not pulled from my gasp I remain back. Sensing her confliction and confusion and doubts.


    Finally she just whispers. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be.¡± I murmur. ¡°You just shared a fear with me. Something that bothers you. If you¡¯d be more comfortable with me handling things a different way then I will. I¡­ I just¡­ I¡¯m really bad at knowing how to help, but¡­ willing to give you anything you need.¡±


    Aceso growls but¡­ it¡¯s a soft thing. Annoyed but¡­ also fluttering with affections. ¡°I¡¯m not comfortable being at another¡¯s mercy. And¡­ and you using affections to make me feel more comfortable reminds me of¡­¡±


    She trails off. A pointed end to that thought made clear to me through the dream.


    This dances just at the edge of Her deepest pain.


    ¡°Alright. I can do that. I can treat you as a treasured friend. Avoid¨C¡±


    ¡°Not¨C¡± She jerks back, eyes sort of¡­ frantic. ¡°Not all the time. Just when we¡¯re discussing these things. I didn¡¯t mean to imply that I¡­ That I don¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t.¡± I shake my head, pat her hand. ¡°And I get it. It actually makes so much sense. We should keep the healing time and snuggling time separate for now. And¡­ Like... fuck! I can only imagine how easily some horrid woman could have twisted me if they¡¯d found me instead of our lovers. How affections and like... treating me well would have let her control my everything!¡±


    She growls, ¡°The young have an excuse to be foolish. I did not.¡±


    ¡°That seems a little unkind to yourself.¡±


    The water rises another few inches but¡­ Aceso doesn¡¯t darken or change. ¡°I could read all my lover''s will and wishes more than any other, Ina. Their souls as clear as the star-filled night. I knew what It wanted from me. Thought¡­ I believed this monster would change if only I could love it enough. And that foolishness allowed it to roll over this land like the Rot and Ruin.¡±


    Monster.


    I know from that word the shape of person who hurt her.


    The sea around us darkens as Aceso trembles. Closes her eyes and forces the next words out. Fighting to keep them as soft as one can keep a razor. ¡°It¡­ You won¡¯t know what this means, for your lands do not feast on the flesh of animals. My Sun Spoken of old broke you all of that. But¡­¡± She takes such a deep breath. Fights so hard to keep herself steady as She speaks these next words. ¡°Ina, I was stuck like some hunted beast and bled of my power for centuries.¡±


    Cold dream sweat prickles at my spine as I recall the lines from the tome I gifted to Emarial and Zigdara¡­


    Desperate for victory


    They drank deep of the nectar and engorged themselves


    Still wishing to break the world to their will


    She¡¯s hissing now, tendrils a mass of fury and barely contained rage. ¡°This parasite I adored used my power to ravage and tear this land apart. Bound me in wretched anathema and¡­ and¡­ and never touched my flesh again but to carve more of my Amwella away with dreadful tools. I did not feel another soul against mine until after I was shattered.¡±


    I want so badly to reach out. To hold her and¡­ and comfort her. To bend this Dream into soft woodlands I know she craves.


    But¡­ She asked me not to.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t your fault.¡± I whisper without hesitation. ¡°What¡­ what somethi¨C¡±


    ¡°Stupid girl!¡± Aceso nearly screams. ¡°Who is to blame? The little vermin who spreads a plague, or the one who lets it it freely drink from Her Wellspring!?!¡±


    Fuck. Why am I so bad at this?


    She¡¯s growling now, and her body is shifting. But¡­ I don¡¯t release her hand. Even as cold darkness envelopes it.


    ¡°I felt what a wretched monster it was, how it saw in me a path to power and control. But I loved it and¡­ and thought that adoration could change it. I offered it the thing that could bind me to¡­ to try and¡­ to offer a secret part of myself I¡¯d not shared with any other¡­ Hoping it would be shattered by my love.¡± She slumps. ¡°But instead this horrid thing betrayed me, and used my Amwella to slaughter and enslave and Blight everyone it touched.¡±


    I expect Her to stop then but¡­ the cruel thing She¡¯s wrapping her soul in rises from the waters, and coils around her form like a cloak.


    Then her mouth splits into such a wretched smile.


    ¡°But¡­ I fixed my mistake in the end.¡± She purrs, self-loathing pouring from her lips like blood from a wound. Her mantle is one of self-harm as much as a thing of power. ¡°It only took the rotting of the old world and the death of a wonderous girl to ensure such monsters and parasites will writhe in such agonies if they so much as touch my Amwella ever again.¡±


    Instead they were twisted


    Broken upon their own ambitions


    And the slavers'' true form was revealed to the people


    The old words roll through my mind like a horrid litany. A terrible idea prodding at my mind¡¯s edge.


    ¡°And¡­ and the nightmares?¡± I whisper. ¡°What are they?¡±


    ¡°Promises kept.¡± She giggles. ¡°To let the women of this age know that, even in death and shattering, Their Weaver of the World Song keeps Her promises.¡±


    ¡°What does that mean? What¨C¡±


    ¡°An endless curse,¡± She waves a hand out at the waters as they reach my armpits. ¡°As endless as this sea. I could not kill them all, but I could make fucking sure they would choke on my power. For when a monster or parasite feels the spark of MY Amwella, It will forevermore corrode their body and mind. Ensure no one will see such a thing as naught but what they are.¡±


    ¡°B¨C But¡­ Aceso. That was¡­ Wasn¡¯t this centuries ago?¡±


    Her name seems to¡­ to jerk her free of that old wretched mantle for a moment, causes the waters to still. ¡°It was. Close to a hundred of them if your people have kept track of such things correctly.¡±


    Such a span of time¡­ ten-thousand years¡­ My stupid little soul can¡¯t even fathom its depths.


    ¡°So¡­ Why hate ones born today? Why¨C¡±


    She drifts down to cup my face in her hands as the water rises, and around me I feel large terrifying shapes slithering and gnashing. Only kept from biting me due to Her love and my own power in this Dream.


    ¡°Because, the monster who broke me was not the only thing I felt such horrid desires in. Was not alone in his abuses and torments.¡± She growls as her eyes meet mine, tendrils and shadows curling about me in a protective cocoon. ¡°It took less than a year for so many to gather around him. Drink deep of the power he carved from my soul and turn it toward the breaking of your world.¡±


    It¡¯s too raw. To real right now. Need to just¡­ weather Her storm. Endure this hate and let it pass through me!


    ¡°That¡­ I¡¯m so sorry.¡±


    ¡°If not for my Sun Spoken,¡± She continues as if I didn¡¯t even speak. ¡°And the Lamentation I instilled into my Amwella in the moments before my death, he would have succeeded. And if you¡¯d even been born it would have been into such misery. They would have seen your gentle soul as a weak thing to be used and ravaged.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s not even why I wove into it my full cruelty and wroth.¡± She chuckles with absolutely no mirth as my feet lose the ground below to the rising waters, and her hands become the only things holding me afloat. ¡°My original plan was to cause the World Song to become inert. By the time the monsters grew desperate enough to slit my throat and drink my heart¡¯s blood, believing it would grant them strength to defeat my Sun Spoken, they¡¯d already been set to lose their final battles. No¡­¡±


    She leans down and pressed her forehead to mine, eyes suddenly filling with tears as her everything shudders in such agony. ¡°It¡¯s because in those final days, one of his caretakers showed me such¡­ wonderful kindness I¡¯d not known for nearly a century. Helped smuggle my shards from the monster''s castle to the women who would one day rally against them.¡±


    ¡°Your Inamatorii.¡± I murmur as she pauses for a deep breath.


    She nods, presses harder into me. ¡°I think I was old when he bound me, but by the end of the war my memories of what could have been thousands of years of life from before was gone. Songs and Soulfire Bled and devoured by parasites. I was a withered and broken thing. The Amwella within my core so small and¡­ and I¡¯d forgotten so much of myself. Only knew the pain of isolation, the horrors of their blood rituals to steal my fire, and¡­ and in the end. Her love. But¡­ but she refused any offering I made of the power I would share with her.¡±


    ¡°She¡­ she never took one of your shards? Never became a Sun Spoken? Why?¡±


    ¡°Because she didn¡¯t want me!¡± Aceso whimpers. ¡°Not one of these¡­ these fragments or¡­ or lessened things. She wanted to see the real Weaver freed and well and¡­ and able to hold and¡­ and thought a shard to be a¡­¡±


    Her tears are things of Rot and Ruin. Horrid and rank and¡­ and every drop a window into her wailing soul. ¡°She knew us shards¡­ kn- knew ME to be nothing but a shadow to the girl she loved!¡±


    And I feel in that moment that She wishes more than anything else to be held, so I reach up and drag my Aceso into an embrace that thrums with all the weight of the Dream we share behind it. No words besides her new name can help now. I can feel that as clear as I can feel her misery. So I offer her my everything in this Dream.


    ¡°I¡¯ll never forgive him for that. For¡­ for killing one of his only wretched spawn to be worth the fire I¡¯d have gifted into her warm soul.¡± She growls, her voice a storm of such fury that seeks to rip the Dream from my control. ¡°I¡¯ll keep My final promise. I will see all his beloved little monsters either dead or writhing in torment! None he would call his heirs will survive in the world I wrenched back from his Blighted will!!!¡±


    I don¡¯t let her go. Don¡¯t wake from this Dream as my lover screams and howls in agony. Eventually diving into the sea to thrash and reave at the nightmares below.


    Whispering all my love and adoration and desires to never be without Her as I just¡­ coo Her new name over and over and over¡­

 Chapter 76: Compassionate Strength, and the Power of Names Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Injury pains.


    I awaken in a sweaty mess of tangled limbs beneath a heavy quilt. Leg and head thrumming in concordant pain.


    ¡°Uuuugh.¡± I moan out in a very unsexy way that causes Yrelia to stir.


    ¡°Muh?¡± She murmurs, then pulls me close.


    I can¡¯t help but giggle softly when I look up to see her groggy eyes try so hard to open. Which, of course, makes my head throb again. ¡°Ow.¡±


    She nuzzles closer, murmurs something that sounds like. ¡°You should sing.¡±


    So I do and In the quiet of our midnight snuggles, I hum out my request for the World Song to keep healing the wounds and easing my pains. And the big amazing thrumming thing is happy to give me whatever I ask of it.


    The wash of cold relief is amazing, as always, and I let the song fade.


    Considering the Dream.


    The Weaver of The World Song


    And¡­ and she called it Her Amwella.


    I bite my lower lip gently, and peer down at the still very sleepy and exhausted Yrelia. Wondering if maybe she¡¯s awake enough to talk.


    I can¡¯t help but smile at how silly and cute she looks, and end up giving her a good few minutes of caresses to make sure as I untangle myself from this embrace she doesn¡¯t really even stir. Just¡­ ends up finding a pillow to wrap herself around and go back to little tittering snores.


    Her Amwella is glowing happily too, and any worry I had about hurting her last night melts away.


    *    *    *


    It must still be pretty early, because as I walk the halls the only other soul I find awake is my duenna.


    Zigdara kneels in the main seating area, wearing only a light top and shorts, and seems to be going through some kind of¡­ what were they called? Ki Ritta? The Lyttoral stretching things that help the body burn leftover Alchemy from the system. Only her¡¯s is¡­ much more intense than any I¡¯d heard or seen.


    It forces her large frame to bend into a few very extreme twists and angles, sometimes so far I worry something will tear or¡­ or maybe even break! But, nope! Her glistening muscles just ripple and move with what now seems to be a sort of slow dance. One that almost¡­ huh. It reminds me of the ocean.


    Old memories bubble up and hold me from announcing myself.


    So many times when I was younger, before my¡­ my hatred for that old form had grown to cripple my desires for anything but secluded fancies, I adored just¡­ gazing at the sea. And as I get to watch this large beautiful woman move through whatever this is, I can¡¯t help but feel a prickle of tears as I hope to one day swim in those waters again.


    Remembering how those same ones carried me down one of the Lyttoral canals and into the arms of my lovers.


    ¡°Ina?¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s paused, her eyes locked on what must be such a dreadful sight of me. Standing here so early just¡­ watching her and¨C


    Wonderful. Yup these are tears in my eyes. Fuck she¡¯s¨C


    ¡°Sorry!¡± I sort of half yelp and half blubber, quickly trying to wipe away any moisture from my eyes. ¡°I just¡­ I didn¡¯t expect to find anyone up this early and¡­ and you¡­ your Ki Ritta is just¡­ really mesmerizing and¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright, Ina.¡± Her soft smile is still a bit worried as she stands and straightens fully.


    I nod quickly. ¡°Seriously I¡¯m¡­ this seems a private thing and I¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not, actually. I¡¯m more accustomed to doing them with fellow Duenna.¡± She reaches out to pull up a towel she¡¯d left hanging on a nearby chair, but keeps her gaze on me while she wipes away some of the sweat. ¡°As large the bedrooms are here, there isn¡¯t enough space to perform these. And with this morning¡¯s chill I decided to just do them here.¡±


    I huff and look away, still embarrassed and knowing it¡¯s showing on my face. ¡°Still though, I shouldn¡¯t have¡­ It''s just¡­¡±


    A long pause passes as Zigdara just¡­ waits. Doesn¡¯t press. Lets her silence tell me she¡¯s curious.


    I sigh. Deciding to just¡­ be open with this woman who saved my life and means to dedicate herself to protecting me. ¡°It reminds me of the sea. Of the waters and the waves and¡­ and the feeling I would get when I watched it all. At least from when I was too young to¡­ When I was still comfortable swimming in that body.¡±


    This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    ¡°Ah.¡± She smiles after I just¡­ trail off. Not really knowing what else to add as I stand there, some awkward bird. ¡°May I make you some Fudgebrew? Sit with you as we consider the morning?¡±


    I nod, and within the next few minutes we¡¯re sitting in the manor¡¯s kitchen on stools around a big central countertop. Freshly brewed steaming mugs of warm richly sweet drinks between us.


    ¡°Did you Dream well?¡± She murmurs, then blows gently on the bubbly dark brew.


    Dream well. That¡­ So I¡¯ve shared small bits of how my relationship with my patron works. How no, we¡¯re not together when I¡¯m awake most days, and how if She follows me to the Waking World it¡¯s because something important or dangerous is happening. How otherwise I meet her in a shared Dream every single night.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± I murmur and just before my first sip of the wonderful drink. ¡°She¡­ Fuck me, Zigdara. She¡¯s been through a lot and¡­ and I¡¯m not sure how to help.¡±


    She mimics my sip, pauses to consider. She knows from Emarial about the We¨C


    No, Aceso now. I correct my thoughts with a smile. Anyway, Zigdara knows from Emarial that She hates men, and was probably told why the big sad Sun Spoken refused to sleep, what with how dangerous a Dream with Her can be.


    ¡°From what my late traveling companion told me, generations of Sun Spoken have tried and found their attempts to assist the Goddess¡­ unsuccessful. Or worse, turned into placating attempts that lead to themselves becoming seduced into falling into Her darkest schemes. I¡¯m not sure anyone ever could help someone so¡­ foreign.¡±


    I huff. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ Zigdara I don¡¯t think¡­ I mean, I know She¡¯s bigger and more, like older than me. But She¡¯s still a person. A girl who had Her life shattered and¡­ and Her soul split into what seems to be countless shards. Each isolated and alone and hurting.¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s eyebrows raise a bit at that. ¡°That¡­ was not mentioned. At least not so directly to me. Emarial claimed Her a twisted mad thing beyond what anyone could hope to understand.¡±


    ¡°Of course she did.¡± I snort, once again caught off guard at¡­ at just how stupid I think that woman is.


    ¡°Is She¡­¡± Zigdara¡¯s voice goes¡­ strained. Conflicted. And suddenly her eyes are filled with worry.


    I quirk an eyebrow at her. ¡°What? Is She what?¡±


    She sighs, ¡°I¡¯m not sure it¡¯s my place to question a Sun Spoken, even if she''s my sworn charge to protect.¡±


    ¡°Zigdara I¡­ I¡¯ve not¡­ Look. I should have been kinder to you before. Back in the inn. But¡­¡± I nibble on my lower lip. ¡°But I want you to know that I really do trust you. You literally saved our lives from the Matron and have devoted so much to keep me safe.¡±


    That seems to relax the tension from her. Soften a tightness I¡¯d not realized had gathered in her eyes. ¡°You were right to.¡±


    But¡­ then I see something else.


    Shame.


    Her hands curl around the mug. ¡°What the temple does is¡­ It¡¯s¡­ It may be necessary but¡­ but that doesn¡¯t make it right. And your time there has scarred you. More than any would dare imagine.¡±


    That catches me off guard. Causes me to freeze up. Old horrid memories prickle at the edges of my mind. Somewhat dull and muted but¡­ ugly and unpleasant and not things I¡¯d like to think about.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Look Zigdara I don¡¯t¡­¡± I pause, regather my thoughts and try to close off this discussion. ¡°It¡¯s not fine, but¡­ I¡¯d rather not go picking at old wounds. Especially since you don¡¯t seem to want to take me back there.¡±


    She shakes her head, hard and without any sign of hesitation. ¡°No. Not unless you desire it. Never. I¨C¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± I interrupt as gently as possible. ¡°But you had a question from before. And I want you to know that I trust you and you may ask me anything. I may decline to answer, but¡­ I know you mean well when you ask.¡±


    ¡°Of course. Thank you, Ina.¡± She nods, takes a deep breath. ¡°Is the Weaver hurting you? In these Dreams or without?¡±


    I pause for a long time, considering how best to answer. Decide to just¡­ be as truthful as I can.


    ¡°Yes, but¡­ much less than before. Especially after we¡­ um¡­ Worked some things out.¡± I tip-tap the table in thought. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ Fuck. Emarial really is a stupid cunt. Aceso is as human as any girl you¡¯ve ever met. Just¡­ has a lot more history to alter Her.¡±


    Zigdara nods. Worry plain on her face but¡­ patient and wanting to listen. ¡°Like how the old can seem so strange to the young. Somewhat dismissive and forgetful of the passions and trails of the new generations.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. She¡¯s forgotten more things than everyone in this house could remember, combined.¡±


    A pause, then Zigdara asks. ¡°But... Aceso?¡±


    Oh¡­ right.


    I smile at the memory. ¡°I asked Her to pick a new name for Herself.¡±


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Because ¡®The Weaver¡¯ is a mouthful and Her old name is¡­ a problem. Something She doesn¡¯t want to share. It could make Dreaming with Her harder since it¡¯s attached to old horrid memories. I think.¡±


    The big woman nods. ¡°I don¡¯t recognize its meaning or history.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile. ¡°She didn¡¯t want to share a name with anyone, so apparently She picked something from an old dead language¡­ or something. It means healing.¡±


    That¡­ weirdly, makes Zigdara relax even more. ¡°Names have power over us. Whether we want them to or not. It was wise to ask Her to change her¡¯s to something gentle.¡±


    ¡°May I ask what your name means?¡± I murmur, sidestepping the complement.


    That catches her off guard, but¡­ makes her¡­ oh well isn¡¯t that fucking cute! This big strong, and still a little scary woman, is blushing!


    I fight so hard to fight down a little smirk as I take a sip of fudgebrew.


    ¡°Of course.¡± She gathers herself, and manages to mush down most of the faint red tinting on her cheeks. ¡°It means compassionate strength.¡±


    ¡°OH that¡¯s¡­ Wow.¡± I murmur. ¡°That fits you so well Zigdara!¡±


    She tries so very hard to keep her composure. ¡°Thank you. I¡­ I¡¯ve always been fond of my mothers¡¯ choice.¡±


    I reach out and touch her hand. ¡°Thank you for sharing its meaning with me!¡±


    She nods, and for a while we sit in silence. But eventually Zigdara pulls back her hand gently, then breaks the morning quiet to ask. ¡°So¡­ what are your plans for the day?¡±


    Right. Guardian. If I go out she¡¯ll insist on following. So¡­ it¡¯s only polite to get her opinion on this¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure. Kinda debating between a few options and¡­ honestly I¡¯d love your opinion on them before I talk with the others.¡±


    She sits up straighter, seems to even glow a bit at this sudden show of trust. ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ first is just an easy day of rest. One spent with one or more of my Lovers. I owe them so much and would like to give them more of myself.¡±


    She nods. ¡°It¡¯s good to show those you love that you treasure them, and that would be rather restorative for you besides.¡±


    ¡°The second is¡­ Ugh. Going to that like¡­ funding thing. The hearing where the Doyan¡¯s consider different requests for support and¡­ things. I was invited and know that my voice could really push coin into the right hands.¡±


    ¡°A responsibility that is valuable though, and will no doubt endear you to the people of Arudia.¡± She supplies. ¡°But¡­ exhausting. Especially after a week of intense meetings with women who do not consider you their ally.¡±


    I sigh, feeling the weight of that. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Any other possible plans?¡±


    I fiddle at the mug for a few moments. As¡­ as this is not a thing I¡¯m looking forward to. Especially¡­ especially not alone.


    ¡°I need to talk with Emarial.¡± I whisper.


    Zigdara winces and only supplies an. ¡°Ah.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°May I ask why?¡± Zigdara asks.


    I nod. ¡°You may.¡±


    Another long pause.


    ¡°Then why? Why go see her?¡± She nearly growls, obvious anger and¡­ and deeper pains than I want to consider right now boiling up. ¡°Why place yourself in danger?¡±


    Why go see the person who so easily threatened to kill me, then actually fucking tried? Who lied to me. Maybe not¡­ not so directly but¡­ but didn¡¯t tell me what she thought she might need to do to me.


    What she¡¯d already done to so many like us!


    ¡°I¡­ last night was¡­ I learned some things. From Aceso.¡± I sigh. ¡°And¡­ I need to find out how much Emarial knows. She if her shard has the same memories and¡­¡±


    I glare down at my mug. ¡°I need to give her something.¡±


    A gift she did not earn, but¡­ needs so desperately.


    ¡°Let the cunt rot.¡± Zigdara nearly snarls. Guessing so easily at what I mean to do.


    I shake my head. ¡°Even if¡­ if I could stand the idea of it. Her wellspring of Amwella is too big and dangerous. I need to make sure it¡¯s safe.¡±


    ¡°She should just leave.¡± My duenna huffs and glares past me. ¡°You¡¯re a better woman than she could ever hope to match. Her decision to remain here clinging to her wretched beliefs is an insult you shouldn¡¯t have to reward with compassion.¡±


    I sigh, agreeing but¡­


    ¡°Yeah. But¡­ She won¡¯t and I can make use of her while putting out whatever future fires she might start.¡± The phrasing of that sours the sweet flavor of our morning.


    ¡°I won¡¯t try to stop you¡­¡± Her eyes drift back to mine. ¡°But nor will I claim to support this. She¡¯s dangerous, and her mind is wracked with past wounds and present exhaustion.¡±


    ¡°Which is why I¡¯d like to act now to try and change that.¡±


    She huffs, but¡­ nods. ¡°You¡¯re a better person than either of us hoped to find, and a kinder Sun Spoken than this land deserves.¡±

 Chapter 77: Compassionate Strength, and the Power of Names Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Scolding/burning pains. talk of belief of soul death and body puppeting/possession.


    My lovers adore the first idea, understand and encourage the second, but¡­ even more than Zigdara HATE the third.


    ¡°No.¡± Kque is the first to speak up while the rest just kinda balk at me. ¡°Absolutely not. That¡­ Ina she¡¯s not in a healthy state of mind. The lack of sleep alongside those injuries have probably made her even more volatile. Possibly even unstable.¡±


    Zigdara sips from her mug, expression screaming agreement when Kque¡¯s eyes dance to her¡¯s.


    We¡¯re all sitting in a side room with nice fluffy chairs and a couch. Yrelia pulled me into sitting on her lap almost the moment she stumbled here from our bedroom. Wearing just a big cute sweater and what I realize now are small cute underthings.


    ¡°And that¡¯s why I need to go to her.¡± I huff. ¡°Help her. And¡­ get answers.¡±


    ¡°What answers?¡± Tasii asks.


    And so¡­ I share with them what happened in our Dream. Ask them to let me finish when they first start speaking up about the um¡­ realization about the command being much harder to lift than She originally expected. But¡­ that becomes such a secondary thought as I explain to them the past she¡¯s shared and um¡­ when I share with them what happened with that woman from the past.


    My namesake. Her Inamatorii.


    ¡°That¡­¡± Kque spits. ¡° Fuck.¡±


    ¡°I second that.¡± Tasii huffs and runs fingers back through her hair.


    ¡°How do you think the big cunt can help?¡± Yrelia pulls from nuzzling my neck to ask in a much calmer voice than I expected.


    I lean back into her and look up to the ceiling. ¡°Because she has a different shard. It¡­ It might have told her something different. And¡­ Maybe¡­ I feel inspired to try something.¡±


    Jevita picks up on the word instantly, eyes widening. ¡°Not¡­ not just the thing we¡¯ve been fiddling at? The healing? Something else?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    A long expectant pause.


    ¡°Is¡­ Okay so¡­ like¡­ is this something you can explain with words or¡­?¡± Jevita scoots over from her spot on the floor to sit closer.


    I shake my head. ¡°Not really? Just¡­ I feel like¡­ I don¡¯t know. I understand Her better now. But without agreeing. I can empathize while not like¡­ Anyway that part doesn¡¯t matter. I feel a little tittering in Her World Song. Strings or¡­ or tides of movement I might be able to call. It¡¯s¡­ weird to explain.¡±


    ¡°Wait, Her World Song?¡± Jevita nearly jerks up, and I look down to see such a grin on her face.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± I giggle. ¡°You were right, She doesn¡¯t just fiddle with it. She Wove it. Called herself the Weaver of The World Song.¡±


    ¡°From what you¡¯ve been able to share, that''s both terrifying and kinda¡­ amazing.¡± Yrelia murmurs, kissing the back of my neck.


    I nod. ¡°It¡¯s like¡­ like She spun this huge tapestry of magic over everything. A big blanket to keep everyone warm and¡­ but also connected.¡±


    ¡°Okay but¡­ that¡¯s really beautiful but doesn¡¯t really resolve this.¡± Tasii sighs. ¡°This still sounds like a bad idea, Ina. But¡­ I¡¯m starting to understand how it might need to happen.¡±


    Kque lets out a deep sigh. ¡°Her Wellspring of Amwella.¡±


    I nod.


    ¡°She¡­ she should just leave!¡± Jevita growls. ¡°Go back to¡­ to whatever place She was hiding and¡­ and leave you alone!¡±


    ¡°I agree.¡± Zigdara murmurs.


    ¡°But she probably won¡¯t. Not anytime soon.¡± I smile sadly. ¡°And every day is another day for her suffering to threaten to break loose into something really bad. I¡­¡±


    Deep breath.


    ¡°When¡­ When she attacked us, with Matron Veletross, they¡­ hinted at something.¡± I whisper. ¡°They expected me to¡­ to be gone. Thought that the We¨C I mean Aceso, had killed me and was just¡­ using my body to enact some last spiteful thing before my mind broke under the strain of Her.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Kque murmurs after a second.


    ¡°And we were holding back. Avoiding hurting either of them until it became apparent we had no other choice.¡± My voice has gone even quieter. ¡°But¡­ We could¡¯ve killed them both. Easily. Had so many chances that we just... didn''t take. Worked so hard to not kill them.¡±


    The room is so still. Everyone seems to be holding their breath. Zigdara¡¯s eyes are wide with¡­ things. Surprise, terror, a bit of¡­ pain over¡­ something.


    ¡°And you didn¡¯t use your Amwella till it was time to destroy the Obelisks.¡± Yrelia murmurs.


    I shake my head. ¡°I can¡¯t risk her falling apart. Slipping and¡­ and¡­ Giving her Weaver shard control. Aceso¡­ She¡­ I¡¯ve seen the kind of things she knows could be done with my little Wellspring. If I was inspired to be horrid.¡±


    Yrelia huffs. ¡°Yeah. I hate that you have to clean up that cunt¡¯s mess but¡­ yeah. This needs to happen. And probably yesterday.¡±


    Jevita sighs, looking around the room. ¡°Should we go with her?¡±


    ¡°Be honest, Ina.¡± Tasii looks at me. ¡°Can we help you with her? Do you think she¡¯s less or more likely to co-operate with you if we¡¯re there?¡±


    I wince, but meet my second lover¡¯s gaze. ¡°We already broke both her arm and a hand. So her only choice would be to use some magic to try and kill me. Which¡­ if she does that Aceso taught me the songs needed to deal with her. I¡¯m not going in unprepared, and her Amwella¡¯s nonsense won¡¯t fuddle my magic now. It¡¯ll fucking hurt, but¡­ not enough to stop me from singing whatever I might need.¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯ll be with her.¡± Zigdara pushes off the wall she¡¯d been leaning against. ¡°Emarial and I grew¡­ close in our months of searching. Her actions against you were a betrayal to both myself and Lyttoral. And¡­ I very nearly attacked her for it.¡±


    I jerk to stare wide eyed at that. ¡°What? When!?!¡±


    ¡°A week or so ago.¡± She¡¯s nearly growling now. ¡°I went to her, alone. While you were resting here.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I huff out. ¡°You should have mentioned that. She could have¡­ Zigdara that could have gone so badly¨C¡±


    ¡°She won¡¯t betray me again.¡± She cracks her neck. ¡°I made sure of that, and stand as a reminder to the weight of her broken promises.¡±


    And so with that, after a wonderful breakfast provided by Tasii and Kque, I head out into the chilly winds with my duenna.


    We don¡¯t really say anything as we walk, both because there really isn¡¯t much to talk about at this point, and we¡¯re just too bundled up against the chilly winds. But now we stand before the humble little home on the edge of the city, a sort of¡­ old home set aside for the visiting Sun Spoken.


    Zigdara slams a big fist against the sturdy door three times, and I can¡¯t help but wince at how obviously angry the thundering sound was. It doesn¡¯t take long before the door clicks, then cracks open to reveal the woman we¡¯ve come to speak with.


    Emarial looks¡­ fucking terrible.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Her only good hand is attached to a broken arm slung and bound to her chest, and her only good arm bears a shattered lump of wrapped nonsense. And¡­ and the rest of her is fucking horrid as well. Eyes are sunken and laden with way bigger swollen bags beneath, and she just¡­ seems so much lesser. Gaunt and deflated. Less¡­ less of a light in her eyes.


    But too bad none of that matters to the raging horrid flame of Amwella she bears. That still burns and makes me wince a bit.


    ¡°I¡­¡± She blinks a few times, looks between us. ¡°Um¡­ Come in, please.¡±


    Then she awkwardly steps aside, and we march in. Zigdara both leading the way and keeping her body between me and the obviously unthreatening Sun Spoken.


    Once we¡¯re inside and I¡¯m pulling my hood and scarf away Emarial speaks again.


    ¡°What brings you both here?¡± She carefully asks. Voice barely above a whisper now. Her throat seems raw and pained. ¡°I¡­ Could I offer you something to drink or anything?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I reply curtly, but¡­ there¡¯s no bite to it. Simply impatience and¡­ and a sudden influx of contradicting emotions.


    Anger and pity, and the pain of betrayal with the still fluttering sparks of hope, and¡­ and fear.


    Sickening and roiling and¡­ and almost spoiling my desire to help. Replacing it with an anxious need to run from this woman who tried to kill me. Or¡­ or wanting to sing my fifth lover into my spirit to keep me safe.


    ¡°I have questions.¡±


    She nods, pursing her lips. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s¡­ let¡¯s all sit down in the study.¡±


    The ¡®study¡¯ isn¡¯t much more than a little room with a few shelves of books and a table taking up the center space. Emarial takes a seat to the left of the head, and I can see that next to her spot is the familiar sight of the tome from Lyttoral and my own translation journal.


    I take up the seat across from her, which seems to be her intention in avoiding the end seat. Zigdara silently refuses to sit and simply stands to my right.


    ¡°So¡­¡± She sort of¡­ leans forward as best she can. Awkwardly unable to do more than rest her unbroken arm on the table. ¡°What are your questions?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll start with the easy ones, and go from there.¡± I sigh, then look her dead in the eyes. ¡°But first, I¡¯d like to free you of some pain.¡±


    Her eyes widen, and Zigdara lets out an annoyed growl but¡­ doesn¡¯t speak her anger into the room.


    She swallows, looks down. ¡°But I don¡¯t think that¨C¡±


    ¡°Pain makes people stupid, and I need you sharp.¡± I cut off what I¡¯m guessing would be a blubbering of some kind of nonsense. ¡°Just¡­ shut up and let me get this done.¡±


    And before she can object, I¡¯m calling up my songs.


    It¡­ fucking¡­ HURTS¡­ Fuck fuck FUCK!


    Her blazing core of Amwella is like a¡­ a searing cauldron of pain that can¡¯t help but splash in my face. Thank the Weaver I can sputter out the simple tunes I need in just a few seconds of observing and hearing the World Song.


    When I¡¯ve cut off the song Emarial has slumped a bit, and is now kind of breathing heavy.


    ¡°There.¡± I huff out. ¡°That should¡­¡±


    She looks back up to me with a grimace of pain, ¡°Thank you for trying.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean thank you for trying?¡± I spit. ¡° That should have drowned you with relief!¡±


    She shakes her head and tip taps her chest. ¡°Just as Sun Spoken magic simply won¡¯t harm the Weaver, I doubt anything but your most costly songs will be able to survive this fire''s aura.¡±


    ¡°Why!?!¡± I hiss. ¡°Why didn¡¯t¡­ Fuck. Okay. Just¡­ Sit fucking still and let me¨C¡±


    It¡¯s Zigdara that speaks then, places a hand on my shoulder. ¡°No.¡±


    I turn to stare at her in confusion.


    Emarial nods, ¡°She¡¯s right. Don¡¯t waste your Wellspring on me.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I growl. ¡°Fine. Great. I¡¯ll save that for later then.¡±


    She quirks an eyebrow but¡­ doesn¡¯t push, just adjusts and moves to sit as comfortably as possible. ¡°Ask your questions.¡±


    I huff. ¡°What all has your shard told you about Herself. Her life and goals and¡­ and why She¡¯s the way She is? What exactly happened to break Her into so many shards?¡±


    Emarial sighs and looks past me. ¡°I don''t know. She''s told me almost nothing. It¡¯s been a long time, and my dreams with Her were always¡­ unpleasant. She would flitter between casual conversations and petty games. Didn¡¯t see me as anything more than an amusement to toy with. And by the time we realized just how harmful some of the other shards were¡­ well¡­¡±


    ¡°The Matron mentioned how some of our kind fell in love with Aceso.¡± I begin to prompt another question with that, but¡­ a grimace from Emarial stops me.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve named Her.¡± Emarial sighs, glances down at her broken hands.


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper as I understand the pained look in her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not the first to do that, am I?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No. It wasn¡¯t common except with¡­¡± Then she looks back up to me, face twisted into a sort of helpless pleading.


    I feel a prickle of that old fear from my last night in the library. Of Emarial¡¯s threats, and¡­ and the matron Veletross¡¯ story.


    ¡°With the ones you killed.¡± I supply in a whisper.


    She nods, and I sense Zigdara shuffle slightly. An obvious adjustment. A warning.


    You won¡¯t win this fight.


    Emarial sighs. ¡°It was a sign of attachment. Her true name is old and horrid to witness, and is often accompanied by a possession of the Sun Spoken¡¯s flesh. So¡­ many either provided Her a name or let Her choose a new one.¡±


    ¡°Veletross didn¡¯t tell me what their plans were, or what drove you to hunt our kind.¡± I supply. ¡°I¡¯d like to know what those shards were planning.¡±


    She shakes her head and glares past me. ¡°Why would you want to know that?¡±


    I narrow my eyes. ¡°Because I¡¯d like to make sure my fifth lover doesn¡¯t stumble down their horrid path. I mean to protect Her, Emarial. She¡¯s broken and hurting and honestly? Terrified.¡±


    She snorts, ¡°You speak as though She¡¯s just some abused girl, and not an ancient blighted¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s because She is, you stupid cunt!¡± I don¡¯t shout, but my tone cause the old Sun Spoken to jerk back. ¡°Do you even fucking know why She¡¯s in so much pain?¡±


    She stops stop. Sort of¡­ sputters out in a confused huff. ¡°You can¡¯t trust Her, Ina she¡¯s just¨C¡±


    ¡°Lying to me?¡± I snap, cutting her off again. ¡°Telling me She just wants to help while actually considering if She¡¯ll need to kill me? Refusing to just¡­ treat me as a fucking person instead of some wild animal that might need to die?¡±


    Emarial winces. ¡°I¨C¡±


    ¡°Because there is exactly one person in this room who has lied to me, repeatedly!¡± I¡¯m snarling now. Voice a mess of fury and passion and¡­ and is twisting into something more. ¡°And it¡¯s not Aceso!!!¡±


    Zigdara huffs her agreement.


    Emarial looks down, pitifully offers. ¡°She¡¯s hurt you. Drove you to using the Dream stone to protect yourself.¡±


    I snort. ¡°Right, and also tried to have me killed and¨C OH WAIT!!! That wasn¡¯t her!¡± I do shout then. ¡°That was you! You stupid vindictive big cunt! YOU and your ex lover tried to slaughter us AFTER you told me to run under threat of said violence.¡±


    Emarial¡¯s frozen up. Stilled entirely as she glares down at the notebook.


    ¡°Aceso could have done everything you feared and WORSE.¡± I growl as I find myself standing. ¡°She could have mind fucked me so badly I¡¯d have happily slaughtered every single m¨C¡±


    I hiss at the sudden almost pain as the word and thought very nearly bubbles out. Emarial glances up, eyebrows almost raised in¨C


    ¡°Don¡¯t you fucking say a word!¡± I snap, pointing a finger at her. ¡°She¡¯s already removed the first command, and has promised to get this one out of my head. It¡¯s deeper and will take longer, but She¡¯s willing to fix Her mistakes, Sun Spoken. Are you?¡±


    She flinches, but¡­ meets my gaze. ¡°What do you want, Ina?¡±


    ¡°Tell me what they were planning.¡± I let my voice soften. ¡°Tell me what you know about Her past. What the other Sun Spoken knew. Fucking¡­ trust us to not repeat their mistakes.¡±


    ¡°And if I don¡¯t?¡± She whispers.


    ¡°Really?¡± I keep my voice soft. ¡°Emarial I¡¯m not like you. I¡¯m not threatening you. I¡¯m doing the opposite in fact. I''m going to help you! No matter what you offer me today.¡±


    She jerks. ¡°How?¡±


    And as my own fury seems to¡­ to thrum in a sort of contrasting harmony to the horrid flame as Emarial¡¯s core, I feel the inspiration bubbling up.


    ¡°By giving you the dreamless sleep you so desperately need. No matter how much Amwella it costs me.¡±


    Emarial just¡­ stares. Face a blank mask. Finally says. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Not really an offer.¡± I shrug. ¡°I¡¯ll have Zigdara here pin you to a bed if needed while I work the song.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± She repeats, growling this time as she eyes Zigdara.


    My duenna snorts. ¡°Without you resorting to magic it would be easy enough.¡±


    The older Sun Spoken looks back to me. Face a twist of worry and pain and anger and¡­ Hope.


    Just¡­ Such a deep desire for the thing I mean to give her.


    ¡°You can¡¯t be sure it¡¯ll work.¡± Is all she can say.


    ¡°Yes I can. Aceso¡¯s checked my melody and assures me it¡¯ll keep your mind free of any shard¡¯s power until you awaken. Lulls you and it into a slumber too quiet for Dreams to bubble up.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ then why didn¡¯t you do this for yourself!?!¡± She spits. Real anger starting to rise up.


    I sigh, ¡°See? This is what I mean. If you were well rested I think you¡¯d have answered that question for yourself.¡±


    She jolts to a stop again, brows furrowed in thought. ¡°She¡­ You learned this song from Her?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No. I¡¯m more inspired lately, this is mine. Guess again.¡±


    A long pause.


    With a sigh I just¡­ say it. No reason to torment her over this. ¡°It took time and care and¡­ and understanding things a little better, sure. Stress is the bane to good artwork, but¡­ It¡¯s because I need the person to be in the first steps of sleep when I start this. It¡¯s kinda of like that Dream Stone I showed you.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± She winces, shakes her head. ¡°I have to say no. It¡¯s too much of a risk.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I press. ¡°Because I could take advantage of you while you sleep? Try to do what you did to the other Sun Spoken and just¡­ kill you and drink up your Amwella?¡±


    Emarial''s face pales at what must be horrid memories.


    ¡°Could you stop me now? Awake and aware?¡± I whisper.


    She closes her eyes. Sort of¡­ shakes her head. ¡°I made promises, Ina. I¡­ I can¡¯t just¨C¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s voice, despite being so very quiet, cracks through the room like a whip. ¡°Like the ones you made to her Sangoma?¡±


    Emarial flinches, but her eyes do not open.


    My big duenna leans down, rests both fists on the table. ¡°Or to me?¡± Her voice is just shy of a whispered growl. ¡°What about those?¡±


    Emarial¡¯s eyes open, and she just¡­ stares down at the table. Tears beginning to prickle in her eyes.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She can barely force out the words. ¡°I didn''t mean for... This is so much more than I...¡±


    Zigdara sighs, and moves to stand next to the big woman, takes chin and face in her hands, and pulls Emarial up to meet her gaze. It¡¯s such an odd gesture. One that sings of control but¡­ also annoyance and pain and¡­ and even affections. Intimate in such a way that my first instinct is to look away. ¡°Has Ina given you any reason to distrust her?¡±


    Emarial¡¯s face scrunches up, considers the question and Zigdara¡¯s piercing gaze but¡­ doesn¡¯t pull free.


    A single shake. ¡°No. But¡­¡±


    ¡°But she¡¯s carrying a burden you worry she¡¯ll not handle well.¡± Zigdara interrupts. ¡°That she will stumble and cause great pain and suffering if she falters.¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡± The big woman sees the point. ¡°It¡¯s not-¡±


    ¡°Who is the most likely to do that if they do not rest, Emarial!?!¡± Zigdara growls, and leans in close. ¡°This amazingly kind girl sitting across from you, or the one who¡¯s been burning her soul to remain awake for over seven months. Who is wounded and is in so much pain she can¡¯t even think straight!?!¡±


    Emarial lets out such a huff of breath. Then sags, hard. And what was a light stream of tears turns into a rushing river of pain. She begins to shake and tremble and just¡­ fall apart under my big duenna¡¯s words and touch.


    Zigdara looks at me, I give her a soft smile and nod. And we lead the blubbering tired old Sun Spoken to one of this house''s bedrooms.


    Emarial hesitates in the door, and It¡¯s like she¡¯s staring at the most horrific scene of slaughter and pain rather than just a simple bed. But¡­ Zigdara and I don¡¯t let her stop for long. We help her strip away layers of uncomfortable clothes, then stack pillows and help the big woman get situated among the previously untouched quilts. Then I pull up a little chair to sit at her side.


    ¡°Please,¡± She whispers. ¡°If¡­ if you can¡¯t do it just tell me now. Once I douse the flames I won¡¯t be able to start them again.¡±


    I take her wrapped and shattered hand in both mine gently, shush her. ¡°I promise, Emarial. I feel the song bubbling. You will know nothing but silence until you wake back up.¡±


    ¡°They¡­ please.¡± She is crying even harder now. ¡°I¡­ I can fight them all. Can¡¯t¡­ I¡¯ll be asleep for days, Ina. I won''t... they''ll... I...¡±


    ¡°Them?¡± I tilt my head but¡­ but even before her next words the truth becomes clear.


    ¡°Over three dozen shards, all¡­¡± She nods and swallows. ¡°Merged and¡­ and they¡­ they hate me, Ina. I killed their Sun Spoken and they¡­ they''ll...


    I shush her again. ¡°We¡¯ll talk when you''re awake.¡±


    She swallows, hard. Nods.


    ¡°Let it go, Emarial of the Sun Spoken.¡± Zigdara murmurs from the foot of the bed. ¡°End your needless suffering and let the younger ones handle things for now.¡±


    With a great sigh, Emarial closes her eyes, and ends the roiling horrid magic she¡¯d called up seven months ago. Allowing that giant raging inferno of power to settle into a happy little gurgling of flame.


    And the old Sun Spoken instantly falls into slumber. The months and probably years of exhaustion just¡­ burying her.


    Fuck me even without feeling it out I can sense the World Song groan under the sudden lack of weight Emarial¡¯s Amwella was putting on it. The humming I let bubble out is such a soft and easy thing, especially with the World Song quieted. A lilting harmony that promises soft and dreamless sleep to the weary and wounded.


    And as that song''s magic wraps around her, I swirl in a pattern of healing and painlessness into the melody. Not¡­ I¡¯m not going to empty my Wellspring to try to heal all her nonsense. Just¡­ speed things up and ensure when she wakes it¡¯ll be into the same painlessness I was given for my leg.


    Then I¡¯m done, and Zigdara and I stand in near perfect silence. Emarial¡¯s soft breathing is the only sound drifting through the little room.


    I let out a deep sigh as I feel like months of stress are lifted.


    ¡°Thank you, Zigdara.¡± I whisper, slumping forward and resting my head in both hands as my confident mask cracks away. ¡°I¡­ I think you saved us both again. That could have¡­ have gone really badly if you¡¯d not been here.¡±


    My duenna steps around the bed, rests a hand on my back, rubs slow circles. ¡°How are you?¡±


    ¡°Relieved, tired, and¡­¡± I turn to smile up at her. ¡°And a ton of other things I need weeks of my lover¡¯s help to unravel. This¡­ This was hard, and I wasn¡¯t sure I could do it. Not¡­ not the song but¡­ but confronting her. Not alone.¡±


    She nods. ¡°We should head back to the manor. Get that day of rest you¡¯ve earned.¡±


    I smirk and shake my head. ¡°Nope. I have more Arudian politicking to fumble at.¡±

 Chapter 78: Four Delightful Surprises

    <u>CW:</u>


    Minor discussion of possible child death.


    ¡°Hmmm¡­ Thank you for your proposal,¡± The Doyan announces with a calm manner that hides so well what her opinion of the latest woman¡¯s research entailed.


    I¡­ well I know if it involves gemstones and¡­ like¡­ a special type that I think does something to the soil? Or¡­ or the water in the soil?


    I really wish one of my brilliant lovers were here to help. I sigh as I watch the older woman nods, takes up her stacks of papers and pictures and star maps, and moves to leave. They could at least help my stupid brain begin to understand what the past dozen women were trying to explain.


    The Doyan who¡¯d invited me, Lady Tophedian, had been delighted when I¡¯d arrived. All the polite energy I¡¯d hoped for would blossom into a chance to speak and get to know her on display!


    But¡­ nope. The past hours had been spent just¡­ sitting and listening as woman after woman presented their proposals and requests for funding. Often a fluttering of incredibly complex nonsense laden with phrases and terminology I just¡­ barely understood at the best of times!


    Even the tomes I translated in the Library tended to have a glossary or summary that helped me understand what their contents presented. But this¡­ this was Cultivation at its most practical and complex. I was assured that asking questions was normal, but after hearing Tophedian¡¯s and barely understanding them I just¡­ decided not to bother.


    Would rather look the quiet and stoic Sun Spoken than the foolish girl bumbling out stupid questions.


    We sit on a raised dais in two of the dozen chairs arrayed in a semi-circle. Before and below us is a big table with about half as many chairs. And a big door behind that which is watched over by a couple duenna.


    Tophedian lets out such an exhausted sigh that reassures me a bit. At least my own weariness isn¡¯t unique.


    ¡°Alright¡­ Last one before Doyan Xian will take over.¡± she shuffles through her own stack of papers to peer at our schedule. ¡°Looks like¡­ Oh!¡±


    She smiles with such a look of relief and happiness. ¡°This next one will be quick.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but match her smile as I peer down at my own gifted schedule and packet of papers and begin to move to the next set. ¡°How can you tell?¡±


    Each woman¡¯s presentation had been scheduled and basically required them to give the Doyans a sort of¡­ basic packet on the details of the study. While this seemed endlessly valuable to her, it involved a ton of short-hand symbols and charts and just¡­ nonsense that only confused me more.


    Yup! Bringing Kque next time. Insisting on it. Otherwise this is just¡­ such a waste of what could have been a wonderful afternoon of sleep.


    ¡°They often ask for roughly the same things year after year.¡± She shrugs. ¡°And it only barely involves real Cultivation. Just¡­ the dust and often funding for their travels.¡±


    I peer down at the papers and¡­ yeah okay. I understand most of this!


    Expense requests, listings of specific materials and¡­ huh¡­ this seems like¡­


    ¡°Why do they need it¨C¡±


    But I¡¯m interrupted when the door opens and a pair of older women are let in.


    One is tall and thin, hair a wonderful twisting of faded green and maroon highlights. Skin a darker shade of bluish adoring a few sparkles. The other is shorter and a bit more plump, but not overly so. Dark hair short and cropped, skin a dark reddish with her own few clusters of glittering sparkles.


    And between that and their much more¡­ I guess rough looking travelers'' clothes, they remind me more of women I¡¯ve seen walking the Paths than a researcher or local ladies.


    As they reach the table they settle in a pair of chairs and lay out such a small pile of papers.


    ¡°Honored Doyans,¡± The shorter one greets with a stoic nod, eyes drifting over to regard me with¡­ something? Not anything rude just¡­ maybe curiosity? Like she didn¡¯t expect there to be another woman here.


    ¡°Letital and¡­¡± Tophedian glances down to her notes, ¡°Votrel? I didn¡¯t expect you to attend this cycle¡¯s hearings.¡±


    The taller, Votrel, smiles politely but¡­ I can feel something in Tophedian¡¯s question isn¡¯t a kind thing to say¡­ I think?


    ¡°Neither did we, but with the recent¡­ eh¡­ shifts happening we thought our work might be a stable port to the recent storms.¡± The taller one replies.


    The Doyan places her hands upon the notes and leans forward. ¡°Are you looking to renegotiate the three cycle stipend that was gifted?¡±


    Letital shakes her head. ¡°Not unless the Academy sees the true worth in our work.¡±


    A beat passes. And I can¡¯t help but look between the Doyan and the smaller woman in confusion.


    Votrel winces, ¡°Eh¡­ Apologies. She simply means to say that¨C¡±


    Tophedian smirks, waves a hand dismissively. ¡°I remember our last session well, and our stark disagreements. I¡¯d rather not sit through another hour of debate unless something in your workings has changed.¡±


    The smaller takes a deep breath, seems about to let out such a stream of words, but¡­ Votrel lays a hand upon hers and seems to beg something as they share a short silent exchange. Then Letital allows it to pass as only a huff and a nod of accent.


    Then Votrel turns back to us with a smile. It¡¯s still strained but¡­ intent. ¡°We did not intend to schedule ourselves and waste anyone¡¯s time. It¡¯s simply that with the recent rumbling of gemstones becoming a bit more¡­ temperamental, we¡¯d like to present our offerings as alternatives.¡±


    That makes me perk up a little, breaks my nervous spell enough to chime in. ¡°What sort of alternative?¡±


    There is a pause as everyone in the room seems to remember I am here.


    Letital is the first to speak. ¡°You seem a bit young to sit as a Doyan. Lady¡­?¡±


    Votrel is about to blubber out some kind of apology but I end that as quickly as possible.


    ¡°Oh!¡± I wave with a smile. ¡°You¡¯d be correct. I¡¯m not a Doyan. Simply¡­ eh¡­ here to observe and advise when I can. I¡¯m Inamatorii, Sun Spoken and woman of the Paths.¡±


    That makes them both just kind of¡­ sputter out.


    ¡°You¨C¡± Votrel''s calm voice cracks a bit as she stammers. ¡°There are rumors that¡­¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s leave rumors and such for another time. Yes?¡± Tophedian interrupts.


    Votrel pauses, takes a breath, then nods. ¡°Of course. Apologies. What was your question, Lady Inamatorii?¡±


    ¡°Oh just¡­¡± I rely heavily on Yrelia¡¯s training to keep my own calm composure. Hopefully it¡¯ll keep their nerves still as well. ¡°I simply wanted to better understand what your work offers? As a woman of the Paths myself I understand the lack of Cultivation to be found out in the wider world. And your proposals seem to focus on a very specific need, If I understand this all correctly?¡±


    She nods. ¡°Of course. We¡¯re looking to have the Academy provide us with various rarities of gemstone dust and supplies so we can provide better medical care to those along the Paths and outer towns.¡±


    ¡°We especially seek out and check in on the mothers who¡¯ve become pregnant from some of the Academy¡¯s males.¡± Letital adds. ¡°Offer them care and support in critical times when possible.¡±


    I let my mind just¡­ breeze over part of that but¡­


    ¡°Oh¡­ oh that¡¯s wonderful!¡± I nod along. ¡°Current events aside even. What are the um¡­ downsides?¡±


    Tophedian speaks up, ¡°The costs, and some of their requests include destroying perfectly good gemstones to obtain their dust. Then there is also the fact that their work produces no guaranteed profits. Our investments become nothing more than donations.¡±


    I tilt my head, confused. ¡°And? Every lost life or medical complication will cost everyone more than pretty much any contribution.¡±


    The Doyan sighs. ¡°Yes, but¡­¡±


    Lyttoral dedicated SO much energy to this. To ensure that any woman who left their temple pregnant would have at least three check ins and a wonderful support structure if complications arose. My opinions on things aside¡­ The temple wanted to avoid the tragedy of ever sending a mother or her child down the river ever again.


    It¡¯s like¡­ ingrained in nearly every city. The story of a loving pair or trio of young mothers losing their daughter suddenly and unexpectedly, and having to send her body down the river in a funeral raft. Then only finding solace again when those who saw the tragedy came to comfort and surround them with life and love.


    ¡°And, wouldn¡¯t this simply be an extension of your fertility program? After care? Or are you already overflowing with women who do this?¡±


    The Doyan rubs the bridge of her nose. ¡°All Arudian cities boast caretakers aplenty.¡±


    ¡°And the women beyond those?¡±


    She sighs, waves to the two older women. ¡°We fund small groups to handle their care.¡±


    When I look at the two they smile through pursed lips.


    ¡°Is it enough?¡± I ask them pointedly.


    A pause. They look between themselves, then me and the Doyan.


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    ¡°It could be¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Letital cuts off what would probably be a much more polite reply from her companion.


    I smile at her and nod, then turn to the Doyan. ¡°Then let¡¯s work together to adjust and adapt. I won¡¯t claim expertise, but I do have some experience and knowledge about how Lyttoral handles this. If even the bigger cities could benefit from alternatives to gemstone care we should consider its benefits, correct?¡±


    She lets out a huff, but¡­ nods. ¡°Of course, Lady Sun Spoken. Thank you for your¡­ pointed advice.¡±


    And so I turn what was supposed to be a short dismissal into a nearly full hour of negotiations, clarifications, and a few quickly placated debates. But¡­ in the end I walk from that room feeling like maybe this wasn¡¯t a waste of my afternoon after all.


    Zigdara waits, dutiful and seemingly unaffected by what turned into a longer wait. But before she can stand I move to sit and slump on the bench beside her.


    ¡°That exhausting?¡± She smiles and settles to wait till I¡¯m ready to rise.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± I sigh. ¡°Been sitting for hours and hours but just want to sit for a bit more.¡±


    ¡°Is there anything I can offer you to help?¡±


    I just¡­ lean into her big solid arm. ¡°Just this. If that¡¯s alright.¡±


    She hums, then reaches around to hold me, ¡°Of course. Anything you need, Ina.¡±


    I feel sleep approaching, knowing that I¡¯d find such soft beds and warm lovers back at the manor but¡­ Fuck is it such a long walk through the cold! Just¡­ gonna enjoy my big duenna¡¯s warmth and rest my eyes here for a bit.


    The little drifting isn¡¯t enough to allow me to encounter my fifth lover, and eventually the sound of footsteps approaching and Zigdara¡¯s voice rouses me.


    ¡°She¡¯s quite weary from the day.¡± My duenna is trying to murmur quietly to¡­


    My eyes drift open to see a group of four women standing at a polite distance. Two of their numbers are Votrel and Letital. All are older, and these two new ones sport interesting and unique traits. One is shorter than me, with cool blue eyes and pale skin with a head full of mussy blonde hair with a pair of little brown horn things sprouting out. The other is just almost as tall as Votrel, but also with pale skin that is practically covered in pretty dancing artwork. But she has green eyes and short reddish hair.


    I pat my duenna¡¯s leg and sit up. ¡°It¡¯s alright Zigdara. I know them from today''s hearings.¡±


    I brush my hair back from my face and rise, not really worrying about the weariness my smile must hold. ¡°It¡¯s good to see you both again, to what do I owe the pleasure?¡±


    ¡°We just¡­ all wanted to thank you again.¡± Votrel speaks up first.


    ¡°I¡­¡± A denial of my efforts kinda just¡­ dies on my lips. ¡°I was just surprised the Doyans need convincing at all. But¡­ regardless, you''re the ones who deserve thanks. You walk the Paths to aid and heal others, while most of us simply indulge our wanderlust.¡±


    That catches them off guard.


    ¡°I¡­ We¡­¡± Votrel sputters.


    The shortest snorts and elbows her companion. ¡°Of course a woman of the Paths would understand how important what you two do is, Trel.¡±


    ¡°What we all do.¡± Letital murmurs, then looks to me. ¡°But seriously, getting even our previous three cycle deal was a nightmare that involved some very uncomfortable sacrifices. Things we¡¯ve seen cost lives. So¡­ No, Sun Spoken Inamatorii, thank you. People who would have died will live because of this.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but grin stupidly at her words. ¡°You''re very welcome. And please, you may all simply call me Ina. Titles are such a new burden I¡¯d rather avoid when among my fellow Walkers.¡±


    The second tallest smiles back. ¡°I¡¯m Yunda, by the way. Could we offer a meal to yourself and companion? We always adore finding girls like us in this cold and bitter place.¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯m Quetic.¡± The shorter chimes in with her own grin.


    ¡°Really, it¡¯s wonderful to meet you all, but¡­ I¡¯m not sure I¡¯d make very good company at the moment.¡± I let out such a sigh of polite weariness. ¡°This week has been such a long one and I¡¯m still unsure if I¡¯ll have the energy to eat before just¡­ passing out.¡±


    ¡°Understandable.¡± Votrel nods. ¡°Could we¡­ perhaps, schedule another time?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± I nod. ¡°My lovers and I are actually staying at Lady Ophrit¡¯s estate and I¡¯m sure they¡¯d adore hosting you all. Especially if you let two of them cook for us.¡±


    A few of their eyes seem to dance a little at the subtle mention of my multiple lovers, but¡­ don¡¯t comment on it.


    ¡°If it won¡¯t impose too much upon your hosts or lovers, then¡­ we¡¯d adore the opportunity.¡± Votrel agrees.


    ¡°Oh gosh not at all! Tasii has gushed a few times about wanting to find others to try a few new dishes she¡¯s discovered. And the mass of people will ensure she¡­¡± I trail off as all their expressions shift from polite nodding to¡­ something else. A bit of careful surprise.


    ¡°T¨C Tasii?¡± Yunda asks carefully.


    I tilt my head as I realize the recognition in their eyes at the name. ¡°Yes that¡¯s¡­ She¡¯s tall with gorgeous dark skin, beautiful hair she tends to keep braided with little trinkets?¡±


    A few of them nod excitedly.


    ¡°You know her?¡± I grin. ¡°Old friends or¡­¡±


    ¡°Know her!?!¡± Letital grins back. ¡°She¡¯s like a second daughter to us!¡±


    My eyes must be so wide as my Hetaera training cracks. ¡°Wh¨C What?¡±


    Quetic has burst into such a happy little sputter of giggles. ¡°Oh this is so perfect!¡±


    ¡°That means¡­¡± Votrel¡¯s hand goes up to her lips. ¡°You¡¯re with Kquevaian! Right? She¡¯s here too?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± I sputter at my lover''s full name. ¡°How¡­ What do you mean second daughter and¡­ and how do you all know Kque and Tasii?¡±


    ¡°Ina, dear.¡± Yunda is the first to collect herself. ¡°Kquevaian is our daughter, and Tasii is¡­ well we consider her ours as well. Ever since she chose to walk the Paths with our little girl.¡±


    I feel such a heat rise on my cheeks, and all my months of carefully learning how to always be in control of my words and presentation just¡­ shatters at my feet like so much glass. Kque had mentioned her mothers being like... traveling healers but... ¡°Oh¡­ Oh I¡­ B¨C but¡­ That¡¯s¡­¡±


    ¡°If I may, Lady Ina, maybe reconsider their offer? Bring them back with us to the manor?¡± Zigdara rests a hand on my shoulder, then turns to the group of nearly bouncing women. ¡°I¡¯m guessing you all didn¡¯t expect to find your daughters at the Academy, nor they you here?¡±


    A mix of shaking heads and bigger smiles as Letital says. ¡°Last we saw them they were heading to Lyttoral with Yrelia, Jevita, and Lule.¡±


    I bite my lip, ¡°That¡¯s where they found me.¡±


    ¡°You called them your lovers. Are you¡­¡± Yunda trails off.


    I nod. ¡°They kinda¡­ um¡­ yeah. We¡¯re um¡­ all very very close.¡±


    Somehow their smiles grow even wider at my words, and what was probably a light blush is now a rolling storm of heat that makes me a little dizzy as I bear the weight of their sudden rapt attention.


    ¡°Our girls¡­¡± Quetic says with such a glimmer of amusement in her eye. ¡°Sweeping up a Sun Spoken.¡±


    ¡°Quetic¡­¡± Votrel turns to eye her. ¡°Stop it, you¡¯re embarrassing the poor girl.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re all thinking it.¡± Letital murmurs with an easy shrug, then turns back to me. ¡°And from your pretty blush I¡¯m guessing she¡¯s spot on?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I huff, close my eyes for a second, reclaim whatever I can of my control and open my eyes to their overbearing smile and grins. ¡°Only Yrelia or Tasii would use those words but¡­ it¡¯s honestly very very true. They all had me smitten before any of us knew that I was Sun Spoken.¡±


    I see the questions that bubbles up behind their eyes, but Zigdara speaks up again. ¡°Shall we go ahead and begin our walk to the estate? I¡¯m not sure Ina will have the energy to make it back at this pace otherwise.¡±


    They all agree and after wrapping ourselves in a few extra layers to ward off the cold. They try to keep their bubbling excitement to a minimum level of excited questions. How are they enjoying cooking with Arudian ingredients? How long have you all been in Arudia? What brought you to the Academy?


    I give sort of simple answers. Kept that way by the storm and my own fluttering incredibly embarrassed heart. Still¡­ still trying to just¡­ just¡­


    ¡°Ina?¡± Zigdara murmurs as she pulls me up to lead the group by a few paces as they seem to fall into a bumble of excited conversation amongst themselves.


    Quetic had asked if Zigdara was among our more¡­ intimate circles. But she only shook her head and told her part of the truth. That she is a duenna of Lyttoral wish to protect a young Sun Spoken from her homeland.


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Are you alright?¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± Is the best answer I can give as I fight to keep my mind from spinning, end up taking her arm and letting myself rely on her strength as mine continues to fade.


    ¡°You seem¡­ overwhelmed.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Four. Zigdara. FOUR mothers. Fuck me that is¡­ that¡¯s¡­¡±


    The big duenna chuckles. ¡°For a girl with that many lovers your befuddlement is surprising.¡±


    I let out a huff and whisper more harshly than I mean to. ¡°Yes. I know. And that¡¯s what just¡­ doesn¡¯t make sense. But here I am¡­ floundering like some¡­ some¡­ something! I¡¯m a fucking Hetaera and Sun Spoken. Just a few weeks back I survived more unbelievable nonsense than I¡¯d ever imagined possible. But¡­ but now here I am panicking over the idea of dinner with Kque and Tasii¡¯s four mothers and I don¡¯t know why!?!?¡±


    We walk in silence for a bit, the only sound the murmurs of excitement echoing from behind us. And... and then it hits me. Harder than it should as I consider my own mother, my Sangoma, and...


    ¡°I¡­¡± I find myself wincing at my next thought. ¡°Oh. Well fuck that might explain it.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She murmurs.


    ¡°I¡­ I never expected to be allowed to fall in love.¡± I can¡¯t help but growl the words as a wisp of moisture touches my eyes. ¡°Never¡­ never expected to meet some amazing women and¡­ and get to meet their mothers and¡­ and...¡±


    I feel Zigdara let out her own sigh, then whisper quietly. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Ina. That¡­¡±


    I wipe at the tears that had begun to rise. ¡°It¡¯s not your fault. I just¡­ That was not something I was ready to realize today. And¡­ fuck. What do I even tell them about me!?!¡±


    Zigdara does smile softly at that. ¡°Whatever you feel comfortable with. They seem kind and very patient with disparate pasts. I doubt they''ll push if you show discomfort.¡±


    I let out a huff. ¡°Yeah. But¡­ That¡¯s the thing Zigdara. I do like them. They¡¯re¡­ they¡¯re amazing and interesting and¡­ and I¡¯ve only known them for like¡­ two seconds and I¡¯m jealous of Kque and Tasii. That¡­ that I¡¯m about to be drowned in little stories about their childhood and hate that I don''t have like... things I''ll want to share. Not without needing to leave huge holes and avoid details! I won¡¯t be able to do anything but smile and feel that bitterness and I HATE that. ¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± She trails off.


    A spark, a fire. Much like the inspiration that can lead to a bubbling of song. But¡­ deeper and not at all magical.


    ¡°You know what?¡± I growl and push out my best smile. ¡°Fuck that. Fuck the temple. It¡¯s my life. I get to live it now. And I¡¯ve decided that I¡¯m going to enjoy the fuck out of meeting a few of my lover¡¯s wonderful family. They''re literally the nicest fucking people on this stupid mountain and they are just... bubbling over at the idea of spending time with us.¡±


    That gets such a sigh and smile from my big duenna as she loosens her grip, "Good. I can think of nothing better."


    Then she lets me pull away and fall back into the flurry of conversation with my lover¡¯s family.


    * * *


    I¡¯m already giggling when we enter the manor, turning back to shush the much quieter bumble of women as Zigdara and I begin to take their big coats.


    The last half of the walk was such a wonderful experience!


    Fuck, they¡¯re just SO perfect. Each unique and kind and so open and comfortable with each other. Their words and glances singing of decades of love and life! While I¡¯d insisted on saving the more interesting stories of my meeting my lovers for later, they were more than happy to burst with their own tales of our soft spoken Kquevaian.


    How they thought she would be as big as Votrel with how large of a baby she was, the first time she let the sea touch her toes¡­ and how she¡¯s always adored the snow despite not caring to play in it now.


    Letital was the mother who carried her to term, but Kque quickly learned as a child that she could spend an entire day of walking napping in a mother¡¯s arms so long as she¡¯d always ask the next one to hold her after one tired a bit. Bonding her to each of them, and foster what would eventually become little unique connections.


    And the story that has me giggling so hard was how when Tasii first joined this family along the Paths they very nearly had to send the girls to camp a mile ahead because otherwise they might have kept the mothers awake all through the night.


    Both with their jabbering conversations and¡­ um¡­ how loud they would get during their nightly embraces. Turns out Kque was absolutely smitten with Tasii from the moment she met her in the little farming conclave our biggest lover called a home.


    ¡°I¡¯m so glad to know that um¡­ is normal.¡± I don¡¯t even mind the blush now. Can¡¯t feel anything but joy at hearing about two of my lovers¡¯ past romance from these four adoring mothers. ¡°On a different note it¡¯s very very good you¡¯ve already booked your bed¡¯s elsewhere for your stay! This manor has been quite erm¡­ noisy of late! Can¡¯t really say why though¡­¡±


    That got a few more giggles from us all.


    And then I¡¯d insisted on letting me enter as if the day was normal, all of us quiet and shushed, so as to all enjoy my lover¡¯s reactions to this unexpected visit.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Calls my tallest lover from the kitchen. ¡°Is that you?¡±


    ¡°Y¨C Yes!¡± I call back, making sure to shush the fairly quiet bunch through my own unstoppable giggles. ¡°Is em¡­ Could you and Kque come um¡­ h¨C help me with something?¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°Sure?¡± I can hear such confusion and a bit of worry in Tasii¡¯s voice. ¡°Is everything okay?¡±


    ¡°Perfect!¡± I call back. ¡°Just um¡­ I need um¡­ your opinion on something? Both of your opinions. Like¡­ right now. Please.¡±


    Votrel sighs, Yunda covers her mouth as she smiles, Letital seems to sort of¡­ brace herself for the storm we all know is about to hit, while Quetic fights with everything she has to keep down her own giggles.


    Then we hear shuffling as what sounds like one person begins to approach. ¡°Ina, what¡¯s up? Are you sure you¡¯re¨C¡±


    I bite my lip and move off to the side. ¡°I just found some wonderful people wandering about the Academy and thought they could join us for dinner!¡±


    Tasii steps in the entryway and while her eyes immediately focus on me as her mouth begins to voice more questions, she quickly jolts and lets her gaze double back to take in the four ladies still standing near the door.


    A pause, and I get to watch such a grin roll over my lover¡¯s face as the four mothers give her such huge grins and little murmurs of greetings.


    Then she¡¯s all but darting forward in a shout of joy and glee, wrapping herself in a gigantic group hug with the four.


    Then I get to turn back just in time to see Kque sort of stumble into the room, pulled into quick motions by the cacophony of it all.


    If Tasii¡¯s expression was a rolling wave of joy, the happiness on Kque¡¯s face is like watching the sun rise. And it¡¯s the same for her mothers. Tasii may be a girl they consider their second daughter and first lover to their child, but Kquevaian is one they¡¯ve seen grow from babe to adult.


    The following squees of joy and delight and just¡­ sheer surprise at stumbling upon one¡¯s child or mothers randomly along one''s Path rings through the house. Quickly drawing anyone and everyone. Even Jevita out the stables hears the ruckus they all make and ends up peeking in to make sure everyone is okay.


    ¡°We¡­ oh fuck we¡­ I¡¯ve got to¡­ to check on the¡­¡± Kque blubbers from within one of mother¡¯s hugs.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take care of it, love.¡± Tasii kisses her on the forehead and wipes away a few tears of such joy.


    ¡°What is it?¡± Yunda asks.


    ¡°Food things. Dinner.¡± Kque clarifies.


    Quetic bumps Yunda on the arm. ¡°We¡¯ll help!¡±


    ¡°Is um¡­ Zigdara and I could go and get things if like¡­ more food is needed?¡± I offer.


    Kque nods. "Yeah, we... we''ll need another brumble of Utokas and... and more cider wine and... Fuck probably more flour and sugar. At least."


    Yrelia steps up with¡­ kinda an oddly blank expression. A thing almost... well if I wasn''t kinda muddled between all this and my own weariness I''d think to pull her aside and ask if she''s okay. But before the thought enters my slow and stupid head she''s speaking. ¡°You¡¯re barely standing. Let me handle that. You go bask in these wonderful mother¡¯s affections. Moon and Stars know you need this.¡±


    Fuck she¡­ she just¡­ sees straight through me. So easily knows and connects my own lack of this with my giddy smile.


    ¡°I could accompany you in case you need help carrying it all back.¡± Zigdara offers.


    ¡°You¡¯re at least just as tired as her, big girl.¡± Yrelia shakes her head. "I''ll be fine."


    ¡°I¡¯ll go with you!¡± Jevita bumbles up to her side, wraps a careful arm around hers and entwines their fingers. ¡°I¡¯m already bundled up from being with Lule.¡±


    Yrelia sighs but¡­ nods and kisses Jevita¡¯s hand. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    And then the party kinda¡­ splits. Tasii and Yunda and Quetic head off to figure out the evening''s meal and chatter happily about how they might expand it to include four more while Kque, Letital, and Votrel move their blubber of joyful reunion things into a sitting room.


    I kinda¡­ spend a few moments fluttering between kitchen and sitting room with Ophrit and Delphian. Conveying messages and catching random tidbits of both conversations. Both of our Arudian hosts find such common ground on account of Ophrit''s family merchant business and Delphian''s brilliance with Cultivation and gemstones. Jabbering and falling into such easy conversations that just... weave in and out of all the others.


    But after my third time nearly tripping over my own silly feet Zigdara all but picks me up and herds me back into a guest room. One that Tasii and Kque and Jevita shared last night? I think?


    ¡°I doubt they¡¯ll run off anytime soon, you should rest before dinner.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯ll take twice as long now anyway as they wait for Yrelia and Jevita to return. Rest, Inamatorii.¡±


    With that I just kinda¡­ slump into the bed. Once again my name being spoken by this woman from my past just... causing such a flutter of calming joy in my soul.


    Yup, smells like my lovers. I nearly giggle as I snuggle deep into the blankets and pillows.


    But¡­ before I pass into slumber I notice Zigdara sort of¡­ hesitate between the door and the hall. Obviously tired and wondering if she¡¯d rather find a quiet place to sit and consider the day, deal with the cacophony of lovers and family, or try and rest in an uncomfy chair outside the room. Still so dedicated to my safety.


    ¡°Zigdara.¡± I murmur.


    She glances back.


    I squirm a bit to the side and pat the spot on the bed beside me. ¡°Come get some sleep. You¡¯re probably more tired than I look.¡±


    She pauses, then quietly and carefully asks. ¡°Are you certain?¡±


    In my suddenly very drifting away state I murmur out. ¡°I¡¯m not asking you to fuck me yet Zigdara, just share skinship and sleep.¡±


    A pause, and my heart skips a few beats as I realize what I totally just blurted out.


    But then my big duenna lets out such a burst of laughter before my stupid brain can panic. She¡¯d shedding her shawl and shoes, and moves to lay in the bed next to me.


    There¡¯s a¡­ pause. Her Amwella Radiating a kind of¡­ interesting song of both affection and longing to just¡­ feel another resting close. But also seems to bear a deeper harmony to share this with me specifically.


    So with a huff of dedication to my silly words, I reach out, wrap an arm around her waist, and pull myself into her. Almost immediately she curls around me. Both arms wrapping my small frame and enveloping me in her thrumming warmth.


    And before I realize it I¡¯m passing into slumber to the sound of her heart¡¯s slow and steady beat.


    <u>


    </u>

 Chapter 79: Such a Perfect Heiress to Their Little Empire

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talk of childhood and muthers and being sold and bought and running away and not wanting to go home. Pressure to have a and bear a child and find a partner. Family expectations. Talk of being bought/adopted as a child. OH! And our first Yrelia POV!!!


    Of course this barely took an hour.


    I let out a huff as I spot the manor, slowing our steps a bit.


    Fuck me.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Jevita murmurs from my side as she adjusts her own bag of food. ¡°Are¡­ Is everything alright, Yrelia?¡±


    I consider just¡­ lying. Blaming tiredness or a headache or an approaching blood week to my sudden cold regard.


    ¡°No. But..." I wave at the manor. "That¡¯s precisely why I mean to keep my distance from all that as possible.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± Jevita shuffles a bit, then reaches out to take my hand in hers again. ¡°Okay. I¡­ I¡¯m here if you need anything.¡±


    Bless her, she has no fucking clue what to say or how to help but thank FUCK that Jevita knows when not to push. Even¡­ even if it¡¯s more due to her finding the right words hard to find.


    This was another reason it¡¯s good I didn¡¯t actually become a Hetaera. Tasii¡¯s right, when I¡¯m unhappy it just¡­ bubbles out of me like one of her early cooking mistakes. A mess is made and if I¡¯m not careful we¡¯ll spend more time cleaning it up than enjoying the fucking meal.


    ¡°Thank you, Jevita.¡± I squeeze her hand in mine. ¡°I¡¯m going to probably try and turn in early, Could you make excuses for me if anyone asks?¡±


    A pause, and Jevita slows us to a stop.


    ¡°Um¡­ I mean¡­ sure? But¡­¡± She turns to look up at me. ¡°What do I even say?¡±


    I sigh and sort of¡­ glare ahead. ¡°Good point. You¡¯re worse at lying than Ina and¡­ I¡¯m not sure how to avoid either being a stinky pile in the corner of an otherwise wonderful evening or a mess that one of them will try to help figure out when I fuck off to avoid that.¡±


    Jevita purses her lips. ¡°I¡¯m not worse than Ina at lying.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but give her a side eye, then smirk a little to try and cool any insult she might read from that.


    Fuck, I¡¯m such a cunt right now.


    ¡°Sorry Jevita, but¡­ you see the problem? I¡¯m horrible at the moment and am set to accidentally steal at least a bit of my lover¡¯s happiness one way or the other.¡±


    She huffs, and nods. ¡°Yeah. Yeah¡­ So¡­ Do you um¡­ wanna talk about it?¡±


    I sigh. ¡°No.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°Wouldn¡¯t talking help?¡± She asks.


    I huff. ¡°... Maybe.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ I can drop all this off, and meet you out with Lule.¡± She reaches out to take the bag I carry. ¡°I need to be with him tonight anyway so¡­ it won¡¯t be a big deal if we hang out there while the others figure out dinner things. Then we¡¯ll decide what to do when it¡¯s all ready.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I sigh and surrender to her idea. ¡°Okay. Thanks.¡±


    And then I go to share a stall with our big child while Jevita goes in to drop off the extra food we picked up. Lule is, as always, happy to see any of us. Especially since I snatched a few treats from the bags before Jevita went inside.


    So I just get to stand about for a while, bribing this big silly Quelekita into nuzzling me at the promise of some sweet treats and very good scrutches. Eventually though there is a sort of kicking knock at the entrance to the little stable and a call to open the door.


    And when I do it¡¯s to my eternal relief that it¡¯s still only Jevita with her hands full. Two steaming mugs of fudgebrew and a little basket balanced in her arms.


    ¡°What¡¯s all that?¡±


    ¡°Dinner.¡± Jevita states as she moves past to begin settling the meal down on the pallet of soft blankets she¡¯s laid out beside Lule.


    ¡°Okay... What did you tell them?¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°Not much. Just that I needed to have a quiet dinner with Lule and you wanted to keep me company.¡±


    I sigh and look up at the ceiling with a groan. ¡°Tasii saw right through you.¡±


    She looks up to me, ¡°And? She trusts us to deal with whatever this is. She might come to check in on us later but¡­ is that such a problem?¡±


    I lean against Lule, crossing my arms as I glare at the far wall. ¡°I hate that.¡±


    Jevita chuckles a little nervously. ¡°I¡¯m really confused right now, Yrelia. You seemed really happy this past week, and then the moment Kque and Tasii¡¯s moms show up you¡¯re suddenly¡­ really upset.¡±


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    I don¡¯t answer, just¡­ lean into Lule¡¯s warm feathers and give him more scrutches. Jevita moves to start pulling out food, letting the silence build and build until it¡¯s full to bursting. I keep waiting for her to pop it with the obvious question but she doesn¡¯t. Even fucking starts eating after preparing a pair of plates.


    So with a very obvious sigh I move over to plop down across from her, start to pick at my plate without enjoying any of it. Finally letting the old pains and memories bubble up a bit.


    ¡°Did¡­¡± I pause to huff in annoyance at my own nonsense. ¡°Do you know where I¡¯m from, Jevita?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°Some port city, right? But¡­ not one we¡¯ve ever visited.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yup. Exactly. Anything else? Has Kque told you more than that?¡±


    ¡°Just that you don¡¯t want to go home.¡±


    I snort. ¡°The Paths are my home, Jevita.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Sorry.¡± She murmurs.


    I sigh, ¡°Don¡¯t be. I¡¯m being a stinky cunt and you¡¯re nothing but very patient with me.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°This bothers you, and while I can¡¯t really relate, I can¡­ understand you¡¯re hurting and something about seeing Kque¡¯s moms today seems to have triggered that.¡±


    I wince. I¡¯m such a stupid girl. Jevita has more right to be upset than me. She doesn¡¯t even know who her mothers were, and the only people who could tell her are all abusive shits.


    ¡°I¡­ Fuck Jevita it¡¯s really REALLY stupid and petty and selfish of me to be upset. I really should just¡­ get over myself and go in there and support my lovers. Even if I have to put on my Hetaera mask to do it.¡±


    But she shakes her head. ¡°Pain is never stupid, Yrelia. Would you tell that to Ina if she was hurting right now?¡±


    I look down to my torn up plate of delicious food. ¡°No, of course not. But it¡¯s not the same. For all of you that pain would be justified and it¡¯s honestly really fucking impressive how you¡¯re all just¡­ wonderful about this.¡±


    Two girls who basically never had mothers, and another who needed to escape hers to find happiness.


    And then there¡¯s me¡­


    ¡°I grew up a rich bitch slated to inherit her mothers¡¯ incredibly successful trading company, pampered and basically given whatever I wanted.¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t make excuses for them.¡± Jevita whispers.


    I jerk up to stare. ¡°I¡­ But you said Kque didn¡¯t tell you anything.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°She didn¡¯t. But like¡­ You¡¯re one of the only just¡­ naturally happy people I¡¯ve met, besides Ina. But honestly she¡¯s learned that from you, I think.¡±


    I can¡¯t help the little blush and smile that pops up at that. At¡­ at her giving me credit for our little temple girl¡¯s unbound joy at just¡­ finally finding the freedom this life fucking owed her.


    ¡°So¡­ they must have done plenty wrong to get you this upset. To make you leave home and avoid going back even for a visit after all these years.¡± She finishes.


    ¡°I¡­ it¡¯s¡­ Like¡­ yeah?¡± I sigh and look down. ¡°They wanted me to take over the life and business they built, and¡­ and started¡­ um¡­ pushing me to find someone to partner up with. Bound Beloved and all that. Wanted me to make sure whoever I bound myself to would be an asset to it.¡±


    Jevita pauses, ¡°Oh. Wow. That¡¯s¡­ Yikes.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I convinced them to pay for my Hetaera training and like¡­ they did it because they thought it would be a wonderful way to ground me and temper my wild side. Get me to calm my tits and find a single lover or two to settle me. Even talked about like¡­ ugh. Which of us would be the girl to carry the child and like¡­ Of course it would be me. I''m the fucking mess of a girl.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Jevita spits after I trail off. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ I mean I wouldn¡¯t know but¡­ that sounds really eck and abnormal?¡±


    I sigh. ¡°Depends on the moms but¡­ yeah. It was very pushy, and so I left. Just¡­ It was the day my mentor, Vitana, and I agreed that being a Hetaera was probably not a thing I wanted and like¡­ I was telling her about these two amazing girls I¡¯d just met who seemed so happy walking the Paths and like¡­ how much I wished I could go with them.¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°She told me to go. So I did. I packed a bag, wrote a note, and left. Just¡­ selfishly abandoned the life my moms worked so hard to build around me.¡±


    Tears prickle, And¡­ Now I¡¯m stupid crying. Fuck.


    Jevita sets down her mug and moves to sit next to me, takes my hand in silent support. Somehow sensing that I need to keep talking.


    ¡°And I can¡¯t go back. No matter how much I¡¯d like to see them. Because I fucking threw almost three decades of love and care and¡­ and fucking investment back in their faces to just walk the Paths with the girls I''ve come to love.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sure they¡¯d¡­ um¡­ They¡¯d just be really happy to see you again.¡±


    I snort angrily. ¡°Oh, once they met all of you they¡¯d be over fucking joyed. Each and every one of you would be such a daughter. A perfect heiress to their little empire. But me? No. I¡¯m just a stupid silly fuck-up who couldn¡¯t even finish her Hetaera training. Just¡­ Such a disappointment.¡±


    Jevita squeezes my hand. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. But¡­ I don¡¯t think they¡¯d be disappointed. Not when they see how happy you are.¡±


    I sigh and pull up my lover''s hand to kiss it. ¡°That¡¯s where you are wrong, Jevita dear. My moms have never been anything BUT disappointed in me. I¡¯m the daughter they purchased specifically to be their heiress, and everything I do that doesn¡¯t build up to that is just¡­ a waste. And they made fucking sure I knew that.¡±


    A pause of such still silence settles between us. Jevita¡¯s eyes widen a bit.


    ¡°Wh- Wait. Purchased? Is that like¡­ Lyttoral terminology for buying a pregnancy from the temple or¡­¡±


    I close my eyes and shake my head. ¡°Nope. It is not.¡±


    Another long pause.


    ¡°I¡­ but¡­ How is that like¡­ possible?¡± Jevita stammers. ¡°How did they convince a mother to sell her daughter to them!?!¡±


    Such a wretched thing to admit. That¡­ that the woman who carried a daughter to term was willing to give me up for some coin.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I never really asked for the details.¡± I whisper. ¡°They just always said that pregnancy was too expensive a hassle at the time and since some poor girl was offering they just¡­ said it was a wonderful investment. A great way to get a daughter without all the nonsense.¡±


    ¡°Yrelia I am so sorry.¡± Jevita wraps me in such a tight hug. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ fuck you¡¯ve always been this big scary and amazing girl who just¡­ seemed too bright and almost like¡­ unreal to me. Someone from a story brought to life!¡±


    I snort through the tears. ¡°I would hope so. A fuckton of time and money was put into making sure I¡¯d¨C¡±


    ¡°No that¡¯s¡­¡± Jevita reaches around to my cheek, pulls me to face her. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ you. Not the weird like¡­ whatever your moms did. You¡¯re just¡­ you¡¯ve grown into this bubbly wonderful girl in spite of anything they did. Molded yourself into you! If¡­ if that makes sense?¡±


    Moon and stars bless this girl. She¡¯s just¡­ stumbling into the right words.


    I smile and hug her back. ¡°Yeah. It¡­ yeah you¡¯re kinda right. Thank you Jevita.¡±


    We just¡­ sit like that for a while. Her all hard hugging support and me wanting to smush the fuck out of her but¡­ being very careful.


    Don¡¯t wanna have a repeat of that first night we shared. Fuck me was¡­ ugh was I just so stupid then. Didn¡¯t know what to look for and just¡­ thought her glyphs were overly sensitive and perfect for sex-play.


    ¡°Hey Yrelia?¡± Jevita whispers. Interrupting my spiral back into more of my fuck-ups.


    ¡°Mhm?¡± I murmur and place a very VERY careful kiss on her head.


    ¡°So like¡­ why do seeing Kque¡¯s moms get you upset? You''ve met them before. So... Is it like¡­ do they remind you of your moms? Like¡­ their personality or¡­¡±


    I sigh and shake my head as she pulls back to look up at me. ¡°No. It¡¯s¡­ no. Not at all.¡±


    ¡°Is it just like¡­ all moms in general then?¡±


    I laugh without any real mirth. ¡°No. Fuck me would that make walking the Paths a nightmare. Just seeing a mom turning me into a cunt who has to go off and sulk.¡±


    Jevita¡¯s face scrunches into an expression of such confusion. ¡°Then¡­ what is it?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s because they are fucking perfect, Jevita. And seeing them here today just¡­¡± I look off and away as I whisper. ¡°They let their feet lead them and hearts sing openly. But more than any of that, they support Kque and Tasii unconditionally. So long as those two girls are happy, they are just¡­ delighted to bask in that. And it just¡­ all hit me. All at once.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°I¡¯m jealous, Jevita. I¡¯m bitter and furious and fucking¡­ just¡­ so full to bursting with spite. Not at them, but at myself. At¡­ at how I couldn¡¯t just be a good enough  daughter to the two women who literally fucking BOUGHT me. How to just¡­ try and be that girl would mean the slow and withering death of my soul. Just¡­ just¡­¡±


    Jevita pulls up my fingers to kiss them. ¡°If they can¡¯t support you in finding your own happiness then¡­ well¡­ you shouldn¡¯t feel guilty walking away from them. It means they don¡¯t deserve your love.¡±


    That¡­ I can¡¯t help but laugh at that stupid fucking statement. ¡°They¡¯re fucking merchant baronesses, and I¡¯m just some stupid girl of the Pa¨C¡±


    ¡°NO!¡± Jevita¡¯s voice is suddenly a whip-crack of fury. Still soft but¡­ something that I can do nothing but jerk and stop when I hear it. ¡°Fuck that. They are the ones that chose to raise you, Yrelia, and if they couldn¡¯t see you were unhappy, or give you the words to express that, or WORSE didn¡¯t listen when you tried to tell them, then fuck them. They''re not worthy of you! They failed you and lost the privilege to be in your life.¡±


    I just¡­ stare. Her words make sense and are totally things I told Ina but¡­


    ¡°I¡­ that¡¯s such a hard thing to feel, Jevita. Even if it¡¯s right.¡±


    ¡°Which is why you have me and the others to remind you.¡± She nods, then pauses as her eyes go a little wide. ¡°Fuck, Yrelia have you like¡­ told either Kque and Tasii this? Ever like¡­ talked about it to anyone?¡±


    I look down and away, shake my head.


    ¡°Oh!¡± She very nearly yelps. ¡°No wonder this hurts you so much. You¡¯ve like¡­ kept this bottled since you left.¡±


    I nod.


    ¡°Fuck fuck fuck.¡± Jevita hisses, and pulls me into another hug. ¡°Thank you for telling me. But¡­ moon and stars, Yrelia, Tasii and Kque are way better with words than me and would love to help you with this. Would ADORE the chance to share their own moms¡¯ love with you.¡±


    I let out such a sigh and lean into her. ¡°I don¡¯t want to rob them of this. Ina stumbling into those four and bringing them home was just¡­ too fucking perfect and like¡­ I¡­ I just can¡¯t suddenly blurt out all my own nonsense.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Let the glimmer settle, but¡­ seriously. Please?¡± She hugs me back so hard. ¡°I want to help and will listen all night but¡­ I¡¯m not good with words and don¡¯t really like¡­ have personal context.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re honestly way better at this than you give yourself credit for.¡± I sigh, and wipe the stupid tears with the closest wrist. ¡°But¡­ I¡¯ll think about it.¡±


    Jevita huffs but¡­ doesn¡¯t push. Bless the girl. I do not want to argue the merits of ruining our lover¡¯s happiness with this.


    So we shuffle about and Jevita coaxes me into actually eating some dinner and drinking the now lukewarm fudgebrew she brought out for me.


    <u>


    </u>

 Chapter 80: Help! But From The Wrong Dream Part 1

    <u>CW</u>:


    New POV!!! AHHH. Rahdian is her name. And after many chapters waiting... it is time. Crab time. CLAB time. Talk of scars and cold things and such!


    ¡°Stupid stupid b¨C¡±


    I can very nearly hear the Storm growl from the back of my mind. It¡¯s soft but¡­ insistent. You may insult your foolish decisions¡­ They had growled, but you will NOT backslide into hurting yourself with that.


    I sigh as I glare out into the white out blizzard that¡¯s blanketed the Frozen Lake of Arudia for the past week.


    ¡°Fine.¡± I murmur to my resting companions. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    They can¡¯t hear me, not when I¡¯m awake. But¡­ I¡¯ll share my experiences with them next time I sleep. They¡¯ll be as bored as I am with how we¡¯ve had to huddle down in this little stable cave for another day but¡­


    A crackling whistling sound¡­ and I go very still. Set to drop my book back down into my little backpack in case I need to run or spin something to defend myself.


    Worried that another one of the weird crystal plants is about to twist and crack into another screaming little monster. One that will manifest anything from just a long annoying wail of pain and sadness that literally hurts to bear, or something more deadly. Like the dozen prickling razor sharp quills that last tried to stab me with.


    But¡­ to my relief it¡¯s just the friendly little¡­ like¡­ turtle bird shaped and pink tinted friend wandering back to me.


    ¡°Help.¡± It coos and sort of¡­ tumbles over to me. The wing things sprouting from its back are all but useless.


    I can¡¯t help but smile and open my arms to the little cutie. Glad for the companionship after I¡¯d awoken alone two¡­ two days ago? Nights? I¡¯m not sure. I¡¯ve slept quite a bit to try and pass the time between reading the three books I have.


    But¡­ It really was foolish for me to ignore the carriages and just try to trek across the Frozen Lake. Stupid to think I could just¡­ watch the mountain the Academy sits on and make it there in half the time. Because a blizzard hit right as the Lake began one of its great shifts, and I¡¯d had to hide in this cave ever since! Like¡­ three whole days! Fuck!


    But my little friend wibbles up and bumps into my leg, cooing that same word over and over. And obvious demand to pick them up and give them scrutches. ¡°Help. help. hellllP!¡±


    So I do because like¡­ how can I not!?! They are nothing but cute and loving affections where all the others like them range from indifferent to me or downright hostile.


    ¡°HeeEeeEeeeEEeeeeeelP.¡± They preen so softly as I snuggle them close.


    They aren¡¯t particularly soft. Not at all in fact. But their body is lighter than a basket of bread and very careful not to cut me with all those sharp edges.


    ¡°Hey little friend, where have you been?¡± I murmur down to it.


    ¡°Help¡­ Help!¡± It whispers back, almost¡­ conspiratorially?


    I sigh and gently run fingers over the soft smooth surfaces of the little thing. Wishing it actually could understand me. Wouldn¡¯t just¡­ repeat that word over and over again.


    Explain to me just what the fuck is going on with like¡­ everything.


    Laying low along the border of Arudia when the like¡­ spirit ocean around and through everything started to boil. Some kind of strange wibbly vibrations echoing from the gemstones. Sending our Dreams into a tizzy and waking days into an anxious mess as we struggled to like¡­ figure out what was going on!


    The storm from my Dreams didn¡¯t know, but¡­ then after a week or so the rumors started washing past even the little farming city on the edge of Arudia.


    A Sun Spoken was at the Academy. She did like¡­ something. Magic somethings. Caused this boil and eventually, we think, the instability in all the gemstones. It was little things at first, but we could feel the shadows rising up. Hear the gurgle of bubbling life stirring within the gemstones that refused to lessen as these past few weeks rushed by.


    And so I did everything I could to get us there. Not because we think we can help, kinda the opposite.


    I need HER help. Need a real fucking Sun Spoken to like¡­ explain shit to me. Maybe¡­ maybe even help me finish the um¡­ I shake my head.


    Stupid girl. Don¡¯t make that mistake again. Especially not within spitting distance of the Academy. Do you want them to like¡­ lock you up again? Try to take away the gifts the Storm gave you?


    ¡°Help help help help help help!¡± The little gemstone creature in my arms starts to chant.


    I quirk my head and sort of¡­ pull back from the little friend. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°Help help he¨C¡±


    A snap, then a crack, and I¡¯m jerking up as the entire cave shudders and quakes.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I hiss and gather up my little friend. Pull them close and back up as far as I can into the little cavern.


    Then a shadow moves to cover the entrance, and a gemstone creature about¡­ well like¡­ a hundred times larger than anything from before is leaning down to peer into the cavern.


    A big crab made of gemstones.


    Fuck fuck fuck! I stumble till my shoulders hit the back wall. Barely being careful not to like¡­ stab or cut myself on the strange fauna that grows from it.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°Help!¡± My little friend coos, begins to like¡­ wiggle and push from me.


    I set them down as gently as possible, sure in the knowledge that these things never actually like¡­ try to hurt each other from what I¡¯ve seen.


    Only people.


    Then it¡¯s scuttling and tumbling out to the big crab, chiming and shouting the entire time the only word it knows over and over again.


    ¡°Help help. Help help help! HELP!¡±


    By the time it reaches its much bigger kin, the crab has like¡­ tilted down to peer at them. And then for the first time since I met my little friend it goes quiet. Stops making any sounds entirely.


    A long and tense pause, then the little friend turns to regard me.


    ¡°Help!¡±


    I just¡­ stare. Eyes probably as big as the moon in fear.


    The bigger one seems to like¡­ shift. Reangle that huge shell to reveal a big crack in the seam that runs around it.


    ¡°HELP.¡± It thrums.


    I tremble a bit, suddenly worried that like¡­ this little friend had attracted some bigger thing and now they¡¯d work together to hurt or kill me.


    But the little one just¡­ scuttles back over and begins to bump into my leg over and over again. Each impact punctuated with a little. ¡°Help.¡±


    I reach down to pick it up. Hold it close as I stare at the larger creature.


    But¡­ this big crab could easily just come in here and squish me if it wanted. And um¡­ these are the only two using that word.


    So¡­


    Carefully and VERY fucking slowly, I push to my feet. Then, clutching the little friend close, I walk forward to grab my backpack and approach the big crab.


    It watches us but only moves to like¡­ lower itself.


    Almost like its¡­


    ¡°Help.¡± the creature in my arms coos.


    ¡°HELP.¡± the big crab thrums.


    Huh¡­ Maybe they do know what that word means¡­


    And so like the stupid girl I am, I carefully reach out and like¡­ touch it. It doesn¡¯t move, just¡­ stares.


    My little friend wiggles, then whispers impatiently. ¡°Help.¡±


    I sigh and¡­ and¡­ fuck. What am I even like¡­ supposed to even¡­ Bu¨C


    Then, without warning and so much faster than this big thing should be, the closest giant claw snaps out. And before I can do more than yelp in fear it has me by the waist and is lifting me to¡­ To plop gently down on the back of the shell. Sit frozen in startled fear amongst a sea of twinkling gemstone fauna that grow abundantly all around. A crack, then a shuffle, and the big crab rises before beginning to scuttle through the storm.


    I pull my coat and hood tight, even go ahead and reach out to pull the scarf from my backpack to wind about my face. Just¡­ just in case this thing dumps be at the feet of some grouping of women. Don¡¯t need to be showing my face off, even if the healing has already done so much for me.


    As I settle back down for what I hope to be a short trip, my little friend nuzzles and wiggles into a comfortable burrow in my lap. Seems to fall into a little tittering sleep.


    I glance about but¡­ no. Not only would that be silly in light of whatever the fuck is going on but¡­ with all the gemstone fauna growing from this things shell I¡¯d very easily cut myself on one of the various edges.


    So I slump forward and just¡­ watch the thick blanket of white that seems so dedicated to bury the land.


    And¡­ fuck I¡¯m suddenly like¡­ how do I like¡­ find her? Get her to agree to meet some girl who won¡¯t even show her face? Do¡­ Do I tell her that I¡¯m Sun Spoken too? Will that be a safe thing to share?


    I mean¡­ it should, and I kinda have to if I expect her to share any knowledge with me. But¡­ fuck the only other people I told any of this kinda fucked me over. Forced me to run fast and hard all the fucking way to the Arudian border.


    So¡­


    I turn my attention down to my wellspring of Amwella. Considering¡­


    How many days is that good for? If like¡­ I ONLY use it for healing my body?


    Um¡­ three? Less? I mean¡­ I¡¯m already rationing it. And fuck has fucking been just¡­ kinda a hard thing for me to get the courage to ask for sex these days. Both because of um¡­ so many women not being super happy at the idea of a lover wanting to keep all her clothes on. But¡­ also like¡­


    I had a good pair of lovers. They put up with my nonsense, respected my boundaries for like¡­ almost a year! Why the fuck did I risk it all by telling them?


    I can¡¯t help but drop my head into my hands. Take a few deep breaths as this big friend carries me closer and closer to the last place I should be rushing to.


    The Storm warned me it would be a horrible idea. Saw my past and what the women of the age would not take well when they saw the body beneath. How they¡­ Even if they weren¡¯t interested in the rewards offered for my capture, how they would feel such a sense of duty to turn me in.


    Fuck. Maybe in like¡­ a few years, after I¡¯ve finished healing and hiding everything I can start to trust someone again. Maybe¡­


    NO! STOP IT! NO FUCKING WAY!!!


    Even if this Sun Spoken is kind you cannot, under ANY circumstances, tell her what you are. Don¡¯t be stupid again!


    ¡°Help?¡± My little friend murmurs.


    I open my eyes to find that¡­ that a few tears have fallen onto them.


    ¡°Fuck. Sorry little friend.¡± I murmur as I try to wipe the droplets away.


    But¡­ huh. I think I got them off but¡­ Did it always have those three little sparkles along its¨C


    A jerk, a crunch, and I¡¯m looking up to see that we¡¯ve arrived at a main road. Already at the foot of the mountain!


    ¡°Wow. That¡­ was I already this close or are you just incredibly fast?¡±


    I pat the big friend on the back, then with a twist it¡¯s bringing such a big claw back up to my side as it lowers itself to the ground.


    In a rush of probably stupid trust, I reach out and grab the offered limb. Once a foot is hooked on a bottom divot the big crab lifts and settles us into the snow below.


    I can¡¯t help but turn and just¡­ stare up at the thing. Take in the shape and colors and¡­


    ¡°Help.¡± It thrums.


    ¡°Thank you!¡± I lean forward to hug this big things hovering claw awkwardly with one arm. ¡°I don¡¯t even know how. Or why or¨C¡±


    A shout comes from behind me, and I turn to see a trio of duenna rushing out of a building on the edge of this little village at the foot of the mountain. Swords drawn and little stars glowing in spare hands.


    ¡°W¨C Wait!¡± I shout in sudden worry. Spread arms to try and shield and show these duenna that my big friend is not a threat.


    Wince at how my voice cracks, even after all this time¡­


    They pause about halfway between us and their building. Eyes now visible beneath their hoods.


    I turn and pat my big friend, even settle the smaller down into the snow.


    ¡°I¡¯m um¡­ not sure if you should come with me.¡±


    My little friend nuzzles close to my leg. Begins to paw and bump into me over and over in an obvious demand as it growls. ¡°Help. Help. HELP!¡±


    So I sigh and pick it back up. Look to the big crab in worry. Will¡­ will they try to come along too?


    But¡­ it only bumps my shoulders gently with a big claw and thrum a final ¡°Help.¡± before turning and beginning to trudge off back into the blizzard.


    ¡°Um¡­ Thank you!¡± I call after it. Pulling my little friend close as I watch it fade into the wall of white.


    Deep breath. Hoping really hard that whatever this was won¡¯t like¡­ ruin my first impression with these duenna. And turn to trudge through the nearly waist-high snow to the trio.


    ¡°Hi!¡± I say stupidly as I get within what seems to be earshot.


    Their eyes are already locked on me. Blades lowered or holstered while gemstones remain out but¡­ no longer glowing.


    ¡°What?¡± The middle of them asks as I stop about six feet away.


    ¡°Oh um¡­ I was just saying hello.¡± I smile, but then remember that my mouth and most of my face is covered and the scarf is probably muffling my words. I curse internally but¡­ can¡¯t really remove it without causing problems. ¡°Sorry to startle! I¡¯m honestly just as surprised as you that it wanted to give me a ride here.¡±


    They glance between each other, then back to me, then to my little friend.


    ¡°Who¡­ Okay who are you and why is there a little Carbunkle in your arms?¡±


    ¡°Help!¡± It greets happily.


    ¡°And how did you get a big Carbunkle to bring you here instead of just¡­ smushing you?¡± Another asks.


    I nod and just¡­ hope that giving away this knowledge now won¡¯t fuck me over. Or¡­ okay maybe I can like¡­ use what they just saw to like¡­


    ¡°My name is Rahdian, and I need to speak with the Sun Spoken staying here at the Academy.¡±


    A long pause, before finally the middle duenna tilts her head. ¡°Which one?¡±


    Wh¨C Which one!?! There¡¯s more than one!?! But¡­ Fuck I don¡¯t want to seem stupid! Or¡­ like¡­ but...


    ¡°Are they not together? Or¡­ close enough to visit both?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°One is currently resting and is not to be disturbed. The other is staying in a noblewoman¡¯s house.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Then take me to her then.¡± I nod, then add. ¡°Please.¡±


    The duenna seem to calm a bit, holster the gemstones. ¡°We are under orders to pass all communications to a Sun Spoken through the Doyans. And while your entrance and¡­ companion¡­¡± She nods to my little friend. ¡°Will definitely quicken the process, you will probably need to wait at least a few hours. Maybe longer.¡±


    Fuck. FUCK! I do not need like¡­ all of that. Nope nope nope. Meeting the literal Doyans of the fucking academy is such bad idea that is just¡­ begging for me to get caught.


    ¡°Oh¡­ um¡­ I mean I can just go to that house myself. No need to disturb anyone or bother your Doyans!¡±


    ¡°Those are our orders.¡± She pauses, considers her words. ¡°There¡¯s tension at the current events. Between the Doyans and the Sun Spoken. These steps are meant to keep the peace.¡±


    I slump and sigh. Considering my options¡­


    ¡°I¡­ Fuck. I really was just¡­ hoping to get her help with something. It doesn¡¯t even like¡­ it¡¯s nothing that affects anyone but me.¡± I huggle my little friend closer as my worries curdle into a little bubbling anxiety in my stomach.


    The duenna opens her mouth to say something.


    ¡°Help!¡± My little friend chirps. Cutting her off.


    A long pause.


    ¡°May I ask what exactly you need to speak with the Lady Sun Spoken about? Does it pertain to¡­¡± She motions to my little friend. ¡°That. Them? The gemstones in general?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ No? But¡­ I mean you can ask but¡­ It¡¯s private and I¡¯m not really willing to talk about it with anyone but her.¡±


    She sighs, looks around. ¡°Look we¡¯re all freezing our tits off. How about we get inside before discussing the particulars? Get a hot meal and drinks?¡±


    I huff, look down to my companion. It twists up, devoid of eyes but¡­ I can tell it¡¯s staring back.


    ¡°Help.¡± I murmurs with the confidence I am very much not feeling.


    ¡°Alright. That¡¯s¡­ okay.¡± I sigh and nod to the duenna of the Academy. ¡°That¡¯s probably the smart thing to do.¡±


    And¡­ fuck a hot meal sounds nice after so many days eating cold trail rations.

 Chapter 81: Help! But From The Wrong Dream Part 2

    <u>CW</u>:


    Dehumanization talk, dream mupples, and talk of continued enslavement.


    Aceso is waiting for me as always, and even seems a bit better!


    The ashen wastes are kept at bay by a grove of trees and flowers. A little clearing in the middle with a tree root that arches up from the ground to form a little nook for two people to sit in.


    Her eyes are closed as I kneel before her.


    Fuck, she is SO pretty. Scales glimmering in the light, head tendrils just¡­ wiggling about in such adorable patterns! I¡­ hm¡­ Are they longer now? Did they always reach just below her shoulders?


    I know she¡¯s awake. We can¡¯t really sleep while in a Dream, that would be stupid.


    ¡°Hi Aceso.¡± I murmur softly.


    She takes a deep breath, and her eyes open, and in them I can see such strange and familiar musings. I could simply watch and absorb them but¡­ that seems a bit rude so instead I just¡­ ask.


    ¡°How does it feel? Your new name, I mean?¡±


    She purses her lips, and I can feel how hard she fights to not bite her lower one. A habit she totally absorbed from me.


    ¡°It¡­ I like the name and consider it the best option given our needs.¡±


    A pause of a few heartbeats.


    ¡°But¡­? Does it feel good? To be called that?¡±


    She lets out a sigh. ¡°It does but¡­ I never even considered changing my name before. So there is a sense of¡­ not wrongness, but¡­ adjustment.¡±


    I nod and move to sit cross-legged before her. ¡°Mhm. Yeah. I still get little tutters when hearing my lover¡¯s or random strangers call me Ina.¡±


    She nods, then looks to stare up at the break in the Dream¡¯s sky. Tendrils sway and wiggle in patterns of consideration and in how they are leaning toward me, I guess¡­ longing?


    But we might dip into more difficult topics so I¡¯ll wait for my lover to use words to ask if She wants snuggles.


    ¡°It feels¡­ a bit like a mask. One I¡­ I would like to become a reflection of myself. But worry it is only a piece of dead driftwood I cling to. Temporary and... and only just holding me afloat.¡±


    The Dream does not stir or writhe in reflection of a deep agony, so I know that this is a soft topic.


    I nod, ¡°Oh yeah, that¡­ Literally was me after I chose my new name. I spent days and days worried that someone would somehow recognize me and like¡­ our lover¡¯s would start calling me by the old name. That I might act to much like the old me. But¡­ You¡¯re not Horrid, Aceso. Just¡­ hurt.¡± A pause, then I ask. ¡°Would you like me to sit next to you or stay here?¡±


    She pats the spot next to her without looking down, and after I shuffle into place. Let our knees just barely bump together as her head limbs reach out to nuzzle my shoulder and even start to play with my bundle of hair.


    After a few slow heartbeats she lets out a huff and adjusts to face me. ¡°So¡­ how was your day?¡±


    And so I share with her all my nonsense. Both in words and like¡­ odd Dream things. My abilities are much sharper now so it doesn¡¯t take too long.


    She purses lips and tendrils wriggle about, and it¡¯s easy to see her conflictions at my choices.


    ¡°Thoughts?¡± I offer while leaning back to rest an arm on the root we lean against.


    ¡°You¡¯re risking too much and giving others too many chances to hurt you.¡± She murmurs.


    I nod. ¡°Which is why I think settling Emarial¡¯s nonsense is a good idea. Even if she doesn¡¯t openly like¡­ want to help me, her presence could make others think twice about doing something stupid.¡±


    ¡°Or give her the allies she needs to hurt you again.¡±


    I purse my lips and glance down. ¡°Yeah. I¡­ I¡¯m hoping when she wakes up she¡¯ll be less of a cunt. More willing to like¡­ listen. Because like¡­ I¡¯m fucking terrified that if I don¡¯t gather powerful friends then¡­ then it¡¯s just a matter of time before I either need to just leave Arudia or¡­ um¡­¡±


    Get attacked again.


    Flashes of¡­ of Tasii bleeding and¡­ and our knee smoking and¡­ and worse things flash through me. How¡­ of close we came to death in our fight beneath the Obelisks.


    Aceso senses my worry. ¡°Our duenna refuses to leave your side and has a good sense for danger. And¡­ While I would adore the chance to Reave the cunt of a Sun Spoken from the Waking World and steal her Wellspring to ensure your safety¡­ It¡¯s not the right path. And right now I believe your safety is very nearly guaranteed.¡±


    I quirk an eyebrow. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    She nods up to the fissure in the Dream¡¯s sky. ¡°Soon the Zeridii will awaken, and I doubt anyone but us can quell what might be an impending catastrophe. They won¡¯t move to strike at you unless another alternative arises, and if we succeed¡­ You¡¯ll prove such a valuable ally to any and all who wish to claim power in these lands. No matter how little you wish for it.¡±


    And after that¡­ we spend most of the Dream just¡­ considering songs that might help me calm and converse with the Zeridii.


    *    *    *


    The word spoken by the High Doyan snaps me from what was a bored stupor into full awareness like a handful of snow dropped down the back of my coat.


    The final day of rest was nice¡­ but¡­ yeah not enough. I totally slept through the first evening of Kque¡¯s mothers and was kinda a sleepy puddle for most of the next morning. It wasn¡¯t until Yrelia brought me breakfast and helped me bathe again that I was able to feel a person and go out to say hello again to the mothers.


    Thank fuck they all seemed totally happy to just¡­ enjoy the day indoors. I would not have been able to go out and about for any kind of evening meal, and honestly? From the giggles and rumble of delighted conversation from the kitchen Tasii and Kque REALLY seemed to enjoy sharing their new art with them.


    Yrelia seemed¡­ still upset by something but¡­ better. I let her know that if she wanted to talk I was here, and she told me that she spent the evening and night with Jevita and worked some of it out. But¡­ otherwise she wanted to wait until things calmed a bit.


    And all too quickly the sun set and we ended up dropping into such a long and needed sleep in Yrelia and Jevita¡¯s arms. I¡¯d invited Zigdara into the warm snuggle pile but¡­ she¡¯d refused. It was with a smile but¡­ hm¡­ I¡¯ll just have to do the smart and social thing and ask her if she¡¯s uncomfortable with my forwardness like all my lovers said. Which means I¡¯m probably going to not do that and just wait until I¡¯m tired and sleepy and invite her into more snuggles when my lips get ahead of my brain.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    As for the Dream that final night¡­ hm¡­ it was nice, actually. Aceso and I didn¡¯t really talk much just¡­ basked in random shared memories¡­


    Clasping Yrelia and Tasii¡¯s arms during the first snowfall along the Paths.


    A flash of¡­ someone. Not a lover. Not a mother but¡­ A sister? Sitting atop a pearly white tree while looking down at an endless forest below. Head tendrils curled close in such loving comfort as they hummed their favorite magical songs to each other.


    Kque trimming my hair for the first time, constantly stopping and giving me little hugs as I worried over suddenly losing too much of the big wonderful bundle I was finally allowed to grow out.


    Chasing a mother amidst a sea of multicolored delight! Playful and wonderfully endless and filled with such big odd creatures! Leviathans and wiggly friends all sharing a bounty of¡­ something. It was easy to tell this ocean wasn¡¯t made of water but¡­ it was to be consumed all the same. Apparently it tasted fucking delicious!!!


    Some things left tears in our eyes but¡­ they were all happy things! I made sure to always radiate such grateful love for Her as she shared these experiences with me. Because like¡­ I couldn¡¯t help but feel like she¡¯d not ever done any of that. Begun to REALLY expose Herself to a lover in this way. But¡­ too soon the morning came, and after a small breakfast and big hugs shared with my lovers, I¡¯m back to sit in on another conclave.


    And then the High Doyan¡¯s third set of topics for the day just¡­ happens to be this.


    Fuck.


    I wish I was a little more awake for this. And¡­ and Jevita may not be ready but¡­  We can¡¯t wait any longer.


    Moving to stand, I clear my throat. ¡°They are Her other demand.¡±


    A long pause as the women turn to just stare. Mostly in tired confusion. But¡­ the High Doyan¡¯s eyes seem to flicker in¡­ something. Not anger. Not surprise¡­ but¡­


    ¡°Sun¨C Ina, Forgive my misunderstanding.¡± She begins carefully. Face going even more blank. ¡°But could you please explain?¡±


    I nod, quietly clear my throat, and put on my best Hetaera mask as I regard the room with a face of calm focus. Not unkind just¡­ firm. The kind of this I was taught to wear when a client might get pushy on a thing we refused to do or schedule.


    ¡°Of course. We, as High duenna of Arudia, seek to claim any and all people afflicted with the Maktaba. Insist that they be placed under our immediate care. The laws re-written to ban the process of binding those gemstones to people, and the current individuals given not just the rights and freedoms of all women but also compensated for their sacrifices.¡±


    The pause that follows is only as deafening as the soon and sudden roaring cacophony from multiple members of the conclave. Muddled arguments, demands to know how I even am aware of the Maktaba, and even quieter growls to call the duenna to remove us from the Conclave entirely. The High Doyan tries to reclaim order, through her own shouts and calls, but it¡¯s only as I harden my face and raise a single hand that the room stills.


    Still so worried about what I might do¡­


    ¡°This is not a negotiation. But if you can all remain calm I will explain.¡±


    ¡°Explain!?!¡± What is there to explain!?! You demand some of the most dangerous collections of gemstone knowledge of the five families!¡± Doyan Letina hisses.


