《Meika》


 Chapter 1: Where things really began for me

    ¡°Forty Marks,¡± I declared, triumphantly and bitterly dropping the coins in my friend''s hand-


    ¡°Now let her go.¡±


    Turkar, disbelieving to the last, slowly clenched his fingers around the coins as the weight of reality finally met him.


    ¡°I don''t get what you fucking see in her, mate,¡± The baffled confusion still spilled out as freely as his foul language.


    ¡°Yeah, well, you had the last two months to figure it out, buddy.¡±


    ¡°But it''s a fucking dog.¡±


    ¡°She is made in The Image of God just like you and I,¡± I told him for the umpteenth time. But at this point I was through with trying to even reach an ¡°agree to disagree¡± resolution.


    The friendship we had formed for the year prior to those two months might have been, to my shame, the only thing that stopped me from having killed him on the spot when I found out he had Meika- That and the reality that the rest of the guardsmen would have certainly killed me in turn.


    Make no mistake- I could have then, never mind what I can do now. By that time, I''d lived five years in this world and I had killed a lot of bad people. I was no longer the wet-behind-the-ears just-out-of-high-school geek who played too much tabletop RPGs and read too much manga.


    I bet some of you are thinking this situation is a lot like a recent trend in manga where the hopeless boy gets transported to a new world to save it. Reality is a little disappointing, isn''t it?


    As far as I''m concerned though, God is also Lord of this universe so at least we have that going for us.


    It''s not all different, however. I showed up with nothing but the clothes on my back and whatever I had in my pockets, and my success here has been higher than I ever expected (Blame dumb luck or thank God- I prefer the latter), but nobody discusses HP or MP, quests or EXP, and not just because they can''t see it like us ¡°special¡± ones, but because this place is just as real as back home. It hurt to figure out, honestly.


    By the way, if you''re new here, Don''t say ¡°magic¡±. The Saovic Nation calls it wind-weaving. Magic, however, is the dealings of spirits and demons- There are some bad people in The Church who will burn you for misspeaking.


    But I''m getting off subject (And I really should stop doing that! I already give the monastery scribes too much work).


    The worst part about those two months was that Turkar was the nicest guard in The Grand Seil Forest Border Station. Sure, he had a dirty mouth on him, but that was true for everyone there. But he was the first to pull me out of the cold when I came staggering in from a snow storm. He offered me steady work for steady pay. And he never once got mad at me when I wanted to take his ¡°toy¡± away.


    And that''s what made this last moment so painful. Red, yellow, black, white, blue or green (those last two were hard for me to get used to), he was decent to everyone human.


    Human. Meika''s kind didn''t get from him even the level of respect most slave owners gave them.


    We don''t really know where God will take us from day to day. Perhaps it was a mistake to say nothing to the slave owners I saw in every prosperous town in Saovia, reasoning that because they spoke to them with soft words, touched them tenderly, and even wept for their slaves who died- That somehow they weren''t ¡°bad¡± enough- Or perhaps simply God does not need everyone to throw themselves headfirst into the meat grinder-


    But I do know that I never had an ounce of the anger I should have had until I knew Turkar''s favorite hobby.


    It started a few weeks in when we were sharing drinks, trading stories and singing songs while off duty. Turkar, much more drunk than I would have liked to be myself, told me a story of a small village he saw ransacked while on duty in his lord''s army. Bodies everywhere, some half eaten, some women, children, and old men. It was indiscriminate, horrible, and vengeful.


    I told him I was sorry he had to go through seeing that- No one who does that kind of slaughter can be called good, after all. He said it was the Velak who did it to the village and they never stood a chance. I was sorry, but he took it to mean I hated them as much as he did.


    He never called them Velak. In his mind, that was their word for themselves.


    He called them dogs. Often ¡°fucking¡± dogs. ¡°Curs¡± for the males, ¡°Bitches¡± for the females. This new side of him he opened up with got nods of sympathy and even voiced approval and cheers- And all the while he remained decent. I remember he stayed behind to comfort a lost little girl while the rest of us scoured the forest to find her parents, his eyes sparkling with paternal delight as she talked his ears off about the great things her daddy could do.


    After she was reunited with her parents and taken safely home, This same man that evening said he''d kick the head in of a Velak child if he ever got the chance.


    Then he bought himself a slave while on leave.


    Not a cheap thing to obtain or keep healthy. I don''t know how he got her all the way to our border station, but the captain pretended not to know he kept her chained up in one of the cells in the dungeon.


    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Then he showed her to me. I think he wanted to finally get me on his side, as if meaningless sex with a battered, starved and traumatized slave would convince me he was good.


    But he was still my friend, somehow, after all my loudly voiced disagreement with him, so I told him I would buy her and after that I would leave. And two months later I had saved enough of my pay to do just that.


    ¡°You''re out of your damn mind, mate, this place is fucking great,¡± He took the jailer''s key and clicked the lock open.


    ¡°Oh yeah, lots of beer and all the sex you want, I''m sure. If she''s such a dog, what does that say about you?¡± I said, dripping with sarcasm and anger. ¡°We have guard dogs here too- You wouldn''t have had to pay one mark for for an evening with one of them!¡±


    He flushed with embarrassment. ¡°It''s different-¡±


    ¡°You''re DAMN right it''s different! Every time the captain sent me down here to clear out the rats, I''d have to endure her crying in the corner of the cell you threw her in. She stopped after the first week. When I finally got the guts to take care of what you did to her, she was letting the rats eat her alive. She was just going to lay there and die, Turk.¡±


    ¡°You think that bitch wouldn''t kill us all if she could?¡±


    ¡°You sure gave her enough reason,¡± I retorted, having forgotten the open jail cell. Not that it mattered- Meika was still chained to the wall.


    ¡°It''s a dog. They don''t need a fucking reason,¡± He spat.


    I got quiet. Inside I was seething- I knew that if I didn''t choose my words carefully, I''d soon be pulling out my sword.


    He never understood.


    In fact, just then I knew there was nothing short of an act of God that would convince him otherwise. Every day he saw or spoke of the Velak, he saw those bloodied, half eaten bodies- Men, women and children he hadn''t gotten to in time, and a face to put to The Devil''s work.


