《The System Won't Let Me Kill Myself!》


 Prologue 1: Word setting

    Our world has become a place where dimensional rifts have become a common occurrence, space is broken, and attempted invasions by alien species have become as common as a cold war between countries.


    In the wake of the apocalypse, the 6th element was introduced to the Earth''s atmosphere from foreign worlds, "Mana". This mana showed compatibility with few people more than others they are the ones called "awakened"*.


    In ancient texts*, it''s described that the universe is made up of five main elements, they are:


    1. Soil


    2. Water


    3. Fire


    4. Air


    5. Ether


    The soil, water, fire and air in different proportions formed different planets and stars and were gross elements, while the Ether formed time and space and was a subtle element. But for Alien species discovered a sixth element unknown to our ancestors. It was "Mana"


    It was stronger than Ether and could bend time and space if wielded properly. However, it was an element subtler than Ether, so one can neither feel nor see it directly. So, it didn''t have a direct role in creation; rather, it was the power behind creation.


    After creation, the creator saw potential in a few creatures to reach him more than others. To test them, he purposefully left a small part of his own Divine energy* called "Mana", by others later.


    The created beings worked hard to reach the creator in the beginning, but as time passed by, the competition turned into a bloody power struggle. Weaker beings who were not compatible with Mana left for a separate place and continued to thrive.


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    *One of these beings was humans'' ancestors. However, the bloody power struggle continued, but the beings forgot that their purpose was to reach the creator and not dominate weaker creations.


    As the wars became better, the originally created beings* now alien to humans, continued; the humans started to live on Earth and slowly evolved. Their intellect increased as years passed by and they developed.


    They developed to the point that they started searching for life on other planets. They reach far and wide in space in search of new life. However, they were not the only ones trying to find life in space.


    ''The Victor''* of the war was searching for the surviving species as well, and he met humans 300 years ago. He initially sweet-talked the humans, and humans thought of it as a great achievement of discovering and befriending aliens. The whole world was celebrating.


    However, one day the reason he was searching for survivors became clear. It was to eliminate any future threats by killing the survivors. The space station nearest to their planet was the first one to be destroyed, followed by others.


    They tracked it back to Earth and started creating dimensional rifts by bending space and time on their will using Mana. The army of the sole "original created being " alive, we call him "The Victor " started attacking Earth.


    We fought with our full power, but our firearms, made of a gross element, had no effect on the much superior, Mana-wielding army of ''The Victor''. At that time, when our world was about to collapse, we saw a ray of hope. This hope was ''the awakened''.


    ''Robert Lee'', was the first legendary awakened. A true hero, not awakened, alive or dead, is as powerful as he was. When the first general of ''The Victor '' was trying to invade Earth, he fought him and died a glorious death 200 years ago.


    It''s said he used an overpowered skill just before his death, disrupting Victoria''s army''s uninterrupted access to Earth. So, now, after a dimensional rift is opened, it takes a few days before it can be broken and ''The Victoria''s army'' can attack the Earth.


    In the meantime, the hunters, Enter the rift and try their best to kill the designated soldiers that are stuck in the dimensional rifts.


    "What was the name of that overpowered skill ?" A student in the class asked


    " At that time, the system didn¡¯t exist, so generally, skills didn''t have names, or even if they did, Hunters Lee didn''t share them with the world!" The teacher replied while in a deep meditation.


    She finally opened her eyes as the bell rang; she started to collect her books from the desk and prepared to leave " Okay, kids, so that''s it for today''s lesson! We will read the chapter in detail next lecture. Enjoy your break !" The teacher said cheerfully and left the class


    As the whole class started to move with a hustle, Jiya was still looking out of the window, as uninterested in the break as she was in the history lecture.

 Prologue 2: Character setting

    Jiya was the only child of her parents. She was like a princess in a castle. Owner of every need and luxury the children of her age could dream of.


    However, her heart was filled with lonesomeness. It was empty, as she was expected to behave just as a princess should, despite her nature being a contradiction.


    She was supposed to be perfect, smile even when sad, hide the tears, never throw tantrums, accept whatever is provided without complaint, never share your opinion, never speak loudly, be a topper in academics, learn art and culture, and sit at home.


    "You are not a boy, you should learn to behave! " her mother used to say


    This was the price of her crown. Her heart was empty, and soon, her shining innocent eyes, which followed every word of her parents to please them, turned empty as well. Every mistake had grave results.


    Every rebuke continued to break her fragile heart that never received love. Finally, she broke.


    Jiya''s first failed suicide attempt was when she was in 7th grade. The young teen of thirteen couldn''t withstand the trauma of getting 50% in Maths. Strange, isn''t it?