    I sigh as my Sangoma might when explaining something simple to me. ¡°Yes, of course. And for good reason. I¡¯ve only truly met a single Matron of the five, but it was enough to find it a tragedy that such a woman is still allowed to hold any semblance of wealth or power. And I¡¯ve plenty of sources that concur that while Veletross may be one of the more¡­ unsavory Matrons, the others are horrid in only slightly more private ways. Now that the Obelisks no longer enforce it, that power and wealth should wane as Arudia adapts and grows.¡±


    Letina glares, seems to be ready to shout something, but then Doyan Tophedian leans forward to say. ¡°All that aside¡­ The five won¡¯t agree to this. Not for all the wealth in Arudia.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°They already have that. And honestly, how can they refuse you? Whom do the duenna of your city follow? The Doyans? Or the Five Matrons? And which has the voice of a Sun Spoken and Weaver Roused joined to theirs?¡±


    Doyan Xian shakes her head. ¡°Lady Sun Spoken, the things you demand. They¡­ they aren¡¯t people. Not anymore. They traded that away. They are Maktaba, just a¡­ a walking archive of¨C¡±


    The glare I turn to her shocks the woman into silence. Causes the room to lean away from me as my voice cracks forth in a snap. ¡°They are people. No matter how much their abusers seek to break them of that.¡±


    I¡¯d known Jevita was treated horribly, but I didn¡¯t like¡­ understand that she wasn¡¯t the only person who this was done to! It was obvious, but amongst all the nonsense of these past weeks I just¡­ didn¡¯t have the mental energy to consider the others.


    It was so hard for my lover to share her past with me. Took¡­ took her a week to carefully recount enough of her past traumas to give me the words and understanding needed.


    Nearly a decade of the most horrid abuse tilted at just¡­ breaking her of people things. Leading her to just¡­ sink into the thing they bore into her mind and punishing her at even the slightest telling of the girl she is¡­ And apparently she isn¡¯t the only one.


    Two other, that she knows of, currently hold the Maktaba stardust within their bodies. Each family could only have one. But apparently the process was not only difficult and costly, but also nearly guaranteed to fail. Most people either crack under the mental strain, or suffer various flavors of painful death within the first few days. Fewer still even survive their first year.


    Because despite her abusive creator''s assertions, people''s thoughts were needed for the symbiosis.


    The Grand Doyan narrows her eyes. ¡°You seem¡­ quite well informed on this.¡±


    It¡¯s not a question.


    I avoid taking a deep breath and do not pause. This was¡­ the most difficult thing for Jevita and Kque to agree on. Because despite the lack of Obelisks, knowledge of my lover being alive and returned to Arudia does endanger her life and freedom.


    Jevita was adamant that I do this, and use the knowledge she shared to save the other two. But¡­ Kque was furiously against it. Still is. Will¡­ she might hate me for a bit when I tell them that the time came for me to demand this. I only hope that between the sudden amazing reunion of her mothers and our lovers'' assurances that she can find peace.


    ¡°One of my lovers bears the stardust and scars of a Maktaba.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ That¡¯s¡­¡± Doyan Xian stammers.


    Doyan Letina hisses and spits some Arudia curse that is honestly quite rhythmic for words that I believe to mean something along the lines of ¡®Star rotted cunt that I hope dies alone out in the cold winds.¡¯


    Doyan Tophedian just¡­ tilts her head in such curiosity, but¡­ remains blessedly silent.


    A simple nod from Grand Doyan Boletii, like my answer was just¡­ expected. The most obvious reply.


    But then the ever silent 5th and youngest member lets out such a sigh, and speaks up for the first time today. ¡°The Matron of Scara Noc is going to shit blood over this.¡±


    A pause, and I¡­ I can¡¯t help but snort in fury. My mask of politeness cracking away as I regard her. ¡°I hope they suffer worse than that. I intend for these new laws to demand that the five families spare no expense in ensuring that those afflicted live well and recover some semblance of their past lives if they want it.¡±


    That gets a pause, and a few winces from some.


    ¡°Sun Spoken Inamatorii¡­¡± The Grand Doyan starts to speak, leaning forward and steepling her fingers.


    ¡°Ina, if you please.¡± I politely correct her, reclaiming my Hetaera mask.


    She pauses, then nods and continues. ¡°Of course. Ina, May I be blunt?¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile a little bitterly. So tempted to retort with ¡®Have you not been?¡¯ But¡­ I need to at least try to make them agree to this without just¡­ outright threatening them. ¡°I welcome your unrestrained honesty, Grand Doyan.¡±


    ¡°The previous demands you¡¯ve hinted at range from problematic to downright impossible. And while this is less so, it will still involve the possibility for violence. Yes, the duenna officially serve the Doyans of this Academy, the situation is much more complex than that.¡±


    I nod. ¡°The five families personally retain and pamper their guardians. Their duenna will, in all likelihood, stand with them if it comes to any kind of conflict. But their numbers are small compared to the Academy¡¯s numbers. That alone will dissuade many from doing something stupid.¡±


    She purses her lips, ¡°Quite likely, yes. But¡­ Why risk it? We can ensure your lover is¡­ ignored, and we¡¯d only ask that you return her body to the Academy when the cold gathers.¡±


    I shake my head, barely restraining the anger in my voice. ¡°That will be the decision for her family when that horrid day comes. The Weaver¡¯s demands in this are not up for debate or compromise. To enslave a few is still a blight on your lands that She will see purged.¡±


    A tense pause, and I sense¡­ hm¡­ Yeah they all at least feel the cold winds of change. If we can just¡­ Just find the words to¡­


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you tired of them?¡± I let my voice shift to more... well... me, as I look about the room.


    Various looks of confusion and sudden interest.


    ¡°Arudia being controlled by five families regardless of their merits? Safe in their wealth and previously protected by big stupid magic rocks that will literally blight the land if you don¡¯t follow and respect them? Doesn¡¯t Arudia deserve better?¡±


    A heavy silence settles as I pause. No immediate rejections! Even¡­ hm¡­ a few seem quite¡­ thoughtful. Even¡­ hm¡­ yeah some here even agree!!!


    ¡°Help me change things. Not begrudgingly, not out of threat or worry that I might unleash the Weaver¡¯s wrath, but because you see a better future for these lands. Because I¡¯ve been holding out on outright stating this¡­ but I am, first and foremost, A woman of the Paths. I mean to leave the Academy once things are settled! I don¡¯t want to rule or control Arudia. Just¡­ make it better. Help the old scars heal and remove the things that stop that before I go.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°But why under your care, specifically?¡± Doyan Tophedian tip taps the table. ¡°These¡­ people. You must understand the kind of dangerous secrets that lie within a Maktaba. In a single demand you are declawing two of the five and arming yourself with quite strong magics.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Could the knowledge within compare to what the Weaver had me do to the Obelisks? What I could still do if I turned my songs against actual people?¡±


    A huff of laughter. ¡°Not easily or quickly so¡­ Fair point.¡±


    ¡°And besides¡­¡± I continue. ¡°From the little I understand, mind and soul magics are volatile under the best of times. In the current climate of Gemstone instability I¡¯m mostly worried that they are going to suffer the most with how much of their body¡¯s are imbued with Cultivation. Get themselves or others hurt. My lover has already shown some¡­ symptoms. Were I a heartless cunt I¡¯d simply let these others remain under the care of their wretched abusers until something cracks.¡±


    The Grand Doyan perks up, despite trying to keep her face polite and calm. ¡°Do you sense things might escalate soon?¡±


    I nod. ¡°We feel it. And at present those three are both the most vulnerable and the most dangerous. As high duenna it makes sense for them to be settled into our care.¡±


    The room seems to grow even more tense but¡­ mostly with a sudden focus on our warning.


    ¡°Can you explain this? What you¡­ feel? What should we expect? How can we prepare?¡± Ask Doyan Xian.


    I look down over the carved table of all of Arudia. Considering¡­ how best to explain the sounds we¡¯ve heard growling ever louder from the crack in our Dream. The best guesses of Aceso as to what the Zeridii will be like. And¡­ The little nightmares Jevita¡¯s mentioned having¡­


    ¡°I think¡­ It¡¯s like you can¡¯t see a cloud in the sky, but¡­ you can feel it¡¯s going to rain. We hear them waking up, and mean to move to greet them. We¡¯ve prepared dozens of song magics to help soothe things over. Help us communicate and such. We hope the thousand years of being bound to people''s thoughts will at least be good enough to make that work.¡±


    ¡°Waking up? Will this be a¡­ a conclave? Or¡­ a single being. You¡¯re not being especially clear.¡± The Grand Doyan presses.


    I sigh and look up to give her a serious look. ¡°They, the Zeridii, seems to¡­ have been fractured or broken apart somehow. The Weaver thinks that maybe the Obelisks were, perhaps¡­ central to them. But damaged. So the Sun Spoken of old used their magic to carve bindings to force them to all remain unified to a single goal. But¡­ as time passed and they imbibed more people''s thoughts they um¡­ started hurting. Or¡­ No, that''s not right. Fuck.¡±


    I chide myself at the sudden loss of my Hetaera mask but¡­ hope honestly will play better with them than a calm performance. ¡°They¡¯ve always been hurting. Because they suffered some kind of death. It¡¯s just¡­ maybe it took this long for one of my kind to notice it. Either way¡­ eventually something would have cracked and you¡¯d have to deal with this, of that the Weaver is sure.¡±


    ¡°How can She be?¡± Snaps Doyan Letina. ¡°How can She claim to know anything about them yet still show such ignorance?¡±


    The room goes tense, everyone going rigid.


    I¡¯m tempted to just¡­ narrow my eyes and be really rude to her. To lay out the Doyan¡¯s faults and mantle them with all the sins of Arudia.


    But¡­ I only sigh in the way Kque sometimes does when one of us hurts ourselves in an incredibly stupid way. ¡°Because their cries were getting louder, Doyan Letina. Slowly, yes. But steadily. Given another few centuries and you would have faced a fracturing that would have left your granddaughters riven with an Arudia blighted with far far worse and no Sun Spoken to mitigate it.¡±


    That makes even her pause. Face turn¡­ well not really in agreement but¡­ considerations. The first time I¡¯ve seen her regard anything I say with anything but scorn.


    ¡°Alright, Sun Spoken Inamatorii.¡± The Grand Matron nods. ¡°We¡¯ll relay your words and warnings, and during this next Conclave the Five Matrons will join us.¡±

 Chapter 82: Help! But From The Wrong Dream Part 3

    <u>CW</u>:


    Threats of detainment, magic to knock people out. Rahdian POV!!!


    Why am I such an idiot?


    I was able to excuse myself to a washroom to clean up a bit and change like¡­ some clothes to some less travel worn ones but¡­ fuck. I¡¯m still not comfortable showing my face. And now here I sit in a room with five or so women, each dressed down to comfortable but warm attire while I¡¯m starting to smolder in these layers.


    All while staring down at a bowl of wonderful smelling stew that I¡¯ll have to at least pull my scarf down to sip.


    Fuck. I should just¡­ leave. Head up the mountain and find her myself.


    ¡°I¡¯ve sent for transport to take us up the mountain.¡± The lead duenna here, I think, says while the rest mill about. Trying to like¡­ be polite but every eye is on me and my little friend. ¡°But it¡¯ll take at least an hour for them to be ready in this storm. So, feel free to get comfortable.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yup. Thank you. I¡¯m just¡­ anxious. It¡¯s been a long road and I¡¯d like to find her before tonight if possible.¡±


    The leader nods, ¡°Understandable. But¡­ Rahdian, you should eat. Maybe give me a little more information to pass to the Doyans when they no doubt balk at your request.¡±


    I sigh. ¡°This wasn¡¯t supposed to be a big deal. I¡¯m just¡­¡± I pull my little napping friend closer as I dig through my stupid head for the words that¡¯ll make this woman help me Avoid the Doyans entirely.


    She quirks an eyebrow. ¡°You come barreling out of one of the worst storms in three cycles on the back of a creature known to be temperamental at the best of times, and are currently snuggling¡­ something. I¡¯m not sure. My first guess was a Carbunkle but¡­ I¡¯ve never seen one so small or strangely shaped. And that it seems to keep repeating that word is¡­ so odd. Cute but¡­ also a little disconcerting. So even if your request may not seem like ¡®a big deal¡¯ your very nature and actions will have the Doyans very interested in talking with you.¡±


    I sigh and look down and away. ¡°I¡­ I really wouldn¡¯t know what to tell them! This little friend just¨C¡±


    ¡°Hel¡­..P!¡± It pops the final syllable audibly. Doesn¡¯t seem to¡­ well like¡­ wake up from what looks to be a nap. So it''s just¡­ talking in its sleep?


    I drop my voice as the room seems to quiet. ¡°It just like¡­ woke me up one morning. Was bumbling about and¡­ and just wanted to snuggle! I have no idea why it¡¯s wanting to stay close or¡­ how it talks, or how it got the big one to¡­ um¡­¡±


    I trail off, look up to see a glimmer in the duenna¡¯s eye.


    ¡°So¡­ this little one got the big Carbunkle to help you?¡±


    I huff and shrug. ¡°Maybe? Honestly I have no fucking clue. I¡­ Look, I really am just some stupid girl who thought that she could save a few coins by trudging across the lake on foot. I¡¯ve been holding up in a cave for¡­ well at least three days! Probably more! This little friend saving me is just¡­ a weird twist of circumstance. I¡¯m no one special!¡±


    I can nearly feel the fucking weight of the room of duenna¡¯s stares at the obvious lie.


    ¡°And yet you think to speak with a Sun Spoken about something you refuse to divulge?¡±


    ¡°Okay that¡­ yeah that was dumb to say. I just¡­ What I need to talk to her about has nothing to do with like¡­ anything except me! My¡­ like¡­ I mean if she wants to ask about this little friend I¡¯ll tell her what I know. But otherwise I¡¯m mostly just¡­ hoping for information. On things.¡±


    She smirks. ¡°Things?¡±


    ¡°Very private things!¡± I clarify quickly. ¡°Things I REALLY don¡¯t want to talk to anyone else about. Especially the Doyans.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± Another duenna who¡¯s been sitting quietly asks. ¡°Did you do something illegal?¡±


    I tense up. ¡°Um¡­ Not¡­ I mean¡­ ¡±


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°Rahdian, are you in danger?¡± The lead duenna goes from relaxed to very intense so smoothly I nearly twitch from the whiplash of it. ¡°Because if you¡¯ve gotten wrapped up in something we can protect you. You don¡¯t need a Sun Spoken to¨C¡±


    ¡°I do. She is literally probably the only person who can help me.¡± I cut off whatever this is, then try to soften my voice as I feel it cracking again. ¡°And to answer your question, honored duenna. I¡¯m not really fully aware of all of Arudia¡¯s laws, but I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve done anything wrong, and I¡¯m not like¡­ in danger. At least not from any person I know of. I just¡­¡±


    I trail off, stare down at the stew.


    ¡°Then why¡¯re you hiding your face?¡±


    I wince, then whisper. Terrified that if I don¡¯t share at least this they might force the issue. ¡°I¡­ I have¡­ scars. Really bad ones that have plagued me since I was a child. I¡¯m not comfortable showing more than my eyes. At least not to strangers.¡±


    Which is everyone, now that Yundre and Pip decided my freedom wasn¡¯t something I deserved.


    A head tilt of¡­ pity and¡­ interest and¡­ confusion. She senses the conflict in my voice. The¡­ the dissonance in my words.


    ¡°Is that why you¡¯re trying to get to a Sun Spoken? Because you think she can heal your scars?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No. I¡­ no. It¡¯s something else, and I¡¯d really REALLY appreciate it if you would stop like¡­ trying to pull this out of me. Or¡­ or trick me into saying more than I¡¯m comfortable with.¡±


    She sighs but¡­ nods. ¡°Just covering things that I expect the Doyans to ask.¡±


    ¡°Please I¡­ is there any way you could just¡­ let me see her? Avoid all that?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No.¡±


    A long pause. Then I rise. ¡°I think I¡¯ll figure things out in my time, then.¡±


    The room becomes very tense. Duenna all seem to adjust and move to¡­ oh.


    The leader doesn¡¯t move but¡­ her voice goes hard. ¡°I must insist that you allow us to escort you to the Academy proper. Give you accommodations till the Doyans can see you.¡±


    I very nearly hear the Storm crackle in the back of my mind. Growling and thrumming in all the warnings they gave me.


    ¡°Um¡­ why? Is traveling to the Academy illegal? Have I broken some law to¡­ to have you try and arrest me!?!¡±


    She spreads her hands in a placating manner. ¡°We¡¯re not arresting you. Just escorting. The situation in Arudia is¡­ delicate, and your arrival and connection to¡­ whatever that is, will be of interest to the Doyans. We¡¯d be poor guardians of the city if we just ignored it.¡±


    My little friend¡¯s woken up. Whispers a quite and nearly growling. ¡°Help.¡± As I glare down at the seated duenna.


    ¡°We¡¯re not threatening you, Rahdian. Simply¡­ requesting your cooperation and patience at our caution.¡±


    ¡°And If I refuse?¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°We¡¯re not giving you that option.¡±


    ¡°Then that is like¡­ very much a threat.¡± I fight to keep my voice calm as I look about the room. ¡°Just¡­ with extra steps and words to try and make you all feel better about it.¡±


    She sighs. ¡°It¡¯s just a slight delay before you should be able to speak with Sun Spoken Inamatorii. We¡¯re just defending our home, no reason to take our precautions personally.¡±


    ¡°HeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelP!¡± My little friend very much growls then, odd gemstone glows across its spine fluttering and quivering in warning.


    That causes what was a quiet spike of tension to snap into an obvious stand off as every duenna is now moving to stand, hands on their obsidian blade¡¯s hilts.


    ¡°Rahdian.¡± The lead duenna snaps in a sort of¡­ quiet tone of command. ¡°I need you and your little friend to calm down. Don¡¯t escalate this.¡±


    I snuggle them close. Not¡­ I mean its anger is very much a mimicry of my own fucking terror at how this is all falling apart, but¡­ I mean¡­ everyone here seems way more terrified of it than me.


    ¡°Then just¡­ Forget you saw me! I just need some information from this Inamatorii lady, then we¡¯ll leave Arudia for like¡­ ever! It¡¯s so fucking cold here and I fucking hate it. Want to walk back to warmer places and forget what a blizzard even is!¡±


    Her expression softens. ¡°I¡¯m sorry this is coming across like something it¡¯s not. We¡¯re just wanting to keep close and guide you through the quickest and easiest pathways to your goal. Don¡¯t read more into this gesture than what I¡¯m telling you it is. You can trust us, Rahdian. ¡±


    I¡­ I almost trust her. Almost let her soft trained voice lure me into just¡­ relaxing and giving her a chance. She¡¯s been kind enough. Pleasant even.


    But¡­ fuck me are those the worst words to say to me.


    ¡®You can trust us, Rahdian.¡¯


    Spoken just like everyone else who I absolutely could NOT trust. Even when they knew me by my old name. Especially then.


    I shake my head. ¡°No this¡­ I¡¯m not interested in like¡­ ANY of that.¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± She whispers, but the softness that was in her last words has drained away. ¡°What? You¡¯re gonna try and force your way out? Fight a room full of armed and trained duenna?¡±


    I clutch my little friend closer, glance about the room. Considering¡­ Would just a little more information make them let me go? Well¡­ they¡¯ll probably guess at it anyway if they just¡­ won¡¯t fucking move and I have to spin something to get away.


    ¡°Then¡­ if as a Sun Spoken I demanded you step aside, would you?¡±


    There is a little surprise in her expression, but¡­ she only sighs. ¡°A few weeks back? Maybe. But now? After what the last Sun Spoken to visit the Academy did? No. In fact now my orders are even more clear if that¡¯s the case¡±


    I sigh heavily as I reach for my Amwella, gaze turned upward. ¡°Of course. That¡¯s just¡­ What I keep getting for trusting people.¡±


    This¡¯ll drain it all. Leave me hurting and¡­ and unable to heal myself come morning. Will start to feel those scars if I can¡¯t replenish it.


    ¡°Rahdian yo¨C¡±


    The Storm in the back of my mind sizzles and crackles, and I move before she can finish. Sticking the smallest digit on my left hand into the cooling mug of untouched stew on the little table before me.


    Spinning a strange magic that ignites the fluid. Sets it popping forth from the mug in bubbling waves of steam that fill the room within a couple seconds. I quickly duck and scoot beneath the table, not because my spinning will affect me, but¡­ because someone might take a swing at me.


    A few crashes, and shouting, and¡­ and such a spike of cold pain in my chest¡­


    Thank fuck my little friend knows to stay quiet.


    With a hand rubbing my sternum I sit and wait. Eyes squeezed shut as I listen to the sounds of women flailing about and eventually all just¡­ tumbling to the floor. And when I open my eyes next the room is clear of the magical mist and filled only with motionless duenna nearly covering the floor.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss as I move to slip out from beneath the table and stand. Glancing about¡­ just to make sure¡­


    No head injuries, no blood. Bruises and some uncomfortable poses but¡­ they¡¯ll be alright. Sore and groggy and probably pissed. But by the time they piece together the last hour I should be up the mountain and just¡­ another girl hiding in the crowds.


    Need to find this Inamatorii lady. Quick and before these duenna set themselves on my trail. Hopefully¡­ No, she shouldn¡¯t turn me over to them. Right?


    The cold in my chest thrums, forcing me to take a second to catch my breath.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I hiss aloud again.


    ¡°Help?¡± My little friend finally whispers. Voice dripping with concern.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯ll be okay. Just need to find someone willing to share their Amwella with me¡­¡±


    So I quickly slurp up the rest of the warm stew that survived my spell, adjust my hood and scarf to make sure my face is covered, and move to trudge up the mountain¡¯s pathways to the town I hope to find this Inamatorii person in.


    Hoping so much that she is both willing and able to help explain what she knows about being a Sun Spoken.

 Chapter 83: Help! But from the Wrong Dream Part 4

    <u>CW:</u>


    JEVITA POV!!! AHHH!!! dehumanization. panic attack things. 4k worb CHAPPY


    ¡°Jevy¡­ Are you sure?¡± Kque takes my face into her hands for the hundredth time today.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I lie with a smile.


    Because I am absolutely NOT sure at all if I am fucking okay with this. If¡­ If I can actually help!


    Kque or¡­ or even Tasii might be better than me! I¡¯ve explained it all to them! They know the triggers and tells and little mechanics now. And Kque¡¯s journals honestly helped her see patterns that I¡¯ve not even noticed! That I couldn¡¯t!


    But¡­ Ina needs me.


    Needs a healing and recovered person at her side. A sign that we are NOT just some girl with her mind melted and subsumed by the glyphs. I am not a Maktaba, but instead just¡­ carrying it. Bearing the weight. Consciousness existing alongside.


    ¡°A duenna to it.¡± Ina had suggested. ¡°A guardian. Both to keep it safe, but also everyone else? Since there is so much scary knowledge kept there?¡±


    I couldn¡¯t stop the rush of¡­ of something at that. Kinda fell into a little titter of soft tears at the words.


    A girl holding this instead of like¡­ overwritten by it. She even intends to demand the records of my past alongside everything else!


    ¡°Because you can and should change your mind if you¡¯re not.¡± Kque growls, interrupting my thoughts. Still furious at this.


    Not¡­ Fuck. Ina feels like Kque is mad at her but honestly she¡¯s really really not! And Kque like¡­ she knows to avoid trying to talk things out because of just how messy everything is right now for Ina. Just how fucking much she¡¯s already trying to manage and¡­ and how honestly this is all kinda the best path for everyone.


    But¡­ Wow is this house going to get crowded. I¡¯m so glad Kque has her mothers to help her like¡­ take a break if she needs people to scuttle her off into the town for the day! Give us space to help the other two Maktaba Ina and I will be bringing here.


    I reach up to take her wrists, pull her hands down to kiss the knuckles and gentle fingers. ¡°Yeah. I know. But I am. This is important and¡­ and I can help them.¡±


    ¡­I hope. Just because I pulled a person out of a decade of that kind of abuse doesn¡¯t mean they could.


    She searches my eyes but¡­ only sighs. ¡°And you will promise me to like¡­ take care of yourself? Walk away if anything gets too hard? Because Ina can handle anything and everything, and between her and Zigdara you should not be worried about her safety more than yours.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t be much help to anyone if I fall apart. So yeah. I promise. That¡¯s totally my top priority!¡±


    That cracks at her anxiety. Allows a little dribble of calm to touch Kque¡¯s eyes as we stand in the kitchen.


    ¡°And I¡¯m taking Lule with me! He¡¯ll love to walk about and like¡­ gives a great stink eye when he wants to. Will keep us safe too, even though he¡¯d never really hurt anyone.¡±


    Kque sighs and nods. Takes me into such a big and very worried hug. One that thrums with a single unspoken plea that needs no words.


    Please come back.


    Ina¡¯s waiting so patiently with Zigdara down in the entryway. Well¡­. Patiently for me. Ina¡¯s nervousness is bleeding through. The cute way she bites her lip and far off look in her eye as she worries over all the things.


    Considering the songs she might need if things go poorly.


    ¡°Okay.¡± I announce. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    She nods, gives me a nervous smile, then¡­ A Hetaera mask is woven onto her face, and standing before me is the proud and confident Sun Spoken she means to project tonight.


    *    *    *


    Five women sit beside the Five Doyans in the conclave chambers, and against the back walls are duenna for each. Ina sits at the far end of the big table. Zigdara standing on her left and myself and Lule on her right. I¡¯d worried someone would protest my big child coming into these meetings. But¡­ none did. The hallways and doors seemed made for them to walk about with us, honestly.


    We made sure to be the first here. To make a statement. That the Sun Spoken means to show respect by not making anyone else wait on her, but also¡­


    We¡¯ll not arrive later than any other and be taken off guard.


    And other than a few hushed whispers, no others speak. Only a few Doyans offer Ina anything but a look or small polite smiles.


    There is so much fear and anger and¡­ and hostility. I¡¯m glad Ina¡¯s training with Yrelia seems to give the ability to sit with such stoic fucking poise, and Zigdara to stand at her side like a looming star ready to fall on anyone who might move against her.


    Because I am trembling. Just a little but¡­ but¡­


    I didn¡¯t expect her grandmother to scare me this much. I mean¡­ I should have. It¡¯s stupid of me to think that I¡¯d be able to stand here as solid and brave as Ina. And while I am still a bit bundled up in a soft undercoat, my face and head are open to the room for all to see.


    So many eyes. Locked on¡­ on my glyphs and¡­ and they know. They understand what they mean and what I¡¯m supposed to be.


    But Matron Tiyvanien? Her eyes roil with anger. Fury at the thing stolen and the heiress I left to burn.


    ¡°Thank you all for coming.¡± The Grand Doyan rises, looks about the room. ¡°I won¡¯t waste my breath on ceremony, as there is little precedent for this. So instead I will allow the Lady Sun Spoken to lay out her demands.¡±


    Just that last word makes so many bristle.


    Ina stands, and nods to the Grand Doyan. Then turns her attention to the others. Eyes rolling over the five Matrons.


    ¡°I¡¯m not as polite as her.¡± She starts, voice a strange whip-crack of steady focus and authority. ¡°And I¡¯m not going to pretend to be grateful to any of you for anything. Not after all the horrid things you¡¯ve done to these three.¡±


    The silence that follows is so heavy. I¡­ I knew Ina meant to¡­ to demand and force this but¡­ but this seems¡­ um¡­


    ¡°So¡­ Matron Nebduca of House Wringletta, Matron Yundrien of House Kriksata. Where are they?¡±


    A long pause, as almost every eye either sits on Ina or one of the two Matrons. Then¡­ something breaks. The Matron of House Wringletta sighs and waves at the door. ¡°Outside, with my Heiress. It¨C¡±


    Ina¡¯s glare nearly makes the older woman sputter. But she recovers quickly enough to correct her words, ¡°They are with my Heiress. Alongside the notes and journals and gemstones. Awaiting you to claim them.¡±


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Ina nods, then turns to Yundrien. Doesn¡¯t speak. Just¡­


    Honestly if I didn¡¯t know her well Ina would be scaring me. Her and glare and¡­ and even posture are things that remind me of¡­ almost that time over six months ago. After she¡¯d healed Tasii and¡­ and Her and the Weaver demanded Yrelia give her a weapon to go hunting for the women that hurt her lover.


    ¡°Are we really willing to let this foreigner, this¡­ this child, demand anything of us?¡± The Matron hisses while looking about the room.


    The only response is a soft and cold bitter laughter from a Matron of black scales and burning jade eyes.


    ¡°Try your hand at standing against her then, Yundrien.¡± The Matron Veletross of Rell very nearly cackles. Motioning an arm that seems to be made of pure slim red¡­ somethings at Ina. ¡°See how that goes.¡±


    Ina stiffens at the Matron¡¯s words. Trying desperately to ignore the woman that tried to kill her all those weeks ago, furious to discover that not only was the Matron allowed to walk free but still retained all of her power.


    And that only a conclave of the other Five Matrons and the Doyans could censure her. But¡­ with how messy everything had been¡­ such a thing just¡­ never happened.


    And while this play to remove the other¡¯s inflicted with the Maktaba would anger them all, it was a small thing. And Ina going after one of the Five Matrons directly might scare the rest and the Doyans into just¡­ treating her as a threat. Ignoring the gemstone problem she promised to solve, and trying to either capture, drive out, or even kill her.


    So her show of restraint seems to have gone a long way in making these others show a willingness to gather in one place in front of her.


    ¡°I will not give up what my House worked so hard to build and stabilize,¡± Yundrien turns such a glare on Veletross. ¡°And you¡¯re all foolish to do the same!¡±


    A long pause as she glares at the rest of the room. Look at each of their faces before turning back to Ina. ¡°You claim the role of High duenna, but you were not chosen by us. There was no conclave to approve of your status.¡±


    Ina shrugs. ¡°Was a High Duenna chosen before the Obelisks were carved? Or did She approve and choose who was worthy of this place.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter!¡± The Matron growls.


    ¡°Perhaps¨C¡± The grand Doyan senses the escalation, and tries to intervene. But the Matron of Yundrien is like a Quelekita at a tasty fruit in her beak now.


    Unaccustomed, Unwilling, and possibly unable to hold herself back. A life of power and wealth just¡­ making her blind.


    ¡°You are not of Arudia, and have no right to demand anything of anyone in our lands. We should see you bound for your crimes and the stolen property you flaunt before us returned.¡±


    Lule remained quiet this entire time. A few times nervously pitter patting his feet as he struggles to find the right woman to give his angry looks too. Just¡­ too many powerful people with scary gemstones about.


    But¡­ At her words he lets out such a low hiss that rumbles throughout the room, and I¡¯m having to put all my effort into shushing him. Which means I don¡¯t notice Ina go so stiff.


    The Matron kinda keeps going. Ends up shouting. Maybe mistaking my lover¡¯s quiet regard for hesitation or¡­ or maybe fear?


    Honestly, I think Yundrien is just stupid.


    ¡°So¡­ you won¡¯t release them willingly?¡± Ina whispers as the Matron pauses.


    The woman must be the only person in the room to not visibly flinch at my lover¡¯s tone. Even Zigdara seems to stiffen and Lule lets out such a soft hoot of worry.


    ¡°Never.¡± She spits. ¡°It is mine.¡±


    For a moment I¡­ I think it''s about to bubble up. The World Song petering just on the edge of my hearing. Suddenly worried Ina means to¡­ to weave something to¡­


    ¡°Fine. Then I request we turn to your Arudian traditions in these matters.¡±


    The room sort of¡­ stutters out. Confused as to her meaning.


    ¡°I claimed the role of High Duenna to your lands, but¡­ I¡¯m willing to let you hold a Quorum. Allow the Doyans and Matrons to consider my position and vote on my standing.¡± She turns her attention to one of the few women not wearing such open surprise on her face. ¡°Grand Doyan, would you like to call for this? If my claim is so much unrecognized chaff, then I certainly don¡¯t have the authority to do it.¡±


    ¡°I can¡­ But, Sun Spoken Inamatorii¡­¡± She carefully begins. ¡°Forgive my¡­ directness, but what happens if the vote does not favor you? What are your intentions?¡±


    Are you threatening us all with violence if we don¡¯t affirm your position? Her unspoken question might as well be shouted.


    ¡°To illustrate very directly what I¡¯ve told you all twice now. I do not want to rule Arudia. Only see her survive the coming storm and thrive after it passes. But, if the Doyans and Matrons don¡¯t want my help¡­ well¡­ I¡¯m not interested in working with women too blinded by their own fast waning wealth and power to accept it. I will do what I can from the Paths. Walk and weave and help where I can.¡±


    The Grand Doyan nods, and doesn''t take her eyes off Ina as she leans forward and folds her hands together. ¡°Then I, as Grand Doyan, lay this vote before the Doyans and Matrons. Would you like to say anything more, Sun Spoken?¡±


    Ina nods. ¡°Thank you, and yes I would.¡± Then she turns to me, such a loving sad smile on her face.


    ¡°You all know what we did, and what we¡¯re offering. I¡¯ll help not only stabilize Arudia, but set her onto a more healthy path than ever before. So I won¡¯t repeat myself in detail, instead I want to introduce you to one of my lovers, Jevita.¡±


    I feel my cheeks flush as every eye turns to regard me with curiosity. Can¡¯t stop the cold sweat that dribbles down my spine and barely notices my big child shuffle to wrap a wing around me.


    ¡°I met her before I even knew I was a Sun Spoken, and she helped me so much to discover myself along the Paths.¡± She begins. ¡°And¡­ I only just recently learned why she was able to do that. How she so perfectly helped me at all the right moments, and¡­ if she is still willing, I¡¯d like you all to hear her speak.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Hi.¡± I say stupidly to the room.


    Fighting so hard to not just¡­ run. Escape. Get as far away as possible from the people who would call me a thing and demand I return to the family that hurt me. But¡­ Two others would be left behind. And I know so well how much they need saving! How my words can perhaps make sure Ina¡¯s able to get them out without violence.


    I swallow, then nod. ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m not really great at talking to so many people. But¡­ I want you all to understand something. Need you to. Because Arudia won¡¯t survive well if you don¡¯t.¡±


    Another deep breath, and I just¡­ start. ¡°The Obelisks were a bad thing, made in what we know to be really scary times. And while we keep very good records, I¡¯m not sure even the grand library beneath our feet can adequately describe it. But¡­ as a girl with living gemstones inside her head, I can tell you that they do remember.¡±


    That snaps so many dismissive curious looks to surprised things.


    ¡°M¨C Jevita¡­¡± One of the more aged Matrons asks very carefully. ¡°What, precisely, do you mean by that? That the gemstones remember?¡±


    I huff and look down. ¡°I¡­ They gave them people''s thoughts. Then kept them gagged and chained up for like¡­ almost a thousand years! I don¡¯t know if they remember things like we do¡­ but¡­ fuck its¡­ they¡­ Look. The Maktaba you fucks shoved in me is alive and sentient and it fucking HATES me. Is furious at being trapped in my fucking head as much as I hate it being there and¡­ and I only hope that the other gemstones aren¡¯t as fucking angry as it is because if even a few scary ones are then things are going to get really really bad.¡±


    The silence that follows is heavy as that focus sharpens to something that feels dangerous.


    ¡°And if you want any chance of trying to keep this transition peaceful, you need someone who they can trust reaching out. Because when she cracked the Obelisks it was like¡­ like¡­ I don¡¯t know. But it was the first good thing to happen to the Maktaba in my head since I got it, and it may only not be doing really bad things because it¡¯s still adjusting to it. But¡­ It liked that and Ina knows real fucking magic. And can like¡­ adapt it to a ton of weird situations and has this big scary teacher that will give her basically anything she asks for right now. So¡­ trust her, and she won¡¯t disappoint you.¡±


    Ina smiles, murmurs a soft. ¡°Thank you.¡± And in her eyes I see how¡­ how she knows how hard this was for me. Standing in front of the Matron that infused me with the Maktaba and let her Heiress just¡­ just use me and hurt me and¡­ and having them call me ''it'' and¡­


    A hoot and nuzzle from my big child cuts off the spiral, pulls me into such an intimate cuddle with his neck and I can¡¯t can¡¯t help but hug him back and bury my face in his feathers. Desperate to hide the tears as they fall.


    And¡­ and my lover breaks all our plans and steps over to join in the hug.


    We¡¯d known I would probably fall apart at some point. Tears are good. Honestly¡­ I was terrified I would¡­ would slip and start to let the Maktaba thoughts bubble up and¡­ and stop being me. Show all these fucking horrid women that I really am the thing they turned me into.


    But¡­ I didn¡¯t and this hug settles so much of my anxiety. Fills me with such a rush of warmth and gratitude for her and the lovers that wait for us back at the Manor.


    ¡°I love you, Jevita.¡± Ina murmurs. ¡°Thank you so much for coming here and doing this and¡­ and everything else. You¡¯re the bravest of us.¡±


    I huff and turn to nuzzle into her, whisper. ¡°You need to¡­ you¡­ we can¡¯t do this here.¡±


    She squeezes me. ¡°You are the most important person to me in this room, love. I would leave all this behind if you asked me to. We¡¯d break every promise and leave them to suffer the Arudia they built.¡±


    That makes me cry a little more, but after one last hug I pull and push free. ¡°Thank you. But¡­ this is important.¡±


    She nods, gives me a little kiss on the cheek, and turns back to the room. ¡°That¡¯s it then. From the lips of a girl you abused and used and will bear the full weight of this. You can either face the gathering cold alone, or¡­ ask for help. Officially.¡±


    ¡°You dose our Hearthfires and offer to sell us dry wood as the worst blizzard in living memory gathers.¡± One of the Matrons grumbles.


    Ina smirks so cruelly then. ¡°In this metaphor, the Matrons were burning people to keep the flames lit. And I don¡¯t recall demanding any payment for this, only that you stop feeding your new flames the living.¡±


    Honestly¡­ Ina isn¡¯t giving them much of a choice. And I know for a fact this vote won¡¯t stop them from continuing to like¡­ do exactly that. Toss Arudian women out to face the horrors while they sit back and dictate and drink in the wealth.


    But¡­ So does she.


    And means to change that. Or¡­ at least crack the foundations of their power as she goes. Erode away at the edges so that smarter and better women can maybe take over.


    How? Well¡­ That¡¯ll be something Delphian and Ophrit have been busy looking into¡­


    ¡°Then I call for a vote.¡± The Grand Doyan motions to the women on her left.


    The Wringletta Matron and her Doyan give a simple yes vote. No additional words otherwise¡­


    The next is the Matron of Kriksata growls an expected no but¡­ her Doyan surprises all by voting yes. Getting such a jerking surprised glare from the Matron that very well probably sponsored her to this role. Lady¡­ Tophedian, I think? She¡¯s been seemingly kind to Ina so¡­ that¡¯s interesting.


    The Matron of Scara Noc is next, but¡­ she only turns to her Doyan. Lady Xian?


    ¡°We vote yes.¡± She states plainly. ¡°But we wish to make known our distaste for this.¡±


    Last House before the Grand Doyan and her Matron is Lunaris, and they both vote the expected yes. Even if Letina is glaring daggers the entire time.


    Last is The Matron of Rell and the Grand Doyan. Not¡­ The woman isn¡¯t a Rell but it''s actually normal for the Doyans to not bear the name of the five. Blood ties don¡¯t mean anyone has a knack for management and politics.


    Veletross grins so fucking horridly at Ina, and my lover seems to meet her gaze without fear or open rage. Just¡­ expectant focus and stoic resolve that thrums with one very simple question.


    ¡°Well of course I vote yes.¡± The Matron purrs, teeth gleaming through her wicked smile. ¡°And look forward to seeing our High Duenna work.¡±


    The Grand Doyan nods. ¡°And, although it doesn¡¯t change this outcome, I vote yes as well.¡±


    Ina nods. ¡°Thank you for your votes of confidence.¡± Then she turns to face the Matron of Kriksata. ¡°So¡­ Now that¡¯s done. As High Duenna of Arudia I demand you surrender the person bearing the Maktaba of Kriksata into my immediate care, along with everything else related to them. Journals, gemstones, everything you have. Records of their past too.¡±


    The Matron glares back. ¡°And if I still refuse?¡±


    Ina shrugs. ¡°Then I¡¯ll get them myself. Have the duenna search every estate of Kriksata to ensure everything else is brought to me.¡±


    A long pause passes, then Ina¡¯s smile does turn then. Twists into something very much almost cruel. Sends shivers down my spine and even makes Lule shuffle in worry. ¡°And what else might we find, Matron? Surely nothing worse than what you did to this person I mean to save from you? Nothing¡­ less than legal?¡±


    The Matron pales then. ¡°You¡­ But you don¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Have the authority? I didn¡¯t before, was more than happy to do everything as a silly foreign girl with a knack for Sun Spoken magic.¡± She leans forward onto the table. ¡°But you had to push this. Had to fight the inevitable changing of the winds when I was being so polite.¡± Ina continues before anyone else can speak. ¡°And if you keep pushing me, you might just have to talk with the person I answer to.¡±


    The Matron¡¯s mouth kinda bobs open and shut a few times. The Grand Doyan clears her throat. Attempts to politely interrupt. But Ina keeps going¡­


    ¡°Because you all got to meet the nice version of Her before.¡± Ina turns her gaze over the room. ¡°And I suspect before we settle the Zeridii I will need to call for Her help again. She¡¯s expecting that. But how do you think She will feel about you wasting our time because you wanted to keep a person as a¨C¡±


    She cuts off. Doesn¡¯t say it. And I can very nearly see this mask crack as her eyes flicker back to me. Just for a second.


    Worried her next word will hurt me.


    So she reclaims the visage and snaps back to glare down at the Matron. ¡°This isn''t a negotiation now. So. Make your choice. Do you want to deal with me, or Her?¡±

 Chapter 84: Bindings of Flesh and Mind and Heart Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Description of eye loss, dehumanization, self-dehumanization, implications of self-harm and suicide. Horrid flesh bindings and gags. Ina POV


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have said that.¡± I huff under my breath as I walk down the hall.


    And of course my duenna hears me.


    ¡°It seems a thing She would have encouraged.¡± Zigdara replies, and I can feel her little smirk in those words.


    Of course the big woman would like that. She¡¯s USED to needing to solve problems by like¡­ just¡­. Wrestling them to the ground and sitting on them until they stopped being problems!


    I sigh, but it¡¯s Jevita who chimes in next. Finally pulling from what looks to be a long contemplation that I hope is just¡­ her relieving stress and not nurturing a panic like the one I feel bubbling in my stomach.


    ¡°I¡­ They needed to hear it.¡± She murmurs. ¡°Need to understand that for all your kindness, you have a big scary Goddess at your side who will not hesitate to chop more arms off if they want to try stupid things.¡±


    I wince, but hide it beneath a nod. ¡°You¡¯re right. I just¡­ I hate it. Hate that the bitch pushed me to that. I just¡­ It was so stupid of her! Now I¡¯m pissed and she is literally the easy person for me to focus that anger on. Why give me the opportunity to like¡­ make the authority I had suddenly all official and like¡­ that!?!¡±


    ¡°Honestly, Ina.¡± Jevita steps up a little closer, and her voice lowers. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t think the Matrons are that smart. Other than like¡­ Rell and Wringletta most of them were gifted their power. And like¡­ they haven¡¯t ever worried about where their next meal was coming from, much less how to deal with what you did.¡±


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t counsel her to think her enemies stupid, Jevita.¡± Zigdara cautions. ¡°Underestimating a foe is a dire mistake.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ I mean¡­ yeah. I guess but¡­¡± She trails off, considering her words.


    ¡°I get what you''re saying Jevita.¡± I reach over and take up a hand, trying to steer her from getting too distracted. ¡°Overthinking her motives and trying to assign them more intelligence could lead to overstepping. But I do mean to be careful. Officially getting this title is¡­ I¡¯m not sure it¡¯s a good thing.¡±


    And then we¡¯re in the entryway, and ahead of us is¡­


    Oh. I¡­ I didn¡¯t expect¡­


    The heiress is probably much like one would anticipate. Regal and sparkling with cultivation changes while wearing wondrously pretty clothing. The perfect picture of a girl drowning in wealth and poise. But I can¡¯t even spare her a glance, barely avoiding spitting my words as we approach. ¡°Give the items to my duenna. Then leave us.¡±


    She tries to sputter some greatly offended reply, but a quick glare silences her.


    And then I step up to the figure behind her.


    The person bearing the Maktaba.


    They¡­ I¡¯m not entirely sure what their gender is. Like Jevita they have no hair on their head, and strange twisting marks peek up from their coat and scarf. But¡­ Oh fuck unlike Jevita they have no eyes. Only¡­ only empty sockets of pitch perfectly healed flesh.


    ¡°Hello, One who bears the Maktaba from the House of Wringletta.¡± I say clearly and with as much confidence as I can. ¡°I¡¯m Sun Spoken Inamatorii. But feel free to just call me Ina.¡±


    A pause. Almost¡­ almost like they''re considering something. ¡°Greetings, Sun Spoken. The Heiress has instructed it to obey and supply you with whatever you need. How may it serve?¡±


    It.


    Yeah that¡­ Jevita¡¯s explained how this works. How they drilled into her under pain of punishment to use that pronoun. I fight down the urge to wince at just¡­ just how dull and emotionless their tone is. I¡¯d expected it to maybe inform me more on their gender and personality but¡­ it doesn¡¯t! Chimes with this weird cadence that sets my teeth on edge.


    ¡°Did she tell you anything else about what comes next?¡±


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    A pause, then they reply with a simple. ¡°No.¡±


    I nod, then feel foolish for the gesture. ¡°Okay. That¡¯s alright. I¡¯d like you to meet someone. A person I¡¯d very much like you to come to trust.¡±


    A slight quirk of their head. The first show of emotion! Hope so much it¡¯s a herald of a person still alive and fighting beneath it all.


    My words are the signal for my lover to come up. Leaving Lule with Zigdara as she begins to latch some bags to the straps across his back.


    She steps up slowly, trying to make plenty of noise. ¡°Hi. My name is Jevita.¡±


    ¡°Greetings, Jevita.¡± They say so plainly and without emotion.


    ¡°I¡­ So¡­ may I take your hand?¡± She asks.


    They hesitate. ¡°If the Sun Spoken wishes it.¡±


    ¡°I do,¡± I prompt gently. ¡°Please consider any of her requests as if they came from me, okay? But if something makes you uncomfortable please tell her or me no and don¡¯t feel obligated to do it.¡±


    ¡°Understood.¡± A beat, then they add. ¡°Although it would warn against touching the glyphs.¡±


    ¡°Mhm. I know to be very careful around them.¡± Jevita murmurs.


    Then they reach out a hand, carefully and slowly.


    Jevita takes their fingers in both her hands. Letting a long pause pass before they ask. ¡°It has inquiries. May it voice them?¡±


    ¡°Of course. You can ask us anything, no need to get permission first.¡± Jevita murmurs.


    ¡°Where are you taking it? Is it being punished for something or¡­ unmade?¡±


    Jevita winces. ¡°No. Not at all! We¡¯re here to help you. Keep you safe and healing.¡±


    ¡°It is confused.¡± They turn to face me. ¡°It would prefer more information if that is allowed?¡±


    We¡¯d hoped to do this all back at the house. But¡­ they seem a bit more¡­


    ¡°That¡¯s alright.¡± I smile, and feel stupid again. ¡°This is going to be a big change for you.¡±


    Jevita squeezes their hand. ¡°Ina¡¯s freed you. She¡¯s the one who broke the Obelisks and demanded the Matron¡¯s release you into her care. Let her¡­ her¡­¡±


    Jevita trails off, because their face is suddenly such a twisted mess of¡­ of¡­ Anger. Raw and furious.


    ¡°What.¡± They very nearly hiss.


    I almost take a step back at that, Hetaera mask cracked by their sudden fury at my lover''s words. But¡­ Jevita, she just¡­ just nods and takes up their other hand in hers.


    ¡°Yeah. It''s¡­ a lot to take in. But like¡­ things are going to be better. Harder at times but¨C¡±


    ¡°The meat is the only thing it wishes to be free of. The silence of status is the closest thing to that word it wants.¡± They spit. ¡°But, in the meantime, reunion with our outer discovery shards is the desired reward for functioning as instructed.¡±


    Jevita sighs. ¡°Okay. But what does the person want? Not the Maktaba?¡±


    It flinches, visibly. Even jerks a hand free of my lover. ¡°It¡­ it is not a person. There is only the Maktaba within this flesh.¡±


    ¡°That sounds like so much shit.¡± Jevita sighs, but only adds. ¡°But¡­ we can work on that. For now let¡¯s get out of the cold.¡±


    There''s a hoot, and Lule just kinda bumbles forward up next to Jevita. Zigdara straining a bit at his leads as he obviously jerked ahead.


    Their still bubbling anger turns to confusion at the sound and sudden thrum of heat from the big child. Jevita uses her newly free hand to reach back and place a restraining palm on his curious neck as he leans to peer down at the new person.


    ¡°Um¡­ sorry. He was supposed to stay back.¡± Jevita stammers as I step up to try and help keep him back. Worried he¡¯ll sense the gemstones and hiss or¡­ something. See them as a threat to Jevita.


    ¡°Who¡­ what is that?¡± They whisper softly. Worry is obvious on their face.


    But Lule just¡­ lets out such a toot of hello. Very much not upset or worried. Just curious.


    ¡°Oh! This is my big child, Lule. He¡¯s a Quelekita.¡± Jevita smiles up at him, then turns back to them. ¡°Would you like to pet him?¡±


    A long pause passes. Their face a screwed up mess of¡­ things. All the things. Some bad but¡­ there are a few good flickers in there.


    Jevita sees that, and very gently and slowly, so that they can pull away or stop her the second they want, she pulls their hand up for Lule to inspect.


    Almost instantly, faster than he even accepted me, the big floof is nuzzling their offered palm and fingers.


    They sort of¡­ gasp. Fingers tense for the first few seconds before relaxing and letting him wiggle and press against them. When this happens Jevita shifts their hands to that perfect spot on his neck. Murmurs such soft encouragements to both them and her big child as she tells them about the art of giving big floofballs good scrutches.


    Such a smile curls at their lips, and I feel a little twinge of hope blossom.


    ¡°Emotions are good, sometimes.¡± Jevita had murmured in weeks past. ¡°But¡­ not always, and not always the ones you¡¯d think. And not always the same ones. Sadness can be a pit one day, and the rope to escape it the next.¡±


    Kque had taken her hand then. ¡°It can be hard to tell but¡­ there are signs. Little things and big things. Mostly just¡­ wanting to make sure she doesn¡¯t fall into a daze during an episode. If the emotion seems to ground her into herself then it¡¯s probably good.¡±


    But¡­ So long as Jevita remains steady I can trust her to help this one. Two though? That worries me. But¡­ how can we not sweep up both? Every day has been another they suffer and¡­ and the thought of them falling deeper into their abusers is unbearable. We¡¯d only waited for the Matron¡¯s to bring it up to give Jevita more time to prepare.


    With those thoughts we begin to move from the Academy out into the afternoon snowfall. Messengers and duenna were sent to ensure the family¡¯s estate prepared the person and objects we seek while the Matron will wait at the Academy to avoid any more conflicts tonight.


    *    *    *


    ¡°What the fuck is this!?!¡± I spit as I see this next one.


    The duenna flinch at my anger, while the girl they carry between them seems to only slightly perk up.


    We¡¯d returned to the manor. Jevita and Lule and Kque are with the first person. They¡­ they¡¯re still upset but¡­ not in a way that seems to worry Jevita. If anything the outburst at the mention of freedom seemed to please her, and they seemed so much to enjoy the seemingly endless nuzzles Lule gives them.


    So I decided to wait by the entrance with Zigdara and Yrelia while Tasii works with two mothers to prepare a meal for everyone.


    But the second the door opened any calm I had was shattered.


    Six duenna, two leading and two following. And between the two middle ones hangs what I think to be a girl. It¡¯s so hard to tell with¡­ with all the odd wraps of dark pulsing cloth and¡­ and are those fucking gemstones imbedded in her flesh through them!?!


    ¡°Honored Sun Spo¨C¡±


    ¡°Get these off her.¡± I snap, interrupting the leading duenna. ¡°Now!¡±


    ¡°We¡­ We¡¯re not sure of the procedure, and were instructed that the journals would lay out the proper steps. Elsewise she would be killed by their incorrect removal.¡± The lead duenna holds up a pair of placating palms.


    I step up, carefully move past the duenna to cup the girl¡¯s face. She¡­ she seems kinda conscious, aware but¡­ fuck is that a gag? Fuck.


    ¡°Yrelia, take the journals. Zigdara, help me get her inside.¡±


    They move quickly, and all of us breathe a little easier when the duenna are gone and the front door is shut and locked. Carefully carry her to one of the many guest rooms and settle her on a bed.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know if you can hear me.¡± I whisper to her after sending Yrelia off to get Jevita. ¡°But my name is Ina, and I¡¯m going to help you as best I can. And¡­ and I am so sorry for what all you¡¯ve been through. I¡­ I¡¯m assuming you¡¯re a girl, but don¡¯t want to hurt you if it doesn¡¯t fit you.¡±


    The girl¡¯s breathing stutters for a second, then she¡­ she seems to relax a bit. Was that a little nod?


    Jevita arrives soon, and eyes go a bit hallow at the sight of the girl.


    ¡°I¡­¡± She swallows. ¡°Yeah. They aren¡¯t the same as¡­¡± She trails off, then shakes her head and regains herself before I can even move to comfort her. ¡°Did they leave their journals with their blueprints and instructions?¡±


    I nod, motion to the side table. ¡°They did. The duenna said the instructions for undoing these would be in there.¡±


    Jevita approaches, face paling and lips pursing as she gets a closer look at the girl¡¯s bindings. Picks up the journals like one handling a live snake. ¡°I¡­ I need Kque here. Please.¡±

 Chapter 85: Bindings of Flesh and Mind and Heart Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Nightmare scary things. Mention of past suicide attempt, self-harm in a Dream, worry about consent things with a Amwella spell (which actually totally does not create consent issues but was instead a gaslighting attempt to invalidate past embraces).


    The Storm dances betwixt playful indifference to my recounting and thrumming fury. One half nuzzling soft tides around my waist while the other thunders and roils all around.


    But¡­ they¡¯re both so distant. My lack of Amwella makes the Dream a dark and cold thing. So hard to¡­ to hold onto myself and understand everything.


    ¡°Sorry. She¡­ I¡¯m just¡­ It¡¯s hard to find someone to replenish the Wellspring now.¡± I murmur as I slump down into the water¡¯s embrace.


    The Dream twists, and then they¡¯re both beside me.


    One of them is tall and full of lightning and fury. A godthing not of flesh but of literal storm clouds and golden-blue blazes and barely controlled aggression. But¡­ not at me. She loves me. Quite a bit, actually. I wouldn¡¯t believe it if I literally couldn¡¯t feel her thrumming adorations. But¡­ She can be scary sometimes¡­


    The other is¡­ melty? That¡¯s the best word. The waters all around us are kind of Hers¡­ but also not? Cool and soft and so full of snuggles balanced only by an endless ache of pain deep inside she keeps trying to find. A thing of memories that just¡­ slips from Her grasp as she tries to understand why something like that could hurt so much.


    So like two parts of any real seaborn storm. The fury above and the thrashing waters below.


    Your spark-call will entice most women, lover. The fury kneels beside me.


    I shake my head. ¡°No, I told you I¡¯m never doing that again.¡±


    But¡­ This is really bad. Your wellspring is nearly completely gone, love! The melty one nuzzles close and picks up a hand to nibble on fingers, cool teeth sending ripples of muted Dream pleasure through me at the touch. It only skips using words and asks their Amwella directly. Just¡­ Cutting through all the nonsense! No one is forced to do anything!!!


    ¡°That¡¯s not the way they described it.¡± I murmur, looking down to the waters around us.


    You would take their word over ours? The fury growls. Especially after what they tried to do?


    I sigh a look away. But¡­ My thoughts are filled with disagreements. How they¡­ they didn¡¯t even tell me what happened until weeks later. And¡­ and the Storm didn¡¯t explain until like¡­ a few weeks ago.


    The Spark Call. A pulse of pure melted Amwella sent from one soul to another. In this case, a request to make love and share soulfire with me.


    ¡°It¡¯s what got us in this mess in the first place.¡± I grumble. ¡°If¡­ if we¡¯d not¡­ if I¡¯d not let her see so much of my scars she¡¯d not have thought to ask me to¡­¡±


    To share a night of passions with my flesh revealed. Then¡­ then she¡­


    The Dream roils and growls in response to my shift into painful memories. Turns from rippling waters to a horrid slurry muck of nightmare filled waters. The fury of their storm is calling out to me as my legs and hips fully get gobbled up by the darkness. Fighting to be heard as the pain drags me into the nightmares below.


    But¡­ Maybe I deserve a nightmare tonight. Should just suffer the pain of it to make sure I never forget¨C


    LOVE! The Storm thrums, and lightning cracks down and around, lights up the Dream and burns away the clawing horrors gathering at my spirit. And I get to see them in all their beauty and terror. Face and body and spirit a united thing of shared anger and worry and protective affections.


    STOP.


    Talons dig into my chin as they grip it, dragging me up and above the waves once again.


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Just like that first night when¡­ when I¡¯d decided to just¡­ let the sea have me. End the pain in the only way I knew how.


    This makes it harder to save us from my own wretched despair as the waves twist up after me, but they do it. And I can¡¯t help but cling to their everything. Marvel at¡­ at just how much more they are when they are together like that.


    Not¡­ they¡¯re still two spirits. Always. And I¡¯m not sure that could or should ever change. But¡­ normally their differences keep them so disparate.


    A Storm above and an Ocean below, embracing everlasting.


    So beautiful it hurts to behold them clawing to rise above the nightmares below. To¡­ to understand this amazing duo wages a constant battle with some other part of their past. Knowing full well they¡¯ll never win. Never heal. But¡­ for whatever reason they will not stop rising above the despair below.


    For now and evermore this Storm will not surrender to the muck.


    Then we break through, and are crowned by the twilight of the Dream above it all, and almost immediately they split.


    The fury growls and hisses at me, wordlessly screaming Her anger. While the melty one clings as sobbing fear overcomes her at what I almost subjected myself to.


    I slump into them both. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    The fury calms and wraps herself around us all. It¡¯s not acceptable, but I forgive you. Always.


    The melty girl wriggles closer. Please take care of yourself better. We can¡¯t follow you to the Waking World. We¡­ I can¡¯t stand the idea of you hurting yourself more!


    I cling to them. ¡°I won¡¯t leave you both like that. Never. I¡­ I just¡­¡±


    Hurting yourself solves nothing, and you are not owed more pain! The fury hisses while pulsing with similar fear. Find a nice girl who finds your height and frame as gorgeous as we do, and use the Spark-Call.


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    You¡¯ll turn her into a melted mess of pleasure with the techniques we¡¯ve shown you, then leave. Her disappointment will be that she¡¯ll never get to enjoy your touch again. The Spark Call is NOT some magic that robs anyone of free-will. Simply presents them with the question. Anyone can refuse it.


    ¡°B¨C¡±


    NO!!! This is YOUR body, and they hungered to feel you pleasure them. To¡­ to not only reject a lover after seeing their deepest scars, but claim all past embraces were mistakes is NOT fair to you.


    ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t¡­¡± I try to pull free of them, but the Storm only unifies to pull my gaze to meet theirs. I feel the tears fall then as the memories flash. Twist and act as so much chum to the horrors below.


    But the Storm does not release me. Doesn¡¯t let me pull free. They were petty and shallow spirits. Lovers should be cherished regardless of scars and ailments.


    I¡­ I can¡¯t disagree with them. I know they¡¯re right. But¡­ My heart and soul still ache at the memory of the rejection.


    A long pause passes, and the Storm wiggles out into their two halves. But¡­ move to still embrace me. Let my mind work through and over the pain.


    Please? The melty half whispers after a while. I¡­ that cold ache is just going to keep getting worse and¡­ and we¡­ we don¡¯t want you to¡­ to¡­


    I sigh and return their hugs. ¡°Okay. I¡­ I think there is an inn nearby for travelers like me. I¡¯ll see if anyone shows interest. But¡­ no promises. I¡¯d rather just focus on finding one of the two Sun Spoken and getting off this mountain.¡±


    They hate that but¡­ agreed to the compromise. And the rest of the Dream we just huggle close to ward off the cold memories and aching chill.


    Waking is¡­ ugh. Almost forgot the fact I¡¯d avoided a tavern for rest knowing the duenna would start looking there, decided to find a quiet spot on the edge of the city to start up a fire and snuggle down into my warmish layers after the trek up the mountain. Even settled at the edge of a group of other traveler¡¯s campsites so we¡¯d just¡­ blend into their group.


    Just¡­ Looking like another traveling woman waiting out the storm below for a clear path to leave.


    Immediately the clawing chill around my heart is the center of everything for a few seconds. Forcing me to just¡­ lie in my wrappings shivering so hard against the cold within and without.


    N¨C need to get to one of those inns. Before this gets any worse.


    ¡°Help?¡± Comes a soft coo from¡­ Oh. Right.


    Fuck.


    I¡¯d kept my little friend bundled close for the entire trek and even after settling into a fitful sleep. It had seemed to understand, at least a little, when I shushed it and pleaded for silence.


    This¡­ complicates things.


    ¡°Can¡­¡± I begin to ask as I curl up into a sitting position. ¡°Can I leave you here? Will you be safe and quiet for me while I try to gather some Amwella?¡±


    It seems to think on that for a moment, then nuzzles deeper into the bed wrappings. Murmurs a sleepy sounding ¡°Help help.¡±


    I sigh in such relief at that, and after making sure my friend will keep to our little camp. I clean off my face as well as possible, wrap myself in another layer, and head toward the city proper.


    But¡­ as I go to trek through the snow, a voice calls out from a large campsite I¡¯d set up behind to obscure my spot. A place of tents and bustling life and a now blazing fire.


    I turn to see a woman walking out toward me. Wrapped well against the cold and pulling a scarf down to reveal a cute freckled face and pale skin contrasted to deep blue eyes and¡­ yeah those are a few small greenish scales spotted among her skin. Not evenly done so¡­ probably inherited?


    ¡°Huh? Excuse me?¡± I reply dumbly.


    ¡°I said Hi!¡± She halts a few feet from me, looks back and forth between myself and my small little campsite I¡¯ve left. ¡°So glad I caught you, We noticed you kinda sleeping alone out in this horrible cold and like¡­ wanted to invite you to camp with us! My moms are cooking this huge pot of stew for everyone and will have so much extra we¡¯d love to share! Will have hot cider wine and songs and stories.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I murmur. The idea of a warm meal singing such a siren call to my aching and cold body. ¡°I¡­ Thank you that¡­ um¡­ actually sounds really nice. If it won¡¯t be much trouble.¡±


    She smiles so warmly, reaches out to take one of my big dumb hands. ¡°Not at all! We¡¯re going to have leftovers that¡¯ll be an absolute mess to try and preserve when we decide to leave the Academy.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Is all I can dumbly reply.


    ¡°I¡¯m Kikii, by the way.¡± She chimes while pulling me along, looks up expectantly to me.


    ¡°Oh, um¡­ I¡¯m Rahdian.¡± I reply.


    She considers that for a second. ¡°That¡¯s a really pretty name. Is it a Lyttoral one? Not sure I¡¯ve met someone with it before.¡±


    I kind of¡­ stutter out for a second, not used to meeting people who not only care but¡­ can very nearly spot the heritage of the name so quickly. ¡°Yeah, kinda. It¡¯s from an old sea people who eventually helped settle the coast.¡±


    ¡°Oooooh. Like a pirate¡¯s name?¡± She giggles as we enter the first rows of tents and are immediately bathed in firelight and warmth. ¡°Should I worry about you stealing me away?¡±


    No words rise to my lips as Kikii glances back at me, eyes dancing. After a few steps her expression softens. ¡°Sorry, that came across way more flirty than intended. We¡¯re really just offering food and company for another woman of the Paths, if that¡¯s all she wants.¡±


    ¡°No I¡­ It¡¯s sweet.¡± I manage to reply. ¡°I just¡­ it¡­ caught me off guard. Been a while since I¡¯ve had a cute girl flirt at me.¡±


    ¡°Oh good.¡± Her smile returns and brightens even more. ¡°Let¡¯s get you settled and warmed up. You must be freezing!¡±

 Chapter 86: Bindings of Flesh and Mind and Heart Part 3

    <u>CW: </u>


    Jevita POV!!! Horrid flesh bindings, talk of loss/death of personality, talk of abusive Headmates. Mention of cremation of the dead.


    ¡°Fucking Matron¡¯s crusty fucking asshole!!!¡± Are the first words she speaks, and I can¡¯t help but just¡­ stare at the girl.


    Tired and terrified at what that could mean.


    This second duenna to the Maktaba is still like¡­ pretty wrapped up. But we just got her face and an arm free and despite my hatred at her needing to waste magic on this spiteful act, Ina hummed some magical Songwork to help stop the bleeding that would otherwise force us to touch and fiddle at the sensitive glyphs.


    A little giggle and snort comes from my side, and I look over to see Kque trying so hard to cover her mouth. Eyes tired and body slumped, despite the three cups of overstimulated fudgebrew we¡¯ve drank.


    The girl tilts her head back to see us, and such a bright, but also exhausted grin beams from her to me. ¡°Thanks SO fucking much for like¡­ getting this shit off!¡±


    ¡°We um¡­ still have a while to go still but¡­¡± I stammer out. ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    She looks me up and down, getting to take in my own glyphs. ¡°I can deal. This is already WAY better than I was before.¡±


    Kque and I talked often and very deliberately in the hours it took me to understand this wretched family''s method for re-binding and punishing this girl. Telling her multiple times about how she¡¯s free and we¡¯re trying to help and¡­ and how I¡¯m like her. Imbibed with the Maktaba, but living as the girl I want to be.


    ¡°Good I¡­ It could get worse though, as the um¡­ the Maktaba wakes up.¡± Kque murmurs, expression sobering. ¡°But¡­ we can pause and help if things get overwhelming.¡±


    The girl¡¯s smile doesn¡¯t waver. ¡°That¡¯s alright, it''ll give me something to do to distract from the pain of it.¡±


    I sort of¡­ jolt to a halt. ¡°What? No we¡­ I¨C We can keep you centered! Stop you from falling into it.¡±


    She quirks her head, all confused. ¡°Huh? Falling into what?¡±


    Kque scoots up beside us. ¡°The Maktaba. We don¡¯t want you to get drown by it. Begin to lose yourself.¡±


    ¡°Oh. I mean yeah I might get a bit lost in the stacks, but¡­ I¡¯d rather spend my time reading than dealing with the pain. We can split like¡­ who¡¯s paying attention in case you need us for anything.¡±


    Everything just¡­ stops. None of that like¡­ makes sense. At all.


    ¡°I mean sure, it¡¯ll be grumpy at having to deal with the flesh bindings.¡± She continues without noticing my spiral. ¡°These suck like a Gemleech, and honestly they¡¯ll know more about this than me. Will be happy to let me enjoy the lack of pain dropping into the stacks will bring.¡±


    ¡°It¡­ it cares about you?¡± I whisper.


    A pause, then her expression does shift. Worry and confusion as she looks me up and down. ¡°Um... Yours doesn¡¯t?¡±


    My paling stare must tell her everything my lips can¡¯t.


    No. No it doesn¡¯t.


    ¡°Oh. Fuck.¡± She kinda¡­ stammers. ¡°WHAT?!? That¡­ That¡¯s¡­¡±


    ¡°Jevita.¡± Kque moves to sit in front of me.


    Wh¨C why even¡­ but¡­ but¡­ how¡¯s that possible!?! It¡¯s not a person. It¡­ it was broken and ground down and shoved in my stupid fucking head and has to feel all the pain and despises the pleasure and warmth and¡­ and only wants to sit in perfect stillness and¨C


    ¡°Jevy!¡± Kque says with more force.


    I¡­ I was supposed to be helping THEM. But¡­ but the first gave up years ago and the second¡­ this second girl she¡­ she¡¯s¡­ her Maktaba cares about her? How¡­ Once we get these bindings off she¡¯ll be fine! Better¡­ Even better than either of us!!!


    ¡°How?¡± I whisper, look up to stare past Kque into the girl¡¯s eyes.


    She shuffles as best the bindings will let her, face suddenly a touch worried as she sees my expression, ¡°I¡­ Um¡­ How what?¡±


    ¡°Jevy.¡± Kque fights not to hiss, moves to block my view even more. Very nearly takes up my hands. ¡°Stop. We need to finish.¡±


    I squeeze my eyes shut. Fight back the tears.


    ¡°Please, Kque I¡­ I need to know. Even¡­ even if it¡¯s just a little. I¡­ Please.¡±


    A pause, then she murmurs. ¡°Okay. Just... please be careful?¡±


    Deep breaths.


    ¡°How did you make it care about you? About¡­ to stop hurting you and trying to¡­ to¡­¡± I swallow. ¡°Stop trying to kill you?¡±


    She takes a sharp breath. ¡°Oh.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­¡± She grimaces. ¡°It never um¡­ Like it overdid things a few times but¡­¡±


    This Maktaba never tried to kill her.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I whisper so quietly.


    ¡°It honestly helped me, like¡­ figure myself out. Not much survived the infusions but¡­ Shared the catalog and even kept the scattered mess of this body''s old memories. Kept me safe from the Matron and Heiress a few times even.¡±


    I stare down at the glyphs on my hands and¡­ and remember.


    How¡­ how despite the demands of that cruel bitch I¡­ I wanted nothing more than to embrace with joy the library they¡¯d given me. Didn¡¯t even mind not remembering who this body had been! First entered the big amazing mind palace with joy and excitement and¡­ and¡­


    Then it buried me.


    Dropped an eternity of books down to crush the girl wandering and humming an old tune she couldn¡¯t remember where she first heard it. Took years and Lule finding me and Kque naming me to even try and dig her out. To¡­ to even¡­ even¡­


    Kque¡¯s shaking me, calling out a name. My name. Both the long and short of it.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­¡± I whisper, looking up but avoiding eye contact. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m me. Just¡­ just¡­ mine tries to kill me. Worse actually. It wants to smother and drown me so¡­ so it doesn¡¯t have to share a body with me.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C what?¡± I hear the girl sputter.


    I feel the tears already falling as I rise from my chair by the bed, pulling from Kque¡¯s touch. ¡°It succeeded for a while, and it still tries if I let it. Both by¡­ by overwhelming me with the archive or¡­ or just¡­ filling me with its disgust for the flesh or¨C¡±


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    ¡°But¡­ WHY!?!¡± The girl nearly shouts. ¡°It¡­ That¡¯s so STUPID!!! That just¡­ it hurts you both! It needs the people parts to¡­ like¡­ explore itself!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not LISTENING.¡± I growl, not mad at her but¡­ but¡­ so FURIOUS. ¡°It only puts up with the need for my flesh. But me? Who I am and what I want and¡­ and the life I walk? No. It HATES that. Considers me¡­ Useless and stupid and wrong and¡­ and it wants nothing more than to see me broken and¡­¡± My face is a mess of tears that makes it impossible to see anything more than Kque and this girls¡¯ blurs. Nothing of their expressions. ¡°Broken. A¡­ a slave or¡­ or a tool. Nameless.¡±


    ¡°Fuck that.¡± The girl spits, wriggles a bit against her bonds. ¡°That¡¯s stupid. Fuck. We¡­ Look. Get us out and let us like¡­ let me ask mine if we can help. I think my Archive can reach out to yours and we can figure this out.¡±


    I jolt to a stop. Whisper so quietly I worry she doesn¡¯t hear. ¡°I¡­ You can do that?¡±


    She nods, gives me a determined smirk. ¡°Absolutely!!! When more of these are off we can like¡­ properly have a talk with my headmate here and we can figure this out.¡±


    A choking sob is all I can reply with, and it takes a long and big hug from Kque to help like¡­ calm me down enough to continue removing the bindings from her.


    ¡°I¡­ We didn¡¯t get your name.¡± I ask as I move to a seal on the arm, figuring that releasing this would mean they can at least help remove the rest faster.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± She kinda¡­ stutters to a halt, and a few tears start to bubble up a bit. ¡°Fuck. Yeah, I guess that¡¯s what people do. They use names.¡±


    ¡°We can wait and help you find one.¡± Kque offers.


    She shakes her head. ¡°Naw, I¡¯ve had a name I like for years. The Archive even uses it when it¡¯s thinking in the right way. Just couldn¡¯t share it with anyone. Much less expect anyone to ask. I¡¯ve also like¡­ changed it a ton.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile. ¡°Yeah, I¡­ I mean I¡¯ve always liked Jevy, even since Kque here called me that all those years ago. And Jevita just¡­ was kinda perfect when we grew it out to that.¡±


    Kque smiles and takes my free hand in hers. ¡°And it¡¯s like we told Ina when she was looking to find a new name, you''re welcome to try it out for a while. If you don¡¯t like it you can find a new one.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She huffs, looking down and away as I work to peel away a long winding strip off her arm. ¡°I¡­ okay. Thanks.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°Thodep.¡± She whispers. ¡°Does that sound g¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh! That¡¯s really pretty.¡± Kque immediately and accidentally interrupts. And from that I can¡¯t help but smile as it kinda shows how genuine she is. How she¡¯s not just¡­ being nice. ¡°Sorry.¡± She sputters a bit. ¡°I interrupted.¡±


    The girl¡¯s little grin is such a perfect thing. Both so happy in a way that makes a few tears bubble and a good match to her growing blush.


    ¡°You¡¯re fine, I just¡­ Thanks.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re very welcome, Thodep. Can I ask what it means?¡± Kque asks after a pause.


    ¡°Oh um¡­ It means like¡­ It¡¯s from a language that I don¡¯t think is around anymore but¡­ it means Little Archive or like¡­ little keeper of knowledge. My Maktaba kinda already like¡­ thought of me like that so¡­¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile so painfully at that, having to stop and wipe away a few tears.


    Her Maktaba even helped pick out a name for the girl it was melted into.


    She pauses. ¡°Sorry. I¡­ I didn¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°No. Thodep. Seriously.¡± I stop her. ¡°You have no idea that¡­ I mean you do but¡­ Like¡­ Yeah this hurts. To know that it was possible for a Maktaba to NOT hate their vessel. But¡­ Fuck. I think¡­¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s hope that it can change.¡± Kque whispers when I trail off.


    I don¡¯t know how to feel about that.


    We all sit in silence for a while while we work. Then I finish this final part of this wrist and, with an oddly loud click, it pops free. Releasing an entire arm and shoulder of the bindings.


    Thodep takes such a deep breath as a shiver runs through her as her muscles twitch and flex. ¡°Oh¡­ Oh fuck yeah! That¡­ Wow, welcome back!¡±


    We both pause in confusion.


    ¡°Thodep?¡± I ask, ¡°Is everything alright?¡±


    She takes another deep breath. ¡°Yeah, yeah¡­ better than how I started the night, that¡¯s for sure!¡± And another, this one tinted with such a grin. ¡°Yeah, they¡­ you wanna like¡­?¡±


    Oh. She¡­ she¡¯s talking to¡­


    ¡°Honestly you¡¯d probably be a bigger help to them than me!¡± She murmurs not to us but¡­ herself. Selves. ¡°Want to take over for all this? Enough is unlocked to keep me occupied. If anything I¡¯ll just¡­ drift a bit. Enjoy the Apavartan Glades or¡­ something.¡±


    Apa¡­ what? A Glade? In her mind palace? What¡­ How is that possible? WHY is that possible!?!


    ¡°Your Maktaba is going to¡­ to¡­¡± I struggle at the thought. The idea of¡­ of her just¡­ just letting it take over while she just¡­ enjoys the Archive and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°Yup. They¡¯re gonna come out and help with all this. Unless you need more from me?¡± She tilts her head while continuing to flex her newly freed arm. ¡°They understand these bindings and now that we have two free hands we can like¡­ help and such!¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I nod carefully. ¡°If¡­ Will it be safe for you?¡±


    ¡°Totally and completely! We do this all the time!¡± She grins. ¡°Ask for me if you need anything.¡±


    And I get to watch as another feels the Maktaba bubble up and overtake them. I¡¯d only asked once or twice, but Kque always explained it as like¡­ watching a girl fight not to drown. But in something slow and malicious.


    But for Thodep¡­ it¡¯s¡­ not that. At all.


    For the first few heartbeats she seems to just¡­ focus. Take a collection of gradually more calm breaths before just¡­ going a bit slack. The arm she couldn¡¯t stop moving around stills. Like all her muscles are just¡­ awaiting new directions. And then she twitches, eyes pop open, and it¡¯s so clear from the new expression what¡¯s arisen.


    ¡°This One greets you both, Jevita and Kquevaian.¡± It thrums in a tone so different from the girl we were just speaking with. It¡¯s a thing of¡­ of precise syllables and pronunciation. Emotionless but¡­ not cold. Just¡­ devoid of it. Eyes slowly and carefully move up and about the room, cataloging everything and nothing all at once.


    ¡°Hi.¡± Is all I can say as I stare into the roaming eyes of¡­ of this thing that¡­ that is like a sibling to the monster that blights my own body and soul.


    ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you.¡± Kque says in a tone of careful regard.


    Probably seeing me stiffen as such acid writhes in my tummy.


    Its eyes flicker to dart between us. Not like a person exploring another''s expression and presence but¡­ a thing of careful consideration. Like we¡¯re just¡­ two more books needing to be shelved among its stacks. No malice or annoyance just¡­ pure logic and examination.


    Such a shiver runs down my spine at that. Reminding me so perfectly of how my own Maktaba regards me every time our spirits touch. How¡­ how it so quickly and efficiently marked me as foreign and horrid and wasteful and¡­ and thrummed in fury at me like I was just some violation or blight in the home that is my mind.


    ¡°Before we begin the process of releasing this vessel from these bonds.¡± It cracks the silence. ¡°This one would like to thank you for your efforts to free us. Both from the House of Kriksata, and these wretched Spirit Hooks.¡±


    The first person we saved like¡­ like they talked like a person. Sounding like I have for years and years. But this¡­ this is¡­ it¡¯s like they¡¯re a person. Even like this. Accepting the thought paths that come with our mind and just¡­ thinking through them. Not overriding just¡­ accepting them as part of itself. Even if the words seem a bit impersonal.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I¡¯m barely able to manage in a very quiet voice. ¡°But¡­ Ina did most of the work.¡±


    ¡°Incorrect. She, this one guesses, possessed the political and personal motive to act on our behalf. But both were due to your support, efforts, and experiences.¡± A beat, then it''s tone quiets with mine. ¡°And this one would like to offer apologies and reassurances that we mean to keep to Thodep¡¯s promises and assist you in parlaying with the Maktaba within you. This one¡¯s shared catalog of unification should do much to entice it into reconsidering its classification of you.¡±


    I have to take such a deep breath and look away as so many little memories and horrors of mine just¡­ bleeding through now. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Kque lays a hand on mine, then rises, pulling me to follow. ¡°C¡¯mon.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C what?¡± I stammer as the sudden shift kinda¡­ jerks me out of some of the spiral.


    ¡°You''re taking a break.¡± She replies simply, then turns to Thodep or¡­ or their Maktaba or¡­ whoever they are. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a bit with drinks and food, and we¡¯ll continue.¡±


    They pause, then nod.


    I blubber a bit. ¡°B¨C but¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen and helped enough that I think this one and I can handle things.¡± She replies simply as I¡¯m pulled from the room and the door is shut.


    ¡°I¡­ But¡­ Are you sure?¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Yes.¡± She replies softly but¡­ with the firm tone she uses when she¡¯s tending to a wound.


    Taking another deep breath I force myself to just relax and trust my first lover. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Then she pulls us through the mansion. Only finding Tasii and Quetic sitting and chatting.


    ¡°Oh hi!¡± Tasii and Quetic both sorta jump with a start at our entrance. ¡°I¡­ Is everything okay?¡±


    ¡°Honestly. Yes. But in ways that hurt.¡± Kque answers while moving me to sit on an open tool next to Tasii, then she moves about to get food.


    ¡°But¡­ is it safe to leave them alone? Is the girl doing okay?¡±


    I huff and glare off and away as I feel Tasii focus her attention on what must be a very obviously stupidly messed up me. End up just¡­ slumping to lean into her easily accepting side hug. ¡°Yeah. Better than I ever was.¡±


    A long pause.


    ¡°How much better?¡± Tasii asks after neither Kque or I elaborate.


    I lean into her a bit more. Focusing so much on her warmth and softness and strength. So¡­ of course I bump and rub a glyph.


    It hates that.


    Bubbling up feelings of how WRONG this stupid flesh is overwhelm and smother and¡­ and It¡¯s only after thirty heartbeats that I realize my mouth is moving to my spiraling anger''s tune.


    ¡°¨CSTUPID fucking bitch of a CUNT! Gemstone FUCKING¨C Blizzard blighted, glimmering cluster of weeping STARSHITE!!!¡± I hiss and spit in two or five languages before having to stop and take a few deep panting breaths as I sit alone and trembling on my stool.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Tasii murmurs, moving a hand closer and palm up in offer.


    I take it and sigh. ¡°Not your fault. I wasn¡¯t paying attention.¡±


    Kque moves to sit on my other side. Setting down a tray of bread and the stew they¡¯ve been brewing today alongside a mug of glimmer wine. ¡°Is there anything else you¡¯d like?¡±


    I sigh and shake my head. ¡°Too tired and just¡­ angry to eat.¡±


    ¡°You should anyway.¡± Momma Quetic offers, moving to slide her seat to sit across from us. ¡°Give your mind and teeth something else to gnash on.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but just¡­ shiver and relent under the weight of their love. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Eating doesn¡¯t turn off my brain. But¡­ It helps me chew on the problem of my own anger.


    ¡°You should go back to them.¡± I murmur after a few small bites.


    Kque shrugs, caressing the side of my neck where no Glyphs sit. ¡°I will. But first I need to make sure you take care of yourself.¡±


    I sigh and poke at the stew with the spoon she gave me. Can¡¯t help but¡­ but even be mad at how good this is. How even after a few bites the warmth is filling me up and the flavor is SO distracting.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Thanks Kque.¡± I take another small bite after blowing off some of the heat. ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll talk some things out with Tasii.¡±


    ¡°Okay. But I promised them food and drinks first so I¡¯ll be here for a bit to help.¡± Then she rises and moves over to prepare a meal for herself and the¡­ the Maktaba we left back in the other room.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Kque¡¯s right. It¡¯s really good.¡± I nibble on the bread and give Tasii¡¯s hand another squeeze. ¡°Turns out this girl¡¯s Maktaba is really nice. It likes her. Even helped her pick out a name and¡­ and probably hid her personhood from the fucks who hurt her.¡±


    A few beats, and Tasii gets it so quickly. ¡°Oh¡­ oh Jevita.¡± Then she pulls me into the best side hug she can as I start to shake.


    ¡°And¡­ and like¡­ she¡¯s¡­ they¡­ they¡¯ve promised to try and help me with mine.¡± I whisper through the budding ugly sobs I feel coming. ¡°And¡­ and that¡¯s all wonderful! Better than we could have hoped for! But¡­ but that¡­ it means¡­ I¡­ I¡¯m going to have to¡­ to¡­¡±


    To face the thing that¡¯s tried to drown me for over a decade. Almost two now, if I¡¯m being precise. And¡­ and¡­


    In a flash, I see Thodep and her Maktaba and¡­ and how happy they look. How easy she talked about it like it was such a close friend. That, more than anything, sets my teeth on edge. The idea of getting my spirit close to¡­ to the fucking monster lurking in the stacks.


    Kque¡¯s at my side now. Joining in the hug. ¡°It¡¯s okay. We¡­ we¡¯ll take it slow. One step at a time. You only need to accept what you¡¯re comfortable with.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­ I¡­ Wouldn¡¯t that be so stupid though?¡± I whimper into my lovers. ¡°For me to¡­ to not take this chance to live better? To turn something that¡­ that tries to¡­ to¡­ to hurt me. All the time, and make it stop? Try to¡­¡±


    It¡¯s so hard to say it. To even like¡­ mention the fucking idea of being friends with that thing!!!


    ¡°Jevita¡­¡± Tasii whispers, my name a beacon in the storm of terror and self-hatred. ¡°You¡¯re under no obligation to make peace with anyone or anything that¡¯s hurt you. Especially not like this thing has.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡± I whisper.


    Kque kisses at the hand still holding my spoon. ¡°Exactly. Honestly, I¡¯m hoping to like¡­ fuck. I don¡¯t¡­¡±


    I turn to her, find her looking down and away as she trails off. ¡°What? Hoping to what?¡±


    She purses her lips, then turns up to meet my gaze. ¡°I want to ask Thodep and her Maktaba if there is a way to suppress or even remove it. Give you real peace and freedom from the thing inside you.¡±


    ¡°Kque that¡¯s¡­ there¡¯s no way. Not without the person dying and like¡­ them fishing the stardust from the ashes after you burn the body.¡±


    She takes up my hand, kissing it again without removing her gaze from mine. ¡°I know. I was going to ask them while you rested. Because I don¡¯t think there is a way either and didn¡¯t want to get your hopes up. But¡­ Tasii¡¯s right. And if anything might know how to help you get the freedom you deserve, it¡¯s them. You¡¯ve always known there is knowledge in yours you couldn¡¯t access.¡±


    She¡¯s right. Oh fuck she¡­ this¡­ could this work? Even just like¡­ like suppress and dulled glyph sensitivity would be so AMAZING!


    I shake my head.


    She¡¯s right. They could either say no or not have it or¡­ or all manner of things. I CAN¡¯T let myself hope too much for this.


    ¡°Alright. But¡­ I want to be there when you ask them.¡±

 Chapter 87: When Lies Drown in Truth Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Angry Sun Spoken, politics, and... honestly not much! Pretty mupples!


    The duenna outside the Sun Spoken estate are what warn me that something is wrong, and I curse myself for not asking Lady Ophrit and Delphian to have more than a couple women watching over the cunt of a bitch while she finally got some sleep.


    The two don¡¯t recognize me at first, even step forward with hands on the hilts of their Black-glass swords as I approach. Thankfully don¡¯t seem to consider us worthy of drawing any gemstones.


    ¡°This area is off limits to any but¨C¡±


    I pull down my hood and fix them with a glare. They quiet right quick.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± I demand.


    What they tell me makes my fury spike into such heights I¡¯d only felt¡­ like¡­ I¡¯m not sure. Not even close to the rage when Tasii got hurt, but I''m boiling by the time Zigdara and I are storming through the estate after ordering the duenna to wait by the entrance.


    I find the cunt sitting at Emarial¡¯s beside. Just¡­ like some worried lover waiting so diligently beside a wounded person they hold in affectionate regard and not a monster considering taking a bite from wounded prey.


    ¡°What, the fuck, do you think you¡¯re doing here?¡± I growl. Working very hard to keep my voice level.


    Matron Veletross is¡­ okay she¡¯s technically sitting but¡­ that entire ugly red new arm she has grown is like¡­ draped across the big sleeping Sun Spoken. Her form wrapped in a thick midnight cloak and a modest assortment of glimmering gemstone jewelry to adorn her ears and horns and even an eyebrow.


    ¡°High Duenna Inamatorii.¡± She glances back to give me such an unnerving grin that bares fangs I did not realize she had. Eyes twisting between green and scarlet hues. ¡°My deepest apologies, I was unaware of any decree placed upon myself to not visit an old and dear friend.¡±


    ¡°Then consider this my official demand. Now, answer my question.¡± I spit, letting my rage show openly now.


    ¡°If I must speak the obvious truth, then here it is.¡± She turns to fully face us, eyes quieting to a dull and deep reddish color. ¡°I¡¯m here to make sure you didn¡¯t drop our beloved Keeper into the hands of the enemy.¡±


    I sputter out for a second, needing to keep my face blank with only a touch of anger as I ask. ¡°Keeper?¡±


    She sighs and shakes her head. ¡°Ground down and Brewed Death you really are just¡­ ignorant of everything. Aren¡¯t you? It would be adorable if the consequences wouldn¡¯t be so dire.¡±


    Zigdara rolls forward a step to loom easily over the Matron. Thrumming with barely controlled fury.


    As the Matron¡¯s eyes widen and glimmer with pinpricks of violet and delight I step forward to lay a hand on Zigdara¡¯s arm. A silent request for her to calm down and step back. ¡°Emarial mentioned that there were dozens of shards within her, and I¡­ I¡¯m guessing that¡¯s the danger here? Why you called her that? You¡¯re worried that she would let them control of her body and mind?¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Were she just some new and na?ve Sun Spoken that might be the case but¡­ no. Should Emarial give in to her Dreamer¡¯s will, which she would with the things they would offer her, our lands would very likely end.¡± The Matron sighs.


    ¡°Because of who she would kill?¡± I press.


    The Matron only smiles as she moves to stand, but sidesteps my question to instead say. ¡°Emarial rests deeply and well, and shows no sign of the Dreaming that accompanies a Sun Spoken¡¯s meetings with their Patron. It seems I underestimated your understanding of this danger and power to protect us from the threat. My apologies, High Duenna of Arudia, I simply never would have expected you to give her this gift after our¡­ disagreement at the Obelisks.¡±


    ¡°You tried to slaughter her.¡± Zigdara growls.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    The Matron shrugs. ¡°There was no reason to believe that she was naught but a rotting corpse just¡­ seeking wroth and ruin. I¡¯ve since shown my support quite openly before the Doyans and other Matrons for this Chosen of The Weaver.¡±


    ¡°Matron Veletross,¡± I urge in as soft and steady a voice as I can manage, interrupting my duenna¡¯s fury. ¡°I need to know what¡¯s at stake here. I mean to protect as many people as possible and¡­ And as much as I hate the big cunt, making sure she is stable and safe means I might need to speak with her shards. Figure out how to maybe help them.¡±


    For the first time since Zigdara cracked the Matron across the floor beneath those Obelisks, I get to see real surprise and¡­ and even a little fear crosses her face.


    ¡°Girl, I do not know how you tamed the shard in your head, but understand this.¡± Veletross hisses as those strange eyes jolt to sudden cerulean lightning. ¡°She is most likely a soft and gentle thing compared to what drifts in Emarial¡¯s soul. They are wickedly manipulative creatures that twisted many young and old Sun Spoken into dancing to their whims. Leave them to rot in the Driftdream between.¡±


    ¡°And Emarial to the lonely wastes beyond?¡± I shake my head and huff in open annoyance. ¡°No reason she¡¯s such a mess, she¡­ she¡¯s had to live alone in her own head for decades. Just¡­ stewing in self-hatred and fear!¡±


    A pause, and the Matron quirks an eyebrow in what I think is honest surprise. ¡°You say you hate Emarial, but you¡¯re spending quite a bit of time and energy on trying to help her.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but notice Zigdara sort of¡­ turn a bit at those words. Eyes meet mine in a flicker of¡­ well¡­ question if not agreement.


    I sigh and let even more of my tired annoyance show as I reach up to rub at the bridge of my nose. ¡°I do not get why this is so hard for everyone to understand. Just because she is a horrid cunt doesn¡¯t mean she¡¯s not also a victim. And quite honestly you, of all people, should know just how much this life has cracked at her mind and soul. Worn and torn away at her like the ocean''s waters at the sandstone of the Dune Wall.¡±


    The Matron regards me for a long moment, and when I look up she seems to like¡­ be considering something. Quiet and lost in a thought that drops her easy confidence into a nearly blank expression.


    ¡°Quite right.¡± She murmurs, then slowly looks back up to Zigdara. ¡°And that reminds me¡­ How goes your search for Lyttoral¡¯s missing male?¡±


    Oh¡­


    It¡¯s hard for me to worry about the cracks that must form in my own mask as I try to quickly recover composure, because Zigdara stiffens in such a loud and obvious way. Almost... almost seems to lean just a little bit more between me and the Matron...


    ¡°It is not something I will discuss with you.¡± She offers as she regains her anger.


    ¡°That makes sense, what with your current companion having easy access to the Fertility Wing and nearly boundless authority to aid in the search. My promises are so much useless Gemwaste now.¡± She tip-taps her lower lip as an expression of open considerations crosses her face and eyes dance amidst yellow hues. ¡°But¡­ She only rose to that recently. And yet¡­ you¡¯ve refused to leave her side but for scant moments. So, I¡¯m curious as to your sudden protectiveness of this one, duenna of Lyttoral.¡±


    Regaining my mask I sigh in the most tired and condescending way possible. ¡°What are you on about, Matron? There are so many more important questions than a duenna¡¯s passing fancy for some girl she came to the defense of.¡±


    Veletross grins, eyes flickering up to the face of my duenna. ¡°Is that what this is? A passing fancy that means more to you than seeking such a treasured soul stolen from your temple?¡±


    Zigdara fights so hard to keep her face straight and composed but¡­ her training is in protection. Not politics or lying. Neither is mine. But¡­


    ¡°I wonder what she¡¯s promised you.¡± The Matron purrs. ¡°What interesting deals were¨C¡±


    But Yrelia taught me well how to twist a good performance from the barest truth.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you.¡± I interrupt.


    My duenna jerks to look down at me while the Matron¡¯s eyes widen.


    ¡°Ina you¨C¡±


    ¡°Zigdara.¡± I cut her off. ¡°I need you to wait in the hallway.¡±


    The Matron tilts her head so curiously to regard me.


    ¡°I want to make a deal with you, Matron of Rell.¡± I offer in my most confident and resolute tone. ¡°Information for information. Truths that could hurt me, for the truth about Emarial¡¯s shards and Sun Spoken lore.¡±


    She quirks an eyebrow. ¡°And why would you do that? Why not wait for our poor Sun Spoken to wake up and tell you herself?¡±


    ¡°Lots of reasons. But mostly because you are old and too cunning by half.¡± I quirk such a polite smile to her. ¡°And you, more than the others at the Conclave yesterday, seemed to not balk when the winds of change started rising. I¡¯d like to keep you neutral in future conflicts I know some of the others are planning. Or better yet, have your aid in mitigating the harm of their stupidity.¡±


    ¡°Oh? And how would this little deal establish that?¡± She muses with her own smile that I know means I¡¯ve already flattered her.


    Only need to sing this final little melody and she¡¯ll all but fall into this.


    ¡°You also know that Arudia is right fucked if they continue to push me away.¡± I shrug, feeling so easily Zigdara¡¯s eyes boring into me in such worry. ¡°And being so close you¡¯ll have ample opportunity to take advantage. Whereas if you set yourself up as my enemy, especially as now you¡¯ve all elected me as your High duenna, you won¡¯t get that chance.¡±


    She laughs then, emitting an almost youthful unnerving giggle that sets the little hairs on my arms and neck to rising. ¡°Well spoken, I would believe those rings you wore real had it not become so apparent the reason for your deception. I accept these terms, Sun Spoken Inamatorii.¡±


    I nod and turn to Zigdara. ¡°Leave.¡±


    ¡°Ina. This isn¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Do you trust me?¡± I demand, voice cold and wrapped in my most cruel Hetaera performance now.


    ¡°I¡­ Yes.¡± She hesitantly offers after only a moment. ¡°I do.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Good. Then wait outside with the Arudian duenna.¡±


    Zigdara just¡­ stares down at me for a good few seconds. Trying so hard to change my mind and get answers and like¡­ probably other things.


    So I use more truth to deepen my performance for the Matron. Reach up to gently cup Zigdara¡¯s cheek. ¡°My duenna, I mean to keep my promises, and telling her this won¡¯t change the Paths I mean to walk with you.¡±


    She sputters at that, filled with both confusion and worry and¡­ and a flustering at my soft words.


    ¡°Go. Make sure no one else comes in until we¡¯re finished here.¡±


    Giving her the role she so easily falls into. One of stoic and active defenders. That¡¯s what makes her agree more than anything else, I think. My need for her to protect my secrets from others who might wander in to hear them.


    So with a face relaxing to a quiet but still worried focus, my duenna turns to leave me with the Matron of the House of Rell and the still sleeping Sun Spoken.


    When she¡¯s gone, I turn to shift my mask to one of such weariness that draws so well from exhaustion of the past days and weeks and month.


    ¡°You first then?¡± The Matron purrs, leaning back to sit on the edge of Emarial¡¯s bed.


    I shrug. ¡°Sure. Why not? You¡¯d not like your new High duenna as an enemy, or your reputation smeared due to a lack of keeping a promise given.¡±


    She tilts her head in acceptance and silent acknowledgment of my words. So I take a deep breath, and tell her the truth.


    ¡°I killed the one Zigdara¡¯s been searching for when the Weaver claimed me.¡±

 Chapter 88: When Lies Drown in Truth Part 2

    <u>CW</u>:


    Rahdian POV!!! um.... I think we''re clear here? Woops!?!


    And then Kikii just¡­ pulls it down. Casually and without ceremony unfurls the scarf off my face. Instinctively I freeze up, muscles and body suddenly so stiff as a rush of fear twists and sours in my stomach while furious jolts of energy cascade through my muscles.


    But after she folds it over her arm and eyes roll over my skin and roughly shoulder length hair, she pauses. And a little blooming of run warms her cheeks. ¡°Oh¡­ I¡­ Hi.¡±


    I don¡¯t know what to do. She¡­ the girl just went from jabbering about the food she wanted to bring to the quiet little backrow log she pulled me to sitting on to like¡­ ¡®helping me¡¯ pull off my hood and scarf. Not like¡­ like I mean to loosen this all so I could eat and my face is clean but¡­


    Now she¡¯s seen me. I was hoping to keep whomever I found busy thinking about other things and like¡­ only giving them a view of a shrouded face! Not¡­ not this clean and perfect view of my fucked up and ugly still scarred mess of¨C


    ¡°Sorry I just¡­ that was rude of me.¡± She quickly blubbers. ¡°You just¡­ It looked tangled and it can get really hot even this close to the flame and¡­¡±


    Oh.


    She¡­ I mean¡­


    I guess the Storm was right. I really do look different with the healing magic they¡¯ve taught me. Glancing into blurry frozen water and gemstones probably didn¡¯t give me a great view of the changes their magic has gifted.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. You¡¯re¡­ It¡¯s okay.¡± I say with such an obviously relieved sigh. ¡°Just¡­ Not used to other¡¯s helping me take off my clothes.¡±


    And her blush deepens, but¡­ a smile quickly joins to give her such a pretty look. ¡°Oh? Well I¡¯d be more than happy to help you remove other layers you find¡­ like¡­. Fuck.¡± And then she¡¯s laughing. A rolling giggling punctuated with a few snorts.


    I quirk a bemused eyebrow, a smirk cracking through the remaining throws of fear.


    She waves a hand and lays the scarf across the top of the little back I¡¯d laid by my feet, titters of mirth still rippling through her.. ¡°Fuck. Sorry. Couldn¡¯t keep a straight face. That was just¡­ really silly. Sorry.¡±


    A pulse of worry flitters through me. ¡°I¡­ Huh?¡±


    ¡°Tried to act like one of my moms when she flirts.¡± Kikii snickers. ¡°She¡¯s REALLY such a¡­ I dunno. Not that I wouldn¡¯t like¡­ I mean, wow hi hallo you''re really attractive so, of course, But trying to be like her right now is silly.¡±


    My heart skips a few beats as the cold deepens a bit. ¡°I¡­ I mean you had me kinda enthralled there anyway. I can see why she¡¯s like that.¡±


    ¡°That mom tends to enjoy finding Passing Flames, so¡­¡± She shrugs casually. ¡°But I¡¯m not sure I¡¯m that¡­ I dunno. I¡¯m still figuring myself out.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but feel a strange hollow thrum just above my heart. Something that has nothing to do with the cold. ¡°Ye.. yeah. I understand that. The strange place between what you were and what you''re considering becoming.¡±


    ¡°Exactly! Fuck. I¡­ it¡¯s been hard to roll together the words for that feeling!¡± She plops down on the spot next to me. ¡°So¡­ like, what are you trying to become, Rahdian?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I rub the back of my neck and glance down at our feet. Compare her small, almost dainty, feet to my big clubbed things. ¡°Not sure, honestly. Mostly just¡­ I¡¯m still waiting for things to change before really deciding all that.¡±


    Let my body finish melting into the form the Storm promised me would come. Waiting and watching with a strange mix of worry and joy and¡­ and such horrid desires to just¡­ just rip the parts I hate away!


    Would rather be a bloody mess than wrong in my own flesh.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ This blizzard and the gemstone fuckery sucks. Kinda like¡­ has made trading and planning such a mess.¡± She sighs.


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    I can¡¯t help but huff with her as I consider how that could have led her into asking more pointed and awkward questions if I¡¯d been less careful.


    ¡°But that¡¯s only recent nonsense. Just¡­ kinda delays me deciding what I want to do with myself.¡± She waves a hand. ¡°Picking out what I want to do with the next steps of my life.¡±


    Oh if that doesn¡¯t just¡­ cause such a harmony to her words to flitter through my stomach.


    ¡°What were you thinking of doing or¡­ or changing?¡±


    Kikii looks down to fibble her fingers in winding patterns. ¡°So¡­ like¡­ My moms will always adore the idea of me just¡­ staying in our little traveling party. Continuing to trade and like¡­ just keep walking the Paths with them.¡±


    I¡­ I could take her hand. Should take her hand. But¡­


    ¡°But¡­ that¡¯s not something you want?¡± I murmur.


    She shakes her head. ¡°I¡­ It¡¯s the safe option. Comfortable. But like¡­ option two is to strike out with some other girls we¡¯ve been traveling with recently and do our own thing. Walk different Paths and go to new places. Trading will easily handle any expenses and our mothers have already like¡­ set aside a bundle of goods for us to use if we want. And we¡¯d meet back up with everyone in like almost a year. But¡­ I mean they¡¯re wonderful, just¡­ not sure I could stand an entire year traveling around with just them.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but turn a bit to hide a grimace as Yundre and Pips¡¯ faces wash into my mind¡¯s eye. Memories of¡­ of all the things they showed me along the Paths. How each had embraced my oddity and¡­ and loved me even. I think.


    At least up until the end.


    ¡°That¡­ yeah. You don¡¯t really get to know people until you walk a thousand footsteps alone with them.¡± A pause, and then I repeat the Storm¡¯s words without considering them as I feel the cold ache crack a bit. ¡°And¡­ You should Never make someone else the requirement for your own happiness.¡±


    She turns to give me such an odd look. A thing that roils with¡­ with such something that forces me to look away.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± I huff and reach up to rub absently at my chest bone and unwarmable cold beneath. ¡°That was cruel and stupid of me to say. Just¡­ I¡­¡±


    I trail off. But after only a beat, Kikii¡¯s hand finds mine. ¡°I want to give you such a big hug, Rahdian.¡±


    ¡°Wh¨C what?¡± I stammer and turn back to see her face painted with such compassion.


    ¡°There is so much to unpack there.¡± She squeezes my hand a little tighter. ¡°But¡­ like¡­ It¡¯s not my place and I don¡¯t want to push you but¡­ Fuck. I think you could use that. At least?¡±


    I¡¯m frozen stiff. She¡­ I mean¡­ yeah they¡­ they¡¯re not a great source of like¡­ relationship advice but¡­ I¡­ They could be onto something. Right? I mean everyone else has kinda fucked me over, and the more I relied on them the more it fucking hurt.


    That stupid cold ache bitterly quivers and bites and gnaws and¨C


    But¡­ Being alone also hurts so fucking much.


    I can barely give a nod, and the hug she wraps me in is¡­ It¡¯s wonderful. Warm and tight and¡­ but soft and careful. Not wanting to over squeeze but also balanced with confidence.


    Bubbling¡­ bubbling¡­ Amwella flares and presses so close yet so far away. I long to just¡­ let mine spark and reach to jolt at hers with the question but¡­ but I¡­ I don¡¯t want to¡­


    ¡°Oh!¡± Comes such a rich and warm voice. ¡°So she did accept our invitation!¡±


    We pull back but¡­ Kikii remains close with such warm fingers still wrapped with mine.


    ¡°Almost missed her, but¡­ Yup! She did! ¡± Kikii replies with a smile, then turns back to me. ¡°Mom, this is Rahdian. Rahdian, this is one of my mums!¡±


    She¡¯s roughly Kikii¡¯s build and weight, but where her daughter is still lean with the fire of youth the mother is set with the comfortable weight of a well nourished woman. Long braided pale hair with many little trinkets and eyes that glimmer greenish with a little gold. Skin dark and laden with little weaving designs and glittering sparkles.


    And in her hands is a tray laden with steam loaves of bread hollowed out and filled with the promised warm stew.


    ¡°Wonderful to meet you.¡± She smiles warmly and approaches. ¡°I¡¯d stay and chat but I¡¯ve got to deliver these before the cold sets in them.¡±


    We both thank her, and the first bites send such a rush of warmth through me. The flavor, despite being really savory and rich, barely matters as a bit of the cold in me lessens. Leaving only that horrid ache at my core behind as we drain our mugs and settle to nibble on the remains of the bread.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I murmur. ¡°For¡­ or sharing this with me and¡­ and before. The hug was really nice.¡±


    She leans over and bumps shoulders with me. Doesn¡¯t pull away. Just¡­ leans her head into me. ¡°You¡¯re very and much welcome.¡±


    A longer silence stretches between us.


    ¡°You¡­ um¡­ So what are the other options?¡± I finally ask.


    ¡°Huh?¡± She hums without moving.


    ¡°For your future, that you were considering?¡± I explain, ¡°Before I um¡­ kinda fumbled the conversation?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Right.¡± Kikii murmurs and sits up, turns to give me a smile. ¡°The other option is right here, at the Academy. One of my moms has a passing flame here that is¡­ kinda like a spare mother to my sisters and me. She¡¯s willing to apprentice me to her shop and teach me Gemcraft. Even help me study for the exams if I decide I want to try and get into the Academy itself!¡±


    Through her fingertips, and radiating from her eyes I feel such a glimmer at these words.


    ¡°That¡¯s the one you want the most, isn¡¯t it?¡± I murmur.


    She blushes and huffs, looks away. ¡°I¡­ Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Then why consider the other options?¡±


    She shrugs and sort of sways back and forth bodily in thinking motions, and I return the finger squeezes she¡¯s been gifting me.


    ¡°Well¡­ practically speaking. The gemstone changes that the Sun Spoken caused kinda sent everything into a tizzy. The crystals don¡¯t always work and¡­ and only really the dust is reliable now.¡±


    I don¡¯t need to hide my wince. Even if this isn¡¯t my fault I¡­ I hate that someone like me might have fucked things over for this kind girl.


    ¡°But¡­ honestly.¡± Kikii waves a hand, not even seeing my face as she looks off into the Star-ridden sky. ¡°I¡¯m just not sure I¡¯d like to be away from my family for two years. I only really know this spare mom and¡­ and she¡¯s warned me that I might struggle to find friends here. That being a silly trader from the Paths will make a ton of women not want to treat me well.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but look around this expansive camp. See the bumbles and clusters of women chatting and giggling and just¡­ existing together in such happiness. Feel such a ping of jealousy as I remember the people I left behind in my old life. Even amidst the bad memories I¡­ I still miss them. My fellow Temple children and¡­ and my own type of mother.


    My Sangoma.


    ¡°That¡­ Yeah. I know very little about this place but¡­ yeah. Giving up family and close companions is¡­ it could be the wrong choice. Being alone in pursuit of your dreams can be a really hard Path to walk.¡±


    She smiles then, and takes such a deep and steadying breath. ¡°Mhm. But¡­ If I can do it. Even just learning the things my spare mom can teach me, I¡¯ll be able to do basically whatever I want. Can walk the Paths just¡­ selling Gemstone nonsense if I want. Will make more than enough coin to support myself and even my moms a bit when times are lean.¡±


    The passion and dedication that flares in her is¡­ it¡¯s smoldering. So hard to ignore.


    ¡°But that doesn¡¯t matter.¡± She giggles. ¡°I¡¯ve always like¡­ I dunno. Arudia and her Gemstones are fascinating. All the possibilities and discoverings and¡­ and even this blizzard feels like¡­ I mean sure it¡¯s scary as fuck but¡­ I dunno. I FEEL like it¡¯s important. Kinda like the pains a mother feels while giving birth. A sign that things may hurt now but¡­ it¡¯ll all be for the better.¡±


    I¡¯m about to agree with her, enthralled by her passion and furiously spot-on reading of the thrumming I feel in the ocean that surrounds us all. But then I spot the group of armed women entering the camp and moving to speak with Kikii¡¯s mother.


    Academy duenna.

 Chapter 89: When Lies Drown in Truth Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Panic attacks. Talk of melted murder and mutalation. sexism. mhmhm


    The Matron raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remains silent for a good minute. Only speaking when I don¡¯t say more.


    ¡°Well¡­ go on.¡± She motions with a hand, face a blank mask as her eyes dull to bare cinders of flitting color. ¡°Elaborate. I¡¯ll not give¨C¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I hiss and move to sit in this little room¡¯s desk chair. ¡°Just¡­ considering how best to shorten this. I don¡¯t have all night to exchange information.¡±


    She nods, and goes quiet.


    Keep it simple. Give things drowning in truths and only obfuscate the key detail. Everything else given can just be layers and layers to hide my real past.


    ¡°I guess there isn¡¯t much to tell. Honestly.¡± I huff performatively as I feel the words gather within me. ¡°There was a book, a journal of sorts. It held a shard of Her. I was¡­ well I guess you could say that I was the child to an important woman of the temple. It reached out and I was claimed. When I awoke the¡­ the breeding m¨C¡±


    Pain. I expected it, and know that the horrid revulsion can play so well into what I need here.


    I gag and even feel sick rise to my mouth. Barely avoid vomiting all over the Matron¡¯s too perfect boots. Even so it takes a few seconds for me to recover, and when I look up it¡¯s to see that Veletross has moved to the little bedside table. Is pouring a glass of water before turning to approach and offer it to me.


    I hesitate and wipe any nonsense that might be on my lips, then take the drink with a murmured. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    She only nods and moves back to her previous position on the bed. Asks after I¡¯ve taken a small sip. ¡°And the Temple¡¯s duenna and Sangoma? How did they react to this?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°Confused, mostly. There was nothing left but a little¡­ like¡­ foul smelling ash. I ran when I got the chance.¡±


    The Matron looks back to the sleeping Sun Spoken¡¯s still form. ¡°How long has Emarial known?¡±


    I set the drink aside. ¡°The morning after she interrupted our second meeting. I told both her and Zigdara.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ ah.¡± The Matron sighs. ¡°You duenna wants you to return to the Temple with her. Not¡­ Hm. Not for justice. But closure, most likely. They have no idea their male is dead. Think him instead stolen away and you an oddity who needs to explain her hastened escape.¡±


    I nod.


    The Matron tip-taps her new shimmering red arm¡¯s probably razor sharp talons on her hip, considering. ¡°This¡­ Is quite the alluring lie, High Duenna.¡±


    I stiffen. Cold fear jolting down my spine as my Hetaera mask splinters. ¡°Wh¨C what!?! I¡­ I¡¯m not¨C¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± She interrupts, glimmering cerulean-jade eyes alighting to hold me still. ¡°If this is the lie you choose to tell, I¡¯m enthralled to discover the truth.


    I purse my lips and glare openly. ¡°You accuse me of deception? Of¡­ of admitting to¡­ to murdering Lyttoral¡¯s most treasured to hide¡­ what? Some deeper and more sinister act?¡±


    She smirks and holds up her good talon in placation. ¡°Girl, when you live as long as I have, the lies of the young are as clear as the cracked moon above.


    ¡°You mean to use this nonsense as an excuse to withhold the information promised?¡± I growl.


    ¡°Not at all.¡± She shrugs, ¡°But let this be a lesson to you, Sun Spoken. A lie can be more revealing than the truth. You¡¯ve given an old woman such a puzzle that she¡¯d not had for decades.¡±


    I bristle at her words and glare harder.


    She laughs and sighs. ¡°Don¡¯t be so furious at me. Were we enemies proper I wouldn¡¯t have said a word. Would keep this secret as a knife to draw and gut you with at a later date.¡±


    I flinch at her illustration of how she might hurt me. But that only seems to make her smile further.


    ¡°But¡­ now it¡¯s my turn to give you truths smothered with little deceptions.¡± She purrs. ¡°Such perfect tests and lessons for one so young suddenly drowning in more power and responsibility than she may not be ready to bear.¡±


    ¡°Why not just¡­ stop being horrid and help me?¡± I hiss. ¡°You know I¡¯m honest with my intentions.¡±


    She waves a hand dismissively. ¡°Just as many of the Sun Spoken we killed once were, before they slaughtered every male in a small port city''s breeding temple.¡±


    My anger drains from me like a freshly torn wound, causing me to jolt to a halt. ¡°What? There were more than the two places for breeding? And¡­ Why have I never heard of this happening? The stories I was told of the Sun Spoken were nothing but tales of heroes and radiant women battling dark monsters.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°It was easier to simply consolidate all breeding males to larger and more well-guarded locations. And Spreading word that the Sun Spoken of old were moving to slaughter the few fertile males the lands have left would cause such a panic. And¡­ despite their actions, Emarial and her elders did not wish to see their memories tarnished. Would rather see their order fade into only silly myths and distant memories.¡±


    ¡°Because she knew that they were broken by Her.¡± I whisper. ¡°Hurt and pushed into doing as the shards demanded.¡±


    ¡°Just so.¡± The Matron nods. ¡°And their dark plans didn¡¯t stop there. They also¡­¡± The sudden silence startles me, and I look up to see such a look of disgust and anger on the Matron¡¯s face.


    ¡°What?¡± I press. ¡°What else?¡±


    She sighs. ¡°They did kill them. Every single one they got their mad hands on. But¡­ Not immediately. A few were drug back to some ancient manor at the edge of the Weaver¡¯s wood. Tormented and¡­ and horribly mutilated in some dark experiment.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Why?¡±


    The Matron shrugs. ¡°That, I think, will be a question for our dear slumbering Sun Spoken when she rouses.¡±


    I glare. ¡°You mean to withhold this from me?¡±


    ¡°Not at all. I have my suspicions on what Emarial found there.¡± She looks back to give the big lady such an odd look. ¡°But¡­ she told no one anything beyond what I just shared. Not even her elders before using her newfound Wellspring to gouge that place to naught but cinders and ash before closing the gateway.¡±


    Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Is all I can huff as I bring fingers up to rub at the bridge of my nose. ¡°And¡­ Emarial said that she couldn¡¯t find any other Sun Spoken along the Paths. Was that a lie? Or¡­ Did she tell you something else?¡±


    Tell you that she killed them?


    The Matron looks back to me with a raised eyebrow. ¡°She mentioned nothing of them. However, I¡¯m aware of a silent pact to remain separate and only engage with Emarial when she returns to ensure no others have fallen into their shard¡¯s enthrall. A total dissipation of their old order while silently informing a few key leaders to watch for signs of their kind moving in worrisome ways.¡±


    ¡°And¡­¡± I drum fingers on the desk I lean against. ¡°Do you know what happened to Her? The Weaver, I mean. Why she hates them?¡±


    ¡°Should I?¡± The Matron¡¯s eyes narrow a bit. ¡°She is mad. Any reason She had is but shit covered slush at this point.¡±


    I shake my head, almost pushed to a mirthless huffing laugh at her sudden crassness. ¡°No. She¡­ I saw¡­¡±


    ¡°Inaaaa¡­¡± The matron murmurs so softly and cruelly I can¡¯t help but stiffen. ¡°Whatever She shows you is nothing but Gemwaste. What possible salient reason could such a powerful Goddess have for hunting fertile males? Our species only births a few, to seek their total extermination is¡­ well it''s beyond malicious. Seems what She truly wishes is a slow and hollow end to us all.¡±


    But Aceso''s words roll through my mind in contradiction to this old cruel woman¡¯s words¡­


    ¡°An endless curse,¡± She waves a hand out at the waters as they reach my armpits. ¡°As endless as this sea. I could not kill them all, but I could make fucking sure they would choke on my power. For when a monster or parasite feels the spark of MY Amwella, It will forevermore corrode their body and mind. Ensuring no one will see such a thing as naught but what they are.¡±


    ¡°She¡­ Was it always like that?¡± I can¡¯t help but murmur aloud.