    So I prayed for an act of God.


    ¡°Turkar,¡± I said, voice shaking, ¡°You might have saved my life when I first got here. I''ll never forget that. But it took everything I had to stop me from trying to kill you when you first showed me Meika-¡±


    ¡°Austin-¡±


    ¡°I''ve obeyed Saovia''s laws today. I bought her fair and square. I obeyed the captain''s orders and kept peace with my guardsmen. But if it were up to me and I somehow became king of Saovia- This would stop overnight.¡±


    ¡°Austin, what the fuck-¡±


    ¡°You''re like a brick wall, Turkar, and I am done trying to explain to you. Now leave. I''m taking my slave.¡±


    That was the last I ever saw of Turkar, looking confused and hurt as he turned out of the dingy dungeon and disappeared up the stairs. Not because he died in battle or anything (at least to my knowledge), but because once I was done with preparing Meika, I would leave, pausing only to thank the captain and tell him I would be gone.


    Describing Meika for any newcomers who haven''t met a Velak yet, it wouldn''t be quite right to say she had a wolf''s head glued to a feminine, fur-covered body. Some of you who were online often might think you know where I''m going with this, but you''d probably be wrong.


    Her ears were lower, her head was bigger, and her jaw was a touch smaller and more thinly pointed. Strong jaw muscles connected to the back of the head instead of the top, and a brown mess of thick, ruffled fur scattered from the top of her scalp down to nearly the middle of her back.


    For stability, a Velak could walk on the flats of her feet, but is faster on their toes and even faster on all fours. She was still very thin and I wasn''t sure she could go fast at all, despite all the meals I took only half of in order to feed her.


    She was covered in solid brown fur all around, in lighter patches under her belly and chin- Her only claim to modesty save for a ragged guardsman''s surcoat- Another gift to her from me. Scarring from rat bites did little to remove her fur''s complete cover, but it was filthy and matted.


    Her tail was a favorite point of abuse for Turkar and a couple guards he''d convinced once or twice to join him. He''d pull it, twist it, stomp it and bite it, (Things I knew because she told me) and it was amazing the thing was as straight as it was- Large, ragged patches of once voluminous fur only just starting to regrow made it look all the worse. If she hadn''t loved it as much as she did, it might have been spared more often.


    I could go on- There was a scar on her nose, a tooth here and there were gone, her ears were cut and pulled and twisted and bruised numerous times- On more than one occasion one of her eyes was completely swollen shut and her lips were fattened and bleeding many times-


    But the worst of all was the most unassuming unless you knew. Those times she could manage to stand up on her own, she had to clutch her waist and shook like a leaf from there all the way to her toes.


    ...Turkar deserved Hell.


    But when it comes down to it, so did I, and it was not my call who God sends where.


    I walked in to the dark cell and saw her golden eyes shine back at me- Hopeful despite everything, but tinged with doubt. After all, had I saved her, or did I just ensure her a future she would be hurt like this again?


    I knew for a fact that I had not saved her from anything, but God willing, maybe I could make part of what was wrong right again.


    Turkar had left me the jailer''s keys for the first time ever, and as I unlocked the cuff around her ankle, every second of my doubt and struggle was proven worth it when I was gifted with a smile.


    ¡°Meika, I''m sorry I couldn''t do this two months ago.¡±


    She grabbed the bars of her cell, and dragging herself up to both feet, pulled me into a hug. ¡°That''s okay. I am patient,¡± She said as though the unfairness of Saovic law was only a minor thing.


    One of the first things I had learned about Meika once she was sure I would not hurt her was that she had worked in a tavern serving meals- First as a free woman in her home nation of Chenkenka, then as a slave to an elderly, dementia suffering master when Saovia conquered them.


    Bantering with rowdy patrons and lending an ear to weepy drunks gave her a wit, and her master prior to Turkar had convinced her humans weren''t always evil, but at this time she would not be back to herself until weeks later, and the nightmares would take even longer to get over.


    I allowed myself to cry openly. I believe I had earned it after all the restraint I had been required to do. There was a time I was convinced she''d never let anyone touch her ever again- But as she began to heave quiet sobs of relief, I knew that somehow I was ¡°different¡± and I thanked God for his infinite mercies.


    ¡°Your God loves me after all,¡± Said Meika.


    ¡°He''s your God too,¡± Said I.

 Chapter 2: Time to Leave Now

    It was really amazing she hadn''t developed an infection after everything she had been through, but her heavy breathing as she clung to my waist for support broke my heart again as we staggered up the steps together.


    The Guardsman''s Earnings were meant to be kept in a man''s chest until they could take leave- After that they were brought home to their families to support their wives, daughters, younger siblings, children, grandparents- Basically whoever needed it. The thing I had done with my earnings over the past two months would have raised some eyebrows, but since I had no one at home to support, or even a home to take it to, spending two months'' pay was still somehow a "little" thing.


    The extent of the damage to this creature struck me much harder as the scars seemed deeper, fur seemed filthier, and those beautiful yellow eyes grew damp when she saw the outside world for the first time in two months.


    All my plans blew away like dust in the wind when I realized what I had made myself responsible for, and for the first time in five years, I felt unprepared for the world outside. What do I do now?


    "Austin, I need a bath", she declared.


    At first I didn''t know what to make of the practice, but an errand boy was never worked as hard as he was without any say in the matter. Like an apprentice to the guardsmen, or a paige to the knights of the castle, he was there to learn and he even took home his own pay. Something much kinder than the treatment of children in my home planet''s medieval period, but I expect the way humans here treated each other better had something to do with a lot of other "worthy" targets- Non-human people which functioned as a sink for all their hatred.


    "Errand boy, come please!"


    With grace I''m still not accustomed to seeing in a 10 year old, he turned around and stood in waiting, artfully folding his hands behind him. "Yes, sir Austin?"


    (I jump in to tell you that guards in Saovia usually earn the right to "sir" because they see as much action as any knight. If you''re new here and in doubt, call the man with a sword "sir". Can''t hurt.)


    My old roleplaying voice to this day helped me fit in with the natives- Though it was way less exaggerated in the five years I had been using it. "What''s your name, boy?"


    "Colin, sir. I''ve been here for a week, Sir".