    She was rushed to Hospital from school. This finally brought the attention of her parents towards their daughter they had abandoned years ago.


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    After a therapy session, her parents learnt that the daughter, whom they thought was too mature for her age, was actually trying to get their affection by trying to be perfect. They decided to give her the love they should have.


    Now, after so many years they finally tried to be good parents for once. But it was too late now.


    Her eyes continued to lose their shine; her heart continued to shatter. Various dark thoughts ran through her mind


    "Maybe I''m not good enough "


    "Maybe I never was"


    "I''m a disgrace "


    "I''m unlovable"


    "Maybe my existence is cursed"


    "Maybe I am a mistake "


    "MAYBE I NEVER SHOULD HAVE EXISTED !"


    These thoughts came time and again. The pressure to be perfect has broken her too much already. Now even love can''t fix her back.


    She started keeping physical distance from her parents. Even from the smallest touch, she would flinch and run away. Refuse hugs and kisses. Slowly she even reduced talking. She would only reply to what was necessary.


    In school, her friends left her after the suicide incident. But that was not the last incident. She tried to kill her multiple times in school, in classes and at home. Every time she survived.


    As Jiya entered 9th grade* she changed schools. A new school where no one knew her and she knew no one.


    ''The class''s ghost '', the title she inherited on the day of her 10th farewell*. The whole class laughed. However, Jiya sat silently in the corner, as unbothered as ever.


    She continued 11th and 12th grade in the same school. Being ''the ghost'' she was, however, time and again, she would try to commit suicide.


    Her parents were very tense regarding her future. One fine day, during Jiya''s summer holidays after the 12th*- well, a fine day for the world but a terrible day for Jiya- Jiya''s dad decided he had enough.


    Just like the majority of typical Indian parents, he couldn''t understand what depression is and thought all Jiya did was a ''drama''. " All you know is to waste my money on your hospital bills." He shrieked at the top of his lungs.


    Jiya today had been discharged from the hospital for the nth time after ingesting sleeping pills. "You don''t have to worry about money, so you do all this ", He continued in an annoyed tone. "Just wait, and I''ll get you back on the track."


    Jiya, just followed him home as she always had, without a single word.

 Chapter 1: Suddenly Homeless

    "Get out! And don''t come back till you learn what living is! " Jiya''s dad shouted as he pushed Jiya out of the front door with the suitcase he had packed in advance.


    "Honey! Please don''t be like that !" Jiya''s mother pleaded. "How will she survive like that."


    "She has to learn to live on her own, be it now or in the future! Better now than tomorrow."


    "Please don''t be like that! She is our only daughter."


    "I know! You don''t interfere in this. "


    "Please honey, she is still too young to be on her own."


    "She is old enough to be on her own. When I was her age I had already started earning."


    "But that was diff-"


    "It''s ok mumma! " Jiya cut her in between, a frown on her face telling her she had it all wrong again. "If ''I'' am the trouble, it''s better that I leave."


    She adjusted her luggage and started walking towards the gate of their estate. ''Will he call me back'' Jiya hoped somewhere deep within her.


    As Jiya slowly walked to the main gate. Her mother wanted to follow her to the gate but her father held her back.


    She once looked back at them, the mother on the verge of tearing up and the father who was no more in the mood to even look at her face, stopping her from running towards Jiya. ''I can''t help it'', she thought. ''I guess I''m homeless now.'' she sighed as she walked out.


    Jiya''s mind went as silent as the night in the rich neighbourhood. The frown was clear on her glum, dull face.


    ''What now? '' a thought appeared in her mind.


    ''Where should I sleep tonight? '' Tired from the whole discharge procedures and then the commotion at home, sleeping was the first thing Jiya could think of.


    ''Maybe at the bus stop?''


    Well, generally, people think about staying at a friend''s place. However, Jiya had no friends to turn to in times of need, and the few who stuck to her at school were there for her money. No way they''ll help now.


    She started walking towards the bus stop, dragging her suitcase filled with God knows what!


    Her white knee-length satin gown was fluttering as a soft breeze passed by, slightly shining on reflecting the light of designer streetlights present at small intervals.


    Her hair was long and black, tied into a messy bun, which was coming undone from the breeze as she walked by.


    She couldn''t be called an absolute beauty, however the melancholyness of the night perfectly resonated with her looks.


    If that red suitcase were to be removed from the frame, it would look as if a heartbroken angel was walking by!


    The sidewalk on which Jiya was walking was lined with shrubs making a hedge, beyond which were estates of various other Nouveau riche.


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    She walked in silence till she reached the bus stop, only the noise of dragging the suitcase and occasionally the voice of the wind could be heard.