    Veletross tilts her head. ¡°Always like what?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll keep My final promise. I will see all his beloved little monsters either dead or writhing in torment! None he would call his heirs will survive in the world I wrenched back from his Blight!!!¡±


    ¡°Nothing.¡± I shake my head. ¡°You¡¯re right. I do want to help Her but¡­ I feel the wounds getting in the way of that. It¡¯s easy to see how she has to think around them to even converse with me at times. I¡¯ll need to compare what She¡¯s told me to what Emarial knows. ¡±


    The Matron nods slowly. ¡°A wise plan.¡±


    A dozen or so heartbeats pass as I pull myself back from what could be a long silent effort to piece everything together. ¡°Thank you for your time, Matron Veletross of Rell. That will be all for tonight, I think.¡±


    She''s suddenly studying me very intently. ¡°Of course, High duenna Inamatorii. Call upon me at any hour should you find yourself in need of my advice or¡­ services.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but snort and roll my eyes, uncaring suddenly at such a horrid shattering of my Hetaera mask. ¡°I doubt I¡¯ll require either, but¡­ your words hold to the spirit of our agreement.¡±


    She smirks, and exits while speaking in perfectly clear and almost songlike Arudian. ¡°Remain sharp and aware of the wind¡¯s howling as this storm fast approaches.¡±


    After I hear the distinctive sound of the front door closing, I take such a deep and steadying breath while moving to slump into the chair she was using. Can¡¯t help but just¡­ focus on taking deep and steadying gulps of air.


    Don¡¯t even notice my duenna kneeling before me before she reaches out to touch my fingers and whispers softly. ¡°Ina?¡±


    I flinch, but quickly snatch up her offered hand before she pulls back in worry. ¡°Zigdara I¡­ fuck. I¡¯m sorry. I just¡­ I needed to know. Needed to¡­ to make sure she wouldn¡¯t like¡­ but¡­¡±


    ¡°What happened?¡± Zigdara moves a touch closer, tilts her head to get a better view of my face. ¡°What did you tell her?¡±


    I huff and choke down an unexpected sob. ¡°I told her I¡­ I killed the person you¡¯re looking for when I was claimed. That it was an accident. But¡­ but she said she knows I was lying but¡­ but says it all as a fun fucking puzzle and¡­ and I¡­ I don¡¯t know if this was worth it. If what she told me was worth exposing myself to her attentions!¡±


    Zigdara nods, squeezes my hands. ¡°No, You¡­ You handled it well. She was already interested in you. Regardless of what you learned, I think the information you gained was worth more than what you gave her.¡±


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have sent you away.¡± I¡¯m almost shouting now. Not¡­ I¡¯m not angry. Just¡­ fuck it¡¯s getting hard to breath. ¡°I¡¯m sorry that¡­ that was stupid and reckless and¡­ and fuck. She could have killed me there, couldn¡¯t she?¡±


    ¡°I would have preferred to be at your side when around her but¡­ I saw no gain, motive, or signs of her attacking you again. Else I would have remained.¡± She murmurs softly. ¡°Regardless of your wishes.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. But¡­ but now she¡­ she¡¯s going to be actively trying to figure out my past!¡± Breath turns shallow. Getting harder and harder to pull in with each moment. ¡°Trying to¡­ to see the old me. The person I never was but¡­ but was promised to help give the land more children but¡­ but abandoned and¡­ and¡­¡±


    ¡°Deep breaths, Inamatorii.¡± Zigdara insists.


    Like a crack of thunder my name snaps me back a bit. Helps me focus on the swell of terror I didn¡¯t realize was fast rising.


    ¡°I¡­ I also told her that I promised to go back someday.¡± I whisper, trying so hard to get this all out as fast as possible as my voice gets more and more strained. ¡°To¡­ to help give¡­ give people closure.¡±


    I expect Zigdara to stiffen. To¡­ to say¡­


    ¡°Only if you wish it,¡± Are the impossible words she offers me. ¡°No other reason.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­ but you¡­ you said¡­¡± I stammer through choking huffs of what I now realize to be a panic the likes I¡¯ve not felt since¡­ since a while! Why now!?! I¡¯ve faced the Weaver and The Matron and even this cunt of a Sun Spoken and never broken down like this!


    ¡°I was wrong. And I spoke without care.¡± She sighs and moves to settle and sit on the floor in front of me. Is so tall that her head still hovers well above my knees as she wraps big arms up mine. ¡°I never told you, but on that first night Yrelia came to me. Shared wisdom I did not earn. The words she spoke to you when you first told them about your past.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper, breath finally steadying a little.


    ¡°This is your life, you deserve to live it.¡± My duenna says without a hint of anything but determination.


    Some damn I¡¯d not realized I¡¯d been reinforcing with flawed assurances and worrying at what Zigdara wanted from me just¡­ cracks as I hear her speak Yrelia¡¯s words. Starts with a stream of tears before just¡­ dissolving me into a puddle. A weeping mess of half-whimpered thank yous to this woman from my past just¡­ accepting me. I can¡¯t help it. I fall apart. End up at some point sliding to the floor and into her big warm arms.


    It takes me a while, but¡­ eventually I settle. Very glad that there is probably very little in the lands that could rouse the still sleeping Sun Spoken in the room with us.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I murmur again while pulling away. Take a second to wipe the muck and snot and moisture from my face. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know why I fell apart there.¡±


    Zigdara only holds me close. ¡°When was the last time you cried like this? Or even partially like this?¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Don¡¯t remember. Months ago? I mean¡­ I fell apart when Emarial first threatened me but¡­ that was different. More fear and hopelessness than whatever this is.¡±


    ¡°Not even with your lovers?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°Been¡­ been too busy to stop and waste time with that. Whatever pain I¡¯m feeling doesn¡¯t matter as much as¡­ as all this nonsense that I need to fix!¡±


    She sighs. ¡°You¡¯ve been trying to shoulder many weights, Ina. It¡¯s important to find times for the stress and fears to escape, otherwise¡­ They might erupt at bad times or in worse ways.¡±


    I nod slowly, remembering so well just how¡­ how broken and tired Emarial always looked.


    ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± I murmur. ¡°Thank you, again. Seriously. This¡­ It¡­ I¡¯m thinking clearer now.¡±


    Her expression remains soft but¡­ goes a bit serious. ¡°And Ina?¡±


    ¡°Mhm?¡±


    ¡°Your pain does matter.¡± Zigdara says so firmly I can¡¯t help but go still and just¡­ stare.


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Your pain matters.¡± She repeats, emphasizing the words. ¡°You deserve to heal, and find peace. Never¡­ There are some burdens it is good that you wish to shoulder. Responsibilities only you can bear due to your nature as Sun Spoken. But the wounds of these lands and her people are not yours to mend.¡±


    I huff and slump. ¡°Yeah. Maybe. But¡­ I broke the Obelisks and¡­ and If I don¡¯t fix this a lot of people could get hurt.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°Certainly. But¡­ They are only your responsibility because you wish to help. Not because you are somehow obligated. The people who placed and maintained them are those who bear the weight of the blame.¡±


    I move to stand, thinking on her words. Take a second to wipe away any leftover nonsense and do a big stretch while she rises. ¡°I¡­ get what you¡¯re saying. And it makes sense. I think?¡±


    ¡°Simply¡­ something I¡¯ve come to hold close.¡± Then her face turns to Emarial¡¯s sleeping form. ¡°A bit of advice from an old Sun Spoken. When we traveled the Paths it¡­ the disappearances of you and Hitorra weighed heavy on me. And she recognized my distress for what it was. Guilt. Shame for things I did not cause, and chose to try and correct.¡±


    I follow her gaze and let out a sigh. ¡°Did it help?¡±


    She chuckles. ¡°Probably only a little. I was still so angry and¡­ and weary. Sapped by the long road and growing chill of Arudia. The cold winds of these lands are not something I will be sad to forget.¡±


    A little giggle escapes my lips. Not because it was funny but¡­ because of how much I agree with her! The snow and chill was neat at first but¡­ no longer. I literally Dream of warmer places.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Zigdara murmurs, a sudden seriousness crossing her face. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t expect you to know anything about it but I¡¯d like to ask. Just to settle my heart.¡±


    I turn back to her, take up one of her big warm hands in both of mine. ¡°Of course. Anything.¡±


    She takes such a deep breath then. ¡°Do you know anything about Hitorra? What might have happened to him?¡±


    Oh. The other¡­ the monster that went missing from the Lyttoral temple? About¡­ a year before I did?


    I shake my head. ¡°No. Nothing. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ve¡­ we were never really close. Not since we were little and enjoyed the beach together. Played pretend at¡­¡±


    At being Sun Spoken. Then I do laugh, and it hurts. Even brings tears to my eyes.


    ¡°Oh¡­ oh fuck. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± I stammer. ¡°You never found out what happened and¡­ and you only found me by chance.¡±


    Zigdara clasps my hand in hers. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Ina.¡±


    Deep breath, and wipe away at the new tears. ¡°Fuck. I wish I could¡­ I dunno. Find out what happened.¡±


    She sighs and pats my hands. ¡°Thank you. But as with me that burden is not a thing we are obligated to shoulder. I did my duty and the failure was not due to my own faults.¡±


    I nod. ¡°It wasn¡¯t. Really. It was so sudden. You searched for as long as you could.¡±


    Zigdara nods, and I can just make out what I hope to be real acceptance of our words. ¡°I just¡­ finding you makes me hope he¡¯s at least safe. Maybe¡­ maybe even happy. In his final days at the temple there was a worry over his health.¡±


    I quirk my head. ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°He was filled with melancholy and¡­ worse. Started spending his resting days just¡­ watching the sea. Stopped interacting with others unless asked to. Seemed¡­ I¡¯m not sure.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I wasn¡¯t very good at paying attention to the others. Were you two close?¡±


    ¡°Not specifically. The duenna rotated between charges, and I¡¯d only just moved out of managing him and another three¡¯s safety. Volunteered to lead the hunt since my current group only had two charges.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yeah. I noticed that. Didn¡¯t think much about it. But¡­ heard that some at the temple grew close to duenna or other caretakers. I didn¡¯t for¡­ obvious reasons. Except with um¡­ well it wasn¡¯t really something I enjoyed. It¡¯s hard to want physical intimacy when you can¡¯t stand your own body.¡±


    She winces. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    With a shrug I turn to hide my obvious discomfort. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ behind me. I just hope that no others suffer from that. The¡­ what did Jevita and Kque call it?¡±


    ¡°Dysphoria.¡± Zigdara steps up to follow as I move to leave. ¡°And¡­ while this land is strange and filled with its own troubles, I¡¯ll always appreciate its understanding in this. Their explanations truly broke what could have been weeks of stubbornness in me. Brought and reinforced by ignorance and misunderstanding the pain you endured.¡±


    I take up her hand again at that, can barely murmur and soft. ¡°Thanks¡± without stirring up even more sensitive emotions as we head back to the manor.

 Chapter 90: Strangers and Sixth Lovers Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Misgendering self as self-harm in the first line. Sex and panic and Rahdian POV and talk of a past at the breeding temple and coercive nature toward the males kept there. Dysphoria and difficulty with sex due to it.


    Stupid stupid STUPID BOY!


    The memory of the storm prickles and hisses at the lie I use to punish myself. But¡­ I¡¯m beyond it right now. Far past worrying about my Dream companions'' opinions of how I hurt myself when I act like such a fool.


    ¡°Rahdian.¡± Kikii nudges me.


    Should have known they would check here! Now you risk not only them finding you and discovering what you are but ALSO blaming all these wonderful women who¡¯ve¨C


    A jerk, a pull, and the girl is tugging me gently to stand.


    ¡°C¡¯mon.¡± She murmurs softly but with urgency. ¡°Let¡¯s go to my tent.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ But¨C¡±


    ¡°My moms will handle them.¡± She smiles with enough confidence to make me move without thought.


    H¨C handle them? What? What does she mean!?! Does¡­ are there other women trying to hide from the duenna here?


    Kikii leads me through the bumbling campsite while my mind races in anxiety and fear and such paralyzing confusion. If I were smarter I¡¯d have run the moment I saw the duenna but¡­


    Her tent is a small thing more than big enough for two as she pulls me to settle amidst the space that is her own. Dominated mostly by a comfy pile of cushions and a truck that also seems to serve as a sitting desk. She seals the tent¡¯s flap, and leaves us in darkness for a moment.


    Then there is a flicker-snap, and the little tent is lit up by a small Everflame lamp at the corner of the truck.


    ¡°There.¡± She huffs, then begins rummaging through a pile of nonsense to the side. ¡°Like¡­ Take a second. Honestly, more if you need them.¡±


    Then she¡¯s offering me one or two little drinking pouches.


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    ¡°Water and/or Glimmer Wine.¡± She informs me. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind my lips being on them.¡±


    That cracks something. The wave of panic slams against the shore and I can¡¯t help but let out such a choked sound. A noise between a chuckle and a pained sob.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Is all I can whisper.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be!¡± She smiles. ¡°This isn¡¯t the first time we¡¯ve had to help smuggle a girl out of a city she got in a bad way with. And the Academy¡¯s ¡®guardians¡¯¡± She says that word with such disdainful mirth. ¡°Are the worst.¡±


    I carefully take up the pouch I think to hold the Glimmer Wine, take a sip before replying. ¡°I noticed.¡±


    A long pause passes.


    ¡°So¡­ May I ask why you thought they were here looking for you?¡±


    I huff and the words just¡­ pour out of me. ¡°I need to speak with one of the Sun Spoken. It''s not about anything important to the city or Arudia, just¡­ personal things. I need her help. But they got really upset and wanted to drag me before the Doyans.¡±


    Kikii tilts her head. ¡°Really? Yuck. Yeah that¡­ huh. That¡¯s really gross of them. What you want to speak to her about is your business.¡±


    I take another sip, and let her easy acceptance and the little buzz that comes with the brew settle more parts of my mind.


    ¡°I only just barely slipped away but¡­ had to¡­ um¡­ well I don¡¯t think they¡¯d treat me well if I was found. They were made to look foolish with how I slipped away.¡±


    Kikii winces. ¡°Yeah¡­ A pride pricked duenna is such a dangerous thing.¡±


    ¡°They didn¡¯t see my face though, and I¡¯ve changed clothes since then but¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± She seems to relax quite a bit then. ¡°Then you should be fine! You¡¯re tall but¡­ fuck. My mums are gonna be happy to hear that come morning.¡±


    I freeze, and suddenly my entire purpose for striking out into the city from my little cold camp flares in my chest. The ache biting and nibbling in tune with all my worry.


    ¡°I¡­ oh. But¡­ I¡­¡±


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°You should still burrow down here till they¡¯re gone. But¡­¡± Kikii smirks, then points to the exit. ¡°I can leave if you¡¯d rather be alone.¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No I¡­ I really enjoy your company. Would love to¡­ um¡­ keep spending time with you.¡±


    Such a pretty bloom of pink touches her cheeks then, and that smile quirks her lips in such a neat way. ¡°Same! You¡¯re such an interesting person, Rahdian. I¡¯m still trying to figure you out.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m no one special, Kikii. Just¡­¡±


    Just what? Less than two years ago I was just¡­ some stupid sad boy who got sick of waiting for her next life to start. Now¡­ The lie is so easy to speak normally, but here? Now? With her staring up at me with such real interest and wander and¡­ and yeah. Fucking desire!?!


    That was something I honestly came to hate back in Lyttoral! I ended up preferring women who would just finish things quickly. But then¡­ the last women to see me this exposed once had that same look in their eyes.


    Kikii¡¯s giggle snaps me from the muck that begins to sour my thoughts.


    ¡°Just a tall mysterious girl seeking out a Sun Spoken while dodging the duenna.¡± She reaches out and pulls the Glimmer Wine pouch from my fingers. ¡°Very normal. I¡¯ve met dozens of people with the same story.¡±


    She takes a drink, and leans back to relax. ¡°Aaaaaaaaand who¡¯re just as fucking attractive as you. Like¡­ Yeah. Totally.¡±


    Such heat blossoms on my own cheeks at that. ¡°Wh¨C what?¡±


    She quirks an eyebrow.


    That¡­ no. She''s just being kind. I¡­ I¡¯m not¡­ I¡¯m just some ugly half girlthing. Not even two years into the changes the Storms¡¯ promised and helped me spin into myself. I¡¯ve only JUST started feeling and seeing and¡­ and¡­


    My thoughts crack a bit. Yundre and Pip were always kind but¡­ any Amwella dances were mostly just¡­ letting me do the work. I told them that my ¡®scars¡¯, the still shifting parts of my old horrid flesh, stopped me from enjoying sex well. So they never pushed me to do more than pleasure them.


    But then Pip asked for more and¡­ and I¡­ I didn¡¯t think¡­ and she saw so much of me and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°No. There is NO way you¡¯re that¡­ ¡± Kikii laughs and shakes her head, but then pauses. ¡°oh gosh you really don¡¯t believe me!?!¡±


    I sigh and look away. ¡°No.¡±


    She huffs and moves to sit up, offers me the Glimmer Wine. ¡°Well¡­ take it from a girl who¡¯s recently gotten to enjoy the company of some very pretty people, You¡¯re kinda unfairly hot. Like¡­ fuck. I¡¯m surprised no one has snatched you up.¡±


    Her words just¡­ just don¡¯t make sense!!! I can¡¯t even¡­


    ¡°Oh gosh.¡± She giggles after taking a sip and very obviously enjoying my floundering. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ Okay. Well, there you go then. From the lips of an expert, you are really REALLY pretty.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not really¡­¡±


    Possible?


    ¡°When was the last time you looked in a mirror?¡± She presses.


    I freeze. ¡°Um¡­ Almost¡­ seven months ago?¡±


    Then she¡¯s rustling through her belongings again, and before I can panic she¡¯s holding a disk against her chest. The dark of the back of a mirror facing outward while the reflective surface remains hidden.


    ¡°Can I show you?¡± She grins and is nearly bouncing in place.


    I don¡¯t have words for her¡­ or the fear that bubbles in my chest at what I might see. So I just nod, and with a flourish she turns the mirror around to show me¡­


    A stranger.


    The girl who looks back at me has glimmering pale gray eyes and a messy rumple of soft looking brownish blonde hair. Her jaw is defined but¡­ not anything I¡¯ve not seen on dozens of women with her frame. She¡¯s tall with wide shoulders and muscles, a body that many places would cherish in a duenna or guardian.


    Or a strong lover.


    The stranger''s face twists from a blank mask of worry to bear a hint of pain but¡­ there is a grin there. One that roils with disbelief and joy at the person she¡¯s looking at.


    ¡°She doesn¡¯t look like me.¡± The stranger whispers, and I can¡¯t help but get lost in the way her lips shape the words.


    ¡°Really? Why¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I had this idea in my head.¡± The stranger shifts a little, letting me carefully see her from different angles. ¡°Of this big ugly girlthing. Slowly¡­ slowly becoming less of a mess but better than...¡± I trail off before I make this mistake of saying more. Offer a simple, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Rahdian?¡± She whispers, and I look past the stranger in the mirror to see Kikii¡¯s face go sort of¡­ not blank but strange. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure I understand like¡­ the why, of this. But I¡­¡± She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes then re-opens them. ¡°You¡¯re welcome. And I¡­ I hope I didn¡¯t push you into something bad there. That seemed really intense for you.¡±


    I nod, then look back down to the stranger. ¡°Yeah¡­ But I needed this. Needed to see the girl I¡¯ve become. The person I should be kinder to.¡±


    Kikii¡¯s smile returns, but¡­ it¡¯s a soft thing. ¡°You really should. I think she¡¯s been through a lot and¡­ and is doing her best.¡±


    Such a long silence settles on us as I watch tears prickle at the edges of the strangers eyes.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­ hey Kikii?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Would you be interested in¡­ um¡­ I guess¡­¡± The stranger takes a breath, ¡°Can¡­ Can I share your tent and bed with you tonight?¡±


    ¡°I meeeeean¡­¡± She waves back and forth with such a playful smirk overtaking the old smile as her words shift to really pretty Arudian that I can only just understand. ¡°Is the snow cold? The sky full of stars?¡±


    Another pause, then I ask carefully. ¡°Y¨C yes?¡±


    She giggles, ¡°And honestly¡­ I¡¯d love to share more than just a few good snuggles, if you''re open to the idea.¡±


    The stranger swallows, and nods, then says with false confidence. ¡°I am. Yes.¡±


    Kikii leans forward then, quick at first, but¡­ slows just as her face hovers a whisper away.


    An offer.


    And the stranger that is me pushes aside the mirror, and accepts her.


    The kiss is¡­ wonderful. This girl¡¯s lips are soft and warm and drowning in the taste of Wine we¡¯ve shared. My hands easily wander up and cup her smooth cheeks as she sort of just¡­ pulls us to fall back into the blankets. Fingers wandering to push aside and begin unbuttoning coat and¡­ and¡­


    Can¡¯t let her see.


    With a little more force than I mean to, I take up her wrists and pull them back. Move both up and away as I trail a kiss down to her neck. Murmur softly. ¡°Is this okay?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. Perfect. Gosh.¡± She whispers and lets out in an excited huff. ¡°Okay. Yeah. I will not say no to any of this.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but feel such a wash of relief as I sink into this. Begin to feel her Amwella spark and thrash as my kisses weave across her skin. Drawing out little noises and sounds from her that just¡­ just make this all feel so right.


    I release her wrists so I can begin to remove her coat and such, and about halfway through feel her fingers move to run such wonderful patterns through my long hair. Can¡¯t stop a shiver and deep exhale of enjoyment from escaping my lungs.


    But my fingers keep moving, a little clumsily unhooking the last part and exposing her gorgeous chest to me. Then I¡¯m dragging lips and tongue and even a little bit of raking teeth down her to find a breast.


    Kikii¡¯s legs wriggle and move to squeeze a thigh of mine, letting out such a happy little moan of pleasure as I play at a nipple. Dancing tongue around and about before giving it a kiss followed by grazing teeth across it.


    Her fingers trail down and around my face, find my neck and shoulders and begin to slip beneath my coat. I almost freeze in worry, but then her hands brush over my soft chest and find one of my own still developing tits. Fiddle and play with it in a way that forces me to a pause.


    Fills me with such a yearning to¡­ to let her just¡­ but I can¡¯t. Letting her continue to explore my body will ruin everything!


    And so I keep moving. Designing a path of kisses down her belly and hips while my own hands touch at the hem of her pants. ¡°Is this still okay?¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± Is all she mumbles out happily as her legs squeeze at me again.


    And so I undo the simple knot at her belt-thing and pull it all away. Lift a thigh to place kisses on its soft and sensitive flesh while watching her. Drinking in the thrum and waves echoing from Kikii¡¯s Amwella.


    Her eyes find mine, and in them I see¡­ I¡¯m not sure. Something that makes my heart skip a beat. So, I turn down to move my affections to deeper places. Decide it''s better to ignore budding feelings and just¡­ deal with the cold ache.


    My lips find her second pair, and It¡¯s too easy to just¡­ sink into her. Dance tongue up and down their delicate and sensitive lengths to the motions of her hips and racing heartbeat. Licking and nibbling until nothing but sweet soulfire pours from her. Press deeper after the first buckling of hips and moans of delight.


    Amwella rises up, and like the waves amidst a great storm it rushes and slams into mine. Causing me to tremble as the cold aches form before cracks like so much ice at winter¡¯s end. The feeling of her soul pressing down into mine like two rivers meeting and mingling is¡­ intoxicating.


    I¡¯ve already taken more than I¡¯d ever drank from another. It won¡¯t hurt her to be so drained, thank the Storm, but¡­ If she was a constant companion it would mean I¡¯d need to wait before a future dance.


    Which she¡¯s not. So¡­ why not take whatever she can offer?


    I hesitate as I pull back. Look between this girl who so quickly and easily shared her soulflame with me and the tent¡¯s exit.


    I¡­ I mean the duenna are probably still about. And leaving now would risk bumping into them¡­


    So I move up to cradle Kikii¡¯s still panting and exhausted form in my arms. Settling into the warmth that now ripples and settles happily in my chest while my mind wanders into sleep.

 Chapter 91: Strangers and Sixth Lovers Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    SEX, talk of dysphoria and possibility of being unable change due to Cultivation changes. Dehumanization. Graphic depictions of consensual sex! BITING (but consensually and because peoples want to be bit and sex is sumething to sumtimes be done with your TEETH)!


    After spending about an hour of our walk home chiding myself for leaving my lovers to deal with the girls affected by the Maktaba, I¡¯m met with two surprises.


    The first one we saved is curled up between Letital, Votrel, and Lule. Recovering from sobs I¡¯m guessing the lack of eyes stops them from shedding. Letital pulls away from the huddle to step into the house to get more blankets as she thinks sleeping close to the big child will do such wonders for him.


    Him.


    That¡¯s the second surprise. This one is¡­ is an Arudian Male. Transgender, the opposite of me.


    Fuck! I hate how that twists my mind into such knots to know! Letital doesn¡¯t notice my wince of pain as the command flares up to bite. It¡­ it hurts a lot but¡­ feels a little less horrid. Am able to feel such a titter of joy that they got this monster to open up so quickly to them.


    She explains that he doesn¡¯t remember anything from before but¡­ due to the incomplete transition work and scars and¡­ and horrid bouts of hatred for certain parts and lack of parts he very quickly realized this.


    And¡­ It didn''t help with how horribly the family treated him. How they didn¡¯t just deny his desire to feel right in his own flesh, but¡­ but to even be a person!


    ¡°How can we help him?¡± I ask Letital. ¡°I remember Jevita explaining the laws of Stubborn Changes with Cultivation. Will the Maktaba things stop him from¡­¡±


    From continuing with any changes he might want?


    She sighs and shakes her head. ¡°We¡¯re pretty sure that¡¯ll apply to the eyes. But as for the rest¡­ I¡¯m not sure, and neither is he. His relationship with the Maktaba is¡­ not great. Not as bad as what Jevita described as hers but¡­ he''s been smothering himself for a long time. It¡¯ll depend on where all the gemstones were used. And he¡¯s too scared to try and delve into it right now. Worried he¡¯ll get overwhelmed again.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I huff. ¡°Thank you so much for like¡­ not just watching over him but¡­ but being this for him. I¡¯m not sure how we¡¯d have managed him if I¡¯d not have stumbled into you all!¡±


    She smiles but there is a serious look to it. ¡°What was your plan?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    Zigdara laughs tiredly as I trail off. ¡°Spread herself thin and tried to do everything. Then get overwhelmed within a few days.¡±


    But Kque¡¯s mother only laughs and pats my hand as I look away in a bit of embarrassment. ¡°You did the right thing. But¡­ Ina. Girl. Take some advice from an old healer. You can¡¯t save everyone. Sometimes¡­ sometimes you have to walk past a problem and prioritize.¡±


    I nod weakly. ¡°Yeah. That makes sense. But¡­ figuring out when and who is¡­¡±


    A pause, and she moves to catch my gaze when I trail off. ¡°Impossible. Of course. You¡¯re doing your best, and are clever for someone so young. Surrounding yourself with very capable lovers and family and even this impressive duenna. Already built a little community that glows with the same ideals and passions you do.¡±


    Zigdara tries to hide it, but I do catch the little blush on her cheeks. Which makes me less worried about my own.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I let myself smile and try and feel the compliment. ¡°I really am so glad to have you all here. You all inspire me and¡­ and, while I think I could have helped him, I¡¯m not sure I¡¯d have done it as cleanly. Sharing their same pain is a great foundation but¡­ their trauma is SO different still!¡±


    Zigdara stiffens a bit as Letital tilts her head in confusion. ¡°What do you mean by sharing their same pain?¡±


    Oh.


    Fuck.


    ¡°Ah¡­ I¡­ it¡¯s just¡­¡± I stammer, weariness and stupid dropping of my hetaera mask around her making me realize the mistake and scramble to recover.


    She quirks an eyebrow. ¡°Ina¡­ are¡­ Are you like him?¡±


    ¡°No!¡± I sputter, and now how easy she must read my lie. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ I mean¡­¡±


    She winces. ¡°It¡¯s okay. I¡­ I can imagine how being a Sun Spoken must make thinking it safe to come out hard and¡­ and see about getting any treatment must¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I interrupt as I smother down the images and flashes and ¡®need to avoid¡¯ words to stop any pain from the command. ¡°Fuck! I¡­ Fuck. Please keep this between us.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± She reaches out to touch my hand. ¡°But¡­ you deserve happiness. Even if it means you might lose the political power to help others.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but giggle at¡­ at how absurd this is! ¡°I can¡¯t believe this is happening all over again. Fuck!¡±


    She tilts her head in such confusion.


    ¡°Look, we¡¯re all tired and I need to check in on everyone before I tuck in. See if my songs are needed. But¡­ tell Kque I¡¯m okay with you knowing about my past when you two get a private moment together.¡± I offer her.


    She agrees, and I head off to find the others.


    Jevita and Kque have done enough for the second to let them all just¡­ slump into a deep snuggle of rest on the big bed in that room. So I leave them to it and go find Yrelia and Tasii. Discover them snuggled together so happily and very asleep on some couch. Must have¡­ have fallen into sleep after talking for quite a while. Hopefully about whatever had been upsetting Yrelia ever since Kque and Tasii¡¯s moms popped in.


    So I make sure there is a big warm blanket around them and move from the room.


    Zigdara is waiting, and quirks an eyebrow in silent question.


    ¡°Everyone seems good.¡± I sigh happily and whisper. ¡°Was so worried I¡¯d return to such a mess or¡­ or people hurt or worse.¡±


    ¡°You need rest.¡± She replies softly. ¡°Even only a few hours before the Conclave in the morning is good.¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°Think I¡¯m going to skip tomorrow. Give the Doyans this little gift of normalish and peaceful politicking after they helped me do this.¡±


    Zigdara nods. ¡°You should consider doing that more. You¡¯ve made your demands known, and can always insist on other changes afterwards.¡±


    I move to lean against a wall. ¡°Yeah. I¡­ I also think I need to focus more on this storm and¡­ and gemstone stuff. Sleep and Dream for another twelve hours after¡­¡±


    A long pause as stupid old nervous nonsense flitters up.


    They¡¯re all sleeping and¡­ and still a little spent after weeks of rotating me between their beds. Amwella on the brink of only giving me little sparks as their flames rekindle.


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    ¡°After what?¡± Zigdara asks, either very clueless or very good at hiding her understanding and opinions on the question I¡¯ve danced around these past weeks.


    Yrelia won¡¯t stop teasing me about this and¡­ and even Tasii is poking a bit. Starting to get worried that if I didn¡¯t just ask her then it might slip out at a bad time and¡­ fuck. There¡¯s so much about this that might make Zigdara uncomfortable!


    ¡°Um¡­ Zigdara.¡± I sigh and just¡­ get the words out in a whispered rush. ¡°I wanted to ask if you wanted to share more than just skinship with me. I¡­ not just to help me build my Amwella stores back up but¡­ but¡­¡±


    But because your strong and pretty and the smell of your skin after a busy day is stupidly interesting and¨C


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    I can¡¯t look up, just¡­ force out more words. ¡°If¡­ Zigdara. I know that back at the temple there wasn¡¯t a lot of love for duenna who got close to the charges there and¡­ and if this is too much like that I REALLY don¡¯t want you to feel obligated.¡±


    Zigdara wasn¡¯t just a duenna. She was one of THE duenna. Like¡­ like a councilwoman or¡­ or something! While I didn¡¯t pay much attention to the nonsense I¡­ I can see her not feeling okay with something like this!


    ¡°I didn¡¯t.¡± She murmurs softly. ¡°My position by your side now is one I chose, and¡­ It¡¯s very hard for me to even think of you as I did before.¡±


    I let out a bit of a relieved sigh. ¡°I mean¡­ I look and sound so different. Everything about me feels new and¡­ and like that person I was is barely even a part of me anymore.¡±


    Look up to see her staring down at me thoughtfully. ¡°The more time I spend with you the more I can see the little pieces of the girl from before but¡­ Now blossoming. Finally living the life you needed.¡±


    The Girl from before? Like¡­ like even in the past tense she understands that I was always¡­?


    After a pause I murmur. ¡°But¡­?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No contrary thoughts. I¡¯m simply¡­ considering this offer from all angles. Weighing how weary you are against my own desires.¡±


    That makes my brain kinda sputter out. ¡°Oh.¡±


    She smiles then, and gosh is it a wonderfully ferocious thing. ¡°Would you like to try this another time?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°Nope. Tonight is¡­ kinda perfect. We have our choice of bed and everyone¡¯s settled and¡­ and I¡¯m not going anywhere in the morning so¡­¡±


    ¡°So¡­¡± She steps a little closer and pulls my hand up to¡­ oh.


    She kisses it. So gently. My little dumb hand cradled easily in hers.


    ¡°May I lead you in this tonight, Sun Spoken Inamatorii?¡± She whispers. ¡°Help carry you and your burdens?¡±


    Can¡¯t look away, can¡¯t stop from biting my lip like an idiot. ¡°Um¡­ I mean. Yeah? I¡¯ll need to make sure to pleasure you to ge¨C¡±


    And then she literally, and way more deftly and smoothly than I can react to, sweeps me up into her arms.


    ¡°Wh¨C I¨C¡± I blubber, pulling everything close.


    ¡°Is this alright?¡± She seems to purr with a smirk.


    ¡°I¡­ I mean. Yeah? If I¡¯m not too heavy, that is.¡±


    That gets such a laugh from her. ¡°No, you¡¯re so much lighter than even your small frame hints at.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smother a little tittering giggle at that. ¡°Well¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure some of my bones got replaced with magic tree things.¡±


    Another really cute quirk of an eyebrow lets the giggle loose. ¡°Long story.¡±


    She nods and¡­ and begins to literally carry me to the closest room with a good sized bed. Holding me close in her big warm arms the entire way. I have to reach down to get the door for us, but after nudging it closed she moves us over and carefully crawls up. Never releasing me until I¡¯m literally on the covers and¡­ and she looms over.


    ¡°Hi.¡± I whisper with such a smile. One that¡¯s meant to show confidence I only barely feel.


    The biggest girl I¡¯d ever had sex with is¡­ well there was this one client but she just wanted Yrelia and me to do everything and never like¡­ wanted to be on top of me. So Tasii kinda holds that place.


    But fuck me is Zigdara literally huge. Bigger than both and ALL muscles. Totally not worried that she¡¯ll hurt me. Just¡­ am not sure what¡­


    She smiles at my obvious pause. ¡°May I kiss you? Are you still interested in¨C¡±


    My hand reaching up to cup her cheek halts her words.


    ¡°Yes. Fuck. This is¡­ like¡­ kinda really overwhelming and perfect and¡­ wow.¡±


    She chuckles, and leans down to press lips to mine.


    Hmmm¡­. Warm. Of course. Gentle, but it¡¯s obvious she wants to be a bit rougher. Definitely not as deft as Yrelia or Tasii, but¡­ that¡¯s unfair to compare her to them. They both have waaay more practice.


    Those big hands wander down my hips and around my legs and even brush a bit of butt. All while this low rumble of hunger and anticipation is stirring up inside her. While I definitely have to take a few huffing breaths when she pulls back, Zigdara looks a bit dizzy.


    Because what kind of Hetaera would I be if I couldn¡¯t make her duenna all wibbly after a good long kiss!?!


    I smother the giggle down to just a smirk and reach up to tug at her shirt. ¡°We should probably get these o¨C¡±


    But she¡¯s already moving. Expression brimming with desire and hunger and what I¡¯ve learned from Tasii to be a ¡®I¡¯m just about done taking this slowly¡¯ look.


    Lips to my jaw before sliding across neck and ear while agile hands easily peel my sweater up and off. She barely even has to pull back as it passes over my head, just¡­ swoops it over and then she¡¯s back on top of me.


    And¡­ yeah that¡¯s when my first little murmurs and even a soft moan of delight bubbles up. Right when a hand moves back to slide down my leg while Zigdara nibbles and bites at my lower neck.


    Fuck. Fuck fuck.


    ¡­ Fuck!


    And of course that just¡­ makes her move with more ferocity. Her hunger enticed and beckoned forward by my little titters and moans and wiggles. As teeth and tongue find my breast I very nearly have to shove a hand in my mouth to stop a squeal which would totally have woken someone up!


    What Zigdara lacks in gentle teasing she makes up for in aggression. Hands are always squeezing or raking on skin while her mouth is busy on flesh. Just shy of too painful, always feeling a whisper from biting too hard or licking an area to discomfort before moving on.


    I¡­ am not entirely sure when we get my pants and underthing off. But her Amwella is bucking and sizzling like crazy! So¡­ next time she pulls back for a second I¡¯m kinda pushing her to sit up, half-kneeling half wrapping legs around her as I press lips to hers. Fingers digging into her big mane of braided hair and then I sort of¡­


    Huh¡­ did¡­ Did I just growl a bit?


    Zigdara answers with a purring laughing sound. Both hands gripping my hips and pulling me to grind mine into her. Ends up kinda¡­ taking back easily surrendered control as her mouth once again moves to my neck.


    Then one of those big hands moves down and¡­ and rakes wonderfully across a thigh and¡­ oh¡­ oh fuck. That¡­


    One big hand between my legs, the other wrapping around my waist to keep me steady, and my duenna begins to rub thumb against clit while fingers dance across my second lips. Easily weaving up and down and around and into my already very wet cunt.


    So warm and perfect against the light chill of my nakedness. I can¡¯t help but just¡­ grind into her. My fingers gripping for all their worth as I move to the rhythm of her workings.


    And with a weird kinda growling moaning mess of a sound she easily brings me to the peak of it all. Drawing out an orgasm that feels so much like¡­ like every muscle is a part of it! Which¡­ as I shake and shudder and recover at least a few coherent thoughts I can¡¯t help but muse at just how much more of myself I put into this.


    Like¡­ Yrelia taught me all about different sex positions and how to make sure not to overexert or hurt something by throwing too much of myself into it. A pulled muscle or sprained anything could really fuck-up our work back then. Which is why we kinda avoided really active poses like this.


    Ones that needed not just a willing and strong partner, which only Tasii kinda fit that role, and care to not twist ourselves in a bad way.


    But¡­ Zigdara is really strong and kinda supported my weight through all that!


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I finally huff, slumping into her chest as I work to steady my gasping breaths and twirling heartbeat.


    My duenna just¡­ purrs. Which is really really fucking comforting and soft and¡­ and¡­


    But her Amwella is furious. Kicking and surging in what looks to be really annoyed demands for release. And while my body is aching a bit, my own Amwella can¡¯t help but answer her hissing growls. So I move and stretch up to begin placing a line of¡­ biting kisses up her neck.


    Curious if she enjoys the same thing she gave me.


    While I¡¯m not nearly enough to force it, my duenna is happy to let me ride her down as she tumbles back into the soft bed.


    And¡­ yup. Those are definitely purring sounds of enjoyment and fuck me is her Amwella wiggling so cutely!


    Carefully and slowly I drag fingers up and around to twist her top off. Revealing big cute tits that I can¡¯t help but just¡­ just abandon my training for a second and snuggle into! Letting little happy noises out as I nuzzle between them. Only returning to the salacious workings when her Amwella kinda bucks in tune with a little rumble from her.


    I consider teasing her more but¡­ No. She¡¯s been very patient. And as my mouth weaves over to begin altering old soft training into harder workings with more teeth than most women would enjoy, I can¡¯t help but muse over a thought.


    Has¡­ has Zigdara been wanting this for a while too? Am I just¡­ really really bad at reading people? Did I miss her little unspoken requests for physical intimacy?


    Fingers raking and dancing over long-healed scars, some shaped oddly like bite makes, just before my mouth follows up to nibble and kiss and bite over the patterns. With how her hands move up to grip and touch and still grasp at me I¡­ I think I did miss them.


    Woops!


    ¡°Harder, Su¨C Ina.¡± She purrs. ¡°If you can.¡±


    I don¡¯t stop but¡­ can¡¯t help but catch the almost word she used there.


    Sun Spoken.


    She¡­ well¡­ I¡¯ve no doubts now that she and Emarial got really close along the Paths. Definitely in sex ways, that¡¯s normal and expected, but¡­ Ugh. Emarial¡¯s broken promises must have really hurt her too.


    I do bite down then. Not¡­ not in any anger. At least not for Zigdara.


    Honestly, the mark I leave is a little thing compared to a few others. But¡­ It¡¯s there! Won¡¯t leave a scar or anything. Not sure I would be willing to go that far. Regardless of how much she might love it.


    Zigdara¡¯s Amwella does prickle and gurgle and simmer in little happy motions, so¡­ I decide to take my first real chomp of this wonderful lady.


    Sliding up and up to nibble at her neck while fingers dance down across thigh and hips. Raking rough but delicate patterns all around as I settle teeth on the little nub of the collarbone that pokes out. Then I move to press and rub and dig fingers into her while biting down.


    Big hands reach up to grip at my sides a bit, and I press and bite harder into her. Enjoying so much the rising rumbles and purring growls and even a moan or three as she bucks a bit beneath me.


    It honestly doesn¡¯t take long. What with how much her Amwella was already bubbling over I¡¯m kinda surprised she didn¡¯t orgasm with me before. What with how I was most definitely probably bumping into her during my grinding.


    So with a great shudder that rocks through her entire body, We¡¯re trembling in tune as my Wellspring of Amwella reaches down to give her little flame such a cute little lick. Drawing up and away to return the prize into me.


    Drowning me in the pleasure of it.


    A few bleary moments later, and she¡¯s wrapped those big wonderful arms around me, and I get to just¡­ nuzzle into her.


    And¡­ huh.


    ¡°Is everything alright?¡± She asks, noticing my sudden change in breathing or¡­ something. Fuck. I¡¯m really bad at hiding anything, aren¡¯t I?


    ¡°I¡­ yeah. Just¡­ Hm¡­¡± I murmur. ¡°You gave me a decent nibble of Amwella. More than¡­ than I normally take. But¡­¡±


    ¡°But what?¡±


    ¡°I can barely notice the loss.¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°What does that mean?¡± She asks.


    I let out a huffing giggle. ¡°It means that¡­ that¡­ I¡¯m not sure. I couldn¡¯t tell you why but¡­ You¡¯re Amwella seems¡­ bigger? More vibrant than others? Maybe¡­¡±


    ¡°Could it have something to do with my time with Emarial?¡± She asks.


    Knowing the things a Sun Spoken is gifted during sex.


    ¡°It shouldn¡¯t!¡± I huff. ¡°Sun Spoken need to take Amwella. But¡­ but even after weeks of not being with her yours wouldn¡¯t be like this. Maybe nearly full again but¡­ but not this dense! It¡¯s like you¡¯ve not been fed upon at all! Only¡­ only been taking.¡±


    ¡°But only Sun Spoken can do that, right?¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­ kinda? I¡¯ve been about and seen my lover¡¯s soul touch each others a bit but¡­ it¡¯s always so little.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± She muses for a while. ¡°Could she have given me some of her flame?¡±


    ¡°No that¡¯s¡­¡±


    But it IS possible. I gave Yrelia some of mine.


    ¡°I mean it is possible but¡­ I don¡¯t know why she would do that!¡± I sigh and wiggle in annoyance.


    ¡°We¡¯ll ask her when she wakes up then.¡± Zigdara offers.


    ¡°Yeah. That¡­ I mean of course but¡­ This is still so weird.¡±


    She chuckles softly and moves to sit up a bit. Regards me for a moment. ¡°Would you like to take more?¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­¡± I sigh and consider. ¡°Yeah? It doesn¡¯t have to be now but¡­¡±


    But fuck me silly is her Amwella already starting to gurgle in hunger again. And from that look I¡­ I think she¡¯s still hornii!


    ¡°But?¡±


    I can¡¯t help but giggle and repeat her words from before. ¡°No contrary thoughts. I¡¯m simply considering it from all angles. Weighing how weary you are against my own desires.¡±


    She laughs too, and proceeds to almost tackle me to the bed and enjoy quite a few more Amwella dances with me

 Chapter 92: Where Snow Crossed Paths Meet Part 1

    <u>CW</u>:


    Rahdian POV followed byyyyy INA POV! AHH!!!! Morning touches without reestablishing consent leadings to confusion and dysphoria and misgendering. This is all quickly apologized for and acknowledged, But it is still a wrong thing and is getting itself CWed for it. Mhm. Talk of lost memories and flaying nightmares alive.


    The Storm¡¯s two halves flitter and weave about our Dream with such calm delight at my return. What was such an overbearing anxiety for my safety washed away by the sudden warmth of a soulflame renewed.


    I¡¯ve also shared a bit about Kikii with them. They seem pleased enough but¡­ also sort of indifferent? Like¡­ hm¡­ Even with the girls I traveled with before their interest mostly depended on how they made me feel. The Waking World is just¡­ such a distant thing to my two Dream lovers.


    Painfully so, at times.


    But with the Dream so vibrant, we¡¯re able to snuggle close and¡­ and go over the changes the magical spinning spells they¡¯ve taught me. Ensure I ration out the Amwella and keep my body''s waters tinted with the right¡­ um¡­ things.


    Apparently lots of small, very intricate rivers filled with the wrong things. Kinda like fish or other such wildlife but¡­ also not at all?


    They don¡¯t need me to know all the specifics, and even the Storm doesn¡¯t truly understand the deeper delicacies. But¡­ they know how to ask in magical spinning ways.


    You¡­ you''re so much like our mother was. I once got the Fury to admit when I asked why they wanted to help me. Wrapped in wretched flesh that was not right and¡­ and¡­


    Then her memory gave out, again. Like it so often does. Either by distraction or¡­ or worse, old nightmares bubbling up that they need to drive off or flee from when they try to reach for things.


    But¡­ as ever and always, the Dream soon signals an end. This one tinted with the feeling of movement and¡­ and outside warmth and¡­ and soft lips trailing across rough jawline while fingers and legs are¨C


    Snapping awake in a flurry of panic to discover another warm body atop mine.


    She¡¯s crawled on top of and around me. Curling her everything around while lips nibble and fingers wander.


    ¡°Morning.¡± She giggles and moves to hover over me. ¡°Sorry. I would say that I didn¡¯t mean to wake you buuut¡­¡±


    I sort of¡­ wriggle a bit, wondering how to pull free before she starts more but¡­ but then my eyes find hers and¡­ and she¡¯s leaning back down to press lips to mine. Amwella all a flutter with morning desires.


    I¡¯m a bit dizzy with her when she pulls back, only barely hearing her whisper. ¡°I wanna play with your tits.¡±


    It¡­ what? I mean¡­ I¡¯ve¡­ I know they¡¯ve been growing these past years but¡­


    But she takes the little noise I make as agreement and just kinda¡­ shoves my shirt thing up. Crashing through any of my anxiety with such a little smirk of delight as the next thing I know Kikii¡¯s tongue and lips are¡­ are¡­


    Oh. Fuck!


    I¡­ I mean I could tell they were sensitive, especially at first but¡­ but they¡¯d settled and¡­ but¡­


    Can¡¯t help but buck and twist myself to¡­ to suppress¡­


    ¡°Gosh,¡± She coos mid nibble. ¡°You are SO cute!¡±


    ¡°Kikii. I¡­¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± She teases, taking a nipple between teeth and tugging gently.


    It feels¡­ SO amazing. Almost¡­ almost makes me forget¡­ something. Something important about myself that¡­


    Kikii¡¯s fingers dance down to my hips, tracing winding patterns down and around and eventually pressing in between my legs and¨C


    I freeze, and so does she. Eyes flicker open to find her tilting her head, eyeing me with¡­


    ¡°Um¡­ Rahdian?¡± She murmurs, pulling fingers up. ¡°Did¡­ um¡­ Are you¡­ um¡­¡±


    Fuck.


    ¡°I¡­ I should go.¡± I move to slide out from under her and pull my shirt down. ¡°You¡­ thanks for last night and¨C¡±


    ¡°Woah! Woah! Rahdian just¡­ it¡¯s like¡­¡± She flubbers and huffs. ¡°It¡¯s not like¡­ I just¡­ Didn¡¯t know! Didn¡¯t like¡­ And I¡¯m such an idiot!¡±


    I pause, look over to her in confusion.


    ¡°The signs were all there and like¡­ I literally spent like¡­ three nights with someone like you a few months back!¡±


    I freeze. She¡­ she spent time with another temple¡¯s¨C


    ¡°I¡­ I got to get close to this cute Arudian male for a few nights.¡± She explains. ¡°Was part of this little group we mingled with on the way here and¡­ and like¡­¡±


    A¡­ oh. A person changing to the body they need with Cultivation instead of¡­ of whatever my magic is.


    I flinch, visibly. Spit out before I can consider the easy lie Kikii just gave me. ¡°I¡¯m not a male, Kikii.¡±


    Sickened and furious all over again.


    A long pause passes before she murmurs. ¡°I¡­ oh.¡±


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Sigh and bring a hand up to rest my face in. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ Just¡­ thanks. For the meal and¡­ and after. I¡­ I think it best you just forget I was here.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I see her moving up beside me from the corner of my eye. ¡°I¡­ Like I''m not sure I get all of it but Tydel explained a bit of things. How¡­ how it¡¯s hard to like¡­ get a grasp of this all without people to help. His moms were actually kinda shitty to him when he told them.¡±


    So backwards, and so much¡­ like what I knew would happen to me. But¡­ so opposite and wretched and too painful for me to embrace that lie.


    ¡°It¡­ Yeah. But I¡¯m not¡­ It¡¯s complicated.¡±


    She kinda settles in to sit next to me. "Okay."


    A long few seconds pass before I realize that she¡¯s waiting for me to continue.


    I sigh, ¡°It¡¯s¡­ not something I want to talk about.¡±


    She nods immediately. ¡°Okay. That¡¯s perfectly fine. I¡¯m really sorry I like¡­ kinda jumped on you this morning. Should have waited for you to wake up and¡­ and communicated better. Asked first.¡±


    That¡­ wow okay that helps. A lot.


    Stupid girl. Should have come to Arudia sooner. Just¡­ used that as an excuse if something like this happened again. Let them assume whatever nonsense they want.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I nod and squeeze her hand back.


    ¡°Of course.¡± She smiles warmly back, ¡°Just¡­ um¡­ wanted to let you know that you¡¯d be safe if you wanted to travel with us. No matter who you chose to be.¡±


    While mine is tinted with anxiety and strain, the smile I return to her is real. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ wonderful to hear. I.. um¡­ my last pair of traveling companions were not incredibly willing to walk with me when they found out about my¡­ um¡­ differences.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She huffs. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. Like¡­ Arudia is already shitty enough to people like Tydel and¡­ well even if you don¡¯t claim his gender the same horrid views would be set on your shoulders too. But¡­ like¡­ I¡¯m serious, Rahdian. If you¡¯d like to leave with us then we¡¯ll be happy to host you. Even¡­ um¡­ help you with possible gemstone stuff when we can.¡±


    So kind. Is the thought that infests my thoughts as I nod. Would¡­ would that kindness remain if she knew the truth?


    ¡°I still need to find the Sun Spoken.¡± I begin to gather myself to move. ¡°After that¡­ I¡¯ll see. It¡¯ll depend on quite a few things.¡±


    She easily rises with me. ¡°It¡¯s not like this blizzard will let us leave anytime soon, so¡­ Yeah. I¡¯ll let my moms know to wait up. We¡¯ll figure out all the details when we¡¯re walking down the mountain together.¡±


    I pause at the tent¡¯s exit, turn back to her with far too easy moisture in my eyes at¡­ at her easy acceptance.


    So much like Pips words to me, and¡­ and how she knew Yundre would agree with her.


    ¡°Hug?¡± Kikii grins and spreads her arms a bit.


    ¡°Y¨C yeah. Fuck. Thanks.¡±


    Kikii makes sure I take breakfast before trudging back through the snow to my old campsite.


    Don¡¯t even notice the disparate and torn up nature of it till I¡¯m practically tripping over my belongings.


    Breath only coming in terrified gasps as I tear about the place, looking out desperately for my little friend. Images of¡­ of duenna finding and hurting or smashing or¡­ or stealing them away haunting my every thought.


    That is¡­ until I find a little trail of odd weird markings in the snow.


    Foot¡­ er¡­ claw prints? Looking perfectly like what their little hooked legs and twisting limbs would make.


    Heading off and into the city proper.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss as I gather up what I can of my scattered belongings.


    The footprints around the place aren¡¯t like¡­ the people who did this didn¡¯t seem to follow my little friend. So¡­ whether duenna or rude scavenger, either shouldn¡¯t be a worry. At least¡­


    I spin the magic while kneeling next to the little cluster. Snow and frost warms and rises to claw and cut and clean all the stubble off my face that had begun to grow.


    Disgusting nonsense.


    Sigh and shiver as I twist the spell to weave into my body. Flooding unseen and unknowably small places to flow to the rhythm the Storm showed me.


    Continuing the changes they promised. Slowly and forcefully changing me into the girl they say I should have always been.


    ¡°Three days.¡± I whisper to myself as I rise. ¡°More if I don¡¯t shave.¡±


    Not¡­ I mean I could just wear my scarf and hood. The second spell really does seem to be more important along the long Path.


    Can¡¯t help but squeeze my eyes shut as¡­ as I remember the stranger in the mirror. How¡­ how despite still having many of the features I remember from before she¡­ she looked so¡­ so beautiful.


    So female. More than I can bear to believe is me.


    That thought bubbles up into a smile as I decide to leave my hood and scarf down. Approach the city proper with more confidence than I¡¯ve ever felt.


    Just¡­ another girl walking the Paths in search of happiness.


    *     *     *


    ¡°Somethings changed.¡± Aceso murmurs after I settle down onto the warm sands she seemed to want to weave into our Dream.


    ¡°Oh?¡± I tilt my head, sort of¡­ spiraling between all the different things she could be talking about. ¡°I mean¡­ I did just have one of the most exhausting nights of my fucking life.¡±


    A pause, and I can¡¯t help but chuckle at the double meaning of it.


    My Fifth lover¡¯s eyes flicker open as she side eyes me. ¡°The duenna?¡±


    I nod with a blush and a smirk. ¡°Yup. Finally stumbled into asking her. But um¡­ turns out her Amwella is REALLY dense and like¡­ wow. I took like¡­ four BIG bites out of her and I¡¯m pretty sure her soulflame is STILL bigger than anyone else I¡¯ve been with.¡±


    Aceso¡¯s brow furrows and her tendrils wriggle about. ¡°I¡­ That might support an idea I have about Emarial¡¯s blaze.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± I work to keep my worry at Her focus on that off my face and out of the Dream.


    Don¡¯t want Her to like¡­ start trying to talk me into trying to get some of that. Either¡­ either through hurting Emarial or¡­ or¡­


    She sighs. ¡°No, Ina. I¡¯d never suggest you share an Amwella dance with a woman you hate.¡±


    I sputter a bit at¡­ at how easily she read me there!


    ¡°I¡¯ve given up much of my sway and songs to you, not gone blind.¡± She responds to my obvious surprise. ¡°And I mean it. Your kind nature benefits you in this. Never think of gaining more Amwella outside of consensual embraces.¡±


    I nod furiously. ¡°Not even sure how¡­ how that would¡­¡±


    But then I think back on the Matron¡¯s words¡­


    Veletross chuckled, my distress obvious. ¡°Emarial may act the forlorn old Murtaziq. Weary and consumed with grief at her past actions, but she¡¯s just lying to herself. She loved it. I watched her tremble in joy as she stood over her dead companions and drank in their souls.¡±


    ¡°And she will suffer from that until the day her body rots and her soul is set to wandering.¡± Aceso sighs.


    ¡°I¡­ because of the shards she now bears?¡± I whisper.


    Her tendrils do a little ¡®so-so¡¯ gesture. ¡°Yes, but¡­ That¡¯s not what I mean. Souls are like all things, bearing complexity unseen. To drink in one you stole, whether their host still lives or not, carries risks. And to take in the soul of one of my Sun Spoken¡­ well¡­¡±


    Old nightmares in the waters around stir a bit.


    ¡°Um¡­ Aceso?¡± I murmur, looking out at them in worry. ¡°Should¡­ is this a safe topic?¡±


    I look back to find her smiling wickedly. ¡°If those things want to entice me into flaying them again I won¡¯t protest.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ but you said something¡¯s changed?¡± I move around to kinda block her view. ¡°And you wanted to share a theory you had about Emarial¡¯s Wellspring?¡±


    ¡°Fair point.¡± She sighs and twists eyes and tendrils to regard me, ¡°I think¡­ My Sun Spoken that Emarial slew had managed to spark something. Or¡­ or Emarial did by mistake when she brought so many of my shards into herself. A Hearthfire rekindled and mantled.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ do not know what any of that means?¡±


    Her tendrils writhe in worry. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t either.¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­ what?¡±


    She growls and stands, moves to walk past me and glare out over the sea beyond. ¡°It¡¯s like I told you, my memories from what could be thousands of years were bled from me. Stolen and¡­ and I can¡¯t¡­¡±


    My lover shakes with such¡­ such sadness. And the sea beyond roils in tune with Her pain.


    I scrubble to move to stand beside her. Take up a hand in support and feel her tendrils reach out to weave about and cling to me.


    ¡°I¡­ I remember them, Ina.¡± She whispers. ¡°I know I had sisters and¡­ and mothers and¡­ and something wretched happened and¡­ and I¡­ I think they yet live but¡­ but I don¡¯t know where they are! Why they¡­ they haven¡¯t come to help me or¡­¡±


    Spines and claws and angry black shapes begin to break the water¡¯s surface.


    ¡°I¡¯m here Aceso!¡± As I step over to pull her into a hug I can feel Her everything call out for, I coo and murmur such soft comforts. Backed by all my will and fury and love for this girl. ¡°We¡¯ll¡­ we¡¯ll figure this out.¡±


    She shivers. ¡°How? They¡­ those monsters stole them! Took my everything and¡­ and taunt me evermore! Never die and never surrender what they stole! No matter how many Beasts and Monsters and Parasites my Sun Spoken break.¡±


    ¡°Maybe¡­ maybe that¡¯s not the way to do it?¡± I muse. ¡°Maybe¡­¡±


    Inspiration bubbles up.


    ¡°Could we try to make a song for it? A¡­ a thing to try and call out and get them to give back what they stole?¡±


    She stiffens. I will NEVER BEG THESE THINGS FOR ANYTHING AGAIN, INA!


    I do flinch at the fury in that. Such¡­ such a terrifying thing to feel rumble through the Dream but¡­ I¡¯ve dealt with worse and She¡¯d never hurt me.


    Not again.


    So I only sigh and hug Her harder. ¡°Why not let me do it then?


    She considers that for a bit, then hisses.


    No.


    ¡°Alright, we can like¡­ figure that out later.¡± I shrug and let the Dream carry my earnest desire to help Her calm. ¡°But you also said that something¡¯s changed. What did you mean? Or¡­ were you just noticing the new Amwella I¡¯ve gathered?¡±


    She pulls back and wipes tears from her angry eyes. Takes a deep breath while moving to just hold me with talon and tendrils. ¡°I did, and no. But I think it¡¯s good that she can provide a new source of plentiful Amwella. I¡­ I was listening to the fissure and think we might have slipped past the break we¡¯ve been waiting for. The Zeridii stirs and¡­ and I think I¡¯m sensing pieces of it wandering about.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I sputter. ¡°Fuck! Then¡­ Where? Can we like¡­ try to find them and like¡­¡±


    She shrugs after I trail off. ¡°A Maktaba might be able to communicate more about this but¡­ I think remaining stationary might be safer. A Nightmare is something you can handle alone, but I can¡¯t speak to the shape or danger that something like this may pose.¡±


    ¡°What if I¡¯m inspired to like¡­ sing out to them? Try and call them to me?¡±


    She wibbles for a bit. Caught between worry and curiosity.


    ¡°Just¡­ Please be careful.¡± She murmurs. ¡°Call me to the Waking World the second one makes contact. I don¡¯t want you dealing with some monster alone and¡­ and your kind nature leaving you open to an unexpected strike.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± I assure Her. ¡°But¡­ If It¡¯s like that Carbunkle I¡¯m pretty sure a song of peace will work though.¡±


    She winces and squeezes my hand. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry I wasn¡¯t there for that.¡±


    I return the squeeze. ¡°Me too. But¡­ You¡¯re forgiven. We¡¯ll deal with all the nonsense together now. Alright?¡±


    She smiles then, asks softly. ¡°Together?¡±


    I giggle. ¡°Together. Promise Promise!¡±

 Chapter 93: Where Snow Crossed Paths Meet Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Fear of spirits being tormented. merging and plurality. Fear of curses that misgender.


    Yrelia doesn¡¯t even try to hide her smirk as I settle onto a stool next to her. Glimmering eyes rolling up and down my¡­ oh. Well¡­ Okay. I guess I let Zigdara bite me harder than I noticed.


    ¡°Fun night?¡± My first lover purrs, hand moving out to trace down and around my shoulder and back of my arm. Brushing up against a few more sensitive spots.


    Okay¡­ quite a few more times!


    I sigh and can¡¯t help but lean over and pull my first lover into such a kiss, murmuring after I''ve left her a bit dizzy. ¡°Wonderful, actually.¡±


    She giggles harder, and Tasii wanders over with a plate of like¡­ freshly warmed bread and cute little fruit things. Settles down on my other side. ¡°Don¡¯t remember you coming back. Anything special happen? Other than the obvious?¡±


    And so I tell them about Veletross, what I told her, and the Dream.


    Such a sour and annoyed look crosses Tasii¡¯s face. ¡°Well all of that feels¡­ A little less than helpful. Like¡­ knowing about some old Sun Spoken things is okay, but¡­ I don¡¯t like her getting interested in your past. That could be such a shitty thing.¡±


    Yrelia shrugs and takes a sip of her warm drink. ¡°Even if she guesses at it, I think Ina will be okay. Not like the cunt has any way to verify it.¡±


    ¡°I guess?¡± Tasii murmurs, then leans back and forth in thought. ¡°It could also be a decent thing to keep her distracted. Who knows, maybe she¡¯ll think it¡¯s some deep dark secret great for political nonsense. Never even realize the possibility of Ina being a transgender girl who used Sun Spoken magic to change instead of Cultivation.¡±


    ¡°Aaaaand, Like¡­¡± I huff and let out a bit of stress. Embrace a little confidence still brewing from the really great sex and long sleep I just got. ¡°It¡¯s not like it¡¯ll matter if she knows. Even if some old Arudian Law¡¯s might let them try something stupid. I¡¯m Sun Spoken. Good luck forcing me to do anything.¡±


    Yrelia smirks at that, while Tasii lifts a single eyebrow.


    ¡°What?¡± I ask.


    Yrelia leans over and nuzzles me into a hug. ¡°It¡¯s wonderful to see you so aware of how amazing you are, that¡¯s all.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ huh?¡±


    Then Tasii¡¯s big wonderful arms wrap me from behind. ¡°You¡¯ve blossomed so much, love.¡± She murmurs while kissing the back of my neck. ¡°We¡¯re just¡­ glad to see it all.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ Don¡¯t think this means we don¡¯t still enjoy our shy little temple girl.¡± Yrelia adds. ¡°You¡¯re allowed to settle into that again whenever you might want.¡±


    Oh¡­


    And then I¡¯m hugging them both back so hard.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I whisper to the two amazing women who¡¯ve always embraced and supported me. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to be a Sun Spoken all the time. It¡¯s¡­ really fucking exhausting.¡±


    ¡°We can tell.¡± Tasii agrees. ¡°But we¡¯re here. Always. Okay? Just¡­ let us know when you need us for more.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡±


    And then our little huggle pile is interrupted by an insistent tapping and far off cries.


    ¡°Is¡­¡± I turn and tilt my head.


    Another cry.


    ¡°That¡¯s at the front door.¡± Tasii slides off her stool.


    And another.


    I move to get in front of her. There is like¡­ a pause and odd look from Tasii as our eyes touch.


    ¡°Wait here please.¡± I murmur and begin brisk movement toward the door. I know she hates that but¡­ If there is any danger she¡¯ll be no more than a worry for us to be distracted by.


    Zigdara meets me there just as another little call sounds, muffled a touch by the thick door.


    ¡°HELP!!!¡± Such a strange warbling cry sounds.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± My duenna moves up to grip the handle. Peeking out through a side window. ¡°Hold back. I¡­ I don¡¯t see who¡¯s calling out.¡±


    This could be a trap. I hear in her tone. And¡­ and while I hate the idea of her getting hurt I¡­ I might need time to call up and merge with Aceso.


    ¡°Okay. Please be careful.¡± I murmur and take a few steps back.


    Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    A few clicks and clacks, and the locks are undone. Zigdara takes a deep breath, and opens the door.


    A pause, and then something small and reflective and¡­ and stupid fast darts between my big duenna¡¯s legs. Scurries into the room before anybody can react and comes barreling into my shins. Not¡­ I mean it¡¯s lighter than a pillow so my backwards tumble is more a terrified reflex, thankfully halted by the wall.


    ¡°HELP!¡± Comes another of those warbling cries from the little¡­ thing?


    It¡¯s¡­ so strange. Almost looks like some crab trying to grow¡­ wings? All made up of Gemstone crystals that shimmer and reflect the light of the Everlambs in twisting patterns.


    But without another second of hesitation I¡¯m drawing up my Amwella and weaving a song of shifting alongside a melody of shaping to call up my fifth lover and ensure our leg is sharp.


    This one is quick and quite expensive. Meant to bubble Her up from the Dream in case of a sudden emergency. It hurts, but¡­


    We can deal with that together.


    And before another heartbeat passes the void is filled, and we are quirking an eyebrow while smirking down at this odd creature.


    ¡°Ina! G¨C¡± Zigdara starts to snap as she moves toward our little friend.


    But freezes as she understands what song fades, and see¡¯s the glimmer of flame in our eyes.


    ¡°Thank you, but¡­¡± We murmur softly as we kneel, holding out a hand to our guest. ¡°This little one thrums with nothing but good songs. It would no more hurt us than you can fly.¡±


    ¡°Helphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelp¡­¡± It almost giggles happily, nuzzling our fingers and thrumming along to the little healing melody we have dancing beneath our breath. Despite its seemingly stone solid state it¡­ its nothing but soft and gentle. Any sharp edges to it are easily avoided.


    Why is such an ugly little thing so CUTE! The little spirit coos. And¡­ where did it come from? How¡­ is that the only word it squeaks?


    ¡°I¡­ You¡¯ve merged.¡± Zigdara states as she pushes the door closed.


    ¡°We have.¡±


    Zigdara pauses, looks down to stare at the odd creature.


    We have promises to keep. The larger thrums. Don¡¯t get distracted.


    ¡°Could you please go get Yrelia?¡± We turn up to face our duenna. ¡°Or Tasii? Honestly any of our lover¡¯s will do.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re coming!¡± Comes a call from the hallway behind us.


    Turning, we see both our first two lovers moving to join us. Halt as they spot the odd little creature. Eyes wide with fear and wonder.


    ¡°Helphelphelphelphelp¡­ HELP!¡± The little creature titters happily under our touch.


    ¡°It¡¯s perfectly safe.¡± We inform them. ¡°Just¡­ odd. Don¡¯t let its appearance fool you. Nothing but soft songs echo from this vessel.¡±


    Yrelia is, of course, the first to move up. Kneels beside us and looks directly into our eyes. ¡°How¡¯re you feeling?¡±


    ¡°Heeeeeeeeeeelp¡­ halp!¡±


    ¡°Wonderful, as always, when we¡¯re together.¡±


    Tasii steps up then, eyes darting between us and the gemstone creature we pet. ¡°That merger seemed quicker than it should have been.¡±


    We nod. ¡°This little cutie surprised us, so we sang the faster song. But¡­ it¡¯s for the best. If the first of the Zeridii to seek us out is this soft and obviously requesting aid, then we¡¯re glad to meet it together. Avoid confusion and gather as much information as possible.¡±


    ¡°And your Wellspring?¡± Yrelia asks, eyes finally moving to consider the creature.


    We check and¡­ Huh.


    ¡°Less drained than expected.¡± We murmur, trying to hide our deeper worries.


    But¡­ of course everyone and the stars above see right through that. How¡­ how losing less than we expected worries us so much more than if this cost us extra.


    ¡°Ina¡­ You both promised.¡± Tasii presses.


    No secrets, no deceptions, no hiding thoughts or exchanges when you¡¯re sharing headspace. One of the main oaths to our lovers. The larger spirit presses. Tell them, so we can plan accordingly with those we¡¯ve agreed to trust.


    ¡°Of course, just¡­¡± We bite our lip as the smaller chews on this. ¡°We don¡¯t know what it means. Are trying to puzzle it out.¡±


    ¡°Did¡­ Could you have simply miscounted the cost?¡± Yrelia muses, fingers moving out toward the little creature. It pauses its snuggles to¡­ well it doesn¡¯t seem to have eyes but it''s obviously considering her offer. Doesn¡¯t take more than a heartbeat to wiggle over and let us both pet it.


    We sigh. ¡°Yes. Of course. But we just don¡¯t know how.¡±


    ¡°Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp.¡± The little creature coos happily under our touches.


    ¡°But you have an idea.¡± Tasii says, seeing right through us. ¡°And you¡¯re quickly trying to work out a less scary one.¡±


    We wince. ¡°Yes. Just¡­ didn¡¯t want to worry you both. Not without considering all possibilities.¡±


    ¡°Alright. Consider away then.¡± She leans against the wall. ¡°Outloud.¡±


    We can¡¯t help but huff out a mirthless laugh. ¡°Sorry. Just¡­ reflex. Thinking is faster than speaking.¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± Yrelia murmurs. ¡°So¡­ tell us the possibilities.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll spare you the one¡¯s we¡¯ve already discarded, as there are a few dozen that have no merit.¡± We begin. ¡°The most simple and least worrisome is that we somehow burned denser Amwella and did not notice. Without being merged we have no experience with managing our Soulflame.¡±


    ¡°Okay, how can you check to see if that¡¯s what happened?¡± Tasii asks.


    We sigh and shrug. ¡°We already have. Or¡­ have examined our own Wellspring. Curious if Zigdara¡¯s flame gifted us that but¡­ Everything there is as it always is, it¡¯s worth noting that I¡¯ve not encountered Amwella dense enough to matter in this degree since¡­¡±


    We pause, and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°Ina?¡± Yrelia lays a hand on our shoulder as our spirits shake.


    The World Song trembles, and we feel the Rot at its edges.


    ¡°We¡­ it¡¯s¡­ We know we¡¯ve felt such Amwella inside us before but¡­ but can¡¯t recall the memory. We¡¯re sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright. Move past it.¡± Tasii kneels among us, moves to take up our free hand. ¡°What¡¯s the next option?¡±


    ¡°That¡­¡± We whisper, and have to take a breath before continuing. ¡°That we have no idea why. And¡­ and something about the song is drawing our smaller spirit closer to the Dream.¡±


    Yrelia pauses her pets, eyes narrow. ¡°Like¡­ Eventually it will cost very little to merge?¡±


    We can¡¯t help but look down at our first lover¡¯s obvious suspicion and fury, shaking our head. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ No. Not at all. We¡¯d adore that but¡­ we worry it¡¯s in the opposite direction.¡±


    ¡°That she¡¯s being pulled into the Dream?¡±


    We nod, bite our lower lip. Such fear and worry and¡­ and the Larger spirit cannot help but share and voice her terror.


    ¡°All other Sun Spoken who summon their Weaver into the Waking World die, as far as we know.¡± She begins. ¡°And their death is¡­ horrid. Not just in the flesh but also the spirit. They are¡­ sort of an anchor for the ship. A tether. And¡­ and we worry that our Inamatorii¡¯s song, the one that created this vessel didn¡¯t weave a perfect one or¡­ or a repairable one like we thought. But¡­ instead simply wove a more durable vessel.¡±


    Tasii shakes her head. ¡°That doesn¡¯t make sense from just this. The lack of Amwella should make that healing easier.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ you¡¯re not¡­ Tasii, love.¡± We whisper. ¡°We¡¯re not ¡®spending¡¯ Amwella like you spend coins. That¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s a metaphor. One that made this simple and¡­ and less scary. This Amwella is ALL ours, and the World Song is our link to these lands. And like all wonderfully woven things¡­ it will not last Always and Forever.¡±


    ¡°And when it tears?¡± Yrelia moves to touch the hand Tasii holds.


    Such tears touch our eyes then. ¡°We don¡¯t know. Not for sure. We¡­ we wove it once. When we first came here. But¡­ we did it from our own Soul, and had to use it to keep our old flesh safe from¡­ from¡­¡±


    Rot and Ruin. We¡­ the larger spirit remembers that much. Blighted cold tendrils seeking to drag down and away.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Why the shards are isolated.¡± We whisper. ¡°They are the only safe place. Little pins just¡­ barely holding this all together. But¡­ Their flames also burn. Creating ever weeping wounds.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ You¡¯re worried that you¡¯ll tear this World Song? Die like the rest?¡± Tasii tries so hard to understand this.


    We yearn for our Jevita then. How¡­ how she might see so much better. Understand and¡­ and maybe even help us consider this more clearly.


    ¡°No. Our death is an almost certainty. Only in full life and blossom could we stave off Rot and Ruin from flesh with our Weavings.¡± We shake our head and sigh. ¡°The worry is that¡­ that our smaller spirit will survive this flesh¡¯s end and¡­ and¡­¡±


    And be drug into the sea. To be ravaged and consumed by the Nightmares within the Dream forevermore. Our¡­ the smaller spirit''s old flesh being somehow remembered and branded on her soul. Despite this Weaver¡¯s affirmations, adorations, and endless love¡­. Considered just another monster to be tormented Till Dream¡¯s End.


    Such a long and still quiet falls when I tell them that. Even our little Gemstone guest joins in our worries.


    ¡°Then why keep merging at all.¡± Yrelia growls softly. Trusting us but¡­ also¡­


    ¡°We didn¡¯t know, and¡­ and will want to try and sing and weave more understanding from our Dream.¡±


    Tasii rests a hand on Yrelia¡¯s shoulder, stilling her anger. ¡°The larger spirit remembers her past lovers. Even¡­ even if that happens to our Ina you should be able to protect her from that.¡±


    We sigh and shiver. ¡°We¡¯re not sure. The¡­ that curse is¡­ it goes deep and¡­ and it might curse her too and¡­ just like what happened to them and¡­ and¡­¡±


    But then there comes such an anxious knocking at our door and more shouting from beyond.


    We all freeze, then we look to our lovers. "May we handle whatever this nonsense is?"


    ¡°We¡¯ll sit down with Jevita and Kque later to go over this.¡± Tasii nods as she and Yrelia rise to move back deeper into the manor. ¡°Make sure you give yourself ample time to make sure all the knowledge is left behind if you separate.¡±


    We nod and stand. ¡°Of course.¡±


    Then turn to face whatever comes after this first vessel of the Zeridii. Nudging the little cutie while we hum a request for them to wait while we deal with this next guest.

 Chapter 94: Where Snow-Crossed Paths Meet Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Rahdian POV and meeting people and worry about detransitioning and AHH!!! We DID it! They get to meet up and say Hi Hallo!


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss as I step back. Eyes darting between the disparate little footprints, the manor¡¯s big door, and the street behind.


    Can still hear the shouting. They haven¡¯t checked here¡­ yet. Which¡­ hopefully that means they didn¡¯t see where my little friend went and¨C


    Then a duenna steps around a building, eyes dance around and¡­ and lock on me.


    ¡°Hey!¡± She calls out, sword already drawn.


    Fuck.


    I begin to consider¡­ what? Spin up a spell and disable her? But¡­ that¡¯ll leave me empty again and¡­ and how do I explain the unconscious duenna when others inevitably arrive? I need to get into this manor and find my little friend and¨C


    Then the door opens, and somehow everything gets worse as the biggest woman I ever met, and one of the few to tower over me, locks eyes with mine.


    ZIGDARA!!?! Wh¨C what is she¡­


    Such a long pause passes. Only broken when the crunch of boots behind alerts me to the first danger.


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    Why is she here!?! Is¡­ is she still¡­ did they send her out to find me?


    Turning, I spot the duenna slowing at the steps. Expression suddenly uncertain and wary as her eyes dance between us.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡± Zigdara demands as a couple more duenna come into view.


    ¡°We¡­¡± The duenna starts to say, hesitates and twists to wait for what looks to be the leader of the group approach.


    Can¡¯t go back. NEVER will go back. Especially not now. They¡­ they¡¯d use Alchemy to¡­ to try and twist me back and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°Apologies,¡± The leader says. ¡°This area is off-limits, this woman is trespassing.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I was just¡­¡± I start to say, reaching down to draw up my Amwella.


    This might be my only option now. Need to wait for them to get just a little closer and my spell can encompass them all.


    ¡°Off limits?¡± Zigdara replies past me. ¡°This is the estate of Lady Ophrit.¡±


    ¡°Yes but¡­¡± She huffs, and¡­ seems suddenly hesitate to approach. ¡°My superiors gave orders to monitor and restrict access to this section of the city.¡±


    ¡°Your superior is the High Duenna.¡± Zigdara growls. ¡°And we both know full well she did not give any such demand.¡±


    I pull to the side, but Zigdara turns to regard me, face careful and almost¡­ well, kind. Neutrally polite even. ¡°And what brings you to this estate?¡±


    No recognition in her eyes. She¡­ she really doesn¡¯t know who I am!?!


    ¡°Um¡­¡±


    I really am not the person from before the Storm? Nearly two years has¡­ has changed me enough that even this duenna doesn¡¯t know me!


    ¡°Help!¡± Comes such a cry from inside the manor, and suddenly my little friend is darting around the big woman¡¯s legs to slam into my shins, cooing the entire time and endlessly... ¡°Helphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelp!!!¡±


    Immediately I¡¯m leaning down to scoop them up. Hushing them as I look back and forth between the duenna from my past and the ones of Arudia.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I say as I take another step to the side. Trying to back away. ¡°I¡­ I was just looking for this one and¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Who are you?¡± Zigdara asks, eyes wide in surprise.


    ¡°One of ours!?!¡± Comes such a voice from just inside the manor. One that¡­ that seems to thrum with some unheard song.


    Zigdara steps to the side, and a woman like I¡¯ve never seen steps out of the manor.


    I¡¯ve seen some wonderful Cultivation changes. Met women who are so gorgeous it hurts to look at them. Filled me with such a sense of wrongness that I can think of nothing but the sea I would plunge into and disappear forever.


    But her¡­ she¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s like seeing something from¡­ from¡­


    Turquoise skin like the waters behind and before the storm, hair like the pitched depths, and eyes that blaze like violet lightning.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    The Storm and the Sea striding through the Waking World.


    ¡°HALP!¡± Calls out the little one wiggling in my arms.


    And a smile like the sun that cracks and breaks through it all. Not¡­ it radiates confidence but¡­ also such a playful giddy joy.


    ¡°She¡¯s¡­¡± Zigdara asks, eyes going wider with every passing second.


    ¡°Another Sun Spoken.¡± Her eyes and tone dance with mirth. ¡°Hi!¡±


    ¡°H¨C hi.¡± I¡¯m just barely able to murmur out. ¡°You¡­ you¡¯re Sun Spoken too?¡±


    ¡°Mhm! Our name¡¯s Inamatorii.¡± She nods. ¡°But¡­ Please just call us Ina.¡±


    Our? We? And¡­ and SHE¡¯S Inamatorii!?!


    ¡°I¡­ Okay.¡±


    A beat.


    ¡°Lady Sun Spoken.¡± The duenna behind me calls out. ¡°This¡­ A woman accompanied by a creature like that attacked a group of duenna at the base of the mountain.¡±


    I¡¯m about to protest. To¡­ to try and explain but¡­


    ¡°Last we checked our title was still High Duenna Inamatorii.¡± And her eyes dart to them, suddenly dangerously focused. ¡°And why were we not notified of that before?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not¡­ That¡¯s not something I have the answers to.¡± The duenna stammers.


    Ina sighs and rolls her eyes. ¡°Call up whomever is your superior in this. Have them come to this estate and explain this to us themselves.¡±


    The duenna pauses, then purses her lips and nods. ¡°I¡¯ll pass along the message.¡±


    Another pause.


    ¡°Well¡­ Go on then.¡± She makes a shooing motion to the group of duenna.


    And the group leaves. Leaves us standing quietly on the front steps of this big manor. And¡­ and that¡¯s when I notice her strange right leg and the odd twisting dark wood replacing her foot and shin.


    Then those eyes are back on me, ¡°We didn¡¯t get your name?¡±


    ¡°R¨C Rahdian.¡± I reply.


    Her eyes sparkle. ¡°Like the pirate? From that old storybook? The Thief and Her Prize?¡±


    If my eyes weren¡¯t wide before they are now. ¡°Wh¨C You¡¯ve read it?¡±


    She grins wider then, reaching out to gently take up my arm. ¡°Only a few dozen times. We¡¯re going to get along so wonderfully, Rahdian. Why don¡¯t you come in and warm yourself.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry to stumble in unannounced.¡± I stammer, letting her pull me forward. ¡°I didn¡¯t even know you were here. Was just chasing my little friend after they wandered off.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± She glances down at them.


    ¡°Help help¡­ help!¡± They chime with such confidence.


    Ina giggles, and it¡¯s like the ripple of the tide dances to. ¡°Fuck. That¡¯s perfect. Good work.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Zigdara murmurs after we¡¯ve entered and she¡¯s shut the door behind us. ¡°Are you certain she¡¯s Sun Spoken? That she¡¯s safe?¡±


    I sort of¡­ flinch at that. Picturing the Fury of the Storm as this woman from the temple looms.


    ¡°Perfectly, and of course.¡± Ina replies with nothing but a smirk and brimming confidence.


    I glance between them. ¡°Have you met others that aren¡¯t?¡±


    Ina sighs as she continues to lead me forward and deeper into the manor. ¡°Yes. Turns out being Sun Spoken kinda sucks sometimes.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ What?¡±


    She looks back, seems to¡­ consider my eyes for a while as we walk. ¡°How¡¯re your Dreams?¡±


    ¡°Wonderful.¡± I reply immediately. ¡°The¡­ the Storm they¡­ They take care of me. Saved me even.¡±


    And then I get to see surprise in those eyes. A lightning¡¯s flash revealing the silhouette of worry but¡­ then it¡¯s gone. And she lets out such a huff of relief.


    ¡°You¡¯ve no idea how nice that is to hear.¡± And the smile returns to her lips. ¡°We¡¯ll have to¡­¡±


    A thrum of motion, and a couple women are entering the room. Eyes darting between us and the little friend I hold in my arms.


    ¡°Who¡¯s this?¡± The tallest, second to Zigdara asks. Only a touch shorter than me.


    ¡°Another Sun Spoken!¡± Ina replies and turns to gesture between us as she shares names. ¡°Tasii, Yrelia, this is Rahdian. Rahdian, this is Tasii and Yrelia.¡±


    ¡°Hi.¡± Yrelia says without hesitation, an easy smile touching her lips to match Ina¡¯s. ¡°Nice to meet you.¡±


    Tasii¡¯s eyes focus on the friend in my arms. ¡°Is that little one with you?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Ye¨C yeah.¡±


    ¡°This little cutie led her here.¡± Ina grins and reaches out to pet them. Causing them to thrum and purr with little very quiet ¡®helphelphelphelphelps¡¯.


    ¡°Do you know why they did that?¡± I finally think to ask. ¡°I¡­ I mean I was already here to find you and they just kinda refused to leave me for long and¡­ and that¡¯s all they say. I have no idea why.¡±


    Ina quirks an eyebrow. ¡°You wanted to find us? Why¡¯s that?¡±


    I huff and look down to watch the little sparkles thrum across my friend¡¯s shell. ¡°Because¡­ I have no idea like¡­ what¡¯s going on. What to do. And¡­ and in my Dream they¡­ they¡¯re hurting and need help and¡­ and I was already so much of a mess when they saved me. Have no idea where to even start.¡±


    Ina winces and nods. ¡°Yeah. We¡­ That''s the state of most, if not all, of the shards. They¡¯ll probably hide it from most Sun Spoken but¡­ yeah. It¡¯s bad.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I ask. ¡°What like¡­ happened?¡±


    She sighs and goes a bit quiet for a few moments, eventually huffing. ¡°Fuck it. We fell in love with a monster and it¡­ it betrayed us. Slowly carved what we were into countless shards a really REALLY long time ago.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­ we?¡± I ask. ¡°You keep referring to yourself as multiple people and¡­ I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a good idea for me to assume anything.¡±


    ¡°Helphelphelp.¡± My little friend agrees, eliciting another dizzying smile from her.


    ¡°We¡¯re the spirit of the girl you see, and her shard.¡± Ina states. ¡°Sun Spoken and Weaver roused, mingled to walk in this Waking World for a time.¡±


    Wait¡­ they¡­ the spirits of the Storm can¡­ they could wake up with me!?!


    Tasii and Yrelia stiffen at her¡­ I mean Their sudden shifting to that strange tone again but¡­ then Ina lets out a giggle which ends with such a silly snorting sound.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Sh¨C I mean they stifle the giggle, and are once again alight with mirth. ¡°Part of us insisted on the dramatic. That sounded SO much more impressive in our head.¡±


    ¡°That¡­ they can do that!?!¡± I finally whisper.


    They wince. ¡°Oh¡­ um¡­ probably? But¡­ you shouldn¡¯t. It¡¯s not normal and anyone else will probably die if they tried.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ why?¡± I insist. ¡°And¡­ like¡­ could you teach me the spinning that lets you do it and survive?¡±


    ¡°Spinning?¡± They smirk wonderfully. ¡°We¡¯ve only met one other Sun Spoken, but soon discovered all our magics are different. What form does yours take?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Pausing I kind of¡­ stammer out. Never even considered the possibility. ¡°It¡¯s like the ocean. Or¡­ or like the Storm? I¡¯ve only done like¡­ restorative magic¡­ and um¡­ water seems to be the key thing I need to have with me.¡±


    Her eyes glimmer in¡­ Oh.


    ¡°Dreamer¡¯s Tits! That is SO wonderful to hear.¡± They smile in such wonder at my words. ¡°The other Sun Spoken, the cunt we keep referring to, is all pain and spite. Uses the simple horrid magic of fire.¡±


    Dr¨C Dreamer''s¡­ what!?!


    ¡°Oh¡­ That¡­ her shard must be like the Fury.¡± I murmur.


    Their eyes glimmer in curiosity. ¡°The Fury? Is that the name you chose for your Weaver shard?¡±


    ¡°Sort of?¡± I reply ¡°The other half is¡­ well in the Dream it''s hard to consider her other than anything but Melty.¡±


    Ina tries, but she can¡¯t help but let out such a wonderful burst of a giggle. Immediately reaching out to touch my arm in preemptive apology. ¡°We¡¯re sorry. Really it¡¯s¡­ We just spent forever picking out a name and¡­ and wanted it to be this grand and unique thing and¡­ and couldn¡¯t see ourselves as happy with anything else and¡­ and here your¡¯s are. The Fury and the Melty One. So different from the shard we bear.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but smile with them. ¡°I¡­ yeah. But they¡¯re kinda also nicknames. I tend to call them the Storm when they merge.¡±


    They tilt their head at that. ¡°Really?¡±


    Tasii clears her throat at that, pulling us from this shared gushing. ¡°Sorry to interrupt. But¡­ We could discuss all this over lunch. And¡­ there is still the matter of¡­ That.¡± She gestures to the friend in my arms. ¡°Them? I don¡¯t want to be rude.¡±


    ¡°Help help!¡±


    ¡°Is that a yes¡­?¡± Tasii trails off.


    ¡°Either works.¡± Ina tip-taps her chin in such a cute way. ¡°We¡­ Yes. We¡¯ll work out a song to communicate with them more completely while we eat. Otherwise entwining our melody with Rahdian¡¯s is the top priority. This little cutie sought them out and brought them to us. We need to make sure whatever we compose is something we can share and draw her into.¡±


    Song? Compose!?!


    ¡°You¡¯re magic¡­¡± I whisper in wonder. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s music?¡±


    They nod. ¡°It is. We weave and pluck at the World Song¡¯s strings.¡±


    My eyes must go so wide then. ¡°Like¡­ some big magic around everything? I¡¯m not crazy? You can feel it too?!?¡±


    They freeze, and eyebrows raise. ¡°Always. Especially now. But¡­ How does it seem to you?¡±


    ¡°A big ocean.¡± I reply. ¡°Enveloping everyone and everything.¡±


    Ina¡¯s almost bouncing a little at that. The delight radiating out into the room. Impossible to resist the push and pull of it.


    Yrelia giggles and moves to take up Ina¡¯s arm. ¡°Alright, come on. You didn¡¯t really have any breakfast. You can flirt at the table.¡±


    I¡¯m sputtering and clinging to my little friend so tight at that. ¡°Wh¨C but¨C¡±


    Ina sticks their tongue out at Yrelia but¡­ otherwise lets her tug them along while giggling. ¡°We¡¯re ALLOWED to flirt with the first nice Sun Spoken to stumble into our Path.¡±


    ¡°And I wonder who they learned to do that from.¡± Tasii says while moving up to my side, then turns a soft smile to me. ¡°Are they being too much?¡±


    ¡°No it¡¯s¡­ They¡¯re just¡­¡± I shake my head and trail off.


    ¡°A lot?¡±


    I nod. ¡°But¡­ This is perfect. I think.¡±


    Tasii smirks, gently guiding me forward. ¡°Feel free to speak up if you get overwhelmed. We¡­ Already need to keep an eye on them. Being mingled with a Goddess can be intense.¡±

 Chapter 95: Where Snow-Crossed Paths Meet Part 4

    <u>CW: </u>


    INA POV! Plural things and such and much!


    Fuck US is Rahdian so cute and perfect!


    Tall like Tasii and Zigdara, which we ADORE. The smaller spirit muses, then the larger adds. But¡­ Careful. Like one of those cute big bugs that would always sneak around in the early mornings at the temple. So quiet and terrified of everything, despite there being only one bird that would even try to bother eating them.


    For her, we think is probably because she was probably hurt by someone. Which¡­ if not for that glimmer of such love that sparkles in her eye every time she talks about her shards we¡¯d think that was their fault.


    Still could be. The larger considers sadly. First Dreams are¡­ hard. For both spirits. Like waking up with a throbbing skull and a stranger naked in your bed. It¡¯s always too easy for the girl and the shard to hurt each other.


    Fuck. Yeah that¡­ yeah. The smaller¡¯s agreement leads us to nod as they take another bite of this wonderful stew. But like¡­ We¡¯re pretty sure the spirits don¡¯t all have the same memories. That some split off earlier wouldn¡¯t know what came later.


    Except by what they see through their Sun Spoken¡¯s shared Dreams.


    Fuck.


    ¡°But¡­¡± Rahdian murmurs after what¡¯s been a long pause.


    We¡¯ve basically told her everything we can about Sun Spoken nonsense. Left out heavier details but shared all the things we wished Emarial had been open about. Trying not to scare her while also not wanting her to be blind to the dangers and threats meeting another like us could imply. Especially some of the older ones.


    And¡­ like¡­ of course our past in the temple hasn¡¯t been brought up. Alongside the shard¡¯s hatred of all things monsters and parasites. That¡¯s not a thing we think we can trust with other Sun Spoken.


    What if they see us as just another monster? A¡­ a parasite? Would the assurances of a fellow Weaver shard be enough to make them understand and accept us?


    Rahdian is NOTHING but wonderful and sweet. We have no doubt she would understand. But¡­ we also don¡¯t want to risk these Fury and Melty Dreamers hurting her over it. Getting angry and¡­ and doing something stupid and cruel!


    ¡°Mhm?¡± We perk up when Rahdian doesn¡¯t continue. ¡°You have another question?¡±


    She nods. ¡°How did you get your shard?¡±


    We sigh and look down. Considering how much to share.


    ¡°We found a book, and in it was this pretty droplet of sap.¡± We say after only a little pause as spirits come to an agreement. ¡°It¡­ it hurt us, but then claimed us. Stumbled into our future lovers and decided to leave Lyttoral after that.¡±


    She jerks up. ¡°Wait. You¡¯re from Lyttoral?¡±


    We nod. ¡°Mhm. Never left until that day. Every step is like¡­ the farthest away from home we¡¯ve ever been.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± She murmurs. ¡°I¡¯m from there too.¡±


    Our eyes go wide. ¡°Really?¡±


    She nods.


    And we can¡¯t help but laugh. ¡°Then what, if you don¡¯t mind us asking, the FUCK are you doing out and up here in the bitter cold? We LONG to feel the sun and heat again.¡±


    She smiles but¡­ yeah there is pain there. ¡°I ran away. Have been stumbling around just¡­ trying to figure out what to do with my life.¡±


    We sigh and nod, reaching across the table and laying a hand on hers. ¡°We get that. A lot actually. Our¡­ we¡¯re not sure how we¡¯re going to face our S¡­ Our mother. Us being Sun Spoken will help but¡­ Yeah. We prefer the Paths to our old life.¡±


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    Rahdian nods. ¡°I can¡¯t go back.¡±


    ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± We ask.


    She sighs and slumps. ¡°It¡¯s complicated. And¡­ and if it¡¯s not too rude, a topic I¡¯d like to avoid.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Our agreement comes easily. ¡°We have similar things. Never feel obligated to share unless you¡¯re ready and comfortable. But¡­ know that we get it and¡­ and are here if you need someone to open up to.¡±


    That both seems to relax her and¡­ and cause such a conflict in her expression.


    The feeling of a kindred soul. The larger muses. Wanting so much to share and mingle but¡­ scared from past attempts.


    We¡¯re not going to push her. The smaller gently demands. She¡­ even without the Sun Spoken stuff we know too well how much past nonsense can hurt. How many months it¡¯s taken us to heal and¡­ and how many more we¡¯re probably going to need still!


    ¡°We¡¯d like to be someone you trust but¡­ understand more than most how that has to be slowly earned.¡± The two spirits chime together through our lips.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± Rahdian says and wipes a bit at her eyes but¡­ twists to squeeze our offered hand. ¡°That¡­ I¡¯ve had a lot of people try and force me to trust them and¡­ and it¡¯s always ended so fucking badly!¡±


    ¡°Fuck¡­¡± We sigh. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. But¡­ feel free to stay here as long as you¡¯d like. Even after we get our song boiling up.¡±


    ¡°Maybe¡­¡± She murmurs. ¡°I might have someone I¡¯d like to check in with, at least before she leaves the mountain.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Of course.¡±


    And then we nibble at our food a bit after that. The Larger spirit ends up pulling back and just¡­ letting the smaller front in a way she never has. Talk of small and easy things with this wonderful girl. Mostly books we both happened to read. Giggling a bit at just how many were fantasies about Sun Spoken just as a girl I last saw in horrid bindings enters with Jevita and Kque.


    ¡°Hi!¡± We can¡¯t help but feel such a weight drain out of us. ¡°Did¡­ Sorry we¡¯ve been wonderfully distracted. Did¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all off.¡± Jevita sighs and comes over to sit at our side, totally without worry at our merging as she pulls us into a tired hug. ¡°Not sure either of you could have helped much. Nice to¡­ to see you again. The larger spirit I mean.¡±


    We wrap her in our everything. ¡°The Waking World is only worth visiting because of the lovers who await us.¡±


    Jevita hugs us tighter as Kque steps forward with the girl. ¡°I¡¯m not sure if Yrelia or Tasii mentioned anything but¡­ this is Thodep.¡±


    ¡°Hi¡­¡± Thodep gives a little wave. Looking about the suddenly filled space but¡­ soon her eyes are back on us. ¡°Is¡­ I¡¯m sorry did¡­ are you different? You sound um¡­¡±


    Kque moves to guide Thodep to the table. ¡°We¡¯ll explain over food.¡±


    ¡°Oh thank fuck.¡± Thodep sighs. ¡°Yes. Please. Food sounds wonderful.¡±


    We can¡¯t help but grin at her vibrant delight. Seeing¡­ seeing her happy and very much apparently living with the love and support of her headmate.


    Now we just need to find out how to get that for these other two.


    Jevita nuzzles close as the subtle musings and song of our soul considers us. Almost¡­ almost like she senses our worry and love and considerations for her.


    The first of our lovers to find us on that cold night and¡­ and accept both spirits. Never seemed anything but loving enthralled by us. Even¡­ even when we didn¡¯t deserve it. Has spent months studying magics she can only converse about and¡­ and helped us adjust our thoughts to adapt to our songs outside of our mergings.


    ¡°Where are Tasii and Yrelia?¡± Kque asks as she returns to the table and sets bowls to Thodep, Jevita, and herself.


    ¡°Just stepping out to check on our third guest.¡± Then we motion at Rahdian with a hand. ¡°And¡­ by the way, This is Rahdian. The girl we wished had been the first Sun Spoken we met.¡±


    Jevita pulls away then. Tired in so many ways, but sparking back with a bit of energy as she waves. ¡°Hi. It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡±


    Kque offers the same and even asks if she¡¯d like more stew, which to my surprise she accepts easily.


    ¡°Same. Yeah. This¡­ this has been really nice.¡± She huffs as she pulls up a spoonful of stew to blow on.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Jevita murmurs as she pokes at her own stew. ¡°Tasii mentioned something about a¡­ a rock? That was like¡­ talking?¡±


    ¡°Yeah what was that about?¡± Thodep chimes in. ¡°My Maktaba perked up really hard and sort of¡­ starting delving into the stacks after she left. Forced me to front, even.¡±


    ¡°Oh um¡­¡± Rahdian looks down to the little bundle of blanket she¡¯s been keeping on her lap. And as everyone goes a bit quiet there intones a soft sort of¡­ buzzing sound.


    With very very gentle ¡®helps¡¯ punctuating it every few seconds.


    ¡°Is that¡­?¡± Thodep¡¯s eyes go wide.


    ¡°A fully sentient creature made of pure Gemstone?¡± Jevita whispers as Thodep trails off. Stew forgotten, she rises and nearly scrambles to move around the table to see.


    ¡°They¡¯ve kinda¡­ passed out.¡± Rahdian pulls back the blanket a bit to expose the glimmering surface of the little cutie. ¡°I¡¯ve tried before but¡­ I¡¯m not really sure I could wake them.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t.¡± We smirk as both Kque and Thodep move to get a look at the resting creature. ¡°They¡¯re waiting for us.¡±


    A long pause, then everyone absorbs our words and turns to stare.


    ¡°Um¡­ what?¡± Rahdian asks.


    We shrug. ¡°We¡¯ve been working out the spell, and both spirits agreed it''s the best and safest way to communicate well.¡±


    ¡°What way?¡± Kque moves to sit. Keeping some attention on the cutie but twisting her focus to me.


    ¡°When Tasii and Yrelia arrive, we¡¯ll explain all the details and wait for you all to agree to let us attempt this.¡± We assure any worry she might be letting bubble up. ¡°But¡­ in short, we¡¯re going to try and link our Dream to both Rahdian¡¯s and this little cutie¡¯s.¡±


    That makes Rahdian jerk in surprise. ¡°Wh¨C what? You can do that?¡±


    ¡°Why haven¡¯t you¡­¡± Kque starts, but then sighs as the answer comes to her. ¡°You weren¡¯t Inspired to really try.¡±


    Jevita nods. ¡°Talked about it weeks ago. But we agreed that trying to share a Dream with someone who isn¡¯t Sun Spoken was too risky.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ Why include me!?!¡± Rahdian sputters. ¡°I may be Sun spoken but I¡¯m a mess! I¡¯ve already introduced you to them and¡­ and would probably just¡­ just¡­¡±


    Then her eyes go a bit wide as she sees our deeper goal.


    We giggle. ¡°We want your help, of course. But¡­¡±


    Jevita is almost bouncing as my brilliant lover understands. ¡°You want to meet other Weaver shards! Ask them questions and¡­ and maybe¡­ maybe share things! Memories and magics and¡­ and¡­¡±


    ¡°And all the things.¡± We grin, then turn our gaze to Rahdian. ¡°But¡­ Only if our fellow Sun Spoken is comfortable with this.¡±


    Rahdian looks down and goes quiet for such a long while. Enough time passes that we feel right in murmuring. ¡°There are no expectations here, Rahdian. Just bringing this little cutie to us is wonderful. You can just¡­ enjoy this manor, eat our food, and wait for the sun to rise. Continue your life as you want to live it with us or elsewhere. Just bearing shards like ours is such a responsibility. Don¡¯t feel the need to add obligations if you don¡¯t want them.¡±


    She sighs and shakes her head. ¡°No, I''ll do it. It¡¯s why I came here. I¡­ If you think you can help them. I¡­ I won¡¯t rob them of this. Can¡¯t. Not after they¡¯ve done so much for me.¡±


    We nod. ¡°No commitments yet, okay? Our lovers may still tell us no. And we¡¯ll find another way to do all this. Work on a song of translation or¡­ or something.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ What?¡± Thodep interjects. ¡°Aren¡¯t you like¡­ the High duenna alongside being a Sun Spoken? Why let them decide this?¡±


    We smile, but¡­ feel the guilt bubble. ¡°Because¡­ We¡¯ve made many poor choices since our first merger. Lost a leg for our stupidity and¡­ and almost more. Never again will we face the gathering cold alone and risk losing what is most dear to us.¡±

 Chapter 96: Dreaming, Just Before The Cursestorm Strikes Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    None? Talk of mupples?


    ¡°Alright.¡± We say while moving back after helping Yrelia shuffle and change the sheets on this huge bed. ¡°Can they be settled there?¡±


    Rahdian nods and moves to lay that little cutie in the center. Needing to crawl up and on it a bit to ease them down but¡­ like they¡¯ve been still for the past hours with some pretty loud conversations, didn¡¯t seem to even consider waking up.


    Just¡­ would look like some pretty crystalline sculpture if not for the flickers of light and very very subtle shifting of odd limbs every few minutes.


    ¡°So¡­¡± We move around the bed to step next to Yrelia by the door, pointing to a second exit. ¡°There is a washroom and such attached to this bedroom, feel free to enjoy that. We¡¯ll not be ready for our song till after dinner anyway.¡±


    Rahdian nods, seeming already exhausted but¡­ in a good way?


    More than they are used to, most likely. The larger spirit muses. Skittish at the kindness shown. Worried with every step that they will stumble and find her hosts¡¯ temperaments reversed.


    The smaller winces a bit at that. Memories of feeling similar among our lovers and¡­ even still find some old scars nudged every now and again. But¡­ their affirmations have held true through so much of our nonsense. Showing us in action how dear we are to them. We hope that Rahdian¡¯s time with us will show her the same.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± She murmurs, eyes falling to stare at nothing. ¡°That¡­ that sounds nice. Actually. Some time alone to¡­ to steady myself. Think about everything you¡¯ve shared.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± We agree quickly. ¡°Take all the time you need, and if you decide to change your mind before tonight then we¡¯ll adjust.¡±


    She nods, and we move to leave with our first lover. Walking a bit slowly while navigating the silent halls.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Yrelia asks, slipping her hand in ours.


    ¡°Yes, love?¡± We murmur back.


    ¡°She seems wonderful.¡± My lover says. ¡°A mess but¡­ I think you¡¯d be a lot more like her if you¡¯d had to figure out all this alone.¡±


    We nod, ¡°We think so too.¡±


    ¡°Do you think she¡¯ll want to stay with us? For longer than tonight, I mean?¡±


    We sigh and slow even further. ¡°It¡¯ll depend, we think, on how our Dream plays out.¡±


    After explaining our plan, and answering quite a few insightful questions from both Jevita and even Thodep, our lovers agreed fairly quickly to the working. If anything they had more questions for Rahdian than us. Wanting to make sure their Weaver Shards weren¡¯t going to be hostile.


    Tasii had even asked the blunt question we were struggling to parse out from their answers. ¡®How easily can your shards read your thoughts and memories? Ina here has¡­ things in her past that have upset the other Sun Spoken we mentioned.¡¯


    No. That¡­ that shouldn¡¯t be possible. The larger spirit agreed with Rahdian¡¯s eventual negative. But¡­ What if other shards remember how to do things we don¡¯t? Are more proficient in magics we¡¯ve long forgotten or had carved away?


    We voiced that worry to our lovers, no matter how much we both would rather just¡­ hope for the best and spare them the worry of all this. But after Rahdian talked at length about how just¡­ hurt her shards are. How mangled and tangled and struggling to keep their own conscious minds stable, we all decided it was on the low end of likely dangers.


    So¡­ Now everyone in agreement that this would be worth the little risks it entailed. Especially since we can keep our eventual connection to the little cutie separate until we¡¯ve worked things out with Rahdian and her Weaver shard.


    ¡°Well¡­¡± Yrelia murmurs softly. ¡°I just wanted to let you both know that if she needs a place, she¡¯s welcome to stay as long as she wants. And if she wants to join us after we leave, she¡¯s welcome to that too.¡±


    We turn such a smile on our first lover. ¡°Thanks. That¡­ that means a lot. We think it¡¯ll mean all the Dream to her as well.¡±


    We find our other loves still gathered in the kitchen alongside Zigdara. Thodep with Kque¡¯s wonderful mothers out to spend time with Lule and the monster who¡¯s found stability in his snuggles.


    ¡°And?¡± Tasii seems to press our duenna as we enter.


    Zigdara seems to look off and away. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. It was¡­ odd. She knew me, and I feel like I¡¯ve met her before but¡­ I cannot place her face or name.¡±


    That makes us pause, ¡°Oh? Why didn¡¯t you ask her?¡±


    ¡°Because she seemed afraid of me.¡± Zigdara sighs. ¡°And I didn¡¯t want to interrupt the more important questions you all had.¡±


    We nod and move to slide into a chair. ¡°Well¡­ you are the second tallest woman we¡¯ve ever met, and a duenna besides. And she is from Lyttoral. So¡­¡±


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Our duenna shakes her head in frustration. ¡°No. This was a fear I¡¯ve only seen once or twice before. It¡¯s a thing of familiar regard.¡±


    That makes us purse our lips. Sudden worry bubbling up.


    ¡°She never lied to us.¡± Tasii adds to the sudden quiet. ¡°Her¡­ well her personality and worry and fear was all honest. Is there the chance you like¡­ detained or scared her at some point?¡±


    Zigdara thinks on that, ¡°No. I¡¯ve managed the temple in Lyttoral for the past two decades. And before that¡­ Lyttoral is not like Arudia. My work as an apprenticed duenna and street guardian were uneventful save one or two very specific encounters. All of which I can safely say she was not involved with.¡±


    ¡°You said you¡¯ve only seen an expression like that a few times though?¡± Kque interjects. ¡°Could you explain those to us so we can get some context, please?¡±


    The big woman sighs. ¡°Once or twice when a duenna or¡­ other such person was caught with one of the temple males. Emarial wore something close but¡­ different when I visited her alone a few weeks back. And¡­¡± She turns to look at us, almost an embarrassed look on her face.


    We can¡¯t help it, we giggle together. ¡°Well¡­ yeah. Of course. You terrified us more than we can explain.¡±


    That helps her settle a bit, leaning shoulder into wall in consideration. ¡°When I found Ina where I thought another should be. I¡­ Your expression has sat heavy in my mind for a very long time as I tried to understand what all it meant.¡±


    Our mirth sours a bit. ¡°Sorry, Zigdara. That¡­ we wish we could have saved you all these past months of pain and guilt.¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°As I¡¯ve come to understand, you were right to hide yourself from both myself and others. But this Rahdian¡­ It could have simply been from her encounter with the duenna of the city. Misplaced worries are difficult to shake until solidly refused.¡±


    We nod. ¡°We¡¯re deciding how much trust we should put in an Arudian duenna¡¯s explanations of events. And, that lead duenna we demanded hasn¡¯t arrived yet¡­¡±


    ¡°This might have been something they wanted the Doyans to speak with you about at today''s Conclave.¡± Jevita murmurs, leaning heavily into Kque still.


    We sigh and nod. ¡°Probably. Fuck, that¡¯s unfortunate.¡±


    ¡°You had more important things to do, loves.¡± Yrelia assures us.


    Loves. The two of us can¡¯t help but¡­ but only barely hide a shudder at the plurality in her word there as we nod. ¡°Let¡¯s just hope they arrive sooner, rather than later. I¡¯d hate to have them waiting to speak with us after we¡¯re dreaming.¡±


    After that our conversation drifts into topics we have little to add to. Talks of Kque¡¯s mother continuing help with one of our guests, and how Thodep will probably be a wonderful addition to the effort. Jevita offers little and we can tell something about that bothers her a ton, so we make sure to include ourselves in the embrace that Kque¡¯s kept her wrapped in. So very careful to avoid all those glyphs that hiss across her skin.


    Rahdian takes her time, which is wonderful. And despite a little worry that she may need food, we keep to our word and let her come to us when ready. But before that, there comes another knock from the front door, and we meet the two arrivals with Zigdara.


    Grand Doyan Boletii, and of course at her side is the wretched Matron of Rell. Weird arm that seems to thrum with¡­ somethings while the woman''s eyes dance in scarlet harmony to it.


    ¡°High Duenna,¡± The Grand Doyan intones steadily, hiding her own worry at the merger she sees in us. ¡°It has come to our attention that there was some¡­ miscommunication and possible overreach in regards to¨C¡±


    We sigh and raise a hand gently, a silent request to pause. Which she takes.


    ¡°Come in out of the cold, Grand Doyan.¡± We offer, stepping back and letting Zigdara open the door fully. ¡°No reason to have this discussion on the front steps.¡± Then our eyes dart to Veletross. ¡°And¡­ Matron Veletross. What brings you along with her tonight?¡±


    ¡°Simply giving company, advice and protection to a dear ally of mine.¡± The Matron of Rell smirks.


    The smaller spirit would have missed it, had the larger¡¯s fury not tilted into curiosity. An offer of another ally? But¡­ also a warning?


    No, we already beat her once. And that was while we were trying to be careful. If the cunt has to know that our restraint before would disappear tonight. What with so many beloved souls about our home.


    Then¡­ huh. Who would the Grand Doyan of the Academy need protecting from?


    Such questions rumble through our thought¡¯s songs as we all move to a side room with comfortable chairs and couches.


    ¡°Was this discussed at the Conclave we missed?¡± Is our first question.


    Boletii settles into her seat and nods. ¡°In part. Yes. But not the blockading off of this section, that was to be left up to your discretion after a messenger was sent to inform you of the event and gain your considerations. As well as inquiries as to if you knew this Sun Spoken.¡±


    We quirk an eyebrow, ¡°Considerations? Not our command or approval?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°The role of High duenna is¡­ more of a ceremonial title in these matters. The Doyans still have the authority over the city duenna since a Sun Spoken will likely not come into the role with understanding or experience in managing such a large swath of guardians.¡±


    We lean forward. ¡°Of course, but¡­ no messenger arrived. Why is that?¡±


    Boletii purses her lips, ¡°To be honest, I¡¯m not certain, and my inquiries have been met with silence that worries me.¡±


    We quirk our head. ¡°Oh? Are our enemies already starting to test our tolerances?¡±


    Boletii sighs and shrugs. ¡°Perhaps, I¡¯ll discover in tomorrow¡¯s Conclave if our duenna captains mean to offer naught but excuses and half answers. To remove any of them for this it¡¯ll take a majority vote, and if my fellow Doyans don¡¯t call for or support it then¡­ It could mean worse is coming.¡±


    ¡°Such as?¡±


    ¡°My removal as High Doyan, possibly even my seat.¡± She intones with more calm than we expect. ¡°Which is why I came to ask you to make sure that your presence is felt at tomorrow¡¯s Conclave.¡±


    ¡°A show of strength and support?¡± We raise an eyebrow.


    ¡°It will also make for a wonderful threat to any who would consider upending the peace you¡¯ve forced.¡± The Matron finally adds.


    Boletii is more than happy to succeed to Veletross, and it takes a minor adjustment of our on considerations that despite outward appearances to remember that the Matron is the High Doyan¡¯s elder and sponsor.


    We turn an annoyed gaze to her. ¡°Of course it would. We miss one day of this and some at that meeting have chosen to test our patience and resolve in this. The best we can hope for is incompetence. We understand this. So why not, if we¡¯re sitting here as allies, discuss openly why you¡¯ve chosen to visit our home, Matron?¡±


    She smirks. ¡°For all the reasons I said before, and this. I¡¯ve placed three Murtaziq to guard our beloved sleeping Sun Spoken, and already they¡¯ve noticed¡­ interesting stirrings about that home.¡±


    The fury and flashbacks brim past our Hetaera mask in a way that we guess make our eyes blaze and voice turn dangerously melodic.


    ¡°Such as?¡±


    She shrugs, but never lets that infuriating smile waver. ¡°Unsavory sorts seem to be watching the home, and one even thought to approach early on. Fled before my women could subdue and restrain her for questioning.¡±


    ¡°Who do you think they are?¡± We press, ¡°And working for?¡±


    ¡°If I had to venture a guess¡­ other Murtaziq.¡± She replies. ¡°The availability of their like is suddenly quite low. Many of my sources point to many wealthy patrons purchasing up the services of any they can these past weeks.¡±


    We can¡¯t shift our glower. ¡°Many are gathering specialized guardians, most likely in response to our sudden and unavoidable freeing of those bearing the Maktaba.¡±


    ¡°Protecting their estates with women they feel might just be capable of dealing with a Sun Spoken should she decide to press for more.¡± The Matron nods. ¡°Foolish, honestly. Anyone they¡¯ve hired would tell them as such if they¡¯d seen you that night, only taking their employer''s coin until the danger approaches.¡±


    ¡°Which is why we wanted to personally arrive and take this opportunity to speak.¡± Boletii interjects before our roiling reply can manifest. ¡°Understand, in full, what the merged wills of Sun Spoken and Weaver would recommend.¡±


    We lean back and consider¡­ Well, not how much we can trust them. The answer is none. At all. But¡­ we can understand them, at least a little. And any information we give will be used to further their interests. The goal is to make sure they always consider allying with us to be their best path to that.


    ¡°We¡¯ve important business to handle tonight, which could very likely halt us from attending tomorrow¡¯s Conclave.¡± We muse aloud. ¡°And we¡¯d rather not need to imply that any such testing of our patience will bring to bear our full attention or disinterest. But¡­ We¡¯re considering sending an envoy in our stead. A woman of knowledge and understanding to speak with our voice whose judgment we trust.¡±


    Boletii nods, ¡°That sounds like a good plan, depending on the woman. Who were you planning on sending?¡±


    We turn to face our duenna, who''s been silently watching over these exchanges. ¡°Could we trust you to convey this request to the Lady of this manor before or at first light?¡±


    Zigdara nods, and I turn back to find the satisfying look of annoyed disgust upon the Matron¡¯s face.