    "Must have slipped my mind again. Draw this woman a bath, will you? ...And please stand by once you''re done."


    I used wind-weaving to do it. It beats the heck out of rubbing two sticks together, honestly, but the consequences of wind-weaving in Saovia and the other nations of this world (And I say "this world" because everyone here also calls it Earth- Confusing!) have advanced technology in some areas and stagnated it horribly in others. One that often comes to mind is dealing with infection.


    When one uses wind-weaving, they need a practiced sense for "fibers" in the air to wrap their fingers around, and from there use precise motions to manipulate things at the atomic level. Some things can simply be plucked and start a chain reaction, but sometimes you really have to yank and tug, and it''s not going to be obvious which is which unless you know chemistry.


    Anyway, the thing a soldier, guard or sellsword out here is most likely to die of (other than the obvious arrow to the brain) is infection, but thanks to wind-weaving the well practiced schollar has both the knowledge of germ theory as well as the means to reverse infection by making germs pop and spill their tiny organelles.


    This is great, but nobody thought of penicilin because of this, so as things currently are, you need to either know some pretty advanced wind-weaving or find someone who does when treating infection.


    Imagine this with not just the medical field, and you can see wind-weaving is a powerful resource that reduces pressures to inovate. About the only inovations currently being pursued are in warfare, of which Saovia does a lot for the usual reasons reasons a conquerer might have. Don''t get me wrong, there are good people in Saovia, and most are almost good, but I''m only human and I''ve often wished for a can of cafinated pop just as much as I''ve wished for peace between Saovia and it''s neighbors.


    absolutely fricking crazy), but coming from a culture that still believes one can learn anything they put their minds to, I took notes in my very expensive journal and picked up a few tricks.


    elegant, but everyone else in my station had to use the flint and steel to do what I had just done. As a sellsword and as a guard I often surprised friend and foe alike by what I managed to pull.


    "The well''s a piece of shit, sir," He declared as he poured the bucket into the basin above the boiler. The errand boys liked me because I gave them the time of day, and often they''d complain to me because I''d listen.


    not turn like it''s supposed to."


    "Why do you ask, boy?"


    He flushed a little, remembering he was really quite young. "I have eyes, sir. I know you often go down to the dungeons- Throughout the day when you can. I''ve seen sir Turkar do the same..."


    "You have eyes, do you? Come here and use them," I gently pulled Colin closer to Meika.


    Both She and Colin flicked their eyes back and forth, deeply confused and looking to me for answers. I began by taking Meika''s tail in one hand and parting the fur to show the nearly bald patches.


    "Her name is Meika- She has no last name, but it was given to her by her own mother and father. The man I once called a friend did not ever indicate he knew it. This tail of hers used to be gorgeous, but it was a favorite target of his to abuse." I placed Colin''s free hand in the fur, making him feel the patches and the slight skew in its spine.


    Then I moved his hand to feel the scarring from the rat bites on her belly. "When he did not abuse her, he forgot about her. We have often had rats in the dungeon. Every little bite up and down her body was because she had once lost hope. I cleaned every one of these out myself."


    When Colin''s hand lingered at Meika''s waist, she took it in both hands and gently brought it to her face. As I saw she caught on to my intention, I continued to narrate.


    "She''s missing a few teeth too, now," I said, and she pulled her lips back to reveal a missing canine, incisor, and a couple mollars now absent.


    "Her nose, sir...?" Colin asked, his hand automatically reaching to touch the scar.


    "I believe he once brought a knife. He must have lost the nerve to cut it off."


    good is it, sir? If you beat your slaves, they can''t work."


    "Turkar told everyone who would listen every day that she was just a slave, but I don''t think he believed it even once. It''s why he said it so."


    "But he said it, didn''t he?"


    "All God''s creatures tell lies, boy, even to ourselves. He raped her every day for two months straight. He beat her, spat on her, and wished death to her kind loudly and boldly whether sober or drunk. These are things we do to our greatest enemies, not our beasts which pull our carts."


    "Some men still beat their oxen, sir."


    "Only because they want them to pull the plow, not to suffer."


    In his absense, Meika chuckled. "You did not answer his question, ''sir Austin''."


    I smirked in return. "I felt sorry for you, and I was mad at Turkar. I... I hope I feel more than just ''sorry'' at some point. Maybe when you get back to waiting tables I can feel proud."


    As I joined her on the dirt floor, her eyes welled with tears again and she leaned into my shoulder, starved for real affection.


    "Austin, I can''t wait tables anymore. ...My smile is gone."


    "Don''t say that, Meika. You still have enough teeth to flash a brilliant smile any day."


    "No- I... If I ever went back to an inn as if nothing happened, I''d remember everything. Every day. My first master died while I was waiting tables- I was put on the market that afternoon and Tur... That monster bought me that same day. I don''t want to hold a tray anymore! How could I ever feel safe again?"


    "...Maybe you''ll have a good employer again?"


    "And maybe my home will be taken over again and this will happen all over again. I hate Saovia. The Velak are nothing but pets and work dogs to your people and your God does nothing to stop it."


    It wouldn''t be long before Colin had gotten enough water for a proper bath, but I was past caring that I looked weird two months ago, so I pulled my poor bedragled Velak into a hug and held her as she cried again.


    "...I wanted to kill him," I told her.


    "Me too," she whimpered into my chest.


    "Not like I did," I snarled, "But if God put me in this country for any reason, it wasn''t to die pointlessly trying to speed up his plan. I could have been killed trying to rescue you from 40 well armed guards, or I could buy you two months after I found you."


    "I didn''t mean it, Austin. I-I want your God too, if I''m worthy."


    "Meika, it''s not about what you can give to God, I told you already. If it was then heaven would be empty because nobody''s good enough- Look. Our relationship is a perfect illustration of what God does for us."


    Suddenly inspired, I cupped the fur of her face in my hands like I''d done more than a few times through the bars of her cell. "You cost me money. You''ve cost me time, you''ve cost me food, you''ve cost me clothing, you''ve cost me peace of mind, and more than a few times I was wondering if I was at risk of some disease that infected you, either from Turkar or the rats in the dungeon, just from touching you- But not a bit of that mattered because I only wanted you to be free and healthy and happy. You didn''t give me anything in that cell, and I don''t care."