    The bus stop was as deserted as the road she followed here; this somewhere relieved her that she wouldn''t have to be embarrassed explaining to other people her strange purpose for visiting the bus stop*.


    She sat down on the bench. ''Now how should I sleep?'' She thought as she stared at the bench.


    The bench was made up of steel bars; the thought of sleeping on it was surely uncomfortable for a sheltered girl like Jiya.


    She was staring at the bench with a frown as a thought crossed her mind.


    ''If only I had something to cover it with, then it wouldn''t be as uncomfortable''


    However, the reality of not having something of the sort saddened her.


    She laid down on the cold steel, using her arms as a pillow, facing the blank, dusty inside of the shade which added to her uneasiness.


    Facing the cold metallic backrest was just as uncomfortable. She finally decided to turn towards the road.


    The road was deserted, the hedge on the other side was visible. Beyond the hedge was a beautiful garden of some estate.


    ''It seems I never noticed that garden.''


    She thought as she realised she had passed this road multiple times but never had the leisure to notice the surroundings.


    The view calmed her, as she tried drifting off to sleep. But these conditions were too harsh for a princess.


    She woke up multiple times and went to sleep only to walk up again. This cycle continued, the uncomfortable night felt like an eternity.


    ''Maybe it''s almost dawn''


    The thought crossed her mind as she woke up for the Nth time.


    She checked her wristwatch only to realise that not even thirty minutes had passed since she laid down.


    She jerked up irritated. Her head in her hands, facing down in frustration. Her hair unravelled to the point that it looked like they were never tied. The hair tie was knotted somewhere in her hair, however, Jiya took no notice.


    "...Ugh"


    She growled in frustration.


    ''What a mess, I can''t even sleep now!''


    Reality suddenly hit her; tears started to flow from her eyes, covered by her hands.


    She cried for a while in silence, then held her breath and tried to stop herself.


    After calming down a bit, she stood up determined and declared:


    "I finally have come out of that place where I was unloved, now I should live my new life"


    Suddenly her eyes fell on her suitcase.


    ''Aha, way to go gurl!'' She praised herself with a smug look as an idea crossed her mind.


    She reached out to her suitcase and pulled it towards herself.


    ''I can find something in here that will allow me to sleep comfortably.'' She thought while grinning ear to ear.


    She stood up then picked up the suitcase and placed it on the bench, bent down and pushed the chain open.


    The suitcase was packed diligently. Every cloth was neatly ironed and folded.


    "He packed it way too good for someone whom he didn''t want in his home", was what she murmured. However, her thoughts didn¡¯t match her muttering, ''Maybe they still love me? Will they come to get me?''


    As soon as Jiya realised her thoughts she got rid of those thoughts forcefully.


    She started to search through her clothes for something like a sheet. However, her hands stumbled upon some kind of paper.


    She grabbed it and pulled it out, and there was ''it''. The thing she hated the most but needed the most. Money.


    To be more precise it was her bank passbook.


    She opened the passbook with a frown. The sight of the seven-digit amount widened her eyes. Slowly her eyes dropped as tears started to flow again.


    "Who am I fooling? They were never the cause of my distress. They were never wrong." she mumbled


    ''It was always me.'' The thought broke her. This was the thought that always broke her.


    God knows why she had such thoughts when she had such a good life. But I guess it was fair; the thing she wanted was never money, to begin with. At this point, money was equivalent to rejection for this young girl.


    As a child, whenever she wanted her parent''s time, they handed her money and left her. It''s obvious now why Jiya hates money.


    She sat on the bench heavily as her knees went weak, with her head dropped in disappointment.


    Her hand reached out to her eyes instinctively, but the presence of a passbook annoyed her. She glanced at it giving it a disgusted gaze, before throwing it to the ground in anger, as her cries became louder.


    "You say I waste your money then give me more of it... money is the only thing you know to give"


    She continued crying, sitting at the bus stop, as that sad, silent night continued for what felt like an eternity to Jiya.


    ...


    A young man dressed in formal was pushing a wheelchair. His moment was quite robotic and coordinated as if he had been doing so for many years, at the same time, a bit gentle.


    The blond man in the wheelchair looked quite young himself; God knows how such a young fellow ended up facing such a horrible fate.


    The man pushing the wheelchair halted as they reached the giant glass door facing east to the garden. The scenic beauty of the rising sun could be viewed.


    "Sir...?" The man in formal asked in a low, gentle and hopeful voice; however, it somewhere hinted at a sense of anxiety.


    The blond man shook his head in denial.


    The man in formal sighed as he turned the wheel of the wheelchair and started pushing it towards the wooden door opposite the glass one leading to the corridor from where they entered.