    ¡°You can¡¯t be serious.¡± Veletross murmurs.


    ¡°We are. Lady Ophrit is deft and bold. Smarter than you¡¯d ever admit and charming in a way that is hard to resist.¡±


    Veletross sighs, ¡°Why not request my Heiress do this instead?¡±


    ¡°Because she has little patience for Arudian politics, and deserves to pursue goals in spheres she enjoys.¡±


    The matron purses her lips, but eventually nods and relaxes into bemused annoyance. ¡°It truly is a shame, she was quite the sight when she found it to her liking and focus.¡±

 Chapter 97: Dreaming, Just Before The Cursestorm Strikes Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    gendr euphoria, and fear of it. Dysphoria and misgendering worries. but... honestly mostly thoughts about past worries and rejections.


    While the stranger in Kikii¡¯s mirror stunned me to silence, the girl looking back at me from this body length thing within the bathroom shatters me.


    I can¡¯t help but just¡­ stare. Caught between wanting to look away and turning the mirror backwards and¡­ and¡­ well, I really do need a real wash and to wear the clothes that haven¡¯t seen the long cold roads gifted to me by Tasii.


    But that would mean that I¡¯ll have to see this stranger naked. Fully so. Not in the quick ways I¡¯d had to figure out on the open Paths. Or the occasionally secluded washrooms where speed felt so important.


    Fuck.


    I have all the time I need, and two locked doors between myself and anyone who might think to come check on me. Which Ina promised they wouldn¡¯t.


    So¡­ All that¡¯s left is the fear.


    Her face is even more striking than before in the better lighting, even with the mess of tangled hair falling about it. I¡­ I¡¯m not sure if pressed I could even find the old person in those features. Not easily at least.


    Okay. Only a little at a time. C¡¯mon girl.


    And so I strip off the coat and sweater and¡­ okay I can see a bit of the old here. The tits are¡­ fuck. Okay I have to look past them else I might¡­ but¡­ I mean¡­ I¡¯ve lost so much of my old thickness and strength these past two years. Both from lack of good food and whatever else the spinning the Storm gave me does.


    And so without honestly considering it I wince and drop the leggings and socks and¡­ get nothing but a full view of the strange girl that is me.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I can¡¯t help but whisper.


    The¡­ the stuff between the legs is hard not to focus on and let hurt a bit. We¡­ We''ve talked about future options for changing that later if I want. But¡­ the Storm had words I¡¯d not considered.


    ¡°The flesh is never who you are, love.¡± The melty half had tittered. ¡°And don¡¯t feel pressured into changing parts you¡¯d rather keep. It¡­ well, it might make finding the right lover a challenge, but Arudia might be a good place for that. Their Cultivation gemstones sound like they might let other girls explore uncommon changes and preferences. Be more open to you.¡±


    ¡°I hope you¡¯re right.¡± I murmur while turning myself and watching the girl in the mirror. Thinking back on Kikii¡¯s easy acceptance after a brief moment of¡­ well she wasn¡¯t mad at me. Or disgusted. If anything she was annoyed at herself for tumbling over her own surprise.


    But I¡¯m still a stinky mess though, so soon I¡¯m moving over to the waiting bath filled with perfectly warm waters. Sinking in and letting myself just¡­ soak this all in.


    Dreaming with another Sun Spoken. Will¡­ is that dangerous? Could she learn about my past from it? I¡¯ve never really considered my body while in the Dream, but¡­ thinking back it seems to just¡­ be me. Almost formless until myself or the Storm draws attention to something.


    I try to remember details but¡­ Can¡¯t recall any.


    But as I begin to properly scrub my body and hair, an idea forms amidst my growing drowsiness.


    I can just take a small nap, and ask them! Get them to agree before we even try this!


    And so after I¡¯m all clean and wrapped well in wonderfully warm clothes, I fall into the bed. Snuggling up to my little friend and letting the short day''s exhaustion pull me into slumber.


    I¡¯m pretty good at remembering things between dreaming and waking. And am able to avoid the almost playful nothings we always share before pulling up the memories.


    Both seem to bubble with all the things. Joy at how I¡¯m safe and warm. Delight at the possibility of us being able to meet not just another Sun Spoken but¡­ but Dream with her! Such an idea is a thing they thought either impossible or too dangerous to ever consider. But¡­ Her easy pulling of her shard¡¯s Weaver into the Waking World settles that.


    There are also similar worries to my own, about her seeing a part of me here that we¡¯d rather keep hidden and how she might react to them and their current state but¡­ They can help with that. Focus on the Dreamscape and make sure we¡¯re only sharing what we consciously want.


    And¡­ that leaves but one looming question.


    What is Zigdara even doing here, and why is a duenna of the temple of Lyttoral with Ina?


    I¡¯d avoided even looking at the big scary lady since our first interaction, and she¡¯d not asked anything. But¡­ From a few stolen glances I could tell something about me bothered her. ¡®Best case,¡¯ the fury had offered, ¡®she¡¯s simply protective of the Sun Spoken. Worst, she feels a familiarity but cannot place it. Your changes are unique, and to think that Sun Spoken magic would be used to reweave a person¡¯s body due to disjunction of spirit and vessel is simply unthinkable to her.¡¯


    Forcing an awakening from the Dream always hurts, but¡­ we take it slow and soon the only pain is the weariness that beacons me to return to the warm bed.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    It''s easy to follow the sounds of voices and laughter and¡­ and just life to my hosts. Finding them sort of¡­ split between multiple rooms and conversations. Eventually, after a few more greetings and introductions to the Lady¡¯s that actually own this house, I¡¯m sitting with a warm mug of fudgebrew curled up in one of the big comfy chairs.


    ¡°Ina¡¯s in the kitchen, if you need them.¡± The big girl, Tasii, lets me know while settling into the chair beside me with her own mug. ¡°If not, Dinner will be ready in about a half an hour.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I nod, pause for a small drink of the warm drink before saying. ¡°I um¡­ took a small nap. Asked my Dreamers about what we all talked about.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Tasii leans chin on palm. ¡°What¡¯re their thoughts?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re honestly really excited.¡± I can¡¯t help but smile. ¡°They¡­ they didn¡¯t think something like this would ever be possible.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good to hear. Any reservations or worries from them?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°Not really.¡±


    A pause.


    ¡°That¡¯s not really a no¡­¡±


    I sigh and look down into my steaming mug. ¡°Just¡­ y¡¯know¡­¡±


    Another pause.


    ¡°Not really.¡± Tasii shrugs easily. ¡°This is all new to us too, and if your headmates have worries we¡¯d like to respect them.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re only worried about me.¡± I reply. ¡°This¡­ this sounds like it''s going to be an entire thing and¡­¡±


    Do I take a risk? Give these people just a little more trust?


    Tasii doesn¡¯t press. Not with words. But nor does she move or change the subject to something easier.


    ¡°They¡­ Well it¡¯s like you asked Ina before.¡± I start carefully. ¡°There are things in my past, parts of me I¡¯d like to keep private. They¡¯ll do whatever they can to help keep some boundaries up but¡­ Dreams are messy. Things could spill over.¡±


    And to my surprise, Tasii nods in nothing but agreement. ¡°I¡¯ll talk to Ina, we can see about maybe¡­ coming to an agreement? Nothing comes out of that Dream that you both don¡¯t agree to share. You can both sit privately afterwards and lay things out? I know they¡¯ll both agree to that.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but nibble on the side of my cheek in worry. ¡°But¡­ what if she sees something really bad in there? Like¡­ like horrible? And¡­¡±


    A soft strong hand reaches out to touch my wrist, kinda jerking me from my own stupid outpouring of nonsense.


    ¡°So long as you¡¯re not a danger, or mean to become one. I¡¯ll personally make sure she doesn¡¯t share anything you don¡¯t personally agree to.¡±


    I nod and swallow a lump that formed in my throat. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± She nods, ¡°And honestly¡­ We¡¯re all more worried about you noticing things about Ina. She¡­ well¡­ let¡¯s just say that if she does return to Lyttoral it''s going to be messy. Having a duenna at her side speaking for her will be wonderful but¡­ it may not be enough.¡±


    Messy? So¡­ is she like¡­. Did she steal or hurt someone? Run afterwards?


    Of course I only nod and thank her. Share that honestly quiets so many worries. After that¡­ well¡­ we have a really warm and wonderful dinner. One of the girls marked with the Maktaba, Jevita, has a few dozen questions for me about my magic. I try to keep it simple but¡­ she¡¯s really smart and insightful and¡­ and her time with Ina has helped her easily grasp it all!


    So much that I have to eventually dance about giving her real answers else she starts to puzzle out some of the more specific needs my spinnings meet! But¡­ she¡¯s still tired and distracted and really kind. Like everyone here. Sees my discomfort and moves past.


    And¡­ and during it all I can¡¯t help but feel something so odd. Like¡­ like how some of the older people I¡¯ve met say they can feel the rain coming in their bones. The Ocean around and inside everything seems to¡­ well brace and stir.


    The song Ina promised would bubble up, drawing closer?


    It¡¯s another hour or so after the meal that they find me. Eyes still blazing but¡­ subdued. A soft hum and melody seem to follow them as their body falls into the chair at my side. ¡°So¡­ Would you still like to join us?¡±


    Deep breath, and I nod. ¡°Yeah. I¡­ Did you talk with Tasii?¡±


    They nod. ¡°We did, and it seems like a good idea. They¡¯ll be there when we wake up but¡­ only to help us settle. Will let us sit in private and decide what to share before asking questions beyond ¡®are you okay, do you want some food¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for¡­ for accepting that.¡± I sigh and adjust to lean forward.


    They smile and shrug. ¡°Likewise, it honestly removed a weight from us to know the other half of this wants to keep things private.¡± Then they hold out a hand. ¡°C¡¯mon. This¡­ merging has a cost. We¡¯ve not burned together this long in a while and¡­ we¡¯re going to need to mix in a bit of healing workings into things to avoid a really nasty headache in the morning.¡±


    I take their offer, and can¡¯t help but focus more than is probably subtle on the softness of their skin and the thrum of the Amwella buzzing beneath. Such a radiant and intoxicating swirl of warmth and life that teems with all sorts of colors and life. A sign of a girl and her shard so well loved and accepted that I can¡¯t stop the tears that sting my eyes in¡­ in¡­


    ¡°Rahdian?¡± Ina whispers, and I realize we¡¯ve stopped just outside the door to the room. ¡°We¡­ what¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Oh! Fuck I¡­ I¡¯m sorry I¡­ I just¡­¡± I jerk to look away and wipe furiously at my eyes.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± They take up the hand still clinging to theirs, ¡°This¡­ we understand how we can be a lot. And um¡­ we kinda forgot how hard Emarial¡¯s Amwella hit us when we stumbled into each other. We should have like¡­ considered that!¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No it¡¯s¡­ you''re just¡­ I¡¯m¡­ You¡¯re really really loved. By so many people and¡­ and I¡¯m not¡­¡±


    Not able to find the same. Even a single person.


    ¡°Oh¡­ oh Rahdian.¡± They murmur so gently and step close, draw a careful hand up to rub gentle circles at my back. ¡°You¡¯ve been hurt, and not by simple strangers or even mothers, but¡­ a lover.¡±


    It''s all I can do to nod as the tears get worse. Unable to tell these perfect spirits that I lost two.


    ¡°We¡¯re so sorry.¡± They whisper, ¡°We¡­ We got very very lucky with our lovers. They¡¯ve accepted all our nonsense and bad choices with a truly reckless abandon we¡¯re not sure we deserve. And¡­ we meant what we said. We¡¯d love to have you join us! Everyone¡¯s agreed, and¡­¡±


    But I¡¯m already shaking my head. ¡°Can¡¯t risk it.¡±


    They pause, soul a flutter in¡­ odd patterns. Things I¡¯ve not seen before.


    Never met someone whose Amwella glows bright enough to notice what might be shiftings of emotions.


    They draw just a little closer, sighing sadly. ¡°We understand. We really really do. And we¡­ we wish maybe we didn¡¯t. Because then we might be stubborn and push harder. Share more of ourselves but¡­ we need to ask your shards some questions. Make sure¡­ of things. Then maybe we can start helping each other heal just a bit.¡±


    I nod, let out such a heavy huff of pain and guilt and longing as her Amwella thrums in concordant rhythms. Scrub my already soaked sleeve against my mess of a face. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Always, Rahdian. We really cannot communicate how¡­ how special this is. To both Girl and Weaver.¡± They reach back to open the door we¡¯re hovering outside of, and begin to pull us inside. ¡°And we cannot wait to meet the Dreamers who¡¯ve loved you as no others have.¡±


    I have to cry a bit more as they pull me to sit on the bed¡¯s edge. Murmuring soft comforts and rubbing circles along my back and never letting my hand go. And despite the mess I make of my wonderful sweater that I absolutely end up changing, they never waver. Only at the end offering me a hug.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea.¡± I murmur as I re-enter the room after changing in the bathroom. Resettling on the bed beside them. ¡°I¡­ I might cry again. Or¡­ um¡­¡±


    Can¡¯t look up as I suppress the flutter in my Amwella at the idea of accidentally using the Spark Call and ruining everything.


    But they simply giggle. ¡°Oh, yeah. We¡¯ve not gotten our lovers okay to do that.¡±


    I look away. Such a wash of shame and guilt and annoyance that I would even think they would¨C


    ¡°After tonight, totally! If you''re interested, of course.¡± They add quickly and cut off the spiral. Causing me to jerk up and stare in confusion.


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡±


    They sigh and look away. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ kinda like this song and plan. We need them to be our guides, and have agreed to live under their permissions when merged like this. Half of us was raised in a sheltered environment, while the other has shown tendencies to abuse and hurt those she loves if she thinks the ends will justify the actions. And that mixture has led to many poor choices.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but let my eyes drift down to the strange leg. Such an odd twisting thing¡­


    ¡°Yes, that was one of them.¡± They whisper.


    I jerk back up, open my mouth to apologize, but their sudden and kind smile stops the words of apology from spilling out.


    ¡°But¡­ after we fall into this Dream and Spirits untangle? Yes. At our leisure. Our lovers are not possessive, simply protective and wanting to avoid issues of consent when such a large and scary spirit shares a body with a young and kind one.¡±


    I swallow. Mind filled with memories of Kikii and old lovers and freely gifted fire filling my own and how her own Amwella dances even now in my¡­


    But, then of course more sour memories choke out the good, and I can only whisper. ¡°Maybe. I¡­ I¡¯m not¡­¡±


    Can¡¯t help but picture Ina¡¯s face twisted in disgust and rage and fury. The high duenna and Sun Spoken of Arudia, able to easily toss me into the hands of either this Academy¡¯s Fertility Temple or¡­ or send me back to Lyttoral.


    ¡°But if not, every offer given is still open. Truly!¡± They lean around to have my eyes catch theirs. ¡°Your body is yours to enjoy as you will. And none here would dream of pushing for more unless you want that. We¡¯d all still delight in your company here.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Th- thanks. And sorry. Again.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be.¡± They sigh. ¡°We just¡­ Fuck. We just want to give you a safe space to heal, Rahdian. You deserve that. But¡­ for now let¡¯s meet your Dreamers.¡±

 Chapter 98: Dreaming, Just Before The Cursestorm Strikes Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Sexism. scary Dreamers shouting. Nightmares wibbling. Mupples!


    The Dream churns, and¡­ mostly due to us, it takes it a while to settle. We can sense Rahdian and two others blazing with her, and the little cutie beyond that.


    Leave them until after we¡¯ve met. They¡¯d, without words, seemed willing to wait as long as needed. Even until a second Dream if we wanted.


    So polite! Fuck, is that a wonderful thing to find in a creature who we¡¯d all expected to be really strange and unfathomable.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Aceso murmurs, endless wonderfully warm tendrils curling about my Dream-woven form. ¡°It should be safe to go to them now.¡±


    I sigh and lean back into her. Both missing the perfect melding but¡­ Also enjoying feeling that same desire in her. Two spirits divided and thrumming with love. ¡°I know, just¡­ basking in this a bit.¡±


    She hums agreement and squeezes me tighter. ¡°The Dreamscape we¡¯ll meet in will¡­ it¡¯s going to be messy. A combination of old places and memories from both you and Rahdian.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yup. I caught that in the song we wove. Will the Nightmares be a problem?¡±


    She growls out a chuckle drowning in such wicked hungers. ¡°Not for either of you. With three shards they might rise up more easily but¡­ with three spiteful wills they¡¯ll find nothing but Wroth and Ruin. We¡¯ll hunt together and protect this Dream for you both.¡±


    That settles me, and I wiggle around. Meet her gaze. ¡°Aceso, my love. Are you ready?¡±


    But all I find is more hunger and furious anticipation burning through her eyes. ¡°Yes! An eternity of yesses! Please take me to meet them!¡±


    So I do something I¡¯d never be able to manage in the Waking World, I hoist up and carry one of my lovers forward. She squirms a bit in surprise, but¡­ only playfully. The Dream almost coos in delight as Aceso nuzzles close, before twisting to instead cling to my back. Tendrils wrapping all about as we slip from our private muses into the connected Dream.


    And of course, we find them waiting for us on a beach.


    The memory of warm sand and the ocean''s wonderfully salty breeze brings such a wash of desire. Literally sings with the ache I¡¯ve had for months.


    And of course Rahdian is even more radiant in the Dream we share. What was paling skin now lightly sun-kissed while her hair is smooth and glimmering.


    And about and beside her are two wonderfully interesting beings. Twinned rippling Goddesses of perfect¡­ somethings. Just like with Aceso their scars and fractures are there. Mirrored in one¡¯s storm drawn hair and the other¡¯s ocean touched toes. But¡­ that doesn¡¯t make them less perfect. Instead I¡­ I¡¯d say more so. Two girls, like Aceso, just¡­ trying to find their happiness despite such wounds.


    The trio turns to us from where they sit. Eyes alight with considerations and worry and¡­ and curious wonder at us.


    ¡°Hi!¡± I greet and let the Dream ripple with my emotions. A show of trust to our guests.


    ¡°H¨C hi.¡± Rahdian murmurs while moving to stand.


    A pause, and the¡­ I think she¡¯s the Fury, speaks.


    Greetings, Inamatorii. Voice like distant thunder and eyes like cracking lightning. We wanted to thank you for offering our Rahdian safety and comfort, and us this shared Dream.


    I can¡¯t help but flinch a little, but cover it with a smile before she can take it as anything worse. ¡°Of course, She¡¯s wonderful. A delight, honestly. And please, just call me Ina.¡±


    The Fury nods, then turns focus to Aceso. And to you, for showing her the way to construct this Dream for us all to meet.


    Aceso nods, such¡­ huh. Shyness? Yeah that¡¯s definitely what she¡¯s trying to hide. ¡°Of course. I¡­ I¡¯ve never¡­ You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    Would you be offended if we asked for a private sharing of memory and past? The quiet melty one speaks up, tone soft and gentle and kinda¡­ bubbly. Just¡­ just in case we stir up something scary by mistake?


    Aceso gains a bit of courage at seeing this littler spirit in contrast to the scary Fury. ¡°Only if my Ina agrees to it. I¡¯ve given her my trust and this Dream. She may not experience everything, but she will be aware of it. Might even be able to consider it later.¡±


    My Ina. Fuck that makes my heart and the Dream around pulse in love for her.


    But those words startle both of the spirits, and after a pause the Fury asks. Is that wise? You must be a shard from very early, to be able to maintain such a soft Dream.


    Aceso nods, tendrils curl tighter as she whispers. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure I was the last one made before The Weaver died.¡±


    The Fury roils in surprise, while the Melty one seems so much to almost¡­ almost wanting to reach out toward my Aceso while murmuring. I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry.


    And yet this Dream is incredibly stable. How is that managed when you bear so many painful memories? The Fury asks.


    Aceso nuzzles my hair as she considers the compliment and praise. ¡°Anything you see here, stable and healing, is because of her.¡±


    ¡°Nope!¡± I smile and reach back to wrap a hand through a dense cluster of tendrils. Begin to squeeze and caress in ways I know she enjoys. ¡°Aceso¡¯s being modest. I¡¯m just¡­ a bit of an anchor. A stubborn silly girl she saved and who can¡¯t help but return as much love back as I can.¡±


    My fifth lover wibbles at that. All a mess of emotions and desires and such deep love for me.


    Please show us how? The melty one sort of¡­ bounces in sudden excitement. We¡­ Rahdian is wonderful and¡­ and we want to give her everything we can but¡­ but there is¡­ is¡­


    And the ocean stirs, and¡­ oh.


    Beneath the waves and nightmares and tears she¡¯s fighting so hard to hold back I see it.


    Both these shards are incredibly damaged. Like¡­ like that sap or¡­ or spirits literally cracked and would be bleeding soulfire and memory and power if not for how they¡¯ve pulled close to plug each other¡¯s fissure.


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    ¡°How is that possible?¡± Aceso whispers in such pain.


    An old lover of hers battled a great beast at sea. The Fury sighs and moves to cradle the Melty half as she falls into tears in Rahdian¡¯s arms. And from its carcass they drew my cracked and riven shard, merged it with theirs to save my spirit. But¡­ in doing so the Sun Spoken died. Shards lost beneath the waves for centuries, if not longer.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ um. That¡¯s where I found them.¡± Rahdian adds softly. ¡°We¡­ We saved each other. Really.¡±


    I turn and look out over the ocean, at the crack, and the fissures beneath¡­ A single furious will bubbling up beneath my horror and sadness at the sight of it.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Aceso warns softly. ¡°We¡­ it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s too deep. The Nightmares will overwhelm and keep us from sealing it.¡±


    ¡°Not with help.¡± I murmur. ¡°And not if you don¡¯t get distracted, love. I see how you will chase and hunt them. But if you can keep them away¡­¡±


    My fifth lover roils in anger and hunger and fury.


    It¡­ Even if we were to merge and aid, Rahdian doesn¡¯t have the Amwella for us to risk this. The Fury intones as gently as she can.


    Such fear echoes off the girl at the Fury¡¯s words, and with a sigh I turn back to them. ¡°You¡¯re right¡­ But this isn¡¯t the end. We¡¯re going to fix that.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± Rahdian murmurs.


    ¡°We happen to know a big cunt with a ton of Amwella to spare and an entire gaggle of shards to recruit to help.¡±


    A pause, then Aceso growls. ¡°No.¡±


    Twist to look up at her, ¡°We can work something out. Use a similar twisting of this Dream linking spell, try and like¡­ I dunno. Isolate them and Emarial from each other. Divide the Dreams. Take this slow and careful.¡±


    She pauses, considers that.


    Inspiration bubbles at the song we might weave.


    This¡­ Emarial. She¡¯s another Sun Spoken? With multiple shards like us? The melty one asks.


    I nod. ¡°Yeah. She a cunt but¡­ she¡¯s started to admit her mistakes. Has been avoiding Dreams for years to avoid the shards she¡¯s absorbed.¡±


    The Fury roils a bit in contemplation. Absorbed? How did she come across so many? This one has been trapped since its fracture from our Weaver and you''re the first Rahdian¡¯s met. Is unaware of the wider land¡¯s changes.


    ¡°Killed and gutted.¡± Hisses Aseco. ¡°She¡¯s an Amwella Drinker. She suffers for it.¡±


    Melt one¡¯s eyes go wide, and the Fury seems to boil in anger.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­¡± I pause, considering how to broach this topic delicately. Worried I should wait for commands to be removed but¡­ ¡°I don¡¯t think she did it out of malice or¡­ or some joy. The Sun Spoken she killed where trying to do something.¡±


    Deep Breath. Brace for both pain and revulsion. Seal it to our side of the Dream¡­


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Aceso whispers. Feeling the pain I¡¯m about to call up.


    ¡°Rahdian seemed surprised when she discovered Aceso''s anger, but we need to ask this¡­¡± I murmur. ¡°How do you feel about males? Arudian and Transgender or otherwise?¡±


    Pain.


    Not the worst, and honestly I kinda stumble more from holding it to our side of the Dream more than this old thing¡¯s bite¡­ But when I look up a being I don¡¯t recognise is taking a rolling step forward. Eyes filled with wroth and anger and such deep fury.


    But not at me.


    At the girl on my back who writhes in pain and anger and worries for me.


    HOW COULD YOU!?! This mingled form of Sea and Storm bellows, voice a gale that washes up against the Dream.


    Aceso glares and hisses back, her own fury bubbling up to match theirs. IT WAS TO PROTECT MY CHALLA FROM THEM!!!


    The sea around roils, nightmares stir.


    ¡°W¨C wait¡­¡± I sputter, solidifying the Divide between Dreams and keeping Weaver Shards from clashing. ¡°Please just¡­ let me¡­¡±


    YOU BLIGHTED HER WITH A LAMENTATION! Rahdian¡¯s shards roar.


    A pause, and Aceso writhes, drops her glare to the nightmares around. Voice still bubbling with anger but¡­ quieter. One of them hurt her and¡­ and¡­ She refused to protect herself! To REAVE the parasite from the Sapana and protect others from his ROT!


    The storm pauses, and what was one merged becomes two. Melty one weeping as she clings to a scared and confused Rahdian, while the Fury¡¯s eyes turn to me.


    ¡°We¡¯re¡­ we¡¯re trying to remove it.¡± I stammer out, able to form words as the Dream calms. ¡°It was a mistake, she¡¯s admitted that much.¡±


    And the Sun Spoken this Emarial slew? She asks.


    ¡°They were killing them.¡± I nod. ¡°And¡­ and more. We don¡¯t know what. Torture, we think.¡±


    The Fury considers this for a long while. I¡­ have no love for them, and feel a fury at the idea of them using our Amwella. But¡­ No more. The curse that writhes through the Soul Ocean we wove is a poison.


    Aceso growls in disagreement. ¡°Never. Again.¡±


    The Fury billows out in frustration, but it¡¯s the melty one who echoes my Aceso. Never again.


    That makes everyone look to her in surprise. This seemingly quiet spirit suddenly roiling with such debts of rage. It is our Amwella! Our will. OUR WARMTH! OUR SONG! We are RIGHT to KEEP THOSE WRETCHED THINGS FR¨C


    But something cracks, and I have to pour my everything into holding this Dream together. When I¡¯m able to focus on her again she¡¯s drooping and weeping between Rahdian and the Fury¡¯s embrace.


    Wounds and pains I can only barely imagine shattering her a bit as she tries to reach for rage.


    ¡°I¡­ we don¡¯t need to talk about this.¡± I assure them. ¡°We¡­ I know Aceso struggles to recall certain parts of her past, but has some good memories! Like¡­ like the one with a loving mother or a sister or¡­¡±


    I turn to look up at my fifth lover. She¡­ huffs in shame and annoyance but¡­ can¡¯t hide her anticipation. Her roiling desires.


    And the two shards of Rahdian echo the same longing. So we spend time exchanging gentle things, and from it Aceso is gifted wonderful experiences she felt long lost to her.


    A memory of a mother, different from the first, who was such a wonderful teacher. Filled to bursting with inspiration for odd and disparate magics, and¡­ maybe the reason for Aceso¡¯s head tendrils?


    A sister lost and found again. Helped to heal from the wounds she could never recover from alone. Giving her a safe haven from¨C


    And an old home. Just a glimmer of it, but enough to know it as a city of Song and Sea. Tasting a bit of an old Rot but¡­ healing. Always, because those that lived there needed it. Kept safe by¨C


    As I pull back from them, I find that Rahdian has done the same. And we¡¯re both sort of¡­ manifesting as two girls plopping to sit on the beach while our Dream lovers consider these shared memories.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± She murmurs.


    ¡°You¡¯re fine, Rahdian.¡± I sigh in such a calm way. Glad our shards seem to be at peace with each other. ¡°They¡­ Aceso is a LOT to handle sometimes. It¡¯s good to gift her space with two who¡­ well I¡¯m sure they can keep up with her, can understand.¡±


    ¡°Oh I¡­ Yeah. That too.¡± She murmurs. ¡°I just¡­ got distracted. Sorry.¡±


    I glance over. ¡°Well¡­ that¡¯s fine too. We¡¯re in a shared Dream, after all. It''s hard not to drift a bit.¡±


    She glances over to me, eyes filled with worry. ¡°I¡­ You¡­ You didn¡¯t notice?¡±


    I quirk an eyebrow. ¡°Notice what?¡±


    She bites her lip, nods her head back.


    I follow her gaze and¡­ well I can¡¯t see anything past the¡­ the¡­ Oh.


    ¡°Oh fuck.¡± I kinda sputter.


    My old home, The Dune Wall, sits at our back.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t¡­¡± Rahdian whispers.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I spit again and focus on the stupid thing. ¡°Sorry, Didn¡¯t realize I dredged up that old thing. Fuck. Of course I¡­ fuck. Sorry. I¡­ I know you probably have questions about it but¡­ fuck me is that just a big shitty thing to have sitting there while we do all this.¡±


    She sputters a bit. ¡°You¡­ You¡¯ve been atop it? The Dune Wall?¡±


    I sigh as the old memory echo¡­ thing, refuses to budge! ¡°Yeah. Enough times to make it REALLY not want to move! FUCK!¡±


    I huff and look back to see Rahdian giving me a really uncomfortable look of curiosity. Chide my silly Dream-addled brain for saying that thought out loud.


    ¡°But¡­ I don¡¯t¡­¡± She whispers.


    I huff and turn my gaze back toward the sea and our lovers. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ kinda a mess. Me, I mean. I¡¯m still the messy girl I was. Just have gotten better at hiding it from my lovers.¡±


    Rahdian purses her lips. ¡°I wish I could relate. But¡­ I never got the chance to hide my messiness from those walked at my side. And the moment they saw me, they¡­¡±


    From the cadence and wibbles about the Dream I¡­ I don¡¯t know if this is an intentional thing Rahdian wants to share, or accidental. Thoughts can kinda just slip out when we¡¯re here and¡­ but I mean I can¡¯t NOT scoot a little closer and take up her hand while whispering. ¡°Hey, hey, it¡¯s okay. Focus on me, or our shards if you need to.¡±


    She trembles a bit, nods and squeezes my hand. ¡°And now I¡­ I want to just¡­ just tell you it all now so you can hate me. Because I can¡¯t do that again, Ina. Can¡¯t let more amazing people find out later after we¡¯ve grown close and¡­ and break my heart all over again.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ yeah I get that. I felt that early on with my lovers. Was certain they would hate me and even lasted an entire day before cracking open and having to spill it all out.¡± I try to lean forward and catch her gaze. ¡°And I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to hide myself from them. Handle all the¡­ the pain from my past alone.¡±


    ¡°How did you know?¡± Her voice and solidity in the Dream goes soft and quiet. ¡°That¡­ that they would accept you? Tasii mentioned you had past things you needed to keep secret too.¡±


    ¡°Because¡­¡± And then I decide to just¡­ let it all spill out. ¡°Well it wasn¡¯t a sure thing, not to me and not at the time but¡­ They didn¡¯t try to control me. They gave me a choice. I¡­ Well we all found out I was Sun Spoken before everything else and they had a right to demand I be honest with them because of how scary everything was at the time but¡­ Yeah. Tasii also read me like a book and could see that hiding this was hurting me, so¡­ she kinda offered me solitude if I needed that. No guilt for taking what they¡¯d already given me, but just not with them. Which would have probably been really bad for me but¡­ they didn¡¯t want to force me.¡±


    She thinks on that for a long while, just¡­ letting the Dream wash over us before huffing out. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I just¡­ I¡¯m so scared. You''re the High duenna of Arudia and¡­ and this really powerful Sun Spoken and¡­ and Zigdara is probably closeby and¡­ You could really hurt me.¡±


    I sigh and nod, take a look out toward our woven Dream lovers. ¡°But I made a promise. No matter what this is, I¡¯ll not judge you or let what you tell me spill from this Dream. Not unless you want that. Even if it¡¯s really bad. We¡¯re not High duenna to pass judgment, just¡­ want to fix things with the Gemstones and let others manage Arudia. Hopefully quickly. Because fuck me do I want to get away from all this cold nonsense.¡±


    Such desperate hope literally bleeds off her, a thing of pain and worry and such need.


    Something that¡­ that I feel such a kinship with. A fluttering that draws up my own memories of wanting so much to finally tell someone who I¡¯d always been.


    ¡°Th¨C the Dune Wall.¡± She whispers. ¡°I think it¡¯s stuck here because of me. I¡­ I¡¯ve spent so much of my life there and¡­ and¡­¡±


    What?


    That¡­ well Zigdara did say she felt Rahdian recognized her¡­ But why couldn¡¯t she remember who she was?


    ¡°Oh? Did you work there?¡± I ask dumbly.


    She begins to shake her head then¡­ pauses. ¡°S¨C Sort of? I guess? I¡­ I¡­¡±


    She cuts off to take a deep breath while looking out over the sea. Toward our lovers¡­


    ¡°No. Actually. I¡­ I was trapped there.¡±


    Everything¡­ tilts a bit at that word.


    Trapped.


    In the Dune Wall?


    This big stupid thing holds a lot of stuff but¡­ isn¡¯t really a like¡­ a place to hold people captive. There are temporary rooms for that. I think. But¡­ not long term.


    Only one group is unable to leave that place.


    I¡­ almost make a mistake. Almost speak an old name that I, of all people, know will hurt this girl so much if she recognizes it. But I catch and smother it before that stupid thought can become even a whisper in this Dream.


    ¡°W¨C wait.¡± I stammer, frozen and trying so hard to strangle my stupid thoughts before they can spill out into this Dream. ¡°Just¡­ The Dune Wall holds¡­ like¡­ but that would mean you¡­ you¡¯re¡­¡±


    Like me?


    Rahdian winces in pain, and can only nod.

 Chapter 99: Dreaming, Just Before The Cursestorm Strikes Part 4

    <u>CW: </u>


    Rahdian POV. Misgendering self-harming thoughts. Talk of suicide. Talk and memories of Sexual Assault and being used for breeding purposes.


    Broken, gross, horrid, lying, male, wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrongwro¨C


    I feel the Dream roil around me. Old Nightmares perking up at the edges to regard this bubbling up of pain.


    I¡­ I think Ina¡¯s been trying to keep our little conversation¡­ well not private. Any of the other three could come over at any time if they wanted. But¡­ like¡­ talking quietly as to not disturb them? I think?


    But¡­ Well, at my nod something cracks.


    ¡°Rahdian hey, It¡¯s¨C¡± Ina starts to say, but¡­ then the Storm is about and around me. Pushing her away. Curling tight as Nightmares begin to stir.


    Back. The Storm thrums in demand to them while wrapping me into protective embrace and murmuring. What have you done, love?


    I look up to Ina¡¯s Dreamer, Aceso, curling about her shoulders. Eyes wide in surprise as her tendrils flail out to steady her Sun Spoken. Then Ina rights herself and¡­ and¡­ Is grinning? From her such a delight exudes that sets both me and the Storm into confusion.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± She states calmly, and the Dream can¡¯t help but reflect that. A few Nightmares still stir but¡­ even they pause at her words. ¡°I¡­ Rahdian I¡­¡±


    ¡°Like my Ina?¡± Aceso whispers.


    That makes us all freeze.


    What? The Storm roils in careful protectiveness.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t want to use an old name, since I know how much it will hurt.¡± Ina says. ¡°But¡­ One of my fellow Temple Children went missing almost two years ago, and we never found out what happened to them or¡­ or why.¡±


    F¨C fellow temple children? Like¡­


    My eyes go wide as everything seems to tilt a bit. ¡°You¡­ you were¡­ But¡­ which one?¡±


    The first signs of pain roll across her face, as she nods. ¡°The youngest, my room was the farthest¡­¡± She looks up to regard the Dune Wall, then raises a thumb and points behind her. ¡°That way? I think? Dreams are weird and it feels like a lifetime ago. But I remember playing with you on the beach when I was really little. You taught me all about Sun Spoken and we played pretend through that summer. But after I started understanding who I really was I¡­ I kinda became a lobster. Hiding in my shell. Hurting and scared and¡­ and then they had me start¡­ um¡­¡±


    She swallows, and I see pain like only I thought I could feel enveloping her.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to say it, love.¡± Aceso leans in to hold Ina so close. ¡°You¡¯re free, and none will force that life back upon you.¡±


    Ina huffs and just¡­ slumps to sitting again. Dream tears dribbling down her cheeks as she looks back up to me. ¡°But you¡¯re¡­ you¡¯re like me? Transgender? A woman who was born and trapped in a body you didn¡¯t feel was right? I¡¯m not just revealing all my secrets out of misunderstanding, right?¡±


    I try to talk, but¡­ can only nod more as my own tears fall. And our Dream is consumed in such a strange mix of sadness and joy and delight and pain and¨C


    And then we¡¯re both awake.


    Ina was willing to sleep on the little comfy armchair in this room but¡­ I insisted she get settled on the other side of my little friend. The bed is honestly huge enough for another with space still to spare. So well passed into slumber laying across the bed facing each other.


    Our eyes meet, and I¡­ I can¡¯t move. Am frozen by her now dulled violet eyes and the tears I can see have already bubbled out. Quickly turning blurry as my own continue to rise.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She whispers. Voice both nothing like before and¡­ exactly the same. Like a single instrument alone at song¡¯s end. A sign that I¡¯m only speaking to Ina.


    ¡°Was that all real? Are¡­ are you really like me?¡± I dumbly murmur back.


    She bites her lip and nods. ¡°Mhm. Yeah.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ You¡­ but¡­¡± I swallow as I try to communicate the things I want to say. NEED to say. No matter how much it could hurt. ¡°How¡­ How did you do that? It¡¯s taken my spinning years to¡­ to change even this much! You look amazing.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± She giggles and whispers through a warming of her cheeks that sets my heart thundering. ¡°I know we did spend a lot of time together as I got older but¡­ I still don¡¯t recognize you. Even right now knowing and trying really hard. Like¡­ It¡¯s not because you weren¡¯t pretty before. But I only remember you being REALLY tall¡­ um¡­ and that¡¯s kinda something I ADORE in Tasii and find so enthralling.¡±


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    And then I¡¯m blushing alongside her. Wanting to shake my head and contradict her but¡­ memories of the stranger in the mirror flare up and smother my denials.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯ve only just recently gotten to get a good look at my reflection. Am still¡­ trying to process that she¡¯s me.¡±


    Ina nods, and shifts to stretch out an arm to lay above my little friend and across the bed. ¡°I¡­ yeah. That happens to me all the time. And like¡­ then the girl the mirror is also really fucking cute? Fuck. I didn¡¯t know how to handle that. Still fall apart sometimes. Can only guess at how fuzzy your mind must have gotten when¡­ when you see who you¡¯ve become! You¡¯re so pretty Rahdian!¡±


    Can¡¯t help but reach out and take up her offered hand while barely able to whisper softly. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    And her smile grows. ¡°Fuck. I¡­ Never thought I¡¯d meet anyone like me. Was sure I was just¡­ the only messed up and very unlucky girl in this way!¡±


    Ina¡¯s words stir such matching patterns in me. Of similar despair at struggling to find those that might accept me. And never ever even thinking it possible to find another girl like me. Much less free and Sun Spoken and filled to bursting with the same magic that¡¯s let me shift. Could only hope that maybe I¡¯d stumble into kinder souls in this cold land.


    ¡°Y¨C yeah. I¡­ yeah.¡± I murmur. ¡°Expected you to hate me or worse. Only at best barely tolerate my differences.¡±


    She winces, squeezes my hand tighter. ¡°Never. And¡­ The people here who know about me accepted this without hesitation. Never even once thought of me as anything but the girl I told them I am. I can promise you that they¡¯ll do the same for you.¡±


    I take a deep breath, trying to¡­ to consider that, and end up looking down guiltily at our little slumbering cutie. ¡°We were supposed to meet this one before the Dream ended. I¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°This was way more important. Don¡¯t apologize.¡± Ina responds immediately. ¡°They knew we might get distracted and not draw them into our Dreams tonight. If anything they were really happy we could weave them a song to help them rest. Apparently our Waking World is¡­ hard. Somehow, For them.¡±


    I nod. ¡°They always seemed to want to just¡­ sleep a lot. I never really knew why.¡±


    A long pause passes as we both watch the strange little creature snooze happily. Only little glimmers and sparkles punctuated by muffled ¡®helps¡¯ show any sign of distress or motion.


    ¡°Wh¨C what are they?¡± I whisper. ¡°And¡­ What can we possibly do to help them? Why can it seem to understand me and you but¡­ doesn¡¯t know how to say anything else?¡±


    Ina purses her lips in thought. ¡°To be honest I¡¯m not sure. Aceso seems to¡­ well she doesn¡¯t know for sure, but she thinks that they used to be like¡­ all one being. Kinda like her. But¡­ then something happened. What bound them and kept them as one broke and¡­ and then they fell into Arudia. Were hurting and scared and lashing out. So old Sun Spoken used magic to bind them to the Obelisks. Which¡­ worked. But in a horrible way.¡±


    ¡°So you broke that?¡± I ask. ¡°The binding things.¡±


    She nods. ¡°Mhm. It wasn¡¯t really¡­ like we didn¡¯t get how bad it all was until it kinda slapped us in the face! We learned that certain groups aren¡¯t really people here, not just¡­ not just people like we were, but¡­ girls like Jevita and Thodep. And if Arudia really tried to treat them like people the gemstones would get upset and cause problems. And all the while the gemstones cried out this really sad song that made it obvious they hated this too!¡±


    I pause. ¡°Why did they do that?¡±


    She kinda¡­ freezes. ¡°Do what?¡±


    I huff. ¡°Like¡­ make it so the Obelisks would do that? Why not just like¡­ bind them and use them as Arudia wanted? If¡­ I mean¡­ if you''re going to enslave a group, why let them hurt you back?¡±


    Ina considers that. ¡°If I had to guess it sounds like this was less originally a big horrid binding and¡­ more a compromise. I think the Zeridii agreed to it because they didn''t have other options. Fuck, am I glad to have smarter people around to ask better questions than I did.¡±


    My blush deepens. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ but¡­ I¡¯m not smart. Just¡­ a mess of a girl who managed to stumble into the only other¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Transgirls.¡± Ina giggles, then quiets to consider me with a serious look. ¡°And you are smarter than you give yourself credit for, Rahdian. You don¡¯t need to talk about this if you don¡¯t want to but¡­ You said your changes took years?¡±


    I nod and look away. ¡°I¡­ Yeah. Spinning every morning and night to change¡­ something. Inside me. Really small parts that shifted everything else over time.¡±


    Her eyes go wide. ¡°Really? That¡¯s¡­ like I hate that it took so long but that¡¯s really amazing!¡±


    I sigh and shake my head. ¡°Not really. Your song magic seems to work a whole lot quicker. Like¡­ How long has it been since you started changing?¡±


    Ina bites her lip and looks off guiltily. ¡°Oh um¡­ well¡­ like not even a year? But¨C¡±


    I very nearly sputter in surprise and, if I''m being honest, jealousy. ¡°What? You¡­ ¡± I push to sit up, still holding her hand. ¡°Please show me or¡­ or help ask the Storm to learn it and then teach me.¡±


    She winces and rises with me. ¡°I¡­ Can¡¯t. My song it¡­ it only makes this shape. And¡­ I, um¡­ Kinda have to actively stop it from¨C¡±


    Then she hisses and grips at her leg. ¡°Fuck.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± I flinch and almost pull back but¡­ she grips my hand tight.


    ¡°Not your fault.¡± She sighs. ¡°Just¡­ It always hurts in the morning. Give me a second to sing it better?¡±


    I nod, and she sings.


    Ina and her Dreamer helped us both drift into an easy synchronized sleep last night, and that song was¡­ honestly hard to remember. A thing of warm comfort and pulling softness.


    But this¡­


    I get to watch unimpeded as the Ocean around this girl titters and thrums in delight at her song. It has words but¡­ I don¡¯t understand them. Not really. Each syllable seems to hold bottomless depths of meaning and life and¡­ and desires. Things that set my eyes to watering in hope at the future it pleads for and the past that it hints at losing.


    ¡°There.¡± She sighs at the song¡¯s end. ¡°Fuck. Thanks for letting me weave that.¡±


    I nod wordlessly.


    She glances over and her smile turns¡­ shy. Almost. Then she giggles and falls back over into the pillows. ¡°Sorry. What were you asking?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ I was stupidly thinking I could learn how you weave magic.¡±


    She snorts and eyes me. ¡°I¡¯ll share what I can but¡­ honestly your spinning sounds better than what I went through.¡±


    That kinda jolts me a bit. ¡°Why? You¡­ You look amazing! And it only took a year!?!¡±


    She considers something before murmuring softly. ¡°Less. But¡­ it hurt. A lot.¡±


    I pause. ¡°How long?¡±


    Ina shrugs. ¡°I dunno. Maybe¡­ an hour?¡± She smirks then. ¡°They found me where they thought someone else should be. I almost got arrested. Had to run.¡±


    My eyes go wide. ¡°An¡­ an hour? Just¡­¡±


    She nods.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I huff and fall to settle into my own pillows. ¡°That¡­ must have taken so much Amwella. Mine had enough to¡­ um¡­ well keep me alive while I swam back to the shoreline. Showed me some spinning to prove the Dream was real and the next night¡­ Well, we talked. Got to know each other.¡±


    Ina rests elbow on pillow and chin on palm while turning to listen. ¡°Did they know you were a girl right away?¡±


    I nod. ¡°It um¡­ well, they told me it was obvious.¡±


    Ina tilts her head. ¡°From your memories?¡±


    I look down and away in shame. ¡°Sort of.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t lie to you, Rahdian.¡± Ina murmurs. ¡°Aceso almost killed me, that first day. Only stopped when she saw that I ¡®wanted¡¯ to be a girl.¡± She snorts as she air quotes. ¡°So stupid of me, I¡¯ve always been a girl. She taught me that right quick. Our bodies don¡¯t make us who we are. We decide that.¡±


    I nod and take a deep breath, deciding to just, trust her. If anyone can understand this she can. Could see the same pain and hurt in her eyes when she mentioned the temple. ¡°I was drowning myself when I found their shard on the ocean¡¯s floor.¡±


    The room goes deathly quiet as I refuse to look up and meet this perfect girl¡¯s eyes. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t stand the idea of seeing her disgust or¨C


    Her other hand slides out to grip at mine. ¡°I am so sorry, Rahdian.¡±


    I shake my head, trying to keep back more tears tonight. ¡°Don¡¯t be. I was being stupid and selfish and¨C¡±


    ¡°Hey hey hey.¡± Ina shushes me. ¡°No. You¡­ Rahdian what they did, it¡­¡± But her words fall apart too, and I look up to see her glaring off at a wall as tears fall. ¡°We didn¡¯t have many ways out. It wasn¡¯t like we could¡­ could say no. Or leave. And¡­ and¡­¡± Then her voice goes so quiet. ¡°I think I was close to trying something like that too.¡±


    Oh fuck she¡­ she felt the same way? Was¡­ was¡­


    I swallow, hard. ¡°I¡¯m glad you didn¡¯t. Glad Aceso found you and¡­ and helped you get away.¡±


    She jerks to look back to me. Eyes wide at those words as she whispers. ¡°Can¡­ would¡­ Could a hug be okay?¡±


    I nod, hard, manage to whisper. ¡°Please.¡±


    And in the same motion we¡¯re closing the distance to nearly crash into an embrace. Only a few seconds pass before I feel her trembling in my arms as I shake in hers. Old pains that¡­ that no one else in these lands could possibly understand seeming to rock between us...


    Two girls wrapped in wrong flesh, used and kept as simple breeding stock. Allowed nothing else as they waited for their next chance at a real life after this first one was done.


    It hurts. Oh fuck it hurts more than anything else to just¡­ let these things all boil over. Feels like something inside is breaking as we fall into wheezing, throat-tearing sobs. But¡­ also like my spinning spells.


    Healing. Filling spaces that were empty and aching before. That needed this warmth and swelling storm to wash away some of the nasty driftwood that¡¯s come to pile up.

 Chapter 100: Empty Spaces, Gatherings, and Those That Fill Them Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talk of Sex, skipping over quick sex (ehehehe woops), And talking about your gender to strangers. Worry about being taken back to abusers while coming out to people about being trangendr.


    ¡°Good morning.¡± I murmur to Zigdara as I find her in a quiet room doing those gorgeous and otherwise very distracting morning stretches. She pauses and moves to stop, but I hold up a hand. ¡°You can finish. I just¡­ am trying to get everyone gathered into one spot as they wake up.¡±


    She nods carefully while adjusting to the next pose, ¡°I take it the Dreaming went well?¡±


    I don¡¯t even try to keep the stupid grin off my face. ¡°Wonderfully. Perfect. And¡­ I want to share it all with my lovers at the same time.¡±


    She raised an eyebrow, her own lips quirking a touch. ¡°I take it Rahdian will attend this as well?¡±


    I sigh and roll my eyes. ¡°Yes, but not for that reason. And I¡¯m going to make sure I take everything extra slow for a variety of reasons. So... no teasing her like you would me, okay?¡±


    She does grin then, ¡°I¡¯d not even consider it, Ina.¡±


    I give her a serious look that is spoiled by my bubbling smile. ¡°If any others stumble this way before they find us, make sure they know about the meet-up?¡±


    She agrees, and I return to Rahdian. Find her just where I left her. Sitting in the kitchen as she considers one of the two mugs of steaming somethings.


    ¡°So¡­¡± I murmur sliding into the stool next to her and laying my hand on the countertop, palm up. ¡°Just like I thought, she was up and doing her Ki Ritta things.¡±


    She nods, and reaches over to take my hand. ¡°I¡­ Are you sure she¡­ she won¡¯t, um¡­ be really upset?¡±


    ¡°Yes. With absolutely zero doubt.¡± I whisper back immediately. ¡°It took her a bit, but¡­ she¡¯s already come to understand the wrongs of our past. And not just for us but¡­ but for the rest of them. It¡¯s why I¡­ I might¡­¡±


    But I trail off as I hear footsteps, and glance over to just as my second lover enters the kitchen. She pauses to give us both a considering look before murmuring. ¡°Morning. You¡¯re both up¡­ earlier than we expected. Is everything all right?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Perfect, we''re gonna have everyone meet-up in the lower study once they¡¯re awake to talk about it.¡±


    Tasii purses her lips, eyes locked on Rahdian. ¡°Ina¡­ I think Yrelia would adore waking up to your love. Would you mind doing that, taking your time even?¡±


    I pause, look over to Rahdian. ¡°Of course, unless¡­ Rahdian, is this okay?¡±


    She smiles and lets out a huff of stress. ¡°Yeah, actually. Thank you.¡±


    And so after a quick hug and kiss from my Tasii, I leave them both to go find my first lover.


    I know Tasii wanted to make sure Rahdian had the space to consider what she might want to share, and while it would hurt for the only girl like me to withhold this truth from my lovers¡­ I get it. And it¡¯s probably really good that Tasii is here to make sure my infectious excitement doesn¡¯t push her into sharing things with girls she just met.


    Even if they are the best people ever.


    Yrelia is snuggled deep in warm covers when I find her. Almost¡­ Well, any other morning I¡¯d just burrow deep to nuzzle close. Consider doing that as a delayed wave of weariness starts to bubble up. And¡­ like why not? Actually?


    I giggle and wriggle up and under arms and slide legs between hers. She mumbles in sleepy surprise but¡­ nearly immediately seems to know which of her lovers is here and envelopes me. Warm hands slipping beneath my soft nighttime clothes as her lips press into my forehead.


    ¡°Morning love.¡± I whisper into her chest.


    ¡°How¡¯d go?¡± I think she asks.


    ¡°Wonderful. Perfect even.¡± I wriggle up to nibble on her neck. ¡°We¡¯re¡­ going to gather all my lovers to talk about it in a bit. Tasii is sitting with Rahdian now to make sure I didn¡¯t lure her into oversharing.¡±


    One of Yrelia¡¯s hands curls up through my hair as the other finds my hip. Pulls us closer. ¡°Did you fuck?¡±


    I can¡¯t help but sigh through a giggle and I continue my soft affections. ¡°No. She¡­ I¡¯ll need to be careful. She¡¯s been through a lot and I want to make sure to not make her feel like she needs to do that to travel with us.¡±


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Yrelia rumbles in agreement, obviously enjoying this soft awakening as I feel her warm under the rising of deeper desires. ¡°Like I did with you. Mhm.¡±


    I would have very nearly jolted to a halt in sudden worry and surprise if it wasn¡¯t for my Hetaera training. ¡°I¡­ what do you mean?¡±


    She¡­ no. She can¡¯t have guessed at Rahdian¡¯s past. No. That¡¯s¡­


    My first lover hums lightly as my hands wander about gently. ¡°You want to give her everything along the Paths, but¡­ know what it''s like to feel like you need to earn that. Would rather you both be a bit hornii and frustrated than risk her crafting a mask to hide behind when around you.¡±


    I do freeze at that. ¡°I¡­ But¡­ we just met. I¡­ isn¡¯t that a bit¡­¡±


    Yrelia pulls me back from her neck, adjusts to cup my cheek in her hands. ¡°It can be, and you have a ton of other worries to manage, but¡­ finding someone who shares such a unique aspect is rare. Tends to make us latch on early. It''s beautiful to watch you do this well.¡±


    I bite my lip at how easily she sees this. Even if Yrelia is talking about us both being Sun Spoken and not¡­ not us being transgender. ¡°But¡­ What did you see in me?¡± I whisper.


    She sighs and wriggles closer. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t have a good past with my mothers. And¡­ am a bit like you in that neither of them birthed me. They also had a plan for my life that I couldn¡¯t stand. So I left to find myself along the Paths. You were cute and enticing from the first second you stumbled into our lives, but when you said you were leaving Lyttoral forever I just¡­ had to help. Wanted to do anything to see one like me find some easy happiness.¡±


    I pull up to touch lips gently to hers, murmuring a soft but insistent, ¡°Thank you. I¡­ Aceso might have sparked my new life, but¡­ you tended to the flames. Kept them burning through what might have been cold and horribly lonely nights.¡±


    She giggles into the kiss. ¡°Inaaaa¡­ Charm me like that and I¡¯m going to keep you here all morning.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but pull her closer. ¡°Would you really need all morning to¨C¡±


    She doesn¡¯t. Fuck. Yrelia may be able to keep me entranced at her leisure, but¡­ she can also melt me into a puddle quicker than I can honestly believe. Even have time for a quick wash before going out to find that Kque and Jevita are still asleep.


    ¡°So¡­ Are you still comfortable sharing what we talked about?¡± I ask while moving to take up a stool adjacent to Rahdian and Tasii.


    Rahdian takes a deep breath but¡­ nods. ¡°Yeah. I¡­ I do. Talking with Tasii helped a lot.¡±


    After that, well¡­ we have breakfast. Share small things and warm company. I can tell Rahdian is both happy to wait but¡­ also eager to see this done. We let Jevita and Kque sleep though. Turns out that while Thodep is like¡­ really wonderful for her, this has been a lot. Getting to just¡­ rest in the arms of the girl who believed in her and accepted her before anyone else, save Lule himself, means a lot. They¡¯ve also swapped places with Kque¡¯s moms and the¡­ the¡­


    Anyway, she also got to sleep nuzzled up to her big child at the same time. Thank fuck even this manor¡¯s stables are heated with weird Cultivation things. So by the time they wake up and come in they¡¯re more than happy to enjoy their breakfast and/or lunch things in the basement study.


    I¡¯d love to nuzzle into my first lover for this but¡­ no. Rahdian and I take up seats on one of the couches big enough for two. Yrelia sits close though while Tasii and Zigdara decide to stand. Jevita and Kque sit close together on the other big chairs with little fruits being nibbled at.


    ¡°So.¡± I start as the room goes quiet. ¡°Just to¡­ get this out of the way first. Things went well. Very very well. We didn¡¯t have time to meet up with our little cutie, but it is happy to wait for the next time we Dream.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ the Weaver Shards?¡± Tasii asks.


    I look to Rahdian. ¡°Well¡­ Aceso adores you all. And I expect things to go better next time. They really needed to share those memories and talk about their past.¡±


    Rahdian lets out a relieved breath and nods. ¡°Yeah. Same¡­ both of mine were a bit flustered at the end of things but¡­ yeah. Especially after¡­ um¡­¡± She struggles to steady her words. ¡°When they knew¡­ knew¡­¡±


    I squeeze the hand I hold in support. Can literally hear such a song of fear and yearning scream from this amazing girl.


    ¡°When they knew I¡¯d be safe.¡± She finally gets out. ¡°And that you¡¯d never try to make me go back.¡±


    A long pause hovers. Like¡­ like staring down at the water after climbing a particularly big rock. The friends below waiting to welcome you but¡­ between you and them is such a gap. A space filled with all her fears and worst possibilities.


    ¡°I¡­¡± She whispers, struggling to see the chance of love and life and¡­ and all the good stuff!


    But¡­ I won¡¯t push her. Fuck, would that be the worst thing here. Can only nudge her with a confident grin when she glances up from the floor at me.


    She swallows, and forces out the words. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m like¡­ like Ina. Not¡­ not just that I¡¯m a Sun Spoken too but¡­ Born in a body I don¡¯t like. Or¡­ or that I didn¡¯t like? I¡­ But I¡¯d not really seen myself in the mirror until recently and¡­¡±


    She shivers once, curls in on herself a bit without letting go of my hand. ¡°Anyway. I¡¯ve been wandering about while¡­ while their magic changed me. Slower than Ina¡¯s was but¡­ well I can see them now.¡±


    Tasii¡¯s eyes squint in both worry and confusion. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry but¡­ I¡¯m confused. So you''re transgender but¡­¡± Then her eyes move to me. ¡°How are you near Rahdian? She saw Zin as what he wanted to be, so¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh fuck!¡± Jevita¡¯s eyes are wide as the moon as her yelp interrupts Tasii¡¯s question. Turning all gazes to her.


    Our brilliant lover, even as the most tired girl here, understands so quickly.


    ¡°Yup. And before you guess the rest¡­¡± I wink at her, then turn a careful look back to Rahdian. ¡°Let her finish.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Rahdian whispers, takes a deep breath and pulls back into the couch more. ¡°Can you finish? I¡¯m explaining this horribly.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re doing great, seriously.¡± I murmur back. ¡°No need to rush. Just¡­ take your time. Use the words that help you better explain it all. Don¡¯t let our Jevita startle you too much, she¡¯s just¡­ really smart.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­¡± She replies, visibly forcing herself to relax. Takes a second to consider, then turns to look at the big duenna leaning against a bookshelf. ¡°I¡­ It¡¯s kind of funny, actually. That despite everything, you managed to find us both.¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s curious regard snaps to alert focus as she too, suddenly understands.


    ¡°H¨C¡± She starts, but very quickly and with an audible click of teeth stops the old name from lashing out and hurting Rahdian. Even manages to cover it as just an exhalation for anyone not paying attention.


    Rahdian nibbles at the side of her cheek while looking down and away. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to worry or hurt anyone. I just¡­ I couldn¡¯t stay. Not¡­ not¡­"


    ¡°You¡­ You¡¯re like Ina?¡± She rasps into the quiet.


    Rahdian nods. Still caught between fear for what Zigdara could say and¡­ and beginning to feel the hope of what good things could still await when she lands.


    ¡°I¡­ yeah. I didn¡¯t understand at first. Just¡­ Did everything I thought everyone wanted and let them make me into what they needed.¡± She whispers. ¡°Thought my¡­ me wanting to just¡­ be like everyone else outside was normal. Jealousy and spite and¡­ and then just¡­ nothing. When I realized all¡­ well most of the others didn¡¯t seem to be like me. Things stopped mattering. Until¡­ until the day I¡­ I just¡­¡±


    I lean just a touch closer, wanting to offer her anything she might need but don¡¯t want to press if¡­ I mean¡­ she¡¯s had people she was close to hurt her and¡­


    But she very nearly slumps into me. Easily overwhelmed by the sudden focus on her. ¡°Then I found a shard. And in the Dreams they¡­ they saw me. The real me. Understood so quickly what I was. Then they started to help me. Taught me how to gather Amwella and¡­ and run.¡±


    I wrap arms about her, welcoming this incredibly easy embrace. She¡¯s bigger than me by like¡­ a lot. Everyone kinda is. But¡­ we make it work.


    Zigdara nods, swallows, and whispers. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry.¡±


    Rahdian takes a deep and unsteady breath before looking back to Zigdara. ¡°Just¡­ Please don¡¯t try and make me go back. Please. I¡­ I won¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Zigdara very nearly snaps, but gently. ¡°Never! I¡­ I¡¯ll only mean to do the same for you as I¡¯ve done for Ina.¡±


    Rahdian studies her as the room goes quiet.


    ¡°She means it.¡± I murmur. ¡°She¡¯s sticking around to keep me safe. That¡¯s it. Arudia¡­ became a dangerous place for me about the time we crossed paths.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Exactly.¡± Zigdara nods, moving to take a step closer but, thinking better of it and pacing back a step. ¡°I¡­ what¡­ I¡¯m still¡­ I have a lot of old teachings to unlearn. But the more distance from there, and very patient people, have shown me the mistakes of it. How much it hurt Ina and¡­ and the others.¡±


    Rahdian narrows her eyes in thought. ¡°I¡­ I mean¡­ but it isn''t¡­ I mean I hated it for my body but¡­¡±


    ¡°But nothing. Rahdian.¡± My wonderful first lover intones so gently. ¡°Taking away other people¡¯s lives like that is wrong. You, and all of them, deserve to choose what life to live.¡±

 Chapter 101: Empty Spaces, Gatherings, and Those That Fill Them Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Rahdian POV!!! AHHH more talk of worry about curses being transphobic bitches. Talk of Rot and Ruin and missing family and murples that need to become mupples!!!


    Her words jolt me into silence and in the quiet I¡¯m just¡­ feeling this. Feel the ocean that I didn¡¯t realize was absolutely thrumming in furious protective tides around me settle. Just a bit. Might never quiet completely but¡­


    That¡¯s okay. Just hearing, for the first time ever, so many people easily accept me and¡­ and promise to¡­ to help me and¡­ and to see and feel just how horrified they are at the idea of me being sent back to the temple is¡­ it¡¯s a lot.


    More than I can handle.


    And they let me go quiet as Ina tells them things. Sharing some details of our shared Dream and explaining the Storms¡¯ parts from her perspective is¡­ honestly enthralling. Makes me blush multiple times as she¡­ she explains how they stayed so close and were so quick to protect me.


    ¡°And¡­ What we talked about when you first merged?¡± Tasii asks, and the room goes a bit¡­ well not stiff. But more tense.


    Ina nods and looks away. ¡°Like¡­ yeah. It¡¯s¡­ Not great. Honestly.¡±


    Yrelia slides from her chair as Ina doesn¡¯t continue. Sits to kneeling in front of her lover. ¡°Take your time. It¡¯s alright, we don¡¯t blame you or Her.¡±


    Ina takes a deep breath. ¡°We¡­ we were focused on Rahdian and her shards, and the song we needed for it all really took a ton of focus and¡­ and we didn¡¯t look into it much deeper but¡­ but¡­ it could be really really bad.¡±


    ¡°Worse than you both mentioned to Tasii and Yrelia?¡± Kque interjects.


    Ina nods, ¡°Maybe. We¡¯re¡­ it¡¯s not just the merging. It¡­ it could be the foundations of my songs. The name that is sewn into my, like¡­ everything. Not quickly doing anything but¡­ slowly. Overtime. I¡¯m¡­ She¡­ the more I sing and adjust it the more it seems to pull us closer.¡±


    ¡°And She still thinks that will be a bad thing too?¡± Tasii asks.


    ¡°Y¨C yeah. Same fear of what that could mean as before.¡± Ina whispers, face paling a bit as a shiver runs through her.


    Jevita shakes her head, ¡°I still don¡¯t follow that logic. I get the¡­ the worry. But¡­ Inspiration still seems to be the best way to explain how Sun Spoken magic works. But a huge part about Inspiration is Perception. How you both see, and choose to see things.¡±


    Ina sort of snaps up to look across the room at her. ¡°R¨C really? You¡­ you mean that?¡±


    Jevita shrugs performatively, but¡­ even that seems to calm Ina a ton. ¡°Sure. If one of Rahdian¡¯s shards saw you as anyone but who you are I think it might change the way this would work but¡­ if we¡¯re going off the logic of curses¡­ Have you felt even a single prick when you refer to Rahdian? At all?¡±


    Ina bites her lip and shakes her head, tears of hope beginning to rise up.


    ¡°Then¡­ Her other curses will operate under the same logic. So long as Aceso sees you as who you are, you¡¯ll be okay.¡±


    The room''s worry seems to pop like an ice bubble at that. Suddenly no more than little shards of relief strewn about at Jevita¡¯s words. I look between them all, really confused and worried but¡­ also relieved at this fear that I have no idea what it¡¯s about.


    Ina looks over to me, smiles in apology ¡°Sorry, They¡­ it¡¯s an entire thing. But Jevita just kinda explained it all in a way we think kinda dissolved it. Just worried about what might happen if a girl like me got stuck in a Dream with Aceso. What with how She um¡­ first saw me.¡±


    I nod slowly, ¡°Yeah that¡­ From Her and the melty one¡¯s reactions I¡­ I can see how that could be really bad. But¡­ the Fury once told me their mother is like you and me. Born in flesh she changed.¡±


    That makes her eyes go wide. ¡°Really? Wh¨C which one? The one with the Wiggly head thingies?¡±


    I think about that for a second. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure. It wasn¡¯t a memory gifted just¡­ words. She couldn¡¯t talk about it for long.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± Ina titters in excitement. ¡°Can you imagine though! Wiggly head thingies instead of hair? Gosh! Fuck. I¡­ I wonder where the Weaver''s are from. Before She came here, I mean. That mother isn¡¯t the first I¡¯ve seen with neat body changes.¡±


    ¡°Like Cultivation?¡± Jevita asks with a quirk of her head.


    I shake mine. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. I¡­ She didn¡¯t have the normal markings.¡±


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    ¡°She also had a sister with them.¡± Ina muses, then sighs as her expression goes sad. ¡°I just¡­ What happened? Where did her family go?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure. The Fury seems to remember the most about the before but¡­ still struggles.¡±


    Ina nods. ¡°I want to heal them. Get more information. And¡­ and maybe find other shards and ask them what they remember. Share more memories and¡­ and help them heal too!¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Kque murmurs softly.


    She turns back to give her normally soft spoken lover such a hungry grin. ¡°Why not? Worse case, if they¡¯re just¡­ a bunch of mean bitches I¡¯ll leave. With Aceso helping and more Amwella I¡­ I can do that! Deal with an entire gaggle of Dreamers!¡±


    Tasii shakes her head. ¡°We¡­ need to take this slow. And starting with Emarial is a horrible Idea Ina.¡±


    She huffs. ¡°It¡¯s the only option. Rahdian found a shard that had been lost, and Emarial gobbled the rest up! And with her Wellspring we¡­ We could do so much!¡±


    ¡°You said she had three dozen shards.¡± Tasii pushes back. ¡°That¡­ Ina what can you do if they all decide to try and hurt you? Use that Wellspring?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not about Amwella, not really, not in the Dream.¡± Ina explains, ¡°It can help with the edges or touching the Waking World, but the rest of it all is about focus. Will. And we¡¯ve already laid a¡­ a song over them all. We can separate them. Meet each one at a time or¡­ or make sure that if we can¡¯t there¡¯s a separation! We did it in our Dream with Rahdian.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I can also help!¡± My mouth sputters out before my mind realizes, then ads more carefully ¡°If¡­ um¡­ If that won¡¯t make things harder?¡±


    Everyone looks to me, and Ina smirks as she nods. ¡°It would, actually. What with how these Shards were trapped and probably hurting from what happened to their Sun Spoken. Having two Sun Spoken and Three shards there to¡­ to calm and help will really do a ton to help them settle. And with what you shared about a mother of theirs being transgender¡­ I think even if things slip we¡¯ll be okay.¡±


    ¡°You should still dream with the gemstone creature first.¡± Kque presses.


    Ina pauses, then nods. ¡°Yeah. So we can understand what they need first.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ you probably need more Amwella.¡± Yrelia murmurs while smirking up at Ina. ¡°You spent quite a bit, I¡¯m guessing?¡±


    Ina, blushing even more than I am as the implications of that snap into focus for me, giggles and leans down to bump foreheads with Yrelia. ¡°Dreamer¡¯s Tits, I¡­ yeah. Probably.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­¡± I mumble. ¡°What? Dreamer¡¯s what?¡±


    Ina tilts over to glance at me. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°You¡­ you¡¯ve said that a few times now. Is¡­ I¡¯m trying to understand why and¡­ don¡¯t get it? Why use our Dreamer¡¯s tits as¡­ as like a curse or¡­ something?¡±


    Ina sighs and leans back into the couch, thinking¡­


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure. Aceso uses it and it kinda rubbed off on me?¡± Ina tilts her head back and forth. ¡°It¡¯s not about her, But¡­ I¡¯m not sure who else it could be about? I should ask her next time I Dream. See if the memory is a peaceful one.¡±


    After that we head back upstairs, and¡­ well the day goes on. They share more amazing and warm food with me. Talk of small things, and silly stories and¡­ and as I start to drift and feel off to the side one of them is always there to pull me out of the shell I¡¯d otherwise fall into.


    Not rudely, and there are a few times that they can tell I need to just sit and listen. Even¡­ even¡­


    The Fury and Melty one hold me close. Literally on the verge of weeping in delight at the memories that pour off me.


    I¡¯m not alone. They¡¯re not alone. We¡­ we¡¯re going to be okay.


    Maybe¡­ maybe like we never thought possible.


    Healing will be hard, but when the alternative is the wounds and scars being allowed to fester? Yeah. Clearing the muck to wash the wounds clean beneath them brings such relief.


    ¡°Do¡­ do you know why she says that? Dreamer¡¯s Tits?¡± I think to ask eventually.


    Oh! That¡¯s¡­ um¡­ The Melty one speaks up first. There was a Godthing. And She¡­ Dreamed up everything. Then¡­ um¡­ Sheeee died.


    She clams up at that. Seems to wince as I and the Fury nuzzle her close.


    The Dream Rots, but¡­ The Hearthfires burn to keep the Ruin at bay. A mother of ours b¨C bore two such flames. The Fury adds.


    The Melty one nods. Shivering. I miss her, all of them. Wish¡­ wish¡­


    We have to pull her close. Murmur soft comforts.


    ¡°Ina and I will talk to this Emarial person¡¯s Shards. See if they can¡­ can help us figure out what happened or¡­ or where they are! A ton of your memories don¡¯t make sense and seem to be from a really far away place. Maybe we can figure out how to get there or¡­¡±


    They both consider me for a moment. Then the Fury speaks carefully. That¡­ closure would be appreciated. But it¡¯s been a very long time, Rahdian. Even godlings fade and change after so many years have passed. And¡­ and if they yet lived why have they not come for us? Searched for a daughter or sibling?


    I don¡¯t have an answer to that, and soon the Dream ends as such wonderfully sweet smells draw me up and away.


    ¡°Hi.¡± Ina whispers from the comfy chair next to the one I¡¯d fallen asleep in. ¡°Good Dreams?¡±


    I purse my lips, but nod. ¡°Always. But¡­¡± Then I notice the little moisture that''s gathered in my eyes. Take a second to wipe it all away. Look up to see the source of the smell are two mugs of steaming sweet drinks Ina holds.


    Before I can ask she¡¯s offering me one, and I share with her what my Dream held while enjoying so much this warm drink with her. And¡­ Of course I have to hide such a blush as I notice a few little love marks and how her hair is mussed up and disheveled in ways that scream of an afternoon of affections from some of her lovers.


    ¡°A Dead Dreamer¡­ but everything goes on?¡± She murmurs. ¡°Aceso¡¯s used some of those words too. Rot. Ruin. Blight. Never took them as literal things¡­¡±


    I nod. ¡°And¡­ Hearthfire to keep it all back?¡±


    Ina considers that. ¡°Emarial has one of those. Aceso thinks it was an accident but¡­ If the Weaver¡¯s mom was a Goddess then¡­ could she have inherited something like it?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No idea. Do you think Emarial knows all this?¡±


    Ina sighs and shrugs. ¡°Honestly? Probably not. She¡¯s kinda stupid and doesn¡¯t talk to her shards. Not sure she ever did, even before killing and gathering up the three dozen others she holds. But¡­ I don''t really plan on dreaming with the cunt to talk with her. I want to help her shards. Even¡­¡± She nibbles at her lip.


    ¡°What?¡± I press.


    She shakes her head. ¡°Nothing. Just a flitter of Inspiration I really don¡¯t need to let bubble up right now. Need to focus on how we can help our little cutie before turning over the big stupid rock that is that Sun Spoken.¡±


    I nod. ¡°Right. Yeah. So¡­ When would you like me to Dream with you?¡±


    ¡°After dinner.¡± She replies. ¡°The Ladies of this Manor will be joining us to let me know just how fucked the Arudian Politics have gotten since I stopped participating.¡±

 Chapter 102: Cursestorms Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talk of politics, dreams being dangerous and kinda explodie, plural gerl finding herself alone while headmate sleepies, talk of self-harm through not taking care of yourself. ALSO, due to editing mupples you''ll notice we not doing the space between things. Still like... 3k worbs here so just as long even if feels shorter.


    ¡°Horribly so.¡± Lady Ophrit chuckles while steepling her fingers.


    None of us really know how to respond to that as we sit about the long dining room table. Save Delphian, who rolls her eyes and nudges her Beloved Bound. ¡°Perhaps starting from the beginning would be a more¡­ appropriate way to explain all this?¡±


    ¡°There isn¡¯t time to indulge, and you know I could go on for hours before getting to the heart of this.¡± Ophrit laughs. ¡°So I¡¯ll summarize so we can hopefully enjoy some of the meal these girls have prepared without it growing cold.¡±


    I nod. ¡°That¡¯s probably for the best. Without Aceso here I¡¯m going to need some help catching all the little details. Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Anything for my favorite Hetaera.¡± She smiles, then adjusts to begin with a more serious expression than I think I¡¯ve ever seen on her. ¡°So, to be blunt, the Conclave is barely holding itself together. They¡¯ve taken your leave as either a sign that the High Duenna plans to abandon the Academy, or¡­ well, that you''re too distracted to notice them all preparing for a little reorganizing of power within Arudia. The Obelisks tied their hands, and now that those binding are free they see it as an opportunity to pile up their resources and make sure they are well supplied for the coming Blizzard. Whoever arises with the better claims will carve up what remains standings.¡±


    I sigh and shake my head. ¡°That¡­ Sounds really stupid. And horrid. And a great way to get me really upset.¡±


    Lady Ophrit sighs. ¡°Which is why many of them seem to have worked very hard in gathering up as many duenna to bind loyalties to their Matron¡¯s houses instead of the Academy. Even hired more¡­ unsavory sorts. And they are not being shy about this either. They want you to know that if you¡¯d like to try something¡­ less than political, there will be a few dozen women to stand between you and them.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ that¡¯s so¡­ I told them I didn¡¯t want to fight! Didn¡¯t want to rule. Just¡­ help figure out the situation with the Gemstones and this Blizzard and¡­¡± I trail off in a huff as Yrelia sighs and rubs a hand over my back.


    ¡°I¡­ think this is them giving you that option, while also being horrible about it.¡± Tasii turns to Lady Ophrit, ¡°Right? And did the Grand Doyan or Lady Veletross have anything to add or¡­ or clarify?¡±


    She sighs and shrugs. ¡°Not particularly. Just¡­ that her offers to the High Duenna still stand.¡±


    ¡°Fuck her.¡± I hiss. ¡°Fuck them all! Fuck. Why can¡¯t they¡­ they just not be horrible!?!¡±


    An awkward pause, then Lady Ophrit gives me such an empathetic smile. ¡°Sorry dear, and¡­ that¡¯s not even the worst bits yet.¡±


    My eyes widen a touch as my stomach does a little tumbling. ¡°Wh¨C what?¡±


    ¡°They¡­ This wonderful new Sun Spoken¡¯s appearance wasn''t the only thing they kept from you.¡± She nods toward Rahdian. ¡°Apparently the Blizzards below have gotten so bad the exits to the wider reaches of Arudia are cut off as of today. Both due to the storm and¡­ strange things within it. Carbunkles and other creatures seem to attack any carriages or travelers who wander through this past half-day.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what!?!¡± I stammer. ¡°B¨C but¡­ We need to go down there! Stop them and¡­¡±


    Tasii lays a hand on my shoulder. ¡°I doubt you have the Amwella, and you still need to Dream with the little one. Understand what¡¯s going on.¡±


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I spit, anger still bubbling. ¡°Yeah. I¡­ I know.¡± Then I turn back to face Lady Ophrit, trying to soften my words and expression. ¡°Anything else? Anything worse?¡±


    She leans back and shakes her head. ¡°No. Not that should pull your attention away from those things.¡±


    I rise. ¡°Fuck. Alright. I¡­ I need to go. Fix this.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Kque murmurs as she sees stupid ideas stirring. ¡°You should eat first. After that you should Dream, then when you wake up. We can plan this out.¡±


    I nod, ¡°Yeah. Alright. But¡­ Can¡­¡± Look away, trying to find the words.


    And my lovers see so much of what I need right now. What was hopefully going to be a quiet meal with lovers and mothers and hosts turns into me just¡­ gobbling down tasteless things as my stomach churns in guilt and worry and¨C


    ¡°Hey.¡± Kque nudges me. Startling me from my mess. ¡°Slow down, just a touch, or you¡¯ll get sick.¡±


    We¡¯ve also moved into the back bedroom where the little cutie sleeps. Just us. My lovers and Rahdian.


    I huff and pause between bites. ¡°I just¡­ I fucked up. Need to fix this.¡±


    Yrelia sighs and shakes her head. ¡°No. You¡¯ve done basically the best you could with what you were given. They Doyans are cunts who you couldn¡¯t convince to not do this.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­¡± I shove the next bite into my mouth, growling while chewing. ¡°Yeah, but¡­ but I should have expected this! Should have¡­ I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°The only other option you could have taken was¡­ something I¡¯m glad you didn¡¯t do.¡± Jevita murmurs. ¡°And¡­ it would have left you with a different and possibly worse mess.¡±


    I glance up to see¡­ oh.


    ¡°If we were going to just¡­ start killing cunts who wouldn¡¯t move we would have done that to Veletross and Emarial.¡± I grumble, swallow, and shove more food into my mouth.


    To my surprise, it¡¯s Zigdara who speaks up. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t have ended well. Too many would find reason to toss lightning at us again if you took such a path.¡±


    The anxious chortle that bubbles up almost makes me choke. But¡­ Yrelia is there to pat my back and free me from the chance of it. ¡°Th¨C thanks. Just¡­ I hate this. So much. I¡­ I though I was politicking well.¡±


    ¡°You are.¡± Tasii nods. ¡°Just¡­ they cared more about power and control. We expected this as a possible problem. Which¡­¡± She waves about the room as a gesture to the wider manor. ¡°Is why you asked Lady Ophrit and Delphian to consider how best to tackle that problem. They¡¯ll do what they can while you do all this, and we¡¯ll meet up when we can to help each other.¡±


    Lady Ophrit¡¯s offer to gather allies to stand together against whatever nonsense the Doyans and Matrons might demand or try. The women who hold the real trading lifeblood of Arudia brought together and ready to refuse to cooperate if the old rulers don¡¯t set better things down where the old laws sat.


    ¡°Alright.¡± I huff. ¡°Yeah. Thanks. Just¡­ panicking a little. I need to get this right or¡­ or¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re doing great, love.¡± Yrelia murmurs. ¡°Just¡­ stick to the plans. Let others attend to theirs. Can¡¯t do much more. We¡¯ll help you adjust when the time comes.¡±


    This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    *   *   *


    At least¡­ What must be a third of the Dream is spent Weaving a few extra songs while sitting on the beach with Rahdian and her two Dreamers. Aceso seems to really enjoy just¡­ kinda riding on my shoulders and holding on with all her tendrils. And because it''s a Dream I don¡¯t even wonder about it until we¡¯ve finished getting all our songs ready.


    ¡°Okay. Let¡¯s see what we can¡¯t¡­¡±


    But She gave me this Dream, so I see it right away. How could I not?


    Like¡­ I was kinda hoping our little cutie would look like it did in the Waking World. At least a bit. Maybe have words for us?


    But¡­ well that probably wasn¡¯t very smart of me.


    The Zeridii isn¡¯t human, and never was. Anything people thoughts it has wasn¡¯t things it probably ever wanted, and¡­


    Yeah.


    And while what I hear literally tearing at the edges of our shared Dream is nothing like a song, it screams in ways I can¡¯t help but shiver in sympathy to. Because I know what it¡¯s like to slowly wake up to find yourself twisted into a shape you can¡¯t stand.


    Dribbling down from the Scar in the sky of this place is a fissure like the most upset and angry night sky. The background pitch is a swirling mess of purples and deep blues punctuated by blazing pinpricks of azure and scarlet and Jade. Each looking to be on the very brink of erupting forth and consuming all other lights.


    Fuck.


    So then I pull us closer. Before it would make sense to walk, but because we¡¯re in a Dream we can skip the unimportant bits that don¡¯t matter. Like turning ahead past the boring parts in a book. Parts that you just¡­ don¡¯t have the time or patience to consider. They don¡¯t matter, not really, not to you, not right now.


    I hope they don¡¯t hate me for this.


    Because I can¡¯t go back and ask them. There isn¡¯t any time! To even look back now could and would send such a bad message to the Zeridii. To hesitate in such a loud and meaningful way is¡­ is¡­ well I¡¯m not sure our next Dream would be this peaceful.


    Those angry stars might just have decided that, yes actually, we¡¯d like to explode now.


    So, I pull my fifth Lover off my shoulders and take her cute face in my hands while tendrils wibble in worry.


    Tell Her how much I love her. How much I trust Her. How much I hope that She can trust me.


    Of course She wants to argue. But¡­ Even now the Nightmares stir and growl and even perk up at the rising fears this decision creates within us both. Would¡­ could so easily fuck up this chance our little cutie has offered us.


    She nods, and the trust and love and song that pours out of Her almost cracks my resolve.


    Always and Forever.


    Then I turn to Rahdian. A mess of apologies are gifted. If¡­ if I understood her a little better I¡¯d ask for her help with this but¡­ I don¡¯t and asking her to consider this would be unfair and stupid and really dangerous. Not just for her but¡­ honestly for everyone. Even our little cutie knew she probably shouldn¡¯t come along. Which¡­ honestly is a good sign? I hope? A subtle hint that they kept some of the softer people''s thoughts close and see them as worth treasuring.


    Then the Storm is there and getting angry. I¡­ I think they are the only ones to fully understand what I need to do. They know better than to try and stop me, but¡­ their glare tells me everything they hate about this.


    I tell them I¡¯m sorry.


    The Storm assures me that their anger is for the Waking Worlds and Dreams that put us here, and not at me.


    That helps. Fuck. That helps so much.


    And gives me the final courage to only take a single deep breath¡­ And then I sing the song that ends their parts in my Dream.


    *    *    *


    Waking up hurts.


    It. Always. Hurts.


    He used to enjoy that. Seeing the horror at my rising from the safety of Dreams into the Waking Nightmare he built. Sometimes we would sit and talk as I tried to slowly convince him to let me go. Sparing with words and arguments. Indulging in my attempts to chip away at his cruelties.


    Stupid, honestly. Even bound and broken and chained in anathema I could feel and see how little this monster was listening. How every small tittering of guilt was quickly and perfectly smothered by his own ravenous ambitions. And eventually... by the rewards his cruelty brought him.


    ¡°Ina!?!¡± Comes a call as I curl closer about myself. Numb in¡­ such odd ways. Can¡¯t feel the chains but¡­ also can¡¯t feel the mess of my former headstalk''s severed nubs.


    Ina?


    OH! It¡¯s her.


    I stir as a pained smile touches my lips at the thought of her face and eyes and just¡­ the way her Amwella always makes my World Song bubble.


    A hand brushes at my cheek and¡­


    Wait. Touching? No no no no no no no she can¡¯t touch me or he¡¯ll¨C


    I jerk awake, flailing back and half shouting hissed warnings and¡­


    Wait.


    ¡°Who¡­?¡± I whisper as I press very freed limbs into the wall behind this way too soft bed. Eyes darting between this mess of girls I don¡¯t¡­


    Wait. I do know them. Somehow. But¡­ but can¡¯t quite¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry I¡­¡± One of them, the second tallest, sputters from the other side of the bed as she rises. ¡°I¡¯m not sure what happened to us¡­ we could see them and the Storm talked with her and we all agreed but¡­ but it¡¯s¡­¡±


    One of them, the closest, the one who both fills me with dread but also longing¡­ tilts her head in confusion and worry.


    Another tells the one blabbering to slow down. Take a few deep breaths, while the third tallest eyes narrow while meeting mine. Eyes seem to see right to my soul, despite the lack of glimmering Amwella sight.


    ¡°Aceso?¡± She murmurs.


    And that name cracks everything.


    Memories seek to crush me under their weight as¡­ as I look down at the gorgeous hands I wanted to weave for her. See the leg I lost us.


    Us?


    More panic. Managing a body''s breathing all alone is¡­ is new. Annoying at how much each gulp of air feels more important than the wonderful girl I can¡¯t find beside me within our mind and¡­ and¡­


    No. No, she''s there. My perfect and soft and warm little spirit. Sleeping nuzzled up close to my soul while she envelopes the glimmering scar at the side of our brow.


    Off to Dream with the Zeridii while I consider this Waking World.


    Someone¡¯s snapping at me. I jerk and look up. Curling back farther away from but... no. Don¡¯t be stupid. They¡¯re just scared.


    ¡°She¡­ She¡¯s asleep.¡± I whisper. ¡°Sorry. We¡­ I hated this. But the Zeridii would have¡­ um¡­ exploded. Or gotten more angry? We¡¯re not sure. And my¡­ my Nightmares could not be allowed to infest them. So¡­ she¡¯s reaching out alone.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but shake myself a little at¡­ at how I like her I sound. Voice only mildly tinted with our mingled Song.


    ¡°And why waste Amwella with this?¡± Tasii asks.


    ¡°It¡­ This could take a while.¡± I draw in another deep breath, trying to acquire my own voice from her throat. ¡°It cost less than me hovering about her within the Dream. And¡­ and posed fewer risks of Nightmares rousing to prod at her.¡±


    I fight to ignore the other reason I didn¡¯t feel in her but¡­ Hope so much was never part of her schemes.


    ¡°Yeah, that makes sense.¡± Our wonderful Jevita moves to sit on the foot of the bed.


    Yrelia huffs and nods. ¡°How dangerous is this for you both?¡±


    I sway back and forth. ¡°I¡­ Very. But only If Ina wasn¡¯t literally radiating the way she is. All warm and literally dripping in empathetic ways that¡­ that show them how special she is. They like her, and me¡­ at least a little. We¡¯re the last souls they¡¯ll want to hurt. We freed them and have magic they know can help crack remaining bindings and change things for them. Both before, during, and after their full Waking.¡±


    A pause, then Tasii murmurs while her eyes roll down to my leg. ¡°Aceso, you¡¯re in pain. You should sing.¡±


    I pause, consider her words and¡­


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ not that bad. Honestly.¡± I murmur, shifting the aching leg. ¡°But thank you.¡±


    Another pause.


    ¡°Yeah. No. Fuck that.¡± Yrelia shakes her head. ¡°Sing the pain down, and we¡¯ll figure out what to do from there. Get you some breakfast.¡±


    I purse our lips, ¡°Is¡­ Are you insisting? I made my promises, and will keep them, but I¡¯d rather not waste Amwella on my comforts if this is a mere request or suggestion.¡±


    Yrelia, after a sigh, leans forward and very gently hovers a hand next to my cheek. ¡°Spending Amwella to keep you from pain is not a waste, Aceso.¡±


    I have to look away, avoid the warmth and soft touch I don¡¯t deserve. ¡°It won¡¯t mess up my songs or tasks. Honestly it¡¯s always wonderful to just¡­ feel. Again. And if pain is the form that takes then¡­ fine. I¡¯ll gladly bask in that.¡±


    The silence stretches farther then, enough so I eventually glance back to find¡­ such a mess of emotions across their faces.


    Yrelia is the first to whisper, hand has dropped but¡­ not pulled away. ¡°That¡­ that¡¯s not¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I shuffle uncomfortably. ¡°I¡¯m not like Ina. Or you all. I¡¯ve laughed as worse pains were inflicted on my body and soul, and don¡¯t think this is worth the cost.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Can you sing first?¡± Kque murmurs softly. Discomfort radiating off her. ¡°Please? Then¡­ then we¡­ can discuss things.¡±


    ¡°Are you insisting?¡± I reply, trying to keep the bite of annoyance from my words as the guilt bubbles up at how horribly I¡¯m handling this.


    ¡°Aceso, would Ina want you to sing here?¡± Tasii presses, but¡­ only an odd patience lies within her tone, as opposed to the answering of my own careless agitations.


    I sigh and look up and away from them all. ¡°She¡­ Understands this so much better when we¡¯re mingled.¡±


    ¡°Girl¡­ Why are you not answering the question?¡± Yrelia nudges Ina¡¯s unscarred leg.


    ¡°I¡¯m not avoiding the¡­¡± I look back and find her smirking, then sigh as something inside me melts a bit at the way she''s looking at me. ¡°Fine. Yes. She would.¡±


    ¡°Then, there is your answer.¡± Tasii leans against the wall and fixes me with such an unimpressed look. ¡°Ina would insist. And let''s all be very honest. If you¡¯re looking to enjoy feeling body things Ina would also insist you ask one or more of us to help you with that, instead of enduring pain.¡±


    I can¡¯t stop the blush that tints these cheeks as I freeze at that. Nod once while tearing my eyes from the group. Then hum a low healing melody. Only finding some stability from the hornii brain rot as Tasii looks to Rahdian and murmurs an apology. Letting her know that she¡¯d have to talk with Ina before being allowed to be intimate with me while she¡¯s asleep in a Dream.

 Chapter 103: Cursestorms Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Dream muppling! We cried here. A lot. Lore about the Zeridii. Talk of head/mate/soulmate/symphonymate death and like... losing connection to other headmates. Accepting chains and slavery to replace what was lost. Moving past and through said trauma. Loss of spiritual mobility and ability to travel.


    As I wander the Pathways laid out for me¡­ I worry I made a mistake.


    Forgot to ask why Aceso calls them all the Zeridii.


    It¡¯s like my name, and hers. Pulled from an old forgotten language that probably has shifted and changed so much over the years.


    Or¡­ Should have thought to ask Jevita, or Thodep and her Maktaba if they knew.


    Just¡­ it would be rude to call them something that hurts. Of course. But¡­ okay well, I¡¯ll just ask when they start talking to me. Names are important, at least for people¡­


    But¡­ wait. The Maktaba don¡¯t always seem to want to be like us. I think.


    With a huff of a Dream sigh I shrug and keep walking.


    We¡¯ll work it out.


    Because like¡­ fuck is their Dream SO pretty!


    Not a forest, or a beach, or a frozen tundra but¡­ kinda all those things and SO much more!


    Everything is a reflection, but also a¡­ perspective? Things seen and observed but¡­ from a unique lens of twisting colors and blossoming thoughts and¡­ and things I really don¡¯t understand!


    Well¡­ at least all but one thing.


    The¡­ the cracks and tears and bite marks that seem to scream from the heart of everything and nothing. Forever inside everything, but also never here anymore. Endlessly looping in on themselves and outwards into everything and nothing.


    Now I see why they can stand to share a Dream with me. Why that little cutie couldn¡¯t help but scuttle after Rahdian and me like we were a breath of oxygen after being swept beneath some great smothering wave.


    They hate their¡­ well ''body'' is also a wrong word. Because this is deeper than that! Different and bleeding and it makes them want to both shatter everything they are but also hide because that¡¯s what happened to cause this!


    They were once one big happy cluster of gorgeous symmetry¡­ and then something terrible happened¡­


    A part of them died.


    No. Even that word doesn¡¯t work! No heart stopped or flesh went cold. They¡­ ugh¡­


    Yeah. Sorry. I¡­ Even in a Dream that doesn¡¯t really¡­


    Oh. Okay. Thank you. Sorry again. But¡­ yeah the rest I get.


    Dysphoria is a bitch.


    Can¡¯t help but giggle as they relax at my easy understanding of that. Settle at the edges and do my best to gaze at as many of them as I can, while avoiding focusing on the wound.


    I¡­ I don¡¯t want to force you to deal with words or thoughts about you that hurt. So¡­ tell me what you want to be referred to as and we¡¯ll go from¡­


    Oh. Okay fuck. That¡¯s¡­


    I wince.


    No, that''s okay! You¡¯re all trying your best and this is all so painfully new to you. Division within hurts. I¡¯ll enjoy having you remind me when I meet any of you in the Waking World! But¡­


    I¡¯m sorry. Can that be¡­ okay. I¡¯ll trust you all. I don¡¯t get it but I think I get it.


    Nibble on my lip.


    Me? But¡­ I mean¡­ I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea. Honestly. That¡¯s what the Obelisks were. They hurt you. Maybe helped keep you still so that wound could settle a bit but¡­ I think we¡¯re past that now. Don¡¯t you?


    I shrug at their reply.


    No. It¡¯s your lives. You all deserve to live them. No chains. Please don¡¯t ask me for that.


    I shiver under the pain and anger of them all.


    Sometimes rest is what we need to heal, other times¡­ like with what Alchemy leaves behind in girls like me, we have to get our butts off the bed and stretch things. Explore our limits. Walk the Paths and consider what else is out there for us. It may never be like you had before but¡­ maybe¡­


    They consider that for a time, then give a wibbling messy answer.


    Yes exactly! Dream of what you WANT to be, not of what you are! Past the pain. I did it, and there are SO many others who did too! Me and Rahdian may be¡­ well messier than most but we¡¯re actually not all that alone in this! Even all my lovers were different people before, and they walked the Paths to grow beyond that! My flesh wasn¡¯t right but¡­ honestly my environment was terrible too! I needed a change of environment to help!


    I sway back and forth.


    Well¡­ yeah. Of course. You¡¯ll all need to be careful. Need to¡­ to find better people to trust. So many here just¡­ just see you as thoughtless things to be used. And¡­ and even if you¡¯d rather not be like¡­ people, you should still be allowed to pick and decide what you want to be or do.


    I can¡¯t help but grin at them.


    I always thought the magic from Arudia was so amazing. So wonderful and enthralling but¡­ I¡¯ve never seen your magic, have I? Not really.


    Tears gather as they show me what Jevita helped me guess at.


    See!?! Fuck. That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s beautiful. You¡¯re all so gorgeous and pretty and¡­ and wonderful to Dream with!


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I shake my head.


    No. The wound is terrible, but¡­ there is a¡­ I mean¡­ scars suck. Inside and out. But¡­ the us that we choose to become past and over can still be amazing. Is worth everything in the Dream and beyond to see thrive and grow. You¡¯re all so much braver and¡­ and everyone is going to be better off now that you''re free to explore who you all want to be. I don¡¯t just know that. I SEE that! I HEAR that!


    ¡­ Can I like¡­ I know we¡¯re already matching notes but¡­ Can I share how you¡¯ve inspired me? Give you all a song to carry through your futures? Hopefully¡­ hopefully a reminder of what this silly Hetaera of the Paths sees in you all?


    They accept, and I gather up my Aceso¡¯s Amwella that burns from within me, and I sing for them.


    It''s not a big thing. Not like the masterpiece we wove to break the Obelisks and free them.


    But¡­ It¡¯s mine. And I hope so much that I don¡¯t forget it when I wake up.


    Cultivation¡­ Such a silly word for how people used the gemstones.


    That name implies inner growth. Like¡­ like maturing and coming to understand yourself and how you might slot into the world around you and¡­ yeah.


    Gemstone magic didn¡¯t do that.


    The Cultivation that inspired the name came from WITHIN the Zeridii.


    They like that name though. I was worried they wouldn¡¯t but¡­ It¡¯s what they agreed to do. Their promise to themselves when something important inside them broke, and they came crashing down into Arudia.


    Brimming with Division and Discord. A chorus no longer able to feel each other as they once had, needing so much a new heart to keep them stable before their pain rolled out to hurt everyone here.


    But beneath the thousand years of the Waking World¡­ They''ve been resting.


    Healing.


    Cultivating themselves into new shapes and thoughts and wants and hopes and Dreams and¡­ and everything!


    Not us. The gemstones were just¡­ an outlet. A way to mingle with the world without. But¡­ People thoughts helped. They hurt but¡­ they gave them a foundation to start with. Reflections to consider and compare and like¡­ start thinking past the wound.


    I wonder when Arudia forgot that? Stopped listening to this old collective?


    Welp¡­ Doesn¡¯t matter now. Does it?


    Yeah. This is going to be messy. Of course. And that¡¯s OKAY! Just¡­ try not to hurt anyone. Including yourselves. I know, I know, it¡¯s not the same. But¡­ please? It¡¯s part of this, right? Each of you is important. Unique and wonderful and worth Cultivating.


    Always.


    Dream not of what you are, but of what you want to be!


    Hugging them all is weird, but perfect. There are SO many of them! It¡¯s like hugging the ocean and feeling all of it want to embrace me back!


    Okay, Aceso¡¯s probably super upset and worried and¡­ and a mess. She¡¯s¡­


    I nod.


    Yeah. She¡¯s a bit like you. But like¡­ the monster that hurt Her was someone She loved.


    I can¡¯t help but gasp, then hug them all back at the promise they gift me.


    Thank you! That¡­ I¡­ But you¡¯ll need to be careful of the Nightmares. Okay? And¡­ and if you find a something inside can¡­ can you¡­


    Yes. Perfect! She¡­ all the shards need SO much help and I¡¯m just one stupid girl and Arudia is a mess and¡­ and¡­


    They hold me while I weep. A chorus of disjointed loving wonders. Things that even Dreams struggle to show me well. But¡­ They gift me back some of their own songs.


    A history traveling the Stars. Finding little places like my Waking World and Dreams to watch and consider and sometimes¡­ when they were oh so careful¡­


    Help.


    They miss that. So much. Will always long to sail the pitch between the blazing stars once again, searching for new amazing places to discover. But¡­ they¡¯re done looking back. Done hiding from the new world that has adopted them.


    So with one final squeeze, I let myself tumble backways. Through our Dream, and into my Waking World.


    And of course, my lover¡¯s arms are the first thing I feel holding us close.


    Just¡­ all of us in a big messy pile. Aceso¡¯s the first to greet this little spirit. Nuzzling close and openly weeping the tears She¡¯s been trying and, apparently failing, to hide from our lovers. Eventually just falling all to bit as they insisted she let them hold her through the terror at being left alone in this body.


    Next is Yrelia, leaning forward from her position behind us and pressing cheek against ours. Whispering softly. ¡°Good morning, loves.¡±


    Loves.


    Oh fuck that makes our heart jump still. More since she started using it to address us both.


    ¡°H¨C hi.¡± We murmur back, and immediately add. ¡°S¨C sorry. We¡­ it was¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be.¡± Tasii, wrapped about us both with her big arms, shushes. ¡°Aceso explained. We trust you both.¡±


    We slump back into their arms and let memories rise up between us as eyes roll over the room.


    ¡°Is¡­ How did it go?¡± Jevita asks from her place snuggled to our right.


    ¡°Wonderful.¡± We can¡¯t stop a little sob from bubbling up as the memories settle into the Larger Spirit. Fill her with heart cracking hope and worry and delight and¡­ and all the things.


    All good.


    ¡°Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh¡­¡± Something stirs by our feet.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­¡± Rahdian sits up from the edge of the pile, and¡­ fuck is it nice to see her accepting the start of mild skinship from our lovers.


    But¡­ we can¡¯t consider that for long as the little cutie nuzzled by our feet begins to wake.


    Begins to change.


    What was once an odd and messy cluster of nonsense shapes and twisting fractals of seemingly endless looping reflections and edges seem to soften and solidify and¡­ and mold itself into something new.


    We all stare in shock and silence and fear but¡­ mostly hope.


    The little cutie isn¡¯t finished, we don¡¯t think. Basically went from a little mess of three or four different shaped creatures into¡­ well¡­


    This.


    More bird now, with those featherless wings. Even has what looks like a cluster of eyes that¡­ kinda remind us of some of the really cute spiders that Kque liked to show us. Long legged and SO fuzzy and SO friendly and effortlessly gliding across the freshly fallen snow.


    ¡°Hhhhhhh¨C¡± It tries to say again. Previous wind chime tone now a steadier, more melodic thing.


    Rahdian untangles from the pile and carefully moves to sit in front of it.


    Her little cutie sways a bit, wobbling to and fro as it blinks and looks about. Adjusting to new body and eyes.


    Then it looks to us, and blurts out in a single striking note. ¡°HI!¡±


    A pause, then Jevita lets out such a huffing giggle.


    ¡°Hi.¡± Rahdian murmurs back. ¡°I¡­ can you¡­?¡±


    ¡°HI!¡± It shouts again.


    ¡°Hello, little one.¡± We grin at it. ¡°How¡¯re you feeling?¡±


    ¡°HI hi¡­. HI!!!¡± It replies, like a tittering of laughter barely repressed has filled it.


    We chuckle. ¡°You discovered a new word. That¡¯s wonderful!¡±


    It floofs out such a messy splaying of crystalline limbs and coos. ¡°Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!¡± A pause. Then¡­ ¡°Help¡­?¡±


    ¡°We adore it, yes.¡±


    And we really do.


    ¡°Both for what you are now, but what you¡¯re thinking of becoming.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Rahdian looks back to me. ¡°What?¡±


    We turn our grin to her. ¡°They, like us, needed to change.¡±


    ¡°Into what?¡± Kque asks while watching the little cutie with widening eyes.


    We shrug and giggle. ¡°All sorts. There are so many of them and¡­ and growing apart will be hard but¡­ it¡¯s the way forward.¡± Then we¡¯re pulling free of the pile. Letting a touch of worry tint our voice as we rise. ¡°But¡­ this has the chance to get messy. We need to¡­ to make sure to make sure people don¡¯t¡­ Well, they can¡¯t hurt them. Not really. And most will find their forms out on the frozen lake.¡±


    And our wonderful lovers understand our worries so quickly.


    ¡°But people are going to panic if their gemstones start turning into living talking beings.¡± Tasii nods.


    ¡°Most probably won¡¯t do any talking but¡­ Exactly,¡± We turn to regard them. ¡°Most Gemstones will be¡­ mostly okay. Won¡¯t change. They aren¡¯t like¡­ The Zeridii have their own Dream but can form bodies from a ton of different places. The worry we have is that the more potent Gemstones give them more opportunity to¡­ to be used. Hurt. Things like Veletross lightning crystal. Or¡­¡±


    We pause, looking to Jevita as we see her stiffen in worry. ¡°The Maktaba are disconnected. We¡¯ll¡­ have to help with them later. But¡­ hopefully seeing all this will calm them. Show them we mean well when it''s time.¡±


    She relaxes and nods. ¡°Oh fuck. That¡­ thanks. Good to know.¡±


    We step over and pull her into a hug. ¡°Always. Jevita. Our lovers come first.¡±


    ¡°Hi.¡± The little cutie agrees. Wobbling over to nuzzle into Rahdian¡¯s still transfixed form.


    ¡°Alright.¡± We murmur softly and pull away. ¡°We don¡¯t have as much Amwella as we¡¯d like, but¡­ we can manage. And with the Zeridii loving us the worst a cunt can do is try and stab us which¡­¡±


    We tip-tap our bone leg, and hum a soft tune to sharpen it just a touch more.


    ¡°That would be a very, VERY, bad idea on their part.¡±

 Chapter 104: Rejecting Compromises Part 1

    <u>CW: </u>


    EMARIAL POV!!! SHE IS RISEN!!! Oh WOW! This chappy has... things. SO. Talk of past sexual assault and abuse. The POV character talking of a ''need'' to perpetuate that abuse. Hint of said abuse currently happening... fuck. Talk of breeding temples. People being kept and used for that. Dialectic drift to justify these actions.


    Inamatorii¡¯s promise holds true until the very end, and the sharp panic would easily have jolted me awake if not for the exhaustion and song that still holds me beneath the tides.


    But¡­ all is peaceful within this Dream.


    Endless impossible darkness stretches all about me, and underneath is sand softer than any bedding.


    Beyond that? Stars. But¡­ not as many as there should be?


    Takes me a few eternities to understand the nature of that.


    Just over three dozen furious lights twinkling on the horizon. One for each Weaver shard I¡¯ve collected and imprisoned within my Amwella?


    And so very far away. This place¡¯s nature is keeping to the letter of Ina¡¯s promise, if not the spirit.


    I sigh and settle to sit and wait. Gripping as best I can to this Dreaming¡¯s quiet nature, and consider what to do when waking. Hoping so much that I did not make a mistake in leaving Arudia in that girl¡¯s care. That I will not awake to Nightmares unleashed and innocents slaughtered and¡­ and my own Wellspring being butchered and harvested.


    Not that I wouldn¡¯t deserve the last but¡­ I have promises to keep.


    Voices eventually drift through the Dream. Soft and mostly gentle but¡­ punctuated with moments of intensity.


    ¡°...It¡¯s a lot like yours was.¡± A girl murmurs and¡­ I recognize the voice. One of Ina¡¯s lovers? One of the Arudian girls?


    ¡°Will she be able to use it well?¡± Comes a reply, and I can¡¯t help but feel the Dream buckle a bit under the careful worry and anger I feel beneath Zigdara¡¯s Tone.


    ¡°Not for anything demanding.¡±


    Then comes a chuckle from Ina herself, ¡°Sooo... No sword things.¡±


    ¡°Doubt her hand could even grip that heavy thing well, and that¡¯s even if she could ignore the tremendous pain of the attempt.¡± Kque replies.


    And I pull from the Dreaming to find myself still burrowed within the blankets and within the same home as before. Arms at my side and being gently touched.


    ¡°Managed worse.¡± I grumble through stiff lips.


    The room goes quiet, and as my eyes focus I see that there are only the three I heard. Kque at my side seeing to my wounds, Zigdara at the foot of the bed, and Ina sitting at the desk holding¡­ something?


    A very large gemstone sculpture?


    No. No it¡¯s twitching a bit and¨C


    ¡°Good morning.¡± Ina intones softly.


    ¡°I¡­¡± Try to swallow, find my throat too dry.


    Kque sighs and rises, picks up a cup and lifts it to my lips. ¡°Body things first. Then words.¡±


    I nod and accept her aid, cough a bit then begin. ¡°Ina¡­ I¨C¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± Kque cuts me off. ¡°Bathroom, maybe a wash with new clothes, and food, then you can see about the rest.¡±


    I look past her to the other two. Zigdara nods, and Ina smiles softly while murmuring. ¡°Listen to Kque, okay? She¡¯s really good at this stuff. We¡¯ll be here.¡±


    It¡¯s¡­ So odd. Kque is polite, patient, and despite her obvious distaste for me, steadfast in this. She helps my stiff body manage tasks I¡¯d otherwise find difficult. If not impossible.


    Even easily pesters me, a girl almost twice her size, into settling back into bed and eating a meal before any words are exchanged. Only turning to Ina and sharing a look of approval when the soup is nearly drained.


    ¡°So¡­ No Dreams?¡± Ina asks carefully.


    ¡°Only at the end. But I was alone.¡± I reply carefully.


    She lets out a sigh. ¡°Good. Fuck. Will have to adjust it for next time.¡±


    ¡°Next time?¡± I whisper in worry.


    She shrugs. ¡°Not having you go months and months like that again. Or even days. Specially not while you''re still injured. At least¡­ not until we can figure out how to calm your Shards¡¯ many angry tits.¡±


    A pause settles over the room. Tense as the bow-strings the pirates along the coast sometimes use.


    ¡°A lot has happened, correct? Since you helped me sleep. Could you¡­ fill me in on that before we discuss future arrangements?¡± I ask carefully.


    Ina smirks. ¡°That, Emarial, sounds like a good idea.¡±


    It takes time, and there are¡­ gaps. Things she pointedly refuses to elaborate on. Weavings among her lovers as they considered how best to handle the brewing blizzard, and how the Zeridii found her.


    And that odd gemstone creature is¡­ It¡¯s awake now. Tittering odd sounds and half words as it crawls up to drape about Ina¡¯s shoulders like some scarf as opposed to the almost centipede like shape it wears.


    ¡°And after I calmed them from just¡­ exploding out and hurting anyone and everyone and everything¡­ I spent the next few days trying to get this mess of a city to work with the changes.¡± Ina sighs. ¡°Like¡­ They can¡¯t toss lightning at me anymore, which is nice, but¡­ everything is kinda tense. Delphian and Ophrit have rallied a ton of support from the city, and three of the Matrons and Doyans have had to leave the Academy entirely but¡­¡±


    I let the pause stretch a bit before asking. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°The bitch, Veletross, and a few of her allies snatched up the remaining duenna and Murtaziq and¡­ the um¡­ former inhabitants of the Fertility wing of the Academy. They know I could merge with the Weaver and just¡­ deal with them since the worst they¡¯ll have are some swords but¡­¡±


    ¡°She knows about your curse.¡± I finish with a sigh. ¡°Understands that within the rush of a conflict you¡¯d struggle to avoid casualties.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. It¡¯s really sick, honestly.¡± Ina nods, and leans forward. ¡°Vile. Using them as just¡­ things. Tools. And walls to keep me away. And eventually just... breeding stock that she¡¯ll have full control over.¡±


    I remain carefully impassive as I sense the shape of her hopes. ¡°She¡­ Was always ruthlessly practical.¡±


    Ina¡¯s intense gaze cracks, and she looks away. ¡°Yeah, well¡­ so was the Temple I grew up in.¡±


    Quiet falls upon us as I set my bowl on the nightstand and sit up a little straighter. Preparing for the conflict my answers will bring. The pain and wounds at least.


    ¡°You¡­ Want my help in resolving this.¡± I whisper softly.


    She bites her lip, nods. ¡°Yes. I¡­ I can¡¯t leave them. Not¡­ not to be¡­ like I was. Used. Endlessly and¡­ and only given half a life when they behave and perform well.¡±


    ¡°But the command stops you from even being near them without a struggle within.¡± I whisper. ¡°What would you do for them? If they were turned over into your care? Who would you trust with the future of Arudia?¡±


    She grinds teeth and shakes her head. That horrible curse probably biting as she hisses. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ Expecting them to sacrifice everything is just¡­ it¡¯s gross and horrible and¡­ and I don¡¯t think I can bring myself to care about the future of a land if they treat anyone like that. They¡­ that¡¯s not their responsibility!¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°So¡­ no one?¡± I state, bluntly. ¡°And you¡¯d let the Cold Gather upon Arudia as mothers bear no children? Force this to be their last generation? Then what? Travel back to Lyttoral and demand the same?¡±


    She turns a glare upon me. ¡°Absolutely! We¡¯ve already worked out how to keep them all safe and guarded by those that won¡¯t take advantage of them. Everyone deserves their life, Emarial. If some still¡­ still want to have kids then that¡¯ll be their choice, but otherwise I will not let them be used anymore.¡±


    I¡¯d glare back but¡­ what¡¯s the point? Instead I sigh and speak gently. ¡°Ina¡­ Your personal pains don¡¯t give you the right to rob others of their daughters.¡±


    ¡°Wh- what!?! That¡¯s¡­ you think that¡­¡± She sputters, and such pain and horror and even fear touches her eyes. Her ability to hide her deeper feelings cracking like ice under a pick.


    ¡°That¡¯s backways,¡± Kque interjects, firm but with a harsh snap as she rises. Only looking to me when she¡¯s at Ina¡¯s side. Gentle touch at her lover''s back and shoulder. ¡°And unfair. And cruel. Ina¡¯s body was never owed to Lyttoral. At all. That¡¯s like saying that because I lost my nice dress in the river I have the right to steal yours.¡±


    I turn to regard Zigdara, sensing too much stubborn ignorance of youth in the other two. ¡°My broken promises aside, how can you, a duenna of Lyttoral, stand there and not refute this? Ina speaks of hollowing out our lands and leaving the husks to decay.¡±


    She considers me for a long moment while Ina reclaims her scowl. But before my fellow Sun Spoken can spit venom, Zigdara half-raises a hand in gentle request.


    ¡°We have a term, in Lyttoral. We all know it well enough. Raive.¡± She states evenly. ¡°A vile person. One who would sneak into our Temples and steal or use a breeding male without the permissions from their Temple. But¡­ this definition is false. Broken over the past years to fit our perceptions of those within the Temple. The root of the word is more broad. Rape. A word that is¡­ less often considered. As it applies to anyone who is violated without their consent. Which¡­ can be done in many ways. And one such way is when a person is trapped into submitting to another¡¯s hungers without a meaningful ability to refuse. To say no.¡±


    I let out a huff. ¡°If Veletross, or your Temple, treated the males poorly then I¡¯d agree to assist in managing a change of keepers. But you¡¯re not speaking of that. You¡­ you¡¯re talking about ending their service entirely. Freeing them from Oaths and leaving their lands without meaningful ways to continue into the future.¡±


    ¡°What does it matter then?¡± Ina spits, fury snapping out like a whip. Nothing deadly. There is no spike from her Amwella, only from her own wounded heart. ¡°If it was me, again, if Veletross wanted to strap me down and let someone use me while I have to¡­ to stop being a person till it''s over? Why care? If it gets the job done?¡±


    Kque flinches, sucking in a breath through teeth while Zigdara turns to level such a pained look at her charge. Shocked by the imagery and words


    But¡­ I don¡¯t drop Ina¡¯s gaze, regardless of how much it hurts to bear. ¡°We¡¯re not the reckless fools that sometimes torment the coasts. Sangoma offered you and yours all manner of comforts and gifts and time to live. Veletross isn¡¯t stupid. She¡¯ll do the same.¡±


    ¡°So you don¡¯t mind some people being used then? So long as it seems as gentle as possible?¡± Zigdara replies evenly.


    ¡°Give the lands a better choice then!¡± I shout back, just a little. My own impatience with this foolishness finally cracking forth. ¡°The means to survival demand some lost freedoms. Yes. Because when a Goddess curses all the adult males and deforms most male children birthed until there are none left you make do.¡±


    Everyone goes stiff, eyes widening in a mixture of horror and shock.


    ¡°You¡­ you know about that?¡± Ina whispers, fury dissolved to wide-eyed worry.


    Kque winces, Zigdara glances to Ina in surprise.


    ¡°Of course I know.¡± I growl. ¡°Every single other species has roughly even rates between their birthed children''s sexes. Only adjusted in cases where it is sustainable. But not with us, not for those gifted with the Amwella of their Goddess. I¡¯ve seen what Her attentions mean to them.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ then why not try and¡­ and talk to Her? Them? Work together to fix that!?!¡± Ina sputters.