    Lips quivvering, she put her hands over mine and remembered again. "Th-th-then, why d-do everything you did for me if you can''t pay your God back?"


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    "Because Jesus said if I love him, I will keep his commandments. It''s not just a warning for the disobedient, but a promise for the heavy hearts who love him- As long as I love him, obedience will follow, and I will feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heal the sick, comfort the grieving, and visit the imprisoned- All as long as I first love Him."


    She was never a loud crier after the first few days. If she made too much noise the beatings would get worse, so two months of conditioning made even her racking sobs all too quiet for what she had gone through. But still she cried, and as I let her once again cling to me, I couldn''t help but think about Colin''s presumption-


    If she weren''t a beautiful woman of her species, and instead a man was beaten and abused and left for dead in a dark cell in the dungeon, would I have really gone through half the effort for him that I did for Meika?


    But I don''t think it matters. She may have been what it took to get me to care, but in the end I knew that I would do everything I was able to to stop suffering like this in the future, no matter who or what. I was able to tell myself that I did it once before.


    Colin had been watching for a while, second bucketful of water in hand, when I finally noticed him. He no longer seemed able to thoughtlessly ignore Meika as he poured the bucket into the basin.


    "Don''t mind us, boy, She''s been through a lot," I said, wiping Meika''s nose with the towel the boy had brought out along with the wash tub. She gratefully took it to dab her eyes.


    "So I see, sir..." Colin stared at Meika, evaluating his new reality where pigs learned to fly and hell just froze over.


    "...Something on your mind, Colin?"


    "No sir. I should make sure The Lady gets some soap," Colin turned away to get his third bucket. I could have sworn I heard the capitalization in his reference to Meika (and if you''re reading this, you''ll hear it too).


    The silence was companionable as he left. I heard the remaining guardsmen leave to take posts around the outside of the small fortress, but my job wasn''t to join them anymore. I settled in next to Meika where she leaned on my shoulder once again.


    She breathed a sigh. When she broke the silence, Her tone was tongue-in-cheek as she posed her question.


    "What''s your plan for me, now that you''re my master?"


    I told her the truth. "I don''t really know, Meika. I didn''t expect to get this far. ...I would like to drop you off somewhere you can be free and stay that way. If I never saw you again afterward, that would still be enough for me."


    "Austin, my friend, I love you very much. I would miss you terribly if we never met again."


    I remember the first time she ever hit me with those puppy-dog eyes. To this day she has made extensive use of them as I am uniquely vulnerable.


    I chuckled, helpless against this sudden new weapon, and put an arm around her waist. She wagged- Which I''ll note she had never done in all the time I knew her before and I didn''t know if it was mischeif or genuine, but it was almost as effective as the begging look.


    "Long term goals then: Conquer Saovia," I offered.


    She threw a hand over her mouth. "You can''t do that, Austin! You barely got me out!"


    Neither of us liked the nation we were tied to very much, but that is a story for another entry. Instead I laughed again and backpedaled.


    "Well, maybe as long as I can change how The King runs things, or even just live in a small town which calls your people friends, I would be happy. But I''d still like King Erranco to have a piece of my mind."


    She giggled. "The King owes me some teeth."


    "Do you think he has any? Nobles don''t often keep their teeth, you know. It''s all the rich living and rich eating they do."


    "Ah, his wouldn''t fit me anyway... But Austin, what do you intend for me tomorrow?"


    That I could work with, at least.


    "When we leave, we should take the road back to Ashvale. It will be a day''s travel if you can keep up with me, but we will have to go camping for a night-"


    "You mean make camp?"


    I smiled playfuly. "Yes. We called it camping where we come from though- We set up tents and ate rations at a campfire for fun. Enough people did this that we''d have to pay money to do it in certain places!"


    "Really?" Meika popped her head up, fascinated. "Why would you have to do that?"


    "To pay for the lightning we harnessed to make our lamps light. Not much fun if there is real risk, after all."


    "Again with the harnessed lightning! I would have loved to see it... You must have lived so far away from Saovia."


    The blunt observation belonged to My captain, now standing in the doorway to the outside and the well beyond it. His appearance with Colin in tow was a surprise, but I think I should have expected it. At this point I was away from my post at the time I should have been manning it and he would be looking for me. Despite his words, the tone of voice and grimmace of sympathy were far kinder to Meika- Not quite treating her like a human, but at least like a puppy whose cruel owner kicked her for fun.


    From men in power, I would have to take what I could get.


    Silently apologizing for getting caught being helpful to me, Colin placed the lump of soap in my waiting hand. "I had to tell him, sir."


    "I was going to tell him myself, but maybe only once Meika was actually clean and clothed."


    "What is this then? You''re supposed to be on the southern wall, Austin," The captain questioned idly.


    The water wasn''t going to be warm yet, but at least it wouldn''t be fridgid. I peeled off Meika''s surcoat and helped her into the basin.


    "Captain, you are aware it is my intention to resign my position once I had purchased Meika?"


    He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I am."


    "This morning I had gathered enough to do so."


    "How much did you pay, then?"


    "Fourty Marks. The standard for a slave."


    "That bastard fleeced you, man. It can''t be worth that much."


    "I disagree, Captain. She is worth far more to me than money could possibly buy."


    As Meika''s ears twitched with surprised flattery, the captain nodded noncomittaly. Colin, ever looking for something to do as any good errand boy, tentatively helped me scrub out the filth in Meika''s fur. The captain gave her a quick study and his brow wrinkled in sympathy.


    "I thought Turkar was going to take care of his pet."


    Colin piped up impulsively. "Sir Austin told me neither he nor Turkar thought of Meika as a pet."


    "I Know Austin, boy, it seems it''s Turkar that I don''t. Your faith gets stranger to me day by day- First a god that sacrifices himself, now this..."


    "Guardsmen don''t just leave, Austin. They are dismissed. Neither our king nor I would have let you simply walk away."


    "I know, Captain. I would have talked to you first."


    At this, he smiled.


    "You were the best guardsman I ever had the pleasure of working with. Eventually, at least."


    "Thank you Captain."


    "You want to be out of here fast, then?"


    "We do, Captain."