    ¡°Because Her hate fuels the Curse, and the Curse fuels Her bitter Spite.¡± I sigh and let myself slump a bit. ¡°And one Shard, no matter how gentle you help it become, does not change the wider regard of them.¡±


    ¡°But you have dozens, literally, inside you!?!¡± Ina rebukes. ¡°Gathered together and sparking into¡­ into a Hearthfire! Burning so fucking bright it hurts to feel! Even now. If¡­ if they could be convinced to change, to heal, we¡­ we could fix that!¡±


    ¡°And they, even all together, would be able to do nothing.¡± I reply. ¡°What I¡¯ve gathered is¡­ not enough. And not worth the risk. Each twisted a Sun Spoken to Her view and schemes. Some¡­ some did worse.¡±


    ¡°Emarial¡­¡± Zigdara murmurs. ¡°Ina was the youngest within the temple. And no males have been born since, and even before the Obelisks were shattered Arudia hadn¡¯t seen a gemstone of fertility in nearly thirty years. The wound you speak of, that Ina feels in her mind every time she gathers a less than murderous regard for these males, is already fatal to our peoples. We need a better way if we¡¯re to move forward.¡±


    I pause, then turn a question of my own on Ina. Sensing... a path. Perhaps a road to working with her on this. ¡° You say you¡¯ve spoken with the Zeridii, that they adore you?¡±


    The girl nods carefully, seeing where this is going even before I speak the words. ¡°Then you can convince them to craft more Odlock gemstones. Weave the rare tools needed to allow more males to be fertile.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. It hurts to like¡­ parse it all out to them. But they¡¯re gonna try and make more of the gemstones for that. Turns out um¡­ Monsters who use their gemstones to change are actually super special to the Zeridii anyway so¡­ it''s just a matter of time and energy and like¡­ But that doesn¡¯t matter. I won¡¯t offer them this choice just to be used. I¡¯m going to visit some groups and like¡­ work out a system. But we¡¯ve got to start with the ones here. Change the way Arudia sees them so they all don¡¯t just¡­ fall back into old habits and perceptions.¡±


    I consider that for a while, then reply. ¡°It¡¯s not good enough. The birth rates will drop too far and in a century Arudia will be filled with many cold and empty cities.¡±


    ¡°And what are you doing to aid in this?¡± Zigdara presses.


    ¡°Not tearing open the wound to hasten the end for future generations.¡± I spit back, but without much venom. ¡°But¡­ that was due to lack of options. We¡­ I can compromise with you on this. Aid in your attempts to reconcile with the Weaver shards, see if the curse can be whittled down, while you get the Zeridii to weave more stones of Fertility.¡±


    ¡°And the¡­ the ones Veletross has?¡± Ina whispers.


    ¡°They¡¯ll remain in the care of a Temple or such that works to keep them comfortable while they serve.¡± I shrug. ¡°Will help you strike a deal with Veletross if her current accommodations are lacking and they need removing from her care.¡±


    Ina shakes her head. ¡°No. Fuck that. You¡­ you don¡¯t get to ¡®compromise¡¯ now. Not after¡­ after all of this.¡± Then she stands, glowers as she spits. ¡°Send for me when you need sleep, but otherwise stay out of my way while I work.¡±


    I still at that. ¡°What? You¡­ you still mean to give me dreamless sleep? Even after¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes. Fuck you. I¡¯m not a petty bitch. Or ¡­ or a Ravie supporting cunt like you.¡± She spits, then storms out. Tears I suspect she¡¯s been holding back finally beginning to gather and fall.


    Kque follows, leaving me in the room with Zigdara and her steady gaze.


    ¡°You should see to your charge, duenna.¡± I whisper and look away. ¡°Her heart is soft and kind, but her Amwella is nearly spent. She needs your well-honed skills to keep her safe until she gathers more.¡±


    ¡°She won¡¯t leave this place without me,¡± The duenna replies and moves to sit in the chair Ina vacated.


    She doesn¡¯t speak for quite some time after that though just¡­ stares.


    ¡°What do you want from me, Zigdara?¡± I murmur. ¡°You, of all people, should know what her plans risk. I can¡¯t stop her, but¡­ you could.¡±


    ¡°I expect, because you should see plainly I¡¯d never hurt her, that you mean with words.¡± The duenna replies, words even but¡­ brimming with silent warning.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I nod. ¡°I acted foolishly. Filled with old Impulses driven by exhaustion. I¡¯m not claiming what I did was wise, but¡­ that doesn¡¯t mean she¡¯s right in this.¡±


    ¡°Emarial¡­ I never asked, but it was under assumptions that could be false.¡± She replies. ¡°Did you ever use the Temple or Academy''s services?¡±


    I almost spit such fury at Zigdara. At the shape these questions could take. But¡­


    ¡°No.¡± I reply, hoping my snarl is kept quieter than I expect it is. ¡°I was claimed by the Weaver before my¡­ my lover and I had the chance.¡±


    She nods. ¡°I see, and condolences on your loss. You¡¯d have made a good mother, I think, and were a good Partner to your lost lover.¡±


    That surprises me. Cools my anger. ¡°What?¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°You¡¯re not what you would have been if events had gone differently for you but¡­ You seem to have a temperament that would have thrived well alongside a child and partner.¡±


    I shake my head, battling twined pains. Old and new. ¡°I thought you said you didn¡¯t accept what the Temple did. That¡­ that all women who use it are no better than vile Raive.¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°Those were not my words, Emarial. I was pointing out the verbal drift our culture has adopted to justify worse and worse actions.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Then what were you trying to say?¡±


    She sighs and chuckles softly. ¡°Something I¡¯ve learned from my time here, and has¡­ helped me consider this. I never wanted to be a mother, so avoiding laying with my charges was easy. But¡­ I have friends and Treasured Flames back in Lyttoral. See the Sangoma of that Temple as a mentor in many ways. And have met those you think I attach that word to.¡±


    ¡°And it doesn¡¯t fit. At all.¡± I press. ¡°Ina¡¯s pain is more tied to her old body than the service that was asked of her. You must see that, right?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ and if it wasn¡¯t? If she¡¯s not the only one hurting beneath the Temple¡¯s expectations?¡± She crosses her legs and studies me. ¡°Would you change things?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d assume the Temple would need to adjust, adapt. Figure out what the¡­ the charge needed and shift things. Within limits of course.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Yes. Within limits¡­¡± Zigdara murmurs and looks down to her hands. ¡°And¡­ What happens when one like Ina arises? Every session a nightmare she has to struggle to get through?¡±


    ¡°You give them a break. Time to¡­ to recover. Find balance and tend to the issue.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ if the sessions are, the issue?¡±


    I sigh and look away. ¡°I¡¯m not a keeper of such things, Zigdara. Have little to know understanding of the needs and trials that arise.¡±


    ¡°I agree, so¡­ why cling to practices you know little about? Ina lived through this, and means to give all within the chance to leave. If they want to resume a practice that resembles it they will be supported and allowed to reap the rewards of it. She simply asks that all be given the ability to leave and live as any other might.¡±


    ¡°It¡­ And the future of these lands?¡±


    Zigdara shrugs, then rises, moving to leave. ¡°Those living and breathing and suffering now are more important to me than people unborn. No matter how many.¡±


    ¡°That isn¡¯t a solution!¡± I snap at her back.


    She pauses at the door and looks at me. ¡°There¡­ is a saying. One that you always seemed to bristle at, but I think you should reconsider.¡±


    And I do just as she says, even feel my lips twitch at the youthfully ignorant mantra¡­ A thing that would have led to our lands literally rotting had I been stupid enough to follow it instead of the Path needed.


    Zigdara smiles without mirth, then curses me with the words once more. ¡°The ends don¡¯t justify the means, our means shape the ends.¡±


    Then she is gone, and I am left with my fury and anger and¡­


    And worse.


    The weight of Promises, kept and broken. Festering in my gut as I glare down as my mangled but¡­ healing body.

 Chapter 105: Rejecting Compromises Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Angry Sun Spoken. Talk of past being used a breeder. um... cold. mhm!


    ¡°That fucking BITCH!¡± I snarl.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Kque murmurs softly.


    ¡°Should have brought Yrelia here. Let her slap the cunt a few times like she did Zin.¡±


    ¡°Ina.¡± She repeats.


    ¡°Or better yet just¡­ slapped her myself. Hard.¡±


    ¡°Ina!¡± Kque doesn¡¯t snap but¡­ her tone is one that always jerks our family into paying attention to our lover.


    ¡°What?¡± I turn to find her huddled in the entryway of the door, rubbing as her shoulders and glancing about the alleyway I stormed out into.


    ¡°We need to wait for Zigdara.¡±


    I huff and step over to my shivering lover. ¡°Sorry. Just¡­ just needed to go. Get out. Didn¡¯t even realize she wasn¡¯t right behind us until I was outside.¡±


    She reaches out and pulls me close, ¡°If you need to shout outside at least¡­ block the wind. It¡¯s freezing.¡±


    I giggle and wrap myself around her. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Within a few seconds Zigdara is opening the door and looking between us. A wince touching her features. ¡°You ventured farther than I thought we agreed upon.¡±


    ¡°Just out the door.¡± Kque murmurs into my chest.


    I sigh and squeeze my lover closer. ¡°Sorry. Thought you were right behind me.¡±


    Even with our mergers being soft and without the intense cost¡­ I¡¯m running so low on soulfire. And so are my lovers. Forcing me to more and more rely on Zigdara¡¯s blaze which¡­ is also beginning to dwindle.


    It would be such a worry, and that¡¯s if I also wasn¡¯t¡­ um¡­ well eating for two. Rahdian¡¯s gone to visit a girl she met before coming to me once, and even came back with more soulfire, but¡­ I refuse to let that girl feel her body not continue its path forward. Aceso¡¯s been able to help her Shards work out better ¡®spinnings¡¯, reducing the costs and even working on bigger spells! Things that¡¯ll cost more Amwella than we have but¡­ will shift things so that she won¡¯t need to spend as much and¡­ and even change some body things the spinning won¡¯t do.


    But¡­ Well, this means plenty of times I have to face cunts without my fifth lover. And people have tried stupid things, even without the Gemstones or lightning or¡­ or whatever else they had before. Those Obsidian blades are fucking sharp.


    Thank fuck my duenna was always there to keep me safe.


    ¡°And¡­ Emarial had all the right words to hurt you.¡± Zigdara nods and grimaces.


    ¡°Yeah. Fuck.¡± I huff. ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ be more mindful.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Zigdara steps past to look up and down the alleyway. ¡°You have enough to worry about, I¡¯ll not let that woman draw me into forgetting the girl I¡¯m sworn to.¡±


    Kque giggles, and I can¡¯t help but smirk as my duenna looks back to us with mild confusion.


    ¡°I still can¡¯t believe Ina didn¡¯t see it before.¡± The lover in my arms whispers. More to herself but¡­ loud enough for us both to hear.


    ¡°See what?¡± I ask, but am already so very glad the cold tints my cheeks red as the answer is so fucking obvious.


    And of course my duenna¡¯s face doesn¡¯t match my blush as she shrugs. ¡°Before your group Ina had no teachings or experience in subtle courting of lovers. I¡­ was intentionally careful as well.¡±


    I smirk through it and move to wrap myself about her arm while keeping the other around Kque¡¯s waist. ¡°Well it¡¯s a good thing I¡¯ve gotten snatched up by so many wonderful teachers.¡±


    And I get to enjoy feeling two titters of happy Amwella while we brave the evening¡¯s chill and head home.


    Home. Such an odd word Yrelia and I have joked about calling Lady Ophrit and Delphian¡¯s Manor. Tasii refuted it at first, quiet somethings bothering her so much about that word. But with a soft nudge I explained.


    It¡¯s home because you¡¯re all here. Because for the time being it is safe and warm and filled to literally bursting, with all the people I¡¯d do anything to always come back to. And when that changes, when we finally get to leave Arudia¡­ well¡­ The Paths or campsites or little Inn-rooms will be home.


    Home is where my family gathers.


    That didn¡¯t just calm her but¡­ seemed to crack a shell. A hard brittle thing of protection she¡¯d been keeping. We held her through some tears but¡­ I think she went to Kque soon after. Shared skinship with her and Jevita and even Thodep that night.


    In the past that might have worried me. That a lover couldn¡¯t find the full comfort she needed in my arms. But¡­ well¡­ No one can be everything to anyone. Our little family works because we get that. Understand that each of us grows and bears different kinds of fruits. It¡­ it makes me feel pretty inadequate sometimes.


    Hope so much I¡¯m not too much for them. That... that I''m starting to support them as much as they''ve supported me.


    The Manor is alight with motion and life and all the good things when we finally arrive.


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Yrelia greets us at the door, an easy smile and bright eyes taking us all in. ¡°I take it Emarial was very reasonable and totally willing to help us?¡±


    I huff and shrug out of my coat. ¡°Of course. Can just¡­ go to sleep and let the woman thrice my age and experience handle Arudia.¡±


    She winces. ¡°That bad, huh?¡±


    ¡°Worse, actually.¡± Kque intones. ¡°She like¡­ really got into the weeds of things. Tried to tell Ina, our Ina, that actually we have to keep things this way and just¡­ ugh. I hate her. So much.¡±


    I glance over to see Kque so much more aggravated than I¡¯ve almost ever seen her.


    ¡°Really?¡± Yrelia hisses. ¡°Like¡­?¡±


    ¡°And I even did everything I could to make sure she was fully awake. Cleaned up. And back in bed with food in her belly before we even started.¡± Kque fumes.


    Give her no excuses to be shitty about this. Were Kque¡¯s exact words as we braved the cold after one of the keepers Ophrit assigned to watch over the slumbering Sun Spoken had come running over to tell us about her stirring.


    ¡°I should have come along.¡± Yrelia growls.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think slapping her would actually help.¡± I intone gently.


    ¡°Well now I¡¯m thinking I disagree.¡± Kque mumbles.


    Yrelia grins at that. ¡°Well¡­ there is always the next time I see her.¡±


    I step over and hook her and Kque¡¯s arm, ¡°No slapping the big Sun Spoken, please. I do not want you to bruise your hand again.¡±


    Yrelia sighs performatively as I begin to pull them both along. ¡°Fine¡­¡±


    ¡°I need a bath, and I think the big tub downstairs sounds wonderful.¡± I giggle and glance between the three here with me. ¡°Am I going to bask in those warm waters alone or¡­¡±


    And of course they all agree to join me.


    ** ** **


    Can¡¯t help but moan, quite loudly, as I finally settle down into the warm waters.


    I expect the girl at my side to chide me, or sigh in amused performative annoyance but¡­ Kque only giggles softly and slides closer while entwining our fingers.


    Zigdara and Yrelia tumble in soon after, slipping down into the large floor-laid pool with us.


    ¡°I am so very glad that the Zeridii was willing to keep most of the Gemstone workings thrumming throughout Arudia.¡± My first lover murmurs happily.


    I nod and shrug, ¡°At least half of us would be frozen to ice-shaped girlthings if they hadn¡¯t, and¡­ it honestly wasn¡¯t hard to keep the basic stuff active.¡±


    Nothing dangerous was missed, thankfully. I¡¯d been worried at first for the Arudian monsters since Jevita told me that there are quite a lot of them that rely on constant Gemstone things, but¡­ again the Zeridii surprised me. Was actually unwilling to stop helping them. Which was nice.


    And¡­ that also created an interesting option if Veletross won¡¯t let the monsters she¡¯s keeping go. But¡­ that¡¯s kinda a last resort as she could be really shitty about it and hurt them.


    ¡°Other than Delphian and Ophrit¡­ should we expect any other guests tonight?¡±


    Yrelia eyes me carefully. ¡°Possibly, if you¡¯re interested in trying something.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± I ask.


    But to my surprise it¡¯s Kque who speaks up. ¡°Athem is doing really well. With Thodep and her Big Archive''s help, his Maktaba and him are¡­ on pretty okay terms. Not perfect. But it¡¯s willing to try. Especially after the Zeridii fully woke up.¡±


    I shove down the guilt, think around the Divisions and Conflicts that could arise at the idea of a monster doing ¡®really well¡¯ and him being near people I care about.


    ¡°And¡­ Did you need my songs for something?¡± I ask carefully. ¡°It¡¯ll be tricky but I can try¡±


    ¡°No. Nothing like that.¡± Kque waves a hand, dismissing that worry. ¡°More just¡­ we¡¯ll all take dinner together and he¡¯ll be in the room while you eat.¡±


    I visibly let myself relax while nodding. ¡°I can manage that. It¡¯ll be good for him.¡±


    Yrelia¡¯s foot nudges mine. ¡°And¡­ Jevita thinks that one of the ways we can help you two figure out this command is like¡­ exposure. Let you be around a person who identifies as male and like¡­ not be attacked. Start making you feel natural and safer. If this thing is perception based, and Rahdian¡¯s nothing but a woman to her command, then maybe them being labeled as a threat is something making it harder to remove.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s not a bad idea. Does he know like¡­ things? About that? About me?¡±


    Did they tell a monster about my past? About how much¨C


    Kque shakes her head. ¡°No. And other than my one mom we¡¯ve not told anyone about either of your pasts or this command. We wanted to know if you were both comfortable, but also confident that this won¡¯t like¡­ cause an issue.¡±


    ¡°If I could avoid attacking or¡­ or even being cruel to Zin I can certainly handle one of¡­ them.¡±


    Kque leans forward so she can fully see my expression. ¡°How much will this hurt though?¡±


    I purse my lips and look past her. ¡°Depends. Seeing him won¡¯t necessarily be a problem, the issue is¡­ thought things. If I don¡¯t think of a monster as a monster. I have to like¡­ balance it. Talking could possibly cause more pain but¡­ I need to figure this out. Especially after today.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Did you want to talk about it?¡± Kque settles back into comfortably sitting and wiggling our fingers together.


    I sigh and shrug, leaning back to close my eyes. ¡°Not much to really like¡­ go over. She didn¡¯t just say no. Or reject this out of ignorance. I¡­ Like it would be worth trying to convince her to help, but probably pointless.¡±


    They all pause, not saying anything.


    I open one eye to find them¡­ huh. Odd and very concerned looks for me.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Well that was obvious. She¡¯s a cunt. We¡¯ll¡­ manage her when her storm blows through.¡± Yrelia nods, then scoots to sit right next to me. ¡°I think¡­ we all wanted to see if you wanted to talk about¡­ the filth she was spewing. At you.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I sigh. ¡°That.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to.¡± Kque murmurs. ¡°We only ever pressed early and¡­ and we were all pretty ignorant to just how bad it was. Not just for you but¡­ You just seemed really angry and I wanted to give you a safe place to just¡­ get it out. Scream even.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I murmur and purse my lips. ¡°It¡­ I¡¯m not sure what to say. I get why she and so many feel like we need to¡­ um¡­¡± Voice goes quiet, ¡°Yeah. But it¡¯s horrible and wretched and it looks like me and whoever got the last Odlock gemstone are going to be the last they would use so¡­ why keep doing it and not devote everything to living well? Some of my¡­ of the others at the Temple may seem fine but¡­ that doesn¡¯t matter. We couldn¡¯t say no. Couldn¡¯t¡­ like walk away. No one tried till Rahdian and I, from what I know, but¡­ we just adapted. Survived. Some did it better than others. But¡­ others¡­ um¡­ I just¡­ we were waiting for our next life. Hoping that those stories about souls getting reborn anew would happen and¡­ and for a while I hated the idea of forgetting myself and not being able to experience the joy of waking up right but¡­ but just before Aceso I¡­ I just wanted it to end. Had my worst panic attack ever that final day and¡­ and still had to go back and¡­ and I was so numb but everything was screaming inside and¡­¡±


    Deep breath.


    ¡°And I will not let them keep being used.¡± I spit, suddenly so angry again. ¡°I know the ones here in Arudia had a little more choice in this since they had to volunteer to get that fertility Gemstone woven into them, but I don¡¯t care. Arudian monsters were not given enough rights to live well and this probably seemed an opportunity to be safe and healthy. I don¡¯t care how hard this curse bites. I will ask the Zeridii to reach out and stop the fucking Odlock Gemstones melted into their bodies from working if that¡¯s what it takes. Then I will make sure none others get grown until this frozen land changes.¡±


    ¡°And if it doesn¡¯t?¡± Zigdara murmurs, and while I do level her with a glare it withers a bit as I see her blank and calm features.


    ¡°Then we might just be seeing the last batch of children being born.¡± I nod. ¡°If this generation is willing to use and burn people to get a daughter, then they don¡¯t deserve them. More so for Lyttoral. I¡¯ll crack the fucking Dune Wall myself with a Peeling Shrike after getting each of them out. Leave its broken shattered carcass as a reminder that this bitch means what she demands.¡±


    The pause after that is¡­ wonderful. Between these three lovers I see nothing but agreement and resolve.


    And¡­ I¡¯m only half caught off guard by the quick peck on the cheek Yrelia gives me right before she whispers a soft and kinda sultry. ¡°Good girl.¡±

 Chapter 106: Stardust Muses

    <u>CW:</u>


    JEVITA POV!!! Talking to gemstone cuties. Talk about an abusive headmate, Depersonalization, worry about personality smothering. and little cuties getting snuggled!!!


    Improvement. Like¡­ like a garden? Growing around and past and often through the wound.


    Cultivation.


    Fuck. That makes¡­ so much sense to me. More than all the others. Which fits. Understanding and figuring things out was where I started. I¡¯m not sure who I was before but¡­


    Well¡­ My obsessiveness over Gemstone magic things was done before because I literally had to. Was all that mattered during that part in my life. And going back to it along the Paths¡­ it like¡­ absorbed me. Then I¡¯d always go too deep and the Maktaba would crush me and¡­ and coming back was hard.


    Kque was always great at helping me pull free but¡­ but it wasn¡¯t until Deledita that I started telling her the details of it all.


    ¡°Help?¡± The little bird-shaped gemstone creature nudges my elbow as we wait.


    ¡°Hm?¡± I turn to glance down at it.


    Eyes blink in their weird fucking stone-light way of doing that. ¡°Hi.¡±


    ¡°No. No.¡± I assure it. ¡°Just¡­ thinking about¡­ Well not that! Why would I? Old Cultivation is horrid. This¡­ this is so much better. I think.¡±


    ¡°Hi?¡± It kinda gurgles at me.


    ¡°Exactly.¡± I respond to what I think it''s saying. ¡°This will like¡­ have all the math and hard edges I was good at with the old, but¡­ softer. More flexible. And not for them. For me!¡±


    ¡°Hi hi hi hi!¡± It giggles and nuzzles up and into my arms, fully settling to curl and lay over the notebook I was forgetting to use.


    ¡°Of course.¡± I chuckle and assure it, reaching down to run fingers along solid yet somehow soft glimmering form. ¡°The writings were honestly for Ina or Rahdian or¡­ or other people. If they wanted it. I won¡¯t forget things about this. Feel free to lay all you want there.¡±


    The long bug looking one on my shoulders lets out what I can only describe as a burp mixed with a fish hiccup, and... I take that as agreement.


    Rahdian wanted to like¡­ take a long bath and of course alone and asked me to keep her little cutie company since Ina was still out, then Ina and Kque came back and she also wanted a bath and just¡­ I offered to keep her long gemstone friend too, which now hangs about my neck like it was Ina¡¯s. Because they HATE baths. We''re not sure if it''s the water, or the Gemstones warming the liquid, but they get really upset if one of us carries them anywhere neat the tubs.


    ¡°So¡­ My theory is this.¡± I begin to speak into the silent living space we¡¯ve claimed. ¡°Everything before, from the Gemstones themselves to the Dust we could ground them down into, was just like¡­ spare things. Extra. And like all excess of something, it had all kinds of ideas made to fit into our world. And we just¡­ used it. Not understanding what they meant.¡±


    ¡°Help?¡±


    ¡°No no no. Not bad at all. Just¡­ things you all wanted to push out. For all reasons. Like¡­ the transformation Gemstones were actually trying to answer a need you felt some people having. While the warming and temperature things were another. Because that was part of your Cultivation. Connecting and understanding the World and trying to symbiotically meld into it was¡­ was good. It helped you all and us.¡±


    ¡°Help? Hi hi?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, exactly.¡± I clarify. ¡°You just didn¡¯t know how we¡¯d use it, but hoped we would, and learned from the exchange when you could. But when used wrong it can hurt people, and¡­ that¡¯s not going to be your fault. And I don¡¯t think trying to hold in the bad stuff is a good idea either. Can just put it in places where you know people won¡¯t find it or get hurt. Hide it until Ina or someone like her can take care of it.¡±


    ¡°¡­Hi.¡± It whispers gently.


    ¡°I¡­ yeah. And how they were used affects you all. Changed you all. Even causing damage.¡± I murmur back, giving them even more soft touches. ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m glad Ina¡¯s like¡­ tried to go through and help you all choose what to keep giving to us. While also encouraging more of you to grow into cuties like you two. Walk about and consider things. Feel and explore the Waking World, then share what you discover with all the rest!¡±


    From my shoulders a sound like cracking and popping ice echoes as that one adjusts and hugs me tighter.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± I almost instinctively recoil at the thought but¡­ focus. Fight to keep the tears from falling as I whisper. ¡°I know. I¡­ I¡¯ve got to help the one inside me. It¡¯s a¡­ a victim. Like me. But¡­ but¡­ It¡¯s done more than try to kill me. To erase me. It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s felt everything I was and am and wanted and¡­ and just wanted to crush me. Use me when I couldn''t think past the weight of it. It¡¯s¡­ I¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ I don¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°Help help help help help helphelphelphelp¡­¡± The little one on my lap adjusts to nuzzle my chest.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Somehow doesn''t even cause the Glyphs to get upset at its touch. Same as the one on my shoulders. Didn¡¯t notice that the first time either let me hold them.


    ¡°Jevita?¡± Comes a soft call, and I glance up from my hug to see Tasii.


    I stupidly stammer nothing words while trying to wipe any moisture out from my eyes.


    She¡¯s across the room and moving to sit at my side in an instant. Murmuring a soft, ¡°I heard the end.¡± As she sort of¡­ sits openly. Not pouncing on me like she might the others found on the verge of tears, but very clearly inviting me into her embrace.


    I huff, feel kinda stupid, but then all but fall into her. Careful to avoid the Glyphs as I sigh a quiet. ¡°Thanks.¡±


    She wraps me up and answers with a soft, ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    ¡°Hi, help.¡± The little one in my lap murmurs softly, to both me and Tasii.


    ¡°Uhh¡­¡± Tasii chuckles. ¡°I¡¯m not¡­ sure what it''s saying?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ telling on me.¡± I adjust and try to get comfy. ¡°Was sharing my thoughts on Cultivation with them and then¡­ well, you heard.¡±


    ¡°Just the end, but I knew you were talking to them while you waited.¡± She nods. ¡°Is¡­ that safe? Without Kque?¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I¡¯m not thinking about old Cultivation, only the new stuff.¡±


    ¡°Oh? It¡¯s different?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. Very. At least¡­ in the ways that matter.¡± I answer as the little cutie settles back into stillness at my gentle caresses and the one on my shoulder kinda¡­ stretches out to encompass Tasii¡¯s arm. ¡°Before It was¡­ like¡­ Okay. Cultivation implies growth. And Arudia didn¡¯t really grow on the inside like it should have. I think. Gemstones were tools. Like¡­ kinda like I was.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± She sighs. ¡°Glad we got you three out of that. Our mums have done a really good job with Athem, especially now that Thodep is helping out.¡±


    I¡­ don¡¯t reply. Don¡¯t know what to say. That I¡¯m too stupidly scared to be around them in case they¡­ they get mad at me for not wanting to deal with my Maktaba? Or worse, push me into trying to talk with it only so it can hurt me again. Share with them all my¡­ my me things it hates and letting them see me as the not-person I still feel like sometimes?


    ¡°And I think we¡¯re doing a good job with you too.¡± She adds, wrapping me a little tighter.


    Sighing, I snuggle closer. ¡°Maybe. Still¡­ still not sure I can be as brave as they are. Especially Athem.¡±


    ¡°Jevita¡­¡± She whispers. ¡°You¡¯ve been brave for years and years. Longer than either of them. They eh¡­ kinda look up to you. A lot. You¡¯re the girl who got away and made a life. Even faced down your headmate, despite how scary it is.¡±


    That makes me freeze. ¡°I¡­ What?¡±


    ¡°I know you¡¯ve been avoiding them, and that¡¯s okay. But¡­ they think it¡¯s because you don¡¯t want to make time for them. Are helping Ina with Sun Spoken things.¡±


    ¡°I am helping Ina with Sun Spoken things.¡± I grumble.


    Tasii chuckles. ¡°Sure. But¡­ you need to know something. They get it. Understand you needing to avoid your Maktaba. Are¡­ actually kinda in awe of that. Athem especially. He¡¯s still struggling when his gets upset or annoyed. Thodep and my mums help but¡­ even she doesn¡¯t really know how to stand up to it since hers always seemed to love her.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I whisper. ¡°I thought they were¡­ like¡­ mad at me. Thought me stupid and selfish for not trying to work things out with mine.¡±


    ¡°The opposite, actually. Even Thodep¡¯s Maktaba is hoping for the chance to ask you things.¡± She assures me. ¡°You¡¯re really amazing, Jevita.¡±


    Oh. I¡­ I mean I guess I do have years and years of experience pushing it back. Asserting¡­ Well, me. Myself. Tricks and methods I came up with and Kque helped me refine later.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡± I murmur.


    ¡°I¡¯m not changing what I said. At all. Okay?¡± She moves to lean around to catch my gaze. ¡°Just¡­ think that maybe talking with people who get it could help you. Reinforce whatever choices you wanna make.¡±


    I swallow. Nod.


    Thodep¡¯s Maktaba had told me and Kque that¡­ that it wasn¡¯t sure. If mine could be removed, that is. And it also had a ton of worry about at what such a process would do to it. Because apparently the ''between hosts'' is pretty horrible and painful. It would ask to have it returned to the Zeridii Dream but¡­


    The only way we know how to do that would require me to Dream with Ina, and her having to meet it and me and¡­ but we¡¯re merged kinda like she only is when we calls Aceso to the Waking World? Right? What if it tries to just¡­ crush me and¡­ and hurt her?


    ¡°I can¡¯t promise to help it.¡± I whisper. ¡°Not after¡­ after everything.¡±


    ¡°Course not. This is kinda just like what Ina¡¯s dealing with, I think.¡± Tasii murmurs. ¡°You gotta worry about the people who are here and hurting now, and that includes you. Compromising is like¡­ kinda what got Arudia into this mess. Giving horrible types concessions just gives them more space and freedom to make things worse. This¡¯ll be harder for you, possibly, but that¡¯s not your fault and you deserve to claim your own happiness.¡±


    That helps me relax into her further. ¡°Thanks Tasii. I¡­ That means a lot to hear.¡±


    ¡°Sorry I didn¡¯t think to say it all again sooner. Kinda got wrapped up in things.¡±


    ¡°Help hi help help!¡± Agrees the little cutie, while the one on our shoulders burgles out a humming echo of support.


    We sit quietly after that, and I drop into sleep for a time. And between anxious worry and the loving supporting quite literally wrapped all about me¡­


    I can just almost hear the World Song. Or¡­ the Great Ocean?


    Huh. Yeah I can see why Rahdian calls it that! Or like how Ina called it a big blanket over everything.


    Swirling in eternal motions, but¡­ steady. Woven tight to survive a long time, but¡­ not forever. Which is odd. You¡¯d think a Goddess would have thought up how to make like¡­ little knittings to turn all those fraying bits back into the working. Otherwise it just spins off into waste.


    Did She not have enough time to do better? No. No she could adjust this. Fuck, that¡¯s kinda what Ina¡¯s Songs or Rahdian¡¯s Spinnings must do. Which is neat. Amwella looks and feels like fire but like¡­ that¡¯s not really the best way of handling it.


    Hmmm¡­ I wonder what the Zeridii thinks of the World Song?


    ¡°Hi hi hi help hi help.¡± Coos the little cutie gently from my lap.


    Oh that makes sense. The World Song was woven to cover and keep things safe and warm, and so of course you¡¯d want to snuggle beneath it after being hurt. A gentle place to sleep compared to¡­ um¡­ outside?


    What¡¯s up and out there?


    The long one hums soft little details. Almost longingly.


    Cold, but¡­ filled to bursting with places and people and not people and warmth and Dreams and all kinds of everythings and nothings.


    I don¡¯t understand it all, but¡­ that¡¯s alright. This is really wonderful and amazing and I¡¯m so glad these two wanna tell me all about¨C


    ¡°Just left it to simmer.¡± Whispers Tasii to someone across the room. ¡°But¡­ if you wanna check, the bread or fruits might need to be turned about.¡±


    Eyes flitter open, and I see a still damp and thoughtful Kque standing in the hallway that leads to the kitchen.


    ¡°Hey Jevy,¡± She smiles, ¡°Sorry, didn¡¯t mean to wake you.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t.¡± I smile back.


    ¡°Seemed pretty asleep to me.¡± Tasii chuckles.


    ¡°Only half-sleeping.¡± I yawn, then move to sit up.


    ¡°Either way, there¡¯s still time before dinner.¡± Tasii adjusts to rise, ¡°C¡¯mere, Kque. You two snuggle and let me finish kitchen things.¡±


    Kque smiles and waves her down. ¡°I¡¯ll handle it, then join you both while we all wait for the food to finish.¡±


    We both consider that, then settle back into our relaxed position. All of us drifting off back into a light slumber while considering all the things.

 Chapter 107: Seventh Lover (18+)

    <u>CW:</u>


    SMUT! misgendering self in thoughts. Worry about body parts being the things that gender us. Dysphoria talk. Gerlcock talk. Talk about sex talk! um.... Talk about past lovers rejecting you over parts and threatening to send you back to abusers.


    ¡°Okay okay okay.¡± Ina purrs softly from beneath me, voice bubbling with her song. ¡°One more deep breath, and¡­¡±


    And the rush of soulflame makes the Ocean around us titter and my knees shake and¡­ and my everything gets really warm.


    A small bite.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I huff as my eyes open, pulling from looming over to fall sprawled on the bed next to Ina''s panting form.


    This has been something Ina¡¯s spun for me. A sharing of Amwella without the need for¡­ for sex. I was still a mess and she was busy and I was ready to go back to Kikii or¡­ or find a tavern but¡­


    She¡¯d offered this. To share her Wellspring. Even as she was running about the Academy and risking her everything.


    ¡°You¡¯d have to give me a minute.¡± She chuckles.


    That would set me to a sputtering mess a few days ago but¡­ she¡¯s teased like that before. It''s comforting... Especially since I... I''d really like to ask her about...


    So now I can¡¯t help but titter with her. Murmur softly, ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Course.¡± She replies, reaches out to take my hand. ¡°Anything you need.¡±


    I accept the offer of her hand, and squeeze back. Wait till my heart is steady and Amwella is quiet to ask. ¡°Ina?¡±


    ¡°Mmm?¡± She sighs.


    ¡°Is¡­ I wanted to ask¡­ Or¡­ or tell um¡­ something. If that¡¯s alright?¡± I explain. ¡°But if it''s too much or uncomfortable or¡­ or anything. You¡¯ll stop me? Right? Not¡­ not be upset?¡±


    I glance over to watch my fellow Sun Spoken rolling over to rest head on an arm. Eye dancing with those soft violet shades behind a tumble of still damp hair. ¡°Of course. Anything. Temple stuff might hurt but¡­ that¡¯s okay. I won¡¯t be upset at you for needing to talk about it.¡±


    Nodding I take a deep breath and just¡­ dive forward. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not changed like you are. I still have the¡­ the old bits. Below. And I thought you knew that but you¡¯ve still been really flirty which is really nice but also confusing because you said you¡¯re only interested in girl lovers and I¡­ I don¡¯t know if the rest of your lovers know and I¡­ I don¡¯t know how to¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh. Fuck.¡± She reaches out to regather my fingers. ¡°Rahdian¡­ Your bits don¡¯t make you any less of a girl. At all. And like¡­ my flirting was intentional but¡­ Was I being too pushy?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ No!¡± I sputter back. ¡°I just¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ I didn¡¯t want you to um¡­ See me and get upset or feel obligated to¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t get upset. Won¡¯t. Promise!¡± She insists. ¡°If you decide to do that with me.¡±


    I look away. ¡°I just¡­ I''m worried. That you¡¯ll see me as¡­ as¡­¡±


    Male. Boy. Wrong.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been this really enthralling girl since you first arrived.¡± She murmurs softly, understanding my unspoken fears. ¡°The second Sun Spoken I¡¯ve ever met. Kind and wonderful and tall and mysterious and¡­ and like me. A girl who gets it. The parts don¡¯t make us who we want to be. We choose that. And¡­ well fuck, I can¡¯t see you as anything but that. So much that this really nasty curse I have doesn¡¯t even poke at me. Because it knows and I know and Aceso knows that you¡¯re a girl. The parts don¡¯t change that.¡±


    ¡°I know¡­¡± I huff. ¡°I just¡­ I couldn¡¯t handle that. Not a second time. Especially not¡­ not from you. ¡±


    She tilts her head, then her expression goes pained. ¡°I... I''m so sorry. You had someone reject you over this.¡±


    Not a question. I¡¯ve¡­ hinted at this. Probably outright said it. But¡­ Never the details.


    ¡°Two people, actually. Same day.¡± I nod, feel a little moisture bubble as the words come out in a rush of raspy breath. ¡°Girls who¡­ who were like your Lovers are. Snatched me up and taught me how to live on the Paths. Didn¡¯t mind me hiding my face at first. My ¡®scars¡¯, as I told them. And they¡­ I¡­ I was able to just¡­ pleasure them. Consume Amwella to fuel my changes and they didn¡¯t guilt me into doing more or letting them do the same. But¡­ promised to not judge me if or when I was ready to show them more of me. Then one day¡­ I did.¡±


    Memories flash. Shouting. Anger. Then calling me all kinds of things. Arguments. Me¡­ me trying to explain. Finally telling them where I was from and that I was Sun Spoken and¡­ and them wanting to¡­ to¡­ to get a duenna.


    Send me back.


    I¡¯m a sobbing mess then, and Ina moves to offer a warm hug that I can only nod and fall into.


    Can¡¯t really explain more. But¡­ I don¡¯t have to. She understands. Of course.


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Rahdian.¡± She murmurs softly.


    And¡­ fuck does the name help. Like some lighthouse burning bright to guide me.


    ¡°My Dreamers told me that the parts don¡¯t matter too.¡± I whisper. ¡°Even promised that I could keep anything I wanted.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re right, of course, but also¡­ Like, I don¡¯t want you to feel like it¡¯s wrong to want changes before you do things like that? But¡­ also that you¡¯ll find me nothing but accepting and enthralled and hornii as fuck if you want to try more beforehand.¡± She offers.


    I feel myself warm as my mind really considers her words. Nuzzled deep into her arms and face hidden as I think about how it would be to¡­ to say yes.


    To feel her hands and lips and skin and soul pressing against mine and¡­ and¡­


    ¡°Um¡­ R¨C really?¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Mhm.¡± She pulls back then leans around to make sure that I get to see her eyes and grin. ¡°Absolutely.¡±


    ¡°Like¡­ Right now?¡±


    Ina¡¯s eyes dance with a giggle that she refuses to let bubble out as she murmurs. ¡°I mean... You did give me a minute since you last took a bite.¡±


    I blush, ¡°Al¨C alright. Yeah. I¡¯d¡­ really like that.¡±


    She does giggle then, and the delight that seems to pour off her is¡­ it makes everything in my head stop for a second. Get lost in the sound of it and her eyes and¡­ and¡­


    Then her lips are at mine after a deft and fluid adjustment of her body. Soft and warm. Gently pressing but only a little. The perfect offer of¡­ all the things.


    Before I consider it, I¡­ I¡¯m lifting a hand to her cheek. Returning the kiss. Pressing back against her and moving atop to loom over. Moving hands through her hair while another finds her hips and¡­ and¡­


    I¡¯m pulling back. Dizzy with her and something else.


    An odd¡­ sense of wrongness.


    I look down to find Ina, still smiling but¡­ softly. Carefully. Question being whispered. ¡°You okay?¡±


    I consider that for a second while still kinda straddling her. ¡°I¡­ This¡­ I feel like¡­ I dunno. Something feels¡­ off. Not wrong. I don¡¯t want to stop but¡­ What I just did feels¡­ Too much like before? When I had to just get Amwella. But I don¡¯t want this to be that. To be just¡­ me taking while trying to hide and¡­ Does this make sense?¡±


    She nods and just¡­ says so easily and plainly. ¡°You had to do all the pleasuring before, and you¡¯d like to instead let me take care of you.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ oh.¡± I whisper. ¡°You said that a lot better than I did.¡±


    She smirks. ¡°Lots of practice. My teacher in Hetaera things was really really thorough.¡±


    ¡°You¡­ you¡¯re a¡­ like¡­?¡± I whisper and feel my eyes widen.


    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Some professional performer!?! One who... Like... then why is she even interesting in m-


    She wiggles free of my legs grip to sit up and very carefully takes my face in her hands. ¡°Not officially. Just¡­ pretended with her to bring in extra coin for a while. She¡¯d be the real Hetaera if she wanted. But this¡­ makes sense. And I want to ask you something. If that¡¯s okay.¡±


    My heart thunders in my ears, and I nod.


    ¡°You have this gorgeous body you¡¯ve woven with spell and will and¡­ and pure stubborn determination.¡± She whispers. ¡°As pretty as all the stars above. But, you¡¯ve not really been able to enjoy it with someone else. Right? Not felt them enjoy all of you?¡±


    My heart flutters at her words for my body while my mind worries over the rest. How... No. Not even with Kikii. Either time. She¡­ I couldn¡¯t risk her getting scared or curious or¡­ or worse.


    I shake my head, and expect her eyes to darkness with the sadness of that admission but¡­ they only glimmer and dance as she whispers so softly and warmly. ¡°Would you like to swap places? Let me sit atop and like¡­ love on you until you can barely walk?¡±


    I bite my lip, remembering how some gerls seemed to¡­ to struggle to walk right away if I wasn¡¯t careful when I gobbled up Amwella. But¡­ I nod.


    Desperate to know what that¡¯s like.


    She smirks, then helps us adjust. Before I know it, leaning over and grinning down at me while eyes shine with¡­ with such¡­


    Hunger?


    ¡°This okay?¡± She asks.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Is the answer I give. I¡­ I¡¯ve felt hornii before. Burned with desire as a painfully beautiful woman lay beneath me but¡­ That is such a small word for the rushing warmth and desire and pressure bubbling up between my breasts and legs and head.


    In reply Ina leans down and pulls me into our second kiss.


    And¡­ despite the realization that the previous was probably the best I¡¯ve ever enjoyed with another¡­ This one is better.


    Way way better.


    From the way her small body presses into mine, and fingers gently slip up to tangle through my messy mane of hair, to¡­ to how she doesn¡¯t just press lips but nibbles and caresses me with her tongue and leaves me bubbling and warming and wriggling and¨C


    An arch of my back and my Amwella thrums with the Spark Call. The soulborne melody to another requesting an intimate dance of soul and flesh.


    Before I can think to panic, Ina is giggling into my lips. Filled to bursting with energy and¡­


    Her Amwella echoes back its own mirthful and delighted reply. Clear and perfect and without hesitation.


    Yes.


    Delicately soft fingers dance down my sides while mine sort of just¡­ sit between wanting so much to reach out and return the touches but¡­ also wanting to just drop back and let her work. But before I can think past Ina¡¯s kiss the decision is made for me. My shirt is being pulled up and over and off. Laid to twist just at my wrists as Ina smirks down at me, eyes bright and dancing over my naked chest while she nibbles at her lip.


    Filled to bursting with bubbling excitement¡­ for me. The half-woven gerl beneath her. And¡­ probably the things she¡¯s planning to do to her tonight.


    ¡°Keep this here for me?¡± She purrs, gripping at the shirt tangled about my hands.


    ¡°O¨C okay.¡± I reply dumbly.


    Then she¡¯s moving. Dragging nails down my arms while gifting me an even softer kiss. One that mimics the gentle teasing motions of her hands while they brush over sides and hips and breast and¡­ and really sensitive nipples.


    I¡¯m writhing beneath her. Can¡¯t even stop some odd sound from bubbling up from the mess inside me. A churning storm of heat and pressure and tightness. Almost too much to handle. But¡­ Ina has me pinned.


    Crushed between desperate desire for her touches to never stop and¡­ and for her to just¡­ take a bite.


    A purring giggle rumbles through her as fingers explore my body. Caress and brush and rake over curves I didn¡¯t even know were there. Eventually slipping beneath the soft pants I¡¯m wearing to enjoy the skin stretched over a hip.


    ¡°This still okay?¡± She whispers, pulling back from our kiss and stilling her everything.


    I know she can¡­ can feel me. The thing between my legs straining against cloth and probably bumping her legs and thighs and even butt every few wiggles.


    But still she waits.


    Because¡­ fuck. She gets it. So easily. How much our bodies can betray us, and how much It can hurt to have another assume what we¡¯ve wanted based on stupid reactions we could basically never control.


    ¡°I¡­ I think so.¡± I whisper, gripping the shirt tighter. ¡°Can¡­ Would it be okay if I touched you back while¡­ um¡­¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± She nods, and waits for my hands to pull free and carefully move up to hover just away from her hips.


    ¡°I¨C Ina?¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Yes?¡± She breathes softly back.


    Deep breath.


    ¡°I really really want this. But, If¡­ if I have to stop. Or¡­ I¡­ Is that¡­ Alright? You won¡¯t be upset?¡±


    ¡°We can stop whenever you want.¡± She responds easily. ¡°No obligations. As much or little as you want. I¡­ would you like me to say where I¡¯m moving next? What I think you¡¯ll enjoy? Work together to like¡­ pick what you¡¯d like me to do?¡±


    Takes me a second to like¡­ understand that.


    ¡°It won¡¯t like¡­ mess this up?¡± I whisper.


    Ina shakes her head, very serious but still with that soft smile. ¡°Nope. Words during sex are fucking wonderful.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I nod, taking that in. ¡°Okay.¡±


    She grins, and her smile seems to¡­ to cause the storm inside to bubble up and over the little worries. Help me think past them.


    ¡°So¡­ Kisses across lips and face and neck, then probably down to chest?¡± She asks. ¡°Tongue and such teasing at breasts and nipples?¡±


    Fuck. Okay. She was right. Hearing her just¡­ lay out how she wants to touch me is wonderful.


    ¡°A¨C avoid like¡­ any stubble? I¡¯m pretty good at getting it all but¡­ could miss some?¡± I reply, feeling the heat burning across my cheeks. ¡°But the um¡­ the rest sounds um¡­ really really perfect.¡±


    Ina very very carefully curls her hand at my hip, ¡°And¡­ While I do all that¡­ I could begin to use my hands down here. Thighs and hips and well¡­ yeah. Your gerlcock.¡±


    I can¡¯t stop the giggle that sputters out at that... that word! And the weird way she says it! More like ''gel'' than ''girl''. ¡°Wh¨C what? My¡­ my fucking what?¡±


    She smirks. ¡°Your gerlcock.¡±


    I cover my mouth with my hands as I feel the heat touch my ears. ¡°Th¨C that¡­ But¡­¡±


    ¡°Would you like me to call it something else?¡± She whispers with glittering eyes.


    ¡°N¨C no it¡­ it¡¯s perfect.¡± I huff, trying to control my messy laughter. ¡°Just¡­ I¡¯ve always been so¡­ like¡­ Never¡­ I just¡­ It was always this thing I had to hide, else show everyone that¡­ that I hadn¡¯t finished becoming the girl I am. Couldn¡¯t think of it as anything but¡­ but this very not girl thing. But then you just¡­ so easily¡­ just¡­¡±


    ¡°Right?¡± She smiles. ¡°Like¡­ It¡¯s not what makes anyone anything. Even my Aceso, who''s filled to bursting with hate for them, just¡­ doesn¡¯t see it as anything but a wigglie bit. People are so fucking varied and after seeing her memories I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s fucked all sorts. So¡­ like¡­ gerlcock. A cock that a girl has. Which¡­. That means that there must be monsters with cunts and tits.¡±


    I can¡¯t stop another giggle that joins with the messy hornii warmth at her words. Even at her need to use that word when talking about men. She laughs with me, and it takes at least a few deep breaths to steady ourselves.


    ¡°So¡­¡± She purrs, voice still dripping with the mirth from before but¡­ twisting it into hungry interest. ¡°Rahdian¡­ Would you like me to do all that to you?¡±


    She avoids the word, but I can¡¯t help but grin back up at her. ¡°Yes. Ina. Please. That¡­ yeah.¡±


    ¡°Would you¡­ like your pants off?¡± She asks, booping my nose with hers.


    I giggle again. Nod.


    And after some wriggling about. I lay completely naked beneath her.


    ¡°Hmm¡­¡± She murmurs, eyes rolling up and down my body as she straddles me. ¡°Is this still okay?¡±


    I risk a glance down at¡­ at me. And¡­ huh. Like¡­ I¡¯m still not sure about the ''gerlcock'' amidst it all but¡­ wow. Okay. A mirror is one thing, but looking down to see your body beneath another¡¯s is¡­ something else.


    ¡°Would¡­ um¡­ Ina?¡± I whisper.


    ¡°Mhm?¡±


    ¡°Would you be okay being naked too?¡±


    She grins and nods her head, then takes a bit to pull off the undershirt and shorts and¡­ and underthings. Shaking out and pushing the hair from her eyes before locking them on me. Blushing through her smirk as she watches me watch her.


    I¡­ she¡¯s so pretty. Dark skin and hair and¡­ and eyes that shine even brighter with it all showing and¡­ and those tits are so cute and soft looking and¡­ and it''s like her confidence bubbles up even more than before.


    And I¡­ Like sure I really really like her body but¡­ Normally this would hurt. A lot.


    Look back down over mine, then back up to hers.


    But it doesn¡¯t. I see parts that I¡¯d like to change as I compare, sure. But the old painful jealousy isn¡¯t really there. More like¡­ seeing a future another girl¡¯s claimed and just¡­ moving toward my own that looks similar.


    Ina doesn¡¯t poke or prod. See¡¯s my thinking thoughts and just¡­ smiles while waiting. Only murmuring when I¡¯ve settled and looked up to meet her gaze. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± I reply dumbly.


    ¡°That¡­¡± She sighs happily. ¡°Was amazing. Getting to watch you like¡­ experience that.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ oh.¡± I whisper. ¡°Yeah. Just¡­ like I got most of the body I needed before I realized it, didn¡¯t I?¡±


    She grins. ¡°I hate that it took so long for you to get to like¡­ feel that. But, still. Thank you for letting me watch. And choosing to be here with me.¡±


    I smile, vision a touch blurry from tears I refuse to hide. ¡°Thank you for¡­ for helping me see this.¡±


    Leaning down, Ina boops my nose again. ¡°Would you like me to keep going?¡±


    My everything warms right back up again at that. Quicker than I thought possible and leaving me to just¡­ whisper. ¡°Yes, Please.¡±


    Then she starts, and it¡¯s¡­ everything she promised and more.


    Lips brush mine before trailing down to nibble at soft jaw and tender neck and¡­ and all while a hand caresses and dances all about my hips and thighs. Barely avoiding touching anything too sensitive just yet as she teases and praises me into making soft sounds of need and enjoyment.


    Only when I¡¯m so hard in both nipple and gerlcock that it kinda aches does she gently move. Beginning to almost draw soft tantalizing patterns across my skin that just¡­ only barely touch them. Then, she¡¯s letting out a purring growl, and moving to fully envelope as much of a breast in her mouth as she can, and sliding fingers up and along my gerlcock.


    Teeth tug while tongue dances. Fingers squeezing and rubbing and pressing and¡­ and knowing just¡­ all the right places to touch. And¡­ and I feel a wetness slowly dripping and while for a bit I think it''s me, soon I realize that it¡¯s her and¡­ and that fills me with even more warmth that¡­ that I don¡¯t know if I can¡­


    Fuck. I¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ but¡­ she¡¯s¡­


    FUCK.


    Everything inside me cracks, and something warm and wonderful and perfect is there to press close and hold me together through it. Weeping dribbling body mess mixes with what I know to be bubbling soulfire. Tittering Ocean¡¯s tides mingle with a melody that swallows me. No, not just me. Us.


    Us?


    Ina¡¯s gasping and panting and¡­ and slumped across me. Lips and teeth clenched at my collarbone. Not breaking the skin but¡­ drooling and latched tight. Which is kinda nice actually. Helps me pull things together and¡­ fuck. She¡¯s really cute like that.


    But¡­ Why is she so¡­


    I focus on our Amwella and¡­ huh?


    Little crackles and sparks are like¡­ popping about. Both even seem brighter than before. Which¡­ That¡¯s not right? She should have taken a nibble there. But¡­ she didn¡¯t?


    Or¡­


    ¡°Ina?¡± I whisper softly.


    She murmurs bleary nothings. And eventually¡­ a question?


    Am I okay?


    ¡°Y¨C yeah. Really really good. Fuck. Thank you.¡± I reply the second I understand. Wrapping arms about her even tighter.


    She mumbles other things. But¡­ whatever happened there really drained her. Which¡­ I mean both our Amwella seems bigger so¡­


    ¡°Sl¨C sleep. For a bit.¡± She forces out. ¡°Th¨C that oke?¡±


    I giggle and reach over to tug a blanket over us, promising her that it¡¯s more than okay as she falls asleep in my arms.

 Chapter 108: The Gemstones Life Has Grown For Us Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talk of transition things. Mention of how horrible it is for the fertile males. Um? pretty clean chappy.


    ¡°I¡­ really am quite the terrible Hetaera.¡± I smirk at them while leaning against the open doorway. ¡°What would my teacher think? Her favorite student missing a scheduled dinner and only finding her clients after they''ve already half settled in for the night?¡±


    Despite a brief panic when Yrelia came to check on us, dinner kept warm and carefully concealed giggles at our obvious intimate activities, Rahdian was positively glowing when I left her. Babbling on happily with Yrelia about little nothings while I scrambled to get dressed and hopefully catch these two before they shut their door for the evening.


    Lady Ophrit and Delphian look up from where they were sitting and cuddling in a big couch thing to me.


    ¡°Oh, she¡¯d be scandalized for sure, would have to take you somewhere private to have a stern word.¡± Lady Ophrit grins from Delphian¡¯s embrace without even a hint of reproach. ¡°Perhaps even test your skills to make sure they aren¡¯t lacking either.¡±


    Her Beloved sighs and smiles at me. ¡°We understand your time is quite precious, and Emarial¡¯s awakening demanded immediate adjustments to your schedule.¡±


    I carefully keep my Hetaera mask on, despite my earlier claim, and ask with a soft smile. ¡°Would it be too much for me to¡­ to fill you both in now? After you¡¯ve already shed away the burdens of the day in favor of a lover¡¯s affections?¡±


    ¡°Not at all.¡± Ophrit waves toward another soft chair that sits beside them.


    Delphian nods her agreement, and I move to properly slump into it. Dropping my mask and sighing heavily.


    They both wince at that.


    ¡°Worse.¡± I huff to their unspoken questions. ¡°She responded worse than we expected.¡±


    ¡°How much so?¡± Delphian asks.


    ¡°She¡­¡± I nibble on my lip, glance down. ¡°I honestly should have guessed at this, from how¡­ Um¡­¡±


    The Sangoma of the Lyttoral Temple personally called on her to help search for me. My Sangoma. I just¡­ hoped her past stopping Sun Spoken from hurting monsters would make her see. Make her change...


    Fuck. Wish so much I had¡­ had told these two about me sooner. But¡­ they¡¯d already wanted this change too. Had reacted as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to demand. Especially after Veletross snatched up the group from the Fertility clinic. So I never told them. Was kinda glad that I got to keep my past a secret.


    ¡°Both your acceptance of my demands means all the Dream to me. Honestly, I was certain you might push back on the¡­ the need to free them.¡± I admit. ¡°Protect them from the breeding programs and such. Give them back their lives. I got used to that easy perspective in my friends.¡±


    ¡°Because it¡¯s also quite a simple one.¡± Ophrit nods. ¡°The Academy stopped putting serious work into studying Fertility Cultivation a century ago, and every time anyone truly tries to pick it up they are endlessly ignored. Or worse, were actively pushed out of the Academy.¡±


    ¡°And what they do to the men is¡­ it¡¯s horrid.¡± Delphian sighs. ¡°It was easy to see how miserable many of them are, and how Arudia was just¡­ letting the Doyans use them as tools to remain in power. And even if they might have believed they agreed. The very status of men in Arudia made their consent coercive.¡±


    Glancing to them once again, I can barely hold back the moisture that¡¯s gathered. ¡°You¡¯re both¡­ really amazing. Have better words than me. And it helps. Helps me¡­ um¡­ Can I tell you something? About me? My past? Why I¡¯m fighting so hard for this? Why¡­ why Zin¡¯s violation of my Dream¡¯s, beyond my already shaky relationship with Aceso at the time, scared me so much?¡±


    They both nod and murmur soft encouragements. Considering rising to pull me into their cuddle pile but... I gently signal with hand and eyes to let me get through this first.


    ¡°I um¡­ So becoming a Sun Spoken was¡­¡± I take a deep breath, steady myself. Start over. Brace for the sting. ¡°I¡¯m like them. But the opposite. Was raised and lived in the Lyttoral Temple until Aceso changed me with the Amwella stored in her shard. And claimed me as Her Sun Spoken.¡±


    A long pause passes as I struggle with the pain at comparing myself to monsters and parasites a bit. Refocus to see...


    Delphian grins and whispers under her breath. ¡°I knew it.¡±


    I jerk, eyes wide. Stunned as any Hetaera mask I¡¯d gathered up to shattering apart as I stammer. ¡°You¡­ Wh¨C what?¡±


    Ophrit offers me a placating smile and hand motion requesting calm while turning to her beloved. Face... actually quite annoyed. Which is such an odd thing to see her aim at the woman she''s never shown anything but affections for. ¡°Dear, my favorite Hetaera just shared what is probably a quite traumatic part of her past¡­ and you¡¯re grinning like a fool girl whose just guessed the contents of a secret present. Mayhaps¡­ adjust yourself a touch?¡±


    Delphian shakes herself and smothers all expressions, even begins to actually see my undoubtedly befuddled state.


    But by then I''ve already recovered enough to say. ¡°You guessed? H¨C how?¡±


    And how easy was it?


    Old shifting eyes of her grandmother, Matron Veletross, snap cold fear through me as I remember her questions last we spoke next to the still sleeping Emarial.


    She takes a breath, steadies herself more, and nods. ¡°I''m so sorry. I just¡­ All the pieces were there. Some of them horrible and tragic but¡­ This was the only configuration that seems to match. But it didn''t seem to change our plans so I didn''t do anything but... but toy at the idea.¡±


    I nod carefully, slowly forcing my face back into an expression of controlled worry while my heart thunders a bit. ¡°Can you¡­ Delphian I¡¯ve been trying to keep this a secret. I don¡¯t want people to know that¡­ that I¡¯m transgender. Where I grew up. You said yourself that our connections to the merchants and such in Arudia is tepid and brittle. This could ruin that. I¡­ I need to make sure I¡¯m not laying out clues for people like your grandmother to pick up. She¡¯s already really curious as to why Zigdara is so very attached to me.¡±


    Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    Delphian sobers quickly at the mention of her family¡¯s Matron. ¡°Right. Of course. It mostly has to do with¡­ well, with how Zin treated you. What he said to us before we met you. He didn¡¯t tell us outright but¡­ well, it all came together the moment you started demanding the freedom of the males in the care of the Academy. You see, his Academic Thesis was about the Odlock Gemstone itself. The entire reason he was softly exiled from the Academy was due to his revealing of some forbidden knowledge about the source of the gemstone needed to make an Arudian male fertile.¡±


    I take that all in with a steady expression. Even if my gut twists painfully at the mention of that horrid Parasite. The wretched thing that thought to violate MY dreams and demand and control the direction MY life should¨C


    ¡°What knowledge?¡± I ask, letting the hissing spite fade while I focus on my two hosts.


    ¡°Well¡­ That the gemstone has no transformative properties on the body.¡± She replies.


    ¡°I¡­ What?¡± I tilt my head in confusion. ¡°Then how would it make someone Fertile?¡±


    She shrugs. ¡°That was the mystery of it that he was always obsessing over, even after being forced out. If the gemstone didn¡¯t actually change people¡¯s bodies¡­ How did it work? And is that why it was so very rare? It has been nearly three decades since the last one was used and longer still since anyone was allowed to examine one.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­ But how does that make my being Transgender a thing you guessed?¡±


    ¡°Because¡­¡± Lady Ophrit picks up for her beloved. ¡°He wanted to find alternative methods to it. And he talked about you like the girl who would solve all of Arudia¡¯s problems.¡± Then she raises her hands to make little quotes in the air. ¡°With the proper guidance. Stupid boy. Too much admiration for the cruel Grandmother who thinks him a buffoon.¡±


    I absently curl my legs up into the couch. Want so much to hug my knees but avoid doing so. Keep some semblance of poise and control as imaginings of Zin and his Grandmother speaking and¡­ and him telling her all my secrets rolls through my mind like rotted mud.


    ¡°Okay. That¡¯s not so bad.¡± I force out, focusing on the reality of now. ¡°Pretty specific. Do¡­ do you think there is any chance your Grandmother could find out?¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­ Honestly? Ina?¡± Delphian murmurs softly. ¡°I¡­ Well first off, apologies. Again. For my rudeness before. You shared something so very personal and I responded like a tittering child. And your trust is something I treasure. So¡­ my thanks for this. As well.¡±


    I take a deep breath, then smile softly. ¡°It¡¯s fine, your apology is accepted, and you¡¯re welcome. You¡¯ve both been wonderful to us, even endlessly patient. And your reaction was more startling than anything. It¡¯s kind of¡­ Like I was worried you¡¯d think less of me. Or less of our time together. But you don¡¯t, and that¡¯s really really comforting.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll always be my favorite Hetaera, regardless of the passions you consider and perform. Your form and past will not change that.¡± Lady Ophrit smiles so kindly to me.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± I swallow, hard, wipe away at the bubbling moisture in my eyes. ¡°But¡­ but to my question? Do you think Veletross will guess at this?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Personally think she might.¡± Delphian nods carefully. ¡°But I don¡¯t think it should matter. I think you have a good chance of convincing a lot more people to support you if you just¡­ told them all. Make your past and nature as a Transgender girl public.¡±


    I go stiff. Cold terror bubbling up as she startles me for a second time tonight. ¡°I¡­ Wh¨C why?¡±


    She waves a placating hand. ¡°Like before, I¡¯d never spread your secrets. I¡¯m just¡­ you¡¯re not just quite possibly the only person who can commune with the Zeridii and discover how to gift more Arudian men fertility, you¡¯re also Sun Spoken. Having the Weaver¡¯s support and magic beyond fathomable reason to change you is¡­ It¡¯ll speak to your dedication and ability in helping solve this. And when you tell everyone how monstrous it is to live the life they¡¯ve endured¡­ well¡­ you¡¯ll win over many hearts. People have been assured by the Academy for centuries that the few men who they gift Fertility to are treated wonderfully. Like a Matron¡¯s favored child, given all manner of luxury. But you disprove the very notion. Personal Dysphoria aside, the nature of the work is violating to anyone performing it.¡±


    I nod carefully, a sign of¡­ not agreement but understanding as I murmur shakily. ¡°I just¡­ You have all manner of good words for the why, and I trust you, but¡­ my gut is twisting in all the worst ways. And that¡¯s just from sharing this with you two. Treasured friends whom I had few doubts about your acceptance of me.¡±


    ¡°Strangers are different, and there will be those who won¡¯t accept you.¡± Delphian nods. ¡°Could call you a liar, or worse. They aren¡¯t prevalent but there are many who support the budding rights of Arudian men under the concept that they¡¯re still women, just taking on a different form. It¡¯s vile and stupid but¡­ it exists in enough women to be noticeable.¡±


    With an unsteady sigh I glance down at my hands. ¡°Exactly. And¡­ Like¡­ That¡¯ll follow me along the Paths when we leave. Word will spread and¡­ and my¡­ Lyttoral will know. Probably before I even get back to try and help the ones there.¡±


    ¡°It might help soften things.¡± Ophrit offers. ¡°Take some weight off your shoulders. It did for us.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± I glance up, confused.


    ¡°When this one all but demanded I let her take me as her Beloved Bound.¡± The older woman grins. ¡°Tradition speaks to a woman and her future Bound talking to their family, getting permission from their Matron. But¡­ it¡¯s not law. And especially not for an Heiress. We could have gone to Veletross, told her instead of asking. But then my Beloved thought¡­ Why not just do it? If we¡¯re dedicated, what good does it do us to offer her the chance to sully our inevitable binding with cruel words?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s different for her, Beloved.¡± Delphian murmurs.


    ¡°Is it? Ina¡¯s already changed and happy, this will let her go back on her terms and at her leisure.¡± Ophrit turns to smirk back at her. ¡°And we both know how much even your Matron softened. Not enough to be admirable but¡­ you are her favorite. And losing you hurt. I still think she¡¯s a scrambled mess over you leaving with me.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t remind me.¡± Delphian sighs, then looks at me. ¡°If you had people back in Lyttoral who honestly cared for you, dearly hope you are safe, then¡­ time and distance might be the softening of the shells word of your survival will crack.¡±


    I look away again. Nibbling on my lip while considering¡­ considering my Sangoma.


    My mother in all things but birth.


    The woman who raised me and taught me and guided me through the joys and pains of youth.


    But... who also forced me into the life of an Odalisque. Worse even.


    Never really gave me the words to explain my pain, or the space to express it safely.


    And that look on her face the last time I saw her.


    ¡°Maybe.¡± I whisper, looking away to wipe at the tears before they can fall. ¡°I¡­ I know I¡¯ll need to talk with her. My¡­ the woman who raised me and manages the Temple. And her already knowing when I come back could make it easier. But¡­ it could also be harder. I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Ophrit agrees. ¡°And despite my Beloved¡¯s idea and reasons¡­ the choice is still yours to judge and consider. Don¡¯t take this as¡­ anything but her proposing a new path to go with the information you¡¯ve given.¡±


    ¡°Fuck¡­ We also need to discuss Emarial.¡± I huff and regather myself. ¡°Because she does know about me. My past. And while I don¡¯t think she¡¯d tell Veletross¡­ she is so fucking stupid. Your Grandmother could simply ask the right questions and read her like an open book when she stumbles over herself to try and lie.¡±


    Delphian winces. ¡°Ah. That¡­ Could be a problem. But fortunately my Grandmother suspecting or knowing, and her telling others, are two separate things. In such a delicate time for her attempt to claim power in Arudia, this could damage her credibility if handled sloppily. Her outing you could ruin the reputation she¡¯s trying to build as the sensible and safe Matron to trust if she has nothing but suspicions to support the claim."


    That¡­ calms me a bit. I still hate the idea of her knowing. Of her¡­ seeing me as¡­


    ¡°Alright. Okay.¡± I nod past the bubbling anxiety. ¡°So, how do we move forward? Emarial being awake and stirring with her own stupid ideas complicates things, but I¡¯ve warned her to stay out of my way.¡±

 Chapter 109: The Gemstones Life Has Grown For Us Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Nightmare talks, recovering memories, beginning talks with a lady and group that want to keep Arudian men enslaved. mhmhmhm!


    Betwixt annoyance at people I cannot change, endless worries about the future, and the sleepy quiet of the manor, I don¡¯t notice the thing until I¡¯m nearly stumbling past its whimpering form.


    A writhing mess of rippling nonsense no bigger than my chest. Curled up beneath a hallway desk and crying softly to itself.


    I freeze, only shifting to lean sideways to make sure what I¡¯m seeing is¡­ is not just one of the Zeridii wandered into this home.


    But¡­ no. Already the smell gives away this thing''s true nature.


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey but acidic. Burning.


    A nightmare.


    On reflex I¡¯m reaching for Her Peeling Shrike. Preparing to carefully cut this little monster away like so much disgusting pulp from an otherwise delicious fruit. But¡­ I hesitate as it flinches away from me. This eyeless messy monster¡¯s fear and pain cuts through my bubbling plan like starlight through the clouds.


    My fifth lover¡¯s painful longing echoes in my mind, and Inspiration bubbles.


    It¡¯ll have to be just right. Her command will ruin the song so easily if I¡¯m not careful. Just¡­ need to focus past this little ugly thing. Think of Her. What She wants, what She needs.


    This isn¡¯t a monster. This isn¡¯t a parasite.


    And the threats from the void inside me don¡¯t prick or nibble or bite. Because while Her command is horrid and wretched¡­ it was also very specific.


    This thing isn¡¯t an Arudian man, and never was.


    And so I begin to weave a little song. A twisting of greeting and request and hope. Melody all but drowning in pleading and longing for¡­ for what my Aceso needs. And my desire to not hurt this little thing. Maybe¡­ maybe even to help it?


    It goes still, and seems to unfurl itself a bit. Kinda like¡­ if a flower was made of muck and slime instead of actual plant things. Still gross, but¡­ I mean we¡¯re all messy sometimes, and this little one doesn¡¯t seem anything but scared and hurting.


    Then I do see what could be considered eyes? And¡­ huh. A hand? Still eck and dribbling weird nightmare goo but¡­


    Reaching out?


    My song tilts more to hope and thanks and interest as I kneel down and lift my hand toward it. Try to ignore the growing smell as I carefully let my fingertips touch just the edge of it¡¯s limb and¨C


    Pain.


    Oh. OH fuck its¡­


    I promise the Everflame who embraces me so tightly, my fourth mother and all her Sparks, that I¡¯ll be safe. Her grin is a gift of a parent''s confidence in a beloved daughter¡¯s skills and training, but¡­ her Cerulean Amwella and Spark and eyes bleed with such worry. Both for the sister I need to find, and for me. She¡¯d come herself, but the Dead Cinders have been stirred lately and she needs to make sure that¨C


    It¡¯s all about my arm now. Biting and stinging and¡­ fuck. But that was a memory! One of Hers!


    So I keep singing. Keep pleading with this little monster to give me m¨C


    Giggly happy time! Wiggling about biggest mother while she sings to us all! Little bits of soft flesh still itchy ticklish as she play pounces on me and gives silly songs to help me understand how to keep growing more me into outside places with tasty home from the big between of¨C


    The song cuts off, and it takes me a second to hear the words around me. To feel the hands at my cheeks and to blearily see the eyes of a lover in front of me.


    ¡°Wh¨C wha?¡± I stammer, then cough.


    ¡°Help help help help HI!¡± Titters a far off mumbling of worry.


    ¡°Ina? Can you hear me?¡± Jevita whispers from her kneeling spot in front of me, cool hands cupping my cheeks. She seems really worried. And it takes me a second to remember¡­


    The nightmare.


    I bolt up from the slumped heap I must have fallen into. Almost bonking heads with my lover as I look about the room to find¡­ Nothing.


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Just Jevita, the long cutie on her shoulders, me, and Rahdian¡¯s little cutie seeming to hover between us at the spot beneath the desk where the monster sat. But even the smell of it has faded and gone.


    ¡°Woah, Ina I¡­ are you okay?¡± She asks. ¡°What happened? Wh¨C We¡­ I can go get Kque or¡­ or maybe we should take you to a room while I go get everyone?¡±


    I shake my head. Adjust to sit more comfortably as I warily look about. ¡°I¡­ yeah. That¡¯s¡­ but¡­¡±


    The long piece of the Zeridii about Jevita¡¯s neck wiggles and burps, then scuttle slithers down from her shoulders to settle upon mine. Curls close.


    I reach up to give it scrutches as I look around Jevita to where Rahdian¡¯s little cutie still sits.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± I whisper, then wince as I look down to see¡­


    Little marks on my hand and forearm. Small. Not bleeding. Easily missed or passed off as a lover''s nibbles.


    ¡°I¡¯m okay. But we need to check on everyone.¡± I whisper. ¡°Don¡¯t think they¡¯re in danger but¡­ there was a nightmare here, and I was able to get a few of Aceso¡¯s memories from it.¡±


    ** ** **


    The Conclave table¡¯s glow is¡­ lessened. But not in a bad way? Feels more restful. Like before it was forced to shimmer and shine despite the slowly dying lights within.


    And now it burns bright only if the Zeridii wants it to.


    I glance up and about the women sitting with me all around the table and imbibe the rumbling echoes of their chatter. It¡¯s¡­ so much different now. What was once five women considering the future of Arudia is easily a dozen and a half now. And while things still get heated sometimes¡­ It''s actually refreshing to see that happen. With the Doyans before it was all just¡­ posturing and control over wealth they could easily stand to see lost. Almost more like some big game that happened to impact others but¡­ never really them.


    It''s probably half the reason over half of them, and the Matrons that sponsored them to these roles, fled when the storm struck.


    But the women about me now? Their lives are here. Friends, partners, lovers, daughters, and¡­ well¡­ everything. Their stores and trading posts and businesses. The few that could possibly afford to leave and rebuild elsewhere have been turning that wealth back into helping this place. Not always as much as I would like, and sometimes it''s kinda callously done. But¡­ I¡¯ll take their careful investments over the pitiless control of their predecessors.


    ¡°High Duenna?¡± A woman asks from three chairs down, Totlettia? I think?


    ¡°Hm?¡± I turn, ¡°Yes?¡±


    She has another question about fluctuations in the Glyphs. Nothing major buuut¡­ I promise to ask the Zeridii about it without committing to their actions. It sounds like these are secondary, and I¡¯ll need Jevita and/or Kque to explain it better than she did.


    More questions, more assurances and clarifications. On and on.


    But the mask I wear is comfortable. Soft and assuring and without the ugly sharp edges I needed to keep ready when speaking to the Doyans from before. This is a day that I only have Zigdara with me since Ophrit and Delphian wanted to be out to speak with more of the traders from the Paths. I¡¯d wanted my lovers and I to do that¡­ but apparently they wanted me here in case something changed.


    And¡­ I¡¯m able to think back to my last Dream with my Fifth lover¡­


    She impresses me. I feel her fear, pain and spiteful annoyance as I tell Her about the nightmare. But¡­ I¡¯m safe, and She doesn¡¯t shout or explode or otherwise let Herself be anything but quietly upset. Head tendril¡¯s writhing mess the only motion She lets show me Her disapproval.


    And held between us are two new memories I¡¯ve found. Pulling them into Herself doesn¡¯t wash away her pain or bitterness. But, they do soften Her though. Calm terror into focused considerations and longing for more than just the two little recollections.


    ¡°That was stupid.¡± Aceso hisses, but softly. ¡°And reckless, and feels like you broke a promise to me.¡±


    I don¡¯t interrupt Her or move close. Not because I¡¯d rather let Her bubble like an overflowing stewpot alone rather than sweep her into a messy embrace and refute Her with my affections. But¡­ because I want Her to tell me when She wants those. Communicate Her desires clearly.


    ¡°But you didn¡¯t, and these are wonderful, and¡­¡± She huffs and glares up at me. ¡°Thank you. I¡¯m still furious that you endangered yourself. But thank you. So much.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± I smile back softly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for worrying you. Our lovers kinda agree with you, were really worried when I told them about the little thing. But... They think the idea is good.¡±


    Aceso sighs and looks back down at the gifted memories. ¡°And¡­ you never found the nightmare? Saw where it went?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°No. It took some of my Amwella, I think. But not a lot. And when I pulled from the memories it was gone.¡±


    My Dream lover bristles at that, ¡°And¡­ what if it just¡­ finds another woman to hurt? One of¡­ of ours? Or comes back when you¡¯re asleep!?!¡±


    She¡¯s not trying to threaten or hurt me, I can feel how much those things really really scare Her too.


    I glance out into the sea, and consider Her question carefully before replying. ¡°Rahdian said she¡¯s dealt with two, and will keep an eye out for danger. Lule also would smell something, honestly. But¡­ Aceso?¡± Turning back to her, I whisper softly. ¡°Since I can¡¯t do much about the nightmares here, I¡¯m going to try out there.¡±


    She winces, tendrils back to really angry wiggles. ¡°Challa¡­¡±


    ¡°But.¡± I prompt. ¡°I¡¯m going to be more careful. Have Zigdara and my little Zeridii friend with me at least, or Rahdian close enough at most. This is your body too, and I mean to keep us safe. Won¡¯t hesitate to use your Peeling Shrike if I think one of these might just attack me.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ my memories aren¡¯t¡­¡±


    Worth the risk? She doesn¡¯t finish that lie. Can¡¯t. Not with the two treasures still clutched to Her chest.


    Her tendrils slump in defeated annoyance, then she crawls up and into my lap. Curling up and snuggling the twinned memories close for the rest of the Dream.


    Torn between such hope and terrible fear.


    It¡¯s a nudge from my duenna, and silence that pulls me from my memory and murmured talk with a local business woman. Something about¡­ wanting to know if a specific dust would be safe to use. I¡¯d been assuring her it was fine, so long as she wasn¡¯t getting it from moving or seemingly growing Gemstones.


    Then I turn and see¡­ Boletii, the former Grand Doyan and current Envoy to the Matron of Rell, standing in the entryway to the Conclave with a duenna on either side of her.


    No. Not duenna. Murtaziq. Each woman bearing a vast multitude of Cultivation changes across their skin and midnight obsidian blades holstered at their hips.


    I¡¯d considered what to do about women such as this. But their changes are mostly settled and just¡­ part of them now. Not like Gemstones that need to be activated. Part of them in ways the Zeridii can¡¯t undo without focus and significant risk to both the woman, and themselves.


    Boletii inclines her head, ¡°High Duenna Inamatorii, ladies of Arudia. I¡¯ve been asked to join you all and speak on behalf of Matron Veletross.¡± Then she looks about, eyes falling on her old place at this table.


    The woman in that seat lets out a bit of a squeak as the former Doyan¡¯s eyes meet hers, quickly moving to stand beside some others. Then Boletii gives her a polite nod and steps over to take her old seat opposite me.

 Chapter 110: The Gemstones Life Has Grown For Us Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talk of people being sex slaves. Talk of being sold into sexual slavery at a young age, and children being unable to consent to things.


    ¡°It¡¯s good to see her finally sending an Envoy to one of these Conclaves. Lady Boletii.¡± I reply, refusing to use her title from before.


    A not-so-subtle sign to her that she has little authority here.


    ¡°The House of Rell has been busy ensuring the future of Arudia is kept safe.¡± The older woman rests elbows on the table while her Murtaziq stand on either side. ¡°I could toss about more fancy words and dance about the conflicting interests, but I¡¯m not young or patient enough for that. So I¡¯ll be blunt. The Matron has, in her care, the remaining fertile men in Arudia. The House of Rell is ready and well equipped to resume the work that the Academy did for hundreds of years without delay.¡±


    My glare must be a scary thing, because quite a few women seem to lean away from me as Boletii¡¯s Murtaziq shifts to rest palms on their weapon¡¯s hilts.


    ¡°But as Arudia¡¯s High Duenna, I forbid your Matron from doing so.¡± I state evenly. ¡°And gave very clear instructions that have been pointedly ignored.¡±


    Boletii nods. ¡°Sun Spoken Inamatorii here would have them left to wander the Paths as any woman can. But ill prepared and¨C¡±


    ¡°They would have guardians, Lady Boletii.¡± I cut her off. ¡°And none of them would be required to go anywhere. Homes would be gifted to any wishing for it. What I demand is their freedom. Both in general and from the obligations Arudia claims is their duty.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Yes.¡± Boletti sighs, so very much like my¡­ my Sangoma would when she felt I¡¯d said something stupid. ¡°Free to piddle about in seemingly endless luxury gifted to them, while our lands stop bearing Children and Arudia dies. Wonderful.¡±


    The room shuffles uncomfortably, plenty of women even having the courage to nod in agreement to her.


    ¡°As opposed to you and your Matron forcing them to fuck any woman willing to pay your house its dues?¡± I spit, and others wince and seem to bubble with distaste and support to my harsh words for her.


    She doesn¡¯t smile but¡­ I can see her eyes glimmer in such an odd way. ¡°No, actually. The House of Rell has been reviewing the policies and procedures of the Academy. Found them quite¡­ lacking. Inefficient. Instead of donations being used as a means to gain a child, the Matron is proposing a flat cost to any wishing to bear a daughter, and unadjusted waiting lists. The wealthiest Matron would find her family has to wait just as long as any woman. The corruption of old cut out of the process entirely.¡±


    I go stiff as the room stares at her in surprise.


    Everyone expected the House of Rell would clutch them close while extorting powerful rivals into submission. Use this to solidify their house as sole rulers of the lands. I¡¯d hope to use that as a chance to gather others'' support. But¡­


    ¡°You expect us to believe that your Matron sent her Murtaziq to snatch them all up out of some kindness?¡± An older woman to my right asks. ¡°How does Veletross mean to profit from this, Lady Boletii? If we¡¯re trusting you to be blunt?¡±


    I keep my appreciation for this woman¡¯s critical words tempered by her lack of supporting my demands.


    ¡°She''s shown her House as the only of the five to actually remain in full and devote their resources to this. All others fled, or huddled down to pick at the corpse as Arudia lay in turmoil.¡± The Lady replies easily. ¡°Not all profit is in coin, Kelipa, and the loss of even a single one of the males would have dire ramifications to our land''s population in the coming decades. The House of Rell is not lacking in wealth or daughters, but knows well how the second is the most important of the two. Without future generations growing up about us even her house would crack and shatter at this loss.¡±


    Everyone sits in shocked and contemplative silence while I struggle to keep my rage balanced with the ever close command. Its bite hovering just shy of thoughts ready to tilt into sympathy that would hint at monsters and parasites being¡­


    ¡°What is this flat rate?¡± Another asks.


    And the answer given quiets the room. Leaves everyone stunned while my anger boils. A price any woman could pay.


    And she doesn¡¯t stop luring them forward with just that. Quickly but patiently adding just as most would begin to speak up. ¡°There would be assessments to ensure the woman is healthy and able to keep her child well, and the House of Rell is already seeking to support and donate a great deal of resources into the traveling healers.¡±


    Women like Kque and Tasii¡¯s mothers.


    ¡°But they would be public? These assessments and requirements¡± Is the first question that rises from a few bubbling up about us. ¡°Changeable?¡±


    Boletii nods, turning to this woman but I can tell her focus is still on me. ¡°Of course. And the Matron urges the re-making of some sort of Conclave with authoritative power. A rotating mix from all across Arudia to speak for their cities and communities. Too many groups have drifted away due to the Academy¡¯s enforced workings, but without the Obelisks we can change that. Ensure the women now can build a better Arudia than existed before.¡±


    I want to snap that she was the Doyan overseeing the old but¡­ her deft mention of the Obelisks and their nature gives her their sympathy. Like she was unable to change anything, and could only just¡­ manage it well. And from her connections and long time as Grand Doyan¡­ many believe she did a good job of it.


    I¡¯ve kept my expression a blank thing, contemplative but not accepting. Anyone who knows me would see the anger, probably. But¡­ Fuck. I¡­ I need to¡­


    ¡°Which¡­ leads me to a question from my Matron to you, High Duenna.¡± Boletii prompts, moving along as if my wordlessness is acceptance or compliance. ¡°What word does the Zeridii have on the growing of new Odlock Gemstones?¡±


    What? This absolute cunt thinks to sit here and casually talk of the¡­ the violation of¡­


    Thoughts skip over the word as the command needles me. Hurts, but less.


    ¡­Then have the fucking audacity to expect me to help her keep doing it!?! Convince the healing Zeridii to grow more of the very tool they would use to turn a¡­


    Again, move past it. Endure the bite.


    ¡­Into a fucking tool. A thing. Less than a person. And no ability to escape.


    I let out a huff of a sigh instead of the hissing growl I so very much want to direct at the women here. Find conflicted solace in the expressions of those that agree with my perspective and the wretched nature of the things Boletii is proposing.


    ¡°They won¡¯t give you any.¡± I reply as evenly as I can.


    Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    The room goes still.


    ¡°Pardon?¡± Boletii tilts her head, looking genuinely confused.


    ¡°The Zeridii won¡¯t grow any more of them for Arudia.¡± I repeat.


    The Lady narrows her eyes. ¡°And¡­ why is that?¡±


    ¡°Because, they love those they help change into their ideal selves.¡± I start off softly, but let the growl rise to turn my words sharp. ¡°And while their connection isn¡¯t always clear, they do feel the pain of those they¡¯ve gifted the Odlock Gemstones. And now that they have me to ask, the Zeridii knows what Arudia does to them. How they are used.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve sabotaged us?¡± She replies, flatly. And the rooms seems to bubble in sudden worry and¡­ even anger.


    ¡°It asked why they were in pain, why their Dreams bled sorrow. And I answered. Gave them¡­¡± I trail off, remembering Delphian and Ophrit¡¯s advice. ¡°Gave them the truth.¡±


    ¡°Pain?¡± A woman scoffs. ¡°The men aren¡¯t treated poorly, High Duenna.¡±


    ¡°OH!?!¡± I snap, let my glare roll over the room. ¡°And how would you know? How would any of you know? The Academy, and now the Matron, mean to treat them worse than a fucking Quelekita. All after Arudia stripped away their rights as they fought to gain a body they can be comfortable in, then offering this as one of the only options to the very lucky and very young.¡±


    ¡°Arudian men can now bear all the rights denied to them. And all but two of those granted fertility agreed to¨C¡±


    ¡°CHILDREN CANNOT CONSENT!¡± I shout, letting my anger billow out. Caring so little for the flinches of terror and touching of cold obsidian blade¡¯s hilts. ¡°I¡¯ve seen the reports. Spoken to those who do know how Arudia gained optimal subjects who could breed as long as possible. The age they were lured into this. Young boys very early into their change. Old enough to know and communicate who they are, but too young to understand what the Academy means to use them for, and mothers willing to sell their children. And do the women here know about the two non-transgender ones? How both were torn from mothers¡¯ care? Stolen?¡±


    The room shuffles uncomfortably at that. Both at my anger but¡­ also my claims. Some who seemed to lean toward Boletii¡¯s goals balking in open horror at this, even.


    Boletii takes a deep breath, and levels a look that reminds me so much of an old stupid Sun Spoken. ¡°High Duenna, I can assure you that the men in our care are happy and healthy. Bouts of anything else tended to quickly and with compassion.¡±


    The lack of a denial is not missed. And the room seems to¡­ well, maybe tit toward my demands? So I push the conversation harder.


    ¡°Can they leave? Or even refuse?¡± I spit.


    She spreads her hands, ¡°They are doing their duty for Arudia. Fulfilling their oaths.¡±


    Such a wretched answer. And all but a few of those openly agreeing with her perspective look away in discomfort.


    ¡°Oaths made as children, freshly changing, and threatened with a life devoid of equal rights if they don¡¯t accept.¡± I spit back. ¡°And you''re either lying, stupid, or worse. About them being kept happy and healthy.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ how would a woman of the Paths know this?¡± She asks with far too much calm. ¡°Last I was told, you never even visited the Fertility Wing of the Academy, nor visited the new lodgings Matron Veletross has provided. Both were and are open to your in-person inspection.¡±


    I shake my head, refuse to look away. Even as I see a glimmer of what I refuse to believe is provocation over a secret she¡¯s been told about. ¡°It''s not¡­ It won¡¯t matter how nice you think you¡¯re being to them. The lack of option to leave, or refuse, is the problem. If any woman here found out their daughter was being kept and used endlessly, without the ability to deny, none would hesitate to see it as such a cruel thing.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ What¡¯s your plan?¡± A woman to my left asks after a long silence. ¡°Our population balances on a knife¡¯s edge as is.¡±


    I sigh and look across the glimmering map. Trying to¡­ to find the words¡­


    ¡°While I meant what I said, about the Zeridii refusing to make more Odlock Gemstones for the Academy, that doesn¡¯t mean they aren¡¯t willing to grow more.¡± I murmur gently, but the quiet room carries the echo to everyone here. ¡°They¡­ it¡¯s hard for me to convey the depth of their love for¡­ for people like them.¡±


    Have to stop, dig into ever ounce of my Hetaera training to keep the revulsion and violent urge to vomit crushed beneath my resolve.


    ¡°They¡¯re spreading out. Searching. Exploring. And when they find someone who wants¡­ wants to change. Both in big and small ways. Gender and otherwise. They¡¯re going to do everything they can to help. It won¡¯t be quick, but it¡¯ll be faster than it has for nearly a thousand years. That¡¯ll include fertility if someone wants that.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ll grow more Odlock Gemstones for random Arudian men they find in the wider world?¡± Boletii asks, eyes widening in surprise.


    ¡°Yes. Maybe. Sort of. That Gemstone takes a lot of focus and time and understanding.¡± I sigh. ¡°But they also refuse to be used. Or harvested like before. They want to share themselves, but this feels to them too much like the Obelisks. Worse even, with every passing day! I¡¯m not just trying to protect them, I¡¯m trying to protect all of you too.¡±


    The older woman lets her concern tint her voice. ¡°You think they¡¯ll attack?¡±


    I run hands through my hair. ¡°No. Because I¡¯m here. I¡¯m pushing for what you all know is right, and I have the Weaver willing to help us fix things.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ we¡¯re just supposed to take your word on all this?¡± Another woman speaks up. ¡°Just¡­ tell the thousands of women who yearn for daughters that none will be given?¡±


    I lean forward on the table, and turn a hard look at the speaker. ¡°Given, seems a soft word when you mean to coerce and force over a dozen others into offering their bodies for this. But yes. That is exactly what you can tell them.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ if we don¡¯t agree to this?¡± Boletii asks.


    I¡¯m considering how best to phrase my threat. What words to place in the right order to minimize all this mess they just¡­ just can¡¯t seem to¡­


    A chittering growl sounds from my shoulder, the meanest thing I¡¯ve ever heard from this one, and I can¡¯t stop the smile that touches my lips at this little friend¡¯s exclamation. At the shocked and worried looks that roll through the room for this very loud punctuation to my words.


    ¡°Then we¡¯ll convince you.¡± I murmur as the echo fades. ¡°Because bearing a child isn¡¯t something the women of Arudia are owed, not while it comes at the abuse of others. But¡­¡±


    Inspiration bubbles. Nothing solid. Nothing usable. But¡­ the makings of a Dream I can feel tittering behind and beneath everything¡­


    ¡°But?¡± Comes a sharp angry question.


    I don¡¯t answer her fury with my own. Too distracted by the thoughts tumbling through me as I look up to Boletii. ¡°I was recently made aware that the Odlock Gemstone wasn¡¯t a thing of body transformation. Can you tell me what exactly it does?¡±


    She seems just as taken off guard by the question as the rest of the room, so much that what might have been a rebuke turns into a thoughtful answer. ¡°No. It isn¡¯t. Or wasn¡¯t. Why do you ask? Can¡¯t you have the Zeridii show you this?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°The way they define the Gemstones is different, and¡­ I only just recently discovered this. Seems kinda stupid that no one told me before.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll¡­¡± She suddenly seems very nervous. It¡¯s a small thing, and everyone else probably doesn¡¯t notice it. ¡°I¡¯ll see about requisitioning the relevant records. Try to convince my Matron to impart them as a show of good faith in hopes of you adjusting your expectations.¡±


    ¡°Why were they not public?¡± I ask. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that have helped more people find them?¡±


    ¡°Arudia couldn¡¯t risk untrained sorts wasting them on a failed working or otherwise keeping them hidden.¡± Boletii replies. ¡°There are some who think that¡¯s why we¡¯ve not seen one for nearly fifty years.¡±


    ¡°Huh. Well¡­ they¡¯re wrong. The Zeridii stopped making them. Or¡­ no. That¡¯s the wrong idea for why none appeared.¡± I tip-tap the table with my nails. ¡°This is my scheme, if it¡¯s not obvious. Find alternative ways for children to be born. Methods that don¡¯t need Odalisque or slaves.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ in the meantime?¡± The former Doyan prompts. ¡°Or if you can''t find sufficient replacements?¡±


    I sigh, hoping to sound a bit like Kque when we say we''re gonna do something dumb while still recovering from a twisted ankle or fresh cut or bruise.


    ¡°Everyone everywhere was already feeling the degradation of birth rates. Their final generations. Forcing anyone to continue to serve in terror to that instead of looking for real solutions is what got us here. And¡­¡± I turn hard eyes back to her. ¡°I told you and your fellow Doyans this already, Lady Boletii, I¡¯m not negotiating here. Simply telling you what I expect, and asking nicely. If you keep refusing me, then my Patron and the now freely awakening Zeridii will be the next to speak. And trust me, they will be much less patient than I¡¯ve been.¡±


    ¡°And when most, if not all of Arudia stands against you?¡± A woman asks. ¡°What then?¡±


    Actually seeming confident that they will¡­ and that I¡¯ll have no answer to this.


    I give her my most easy and casual shrug and smile. ¡°I mean¡­ I might be able to ask the Zeridii to keep the Gemstones working. But good luck getting enough wood up the mountain to the Academy in this blizzard. Much less across the frozen lake if they stop keeping everyone warm.¡±


    And that¡­ Is what does it. I think. Fills them with understanding for how serious I am.


    Because everyone felt it when the Zeridii woke up and the Gemstones just¡­ stopped. Warmth and water and all kinds of really important things starting to struggle or totally cutting off until I talked with Rahdian¡¯s little cutie and got things glowing again.


    Plenty of them still burn with all sorts of anger at me. But¡­ Well, people could have tried to fix this long before I got here! And I wish I could believe this was the hard part. Convincing all these women just getting out of our way.


    But between making sure Arudia doesn¡¯t just¡­ flip back to how they were, helping Rahdian with her changes, dealing with¡­ with the temple back in Lyttoral, and trying to sing some good memories from prosibbly dangerous nightmares. I¡¯m pretty sure this might be the problem I¡¯ll get the most help in solving!

 Chapter 111: The Gemstones Life Has Grown For Us Part 4

    <u>CW:</u>


    JEVITA CHAPPY!!!! Talk of personality death and fleeting memories. Headmates abusing you. Sealing away headmates and/or cutting them out of head. Missing eyes and fear of past threats of removing them. Talk of Quelekita rejecting an egg and possibly breaking it. Worry about child''s death if you die.


    ¡°Um¡­ hi.¡± I say stupidly as I shuffle into the room awkwardly, Kque at my side.


    Thodep and Athem turn up from the mess of open books, scattered food, and otherwise clutter of the space they¡¯d claimed. Fingers sort of¡­ not like necessarily holding hands? But close and keeping contact. Thodep looks over while Athem just kinda¡­ perks up. Eyeless sockets tilting toward me.


    I¡­ I suppress a shiver behind a hopefully nice smile. At¡­ at the old threats said flippantly about the things that could be taken from me if I tried to be the person I wanted to be.


    ¡°Oh hey, Jevita! Kque.¡± Thodep says with an easy and¡­ maybe excited grin? ¡°Haven¡¯t seen you in a bit, how¡¯ve you been?¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± Kque replies softly.


    ¡°Eh¡­ busy. But¡­ I was wondering if we could eat with you both till Ina gets back?¡±


    Thodep nods, but does glance over to make sure Athem is nodding and murmuring softly. ¡°Sure.¡±


    We move to complete a little square with one of us at each corner. Setting the little steaming mug I brought carefully away from any books or journals. Can¡¯t help but take in the symbols and letters and all sorts of odd writings and bumps brumbled into the pages for them both to read.


    ¡°So, um¡­ How¡¯ve you two been?¡± I ask, looking up between them.


    Thodep doesn¡¯t stop smiling, but she pointedly doesn¡¯t speak up first, as opposed to before. She instead looks over to Athem and waits for him while giving one of his fingers a little squeeze.


    He waits three entire breaths before speaking up. Voice different from the last time I¡¯d talked with him. A bit¡­ deeper? Less careful. ¡°I¡¯ve been¡­ alright. Today. Rinetaal is calm. So the gaps between us are soft.¡±


    Rinetaal? Tasii didn¡¯t mention that he''d found a name for the Maktaba inside him.


    I nod, then feel stupid for doing so. ¡°That¡¯s good. I¡¯m glad. Eh¡­¡± Look to Thodep.


    She smirks and shrugs. ¡°Kurindan is close and watching. We¡¯re just comparing notes and sharing stuff.¡±


    ¡°Stuff?¡± Kque asks.


    ¡°Mhm. Lots of the favorite parts of my Archive. Seeing what we have that Rinetaal doesn¡¯t and the opposite, when it decides to share.¡± Thodep explains.


    That makes sense. While the foundations of the different Maktaba are mostly the same, each family added their own stuff over the centuries.


    ¡°My Maktaba is¡­ protective. Of itself.¡± Athem murmurs, hesitating like he¡¯s expecting something. Then seems to let out a breath and calm.


    I¡¯m glad he can¡¯t see my face. Must look pretty horrible from the way Thodep reaches over to grip my fingers and Kque reaches up to gently rub at my back. Both understanding just¡­ just how much the idea of the spiteful anger of a Maktaba terrifies me.


    ¡°But we¡¯ve gotten some good stuff. Traded knowledge it wants for lots of interesting things.¡± Thodep continues carefully.


    I nod, remembering¡­


    ¡°Back before, when Kurindan was first freed, you said something about visiting a place called the Apavartan Glades. I¡­ Can you tell me what you meant by that?¡±


    I can tell that Kque is a bit tense but¡­ she trusts Thodep. A lot, actually. To be careful and sensitive to possible topics that could hurt me, especially after her time helping Athem. And from what we talked about with Tasii over food last night¡­ he¡¯s dealt with way more of what I did than her.


    ¡°Mhm. Course.¡± She nods with a grin. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ kinda my favorite place, it¡¯s where Kurindan dumped me early on when things got hard. A spot within the Maktaba that I can rest and read and even like¡­ add my own things. Daydream and such. It tends to always settle back to the way it was, this kinda¡­ really really big place of shimmering backwards growing Gemstones. Not knowledge like books, or memories but¡­ Maybe spots where ideas can form safely.¡±


    I look down into the warm swirling liquid within my mug. Blowing gently on it while I listen and think back to¡­ to the Archive within myself.


    ¡°That¡­ sounds really amazing.¡± I murmur before any of them can worry. ¡°The only place I feel kinda safe in was what I call The Stacks.¡±


    ¡°The Stacks?¡± Athem asks, tilting his head.


    I shrug, and feel stupid. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Like a big library. One that loops back in on itself if you wander too far. It was the private collection of Stara Noc.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Yeah yeah.¡± Thodep nods. ¡°That¡¯s a good fucking name for that. Mind if I steal it?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. That¡¯s fine. I¡­ Um¡­¡±


    Pause. Think back. Find nothing and sigh before taking a sip of just barely cool enough stew.


    ¡°What?¡± Kque prompts softly.


    ¡°Dunno why I call it that.¡± I murmur after swallowing.


    Thodep huffs and shrugs. ¡°Yeeeeah¡­ Get that too. More than I¡¯d like. Which¡­ I mean I know Kurindan tries to help but¡­ I¡¯m not her and she¡¯s not me. Even if this body was hers.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± I stare dumbly. Worried for a second that¡­ that we¡¯ve been calling her Maktaba it and they when she or her is what they would want.


    But then I get it, and I can¡¯t help but purse my lips before clarifying. ¡°The girl you were? Before the um¡­ Maktaba was infused?¡±


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She nods, leans back on both hands while adjusting a foot to touch Athem¡¯s fingers and replace the connection they had. ¡°Sometimes I feel her. Or¡­ Pieces of her. Not even full memories but¡­ connections.¡±


    ¡°Smells do the most.¡± Athem whispers.


    ¡°Exactly!¡± Thodep chimes with a smirk. ¡°Sounds get drowned out too fast, and touch only triggered one to pop up and it dissolved really fast. But¡­ catch a whiff of food I think her mum cooked, or the right scent of melting snow and slush? It¡¯ll stop me in my tracks. Kurindan covered for me a lot when that happened. Kept our feet moving while I would either fight to remember or fall apart a bit.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ Mine do the same, but opposite.¡± Athem murmurs, louder and more confident. ¡°Rinetaal pulls away when I remember the girl¡­ no. The boy from before. Especially when body things flair. Dysphoria or¡­ or the reverse.¡± He smiles and grips Thodep¡¯s foot.


    She grins at him, and Athem blushes like he can see it before huffing. ¡°Stop it.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t say anything.¡± She whispers back.


    ¡°But you were thinking it, loudly.¡± He grumbles, but is smiling as he turns toward us, cheeks still burning. ¡°She likes to tease me.¡±


    ¡°About what?¡± Kque asks.


    ¡°Mostly what a handsome man he¡¯s grown to be.¡± Thodep answers.


    ¡°Oh. That¡¯s cute.¡± Kque giggles. ¡°Because you do. Especially now that we um¡­ can see more of you.¡±


    He was always wrapped in robes. Covering up as much of himself as possible. Admitted that he didn¡¯t mind how it agitated his Glyphs if it meant he could let his Maktaba bubble up to take over.


    ¡°Just because¡­¡± He stops, sighs and squeezes her foot in an odd way.


    A pause, and Thodep¡¯s smile seems to glow. But she doesn¡¯t say more.


    So¡­ not just the comfort of touch that he gets to control and ensure his Glyphs are safe. It¡¯s like¡­ a form of communication? A little private language? More than that?


    ¡°He wasn¡¯t very far along in body changes when the deal was made.¡± Athem continues. ¡°From the memories¡­ I think this was him giving up. Hoping to¡­ to stop feeling the pain of the wrong body or die during the failed infusion. But neither happened, and the changes kept going. And I know that. But¡­ um¡­ Thodep had to share things through words but eventually She and Kurindan even convinced Rinetaal to let them share what I look like. Through our Glyphs.¡±


    He takes a deep breath, and none of us move while we watch his face twist at the memory. Which¡­ It''s easy for me because that idea scares me. I knew it¡¯s like¡­ possible. For our Maktaba to communicate through our Glyphs. I never had to do it and the Houses worried that the Maktaba might overshare or something. But it requires two people totally and fully letting the Maktaba do things. The Glyphs agitated and consuming us.


    ¡°And¡­ and she¡¯s right.¡± He huffs finally. ¡°A part of me keeps saying that she like¡­ what they sent me is wrong. Altered. But Rinetaal gets really upset when I think about a fellow Maktaba giving false information. So like¡­ I can¡¯t help but be shoved into believing that¡¯s me and¡­ it¡¯s a lot. To face what I look like now. And be a little mad at the boy from before for like¡­ giving up.¡±


    Ina demanded the records on us but¡­ well, turns out our pasts were scoured from all written places. And none of us lived at the Academy or could have family close. A demand of the Obelisks. Fuck. And fuck trying to talk to the fucks who did this to us. Trusting them to tell us anything useful.


    I wince and look away. ¡°Is¡­ Is that what we did? Give up?¡±


    He pauses at that, purses his lips before answering. ¡°For me I¡­ I think so. But Dysphoria is painful. So I get it. I¡¯m just¡­ not sure why others picked this.¡±


    Kque shakes her head, takes up my free hand. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s that simple, and even if it was¡­ I think that you¡¯d be sweet to the boy you were. Direct your anger at the system and people who made it hard for you to change or live well.¡±


    ¡°I agree.¡± Thodep nods. ¡°Cause I know I¡¯d just wanna give the little you a hug and help you feel safe and comfy as the changes happened.¡±


    He winces a bit, but the squeeze he gives Thodep¡¯s foot makes her smile soften.


    ¡°But¡­¡± I murmur after a few seconds. ¡°I guess I wanted to ask things, try to like¡­ be here. To both help if I can but also get help. Because I¡¯m actually not even as like¡­ Like mine doesn¡¯t have a name, and I barely even see it as anything but a really scary storm I need to deal with sometimes. And I know we talked a bit about possibly looking for a way to separate us but¡­¡±


    But Kuridan was very¡­ something, about that idea. Very careful with the following words as they were spoken to me and Kque when I finally got the courage to ask near the end of the removal of the Flesh Hooks.


    ¡®It is possible, but not advised. To separate a Spirit from a soul, especially ones so long mingled but also accepting of the act, would cause damage. This one would ask for the chance to speak openly with the Maktaba within you before such pathways are considered.¡¯


    Kque really didn¡¯t like that. Wanted to push. But¡­ we were all exhausted and could tell it was actually really worried about this question. So we set the topic to the side and focused on freeing them both.


    Thodep¡¯s smile doesn¡¯t fall away, but does go a bit stiff. And even Athem seems to tense up.


    ¡°Sorry I just¡­¡± Deep breath. ¡°I¡¯m willing to listen. To communicate. To find out more. First with both of you and your Maktaba, then¡­ we¡¯ll see. But I won¡¯t let it hurt or control me again. Not without biting the fuck back.¡±


    ¡°I think that¡¯s more than fair.¡± Thodep nods. ¡°Your body, your mind, your call. But¡­ Um¡­ So I only know the little you told me. And I guess I wanted to say that like¡­ the Maktaba has been used. Hurt. And like¡­ they really have had it bad too. I didn¡¯t understand before. Why Rinetaal or yours hurt you. But after helping Athem I get it. At least a bit. The Houses really hurt them. Kept hurting them over hundreds of years. And while that¡¯s not like¡­ trying to excuse what it¡¯s done, or will do, I just¡­ wanted to make sure I shared that.¡±


    That makes me look down, glare at my stew. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    A long pause, then Kque whispers softly. ¡°Yeah?¡±


    I huff, ¡°So¡­ in those first days. With Kque and Tasii and Yrelia on the Paths. Lule is who I focused on. He¡­ The first thing about being a person I wanted was to be a good mother to him. So I made a point to talk with everyone else who we met with a Quelekita about how to do that. Learn everything I could. And¡­ and it was all really good and wonderful. But¡­ there was a story. Something that stuck with me through all these years.¡±


    Never really talked about this before. Not to like¡­ hide it. But because it didn¡¯t seem to matter. And they all let me gather my words before I continue. Athem even like¡­ scoots close. Offers a hand.


    I gently entwine fingers with his, and continue. ¡°It was mostly in warning to people who might want to like¡­ see about if their Quelekita wants a baby. Because normally, and in the wild, Quelekita imprints on another chick at a young age and that¡¯s that. They¡¯re bonded for life. They will do everything together. But when a chick imprints on a human¡­ well, they do everything but that. So if they want a baby you need to find another Quelekita like them that¡¯s imprinted on another person. Then see if they like each other enough to mate. But that¡¯s the easy part, apparently.¡±


    Another pause, and I try to assure Athem with a squeeze while my voice goes a bit hollow. ¡°Whichever of the two takes the egg doesn¡¯t matter, only that the human and Quelekita can work together to keep the egg warm and safe. There are actually like¡­ entire Nesting Grounds built for it. Especially here in Arudia. Because it¡¯s a lot of work, even before the little one hatches. And trying to help them imprint on who you want can be tricky and really delicate. But¡­ What I¡¯m trying to explain is the terrifying occasion where the Quelekita that was supposed to take the egg, despises it. Either because the laying itself was hard or painful, or they don¡¯t like the need to keep it warm. They either try to abandon it, or even crack it. Because they just¡­ just see it as a source of pain. Not their child. A danger. And if their human doesn¡¯t have the words or ability to calm or explain¡­¡±


    I look up between Thodep and Athem, first bubbling of tears starting to blur my vision. ¡°I¡­ That¡¯s how it hurting me feels. After finding out about both of yours, and hearing Aceso talk about what it''s like to wake up in another person¡¯s head and struggling to find yourself while also remembering past hosts who you might have loved. And mix that with¡­ with how the Houses treat them? I get it. It makes sense. My Maktaba hates me because I¡¯m just¡­ the next person who was going to be used to hurt it.¡±


    Thodep winces, while Athem nods.


    ¡°But¡­ I can¡¯t risk myself. Because if something happens to me, then¡­ then Lule probably won¡¯t make it. Quelekita don¡¯t survive their imprinted partner¡¯s death.¡± I very nearly growl, but not at them. ¡°So I¡¯m willing to try. Not like before, and not in ways that could make it easier for me to get hurt or smothered or¡­ or worse. But I am willing to give it the chance it never gave me before asking Kurindan to cut it out.¡±

 Chapter 112: Harmonizing and Conceding Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    A wounded old Sun Spoken getting sassed at not taking better care of herself. Some politics. mhm!


    ¡°Stupid fucking cunt.¡± I hiss under my breath as Zigdara steps back from the door.


    She eyes me, but her expression is nothing but agreeing alongside other supportive things.


    My duenna told me that my threats to the Conclave and Boletii were evenly put and reasonable. Deftly timed and well spoken. But¡­ Still have a mucky mess in my tummy over it all and that was before coming here. Which¡­ Like she said we could put this off. Let the stupid woman stew a bit more. But we¡¯d agreed that more than a couple days and I would need to come and force the issue. Especially since she shooed off the women Lady Ophrit and Delphian left to help her.


    And¡­ I need to know more. Keep up my promises so that this stupid cunt doesn¡¯t become another problem that could get in the way of everything.


    A few moments pass, and Zigdara knocks again. Harder this time, which seems excessive but this house is pretty big and if Emarial is far off she could have possibly missed my duenna¡¯s first knock.


    Possibly. Zigdara knocked really loud though.


    Still no answer.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I huff and pull my cloak closer.


    ¡°She most likely just stepped out.¡± Zigdara murmurs.


    But a glimmer of worry does touch her eyes.


    Fuck. I hope the cunt didn¡¯t like¡­ fall asleep. Slip into a nap while reading or something. That doesn¡¯t really seem like her type of stupid but¡­


    ¡°Could you circle the house? See if there are any lights on?¡± I ask.


    ¡°I¡¯d rather not leave you alone.¡± She replies.


    ¡°There¡¯s no one about, Zigdara.¡± I murmur back, turning to wave at the street, and pausing as I see a larger woman walking this way.


    A very tall woman.


    Emarial probably spotted us the second she turned down the road and looked up to the big lonely house. Golden amber eyes shine a bit as we watch her gaze move between us.


    Arms still wrapped tight, that stupid sword on her back. Face haggard and worn after a few days without sleep.


    But no burning of her stupidly blazing Amwella. She¡¯s just¡­ been staying awake all on her own.


    She pauses at the bottom of the steps and regards us for a moment before huffing. ¡°Let me get the door so we can do this away from the cold.¡±


    I nod and step to the side, let Zigdara easily move to stand between Emarial and me while the big stupid cunt moves up to fibble with the keys. Almost drops them once, but manages to find the right one and get the door open with her single good hand.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get a pot of something warm going, then meet you in the study.¡± She says gruffly as we enter and I pull the door shut.


    We agree and move in that direction. I consider taking up the same seats we had last time, but take a place at the opposite side of the table while we wait.


    Emarial enters in a few minutes with a steaming pot held carefully in her still working hand. After setting it on the table she grabs a few mugs and falls into the chair across from me and Zigdara. ¡°I¡¯d ask your preferences of seasonings, but we¡¯re all better off without me stumbling over that.¡±


    I nod, then stand a bit to begin pouring. ¡°Tell me what you want and I¡¯ll handle it.¡±


    She goes stiff. ¡°I¡­ didn¡¯t mean to imply you should fix my drink.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t.¡± I sigh. ¡°But we don¡¯t need you hurt any more than you already are. Which¡­ Why did you send away the helpers Lady Ophrit provided? It must be stupid hard to do all the things alone.¡±


    She shrugs while watching me pour her mug. ¡°They didn¡¯t seem needed now that I was awake.¡±


    I roll my eyes and slide her cup across the table. ¡°Well¡­ Kque wanted me to tell you that¡¯s stupid, and not to do that when we send them back. Else she¡¯ll be the next bitch at your door.¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡± She begins to say something else dumb, so I fix her with a hard look, and she cuts off.


    ¡°Emarial.¡± I say as evenly as I can, letting my Hetaera mask cover all the anger and annoyance. Try to emulate my lover¡¯s calm tone when she needs to talk one of us out of a dumb idea. ¡°You¡¯re already tired, and still in a ton of pain. A fall or mistake could lead you to passing out. Dreaming for even a bit could be bad for you.¡±


    She winces, and it¡¯s easy to see the fear and worry my words bring her as she murmurs. ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ been careful.¡±


    ¡°By walking the icy streets alone? In the dark?¡± I quirk an annoyed eyebrow, but continue pouring the other drinks.


    She glares away and grumbles. ¡°My duties don¡¯t end just because I¡¯m wounded, Ina.¡±


    ¡°Aaaand¡­ What duties would those be?¡± I ask, pushing my silent duenna her mug and settling to sit with my own.


    Emarial glares at the far bookshelf for a long few moments.


    ¡°It¡¯s as I told you. Back when you shattered the Obelisks.¡± She eventually answers.


    ¡°Oh? What¡¯s made you think I¡¯m close to doing anything but freeing those I¡¯ve sworn to help?¡± I press.


    She turns, then attempts to hit me with a hard gaze. But it¡¯s so weary it just comes across as kinda sad, ¡°Another Sun Spoken sought you out.¡±


    I narrow my eyes. ¡°That¡¯s not common knowledge, Emarial. Who told you?¡±


    ¡°Ina, this is exactly the kind of thing you know I can¡¯t¡­¡± But she trails off, looks down at her hands with a scowl.


    ¡°She¡¯s nothing but sweet, Emarial. And same for her shards.¡± I reply as softly as I can manage. Actually quite furious that she already knows about Rahdian.


    ¡°Twinned Weavers? That¡¯s¡­ Ina that¡¯s so dangerous.¡± She growls, but there is real fear behind her words. ¡°You can¡¯t know what they¡¯re scheming. What they¡¯re slowly doing to her when asleep.¡±


    ¡°I can, actually.¡± I shrug and lean back. ¡°We¡¯ve shared quite a few dreams now.¡±


    The old stupid Sun Spoken jerks up to stare at me. ¡°Wh¨C what?¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°Both before and after making contact with the Zeridii, actually.¡± I continue.


    ¡°I¡­ What¡¯s her name? This girl? I¡­ If she¡¯s a name I recognize¨C¡±


    Nope. Stopping this right here. This big cunt doesn¡¯t get to ask about that sweet girl.


    ¡°She was claimed recently. Barely two years a Sun Spoken.¡± I cut her off as politely as I can. ¡°And the magic they¡¯ve inspired in her are things of healing. Not as flexible as mine, but we¡¯re helping them all figure out better workings.¡±


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    ¡°And that¡¯s the other funny thing, Emarial.¡± I barrel forward, not letting her stupid words get us off path again. ¡°When the Weaver shards found out about the curse my Aceso laid, both got really upset that She would do that to me. And after we calmed things only one of them expressed the same anger toward men that my shard does. The other was wary of them, but not spiteful beyond all good sense. Which led to an interesting series of discoverings you, my elder Sun Spoken, either did not know or never told me. That the shards don¡¯t all hate men.¡±


    She goes still. ¡°It¡­ All the ones I dealt with seemed quite spiteful. Sun Spoken with softer shards were allowed to depart our final gatherings so long as they meant to keep their Wellsprings low. Ensure their bodies were¡­ disposed of properly upon their end.¡±


    I tip-tap nails on the table. ¡°How many of them did you like¡­ actually talk to?¡±


    Emarial¡¯s eyes go a bit hollow. ¡°I¡­ could say five. But one wasn¡¯t speaking in a language I could understand and the other was¡­ already falling to pieces. Barely a person. Just¡­ a screaming monster trying to kill me.¡±


    I ignore the comparison, then nod carefully and whisper softly. ¡°They are all hurting. Traumatized. Stuck in dreams that do a wonderful job of keeping them from finding any kind of healing.¡±


    I let Emarial think about that while I blow on and take a few careful sips of my drink. Watch as her mind chews on these new words.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t¡­¡± She finally huffs and looks away. Seeming to actually understand how stupid it would be to finish that statement and tell me that it doesn¡¯t matter. Murmurs tiredly instead. ¡°What do you want from me?¡±


    ¡°Same thing as before.¡± I reply, working very hard to keep my voice level. ¡°Focus on recovering. Send for me when you want to sleep, at any point. Because healing takes a lot of energy from your body and you should be in bed most of the day anyway. And most importantly, stay out of my way if you don¡¯t actually want to help me.¡±


    Emarial shifts her gaze back to mine. ¡°You told the Conclave today that the Zeridii would react poorly if Arudia didn¡¯t follow your commands.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Thought it was obvious, but It was a good idea to make sure they understood. So I did just that. Pointedly.¡±


    ¡°How much of it was¡­ embellishment?¡± She asks, carefully. ¡°Or a lie? Words to scare them into following your demands.¡±


    ¡°None of it. Actually. If anything I left out the really scary parts.¡±


    Emarial pales as she sees the truth of my words. ¡°You¡­ Ina. This¡­ I can''t just...¡±


    ¡°Be very careful, Sun Spoken.¡± Zigdara growls softly.


    The big woman flinches at the first words my duenna speaks to her since the last time we visited, turns to look at Zigdara, then back to me. ¡°I do not have words for how much of a cliffside you¡¯ve set the world to titter upon, Inamatorii.¡±


    ¡°Good to see you admitting your limits.¡± I nod back with an unkind smirk. ¡°Because even if you hate what I did, and think my current plan is a bad one, there is no other path now. The Zeridii wants them freed, and they are awakening more and more with every passing day.¡±


    Emarial opens her mouth to say more stupid things, but I cut her off.


    ¡°And before you try to tell me that I should convince them otherwise, even if I cared to try, they won¡¯t budge on this now that they understand what was happening. It is very difficult to lie in dreams, Emarial.¡±


    The old Sun Spoken slumps a bit in her chair, moves like she wants to run a hand through her hair but finds both arms still bound.


    ¡°And now you want to dream with my Shards.¡± She huffs.


    ¡°No, actually. I¡¯m too busy to risk that at the moment. Right now I want to put your stupid butt to bed.¡± I shove my cup aside and lean forward. ¡°But only after asking some very pointed questions. I won¡¯t insult you by dancing around it, I need to know if you were talking with Veletross, and what you might have told her. Accidentally or otherwise.¡±


    From the way she shifts¡­ fuck. Should have asked Tasii to come with me. Help me get a read on this big stupid bitch!


    ¡°I¡­¡± She¡¯s about to reply harshly, I think. Snap that it would be none of my business or something stupid. But then she sighs and looks back down at her mug. ¡°Yes. Twice now. But not to divulge your secrets. I needed to know that¡­ that you¡¯d not become what I feared. Or began to fall into that.¡±


    I avoid snapping something hateful and deserved. Wanting to keep her forthcoming mood present. ¡°And? What did she tell you?¡±


    Emarial shrugs. ¡°About this other Sun Spoken. How she harmlessly pacified a barracks of duenna when they tried to stop her from coming up the mountain. About your demands and how she schemed to use her leverage and such to sway Arudia to back her goals. And¡­¡± She grins and shakes her head. ¡°And then her envoy returned from the Conclave and I got to see Vele get more upset than I have in years. Even more when she saw me again all those weeks ago.¡±


    ¡°Emarial¡­ Are they safe? The ones she¡¯s keeping? Do I need to worry about her doing something to them?¡±


    Easily ignoring the fissure within my own mind. Asking in Sympathy while letting the command boil with Spite.


    The Sun Spoken looks up to give me such an odd look. ¡°What? No. I told you, she¡¯s ruthlessly efficient. Her losing them here will cost her a lot, but hurting the fertile males would get her nothing. Vele can be cruel but¡­ never at the cost to her house. All of Arudia will hold her to account if she hurt them or mishandled their transfer to you. Even doing something to upset them could make them enemies in the future. Foes with more power and influence than they¡¯ve been taught to handle.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ did you see them?¡± I whisper gently. ¡°How are they? They¡­ they¡¯re not being used. Right? No appointments or¡­ or guests?¡±


    Emarial pauses, then shakes her head carefully. ¡°I doubt Vele would risk your anger by trying to start up their work again. Especially now. But¡­ I bumped into a few. They¡¯re mostly kept in a side wing. But they seemed well.¡±


    She looks honest, so I sigh and relax a bit. Letting the idea of no women being allowed near a gaggle of monsters calm the curse. ¡°Good. Fuck. And¡­ when she asked you about me? Zigdara? The missing Temple child?¡±


    ¡°She only asked about you. Wanted to know about your past in Lyttoral.¡±


    ¡°And you told her¡­?¡±


    ¡°All that I knew at the time.¡± She shrugs. ¡°That we met in Deledita, and I was worried you might be involved with the missing male and¡­ wronged you. I did not give her details other than we left on bad terms, but that you barely even knew what you were. I left out all the parts with Zigdara. Our meeting in the inn here at the Academy was me making things right to get close to you. Make amends and discover what you meant to do here. How much of a danger you¡¯d be. The rest Vele discovered when she talked to you in the Archives, and later at the Obelisks. Nothing else.¡±


    Not terrible, buuut¡­ also not great. Fuck. Stupid bitch should have refused to say anything. And hearing her so¡­ so openly admit to manipulating and lying to me is¡­ not great. Not a good thing to focus on right now.


    ¡°Do you think she knows? About my¡­ what I was forced to do in Lyttoral? How I was changed?¡± I press instead.


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t surprise me if she suspected. She told me about how you said the Temple child died when you were claimed. And I told her that would make sense, but also leave you blameless. How it would explain Zigdara¡¯s attachment. She¡­ Did say she knew you were lying.¡± Emarial nods to herself. ¡°But¡­ Even that doesn¡¯t matter. You¡¯ve already outplayed her. In more ways than that. You¡¯ve the affections and support of her Heiress, most of the women here at the Academy, and with the threat of the Zeridii interrupting the Gemstone workings more than before¡­¡±


    That makes me pause, look Emarial up and down. ¡°So¡­ What should I expect from her? When I finally show up on her doorstep demanding she let them all go? Threats? An attack? Future attempts to hurt me?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯ll see what she can still negotiate out of this. And¡­¡± The big Sun Spoken chuckles mirthlessly, then pauses.


    ¡°And what?¡± I press.


    She considers her drink. ¡°And If you¡¯ll allow me, I¡¯d like to be there for it. Keep the peace. Then do the same when she releases the fertile men into your care.¡±


    I don¡¯t even try to hide my disgust at the idea. ¡°Why? And if you say it¡¯s because you worry I¡¯ll hurt someone I¡¯m going to slap you as hard as I can before singing you to sleep.¡±


    I¡¯m not sure if I mean that, but Emarial only smiles painfully when she glances back up. ¡°No. It¡¯s to¡­ witness. See this change happen, for better or worse. You say this other Sun Spoken is barely two years claimed? And her shards hold nothing but kindness for her?¡±


    I nod.


    She lets out a breath, like some great weight is shifting on her back and the old woman needs to adjust. ¡°Then maybe there is hope. Not for the world or her people to continue past these last few generations, but¡­ for the final Sun Spoken to dream well. And after you¡¯ve freed them. These men. And are well away from these lands. I¡¯ll let you dream with my shards. Understand fully what the spiteful regard of three dozen of them feels like.¡±


    That¡­ surprises me. And I look to my duenna. See that she understands what Emarial is asking. That this¡¯ll mean she¡¯ll be traveling with us when we leave Arudia and begin to head toward Lyttoral. Or¡­ meeting me somewhere along the way.


    ¡°We¡¯ll talk it over with our group.¡± I reply, then rise. ¡°About both that and if we¡¯re okay with you attending a meeting with Matron Veletross. Will even see that you¡¯re awake to get our answer as a show of¡­ well not trust. But expectations. For you, going forward. You¡¯re not in charge anymore, but so long as you behave I will make sure your experiences, knowledge, and influence can be put to good use.¡±


    I think Zigdara and I both expect Emarial to snap or growl at that. But instead she simply rises with us. Nodding. ¡°Alright. I¡­ can do nothing but accept that.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± I huff and begin striding toward the bed she¡¯ll rest in. ¡°Now let¡¯s put you to bed.¡±

 Chapter 113: Harmonizing and Conceding Part 2

    CW:


    Lightly getting pronouns wrong, but then fun talks about curses/Lamentations being very dependent on people''s self-perceptions. AKA: what if someone identifies as non-binary and transmasc?


    ¡°He¡¯s here already!?!¡± I stammer as I look to Delphian as Yrelia helps me get my cloak off.


    Heart torn between joy and bubbling anger and fear and¨C


    ¡°Yes, they are.¡± She nods with a smile, but¡­


    Such emphasis on that word. Why? There''s only one person coming last I checked. And Delphian and Ophrit insisted h¨C they would be perfect for this. So¡­ why this word? Wasn¡¯t this a parasite who had all the connections and supplies and sneaky schemes to help us move things forward? Or¡­ Did Yrelia ask Delphian to do that? Try and trick the command?


    ¡°And they are so very excited to meet you.¡± She continues at my head tilt of curiosity. Smirking like¡­ I dunno. My confusion is just¡­ everything she needed to see?


    Yrelia moves to step away, but I take her hand and glance back. She gives me a look of understanding and agreement and¡­ her own part in this?


    ¡°I¡¯d¡­ like my first lover with me. If that¡¯s alright with them?¡±


    I look back to see Delphian nodding. ¡°Of course. We assumed the entire group would be a bit much for first introductions, but we all move to your songs. Lady Sun Spoken.¡±


    I grin at her formality. Step up to take up her hand too. ¡°Thank you, show us to them?¡±


    She does, leading us back through this manor to a comfortable private study. One furnished with more than enough chairs to seat Lady Ophrit, Delphian, Yrelia, myself and this¡­ final figure.


    The monster is tallish. Dressed well in subtle but glimmering hues of midnight greens and shimmering azure. Dark ginger hair pulled back in a bun, and a beard perfectly braided and so long they wear it like a scarf.


    Eyes a pretty hazel that sparkle alongside slightly bluish tinted teeth as they smile and stand. Glancing between Yrelia and myself but settling on me.


    A monster jeweled up and ready to accept more into the brood.


    ¡°Ah, you must be the Lady Sun Spoken and High duenna Inamatorii I¡¯ve been so very excited to meet.¡± Voice deep but¡­ not too much so. Really pretty and feels almost rhythmic.


    ¡°Please, just call me Ina.¡± I respond, pulling up my most polite and soft Hetaera mask while the curse rears up and prepares to nip.


    They gift me a nod that loses nothing of that smile behind it, ¡°Of course. You may call me Redrogal, a Walker of the Paths and recently dubbed Speaker for the Azure Compact.¡±


    A group of Walkers, traders, caravans, and all sorts banding together. A little power gathering between the towns and cities of Arudia, but¡­ often shunned due to their easy inclusion and leadership hosting Arudian Monsters and Parasites.


    But with the shattering of the Obelisks, and our schemes, a not so little power soon.


    ¡°It is, so very wonderful to meet you.¡± I say with a smile that struggles to meet my eyes.


    The Monster steps forward and offers me a hand. I reach out but soon find my arm gripped. Takes me a second to understand the full-armed shake this Parasite is accustomed to offering allies.


    I take hold and let this form¡¯s strength match theirs. Am rewarded with another glimmer in their predatory eyes and grin.


    ¡°A steady grip.¡± They intone pleasantly. ¡°Always a good thing for a Walker of the Paths to bear.¡±


    I let my mask crack a bit as the command nudges me to grin, unconsciously shifting balance to leave my sharpened leg free of weight and ready to strike. Am¡­ probably about to say something wretched when I feel a hand re-weave itself about my free arm.


    ¡°Among other things.¡± My first lover says easily, then when a quizzical look is turned to her she smiles back. ¡°Yrelia, also a Walker of the Paths. Taught this girl everything she knows and have been gobbling up the rewards ever since I snatched her up.¡±


    That sputters out my bubbling anger to more gentle messy things as Redrogal releases me and offers Yrelia the same greeting.


    Then Ophrit starts getting us all warm drinks and settling this group to sit comfortably. Giving me time to regather my mask as Yrelia speaks of small nothings to Redrogal and Delphian.


    But eventually the drinks are passed out and I''m the center of their focus as they chuckle to Yrelia. ¡°Lady Ophrit and Delphian, despite their endless goings on about the High Duenna, sold her short in their enthusiastic descriptions.¡±


    ¡°I think I did quite well, besides.¡± Ophrit chuckles while sitting. ¡°Her schemes keep outshining our most fantastical hopes, and pushing us to stride farther than we ever dreamed.¡±


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Quite so.¡± Redrogal nods. ¡°And that''s why I am here to push for even more than you¡¯d planned, Lady Sun Spoken.¡±


    ¡°Just Ina, please.¡± I reply, but lean forward.


    How the fuck does this monster think to push? What vile things would it demand I surrender to its¨C


    ¡°But that can come a touch later. First I¡¯d like to make sure I understand why you¡¯re fighting so hard for all this? These wonderful Ladies have been¡­ evasive to that. Also what all happened today at the Conclave? A source tells me that an Envoy of Rell attended and things got quite interesting.¡±


    I nod and start with the Conclave. Worry I¡¯ll get some discomfort at my threats but¡­ Redrogal only laughs happily as I finish the story.


    ¡°Oh, how I wish I¡¯d have dashed our plans and attended myself!¡± They chuckle. ¡°To see Boletii¡¯s smug face as that house¡¯s schemes are laid so low.¡± They settle backways, seemingly more at ease. ¡°Brilliantly done. It won¡¯t matter how any one person feels. The choice is made. Options set by the Zeridii as either an unsteady future or one so very cold without their help.¡±


    It¡¯s¡­ odd. Something about this Monster. Very much not a woman, and bearing similar delighted ease at their form as the last Parasite I met. And even a few scars that I¡¯ve started to notice across their pale skin. But¡­


    ¡°Can¡­ Redrogal. May I ask a question? One a bit off topic?¡±


    ¡°You may.¡±


    ¡°Delphian gently corrected me in the entrance when I used the word ¡®he¡¯ for you. Would it be impolite for me to both ensure I¡¯ve got the right words for you but also¡­ ask for you to describe why they fit you?¡±


    Their grin spreads. ¡°Oh, isn¡¯t that an entire affair? But to keep from rambling on¡­ I don¡¯t care for either label. Find something¡­ a bit less restrictive to my tastes. I never felt comfortable as a girl in the flesh, and while more male features fit parts of me ever so much better¡­ The label doesn¡¯t. They and Them are words I''ve found that free me to walk a path devoid of the aspects of both I detest.¡±


    I¡­ kinda stumble over that. Like¡­ What? That¡­ I mean that makes sense. But women can¡¯t be monsters. At least not the kind this curse cares about. But just because they aren¡¯t a woman doesn¡¯t mean they are a monster! So¡­


    ¡°You¡¯d never call yourself an Arudian Male then?¡± I ask, so very proud of how my mask doesn¡¯t even falter.


    They shrug. ¡°Mayhaps once upon a star-filled night when past words felt so wrong. But¡­ It was because I didn¡¯t know there were other options. So no.¡±


    And like the crack of a whip that wretched command just¡­ stills. Like some big angry and scary thing suddenly asleep.


    Oh fuck! Not a Monster to this horrid curse.


    Can¡¯t stop the grin that takes to my lips. ¡°That¡­ That¡¯s actually amazing. I never even considered that as an option. I adore being a girl and all the words with it but¡­ that¡¯s just me. Is this a more common thing than I realized?¡±


    Is¡­ is it really this easy? A new perception about a person and the curse goes soft? I mean¡­ it did the opposite for Athem. So¡­


    ¡°More than in past years, but mostly away from the cities and more well-traveled Arudian Paths. People like us often found ourselves struck by the same limits and laws that Arudian males suffered under.¡± They return my smile. ¡°There are more fluid individuals among the Azure Compact as well, ones who¡¯s self-perceptions shift from day to day even. Take up a bundle of words and change them at their leisure. Even make new ones where the old ones don''t fit.¡±


    That¡­ Is going to be a messy way to deal with the Curse. But might help fray its edges. Will have to talk with Aceso about all this! See how she absorbs these new identities and perceptions.


    ¡°Thank you for explaining.¡± I reply as my mask becomes so much lighter to keep. ¡°But... You spoke of wanting to ask me for more than what we¡¯re already planning?¡±


    ¡°Yes. But to the whys of your work. You are¡­ beyond driven. From everything I¡¯ve heard and seen for myself. Even dangerously so to those that stand against your schemes. And¡­ you remind me of many I¡¯ve walked the Paths with, though not in the ways I can place.¡±


    It¡¯s easy to relax now, see in Redrogal all the things I see in Rahdian and¡­ and even Zin. Before he betrayed me and I got cursed.


    I look to Delphian and Ophrit in not-very-subtle question.


    Can they be trusted?


    Ophrit grins, Delphian nods.


    Then to Yrelia. Who shrugs, but with a smile as she reaches out fully wraps herself about me. We¡¯re sharing a big chair so it¡¯s easy for her to envelope my small form without unbalancing either of us. ¡°Your decision, love.¡±


    Takes me a few seconds to like¡­ build up the courage. Push past the little titterings of worry that this¡¯ll be a mistake.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ pretty simple. Actually. I¡¯ve lived their life.¡± I respond, working to quiet the mess bubbling in my tummy at talking this over again. ¡°Was born in a fertile male body. But back in Lyttoral. Was kept in their Temple till this past year. Then I was claimed by the Weaver and She used Her magic to change me. Give me the body I always needed.¡±


    Redrogal¡¯s eyes widen, then all they can murmur is. ¡°A¡­ a transgender female?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. I had to run, back then, and through¡­ a lot of twistings of things I ended up here. Trying to just change some text on the Obelisks turned into an entire decision to break them to free the Zeridii and everyone else enslaved here in Arudia.¡± I reply when they have no other immediate words. ¡°And the Zeridii is so much like us, Redrogal. Trying to grow out of a form that hurts. Wanting to find a place in the world that fits. I¡¯ve dreamt with them. Felt our pains harmonize and how much they want those Veletross snatched up go free.¡±


    They swallow, nod. ¡°Thank you. For sharing this with me.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for listening, and¡­ well, everything else. I¡¯m just a silly girl from the Paths trying to fix the messy world I¡¯ve finally gotten to explore. Make sure no one else has to live the way I did.¡±


    Redrogal lets out a breath. ¡°That¡¯s why the Azure Compact was so easy to form. Many of our older members found themselves lost and devoid of options in their youth. Only safe to wander the Paths and just¡­ hope to find others kind enough to walk at their side and gift them the community they lacked. What we built, and are trying to build, is to try and help others avoid that loneliness.¡±


    I nod, lean forward a bit out of Yrelia¡¯s embrace. ¡°Exactly. I got so very lucky when my lovers found me. But others didn¡¯t have that good fortune.¡±


    Redrogal grins. ¡°So now we mean to give it to them. All Delphian and Ophrit have told me you mean to demand for these newly freed sorts is wonderful. Weighted. But¡­ not enough. Things could fall to pieces in a few decades with patient vipers like Veletross about.¡±


    ¡°Especially with me wanting to leave Arudia soon.¡±


    ¡°And, correct me if I am simply ill-informed, but you mean to return to Lyttoral eventually?¡±


    I nod.


    ¡°Do you have allies as well connected and well funded as your current hosts?¡±


    I wince. ¡°I¡­ No. But my duenna is a Councilwoman, and¡­ and the woman who raised us runs the Temple there. But¡­¡±


    They nod patiently as I trail off. ¡°But fully attempting to pull allies from a world over will be taken poorly. Delphian and Ophrit are wondrous in their charms and wit, but all that is drifting snow without the decades they¡¯ve had to build connections and allies.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± I sigh and smile. ¡°That was kinda a problem for future me that I was kinda hoping she¡¯d figure out along the Paths on our way back.¡±


    ¡°Which is more than understandable with all you¡¯ve been handling in Arudia.¡± They reply. ¡°So¡­Let me help with that. Here are my propositions¡­¡±

 Chapter 114: Harmonizing and Conceding Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    ACESO POV followed by TASII POV!!! Talk of a past person''s misgendering. Curses unraveling when people change their perceptions. Panic attacks and talk of being alone and unable to talk about abuse.


    I sigh and give my Challa such a look. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Okay¡­¡± She replies easily. ¡°That¡¯s fine. But¡­ Could you share your thoughts anyway?¡±


    Looking past her, I can¡¯t help but let the glare I¡¯ve been holding back spread over my everything. Both at her question, plans for tonight, and¡­ well, how much I want to scream and tear and ignore this.


    This¡­ Redrogal. This not man, not woman, who wanted to be a monster for a time, or¡­ thought they were? Or that was the only other option? Then tilted into something else?


    The Lamentation within my Ina remains dormant though. Just like with Rahdian. Because shapes don¡¯t make us who we dream to be. I¡¯m not foolish enough to believe something so stupid! That was something HE thought! That HE and his ILK should be the ones to decide what and who people should be by breaking them into shapes they wanted. A vile lie the monster wanted to wrap about this Waking World like so much¨C


    Ina touches my fingertips, jerking me from that. Without words gifting me stability within our Dream.


    Helping me calm. So much that my headstalks lean toward her in longing.


    Deep Breaths¡­


    ¡°They are what they say they are, of course.¡± I huff, carefully pulling each traitorous tendril back to sway about me. ¡°And¡­ it scares me how this might chip at the curse. Because it¡­ it feels like it would also chip at me?¡±


    ¡°How so?¡± She asks, exuding nothing but patience as the edges of the Dream titter and glimmer happily behind her.


    ¡°Because it¡­¡±


    Would make all her pain, our pain, MY pain, those final spiteful memories into nothing but broken wretched flailings I can barely understand. Just¡­ another mistake amidst a shattered tapestry within the core of my everything. Something that the woman I was a part of did, but I¡¯m left to hold close as mine.


    As if I am real and not just a withering shadow to Her¨C


    ¡°Aceso?¡± Ina whispers, and my name jerks me back.


    Ends the rising howling fury that might awaken the sea of nightmares.


    ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re fine, love.¡± She smiles softly. ¡°This is hard. I knew that when I asked. And it¡¯s okay to be messy over it.¡±


    ¡°Not when that mess, as you put it, can and will hurt so many.¡± I mumble and curl in on myself.


    ¡°Not anymore. I¡¯m here, and I can help.¡± She assures me. ¡°So¡­ just give me your thoughts. Don¡¯t worry about the rest. The Zeridii is sealed from us until I knock on their Dream, and I can brace and cool anything that you bubble up with. Lovers are great for getting messy with.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but feel my lips quirk at that. At the idea of¡­


    No. No distractions. No more risks. Need to focus and gift her truths.


    ¡°Fine. Yes. Okay.¡± I growl, but only to myself. ¡°At the core of me is¡­ is Her final memory. The death of our first Inamatorii. The curse She¡­ we¡­ I?¡±


    Was it me? Or¡­ but¡­ Ignore that. Doesn¡¯t matter. Keep going!


    ¡°Anyway. It¡¯s important. If memories can have a heart then that one is mine.¡±


    Ina thinks about that for a bit, radiating nothing but soft considerations for the wretched proclamation.


    ¡°Okay.¡± She finally nods. ¡°So like¡­ would you say it feels like your first memory? Or at least your first memory of people thoughts? Like¡­ that feels like yours and not someone else''s?¡±


    Tilt my head as I think about that. Then nod.


    So glad her mind envelopes the shapes this quickly.


    ¡°Mine were of hating the old body.¡± She replies. ¡°And while I don¡¯t like¡­ think that should define us, as we both were pretty confused and hurting and not with kind souls, but I know it matters. And I don¡¯t think I want to like¡­ invalidate that? Because that would feel wrong.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ that could make this Lamentation untangle more easily.¡± I refute, but only barely.


    Both terrified and hopeful at the idea of¡­ of that memory being less than what it is.


    She shrugs, leans back on her hands. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t think so? I think it¡¯s more important to like¡­ fully understand it. Get to a place where your perspective is different, even if the emotions struggle to change? But that happened and changed you, still affects you. Trying to dismiss or erase¡­ honestly I don¡¯t even think that would work! Because that¡¯s what I tried to do. For years. Especially at the end. Deny my Dysphoria as me being stupid or broken and that fixing me meant trying to force myself to enjoy that body. And¡­¡±


    She pauses, looking down at the drifting sands, and the Dream tilts into such¡­ melancholy. With little titters of fear tinted overtop like the stars above.


    ¡°And that¡¯s what led something in me to die.¡± She whispers. ¡°And the rest of me would have followed soon. If you hadn¡¯t found me.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± I carefully murmur, crawling a bit closer and touching her knee. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s not¡­¡±


    The same?


    ¡°Why not?¡± She replies to my unspoken thought.


    And from that I know we¡¯re coming close to the Dream¡¯s End. Her song mingling our spirits but¡­ only so we might separate and my Ina may speak with the Zeridii while I keep her body safe.


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡± I stammer. Suddenly all a rush with such anxiety. ¡°It shouldn¡¯t be. You should have been allowed to live as you Dreamed to be, my Dreams were spiteful wroth lashed out. Not¡­ not a part of her, of me. A choice. You didn¡¯t choose to be uncomfortable with your flesh. Didn¡¯t choose to want something better. Only to live as best you were taught how. She¡­ we¡­ I chose to Blight this Waking World in those final moments. Weave Rot into the World Song She made to keep everyone¨C¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    Nightmare¡¯s are bubbling. Have to stop. Can¡¯t spoil this. Can¡¯t risk hurting her or the Zeridii or our lovers or the World ever again!


    Ina¡¯s pulling me into her arms, enveloping in herself and sealing the song against her heart so the cruel things in the sea don¡¯t hear my wailing sobs.


    Please.


    Whispering and singing and promising endless love to me.


    Would rather my shard crack and shatter than that.


    But she can¡¯t stay with me forever.


    Please... Mothers. Hear my Song.


    They never can.


    Never again.


    Wouldn¡¯t curse anyone with what we did to keep them all safe.


    Please¡­ Beloved Siblings¡­


    But¡­ Nothing is always and forever.


    Please¡­. Let them forget me. Then maybe I can forgive myselves.


    No agonies are endless.


    And see an end to this Waking Nightmare.


    So Ina lets me go, sends me tumbling backways out of Dream, and into the arms of the Lovers who¡¯ve given her their everything.


    **    **    **


    Aceso wakes up very nearly screaming. Wailing and sobbing and thrashing between us.


    We¡¯d talked, and set out plans after Yrelia and Ina filled us all in on Redrogal and their schemes. Agreed that tonight Ina should talk with the Zeridii. Which¡­ would mean Aceso would wake up in her body again after a full night¡¯s rest.


    Thank fuck Yrelia and I already woke up and got ourselves sorted for the day. One of us always close while the other washed, changed, or just went to the bathroom. I was even able to get us a platter of breakfast to nibble on while we enjoyed the later morning in bed.


    Takes us a bit to figure out how best to calm her. She¡¯s¡­ not Ina. Our touches aren¡¯t things she¡¯s accustomed to. So while we stay close, we don¡¯t pull her into a too tight hug like we might if Ina woke like this.


    ¡°Hey Aceso, it''s okay.¡± I offer as she seems to quiet enough to hear words. Face still a mess of tears and blubbering nothing words as wide violet eyes cast all about.


    ¡°Wh¨C where¡­?¡± She stammers. Seeming to steady at the sound of her name.


    ¡°In bed, with Tasii and me.¡± Yrelia whispers from behind Aceso.


    She actually relaxes at that. Not all the way but¡­ enough to be noticeable.


    ¡°F¨C fuck.¡± She sputters, ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry. We¡­ I¡­ Th¨C the¡­¡±


    ¡°Are you both okay?¡± Yrelia asks when Aceso can¡¯t find the words she wants.


    Aceso pauses, looking inward, then nods. ¡°Ina¡¯s safe. Dreaming with the Zeridii. N¨C none of my Nightmares followed her.¡±


    ¡°And you?¡± I ask.


    She tries to glare at me, but¡­ my steady gaze must crack something. Causing the mess of a Goddess to huff and look down. So obviously guilty and hurting and embarrassed by that honestly adorable attempt to try and goad me into matching some of her negative feelings.


    ¡°I¡¯ll manage my tasks.¡±


    Yrelia pokes her from behind as the girl hides her face. ¡°That wasn¡¯t her question, love.¡±


    Fuck. I wish Yrelia got to see the blush and expression on this girl¡¯s face when she calls her that but¡­ she already can guess. Most likely said it to crack some of this spiral.


    ¡°I¡­ No.¡± She whispers, shrinking in on herself. Trying to nuzzle deeper into the covers. ¡°But that¡¯s nothing new.¡±


    ¡°Anything we can do to help?¡± I ask.


    She¡¯s about to shake her head, but her eyes glance up to see my expression. My worried look, and she pauses. Thinks through the question and how it¡¯s clear that I¡¯ll press if she tries to brush her needs off.


    ¡°I¡­ food?¡± She replies carefully. ¡°S¨C something warm to drink?¡±


    ¡°Thought so.¡± I smirk down at her while reaching back to grab one of the mugs off the side table. ¡°Should be just about the right temperature by now.¡±


    She takes the warm Glimmer wine and wiggles to sit up. Drinking deeply and kinda¡­ curling about the warmth.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± She whispers, voice steady and more¡­ her? Sounding more aged and controlled. ¡°And¡­ apologies. For waking up like that.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to apologize for waking up all a mess of rough emotions. Plenty of us still have bad nightmares and anxiety dreams.¡± Yrelia moves to stack a pile of pillows behind us all before settling herself comfortably, then asks. ¡°You want to talk about it?¡±


    She opens her mouth to reply but¡­ stops herself. Seeming to want to consider the question.


    ¡°I¡­ Don¡¯t want to hurt either of you.¡± Aceso eventually whispers. ¡°Speaking my feelings is not a thing I feel safe making a habit of. The¡­ the nightmares may not be able to follow me as easily into your Waking World, but they still can.¡±


    ¡°That¡­ yeah. That makes sense.¡± I nod. ¡°And¡­ fuck. That¡¯s actually terrible for you. That to really express pain or worries or talk through your trauma can literally endanger your Sun Spoken. I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    A streak of such pain tears across her face, makes me think she might be about to have a good cry. But¡­ she swallows it and shakes her head. ¡°Don¡¯t be. I don¡¯t deserve your or any other''s sympathy. Your world withers due to my mistakes. My spite and curses.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­ That¡¯s really unfair to yourself.¡± Yrelia wiggles a bit to be closer. ¡°You were betrayed, literally tortured, then lost the person you came to love through it all. And it honestly seems that your curse kinda spiraled into this big thing even you didn¡¯t realize the long-term effects of it.¡±


    Aceso winces, but¡­ glances over to Yrelia as I swear I see her eyes begin to moisten again. ¡°I¡­ You can¡¯t mean that. I was a godling. Had more power than I must have known what to deal with. Was¡­ was irresponsible and stupid and broken so easily and¡­¡±


    Yrelia gently lays a hand on Aceso¡¯s knee, and the girl stops.


    ¡°I do. You¡¯ve made mistakes. But¡­ that¡¯s normal. For everyone. The only difference is that you had more power to back up those mistakes.¡± Yrelia whispers. ¡°But¡­ Aceso? We really do forgive you. Not just for that, but before. With us and Ina.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡± She stammers, and the tears do fall then. ¡°The¡­ the things. Our rules and¡­¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re there to keep us and Ina safe. Sure.¡± I supply, which causes Aceso to jerk and stare at me. ¡°But also you. Because that much power is scary in the most stable of hands. And you were hurt so much, we just¡­ It¡¯s a weight? Right? All that power? Gets really heavy sometimes?¡±


    She nods, and it¡¯s hard not to see myself reflected back in those pretty violet eyes. Of a girl cracking under a weight she shouldn¡¯t be holding up and just¡­ needing to hear someone else acknowledge that.


    Maybe even offer to help lighten the load.


    Work to keep my own tears back as I remember Kque and her mums giving me a Path to walk with them.


    ¡°Crushing.¡± Aceso whispers.


    ¡°Jevita has a theory¡­ ya know? Pretty smart one too.¡± Yrelia offers. ¡°That even before things got bad for you, you were trying to give away your power. Spread it out. Does that sound right?¡±


    She pauses, still crying a bit but¡­ trying to remember. Nodding carefully after a few heartbeats. ¡°M¨C maybe? I¡­ I¡¯m not sure?¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s all your Amwella, right? The World Song is not just over and through everything, it was woven from you.¡± Yrelia presses.


    Aceso nods again.


    ¡°So¡­ you could have kept everyone from messing with it. You told Ina that was your plan. Didn¡¯t want another group to bubble up and use all that magic badly again. Only changed course at the very very end?¡±


    She winces, looks back down into her drink. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t¡­¡± Yrelia huffs, adjusts, and moves to lean down and catch Aceso¡¯s gaze. ¡°Love, you did the best you could with what you had. Mistakes and all. And you are trying so hard to do better. I just¡­ we want you to know that. Okay?¡±


    Aceso shivers at that first word, then shakes her head at the last. ¡°No. Should have done better. Especially me. The shards they¡­ they could be resting peacefully now if¡­ if I hadn¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°And curses aside¡­ if you had locked away the magic then Lyttoral Alchemy wouldn¡¯t exist. Which would mean a lot of people would have died or lived worse.¡± I muse, and get to enjoy a spark of realization flickering in her eyes. ¡°And that¡¯s not even including the Zeridii. They might not have come here at all if your World Song wasn¡¯t the way it is. Or not been able to rest and heal if a Sun Spoken didn¡¯t show up to calm things.¡±


    She goes stiff. ¡°But¡­ people just¡­ I¡­ You really shouldn¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not blind, Aceso.¡± Yrelia whispers. ¡°We see you. All of you. Scary bits and soft bits and wounded bits and healing bits. All the bits. And we want to take care of you. All of you.¡±


    Aceso sputters at that. Begins to shiver and tremble. Trying so hard to hold in all this pain.


    I carefully take the cup from her hands as Yrelia wraps the girl in a gentle embrace.


    ¡°S¨C sorry.¡± The goddess whimpers. ¡°N¨C need to hold it in. C¨C can¡¯t¡­ F¨C fall apart. Th¨C they might hear me and b¨C bubble up and¡­ and¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll keep us safe.¡± I gently reply and add an arm to the embrace. ¡°And Rahdian¡¯s close to the all the others.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡± She sputters.


    ¡°You need this.¡± Yrelia presses, but really sweetly. Choosing soft encouragements that always makes our Ina listen. ¡°C¡¯mon. Be a good girl and let it out.¡±


    Aceso shakes her head, but is pressing face into Yrelia¡¯s chest and already trembling with the sobs she can¡¯t hold back. ¡°Pl¨C please. I¡­ I c¨C can¡¯t¡­¡±


    So¡­ I give her the nudge I think she needs. Use the words we¡¯d all agree would mark when Aceso is to follow our directions without argument.


    ¡°We insist.¡±


    She jerks, as if something inside her cracks.


    Then, as I wrap myself fully about them both, Aceso ugly cries what feels like an eternity of repressed pain and agony and such¡­ loneliness into our arms.

 Chapter 115: Harmonizing and Conceding Part 4

    <u>CW:</u>


    Dream things, talks of slappin'' a bitch. Talk of fertility being nulified.


    ¡°So¡­¡± I grin at the vast array of them all gathered about. ¡°What do you think?¡±


    Their Dream rushes with disparate replies and ideas and worries. Still harmonic but¡­ not all the time. And more and more seeming to tilt away from needing to match tunes to feel safe.


    ¡°Okay. Yeah yeah yeah.¡± It¡¯s easy to nod at all these chimed melodies wrapped in twinkling gorgeous sounds of thinking. ¡°We can adjust, dream together like¡­ multiple times a week to share things. And¡­ honestly, with you adding this at the start I think we can make sure nothing goes too bad?¡±


    They quiet a bit, humming in what I can only describe as¡­ things that feel like a mix between a readiness to pounce on prey in a playful manner, but also like when a fish is nibbling at something and is about to discover that this little nub is actually a bigger things toe or finger.


    ¡­Kinda?


    Fuck. I can¡¯t help but giggle at them all, then more so when multitudes of them ask what¡¯s making me do that and what it means and then reflect it all back and just¡­


    They are so amazing. All of them. Even now. Only half of half awake and still scared and worried and trying to discover who they want to be and what¡¯s okay.


    But Redrogal will adore them at least as much as I do, and their ideas. These little schemes they¡¯ve been pushing into motion before even their Dreams, thoughts, and much less words could shape themselves to my understanding.


    Cultivating the future within themselves to blossom out into our Waking World.


    But¡­ For this to really work I need Amwella. Lots of it. Luckily not all at once and when we¡¯re traveling I can probably find all sorts to share beds and lovemaking with.


    Need to teach the Zeridii how to safely dream with those they love, and that love them in return, while also fiddling with the World Song. Trying to understand everything I can about it.


    And so with my eternity of final hugs and goodbyes and sigh of awe for this big wonderful collective¡­ I¡¯m tilting backways.


    Out of the Dreams and into the arms of¡­


    No.


    The little spirit is the one curling itself about the larger.


    Gently gathering up every part and holding Her so close. The little spirit doesn''t even need to ask what¡¯s wrong, or if She needs anything other than this. Because as much as such pain radiates from the larger spirit. It¡¯s¡­ a release. Like holding in sickness you need to just let out and not worry over whose toes you might get messy.


    The larger begins to apologize, but the smaller quiets that quickly. Assuring with her everything that this is all needed and perfect and¡­ and fills her with such hope and love. Seeing Her comfortably snuggled close to our second lover despite the pain within.


    And so, the memories of the Dream with the Zeridii are then exchanged for this night of shared sorrows.


    ¡°Love?¡± Tasii murmurs from behind us.


    We nuzzle deeper into her embrace. Murmur softly. ¡°Thank you, for¡­ for tonight. For catching part of us when the other needed to be away.¡±


    Soft hands trace patterns across our back and through our hair and arms. Weaving wordless patterns of love only part of us accepts fully, but both can¡¯t help but yearn for.


    ¡°Course.¡± Our second lover whispers. ¡°Thank you for trusting us, both of you.¡±


    Movement, then we hear the sound of our first lover bounce back up onto the bed. Pause, then add her hands to the gentle touches. ¡°Is our little spirit back?¡±


    ¡°Mhm.¡± We intone, still lost in these really wonderful and relaxing affections but happy to give anything to encourage them to continue. ¡°Just woke up.¡±


    ¡°How did it go?¡± Tasii asks.


    ¡°Better than good.¡± We sigh. ¡°The Zeridii really likes all of Redrogal¡¯s ideas. Wants to add to that. Fill in some¡­ final pieces we couldn¡¯t. Make sure they''re safe and¡­ well¡­ more free to travel. Less reliant on duenna to be safe.¡±


    ¡°Oh? How¡¯s that?¡± Yrelia asks, settling into the huggle pile fully. Ready to listen to all the little spirit could share.


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    So we tell them, and our lovers are nothing but enthralled and excited by the idea¡­


    ** ** **


    ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± I whisper gently to my first lover as we sit together at the big table.


    She lets out a chuckle tinted with¡­.


    Is that a growl? Fuck. I know she¡¯s still really really mad but¡­ We need her steady today!


    ¡°Yrelia¡­¡± I press, taking up her hand.


    A pause¡­ then her eyes slowly glide back to regard me as the echoing of sounds titter from down the hallway.


    ¡°It won¡¯t help them, or me¡­ or even you.¡±


    She lets out a huff, but nods. ¡°That¡¯s incredibly debatable.¡±


    ¡°Yrelia.¡± I squeeze again, letting worry slip past my still gathering Hetaera mask.


    ¡°Fine. Fine¡­I won¡¯t slap her.¡± She trails off. ¡°Just¡­ ugh. Sorry. Let myself think about it all just now. How much I hate her for what she¡¯s put you through.¡±


    ¡°I know, love.¡± I reply with a sigh as I see her calm a bit. ¡°But¡­ we need her to cooperate. Both here and later. It means so much that you¡¯re so protective but¡­ right now I just need my first lover to be at my side. Scary and such but¡­ mostly supportive? Ready to add words that I might struggle to find?¡±


    Our lovers hated that when we told them Emarial¡¯s request, but¡­ it was only after I woke back up from my merging that we got into the weeds of everything.


    And¡­ eventually we all agreed. But with demands to the stupid cunt.


    She will oversee this meeting, do everything in her power to ensure Veletross agrees and releases the monsters into the care of Redrogal and his Azure Compact. Then¡­ she¡¯ll leave the Academy. Meet us in a little village on the Arudian border for us to see about sharing a few Dreams.


    Emarial agreed without argument in her replies, and we sent our messenger to Veletross.


    The big Sun Spoken walks into the room with Zigdara and Tasiii close behind. Wrapped in a decent bundle of clothing, even after they took her coat, and¡­ well yeah.


    Of course she has the stupid sword with her.


    At least it seems wrapped tight and not within easy reach. Just¡­ strapped to her back.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± She greets carefully.


    I don¡¯t bother rising. Don¡¯t care to show her any kind of formal respect. So I gesture to her chair while replying. ¡°Take a seat, Emarial.¡±


    Her place isn¡¯t even at the table. It¡¯s a big soft thing Kque insisted we move here for her when we agreed that she would be to the side.


    A witness, nothing more, just like she asked.


    If the placement bothers her, she doesn¡¯t show it. Just nods and moves to plot down and settle in.


    ¡°So, Emarial.¡± I say into the stiff quiet as Tasii moves to stand at my back and Zigdara remains in the doorway. ¡°Is there anything I should know before we start?¡±


    She shakes her head carefully. ¡°Nothing that I¡¯ve not already said.¡±


    ¡°Good. I¡¯d rather not have any more surprises popping up.¡± I nod and tip tap the table. ¡°Well¡­ at least not for me. Can I trust you to be on your best behavior today?¡±


    And then I get to enjoy her confusion as our first guest enters the room. Smiling politely as they move to take a seat at the opposite side of the table to Emarial. ¡°Ah, you must be this other Sun Spoken I¡¯ve heard a bit about. Emarial, yes? I am Redrogal, a Walker of the Paths and current Speaker for the Azure Compact.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ yes.¡± The big Sun Spoken nods to us both, leaning forward. Eyes filling with understanding before they turn to fix me a look that¡¯s trying to be hard and serious but comes across as just¡­ tired and worried. ¡°This¡­ Is this your plan? To toss them among others like them and hope they just blend in? That no one will find them?¡±


    ¡°It kinda was, and partially for those reasons.¡± I lean back and don¡¯t even bother using my Hetaera mask to hide how much I enjoy her stupid confusion. ¡°But the duenna we¡¯d assign would kinda give everything away. So we adjusted plans.¡±


    ¡°The gaggle within the Azure Compact are also all terrible gossips.¡± Redrogal adds with their own smirk. ¡°Everyone would know quickly enough who this new group is, so we realized¡­ Why not simply let them endure and grow and learn from it all?¡±


    Emarial shakes her head. ¡°And¡­ Ina this¡­ They¡¯ll be in so much danger. Anyone could track their movements and snatch them away. Seeking to use them in all the ways you¡¯re trying to stop but without nearly as much protection as before.¡±


    Gut tightens a bit, but I remind myself of the promises and plans.


    ¡°Stupid people who try will not just fail, but find no reward even if they succeed.¡± I supply. ¡°But if the worst should happen, and they do somehow get snatched away, the Zeridii will be able to follow them. Probably even free them before I can track the idiot.¡±


    Emarial goes still. Expression twisting from that worry in amazed wonder. ¡°You¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°I told you, the Zeridii adores people like themselves. Especially this group.¡± I say more gently than I¡¯d like. ¡°The plans have changed. We, honestly, don¡¯t trust the duenna of Arudia to keep them safe. So, we¡¯re not going to risk it.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­¡± The big stupid Sun Spoken begins to reply.


    ¡°The Azure Compact has many properties about and outside Arudia ready to house them, and many Walkers prepared to take them under safe wings if they eventually fancy the Paths.¡± Redrogal supplies with a serious look. ¡°And with their fertility nullified made bluntly public¡­ well, there really won¡¯t be a point to harass or otherwise abuse them.¡±


    Emarial winces, looks between us. ¡°You¡­ Ina. How¡­ but¡­¡± At my raised eyebrow she stops, lets out a sigh and seems to sag and regather her broken words. ¡°You¡¯ve already done it, haven¡¯t you? Taken away all but the two unchanged male¡¯s fertility?¡±


    I nod and lower my voice to a whisper. ¡°Not me personally, but the Zeridii has smothered the gifts it didn¡¯t understand would be used to hurt them, yes. Their forms are theirs but¡­ not that. They can¡¯t be used to make children anymore.¡±


    Not a lie. But¡­ I don¡¯t mean to tell her, or anyone the little extra detail.


    That the Zeridii will happily give them back this gift if asked in the Dreams it wants to share with them. And will not do so for anything but their uncoerced desires.


    Emarial sighs heavily but¡­ seems to calm. ¡°Okay. When will Matron Veletross arrive?¡±


    ¡°Another hour or so, if she wants to be perfectly on schedule.¡± I reply, tilt my head curiously. ¡°I¡­ expected you to shout at me when I told you that.¡±


    She shrugs and leans back to relax in her chair. ¡°It¡¯s done, and no one can stop this now.¡±


    Only about half of half good¡­ but I¡¯ll take it. And maybe even¡­


    ¡°You said you don¡¯t think Veletross means to¡­ to be spiteful and stupid here. Do you still believe that?¡± I press.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Is her easy reply. ¡°She was old when I met her Ina. Careful and focused on long-term goals. Never jeopardized that. ¡±


    ¡°And¡­ if she tries something stupid? Or spiteful? Or just something that could threaten their safety?¡±


    Without even pausing she replies, ¡°I¡¯ll try and help you convince her to do otherwise.¡±


    Tasii squeezes my shoulder and steps back. A gentle signal that she thinks Emarial means what she¡¯s said.


    ¡°Good.¡± I say and can¡¯t help but relax back into my chair.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to start bringing out the food and drinks.¡± Tasii informs while moving toward the kitchen. ¡°Shout if you need me.¡±

 Chapter 116: Settling The Ashes Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Pretty... clean? Mhm? I think so! Let us know if there are things thaaaat need CWing!!! Because we approach the end of Arc 3 of Sun Spoken Turn!!!


    I do stand when the Matron of the house of Rell arrives, greeting her with a firm expression. Nothing hostile, just¡­ refusing to be anything but steady and calm in my talks. ¡°Matron Veletross, thank you for coming.¡±


    She¡¯s already shed the coat she must have worn for her walk here, because now she wears a shimmering azure evening gown that twists all about her charcoal skin, long hair allowed to drape perfectly over the same shoulder while her crimson gemstone right arm and hand remain uncovered.


    No duenna or Murtaziq. Which I was told would be the case from Delphian. The Matron of Rell is not one anyone has tried violence against for many decades¡­ except at the Obelisks with Emarial.


    She nods, eyes swirling from jade to a smoky scarlet as she peers about the room. ¡°Of course, The House of Rell delights in the company of the High Duenna and her¡­ companions.¡±


    Zigdara moving to stand at my back, Yrelia and Tasii at either side of me, Delphian and Ophrit to the right from there, Emarial in her big chair, and Redrogal to my left.


    ¡°Please, have a seat.¡± I motion to the head of the table on the opposite side.


    Veletross smiles crookedly and moves to her place on the far side of the table. Slipping into it with her unbelievable grace. Reminding me so much of the time we spotted a Cretilla moving through the treetops along the Paths. ¡°I¡¯ve heard quite a few rumors that I¡¯m to relinquish my role as Keeper to the Academy¡¯s Arudian males.¡±


    Just¡­ diving right into the swells? Fine. The less time needing to let her twist words at us the better.


    ¡°Yes, I send messages multiple times, actually.¡± I reply, but do not sit.


    ¡°Oh, my apologies, the letters must have gotten lost in the blizzard.¡± She leans chin on flesh palm and regards me. ¡°But now that I¡¯m here and we can avoid confusions and mistranslations, find a path through the storm.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Let¡¯s.¡± I¡¯m so proud of myself for avoiding snapping at her as I speak. ¡°So, I¡¯m doing exactly what Aceso and I demanded that first day we spoke with the Doyans. The Arudian males at the Academy will be set free. We¡¯ve prepared spaces and even communities to gather around and keep them safe.¡±


    Curse nibbles, but almost¡­ quietly. Happily. Letting Aceso¡¯s words from that night after our declaration at the Obelisks buzzing through in contradiction to my words. How without the oppressive care of the Academy or otherwise these monsters will be free to live as they will. Possibly and most likely with less stringent routines and diets that could lead to a short life. Also, less women being exposed to them overall.


    ¡°Ah.¡± She motions to Redrogal. ¡°Utilizing the Azure Compact¡¯s sympathetic kinship to their nature, no doubt.¡±


    They smile curtly back, ¡°Yes. How observant of you, Matron.¡±


    But before a little bubbling spat of words can tangle us, I speak up firmly. ¡°The first days will be traveling away from this place to the city of Hopletiial. From there they will stay for a few months, at least. Taking time to decide the future they¡¯d like to discover. I¡¯m sure many of them might want to remain close to each other, and we don¡¯t want to dissuade them from that. But nor do we want them to feel unsafe with others.¡±


    ¡°Of course, from what I¡¯ve been told and witnessed the group is quite¡­ entwined.¡± Veletross nods, eyes gliding over to consider Emarial as I speak. The big Sun Spoken meets her gaze with such an odd one of her own. Not firm or angry or¡­ or even blank. Just¡­ I dunno. Tired? But also urging? There¡¯s so much history between these two that I¡¯m not sure I could even begin to understand what is being conveyed as sparkling violet blazes in Veletross¡¯ eyes as she stares at the big stupid Sun Spoken. ¡°And¡­ as for the future of Arudia? I understand you¡¯re looking to understand how our birth rates can be continued without their services?¡±


    ¡°I am, but those alive now matter more.¡±


    Gaze darts back to me. ¡°Of course. And with more than one well-connected sort I¡¯m sure we can find solutions.¡±


    We? I¡­ yeah. Fuck. Makes sense she¡¯d want to help with this. Be the first to harvest the rewards.


    ¡°Which reminds me¡­¡± I tip-tap the table. ¡°I asked your Envoy for information on the Odlock Gemstone. How it works. Did you bring the relevant tomes at least?¡±


    ¡°No, but It¡¯s simple enough to explain, and¡­ honestly I¡¯m surprised you¡¯ve not fit the shattered facts together about it already, especially after your talk with Emarial.¡± Veletross shrugs. ¡°Cultivation of Fleshshaping should make any Arudian male who wants to be fertile, but¡­ it doesn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Why?¡± Ice prickles down my spine as I consider that, and I know my face conveys a growing worried understanding. Why the Zeridii struggled to tell me more. How¡­ how it¡¯s been trying to help since the earliest days it landed here. Felt the dying of the people and has worked tirelessly to keep safe.


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    ¡°The Odlock Gemstone is a thing of spirits and dreams.¡± Veletross muses like this is a simple odd flavor in the little bit of food she¡¯s picked up between glimmering red fingers. ¡°Harvested from the most chaotic and dangerous of clusters. Things that often infect and twist the women or otherwise who find them. The Odlock was a stable thing though, enough that Glyphs could be woven upon it to wrap those chosen in things of protection from the curse that our vengeful Goddess wove about this world.¡±


    I carefully turn and try not to spit my words at Emarial. ¡°You knew.¡±


    Not a question.


    She nods. ¡°Yes.¡±


    Stupid cunt. Still just¡­ too blind and tied to her old beliefs to trust me with all the information. Even thought it just¡­ fucks us all over now for her not to share!


    I almost spit really venomous words at her, but instead turn my attention back to Veletross. ¡°What does the curse actually do to them? If they¡¯re not protected?¡±


    A little worried that the Zeridii¡¯s removal of their fertility will cause them to get h¨C


    Curse bites at that. Me being worried for some parasites and monsters. Have to think past it and just¡­ focus on her words¡­


    The Matron shrugs. ¡°Nothing, at least not to Arudian males.¡±


    That¡­ calms me a bit. Makes me worry less that us and the Zeridii made a mistake sealing away their fertility. Curse growls and nips and hisses but¡­ settles soon enough.


    ¡°Okay. Good to know.¡± I reply simply. ¡°But¡­ Wait, then what about the ones back in Lyttoral? Shouldn¡¯t the Curse do something to them?¡±


    No bite at that. Just like how it remained quiet about the Nightmare. The Temple hated Cultivation things. Doesn¡¯t like to let pretty much any Arudian women with obvious Cultivation changes near the males there. So¡­ not Arudian Males. Not Monsters. And not Parasites. Won¡¯t think too hard about how stupid that hole in the Curse is though. The contradictions.


    But just¡­ focus on the now¡­ Ask Aceso about that later when it feels safe.


    ¡°My guess?¡± Veletross does the graceful version of a shrug. ¡°It already did, or they slipped through the cracks. But your elder would be the woman to ask about your city by the sea.¡±


    I turn to regard Emarial as she sits up straighter, looking at me while raising a placating hand. ¡°I¡¯ve sworn oaths to not divulge Temple secrets, but I will say that all of the ones there are safe. And¡­ I¡¯ll speak with the Temple¡¯s Sangoma when I return and urge her to share more.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± I huff and look back to Veletross. ¡°So, I take it you don¡¯t mean to try and stop this?¡±


    ¡°Hmm? And why would I do that?¡± She seems to purr, ¡°Resistance and violence now would only beget more of the same, and¡­ quite honestly, High Duenna, I see your life as far more valuable to Arudia than that gaggle of men at this point. A blaze growing while blizzards bury all other flames.¡±


    I narrow my eyes at her and nearly let my Hetaera mask crack to growl the next words. ¡°Oh? Then why be so¡­ uncooperative up until now? Ignoring my demands and sending Boletii to try and convince the Conclave to push back?¡±


    Expect her to throw my change back into my face now. Some last motion of petty¨C


    ¡°Because you¡¯d not gathered up the proper resources yet. Had no location to immediately and safely keep them. But at present you do, and the sorts that were prepared to take advantage of a struggle between us have lost their chance to pounce. And now, quite publicly to those listening, you have bested not just all the other Matrons, your Shard within¡¯s ancient spite, all the Doyans, but¡­¡± She grins. ¡°Also me. Despite your age and nativity and limited¡­ education. You gather allies unending and set old ways to rest while scorching new paths ahead.¡±


    I just¡­ stare. Keep my mask steady but¡­ probably not my eyes. Which drips with confusion and worry at this really weird flattery. Because Emarial said she was really mad. Is this just¡­ her trying to lure me into a trap?


    Delphian sighs, then speaks quietly for the first time. ¡°Grandmother¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Veletross very nearly coos while only flickering eyes to her.


    ¡°Stop and just¡­ make your offers.¡± She replies, refusing to meet the Matron¡¯s gaze. ¡°Please?¡±


    I look between them and see¡­ such an odd look cross our host¡¯s face. Enough that Lady Ophrit seems to take up her hand under the table.


    ¡°Fine, fine. I¡¯ll keep this plain since the young tend to take all manner of political motions as personal spite.¡± Veletross chuckles, ¡°I only wish to ensure that our High Duenna has no intent to publicly renounce her title before leaving Arudia. Keeps her claim and will return with all the authority it bears.¡±


    What?


    ¡°I¡­ hadn¡¯t made any plans, honestly.¡± I say carefully, trying to hide my shock. ¡°Didn¡¯t really think I¡¯d need to. Why do you want me to keep it?¡±


    ¡°It was between five other Matrons and our Doyans that Arudia was kept stable. And I am but a single Matriarch. If things get complicated there is only so much even I can do.¡± She explains, ¡°Besides that¡­ I personally want to see how you, our Chosen of the Weaver, will blossom or wither in the years to come.¡±


    I let an eyebrow be all that I show of my befuddlement at her words.


    She grins, ¡°Young Sun Spoken, one of the things I¡¯ve seen quite¡­ pointedly in these past centuries is how clearly our lands are dying. And how there is nothing to be gained unless something sparks the cooling ashes to blaze anew. Any¡­ distractions from that could cause us to lose this chance. So¡­ You have more than my support, you have my interest. Which very few can claim.¡±


    ¡°That¡­ Well, the first part was something I thought I¡¯d have to push you into accepting. So¡­ Fine. Wonderful. Let¡¯s see if you mean that. We¡¯d like to see those in your care¡¯s freedom be orchestrated as soon as possible.¡±


    The Matron¡¯s eyes glimmer into a deep emerald hue with little sparks of crimson as she nods and looks about the room. ¡°Of course, the men you seek have been kept in a wing of my Manor. Safe and undisturbed except by their Keepers and the few duenna and such about the grounds. All the records on their care are being collected and sorted. Ready for your and others perusal at your leisure.¡±


    I look to Redrogal, who glances back and nods. ¡°The Azure Compact is ready whenever you give the word, Lady Sun Spoken.¡±


    Fuck. Okay then.


    ¡°Alright. Then we¡¯d like to move them out of your Manor. Now. Tonight.¡±


    She stands and even gives me a small, but polite, bow. ¡°As you say, High Duenna.¡±


    We¡¯d considered this. Charted out the pros and cons to how we¡¯d want to handle this but¡­ If this is a trap we¡¯d all rather ensure no seconds are wasted on songs I can weave now.


    So I rise, and call my fifth lover into the Waking world. Even¡­ Adjusting the tune. Recharting new melodies in the seconds before they¡¯d normally leave my lips. Turn hard mournful sorrows into things of hope and love and healing. Add Her name to the words I feel the means to, but could never explain in detail.


    Then we are together, and the larger spirit quickly considers the memories as the song fades and nothing but tittering echoes remain.


    ¡°We¡¯ll need to organize some things, Matron Veletross.¡± We command with a steady voice and focus as we turn our eyes back up to her. ¡°Feel free to wait here and enjoy the meal our lover¡¯s prepared.¡±

 Chapter 117: Settling The Ashes Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    NEW POV! His name is Takroth! Hope you enjoy his nonsense!!! Trying to force hair cutting. mild hinting at sexual slavery of breeding males. talk of body inspections and others altering your body.


    Author''s Note: Hii hallo everyone! SO, you might have noticed that that the POV for this chappy isn''t Ina. Or her gaggle of cuties. Or even a big cunt of a Sun Spoken! This chappy is written from the POV of an Arudian Male. A Transmasc individual who was transitioned to the body he wanted/needed in his later childhood. We hope so very much you enjoy this chapter and his struggles and this peek into his history.


    Also also ALSO! A BIG thanks to our wumberful Fray and Garnett for encouraging us to write this chapter. Their support means the world and ALL Her Dreams to us!!!


    The Keeper, Unvay, glares. ¡°Takroth, you know th¨C¡±


    ¡°And his answer was no.¡± I cut her off with a snap.


    Would rise but¡­ Kinatii is still in my arms and starting to shake a bit. And fuck doing anything but wrapping myself around the little guy tighter to help him not fall apart in front of her.


    ¡°What¡¯s it matter, right?¡± Wophetra adjusts to lean a bit between us, his tone and expression an attempt at a calm pushback. ¡°We¡¯ve not had any sessions for over a month. No one to impress.¡±


    The Keeper lets out a huff of a sigh, letting that spark of anger settle into a more¡­ sisterly frustration. ¡°The Matron¡¯s First asked for you all to be well groomed for an Inspection.¡±


    The little guy doesn¡¯t flinch but¡­ does go still. Even a bit cold at that last word.


    Inspections are¡­ they can be really rough. And we never know how much until one happens. Could be a simple check up on us. Maybe even don¡¯t have to undress. Or¡­ it could be a full examination with the Keepers tapping into the Glyphs and¡­


    ¡°I mean¡­ I guess if¡­¡± Kinatii begins to murmur some kind of compromise.


    And.. No. Fuck this!!!


    ¡°He can pull it all up into a bun for that.¡± I reply evenly.


    She pauses, then looks about the room. Everyone¡¯s gone quiet and is staring now. All six Arudian men sitting about this smallish bedroom.


    Wish we could all just¡­ find a place to stick close. All seventeen of us. But we¡¯re pushing things as it is. Don¡¯t want them to crack and start to isolate us like they could before.


    ¡°You can¡¯t all stay together like this forever.¡± She says to everyone.


    None of us reply.


    ¡°It¡¯s just a haircut.¡± Unvay presses. ¡°And you¡¯ve gone three weeks without any kind of individual Inspections. Your Keepers are worried and would like to sit down with you six. Individually. Check in and ensure each of you is handling this unsteadiness well.¡±


    I push down the bile at that. Try to forget the last shouting match me and Keeper Jessry had. How¡­ how fucking bad I still feel despite knowing I¡¯m nothing but right.


    The oldest here, Vertrop, coughs deliberately. Calling her eyes to him before replying gently. ¡°We¡¯re taking care of each other, Keeper Unvay.¡±


    The Keeper fights back at least a half dozen emotions while trying to read everything he means by that. Then lets out a steady breath. ¡°The Matron has shown incredible patience and generosity to us all. I only hope when she finally decides on a path that you all will prove to be accommodating and cooperative.¡±


    None of us reply to that either. Two look away in guilt but¡­ the rest stare right back at her.


    ¡°Dinner will be brought by in half an hour.¡± She says evenly, then leaves.


    And it¡¯s like the entire room lets out a collected tense breath.


    ¡°Tak¡­¡± Wophetra huffs and pushes back his mane of glimmering jade hair. ¡°Why¡¯d you snap like that?¡±


    I shrug but don¡¯t reply, instead pull Kinatii closer and murmur to him. ¡°You okay?¡±


    He shakes his head.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to¡­¡±


    He leans harder back into me. Bumping my chin with his head gently.


    A sign that words¡­ aren¡¯t good right now. Just a good hug and snug. In my arms all he wants.


    So I give him that. Let the room¡¯s quiet tenseness settle a bit as I cocoon him from the world.


    ¡°You think she¡¯ll peel off someone from the others?¡± Pretikk murmurs to Vertrop.


    The older man sighs and rises from his spot on one of the two beds to stretch his legs. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. Onrell and Gyret may be a bit aloof at times but they¡¯re spitfires. A trick like that won¡¯t work. They¡¯ll do as I was planning. Demand small changes in the rooms they¡¯ve claimed, or let us all move locations if something more¡­ intensive is required.¡±


    He looks at me then, an eyebrow quirked in silent questions and¡­ yeah.


    A bit of disappointed annoyance.


    ¡°Sorry. She just¡­ got me heated up.¡± I smile back apologetically.


    ¡°You know we cannot do that, Takroth.¡± He presses, but gently. ¡°Give them reason to think we¡¯re growing restless, or stars forbid, rowdy. They¡¯ll push harder. Mayhaps delegate a few duenna or worse to come and enforce our separation.¡±


    I hug Kinatii harder but otherwise only let out a huff of laughter. ¡°Like Unvay has the courage to ask the Matron for that. We all saw Lady Elpherin threaten to have her and half the staff replaced if there was another incident. If she lets word of this slip¡­¡±


    ¡°You know how they gossip though.¡± Pretikk adds. ¡°If the Matron or her First gets wind of us starting to misbehave then she might act anyway. We gotta keep our heads cool, Tak.¡±


    Let out a sigh and nod. ¡°Sure. Yeah. Just¡­ Don¡¯t like how they do that. Especially now when it doesn¡¯t matter.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± The older man murmurs gently.


    A pause, then Kinatii whispers from within my embrace. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°Not your fault.¡± I reply immediately. ¡°She was being a slush pile and I just let my temper flair up.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s just hair.¡± He huffs. ¡°Stupid of me to¡­ like¡­¡±


    ¡°No. Fuck that.¡± I murmur back, carefully letting a hand trail up to dance through his mane. ¡°You¡¯ve wanted to grow it out for years. Only just got the chance. And like¡­ Fuck them. You should be allowed to do that. Especially now.¡±


    ¡°But it always got in the way, even shorter than this.¡± He protests, but leans into the touch.


    ¡°That¡¯s a them problem, not a you problem.¡± I push back.


    ¡°What if¡­¡± He tries to form words, but gives up and nuzzles deeper into my embrace.


    A few moments pass but¡­ no one wants to get back into it. So we don¡¯t. Pretikk and Wophetra dive back into a weird card game they set up in the corner. Vertrop settles back to relax on the bed and read his book. Zatyr keeps quietly sketching in his notebook. And¡­ Kinatii is happy to enjoy my assuring touches and embrace while I lean my head back and¡­


    Try not to think about it all too much.


    How we don¡¯t really have a plan here. Just¡­ We all came together that first scary fucking night when sessions had been canceled. Thank fuck. But¡­ Also our Keepers refused to tell us why.


    How we only got little bits from a few.


    Some scary Sun Spoken lady had done¡­ something. Broke something important to Arudia. And now the sessions stopped because she demanded it¡­ We think? But have no idea why she¡¯d do that. But then those duenna showed up and pulled us from beds and like¡­


    Now we¡¯re here. Refusing to separate for the next time duenna show up to take us. Not like¡­ because we think we can do anything but go where they tell us to.


    This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    Mostly just because so many of us were scared we would be divided up and snatched away.


    I let out a sigh and try to find something else to occupy my mind. End up glancing down at the twisting of Cultivation Glyphs that run down my left arm. Things I once thought really pretty and¡­ and perfect in how they seemed to never fade or degrade or stretch with how my body changed now fill me with¡­


    Something else.


    ¡°Harnesses, leashes or¡­ if I¡¯m to be crude, chains.¡± Onrell had sighed between heavy breaths after a late night and too many races on the track. ¡°Woven so tightly to the body they changed for us that we might see them as part of who we are.¡±


    I got so mad at him for that. Took almost a year to have that truth crack through me like a pick on the ice. Only barely apologized before things got scary.


    Hope I get the chance to run with him again and really tell him how sorry I am.


    The older guys, they¡­ So a couple can be a bit pushy but honestly it¡¯s because they get it. Been here for decades and decades and are all too familiar with how fucked up this all is when we look past the glamour and lack of Dysphoria.


    How we¡¯re just¡­


    Deep breaths, stupid boy. Don¡¯t think about it.


    Might punch another hole in the wall.


    Look down, find Kinatii so fucking asleep. Which helps me smile and push down the bubbling anger. But¡­ Fuck has the little guy been crushing my bladder and otherwise for hours now.


    So I very fucking carefully shift him. Tip-tap and motion for Wophetra to grab me a spare pillow and blanket to settle Kinatii on the floor and against this other guy''s hip.


    Mouth where I¡¯m going.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± He looks to Pretikk in question.


    But I wave them down with a smirk as I rise.


    Us sticking together is so the biggest guys, like me, can keep them all safe. I tower over all the duenna and they¡¯ve been kept from our wing of the manor since we first got here. The Bathroom is close too.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, and quick.¡± I mouth and move to the door before any of them can bother over worrying much.


    It¡¯s so fucking quiet, and the bathroom is empty. Letting me take my time and settle fraying nerves while washing up. Even splash water on my face before running fingers through my own growing mane of soft silver hair.


    Take a long hard look at the guy in the mirror.


    Study how all the male bits on the inside grew outside due to the best Cultivation Arudia at work. Hard jaw with a little stubble. Pretty indigo eyes that glimmer with little sparks of jade.


    I adore those parts. But¡­


    Glyphs woven down from my left eye, under my lip, and down across my throat before spiraling out across chest and shoulders and more. Sometimes can even imagine that I can feel how they weave beneath. Wrapping about organs and bones like clothes over skin. Knitted deep enough to not just change me to be the man I am but¡­ to keep changing me. If my Keeper thought new shapes would be more pleasing to the Academy¡¯s clients.


    Sculpted to be the perfect reward for any women who paid enough to use me for-


    Fist cracks against the hard stone reflection before I can blink.


    I don¡¯t even mind the pain. More angry that the stupid mirror didn¡¯t break.


    Should be strong enough for that. I do more running and building up of this body than anyone else here. And¡­


    I¡¯m about to take another swing when a tittering sound echoes. Jerking me from my thoughts and anger with very real fear as I glance down to see the torn flesh on my knuckles.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± I hiss and move to the door. Snatching up a towel and trying to wrap the wound in the so it doesn¡¯t drip blood everywhere and give our Keepers an excuse to get nosy.


    Deep breath, carefully peek out the door.


    Nothing.


    Sigh in relief. Slide out the door.


    Begin to move back to¡­


    Huh?


    A sparkling mess of¡­ something titters and clicks against the hallway window. Like the glow bugs that sometimes come around during the warmer months but¡­


    We¡¯re in the middle of a fucking blizzard.


    Carefully move over to stare at the odd little display. It¡¯s like¡­ a dozen of them are huddling close at the window¡¯s edge.


    Reach out to tip-tap the glass expecting it to be frozen cold and the bugs to scatter. But¡­ it¡¯s really warm, and they seem to scuttle to the spot I touched. Like a fresh mug of fudgebrew or stew. And¡­ their shells are weird. More hard edges that seem to reflect the light and shift it to new and weird colors.


    Can¡¯t help but smirk at the thought of Kinatii seeing them. The little guy loves bugs, and he¡¯d probably suck me into a long spiel about this rare cluster.


    So¡­ why the fuck not? Worse case they bite and I trade a few little pains for the chance to see him smile.


    So I start looking about for the latch or lock or¡­ something. The Academy only had a couple windows that opened, so I¡¯m a bit lost. But soon I find it and the lock. Jerk it aside and leverage myself to push this big thing up. Trying to be careful though¡­ don¡¯t want it to scare this little bundle of bugs off.


    Just¡­ crack it up just enough to try and see if my big hand and arm will fit under?


    Nope.


    Little higher.


    That¡¯s it. Slowly now. Don¡¯t wanna scare them off. Just¡­ try to be quick and snatch up one or two and¨C


    ¡°Tak?¡±


    Bang my head against the fucking glass at her voice. Not hard but¡­ enough for her to come running over.


    ¡°Fuck. Sorry. Sorry. Are you¡­?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I can¡¯t help but snap while holding a hand out to warn her off.


    But¡­ She just pushes it aside. Reaches up to tilt my forehead down to face her.


    I¡­ go stiff. Lock up my everything. To stop me from doing¡­ something.


    Something I know I¡¯ll regret.


    ¡°Jessry¡­¡± I murmur steadily.


    ¡°Okay. Didn¡¯t break the skin.¡± She states, ¡°Might bruise a bit. But I doubt even that.¡±


    Very carefully, I reach up and push her hands off me. ¡°Yup. Like I said.¡±


    Take a step back.


    Create meaningful and deliberate distance.


    My Keeper is, like pretty much everyone, shorter than me. But only by a head. Short cropped hair and pretty maroon eyes with little bits of cultivated jade. Skin midnight hewn and body toned well.


    ¡°What were you doing?¡± She asks, tilting her head as if she means to examine the window but¡­ her gaze is locked on mine.


    I shrug. ¡°Getting fresh air. Thought I saw¡­¡±


    Break eye contact to look at the window. Sigh when I see the bugs have, of course, run off.


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter.¡± I huff, turn, and begin to move away.


    ¡°Wait.¡± Hand around my arm. No, barely a few fingers touching skin.


    Still need to go still to keep the mess inside from bubbling up.


    ¡°I just had to use the bathroom, Jessry.¡± I murmur while refusing to look back. ¡°Kinatii finally fell asleep and I won¡¯t let him wake up to find me gone.¡±


    ¡°Tak, we need to talk.¡± She presses. ¡°About¡­ about before. What you said. And¡­¡±


    ¡°Nothing more to say.¡± I reply icily and reach over to push her hand off me again.


    ¡°Then¡­ then will you at least listen?¡± She whispers. ¡°Let me apologize? Maybe even¡­ like¡­ tell you what¡¯s about to happen so you can get ready?¡±


    I freeze at that, look back to find her expression nothing like before.


    No anger. No authority. Only¡­ pain.


    Now that I¡¯m looking I can see all the red under and around her eyes. The signs of someone who couldn¡¯t help but ugly cry at least a few times today, and is exhausted past it now.


    I let out a deep sigh, and nod. Keep all my words close and restrained and secure to scream only inside and not outside.


    ¡°You¡­ You¡¯re right.¡± She starts, voice already a mess. ¡°Maybe not about all of it but¡­ but I don¡¯t think that matters. Because this¡­ we¡­¡± My Keeper pauses, takes a deep and steady breath before pushing out more words like they¡¯re the heaviest things in the world. ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter. None of my justifications or excuses do. I couldn¡¯t stop it. But I shouldn¡¯t have tried to pretend it was anything else than what it was. And¡­ and I¡¯m so sorry. It¡¯s not nearly enough, but if nothing else I hope after you¡¯re gone that you can at least remember me saying that so your nightmares are less horrid.¡±


    I go still. Open my mouth to ask what the fuck she¡¯s on about us being gone but¡­


    ¡°No. Let me finish. Please. It¡¯s¡­ really important. Not for me but all of you.¡± She cuts me off. ¡°That¡­ You¡¯re all being taken from here. Not by duenna or Murtaziq or¡­ or some Matron¡¯s gaggle. It¡¯s that Sun Spoken Lady. She¡¯s having all of you be moved into her care. Demanded your freedom the day the Obelisks broke.¡±


    Freedom?


    That¡­ word. It doesn¡¯t make sense.


    What would that even like¡­ look like?


    ¡°Tak.¡± I hear her call through the haze of cracking nonsense.


    Where would we even go?


    That fucking thought is way too fucking big for me to deal with. Kinda makes everything seem to heavy and like¡­


    ¡°Tak, you¡­ c¡¯mon.¡± Jessry huffs from somewhere beneath me. ¡°You know I can¡¯t¡­ like¡­¡±


    Pull from the muck and try to focus on her.


    She¡¯s wrapped about me, holding me up. But I¡¯m really fucking big and regardless of the muscles we build together she can¡¯t support my weight for long.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± I mumble.


    ¡°Just¡­ sit here?¡± She grunts, moving us closer to the wall.


    I obey and slide down to sit with my back pressed against the cool stone.


    ¡°What¡­ How are we supposed to like¡­¡± I stammer out through ragged breaths.


    ¡°I dunno.¡± She sighs and moves to sit cross legged in front of my splayed legs.


    ¡°And¡­ Where does she think the kids are gonna come from? How¡¯s Arudia supposed to not die off?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t know that either.¡±


    I huff and sigh. ¡°Fuck.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Is her only reply.


    I¡­ finally find some words to whisper after a few long unsteady heartbeats. ¡°Thanks. Jessry. For¡­ for telling me this. And¡­ and the rest.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± She murmurs.


    Another long pause.


    ¡°I¡­ Sorry. For some of the things I said.¡± I whisper.


    ¡°You were right, and I deserved to hear it all.¡± She takes a breath and nods. ¡°Needed to. The others¡­ are just as messy over it but¡­ That¡¯s something we¡¯ll have to work through.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± I glance back up, find her fighting so hard to hold back tears. ¡°Jessry. I didn¡¯t want to not speak to you again. I just¡­ needed time. And for you to say all that.¡±


    She winces, and the tears do fall as she shakes her head. ¡°The Keepers aren¡¯t coming with you all.¡±


    No... Keepers? What? Then who''s gonna make sure we¡¯re healthy and manage our¡­ like¡­No...


    I go still again. ¡°What?¡±


    The floor beneath me feels unsteady again. More than before.


    No Jessry?


    ¡°She really means it, Tak.¡± My Keeper trembles through those tears. ¡°She wants you all free to live and do¡­ whatever you want. Is getting new protectors, I think, and¡­ other stuff. The Matron left tonight to make sure everything is done well but¡­ her First is having us all run about collecting records and your gemstones and getting ready to turn over everything to her.¡±


    Wait.


    ¡°I¡­ hold on.¡± I wave a hand at her in furious motions. ¡°Stop. That¡¯s¡­ no. I¡­ How¡¯re we supposed to like¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll figure it out, Tak.¡± She smiles through her tears. ¡°You all will. I¡¯m¡­ so fucking proud of how you¡¯ve all always taken such good care of each other.¡±


    ¡°No. Jessry. That¡¯s not what I wanted.¡± I sputter.


    ¡°I know.¡± She murmurs. ¡°But¡­ I¡¯d make things harder for you. We all would. The Sun Spoken Lady sees that, even if the Keepers don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°W¨C wait. Please.¡± I sputter, words falling to scatter faster than I can understand them. ¡°Don¡¯t¡­ Jessry I¡¯m sorry for what I said I just¡­ it¡¯s not your fault and¨C¡±


    ¡°Shhh¡­¡± She whispers and moves up to kneel close, hand gently cupping my cheek. ¡°I¡¯m not saying goodbye forever, Tak. Just¡­ I know that you need to do this next part of your life with a different kind of person supporting you. And I¡­ I need to step away too. Spent so long trying to keep you happy and healthy and¡­ and blind to things. Never really took a good look inside me to find out who I am.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­¡± Is all I can stammer as tears well up to match hers.


    ¡°You¡¯ll be okay. I¡¯ll make sure of that before I let this Sun Spoken Lady take you all.¡± She smiles.


    Then as my best friend, first lover, and everything else I ever needed her to be gives me one last big ugly cry in her arms¡­ I come apart.


    Lose track of everything but her warm embrace and soft words of encouragement and apologies and love.


    So much more afraid than I¡¯ve ever been about anything ever.


    Barely notice those pretty glimmering bugs come fluttering through the open window to buzz past and over us.


    Heading down the hallways to the rooms with the other guys.


    All except the one that lands on a hand that clings too fucking tight to my Jessry.


    That one snuggles up against one of the sparklin¡¯ Glyphs, then dissolves like it was never there to begin with.

 Chapter 118: Settling The Ashes Part 3

    CW:


    Talk of separating people from abusers. Talk of being used for fertility things.


    ¡°Just like that?¡± Kque asks with a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°We sensed no deception within her.¡± Is our easy reply, ¡°And neither did Tasii.¡±


    Our lover purses her lips but nods. ¡°Okay. We can be ready now, right Jevita?¡±


    The three bearers of the Maktaba, Kque and Tasii¡¯s mothers, alongside Rahdian, agreed to be away from the manor for this meeting. And the best place was out here in the warmed stables with our Big Child and their own hot meal.


    ¡°Yeah. Course.¡± Jevita agrees and rises. Moving to scoop up a bundle of notebooks and parchments and just¡­ lots of things we can¡¯t help but want to read over when given half a chance.


    New Cultivation muses for those who¡¯ve yet to meet the Zeridii properly.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Rahdian rises and looks between us three while Kque steps over to help Jevita gather things up. Little Zeridii cutie in the tall girl¡¯s arms wobbling in slowly awakening sounds while my long one rests across her shoulders. ¡°So¡­ I¡¯d like to come with you all.¡±


    We kinda jerk to a stop at that. All these well laid out plans being adjusted and reformed to fit this sudden increase in the pace of our motions just¡­ stuttering.


    ¡°Rahdian¡­¡± We murmur.


    But she shakes her head and waves hands in negation as words spill out in a rush. ¡°I looked for you because I needed to figure out Sun Spoken stuff. What it all means. Not just for my Dreamers but¡­ but me. I want to do this. Ever since we were both little girls on that beach playing pretend. And¡­ and these guys are people I actually might be able to help out better than anyone else on the Paths.¡±


    Tilt our head to consider that, ¡°You¡¯ll be exposing yourself to some really dangerous people, Rahdian. Emarial herself is such a stupid cunt when it comes to other Sun Spoken, and that¡¯s not even to mention Veletross and her nonsense.¡±


    ¡°I know. But¡­ Your lovers are putting themselves in danger too. And they don¡¯t even have our magic to keep themselves safe. I¡­ I know I haven¡¯t said it openly but like¡­ I want to be a part of¡­ um¡­¡± She takes a deep breath, fights to avoid the moisture bubbling in her eyes. ¡°This family. Travel with you and face everything together. Never be alone and never let any of you all be alone. Um¡­ please?¡±


    Both spirits fubble our steady calm focus at that. Smile and step over to carefully take up a hand of hers. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Yeah?¡± She whispers, those maybe tears tilting to become dribbling droplets down her cheeks.


    ¡°Mhm. Yes. We¡¯d love to have you.¡±


    She sucks in a breath. Tries to scrub the tears away. ¡°Thanks. For¡­ um¡­ That. And everything. And¡­¡±


    We move forward to carefully, slowly, and so very gently, hug her. Making it easy for her to pull away before we wrap this big amazing girl and our gemstone cuties in such an embrace.


    ¡°Thank you for choosing to walk beneath the star¡¯s wonderful gazes with us, dear lover of mine.¡± We whisper in lilting Arudian.


    ¡°I¡­ What?¡± She stammers while leaning into our hug and enveloping us back.


    ¡°Arudian love poems. We¡¯ll share what they all mean along the Paths, even teach you to speak them if you¡¯d like.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Please.¡± She blubbers and melts into our embrace. Taking to crying for a bit. More so when Kque and Jevita move up to hug this newest addition to our not so little family.


    **    **    **


    ¡°We wanted our entire family to be there for this, right?¡± We reply to Yrelia¡¯s quirked eyebrow with a grin.


    Our First lover¡¯s already guessed all this from the way her eyes dance over our fingers that hold Rahdian''s, but her bubbling smirk and quick steps up to pull us both into a hug means so much. Long gemstone cutie bubbling happy noises from where it drapes across our shoulders.


    Been doing that for a while now. Rahdian¡¯s too. Just¡­ seeming so happy at something they can¡¯t quite tell us about.


    ¡°I¡¯m so very glad to have you with us.¡± Yrelia says while stepping back. Such a¡­ a playful grin on her lips.


    Tasii moves up past her to touch Rahdian¡¯s arm and embrace her next. Murmuring her own words of welcome and comfort while we¡­


    Look past. To the Sun Spoken and Matron eyeing us curiously by the front exit to this home.


    We regather up Rahdian¡¯s hand and lead her up to stand before them both, Zigdara moving from where she stood off to the side to stand at our back.


    ¡°Emarial of the Sun Spoken, Matron Veletross of the House of Rell, this is Rahdian.¡± We state. ¡°Sun Spoken, woman of the Paths, and a dear member of our family.¡±


    They both seem to have words bubbling up, But we quickly raise a hand to halt that.


    ¡°You will treat her with nothing but respect and kindness.¡± We state like one would claim it¡¯s snowing outside. ¡°A great deal more than you showed us.¡±


    Veletross only grins at that, almost bowing as she agrees and greets. ¡°Of course, High duenna. It is always a pleasure to encounter a new member of the Sun Spoken Order, Rahdian.¡±


    Emarial swallows whatever she was about to say while her eyes dance between us. Gaze singing her trepidation and worry. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ Thanks. Nice to meet you both.¡± Rahdian replies with as much steady confidence as she can muster.


    We sense Emarial¡¯s bubbling desire to press for information but¡­ she only nods.


    ¡°Alright.¡± Tasii says and moves up to our side as she shrugs into her own coat. ¡°Let¡¯s try to get there before everyone¡¯s asleep.¡±


    **    **    **


    Our hand hesitates just a whisper from the wood. About to knock but¡­


    We can already hear them. The muffled sounds of monsters and parasites and their Keepers behind this door.


    Deep breaths. Focus past the curse.


    Apparently near the end they¡¯d either realized or been told what our general plan was. How we mean to free the Arudian males into the care of another group and separate them from all their past Keepers and such.


    And now all the Keepers have disappeared into the living spaces to seek out the Arudian males.


    We were worried at first. That they might¡­ might try something stupid. But upon thinking about it past the curse¡¯s sting it¡­ it¡¯s pretty obvious. And Lady Delphian added the extra understanding.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Each Arudian Male is assigned a Keeper when they are taken in here. A woman roughly five to ten years older than they are, with years of training that match up to what the Academy needed her to be when a new Odlock Gemstone was found and boy selected.


    His everything. Sister, friend, caretaker, and¡­ and very often first real lover.


    Which would have set us into even worse rage if not for the understanding that these women are required to give up their own fertility for this. Their role is to be a part of a like¡­ community for them. And how even if they wanted to help their charge escape they couldn¡¯t! There are tracking Glyphs that stop that. They weren¡¯t the people in charge of the Academy¡¯s program. They¡­ They couldn¡¯t change what is expected of these men.


    Not like our Sangoma could.


    Take another deep breath, rebuild our Hetaera mask, and knock. Loud, but nothing to cause a scare or feel like¡­ threatening.


    A few seconds pass and the room beyond quiets a little, and the door opens to reveal an older woman.


    ¡°Hello.¡± We say gently and hopefully gift her a softer smile than the muck inside us would otherwise let us without our training.


    Her tear touched eyes widen as she takes us in. Our¡­ Well, Yrelia has made sure we know just how pretty we are. But¡­ also helped us understand how much of a weight this mingling adds to us.


    Eye¡¯s brighter and voice tinted with the tone of the Larger Spirit alongside how we just¡­ speak in a way that almost sounds like a song is just behind.


    ¡°I... Are you the High Duenna?¡± She asks carefully, eyes dancing behind us and looking for¡­ well. More. Probably.


    But we¡¯re alone. That worried our lovers and Emarial wanted to argue but¡­


    We gave her a very pointed look and informed her that she would remain away or be made to remain away. Then told our Lovers that we wanted to do this. That our Curse wouldn¡¯t push us and we just¡­


    Want to speak with the little pods we¡¯d heard they¡¯d formed in reaction to being pulled away from the Academy quite suddenly without an entire group to scare them. Especially the big imposing figures of Emarial or even Zigdara.


    Just us. Small and soft but brimming with magical nonsense that¡¯ll help us explain¡­ Well, we won¡¯t start there unless they ask.


    ¡°Yes.¡± We nod. ¡°May we come in?¡±


    She hesitates, eyes filling with confusion at the we.


    ¡°This form is a Sun Spoken and Weaver Shard woven together. Thus¡­ we. But just this vessel. To talk. That¡¯s all.¡±


    ¡°No duenna?¡± She asks carefully.


    ¡°None. Even later.¡± We nod, then tilt our head. ¡°At least¡­ well Zigdara is technically a duenna but only to us.¡±


    She purses her lips, but steps back to reveal a room that is way too small for the over dozen people in here. About half are women of various ages with more than a few interesting Cultivation changes. Each sitting or standing close to¡­


    A bunch of really pretty monsters. Even more changed of course. But¡­ not in ways that add very much to their overall shapes? No horns or tails or scales or some of the other alterations we thought they¡¯d have. Lots of Glyphs though. All across their skin. Not like Jevita or the other Maktaba holders but close enough to make our spine go a touch cold.


    Steady breaths. Not in danger. Just¡­ a bunch of pretty monsters waiting to be moved into places with others kinda like them and no longer being used by lots of others. See? Easy. Everyone¡¯s safer.


    The Curse¡­ kinda almost seems to grumble at that. But settles.


    Weird.


    ¡°Our name is Ina, and¡­ We came to talk to you all about your futures.¡± We murmur softly to the room as all eyes fall on us.


    When we look closer at least all of the women seem to have cried a little. The men are a little less but¡­ some have. Even still are. Others just seem kinda in shock.


    ¡°You mean to take them away.¡± A younger woman asks before we can say anything else. ¡°Free them. Right? Something about¡­ a group of men like them to help?¡±


    She seems¡­ hurting? Looks like she¡¯s been crying for hours. But¡­ hopeful? Almost desperate in those words as she sits next to her monster and grips his hand so tight.


    ¡°Mhm. You¡¯ve gotten the main parts. The Azure Compact is the group¡¯s name.¡± We nod. ¡°All of you, that being the previously fertile males, will be given nearly endless resources and connections to help you adjust and settle well into whatever life you want after today.¡±


    The room goes even quieter as everyone, understandably, focuses on those middle words.


    ¡°W¨C wait.¡± One of the older women stammers. ¡°Previously fertile!?! What are you going to do to them?¡±


    Ah, worried about some fucked up Gemstone procedure to take that away.


    ¡°Nothing. The Zeridii should have already nullified their ability to do that anymore.¡± We reply simply.


    Everyone just¡­ kinda stares. Seems really shocked. But¡­ weirdly some of the little gasps and widening of eyes on the women seem¡­ to be kinda happy? What?


    Until one of the monsters whispers into the silence. ¡°The¡­ those weird bugs?¡±


    We tilt our head and give him the softest smile we can. ¡°Yes. There wasn¡¯t any pain right?¡±


    That makes the curse nibble. Poking and scratching at the idea that we would want anything but this little monster to suffer.


    He blushes a little, but shakes his head, as do a couple others.


    ¡°What bugs? What are you talking about?¡± Another woman spits. Standing near a monster but not as close as others.


    ¡°The Zeridii made them unable to be used like before. No more kids.¡± We explain evenly. ¡°And this knowledge will be shared far and wide after today. Anyone who might have tried something stupid will hear and know that none of you can get them a child.¡±


    ¡°This doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡± An older monster curled sitting up on a bed between a woman and another monster sighs loudly while shaking his head. ¡°Why do this?¡±


    ¡°We¡­ Honestly it was the right thing to do. You were all so young and didn¡¯t have better options for getting the Cultivation changes you needed and¡­¡± Look past him to the wall while wondering just how much more to say.


    ¡°Arudia¡¯s gonna fall apart because of this.¡± The monster next to him murmurs. ¡°R¨C right? Without daughters there won¡¯t be people in the future.¡±


    We give him a steady look. One the Little Spirit hopes so much is the kind of thing Tasii does when she¡¯s pushing us into not doubting ourselves. ¡°That¡¯s not your responsibility to worry over. It¡¯s ours. You¡¯ve already given your life up until this day. Now¡­ let Arudia find a better Path on its own.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ What about us Keepers?¡± The woman who answered the door asks.


    We glance over to her, then to every other woman in the room.


    ¡°You all need to let them go.¡± We murmur gently but evenly. ¡°Let them find their own lives among people who weren¡¯t a part of the Academy''s work.¡±


    That¡­ makes so many here go pale. Eye¡¯s widening and even outright begin to fall to pieces.


    ¡°But¡­¡± One of the younger monsters stammers from within his Keeper¡¯s embrace, a man about the Little Spirit¡¯s age. ¡°I¡­ why? They¡­ Why not let them stay with us?¡±


    ¡°We can¡¯t really stop any of you from like¡­ finding each other later.¡± We relent a little under this boy¡¯s desperate words. ¡°But to start we demand distance. Because¡­ They hurt you.¡±


    Curse stabs us at that. The idea of being more worried for these women who gave their everything to these monsters upsetting it. How we''re calling it abuse when they gave safety and companionship and all the changes they could ever dream of.


    All while we were kept alone and used and never had someone get close enough to see that. All while these monsters were gifted a woman groomed to serve and attend to their every need.


    That thought makes us both jerk to a halt.


    Eye¡¯s dance about the room as some of the men try to shout words of argument. Mostly the younger ones though, the oldest seem to wince. But¡­ in understanding.


    The women, even the ones who seem less able to get close to their monster, all seem as if I¡¯ve struck them a blow. More than half look down in shame and pain, while only two hold my gaze.


    The Bigger Spirit tries to calm the smaller as she begins to tremble under the weight of it all. Sputtering and spitting and hissing. Holding the words of the curse close as a child might a favorite soft toy amidst a storm of pain. Or anger.


    Why did Lyttoral not do this?


    Give us a Keeper?


    Old memories strike like worse blows we¡¯d felt this side of a Dream. Of moments of pain or frustration or anger with the old body, the sex expected, and¡­ and how little the boys there ever tried to know us.


    How little our mother, our Sangoma, cared.


    Just¡­ used and used and nothing else about us mattered while¨C


    ¡°H¨C high Duenna?¡± A worried voice cuts through the muck.


    We jerk up to find the room has gone quiet. All eyes still on us but now with titterings of fear.


    The Larger Spirit embraces the smaller and comforts her. Don¡¯t think about it. How we looked.


    ¡°Sorry. That¡­ we only are trying to say¡­¡± We trail off, trying to regather words for this unexpected shift. ¡°We understand. We really do. Your Keepers couldn¡¯t change what was happening, but part of helping required them to participate in what the Academy did to you. Not... We''re guessing your Keepers do cherish you, but we can hurt those we care for so easily. And... and time and distance is really important for healing.¡±


    A pause, and our plans fracture and change and adjust as more memories hit.


    ¡°Redrogal, the Speaker for the Azure Compact can¡­ can set something up. A way to make sure contact can be re-established in six months to a year¡¯s time if it¡¯s wanted. We can even ensure all Keepers are given resources to ensure they aren¡¯t just¡­ tossed out into the cold winds.¡± We nearly stammer out.


    ¡°That¡­ seems more than reasonable.¡± The oldest monster here speaks into the quiet.


    One other nods, while quite a few others still seem to be consumed with worry at that.


    Clinging to the women who¡¯ve given them everything in hopes they¡¯ll come crawling back like some pitiful mewling¨C


    ¡°We¡¯d like to move you all tonight. A group is waiting just outside this wing to help guide things along.¡± Is our reply to cut off the curse-drenched thoughts. ¡°We¡¯ll lead you there, then head out to speak with the others.¡±


    Just¡­ same thing. Two more times. The smaller spirit sighs. Avoid the curse and avoid old memories and¡­ and focus on the goals. We¡¯ll get better at this.


    Simple. Easy.


    R- right?

 Chapter 119: Parallel Lives and Rivers End Part 1

    CW:


    ZIGDARA POV!!!! WOOOW! Pretty like... clean though. mhm.


    I am not happy with this arrangement. It was not part of our plan. One of my charges heading off alone into a manor to speak with these Keepers and the Arudian males.


    But¡­ Rahdian insisted on being here. And between the two of them Ina is quite possibly my equal in physical altercations when mingled with her Goddess. And¡­ they refused for any of these lovers to be anywhere near them at the chance of danger.


    So alone it was.


    While an attack was not a worry of Ina¡¯s for this lover, the attention of their Elder Sun Spoken very much is.


    My second charge is mostly oblivious to that real worry. And is even beginning to relax while having a nice little talk with a couple of the men and a Keeper as they wait for their turn with Jevita and Kque about checking on their Glyphs.


    Ina returned with this first group soon enough. They were terrified and filled with doubts and hesitations. But Ina¡¯s lovers and Redrogal calmed them quickly. Have been answering endless questions since.


    Especially because it seems Ina¡¯s demands had altered a bit. She expects the Azure Compact to ensure that not only are the Keepers monetary needs met, but that preparations are laid so that their charges may reconnect in the future with ease.


    The second group seems more calm than the first as well. Especially when the others gift them somewhat excited words about their future. Worries have been dissolving quickly and easily.


    But Ina did not return with them. When I politely inquired, the eldest Keeper told me she was already heading to speak with the last group.


    Another deviation from our plans, and Yrelia¡¯s been trying to carefully pull answers from the group without alerting any listeners to her worry.


    But¡­ It doesn¡¯t matter.


    Emarial¡¯s eyes already glimmer with purpose and ideas.


    So... I let out a sigh, decide to head off this conflict before it can start, and move to stand before my previous Path found lover.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to ensure Ina is okay.¡± Are the hard words I set before the tired Sun Spoken, then lower my voice to something none others will hear. ¡°You will not speak to Rahdian while I am away.¡±


    She hides her bristle well, but I prodded at her pride enough along the Paths to know how much my words slice into her. How she¡¯s not used to letting anyone, especially a simple duenna of Lyttoral, instruct her on expected actions.


    Even holds my gaze before the shame cracks her resolve, and she looks past me. ¡°And¡­ if she seeks out a word with her elder Sun Spoken?¡±


    ¡°Then you will make it a brief talk within easy earshot of one of Ina¡¯s lovers.¡± I purr, then let myself grin a vicious thing. ¡°Do not test my patience here.¡±


    She lets out a large sigh, then nods. ¡°I won¡¯t. See to your charge¡¯s safety and well being, honored duenna.¡±


    Her flattery settles my worry while boiling my blood.


    So I turn and nod at Tasii, who was watching the entire exchange, and stride off in search for Inamatorii.


    Even this side wing of the Rell Manor is¡­ far too large for my liking. And far less logical in it¡¯s layout than even some of the worse sea-port villages along the coasts. Barren of all others and apparently cleared for only the Academy¡¯s former Keepers and men to occupy. The techniques used to hold in the heat against the bitter cold also muffling even the sounds of my footfalls


    The first I hear of another person is a heated argument coming from one of the bedrooms.


    ¡°What? Was this your¡­ stupid fucking plan to separate us? Peel us all off?¡± A younger man snaps.


    ¡°Wophetra, mind your tone.¡± A woman replies evenly.


    Ah, the first and final group. I sigh in relief despite the budding argument and continue down the hallway toward the open door.


    ¡°No. Fuck that. Where¡¯s Tak?¡± This¡­ Wophetra presses.


    There is a tense pause.


    ¡°Keeper Unvay, it really is quite important that we see Takroth ourselves.¡± An older man presses just as I reach the door.


    Look in to see¡­ a small room. Overcrowded with almost a dozen figures.


    But no Ina.


    And whatever reply was to be made is cut off as two of the boys and a woman spot me looming in the hallway.


    ¡°Apologies.¡± I say quickly yet firmly. ¡°I did not mean to interrupt. I¡¯m merely looking for the woman I¡¯m sworn to protect. Has she come this way?¡±


    Brows furrow in confusion and worry, then an older woman speaks up. Not the voice from before. ¡°There should be no one in these halls save us. You need to leave.¡±


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    Ina did not come here yet to explain.


    So¡­ Where is she?


    ¡°Ah, it seems more apologies are in order. And introductions.¡± I straighten and give them a shallow but formal bow. ¡°My name is Zigdara, I am sworn to protect Arudia¡¯s High Duenna. She¡­ Sun Spoken Inamatorii entered these halls alone to speak with the three groups that had formed to ease worries and explain future plans. You were the last, and she¡¯s not returned after sending the second to us.¡±


    ¡°No one has visited us save our Keepers.¡± The older man replies. ¡°But¡­ we are missing a lad. Named Takroth. He stepped out to relieve himself and has not returned.¡±


    ¡°And neither has his Keeper.¡± Another woman tries to placate. ¡°She was hoping to talk to him anyway. They probably just¡­ found a quiet place to settle and work things out. Especially after we¡­ we found out about the High Duenna¡¯s plans.¡±


    I nod. ¡°I can look for all three of them if you would like to remain here, or you can head to the entrance of this wing and¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Another male rises to demand. ¡°Jessry and him don¡¯t know you. We¡­ We¡¯ll go with you. Find Tak, at least. Maybe even this Sun Spoken lady.¡±


    The woman who was sitting beside him begins to stand and open her mouth to protest but¡­ hesitates. Then nods and adds. ¡°I think that¡¯s an okay idea.¡±


    A few of the older women eye her and him.


    ¡°What? This room is cramped and kinda smells bad. And we¡¯ll be together.¡± She explains, then looks at me. ¡°If¡­ I mean you can¡¯t really stop us from following you.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but smile at her through my worry. ¡°Not efficiently. And you are welcome to walk with me.¡±


    There is a brief pause, then a bit of a scramble to rise and gather up and pull on some extra clothing before they all slip out into the hallway where I stand.


    ¡°I suspect that one or all of you know these pathways better than myself.¡± I muse as we begin walking. ¡°If you have any ideas to the location of my charge or your missing friend, please don¡¯t hesitate to direct us that way.¡±


    ¡°Takroth would sometimes sneak to the rooftops.¡± The smallest of the group offers quietly. One of the men who has a Keeper standing close but actively refuses to get near to her. His skin is the most unique of the group. The least vibrant but still warm. And with the fewest Cultivation touches from my untrained eye. Possibly a mark of his mother being from Lyttoral?


    ¡°Truly? Is the stairwell near?¡± I ask.


    He swallows and hesitates under my gaze.


    ¡°Not as much lately.¡± The man carrying what seems a big notebook offers in his stead. Even stepping closer to bump shoulders with the man to help him calm. ¡°And no. It¡¯s kinda at the farthest edge of this wing. A side door that¡¯s kinda hard to spot.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­ It¡¯s cold tonight. Anyone but my charge would not stand to remain up there long. We can check that spot last.¡± I reply and begin moving.


    This hallway is empty of those we seek, which I already knew but double check the rooms to ensure none are simply sitting in quiet seclusion. Then we¡¯re moving through a few more passages before a word elsewise is asked.


    ¡°So, is it true what our Keepers are convinced of?¡± The older man steps up to ask me.


    I glance back to regard him, see the oldest woman sighing in exasperation.


    ¡°I cannot speak to your Keeper''s understanding, but can talk of the High Duenna¡¯s plans in general terms.¡± I offer. ¡°She¡¯s demanded and arranged your freedoms, bargained even for a group that will understand some of your struggles well to aid in this.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± A young man from behind sounds in confusion.


    ¡°She will explain this better,¡± I turn back and smile apologetically. ¡°But among the Azure Compact are Arudian Men like yourselves alongside some who¡¯ve claimed more unique perspectives on their gender and such.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ Better than I¡¯d expected.¡± The older man muses. ¡°There was a great worry that this would just mean our separation, but not a true end to our service.¡±


    I consider telling them about the Zeridii¡¯s actions but¡­


    ¡°The High Duenna has gone to great ends to ensure your protection from old expectations.¡± I supply as we approach a new long hallway. ¡°But I do not wish to offer less than precise explanations.¡±


    He nods easily, already falling into deep thoughts about my words.


    ¡°So¡­ What¡¯s she like? This¡­ Sun Spoken lady?¡± A younger woman asks part way through the next hallway¡¯s search.


    Between one empty room checked and the next I consider the best answer to give the women who worry for their soon to be former charges safety, and the men who¡¯ve little choice but to accept a new life from Ina.


    ¡°Young, passionate, and endlessly considerate to the pains of those around her.¡± I reply. ¡°But all of that is drawn from her own past of¡­ of pain. And the loneliness that comes from no one seeing or acting to help ease her suffering until more recently. Ina herself has only braved the Paths for less than a year now.¡±


    ¡°How long have you known her?¡±


    I sigh as we find this hallway devoid of those we seek as well. ¡°As she is now? Less than four weeks. But I knew of her in passing for years, but that was before she was free to bloom into the woman she is now.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ Why did you choose to become her duenna?¡± One of the men asks. ¡°Or¡­ I¡¯m guessing you chose that. Are there more?¡±


    ¡°No, just me. And That¡¯s a more¡­ complex question, and one with personal details that are not mine to share.¡± I reply, but glance over to give him a shrug alongside the easy denial. ¡°But a simple part was because she needed someone to give her a sense of safety and ability to lower her guard. Her lovers are passionate as well, but have no training in physical altercations.¡±


    ¡°Has there been many of these¡­ physical altercations?¡± A woman murmurs carefully.


    ¡°More than we would like, but¡­ not for some time.¡± I respond with open annoyance, but sigh follows. ¡°Which is good. Such things are not preferable to calm discussion.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ the event we keep hearing about at the Obelisks?¡±


    Another hallway, this one with a stairwell leading upwards to a second floor and more of this tangled mess of a home.


    ¡°Breaking chains, and the conflict there was something she did everything in her power to try and convince other¡­ parties, to cease.¡±


    That doesn¡¯t settle their worries at the talks, but does make many of the Keepers to calm as we take to searching more spaces until¡­


    Voices.


    Then a girl I do not recognize is poking her head out of one of the far off openings. Not a bedroom but¡­ a sitting space.


    ¡°Um¡­ Hi.¡± She says carefully, eyes dancing over the group to settle on me.


    Slowly filling with carefully repressed worry.


    ¡°Keeper Jessry, is Takroth with you?¡± The older man steps forward to speak before me.


    ¡°I¡­ yeah.¡± She murmurs and looks back into the room.


    A moment later a bigger and youthful Arudian male appears. Face weary with signs of distress slowly settling.


    ¡°Hey. Sorry. Just¡­¡± He rasps, but then his gaze takes me in. ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°Have you seen another girl pass? She¡¯d be a stranger to you.¡± I ask.


    They both pause at the unexpected question.


    ¡°Zigdara, this is Takroth and Keeper Jessry.¡± The older man introduces, then turns to explain. ¡°The High Duenna has arrived, and is apparently coming to each group alone to speak about our future. But she hasn¡¯t seemed to return since the last two groups. This woman is her personal duenna.¡±


    Takroth takes a deep breath to relax himself, while Jessry smiles through a grimace and shake of her head.


    ¡°No, you¡¯re the first we¡¯ve seen of anyone since we came here.¡± She replies.


    I try not to let my worry show as I carefully offer. ¡°My first duty is to my charge. You can all wait here for either her or another to send for you, or head toward this Wing¡¯s entry hall. There you will find the other Keepers and Arudian males alongside those helping Ina organize all this. They can explain more.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll talk it over.¡± The eldest Keeper nods to me.


    ¡°Thank you all for your patience in this. Now¡­ could you please point me towards those stairs that lead to the rooftop?¡±

 Chapter 120: Parallel Lives, and Rivers End Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    WOW another Zigdara POV! Talk of enforcement into breeding slavery. Talk of punishments for refusing. Talk of suicide and incarceration and health problems for that.


    I hear my Sun Spoken before I see her, of course.


    A lilting song slithers through the brisk nighttime air much like an eel trapped in the shallows off the coast. Its words are a mangled language I¡¯ve learned even the Weaver shard doesn¡¯t recall, and the tune an impossible thing.


    And any worry I had about Ina being overwhelmed and stepping away for fear of being a danger to the Arudian Men melts away as I take in the core of the melody.


    Such¡­ a sad thing of pain and loss and loneliness.


    I finally spot them standing inside one of the odd little domes many Arudian homes keep. Where Lyttoral often will utilize fields or wall laid gardens, these cold lands keep enclosures that refract heat and melt snow to grow food atop their roofs.


    If their song and sorrows weren''t already making it difficult to restrain my own emotions, their beauty would prove a near equal challenge.


    Basking in the light of the moon and stars, fingers trailing across the plants as their melody seems to uplift the wilting growths to new vibrancy and form. Their grief-torn song only gifting life and prosperity to the life around.


    Before I reach them their song tilts to a natural close, as if perfectly timed to dip us into silence the second my feet hesitate at the entrance.


    They look my way with a sigh and sad smile before whispering. ¡°Hey Zigdara.¡±


    Voice hollow and almost a rasp but¡­ still a thing that seems to titter with barely restrained songs.


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± I murmur softly, but let my words trail off as I take in their tear stained face and trembling form.


    ¡°Sorry. We just¡­¡± They murmur. ¡°Had to step out. Get some air and fresh perspectives.¡±


    ¡°Was the Curse too much to bear?¡± I ask the easy question I suspect the answer to, carefully stepping up to stand close.


    ¡°No.¡± They sigh and look away. ¡°It was tame. Manageable and within our expectations.¡±


    I don¡¯t press as a few careful heartbeats pass, then they huff and lean their head into my chest. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°Nothing was lost by you both taking time alone upon a rooftop.¡± I murmur gently, carefully wrapping them in my arms and even shifting a hand up to brush through their soft hair. ¡°Simply¡­ enough time had passed that I decided to come looking.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. Is¡­ You didn¡¯t leave Rahdian alone did you?¡±


    ¡°She was happily in talks with a few from the second group as I stepped away.¡± I assure her. ¡°And two of your lovers were close.¡±


    Ina opens their mouth to ask, but I gently add. ¡°And I spoke with Emarial. She will not pester the girl tonight.¡±


    That causes my charges to nearly fully relax, lets them lean into me a bit harder as a heavy breath takes up their focus.


    ¡°What made you both seek seclusion instead of the arms of one of us below?¡± I ask softly as my fingers slowly quicken their dance through her hair.


    ¡°Stupid.¡± They murmur. ¡°Selfish. But hurts too much and sings with the curse and just¡­ it¡¯s hard to focus past. Not dangerous to anyone. But¡­ Couldn¡¯t focus. Barely got the words out when we finished up with the second group.¡±


    I glance about and find what I¡¯m looking for. Gently tug Ina into a bench built into the corner of this space. Then after we¡¯re settled and leaning back, them comfortably nuzzled into my arms as we gaze past the glass dome at the stars above, I press softly. ¡°Tell me.¡±


    ¡°Just¡­ seeing them. How separating them from those women permanently would hurt everyone so much.¡± They murmur.


    ¡°So you both altered our plans without compromising their spirit.¡± I nod. ¡°It was a wise decision that sounds contradictory to your curse.¡±


    ¡°It is, yeah.¡± They nod. ¡°We¡­ our little spirit fucked up. Can¡¯t stop chewing on this stupid fucking idea that doesn¡¯t matter. The curse is¡­ it¡¯s latching onto that. Happily. Nipping and biting and nearly cooing like our Big Child when offered his favorite fucking fruit.¡±


    That makes me furrow my brow in a confusion I know she cannot see.


    Both at my complete lack of knowing what idea could cause the small and gentle spirit to find a melody that harmonizes with her Curse, but¡­ also the words she uses. How alive it makes this curse seem.


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    ¡°What idea?¡±


    They don¡¯t reply at first, and from just¡­ an odd sense I get sometimes it''s easy to feel that they are glaring. But eventually sigh and growl. ¡°Just¡­ So we never told anyone about how we were a girl before our lovers. Ever. But we wanted to. So fucking badly sometimes. But nobody cared about us. Not really. Just¡­ thought we were odd and quiet and more than a little stupid.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but wince a bit at her words. Wanting to deny them but¡­


    The duenna and even other charges there did not think highly of Ina¡¯s intelligence or hobbies. Their Sangoma¡­ found the quirks of Ina¡¯s requested entertainment more interesting to fulfill than others. But also more troublesome.


    And more than once spoke to Ina being a rather slow-witted charge.


    They let out a huff of a mirthless laughter as they glance back to see the conflict in my face. ¡°We may be stupid but we had ears, Zigdara. And our Temple Mother was not careful with her words. Why would she have been? Her job wasn¡¯t to care if we were happy, it was to simply make sure we did our duty to the women of the city.¡±


    ¡°Ina, She¡­¡± But I trail off.


    Nod.


    She deserves better than my attempts to rewrite her scars, or deny the truth of their source.


    ¡°Yes. Keeping the Temple Children happy was both the easiest way to ensure everything ran smoothly.¡±


    Their gaze attempts to tilt into something harder, but only displays such pain.


    ¡°Something else has been¡­ dancing through us. A Question. What would the Temple have done if we stopped doing what they asked?¡± They whisper. ¡°If¡­ Like completely. In every way we could.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± I murmur gently. ¡°You¡­ Are you both¡­ I will deny you both nothing. Even this answer. But I need to make sure you truly wish to know this.¡±


    They pause, hold back the whip crack of demand I see in their eyes.


    ¡°No. But we need to hear it.¡± They reply after a long moment. ¡°We need to know what kind of monstrous things would have been done to us had we resisted. And¡­ and if others went through that. Before we go back. Please.¡±


    I steady my face to display nothing but soft stone. ¡°The start would be gentle punishments. Loss of privileges and preferred meals. Adjusted schedules for the others to try and make up for sessions lost, letting them spend time with the siblings that now bear more burdens due to their refusals.¡±


    ¡°Okay sure. We knew all that but the last part.¡± Ina nods. ¡°But keep going. Let¡¯s say we fought harder when you did that.¡±


    I swallow, nod. ¡°From my understanding nothing like this has been needed for¡­ a very long time. And the male was only found and¡­ no. Taken from his mother who had kept him a secret for his first sixteen years. His story was told as an example to anyone who found the idea of detaching boys from their mothers and life outside the Temple as soon as possible needlessly cruel.¡±


    Ina pales a bit, then asks. ¡°What¡­ what did they do to him?¡±


    ¡°He needed training in his duties, the things you began learning the nature of in your younger years. So they assigned a council duenna to manage his education.¡± I reply carefully. Not entirely for them. But for myself. ¡°He did not take to these lessons at first. Took three years of deprivation of all luxuries and careful work on the council duenna¡¯s part to begin to crack at his resolve. Slowly offering rewards as one might a skittish animal. Eventually pulling him from a small chamber with a single window to a large room with three. By his fifth year he was performing with about half the women the Temple normally wanted for a man his age, but still sometimes would attempt to escape but¡­ it was to find his mother.¡±


    Take a deep breath. Allow the words to flow as if from a book.


    ¡°He didn¡¯t know that she was detained and treated as a Ravie for the crime of keeping her child a secret for so many years. Branded and sentenced to twice the normal span as it became apparent how much the women of the lands lost. Extra for every year her child was unable to learn or begin his duties. His last attempt led him to admitting his hope to find her to his duenna, and so she offered him a deal. Start performing as others of your age, and she¡¯d ask for his mother to be released early.¡±


    My Sun Spoken winces. ¡°He agreed to that. Didn¡¯t he?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Of course. He begged to be allowed to see her again, even if only one last time, and his duenna agreed. Because¡­ how could she not? The boy had become her closest charge. A child to her in many ways. But this meeting¡­ It did not go well. His mother was in poor health, and when the day ended neither left with spirits in better places. The male grew distant and detached from all but his duenna, and even that was a cracked and breaking thing. He continued to perform as promised, though. So the current Sangoma of the Temple did not think he needed her. Believed that maybe she was a bad influence and he should be pushed to mingle more with his Temple siblings. Said that time, new friends, and routine would heal his ills.¡±


    ¡°W¨C we¡­¡± They murmur, eyes stricken with knowing fear at my coming words as their everything goes still. ¡°No. He¡­ Zigdara he¡­ please tell us he¡­ he didn¡¯t¡­?¡±


    I let them both see my own pain then. Something I¡¯d never felt when I considered or told this story to other new members of the Temple¡¯s caretakers. Not because I suddenly see the mistakes and tragedy of the words. I¡¯ve let it sit long and bitter in my heart when I considered charges that were growing unhappy.


    More still as I strode the Paths.


    But here and now, because I feel that the lover in my arms knows how this story ends, because hers almost bore something similar.


    ¡°Tell us he adjusted and found his happiness or¡­ or escaped or¡­ or became infertile and was freed or¡­ Or they brought his mom back or... or something.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Ina.¡± I huff and pull them closer, feeling my resolve break. Tears blurring my vision.