    It felt surreal as I put the symbolic coin into my captain''s waiting palm- Again another sign that my life had vastly changed.


    "It''s not the first time I''ve given one of these back to The King on behalf of someone else, but usually they were crippled or dead."


    "I''ve wondered how it feels to have to do such a thing, Captain..."


    The Captain eyed the coin in his hand. "We all do our part, Austin. There''s not much more to say."


    "I see you''ve found your missing surcoat again."


    "On Meika''s back this whole time. Who knew, Captain?"


    "...Suppose you were to have, say, five or six Marks go missing from your coinbag- Do you think I''d soon also, coincidentally mind you, lose a guardsman''s outfit from our stores in exactly your Velak''s size?"


    "That would be very unlikely, Captain," I said, pulling eight Marks from the bag on my waist. He took them conspiratorially.


    "Come to think of it, we never did find that sword either," He mentioned offhandedly as he turned to leave. "I wish you the best, Austin."


    "I''ve never been this close to a Velak, sir. Father always told me they bite."


    "Are we also disease ridden and poisonous, Colin?" Meika scoffed.


    Startled by the sarcasm more than the posibility of being bitten, Colin clammed up instantly, but Meika only laughed.


    "You should be more careful with rumor, boy. I don''t think your father has been near a Velak before either." I advised, this time gently working the wax out of Meika''s left ear.


    "Ah, but you will know more than your father does! An enviable position to be in at ten years of age," Meika tapped the side of her nose.


    "True enough, lady," Colin said briefly.


    "Why the change of heart, Colin?" I asked.


    "Sir?"


    "You are treating Meika as more than just furniature."


    Colin paused to think about it. "How could I when she cries like my mother? I had a younger brother I was expected to mind, sir... When I had failed, my father did not fault me, but I had hurt my mother deeply that day."


    Meika and I looked at each other briefly.


    "See Meika? Not all Saovians are hopeless," I told her, knowing full well Colin was listening.


    "You believe so, Austin?"


    "I do. He can clean a spot of dirt well enough, can''t he?"


    It wasn''t much of a joke, but the full throated laugh she responded with was wonderful after so many smiles forced for all she was worth in the midst of her inprisonment. Colin (to my eternal amusement) rolled his eyes in response and continued to help me clean like I hadn''t said anything.


    Alas, she took the towel instead and stubbornly stood on shaking legs to dry herself off. After an initial once-over with the towel that did most of the work, she shook herself off in the way wet dogs do, spraying very little remaining water around the kitchen and nearly falling over.


    Just when I''d caught her before she could land in the dirt, Colin came back in and got to work fitting Meika in the outfit we definitely didn''t steal after definitely not bribing the captain. He brought a sewing kit with him and with much practice and swift movements he had the most problematic elements of the outfit adapted to her subtle physiological differences.


    Holes for the tail were only slightly more than rips in the cloth, but here and there he took in cloth where possible and trimmed the lengths of the sleves. The hood of her cloak and of her chainmail were acceptable for her large ears and therefore had nothing done to them. As we all admired her blue and gold surcoat and the rest, I came to the conclusion that eight marks for this and my sword was a better deal than I was soon going to get at any smith or tailor.


    She would have looked like any proper Saovian guard if it weren''t for her being a Velak, but she simply marveled at the feeling of a proper set of pants on her legs after far too long without.


    "Sir... You have to leave now. You''re not a guard anymore." As he informed me, his face was downcast and avoidant. My reputation as the favorite guard in the fortress held even with the new errand boys, it seemed.


    I freely admit to not remembering him for that week since he arrived, but in less than an hour I had grown fond of the boy.


    I patted his head. "Colin, when you become a guard, remember the errand boys who work with you." Tears threatened to spill, but he kept them in despite his feelings.


    anyone would be surprised.


    "Thank you for everything. You have no idea what it means to me to be clean again," Said Meika.


    "...My pleasure...?" Colin squeaked out.


    I hope it stuck with him.


    We met no one else on the way out- All guards were stationed at their posts or on patrol and the other errand boys were keeping out of their way while cleaning, fixing and generally "errand-ing" about the place.


    When we went out the gate, I was known to the two guards posted there like everyone else, and Meika looked like she owned the place with her confident (if heavilly supported) stride. Further to our advantage, once we left the guard station, we ceased to be anyone''s problem there and were fully content to take advantage of that.


    I resolved to take one day at a time, Good Lord Willing.

 Chapter 3: Camping in The Woods

    You kids don''t know how good you have it here. Our wind-weaving in this little land is the talk of Saovia all over- Smokeless fires, flameless light- We''ve even got automated security at our borders somehow- I never knew a thing about coding back where I used to live, and I only barely get the principles of wind-weaving enough to put together some party tricks or a nasty surprise. How do you even turn invisible string into ¡°if/then¡± statements?!


    The monks are probably going to be confused by that, but I trust you among us immigrants to get them up to speed. They''re nice folks.


    As I write this, Meika''s reading over my shoulder and laughing at my complaints, so I think I''ll get on with my first point.


    Back in my fifth year, fresh off the freeing of Meika and with only a day of walking, she and I had to rough it in the wilderness.


    First of all, the most obvious, flattest part to pitch a tent was in the middle of the road to Ashvale. That''s right out- The possibility of getting stepped on by a draft horse, crushed by a cart or stomped on by a moose might be low, but it''s guaranteed to get someone mad for blocking the way, and angry people come armed with deadly weapons. Never mind the low but non zero chance of thieves or outlaws or grizzly bears stumbling on an obvious target.


    So the second best is off to the side in the woods as close to the road as you can be, right? After all, if you avoid angering the commuters of Saovia and keep close enough to the road for the patrol men to have an eye on you while at the same time not sticking out like a sore thumb, things will be just about as perfect as a medieval wilderness can be expected to be! But that''s also wrong, since the ditch on the side of the main road to Ashvale and by extension all the woods on either side of the road within a mile is covered with wet leaves and almost swampy in comparison to the solid dirt. Sure you can pitch a tent, but you can bet your tent will sink if you do.


    The actual best choice was almost two miles away from the road at the base of a hill untouched by man or Velak for a millennium. Hard won experience told me such a place was the least cold I could find short of digging a hole into the hillside, and we would need all that we could get. It was accessed through nasty wet leaves, muck, branches that whipped back into your face and lots and lots of thorns.