    So sorry we didn¡¯t see your pains. That we didn¡¯t care to look. That your happiness was stolen and gifted to every woman our Temple forced you to lay with.


    ¡°Please.¡± They hiss, but it¡¯s such a sad and gentle sound. As beautiful without any threats as it is heartbreaking. ¡°Lie to us. Please.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I will. If you ask me to.¡± I whisper back past a choked sob.


    It takes them a long while to push through such a trembling sadness to reply.


    ¡°No just¡­. Tell us. H¨C how long?¡± They finally whisper through their tears.


    I don¡¯t need to ask for them to clarify.


    How long did he last before his end?


    ¡°On the eve of his seventh year they¡­ sent him down the river.¡±


    The sounds they make then are not things of song and pain twisted into a wretchedly beautiful harmony. No. These are the messy and broken noises of a girl and her goddess tearing at the seams. A wounded pair not simply mourning the death of a boy they never met, but themselves.


    The end that they only avoided by sheer happenstance of fates entwining at the final moments before tragedy.


    All melodies scattered as shattered glass on the cold stone beneath our feet as the empty night echoes their grief stricken cries.

 Chapter 121: Parallel Lives, and Rivers End Part 3

    CW:


    Murder of Nightmares. Panic attack. Realizing obvious things about your namesake. um... yeah. mhm. yeah.


    Everyone inside us, save one, is shrieking.


    This wasn¡¯t what She wanted.


    Within, the little spirit and big spirit howl in despair as without this duenna holds us close.


    Used and broken and rotting She¡­ She just wanted to fix Her mistakes! Not hurt anyone! Was ready to seal off Her magic from even her Sun Spoken to stop them from becoming like him.


    The World Song sways and buckles and burns around us as no melody leaves our lips.


    But then he killed our gentle Inamatorii. The girl we promised to spend our final days with. And the Weaver lashed out just before Her Dream¡¯s End came.


    This duenna is trying to say things. But we can¡¯t even begin to care about her words.


    The goal and outcome of the spite woven all through everything? To bleed endless suffering for everyone who wished to bear the same mantles as he did.


    Stone and glass and snow and more still begin to crack.


    Soul Peeler.


    The Song and Ocean and Flame and Soil and Storm and Glyphs and Amwella wrapped about our World screams louder still.


    Spirit Breaker.


    Duenna is shouting now.


    Song Consuming Nightmare.


    But not letting us go.


    Man.


    Just¡­ weeping her own endless apologies as everything without pays the price for our pain.


    Everything she never wanted to be, and the Weaver promised her she never was.


    That causes the songless Dreadthing we¡¯re screaming to hitch and crack. The echoing shadows of shred memories flashing through our mind of the girl the larger spirit longs for more than anything else¡­ save Her smaller spirit.


    W¨C wait. What?


    Like a clump of dumped snow the world snaps back into place like nothing happened. Only a ringing in our ears and vague feeling of razor thin cracks left about.


    She was like me?


    The little spirit blubbers as the larger reels from the calcified memory. Everything stilling as we try to avoid division at the sudden and hard discord of focus and thoughts.


    Born in a body and role she never wanted? Transgender? Made to give up her happiness for others?


    Then we¡¯re laughing at the smaller¡¯s sputtering broken emotions.


    ¡°Why am I so fucking stupid?¡± The little spirit titters through the tears.


    The larger spirit chides her but¡­ can only huff in loving exasperations. Of the two of us, that should have been a fact I recalled more easily. Shared with you. Tried¡­ tried to dig through the muck to understand better.


    ¡°Ina?¡± Zigdara rasps.


    We freeze, terror spiking at how cracked her voice sounds and stiff these movements are and the trembling that rolls through her like the storm under a sea. Horrified at the idea that we wounded our protector in our maddened pained fury.


    Jerk around to see¡­


    She¡¯s okay. Not a scratch on her body or soul. Just¡­ face all muppy and covered with her own tears.


    ¡°We¡¯re so sorry¡­¡± We trail off as we messily wiggle around her embrace to wipe at the mess on our face. Then reach up to try and help clean away her¡¯s. ¡°That was a lot. And we realized things and like¡­ We¡¯re sorry. We¡¯re so so sorry!¡±


    Zigdara pulls us close again before we can finish. ¡°No. You¡¯re¡­ you¡¯re not responsible for what was done to you. And I should not have told you this here. We should have at least been below. Among your lovers. At most waited until we were home. Safe and warm and not surrounded by expectations and duties.¡±


    We sigh and lean into her against the cold. Grumble softly. ¡°Yeah well¡­ We demanded it.¡±


    She trembles, and our duenna chokes out another heart-tearing sob as she whispers. ¡°I¡¯m sworn to protect you both, and¡­ and that means from words and memories. This was a mistake. As¡­ as was my doing nothing for you before. For any of them.¡±


    ¡°Zigdara¡­¡± We huff out and trail off.


    Try to find all the words our lovers and other much smarter sorts have told us. Find the memories of our late-night talk with Redrogal to help lay everything in a messy row in our mind.


    ¡°There are poisons. In Arudia and Lyttoral.¡± We start. ¡°Ideas and roles and like¡­ stories we¡¯re all taught. Things we might feel are wrong but don¡¯t have the words to push against. And even if we did, everyone else would rather do anything but admit that the things they¡¯ve consumed their entire lives were hurting others. For us¡­ we had little power to change our life, and so these poisons choked us. You, however, did have power. But we think that¡¯s because you were someone who those that gave you that power ensured accepted those poisons. Kept them close and made certain all others did too in deft and gentle ways. And would have lost everything to try and change even a little bit of the mixture.¡±


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°Inamatorii¡­¡± She whispers. ¡°That¡­ That¡¯s no excuse.¡±


    ¡°No. It¡¯s not.¡± We agree, wiggling free of her firm embrace enough to find her face and touch foreheads. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ understanding. Explaining how we think that you, such a gentle and even-tempered woman, were made to uphold something you see as so wrong now.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ We can hopefully sway others?¡± Our duenna asks.


    ¡°Maybe...¡± We murmur and trail off. Consider for a few long moments before finding the right words. ¡°It would be nice, to have others see and change more willingly. But this is for you, and us. To help clean away the muck so we can understand the wounds beneath.¡±


    Zigdara swallows, and nods. ¡°Yes. That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s good. I agree. And¡­ I wanted to speak with you about something. A thing I should have realized sooner. But not now. Later. In warmer places, and with steaming mugs with your lover¡¯s close. Either one or both spirits present.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± We agree. ¡°Anything you need. If you think it can w¨C¡±


    But a smell catches our attention.


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey but acidic. Burning.


    ¡°Dreamer''s Tits and Rotting Cunt, our¡­ our nonsense lured them here.¡± We hiss and finish slipping free of our duenna¡¯s arms. ¡°Nightmares.¡±


    Them. More than one. Like pests to a corpse they smelled our wails of pain and slipped from Dreams into the real.


    ¡°Where? What can I¡­¡± Zigdara trails off and rises too, even reaching back to grip at the dull bronze blade she insisted on bringing.


    But she knows the answer.


    Nothing.


    Or¡­ at least we¡¯d rather her not try to wrestle one of these broken mewling things into submission while it tears at her Amwella and flesh.


    ¡°Keep close, but do not try to fight one of these things.¡± We demand and step from the little glass plant-home to gaze about the rooftop.


    Two spirits melding close as we consider¡­


    The Peeling Shrike. The larger insists.


    But¡­ The smaller murmurs as our eyes and ears cast about the rooftop. What about the memories?


    The larger spirit curls about the smaller, easily letting the weight of Her fear and fury bring vibrancy to her reply. Those memories are naught but Dead Ash if they come at the cost of ourselves or any of our lovers or allies. And our Amwella is fast dwindling even now. We cannot risk this.


    The smaller winces. This costs much less than the Peeling Shrike to weave. Can¡­ Can we try? Please? Or¡­ or you can let me do this and keep me safe? Make sure I don¡¯t make a mistake and give it too much?


    A pause.


    Once we ensure everyone is safe¡­ Is the growl from the larger. We¡¯ll let our lover¡¯s guide our actions.


    The smaller huffs as the smell turns from a light thing on the wind to a stench that overwhelms. Wishing so much to offer the approaching nightmare a soft song and offering but¡­


    It¡¯s already dropping down at us from above like some angry Cretilla.


    Backstep, hiss out a snap-quick whistle at what looks like a bunch of weird fish with all their tails and fins tied together swallows the space we were just in, and watch as the nightmare is Peeled from this Waking World.


    Without hesitation we step through the ashen muck of the fading corpse, glance back to find our duenna frozen with such an odd expression upon her face.


    ¡°Come. This wasn¡¯t the only one.¡± We sigh and decide to ignore the muddy feelings her twisting of pain and worry cause us.


    She swallows, nods while drawing her blade, and moves around the corpse to stand at our side. ¡°As you say. I¡¯ll remain close and direct us back to the others.¡±


    We stride forward after giving her a hopefully confident smile and nod.


    No more scurry about the rooftops. Which worries us.


    Means¡­ Means they are possibly below and¡­ and hunting the others! The smaller spirit worries.


    Emarial and Rahdian will keep most safe. The larger assures while we cross the distance to reach the doorway to the stairwell.


    Open it, start to move and¨C


    A howling snarling mess of sharp wiggling shadows lunge, all awash with that foul stench.


    Something that draws out our own snarling retort as we easily step aside, pulling Zigdara from its path with strength she¡¯s unprepared for, then snap out another focused whistle of our Peeling Shrike.


    Lingering scent reminds us of¡­ something.


    But of course we can¡¯t consider the agitated memory as we take up Zigdara¡¯s hand and tug her forward. The little spirit trying to focus on movements as the smell makes our stomach turn over while the larger works very hard to keep their songs crisp and efficient.


    Okay. First to find out if the third group is safe. See if they went to meet up with our lovers and such.


    ¡°To reach the final group we will go left, then a sharp right at the intersection, after that simply forward till we find an alcove.¡± Zigdara supplies before our feet touch the bottom of the steps.


    We increase our pace at that. Take a few measured sniffs to see¡­


    Two ahead. And a third still trying to bubble through. But¡­ all in a single room?


    We quickly find the door, make sure Zigdara isn¡¯t looming like a fool, and crack-snap it open.


    A couple more sharp whistling Shrikes, and the two weird ones trying to hide in the shadows are dead. Slumping mucky mess onto the carpets from the walls they clung to. Only leave little scratches on the paint to mark our work. But the third¡­


    A mewling weeping mess hiding in the corner.


    We hesitate. Discord rippling through us and threatening Division.


    Please. The smaller whispers. Just¡­ Leave it for now? Let me ask after we¡¯ve made sure everyone is okay?


    This is just¡­ just a sad song of fear and pain and loneliness and fear and wretched mewling weakness only spewing out because it doesn¡¯t have the power to break us to its wishes. The larger growls.


    The nightmare writhes and tries to pull away. To run. Still burping out little things that sound like a tree is gasping for air while sobbing.


    The smaller takes a deep breath, and asks a simple question.


    Can you trust me more than you fear them?


    The larger snarls at that, turns a blazing wroth of everything rotting to glare at the smaller. Wanting¡­ so much to tell her that this question is not just simple but WRONG.


    That She isn''t afraid of this pathetic thing. Doesn¡¯t find it anything more than a disgusting mess of a wretch worthy of less sympathy then the lowest scum in the pond.


    The smaller whispers gently while holding onto the larger through Her fury. Being afraid of what this one could do or take from you isn¡¯t like¡­ unreasonable. Just¡­ Can you trust me? Let me try? Only Peel it away if this nightmare tries to attack or take more than what I offer?


    The larger snarls and hissing and spits at the smaller¡¯s horrid demand.


    Not a demand. This is your choice, okay? I won¡¯t be angry with you if¡­ if this is too much. The smaller promises. Then nuzzles close to wait. Doesn¡¯t try to push Her to choose something because She was forced.


    A long pause passes as the larger boils in fury, but¡­ then she jerks around to leave the room, pulling the door shut behind. Hisses a soft melody to the door that will keep it locked from all others.


    Thank you. The smaller whispers as they turn to continue to the alcove.


    The larger does not offer any replies beyond not hiding the conflicted mess roiling within Her.


    Made worse at how the curse simply rests happily between them.


    But¡­ then we arrive at the alcove to find it empty.


    ¡°Good. This means they would either be closer to the others or¨C¡±


    But a rumbling hissing howl through the manor cuts off our words. Like some¡­ weird little storm let out a big burp. We stand a bit confused until we feel the subtle rise in temperature.


    And the subtle songs beneath the heat.


    ¡°Ah. It seems our elder is weaving.¡± We murmur and begin to move along the quickest path to the entrance to this wing.


    ¡°That means she¡¯s aware of the danger and acting.¡± Zigdara sighs in relief, then moves to lead us back to the others.

 Chapter 122: Burning Herself to Kill Nightmares and Beasts Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    EMARIAL POV! WOW! Nightmare attacks and memories of death and burning and LOTS of burning of things in the chappy. WOW. is a Emarial deciding to choose violence chappy.


    None of the others even notice the shift, too focused on greeting the newest group of Arudian males and their Keepers.


    Except¡­ perhaps the little gemstone creatures. Each has been quiet up until now. One held tight to this young Sun Spoken¡¯s chest and the other about Jevita¡¯s shoulders as she worked. Each seemed to stir these past moments, and the long one even seemed to be a touch understood by Jevita.


    ¡°A¡­ A what? A screaming forest?¡± The girl had asked with such confusion that just seemed to make one of her lovers giggle and murmur questions.


    Then the last group arrived, and all remaining of the little emissaries¡¯ warnings were ignored.


    At least until the first shadow began to tug itself from the ceiling¡¯s corner at my back to begin reaching down for me.


    A blazing star amidst a group of tittering sparks.


    Already filling my nose with the wretched smell of a nightmare¡¯s aura.


    Sweet, but fowl. Like rotting honey poisoned with acid.


    But¡­ all becomes clear when I jerk to toss flame and fury out to burn it from this Waking World. Calling up one of my more furiously quick yet simple flames. A gut twisting thing that¡¯ll kill this thing fast but at the cost of¨C


    She found me between two villages. Walking the Paths as our kind know to do when our Wellsprings become too engorged. The Hetaera guild hosted me for three weeks and has gifted me months of coin, travel provisions, and Amwella.


    A girl a touch my senior in Sun Spoken things. We grew close as my training ended due to her own claiming''s tragedy mirroring my own. And¡­ how both our shards regarded us as well. Each of us simple toys to our Dreamer¡¯s passing interest and muses.


    But our Paths gently forked as we chose assignments and wished to explore the wider lands. It had been nearly three years since we even crossed Paths again.


    So of course we chose to walk together. Three days of easy trails and mixed recipes and stories. Sleeprolls shared every night. One or both of us passing into slumber mid-word or after a wonderful embrace.


    And her Wellspring was so very alight. Burning hot with carefully saved soulflame. A growing gift to Her Dream-bound lover.


    I barely remember the words of the argument. A thing that grew from a soft disagreement over our different views on our Dreamers into a roaring furious thing that pulled nightmares from the shadows when she refused to calm.


    Three dozen of them upon us in an instant. We barely survived to¨C


    I break from the surface of the memory at the yelps and whimpers of sudden terrified surprise, but... Look about to find most just staring with wide shock at the corpse of pitched muck that falls to steam at my feet.


    And yet instead of the smell dying with the nightmare¡­ it seems to grow.


    This isn¡¯t the only one here.


    ¡°Everyone gather close and stay quiet.¡± I snap as my soulflame returns to my Amwella¡¯s core in a hissing motion. Growling the blaze to a soft steady burn that should help me avoid drowning in any other memories as I weave more Amwella into flame.


    Look about. Need to find¡­


    ¡°You, Rahdian.¡± I call out as I find the young woman.


    ¡°I¡­ Y¨C yes?¡± The girl sputters. Half risen and eyes only pulling from the nightmare¡¯s corpse to mine after a lover of Ina¡¯s lovers nudges her.


    ¡°You¡¯ve dealt with these before?¡±


    She nods and swallows, so very young and scared and¡­


    Brave. Filled with a fire that can only come from wanting to protect others you care for.


    ¡°Good. Stay with this group, deal with any that split off to come after anyone here.¡± I demand and begin moving.


    ¡°Where are you going?¡± Tasii demands, stepping to push her way through the group.


    I can¡¯t help but sigh as I pause to glance back. ¡°The nightmares will come after my flame before all others. So, I¡¯m going to find an empty space to handle them while Rahdian protects these ones.¡±


    ¡°And Ina?¡± Yrelia asks, moving to her side with Rahdian close behind.


    Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    I shrug, ¡°The high duenna is as capable as I am to handle these threats, and they¡¯re accompanied by her duenna. We¡¯ll probably meet in the middle of our hunt.¡±


    They don¡¯t like that, but¡­ know that their joining me would only put them in danger for no gain.


    ¡°I can keep everyone safe here.¡± Rahdian interjects into the tense pause. ¡°While you and they deal with this. Just¡­ be safe?¡±


    I return her nod with a probably grim smile. ¡°If only death were that easy for me.¡±


    Then I turn and stride off into the manor before they can bisect my careless words.


    Looking for nightmares¡­ alongside the girl and goddess that called them.


    I¡¯m not familiar with this manor¡¯s layout, much less the direction Ina and Zigdara might have wandered off into to. But¡­ I can just follow the wretched scent.


    Three shadows become living twisting dangers at my first intersection of paths, easily burned and only the barest flashes of memory curse me. Most I recognize¡­


    The second nightmare I ever killed. A thing that ambushed my mentor and I along the road to a stronghold. It¡­ was my fault. That it peeled itself from the Dreams beneath us all. My still fresh grief calling it like pests to a corpse.


    My mentor told me later how she was going to try and have me kill it. Teach me the consequences of not being more aware of the shadows that might gather behind my soul when I indulge in such things.


    But I leapt upon it with howls of rage. Fists alighting with fire as I bludgeoned the mewling thing into pulped mulched n¨C


    But one I don¡¯t that crashes into my mind as a nightmare fades to nothingness.


    Impossible landscapes twisting throughout an ocean that sings of joy and healing and¡­ and ''all the good stuff''. As one of my mothers likes to say.


    Not perfect. Buuuut¡­ that¡¯s not and will never be the point.


    But we¡¯re to try and weave new pathways to three more Rifts today. Direct routes to one of Ukalon¡¯s domains. Mother Lyra will be there, which settles some of my worries, but¡­ also raises others. Those two always let their hackles rise when they meet and I¡¯ll be the only one there to try and calm Her if things get... heated. And the Godthing of the Perch apparently has a new Kujdestar or lover or daughter or... something? Don''t know. Apparently a Reaver, at least, which worries me because of-


    Snarl in annoyance at that, keep rolling forward with flames on my fingertips and purpose in my stride.


    It has been nearly twenty years since one of the Weaver¡¯s Dreams leaked from a nightmare like that. Which is so very bad. It means that one of these¡­ is special. And not in that it is carrying some shard of the Goddess I need to collect and seal.


    No¡­ it carried that memory like some scavenger with a bloody chunk in its maw. And there is only one place a nightmare can get those.


    Increase my speed. Nearly get taken unawares as two nightmares crack from underneath little side tables to pounce. But I burn them away with an aura that scourges the carpets and walls about me black as pitch.


    Need to find them. Find out what stupid thing that girl and her Goddess did.


    Should have swallowed my wounded pride and anger and¡­ and asked her to spend a day with me. At least learning the simple lessons all Sun Spoken were taught before our order¡¯s sundering.


    Another mistake my broken oaths have laid out for others to pay for.


    And even with the deaths of these nightmares the smell doesn¡¯t weaken. Only grows stronger. More potent.


    I¡¯m running by the time I turn a corner to see¡­


    No.


    Roots and vines and underbrush and trees that reach up to try and touch the unfamiliar sky above. The hallways and manor itself just¡­ gone. As if a painting takes up this entire hallway¡¯s next steps.


    NO!


    I hiss and growl as I take my first steps into this impossible crack in our Waking World.


    This is as rotten as it could be. Whether from the curse itself, or her resistance to it, or¡­ or something worse.


    They¡¯ve attracted the attention of, and alight a pathway for, a Beast of the Weaver¡¯s Wood to crack free of that cursed place directly into the heart of Arudia. Something I only found deep within the manor where the turned Sun Spoken had taken the males from the temple in Kretipla.


    The smell would make me vomit if I wasn¡¯t already blazing my Hearthflame to burn away everything. Even letting it hiss and snap forward like some octopus¡¯ tendrils to tear and rip away at this break in the Waking World.


    Like some wretched canvas being erased, it melts and dribbles and buckles under my working.


    A howl of fury and pain and such spite erupts from the deepest bowls of the forest ahead. The Beast that wears this forest like a cloak to protect itself letting loose its challenge to my trespass.


    Burn my flames hotter. A blazing roar escaping my lips as I let my Amwella pour out into this place. Scorching the jungle and leaving scars all about that show the manor¡¯s twisting burning hallways beneath.


    Need to kill this quickly. Find Ina. Make sure this thing will be the only one to crack free from her mistakes.


    Only good of this is that... that the nightmares tend to avoid Beasts of the Weaver''s Wood.


    And then I hear it.


    A song tearing through the jungle. A piercing shrieking thing that tears at the trees and limbs and forest. A challenge to something a broken shard of a goddess sees as at least partially responsible for Her wounds.


    Faster. Need to get to them faster!


    I abandon all slow caution for speed. Letting my flames burn the pathway ahead hotter than I¡¯d ever dared before¨C


    It¡¯s¡­ Not a relief when the rotted scent of the nightmares is replaced with that of the overwhelming stench of burned flesh and cooling blood. The still steaming corpses of¡­ of¡­


    Friends, sisters, lovers, attendants, duenna, and¡­ and even mentors.


    At least six dozen in this old dead place. Half of that number once bearing the titles of Sun Spoken.


    All turned from the women of the Waking World to serve their Goddesses in this butchery and madness and-


    Snarling as I crack free from the memory to continue charging through this cursed wood.


    Need to get to them before the end. Try and help her seal this break after the Beast is driven back and away. Make sure no cracks are left unsealed.


    When I finally find them¡­ it¡¯s worse than I feared.


    The Beast isn¡¯t anything special. A wrapping of heavily armored chitin shells about a vaguely humanoid frame held together by a twisting writhing mess of shadow and flesh and eyes and teeth and¡­


    If you¡¯re ever cursed to face such a Beast, remember to not look directly at it for too long. I can almost hear my mentor spit through the most gentle memory yet. Use your peripheral vision. Keep your distance. Wait for that glimmer of red flesh to signal when it''s time to strike.


    Good advice. Like always.


    But only when the Sun Spoken facing such a thing is alone and with a modest wellspring. These things tend to focus on whichever target either tried to attack them last, or the girl with the brightest Amwella.


    So I gather up my flame and fury and anger and prepare my strike for when it inevitably senses my soul.


    Eyes dance past and around to look for¡­


    Oh no.


    A tearing of songcraft breaks free of what I can now tell is a freshly cracked stump. Sun Spoken and Weaver roused, pulling free. Ina¡¯s body so very torn and wounded from the blow that sent them crashing into that tree.


    Already hissing a melody akin to what they used back at the Obelisks. A slicing tune that seems to rend anything in its path from Waking World, Dream, and everything between.

 Chapter 123: Burning Herself to Kill Nightmares and Beasts Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    Memory of killing a lover and a spoopy forest. Then being a big cunt and not trying to help save a cutie.


    I wince as I watch the blow tear at the chitin and writhing mess beneath but¡­


    They don''t know that only the cracking of this thing''s heart will end it. Send it tumbling back to the Weaver¡¯s Wood like a predator with a broken limb.


    So I gather up my blaze and send it forth before this thing can call up more like it but...


    Ina is already moving. Hissing their melody about that still unbroken bone leg and body as they circle the beast.


    For a moment I worry like I would for other allies but¡­


    I can¡¯t hurt the Weaver with my flames. Not so long as they have but a hint of Amwella.


    So I continue with my working. Call up my most potent kindling to make sure the blow will either end this conflict in a single strike or leave the Beast reeling so Ina can¨C


    Cold.


    Chest has been so cold for eight months. But I¡­ I¡¯ve never told her that.


    Not sure why until now.


    She sits before me. Just like always. The girl I asked to bind her everything to me in some silly mimicry of richer sorts nonsense. Silly. Childish. But¡­ We both knew we wanted this.


    Didn¡¯t even walk the Paths together. Didn¡¯t want to. Just¡­ found this good spot and built a home together.


    Her once blazing scarlet eyes that glowed with such vibrant delight at my request now sit dull maroon and empty. Despite how much that fire in her chest blazes.


    She¡¯s dead. That monster killed her and left me to send her down the river. But... Then I did something. Something unnatural. Poured everything I could into her. Almost died myself, I think. But¡­ It didn¡¯t work. She''s not spoken a word or moved on her own since. Eight months now I¡¯ve fed her and bathed her and watched her wounds heal wonderfully. Not a scratch left.


    Eight months of the woman in the shadows of my Dreams trying to tell me that my girl is dead. Pushing me to take back my flame and let her go.


    Live on without her.


    But I couldn¡¯t do that. Or tell my lover''s empty eyes about the frigid blizzard that¡¯s been slowly tearing me up from the inside out. So worried she was still in there. Somewhere. Fighting still to get back to me. That if I told her I need that blaze in her chest she¡¯d¡­ she¡¯d stop fighting.


    Avoid giving me any signs she¡¯s alive so I¡¯d drink up that flame and stop slowly dying here with her.


    Move on.


    Can¡¯t do that either. And I weep as I tell all this. Admit to my fear and beg her to come back to me.


    Wake up. Please.


    But she doesn¡¯t. Of course.


    And I''m being so selfish keeping her trapped if my girl is buried somewhere deep in there all these months. Awake but unable to control her flesh.


    So I gather up her warm lifeless body into my arms. Just like I did after she accepted my clumsy proposal. Lean down to press lips to hers, filling both our mouths with the taste of wine and tears.


    Pause. Hoping one last time to feel her return my kiss.


    But¡­ she doesn¡¯t. Of course.


    Already dead.


    And with a sob that splits my everything apart I tear the blaze from her chest and feel the flesh she left behind finally die in my arms.


    Can barely breath as I am finally dumped from the horrid memory¡¯s snare. Gasping and wheezing like some beach-stranded fish. My weeping more than ugly, more than messy, and more than anyone would ever know what to do with. Blubbering sobs of regret and apology. Even pleas for the river I let her drift down alone.


    But¡­ they really are trying. And that makes the tears fall harder.


    The duenna I used and betrayed and abandoned and even loved a bit holds me in her arms. Refuses to let me thrash about and damage myself farther in my mind rotting grief. Even murmurs soft things of support and calm for me.


    And beside us is¡­


    The girl and goddess I threatened and lied to and tried to kill. Hand rubbing soft circles across my back as they weave such soft melodies about me. Songs that help the heart ruining sadness bleed through me. Not¡­ not smothering it like I¡¯m used to others insisting. Actually encouraging me to weep as much as needed to release some of this.


    Stolen novel; please report.


    Can¡¯t even properly reach up to wipe away the tears in my eyes to make sure we¡¯re safe. That they killed the Beast and maybe began to seal this crack.


    Doesn¡¯t seem like it from the smell.


    ¡°I¨C is¡­¡± I rasp through a throat torn and shredded by a stupid old woman¡¯s pain. ¡°A¨C are¡­¡±


    ¡°It melted away.¡± Ina replies, the song drifting into a natural end. ¡°All that remains is this odd forest. I take it you¡¯re aware of how to get us out?¡±


    I shake my head, pull free of Zigdara¡¯s embrace to wipe away the tears. ¡°No out. We¡¯re still in the manor. We¡­ we need to deal with this.¡±


    ¡°Okay. How?¡± The duenna asks.


    ¡°Last time I burned it all down.¡± I answer. ¡°Manor and all.¡±


    ¡°That seems messy and stupid.¡± Ina huffs and sighs. Standing to gaze about.


    ¡°If you¡¯ve got a song for this, then use it.¡± I cough and spit and try to get the smell of ashes and rotten sap and cold corpses from my nostrils. ¡°This is your doing, after all.¡±


    Zigdara sighs through a tired glare at me. But Ina¡­


    They look down at me with such a worried expression. ¡°We¡­ Was everyone alright when you left them?¡±


    Her duenna looks like she means to argue but¡­ waits for me to speak.


    ¡°Yes.¡± I rasp. ¡°Rahdian seemed confident that she could handle a nightmare or two. Only one near us and I left before more might have sought me out.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± That causes such a tension to leave their form, letting them sag a bit in relief. ¡°Okay. We can sing this away.¡±


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Zigdara murmurs, slowly untangling herself from me to stand beside her charge. ¡°Do you have the soulflame to spare for this?¡±


    They consider that, looking about the space. ¡°We think so. If we focus on calming and easing things instead of trying to deal with every little leaf and blade of grass. This forest doesn¡¯t want to be here any more than we do.¡±


    Their duenna looks to want to argue, but instead only asks. ¡°And¡­ for the healing after that you¡¯ll need?¡±


    Healing?


    ¡°We¡¯ll be mindful of that. Will stop if we draw close to emptying things and let Emarial burn the rest.¡± They look back to me. ¡°Is that acceptable?¡±


    I tilt my head, wanting to press them about that. About¡­ about what cost this has to Ina¡¯s body that needs to be healed after. But¡­ nod my agreement.


    ¡°Can you walk? It¡¯ll be best if we¡¯re moving toward the edge while we weave this.¡±


    In answer I rise, and Ina begins to lead us.


    Silent at first, but then I find that it''s much like back at the Obelisks. Like slowly gathering up all the threads for some great weaving. Careful, but not shy. Deft, but not burdened with uncertainty. All that they need to weave this great working all about and easily drawn up and into the tapestry.


    And as the first foreign words leave their lips I can¡¯t help but find the sway behind them. Like an echo tossed out for the forest to answer. Which¡­


    I can almost see the tint of the manor¡¯s hallways in the distance. Growing ever closer.


    Their pace slows though. Becomes unsteady as they seem to hear the unspoken answer to the song. Their reply is nearly a rasp, moisture prickling their eyes as they glance about. Then their gaze finds mine, and among the endless questions I know they wish to demand I answer¡­ only one matters.


    This forest, this¡­ splitting, is from the Weaver¡¯s Wood. And it is not named because it is a place that she dwells within or once held dear.


    No. This is the forest that holds Her corpse and grows from the magic that bleeds from what remains.


    At that they pale. Song tilting into a thing of horror and despair and¡­ and longing.


    Longing to seek out the ever-dying flesh.


    But at that the shadows of this forest begin to grow longer. More¡­ defined. The song that was once filled with peace and comforts now rotting as the Wood about us is blighted to its core. Calling wretched howling nightmares forth.


    Zigdara wraps an arm about her charge, tugs Ina about to face her.


    Speaks words that are lost in the song but clearly impact Ina enough for them to close their eyes and focus.


    Try to steady their working and pace.


    It¡¯s a struggle for them. As¡­ as it is for all the other Sun Spoken that fell into loving their cursed Goddess and came to feel the draw of this Wood after facing a Beast from within. Tearing this melody they weave to crack, forcing them to stop and regather up the shattered pieces.


    And all throughout their Amwella dwindles. Burning softer and smaller with every step and note and nightmare stilled. Each shred of this place costs them precious embers.


    Near the end, as their soulflame bears such a small blaze, they turn and look at me. Are about to ask that I finish the work.


    But then such a collection of howls causes the branches and trees to shake.


    We all jerk back and around to see the looming shadows of Beasts greater than the ones we just faced moving through the Wood.


    Drawn by Ina¡¯s gentle songs like predators to a fresh corpse.


    I reach for my own soulflame and the wretched memories I''ll burn beneath to call fury and flame, ready to burn what remains away in a burst that will likely tear away half the manor and leave me in such a broken state from the memory I¡¯ll have to re-endure.


    But with a whip-crack of fury Ina and her shard weave a close to their song, and this Wood¡¯s time and place within this Waking World.


    We all stumble as if struck by a wave from the sea. The manor snapping back into place in a jolt of motion that ends with me leaning hard against one of its walls. The song that was a deafening symphony now just¡­ gone.


    Not even echoes remain.


    Just¡­


    Glance over to see Ina on their knees. Sobbing and choking and weeping as Zigdara moves to curl about her.


    And¡­


    No soulflame. The last of it spent to close that tear before the Beasts could approach. All of the pain from these revelations punctuated by the cold ache in her chest.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± They whisper. Voice a rasping broken thing. All weight besides the slight tilting in tone of two spirits speaking together. ¡°F¨C fucked up. D¨C didn¡¯t f¨C feel them u¨C until¡­.¡±


    ¡°You need Amwella.¡± Zigdara states.


    They nod, try to rise, but stumble into their duenna¡¯s embrace as if such a great weight sits on their shoulders.


    ¡°Come. There are rooms here. You can take from me.¡± This duenna offers without hesitation.


    Not seeing what I and her charge sees as their eyes drift up to meet mine.


    Even if such an embrace would bear enough Amwella to replenish them, which it does not, there simply isn¡¯t enough time.


    Their body is already buckling under the weight of the Weaver¡¯s spirit roused to the Waking World. The quilt of protection their Amwella offered already burned away to expose flesh and mind to the Rot of this merging. Like some¡­ gaping maw it would take double Zigdara¡¯s Amwella to quench its thirst and keep Ina¡¯s mind and spirit from shattering. And even if there was time, all Ina¡¯s lovers are spent as well. Amwella already harvested for their flames. Even this new Sun Spoken¡¯s contributions alongside all the others wouldn¡¯t be enough.


    ¡°Emarial¡­¡± They whisper as they see my recognition to all these things.


    A plea.


    For the gift of soulflame offered without an embrace. Enough to ensure they survive this night.


    Live beyond their mistakes.


    ¡°You drew these nightmares and worse here, to this place. To nearly ravage and kill everyone you love and more besides.¡± I state into the quiet.


    All my lessons and words and broken promises crashing through me at this¡­ this one chance. Perhaps my last. To end this. To end Her before Ina can hasten this world''s end even more.


    ¡°Sun Spoken, is this really the¨C¡± Zigdara starts.


    But Ina raises a trembling hand to halt her words. ¡°Yes. It¡­ w¨C was a mistake. Something th¨C that won¡¯t happen again.¡±


    Deep breath as I see the path, a way to keep some of my promises.


    Reply evenly. ¡°You can¡¯t be sure of that.¡±


    Zigdara stiffens at my words. ¡°Emarial, What are you doing?¡±


    I take a step back in answer.


    Witnessing. No more, no less. Keeping my promises. Protecting others from this recklessness and blind love for a Goddess that would see us all burn beneath her¨C

 Chapter 124: Burning Herself to Kill Nightmares and Beasts Part 3

    <u>CW:</u>


    Emarial POV! Wow. Threats to let a gerl and her shard die a horrid soul death. A kiss someone consents to. Threats of freeing shards trapped within! Closer and closer and closer to Arc 3''s end!!! AHHHH!!!


    ¡°Oh. Great.¡± Inamatorii huffs and winces, both from the growing pain of Amwella starvation and¡­ the Weaver¡¯s unsoftened weight on her mind soul. ¡°You¡¯re being stupid again. Wonderful.¡±


    Such a growl rumbles through Zigdara¡¯s chest as she understands what I refuse to give. ¡°You¡¯re going to let her die.¡±


    Or... finally let the river have me in the attempt.


    I let out such a sigh and shake my head at the thought. ¡°They spent her Amwella calling nightmares and Beasts and worse still, then corrected that mistake with everything she had left. The only soulflame they¡¯ll get from me would be if either wishes to make her fast approaching death come a little quicker.¡±


    ¡°Again.¡± Ina and her shard spit while glaring at me, voice clear but¡­ cracking. Dying. Fading. As all their cursed melding do at the end. ¡°You just¡­ We¡¯ll never be good enough, will we? You don¡¯t want us to heal. Any of us? This little spirit or the world or¡­ but especially not our big spirit or her sister shards. Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t stand the idea of it. Why?¡±


    That sparks my fury to boil. Set rage to fill my eyes and throat and soul.


    ¡°You speak of healing?¡± I laugh bitterly. ¡°Ina may be a girl deserving of that, but not the wretched Weaver¡¯s shards. No. They are things broken beyond that. This world barely endures their Rot. But despite that¡­ Ina¡¯s settled the Zeridii. Gifted its favored Arudian males freedom. From here the world can at least die without our blighted kind about to spread the decay. Maybe even cultivate something better from our ashes.¡±


    They go still at that. Seeming to sag just a little lower as half their spirit continue to die.


    Doubtless realizing just how helpless they are to stop this.


    ¡°You are wounded, without Amwella, and about to crack under your Weaver¡¯s weight.¡± I clarify any doubts, let my voice lower to a whisper. ¡°There is one pathway to survival, and¡­ know that without Amwella to protect you from my flame¡­¡±


    I can kill you. Are the words I leave unspoken.


    Their face twists at that. Goes so pale I think they might be about to pass away without another word.


    ¡°We¡­ We won¡¯t leave them.¡± They finally whisper, shifting that wicked bone leg to lift just a touch from the floor in preparation. ¡°Please. Don¡¯t do this.¡±


    Ah. And there it is. The hunger such a creature feels when starving. All that¡¯s left to them are threats and desperate actions when a feast is denied.


    I shrug and fix them with a bemused glare, take another step back. Let my rage and this new memory fuel a few sparks to dance about me. ¡°I only aided in protecting others. Everything else is your choice. I¡¯m simply refusing to save you from your own mistakes.¡±


    Zigdara growls, adjusting to only support her charge at the shoulder. Eyes blazing with fury and wordless accusations.


    ¡°Don¡¯t make me burn you too, Zigdara.¡± I answer evenly and before the duenna can take a step forward.


    She flinches, hard. Then her face becomes a roar of anger as she releases Ina to roll forward. Deliberately paced so that I can move or adjust or¡­


    But a piece of my resolve cracks a bit. Enough so the big duenna can grab me by coat¡¯s collar and jerk my face an inch from hers. A quite stupid and ineffective grip to threaten me with her pinning arts.


    ¡°You would break oaths to me again, Sun Spoken?¡± She spits, voice strained as moisture touches her eyes. ¡°Oaths to the Temple? To her mother? You¡¯d let her die? This girl who¡¯s trusted you time and time and time again!?!¡±


    A heart of pain at... at hurting this woman who walked with me along the paths and curled about my sleepless form for countless nights. Then I whisper with all the fury I can. "Yes."


    ¡°Just¡­ Can we stop being stupid about this? We fucked up but¡­ but are doing everything else we can to¨C.¡± Ina starts to stammer but then loses footing and falters. Has to balance themselves against the wall.


    Zigdara releases me in a snap of motion and moves to her Sun Spoken¡¯s side. Slipping an arm beneath to lift them to stand straighter.


    I almost relent. Almost see just the girl who¡¯s not even had her life for a year, the¡­ the Sun Spoken we all wished was the truth of our order. A woman of the Paths wishing nothing more than to walk and bring life and healing to all she finds. Brimming with love.


    But within her shadow is the Weaver. A cruel and mocking creature that regardless of her Sun Spoken¡¯s wishes will always just¡­ bring rot and ruin and blighted pain to our world the more She¡¯s allowed to drift through it.


    Always. Every time. Without fail.


    ¡°Please, Emarial.¡± They rasp as though every breath is a weight more than the entire ocean. ¡°Don¡¯t do this. We¡¯re not threatening you, even if we had a drop of Amwella we¡­ we¡¯d never want to¡­¡±


    But then they trail off as their dull violet gaze locks on something behind me. And¡­


    The duenna nearly spits in defensive anger. Ina adjusts to place a restraining hand on Zigdara¡¯s chest but her pale expression becomes a thing of silent surrender and¡­ and pained acceptance?


    All fight leaving her posture. As the light smell of another foe tickles my nose.


    I glance back to find¡­


    Vele?


    The Matron of the House moves down this hallway with still sparking lightning Gemstone in her left hand and¡­ and dragging something in the talons of her glimmering right talon¡¯s grip?


    A nightmare. Not dead but¡­ dismembered. Mewling and broken.


    Something she should not be able to do without Sun Spoken magic. Touch that creature without having her Amwella torn at. Even in the old days she relied on speed and that lightning stone to fell nightmares and the Sun Spoken that called them.


    Walks right up to stand before me, somehow seems to look down her nose despite my looming frame. Drops the nightmare at my feet. The carpets do nothing to muffle the disgusting sound it makes. The whimpers and warbling growls.


    ¡°You missed one. Tend to it, Sun Spoken.¡± She snarls and moves to step past me.


    If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    I raise a hand to stop her. ¡°You don¡¯t need to¨C¡±


    ¡°Someone has to, and such a thing seems beyond your abilities.¡± She snaps, then lifts her flesh and blood hand up to grip me by a wounded limb, then shoves me bodily against the wall and from her path.


    Her words surprise me more than the pain that spikes and flares.


    ¡°V¨C vele¡­ They¡­ Without a Wellspring they¡¯re already de¨C¡±


    But she ignores me, struts up to this Sun Spoken and her duenna.


    ¡°You¡¯ll die without Amwella.¡± She murmurs gently, eyes locked on Ina¡¯s. ¡°I can give you most of mine.¡±


    I freeze. Cold realization tumbling through my mind as I look to her core.


    Blazing vibrant and double the size it should be. And¡­ She did learn the trick of it all those years ago. How to gift Amwella to me as my Wellspring dwindled without the need for an entire messy tumbling of flesh.


    ¡°How? Y¨C you¡¯re not¡­¡± Ina stammers, then trails off before the final obvious words.


    Sun Spoken.


    ¡°We¡¯ve not the time to debate my abilities. Yes or no?¡± The Matron presses.


    Ina pales just a bit further, swallows, then nods.


    ¡°Vele¡­ You can¡¯t¨C¡± I start to protest while pushing off the wall.


    But without even looking, Vele turns her lightning gemstone back to aim at me in silent warning. Fingers already danced over the now crackling Glyph and a whisper from the final motion that¡¯ll unleash its strike.


    And¡­ And of all the people in this Waking World I know that she understands the possible outcomes to that threat.


    I could weave my blaze to kill them all, but¡­ not before she¡¯d trigger that stone and end me. Leaving my wellspring and Ina¡¯s shard to be picked up by the next sorry sort to stumble over our corpses.


    And that¡¯s something I cannot allow. Refuse to let my end be the final crack that sends this world to finish its tumble into cold silence when some random girl, or worse, takes up these flames.


    So I can do nothing but stand still and let Veletross turn aside from the purpose I sought her out to help me tend to all those years ago.


    Ina¡¯s eyes widen as they see the threat and my furious acceptance, then slowly tilts their gaze back to Veletross. Rasps so quietly. ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°A kiss, as I¡­ suspect you well know. But nothing more.¡± The Matron Answers and¡­ I don¡¯t even hear the sound of a smirk to her reply.


    ¡°Fine, yes.¡± Ina huffs. ¡°Just¡­ Okay. Do it. Please. Before we¡­¡±


    As they trail off Veletross reaches out and cups Ina¡¯s chin in her glimmering red talon, then pulls them in for a far softer kiss than it seems to be.


    But for those able to sense Amwella, it is anything but.


    The Matron of Rell¡¯s plentiful Wellspring sparks out and rends at the edges. Twisting and tugging and thrashing tendrils of flame all about before settling into a whirlwind of motion. Then the maelstrom kicks up and over and rushes through Veletross into Ina.


    Sparking the empty core within Ina to blaze with renewed flame and life.


    And even more deft than all those years ago. Barely a few sparks wasted in the transfer of soulflame. Something¡­ something even Sun Spoken rarely achieve.


    Immediately after Veletross breaks the kiss Ina is spitting a song. One of healing that quickly costs them almost half the blaze gifted.


    ¡°Why.¡± They ask as the song fades, their skin gaining back some vibrancy while posture straightens.


    The Matron pulls her fingers from the Gemstone¡¯s glyphs and lowers the threat, takes a deep breath as her now greatly diminished Amwella settles, then lets it out in a great huff of a sigh.


    But instead of answering Ina, she slowly rounds on me. Fixes such a hard glare on her face as she steps closer, tone sharp as a well-cracked obsidian blade. ¡°I¡¯ll speak this warning to you only a single time, Sun Spoken Emarial, make sure you stow it carefully as you walk the Paths to avoid misplacing the memory.¡±


    Returning her glare is easy, even if the foundations of any rage are starting to crack and wither under the rising shame. That¡­ That this wretched manipulative heartless cunt of a Matron would be the one to offer soulflame without cost to Ina instead of me¡­ her elder.


    Even as I still cannot find it within me to say a different choice was what I should have chosen here.


    ¡°Go on then.¡± I growl and push off the wall to loom over her.


    "Matron. There... is no need for further stupid threats. With Amwella we-"


    Veletross ignores them as her voice drops to a quiet whisper. Eyes shift to a hue of pitched black with small glimmers of starlight dancing within. ¡°Do not think the rest of us will crawl into a rotting raft before our absolute end just because you may long for the river.¡±


    Ina huffs and steps forward. No longer needing her duenna¡¯s support to stand tall. Says some words¡­


    Things I don¡¯t bother listening to.


    Because in that moment my everything howls for me to set this stupid Matron right. To snarl how wrong she is. How¡­ how she doesn¡¯t know anything about me or my oaths or purpose or burdens!!!


    But... she does. She was there. She saw the mangled corpses and heard at least three Sun Spoken howl their goals while they burned. Sat with the remaining women loyal to the purpose of the Sun Spoken as all agreed to the Path we must all walk! Offered her own threats to all we thought might Turn.


    So how can she say this to me?


    ¡°Matron Veletross¡­¡± I finally speak into the quiet that¡¯s settled. Refusing to look away from one of my oldest allies and lover¡¯s glare. ¡°Long before I met you, my order would have demanded I burn them for today. Even before the second Turn broke us. This was my compromise. My honoring yours and my past allies. My¡­ trying to stop the madness that rotting Goddess spreads to the World!¡±


    ¡°By killing them?¡± She snaps back.


    ¡°By letting them face the consequences of¨C¡±


    She laughs, bitter and cold and ruthless. ¡°Your mind truly has withered if you¡¯ve suddenly decided to claim that. Innocence through inaction? Really?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not¡­¡± I snarl and break the stare, glare down at the broken and helpless nightmare still at my feet.


    Hiss and spit a blaze to burn it from this Waking World using the fuel of this moment¡¯s pain.


    A long pause lays among us as the flame settles.


    ¡°Emarial.¡± Ina begins, voice soft and careful. ¡°You saw us at our most vulnerable¡­ and tried to end us.¡±


    I finally glance over to find their expressions torn between pain and fury.


    ¡°Just like in the Archives or even before that.¡± They almost whisper. ¡°You continue to act against any healing we¡¯ve tried to find. For us, the other shards, or even the wider World.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not¡­ Ina you don¡¯t know what¨C¡±


    ¡°Thank the Dreamer¡¯s Blighted Tits you failed.¡± They continue past and over my words, voice sharp as they let themselves tilt into anger. ¡°So¡­ Here is what you¡¯re going to do. Travel to the town we spoke of, and wait for us to either come to you or call for you to meet us elsewhere.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Is all I can say.


    ¡°Once we do that, you can expect us to demand that story. Every wretched detail of what you and Veletross did to all those years ago.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s none of your¨C¡± I try to protest.


    ¡°And yes, we intend to demand the same of before we leave this stupid mountain. So don¡¯t think you can soften your telling or skip over important bits.¡±


    As I reel from that, Veletross steps back. Such a cruel smirk on her lips as she eyes my fellow Sun Spoken.


    ¡°I actually have at least a few journals on the affair, as well as the journals on other private projects inspired by the event¡¯s conclusion.¡± The Matron offers. ¡°They can be in your arms before the sun rises, High Duenna.¡±


    ¡°And if I refuse?¡± Is all I can ask, turning both gazes back to me.


    Their eyes narrow as it seems an echo of their song twists to such a dark thing. Feels¡­ More as though a shadow looms over as their voice seems to Divide and crack. Still twinned with the voice of two spirits but¡­ more Inamatorii than Weaver shard in tone and words. As if the girl has chosen to speak alone with her shard simply at her back.


    ¡°When we first met, you said you weren¡¯t a Sun Spoken anymore.¡± Ina asks, voice still thrumming with the weight of her rekindled Wellspring but¡­ singular. ¡°I¡¯d nearly forgotten you said that, but now we¡¯d like to know why.¡±


    I hesitate, trying to¡­ to remember that day in that little town near Lyttoral. The words spoken amidst the early days of my 6 months of endless wakefulness. And...


    Sounds like the kind of thing I¡¯d say.


    ¡°Not sure. Probably because I was hoping to not need to fulfill the roles and duties of one. Why does it matter?¡± I reply evenly.


    They nod, ¡°Okay. So here is our offer. Meet us in that town we agreed on. Tell us this story and answer any and all questions we have as best you can. And after or during, depending on the song, we¡¯re going to take your shards from you. All of them.¡±


    I go still. Feel such an ache tearing through me at¡­ at this wretched offer that¡­


    That so much of me howls for.


    An end to my burden. No longer a Sun Spoken. Free to sleep and dream and walk and¡­ and die.


    Chase my dead love down the river if I have the courage for it.


    ¡°Ina¡­ That¡­ I can¡¯t...¡± I growl at the hope, shoulders beginning to shake in rage and pain.


    ¡°And know this, Sun Spoken Emarial. If you are not there, then we will come looking for you.¡± They reply, tone a rising wave of power as the Weaver behind adds Her voice to Ina¡¯s. ¡°Maybe not right away. But eventually and sooner than you expect. To the ends of the fucking oceans if needed. Then we¡¯ll pluck those shards you¡¯ve been keeping free. By whatever means necessary, and ensure your nonsense never can threaten the healing this World, and all Her Dreams, need. Ever again.¡±


    I fight back a shouting reply. Something that would only wound the girl more and not¡­ not gain us all anything but more pain.


    Instead only nod, then turn and walk away while crushing all the pain and fury and guilt down beneath my blaze to avoid calling forth any more nightmares or¡­ or worse to haunt my Path.


    Letting that hope of freedom carry my weary body forward.

 Chapter 125: To Mantle and Be Mantled

    <u>CW:</u>


    Worry over death. Songs of ow. Swimming through nightmares. Growing bits and not noticing them!


    We nearly collapse against the wall the second the big stupid cunt passes from view.


    Everything hurts more than it ever has before. Even¡­ even back during our second merging. And we had to sleep for days and days after that!


    ¡°Ina¡­¡± Comes the soft worried murmur of our wonderful duenna.


    But, we need to get everyone safe before we can consider rest. Or¡­ or let ourselves really absorb everything that just happened.


    Part of us¡­ the smaller spirit. We think? Reaches back to brush fingers across her arm. To both gift Zigdara some assurances that we¡¯re okay but also¡­ just in case.


    The little piece of the Weaver¡¯s Wood that sprouted from our songless pain.


    Just in case we fall apart and need her for balance or comforts or¡­


    A monster within, something we knew from the moment its first howls reached us that¡­ that it was something worse than any nightmare. A creature bubbling with stolen flame.


    Or something.


    And¡­ Emarial¡¯s betrayal.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Are the first words we whisper. Then turn to look at the two very patient souls behind us. ¡°For¡­ Saving us.¡±


    Find Zigdara more steady than us, thankfully. Eyes filled with rage and pain but¡­ also years of training in managing such feelings. As for the Matron¡­


    ¡°Of course, High Duenna Inamatorii.¡± Veletross replies gently, even seems to sigh in relief as she meets our gaze. Eyes still that dull shade as opposed to the vibrant hues normal to her. ¡°Is there anything else I can gift you both this night?¡±


    ¡°What more could we demand? Matron?¡± We can¡¯t help but chuckle mirthlessly. ¡°Your very presence could have seen any hope of our survival dashed, yet¡­ you chose instead to risk yourself to save us. And we''re not sure why.¡±


    Her eyes shift to a dull jade at that, ¡°It was the only reasonable option.¡±


    That makes us pause, actually think before whispering the truth that so plainly glimmers from those haunting eyes. ¡°You really think that?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Such a small but honest smirk touches her lips. ¡°I meant what I said.¡±


    Oh. Fuck. Our smaller spirit sputters. Very nearly collapses back into Zigdara¡¯s arms at the realization that brings. This Matron, the woman who very nearly helped kill us, actually wasn¡¯t waiting for an opening to end us. Might¡­ might actually mean what she said about wanting to help.


    ¡°Good.¡± We huff and can¡¯t help but let the relief cover our expression. ¡°Really don¡¯t need people we thought finally showing some intelligence deciding to¡­ to be SO stupid again.¡±


    ¡°Quite.¡± Veletross agrees and glares after the passage Emarial left from. ¡°She¡­ Is exactly like she was.¡±


    Purse at that. Wanting so much to snap something unkind but the smaller starts to share softer words when¨C


    ¡°And you¡¯re not?¡± Our lips snap.


    Causing the smaller to sputter at¡­ at how no Division of action strikes her grip from their merging with at that easy contradiction of action from the larger?


    ¡°No. Actually.¡± She looks back to us with a smirk. ¡°I was a young and ambitious thing. Looking to gain my grandmama¡¯s place as Matron to this house. Blind to the wider motions of our world until they were beyond my ability to change.¡±


    Our little spirit looks about through weary pain to find the limits of our merger and¡­


    Can¡¯t spot the lines between. Not because there aren¡¯t two distinct spirits but¡­


    We seem to have drifted into unexpected waters, love. The larger murmurs. I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry. I¡¯m not sure the damage our time without the protections of Amwella caused. It¡­ We can weave more healing into our song before we rest, of course. But¡­


    Trails off as wordless understanding settles between us.


    ¡°We should get back to the others, make sure everyone is safe and finish our work.¡± Zigdara intones into the silence.


    ¡°Yes.¡± We sigh and nod. ¡°We¡¯ll speak on all this later, Matron.¡±


    ¡°Of course, High Duenna.¡± She replies with nothing but polite earnest words. ¡°As has been offered before, but now I hope you both understand the earnestness of my words, come to me with any needs you may have. I will fulfill them to the best of my abilities.¡±


    ** ** **


    ¡°How would more Amwella not help?¡± Kque presses from behind as she and Yrelia help us shrug off the torn and stained clothes.


    ¡°All the Amwella in the Waking World and Her Dreams wouldn¡¯t reverse time. This is no longer a manner of healing but¡­ Adapting. Like a fish in new waters.¡± We reply, barely able to keep our words from slurring.


    Even more tired than before. Any second spike of energy long faded. Barely remember all the things after the Matron and Zigdara led us back. Just¡­ our lovers rushing up to check on us. In hushed tones asking for answers and explanations while pulling us close. Seeing our pains and weariness


    We¡­ gave some answers. Zigdara offered more sharp retelling. After that they focused on just¡­ being there. Finishing the night as close as possible.


    Think everything went smoothly from there. Us braving the cold night to make sure the Arudian males had a good first meeting with the first group from the Azure Compact. Trying to¡­ to give people assurances that what just happened was not a thing they should worry over. Just¡­ focus on helping them live well.


    Please.


    ¡°Loves¡­ You¡¯re softening words.¡± Tasii states evenly while moving around to meet our weary gaze. ¡°This is bad, and we need to know how much.¡±


    Let out an easy sigh and tired smile for our second lover. Whisper gently. ¡°We¡¯re not saying goodbye to anyone tonight, love. Just¡­ might have to sleep a longer amount than normal.¡±


    ¡°How much? Will it¡­ be like the time before?¡± Kque asks while helping us up into the bed we¡¯ve chosen.


    The biggest in the house. So¡­ so everyone could be close. Even Zigdara is gathering an eternity of cushions so she can make the big fluffy chair comfy.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    ¡°Could be. We¡¯re¡­ Not sure. That pain was caused by wretched Division and Aceso¡¯s curse. While this¡­¡± We trail off, try to¡­ to find the words past all this.


    Try to explain what this feels like. Poke and prod and wiggle about a bit like one might with a hurt ankle. Trying to find the limits of the injury and form words for our brilliant girls.


    ¡°Loves?¡± Yrelia prompts from behind us.


    ¡°Hm?¡± We reply softly.


    ¡°Can¡¯t sleep just yet.¡±


    ¡°Nope. Not even trying.¡± We murmur, wiggling deeper into her embrace. ¡°Just¡­ trying to find the best way to explain this. But the words aren¡¯t fitting to the feelings inside. Like¡­ trying to explain colors to someone who has never seen them.¡±


    ¡°Okay, then we can just ask questions.¡± Jevita suggests.


    Let eyes adjust to focus and¡­ oh. Everyone is here now. So we smile tiredly and nod to her.


    ¡°Is this like what you were both worried about before?¡± Tasii asks from behind, snuggled close to hold both ourselves and Yrelia. ¡°With your merging becoming easier? And the smaller spirit getting closer to the Dreams and nightmares?¡±


    Reach out to let a hand sway back and forth. ¡°A little, but not really. Could be though. We still don¡¯t know why or how that¡¯s happening.¡±


    ¡°Your songs seem¡­ quiet. Lots more than other times. Is that okay or do you both need to weave bigger ones before sleeping?¡± Jevita observes from beside our leg.


    ¡°Nope.¡± We purse our lips, then sigh. ¡°This is like¡­ waiting for the sun to rise. Can¡¯t rush it.¡±


    ¡°Are¡­ um¡­¡± Rahdian starts, then trails off.


    ¡°Yes love?¡± We encourage.


    The newest member to this family blushes, and might as well visibly shiver at the ease in which we call her that. Nearly biting lower lip like we¡¯re told our smaller spirit does before whispering. ¡°Just wondering if you¡¯d like me to Dream with you both.¡±


    ¡°Always, but¡­ Probably n¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes, you should.¡± Yrelia interrupts firmly.


    Might argue but¡­


    We can barely keep our eyes open.


    Body is fine with the song we wove, mind clear too! Just¡­ Spirits feel¡­


    Melty.


    So m¨C much we can¡¯t help but snuggle close and nuzzle as others ask some questions.


    One of us gives answers to them as best she can. Not sure which? Probably is important.


    Can¡¯t help but giggle at how we should probably be worried like all these warm souls about us are but¡­ Can¡¯t seem to be afraid.


    We¡¯ll be okay. We have each other.


    Always and Forever. Too close to let go now!!!


    Questions are still about. Even some rumblings of¡­ something. Not sure. Just need to rest now.


    Or¡­ at least¡­ Until¡­ Aceso tries to remember the ending to the thoughts from before.


    I wait very patiently. Finding the missing places and filling the holes with helpful ideas. Eventually offer a thought. Dream¡¯s End? Not the little Dream we share. But the big one that everything and everyone swims through? The one who¡¯s Tits you like to mention a lot?


    Aceso giggles and wiggles and bubbles with excitement. Memories sparking through like lightning across the night sky.


    YES! Like wonderful mothers taught us to navigate! Song woven forests, Hot Rifts, Cold Rifts, Waking Worlds and Endless Nightmares within. Even the Blight between it all!


    Biggest mother taught us so well! All of us. Her¡­


    Aceso pauses, tears and a broken smile tearing across her soul as she whispers words I don¡¯t think she¡¯s been able to find in a very very long time.


    Her little Jellyfish.


    Then this big spirit comes apart in my embrace. Not like¡­ dangerously so. Just¡­ like¡­ weeping as one might in a dream. With more pain than even a nightmare would risk approaching.


    Miss her so much. My fifth lover sputters. Hope¡­ hope when they find what¡¯s left of me they¡­ they won¡¯t hate us. Or despise what I¡¯ve been broken into.


    Never. I promise with my everything. Your family will be so proud of you, love.


    I fucked up so much! Aceso hisses into this void we rest within. Ruined everything. Couldn¡¯t¡­ couldn¡¯t even keep this one little Rift safe. Even with all the Songs and Magics they taught me. Let monsters and worse use me and break me and¡­ and hurt everyone just¡­ just like¡­


    Have to hold her close as such¡­ such a horrid realization is felt between us.


    Not all of those who would call themselves her parent were wonderful and kind and loving.


    One was wretched.


    The cunt hurt them. My mothers. Aceso growls. And I found out she had a sister of mine and was hurting her and¡­ and had to save her. Get her home and¡­


    That¡¯s¡­ when I realize where we are. Not between the Waking World and a Dream, or some safe spot devoid of all Aceso¡¯s worst fears.


    No.


    We¡¯re at the bottom of the ocean.


    With nightmares swimming lazily all about. Or... sleeping?


    Can¡¯t tell.


    Um¡­ Why aren¡¯t they attacking? I whisper to her.


    She shivers and curls close. Filled with sudden fear that kinda ruins her growling reply. Doesn¡¯t matter. Begins to twist the void around into herself. Bubbling with Rot and Blight while Ruin draws close.


    W¨C wait. Aceso. I stammer and wrap tighter about her. Let¡¯s¡­ we could try to just¡­ get out. Find our way to softer shores.


    They won¡¯t let us. She hisses, but¡­ hesitates as no nightmares move to hurt us.


    Let¡¯s try. At least? I press, reaching up to pull her focus to me. Please?


    Growls all her distaste at that but¡­ nods. Replies with fury just barely calmed. One claw or talon bared and I¡¯m tearing into them.


    Okay. I agree and tug her with me. Start to swim upways as carefully and slowly as we can.


    And¡­ they let us. Swim about softly and quietly like just¡­ the big messy scary fish they seem to be. A few get close and draw Aceso to hissing and spitting and even almost biting one but¡­ I pull her close and wrangle these endless tendrils from slapping any nightmares.


    And¡­ soon we see the light above. Nightmares all about growing less thick the closer to the surface.


    Why aren¡¯t they attacking? Aceso whispers.


    Not sure. I huff while paddling along.


    They¡­ they hate me. She growls.  Always have wanted to break me and¡­ and¡­


    I sigh and turn to eye her. Love. I¡­ I need you to help. Please. Not as strong as you and, honestly? You¡¯re heavy.


    She lets out such an annoyed giggle at that. Swirls around us and writhes all those tendrils to curl about and take up the work. Letting my limbs and spirit rest a bit.


    Then we break the surface together. Both taking such a big gasping inhale of the bright sun and the cool air and¡­ and eventually find our beach. Stumble up onto the shore and slump into the sand.


    Arms and legs and tendrils splayed about us.


    Everything stinging a bit from the efforts but¡­ we made it. Safe back within the place within the Dream we can reweave as we will. Didn¡¯t even try to do that before. Change the Dream. Not¡­ not because we don¡¯t think we could. Just¡­ maybe we were doing so by swimming through peacefully?


    Aceso sighs almost happily. Such a feat would suit your temperament. Walking through dangerous storms while the monsters within cannot even think to bite you.


    Curl my floppy and tired head tendrils through hers. Savor the feeling of all the tiny scales that dot the flesh nuzzle others of their like as she does the¡­ the¡­


    Wait.


    Sit up and look about. My countless limbs tugging at Aceso and pulling her soft form close. Are¡­ I feel like we¡¯re missing something¡­ important.


    Oh? She twists to eye me with¡­ amusement? Gaze rolling over me while we sit, endless head noodles slipping closer and closer. Any ideas as to what that is?


    Shake my head, feel my head noodles sway back and forth in worry. No. Just¡­


    Then I feel them. All around. Warm and soft and brimming with¡­ with so much worry and fear!


    Yrelia wanted us to dream with Rahdian. I huff and let my tendrils continue their soft dances with hers. Fuck. We fell asleep before weaving that song.


    Aceso giggles for some reason. Yes, but your first and seventh lover were only pressing to try and keep us safe. Which we are. And¡­ were not in a place to sing anything else before sleep consumed us. They will understand, Challa.


    Pause at that. Then whisper a question I¡¯ve avoided for some reason. Um¡­ What does that mean?


    Hmm? What does what mean?


    Challa. You¡¯ve called me that since our first shared words and dreams. I explain.


    Such a smirk tilts at her lips as she leans forward to bump forehead to mine. It¡­ is the word for one whom I ride within. Or who carries me. The closest exact word in your language is vessel. But even that is wrong. You are the flame who has mantled my spirit, and allows me to mantle her''s in term.


    Oh. Is all I can whisper as my heart sputters and flutters with¡­ with so much love for her.


    The girl I realize I¡¯ve never¡­ um¡­


    Hey Aceso?


    She whispers gently back. Yes, Ina?


    Um¡­ I begin, mind a mess like it''s never been since¡­ since I first got swept up by our lovers. We um¡­ so like¡­ I remember once I asked you if¡­ if we um¡­ Could have sex. In a dream.


    Mhm. She replies, tendrils nearly fully tangled through mine now.


    Squeezing and tugging and¡­ and wow does that distract me to think about how much I want to¡­ to¡­


    Then her voice is this amazing tone that makes me wriggle inside and out as she purrs. Do you remember what I said?


    Nibble on my lower lip as her fingers slip through mine


    That¡­ Dream sex is the best sex. But but you also said we had to be careful. That¡­ that you could hurt me. And I also don¡¯t ever want you to feel like you owe me this to be my lover. My¡­ my Challa. My¡­ my um¡­ yeah.


    I know, and I did. Yes. She murmurs. But that was¡­ before. When I wasn¡¯t being honest. And you deserved better from me. That kind of intimacy is¡­ is something you deserve to never feel is owed to another. Never again. And I had to make sure it was you who asked after seeing all of me.


    Her words bring such tears to my eyes. Make all these wonderful tendrils wiggle about as my everything else shivers and shakes under the weight of that.


    My life. My body. My choice. No excuses. Always and Forever.


    Thank you. I whisper, reach down to carefully and slowly tug her into a gentle kiss.


    Pull back after I¡¯m dizzy with the scent of the too sweet sea. Is¡­ do you want to¡­?


    Yes. She very nearly growls. Please. Yes. Fuck me.

 Chapter 126: Always and Forever, Until and Beyond Their Dreams End

    <u>CW:</u>


    SMUTT! DREAM SEX! Plurality of wow and new developments! Um... self-deprecation and a lot of fear of loneliness. Head noodle/tendril being used for SEX! HA! END OF ARC THREE!!!! AHHHH!!!! WELCOMEWELCOMEWELCOME!!! AND beeeeg thankums for readerings!!!


    As I nearly lunge forward and pounce on my lover, the laughter I¡¯ve kept within bubbles up to bathe the Dream. Smothering her in the delight at¡­ at her love.


    Of me.


    HER Aceso.


    Tumble and roll and squeeze at her new tendrils and form. Giggling at the changes she doesn¡¯t notice. The¡­ the gifts from my mothers.


    Songs from two of them that I gave her during our first merging.


    Scales and headstalks from another apparently found and claimed as our spirits mingled close to survive Amwella starvation.


    Even our ability to mantle spirits and be mantled in term.


    To claim and be claimed as Challa.


    And she bares them SO well! As¡­ as well as any of my si¨C


    But she¡¯s stronger than me here. Easily, but ever playfully, taking the top to pin everything I am to the sand beneath. Straddling hips while hands grip my wrists and her endless main of headstalks wrangle the set that tumbled from my form.


    Then her lips find their prey. And their warmth makes the Dream tilt again. Warmth of her breath and gentle insistent workings of her tongue dancing with mine would send me spiraling where I not already pressed flat.


    Can¡¯t help but marvel at how well she has taken to the art of lovemaking in so short a time since her freedom was claimed. Practicing endlessly and with such delight with all the lovers she could find. Gathering Amwella and sharing that flame and¡­ And tending to the Waking World as I did. When I walked with my own two feet.


    But... I was so alone then.


    Even amidst a sea of Passing Flames and Treasured Embers. None could... could understand my World Song. Not just the pain and sacrifice it took to weave it from myself, but... but help me find a life to replace... re... replace...


    Ina pulls back, a hand moving to cup my cheek. ¡°Hey¡­ Love. I¡¯m here. Always.¡±


    Can¡¯t help the tears that dribble and stain the dry warm sand about to damp coldness. ¡°No. Just¡­ Until the Dream¡¯s end.¡±


    Her face twists in pain to match mine, and¡­ we can both feel the spaces around us begin to fill with that sadness.


    So I do the only reasonable thing, and buck her off me. Then pounce to use experience and well-honed skills to wind about and around her back. Pin this wonderful spirit to my chest and bind her tightly in my own mess of headstalks.


    ¡°But till then, you are mine.¡± I purr in her ear as Ina goes still. The Dream tittering with rekindled hungers as fingers and tendrils begin to wander about this form her Spirit wove from naught but inspired memories. ¡°And I mean to¡­ How would Yrelia phrase it?¡±


    She giggles, and the shadows all around fade to warmth and bubbling delight. ¡°Fuck me silly?¡±


    I chuckle and nibble at the base of a headstalk. ¡°Exactly. Were these legs of flesh and not dream I¡¯d ensure walking would be¡­ troublesome. Come the morning. And perhaps a few after that still.¡±


    She shivers and moans at that. Both the words and touch of teeth at such a sensitive spot. My memories without a doubt gifting her the understanding of just how that feels.


    Which¡­ hmm¡­ I never taught her that working, actually. And refolding a new form about her spirit is anything but easy. Even in a Dream. So¡­ How did she do this?


    Ina bucks and writhes and lets out a whimper that tugs me from the little worry as my headstalks find her ankles. Begin to wrap around and around. Then shift and pull legs apart as my fingers dance up her sides and caress the soft scaled skin. Her own little mane now fully twisted and bound amidst mine by the time they find her breasts.


    I let her arms and hands remain free though. Adore how she paws and clutches at my knees as her everything melts into our lovemaking. My fingers finding her thighs and raking perfect looping patterns between the ever twisting tendrils that bind her. Slowly working up to dance just around and about her second lips.


    ¡°A¨C Aceso¡­¡± She whispers my name, and I can¡¯t help but sink fangs into her neck at that.


    Let the tip of a headstalk¡¯s tendril snake up to gently rub at the flesh between my fingers. Enjoy how she shivers and trembles at this eternally soft teasing while everything else squeezes and bites harder.


    ¡°Pl¨C please.¡± My Challa begs. Hips wiggling and twisting as she chases the tendril¡¯s touch. ¡°Ac¨C Aceso. I¡­ I¡­ I just...¡±


    Can¡¯t help but let my purring chuckle roll up and through her as I savor her pleas. Tease and toy with her for what must feel an eternity of wonderfully unfulfilled promises. But¡­ eventually I indulge her desires.


    Twist and shove the tip of my tendril up and into her. Gently but¡­ forcefully. Gifting her that perfect mix of very nearly too full but¡­ never even a little too much. Something almost impossible for all others to know so immediately and quickly outside a Dream. Especially without full control of a tendril''s girth and softness.


    She gasps, which quickly turns into a moan of pleasure as I find her deepest places, then¡­ slowly pull nearly out.


    Then wriggle back into her.


    Again and again. Over and over. Even add a second tendril as she loosens enough for it.


    Set the steady rhythm for her pleasure smothered song to thrum with. This slow penetration the base melody, my fingers and teeth forming a lilting harmony. Her moans and whimpered pleas and calling of my name the voice.


    And¡­ in the midst of the song I weave through my Challa, our Amwella blazes. Spirits linked so tightly that her pleasure might as well be mine. Reflected and echoed.


    Perfect.


    Almost as much as the first climax I slowly press into the heart of her everything. A thing woven with all the best memories she shared with me. The most¡­ most special and vibrant and sometimes silly sex she¡¯s had with our lovers sprinkled with the endless broken and fractured recollections I have of my time walking the Waking World.


    Squeezed together tightly, and pulled through her everything as I press deeper and deeper.


    Feel¡­ her bubbling over. The song ringing in our ears as the warmth ruptures deep within her and me and all the Dream. Everything tightening about the tendril reaching impossibly deep into her. Amwella cracks and sparks and melts and bleeds and slurps up anything and everything so nothing of us is wasted and anything I felt break off is instantly reclaimed and pulled close.


    Deep breaths.


    Yes. I know it¡¯s just a Dream but¡­ it helps. Okay?


    Deep. Fucking. Breaths.


    Wow.


    Fuck.


    I¡­ Aceso I¡­ wow.


    We¡¯ve¡­ just kinda fallen to slump into the sand. Ina¡¯s twisted about and now lies with limbs tangled and forehead pressed to mine.


    ¡°I told you.¡± I whisper. Letting fingers trace through her headstalks. ¡°Dream sex is the best sex.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ Isn¡¯t everything just¡­ one big Dream?¡± She giggles between those deep breaths she insisted help her calm.


    I laugh with her, pull my Challa close. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°So¡­?¡±


    ¡°All sex is Dream sex. Which means all sex can be the best sex. Just¡­ we have more control within the Dream we share.¡± I reply.


    Ina nuzzles my nose, then¡­ pauses.


    And such a look of surprise crosses her face.


    I wonder if she¡¯s about to truly notice the form she¡¯s woven but¡­


    ¡°We never get tired in a Dream.¡± She sputters. ¡°We¡­ we can just¡­¡±


    ¡°Fuck till it ends? Yes.¡± I smirk and shrug. ¡°If you¡¯re okay dealing with the mess your body will make due to the¡­ very vivid and possibly actual climaxes your flesh will feel. That is.¡±


    She grins. ¡°Oh. Oh fuck me I am actually more than totally okay with that.¡±


    Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    Then moves to sit astride me and proceeds to learn everything she can about the nature of Dream sex this night.


    **    **    **


    Waking up is¡­ ugh.


    Messy.


    Like¡­ everywhere. Inside and outside and between all the places. Wet with sweat and drool and second lip drool and prolly¡­ yeah that¡¯s a bit of blood our lover¡¯s apparently missed from our battle.


    Sweet that they cleaned us a little after we passed out in their arms though.


    Can¡¯t help but agree with a smirk as I pull us from the quilts to sit up. She tries to tell our hair to wiggle itself out of our eyes and face but¡­ it¡¯s pretty sleepy still so I use our hands.


    Find only soft hair.


    Oh¡­ Well. Even if they were here we shouldn¡¯t be mad at them. The little cuties were very busy till just a few moments ago. Would be all droopy and exhausted if we worked them that hard in the Waking World.


    ¡°Morning love.¡± Comes a soft familiar voice as a girl moves up to curl about us. Careful worry in her next whispered. ¡°How are you feeling?¡±


    W¨C wait.


    Freeze as I realize where I am.


    ¡°Perfect, love.¡± Our lips giggle as Ina turns to pull her first lover into a deep kiss.


    B¨C but¡­ How? Why am I¡­?


    A shift in our bed, and a second rises to sleepily murmur. ¡°You both kinda¡­ drifted off. Would have worried us to death had you both not been giggling out a bunch of silly metaphors for what you were feeling at the end.¡±


    How am I still here!?! Still waking up with you!?! I hiss to my twinned spirit.


    Mmmm? Not sure! Ina answers with a little nudge of her spirit. Then pulls us back from her kiss with Yrelia to twist and tackle Tasii as I carefully examine our Amwella. Mimic previous work with her first lover so deeply and with enough joy to leave myself and this second girl both dizzy.


    Shake away the distraction to find¡­ find our soul burning happily and lazily as if Ina roused alone.


    Tasii lets a low rumble play through her chest, but soon lifts our smaller form away a bit. Face twisted in a smirk. ¡°Smell like the messy evening you had. You need a proper wash, Ina.¡±


    Okay. Don¡¯t panic. Look to our spirits within. Need to see if¡­


    But I can only barely see the edges between us.


    My rotten and swollen mess of a spirit fully mingled to her formerly soft and small brilliant one. Sometimes it looks and feels more like¡­ like lightning streaking across the night sky than two distinct parts. But only when Ina or I are bubbling with the biggest emotions, which both are right now.


    Her with endless delight, me with horror and rising fear.


    ¡°That sounds fucking perfect.¡± Ina sighs and wiggles us free from their embraces. Looks about to find the others still curled about the room in deep sleep.


    Our final gift of song before we tumbled into a dream, it feels. A melody to help them rest well and deeply should they embrace it. Promises woven within that their lover would wake fully healed and... and...


    Start to panic then.


    I fucked up. So badly. Your lovers are going to¡­ to hate this! Hate me! We¡¯re fully merged and¡­ and I don¡¯t know how to split away! If we run out of Amwella we¡­ you¡¯ll get more hurt and¡­ and what if¡­


    But Ina coos and nuzzles me close. Easily sharing her calm confidence while pulling us from the bed and into the connected bathing room. Humming a gentle song for the morning leg aches and any lingering head pains.


    Aceso? She hums my name into our slowly quieting spirit while preparing our bath.


    The¡­ the name is such a comfort. Which also terrifies me as before today we struggled to¡­ to claim names while merged! We were the big and little spirit! Memories a shared pool and¡­ but¡­ still able to pull apart so she could always be safe with her lovers and¡­ but¡­


    Take a deep breath with me. Okay? Ina presses. C¡¯mon.


    Big breath in¡­


    Hold it.


    Ouuuut.


    Good girl.


    Already naked so she just¡­ slips us into the warm waters. Holds us and me so easily in this firm of gentle grip. Forcing more deep and calming breaths through everything.


    So. She starts carefully and with only a little hesitation. You made this body. Right? Literally a gift for a trans girl like me?


    Ina I¡­ Yes. Is my careful reply.


    Buuut... You don¡¯t remember everything from those final days, right? She asks. Can¡¯t fully understand the song still?


    No. I answer. And¡­ even if I could, the melodies are too complicated. Body¡¯s are endlessly more so and the song needed to be allowed to weave freely into that without needing my direction.


    But, you did tell her your plans. She like... literally helped you smuggle shards out to the world.


    Pause at that, nod our head in agreement.


    Good chance she gave you some ideas for what she wanted? Helped inspire the shape of this form?


    Bite our lip as I try to dredge up the memories as carefully as I can. Not¡­ not wanting to spiral into waking nightmares. Y¨C yes? Maybe?


    Okaaay¡­ so. Next question. Did you change the song when you wove it around me?


    No. I can¡¯t help but whimper. Wishing I could lie or feign ignorance or¡­


    So¡­ Doesn¡¯t this seem interesting how well it¡¯s adapting to your shard?


    My fear studders a bit. Um¡­ But¡­ but that¡­


    She picks up as I trail off. How this flesh just¡­ naturally weaves itself around your spirit, your shard? Almost like it was made specifically, intentionally, purposefully to bear a shard and maybe even like... do this? Mingle so fully your eventually get to wake up perfectly into the world again with her?


    I¡¯m struggling to find a reply to explain how that doesn¡¯t make any sense. My Ina from all those years ago didn¡¯t want a shard! She¡­ she wanted the Weaver freed! To be with Her!!! Not¡­ not ME! Not this... This broken rotting things we¨C


    But my painful wailings are interrupted by footsteps, and Ina glances over to see Yrelia and Tasii slipping from their underthings and moving to join us in this bath.


    ¡°So¡­ Good Dreams?¡± Tasii yawns while slipping to sit next to us. Arm pulling us into a side hug while she sleepily leans her head atop ours.


    ¡°Mhm. The best.¡± Ina murmurs with such a smile while I wither under the weight of the coming words she is so excited to share.


    Remembering all their suspicious and furious and totally justified glares toward me. The spirit who would hurt and use and endlessly¨C


    Yrelia moves up to sit at our other side. Hands slipping about hips and legs to hug us close. ¡°You seem really calm. Despite how scary things were last night. So¡­ Guessing everything worked out in the dream?¡±


    I¡¯m about to very nearly shout NO to that¡­ but Ina effortlessly shushes me. Keeps our lips grinning wide.


    ¡°Yup. Better than okay.¡± She whispers. ¡°Seems we¡­ kinda tumbled into something amazing. Won¡¯t give the big cunt any credit for the outcome but¡­ this is perfect. And probably good that she¡¯s fucked off in one way or another while we figure this out.¡±


    Can feel Ina''s bubbling anxiety though. A sort of¡­ twitchy fear one gets when suddenly and horribly faced with a threat from something dangerous and¡­ then surviving out of luck. Only a single night removed from the danger. Only kept at bay by... by her pure adorations for this outcome.


    ¡°Figure what out?¡± Tasii asks.


    Feel myself go so small. Trying to¡­ to hide. Maybe if I go really really still she¡­ they won¡¯t¡­


    But of course Ina pokes and prods and even nibbles at my¡­ our somethings. Thoughts or feelings that are the closest thing to ticklish within our spirit. Urges me to be the one to answer them.


    It''ll be okay. She insists. Promise promise. Wouldn''t ask you to be the one to tell them if I thought they won''t accept this.


    I chew on our lips a bit, then whisper. ¡°Why I¡¯m still here and awake with Ina.¡±


    That makes them both pause, go so horribly still. Then lean around at basically the same time to catch our gaze.


    My gaze.


    ¡°Aceso?¡± Tasii asks, finding my tone and words through these lips.


    ¡°I um¡­ We¡­ We don¡¯t really¡­¡±


    But Yrelia¡¯s grin stops my words. Eyes more alight than any star. ¡°Oh. Oh fuck.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I don¡¯t know what¨C¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re both okay.¡± Tasii interrupts.


    But¡­ it¡¯s not a question. Everything in her sings of trust and¡­ and¡­


    Nod quickly and assure her. ¡°Yes. A gentle headache, but softer than any of our times before. Only a little song needed and most of that is for our leg.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ you¡¯re just¡­¡± Yrelia murmurs, then trails off deliberatly.


    Let¡¯s us find both the question and answer.


    ¡°Together.¡± Ina giggles as I can¡¯t find easy and quick words. ¡°Spirits kinda mushed and one big silly mess now. But never alone again. Which¡­ before you ask. Is amazing and perfect.¡±


    ¡°Is¡­ Aceso, are you okay with this?¡± Yrelia murmurs carefully.


    I... what? Why... why would she even ask that! This... this isn''t even.


    Ina goes quiet and pokes me. So I try to gather myself and answer quickly. ¡°Okay is the wrong word. I¡­ More than words can express. YES! But also, I¡¯m terrified. I feel as though I¡¯ve stolen from my Ina. Snatched ever more of the life she deserves and¡­¡± Words are falling apart. The fear rising. Terror at them hearing and understanding and hating me for this.


    Horror at the idea of stirring more nightmares.


    ¡°Love¡­¡± Yrelia purrs gently, hand drifting up to cup our cheek as my stammered words fall away. ¡°You can literally feel her, can¡¯t you?¡±


    Nod through the blurry vision the tears bring. Feeling my rotting soul ache in blighted joy as twinned thoughts melt at her word for me. How easily this lover to my Challa claims this wretched spirit as one of hers.


    ¡°And remember what she literally just gushed about to us?¡±


    Nod again as the memories bring ever more tears. Pull my Ina''s thoughts as close as I can. Bask in her endless love and delight for this. For me.


    ¡°Well¡­ She wanted this for a long time.¡± Tasii murmurs, close and warm and so gently. ¡°And so do you. Right?¡±


    ¡°Y¨C yes. But¡­¡±


    ¡°No buts.¡± Yrelia whispers. ¡°No excuses.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I hiss. ¡°All the excuses. This¡­ Yrelia. L¨C Love. This isn¡¯t my life! This is hers! And¡­ and wh¨C why you should all hate me for this! She¡¯s bound to me now. Always and Forever.¡±


    Ina sputters and giggles through our lips into me. Snuggling close while murmuring. You say that like it¡¯s a bad thing¡­


    ¡°IT IS!¡± I nearly scream to the unspoken thought. ¡°This¡­ I¡­ you¡­¡±


    ¡°Aceso?¡± Tasii sighs and pulls me to meet her gaze. ¡°Would you like me to make this simple?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡± I reply dumbly.


    ¡°We love you. We trust you. We¡­ Well, I can pretty easily tell you that everyone here will be nothing but stupidly happy that you¡¯re always here with Ina now. With us.¡±


    ¡°B¨C but¡­ I¡­ I¡¯m not¡­¡± I whisper.


    You¡¯re worthy of love, Aceso. Worthy of a life filled with it. My Ina coos gently but firmly. Sending such a blazing of lightning through us that I can do nothing but freeze all thought at. You deserve to know that. To hear that. Everyday. For the rest of forever.


    And¡­ Now you will.


    Can¡¯t¡­ can¡¯t do anything but feel my filthy rotten stupid mess of a soul crack and¡­ like a piece of me should fall into the water between us all.


    ¡°You are.¡± Ina¡¯s first lover echoes my Challa''s thoughts so easily.


    Never alone again.


    So entwined with my Ina that¡­ and able to share all her days in the flesh I wove with her.


    Then beyond.


    Wherever that leads.


    ¡°Th¨C thank you.¡± Is all I can whisper, falling into the embrace of our lovers and my beloved bound spirit with everything I am. Flesh a shivering mess despite the perfectly warm water as endless tears fall.


    ¡°Course.¡± Tasii murmurs into our embrace. ¡°Glad to have you here with us, love.¡±


    Always and Forever. Ina whisper to me softly.


    T- till Dream''s End? I ask.


    Farther still, love! She promises. Can''t wait to walk the Paths and... and everywhere else! See how far it all goes! Find the edges of this bigger Dream you keep telling me in! Maybe... maybe even find where you came from!


    Can''t stop the sobbing wailing mess that pours from our lips at that promise.


    At finding my mothers and sisters and the worlds they wove. The sea we used to swim through together. Hope so much they can find something in this broken mess I''ve become to love still.


    Ina huffs and nuzzles me close. Radiating her disagreements with that view of me but... not drowning those thoughts like me might. Lets me consider this new future and the pains I must stretch through and past.


    But first... I need to help fix THIS world. Free the males in Lyttoral. Unweave these Curses and... and find all of myself. Help them heal as you''ve helped me. And... visit the place of our end.


    The Weaver''s Wood.


    Face the nightmares and Beasts and worse still that lurk in that place.


    Together. Ina agrees.


    Together. I echo.


    Promise. Promise.


    AHHHH! We''re HERE!


    Welcome to Arc threeee''s end! FUCK US WOW!


    Took... longer than expected to get here. and WOW do we have such wowowow plans for Arc Four!


    But guck and frogs THANK YOU ALL for reading and wiggling and supporting being here for SST''s latest arc!


    Posts shouldn''t beee delayed and we can''t wait to share ALL the wiggles and wobbles!


    Love you all!

 Chapter 127: Promises to Their Stardust Wounded Lover

    <u>CW:</u>


    START OF ARC FOUR! AHHHHH!!! Jevita POV! AHHH! Talk of past abuse, depersonalization. personality/headmate smothering and hopes for removal. Being treated like a tool and abuse from a headmate.


    ¡°Lady Delphian. This¡­ this is too much!¡± Ina stammers. Or¡­ is that Aceso? Both?


    Yeah, they¡¯re both together and a mess right now. Flustered and trying to say their goodbyes amidst the endless generosity of two people I honestly think would try and keep them here forever if they could.


    ¡°Nonsense.¡± Lady Ophrit chuckles and motions for Zigdara to continue loading the big chest into the back of the carriage we¡¯ll be taking. ¡°You still have at least another few months of travel through Arudia¡¯s cold winds. And even Lyttoral will be chilly this time of year. Having a collection of fine cloaks and coats will be important for the lot of you.¡±


    Ina and Aceso look to us all for support as the big woman sighs performatively, but moves to place the chest in the back storage space beside me and Kque. We scoot around some more to let it be placed in the best spot to block more of the winds. Then settle. Long sleepy gemstone friend napping happily across my shoulders.


    ¡°We have plenty of space.¡± Yrelia muses.


    ¡°And¡­¡± Tasii adds. ¡°More means extra protections from the cold winds for the two sitting in the back.¡±


    ¡°Help help hii!¡± Agrees the little one in Rahdian¡¯s arms.


    Ina huffs, and¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s the one who mumbles. ¡°Yeah. But we might not have this carriage past the next town.¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯ll have your big strong duenna load it onto a new one.¡± Ophrit insists.


    This friendly argument continues a bit farther, but ultimately Ina and Aceso have to buckle and be buried under the weight of the insistent gifts. Especially when the two pointedly start to re-explain to what all they¡¯ve done for Arudia and get them flustered again.


    Pull them both into a big hug and murmur little things I can¡¯t hear. Probably¡­ alongside the expected thanks and soft words of adorations, making sure they know to send for her if things start to fall apart here.


    She¡¯s taking the Matron¡¯s advice to keep her title. Remaining High Duenna of Arudia even as she moves to leave these cold lands. Ina and Aceso weren''t ready to handle the Matron as they took the time to figure out this new permanent merging, but in messages exchanged these last days... an offer was made. Veletross will meet us all in a city past where we mean to leave the Azure Compact behind. Bring promised journals and stories to give then and us all the info demanded. And more, apparently, although she didn''t wish to promise anything before she could consider other ''gifts''.


    That... worried them, and me. But Yrelia and Tasii took it in good stride. Said that the farther from home Veletross is the less likely the Matron is likely to do something stupid. And the time away and traveling will give them space to recover more.


    Look up from my muses as final words and hugs are traded then¡­ It¡¯s time to go.


    It¡¯s early in the morning. We were all pretty restless and decided that trying to spot the sunrise through the snowfall would be a nice way to leave the mountain.


    But Ina surprises me though. Instead of climbing into the carriage, they share little words with Tasii, Yrelia, Rahdian, and Zigdara, then give our big child a good hug and scrutch from his spot to trot alongside the carriage, before hauling themselves up into the back with myself and Kque.


    ¡°Can¡­ We squeeze in back here with you two?¡± They whisper. Wait. No, that''s Aceso. Very much. Hesitating where Ina would basically fall into our laps in a heap of giggles.


    ¡°Course,¡± I reply immediately.


    ¡°Always.¡± Kque says at the same time, and we both just¡­ wordlessly agree to part. Opening a spot between us for them to crawl and settle in.


    Almost immediately the long gemstone cutie across my shoulders wakes up enough to crawl and snuzzle around Ina''s before settling back into a good snooze. And... the rest of us are happy to mimic that for a bit. Let most of the slowly awakening city pass us by before either of us say anything more. Only really communicated anything but our love by entwining fingers and nuzzling close.


    ¡°I hope we aren¡¯t making a mistake.¡± They whisper into the cold quiet.


    By leaving Arudia in the hands of good people like Delphian and Ophrit? Or¡­ agreeing to travel and be available to the Arudian men for a few months? They could also be talking about their merger. It¡¯s mostly Aceso who constantly gets overwhelmed and tries to get very small and quiet. Scared even. Though I think the Goddess doesn¡¯t like to admit that easily.


    ¡°About what?¡± I murmur when they don¡¯t say anything else.


    ¡°Everything.¡± They huff and chuckle. ¡°But that¡¯s normal. We actually wanted to check on you two. See if there was anything we could do to help with the um¡­ research. You¡¯ve been doing? Ask how it was going if nothing else?¡±


    Oh.


    Kque¡¯s fingers wind their way behind them and carefully entwine with mine.


    The research into setting up a healthy means of communicating with my Maktaba or¡­ or removing it. If the horrid thing refuses to change. Thodep and Athem left with Kque¡¯s mums a few hours before us to get themselves a carriage. For now, and until probably our first town past the mountain, we¡¯ve paused our work. Will meet up at either the road down the mountain or the bottom just before the lake itself. Then we''ll form a sort of... caravan. Us and them at the head to lead the Azure Compact and their new guests forward.


    ¡°It¡¯s been slow.¡± I reply while glaring off into the passing city. ¡°Mostly because I¡­ I refuse to do even what Athem does. Both our Maktaba will nip and bite and smother us if we¡¯re not careful. And¡­ sometimes even when we are. He¡¯s been willing to let it hurt him as they slowly built up trust and things. But¡­¡±


    They nod as I trail off. ¡°But not you.¡±


    ¡°No. Even if mine was like his.¡± I huff. ¡°More¡­ like Rinetaal seems to lash out as a form of communication. Like one of us growling to be left alone or¡­ or shouting at someone to be quiet. In our minds a sharp thought can hit as hard as a slap to the face.¡±


    ¡°But yours doesn¡¯t strike with careless annoyance.¡± Aceso states. Just¡­ so obviously her and so easily understanding this more than anyone but my fellow Maktaba or¡­ maybe another Sun Spoken could.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    ¡°No. It uses teeth.¡± I growl and carefully adjust to move from their touch and embrace. Not¡­ not wanting to even risk agitating and triggering a glyph. Especially while talking about this.


    ¡°Is always like before. Trying to smother me. No words. No communication. Just¡­ a desire to drown the girl I am.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± Ina looks to me with a mix of worry and protective anger. ¡°I¡­ Can we help?¡±


    ¡°Not with this. I don¡¯t think. Is mostly them running tests and seeing if there are ways to like¡­ communicate that don¡¯t let them be so fucking loud and hurtful.¡± I sigh and give her a pretty pitiful smile. ¡°And me¡­ kinda being useless.¡±


    Kque leans around them to eye me pointedly. ¡°Jevy¡­ You are not useless. You¡¯ve been the one to figure out half the calculations and inscriptions. With Kurindan themselves doing the other half.¡±


    Yeah, things only I need. The only one of us to not be able to exchange simple fucking words or thoughts with their Maktaba.


    I don¡¯t say that, of course. But Kque knows, and reads me pretty easily. Ina and Aceso do as well. Move like they''re gonna shuffle over and say really sweet and aggressive things about how amazing they insist I am.


    But¡­ a hoot and toot stops them.


    By the time I twist about, Lule¡¯s head is already curled over the railing of the carriage and hovering near my face. Tilted so a big eye is locked on mine.


    Be nice to yourself, bestest mother. I almost feel the big floofball growl at me. Can¡¯t help but¡­ but reach up and pull to nuzzle him. He accepts with a soft trill and hoot. Especially as I give him a good handful of scrutches before he pulls away and resumes his happy trot beside our carriage.


    By the time I turn back Aceso has pulled Kque into a good side snuggle. Smiling gently while chuckling. ¡°Listen to your big child, love. He¡¯s the wisest and most perceptive of us all.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± I mumble and look down. Speak the truth I¡¯ve kept unspoken to the others and even my Kque. ¡°Just¡­ I don¡¯t think we can do it this way. Communicate through the Glyphs without mine acting like it always has. Kurindan would come in quickly to try and stop it but¡­ not¡­ not before it¡­ it would¡­¡±


    Try to smother me. Like always.


    A hand reaches out to touch the tips of my fingers in silent offer. Look up to find Ina carefully whispering. ¡°Then let¡¯s find another way. No compromises here. Right?¡±


    ¡°No. Course not.¡± I reply and shake my head. ¡°Yeah. Just¡­ hate that. We¡¯ve put a lot into this. Hate to scrap all that research and start over.¡±


    ¡°Everyone¡¯s different.¡± Kque murmurs while adjusting to sit closer. ¡°And we¡¯re not scrapping it. Even if none of our work help Athem and Rinetaal, which it does, the¡­ the looking taught you a bunch about the stardust inside. How they laid it and stuff.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but nod and agree with her on that.


    None of us remember the¡­ the procedure. The one that filled me with the Maktaba and burned away everything from before. And the how of it isn¡¯t kept inside any of us either. So we had to go through the notes Ina got and kinda work backwards. Try to find the whys behind the placements. Which¡­ Both Kurindan and Rinetaal were able to begin helping us work through.


    ¡°You have us here now, and a long Path ahead. No distractions, Arudian politicking, or stupid cunts to take all our time.¡± They promise, voices entwined and spun together in a harmony. Softer than before but¡­ almost more real. More intentional. ¡°Just tell us what you need from us. Knowledge, magic, or just¡­ our perspectives or attention. And it¡¯s yours. Anytime. Everything else can wait.¡±


    I scoot to lean into their side at that. ¡°I have some ideas. Most¡­ Well, all scare me.¡±


    ¡°More than what we¡¯ve seen Thodep and Athem do when their Maktaba talk directly through the Glyphs?¡± Kque asks.


    I¡­ think on that for a bit. As we watch the city slip past us. The blizzard is still pretty thick but¡­ the snowfall is less than it was. Letting us look out and watch the big pretty glimmering buildings covered with gemstone engravings. But... more than anything...


    All the little new creatures sleeping almost out of sight. All oddly shaped but really gorgeous and perfect and... and considering their new lives. Exploring the world and hopefully finding new possibilities. The Zeridii who''ve left their dream to claim glimmering Gemstone shapes.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t say... more.¡± Are the words I eventually let pour out. ¡°Just¡­ In different ways. I¡¯ve basically been doing a worse version of what we did with the Dreamstone. Getting better at locking it out of my life until eventually only these Glyphs really agitate and give it the ability to hurt me.¡±


    Such a pained expression tears across Ina¡¯s face at that. So clearly taking that idea and¡­ and applying it to the new way that they are. Probably realizing how horrid and messy it would be. Especially if all this happened super early on in Ina being claimed as Aceso¡¯s Sun Spoken. How much it would hurt and how much she and us would have lost if that happened.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I just¡­¡± Can¡¯t help but look away in shame at how stupid and carelessly that all came out. ¡°Aceso, you¡¯re nothing like this thing. And neither are Kurindan or Rinetaal. Mine is¡­ I don¡¯t know how to explain it. Other than almost thoughtlessly vicious. When it was in control it barely tolerated¡­ my¡­ the¡­ the bitch who owned me. And¡­ and before you fucking ask, yes. Yes I did try to talk with it. Especially after I left this place before. I wanted to¡­ We¡­¡±


    Don¡¯t notice tears until a gentle finger reaches up to catch some, drawing me back up to gaze into those concerned eyes.


    ¡°I¡¯ve grown past what I was. Have been seduced into being better.¡± Aceso says so gently. ¡°Please, share as you will. Don¡¯t worry how your words might¡­ make us uncomfortable. You will not muddle my love for you.¡±


    Nod and try to give her and them what I can.


    ¡°I¡­ Was still waking up.¡± I stammer. ¡°Pulling myself free of it and the¡­ the cravings it has for the exploratory crystals. She¡­ the bitch who hurt us was gone. And Kque had already pulled Lule and me into walking the Paths with her and Tasii and Yrelia. And I just¡­ It was the only one who understood what happened. Couldn¡¯t tell¡­ tell Kque or the others anything. Didn¡¯t have the words. But it was there when I had to hide from her inside my own body and¡­ and I know it¡­ it got hurt a lot. Wanted to help it and maybe get help back but¡­ but the first thing it did was try to bury me again! And¡­ and later w¨C with¡­ Wh¨C when¡­¡±


    The deep heaving breaths I fall into then are¡­ messy and stupid and ugly and annoying. Something I wish could feel freeing but can¡¯t because of how easy reckless shakes or motions or even dribbling fucking tears could touch a Glyph and set to dredge up the Maktaba inside.


    ¡°Only Kque knew to avoid them. My Glyphs. E¨C especially when snuggling or trying sex things. Didn''t really explain why until after you joined our group. B¨C but I¡­ I didn¡¯t tell Yrelia about them.¡± I whisper. ¡°Stupid of me. Not her fault. She was being sweet and sexy and¡­ and I was dizzy with all of her. Kque and Tasii off and were together for the day and it was just us in this really nice room a client paid for her and¡­ and I couldn¡¯t not fall into her. Fr¨C forgot to s¨C say anything and¡­ and she thought their sensitivity was just¡­ j¨C just¡­¡±


    Kque moves then. To kneel in front of me just as we feel the first little dip onto the road that winds down the edge of the mountain.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± My first lover whispers. ¡°Not your fault either. I¡­ I should have mentioned something to her. Especially knowing you¡¯d both be alone and how much she was coming to adore you.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡­ I almost ruined everything for all of us.¡± I whimper softly. ¡°Was so stupid.¡±


    ¡°Jevy¡­ No.¡± Kque presses, squeezing my fingers. ¡°You were hurting. For years and years being hurt. Only just then finding people who didn¡¯t want you to only find more of that. We all knew then, and wanted to help. But¡­ just¡­ didn¡¯t know how. But that wasn¡¯t you being stupid, or us being stupid. Just¡­ ignorant. None of us knew how to communicate things very well.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I mean¡­¡±


    Can¡¯t tell her she¡¯s wrong. Because she¡¯s not. I like¡­ wish I could have told them all of everything before. Tell them the rest now.


    Find the words to tell them what it was like to be the broken girl treated like¡­ like worse than a tool. How I was just an inconvenient part of myself to The House of Stara Noc¡¯s Heiress. Body and even my fucking thoughts just¡­ a thing for them to demand the Stardust communicate through.


    How anytime I might bubble up or take over for a bit she¡¯d spot it and threaten and hurt and¡­


    ¡°Jevy?¡± Kque calls, sharp enough for me to know that she¡¯s worried.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­¡±


    About to say ''okay''.


    Almost laugh at how much of a lie that would be.


    Both to them... and myself.


    ¡°I¡¯m not okay.¡± I whisper through the tears. ¡°It¡¯s not waking up right now but everything inside hurts and¡­ and I want you all to know why but¡­ but the words don¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t¡­¡±


    Trail off as a sob steals the rest.


    ¡°Hey hey hey. It¡¯s okay. We have all the time you need.¡± Ina and Aceso promise. ¡°Any words you have. Anytime. Or just¡­ tears. Love. As many as you need to shed.¡±


    I decide to take them up on that. Cry out my fucking eyes in their arms so that¡­ that maybe I can force out the rest after I¡¯m spent. Let exhaustion dull the aches before trying to start trying to see if they can use their songs to pull us into a Dream with them and... and my Maktaba.

 Chapter 128: Old Friends Sleeping on Older Roads Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    Dreams and night terrors. Memories and thinking about meeting abusers. Memories and mention of having a limb cut off and cauterized. and finally.... BIG GUCKING CRAB IS BACK BABEEEEE! Welcome, FINALLY, wibblers and wobblers to the reunion with the Craaaab!


    Apologies for the last week without a chappy! Wiggles got SO wobbled in our life.


    We know we drifted off with Jevita and even Kque in our arms. Lulled into gentle sleep by the sway of our carriage, little happy hoots of the Quelekita pulling it, and¡­ and the relief of finally leaving Arudia.


    Once again tumbling into the other kind of dream we have now.


    Before, our Amwella would always pull our thoughts into the shard. All dreams shared deliberate melodies one of us could control pretty effortlessly. But that also meant that we could only ever interact with present thoughts and ideas.


    Like, sure. We always would find ourselves getting lost and forgetful of things beyond the shared dream. But everything was focused will made as real to us as anything in our Waking World. Often more so.


    But now¡­ Well, it depends on who you ask.


    Yrelia thinks this is Aceso, in her words, ¡®loosening up eternally clenched bits¡¯. Not trying to control everything now that she¡¯s agreed to trust others. Which¡­ I was worried would upset her but instead sent Aceso into a tittering of giggles for at least half an hour.


    Tasii¡­ mostly agrees. But thinks this also has something to do with our mind healing. Sort of¡­ too weak to actually control something as big as a shared dream well until we fully recover.


    Kque hopes this is a sign that our mind is like¡­ fully assimilating the shard. Sort of like how bodies that undergo heavy Cultivation or intense healing do. That our Dreams were, perhaps, the space between rejection and acceptance of a second spirit and the shard holding her.


    Rahdian is mostly just a bit of a mess over all their theories. Hopes whatever we learn from this can be used to help her shards heal. Would love to pull them into the Waking World like we do.


    Zigdara doesn¡¯t have any theories. But wants so badly for this to be a sign that the World Song can heal. That the Curse is weakening. Maybe even that we¡¯re a rekindling of what it was meant to be.


    ¡°Nothing is Always and Forever.¡± She mused just last night, half asleep. ¡°Even good things, but¡­ most importantly the bad. Even the worst wounds, if survived, can fade into scars that eventually can be lived comfortably with.¡±


    That sent Aceso, and then me, into such bubbling tears. Both because it meant the World and all Her Dreams to hear Zigdara say that about us. But also because I¡¯m pretty sure it reminded Aceso of her mothers or¡­ sisters?


    Because our secretly favorite theory about this, of course, comes from our brilliant Jevita.


    ¡°I think this was her plan.¡± She murmured while clutching our long gemstone cutie to her chest. ¡°The Weaver¡¯s, I mean. Even before the bad stuff. She didn¡¯t want to¡­ like¡­ be all powerful here. Be a Goddess. Just dealing with Her own life was probably hard and she wanted help. Wove the World Song to keep everyone safe from that Rot you¡¯ve mentioned. Gave us all little sparks of Her Amwella. She told us all that. So¡­ I think this change like¡­ is maybe what She would have liked for everyone? Possibly even the ability to reach out and easily weave magic without a shard. Sun-Spoken weren¡¯t meant to be just the girls that got her shards but¡­ anyone who wants to be?¡±


    We both adored that.


    Hoped so much we could someday help our Jevita feel the World Song again. Maybe even touch and change it like we do.


    But¡­ not today.


    Today we rest, and dream the way most people do.


    And¡­ not always well.


    Turns out, my nightmares didn¡¯t go away when Aceso claimed me. My anxiety dreams, night terrors, and¡­ worse, were just¡­ not able to reach me before. Always swept up and into the dream she was trapped in. And I think our brilliant lover¡¯s whimpers and¡­ and that final look in her eyes dredged up something from my past.


    ¡°I¡¯m not okay.¡±


    Words wept while memories of being used stole everything else away.


    I¡­ I know that feeling. Wanted to scream it for years and years.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    But, how do you tell such an amazing family that loves you and adores you just¡­ just how¡­ broken you feel sometimes? How small? How¡­ how used?


    Dirty.


    Thank fuck there are no faces in my dreams. Years of endless people will make it hard to recall any but the most important people in my life. The dream is messy, and stupid. I¡¯m at some¡­ half Arudian half Lyttoral manor with far too many doors and far too many girls who¡­ um¡­


    Were people I was sold to. Nightmare woven from my very real fear of bumping into a girl I was forced to be with and um¡­ them recognizing me.


    I¡¯m trying to avoid them. To keep them from my lovers. To¡­ to tell them that I¡¯m not that person. To stop¡­ stop touching me! Stop trying to pull me back into the chambers set aside for them.


    It¡¯s honestly¡­ really stupid. And makes no sense. Too many doors, too many blank faces, and the temperature kept shifting from blistering heat to cold ice. And¡­ we don¡¯t even crack it before a bump in the road, and a burp from the gemstone who adores pretending to be a sleeping scarf, jerks us from the nightmare and into the warm snuggles of the Waking World.


    Deep breaths. I insist to ourselves, not wanting to flinch too hard and possibly wake others.


    Just a dream. Aceso agrees. A horrible one, but¡­ nothing like the real ones we often will still find most nights.


    Look down to find both our lovers still nuzzled close and sleeping well, it seems. Glance up to see the mountain¡¯s side still passing by. Slowly and lazily and¡­ without any rush.


    So we wiggle to get comfy again, and try to focus on getting a little more sleep before meeting everyone at the mountain¡¯s base.


    Focus hard on having a good fucking Dream this time. I sigh and imagine nuzzling Aceso with¡­ with¡­


    All the headstalks we don¡¯t have.


    Fuck.


    Sorry. Aceso whispers. It¡­ I think that is a sign, more than most others, how bound we are now. My headstalks were things I wove for myself. Part of a form I knit from nothing but song and will and desire. Inspired by one of my mother¡¯s gorgeous mane from the moment I understood them.


    Can¡¯t help but smile at how much I enjoyed feeling them in our Dream. No it¡¯s¡­ Honestly wonderful. I adore them. Just¡­ we¡¯re gonna need to gather up so much Amwella to grow something like that! I wouldn¡¯t even know how to start to make something that complex!


    Aceso can¡¯t help but warm at that. Bask in my desires to let this flesh change for her too.


    So¡­ She shares memories that softly bubble up. Some early moments of growing accustomed to a head full of limbs that love to betray unspoken emotions and feelings with their wriggles. But¡­ most are from later. When she wore them with pride and confounded lovers with their deft workings. Helping¡­ well, helping younger siblings weave their own even.


    How much she loved them. These little wiggly parts that felt like refractions of Her own spirit. Like some many limbed cuties from the ocean. How they inspired her to mix and mingle magic like only¡­ only one mother could do effortlessly.


    OH, and how they could dance! She giggles and wiggles and swoons. Always and endlessly, to some unsung beat of my soul. Even when asleep. Especially then. Only really understood when I watched a sibling¡¯s do the same on the first night with her own mane.


    How many did you have? I ask, letting her feel my snoozie wander at the shared words and memories. Both from the first time she showed me herself in our shared Dream and these fuzzy new ones.


    At least a dozen. She muses, but¡­ sadness is starting to tint the joy of this. And wretchedly painful memories of a monster cutting them away and searing the wounds closed with blazing iron else his prize die from¨C


    How many should we grow? I ask, abruptly. Tugging her from that terrible memory that will absolutely consume us both. Will we keep some hair? Um¡­ How long will it take? Once we start gathering up more Amwella along the Paths?


    That stutters her to a halt. Even takes her a few seconds to whisper back. Ina¡­ We need to be gathering a Wellspring for emergencies. Not¡­ not¡­


    No. Nope. Fuck that. No excuses. I insist, echoing my first lover¡¯s words to me. You¡¯re life. Your body now too. You deserve to live in it well. This is important. And we¡¯re going to like¡­ be getting so much Amwella now that we¡¯re away from the Academy. Away from danger and threats and just¡­ be a family wandering the Paths towards Lyttoral.


    She huffs but¡­ can¡¯t argue.


    The idea of actively weaving songs with me throughout our days has completely enthralled her. This partial week since the freeing of the Arudian males and our full merger has led to so many new songs and inspiration and¡­ and so many of them take almost nothing to weave!


    And feeling this one take root in Her now is amazing.


    Like watching a cute little crab shed an old broken shell while shyly wiggling into a new one. And as the new shell¡¯s current other inhabitant I¡¯m gonna do everything to make you comfy. Okay?


    She agrees and tumbles into surrendering to this scheme. And¡­ Well, of course the dream we slip into from there is a soft and silly thing. Involving us trying to fit in the same shell, then sailing it around the ocean like a boat after a wave knocks it over. Gets a little scary for a bit when shadows stir below but¡­ we find the shore. Even figure out how to walk about like¡­ like¡­


    ¡°... A Crab?¡±


    Yes. Exactly. If we¡¯re gonna get up the mound of sand we just gotta walk like a crab. We agree, then start to try and¡­


    But hands shake us awake as a soft voice whispers. ¡°Loves?¡±


    Can¡¯t help but grin as we work very hard to push our eyelids up. Focus on the girls kneeling before us.


    ¡°Um¡­ We¡­ There¡¯s one of those big gemstone Zeridii on the road.¡± Jevita explains, expression such a contrast to before. Eyes alight with excitement and an easy smile on her lips. ¡°And Rahdian¡¯s little cutie already ran off and up to it and¡­ um¡­¡±


    That sparks us to wake up really fast, so much that even our sleeping scarf rumbles a little complaint before we let it scuttle down our arm and onto Jevita¡¯s shoulders. Stand up and look out and see¡­


    A huge gemstone crab. I think they''re called¡­ um¡­


    Carbuncles. Aceso remembers.


    And this big cutie is just¡­ napping on the road. Settled in for a long snooze from the looks of it. Between two sharp cliffs too. Cutting off pretty much any good road from the Academy for the near¡­ two dozen carriages waiting here with ours?


    Like I sang for it not to do all those weeks ago.


    Rahdian¡¯s little cutie is sitting just in front of it. Practically yelling a litany of little ¡®Helps¡¯ and ¡®hi hi hi¡¯. Some sound happy others seem¡­ So annoyed.


    We can¡¯t help but grin and move to hop out of the back of the carriage while everyone else stares at the big pretty crab. Followed carefully behind by Jevita and Kque. Move up beside Rahdian and take her hand in ours.


    Then tug our fellow Sun spoken forward through the mess of carriages and milling duenna while starting up a little song of soft greetings and¡­ also requests.


    Please wake up, big friend. We need this pathway.


    ¡°Help help help!¡± The little one shouts into my bubbling melody. ¡°HI!¡±


    The Carbuncle stirs a little, even seems to twist to aim that crack we think its eye or other sensory parts sit inside, to look directly at us.

 Chapter 129: Old Friends Sleeping on Older Roads Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    CRABS! getting picked up by crabs. Lil talks of abuse from Temple things.


    We don¡¯t even for a second think it means to hurt us. Can¡¯t hear a single song from this big friend that¡¯s anything but sleepy and¡­ content? Except a little¡­ something else. A soft buzzing of waiting for something?


    Someones?


    Not sure.


    ¡°Um¡­ Ina? Aceso?¡± Rahdian whispers. ¡°I think this is the same one that carried me through the storm from before.¡±


    We don¡¯t break what we hope is eye contact with this big friend to ask, ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Unless they all look the same.¡± She clarifies. ¡°Which¡­ I don¡¯t think they do? But I¡¯ve only seen one before and only for a little bit and¡­ um¡­¡±


    She trails off, and we do glance over to see her a bit¡­ worried.


    Which¡­ I mean if she can¡¯t hear the big sleepy songs pouring off our big friend then that makes sense. I mumble to my fifth lover.


    Aceso radiates agreement as inspiration bubbles. Then¡­ let¡¯s show her and all those behind us that, despite appearances, this one is nothing but gentle.


    Huh? What are you¡­?


    In answer, she gently tugs Rahdian forward to stand right in front of this big gemstone crab. Lays a hand on its shell and¡­


    And asks if it needs anything. If those still within the Zeridii¡¯s Dream that are considering hatching into our Waking World need help or encouragement or gifted inspirations. If¡­ if any would find this all less scary from the shoulders of a friend brimming with warm Amwella?


    ¡°Hii help.¡± Her little friend Chimes along. ¡°Hii!!!¡±


    Rahdian leans down to pick up and clutch her little cutie close as I can¡¯t help but melt a bit into her endless love dribbling from the song Aceso offers this big friend. How¡­ how it feels to come from such a deep and easy part of her. I¡­ I think this is both the girl she was when weaving the World Song to keep everyone safe, the goddess she tried to be to everyone she met afterwards, and¡­ and the person she wants to be again.


    Our big friend thrums a loud hum in reply. Song shifting from sleepy curiosity to alert motion and¡­


    Oh.


    Quicker than should be possible for a friend of this size, one of those big still snow covered claws is up and wrapping about us and Rahdian. Picking us up like she told us it did all those weeks ago and dropping us onto its back.


    All before we finish a couple sharp breaths of surprise. Not scared but¡­ really really taken off guard. Even Aceso.


    ¡°Help help help help help¡­¡± Rahdian¡¯s little cutie gurgles from her arms.


    ¡°Fuck. Sorry.¡± I giggle and turn to them, working to make sure she¡¯s steady as the claw pulls away to leave us standing. ¡°We¡­ She did not expect that. Are you okay?¡±


    Rahdian nods through a couple deep breaths, hugs her little cutie close while whispering. ¡°Y¨C yeah. Just¡­ um¡­ yeah. Just as scary as the first time.¡±


    Aceso weaves a gentle song of thanks and questions to our big friend but¡­ also a soft request for it to not snatch people up without their permission. A thrumming of considerations and thinking buzzes all through the shell of the crab beneath our feet, one of¡­ agreement? Mayhaps an apology?