    Oh by the way, if you ever grow up like I had to, you will be expected to endure all of this and only complain about it years later in writing (Which you are reading now). I had to drag an exhausted Meika with me and quietly agree as she complained enough for the both of us.


    Now what makes a tent?


    Mostly a strong plain canvas made of cotton, wool fiber and linen. It keeps the rain off of you and holds well in a snow storm, but there are no handy springs, hooks or zippers. Ours was meant to fit six people, so naturally it comfortably held one and a half.


    Fair enough, right? At least I had someone whose company I enjoyed to share it with instead of a perfect stranger with offensive odor.


    But it is in the setting up and tying down of this tent that is the trouble. The dang thing never agreed with me no matter how many helpful marks I notched into its poles and I''ve had it for five years. Every single knot and lashing I learned to set it up was a trial by fire. If a grown man in strange clothes asks you how to tie his shoes, I''m sure some of you would tell him to find his mommy for help- This was the way I was treated for trying to ask about the lashings everyone already knew.


    Meika, God bless her, knew even less about knots and lashing and was only strong enough to ¡°hold this¡± and ¡°pull that¡± and ¡°the other way, please¡±. She was a waitress, never a sellsword, and her time in slavery did nothing to broaden her horizons (But you know this already. Some of you are still so very kind to her to this day). With our combined efforts, we probably extended the time needed to set it up by a quarter of an hour.


    I was never sure I pitched that tent correctly until the worst had failed to happen, but after a quick supper of close-to-expiring pork jerky with watery wine to wash it down (salt with a side of vinegar, anyone? A feast fit for a king!), The two of us snuffed out our meager fire and piled into the tent.


    Wool is practical. It''s quite warm without much effort, stays warm even when near completely soaked, and given how many sheep there are in Saovia you can bet on being able to buy wool for cheap. But from the harsh, stupid sheep it is shorn and woven, it''s scratchy like no other cloth in all the empire, so beneath the four wool blankets we packed, I tucked us in under the one cotton blanket I had to shield us from the fibrous assault on our senses. Between that one cotton blanket, the two very ratty pillows I had, and the two hay bedrolls generously donated to us by a midwife going the opposite way (What is back there other than a fortress and pure wilderness?), we had just enough luxury to fall asleep once all other options of escaping the discomfort were denied.


    I will admit, sleeping with a furry companion in my arms made these sleeping conditions significantly better than my time alone as a sellsword, but if you asked me then whether I preferred the guardsman''s bed to this (and I certainly asked myself), I would have told you the guardsman''s bed was by far the better.


    Still, the worst was yet to come. I''ll get off my high horse and talk about actual problems on this first night with Meika at this point, so make sure you''re reading carefully if you''re here for my memoirs.


    First was the silence. If you weren''t experienced, you''d expect any forest in the wilderness to have some level of noise outside of winter, but I don''t know if I had simply noticed it this time or if it really was strange that nothing called at night. It felt too dark because of it.


    When normally the calls of crickets or owls would have been my lullaby, I felt six years old again, missing my green brontosaurus nightlight my father always double checked was plugged in before telling me goodnight.


    Meika, however, was far too exhausted to be any kind of scared and quickly drifted off to sleep. I focused on her breathing- Softly in and out without a bit of snoring- And was a little jealous that I wasn''t as tired.


    Listening to Meika breathe was almost enough to finally drift me off to sleep too when she started twitching- Little, subconscious dreaming movements in her sleep that would have been cute and nothing else if she had done nothing more, but they were distracting enough, and disturbed from my sleep I watched her move.


    Then she started moaning and I knew she was having a nightmare. My thoughts spiraled as I worried about whether I should leave her be or hold her close, but she didn''t improve on her own.


    Moaning turned to yelping.


    Yelping became incoherent half-talking as she began to thrash under the blankets.


    I truly started to get worried when her half-talking became screams and coherent words-


    ¡°Master, don''t!¡±


    ¡°Get off of me!¡±


    ¡°PLEASE DON''T!¡±


    ¡°Not today... Please! It hurts so much!¡±


    ¡°Not my tail!¡±


    ¡°No! NO!¡±


    ¡°God save me! Please God!¡±


    Then with one last scream, she flung herself up and bit me. It cut into my forearm deep, but the taste of my blood woke her up and she started crying- That same soft cry she had been conditioned into.


    ¡°Austin- Turkar was in my dreams and-¡± She couldn''t finish the sentence before she fully broke down. All the better- I only know some details about what Turkar did to her, and I never asked for specifics about the rape because I was sure I couldn''t stomach it.


    I was pretty sure the bite wasn''t deep enough to worry about, so I hugged her tightly, told her it was okay and to go back to sleep, and tucked her in under the blankets again.


    That alone would have been enough to remember, but it wasn''t even the last time it happened.


    Sleeping,


    twitching,


    moaning,


    yelping,


    thrashing,


    waking,


    bite,


    then crying.


    ¡°I''m sorry Austin, I saw it again!¡±


    Sleep,


    twitch,


    moan,


    yelp,


    thrash,


    wake,


    bite,


    cry.


    ¡°I can''t sleep! The dreams won''t stop!¡±


    Sleep,


    twitch,


    moan,


    yelp,


    thrash,


    wake,


    bite,


    cry.


    ¡°Austin, why won''t it stop?! I just want to sleep!¡±


    Again.


    ¡°Help me, Austin!¡±


    Again.


    ¡°Please! I''m sorry, just make it stop!¡±


    Again.


    ¡°Austin, don''t let me bite you- Just put me outside I''ll be fine-¡±


    (That was a firm ¡°no¡±, by the way. She went right back next to me under the blankets because it was something like 24 degrees out there.)


    I don''t know how many more times it happened, but at three-o-clock in the morning I had at least ten or twelve various bites or scratches, no sleep at all, and possibly more pain and suffering on the way as she entered the moan stage of her cycle.


    I was completely out of ideas staring at this gut-wrenching display, and short of wrapping her up tightly in the blankets and sitting on her, there didn''t seem to be any way both of us would be able to share the tent and sleep at the same time.