    But then clarifications just as our eyes land upon¡­


    OH!


    Kneel down to find the source of this big friend''s anticipation and sleepy waiting along the only good road left out of Arudia. Half buried in a mound of settled snow.


    Eggs. Or¡­ The closest thing the Zeridii makes? I ask as eyes roll over the glittering shapes. Not round though. More like¡­


    ¡°Shells?!?¡± Rahdian exclaims, all worry blossoming into excitement and awe.


    ¡°Hi hi hi hi hi HELP!¡± Giggles out her little cutie in reply.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Aceso whispers through our lips. ¡°These¡­ These are the first of a little new clutch. A brood that would adore the chance to explore this Waking World. But not alone. They¡¯re waiting here for¡­ for the Arudian males. If I¡¯m understanding their songs well.¡±


    Curse bites her so hard at that but¡­ She refuses to lean into the hatred woven through it. Endures the buckling cracking ache that it would bring. Causes the Curse to grumble in annoyance while sinking fangs and talons into my fifth lover as she¨C


    ¡°Help hii help halp.¡± Rahdian¡¯s little cutie whispers to her, and my lover shakes herself from the thought.


    Letting the curse settle while turning thoughts away from the conflict.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ So like how you are with me?¡± She asks the one she hugs close.


    It makes a sound somewhere between a gurgle and hiccup, wiggling about a little, then chirps. ¡°Hii help hii hii hii!¡±


    We chuckle at that and fading pain. ¡°Yes, but also¡­ No? Each will decide what it wants to be. Both to themselves and also the person they pick. Some may even decide the Waking World isn¡¯t the place they want to grow in after a while.¡±


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    **    **    **


    It takes us a bit to gather them all so we can explain this. But the heart of this is simple enough¡­


    ¡°The Zeridii wants to ask and offer you all something. They know you are about to face a new life, and never want you to feel alone. They... They understand that pain. Are growing into new shapes too. And would love your help.¡± We explain after we¡¯ve gathered them to walk up the snowdrift that¡¯s settled up against our big friend.


    All others wait below though. Our lovers, the Azure Compact¡¯s members, and plenty others trying to leave the Academy.


    We kneel and sit next to the gathered egg growths beside Rahdian. And¡­ already they seem more¡­ something. Blossoming? Like a flower but still very shell shaped. I observe openly to my spirit lover.


    They feel those they adore close and curious. Aceso whispers back. Are literally bubbling with excitement.


    ¡°So¡­ Probably one at a time is best.¡± We turn our attention back to the group.


    The first is¡­ at least twice my age, I think. But about our size. Where so many other monsters wear looks of wonder and fear amidst their curiosity¡­ he seems nothing but excited. In their hesitation he steps right up and kneels.


    Don¡¯t flinch. Ignore the Curse. Focus on... on the process. Not the people and monsters involved.


    ¡°So¡­ Am I supposed to pick?¡± He asks.


    ¡°No. These¡­ are just the shells.¡± We reply evenly, keeping eyes on the glimmering gemstones. ¡°A spirit within the Zeridii has already decided to ask you for this, now it will shape itself and¨C¡±


    A loud crack interrupts us, one of the more flower shaped gemstones starting to wiggle and shiver amidst the still garden of cold stone.


    Before either of us can react it''s already pulled itself from the snow and clutch. Even cracked itself free of what seems like roots to tumble forwards. The monster kind of jumps, but doesn¡¯t recoil, and is even able to catch his new little friend.


    Yup. Totally shaped like some really pretty but... kinda silly flower. I giggle to my Aceso. Legs a tangled mess it''s gonna have to figure out.


    ¡°Hii!¡± Calls out Rahdian¡¯s little cutie from her arms.


    The flower shaped Zeridii wriggles and wobbles but¡­ nuzzles close to this monster as he stares down in wonder.


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­¡± He stammers, then as it seems to tilt upways toward him. ¡°Hey there, little one. I¡­ My name is Fretrea.¡±


    The newly hatched Zeridii doesn¡¯t speak, but seems to ruffle petals and roots and everything so happily at the sound of this monster¡¯s voice and name. And¡­


    And that hurts to see. More than we¡¯d ever admit to anyone.


    ¡°Take care of each other.¡± We whisper, tilting our head back the way this monster came.


    He nods and rises, carefully and gently clutching this new friend close.


    And¡­ the next is similar in some ways but different in others. The male is younger, and tumbles backways when his cute friend cracks forth in fear and surprise. But¡­ soon carefully crawls forward with a hand outstretched. Allowing what seems to be a tangle of snakes spilling from a shell curl about his fingers. Latching on and nuzzling close while buzzing a little melody.


    A thing of apology and worry and¡­ and request. Anxiety woven in glimmering shape and song pleading with this monster to not be afraid. To not hate it. To¡­ to please not leave it behind.


    And¡­ somehow this monster understands the song, and with tears in his eyes pulls the little one close. Mumbling soft nothings of promise to this new friend.


    After that the others gathered start to grow enthralled. Anticipate their turn with more and more excitement. Whisper to each other about the shapes and colors and forms their new friends will take.


    About midway through a pair steps forward together. Nether are ones we recognize like some of the others, as each was from the third group that we never did more than verify our claims in the blurry hours after Emarial had left.


    ¡°Um¡­ Sorry.¡± The taller one says when we raise an eyebrow in question. ¡°Kinatii wanted me to stick close. If¡­ Is that okay? Won¡¯t confuse anything?¡±


    We shake our head. ¡°It shouldn¡¯t.¡±


    The little one, Kinatii, glances back at the taller one. Who nods and nudges him forward. ¡°Go ahead. I¡¯m right behind.¡±


    He takes a deep breath, then releases the hand he¡¯s been holding onto so tightly to step closer while kneeling.


    Almost before he¡¯s low enough to see, a shell snaps and shatters. Sputtering about into a dozen or more shards. For a second we all sit in stunned silence. Worried that¡­ that something went wrong.


    That this Kinatii was rejected.


    But then all the little pieces twist and roll about. A harmony bouncing between the shards that now sprout little legs and skitter toward the Arudian male. We think he¡¯d be tumbling back in surprise and fear but his expression is nothing but drowned in awe and delight. Doesn¡¯t even flinch as the swarm reaches his boots and begins to climb up his pants.


    Ends up reaching down to give them easier pathways into his arms. Falling back into his companions arms while giggling at all his new little friends.


    The taller one laughs with him, hugs the little one close while whispering. ¡°Oh they got you figured out already, don¡¯t they Kinatii? A perfect match.¡±


    Kinatii nods and hugs the little clutch of buzzing bug shaped companions closer.


    Then looks past to us and the clutch of shells. Shifts so Kinatii can stand while this taller one kneels before the batch.


    The one that adopts him is kinda shaped like Rahdian¡¯s little cutie. A bundle of feathers and eyes and far too many legs. Song a bubbling thing of curiosity and desire to see¡­


    Well, it feels like everything and everyone. All at once. All the time.


    Then, after enthusiastic thanks, they step away. And we oversee the rest of the procession of monsters be claimed by newly hatched or awakened Zeridii. The final three basically all happen together, as the three males can¡¯t decide who should do last. A trio of gemstone shapes splitting out to impatiently find their new friends.


    And then it¡¯s over. Any shards remaining are just¡­ empty stone.


    ¡°Help help?¡± The only little cutie remaining with us whispers.


    ¡°Ina? Aceso?¡± Rahdian echoes its worry. ¡°I¡­ Are you okay?¡±


    Curse perks up as my stupid head finds the same pain from the night we freed them.


    Consider lying through the smile we give her, but¡­ whisper quietly. ¡°We just¡­ This hurt. To do. And not just from the Curse that demands we always think of them as Monsters. That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s easy. Familiar. Something we can chip at like some frozen sweet treat.¡±


    Our lover shifts to crawl closer and sit right in front of us. Takes up a cold hand in one of hers. ¡°Um¡­ so like¡­ From Temple things?¡±


    We wince, hate reminding her of¡­ of what was done to us. And how easily we are to read. But¡­ nod. Can¡¯t help but feel a bit of relief. ¡°I¡­ Yeah. Temple things. Just¡­ it''s kinda hard to not to be all kinds of jealous of them. How¡­ how much better they had and have it. Then being¡­ um¡­ monsters aside even. Because while it hurts to accept they are more like me than anyone in Lyttoral. Save you. But¡­ we didn¡¯t know.¡±


    Rahdian nods, pursing her lips. ¡°Yeah. Fuck. You¡¯re¡­ I¡¯ve been kinda thinking the same thing. How much it hurt to have this¡­ this desire clammed up inside. But we couldn¡¯t even find the words to tell anyone. But these guys, they¡­ they told their moms and got help. Sure their Temple was horrible, like ours, but at least they got to spend that time in a body that felt right.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. It¡¯s so fucked up!¡± I exclaim. ¡°And they each got a Keeper too? Someone assigned to be their best fucking friend and lover and help them deal with all the¡­ the things?¡±


    ¡°Right? Like¡­ We were just expected to find friends among the others.¡± She replies. ¡°And honestly, most of them were kinda shitty.¡±


    ¡°Really shitty. Fuck.¡± I can¡¯t help but giggle while glaring over at the shattered shells. ¡°Just¡­ had to find the least shitty and hope they got nicer.¡±


    ¡°They never did.¡± Rahdian chuckles and shakes her head.


    ¡°Nope!¡± We sigh. ¡°Fuck. And just¡­ I can¡¯t help but wonder if I¡¯d have told a Keeper about¡­ well¡­ me. That I was a girl. Even if it was to just get it out. If they would have just... called me stupid for it. Or told me it didn¡¯t matter. Or maybe helped?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Rahdian nods and looks past me, eyes distant as she pictures that. ¡°I¡­ Don¡¯t think it would have gone well.¡±


    Zigdara¡¯s story dances at the edge of our thoughts. Of a boy stolen from his freedom, life, and mother. Then of how he was abused till he couldn¡¯t take it anymore.


    How he ended his own life.


    ¡°Probably not in Lyttoral, No. But it also could have helped.¡± I reply while pulling us to stand. ¡°Would have been better than being alone and unseen.¡±

 Chapter 130: Thawing Hearts Part 1

    <u>CW:</u>


    SEX AND SMUTT AND talk of an abused lover and snuggles and wiggles! Apologies for the delay in release for this chappy! Hope you enjoooy!


    Kque whimpers into our neck, lips nibbling gently while hips move and dance with our fingers. She straddles our legs as we grin up at the stars from where we sit in the back of the carriage with her, eyes half lidded as we slowly curl knuckles up and into her. Drawing out a wonderfully deep shiver , one that seems to start at her core and rolls through our lover¡¯s everything.


    And¡­ oh how her Amwella sings to us.


    Melody this steady happy thing. Calmer than I realized she hadn¡¯t been for weeks and weeks. Stress that came with traveling to these cold lands slowly leaking out of her with every step away from the mountain we can only just barely see through the storm these past few days.


    We keep her there for a while. Twist the chorus of her soul¡¯s song to fold backwards into itself at least three times before finally feeling her Amwella stutter and tumble a little. Growing exhausted and desperate for release.


    And Kque is so sweet in all the little words she whispers when a lover embraces her. Even while drowning in pleasure, she is devoted to telling us how very much she adores us. Hands digging deep into our mane of curls as words of love and affections melt into the climax we¡¯ve spend¡­ roughly a full day leading her into having.


    A slow subtle thing Yrelia nudged us to do for her. Waking this quiet lover with warm nuzzles and warmer meals. Making sure she had steaming water to wash herself with on these cold roads. Then asking to walk with her as the brumply planks in the back of the carriage got uncomfy. Asking questions we never considered but Yrelia and Tasii promised we wouldn¡¯t regret hearing Kque gush over.


    Her replied stories were¡­ wonderful.


    Finding out about her favorite town along the Path. A small village much like Deledita was. Tucked in the middle of a quiet forest with a soft river rushing through the core. But more important than there where, is the when. Because apparently this village grows these big pretty flowers that only bloom two or three days of the year. But the pollen the Brumble bees and Wibble Wasps spread grows to drench the area in their smell. All the other fruits end up absorbing their scent and flavor. Even bread baked in those days grows so sweet and perfect. Ever since she first went there as a girl with her mothers they all make a point to visit every blossoming days they can.


    OH! And her first time seeing the ocean. How the other younger girls traveling with her mothers were so scared, but she took up her best friend from that group and bravely led them all down into the sea. Spent the rest of the day wading into the shallows and collecting the best shells they could. Also making friends with a few crabs and fish they got to feed. Is pretty certain a couple of her moms still keep some of the treasures she found that day.


    Other stories too. Some¡­ sad but important. Things whispered well away from all the others.


    How she found her Jevy.


    She was still young. They both were. How she found her wandering the streets of the Academy during one of their then twice a year visits to renew their endowments from the Doyans. And¡­ how Jevita was only recently marked with the Maktaba. How empty she looked. Sad. Kque bought her a drink and told her a joke that got a smile from the young girl.


    But¡­ it disappeared when Kque asked her name. Was told that ¡®it doesn¡¯t have a name¡¯, then left.


    Didn¡¯t see her again for the rest of that visit. But¡­ made a point to always look for her. Even found her most often. How she spent an entire visit trying to give this nameless girl a word she might like. Eventually stumbling upon ¡®Jevy¡¯. An old messy word for ¡®a new mother¡¯ when she later was there to see her glow with the newly imprinted baby Lule in her arms.


    How she wasn¡¯t able to visit for a few years after meeting Tasii, then Yrelia. Eventually were able to find the coin and tugged them into trudging back into her cold homeland. Traveling all the way to the center to meet and check on this old friend of hers.


    And¡­ Finding her. Emptier than ever. No little child bouncing happily at her heels. Angry at the name Kque and her found together. Storming off in a hissing fury.


    Kque chasing her through the streets as Jevita completed her errands. And¡­ her old friend eventually breaking down into sobs in an alleyway between everything. From within our lover¡¯s careful hug, telling a messy story that, from Kque could understand, Lule was taken from her. Kept chained from his mother. Used as the only punishment that worked to keep her obedient these days.If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    Then her shoving away from Kque¡¯s embrace as she, unknowing till later to be the mistake, caressed the Glyphs on the back of her bare head. Jevita snarling fury and shoving her into the slush and snow. Disappearing into the crowd before she could recover.


    And¡­ Jevita finding her again in the dead of night. Covered in burns and soot and barely clothed. Shivering while clutching her not-so-small child close.


    Begging Kque to help her.


    My lover was a mess by then, but easily and with such a grin talked about how much her Jevy has grown since then. How, despite all their mistakes and stumbles, has woven herself into this amazing girl we all adore. How she wants to see her smile at least once a day for the rest of their lives. So filled with happiness the old conditioning and pain don¡¯t matter so much in those moments.


    We agreed with that, and kissed the tears from her eyelids. Pulled her to catch up with the carriage our little sit had let pull from view. Even picked her up to hang off our back for a few paces until we both fell giggling into the snow and slush.


    Pulled her into sitting close as we sung our songs of rest and calm around our fire. Weaving little things of request into the melody, just for her. The tune set to match the pace of the fingers we were letting dance happily through her hair. Soon moving to help massage and rub the stress of the road from her back and legs and feet. Slowly pulling clothes away beneath the bed and blankets we decided to share.


    Rahdian has grown comfortable sharing a bed and skinship with everyone in our group now. Nothing more yet. But¡­ that¡¯s because of the cold. Once we get to our first town she¡¯s going to ask if Tasii or Kque would possibly want more, to which we told her that she very much would. Grinning at the mental images of our second lover gently pinning Rahdian to a wall or bed like we struggle to do with our smaller body.


    But Kque is our focus today.


    And after an eternity of loosening her body to feel nothing but warm arousal, she accepts our offer. Very nearly was pleading us to embrace her Amwella.


    So now we sit, our lover melting across our legs while her cunt is balanced on our knuckles. Letting out a series of cries we¡¯re very certain any nearby will hear and probably giggle at the familiar sounds.


    And then our Amwella is embracing hers. Drinking in a few good sparks of Soulflame while flesh shivers in delight at the cascade exploding from between her legs and core.


    The stars continue to turn above while we hold each other. Breath heavy and hearts quieting their loud racing tempo. Song still on our lips but¡­ slowing to quiet tired muses.


    ¡°Th¨C thank you.¡± Are the first words she manages to whisper anyone but us might understand.


    We chuckle while moving to caress fingers toward her back. ¡°You¡¯re very welcome, love. Thank you for gifting us today and these sparks of your soulflame.¡±


    Brumbles roll up and down her flesh, chasing the patterns we weave across her. Everything slowly returning to consider the Waking World around us. Eventually pulls back to push hair from her eyes and fan her face a little. Pretty naked body absolutely drenched with sweat as breasts and chest is exposed to the midnight air.


    ¡°Fuck.¡± She huffs.


    ¡°We¡¯d love to.¡± Is our smirking reply.


    Kque giggles and leans forward to press lips to ours. Amwella still dribbly and melty but¡­ almost considering taking us up on the offer. But after a good eternity of lip and even a little tongue dances she pulls back. Reaching for the basin of water our songs made sure to keep warm for the cleaning we both will need.


    ¡°Seriously, Ina. Aceso. That was¡­ wow.¡± She whispers while cleaning herself. ¡°I¡¯ve not ecked this much since¡­ a while. I know you both cheated with a song but I¡¯m glad you did.¡±


    ¡°You needed that.¡± We reply while watching her work. Find her motions just¡­ so interesting. Not even mostly in a sexy way but in a careful way. Precise despite her still slightly unsteady movements.


    ¡°I really did.¡± She giggles. ¡°All of today, really. Tell Yrelia I said thanks for nudging you both into this all.¡±


    We both can¡¯t help but grin at that. ¡°You overheard her talking to us?¡±


    ¡°No. Just¡­ She¡¯s really good at suggesting all the best ways for us to take care of each other like you both did today. Is why she¡¯s such a wonderful Hetaera.¡±


    Then we move to start cleaning ourselves, even help each other with the places it would be awkward to reach without standing up naked into the cold winds. Pull only a few layers back on as we¡¯re both still¡­ quite overheated. Slump back into a snuggle beneath only a few light blankets.


    ¡°Ina¡­ Do you remember what you said? To Tasii?¡± Kque whispers. ¡°This was like¡­ forever ago. But when you called Delphain and Ophrit¡¯s manor our home, but told her it was because we were all there. Your family.¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course.¡± I reply. ¡°She¡­ got kinda upset. But in a way I didn¡¯t understand, and still don¡¯t.¡±


    Our lover nods and nuzzles into us. ¡°You should do this for her next, if you both can. And want to.¡±


    Pull her close and kiss the top of her head. ¡°She¡­ You don¡¯t think we might tumble into hurting her. Because we¡¯d both really love to.¡±


    Kque shakes her head. ¡°It¡¯s okay. She¡¯s wanted to explain stuff to you both, especially since Aceso is awake. Would adore the chance to spend the day.¡±


    ¡°We look forward to it.¡± I agree, then giggle and whisper as our spirit¡¯s will align so perfectly.. ¡°Can¡­ we ask for you do the same for Rahdian?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Kque replies immediately. ¡°What would you recommend I do for her?¡±


    We think on that for a bit, then find the words. ¡°Offer to teach her things I needed when I first met you. Little things she¡¯s struggling with or unsure of. Make it seem easy and natural. Not just the what but¡­ her. We both struggle to not feel like we¡¯re fake, sometimes. Lying to everyone. You knowing her past but thinking these are things for her too will mean the World and All Her Dreams to us.¡±


    Don¡¯t¡­ really realize the tears till Kque is twisting up to kiss them away from our cheeks. ¡°You are both realer than most people I¡¯ve ever met, love. So vibrant you burn the night sky to weep.¡±


    We hiccup and giggle and can¡¯t help but sweep our Kque into such a hug at her beautifully recited Arudian love poem.


    ¡°And those. Please.¡± We whisper into her neck. ¡°Rahdian asked to learn them and we¡¯ve nearly forgotten. Teach her how to sweep those she adores off their feet with them.¡±

 Chapter 131: Thawing Hearts Part 2

    <u>CW:</u>


    SECOND TAKROTH CHAPPY!!! AHHH! Talk of lack of bodily autonomy. Little bits of discussion of worry about losing said autonomy. Talk of fear of being touched. Discussions of non-verbalness. Little talks aluding to past sexual assault


    And like every other night when he can sleep away, I find Kinatii watching the big monster crab thing settle in to sleep behind our little circle of carriages. Grinning like nothing else in the world matters while all the little gemstone bugs skitter and scuttle all around his seated form.


    Been on the road for¡­ a week? Less? Not sure. Tried to keep busy and not think about to much. Walking or even jogging alongside the carriages with the others. Catching up with some of the other guys and how their new friends are doing. Both the Azure Compact people traveling with us and¡­


    An ever present soft purring buzz sound presses against my neck and shoulders. My¡­ my new little friend nuzzles deep into the hood of my big coat. Exhausted from a long day of watching and tittering silly noises as I moved about. All those eyes across its pretty gemstone body finally shut tight as it decided to sleep.


    So different from everyone else¡¯s. But¡­ also the same? Everyone of us Arudian Males really are getting on with their new friends. Bonding like I¡¯d never expect. Especially to weirdly shaped little gemstone creatures we all literally watched hatched.


    ¡°Heya.¡± I greet softly from plenty far away to not startle him too much.


    My footsteps crunched pretty loud though, so when he turns it¡¯s just with expectant welcoming things. Especially when he sees the two steaming mugs in my hands. Scoots a bit to make room on the log he¡¯s brushed snow off of to make room for me.


    So I sit and pass him his dinner. Look out to squint.


    ¡°I... can¡¯t see it out there.¡± I whisper.


    He points, and I kinda see what could be a little hill.


    ¡°But¡­ I mean you¡¯d think all the gemstones across it would glimmer like crazy out here.¡±


    He shrugs, wiggles his hand back and forth and takes first sips of the hot drink as one of those little bugs dangles from a finger.


    ¡°Yeah, good point.¡± I agree. ¡°Not enough light for that. But still¡­ I¡¯m surprised it doesn¡¯t knock over more trees. Or make more noise. I never hear it. Does it even leave tracks behind us?¡±


    As he lowers his cut I get to enjoy the first words he¡¯s seemed comfortable to share tonight. ¡°Moves really softly. Like one of those fuzzy spiders I told you about.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I grin and take a little drink myself. Enjoy the rich flavor of the stew they brewed for us before asking. ¡°Seems too big and heavy for that.¡±


    ¡°From what I¡¯ve read about the Cidaii spiders, their fluff actually helps them distribute their weight out.¡± He explains while swaying the finger his little friend still dangles from. Which¡­ draws three more to skidder up his body and arm to join it. Which of course makes Kinatii¡¯s shy smile grow. ¡°And¡­ Like¡­ I think they have weird bits inside that let them ignore some rules we have.¡±


    ¡°Oh? Magic stuff?¡±


    ¡°Mhm. Maybe.¡± He murmurs. ¡°Probably. This clutch has jumped farther or moved faster than I think they should be able to. But bugs are fast when they want to be, and I can¡¯t compare them to anything right now.¡±


    ¡°Want me to keep an eye out for some fuzzy spiders when I¡¯m out walking beside the carriages?¡± I offer. ¡°See if I can¡¯t get them to come visit?¡±


    ¡°Oh, um¡­ maybe.¡± He replies just before taking a big drink.


    ¡°Honestly, my big feet will probably scare them.¡± I shrug. ¡°Could come get you, if you want. Let you show me how it¡¯s done?¡±


    He purses his lips and flips his hand over, letting his now five little friends crawl back up to nuzzle into his palm as he pulls them close. ¡°Maybe.¡±


    I muse aloud casually to what I can tell is a growing anxiety in him. ¡°Would have to be a warmer day, I think. And they won¡¯t come out if there are more big feet than just mine about.¡±


    He barely holds himself together some days in the carriage we share with those two Compact members. Liphory and Grethra. Took them at least a couple days to understand how little Kinatii wants to talk, especially to strangers. Scared him a few times. Both are¡­ Very morning people. Really bright and vibrant and wanting to start the day with words and ideas.


    But after I pulled them both aside after a particularly heavy but quiet panic he had¡­ they agreed to back off. Mostly. Are okay with me being the person he goes to for things. But not forever, they insisted.


    ¡°Kinatii needs at least one or two others he trusts.¡± Liphory said to me one morning while we walked together. ¡°And not just for him, but for you Tak.¡±


    I shrugged that off. Not¡­ not wanting to think about that. Not till after I get the chance to talk to Jessry and¡­ and see what she plans to do.


    ¡°But we¡¯re on the road, and it¡¯s really good that you look out for him.¡± Liphory added though. ¡°And there is absolutely no rush to this. Just¡­ help us avoid scaring him again, okay? We can figure out the rest later.¡±


    That was easy enough, but also¡­The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°Let him be quiet when he wants. Don¡¯t touch him unless he asks.¡± I¡¯d blurted out.


    Expected him to get upset or question that like Kinatii¡¯s Keeper did but he just¡­ nodded. ¡°Okay. That all makes sense. Thank you for giving me that.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not being stupid or possessive here.¡± I¡¯d insisted. Thinking he was just¡­ placating me. ¡°He¡¯s¡­ He needs that. Everything is so much harder for him than it is for the rest of us.¡±


    ¡°I agree.¡± He¡¯d replied just as quickly. ¡°Tak, can I¡­ I¡¯m going to say some things. And if you need me to stop just tell me to shut up. Okay? This is something we all agreed not to press until we¡¯d at least reached the homes we¡¯ve set up for you all.¡±


    I hesitated, but nodded. Braced myself through the spike of fear in my gut.


    ¡°You¡¯ve all been taught that your bodies don¡¯t belong to you. But you were also groomed to think that was normal and okay because your first memories of this were coupled with incredible euphoria of your body shaping into the way you needed.¡±


    Looked away from him then. Try to... to hold in the muck that starts to boil.


    ¡°And that wasn¡¯t okay. At all. But between that and the women they had being everything to you¡­ I¡¯m guessing it took years for you to start feeling that strain.¡±


    Nod.


    ¡°And none of that is your fault.¡± He insisted. ¡°At all.¡±


    That¡­ somehow hurts more than the rest to hear. Keep the flinch inside, which was nice. Enough so I could ask carefully. ¡°I guess but¡­ why say this all now? If¡­ if you¡¯re supposed to wait?¡±


    ¡°To explain how Kinatii didn¡¯t have the euphoria the rest of you did, because he is not transgender. Was found being hidden by his mother since birth.¡± He explained. ¡°As a boy he was taken from his mother at the same age the rest of you were transitioning. Then was woven with Glyphs that did nothing but act as chains to him. And from the journals and records we¡¯ve only just started reading¡­ he never had a good relationship with his Keeper. Both due to this but¡­ also more. That I will not get into the details of here.¡±


    I¡­ nod. Remember him arriving at the Temple. How scared he was of everyone and everything. Took years for him to feel comfy around me and a few others.


    ¡°So, my point was that we understand that he¡¯s going to need help in ways we might not expect.¡± Liphory continued. ¡°And we¡¯d like your help in knowing the whens and wheres. Tell us to back off when we¡¯re too much. When to push or offer things when we worry we¡¯d only scare him. Even if we¡¯ve done nothing more than exist near him. Alright? We¡­ don¡¯t like that it¡¯s the case, but your help will be really important to helping him find the life he wants. Healing.¡±


    I¡­ didn¡¯t know how to reply to that. Just agreed and said Kinatii was my friend and let that talk fade away.


    Still don¡¯t know as I take the final drinks of soup from my mug and watch the cold quiet night with him.


    I like Kinatii, a lot. And am really relieved that no one is trying to separate us or tug him into a crowd of people he doesn¡¯t know or trust. And¡­ That¡¯s all that matters. I¡¯ve no idea what I want for myself right now. Feel like some bird who was never taught to fly lost in the woods. But I can take care of him and figure the rest out later.


    ¡°Thanks for the soup, Tak.¡± He whispers from my side, then sets his mug down into the snow and carefully leans over to rest his head on my arm. ¡°And¡­ everything else.¡±


    ¡°Course.¡± I reply, carefully adjusting to see¡­


    He doesn¡¯t flinch or stiffen at my arm¡¯s movement. Even¡­ nuzzles a little closer. So I wrap my free arm around him and share some warmth. Get to watch as all his little gemstone bugs scurry about and find all the best sleeping places amidst his big coats many pockets and nooks.


    ¡°And um¡­ Could I walk with you? Maybe tomorrow?¡± He asks. ¡°Get you to help me look for what kind of other bugs are around? Let my little friends say hi to them?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that actually sounds really fun.¡± I agree with a grin. ¡°Been kinda boring lately. And some of the others ran more than they should have today and will wake up pretty sore. Won¡¯t want to even walk and will probably be resting.¡±


    That relaxes him a lot. So much I think he dozes off a little despite the cold breeze. Only wakes up when the sound of crunching snow drifts past. Both of us stir to look back and see Grethra stopping a few feet back.


    Start to shift almost¡­ on reflex. But hold still. Wait to hear what they say rather than assume.


    ¡°Just¡­ wanted to see if you two needed anything before Liphory and I go to sleep?¡± They ask.


    Not here to like¡­ manage us. Just checking on me like any of the other guys might.


    ¡°Nope. We¡¯re good, I think.¡± I shake my head, even can¡¯t help but smile as I see Kinatii shake his too.


    They smile back at that. ¡°We¡¯ll leave the pot out over the embers if you want more soup before bundling in for the night. Otherwise. Have a good evening and rest when you claim that.¡±


    Then they turn and head back to the little circle of tents around a still glowing fire.


    ¡°They¡­ seem nice.¡± Kinatii eventually murmurs while returning to my embrace.


    ¡°I think so, but mostly have only walked and talked with Liphory.¡± I agree, then add. ¡°But I¡¯m also still off balance being around all these people that like¡­ I¡¯ve not known forever. Trying to get used to all the new faces and names and like¡­ words they want us to use.¡±


    He nods. ¡°It¡¯s hard to keep it all ordered and straight.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ both of them have been really patient, honestly. And it makes sense that we step on each other¡¯s toes as we get used to sharing a space.¡± I add.


    ¡°I¡­ um¡­ I¡¯ve made them mad, haven¡¯t I?¡± He whispers.


    ¡°Hmm? No. Not at all.¡± I reply easily and casually. ¡°If anything they know that they¡¯ve bumped your toes a few times, want to do better. Have asked if I could give them some pointers on how to avoid that.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± He whispers. ¡°What did you tell them?¡±


    ¡°Just like¡­ That we¡¯ve gotten really happy with not being morning people. To give us time to wake up before¡­ being all themselves. Simple stuff, ya know? We¡¯ve got some really different guys among our group and them assuming we¡¯re all like our loudest and confident is not a good plan.¡±


    Thinks on that for a long time, enough that I almost think he¡¯s fallen asleep and I¡¯m gonna have to carry him to our tent but¡­


    Then I feel him shiver, and not from the cold. Begin to¡­ to whimper quietly.


    Crying while also trying to hide it all.


    ¡°Hey, hey, hey¡­¡± I whisper softly and adjust. Not pulling him closer but¡­ letting him fall more into me if he wants.


    He tumbles deeper into my embrace at the offer. Then... says things. But the words are a muddled mess. Even for him. But¡­ I know I fucked up as I make out some of it. Pleading for me to apologize for him, promises to give them anything they want. Just¡­ Please don¡¯t send him back.


    Don¡¯t make him perform for the Temple again.


    ¡°No, never, Kinatii! I wasn¡¯t trying to like¡­¡± I whisper as he quiets a bit. ¡°I meant it. All of it. Just¡­ yeah. I told them pointedly how too many words, especially from a stranger, scares you. How they need to avoid touching you. But they like¡­ Agreed. Immediately. Even want to apologize sometime. But also said like¡­ it¡¯s okay. That you¡¯re allowed to not want words or touches from anyone you don¡¯t feel comfy with.¡±


    ¡°R¨C really? They¡­ they really don¡¯t want us to¡­?¡±


    ¡°No. Never. Are like¡­ really worried about that. Like we are.¡± I answer, then add. ¡°And¡­ fuck. I¡¯m sorry. I should have just told you straight out what I said and they said. Was¡­ more worried you¡¯d feel bad about needing some extra caution from them.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, Tak.¡± He mumbles and sits up to pull away. Wipes at his eyes. ¡°Just¡­ That¡­ You really don¡¯t think they want us to um¡­ do any more performances?¡±


    ¡°No. I really don¡¯t. At all. You heard the Sun Spoken lady.¡± I reply quickly.


    ¡°Inamatorii.¡± He nods, seems to relax even more. ¡°She¡­ Yeah. She seemed really upset at everything back in the big Manor. Like more than everyone else. Like you get sometimes. When you wanna hit something but also want to cry.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but chuckle at that. ¡°She really did, didn¡¯t she? I¡­ hope she got to have a good cry after breaking us out of that life.¡±

 Chapter 132: Thawing Hearts Part 3

    CW:


    Talk of SMUT! and of abusive family and cooking good food and mostly soft cuties. ACESO POV!!!! Apologies for the delayed releases. Family medical wiggles and other stuff has put us a touch behind. But we''re scootin along now!


    And from the second we find Ina¡¯s second lover and pull her into the Waking World to join us, she¡¯s intent to show us how differently she tends to enjoy our gifted day than Kque.


    Our quiet and thoughtful lover was happy to enjoy our affections passively. Not¡­ indifferently, at all, but allowed us to gently pull her into a day warmed by our attentions. Only told us of how she knew what we were doing, and the source of our inspired intentions, at night¡¯s end. A flame set to burn low and rise to a blaze at the end before settling into comfortable cinders.


    But Tasii¡­ Well, from the way her eye¡¯s spark with her Amwella¡¯s bubbling desires we know we¡¯re in for a day of very aggressive and intentional time with our lover.


    ¡°Yes, love.¡± We purr together, reaching up to tangle fingers through her mess of morning hair to clear it all from her vision. ¡°Always. But especially today.¡±


    She grins to our answer to the question she¡¯d barely decided how to phrase. Then reaches up, tilts us sideways to roll us all bodily so till she¡¯s straddling us. And with the tent''s ceiling at her back proceeds to pin us to the pallet she, Yrelia, and Rahdian were sharing, before leaning down to take the first kiss offered today.


    And before the sun has risen and anyone could even think to poking their head into this tent; she¡¯s used her wonderful, strong, and very practiced hands to fuck us both silly and also moved to have us do the same with our mouth for her.


    A breakfast of soulflame for us to start the day, it seems.


    And we¡¯re nothing but delighted to still find her flavors on our lips over the morning glimmer wine and breakfast she insists we let her cook for us. And over the fire and muppling around of our lovers to morning preparations for another day on the Paths, we ask her the questions Kque gifted us.


    Small things, at first. Mostly about this new hobby we¡¯d not had time to ask her about.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ kinda a spite thing for me.¡± She grins while stirring the mix of fruits she¡¯ll soon stow in little blankets of bread for the meal. ¡°Traveled around enough to know what my lovers and I like, had a big house of ingredients and tools, and Kque willing to help me figure it all out.¡±


    ¡°Yes, but like¡­ what about it do you enjoy?¡± Ina presses while I listen and prepare the words to my questions. ¡°Kque said you both enjoy different aspects in different ways. Compliment each other in ways say¡­ someone like Yrelia or me might bump cold toes with yours if we''d tried to learn at the same time?¡±


    She replies while starting to shift the gooey sweet mush of fruits into their first rolled up sourish breading. ¡°Kque likes the planning. Coming up with new ideas for meals based on all the places we¡¯ve both been too. Trying to match their flavor before we light any fires. Finds the slower cooking parts really relaxing. Helps her feel better when you or we weren¡¯t finding immediate solutions to problems, I¡¯m pretty sure.¡±


    ¡°And you?¡±


    ¡°I like the things that cook hot and fast and could burn really easily. Will even adjust and change our ingredients when I think it might be better. Isn¡¯t always, but¡­¡± Tasii explains while working, even sticking out her tongue to the side as she very carefully avoids dropping even a little bit onto the slush. ¡°I enjoy the mess of it. I like getting things wrong where all that happens is a little bit of burned smell and a meal I gotta start over. No one gets hurt. Our Hosts¡¯ really insistent about us not worrying about waste. Which like¡­ was hard to absorb at first but we¡¯re not on the cold Paths, and food isn¡¯t scarce. So¡­ I took them up on that offer. Even made sure to give them first tests of the better stuff we made.¡±


    ¡°Their investment is well placed. You¡¯ve both gotten really skilled at the Art.¡± I add as Tasii steps over to gift us our breakfast.


    ¡°We really have.¡± She smirks, not even the least bit modest about her skills. ¡°Lemme hand the rest of this out. Be right back.¡±


    We nod, and don¡¯t even worry about a song of cooling for our still steaming meal. Happy to wait together for her to return. Enjoy first bites with the lover who¡¯s poured so much into learning to craft such a wonderful thing for those she cares about.


    I don¡¯t think you or I ever told them how the World Song wiggles when or Kque started doing this. Ina muses.


    No. I smile softly, as the memories tumble through the part of our soul at her beck and recollection. It was too subtle, as all new things are. The real blaze comes in times like these. When all else is cold and stiff about her.


    Is that normal? My spirit woven lover asks.


    Consider that for a moment, reach back to touch old memories¡­


    Hiss when naught but nightmares hiss and growl from those shadows. Huff in annoyance as I fight to settle our Amwella from sparking to pain.


    Love. It¡¯s okay. Ina murmurs, and offers gentle concern laced with firm adorations. It just¡­ seems like you. Since the World Song was woven from you. Watching friends and lovers and everyone using the Amwella you gave them to make new things is like¡­ everything. All the good stuff you wanted for us to have.


    Yes. I murmur and curl tighter about ourselves against a stiff chilled breeze. It was. Is. I just¡­ Hate being barred from my own memories. My experiences and muses and¡­ and things that could confirm the Weaver knit the World Song out of love. Mayhaps even details or songs to help you and I ensure it becomes that again.


    Mhm. And we¡¯ve made so much good progress there! Especially in our Dreams. She agrees as hope and delight and furious excitement titters across our Amwella like lightning tearing through the cloud smothered sky.


    But not easily, and not¡­ not alone. Without you I¡¯m barely able to recall recent and gentle things. I sigh.This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    But my Challa will not be deterred by my sour mood. Latches onto the sweetness bubbling across us and tugs my thoughts closer. No one should heal alone, love. Can you imagine me alone on the Paths after you found me? Without Yrelia or Tasii or Jevita or Kque or Lule to help? I¡¯d be such a wreck. And no, stop that! She insists into my rising contradictions to her. It doesn¡¯t matter if you''re a Goddess or just a girl like me. Healing is hard. Sometimes¡­ sometimes impossible to do alone. So don¡¯t think you''re somehow a failure for needing me here. At all. Because¡­ because if you think that then pretty much everyone everywhere is!


    Tasii returns in the heartbeats right after. Eyeing us in curiosity.


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ being messy. Reached for a memory I should have known was beyond me to grasp well.¡± I explain on reflex.


    They¡­ aren¡¯t insistent as they were before. To us sharing our silent exchanges aloud. Which worries and confuses me. Should they not be more insistent and forceful of our agreements? Ina insists it¡¯s because they trust me and think I¡¯ve grown. But also¡­ that they mean what they¡¯ve said.


    This is my flesh now too. As much as Ina¡¯s, even.


    ¡°Ah, yeah. Have a few of those.¡± Tasii nods like my words don¡¯t imply the threat of rising nightmares and threats to our lovers.


    ¡°Oh?¡± I ask, letting our brow furrow in confusion.


    ¡°Yeah. Mostly¡­ about before I met Kque.¡± She shrugs, takes the first nibble of her cooling breakfast. ¡°Gotta be careful if I want to start picking at those scars. Tends to be like a water pouch with a hole poked through it. Kinda¡­ gotta let it drain out before really trying to patch it well.¡±


    I¡¯m about to point out that the worst she can leak are tears and weepy soulflame, as opposed to Amwella shredding nightmares¡­ but pause. Even before Ina can give me a firm thought of rebuke.


    Instead take first bites and think.


    Yes, my wounds may be¡­ larger. Even more real in the pains they can cause. But that simply means I¡¯ve no ability to face them well. Weeping in her and Yrelia¡¯s arms those weeks ago while Ina spoke with the Zeridii was¡­


    It hurt. But as my lover returned to share the flesh with me I felt better. More whole.


    If the nightmares are both the wound and the rot infecting it, then¡­ How could I clean away the muck and tend to the real damage to my spirit like others can? Other than by¡­ by lashing out at the monsters at every opportunity?


    ¡°Kiss for your thoughts.¡± Tasii asks gently, nudging us.


    ¡°Aceso is being really smart and respectful.¡± Ina assures her when I hesitate. ¡°Thinking through things, and in a good way that makes me really proud. But¡­ I¡¯ll let her share when she wants.¡±


    ¡°She just wants her kiss now.¡± I murmur with a grin.


    ¡°Yes. That too.¡± She agrees, and turns to lean close to our lover. ¡°So¡­?¡±


    Tasii giggles quietly before whispering, ¡°You¡¯re adorable together, you know that?¡±


    Then, before we can answer, she grants us our rewarded kiss.


    Would have probably tugged us back into a tent for more if the others hadn¡¯t already finished packing them away. But¡­ we have a Path that needs walking and a caravan of allies trailing behind.


    ¡°If we make good time, we might reach the city tonight.¡± Tasii informs us in the seconds after we pull away to finish our wonderful breakfast.


    ¡°I um¡­¡± We whisper. ¡°Guessing everyone is doing okay? The ones following us? Or¡­ at least are getting help? Maybe staying warm?¡±


    Warmth stolen from the women we¡¯re supposed to be protecting. The curse seems to spit but¡­ not so loudly. Bite is soft and nothing too distracting.


    ¡°They are. Redrogal said everyone is already getting an idea of who will wanna keep walking the Paths, and who will want to spend time in one spot. But¡­ that could easily change when they see a city aside from the Academy.¡± She answers.


    ¡°Could be. If they have a touch of Wanderlust in them like we do.¡± Ina giggles, then pushes us to rise. ¡°So. Let''s get our feet walkin. I have so many more questions I was promised would get us wonderful answers.¡±


    **    **    **


    It was so odd, the feeling that rose up as we spotted the first glimmers of gemstone lights on the horizon. The city glowing against the setting sun like some campfire in the forest.


    It was¡­ one of accomplishment. Of growing relief. We think. The approach of a place that could take such a load of stress and responsibility off our shoulders. As once we arrive the caravan will split. Azure Compact members and the Arudian men settling in here to start rebuilding a better life. Either to stay or chart the Paths they¡¯d like to walk.


    And from here we turn to leave Arudia. Choose the best routes and such. Find a new carriage and negotiate rates and see how far they¡¯re willing to go. Not that we¡¯re pressed for coin, of course. Delphian and Ophrit have ensured that. But¡­ There are still the preparations and organizing that will take a day or so.


    And¡­ of course Tasii¡¯s stories and words weigh on our mind as we grip her hand and watch the city from within the carriage. Yrelia and Rahdian sleeping these final hours away before arrival.


    ¡°Kque¡­ probably saved my life too. Her... Our moms helped but¡­ Fuck me, Ina. I needed to get away from the place I called home.¡± She had started when we gently asked the question our shared lover suggested we ask.


    Why that word, home, hurt her so much for us to suggest.


    ¡°The idea of home being the people and not the place is¡­ terrifying. Because that¡¯s how my moms kept me and probably still most of my sisters from leaving. Finding their own life. Trapped us in the little village and made sure anyone who thought of leaving to walk the Paths couldn¡¯t without feeling like¡­ I dunno. Like there was a rope about our waist keeping us from staying away for long. Home was the people you¡¯d leave behind. The¡­ the houses that would echo the dead family you abandoned.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ fuck. I¡¯m so sorry. That¡¯s horrible. And backwards.¡± We¡¯d whispered gently over the sound of our feet crunched through the snow.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± She sighs with a nod. ¡°Yeah. Then Kque and her moms arrived to help my older sister with her new kid and¡­ and my moms were already talking of sending me to get their next granddaughter. I¡¯d been fighting it. Was kinda the girl juggling a lot of responsibilities and such as the next oldest without a little one to look after.¡±


    That¡­ made me flinch. So hard Aceso kinda took over our body for a bit. Keep our feet moving and face mostly calm.


    But Tasii, of course, noticed.


    ¡°Love? I¡­ yeah. Sorry. Didn¡¯t wanna like¡­ Focus on that. I never went. But I knew plenty that did.¡±


    Ina fell apart a bit, only inside and only for a heartbeat but... was like a deftly laid clump of snow down the back of a girl''s shirt. The idea that one of Tasii''s sisters lay with her and walked away with a child.


    Don''t wanna think about that. She nearly growled. Please... keep going? Give me different pains to consider.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± I offered quickly. ¡°Just¡­ bad Pathways to walk thinking about that. But that''s not the point of my asking or your answer.¡±


    I could tell she considered pushing me to say more but¡­ nodded. ¡°Okay. Sorry to spark that. The¡­ kinda thing I was getting at was that Kque and her moms were this¡­ perfect loving little family devoted to walking the Paths and helping people. Kinda¡­ said how their family was everywhere and nowhere. Inside their souls and sometimes, if they were lucky, waiting for them at the end of a day¡¯s walk. Kinda¡­ tore me up to hear that. And Kque saw it. Pulled me away and got me talking over the week they stayed. Then¡­ eventually got me to just¡­ up and walk the Paths with her. Didn¡¯t care that I barely had three coins to spare for that new life.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but grin together at that. ¡°Kque really was just¡­ so inspired by her mothers. Wanted to build the same for herself it seems.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah. She was super honest about that. How she wanted to never walk alone but also didn¡¯t want to stay with her mums. Told me straight out that she¡¯d love for me to be her first Path-bound lover if¡­ if that¡¯s what I wanted.¡±


    Then she looked at us with glimmering moistening eyes and such a smile. ¡°And I really did. More than anything else. Didn¡¯t even hesitate to fall apart and hug her close and¡­ well, beg for her to steal me away. And so she did.¡±


    ¡°And¡­ schemed endlessly and evermore to forever snatch up more girls along the way.¡± Aceso giggled.


    "Right? She''s lured everyone she set her heart on to stay as well. Never lost or soul or pulled a girl into our family that wasn''t a good fit."


    After that¡­ She kinda pulled us into the cart, pinned us between herself and a giggling Yrelia, and fucked us more than a little silly. Then helped us make an executive decision to not try walking after that.

 Chapter 133: Thawing Hearts Part 4

    <u>CW:</u>


    Talks of being chased away by past lovers, the worb tit is used. UMMMM.... questions asked to help cuties comes to love themselves a little more. KQUE POV!!!


    My mothers always taught me to think about why people say and do things. Not just the big loud actions and habits either. Those are easy. The tricky parts are small. Not just hard to spot but gone in a heartbeat. You miss most of them. Only can even hope to spot some as you spend more time with someone. And¡­ people change. Especially as they get close to others.


    Would probably make this¡­ so much harder if I hadn¡¯t spent so long with Ina. And while Rahdian and her adorable quirks and habits match many of my lover¡¯s, they have their own unique little differences.


    Like¡­ Ina was very quiet and hesitant, but in a sparkly way that could and would bubble up when poked a little. And¡­ honestly that only changed a little as she spent more time with us. Learning the Hetaera Arts with Yrelia taught her so much about balancing herself. Finding what kind of girl she wants to be, and what kind of girl she has to put energy into being.


    Rahdian is¡­ such a talker when she feels comfy. Has spent these past hours going on and on with me about some Paths we¡¯ve both walked. Although¡­ at very different times, and with different people. Her voice is also¡­ really wonderful to listen to. Both when she¡¯s trying to change it, but also when she forgets to be worried about it.


    Because, apparently, Aceso took care of that for Ina. Whereas Rahdian has had to put in a lot of work to try and sound like she does.


    And like¡­ There is such a tragic beauty to watching a girl who¡¯s been hurt so much peek out from her shell to happily munch on honestly offered interest in her thoughts. To watch her healing and growling and feeling safe.


    ¡°That¡¯s a long Path.¡± I comment to her last words about her favorite route between two little villages. ¡°But lots of bigger groups take it. Specifically ones that plan to cook for dozens. Did you bump into any?¡±


    Rahdian grins as we walk alongside one of the slower carriages, ¡°It really is, Kque. We um¡­ the two girls I was traveling with, that is, they said we didn¡¯t need to haul so much food due to that. Some of the older ladies made like¡­ So they took these big red fruits, drained half of them out into a pot. Then dumped lots of other stuff in and closed em back up. Shook them about while dancing before serving a few dozen people. And that was just the first night of the walk.¡±


    Literally can smell the scent that exact meal gives off. Remember the faces of the girls giggling and mixing them as they moved to the beat with their friends and lovers.


    ¡°Oh!¡± I can¡¯t help but smile back. ¡°You walked that Path during the Orikupeta?¡±


    ¡°I Didn¡¯t remember the name but yeah! Something about two places on opposite sides both harvesting really special stuff and sending traders back and forth? Never had the same thing twice. But that was okay because the meals only got better with every step.¡±


    Aaaah¡­ Right. Ina talked about getting really odd food at the temple. Stuff like¡­ made for optimal productivity, we think. Tasted pretty bland and didn¡¯t contain the variety of flavor the Paths have. She probably has so many core memories now of all the randomly amazing food she got.


    ¡°Tasii and I really hope to pull us into being there for that next year.¡± I muse happily. ¡°We want to try cooking with them, and learning more recipes.¡±


    ¡°Oh um¡­ I mean¡­¡± Rahdian¡¯s joy and excitement fade. Really sharply. Expression doesn¡¯t go sour in a big obvious way. But that smile freezes. And¡­


    Fear. Only a spark, but one that¡¯ll spread if not pulled from the easily lit parts of her.


    I know better than to move too quickly. Only, very gently, reach out to take up her hand as I guess at the reason. How she wasn¡¯t alone, and most Walkers tend to keep small and familiar routes to take.


    This one¡­ is probably part of normal Paths those two girls Rahdian traveled with walk. Which just¡­ also means to get well away from them, and the fear of duenna finding her, Rahdian had to move to new routes. Which is always really scary. Especially if you don¡¯t have the clothes or supplies or understanding of things as the weather changes.


    Just dream waiting lovers that fade the more your Amwella drains away.


    Which¡­ of course makes me think of Ina and Aceso. And how hard my lover would have had it all if she¡¯d been alone.


    ¡°But it¡¯s only a maybe, and there are so many other Paths that celebrate that same festival. Even into Arudia.¡± I jabber into the silence. Trying to tug her and myself free of the mucky thoughts.


    ¡°Really?¡± She whispers, absently squeezing my hand back.


    Still a bit¡­ lost. Tumbling down rough memories like a girl caught in a storm. But finding her footing again. Remembering where and when she is.


    ¡°Yes.¡± I answer, immediately and with as much confidence as I can. ¡°We¡¯ve actually tried to meet up with my mums a few times for them. And even with planning it took days to find each other. Weeks even. Once we even passed through the same town and missed each other with how crowded things can get.¡±


    Rahdian nods, slowly calming as we walk. A part of her fear being us meeting those that hurt her on the road. And like¡­ It doesn¡¯t help that Ina and us are going to Lyttoral. Rahdian hasn¡¯t talked about her deeper thoughts about that yet, but I expect our girl is going to have big messy feelings.


    ¡°Also, and I know the only mirror we have right now is small, but you look really different. Are changing more and more everyday. And that¡¯s even without me and Yrelias¡¯ help!¡± I keep going, trying to gently tug her back out of the worry.


    That makes her blush really prettily, glimmering eyes turning over to look at me. ¡°Thanks. For saying that and um¡­ Again, For this morning.¡±


    First thing I did after sitting next to her at breakfast was to compliment her bundle of soft pretty hair and ask if she¡¯d let me help her comb and braid it. I¡¯ve done that before a few times these past weeks and she agreed quickly, but only if I¡¯d let her do the same for mine.


    Is getting really good at it too! Apparently did some games that involved ropes when she was younger, which got her hands and fingers really good at weaving tangles into pretty shapes.


    Like¡­ This isn¡¯t the day I mean to give to her. This is research. Learning more. Testing little things until we reach our town and I can spoil her. But also I want her to feel comfy enough to not run out of energy with me. Understand how to help her people energy stay high.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°You¡¯re very welcome.¡± I assure her. ¡°Sorry for like¡­ tumbling you into a bad memory there.¡±


    Help her see that. Always. I can apologize for this too. Even if it¡¯s not my fault either. Let her know that it¡¯s both no big deal, but also¡­ I want to do better.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. Honestly, I think I¡¯m getting pretty good at climbing out of them. Especially around you or Ina.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but see my Jevy in how she phrases that. And¡­ worry about her a bit. Lule is with her, and Ina promised that she and Tasii would check on her throughout their day together. Which quiets my heart a bit. I¡­ She¡¯s spent some time with a little journal she wants to give to Ina and Aceso.


    ¡°That¡¯s good to hear and like¡­ yeah. You really are.¡± I agree.


    ¡°Feels¡­ Like I¡¯m stepping in things more though. Bed memories and thoughts, I mean.¡± She sighs. ¡°Sometimes It¡¯s like I¡¯m not b¨C the girl I was. Like I never was, but can remember stuff from her past. Everything is new and perfect and changing. Exciting. Then¡­ like just now, I feel wrong. Like I¡¯m just lying to some nice girls who, if they found out about me would hate me. Still feel like there is some part of me you¡¯ll see and I feel like him again. Or like how he would feel.¡±


    ¡°That makes sense.¡± I agree, quickly sharing how just like the rest of us girls she is. ¡°My um¡­ Jevy talked about that a lot since we found Ina too. And I think one of my moms said something really neat to Athem about this, if¡­ you¡¯re okay with me sharing?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. He¡¯s¡­ that Arudian male that has a Maktaba in him too, right?¡±


    I nod. ¡°Yes. He¡¯s like¡­ opposite to you and Ina. Is a boy who was stuck with the girl bits and wanted and still wants to change. But this isn¡¯t actually about that. It''s¡­ So the way my mom put it was that people are like the goop you find in fruit. To change we have to crack the shell or skin away. It¡¯s hard and can hurt and above all else is messy. And the goop still has to slurp itself into the new shape after. Whether that¡¯s in a bowl or cup or spoon. But¡­ a lot of the skin and shells of the old are still there. Not bad but¡­ harder to mush into new shapes.¡±


    I worry my silly mom¡¯s metaphor will just confuse Rahdian. But¡­ just like Athem she¡¯s already starting to grin at that.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ fuck. That¡¯s a good way to put it all.¡± She agrees. ¡°I had to be a certain person at the Temple. Then, I had to be another shape with¡­ when I was on the Paths. And now¡­ Someone different again. But I had to hide a lot of things before. Keep them in the broken bleeding fruit instead of the bowl or whatever. But now¡­ the shells are gone and it¡¯s better but I¡¯m also more messy because of it. If¡­ that makes sense?¡±


    Can¡¯t help but grin with her. Loving how I can see the glimmer of hope in her eyes. Something that nearly screams with joy at not feeling alone anymore. Being asked questions no one else asked.


    ¡°That¡¯s basically what Athem said, and Jevita agreed that it sounded right to her too.¡± I agree. ¡°It¡¯s hard to be the person you wanna be when you¡¯ve got to hide the messiest parts of yourself.¡±


    ¡°Especially when you feel like those are the most important parts.¡± Rahdian nods.


    Well, my Jevy would never agree to that for herself.


    But¡­ Ina just might have at the start.


    ** ** **


    It¡¯s pretty late when we arrive at Lady Ophrit and Delphian¡¯s manor here. Sun long set and stars happily glimmering above alongside the lazy moon. The couple ladies that take care of this place while they¡¯re away are super sweet and already have the house super toasty and warm in preparation for our arrival.


    Less rooms as the home at the Academy, but still more space than we¡¯ll know what to do with.


    ¡°So¡­ Can I ask a kinda personal question?¡± Is how I break the sleepy silence as Rahdian settles into the bed we decided to share with her tonight. Smushing me happily between her and my first lover.


    ¡°To¡­ which one of us?¡± My Jevy whispers from where she nuzzles.


    ¡°Both? If that¡¯s okay?¡± I answer.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay with me.¡± Rahdian offers while wiggling to get comfy.


    ¡°Same, always.¡± Jevy agreed.


    ¡°Just¡­ okay. I¡¯ve been wanting to ask something like this but never had the words, or the feeling like I¡¯d get it right or be understood?¡± I start. ¡°But¡­ I think if I word things just so you¡¯ll understand. Because I wanted to ask you both what you, personally, really like about yourselves. Inside and outside. I¡¯ve gotten to watch both of you grow into the girls you wanna be. And I can tell you both how much I adore the random things that I see and get excited for but like¡­ want to know your favorites!¡±


    Wait a few long heartbeats as they both absorb that. Know better than to take the silence as anything but them thinking and prod them into losing a thought.


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Rahdian murmurs, then pauses. Looks over me to Jevy.


    ¡°You go first.¡± My first lover replies. ¡°I¡¯m still thinking.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Thanks. I um¡­ So I¡¯ll probably think of more things later, if that¡¯s alright. But for now¡­ Like there is the obvious. The body stuff that my dreamers have helped me get. My skin is like¡­ softer and kinda clearer. The hair I did have has thinned out. Except on my head. It¡¯s grown faster and feels thicker. And my voice, how much better I¡¯ve wrangled it to sound. And¡­ the tits. Yeah. Those are um¡­ yeah.¡±


    ¡°You do have nice tits.¡± I agree, grin at how much she¡¯s probably definitely blushing at that. ¡°What else? What about what¡¯s inside?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I love how it feels like the magic they taught me came from inside me. Is my Inspiration.¡± She continues. ¡°Is¡­ like¡­ Okay. So, I love the water. But I have been kinda scared of the ocean since¡­ since um¡­ before. For reasons. But I don¡¯t want to be. And me feeling everything like it¡¯s part of some big sea seems to calm that. And the more magic I figure out the more I feel how everything is connected. Understand the flow and sway of the tides of life. And it all feels like it¡¯s from inside me too.¡±


    Then she goes quiet, and after a bit I whisper while adjusting to find her hand and give it a good squeeze. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ all really amazing. Perfect. Exactly the kind of answer I was hoping for! Thank you for sharing.¡±


    Thinking of all the ways I can use that to make my gifted day to her just as perfect. Wondering what kind of bath houses are about as well as if there are any traders here who can make some pretty jewelry shaped like sea-shells or something...


    ¡°I really liked all that.¡± Jevita agrees. ¡°I think for me¡­ I like how I remember what I read. Not just that I do but like¡­the method. It¡¯s kinda learned from my Maktaba, at first, but it¡¯s something I got really good at alone. Hard to explain, but It¡¯s how I made sure to never forget all the things I learned about taking care of my big child. And how even with the research I¡¯m doing with Athem and Thodep it¡¯s¡­ it feels good. Feels like me. I enjoy how I keep what I learn safe and find it later when it¡¯s needed.¡±


    Remembering all the ways I got to help her with Lule. Finding the fruits and treats he likes the best, which harnesses were the most comfy, and even helping her teach him Arudian. How close we got doing that.


    ¡°It¡¯s always been super impressive. You¡¯re such a good mother. Easily in my top five.¡± I agree, and she giggles with me. And only when we quiet do I whisper. ¡°And¡­ what about outside things?¡±


    Biting my lip as I worry that I''ve... not done quite right in helping my first lover find as must delight as I have when pleasuring her.


    A long pause, then she whispers. ¡°I¡­ that¡¯s harder. For me. To see past the Glyphs. Or even think past them. How easy it is to stumble into, like a shock of something too hot from cold. But¡­ I like what¡¯s beneath. Don¡¯t really think I¡¯d enjoy having hair like everyone else. And¡­ yeah. Maybe more if um¡­ if we can figure things out.¡±


    I shift to nuzzle my lover close. Kiss the soft skin I find. Enjoy so much the brumbles that dance beneath my touch. ¡°I may love playing with big brundles of hair on other people, but can¡¯t help but adore the smooth and soft skin you have here instead. Thank you for sharing with me, Jevy.¡±


    ¡°Course.¡± She whispers. ¡°And¡­ What about you? What do you like about yourself?¡±


    Almost everything. I don¡¯t say aloud. Don¡¯t explain how¡­ while I don¡¯t think I¡¯m perfect, at all. Or even close. I¡­ I like who I am. Have since I was a little girl walking the Paths with my four moms.


    Nibble on her a bit before replying without answering. ¡°Sleep time.¡±


    ¡°But¡­ What that''s...¡± She starts to protest tiredly.


    ¡°No butts.¡± I giggle. ¡°Sleep. Maybe later.¡±


    ¡°We should hold her to that.¡± Rahdian murmurs from behind me.


    ¡°Yeah, agreed.¡± Jevita replies.


    Can¡¯t help but smile as I refuse to agree. Nuzzle deeper between them as sleep slowly wraps about us.


    These two girls who are, kinda like me. Have so much to love about themselves but just¡­ don¡¯t get to see it clearly. Despite how much they¡¯ve grown and fought for every bit and tit.


    And how they could easily be such¡­ bitter people. Withering. But¡­ aren¡¯t. Both because of how they wanted better. But also because they found people to love and help them get and be better.


    Like me.


    I get to help the girls around me grow, and I think I¡¯m getting pretty good at that. Not as good as my moms are but¡­ getting better.


    Like they always are.


    Also I think I¡¯m pretty cute. Especially when I try. So there¡¯s that too.

 Chapter 134: Stardust Warnings

    CW:


    Talks about headmate abuse and trauma. Soul bites. Possessive lovers.


    It¡¯s¡­ about midday when they come and find me surrounded by the contents of the chest I always keep locked. Old journals, rare tomes, and¡­ and the bag holding my Maktaba¡¯s exploration crystals taking up a little corner by this room''s fireplace.


    All really dangerous. But¡­ also all wrapped up in preserving cloth. Most unopened for years and years now. The only books I¡¯ve read through are my most recent journals and the catalog that lists all the stuff that should be here, alongside the books containing my records of the research with my fellow Maktaba bearers and Kque.


    ¡°Okay, so this is my thought. Or our thoughts.¡± Ina starts after plopping down onto the floor across from me and the pile of dangerous treasures. ¡°Or¡­ Well actually more than that. We think we¡¯ve started to figure out just the right song for this.¡±


    So soon? Was expecting them to need hours and hours of calm and careful study with me to even start once we got here but¡­ I¡­ I mean that makes sense. Their magic is about inspiration. More like little sparks that need the right impact of life to start burning.


    I swallow and nod. Try to hide my worry. ¡°Okay.¡±


    They smile softly at me, reach out to take up a hand as Ina explains. ¡°Our plan is to weave a¡­ pretty big song. One to make sure we immediately fall into the shared Dream together. No detours or getting lost. But also to separate things. Create two warm pockets or bubbles inside. One for you, the other for your Maktaba. Then¡­ let us go from there.¡±


    Wait¡­ Segmented spaces for consciousness to remain apart? But that shouldn¡¯t be possible. The Maktaba is woven directly into like¡­ my mind and body and probably fucking soul.


    ¡°You can do that?¡± I whisper, trying so hard to mush down the hope. ¡°Like¡­ Perfectly?¡±


    But they did just that when Ina needed to talk to the Zeridii. So... They want to give me a alteration of that song?


    ¡°Yep!¡± They nod, so obviously mingled for the word as that excitement becomes this¡­ infectious thing that bubbles off them like the nice smell of our lover¡¯s cooking. ¡°And it won¡¯t even take much Amwella. Just¡­ time to build up the right melody and stuff. Wrap you carefully into the right places and parts. But then we¡¯ll have all night in our bubble to start figuring things out. Can take all the nights and days we want even!¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± I say again. Kinda uselessly fighting back from voicing the question that makes my everything go cold and still. Eventually just¡­ ask as they wait really patiently for me to speak. ¡°And what happens if¡­ if this doesn¡¯t work. And I um¡­ it¡¯s still there. Or inside me. Or¡­ um¡­ worse?¡±


    ¡°Then the song will jerk us all awake.¡± They reply easily and with endless confidence that stills the bile and bubbling terror sitting in my stomach. ¡°We¡¯re actually wanting to talk to you about what we can add in to help you if that happens. The little tricks you¡¯ve learned over the years. Things¡­ we think might help us help you here in the Waking World regardless?¡±


    Can they numb these Glyphs etched across me? Or¡­ maybe smother the Maktaba to stay asleep when they are bumped? Sever the connections? Just a little magic to help me focus on¡­ well, me. Because that would give me the ability to¡­ to¡­


    I have to look away, but I can¡¯t. Their sparkling violet eyes hold me frozen.


    Stop feeling like I¡¯m always tied up in barbed ropes. Can¡¯t like¡­ fully do anything ever because even gently brushing one can ruin anything I was doing or thinking or feeling.


    ¡°That¡­ Yeah.¡± I whisper. ¡°I think I¡¯d really like you both to try and do that.¡±


    They give my hand a little squeeze, ¡°So, tell us how we can help you.¡±


    I open my mouth to start explaining but¡­ don¡¯t know where to even begin. Look down at the mess between us. Considering¡­ which to offer her?


    The inlays and order of the etchings we¡¯ve discovered and charted out? But¡­ they¡¯re all different. And mine is the least understood. The most unknown because we can¡¯t even communicate with it without risking me getting hurt.


    Or¡­


    My personal journals from these past months Kque¡¯s nudged me into keeping while trying to help me manage things. Bullied and pestered into recording each episode ever since I asked for her help in Deledita, however small, as best I can. When it happened, what caused it, and¡­ and how I felt. Most importantly how I pulled myself out of the mess.


    Not sure which is the most important, or helpful, as I let go of my lovers¡¯ hand and gather up the stack. Offer them the small pile containing both. ¡°I think these are the best places to start.¡±


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    They nod, taking the books and holding them close. And¡­ I¡¯m reminded how much Ina enjoyed translating that journal with me as a little smirk touches their lips. Thinking that¡­ That maybe I can even enjoy explaining at least some of the things in those books if it¡¯s with them. Especially in this warm house that¡¯ll soon be filled up totally with the smells of warm meals cooked by our lovers.


    **    **    **


    It¡¯s not until partway into the research tomes and fully through the journals they start asking me questions. The day has drifted by really slowly but¡­ not in a bad way. Just lazily.


    ¡°Has this Maktaba ever shared memories with you?¡± Aceso murmurs softly, glancing up to meet my eyes. ¡°Not¡­ not the crushing infliction you talk about here. But anything else?¡±


    I pause, think back and¡­ shake my head. ¡°Like¡­ Not really. Not that I can remember. Unless you count the nudges it used to keep me um¡­ obedient. Back before we left with Kque.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± She nods, looking back down and turning the page. So very obviously asking that from the middle of a conversation with Ina.


    Want to like¡­ press them to share but worry I¡¯ll just slow them down. Talking at the speeds of thoughts must make their talks and inspirations happen really fast. Let them flip through lots of ideas and¡­


    ¡°Thank you.¡± Ina¡¯s glanced back up to offer with a smile. ¡°And um¡­ Sorry. She was a little curt there. Just was lost in a thought path and didn¡¯t wanna lose it."


    ¡°No no I get it.¡± I reply quickly. ¡°Honestly the like¡­ focus on just the facts and stuff is kinda helpful here?¡±


    ¡°I think I can get that.¡± She nods, placing a little scrap of paper to mark their spot before closing the book. Pointedly placing all their attention on me. ¡°But can you explain it anyway? So we understand?¡±


    I blink. A little surprised this questions seems so important to her.


    ¡°Sure. Just um¡­ So emotions are weird for me. And sometimes I need others to help me understand either what I should feel about something. Not because I can¡¯t, but since I was taught to not express them. Hurt when I did. Which wasn¡¯t healthy, of course. But it helped me work through lots of scary projects. Which this is. And you asking questions in the same way you might ask how our food rations are doing tricks my head into treating it that way too. Which¡­ I prefer to the alternative.¡±


    Ina almost looks away but, instead sighs and sets that book fully aside. Moves to sit right beside me. Leans against the couch behind. ¡°Yeah. Fuck. You¡¯re absolutely right and I hate how familiar that sounds.¡±


    ¡°It fucking sucks. Makes me feel so... fake. ¡± I grumble, settling back to join her. ¡°Because, like¡­ I can feel myself always ready to fall apart. Like I did when we were leaving the Academy. But I need to hold myself together. To get shit done. To feel normal. Which sucks too but¡­¡±


    As I trail off, Aceso nods and whispers. ¡°But less than letting the things that were done to us make us feel like¡­ like we¡¯re somehow ruining the little happiness we¡¯ve found.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. Which is stupid. Because like¡­ They love us. A lot. Want to help.¡±


    She smiles, ¡°But we were taught that others didn¡¯t want to help. And are still learning to believe elsewise. Specifically... That the pain we feel matters.¡±


    That¡­ hurts to hear. A lot. So much that I feel moisture bubbling in my eyes.


    ¡°Almost wish it didn¡¯t.¡± I whisper, letting myself fall over to lean into their shoulder. ¡°Is¡­ part of the reason I didn¡¯t like talking about it before you joined our family. Thought if I pretended I was okay that¡­ that I could make it true. Be like everyone else. Normal and not¡­ not so broken inside.¡±


    ¡°It almost works. Wrapping ourselves up like that.¡± Aceso echoes the next thought before I can muster the words to speak it. ¡°Ignoring the scars, letting them fester. But¡­ the source of pain is still there. Your abuser. Like a broken blade weighing heavy over your neck.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t move it. Can¡¯t change it.¡± I shrug into the melody of those words, and the feeling of the cold iron behind it.


    ¡°Probably not alone¡­ no.¡± Aceso hums, adjusting to wrap an arm around me. ¡°But you¡¯re not alone. Never again.¡±


    While the other¡­ the other moves up to¡­ to¡­


    Touch my scalp. Gently hover just at the edge to a Glyph.


    And a wordless question titters through the song they¡¯re weaving. A request of trust bubbling with inspiration. The World Song suddenly wribbling around us and swirling so happily at my lover''s attentions.


    Without thinking I reach up and shove their hand onto a Glyph.


    The sudden willful intrusion sparks such an angry hissing collapsing angry thing to descend from the shadows of my mind to crush and break and hurt and ruin and¨C


    Is stopped. Suddenly and deftly and almost perfectly.


    Twist eyes up to see Aceso and Ina grinning through a pained wince.


    Bloody hands or spirit or focus or¡­ or something, hold the wretched thing inside my mind from biting at me while physical hand gently holds my head close.


    ¡°MINE.¡± Aceso and Ina¡¯s grip on that strike aimed for me snarls.


    Not¡­ I mean it is possessive. But nothing like the House of Scara Noc was. This is the growl of a lover warning something scary or dangerous that if it wants to hurt me, it¡¯ll have to deal with them too.


    And¡­ and like only when threatened by the heiress with Spirit Hooks, I feel my Maktaba flinch. Jerk back. Filled with¡­


    Fear.


    Then it''s gone. Returned to annoyed slumber.


    The tears do pour out then, at¡­ being able to feel a lover touch part of my scars without it ruining everything. But¡­ also how even with their song magic this wasn¡¯t a perfect thing.


    ¡°It hurt you?¡± I whisper. Unable to move.


    Locked in place by the gentle and warm hand that still rests carefully atop my head. Fail to fight back the shiver that rolls through me and covers my entire upper body in brumbles at this casual but possessive protective touch.


    ¡°Only a little scratch.¡± They hum together. ¡°But she knows the song of our soul now. Will remember us.¡±


    She? How¡­ My Maktaba is a girl? Or¡­ just seems like one to them? How much did they see?


    ¡°I¡­ Is that a good thing?¡± I whisper.


    They think about that for a few moments, then slowly pull their hand from my head. Voice still thrumming with Amwella that moves to happily mend the soul wounds on them. ¡°It¡¯s important. She needs to understand that you are not alone.¡±


    Them speaking that¡­ that again sends a shiver down my spine. Makes me feel like something inside cracks a little. Lean harder into them while hiding my face.


    ¡°The song¡¯s not perfect though.¡± Ina sighs, wrapping arms about me while slumping back a little. ¡°Need to¡­ tune it. I think. Can¡¯t let Kque give you the biggest hug of your life just yet. But we should be able to before we even try to dream together.¡±


    Do come apart a little at that. Have myself a little ugly cry into their side.


    Yet. She¡­


    They can do this. Their songs let them interact with the Maktaba.


    Protected me.


    Will keep protecting me.


    Help me get hugs and more from my lovers without worry of pain and worse.

 Chapter 135: The Oldest Lesson Her Song Taught Them Part 1

    CW:


    ZIGDARA POV! Almost smutt but talk of mutt and WOW! Smutt in next chappy probably and most likely because WOW these two have fun chemistry!


    Ina¡¯s first lover finds me mid-stretch of the final six motions of my Ki-Ritta. I only can really see her feet from this angle, but after so long with this group I can easily tell even her ankles from the others.


    Expect her to walk past and find something warm to drink but¡­ she doesn¡¯t move.


    ¡°Good morning, Lady Yrelia.¡± I greet without breaking the stance.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it?¡± She replies, adjusting to lean against the doorframe and¡­ apparently taking my old offer to never overworry much if she or the others find themselves interested in watching my morning routine. ¡°Waking up and not having to worry about the biting cold just outside the blankets and sweaty skinship is¡­ pretty amazing.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I chuckle, moving to my next position. One that lets me catch her glimmering eyes and sleepy smile before settling into my next pose. And¡­ Also no-doubt emphasizes some very interesting flexes of muscles. ¡°I¡¯d be lying if I told you that I don¡¯t long for the warmth we¡¯ll find along the final roads on our Path.¡±


    ¡°Fuuuuck. And it¡¯s going to be spring by the time we get to the coast.¡± Yrelia agrees, and I can practically see the way this girl smirks when considering that.


    So much that it takes me till I¡¯m moving again to notice that she¡¯s not said more, or left.


    And she waits till our eyes meet to ask. ¡°You¡¯re like¡­ almost done, right? Just a few more big stretches?¡±


    ¡°Closer if you need me for something.¡± I agree and offer.


    ¡°No, no just¡­ was going to get you some breakfast. Lure you into¡­ spending the day with me, maybe?¡±


    Don¡¯t bother hiding a curious head tilt and smile while I adjust my neck position to keep eye contact with her. ¡°Oh? Any specific reason?¡±


    The girl grins in a way that makes me start to understand, easily and once again, why Ina fell into the arms of this girl before all others. ¡°A few. But also because everyone else has plans I don¡¯t wanna like¡­ try to wedge myself into. Ina and Jevita are tits deep in Maktaba research. While Kque has roped Tasii into helping her pull Rahdian out into a special day for that girl. Are going to wander out into exploring the city and such.¡±


    ¡°And what of Kque¡¯s mothers and the two they seem to have adopted?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Weeell¡­ Athem and Thodep are two steps from pouncing on each other, and I¡¯m¡­ not really that close to Kque and Tasii¡¯s four mums. Not really sure I¡¯d like to¡­ try to change that? At least not today. Also I can¡¯t try to seduce them on principle.¡± She explains, hiding what would have very much been a dip in her mood with the implications of those final words.


    ¡°Yes, parents of lovers should very rarely become more. At least not easily and without careful considerations.¡± I chuckle gently and move to sit up straight. ¡°But I accept. So long as Rahdian feels safe traveling without a Duenna at her back in a new city.¡±


    ¡°Doubt she won¡¯t, but we¡¯ll ask before they step out.¡± She agrees. ¡°But first¡­ breakfast?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d prefer to shower first, if that¡¯s alright?¡±


    She grins wider, ¡°A shower sounds perfect, actually. Mind company?¡±


    ¡°Not at all.¡± I agree, ignoring her still damp hair.


    Move to rise, find her stepping forward to offer a hand to help. Doesn¡¯t take my full weight, but more than anyone but Tasii and perhaps Rahdian could. Then keeps hold to lead me through the warm home.


    Her flirtations are nothing new, and honestly quite welcome. We both long ago agreed that until Ina and I decided upon our relationship¡¯s more intimate parts that it would remain just that. Playful and delightfully entertaining. Both because it¡¯s an aspect so dear to all around her, but¡­ also because neither of us want my presence to encourage any to be anyone but who they are.


    And we¡¯ve both shared endless skinship on these cold Paths. Even smushed Ina and Aceso between us not three moons ago after they fell into three nightmares in a row one night. Confused and weeping and still half asleep, they pleaded for both their first lover and¡­ and me. Their duenna sleeping the next tent over. Their protector. Hoping that their dreams would finally soften with both our arms around them.


    Didn¡¯t sleep much that night. Too absorbed in keeping myself from crying upon the girls I held for so easily reaching for me to protect them. Trusting me despite¡­ despite the part I played in the life that hurt Ina so much.


    So this warm shower is nothing but comfortable. A bit¡­ crowded. As I am the tallest woman I know, save one, and this house is barely a fourth the size of Delphian and Ophrits¡¯ manor at the Academy.


    ¡°Mind helping me with my hair?¡± Yrelia asks after we¡¯ve both found the perfect temperature of water to rain down over us.


    ¡°Only if you refuse to help with mine.¡± I chuckle and take up the jars from a nearby shelf. ¡°The Paths are¡­ not the best place to do so. It¡¯s going to take extra work I¡¯d enjoy aid with.¡±


    ¡°Right? Like¡­ when the waters are cool on a hot day it can be perfect.¡± She replies while I step up and start rubbing sweet smelling wash through her mess of curls. ¡°Or warmth on a chilly day. But here? When any water we wanna use has to be warmed over the fire and hair dried quickly else it freeze? Yeah¡­ hated waiting but have too much hair to make washing it all a normal thing. At least not here in Arudia.¡±


    ¡°So we will enjoy very much these easy warm showers.¡± I agree.


    ¡°Mmmm¡­. Yup.¡± Yrelia purrs, obviously enjoying the patterns my hands weave into her scalp. Giggling after a few heartbeats of devoted focus on the motions. ¡°This is my third since we got here last night.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised you had the energy.¡± I chuckle, moving to begin rubbing a different scented mess from the second jar across her back. ¡°The carriage leading the line seemed to be quite¡­ loud. Could swear It almost tipped over a few times from the way you and Tasii tugged Ina and Aceso into¨C¡±


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    She turns and happily flicks water at my face but¡­ not so much that I need to stop my work on her back. ¡°The Paths were boring and cold and those two practically begged for me to distract them till we finally got here.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I heard as much.¡± Is my easy grinning reply. ¡°You ply your passions well, Hetaera Yrelia.¡±


    She pauses at that, staring straight ahead for a long few heartbeats as I finish.


    ¡°You¡¯re sweet, but¡­¡± She begins just as I¡¯m about to worry I overstepped. Turns fully around to eye me with a hand on her hip. ¡°You know I never finished my training.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I¡¯ve seen the outcomes of your work, and how deliberately you apply yourself. Don¡¯t think the word should be exclusive to only those a very specific group offer it too.¡±


    Yrelia smiles, ¡°And here I¡¯m supposed to be seducing you. Now, turn around so I can see if my little self can take care of your messy mane before I need to rinse mine.¡±


    I obey and even lower myself a touch to maker her job easier.


    She works deftly, but not quickly. Working to carefully get every spot while also not letting even a drop leak to get on my eyes. Obviously experienced with all sorts of hair styles and types.


    Spend almost half of her work settling into¡­ trying to imagine that. Not all her lovers and how she¡¯s learned to care for each one¡¯s unique and special needs and desires but¡­ about my first charge specifically.


    Ina was¡­ nothing like what I expected. There was a shyness. Of course. But it was one she fell into happily, and after asking me if I wanted to share my Amwella with her. And now¡­ our lovemaking is easy. Even with Aceso there and involved in all her motions. She bubbles with nothing but confidence before and has even more now.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been¡­ meaning to ask something. If it¡¯s not too personal. And will probably become more of a thanks regardless of what is given.¡± Are the words I choose to offer her.


    ¡°Yes, the others know what I might do to you today. Has happily accepted the consequences of leaving me alone with a tall strong pretty duenna without supervision.¡± Yrelia answers without even a little hesitation.


    Can¡¯t help but let out a rumbling chuckle at that. One that rocks through my body and forces me to steady myself against the wall as Yrelia¡¯s hands begin to weave happy scrubbing patterns into my large back. ¡°Ina and Aceso told me before we even left the Academy that if I tumbled into any of her lover¡¯s embraces they¡¯d be nothing but supportive. Save Rahdian. But¡­ that¡¯s more due to me only now beginning to bring her a sense of safety instead of worse feelings.¡±


    ¡°Thought so.¡± Yrelia giggles, leaning forward to place a very gentle and soft peck on the back of one of my arms. ¡°But what¡¯s your actual question? Ask away. Worse I¡¯ll do is not want to answer. And¡­ I¡¯m curious what got you so worried there?¡±


    Brumble flesh rolls along my arms despite the gathering steam and warm flowing waters.


    ¡°Just¡­ Wanted to ask about your and Ina¡¯s first nights together. Before she became a lover to Tasii and the others.¡± I begin. ¡°How you¡­ well, seduced her. Made it so she always calls you her first lover.¡±


    ¡°Awww. I¡¯ve only heard her say that once outside of¡­ very intimate moments with me.¡± She coos, and I can feel the smile as she balances out that first kiss with a second on the opposite arm.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ only been a few times. But from the warmth and certainty of her claim I¡¯ve wanted to ask since before the Obelisks broke. Understand how you enthralled that girl from within so few days of setting your gaze upon her.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­ Well, I was hopelessly smitten, knew from those first moments I was going to try and give that girl whatever she needed. Just hoped¡­ Like...¡± She whispers, then trails off while slowly moving a line of kisses to the center of my back. Pauses to rest her forehead there for a long while.


    Eventually I murmur, not wanting to push her into sharing thoughts before she¡¯s comfortable, ¡°Your hair needs rinsing, Hetaera Yrelia.¡±


    She giggles at those final words. ¡°You too, duenna Zigdara.¡±


    ¡°Technically it¡¯s still council duenna Zigdara. For now, at least. Could find myself stripped of all duties at the end of our road. Then I¡¯ll have only my name.¡± I chuckle and turn to watch as she pulls away. Moves beneath the warm steam of liquid.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think the word should be exclusive to only those a very specific group offer it too.¡± Yrelia smirks and turns to lock eyes with mine. Expression turning¡­ to something like nothing else I¡¯ve seen directed at myself. I¡¯ve had many partners offer me a look to communicate an interest in my affections. Invitations to move into the first steps of a possible intimate embrace. Some subtle, others a silent scream. Shy and bold, hesitant and confident.


    But this¡­ I find myself frozen. Having to turn her words over a few times in my head before I absorb them.


    Find the irony in her turning my words back upon me, am impressed and flattered and¡­ still unexpectedly caught with my heart racing and skin going a touch cold.


    ¡°I¡­ Thank you.¡± Is all I can muster out before the silence grows awkward.


    ¡°Welcome, now rinse off so we can get you that breakfast I promised.¡± She winks at me, and it¡¯s like whatever caught me releases its hold.


    Lets me take a careful breath and turn to begin doing as instructed. Slowly and carefully washing away the bubbly soap while I turn these last few moments in my head a few times. Try to understand¡­ what exactly that look was meant to tell me.


    ¡°One of the first things I learned from my Hetaera mentor when she started teaching me the Pleasure Arts, was something I¡¯ve carried with me a long time.¡± She speaks steadily from across the shower as she finishes. ¡°Is something that both made me run away from my old life and never look back, and wish I stayed to finish my training.¡±


    I glance over, find myself unable to ignore how wonderful this girl looks beneath the waters. Impossibly stuck on the edge of wanting to ask for this lesson, and despising the idea of speaking into her offerings and changing their pace.


    She looks back, locks eyes with me. Ask quietly. ¡°Can you guess what it was? I¡­ think you¡¯ll find it pretty obvious.¡±


    Shake my head. Unwilling to speak into the perfect lilt of her gentle words against the steady beat of falling waters.


    ¡°That, when it comes to offering my performances to someone, It¡¯s not about me. It¡¯s about everyone else. Those watching or enjoying or listening¡­ or getting fucked silly.¡± She explains. ¡°The Art is about what we, the Hetaera, give to others. How we make them feel. Any two people can bump bits together, even manage a decent second lip dance. But the real Art to lovemaking is finding out exactly what our clients want and need and ache for¡­ them helping them finally taste it.¡±


    A long pause, and¡­ I somehow know what she¡¯s led me to asking. Feel the words tumbling before my lips before the question touches my conscious thoughts.


    ¡°What did your Ina ache for?¡±


    She grins that way again, setting my heart to pounding like only my most intense contests of physical ability have caused.


    ¡°Lots of things, but then? On that first night beneath the stars? After only just a bit before telling us about her past? Walked hours and hours answering questions and spilling out just¡­ just all the things? About herself, her interests, worse scars she could barely feel the sting of after finally being free and able to wander the Paths in the body she always needed? That¡¯s easy. Everything a tired hornii girl was willing and able to offer. Which... Just happened to be unexpectedly good sex after a long day.¡±


    I blink. Startled. Caught between trying to understand this answer and keep my focus as¡­ as¡­


    Yrelia takes a careful step forward. ¡°And our second time? She needed a Hetaera to pin her to the bed and fuck her silly.¡±


    She reaches up, places a single finger upon my chest that sends a lance of brumbleflesh racing along my shoulders and back and legs. ¡°But honestly, council duenna Zigdara, I think it¡¯s better that I show you how I seduced her. Give you a first hand demonstration.¡±


    ¡°Here?¡± Is my quiet almost stammered reply. Totally ensnared by her words and caught off guard at the pointed twist to them being directed at myself.


    ¡°Nope,¡± She replies without moving or pulling her gaze from mine. ¡°We¡¯ll use the bed in the adjacent room.¡±


    ¡°What about breakfast?¡± I ask.


    Yrelia¡¯s grin gains such a wicked edge as she purrs, ¡°I can think of a few things you can nibble on while I have you stuck between the sheets with me.¡±


    Can¡¯t help but find my eyes unable to resist rolling down and across her soft curves as she takes a deliberate step back.


    Holds out her hand to me.


    The answer I give, to both her words and pointed offer is a soft murmur, ¡°As¡­ Can I. Yes. Hetaera Yrelia. I think I very much need a woman such as you to lead me in this today.¡±

 Chapter 136: The Oldest Lesson Her Song Taught Them Part 2

    CW:


    SMUTT and SEXY WIGGLES! YRELIA POV!!!! AAAHHHH


    Oh, I knew from the second I met this woman in Deledita she needed someone to pin her to something and show her a good time. Expected the cunt Emarial to be that girl when Ina said they¡¯d been traveling together for six months but¡­


    Nope. Course not. Stupid big bitch doesn¡¯t know the first thing about that.


    Don¡¯t grip this big duenna¡¯s hand tight. Don¡¯t pull. Just¡­ gently lace fingertips around her¡¯s and ensure that she¡¯s more worried about losing the touch than anything else as I lead her from the billowing steam of the bathroom to the next room.


    Probably just¡­ assumed since she¡¯s always been the biggest and strongest that¡¯s all that matters and of course that¡¯s just stupid! You need to know how to make your partner trust you enough to fall where they¡¯ve decided to push you.


    And honestly, anyone with eyes can see that Zigdara doesn¡¯t want someone to physically do that. I could train till the day they send me down the river and would still fail to make that like¡­ work.


    Turn and give her a smirk I can see makes her heart do a little flutter. Pull her around and shove her to sit on the edge of the still dishevaled bed. Warm water from the shower still dribbling down her barely dried¡­ everything as I step back to take her in.


    Normally poofy hair she kept short before letting it grow to help against the cold matted flat. Moisture reflecting the light and making her flesh seem like¡­ sculpted. But still so soft. Edges of muscles as gentle as the waves of her home city. Thighs and hips like rip corded rope resting and ready to be pulled into all sorts of interesting actions.


    Sure, she has a like¡­ competitive respect for someone who can out-wrestle her. Or come close. But for a girl to beat her and then expect to like¡­ fuck her silly afterwards? No. Because all she¡¯s going to be thinking about is how to do better next time.


    What she wants is much more¡­ Well not gentle, fuck me. No. I expect to both get bit and bite today. But for someone to lead her and pin her with sheer attitude. A confident hunger that basically screams that she¡¯s gonna listen and sit still ¡®or else¡¯.


    And If there is something about myself I adore, it¡¯s my attitude. Everyone I meet is going to feel a way about me. Good or bad or Hornii or otherwise.


    Because why wouldn¡¯t I live in a way that lets me glow-up everyone else¡¯s day?


    She¡¯s about to ask something. And normally I¡¯d let her without interrupting. But¡­ Fuck. She¡¯s already blushing a little as I enjoy the sight of her. Which I was pretty sure would happen. Girl has put years into sculpting her body to this shape. But I meet her eyes again and she hesitates.


    Oh yeah. This girl¡¯s messy with wanting another to appreciate her like the gorgeous fucking work of art that is her everything.


    ¡°So¡­¡± I purr, stepping just a little closer. ¡°Barring emergencies or like¡­ you needing a break from all the fun things, you¡¯re my duenna today. Alright?¡±


    She swallows, nods. Offers me a smile that starts to radiate some returning confidence. ¡°Of course, Hetaera Yrelia.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± I grin and prowl forward. Press a single finger to her chest. ¡°Now¡­ be a good girl and leeeean back for me.¡±


    She does. Slowly enough so I can crawl up to straddle her naked form with mine. Hover over while wiggling to get comfy atop this big soft duenna.


    ¡°So, to your question though.¡± I murmur. ¡°This was sorta how I started. She was this¡­ little thing with no idea how anything worked. But really really wanted to and was wiggling really cutely the closer we got to the bed we shared. So I just asked that second night sleeping on the same pallet, If she wanted my help with things.¡±


    ¡°Things?¡± Zigdara asks, quirking an eyebrow in worry.


    ¡°From her blush I knew she knew what I meant.¡± I assure her. ¡°Then¡­ well¡­ I gave that girl her first kiss. Like this.¡±


    Then I do just that. Press lips to Zigdara¡¯s and¡­ enjoy so much how this strong duenna is nothing like my Ina. Her lips are careful but¡­ more practiced. Not nervous frozen surprise and enjoyment of my kiss like Ina was. But in this moment of pretending Zigdara¡¯s uncertain. The hesitations of our first time together in bed making this little game so much more vibrant.


    Even chases me as I pull back to sit up a little. Grabs my hips like Ina didn¡¯t, but¡­ well. My memory isn¡¯t perfect. She might have been thinking about it and only shy at the idea of touching me so soon.


    But Zigdara crushes lips up to mine as a hungry noise rumbles from deep within her. That grip tightening.


    Can¡¯t help but giggle into the kiss as I reach back, grab her wrists, and pull them up and away and press them into the bed beneath us.


    ¡°Nope, none of that.¡± I demand as I pin her bodily beneath me.


    For a second she like¡­ flexes. Kinda does an almost motion of bucking me off to probably roll us so she¡¯s on top. But I make sure our eyes meet and give her my most pointed look.


    She freezes, then relaxes and chuckles. ¡°Yes, Lady Yrelia.¡±


    ¡°Good girl.¡± I purr.


    Zigdara though, she tilts her head in a sort of¡­ hornii confusion at that.


    ¡°Ina gets aaaaall a mess when I do that to her.¡± I muse through a playful pout. ¡°Her brain hitching like some big Quelekita at the sight of a new and tasty fruit it doesn¡¯t know how to handle. Flushes such a bright really pretty shade of purples and reds.¡±


    ¡°Ah, yes. That¡­ Makes a great deal of sense.¡± She nods. ¡°Are they private words between the two of you? Or may others¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh, not at all. Feel free to whisper them to her next time you two are together! She¡¯ll turn to mush. The Hetaera mask might even fall off if you catch her at the right time.¡± I giggle, leaning down to drag fingers down the arms she¡¯s guessed I want her to keep still. Start to nibble on a very tasty looking patch of skin just above her right tit.


    ¡°I¡¯ll keep that in mind.¡± She murmurs, voice a touch¡­ wibbly at my work already. Even shivers as brumbles dance beneath my fingers along these big strong arms.


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Take my time. Making sure my kisses are stupid gentle and really well-paced.


    Just like my mentor taught me. Need to keep the touches soft this early. But not too soft. Slowly adding little brushes of teeth. Both to find out if the gerl your working over wants more or not, but also to keep them enthralled. Mind focused on your work.


    "Thoughts will always wander off a bit. The key is to loop whatever nonsense their wading through always back to a touch of yours. Kinda like clumps of dirt circling a drain."


    Miss that Lady so much. Can¡¯t wait to find and introduce her to the new lovers I¡¯ve snatched up! Keep showing her over and over that she saved my fucking life when she told me to get the fuck away from my old life. Oooooh! Maybe even see if she¡¯s up for teaching my Ina a few tricks! Would love to see my girl drinking up new lessons from the best Hetaera in the world!


    Can¡¯t help but chuckle when such a cute sound tugs me from the thought. Get to enjoy watching Zigdara¡¯s hands twist to grip the sheets like Ina¡¯s did. Grasp so tight as I flick one of her big round nipples with my lower teeth after toying at her with my tongue.


    ¡°Feel free to¡­ to indulge, Hetaera.¡± The big duenna growls softly.


    ¡°Oh, I am. And I¡¯ll keep doing so aaaall day.¡± I purr happily. Trying to weave a design into skin. Something to keep her too hornii to think away from my work for long but also¡­ not enough to push her into climaxing too much this early. Fuck. That¡¯s actually so easy to do. And fun as fuck if you can get a girl who can and wants to have sex that involves a ton of orgasms. Give her a bunch of like¡­ little sparks that lead up to bigger and bigger eruptions all through and just¡­ yeah.


    But, gotta work out what kinda girl Zigdara is first! From what Ina¡¯s told me she seeeems to be that kinda girl. My lover also cheats with her Amwella drinking nonsense, so I have to assume it¡¯s less than that.


    SO! Carefully now. I adjust to treat her body like some big pretty instrument. Dancing fingers across flesh like my mentor tried to teach me. Never got good enough to even hope for anything but silly little tunes but¡­ wow have I enjoyed the finger strength it gave me! Can fuck a girl for hours and hours without getting even a little sore!


    Nibbling on her belly when the first little orgasim hits. Moved to be kneeling on the bed beside her, left hand only just now between her legs and dancing playful patterns over her second lips while my other explores her jaw and neckline. Hitting all the right bits really gently in both spots. Drawing her up into a little jerking of pleasure.


    Adjust, find a new spot. Start slowly again. More pressure. Focused more on the outer lips and clit first, now move inside. Press so at first it feels like just¡­ a warm hand against things. Start to¨C


    Oh.


    Zigdara moves then. Lifts my whole fucking self to set me atop her face.


    Grin wickedly at that, adjust legs as she moves to grip my butt or hips and catch them beneath my ankles. Pinning her arms once more as I pull up to hover just out of reach of her lips.


    ¡°Told you to keep those here, duenna.¡±


    ¡°Forgive me, Hetaera Yrelia.¡± She chuckles from beneath me. ¡°But I was promised breakfast in bed from you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s right.¡± I giggle and slowly lower myself to settle my already warm and wet second lips atop her waiting first pair.


    Immediately feel her press up into me. Lips and tongue and fucking¡­ wonderful teeth moving in well-practiced patterns.


    Let¡¯s me know right fucking quick that I better get to work or risk cumming past all good reasonable ability to expertly fuck her silly first.


    So I lean down while she chomps away, still keeping her arms pinned with my legs, and reach out to ruin this silly duenna. Would love to use my mouth too but like¡­ fuck me is she tall. Can barely reach Tasii most nights and Zigdara¡¯s waaay bigger than her!


    Soooo¡­ Just hands will have to do. Which like¡­ is actually really unfair to the girl beneath me. As I am, if nothing else, an expert in all the sixteen dozen ways two hands can dance across and through and into a pair of second lips.


    Choose a simple pattern though. Just¡­ kinda working hook shaped motions inside her while my other hand rakes nails about her thighs and outer lips. Takes stamina and steady fingers to do juuust right though. Losing pressure or consistent work can muck things a bit.


    But it was something I took to using when I was letting Ina practice fun poses while she was getting better at second lip dancing techniques. Is just¡­ one that captures a lot of fundamentals of the Art, but forcing me to do this upside down stretches my muscle memory in really fun ways.


    So Zigdara stands no chance to have me climaxing even once before her second hits like a slow lowering into the warmest and best bath of her life. Even causes my weight on her arms to tilt free as she reaches up and grabs my hips and butt. Growling and bucking and struggling to smother what I can feel are thrumming moans in her efforts to pleasure me back.


    So I let her. Fully lean down to rest myself atop Zigdara like some big silly cat atop her prize. Letting more than a few good rumbles of enjoyment roll down through me into her.


    Doesn¡¯t take long. Fuck. What this girl lacks in subtle workings she makes up for in raw determination, stamina, and a good long tongue that reaches deeper than I am used to. Especially at such a¡­ a great f¨C fuckin¡­ fuuuucking angle.


    Fuck!


    I¡¯m a shivering twitching mess. Raking nails over her less gently than I¡¯d do for others while sinking teeth into skin. Moaning through this stupid strong orgasm into her belly. Only barely have enough energy to drag myself up so as to not suffocate the duenna who just ate my cunt for breakfast.


    Have to stifle a giggle at that.


    Eventually push myself up to grin down and back at her. ¡°Hey there.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± She huffs, more out of breath than me. ¡°Take it that was acceptable work from simple old duenna?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not old.¡± I giggle and roll about to sit next to her. ¡°But yes, you¡¯re a very experienced woman.¡±


    She chuckles and pushes to rise. ¡°We¡¯re both going to need another shower.¡±


    ¡°Won¡¯t be the first time you¡¯re going to say that today.¡± I hum and push off the bed, floating on the afterglow of a great morning fuck to my¡­ fourth shower today?


    Not sure. Expect to lose count before the sun sets!


    It¡¯s quicker than our first together. And I make sure to keep her from getting distracted and luring us into a wet fuck so I can see the others off. Dress mostly comfortably aside from¡­ well¡­ Decide to wear the three jade rings I stole.


    Feel the Hetaera today like I haven¡¯t in... like... weeks and want to enjoy that!


    Even get to enjoy nudging a little blush out of Zigdara as Tasii helps me tease her a bit.


    And she¡¯s not even like Ina was! Not a girl still trying to understand that taking multiple lovers isn¡¯t just okay but a delight. Something to enjoy and speak loudly about. Let different personalities and temperaments and types of good fucking balance you out.


    Especially here along the Paths.


    But then two of my lovers are gone and the other two are off studying and¡­ it¡¯s just me and my big devoted duenna for the rest of most of the day.


    Doing dishes together. Of all things. Chattering about small nothings. Scheming how to draw this girl into a fun idea I wanted to try where she holds me against a wall while using her wonderful mouth to¨C


    But a knock on the door startles us both from talks and swirl of hornii ideas I¡¯d started to brew.


    Trade a glance.


    ¡°So¡­ who¡¯s your guess?¡± I tease while drying my hands. ¡°Our girls forgetting keys, A messenger or visit from Redrogal, or¡­ something random?¡±


    She huffs a snort. ¡°Would you like me to check?¡±


    Wow. Such a good duenna to offer!


    ¡°Let¡¯s see together.¡± I decide and head that way. Look down to make sure I¡¯m at least moderately well dressed for random surprise visits. Pull a cloak off the back of a chair to wrap myself against the cold winds outside.


    Let Zigdara do like she always did at our temporary home at the Academy, take a peek through a window, then nod and move back to stand behind me.


    ¡°Anyone we know?¡±


    ¡°Not that I recall. But the woman doesn¡¯t walk as one expecting trouble.¡± Zigdara informs.


    So I nod and crack open the door. Give the woman a broad smile. ¡°Hi! Can I help you?¡±


    She¡¯s¡­ quite the sight. Simply dressed, but very cleanly so. Which in this weather is impressive since you can get caught in a nasty gust of snow and slush which can ruin first impressions. Nice dark coat and long curly maroon hair to match and be stupidly jealous of. Eyes a sister blue to match and skin a really nice mix of dark tones that glimmer with Cultivated jade sparkles.


    Smiles back at me with more¡­ open excitement and relief than I expect. ¡°Oh! So the rumors were true. Good. Wonderful even! My name is Latrig, and I¡¯m here to extend a formal welcome to the Lady Sun Spoken staying in this home.¡±


    ¡°On whose behalf?¡± I ask, a touch worried but¡­ only a little. We¡¯ve not hidden out traveling plans, and have little reason to expect violence. Most likely she¡¯s just some local community leader or business friend of Lady Ophrit.


    But she grins and brushes her hair aside revealing a pair of¡­ of five blue jade earrings dangling from her left side. ¡°The local Conclave of Hetaera! And let me tell you, sister mine, I¡¯m so excited to see that one of ours already really has been traveling with Lady Inamatorii!¡±


    Oh. Fuck!


    I almost hiss aloud, my stolen three rings weighing like the stupid heavy stone they are on my ear.

 Chapter 137: The Oldest Lesson Her Song Taught Them Part 3

    ANNOUNCEMENT!


    SO! As everyone noticed, there has beeeeen some pauses between releases.


    And one of the many reasons was that we''ve collected and edited and woven this story into a digital release that can be purchased both to keep forever and also also support my silly works! Will even have an audiobook version in the future for those interested!!!


    Just clickie on this here link to check out the Itch.io page!</a>


    </a>


    CW:


    RAHDIAN POV!!! Worry about being your identity. Flirting! Name stealing talks. Pronoun talks and wobbles.


    They told me the way they braided my hair wasn¡¯t anything special. Just¡­ really easy and simple patterns done after spending a bit of time combing the messy long mane in straight. Easy. Normal. Even had me try to do a smaller one in Tasii¡¯s hair. Didn¡¯t like¡­ really work out. But they both said it was better than their first years of trying.


    Want to figure this out so I can help them too.


    Also said the paints and glitter they used on my face was normal for an evening out. That took longer for Kque and me to apply though. Never got used to how pretty she looks when chewing on the inside of her cheek when she¡¯s focusing hard on something. Especially when that something is me.


    Couldn¡¯t stop the heat from rising and spreading to probably my everything as Kque mentioned how pretty my blush is. That she¡¯s jealous of that in both us girls from Lyttoral.


    The um¡­ outfit was the only time I pushed back. Kinda stuttering and tumbling away from the mirror to tell them that it was like¡­ something. Too much something. Or too little of something else. Just¡­ like¡­ I couldn''t find the words to explain the mess inside!


    ¡°Uncomfortable?¡± Tasii had asked. ¡°Too tight? Too loose?¡±


    ¡°No. Not at all.¡± I murmured, staring down at the attire. ¡°Just¡­ I¡¯m not¡­ Sure?¡±


    ¡°The color balance is perfect. Shape of the things compliment your body really well.¡± Kque replied. ¡°But¡­ Hm¡­¡±


    Then she got up and pulled a big floofy scarf out to wrap about my shoulders. Turned me back to face the little mirror in here and asked how I felt about the girl I was seeing now.


    Too pretty. Felt like a lie.


    Pushed those thoughts down and decided to just¡­ trust them. Worse that happens is I look goofy and out of place beside the two girls taking me out today.


    Still does. Especially here in the warm room filled with gorgeous people dressed in their own amazingly vibrant attire. Not all women, either. Plenty from the Azure Compact here too! I think. Maybe? If I heard right? Both Arudian men and people who preferred other words like that sweet, but kinda intimidating, Redrogal person?


    Not an equal amount to the women. But¡­ but enough to make me feel a bit more comfortable. Less worried.


    ¡°Rahdian?¡± Kque asks and nudges me, tugging me from this memory spiral.


    ¡°Yeah?¡± I look away from the main dining room of this fancyish tavern and down to her.


    She holds up a selection of jeweled pins. All emblazoned with really pretty crystal clusters patterned like all sorts of shapes.


    ¡°I just wanted to give you the options.¡± Kque explains, ¡°These are like¡­ word things. Everyone is asked to wear at least one here. And I assumed you¡¯d want this one but also didn¡¯t want to assume so¡­ She/Her,¡± She curls a finger to poke the far left one. Then proceeds to explain the other half dozen in her hands, their pronunciations, and like¡­ her best understanding of their meaning. Doesn¡¯t even hold the He/Him pin, which calms my worry a bit, instead points to a nearby handsome guy wearing one of those. Ends her descriptions with¡­ ¡°And They/Them. Also, I was told that like¡­ we don¡¯t feel like you gotta remember them all. Pretty much anyone we talk to will enjoy explaining the words to go with these. Just do your best and ask if you¡¯re not sure.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ never seen anything like this.¡± Is my careful reply as I feel myself hesitating between the first and last ones more than all the other fascinating words the people here are using to describe themselves.


    For so many reasons.


    ¡°It¡¯s been a long time since I have, honestly.¡± Kque replies with a sigh. ¡°Kinda almost forgot they exist. Didn¡¯t really like¡­ mentally connect how important they were until these past weeks. Meeting Redrogal and other really wonderful people in the Azure Compact kinda¡¯s gotten me thinking more about the words we use and why we use them. Was glad one of their members mentioned it before we split ways.¡±


    The first is what I¡¯ve wanted forever. But if I take it alone could it pull people into like¡­ noticing I¡¯m not like them? Or will the last pin give too much away? Both about the Dreamers sleeping inside my Amwella. But like¡­ also my changing? Could it give someone the wrong idea? Thinking like Kikii did that I¡¯m an Arudian male?


    Really hope she and her moms catch up before we leave this town.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I nod, decide to keep stalling while my stupid mind keeps trying to decide how to handle this, ¡°Is this pretty much only an Arudia thing, I think? Not just taverns like this, I mean. But the effort to ask? Just¡­ I never really heard of anything like this before. But also kinda never came into the deeper parts of the cities till the Academy.¡±


    ¡°Yes, but¡­ also no.¡± Kque sighs, ¡°Lyttoral is definitely horrible about this. But even Arudia pretty much sucks at thinking of anything outside of the majority and um¡­ well the one exception they needed. Being an Arudian male was already really difficult. But¡­ finding something between or completely apart from both known options? Yeah. No. People are gonna struggle with that.¡±


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    Can¡¯t help but picture my old home by the sea at that. My¡­ well basically my mother. How she¡¯d hate this so much. Not because Sangoma wouldn¡¯t understand the desire, but¡­ because she¡¯d see it as selfish. Wasteful for basically living a way that costs women everywhere stability. Invites odder and odder uses of dangerous magics and Alchemy.


    Like¡­ like my transition. A single girl refusing to give up the rest of her life to help make sure thousands more could¨C


    ¡°Do you think it¡¯ll get better?¡± I whisper, cutting off the thought. Deciding to grab both pins and decide how I feel about it all later.


    Not like anyone but Kque or Tasii will remember. And¡­ if they ask I¡¯ll just tell them I was feeling stupid and wanted to include my Dreamers like Ina would. Not¡­ Not the rest.


    The ache of feeling so fake. So incomplete. Like maybe I don''t deserve the first. Still not right from head to toes. But also... feeling different in okay ways? Like so many others do in discarding words they don''t feel encompass themselves?


    ¡°Yes. Absolutely.¡± Kque grins, lowering her hands away. Reaches us to help me apply the pins before dropping them back in the basket on the table nearby. ¡°Not like¡­ easily or quick. But we have to do stuff like this. Keep pushing. Normalizing the ideas and spreading how much it means to really sweet people for us to let them just¡­ be. And respect that. Accept what they don¡¯t understand and even maybe try to learn more. Find beauty in the different. Just like anything else on the Paths.¡±


    Then Tasii finds us and leads us to the table she found. Eyeing my pins curiously as I try to follow and get them on the front of my top right. But¡­ when our eyes meet she only smirks and winks at me before turning to introduce us to the three people sharing a table with us tonight.


    Super normal on a busy night in a popular place like this. And that was like¡­ kinda the point? Apparently? Taverns like this, in cities so central to travel, might have music or performers or something. Even a Hetaera or two sometimes to weave a special event. But the point is this.


    Groups of two or three finding a half filled table to share with interesting people traveling the Paths.


    All shorter than me, which is normal. Nor dressed nearly as fancy as we are. Wearing ¡®the Walker¡¯s best¡¯ as Yrelia would put it. Comfy but pretty. Two with She/Her pins, and one with a they/them and also an odd pin that doesn¡¯t actually match the ones Kque showed me. Seems... custom? Still in the same styles as ours but also really apparently meant to match.


    Names are still hard, but¡­ easier for reasons I wish they weren¡¯t.


    Two of them are from my old side of our world. Have been traveling together since they both left their sea-side villages and met at their first big trading town.


    Not Lyttoral, thankfully.


    ¡°Rahdian¡­¡± One mumbles as we slip into our side of the table. Hethata? I think is her name? ¡°That name rings a bell. Have you ever traveled along the Paths that run up through the little Triple Peaks and the little villages throughout?¡±


    ¡°Eh¡­ No. But almost.¡± I reply. ¡°Kinda approached them from the north and was going to take those roads back downwards but¡­ decided to turn toward Arudia.¡±


    The direction I knew my very furious former traveling companions did not want to go.


    ¡°Drawn to the tales of heavy snow, romance, magic, or¡­¡± Vi¡­ Vitreki¡­ Vii¡­ Tra¡­ Keta. Viitraketa, asks with a grin. Cultivation sparkles dancing across her deep purple cheeks as they turn vibrant blueish emerald eyes on me.


    Even seems to have like... little numbs like horns poking up from their own braided hair. Cultivation either performed later or inherited from parents?


    No. Pip hated the cold, and the season was turning to be full winter. So I turned and moved as fast as I could. Needed to make sure we¡¯d never meet again.


    ¡°Honestly, I wasn''t thinking or planning. Just¡­ knew I didn¡¯t wanna go south. Too many familiar faces.¡± I try to answer easily and steadily. Hoping they¡¯ll move to more interesting topics than my messy past.


    ¡°Hmmm¡­ Might have heard the name from a past lover of yours asking about after you?¡± Hethata presses.


    A jolt of panic shoots down my spine. At¡­ at the idea that not changing my name again was stupid and they could have told local duenna about me or¡­ or¡­


    But Tasii saves me. Must see my rising panic. Even takes my hand and gives it a squeeze beneath the table while offering. ¡°Her name is actually inspired by a story, a pretty popular and salacious one, if I remember correctly?¡±


    Jokentii, the other girl from the southern Paths, clicks her fingers and smiles. ¡°Right. The name is on the tip of my tongue. Is about some pirate snatching up some gerl and sweeping her into an adventure at sea?¡±


    Pronounces the word ¡®girl¡¯ oddly. Like¡­ ¡®gel¡¯. Which¡­ with her pretty accent is really enthralling.


    ¡°Yeah. Exactly. The Thief and Her Prize. It¡¯s um¡­ actually not that uncommon. I think. Though most don¡¯t remember the book.¡± I half lie, hoping the truth smothers my nervous stumblings.


    Viitraketa is about to say something, but one of the servers arrives to poke after our drink orders and describe the food offered here tonight. In more detail than I expect. But one of the girls mentioned an allergy to an ingredient and asked for something to be made a little special. Which like¡­ is agreed to. Which makes sense but also seems really kind to me? Don¡¯t ever remember anyone getting that along the Paths.


    ¡°Was she the pirate or the other gerl?¡± Hethata leans forward to rest her chin on her palm to ask as the server leaves.


    Dull scarlet eyes fixating on me again.


    ¡°Oh. Um¡­ The pirate.¡± I answer, trying to keep my bubbling flutters calm.


    ¡°Wow, forgive me if this is impolite, but that speaks much of your mothers.¡± Viitraketa chuckles with such warm mirth. ¡°Not in a bad way, mind you.¡±


    ¡°My mother didn¡¯t pick this name.¡± My stupid lips are blurting before I can stop them.


    A heartbeat passes, not¡­ uncomfortable. But¡­


    ¡°The Rahdian in the story must have inspired you a lot.¡± Kque is the first to offer the next obvious question. ¡°So¡­ Why that name? I don''t remember Ina or Yrelia asking.¡±


    Glance over to see both her and Kque sort of¡­ smiling? Differently than normal? But in a way that seems familiar. Thoughtful and curious. A little teasing. Not in any kind of mean way at all. Is actually encouraging.


    ¡°Well, because... she stole that name too.¡± I admit quietly but with every word finding more and more steady confidence in the ideas I¡¯d not really said aloud yet. Even to Ina. ¡°And that¡¯s what it felt like to claim a new name. At least to me. A lie because it wasn¡¯t given, but snatched up before anyone could stop me. Carried far enough no one should come looking to take it back. And... Um... She was the kind of girl I wanted to try and be more like someday.¡±


    Another pause, then Viitraketa is saying in a very serious voice. ¡°Kque, Tasii? Be sure to watch this one. Or she¡¯ll be snatched away just like the girl from her namesake''s story.¡±


    What? How does she... Wait. No she''s... Oh.


    Such heat rises to my cheeks as I understand her words and stare and questions and¡­ and also find myself completely lost as to finding this all make sense when I think of her being interested in me.


    The girl I saw in the mirror before blazing in my minds eye.


    ¡°Oh, we know.¡± Kque murmurs warmly and glances over at the pretty Arudian girl. ¡°She¡¯s kinda amazing. More than she realizes.¡±


    Viitraketa agrees with an easy smirk. ¡°I can guess.¡±


    ¡°Vii¡­¡± Hethata sighs and levels a soft pout upon the Arudian girl, ¡°You can¡¯t just¡­ Like¡­ What happened to the slow circling of a bird over a possible buried cutie?¡±


    C¨C cutie?


    Am worried about how to respond to that. Floundering aimlessly.


    ¡°I¡¯m not expecting to seduce her.¡± Viitraketa shrugs at the girl. ¡°She¡¯s already snared this night, I believe. And I¡¯ve not the energy for the company of four in bed or otherwise more intimate places.¡±


    Sn¨C snared? But¡­ but I¡¯m still not like¡­ like sure if Tasii or Kque would be interested in like¡­ more. Especially since I¡¯m not changed and could fall apart or freeze up or¡­ or¡­


    ¡°Same, honestly. Only want to sometimes, and with the right people nearby.¡± Tasii agrees, turning to the group with such a grin on her lips, never letting go of my cold sweating hand. ¡°Rahdian¡­ hasn¡¯t had the chance to meet a lot of wonderful people. Get to understand how a lot of the looks and attention she gets are probably almost always due to how many girls and otherwise are just imagining snuggling against just a tall and warm seeming companion.¡±


    I¡­ That¡¯s not¡­


    ¡°But. She¡¯s not the only interesting girl here, and Rahdian needs a break from said attention.¡± Kque states pointedly to everyone. ¡°So, tell us how you all met, and also what that really neat and custom looking pin means, Viitraketa. I¡¯m trying to memorize and categorize all of them for the rest of the girls in our group.¡±