    But when my hand brushed her head, ready to wake her up so at least I wouldn''t be bleeding anymore as we both lost sleep, the words of Psalm 23 came to me unbidden.


    I propped her up and cradled her in my arms, and as she twitched and moaned, I recited the words to every Christian kid''s Sunday School favorite.


    ¡°The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want.


    He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul.


    Even though I walk in the valley of The Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;


    Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.¡±


    My throat hitched up as tears began to flow freely, but The Holy Spirit guided my tongue to finish. I begged God this would somehow work.


    ¡°You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.


    You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.


    Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.¡±


    And finally, mercifully, My Meika drifted off to deep sleep with a relieved sigh.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    I said a thankful prayer as once again I tucked my friend in beside me.


    Different from all my petty complaints, the one thing I''m so glad the kids today haven''t yet had to deal with is true PTSD. It is not fun to have, and it is not fun to love someone who has it.


    As a sellsword, I would sometimes stay up in my tent thinking about my first job- The serial murderer who''s intestines I spilled on the dirt... And then think about it. ...And think about it. ...And again. ...And again- Over and over and lose far too much sleep over it, and see it when I looked at sausage or smelled blood or got too close to a butcher''s shop.


    God only knows what was stuck in her head and how it showed up in her dreams, and while I''m thankful that I learned an easier way to stop her nightmares until they eventually died away much later, I wouldn''t wish PTSD on anyone.


    ¡­


    My favorite thing about camping as a child wasn''t ever going to bed- The excitement of the day lingered for too long and my parents probably knew my siblings and I didn''t go to sleep until quite a while after they did. I wanted to explore and play and listen to the night time sounds, but every child who defies Bedtime eventually succumbs.


    I would not say it was waking up either, but it was close- Second only to arriving at the campsite. As my eyes drifted open, I''d become aware of how my body had grown accustomed to my sleeping bag and air mattress. I''d feel safe in a small world of my own, consisting of only the large, two room tent, my parents on one side, and my older brother and sister next to me on the other. My sleeping bag was a barrier against the chill of the morning air as I lingered a while and listened to the birdsong outside, untarnished by the normal sound of my home neighborhood''s morning commute.


    Waking up in my Loathsome Awful Tent, on the other hand?


    That morning the wool blankets had done their job, but not without a cost as every part of my skin they had managed to reach around to touch itched. The hay-filled bedrolls had conspired with the former in a two-pronged attack on my senses and prickled me everywhere my right side laid (Take note- older hay is softer). An insidious headache had begun to form and would likely not dissipate until the afternoon, while my stomach threatened to eat itself- Clearly it wasn''t happy with how little food last night''s supper consisted of.


    Despite every meager concession to comfort I could manage, I was cramped and sore. My wounds in battle with the nightmares after Meika were starting to swell, and there was the thought they might be infected- I would have to keep them clean and hope a doctor did business in Ashvale. And on top of it all, I had developed a fine bouquet of morning stink that I knew would only get worse until my next rare opportunity to bathe. At least there I was in good company- Apart from expensive oils that nobles, scholars or the wealthy had access to, people generally smelled a little funny and no one would notice mine.


    But then I noticed a ball of living warmth pressed into and wrapped around my body, safely hidden away beneath our shared bedding, and all the morning pains faded away in the profound sense of relief that nothing else had gone wrong.


    No more shallow, quiet breathing, it was obvious she was asleep as she clung to me like a life raft in a sea of blankets, not quite snoring, stirring only to give me a squeeze in the midst of dreamless sleep.


    It was a profound tragedy that she had to wake up for more of my awful pork and wine for breakfast.


    I squeezed her back as I lifted the both of us to a sitting position.


    She seemed stronger this morning, and she gently pulled away to stretch. Her guardsman''s uniform, probably like mine, was wrinkled from sleeping funny and she mournfully tried to pull it straight.


    ¡°If only wrinkling was all that has ever happened to mine,¡± I said to her.


    Concerned, she took my arm and studied it, wincing in guilt and sympathetic pain.


    ¡°I''m sorry... I didn''t think I''d do that. You''re going to get infected-¡±


    ¡°Don''t feel sorry for me, Meika. You''re not going to recover from all of that overnight.¡±


    ¡°But I hurt you!¡±


    ¡°You hurt me every day you were in that cell. When I went through PTSD, I was alone, and I''m sure as hell not going to let you go through it alone too.¡±


    ¡°What''s PTSD? Is it like the plague? I don''t have anything like the plague, do I? We have to get a doctor!¡±


    ¡°Meika, no, it''s not that. It''s... Not as simple as a plague.¡±


    It''s a bit tricky talking to a native about my world, but Meika was more patient than most. At least with everyone else so far I only convinced them I was drunk instead of practicing witchcraft.


    Things are easy. Lightning is powerful and there are legends and tall tales of Saovian warriors harnessing lightning into a weapon, so telling Meika we made lightning and moved it through metal in the walls (electricity and power outlets) wasn''t a big stretch. More complex things like robots and computers had their mythical parallels in golems and all-knowing gems/crystals/mirrors/shinies. Telling her these things were real and not as exciting was plenty believable.


    But the culture of Saovia outside the territory of myth was rigid and took few exceptions. If you were a peasant, you did peasanty things. A lord? You behaved in a lordly way. Guards guarded, farmers farmed, kings were kingly, warriors fought and women bore children.


    Meika maybe once knew something different, but I''ve seen maps of Saovia. If the mapmakers were correct in any way, almost two 3rds of the continent was under their banner, and the rest of the small nations it neighbored were inevitably influenced by its culture, either through friendship or force.


    People did what they were supposed to, and they liked it that way. Such had its good and bad elements- Few sought to rise above their station and even fewer thought they ought to. Though contentment to a humble life of service was more admired and never looked at as ¡°settling for less¡±, there was little place for people like myself who took every better opportunity they could find and made friends in as many places as they could.


    But worst of all, when someone could not act within their station, there was something wrong with them- Historically if someone heard voices, both patient and doctor would have blamed a demon and they would have drilled a small hole in their skull to make it leave.


    Basically, psychological help amounted to telling the person to stop being weird and get on with their life, but no amount of telling someone to stop having intrusive thoughts and nightmares was going to make it even slow down.


    ¡°PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It''s when... How do I put this? It''s what we called it when your mind or your body or both are hurt much much more than is normal. ¡­ People aren''t supposed to be watching other people die, so soldiers get it. A child who had to watch his mother get beat nearly to death by his father isn''t supposed to see his parents getting hurt, so he''d get it. And well... There''s you. ...And there also was me.¡±


    Meika stared at me with soulful yellow eyes and didn''t seem comforted.


    ¡°It''s like a scar so deep it hurts a joint, but for your brain- Or rather your mind. People with PTSD have too much hurt to process and don''t know how to do it so they pick at it and look at it and rip it open all over again and it keeps hurting in all the wrong times and places...¡±


    ¡°Like when I''m sleeping,¡± Said Meika.


    ¡°Like when you''re sleeping.¡±


    ¡°So I have to stop picking at it-¡±


    ¡°No, Meika! No, definitely not- I mean... You have to accept it.¡±


    Meika glowered at me. ¡°I don''t have to accept anything that monster did to me, Austin.¡±


    ¡°No. Just accept that it was real. Accept that it happened, and accept that it''s over. Don''t deny anything and don''t cram it away and try to forget it.¡± I slid to her side and put a hand on her knee. She remained patient with me.


    ¡°I... I accept that I''ve killed people. A lot of them. A man like me doesn''t sign up to a guard station at the border of the Saovian empire without at least the knowledge of how to do it so it stared me in the face every day for a year and two months whether I drew my sword or not. But I don''t have to like it. I don''t have to say it was good and I never will- The most I can ever say is that I had to do it or they would kill me or someone else-¡±


    I swallowed- my own trauma was numbed but still sometimes if rarely resurfaced. Meika put her hand on mine and leaned against me, and I found the words to finish.


    ¡°But if something''s bad enough, I guess it''s hard to put it in the past where it belongs. ...And it helps to have someone to help you do it.¡±


    Tenderly, Meika cupped my face in her hands. As I felt her pads touch the stubble on my chin, I saw the motion as an echo of what I did for her through the bars of her cell.


    ¡°I wish I could have hugged you then like you did for me tonight... I remember something about a shadow of death, but I felt so safe-¡± Bashfully, she pulled her hands away and brushed her tail.


    ¡°Well,¡± I laughed nervously, ¡°That was a miracle. I don''t know what I''m going to do if you ever do that again. Maybe I''ll have to recite another psalm.¡±


    She dropped her tail and locked eyes with me in total, complete and authentic compassion.


    ¡°I hurt you...¡± She concluded at nearly a whisper.


    I''ve never seen her eyes look like that before or since, but she tells me now that she resolved on that morning to do everything she could to help me.


    I pulled her into another hug- Warm and thankful unlike the desperate cradling I had done for her all night, before parting to rummage through our supplies.


    Regrettably, it didn''t take long to reach our rations for the morning.


    I broke the tension by displaying the absolute delectable specimen that was old pork jerky.


    ¡°Hungry, Meika?¡± I asked, my smile radiating mischief and irony.


    ¡°No,¡± She replied, looking at the portion like something someone had run over with a cart.


    Just then my stomach growled loudly, but I tossed the ration into her lap and pulled out some for myself. She picked it up like it would bite her and bravely bit it back.


    ¡°Too bad for us,¡± I said, gnawing into the hard, stale meat and enjoying not a second of it. ¡°Ashvale is still another day away and we need the energy to get going.¡±


    After we finished our pork and agreed there wouldn''t be any more, we drank as much from the wineskin as we could stand and began packing away our camp.


    Destruction of the tent took far less time than its assembly, and like usual I deemed the snarl of rope, mess of poles and tangle of cloth close enough to a well wrapped tent to call it packed. Meika shouldered part of our gear this time and took to my side as we stepped over the thorns, around the branches and through the mucky forest floor to head back to the road- Our one traveling companion for the rest of the journey there.


    It was slightly too dark to see clearly and barely on the wrong side of warm as we walked. Like the night before, no animals called in the forest and the eerie, all too natural silence was only broken by the occasional rustle of leaves in the wind and unseen animals running from our approach.


    An hour later, the thought stewing in my head finally popped out of my mouth.


    ¡°Meika, you are not free.¡±


    Sensing the worry in my voice, she shrugged her shoulders and gave me a nudge.


    ¡°Not yet, ''Master Austin'',¡± She smiled at me with her genuine toothy grin.


    I''m not made of stone. If she smiled at me like that, it was going to improve my mood. Nonetheless I wasn''t finished.


    ¡°Were you bought in Ashvale?¡±


    ¡°It was another town several miles east, but I don''t know if it''s all that different.¡±


    I fixed my gaze at the road ahead as it faded into the horizon.


    ¡°It won''t be, Meika. I''ve been to a hundred places in five years. If I let you wander the streets without me to ''keep you in check'', someone new would slap a collar on you and take you to market. You were bought at an orphaned slave auction where they charge a discount to people outside the trade. Good masters pay high prices for good slaves.¡±


    As her smile faded, I meaningfully eyed her teeth and tail.


    ¡°Unless we play pretend and you obey my commands and do not wander away, you will be damaged goods sold to bidders who can''t manage 40 marks.¡±


    ¡°No...¡± Her lip quivered, but I fuzzed her cheek fur to assure her-


    ¡°I won''t let that happen. If we need to play their game, we''ll do it by our rules. You can talk to me as much as you like and you can order for yourself. If there''s a place that won''t let you in then we won''t enter. If there''s something they will not sell me because of you then I''ll pay a bribe. Everything we''re going to do in Ashvale will tell them I want you to be free and if I could, I would.¡±


    She nodded in thought.


    I had to be careful- I knew my history. Some slave owners never freed their slaves because they feared what would happen to them. If I was going to make anything right with Meika, she and every Velak I could would have to be truly free... And it didn''t have to be in Saovia.


    ¡°Long term goals: Free the Velak,¡± She grinned at me.


    I remembered our time in the guard station kitchen. ¡°And conquer Saovia,¡± I chuckled.


    ¡°And steal The King''s teeth?¡±


    ¡°Let''s not be too hasty, Meika- Some things are impossible.¡±